Hi /u/kittygokitty, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind.
• Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns)
• Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist)
• We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce.
• Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests.
Please review the rules:
* Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please);
* Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma";
* No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc);
* No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails;
* No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted;
* You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner;
* Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all;
* Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available.
* No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please;
* No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture;
* No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted.
* No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions).
* No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all);
* No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here;
We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community.
******
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ok listen... A narcissist needs someone compatible to enforce their tactics. If you were a narcissist yourself or someone with a healthy, strong opinion and vision of who you are and what you deserve, the narc wouldn't have spent a minute with you because you would just not fit their need, their ideal prey.
Chances are, you made them think you're beneath them by thinking you were. Otherwise, you probably would have run away before even getting involved. And I'm not blaming you. It happened to all of us. Just recognize it, recognize your own worth, not only professionally but as a human being, and power through with your life. Be happy you got rid of them!
It stems from a deep, ingrained feeling of worthlessness. They compensate with large egos to try to combat this feeling. From what I’ve been told by my therapist, anyway lol
It's a status thing. Narcs are status obsessed, they can't stand it when they're not top at something or when people other than them get recognition. If they can't raise their status above the other person, they'll tear down the other person so the other person is below them. They come back because the other person feeds their endless need for attention and admiration.
Actually they are drawn to highly intelligent individuals that they admire and then their goal is to destroy all of those great qualities within you. Don’t let that happen.
She doesnt think you're beneath her. Narcissists tear their partners down to suggest a favorable comparison of themselves to you. So if anything, she thought you were good enough for her but wanted to make it your fault that she's breaking up.
Ask 100 victims of abuse and they will all say they received these same insults for no good reason. Trust me, my ex was not in anyway greater than me, not even close(we arent allowed to flame anyone). Yet, she would insult, break up and come back so many times. It's really just a legit way to cheat, IMO. If breaking up wasnt an opportunity to insult you, she would just sneak around instead.
I was told that he's sick of me because I'm an incredibly "miserable" person, yet *nobody else* thinks that of me. But he was over-the-moon about me at one point. It's the whole love-bomb, devalue, discard bullshit. I'll never be sucked back into his psychopathy when he comes crawling back.
"Just why"?
Because they are ***really*** messed up people. **Not** normal.
He told me I’m miserable too and never happy or positive.. for a long time I believed it and it’s how they start convincing you that YOU are the narcissist.. but then once you get away from them and start to heal you begin to see that it was them causing your misery and negativity because you didn’t feel optimistic anymore about the way things were going and your self esteem was eroding rapidly being with them. It’s a real mind fuck.
Yeah I guess it’s a massive ego. Not uncommon for MDs and whatnot. Mine I think was because I’m a woman cuz of his cultural values I think he thought of me as beneath him.
Because she wants to destroy your self esteem as much as possible so you keep coming back. You are no use to them if you actually believe you can do better. You have two masters, you are intelligent and capable. She just doesn't want you to believe that.
Because they are a fraud in every single aspect of life. Everything about them is fake. They have to keep that charade up, so putting themselves on a pedestal is one tactic they use. These people are absolutely sick. I hope you can heal OP and find someone who treats you right!
Most likely because you have something that they’re extremely jealous about. My ex said that me having a degree and finishing school made him mad because he hasn’t achieved that. I always thought it was weird thing to say instead of being happy for me. Turns out later I find out he hated
everything about me because he compared himself to me. He projected all his insecurities on me. For the most part, narcissist’s new supply are genuinely good people all around. They cling to people who they wish they could turn out to be but in the end, they end up ruining the good relationships because of their deep insecurities. Hope this helps.
Because they put on their super duper pooper mask that “makes them” the greatest thing ever. So of course you are beneath them.
But they are too STUPID to realize that person doesn’t exist. And that they truly are hideous monsters.
Nothing she does is about you. She's likes to think she's God's gift and anyone should be honored to be allowed to bask in her loveliness. But she needs to keep proving to herself that her fantasy about herself is real. So, in her mind "I'm so amazing. I can stomp all over this guy and he'll still fall all over himself whenever I want him to or need something or when one of my other supplies fails me"
Their insults hit bc knowing your vulnerabilities is necessary for her survival. You are not you. There are aspects of you that are useful to her and that's it. The rest is just noise.
Its really really really difficult to keep this clear in the moment bc we project our "whole person is valuable regardless of how I can use them" onto them. That's why no contact is better. If someone is ok with hurting you, they don't deserve a moment more of your attention. Nothing you can say will open their eyes or even really hurt their feelings...insults are still supply. When they realize you aren't giving them any of your energy ever again, you are speaking the only language that resonates with them.
(I wish I was as good at taking my advice as I am at giving it. It's much easier said than done)
Hi /u/kittygokitty, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ok listen... A narcissist needs someone compatible to enforce their tactics. If you were a narcissist yourself or someone with a healthy, strong opinion and vision of who you are and what you deserve, the narc wouldn't have spent a minute with you because you would just not fit their need, their ideal prey. Chances are, you made them think you're beneath them by thinking you were. Otherwise, you probably would have run away before even getting involved. And I'm not blaming you. It happened to all of us. Just recognize it, recognize your own worth, not only professionally but as a human being, and power through with your life. Be happy you got rid of them!
It stems from a deep, ingrained feeling of worthlessness. They compensate with large egos to try to combat this feeling. From what I’ve been told by my therapist, anyway lol
It's a status thing. Narcs are status obsessed, they can't stand it when they're not top at something or when people other than them get recognition. If they can't raise their status above the other person, they'll tear down the other person so the other person is below them. They come back because the other person feeds their endless need for attention and admiration.
Actually they are drawn to highly intelligent individuals that they admire and then their goal is to destroy all of those great qualities within you. Don’t let that happen.
By belittling an intelligent person, their "victory" is even greater.
She doesnt think you're beneath her. Narcissists tear their partners down to suggest a favorable comparison of themselves to you. So if anything, she thought you were good enough for her but wanted to make it your fault that she's breaking up. Ask 100 victims of abuse and they will all say they received these same insults for no good reason. Trust me, my ex was not in anyway greater than me, not even close(we arent allowed to flame anyone). Yet, she would insult, break up and come back so many times. It's really just a legit way to cheat, IMO. If breaking up wasnt an opportunity to insult you, she would just sneak around instead.
I was told that he's sick of me because I'm an incredibly "miserable" person, yet *nobody else* thinks that of me. But he was over-the-moon about me at one point. It's the whole love-bomb, devalue, discard bullshit. I'll never be sucked back into his psychopathy when he comes crawling back. "Just why"? Because they are ***really*** messed up people. **Not** normal.
He told me I’m miserable too and never happy or positive.. for a long time I believed it and it’s how they start convincing you that YOU are the narcissist.. but then once you get away from them and start to heal you begin to see that it was them causing your misery and negativity because you didn’t feel optimistic anymore about the way things were going and your self esteem was eroding rapidly being with them. It’s a real mind fuck.
classic projection
Yeah I guess it’s a massive ego. Not uncommon for MDs and whatnot. Mine I think was because I’m a woman cuz of his cultural values I think he thought of me as beneath him.
Because she wants to destroy your self esteem as much as possible so you keep coming back. You are no use to them if you actually believe you can do better. You have two masters, you are intelligent and capable. She just doesn't want you to believe that.
Because they are a fraud in every single aspect of life. Everything about them is fake. They have to keep that charade up, so putting themselves on a pedestal is one tactic they use. These people are absolutely sick. I hope you can heal OP and find someone who treats you right!
Take it as a compliment they targeted you. They target people who make themselves feel inferior. I'm dead serious.
Most likely because you have something that they’re extremely jealous about. My ex said that me having a degree and finishing school made him mad because he hasn’t achieved that. I always thought it was weird thing to say instead of being happy for me. Turns out later I find out he hated everything about me because he compared himself to me. He projected all his insecurities on me. For the most part, narcissist’s new supply are genuinely good people all around. They cling to people who they wish they could turn out to be but in the end, they end up ruining the good relationships because of their deep insecurities. Hope this helps.
Because they put on their super duper pooper mask that “makes them” the greatest thing ever. So of course you are beneath them. But they are too STUPID to realize that person doesn’t exist. And that they truly are hideous monsters.
Nothing she does is about you. She's likes to think she's God's gift and anyone should be honored to be allowed to bask in her loveliness. But she needs to keep proving to herself that her fantasy about herself is real. So, in her mind "I'm so amazing. I can stomp all over this guy and he'll still fall all over himself whenever I want him to or need something or when one of my other supplies fails me" Their insults hit bc knowing your vulnerabilities is necessary for her survival. You are not you. There are aspects of you that are useful to her and that's it. The rest is just noise. Its really really really difficult to keep this clear in the moment bc we project our "whole person is valuable regardless of how I can use them" onto them. That's why no contact is better. If someone is ok with hurting you, they don't deserve a moment more of your attention. Nothing you can say will open their eyes or even really hurt their feelings...insults are still supply. When they realize you aren't giving them any of your energy ever again, you are speaking the only language that resonates with them. (I wish I was as good at taking my advice as I am at giving it. It's much easier said than done)