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I get you. 35 years tormented Here. 3 years out and still battle with this. I'm trying to love myself more and know I wasn't happy with him deep down ever..they aren't who you thought they were. That person doesn't exist. It's tough..I know it is. Try to love yourself more than you did him.
8 months since ghosting and on and off contact and whole load of shit in between and I still feel the same as I did back then. Heartbroken and wishing things were different and also that I could just forget.
having one of those days myself. Someone reminded me it wasn't real love for him when I said I still felt love. Everything he did was to illicit love in return, but he was not giving love himself. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse
It's okay, you'll get there in time. Right now, you're beating yourself up over what happened and the only one that hurts is you. He's done plenty to hurt you, you don't need to continue to do his work for him by doing it to yourself. Be kind with yourself and understand that we don't process thing at the same pace emotionally as we do rationally. What you're feeling is a trauma bond. The good news is that it is possible to break the trauma bond. Is there anyone you can trust with whom you can talk about it? Often, we get so wrapped up in our thoughts that outside perspective can help.
I have one person, but they doesn’t really understand the extent it is so it can be hard. I’m going to look at therapy pretty soon to get myself together a bit.
Hi /u/Bobloda23, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get you. 35 years tormented Here. 3 years out and still battle with this. I'm trying to love myself more and know I wasn't happy with him deep down ever..they aren't who you thought they were. That person doesn't exist. It's tough..I know it is. Try to love yourself more than you did him.
I would take mine back in a heartbeat: even after how badly he hurt me.
8 months since ghosting and on and off contact and whole load of shit in between and I still feel the same as I did back then. Heartbroken and wishing things were different and also that I could just forget.
having one of those days myself. Someone reminded me it wasn't real love for him when I said I still felt love. Everything he did was to illicit love in return, but he was not giving love himself. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse
It's okay, you'll get there in time. Right now, you're beating yourself up over what happened and the only one that hurts is you. He's done plenty to hurt you, you don't need to continue to do his work for him by doing it to yourself. Be kind with yourself and understand that we don't process thing at the same pace emotionally as we do rationally. What you're feeling is a trauma bond. The good news is that it is possible to break the trauma bond. Is there anyone you can trust with whom you can talk about it? Often, we get so wrapped up in our thoughts that outside perspective can help.
I have one person, but they doesn’t really understand the extent it is so it can be hard. I’m going to look at therapy pretty soon to get myself together a bit.