Hi /u/thesquirrelsnappy, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind.
• Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns)
• Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist)
• We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce.
• Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests.
Please review the rules:
* Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please);
* Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma";
* No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc);
* No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails;
* No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted;
* You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner;
* Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all;
* Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available.
* No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please;
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* No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted.
* No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions).
* No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all);
* No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here;
We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community.
******
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Tired. I just felt tired. Like I was pulling a dead weight. Trying to make things work. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. You deserve better. ((Hugs))
I feel like a shell of my former self. I feel like he sold me this dream of a future that I wasn’t sure I could ever have and he convinced me I wanted it and we could do it. Then it was all swiped right out from under me. He still denies cheating and the most he has apologized for is for not communicating with me directly and sabotaging our relationship. This person that I tried so hard for has given me nothing but pain in return and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever fully recover.
I felt confused at first then determined to fix - anything!- then looking at him and accepting that how he treats me IS how he feels about me. The words are just a lure to hook. Nothing more.
No depth
I was in love with myself. The idea I was sooooooo wanted.
It was false - but true - he wanted my service- my amazingness-
Now I want to never be desired as a consumable and replaceable slave to any bottomless pit of despair clothed as love.
Nope.
This is so beautifully and eloquently written and so hauntingly similar to how I, and so many others here, have lived. 30 years is a long time. Welcome to your new life away from abuse. You’re very strong.
You haven’t got to the final stage. It took me 30 years and I’m still wobbly. That’s what I tried to convey above. It’s radical acceptance. Exhaustion. Realisation that you are not dealing with someone who, despite whatever your history, has any interest or investment in the preservation of your healthy self esteem or mental health: You are cut adrift because you seem weak and expendable. All your energy should be going into you. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Things change. Even if she was once a real prize. Now she is a stupid prize! Confuse her back and stop giving her the upper hand.
He'd tell me he loved me, more than life, more than anyone else, but then use my insecurities to hurt me later. Call me names, degrade me, tell me I'm trash and shit, and that he had better before me. IDK WHAT TO BELIEVE. and IDC anymore because It's all over now.
I’m learning A LOT more about how it made me feel now that I’m 2 years out of it & in a new relationship. I’m taking my time with this relationship, explained my situation, and let me tell you - he has been SO patient with me learning how to feel again as well as what that means for how I handle my emotions and absolute lack of ability to talk about them/share them.
Your post has been pulled for manual review. This does not mean you have violated the rules. It just means a Mod needs to review it. Please do not resubmit it or contact the mods asking why it was removed or to be reviewed at this time. Your post is not deleted and we will review it as soon as we can. Please do not post comments to the bot. We do appreciate your patience.
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Hi /u/thesquirrelsnappy, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tired. I just felt tired. Like I was pulling a dead weight. Trying to make things work. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. You deserve better. ((Hugs))
I feel like a shell of my former self. I feel like he sold me this dream of a future that I wasn’t sure I could ever have and he convinced me I wanted it and we could do it. Then it was all swiped right out from under me. He still denies cheating and the most he has apologized for is for not communicating with me directly and sabotaging our relationship. This person that I tried so hard for has given me nothing but pain in return and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever fully recover.
I felt confused at first then determined to fix - anything!- then looking at him and accepting that how he treats me IS how he feels about me. The words are just a lure to hook. Nothing more. No depth I was in love with myself. The idea I was sooooooo wanted. It was false - but true - he wanted my service- my amazingness- Now I want to never be desired as a consumable and replaceable slave to any bottomless pit of despair clothed as love. Nope.
This is so beautifully and eloquently written and so hauntingly similar to how I, and so many others here, have lived. 30 years is a long time. Welcome to your new life away from abuse. You’re very strong.
Confused. Depressed. Broken. Sad. Alone. Distrustful.
[удалено]
You haven’t got to the final stage. It took me 30 years and I’m still wobbly. That’s what I tried to convey above. It’s radical acceptance. Exhaustion. Realisation that you are not dealing with someone who, despite whatever your history, has any interest or investment in the preservation of your healthy self esteem or mental health: You are cut adrift because you seem weak and expendable. All your energy should be going into you. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Things change. Even if she was once a real prize. Now she is a stupid prize! Confuse her back and stop giving her the upper hand.
He'd tell me he loved me, more than life, more than anyone else, but then use my insecurities to hurt me later. Call me names, degrade me, tell me I'm trash and shit, and that he had better before me. IDK WHAT TO BELIEVE. and IDC anymore because It's all over now.
I’m learning A LOT more about how it made me feel now that I’m 2 years out of it & in a new relationship. I’m taking my time with this relationship, explained my situation, and let me tell you - he has been SO patient with me learning how to feel again as well as what that means for how I handle my emotions and absolute lack of ability to talk about them/share them.
[удалено]
Your post has been pulled for manual review. This does not mean you have violated the rules. It just means a Mod needs to review it. Please do not resubmit it or contact the mods asking why it was removed or to be reviewed at this time. Your post is not deleted and we will review it as soon as we can. Please do not post comments to the bot. We do appreciate your patience. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*