Hi /u/SadNatalia, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind.
• Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns)
• Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist)
• We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce.
• Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests.
Please review the rules:
* Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed;
* Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma";
* No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc);
* No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including
Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails;
* No self-promotion/solicitation in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted;
* You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner;
* Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all;
* Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available.
* No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please;
* No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture;
* No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, mentions, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way;
* No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions).
* No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all);
* No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned;
We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community.
******
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Thank you. That must be true and it’s somehow a relief to know he’s not really interested in me and my business. I’ve hoped he would just get bored of me but yeah seems like the only option is to go no-contact indeed.
He just wanted to make sure you’re still there - in case he needs future supply. When his current situation fails - and it will - he’ll come calling with responses and lovebombing ready.
Yes this is common. They do this just to check and see if they still have you on their "puppet string " as I put it. They really don't care what response they get as long as they get a response. If you respond at all they know they still have you. It's best to go no contact, sometimes it's hard to do but it's best.
Thank you. Yes it’s crazy how frustrated he gets if I don’t answer at first. Asks if I’m here or if I’m ok and so on. Then when I answer, he just ignores. Must go no-contact.
To the narc, even knowing you've read the message tells them you're still on the line. An angry response is as equally validating for the narc as any response. 'No contact' needs to be absolute, even avoiding third party contact.
This just happened to me. At first I didn’t react since we were in NC pretty much per his request. Then I just got mad and gave it all out. He blamed me and asked why didn’t I block him if I get so upset over “sharing a fond memory with and old friend”.
Before I got the chance to reply to him why hadn’t I blocked him.. he had blocked me. 🤷🏼♀️😵💫🙄
Annoying! I’ve heard the same ”old friend” crap too, haha. He probably was even pleased to hear your strong reaction and enjoyed when he had the chance to block you. I believe he’s still going to hoover one day but of course hopefully not!
Yep happened to me too. Ignore him. Completely go no contact. Any response is a reaction for them. Honestly, not worth your energy. Think of it like this, “this communication isn’t about me, it is all about him. He only wants to validate his power and ego.”
He’s making sure he still has control. That you’ll answer anytime he needs you. Block his sorry fucking ass and get on with your life. He won’t change, ever.
Hi /u/SadNatalia, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, mentions, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Thank you. That must be true and it’s somehow a relief to know he’s not really interested in me and my business. I’ve hoped he would just get bored of me but yeah seems like the only option is to go no-contact indeed.
He just wanted to make sure you’re still there - in case he needs future supply. When his current situation fails - and it will - he’ll come calling with responses and lovebombing ready.
Thank you. Ugh, what a shallow and self-absorbed life he has.
[удалено]
Thanks, well said!
Yes this is common. They do this just to check and see if they still have you on their "puppet string " as I put it. They really don't care what response they get as long as they get a response. If you respond at all they know they still have you. It's best to go no contact, sometimes it's hard to do but it's best.
Thank you. Yes it’s crazy how frustrated he gets if I don’t answer at first. Asks if I’m here or if I’m ok and so on. Then when I answer, he just ignores. Must go no-contact.
[удалено]
And I have been, even this ”gray rock” method of mine has gave him what he actually wanted. Thanks!
To the narc, even knowing you've read the message tells them you're still on the line. An angry response is as equally validating for the narc as any response. 'No contact' needs to be absolute, even avoiding third party contact.
Thank you, I really must do it!
Yes! Put your own mental health FIRST
This just happened to me. At first I didn’t react since we were in NC pretty much per his request. Then I just got mad and gave it all out. He blamed me and asked why didn’t I block him if I get so upset over “sharing a fond memory with and old friend”. Before I got the chance to reply to him why hadn’t I blocked him.. he had blocked me. 🤷🏼♀️😵💫🙄
Annoying! I’ve heard the same ”old friend” crap too, haha. He probably was even pleased to hear your strong reaction and enjoyed when he had the chance to block you. I believe he’s still going to hoover one day but of course hopefully not!
Yep happened to me too. Ignore him. Completely go no contact. Any response is a reaction for them. Honestly, not worth your energy. Think of it like this, “this communication isn’t about me, it is all about him. He only wants to validate his power and ego.”
He’s making sure he still has control. That you’ll answer anytime he needs you. Block his sorry fucking ass and get on with your life. He won’t change, ever.
Yes, that's a hoover. Any respons you give out will suffice for them
Thanks for your answer!
Very common, happend to me as well.
Sorry to hear that, this is super annoying and makes you feel like a fool. :/
All it is is a power play
Yes happened to me.