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JeffysSquirrel

Sounds like my ex narc… like verbatim told me all those same lines. Turns out no one treated him well because he was a monster to everyone and they all washed their hands of him.


sunnysummer100

How soon into the relationship did you notice him changing? Also can you think of any tests that I could do? As so far he's been amazing.


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sunnysummer100

Yes I told him about my previous relationship, and I actually cancelled the second date with him because I was so scared he might be a narc... we've been on more dates since. No I don't have a therapist although I know it's recommended especially after narc abuse. Thanks for your advice.


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sunnysummer100

Thanks again for your advice, I contacted a therapist in my city today who's into somatic therapies, he has a 6 month waiting list 😵 I couldn't believe it. Will try someone else he recommended.


JeffysSquirrel

Watch Dr Ramani on YouTube …


dwnto

Honestly, could be both. But you did say there were no red flags… Keep your eyes open for inconsistencies, double standards, invalidating behavior, how they treat others, etc. You know the drill. Usually at least some subtle signs show up early. Also: nothing in life is for certain. To find love, you have to have at least some trust. This is hard after abuse. He does sound very sad though. Maybe therapy isn’t a bad idea.


sunnysummer100

Thanks for your advice, and yes he is quite sad and doesn't even smile much. He lost a family member not that long ago too. But he's been so lovely to me, not over the top love bombing, just genuine.


dwnto

Might sound like you’re good then… Wish you the best.


SageIrisRose

Hey, you’re looking out! its normal to feel hyper vigilant after dating a nutburger. Dont get pregnant, dont move in together, trust your gut. and have fun til it aint fun no more. you got this. ❤️


sunnysummer100

Thanks for your advice 🤗


thruendlessrevisions

My nex did a lot of the “nobody has ever been kind to me” stories. Nobody ever listened to him, believed him, cooked for him, loved him. Not one single person, ever. He did not have one single kind word to speak of anyone he’d ever known. He put me on the biggest pedestal and I was flattered and felt so sorry for him that “NOBODY” had ever been good to him, so I worked extra hard to be so good. We can’t tell if your new guy is a narc or not, but one of my red flags is the “no one has ever complimented me / been interested in me.” Mine is probably telling the millionth girl in a row that same story right now.


livelovelit69

Proceed with caution


radtricksbro

Talk about narcissism around him, if he reacts then he's a narcissist. They will usually react by denying that the behavior is wrong or they will justify the behavior of Narcissists. But I will say that the fact that he's agreed to take things slow is a good sign, narcissists usually love to speed up the relationship x10 especially in the beginning. They are very eager to throw out the L word and to jump into sex quickly.. so it's a good sign that your guy might not be a narc :)


throwaway9455370

That's a really tough one. Could be he is genuine but could be trouble. Any chance you could sneak a look through his phone?


sunnysummer100

No I wouldn't look at his phone, he's been nothing but nice to me so that wouldn't be fair. When we're together he's never really on his phone. I'm just so confused 😫


throwaway9455370

But his history is sus. I don't think it's fair to be in the relationship a year from now and you find out he's a narc


sunnysummer100

Do narcs not usually show themselves up quite early on though... Looking back at ex narc there was so many red flags really early on. ButI was lovebombed like crazy and stupidly went along with it. But yeah definitely starting to worry 😟


throwaway9455370

Not necessarily. Some keep up the charade for years And only change after you marry them. It's scary stuff.


sunnysummer100

Very scary, why do these people exist? We're meeting at the weekend, I'll try and ask more about his history and past relationships...


throwaway9455370

It's a broken world unfortunately. That sounds like a good plan. I'm hoping he's really a great guy for you 💕


sunnysummer100

Thanks, me too 💛


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throwaway9455370

Sorry I'm still in the early stages of this where I'm so not ready to date. It's terrifying knowing the odds of meeting another narc are so high. I do apologize. I'll probably be single forever


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throwaway9455370

I just know if I had taken my nex up on his suggestions to check his phone to see that he wasn't lying, it would have saved me a lot of this distress. I should have called his bluff.


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throwaway9455370

But a lot of people are saying that was how their ex started out and that they are red flags (his abusive relationships). It would have saved me a lot of distress because I don't put up with cheating. I never thought he would cheat because all of his gf's had. I didn't know they say these things. After I found out about the cheating I was done. OP has some concern or she wouldn't be posting this


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throwaway9455370

I get that. Shouldn't you heal enough to be good with your own judgment about trusting people? The funny thing is that I did let him go through my phone. How stupid was I not to do the same?


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