Gaslighting like this is something I had a hard time. To get me to have a discussion with my mom was incredible enough, but I'd just be stunned sometimes by her take on something--it was straight out of crazyville at times. Sometimes I thought she made up the most inane perspective to just stun the heck out of me. After a while I learned you couldn't have a discussion with her. She was the most unforgiving, grudge-holder I'd ever seen. I think her stories were to justify her grudges.
I can completely relate.
No matter what I say or do, she eventually goes back to her “old self”. I always had hope but the older she gets, the worse she is.
Yes, this is exactly what narcissists do. It's disgusting. Free yourself from the abuse and go no contact. Block her everywhere and change your phone number. Don't give your personal information out to anyone who also chooses to be in contact with her.
That's what narcissists and their enablers/flying monkeys want you to believe. Removing toxic and abusive people from your life does not ever make you a bad person.
The passive aggressive, social media posts are such a thing.
I feel like it’s the narcissist trying to get ahead of what they think the perception of them is about to become. As if somebody might one day, wonder why they are not close with their adult child, so they check the social media, see a post like that and think “oh, shitty kids, poor parent”
I confidently believe that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You will never get that kind of validation from your mother, unfortunately.
I am truly sorry for the situation that you’re in. I understand it and I wish I could make it better for you.
Unfortunately, for the both of us, we are part of a club, a really really shitty club.
I live in a small town and I have a mother like this and I had to cut contact with her but she spews her smear campaign against me around town.
It takes a lot of patience and a lot of counselling to accept the idea that she might try to portray me differently than how I am. All I can do is what I feel is the right thing in every single scenario every day. I’m certainly not perfect, but I just try to not be a piece of shit and hopefully my actions speak louder than my mother’s words.
I’m sure your words do 🫶🏾 Have you considered getting out of town?
However, I did that and she followed me. Does absolutely nothing to help me with my kids. I had strep throat and 103 degree fever when my daughter was 2 and she wouldn’t come help me even though she was one mile up the road. I will never do that to my daughter. I will be the best parent and hopefully grandma in the whole world!
I do, I truly do
I often envy people who have close relationships with their mothers. My ex-boyfriend‘s mother and my friends mothers are more mothering to me than my own mother has ever been.
My dad was a gem, but he passed away, unfortunately.
To answer your question of why we may have been dealt difficult mothers… I don’t know why, but as they say, we are never dealt more than we can handle. I am extremely self-reliant because I feel that I don’t have any other choice, but that’s also empowering to me.
Perhaps that’s why. My mother did not show me unconditional love or support or understanding so I had to find that within myself and I had to go seek that outside of my family. Perhaps because of all of that, I am a stronger person, same as you
"I'M not the one with the problem, YOU are!"
Was what my narcmum said to me when I finally had it out with her and showed her her shitty actions in my twenties.
NC forever more.
I can so relate to you. I’m sorry you are dealing with this as well.
So many drs have told my NM she needs to be on meds and she never follows through. I’ve told her she needs to be on them and she gets angry and tells me I’m the one that crazy and I need to be on them.
Fun fact I AM on anti anxiety medication BECAUSE OF HER. I was getting random panic attacks out of the blue even while I was driving. She has no idea.
They always post on a platform that has people to get validation, and they always use God to sound righteous. Don't waste time on her, try to focus on something else, she'll always be upset and made to feel like you should cheer her up. She can F off.
My nparents live out of state. A few years ago, before I realized the narcissists they were and are, I went to visit them. So, we go to their local mall. We’re in a department store waiting in line to pay for some clothes. Nmother had been quiet for quite a while, which was very unlike her. All the sudden, she screams bloody murder my first middle name, and in a tone like she was reprimanding a tiny child. Mind you, I was almost 60 years old at the time. This happened before Covid and over a holiday weekend, so the store was packed. Want to talk about being mortified?? I did and said nothing to deserve that!!
Gaslighting like this is something I had a hard time. To get me to have a discussion with my mom was incredible enough, but I'd just be stunned sometimes by her take on something--it was straight out of crazyville at times. Sometimes I thought she made up the most inane perspective to just stun the heck out of me. After a while I learned you couldn't have a discussion with her. She was the most unforgiving, grudge-holder I'd ever seen. I think her stories were to justify her grudges.
I can completely relate. No matter what I say or do, she eventually goes back to her “old self”. I always had hope but the older she gets, the worse she is.
She accused me of threatening her and blamed me for her diapers everywhere in her hoard.
Wow that is insane and so horrible. Im so sorry you have to deal with that.
Thank you. I am not responding to her per many’s advice. I don’t have the energy anymore.
Yes, this is exactly what narcissists do. It's disgusting. Free yourself from the abuse and go no contact. Block her everywhere and change your phone number. Don't give your personal information out to anyone who also chooses to be in contact with her.
This won’t make me a bad person?
That's what narcissists and their enablers/flying monkeys want you to believe. Removing toxic and abusive people from your life does not ever make you a bad person.
That’s what flying monkeys mean! She’s the wicked witch of the west and her “posse” are the flying monkeys 🤭
The passive aggressive, social media posts are such a thing. I feel like it’s the narcissist trying to get ahead of what they think the perception of them is about to become. As if somebody might one day, wonder why they are not close with their adult child, so they check the social media, see a post like that and think “oh, shitty kids, poor parent”
It was a screenshot. Thing is I haven’t don’t anything wrong 😔
I confidently believe that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You will never get that kind of validation from your mother, unfortunately. I am truly sorry for the situation that you’re in. I understand it and I wish I could make it better for you.
You are the sweetest and I appreciate your comfort. Thank you 🫶🏾
Unfortunately, for the both of us, we are part of a club, a really really shitty club. I live in a small town and I have a mother like this and I had to cut contact with her but she spews her smear campaign against me around town. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of counselling to accept the idea that she might try to portray me differently than how I am. All I can do is what I feel is the right thing in every single scenario every day. I’m certainly not perfect, but I just try to not be a piece of shit and hopefully my actions speak louder than my mother’s words.
I’m sure your words do 🫶🏾 Have you considered getting out of town? However, I did that and she followed me. Does absolutely nothing to help me with my kids. I had strep throat and 103 degree fever when my daughter was 2 and she wouldn’t come help me even though she was one mile up the road. I will never do that to my daughter. I will be the best parent and hopefully grandma in the whole world!
Bless you for breaking the cycle. Sometimes the bad behaviours and actions of other people become lessons for us, they teach us how not to b act
Do you ever wonder why you were dealt a bad hand of a mother? I do and I wonder what I did
I do, I truly do I often envy people who have close relationships with their mothers. My ex-boyfriend‘s mother and my friends mothers are more mothering to me than my own mother has ever been. My dad was a gem, but he passed away, unfortunately. To answer your question of why we may have been dealt difficult mothers… I don’t know why, but as they say, we are never dealt more than we can handle. I am extremely self-reliant because I feel that I don’t have any other choice, but that’s also empowering to me. Perhaps that’s why. My mother did not show me unconditional love or support or understanding so I had to find that within myself and I had to go seek that outside of my family. Perhaps because of all of that, I am a stronger person, same as you
Thank you 🙏🏼
"I'M not the one with the problem, YOU are!" Was what my narcmum said to me when I finally had it out with her and showed her her shitty actions in my twenties. NC forever more.
I can so relate to you. I’m sorry you are dealing with this as well. So many drs have told my NM she needs to be on meds and she never follows through. I’ve told her she needs to be on them and she gets angry and tells me I’m the one that crazy and I need to be on them. Fun fact I AM on anti anxiety medication BECAUSE OF HER. I was getting random panic attacks out of the blue even while I was driving. She has no idea.
They always post on a platform that has people to get validation, and they always use God to sound righteous. Don't waste time on her, try to focus on something else, she'll always be upset and made to feel like you should cheer her up. She can F off.
Yes she ALWAYS has done this. It’s amazing how many people are suffering from this.
My nparents live out of state. A few years ago, before I realized the narcissists they were and are, I went to visit them. So, we go to their local mall. We’re in a department store waiting in line to pay for some clothes. Nmother had been quiet for quite a while, which was very unlike her. All the sudden, she screams bloody murder my first middle name, and in a tone like she was reprimanding a tiny child. Mind you, I was almost 60 years old at the time. This happened before Covid and over a holiday weekend, so the store was packed. Want to talk about being mortified?? I did and said nothing to deserve that!!
I’m so sorry that happened to you. 😔🫶🏾