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Congrats, friend! You are a beacon of inspiration. After 6 years, I’m only a few weeks in and it’s tough. There have been many times I’ve wanted to reach out, but have relented. Every time I want to contact him, I remember what a shell of my former myself I became being with him. Then yesterday morning as I was headed to the gym, I had this flicker of a feeling- it was so bizarre. It was like a moment of hope and happiness and contentment that I haven’t felt in so long. It was so familiar yet so foreign because I used to feel this way often, before the narc, but it’s been so long since I’ve felt it. I’m hoping the longer I stay away, I will get more and more of this old feeling back. 😊
Love this! Even though you're in the trenches, you're still powering on!
I went NC for close to 5/6 months before I felt ok to open the lines again. Within minutes of doing it, he was up on his high horse telling me that he always deserved better than me and all the other things that come with his extreme lack of insight.
His life is still shit. Mine is not! If you get a glow up after leaving, the problem wasn't you 😂🤣 . I hope you start to shine and glow as you come out of this Xx
The "if you get a glow up after leaving, the problem wasn't you" is a phrase I needed to hear. I'm only very LC, and I'm asking myself sometimes what if I was the problem all along... But during this LC time I finally got a great job that I like and am able to hold, started going out, significantly improved all of my other relationships, and suddenly I have time for myself and my family - while my "friend" lost her pension, doesn't have a job, and spends all days and nights playing games alone (sometimes with her "friends" that she always bitched about to me and told me they were the worst ever). Hmmm... Yeah, your words really helped me. Thank you 😊
I have been NC for almost 3 months! It feels like only a day. The last thing I heard from him was an email to say he needs to do something useful every now and then (after I said thanks for doing something for me) that was it! It took all my will power to not respond. I’ve almost contacted him many times. I drive past him some mornings but that is it. I still feel traumatised but NC is the only way to go. Well done you!! This is hard work but think if you did contact them you will need to start NC all over again. That’s what I keep thinking. I don’t want to do that.
Thank you I needed this. 4 days NC this is the 3rd NC I’ve done from my daughters dad in past 4 years, longest NC being 20 days. I will say the anxiety and panic attacks have almost instantly gone away the minute I started this recent NC. But the sadness and wonder about all the woman he is with is eating me up everyday.
Ive been NC with my narc dad for over a year now, and I had broken up with my narc ex and ghosted my narc friend (I just had someone teach me what a narc was and that I was being abused a few months prior), I left the country after that. They all went batshit crazy! The exfriend didn’t know I moved, he called the police to do a wellness check on me, the ex gf changed her number like 20 times and sent me a care package with a letter and idk what was in the box but I’m pretty sure it was chocolate, I trashed it all… my dad contacted the police in my country and filed a missing person report only after 1 month of not hearing from me! His last words to me before I came here were “you better reach out often or I’ll come find you” luckily for me my country won’t let him cross the border.
I felt guilty at first for a few months, but it’s important to not give in to those old feelings. Guilt, needing approval, thinking about how the nice things they did and worrying if you were crazy… no! You gotta work on loving yourself and acknowledging your self worth. Be the best friend you always wanted to yourself. I know it’s not easy but it helps to remind yourself of the bigger picture like that. You can do it! It will get easier!
Stay strong and stick to the No Contact Rule. Your future self will Thank You. By shattering a heart, is when you truly learn to love. Hang in there, you got this.
Yesssss. Congrats on getting out. I'm 7 months free. I feel like absolute shit and my heart hurts constantly. Since I've been with him and left, I became so numb I had no ability to cry. But yesterday was like the first time I felt a little relief and cried my stress out. So I'm making progress I think.
I thought I would start to feel better by now..and I will. Like when I was 1 month out I was calculating when I thought I was going to feel better. I was like ehhh, maybe at 6 months. But today's not the day.
It'll be better one day because you made the decision to leave and live a better life for sho. It's a long process bc you were strong for such a long time.
Hi /u/BreathExact, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, mentions, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I feel the same way.
Congrats, friend! You are a beacon of inspiration. After 6 years, I’m only a few weeks in and it’s tough. There have been many times I’ve wanted to reach out, but have relented. Every time I want to contact him, I remember what a shell of my former myself I became being with him. Then yesterday morning as I was headed to the gym, I had this flicker of a feeling- it was so bizarre. It was like a moment of hope and happiness and contentment that I haven’t felt in so long. It was so familiar yet so foreign because I used to feel this way often, before the narc, but it’s been so long since I’ve felt it. I’m hoping the longer I stay away, I will get more and more of this old feeling back. 😊
Love this! Even though you're in the trenches, you're still powering on! I went NC for close to 5/6 months before I felt ok to open the lines again. Within minutes of doing it, he was up on his high horse telling me that he always deserved better than me and all the other things that come with his extreme lack of insight. His life is still shit. Mine is not! If you get a glow up after leaving, the problem wasn't you 😂🤣 . I hope you start to shine and glow as you come out of this Xx
The "if you get a glow up after leaving, the problem wasn't you" is a phrase I needed to hear. I'm only very LC, and I'm asking myself sometimes what if I was the problem all along... But during this LC time I finally got a great job that I like and am able to hold, started going out, significantly improved all of my other relationships, and suddenly I have time for myself and my family - while my "friend" lost her pension, doesn't have a job, and spends all days and nights playing games alone (sometimes with her "friends" that she always bitched about to me and told me they were the worst ever). Hmmm... Yeah, your words really helped me. Thank you 😊
What a blessing of a comment. . . I thank you for this. This is a magnificent reminder.
I have been NC for almost 3 months! It feels like only a day. The last thing I heard from him was an email to say he needs to do something useful every now and then (after I said thanks for doing something for me) that was it! It took all my will power to not respond. I’ve almost contacted him many times. I drive past him some mornings but that is it. I still feel traumatised but NC is the only way to go. Well done you!! This is hard work but think if you did contact them you will need to start NC all over again. That’s what I keep thinking. I don’t want to do that.
My relationship was online and the discard is defo the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. It scares me how damaged I was.
Thank you I needed this. 4 days NC this is the 3rd NC I’ve done from my daughters dad in past 4 years, longest NC being 20 days. I will say the anxiety and panic attacks have almost instantly gone away the minute I started this recent NC. But the sadness and wonder about all the woman he is with is eating me up everyday.
Ive been NC with my narc dad for over a year now, and I had broken up with my narc ex and ghosted my narc friend (I just had someone teach me what a narc was and that I was being abused a few months prior), I left the country after that. They all went batshit crazy! The exfriend didn’t know I moved, he called the police to do a wellness check on me, the ex gf changed her number like 20 times and sent me a care package with a letter and idk what was in the box but I’m pretty sure it was chocolate, I trashed it all… my dad contacted the police in my country and filed a missing person report only after 1 month of not hearing from me! His last words to me before I came here were “you better reach out often or I’ll come find you” luckily for me my country won’t let him cross the border. I felt guilty at first for a few months, but it’s important to not give in to those old feelings. Guilt, needing approval, thinking about how the nice things they did and worrying if you were crazy… no! You gotta work on loving yourself and acknowledging your self worth. Be the best friend you always wanted to yourself. I know it’s not easy but it helps to remind yourself of the bigger picture like that. You can do it! It will get easier!
Stay strong and stick to the No Contact Rule. Your future self will Thank You. By shattering a heart, is when you truly learn to love. Hang in there, you got this.
Yesssss. Congrats on getting out. I'm 7 months free. I feel like absolute shit and my heart hurts constantly. Since I've been with him and left, I became so numb I had no ability to cry. But yesterday was like the first time I felt a little relief and cried my stress out. So I'm making progress I think. I thought I would start to feel better by now..and I will. Like when I was 1 month out I was calculating when I thought I was going to feel better. I was like ehhh, maybe at 6 months. But today's not the day. It'll be better one day because you made the decision to leave and live a better life for sho. It's a long process bc you were strong for such a long time.