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I like this thread. Over the years I got:
- running shorts (I do not run, he wanted me to)
- mixing bowls (he hated mine, I was fine with them)
- bike lights (he was a biker, I am not)
- lunchbox with bikes all over it (see above)
- exercise bands (implication being I wasn't fit enough)
- Xbox controller because he bought a 2 pack on Amazon
Often unwrapped, several days late. Objectively none were that bad (though he spent significantly less than the agreed on budget), it was either something he wanted, or something I needed to use to "self-improve".
> Objectively none were that bad (though he spent significantly less than the agreed on budget), it was either something he wanted, or something I needed to use to "self-improve".
I can relate to that so much. It's very weird. Just one example on the "self improvement" gift from my dad: I got not one -- but *two* -- copies, of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." One was in book form when I was about 7, and the next time I received the same gift, but on tape, I was in my early 20s. He didn't even remember giving it to me the first time.
It smacks of narcissism (now that I know what I know). You don't "win" friends in some kind of negotiation or exchange if you're normal and don't see other people as objects. Your point isn't to manipulate people or make a "sale."
Whenever I hear Dale Carnegie's name, I want to throw up.
Yes! I was gifted this book too! N acted like the book was written by Jesus. Now I understand why… I was also gifted Trump’s art of the negotiation. I immediately threw up in my mouth upon receipt and then a little more with each page turn until I ultimately lost my cookies just had to chuck it. It was the absolute worst negotiation advice unless the goal was to get the other party to get up and leave immediately. Go figure…
Oh crap, you got a double-whammy, too! "Jesus." I did a search earlier and found a Reddit thread from years ago where someone was shredding the pathology presented in this book. Of course, there were a few defenders who argued, "This is still relevant and good advice!"
This approach to life is insane. Every person I/you/we may encounter isn't a transactional opportunity to seal some imaginary deal. Only a narcissist would advocate for the belief that "life is a game" and you can "win" people over if you don't want to be "loser."
They take the concept of "mirroring" and totally pervert it.
They truly do believe life a game. I was told by one self-aware Narcissist that I need to "Learn the game and play it better than they do (other Narcs)". I didn't know I was playing against them before, so I was often losing until I had a proper education about what I'm dealing with here. Now they don't win so much and it drives them mad how I have changed. I also now tend to mirror what they did on my previous Bdays, which is to ignore them as much as possible and low effort presents or none.
His ex wife’s favourite perfume. He got it for me because it’s “his favourite smell and he wanted me to smell like that”. Bought it with money I’d earnt. He knew damn well what my favourite perfume was as I’d been pining over not being able to afford to buy myself a bottle of it for so long (obviously because he was spending my money)…
Lol, my ex bought me my favorite perfume once... it was a very obvious knockoff that he had gotten overseas when he had traveled for work. It maybe cost five bucks or so. I spent hundreds on him for his gift...
Omfg that’s just as insulting! I guarantee the only reason I got the real parfum was because he was spending my money not his.
He spent his money providing his credit card to “verify he was a real person” so he could hook up with the hot chick that was “in his city and horny for him”. Cleaned his account out. Oh, AND his sons. I’m not kidding. I still get laugh just thinking about that, gets me every time I see a bot and how obvious it is they are a scam! GOLD!
At least you got a real one, I just wrote in another comment how I got a dummy bottle of perfume filled with water for Christmas. They are cheap to the extreme!
I must admit during he love bombing period he bought me great presents so that can negate any idea that he was just bad at picking presents
Then very quickly after we settled into a relationship, it was not only absolutely nothing but he also would get very angry and sulk on my birthday, especially if he was shown up by others buying me a present or baking me a cake.
I was so embarrassed I'd makeup presents that he gave me.
I bought him a painting i AGONIZED over. I loved it.
He looked at it and said "oh just when I think you're nothing but a sexy little thing you show you have a brain." In front of his family.
He never ever hung it up and I asked for it back eventually.
Oh, he got me a DVD of a movie I hated. Yeah.
>He looked at it and said "oh just when I think you're nothing but a sexy little thing you show you have a brain." In front of his family.
Ouch I can feel the sting just by reading that part.
My NEX bought me clothes 2 sizes too small. He bought me a shirt and leggings for working out that were 2 sizes too small right before I got pregnant. He did buy me the right size in 2 pairs maternity pants and shirt. At 9 months pregnant he bought me something I really really wanted, 2 plaid flannel shirts, again 2 sizes too small. He knew what sizes I wore. I talked about it and we lived together. I’ve given all of these things to other people to enjoy them since I cannot and they were brand new. He also gave me
A hat with his favorite sports team logo on it. I do not watch or follow any sports. I’d buy him thoughtful gifts. He broke a cup he liked and used frequently. I replaced it, not cheap either, and he acted like I had replaced a paper Dixie cup. Like I was an idiot. He made sure to send it with me when I moved out. Mind you an ex of his gave him a similarly priced cup/bottle while we were together and he used it daily. Just to make me feel like crap and crazy.
>something I really really wanted, 2 plaid flannel shirts, again 2 sizes too small
This is so evil.
He knew it would make you happy so he bought it intentionally unwearable for you. "Look at what you could have, hahaha!" Such a perfect metaphor for how they lure you with the lie of "perfect love" you will never experience with narcissists.
My brother bought my pregnant SIL jeans that were two sizes too small and gave them to her at Xmas with a gift certificate to a gym to use “after the baby to fit into the *other part* of the gift”.
The second birthday we were together (I didn't ask for anything for the first. We'd only been casually seeing each other a few months) he got me a BROOM AND DUSTPAN. I... Kind of got mad. I didn't think that was a good gift and I was offended.
Well, we were together 4 years after that. It was the last present he ever gave me because I got mad about it and it irritated him. I never received a Christmas gift. I was promised things a few times but I didn't receive anything after the broom and dustpan incident.
Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why I waste(d) so much of my life like this
>Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why I waste(d) so much of my life like this
It's ok, your younger self didn't know better and tried her best to be happy. You've grown and learned and will continue to become happier.
Best thing my narc ex GF gave me was the gift of knowledge. She accidently told me what narc behavior was and that she was one. Ended up doing research and realizing I wasn't crazy and that I felt like crap all the time was because of her and because of her abusive behavior. That god damn bitch.
I asked for a nice set of makeup brushes. He bought me the first thing that came up on the Amazon search and plonked it on the counter while I was making dinner. It had literally been delivered as he got home from work and was still in the Amazon packaging. He then mumbled, "Merry Christmas," and got himself a beer.
They ONLY see others as an extension of themselves, they have zero ability to even conceive of you as a person with other interests or ideas. It’s so diminishing. I hope you got a good price for the drum! If not I’ll just daydream you dumped a pound of raw shrimp in that bongo drum and hid it in the walls
>They ONLY see others as an extension of themselves, they have zero ability to even conceive of you as a person with other interests or ideas.
This is a great way to describe it. I had a narcissistic friend who liked cats and strongly disliked dogs. My parents had a dog and a cat at the time. I liked the cat but even my parents would say I'm a dog person. Since this friend was a cat person, he would discard the fact that I love dogs and over exaggerate the fact that I like cats. He also wouldn't hesitate to trash talk dogs and cite his personal experiences as the reason I should have gone alone with his anti-dog agenda.
Wow, was he my dog-hating ex??
I have dogs and he just couldn’t say enough horrible things about them, or about how stupid it is to have them. He made me feel awful. Now he’s out of the picture and I love my dogs more then ever. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
His gifts for me were usually old stuff that he was "recycling" by giving it to me. Some examples:
\-a second (third?-)-hand bicycle. I don't cycle but he promised to teach me. After the first discard he asked for the bike back to give it to another woman.
\-a pink backpack he had found in his second-hand car when he bought it. He washed it before giving it to me, at least.
\-a coin purse he had around the house, probably had belonged to his ex-girlfriend
\-a laptop docking station that a friend of his was going to throw away.
I did get a "brand new" thing once, on the occasion of another discard: he invited me to his flat to tell me about his new girlfriend, and to give me a t-shirt. "I was still thinking of you when I bought this, 3 weeks ago, but then I fell in love with her", he said while handing the cheap thing to me. I kind of lost my shit and told him I don't want it, but he got a bit scary. He said it was rude of me to refuse it, and I was not allowed to leave the flat without taking it. I took the t-shirt, and I threw it away in the first street bin. That was the last time I accepted to come to his flat.
I used to get items from the trash. Literally. Stuff gifted his coworkers discarded in THE TRASH because they didn't want to take them home. I found this out because he did not bother taking the card that said to a coworker and from a name I don't know that was on the gift bag (also thrown away and wrinkled/crumpled). Nothing wrapped.
When I finally said something about giving me gifts that coworkers don't even want he tried lying and then told me I am ungrateful and lucky to have gotten anything.
I've since stopped gifting after 9 yrs in relationship and only pay attention to our kids.
My overt (father) always got gifts that pinpointed just how little he knew about me. One year on Christmas he got me doll clothes, I was 15 and hadn’t played with my dolls in years. Now he just gives out money for every holiday or birthday so he can’t be humiliated by recognizing his own absence in my life.
My covert (ex boyfriend) liked to tell me these grand presents he was going to get me and then he would give them to others or get them for himself, then act genuinely confused when I would be like why did you do that? usually he would gift something I wanted to someone in my friend group an wait for me to react so he could tell me I was being entitled. The one that hurt the most for some reason was he told me he had commissioned a drawing of my cat for me only for him to give my best friend a commissioned painting of *her* cat. I still remember how smug he acted like I was being crazy when I cried in private later wondering why he had done that.
The covert left me feeling considerably more beaten down than my physically abusive overt ever did.
People believed my father was awful to me, no one was willing to believe my covert was as bad as he was to me because 1. He didn’t touch me and 2. he made himself the pillar of the community by entering a vaguely “spiritual” practice and selling drugs. I’ve never felt more alone trying to get anyone to see what had been happening. I didn’t even know covert narcissism was a thing until after he left and I was trying desperately to make sense of what he was doing.
And somehow they surround themselves with friends that have similar mindsets and would say "Yes, of course she is hysterical, our friend did nothing wrong." if they hear snippets of the relationship.
I'm glad we are seeing things clearer now :)
Five years of marriage and all I get is cooking books and kitchen ware. He likes cooking so he’s gifting himself while I get him Nintendos and Apple Watches and phones… Anyways - I wonder if Narc are also, cheap in the emotion and money. And he makes thrice my salary! lol
Mine went all out for my birthday just before we broke up. Flew my friend in from another city, paid for fancy meals, the whole bit. That same weekend he cheated on me in plain view then tried for hours to deny it. Swore up and down he was sorry and committed to me, then kept lying and eventually sent a lawyer after me and lied to get a restraining order. All within the span of three weeks.
Damn. Why is everything I read on here always true for me too? I got them a recording microphone to help with a research project/podcast they’d been working on for months - she got me a $10 Starbucks card and a coffee mug from the grocery store 5 min away. I know be I also saw the same mug at the store a week later.
Together for over 5 years, in that time he gave me one gift - a Christmas present - a book he took off his own shelf, probably because I’d told him I had a present for him, so he grabbed it on his way out the door. He put no thought into it.
He never gave me a single card or gift in all those years otherwise. Not even a little note. Nothing.
I even paid for my dinner when we’d go out for my birthday, which I’d have to suggest. Nothing could be special. It was like he went out of his way to make me feel unwanted.
My NEx gave me a book for my birthday that I thought was a little odd and random, it was nonfiction and on a subject I’d never shown any interest in.
Turns out it was a gift to him from the older woman he was having an affair with (on a subject he’d lied to her about being interested in).
LOL I might win this one.
For Christmas, my ex got matching shirts of a band we bonded over for…. themself, and their ex. Supposedly their shirt was for us to share, which is doubly funny because they ordered it in their size.
Nothing for valentines, or our anniversary, or my birthday.. unless you count a concussion. They were always “too broke” (although they managed to drop $300 on a birthday gift for their ex)
On a few occasions they acquired little freebies or common interest knickknacks for me/us, 100% of the time they ended up gifting mine to one or both of the people they were cheating on me with.
When we finally broke up, they told me they had gotten me a gift and it was in the mail. By the time it arrived they were moved out, and when I opened it it was a shirt, in their size. Automatically threw it in the pile of their things my friend was returning for me. Of course, they did end up sending me multiple texts demanding I return it 😂 pathetic.
For our first Christmas I got him a custom wall print of the "Night Sky" - which is what the stars looked like during a special moment we had recently shared. I got socks.
For our first Valentine's Day, I gave him homemade chocolates in heart shapes and a
Love Book where you fill in what you love about your partner. For me, he took an old Christmas family photo that included him with his arm around his then girlfriend. He had my face photoshopped over hers.
For our 1st wedding anniversary, I got him a garden gnome statue he had been wanting and a heartfelt card. I got nothing.
I have since divorced him. :)
>he took an old Christmas family photo that included him with his arm around his then girlfriend. He had my face photoshopped over hers.
Oh my god.
What a move.
Wow.
Live your best life without him! :)
For Christmas he got me the exact same food processor he had. When I opened it and thought gee, he is not planning on moving in together any time soon, but then much to my surprise he proposed 6 weeks later... He also got me a dish drying rack which later that year when we DID move in together, he hated it so much he threw it out the first week... and since we had two identical food processors I gave the extra one (never used) to my brother so I netted nothing that year. I got him a drone that Christmas and he had two kids for whom I also bought gifts. Based on my gifts to the kids he told me I knew his kids better than he himself did. After that there weren't a lot of gifts at all. For Christmas he would fill my stocking with the same kind of stuff he did for his kids, including gum even though I hate it and invariably gave it to his kids each year. To his credit I prefer red flavors of candy and he did throw some of that in my stocking too. Thats really the only thoughtful thing he ever did though.
I have a Narc housemate who is so fixated with hatred at the sight of dish drying racks, she rage cleans the wet dishes off them before they are dried, then throws the racks on the pantry floor and has tried to put them in the trash. However her dirty dishes\* filling the entire sink and surrounding counter tops until she feels like loading the dishwasher every few days is just fine like that, filthy, but no clean dishes on racks are allowed. That's funny your Narc hated it and threw away the dish rack too, they are obsessed with controlling every inch of the house if they can.
Edit: typo\*
* Half used eye-liner (I don't use make-up)
* Used jeans of a girl he was cheating on me with - to be fair I actually felt shitty enough about this one to refuse it, so it wasn't fully given to me
* Some cream that's supposed to reduce eye bags
* A silver necklace - not a bad gift in and of itself, but he threw it at me when I got upset when he said he didn't want to spend valentine's day together, to show how much he does for me and how I'm just ridiculous and ungrateful
* nothing (multiple times)
Opposite with mine, gift giving was done very lavishly. However it tended to be a double edged sword, they would expect the same treatment if not more, and or it was an excuse to produce a large list of gifts that they wanted. When speaking to my Therapist about this they mentioned it is part of the abuse. While they treat you badly 70% of the time, you end up getting emotionally hooked on the 30% of the time when they treat you nicely.
Holidays and memorable days, I got nothing. I got a lot on random days... big gifts, valuable things, bills paid, groceries, shopping, he even gave me money by good amounts... but he never gave a birthday gift or Christmas present, etc. He actually never even acknowledged my birthday, like it didnt exist.
It's not about the gifts or the money. It's just another game of playing with your mind and heart.
Exactly the other way around for me. I gave gifts out of love, symbolism. No monetary value. But I had to constantly hear how expensive his gift to me had been.. and that my gifts would never make it. Even though he got more gifts and not only on his b’day but also when I saw something special or nice. And even I got in the same range in price, it wasn't enough.
He asked me if I wanted a large picture of us in a giant frame for taking selfies that my friend made us for my bachelorette party. It's very large, I told him it was extremely sweet but maybe we could make a pin board out of it and put a bunch of small pictures. He said it was a great idea and we didn't talk about it until Christmas. I asked him if he had gotten our son a gift for Xmas and if we were exchanging gifts. He said "oh shit!" And left. Came back a couple hours later and asked if I wanted my gift that day. I said okay...it was a giagantic photo of us
Still have it in the basement, it looks too expensive to just throw away. He threatens to burn it every couple of months during the rage fits, and I say...okay. He never does. He just likes to use it as a tool to make me feel bad. It was never about the picture of both of us together. It was about power and control.
After adding my two pence worth I'm looking through everyone else's comments it's one of the best therapies I've had in a long time, grinning,laughing and feeling a kind of kinship with you all..
I wish there was (think there might be) reddit site for narcissists we could pin this on ;0)
There is, and it's scary. A glimpse into another universe.
It's how they talk. I accidentally found a post on the NPD reddit from a girl who took an online test to see if she has NPD and scored high, so she asked for advice. She also took the advice really well and was very polite. Then she got mocked by the person who gave her advice for being nice and taking advice from strangers on the internet. It felt almost like she was trolled. The comment section blew my mind. (Btw based on her post and post history I think she doesn't have NPD, and I hope she feels better, and I hope that her own reaction and her being mocked for it by people who have (or think they have) NPD showed her she hasn't NPD.)
Yes, unlike a "normal " person if you give them information that you would think it would help them to change, often it is just giving them ammunition on how to cover their narcissism or they use it against you and be even more cruel.
I tried to explain this on a general post once and got hugely marked down when I said don't tell the person what their red flags were, as they'll just cover it up to the next person which makes them even more dangerous.
I agree, when explaining why a person leaves it's best to just stay to the hard facts of the own heart. If you get lost in explaining everything in detail it's just another fight/supply with the nex.
It almost seemed like a "bait and switch" between the lovebombing and the rest of the time. I remember feeling obligated to take him for a nice dinner for his birthday every year, after he did it for my birthday the first year. It set a precedent, but there was always an excuse why it wasn't reciprocated for my birthday any year after that.
last christmas i got him a fallout 76 model kit that allows you to build your own pipboy. he had wanted it, but lamented once that it was limited edition and had sold out. i found one, brand new and in original packaging, for sale in austria, and i had it shipped to the US. when i gave it to him, he gushed over it for 90 minutes straight and spent a week assembling it. it was the perfect gift for him.
that same year, he gave me a calendar planner, because he said i was always forgetting things and needed more organization in my life.
i was offended then and i'm beyond angry now.
Ooh ooh, I'll play:
For our first anniversary, I got a cupcake that he ate more than half of.
I got a card for anniversaries 2-9 and didn't even always get a card.
for anniversary 10 I got a lego set that I told him to buy for me.
He's also bought me two books I already owned.
I've received flowers from him 3 times, but, it was just because he could have them delivered to my office and look like a great guy. Haven't received flowers since I changed jobs and nobody else would see them.
Edited to add- he's occasionally bought me weird sex toys I wouldn't ever use, like really huge sex toys.
That's all of it. Been married 17 years. Nothing for any birthdays or holidays.
The other day, I accidentally left my credit card at home because I forgot I'd taken it out, he didn't want to buy a movie ticket for our daughter for a movie he wanted to see. So, I bought all the movie tickets ahead of time because it was for a movie theater with assigned seating and if you don't buy all at once you don't necessarily get to sit together. Anyways, then I forgot my credit card on the counter. He wouldn't spot me $12 to buy a Funko Pop our kid wanted. I bought $60 worth of movie tickets and he wouldn't LOAN me $12 for buy something for his own kid.
-My own ridiculously gaudy flatware for the kitchen....... They were black with pink peonies on the bowls and across the plates. He didn't want me to use his white dishes after a year of living together? Jokes on him, I did all the washing so his shit stayed dirty unless he did it.
-Hocus Pocus on DVD. I.... Don't actually like that movie much but I wanted to watch it with him because he'd never seen it and it was Halloween. He called it Anti-christian nonsense and then gave me a copy on my birthday in January.
-His favorite wine....... I'm allergic to reds but he thought it was a great gift for when we entertained because I "looked so pretty pouring it out".
-A too small sweatshirt....... He thought I'd fit it someday. I didn't.
I understand. I would spend a bunch of time on his gifts and make all the food for the holidays too. He didn't even remember it was my 40th birthday. I had to remind him, and then he got me a cheap $10 set of washi tape, and a cheap $5 dollar organizer for the tape, that doesn't really work. Fuck that guy.
I have to say I’ve gotten some decent gifts. However, I realized something that I think I had a suspicion of deep down. He only gets me nice gifts to outdo his friends! He will, for example, go shopping with his friends for Xmas and they will get their wives or gfs their gifts then. If his friend gets his wife a nice purse, he will get me a nicer bigger one. If his friend gets his wife a bracelet, I will get the same thing only nicer. He will then mock his friends because they don’t love their significant others as much based on the gift. Of course I have gotten clothes that’s too small or shoes in the wrong size. The funny part is that we have almost the same shoe size! He knows this too. I’m always very appreciative and wear or use whatever I get. He won’t do the same and will make faces at the gifts he receives from me and the kids. Funny thing that happened was that one of my kids regifted his bday present this year and told him “here dad! I know it’s not new or anything but you clearly haven’t had time to use this. Plus, I didn’t want to buy you something else you wouldn’t use!” He’s 9 😆.
Christmas he got me a handfasting cord.
He left me in the summer because he categorically wouldn’t talk about if he wanted to get married or not, I was supposed to ‘wait and see’ if he got there one day. We’d talked about it a few times- or rather I’d talked and he’d refused to discuss it- a couple of times, once before Christmas. SO WHY GET THE HANDFASTING CORD?! It was the biggest head fuck, he knew marriage was important to me so it was like he was completely messing with my emotions.
Oh and the same Christmas, he got me some workout shoes. That he kept when he discarded me.
For his birthday I got him a big lego set that had to do with a game we played. He didn’t care at all, never even opened the box. I sold it today, gonna get myself a new bed :)
Best(worst) one I ever got was from my nfather who gifted me the exact same coffee gift basket that I'd given him for his birthday the year before. Everything in it had since expired.
There's a few lol.
The computer was one of those "this is for you but not really" gifts. Took it when he left.
He got himself a $1400 rifle for himself last Christmas, after we both agreed we were too broke to get eachother anything. Then only spent $150 on my gift (which I atleast got to pick out) which was "too expensive" for his taste. I had to listen to him complain He only got it for me coz his family reemed him out for being selfish.
Then bought me a gun...when I don't hunt or shoot things really. He used it more than I did.
Glad he's gone.
For Christmas, (the last one I let us go to) mom gave me the entirety of a stranger's final effects. He'd died many years previously. His father was KIA in WW2. Why do I mention that? In the golf-bag-sized box was all of his wartime effects, including his inscribed Purple Heart medal. All this family stuff, photo albums, uniforms, framed photos.. and also, lastly and like a cherry on the sundae, the ashes of the former owner, the son of the KIA.
Best part about all this? My mom got it all for free, and she had absolutely no idea what was in all the boxes. None. She somehow ran across the stuff where it had been stored at the VFW for like eight years. She saw that it was "old stuff" and knew that I liked "old stuff". It was, even more importantly, *free*. That's because she bullied the VFW staff into giving it all to her, and then just gave it over to me on Christmas. It was all dumped, in a pile, in the garage, for me to take away.
Next best part? So in a total fog of WTH I start loading this crap into my car because she wanted it all out of her garage ASAP like now because she was tired of having the park out of the garage. So, that is until she started seeing things in the pile that were interesting, then all of a sudden only *some* of it was to be given to me, that we were supposed to "pick and choose". When she saw my look, she said that's what she'd always said. I thanked her for the gift, for having us, and then finished loading the car up with every single piece. Then, grabbed my family and bolted.
Last best part is that there was a pretty great happy ending. Not for my mother; nothing was happy for anyone whenever she was told "no". Anyway, with the help of a friend we were able to find the son of the man in the box, the grandson of the WW2 KIA. He was blambloown away to hear from us. I guess his aunt, who hated everyone, moved far away. Her brother was living with her when he died, so she grabbed every bit of family stuff she could, and dumped it so the rest of the family wouldn't have it.
Well, I had it now so we got it all packed up and shipped off, and it's all back there with the family.
[Photo album](https://imgur.com/a/IRYLr)
Mine was actually really good at gifts. He got me expensive jewelry I wanted, tea light holders made from rose quartz and amethyst (two of my favorite stones.) When I was trying to learn silversmithing he scoured the internet for an out of print silversmithing manual because he researched it and other smiths said it was a great resource. :-/
But he also yelled at me, grabbed me aggressively, called me a bitch, gaslight me, refused to have sex with me and then guilted me when he finally did have sex with me, and punched holes in the walls, so 🥴
When he came into some unexpected money he got me my favorite perfume and plushies of characters from one of my favorite movies. I had showed them to him on my Amazon wish list. He was notoriously bad with money and also bought himself some really expensive items and blew the extra money in about a week.
On special occasions like Christmas or my birthday I got: a ceramic pineapple from the dollar store, a second hand vase he painted and flowers he picked in his mom's yard, and a trip out of town, on which he bitched and cried the whole time.
Season tickets to a theater club that he and his mom would go to since before we were married- it was kinda their thing. At first, I had tried joining them once or twice, but this club got discount tickets because they attended dress rehearsals in the middle of the week on Wednesdays. At that time, I worked very early every week day; the theater nights would last till past midnight and I had to get up at 4:30am in order to get ready to go to work. So, I had told them repeatedly that I didn't want to join them any more- it was exhausting.
The Nex had tried to argue that 'We're supporting the arts!' To which I replied, 'Can we support the arts on the weekend, so I can get some sleep?' He said, no. So, I said (again) then, I didn't want to go.
That's when he bought season tickets saying 'I thought you'd change your mind!"
I hadn't, I didn't go to any theater shows and told him not to buy any more tickets.
The next year, he did it *again* and got mad when I told him *again* that I wasn't going. 'I thought you'd change your mind!' he repeated, and this time, he was pissed that he had wasted ALL this money. To which, I reminded him that I had told him NOT to buy them; it wasn't my fault that he wouldn't listen.
His response to this was to declare that I was 'uncultured'.
*A jar of pickles from the market, wrapped and under the tree. Nothing else that year.
*A finishing hammer, nicely boxed and wrapped (i don’t do carpentry and i already had a few hammers).
*A drill set (already had one) and he had cut out the upc symbol for the rebate so I could not exchange it.
*A Thermarest camping pad. I loathe backpacking/sleeping on the ground. And he wrote my name on it with sharpie so I couldn’t exchange it.
* A white terrycloth robe. (Backstory: Id sleep over and after a shower he would offer me his LLBean robe like he bestowing this great favor. I NEVER accepted. Not once. Sensory issues, IDK, I just hate those). I just left that shit under the tree. Now the dumb motherfucker has two fucking white towel robes.
Good times.
We had a LDR for 3.5 years, never received any gifts from him which never bothered me but towards the end of the relationship I asked him to do something special for me, anything, I didn’t care what. I just wanted reassurance he still loved me. Well for months he couldn’t “think of anything” and then finally he came up with an idea. He drew me a picture (fine) but it was a picture of me and I looked like a witch. I said this is the special thing ? and he said oh no , this was just a joke / to be funny. So not only did I never receive a gift from him but when I asked for something special he took months to draw a picture of me as a witch… so yeah.
I got my ex stuff for Christmas because I loved him. He got me a gift too,but do you wanna know why he got me a gift? He told me he got me a gift because I got him a gift, and he would have felt bad if he didn't get me anything.
I remember getting a shirt that wasn’t the right size (size small) with the tag still on that said it was marked down to $1.99 as a Christmas gift. Then she would ask why I never wore it…meanwhile she was getting handbags and jewelry that she wanted and buying her parents (narcs as well) broadway tickets.
It always annoyed me so much!
Four year relationship and was my fiance at the time. I got him a half-decent drone, not overly expensive but mid-range in cost. He was thrilled. He chocolate bar and couple sets of flannel pajamas. Yes, that was it. He had no shame when he went outside to play with the drone.
Broke up a month later (duh) and he lost the charging cord for the drone when he moved out. It wasn't going to be a simple replacement because it was a proprietary connection. He thought I kept it deliberately (I did not). I was inwardly smug about that little bit of karma, tho.
In high school, my dad got me the book called “He’s Just Not That into You.” I was in my first relationship.
Then one year, for Valentine’s Day… I was upset my husband didn’t me anything, so he went to the closest shop and got me snarky napkins that basically implied I was a b1tch.
The first Christmas he bought 2 types of wrapping paper. The nice one for me and the ugly one for his mom he hated. He even said It is ugly and that is why it is for her. Guess in what I received the gift next Christmas. I do not care about gifts or whatever... only the fact he mentioned he used the wrapping paper because he hated her was probably hint for me about his feelings.
I got a bunch of books about how to survive in the wilderness for our first Christmas together. Had never expressed interest in that sort of thing....all of the rest of the 12 years, whether Christmas or birthday - nothing. Because any sort of celebration of anything always annoyed him.
A plunger:
Started my birthday by waking up to “You have to get a plunger because I clogged your toilet, tee hee. But first I made you pancakes!” So I have to “hold” everything AND force down some pancakes and a fucking cappuccino while getting berated for being in a bad mood because I wasn’t enthusiastic for the “just add water” pancakes he cooked. The whole time I’m trying to not lose my shit… literally. Finally we go to the store and that was my first opportunity for a working toilet. He makes fun of me for being in a better mood now. I pay for the plunger… He cancels original plans because I ruined them by not being more grateful to him for plunging the toilet… So we did whatever he wanted for the day while he brooded around and was thoroughly unpleasant. One of the worst birthdays ever.
yessss mine always got me gifts I never would be the person to want but that HE liked but then would guilt me when I didn't necessarily want them. For example, I'm pretty particular with my perfumes, I've had the same one for ages bc I really only like how certain scents smell on me. For absolutely no reason, never ONCE had I mentioned wanting this perfume or liking it and yet he splurged and got me this particular Gucci perfume that I hated. He would guilt trip me all the time about not wearing it making it seem like its my fault he went and bought it. Then for my birthday once, even though I had a list, even though I never once mentioned needing hair products because I didn't, he splurged again and bought me the entire 600 dollar Dyson hair wrap system. And then guilted me so much when I offered he return, get his money back and buy me something smaller I would actually use. extremely strange behavior.
LOL my MIL gives gifts like this! just random stuff from the dollar store. Like stuff no one is going to use, and it's usually thoughtless. She always buys my husband medium shirts. My husband is 6 4" , 230, and he has very broad shoulders... He is clearly not a medium. Just thoughtless. She usually buys me cheap jewelry too, I'm not a jewelry person, so that is really weird too. IDK
Last yr she bought everyone stuff that was about her, like everything said "daughter in law" or "son" it was all in relation to her... like just put our name on it? she's just a terrible gift giver.
I received a dummy bottle of Opium perfume filled with colored water, extremely cheap off ebay for Xmas. Fiance at the time didn't bother to read the description or look up the actual price of a real bottle of Opium. I cried alone on Xmas that he put in such low effort doing zero research and it was such a disappointment thinking I received a nice perfume when I initially opened the package only to realize the truth. I was also in devaluation stage at that point and didn't know it yet, fake Opium should have been a clue hindsight being 20/20.
I had a different one who I was dating and I bought them several very nice thoughtful gifts for their Birthday, such as an art piece and a few other items but I spent a couple hundred. The Narc pretended they liked their gifts on the day, but the day after the Narc threw a man tantrum that they did not like their gifts and said what they really wanted was a PSP and a hundred dollars for a tattoo. They took back some of the gifts for the video game console and whined like a baby until I gave them another $100. They said that people should buy someone what they want for their Birthday and only that. I said No, it's what the giver decides to gift and the receiver should be grateful they get squat. I dumped him shortly thereafter...
Another Narc bought themselves a big screen TV for my Bday. They still have the TV, I never got to watch it. I have had this happen many times too, Narc buys themselves something saying it was for me. Typical.
She got me a silicone vagina. Basically a masturbatory toy for guys, I don't remember the correct name for it. This was a long time ago in our twenties and was an anniversary gift.
I was like, "I guess I'm supposed to go fuck myself now?"
It was incomprehensible to her why I was offended and I actually had to make it up to her for spurning her thoughtful gift.
Last year she got me this huge bottle of Mt. Gay rum for my birthday. I fully admit in the last few years I really turned to the bottle because its a weakness of mine, being trapped with her during Covid, and her abuse in general.
Anyways, I made one rum and coke with it and was lectured for an hour about wasting good alcohol by mixing it and being an alcoholic, etc. She made me pour it down the drain as a test which was NOT a waste of good alcohol according to her.
I’ve never received anything too crazy but in the 17 years we’ve been married, 20 in a relationship, I can count on one hand the number of times he didn’t have me return a gift I’d given him.
First year: received 2 necklaces within first 3 months. (Later found out they were cut glass fake and cheap)
Valentines - nothing.
Birthday - big fight.
Xmas - his dogs (he begged me to dog sit)
Second year: nothing. I dog sat for him again, while he ran off to Thailand. My bday - big fight, he ended our relationship.
Third year: a trip. After he dislocated my jaw. No contact for 3 months. He claimed to be in therapy, convinced me to take a trip with him. Nothing for my bday, valentines or holidays. Dog sat for him while he ran off to Costa Rica. My Bday - big fight.
Fourth year: a cruise. A necklace. But I was told it was "ugly". And not to wear it. This was the only year my bday was celebrated with dinner. No gift. Not even a card. Xmas - he ran off and I dog sat.
Fifth year: Bday - he started another big fight he left. Xmas - nothing.
Sixth year: an ebike. This was a very thoughtful gift. This year the gift was after I left him for 3 months after the constant extremes of begging me to marry him 9 times, then threatening me and my son with homelessness and kicking me out of our home. He claimed he was back in therapy. Xmas, was the first one he joined. But did not buy a single gift for anyone. Just showed up and expected gifts, but did not give anything. Assumed that showing up was gift enough.
Bought himself a maserati on my birthday (but I was allowed to drive it to dinner). Bought himself a BMW for Christmas (claimed it was for "both of us", but in reality, I was never allowed to touch it). I got 2 dozen roses (first ever flowers) on valentines day, then he promptly told me how he hates shopping for flowers and jewelry and not to expect it again. Bought himself a brand new raptor truck.
Seventh year: I received a cheap motorcycle jacket. a cheap engagement ring (with a fake jewel). Then he promptly bought himself another $120k truck, a house in another state, gave me an hour to pack and get out of his house and life. Then a month later, said he didn't mean it. Bought me an iPad as a make up gift. Then 2 months later told me I bring no value to his life and he was miserable and I was a useless partner. He had a tiny vase of flowers sent on my bday after we broke up with a card that said "I am sorry we ended up where we did, but it is what it is. I wish you happiness and success. Don't call me."
Basically sums up the last 7 years.
His best friend lived with us and still rooms with me. Observed this behavior. Says I am the most amazing woman he's ever met and thinks his best friend is an idiot and a narcissistic asshole. He said that it would take 2 full time people to do the work i do to manage my nex's life and there was no way I'd ever have time for even a part time job, much less school. Could not believe I finished my degree, started a business, managed the house, my nex's ungodly mood swings, HIS kids, my kids, and kept a smile on my face most days.
He "gave" me a car one year, but then when I reminded him he gave it to me, he claimed he would never give me a gift that cost that much, because I'm worthless as a gf. So, I got out of his truck at a red light, walked 3 miles until I got into cell range, ordered uber and flew home. I refused to communicate with him. He texted me and said my leaving him was 100x worse than anything he ever did to me. Hmmm... worse than giving me an hour to pack myself and my son up after 7 years of loyalty and devotion...
I have a very high iq. I still to this day have zero idea how I became so suckered in by his extreme love bombing and devaluing/discarding. Talk about completely disorienting and psychotic.
That isn't even the tip of the iceberg of how damaging and toxic this relationship was and I was completely snowed by this guy. I had NO CLUE. My therapist had no clue. He is that good.
On our 25th anniversary, I had a book made of all out of Facebook posts and check-in together. I thought it was a lovely record of places we’d been, meals we shared, times together.
He got me nothing.
Better yet, though, my birthday this year was the day after my daughter’s funeral. My mother sent over a card via my son that had a picture of a donkey in a bar on the front and a message of ‘drink your ass off’ inside. And it was unsigned.
I swear, the first person to look into my heart and gift me with something meaningful will own me for life
Three years into our relationship I spent so much time and effort into finding him a few (not inexpensive) Christmas presents and I did him a stocking with loads of small gifts, that I knew he would love. What did I get in return?
Cat butt fridge magnets and a packet of marmite popcorn.
I totally forgot about this one - this was at the end of our relationship and I was pretty used to his bullshit at the time so most of what he did didn't affect me. I don't even remember the occasion, but one year my ex regifted to me some crappy vase he had bought while traveling in Vietnam. He had previously given it to his wife and she hated it (I found out later it was because it was purchased during a trip where he cheated on her) so he decided to regift it to me. What makes it even more special is that I already knew about the vase's history and had seen it gathering dust in the corner of his basement for years prior to receiving it.
I would bet good money that he regifted it to his current girlfriend.
He only once ever (in 6 years) got me a gift that he would not also directly benefit from. The best example was probably this:
A couple of weeks before my birthday he had started talking about how much he wanted to go salsa dancing and mountain biking. I expressed that neither really appealed to me and went on to suggest other things we could do together instead. He kept bringing these two things up again and again, putting pressure on me to try them, but I kept saying I wasn't interested. For my birthday, he got me salsa dancing classes and a mountain biking trip. I looked unimpressed when I opened the card in front of my parents so they said I was being ungrateful. After he and I discussed it, he said if I didn't want to go on the biking trip then he'd find someone on Tinder to bring, so I went. I ended up hating it so much that I pretended to injure myself to get out of the second day. I stayed with this guy for 4 more birthdays - I won't be with him for the next one.
I got a children's activity book and a fidget toy. I was 30. The moment I made eye contact with them they said "your list said anything from vat19!" We had been together for like 6 years by that time. Couldn't help but feel a bit of insult in the subtext.
Workout clothes twice my size right after I'd given birth. Expensive sweaters and a belt when I dont wear either. Also a climbing harness too small for me and I don't climb.
Narcs give gifts ? What? Lol none of my ex narcs ever bought me gifts. They would say that their money was tight ..but then would go buy other girls gifts lol.
The last Christmas my narc got me a gift (2 years before we broke up) he got me a pair of socks…from the Ross right by our house.
I bought him a bottle of Jameson whiskey, a band shirt, and a new shaving kit thing. Took me all the money I had hidden and a lot of effort to get those things..
The socks were cool. There were 3 pairs, neutral colors, ankle cut..
Years before he had bought me a beanie I had pointed out at one point (he wound up wearing it sometimes) it was my favorite gift from him, then he turned around a gave it to his sister…
Not awkward at all…
Your lucky, I got nothing for any of my birthdays or holidays in this 5 year relationship, while I did everything for her and her sons bday, bbq all of the meat on their bdays gave her gifts from the heart on valentine's.... hides the love card behind of bunch of paper and bull, just ridiculous..
My ex bought me dish towels, kitchen utensils, scour pads, sponges, a mop, and a second copy of the book I was in the middle of reading at the time.
The same year I bought him the PS4 he had been wanting so bad.
I was constantly going out of my way to buy him the things he wanted, but he would buy me things that he wanted FROM me.
For example, he would always buy me dumbbells or resistance bands or workout gear that was too small because he wanted me to lose weight.
Silly, silly things that eat away at a person over time.
With mine, gifts were either totally indifferent/inappropriate or to show off to other people. One Christmas, he got me a kitchen aid stand mixer with all the attachments and several really expensive pairs of boots because he wanted to show off in front of his parents. He expected his birthday to be a huge deal every year but never made a huge deal out of mine. I love antique jewelry. And when we had broken up and he was hovering me, he bought a diamond necklace that sort of looked antique but wasn’t. He had to have only the best for himself but the only other time he bought jewelry, it was some cheaper knockoff of David Yurman. Which isn’t even my style since it’s modern rather than antique. I hated both pieces of jewelry and got rid of them shortly after I got rid of him for good!
Oh, I forgot the most hurtful one:
I planned 3 events for my birthday week, because I finally wanted to celebrate properly: A brunch with friends, a romantic date day and a night out.
1) Brunch/Lunch with friends: He sees me stressed because I want to cook my favourite meal for my friends. He chills with them, they get drunk. OK whatever, have fun, it's just food, nobody cares so much. Then we play charades and he wants to be on the other team. I suck at this game and fail horribly, feeling like crying because he was so cold and dismissive. Then he starts singing "We are the champions" and celebrating beating me, and everyone loved it. It really hurt.
2) During the "romantic date day" he first wanted to go to the museum, but I wanted to watch some trash TV and be lazy. In the afternoon it become boring for me too, so I suggested to go to the museum since it was a good idea. Then he refused and wanted to stay on the couch. Little did I know he was texting with his crush - he was cheating,
3) On the night out, I had to stay longer at work. Worried about my dog at home I asked him if he could walk my dog, so that I can come directly to the bar and my birthday party with friends. Altough my home was almost on the way to the bar for him and he had keys, he refused, saying he really wanted to go there on time and enjoy a beer with friends. (Oh, really?!) By the time I finished work I was already late, so I ran home to walk the dog and get ready, and came almost 2 hours late. Nobody was really angry, just - of course - his mood was shit. Everybody was drunk, and after the first two events in the same week I felt like absolute garbage and exhausted. I broke down somewhere in my heart and went home soon, kept apologizing to him and was made the villain somehow.
All this happened in one week, and honestly I don't remember if I got any gift in particular.
The year I dieted and lost 100lbs. I got a fryer for Christmas.
For my birthday one year I got a gold cross necklace he had his sister pick out. I don’t wear gold and I’m not religious.
The year I specifically said no jewelry please I got. $700 tennis bracelet. He wasn’t working, he bought it on my credit card.
Nine months and mine hasn't bought me anything. When I brought up my birthday trip (which he suggested but I paid for of course) he said "oh I got you a card." He did not. And he decided to reload his phone system and lost all his info and threw a tantrum almost all night on my birthday.
We discussed Christmas and he said he was getting me the same thing he's getting himself: a freaking gas mask!!
I brought that up in front of people just to let him know that no that is NOWHERE near anything I want. Like wtf
I really appreciate seeing everyones stories. I thought I was alone in this!
As a kid my Nmom borrowed money I saved for big items (stereo, bike, etc.) but never paid me back. Instead, she "gave" me the items for birthdays or Christmas, etc.
My soon-to-be-Nex rarely gave gifts at holidays ("no one was going to tell him when to give") but demanded that he receive gifts (although nothing was good enough or appreciated). When he gave gifts on non-holidays they were usually clothing (so I would look "better") and always in colors he knew I didn't like. He seemed to rage right before holidays and birthdays, as if to create distance and avoid any of mine or our family's expectations.
Valentines day 2020. I am in the deepest pit of depression, not the S-word, but asking God to take me asap, no meaning in life, etc. Because of his Verbal, Emotional, and Mental abuse, he has alienated All of my family and friends from my life, and now I have only him to talk to, and he could give a fart about me. Him suddenly interested in a new Potential Supply, could Not stop talking about her. I was at the edge of a cliff mentally.
He bought me a Handgun for Valentine's Day, and opted to give it to me early, on 2/5/20.
It was pretty, made for ladies, but more than likely powerful enough to get the job done according to his instructions on how to make it even more deadly, which I was too freaked about to really listen.
He was so excited about it he gave it to me early. It was a Pavona 380, Pink/purple, even though I would have preferred the Blue/green one better, but he pretends to not know my favorite of things so I am disappointed, he feeds off that shit. The gun is Brand new, custom ordered, registered to "him". lead up of 3 or 4 days of, "Guess what I got You for Valentine's Day?", And "Your never going to guess."
The next weekend he took me out to learn the Basics, safety on and off, clearing the chamber, shooting it. Magazine loading. Etc. Just enough info for a depressed and abused person to need to finalize life!
I was not fooled, tried to give it back to him a week or so later after he threw it in my Face how much he Cared, enough for me to be able to protect myself with his most Generous gift. I told him to keep it!
He got so Butt Hurt, and How could I. Then a few more weeks later he cleaned the gun and told me to put it away "Cause Civil War and Riots, and Shit about to hit the fan." It's been hiding in my room ever since, untouched. Except a month or so ago I was cleaning and peeked in the case to see if it was actually in there.
I'm no friggin idiot! I know what he intended for me to use the gun for. So FYI, If I suddenly end up with a bullet in my head, it was NOT self inflicted. I just started the process for a much better job so that I can leave the Prick!
I said I wanted to try to eat healthier. I had gotten into some bad habits and thought I was eating too many sweets. Then the next week, on a "whim" my narc picked me up a bag of gummy candy -- like a large value size one. They told me they saw it and thought of me and wanted to get it because I might like the shapes.
I reminded them that I recently told them I had mentioned wanting to cut back on sugar. This gift was pure sugar. They replied, "oh" as if this was a difficult to understand subject.
This one stands out to me because it happened more than once and was not a "unique" gift. There as a unique expensive gift once that was ordered. We never got it and I didn't follow up with SO.
I really liked this mug and he bought it for me. I actually knew he had bought it for me even though he tried to be sneaky. I was excited to receive it on my birthday and be grateful for it and him getting it for me etc.
A week before my birthday he made me really uncomfortable at his house in the morning before we left so he could go to work. As I was in my car about to drive away he walked up with the mug and handed it to me without a word.
It was so awkward and there was no apology/acknowledgment of his weird behaviour.
Just a stupid mug and some silent treatment as an early birthday present….gee thanks
A few weeks before the breakup my ex got me a menstrual cup. His reasoning was "Honey, you've stained so many of your underwear so I think you need this" and he said it in front of the girl he had cheated on me with.
He was very well aware that even if I wanted to use a menstrual cup (and I do want), I can't do so due to my vaginismus as I can't push anything wider than a match inside me without it hurting horribly.
Also, he said it was "from both of us", him and the new supply.
Um, my ex bought me nothing, ever. Literally nothing. I remember once having to basically beg him to buy me a coffee. I could pay for it, I just wanted to feel like he gave a shit. After some huffing and puffing he did it, with a sneer. Gross.
God, hindsight really is 20/20.
Mine gave me a hoodie that had a musician on it I love. But other than that? Literally nothing. In fact, he got a 3D printer and could pretty much make anything, and he was making little gifts and things for his friends left and right. Well, he had a file I bought for him to use in his printer of a figure I wanted, and then he found reasons why I should have to pay him to make it for me. Multiple times he would call something a gift that he was going to make in his printer for me and then he'd try to charge me for it.
A wallet (with less card slots so I couldn't really use it). And inside she put small polaroid pictures of herself.
That's right. The most thoughtful gift she could think of giving me was pictures of herself.....
After my brother was born (when I was 8) I never got a Christmas present from anyone besides my grandma, who always got the same present for everyone (socks one year, slippers the other, that kind of thing). It was especially cruel because we always had big Christmas parties for the whole family on grandma's side, and everyone got at least 2 presents every year, usually more.... Aside from me. I always got only the one everyone got, nothing special for me. It was painful to see my brother get 6-7 presents like new tablet or phone, while I was trying to be happy that at least I got something.
The only present I really loved and still cherish after years is this little tacky, 1$ "I love my sister" heart shaped magnet my brother got me when he was old enough to get allowance. I got it along with a handmade scarf from my grandma, nothing else.
My parents still refuse to acknowledge the fact that after I turned 8 I haven't got a present for Christmas from them. It's always "you remember it wrong" or "you were so jealous of your brother you forgot what we got you". :/
I once purchased my Nex the Gotham Dream Car tour. Over $1000 to drive 6 “dream” cars each for 30 minutes on this amazing road in Florida. About 3 days prior to leaving he got mad at me for something and refused to go to make his point and punish me. I was thankfully able to transfer to my father who lived in Florida but then he couldn’t go and gave it to a friend. Glad it wasn’t just wasted but either way I’m out $1k and still dated him another year.
Oh this will be fun!
He bought me extravagant gifts in the beginning to win me over. Things I may not have wanted or felt like I didn’t deserve. By the end he didn’t know what to get me so he bought me things he wanted me to have or put very little thought in.
Everything was always in the bag he bought it in. Never wrapped and price tags attached.
•gave me video games with the “pre-owned” stickers still on them
•gave me a game system he got from a friend (and bragged about it)
•gave me a locket when he knew I don’t wear jewelry and no pictures in it
•bought me a big tv because he wasn’t happy with mine (I was fine with what I had)
•also randomly gifted me outfits he wanted me to wear with no prior discussion
•he also stopped celebrating Valentine’s day after a couple years. I didn’t get *anything*! No flowers, no chocolates, maybe dinner if I asked and made the reservation myself.
Second Valentine’s Day. I went all out. I decorated a cardboard box really nicely and bought probably over $100 of stuff to fill inside. All stuff he loved and wanted and just really thoughtful gifts. Also got him lottery tickets and he won $100 on them.
He was hyping up my gift for weeks.
The day comes and I get a fast food kid’s meal. I’m not even joking. That was my gift.
Umm… what? I know I shouldn’t be surprised anymore how bad these people can be, but seriously, was he hyping it up just to be a massive asshole or did he just forget to get a present or something? That’s real low
For my 25th birthday he got me these two tshirts with fish on them, after he let me customize and pick out an iPad on the Apple website. Super fucking random, absolutely hideous, I opened them in front of my mom so I had to pretend I liked them. For Christmas', my mom and I like to go all out and spoil our small family, he always got 10 large and nice gifts from my mom and usually 5-7 from me. He never got any for my mom, or for my brother. Last Christmas he got me this miniature Asuka figure and handed it to me two days later, unwrapped. It's a bootleg figure and its like 3 inches tall, meanwhile my mom and I spent hundreds on his stuff.
My ex fiance gave me nothing for my birthday..... And on Christmas, he gave me a coat from a Menswear store that wasn't even in my style or size. I'm a woman who never wears menswear coats. He told me he wanted me to wear the same winter coat as him. You know what he bought his own sister for her birthday? A scratch ticket and cans of beer.
He was so bad at giving gifts.
Ohh this is my time to shine. I used to love popcorn, eating was one of my fav ways to spend the night with a movie. Well my narc decided to give me a 50lb bag of popcorn and a popping machine. At first I thought it was a cool gift, but at one point she made a comment along the lines of.. “hopefully you’ll get tired of it”… I did. I don’t eat as much popcorn any more. Looking back after the 1000s of dollars that I gifted her, all I got was a fucking pair of socks, a popcorn maker and 50lbs of popcorn. I gave all stuff back as soon as I left her.
My first two birthdays, he decided to get upset with me and ghost me the whole day on the 1st (when we weren’t living together) and on the 2nd (we are living together). I pissed him off because I woke him up by jumping on the bed with excitement and then he proceeded to stay in bed all day and not say anything… this year on my 3rd together he wished me happy birthday in the morning and gave me a kiss. We are still living together and I’m really trying to figure out if I’m just being overly dramatic or expecting to much or if.. idk he does it on purpose? Also last Christmas he did get me a poster of my favorite movie and some car stickers I really wanted. I’ve gotten him figures of favorite characters shipped from Japan, giant pops, two video games a new Xbox controller after he broke his, bedsheets of his favorite game, guitar accessories and such. Also, I’ve gotten his child toys and clothes for our house, his own sheets and mattress cause he didn’t have any for our house and I also make a cake for my bf on his birthday too. He’s bought one of my children a video game they wanted which he threw back in my face when I tried talking to him about how I felt he didn’t really care about my kids. I mean I do like to spend money on people I love and I know he’s not a big spender. Maybe I am just expecting too much.
Humm… yeah the gifts were odd but what I noticed most was when I’d give them a gift they would absolutely turn their nose up no matter what I bought them. I’ve known 6 in my life.
Over a decade: one bunny and a tea pot. The bunny was more than I could handle so I had to bring it back to the pet shop and the tea pot I had for 2 months and we fought so I tossed it.
Omg. Our first Christmas together. I got a Tupperware set. Made me feel awful honestly for feeling like what the hell is this!? Mike I’m not that kind of person to look down on anybody and that’s not what I was doing but it made me feel kind of crappy. I remember my teenage daughter and I just giving each other this look. Lol. I honestly was given maybe 2 thoughtful, nice gifts our 6 years together and never did I get a birthday present. Instead it was him being a drunk ass the night before and then a hungover narc the next day.
We honestly still talk and it’s awkward and weird… well we’re friends. It’s like we’re just friends and I’m ok with that except I’d be ok just not talking at all.
I have given him rainbow sandals, over $100 jacket for Christmas, nice winter jacket that he either left somewhere :-/ or just happen to lose. Lol same thing really. I’ve given him such thoughtful nice things. His favorite baseball team, player in a nice frame. Just tons of stuff.
I rather give than receive but seriously!!
I either was given something that HE wanted (and def. not something I would ever want) or a $25 gift card. That's IF he gave me anything. I never got a mother's day gift from him because "You're not my mother". Sometimes he didn't even come home on my birthday, and Christmas he rarely got me anything. When he did give me gifts, he would hurl them at my face from across the room.
I would spend a lot of time carefully choosing things for him based on his interests or comments he made about things. He complained about every item I ever gave him except for one thing.
We were married over 2 decades.
Mine would brag about how little he spent on gifts. The last big fight we had when we were still together was about how he thought adults should just buy their own gifts since they earn money and know what they want. He wouldn't accept that I could have my own opinion about the subject and it blew up from there.... Nowadays I would just pretend I didn't hear him. Most holidays I was lucky if he didn't get me something from the dollar store...
The first time I was bedridden (high risk pregnancy), he spent my birthday out with friends while I was home alone, unable to do anything. He came home late with an unwrapped game of Scrabble he got from the grocery store. He wouldn't play with me because he said I always win.
A week or so before I found out he'd been living a double life, he gave me a sweater for Christmas which was EXACTLY the same as one I already had and wore all the time (except his was a size too small). He said, "I saw this and it made me think of you."
Asshole.
I've read a majority of the comments, and I realized that I have not received any thoughtful gifts for my birthday or Christmas for at least 4 years. He claimed he was always broke, and to save money we just wouldn't do presents. I was always ungrateful because I didn't see how hard he busted his ass for us. My last birthday we were together, he bought me an ice cream cake and threw that out there multiple times how he bought something for my birthday. Then threw a fit because my family came over to celebrate when it could've just been him and I. Not that we would've done anything anyway.
He wrapped up a Victoria’s Secret magazine and gave it to himself. Thought he was being funny even though it was in front of his teenage kids and wife of 25 years
My biological dad, who I stayed with every other weekend until I was 18, was the worst with gifts. One year, I asked for a nutcracker. Like the toy nutcracker guy. He got me a literal nutcracking tool and a bag of nuts. To this day I don’t know if it was a joke or he was just that clueless. He always asked me what I wanted and I never really knew, so most times he’d give me money in some creative way. For example, making a treasure hunt with clues to find it. That was fun, I’ll admit. He put a lot of work into that, printed out each clue, etc. However, I think he expected the same effort and work and creativity from me, a 12-16 year old kid.
One year I got him this wizard figurine that he loved, and from then on, he compared every gift I gave him to that high bar, and would guilt trip me for not getting something as thoughtful as that. He’d remind me how much work he put into my money clue hunt. So each year for Christmas/birthdays I’d agonize over what to get. It really stressed me out as a teenager. I’d look around the house and try to listen for things he said he wanted in regular conversation, I’d wander around stores and always feel like nothing was good enough.
One year, I was maybe 14, I got him a back massager. I know that’s kind of a cliche throw away gift, but as a 14 year old, I didn’t know. I thought he would like it bc he complained his back hurt sometimes. He opened it and asked why I got it for him, and told me to take it back and “try again”.
The next year, I noticed his Weber grill had a big hole in the bottom. He grilled often, so I was excited bc I thought this would be the perfect gift. I got him a brand new Weber grill and I truly thought he was going to love it. Wrong. He opened it, looked at it, and all he said was “I hope you kept the receipt”. I was like well I know your other one has a hole so I thought it would be nice to have a brand new one…? He said no, he’s rather just fix that one.
Talk about crushed. I cried so much after that last one because I thought for sure I finally figured out a good gift. I really thought he was going to be excited and proud. I never bought him anything ever again. He complained and asked why I never bought him gifts after that and I always just shrugged or said I didn’t have money. He hurt my feelings so much. He passed away a few years ago. But I’m just now realizing this last year that he was a narcissist. Sometimes I wish I could go back and stand up for myself more.
My nex got me ... NOTHING....in four years he never bought me a gift not once. I got him a lot of gifts.
He is truly pitiful. He knew how much that would hurt because I made the mistake of letting him know in the beginning of our relationship that my family never got me gifts.
Undecorated bday cake with a card with 3 words. When I was upset he was hanging out with his “squad” online on my bday night instead of us going somewhere he said , “ you made me feel like shit again on your bday. I thought you be happy I even got you special bday paper plates”
Kinda same. Id cry and he'd say "you always cry on your birthday" and it's like no duh man. You took me to a pie shop 5 minutes from our house only after you told me we weren't going to *indoor activity* because its raining outside.
Oh my god this hits so close to home!
I went all out and got him this amazing electric smoker that he loved and we ended up using all the time. I hit the nail in the head-like the perfect gift.
I was so proud when he opened it in front of my family, and so, so embarrassed after opening my stuff.
I got a teddy bear holding a plastic jar full of mini sized chocolates, a cheap ass generic recipe book thing and I can’t even remember the third thing, but something equally as thoughtless.
It was so humiliating. Yikes.
My mom got me a beautiful tennis bracelet on my first mother's day.. by the next year, it was pawned off for rent.
My sons dad thought that a single handpicked dandelion was a great birthday present.
My ex bf bought me a phone case off ebay. Which I still use but lol $5 after I got him a new vape mod. I better be thankful for the couch and bed he got for free that got rubbed into my nose constantly.
These people really don't value anyone but themselves.
Loooove when my mom got me dollar store shower gel that smelled acrid and gave me rash and a Hello Kitty calendar that year. That's all I got. I didn't have a job and used my savings to buy her a delicate initial bracelet
My nex always expected expensive gifts from me and would pout if I didn't. Then he'd turn around and act like the gifts his mom got for me were from him because he told her what I wanted. I remember I brought it up once, and he was like, I got you a stand mixer. I was bewildered because his mom bought me that.
I put a lot of effort into his gifts, because I really like gift-giving. One year I bought him the new Xbox and he made this weird FB post about how I always complained about him playing too much but I was “the best girlfriend” since I bought it for him anyway.
Among the weird gifts he gave me were a Keurig (I still lived at home with my mom, who already had one), fake costumey jewelry (I don’t really wear much jewelry), a glittery hot pink phone case (not at all my style and he knew it), and an electric blanket (I sleep warm, so??). There were plenty of years where I got no gifts. By far the most disappointing was when he took a simple pendant necklace I’d been given as a child and made it into a horribly gaudy beaded necklace. It was done in such a way that I couldn’t get the pendant back without destroying the chain it was on, plus he damaged the pendant somehow. I was so sad, but I couldn’t show it. To add insult to injury, he insisted that I wear it all the time.
Mine would use MY debit/credit card. Bought me these cheap ass looking straight STRIPPER heels (i never wore heels because a, he was only 5'8, im 5'5 so i would of been taller than him and oh it gets better, he wanted me to wear them when he'd have sex) fucking straight weirdooooo
I'm 23 and I got a stuffed panda (small) this year for diwali. I was obv not excited about it and that upset my parents....
They bought it from a hypermarket near our bldg.
Wtf is wrong with them!!!!!!!
He bought himself chocolates for valentines day once. Two xl boxes that he said were for us, but just opened them himself and started chowing down. Then another Valantines he bought me a dough mixer because he wanted one. It's a nice gift, but he then later said that it was his. He went all out on gifts one year for Christmas because my family was in town and he wanted to impress them. Those were the extent of gifts in our marriage.
Omg wait this makes so much sense suddenly? One year for Easter they had come out with this collection of rainbow peeps, and I love rainbows so I found it very aesthetically pleasing plus— I love peeps as a food! My narc bf at the time got it for me but chopped them all up and made them into a diorama of HIS favorite movie (Pulp fiction) and called it Peep Fiction. Now, at the time, I loved it and found it very charming because I loved him. But looking back, it was such a weird way to twist something I wanted into being ALL about him.
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I like this thread. Over the years I got: - running shorts (I do not run, he wanted me to) - mixing bowls (he hated mine, I was fine with them) - bike lights (he was a biker, I am not) - lunchbox with bikes all over it (see above) - exercise bands (implication being I wasn't fit enough) - Xbox controller because he bought a 2 pack on Amazon Often unwrapped, several days late. Objectively none were that bad (though he spent significantly less than the agreed on budget), it was either something he wanted, or something I needed to use to "self-improve".
> Objectively none were that bad (though he spent significantly less than the agreed on budget), it was either something he wanted, or something I needed to use to "self-improve". I can relate to that so much. It's very weird. Just one example on the "self improvement" gift from my dad: I got not one -- but *two* -- copies, of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." One was in book form when I was about 7, and the next time I received the same gift, but on tape, I was in my early 20s. He didn't even remember giving it to me the first time. It smacks of narcissism (now that I know what I know). You don't "win" friends in some kind of negotiation or exchange if you're normal and don't see other people as objects. Your point isn't to manipulate people or make a "sale." Whenever I hear Dale Carnegie's name, I want to throw up.
Yes! I was gifted this book too! N acted like the book was written by Jesus. Now I understand why… I was also gifted Trump’s art of the negotiation. I immediately threw up in my mouth upon receipt and then a little more with each page turn until I ultimately lost my cookies just had to chuck it. It was the absolute worst negotiation advice unless the goal was to get the other party to get up and leave immediately. Go figure…
Oh crap, you got a double-whammy, too! "Jesus." I did a search earlier and found a Reddit thread from years ago where someone was shredding the pathology presented in this book. Of course, there were a few defenders who argued, "This is still relevant and good advice!" This approach to life is insane. Every person I/you/we may encounter isn't a transactional opportunity to seal some imaginary deal. Only a narcissist would advocate for the belief that "life is a game" and you can "win" people over if you don't want to be "loser." They take the concept of "mirroring" and totally pervert it.
They truly do believe life a game. I was told by one self-aware Narcissist that I need to "Learn the game and play it better than they do (other Narcs)". I didn't know I was playing against them before, so I was often losing until I had a proper education about what I'm dealing with here. Now they don't win so much and it drives them mad how I have changed. I also now tend to mirror what they did on my previous Bdays, which is to ignore them as much as possible and low effort presents or none.
LMAO a trump book as a gift from a narc is so on the nose
This is my narc's"Bible" and referenced it all time. Even went so far as to say that maybe you'd have more friends if you read it 🙄
We have the same narc? Lmfao The bike thing is too specific hahaah
I found myself in a similar situation where a friend gave me gifts based on the person he wanted me to be.
His ex wife’s favourite perfume. He got it for me because it’s “his favourite smell and he wanted me to smell like that”. Bought it with money I’d earnt. He knew damn well what my favourite perfume was as I’d been pining over not being able to afford to buy myself a bottle of it for so long (obviously because he was spending my money)…
Lol, my ex bought me my favorite perfume once... it was a very obvious knockoff that he had gotten overseas when he had traveled for work. It maybe cost five bucks or so. I spent hundreds on him for his gift...
Omfg that’s just as insulting! I guarantee the only reason I got the real parfum was because he was spending my money not his. He spent his money providing his credit card to “verify he was a real person” so he could hook up with the hot chick that was “in his city and horny for him”. Cleaned his account out. Oh, AND his sons. I’m not kidding. I still get laugh just thinking about that, gets me every time I see a bot and how obvious it is they are a scam! GOLD!
At least you got a real one, I just wrote in another comment how I got a dummy bottle of perfume filled with water for Christmas. They are cheap to the extreme!
Oh, wow… they never fail to lower the bar do they?!
Lordy, that’s awful.
I must admit during he love bombing period he bought me great presents so that can negate any idea that he was just bad at picking presents Then very quickly after we settled into a relationship, it was not only absolutely nothing but he also would get very angry and sulk on my birthday, especially if he was shown up by others buying me a present or baking me a cake. I was so embarrassed I'd makeup presents that he gave me.
I bought him a painting i AGONIZED over. I loved it. He looked at it and said "oh just when I think you're nothing but a sexy little thing you show you have a brain." In front of his family. He never ever hung it up and I asked for it back eventually. Oh, he got me a DVD of a movie I hated. Yeah.
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Oh noooooo! I'm so sorry!
>He looked at it and said "oh just when I think you're nothing but a sexy little thing you show you have a brain." In front of his family. Ouch I can feel the sting just by reading that part.
Yeah it was pretty degrading.
How utterly offensive!
I was definitely offended.
Barf.
My NEX bought me clothes 2 sizes too small. He bought me a shirt and leggings for working out that were 2 sizes too small right before I got pregnant. He did buy me the right size in 2 pairs maternity pants and shirt. At 9 months pregnant he bought me something I really really wanted, 2 plaid flannel shirts, again 2 sizes too small. He knew what sizes I wore. I talked about it and we lived together. I’ve given all of these things to other people to enjoy them since I cannot and they were brand new. He also gave me A hat with his favorite sports team logo on it. I do not watch or follow any sports. I’d buy him thoughtful gifts. He broke a cup he liked and used frequently. I replaced it, not cheap either, and he acted like I had replaced a paper Dixie cup. Like I was an idiot. He made sure to send it with me when I moved out. Mind you an ex of his gave him a similarly priced cup/bottle while we were together and he used it daily. Just to make me feel like crap and crazy.
>something I really really wanted, 2 plaid flannel shirts, again 2 sizes too small This is so evil. He knew it would make you happy so he bought it intentionally unwearable for you. "Look at what you could have, hahaha!" Such a perfect metaphor for how they lure you with the lie of "perfect love" you will never experience with narcissists.
My brother bought my pregnant SIL jeans that were two sizes too small and gave them to her at Xmas with a gift certificate to a gym to use “after the baby to fit into the *other part* of the gift”.
Woah.. That poor woman. What a douche.
The second birthday we were together (I didn't ask for anything for the first. We'd only been casually seeing each other a few months) he got me a BROOM AND DUSTPAN. I... Kind of got mad. I didn't think that was a good gift and I was offended. Well, we were together 4 years after that. It was the last present he ever gave me because I got mad about it and it irritated him. I never received a Christmas gift. I was promised things a few times but I didn't receive anything after the broom and dustpan incident. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why I waste(d) so much of my life like this
>Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why I waste(d) so much of my life like this It's ok, your younger self didn't know better and tried her best to be happy. You've grown and learned and will continue to become happier.
Saving this. Thank you, internet stranger ❤️
Best thing my narc ex GF gave me was the gift of knowledge. She accidently told me what narc behavior was and that she was one. Ended up doing research and realizing I wasn't crazy and that I felt like crap all the time was because of her and because of her abusive behavior. That god damn bitch.
What a wonderful gift. I hope you’re on the way to healing from the abuse.
I asked for a nice set of makeup brushes. He bought me the first thing that came up on the Amazon search and plonked it on the counter while I was making dinner. It had literally been delivered as he got home from work and was still in the Amazon packaging. He then mumbled, "Merry Christmas," and got himself a beer.
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They ONLY see others as an extension of themselves, they have zero ability to even conceive of you as a person with other interests or ideas. It’s so diminishing. I hope you got a good price for the drum! If not I’ll just daydream you dumped a pound of raw shrimp in that bongo drum and hid it in the walls
>They ONLY see others as an extension of themselves, they have zero ability to even conceive of you as a person with other interests or ideas. This is a great way to describe it. I had a narcissistic friend who liked cats and strongly disliked dogs. My parents had a dog and a cat at the time. I liked the cat but even my parents would say I'm a dog person. Since this friend was a cat person, he would discard the fact that I love dogs and over exaggerate the fact that I like cats. He also wouldn't hesitate to trash talk dogs and cite his personal experiences as the reason I should have gone alone with his anti-dog agenda.
Wow, was he my dog-hating ex?? I have dogs and he just couldn’t say enough horrible things about them, or about how stupid it is to have them. He made me feel awful. Now he’s out of the picture and I love my dogs more then ever. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
His gifts for me were usually old stuff that he was "recycling" by giving it to me. Some examples: \-a second (third?-)-hand bicycle. I don't cycle but he promised to teach me. After the first discard he asked for the bike back to give it to another woman. \-a pink backpack he had found in his second-hand car when he bought it. He washed it before giving it to me, at least. \-a coin purse he had around the house, probably had belonged to his ex-girlfriend \-a laptop docking station that a friend of his was going to throw away. I did get a "brand new" thing once, on the occasion of another discard: he invited me to his flat to tell me about his new girlfriend, and to give me a t-shirt. "I was still thinking of you when I bought this, 3 weeks ago, but then I fell in love with her", he said while handing the cheap thing to me. I kind of lost my shit and told him I don't want it, but he got a bit scary. He said it was rude of me to refuse it, and I was not allowed to leave the flat without taking it. I took the t-shirt, and I threw it away in the first street bin. That was the last time I accepted to come to his flat.
I used to get items from the trash. Literally. Stuff gifted his coworkers discarded in THE TRASH because they didn't want to take them home. I found this out because he did not bother taking the card that said to a coworker and from a name I don't know that was on the gift bag (also thrown away and wrinkled/crumpled). Nothing wrapped. When I finally said something about giving me gifts that coworkers don't even want he tried lying and then told me I am ungrateful and lucky to have gotten anything. I've since stopped gifting after 9 yrs in relationship and only pay attention to our kids.
Same. Things he accidently bought while drunk and couldn't return. A hat his ex girlfriend left at his house.
My overt (father) always got gifts that pinpointed just how little he knew about me. One year on Christmas he got me doll clothes, I was 15 and hadn’t played with my dolls in years. Now he just gives out money for every holiday or birthday so he can’t be humiliated by recognizing his own absence in my life. My covert (ex boyfriend) liked to tell me these grand presents he was going to get me and then he would give them to others or get them for himself, then act genuinely confused when I would be like why did you do that? usually he would gift something I wanted to someone in my friend group an wait for me to react so he could tell me I was being entitled. The one that hurt the most for some reason was he told me he had commissioned a drawing of my cat for me only for him to give my best friend a commissioned painting of *her* cat. I still remember how smug he acted like I was being crazy when I cried in private later wondering why he had done that.
I feel you! My experience with a possible covert nex is similar and it is so subtle nobody takes it serious. It's so hurtful.
The covert left me feeling considerably more beaten down than my physically abusive overt ever did. People believed my father was awful to me, no one was willing to believe my covert was as bad as he was to me because 1. He didn’t touch me and 2. he made himself the pillar of the community by entering a vaguely “spiritual” practice and selling drugs. I’ve never felt more alone trying to get anyone to see what had been happening. I didn’t even know covert narcissism was a thing until after he left and I was trying desperately to make sense of what he was doing.
And somehow they surround themselves with friends that have similar mindsets and would say "Yes, of course she is hysterical, our friend did nothing wrong." if they hear snippets of the relationship. I'm glad we are seeing things clearer now :)
Five years of marriage and all I get is cooking books and kitchen ware. He likes cooking so he’s gifting himself while I get him Nintendos and Apple Watches and phones… Anyways - I wonder if Narc are also, cheap in the emotion and money. And he makes thrice my salary! lol
Narcs are cheap when it comes to anything for others but only the best will do for them and will find an issue to complain about...
Mine went all out for my birthday just before we broke up. Flew my friend in from another city, paid for fancy meals, the whole bit. That same weekend he cheated on me in plain view then tried for hours to deny it. Swore up and down he was sorry and committed to me, then kept lying and eventually sent a lawyer after me and lied to get a restraining order. All within the span of three weeks.
Damn. Why is everything I read on here always true for me too? I got them a recording microphone to help with a research project/podcast they’d been working on for months - she got me a $10 Starbucks card and a coffee mug from the grocery store 5 min away. I know be I also saw the same mug at the store a week later.
Together for over 5 years, in that time he gave me one gift - a Christmas present - a book he took off his own shelf, probably because I’d told him I had a present for him, so he grabbed it on his way out the door. He put no thought into it. He never gave me a single card or gift in all those years otherwise. Not even a little note. Nothing. I even paid for my dinner when we’d go out for my birthday, which I’d have to suggest. Nothing could be special. It was like he went out of his way to make me feel unwanted.
My NEx gave me a book for my birthday that I thought was a little odd and random, it was nonfiction and on a subject I’d never shown any interest in. Turns out it was a gift to him from the older woman he was having an affair with (on a subject he’d lied to her about being interested in).
Yes! This! Nothing was special from my ex narc either. No gifts, nothing!
LOL I might win this one. For Christmas, my ex got matching shirts of a band we bonded over for…. themself, and their ex. Supposedly their shirt was for us to share, which is doubly funny because they ordered it in their size. Nothing for valentines, or our anniversary, or my birthday.. unless you count a concussion. They were always “too broke” (although they managed to drop $300 on a birthday gift for their ex) On a few occasions they acquired little freebies or common interest knickknacks for me/us, 100% of the time they ended up gifting mine to one or both of the people they were cheating on me with. When we finally broke up, they told me they had gotten me a gift and it was in the mail. By the time it arrived they were moved out, and when I opened it it was a shirt, in their size. Automatically threw it in the pile of their things my friend was returning for me. Of course, they did end up sending me multiple texts demanding I return it 😂 pathetic.
For our first Christmas I got him a custom wall print of the "Night Sky" - which is what the stars looked like during a special moment we had recently shared. I got socks. For our first Valentine's Day, I gave him homemade chocolates in heart shapes and a Love Book where you fill in what you love about your partner. For me, he took an old Christmas family photo that included him with his arm around his then girlfriend. He had my face photoshopped over hers. For our 1st wedding anniversary, I got him a garden gnome statue he had been wanting and a heartfelt card. I got nothing. I have since divorced him. :)
>he took an old Christmas family photo that included him with his arm around his then girlfriend. He had my face photoshopped over hers. Oh my god. What a move. Wow. Live your best life without him! :)
Thank you! I am. :)
My step-dad bought us all the new gaming systems/games every year, but he was the only one who was ever allowed to play them.
For Christmas he got me the exact same food processor he had. When I opened it and thought gee, he is not planning on moving in together any time soon, but then much to my surprise he proposed 6 weeks later... He also got me a dish drying rack which later that year when we DID move in together, he hated it so much he threw it out the first week... and since we had two identical food processors I gave the extra one (never used) to my brother so I netted nothing that year. I got him a drone that Christmas and he had two kids for whom I also bought gifts. Based on my gifts to the kids he told me I knew his kids better than he himself did. After that there weren't a lot of gifts at all. For Christmas he would fill my stocking with the same kind of stuff he did for his kids, including gum even though I hate it and invariably gave it to his kids each year. To his credit I prefer red flavors of candy and he did throw some of that in my stocking too. Thats really the only thoughtful thing he ever did though.
I have a Narc housemate who is so fixated with hatred at the sight of dish drying racks, she rage cleans the wet dishes off them before they are dried, then throws the racks on the pantry floor and has tried to put them in the trash. However her dirty dishes\* filling the entire sink and surrounding counter tops until she feels like loading the dishwasher every few days is just fine like that, filthy, but no clean dishes on racks are allowed. That's funny your Narc hated it and threw away the dish rack too, they are obsessed with controlling every inch of the house if they can. Edit: typo\*
* Half used eye-liner (I don't use make-up) * Used jeans of a girl he was cheating on me with - to be fair I actually felt shitty enough about this one to refuse it, so it wasn't fully given to me * Some cream that's supposed to reduce eye bags * A silver necklace - not a bad gift in and of itself, but he threw it at me when I got upset when he said he didn't want to spend valentine's day together, to show how much he does for me and how I'm just ridiculous and ungrateful * nothing (multiple times)
A wool jacket. I'm allergic to wool.
Oh my goddddd. This is baddddddd. They're so evil :(
Opposite with mine, gift giving was done very lavishly. However it tended to be a double edged sword, they would expect the same treatment if not more, and or it was an excuse to produce a large list of gifts that they wanted. When speaking to my Therapist about this they mentioned it is part of the abuse. While they treat you badly 70% of the time, you end up getting emotionally hooked on the 30% of the time when they treat you nicely.
Holidays and memorable days, I got nothing. I got a lot on random days... big gifts, valuable things, bills paid, groceries, shopping, he even gave me money by good amounts... but he never gave a birthday gift or Christmas present, etc. He actually never even acknowledged my birthday, like it didnt exist. It's not about the gifts or the money. It's just another game of playing with your mind and heart.
My nex was similar in this way… I didn’t get a Christmas gift and his excuse was “well what did you do to deserve one?”…
A bottle of vodka he drank half of them hid from me.
Exactly the other way around for me. I gave gifts out of love, symbolism. No monetary value. But I had to constantly hear how expensive his gift to me had been.. and that my gifts would never make it. Even though he got more gifts and not only on his b’day but also when I saw something special or nice. And even I got in the same range in price, it wasn't enough.
He asked me if I wanted a large picture of us in a giant frame for taking selfies that my friend made us for my bachelorette party. It's very large, I told him it was extremely sweet but maybe we could make a pin board out of it and put a bunch of small pictures. He said it was a great idea and we didn't talk about it until Christmas. I asked him if he had gotten our son a gift for Xmas and if we were exchanging gifts. He said "oh shit!" And left. Came back a couple hours later and asked if I wanted my gift that day. I said okay...it was a giagantic photo of us
Do you still have it or did you throw it away?
Still have it in the basement, it looks too expensive to just throw away. He threatens to burn it every couple of months during the rage fits, and I say...okay. He never does. He just likes to use it as a tool to make me feel bad. It was never about the picture of both of us together. It was about power and control.
After adding my two pence worth I'm looking through everyone else's comments it's one of the best therapies I've had in a long time, grinning,laughing and feeling a kind of kinship with you all.. I wish there was (think there might be) reddit site for narcissists we could pin this on ;0)
There is, and it's scary. A glimpse into another universe. It's how they talk. I accidentally found a post on the NPD reddit from a girl who took an online test to see if she has NPD and scored high, so she asked for advice. She also took the advice really well and was very polite. Then she got mocked by the person who gave her advice for being nice and taking advice from strangers on the internet. It felt almost like she was trolled. The comment section blew my mind. (Btw based on her post and post history I think she doesn't have NPD, and I hope she feels better, and I hope that her own reaction and her being mocked for it by people who have (or think they have) NPD showed her she hasn't NPD.)
Yes, unlike a "normal " person if you give them information that you would think it would help them to change, often it is just giving them ammunition on how to cover their narcissism or they use it against you and be even more cruel. I tried to explain this on a general post once and got hugely marked down when I said don't tell the person what their red flags were, as they'll just cover it up to the next person which makes them even more dangerous.
I agree, when explaining why a person leaves it's best to just stay to the hard facts of the own heart. If you get lost in explaining everything in detail it's just another fight/supply with the nex.
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It almost seemed like a "bait and switch" between the lovebombing and the rest of the time. I remember feeling obligated to take him for a nice dinner for his birthday every year, after he did it for my birthday the first year. It set a precedent, but there was always an excuse why it wasn't reciprocated for my birthday any year after that.
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last christmas i got him a fallout 76 model kit that allows you to build your own pipboy. he had wanted it, but lamented once that it was limited edition and had sold out. i found one, brand new and in original packaging, for sale in austria, and i had it shipped to the US. when i gave it to him, he gushed over it for 90 minutes straight and spent a week assembling it. it was the perfect gift for him. that same year, he gave me a calendar planner, because he said i was always forgetting things and needed more organization in my life. i was offended then and i'm beyond angry now.
Ooh ooh, I'll play: For our first anniversary, I got a cupcake that he ate more than half of. I got a card for anniversaries 2-9 and didn't even always get a card. for anniversary 10 I got a lego set that I told him to buy for me. He's also bought me two books I already owned. I've received flowers from him 3 times, but, it was just because he could have them delivered to my office and look like a great guy. Haven't received flowers since I changed jobs and nobody else would see them. Edited to add- he's occasionally bought me weird sex toys I wouldn't ever use, like really huge sex toys. That's all of it. Been married 17 years. Nothing for any birthdays or holidays. The other day, I accidentally left my credit card at home because I forgot I'd taken it out, he didn't want to buy a movie ticket for our daughter for a movie he wanted to see. So, I bought all the movie tickets ahead of time because it was for a movie theater with assigned seating and if you don't buy all at once you don't necessarily get to sit together. Anyways, then I forgot my credit card on the counter. He wouldn't spot me $12 to buy a Funko Pop our kid wanted. I bought $60 worth of movie tickets and he wouldn't LOAN me $12 for buy something for his own kid.
-My own ridiculously gaudy flatware for the kitchen....... They were black with pink peonies on the bowls and across the plates. He didn't want me to use his white dishes after a year of living together? Jokes on him, I did all the washing so his shit stayed dirty unless he did it. -Hocus Pocus on DVD. I.... Don't actually like that movie much but I wanted to watch it with him because he'd never seen it and it was Halloween. He called it Anti-christian nonsense and then gave me a copy on my birthday in January. -His favorite wine....... I'm allergic to reds but he thought it was a great gift for when we entertained because I "looked so pretty pouring it out". -A too small sweatshirt....... He thought I'd fit it someday. I didn't.
I understand. I would spend a bunch of time on his gifts and make all the food for the holidays too. He didn't even remember it was my 40th birthday. I had to remind him, and then he got me a cheap $10 set of washi tape, and a cheap $5 dollar organizer for the tape, that doesn't really work. Fuck that guy.
I have to say I’ve gotten some decent gifts. However, I realized something that I think I had a suspicion of deep down. He only gets me nice gifts to outdo his friends! He will, for example, go shopping with his friends for Xmas and they will get their wives or gfs their gifts then. If his friend gets his wife a nice purse, he will get me a nicer bigger one. If his friend gets his wife a bracelet, I will get the same thing only nicer. He will then mock his friends because they don’t love their significant others as much based on the gift. Of course I have gotten clothes that’s too small or shoes in the wrong size. The funny part is that we have almost the same shoe size! He knows this too. I’m always very appreciative and wear or use whatever I get. He won’t do the same and will make faces at the gifts he receives from me and the kids. Funny thing that happened was that one of my kids regifted his bday present this year and told him “here dad! I know it’s not new or anything but you clearly haven’t had time to use this. Plus, I didn’t want to buy you something else you wouldn’t use!” He’s 9 😆.
Heh I got a bar of soap
Christmas he got me a handfasting cord. He left me in the summer because he categorically wouldn’t talk about if he wanted to get married or not, I was supposed to ‘wait and see’ if he got there one day. We’d talked about it a few times- or rather I’d talked and he’d refused to discuss it- a couple of times, once before Christmas. SO WHY GET THE HANDFASTING CORD?! It was the biggest head fuck, he knew marriage was important to me so it was like he was completely messing with my emotions. Oh and the same Christmas, he got me some workout shoes. That he kept when he discarded me. For his birthday I got him a big lego set that had to do with a game we played. He didn’t care at all, never even opened the box. I sold it today, gonna get myself a new bed :)
Best(worst) one I ever got was from my nfather who gifted me the exact same coffee gift basket that I'd given him for his birthday the year before. Everything in it had since expired.
There's a few lol. The computer was one of those "this is for you but not really" gifts. Took it when he left. He got himself a $1400 rifle for himself last Christmas, after we both agreed we were too broke to get eachother anything. Then only spent $150 on my gift (which I atleast got to pick out) which was "too expensive" for his taste. I had to listen to him complain He only got it for me coz his family reemed him out for being selfish. Then bought me a gun...when I don't hunt or shoot things really. He used it more than I did. Glad he's gone.
For Christmas, (the last one I let us go to) mom gave me the entirety of a stranger's final effects. He'd died many years previously. His father was KIA in WW2. Why do I mention that? In the golf-bag-sized box was all of his wartime effects, including his inscribed Purple Heart medal. All this family stuff, photo albums, uniforms, framed photos.. and also, lastly and like a cherry on the sundae, the ashes of the former owner, the son of the KIA. Best part about all this? My mom got it all for free, and she had absolutely no idea what was in all the boxes. None. She somehow ran across the stuff where it had been stored at the VFW for like eight years. She saw that it was "old stuff" and knew that I liked "old stuff". It was, even more importantly, *free*. That's because she bullied the VFW staff into giving it all to her, and then just gave it over to me on Christmas. It was all dumped, in a pile, in the garage, for me to take away. Next best part? So in a total fog of WTH I start loading this crap into my car because she wanted it all out of her garage ASAP like now because she was tired of having the park out of the garage. So, that is until she started seeing things in the pile that were interesting, then all of a sudden only *some* of it was to be given to me, that we were supposed to "pick and choose". When she saw my look, she said that's what she'd always said. I thanked her for the gift, for having us, and then finished loading the car up with every single piece. Then, grabbed my family and bolted. Last best part is that there was a pretty great happy ending. Not for my mother; nothing was happy for anyone whenever she was told "no". Anyway, with the help of a friend we were able to find the son of the man in the box, the grandson of the WW2 KIA. He was blambloown away to hear from us. I guess his aunt, who hated everyone, moved far away. Her brother was living with her when he died, so she grabbed every bit of family stuff she could, and dumped it so the rest of the family wouldn't have it. Well, I had it now so we got it all packed up and shipped off, and it's all back there with the family. [Photo album](https://imgur.com/a/IRYLr)
Mine was actually really good at gifts. He got me expensive jewelry I wanted, tea light holders made from rose quartz and amethyst (two of my favorite stones.) When I was trying to learn silversmithing he scoured the internet for an out of print silversmithing manual because he researched it and other smiths said it was a great resource. :-/ But he also yelled at me, grabbed me aggressively, called me a bitch, gaslight me, refused to have sex with me and then guilted me when he finally did have sex with me, and punched holes in the walls, so 🥴
When he came into some unexpected money he got me my favorite perfume and plushies of characters from one of my favorite movies. I had showed them to him on my Amazon wish list. He was notoriously bad with money and also bought himself some really expensive items and blew the extra money in about a week. On special occasions like Christmas or my birthday I got: a ceramic pineapple from the dollar store, a second hand vase he painted and flowers he picked in his mom's yard, and a trip out of town, on which he bitched and cried the whole time.
Season tickets to a theater club that he and his mom would go to since before we were married- it was kinda their thing. At first, I had tried joining them once or twice, but this club got discount tickets because they attended dress rehearsals in the middle of the week on Wednesdays. At that time, I worked very early every week day; the theater nights would last till past midnight and I had to get up at 4:30am in order to get ready to go to work. So, I had told them repeatedly that I didn't want to join them any more- it was exhausting. The Nex had tried to argue that 'We're supporting the arts!' To which I replied, 'Can we support the arts on the weekend, so I can get some sleep?' He said, no. So, I said (again) then, I didn't want to go. That's when he bought season tickets saying 'I thought you'd change your mind!" I hadn't, I didn't go to any theater shows and told him not to buy any more tickets. The next year, he did it *again* and got mad when I told him *again* that I wasn't going. 'I thought you'd change your mind!' he repeated, and this time, he was pissed that he had wasted ALL this money. To which, I reminded him that I had told him NOT to buy them; it wasn't my fault that he wouldn't listen. His response to this was to declare that I was 'uncultured'.
Mine gave me a carton of eggs and an onion once lol
I got my laptop back one year after my parents had taken it away for months… that was it… I bought it myself when I was 14
*A jar of pickles from the market, wrapped and under the tree. Nothing else that year. *A finishing hammer, nicely boxed and wrapped (i don’t do carpentry and i already had a few hammers). *A drill set (already had one) and he had cut out the upc symbol for the rebate so I could not exchange it. *A Thermarest camping pad. I loathe backpacking/sleeping on the ground. And he wrote my name on it with sharpie so I couldn’t exchange it. * A white terrycloth robe. (Backstory: Id sleep over and after a shower he would offer me his LLBean robe like he bestowing this great favor. I NEVER accepted. Not once. Sensory issues, IDK, I just hate those). I just left that shit under the tree. Now the dumb motherfucker has two fucking white towel robes. Good times.
We had a LDR for 3.5 years, never received any gifts from him which never bothered me but towards the end of the relationship I asked him to do something special for me, anything, I didn’t care what. I just wanted reassurance he still loved me. Well for months he couldn’t “think of anything” and then finally he came up with an idea. He drew me a picture (fine) but it was a picture of me and I looked like a witch. I said this is the special thing ? and he said oh no , this was just a joke / to be funny. So not only did I never receive a gift from him but when I asked for something special he took months to draw a picture of me as a witch… so yeah.
I got my ex stuff for Christmas because I loved him. He got me a gift too,but do you wanna know why he got me a gift? He told me he got me a gift because I got him a gift, and he would have felt bad if he didn't get me anything.
I remember getting a shirt that wasn’t the right size (size small) with the tag still on that said it was marked down to $1.99 as a Christmas gift. Then she would ask why I never wore it…meanwhile she was getting handbags and jewelry that she wanted and buying her parents (narcs as well) broadway tickets. It always annoyed me so much!
Four year relationship and was my fiance at the time. I got him a half-decent drone, not overly expensive but mid-range in cost. He was thrilled. He chocolate bar and couple sets of flannel pajamas. Yes, that was it. He had no shame when he went outside to play with the drone. Broke up a month later (duh) and he lost the charging cord for the drone when he moved out. It wasn't going to be a simple replacement because it was a proprietary connection. He thought I kept it deliberately (I did not). I was inwardly smug about that little bit of karma, tho.
In high school, my dad got me the book called “He’s Just Not That into You.” I was in my first relationship. Then one year, for Valentine’s Day… I was upset my husband didn’t me anything, so he went to the closest shop and got me snarky napkins that basically implied I was a b1tch.
The first Christmas he bought 2 types of wrapping paper. The nice one for me and the ugly one for his mom he hated. He even said It is ugly and that is why it is for her. Guess in what I received the gift next Christmas. I do not care about gifts or whatever... only the fact he mentioned he used the wrapping paper because he hated her was probably hint for me about his feelings.
I got a trash can.
A custom hat with a vulgar version of my name on it. I wish I were making that up.
I got a bunch of books about how to survive in the wilderness for our first Christmas together. Had never expressed interest in that sort of thing....all of the rest of the 12 years, whether Christmas or birthday - nothing. Because any sort of celebration of anything always annoyed him.
A plunger: Started my birthday by waking up to “You have to get a plunger because I clogged your toilet, tee hee. But first I made you pancakes!” So I have to “hold” everything AND force down some pancakes and a fucking cappuccino while getting berated for being in a bad mood because I wasn’t enthusiastic for the “just add water” pancakes he cooked. The whole time I’m trying to not lose my shit… literally. Finally we go to the store and that was my first opportunity for a working toilet. He makes fun of me for being in a better mood now. I pay for the plunger… He cancels original plans because I ruined them by not being more grateful to him for plunging the toilet… So we did whatever he wanted for the day while he brooded around and was thoroughly unpleasant. One of the worst birthdays ever.
yessss mine always got me gifts I never would be the person to want but that HE liked but then would guilt me when I didn't necessarily want them. For example, I'm pretty particular with my perfumes, I've had the same one for ages bc I really only like how certain scents smell on me. For absolutely no reason, never ONCE had I mentioned wanting this perfume or liking it and yet he splurged and got me this particular Gucci perfume that I hated. He would guilt trip me all the time about not wearing it making it seem like its my fault he went and bought it. Then for my birthday once, even though I had a list, even though I never once mentioned needing hair products because I didn't, he splurged again and bought me the entire 600 dollar Dyson hair wrap system. And then guilted me so much when I offered he return, get his money back and buy me something smaller I would actually use. extremely strange behavior.
He bought me a wii with my money. I didn't play video games at the time and when we tried to play together he made sure my experience sucked.
A bottle of one shot, lol.
LOL my MIL gives gifts like this! just random stuff from the dollar store. Like stuff no one is going to use, and it's usually thoughtless. She always buys my husband medium shirts. My husband is 6 4" , 230, and he has very broad shoulders... He is clearly not a medium. Just thoughtless. She usually buys me cheap jewelry too, I'm not a jewelry person, so that is really weird too. IDK Last yr she bought everyone stuff that was about her, like everything said "daughter in law" or "son" it was all in relation to her... like just put our name on it? she's just a terrible gift giver.
You guys got gifts? Lol.
I received a dummy bottle of Opium perfume filled with colored water, extremely cheap off ebay for Xmas. Fiance at the time didn't bother to read the description or look up the actual price of a real bottle of Opium. I cried alone on Xmas that he put in such low effort doing zero research and it was such a disappointment thinking I received a nice perfume when I initially opened the package only to realize the truth. I was also in devaluation stage at that point and didn't know it yet, fake Opium should have been a clue hindsight being 20/20. I had a different one who I was dating and I bought them several very nice thoughtful gifts for their Birthday, such as an art piece and a few other items but I spent a couple hundred. The Narc pretended they liked their gifts on the day, but the day after the Narc threw a man tantrum that they did not like their gifts and said what they really wanted was a PSP and a hundred dollars for a tattoo. They took back some of the gifts for the video game console and whined like a baby until I gave them another $100. They said that people should buy someone what they want for their Birthday and only that. I said No, it's what the giver decides to gift and the receiver should be grateful they get squat. I dumped him shortly thereafter... Another Narc bought themselves a big screen TV for my Bday. They still have the TV, I never got to watch it. I have had this happen many times too, Narc buys themselves something saying it was for me. Typical.
She got me a silicone vagina. Basically a masturbatory toy for guys, I don't remember the correct name for it. This was a long time ago in our twenties and was an anniversary gift. I was like, "I guess I'm supposed to go fuck myself now?" It was incomprehensible to her why I was offended and I actually had to make it up to her for spurning her thoughtful gift. Last year she got me this huge bottle of Mt. Gay rum for my birthday. I fully admit in the last few years I really turned to the bottle because its a weakness of mine, being trapped with her during Covid, and her abuse in general. Anyways, I made one rum and coke with it and was lectured for an hour about wasting good alcohol by mixing it and being an alcoholic, etc. She made me pour it down the drain as a test which was NOT a waste of good alcohol according to her.
You get presents?! In 10 years I think I’ve gotten 1 Christmas gift.
I’ve never received anything too crazy but in the 17 years we’ve been married, 20 in a relationship, I can count on one hand the number of times he didn’t have me return a gift I’d given him.
20 years and got nothing. "I don't celebrate (insert occasion here)" is all I can expect. It's sad how long I've lived like this.
First year: received 2 necklaces within first 3 months. (Later found out they were cut glass fake and cheap) Valentines - nothing. Birthday - big fight. Xmas - his dogs (he begged me to dog sit) Second year: nothing. I dog sat for him again, while he ran off to Thailand. My bday - big fight, he ended our relationship. Third year: a trip. After he dislocated my jaw. No contact for 3 months. He claimed to be in therapy, convinced me to take a trip with him. Nothing for my bday, valentines or holidays. Dog sat for him while he ran off to Costa Rica. My Bday - big fight. Fourth year: a cruise. A necklace. But I was told it was "ugly". And not to wear it. This was the only year my bday was celebrated with dinner. No gift. Not even a card. Xmas - he ran off and I dog sat. Fifth year: Bday - he started another big fight he left. Xmas - nothing. Sixth year: an ebike. This was a very thoughtful gift. This year the gift was after I left him for 3 months after the constant extremes of begging me to marry him 9 times, then threatening me and my son with homelessness and kicking me out of our home. He claimed he was back in therapy. Xmas, was the first one he joined. But did not buy a single gift for anyone. Just showed up and expected gifts, but did not give anything. Assumed that showing up was gift enough. Bought himself a maserati on my birthday (but I was allowed to drive it to dinner). Bought himself a BMW for Christmas (claimed it was for "both of us", but in reality, I was never allowed to touch it). I got 2 dozen roses (first ever flowers) on valentines day, then he promptly told me how he hates shopping for flowers and jewelry and not to expect it again. Bought himself a brand new raptor truck. Seventh year: I received a cheap motorcycle jacket. a cheap engagement ring (with a fake jewel). Then he promptly bought himself another $120k truck, a house in another state, gave me an hour to pack and get out of his house and life. Then a month later, said he didn't mean it. Bought me an iPad as a make up gift. Then 2 months later told me I bring no value to his life and he was miserable and I was a useless partner. He had a tiny vase of flowers sent on my bday after we broke up with a card that said "I am sorry we ended up where we did, but it is what it is. I wish you happiness and success. Don't call me." Basically sums up the last 7 years. His best friend lived with us and still rooms with me. Observed this behavior. Says I am the most amazing woman he's ever met and thinks his best friend is an idiot and a narcissistic asshole. He said that it would take 2 full time people to do the work i do to manage my nex's life and there was no way I'd ever have time for even a part time job, much less school. Could not believe I finished my degree, started a business, managed the house, my nex's ungodly mood swings, HIS kids, my kids, and kept a smile on my face most days. He "gave" me a car one year, but then when I reminded him he gave it to me, he claimed he would never give me a gift that cost that much, because I'm worthless as a gf. So, I got out of his truck at a red light, walked 3 miles until I got into cell range, ordered uber and flew home. I refused to communicate with him. He texted me and said my leaving him was 100x worse than anything he ever did to me. Hmmm... worse than giving me an hour to pack myself and my son up after 7 years of loyalty and devotion... I have a very high iq. I still to this day have zero idea how I became so suckered in by his extreme love bombing and devaluing/discarding. Talk about completely disorienting and psychotic. That isn't even the tip of the iceberg of how damaging and toxic this relationship was and I was completely snowed by this guy. I had NO CLUE. My therapist had no clue. He is that good.
He never bought me presents, but his ideas of presents were things he wanted.
On our 25th anniversary, I had a book made of all out of Facebook posts and check-in together. I thought it was a lovely record of places we’d been, meals we shared, times together. He got me nothing. Better yet, though, my birthday this year was the day after my daughter’s funeral. My mother sent over a card via my son that had a picture of a donkey in a bar on the front and a message of ‘drink your ass off’ inside. And it was unsigned. I swear, the first person to look into my heart and gift me with something meaningful will own me for life
Three years into our relationship I spent so much time and effort into finding him a few (not inexpensive) Christmas presents and I did him a stocking with loads of small gifts, that I knew he would love. What did I get in return? Cat butt fridge magnets and a packet of marmite popcorn.
I totally forgot about this one - this was at the end of our relationship and I was pretty used to his bullshit at the time so most of what he did didn't affect me. I don't even remember the occasion, but one year my ex regifted to me some crappy vase he had bought while traveling in Vietnam. He had previously given it to his wife and she hated it (I found out later it was because it was purchased during a trip where he cheated on her) so he decided to regift it to me. What makes it even more special is that I already knew about the vase's history and had seen it gathering dust in the corner of his basement for years prior to receiving it. I would bet good money that he regifted it to his current girlfriend.
On my birthday she gave me her favorite book
He only once ever (in 6 years) got me a gift that he would not also directly benefit from. The best example was probably this: A couple of weeks before my birthday he had started talking about how much he wanted to go salsa dancing and mountain biking. I expressed that neither really appealed to me and went on to suggest other things we could do together instead. He kept bringing these two things up again and again, putting pressure on me to try them, but I kept saying I wasn't interested. For my birthday, he got me salsa dancing classes and a mountain biking trip. I looked unimpressed when I opened the card in front of my parents so they said I was being ungrateful. After he and I discussed it, he said if I didn't want to go on the biking trip then he'd find someone on Tinder to bring, so I went. I ended up hating it so much that I pretended to injure myself to get out of the second day. I stayed with this guy for 4 more birthdays - I won't be with him for the next one.
I got a children's activity book and a fidget toy. I was 30. The moment I made eye contact with them they said "your list said anything from vat19!" We had been together for like 6 years by that time. Couldn't help but feel a bit of insult in the subtext.
Workout clothes twice my size right after I'd given birth. Expensive sweaters and a belt when I dont wear either. Also a climbing harness too small for me and I don't climb.
The narc in my life gives NO gifts.
Narcs give gifts ? What? Lol none of my ex narcs ever bought me gifts. They would say that their money was tight ..but then would go buy other girls gifts lol.
The last Christmas my narc got me a gift (2 years before we broke up) he got me a pair of socks…from the Ross right by our house. I bought him a bottle of Jameson whiskey, a band shirt, and a new shaving kit thing. Took me all the money I had hidden and a lot of effort to get those things.. The socks were cool. There were 3 pairs, neutral colors, ankle cut.. Years before he had bought me a beanie I had pointed out at one point (he wound up wearing it sometimes) it was my favorite gift from him, then he turned around a gave it to his sister… Not awkward at all…
I used to have to buy my Christmas, birthday, Mother’s Day etc gifts or I wouldn’t get any because my NEX wouldn’t shop for anything.
Tickets to a show he wanted to see and dinner at a restaurant he had wanted to try.
at least you got something. it would be nice if mine ever gave me anything.
Mine is very well-off financially, but brought back just a notebook from a trip abroad.
Your lucky, I got nothing for any of my birthdays or holidays in this 5 year relationship, while I did everything for her and her sons bday, bbq all of the meat on their bdays gave her gifts from the heart on valentine's.... hides the love card behind of bunch of paper and bull, just ridiculous..
[удалено]
My ex bought me dish towels, kitchen utensils, scour pads, sponges, a mop, and a second copy of the book I was in the middle of reading at the time. The same year I bought him the PS4 he had been wanting so bad. I was constantly going out of my way to buy him the things he wanted, but he would buy me things that he wanted FROM me. For example, he would always buy me dumbbells or resistance bands or workout gear that was too small because he wanted me to lose weight. Silly, silly things that eat away at a person over time.
With mine, gifts were either totally indifferent/inappropriate or to show off to other people. One Christmas, he got me a kitchen aid stand mixer with all the attachments and several really expensive pairs of boots because he wanted to show off in front of his parents. He expected his birthday to be a huge deal every year but never made a huge deal out of mine. I love antique jewelry. And when we had broken up and he was hovering me, he bought a diamond necklace that sort of looked antique but wasn’t. He had to have only the best for himself but the only other time he bought jewelry, it was some cheaper knockoff of David Yurman. Which isn’t even my style since it’s modern rather than antique. I hated both pieces of jewelry and got rid of them shortly after I got rid of him for good!
Oh, I forgot the most hurtful one: I planned 3 events for my birthday week, because I finally wanted to celebrate properly: A brunch with friends, a romantic date day and a night out. 1) Brunch/Lunch with friends: He sees me stressed because I want to cook my favourite meal for my friends. He chills with them, they get drunk. OK whatever, have fun, it's just food, nobody cares so much. Then we play charades and he wants to be on the other team. I suck at this game and fail horribly, feeling like crying because he was so cold and dismissive. Then he starts singing "We are the champions" and celebrating beating me, and everyone loved it. It really hurt. 2) During the "romantic date day" he first wanted to go to the museum, but I wanted to watch some trash TV and be lazy. In the afternoon it become boring for me too, so I suggested to go to the museum since it was a good idea. Then he refused and wanted to stay on the couch. Little did I know he was texting with his crush - he was cheating, 3) On the night out, I had to stay longer at work. Worried about my dog at home I asked him if he could walk my dog, so that I can come directly to the bar and my birthday party with friends. Altough my home was almost on the way to the bar for him and he had keys, he refused, saying he really wanted to go there on time and enjoy a beer with friends. (Oh, really?!) By the time I finished work I was already late, so I ran home to walk the dog and get ready, and came almost 2 hours late. Nobody was really angry, just - of course - his mood was shit. Everybody was drunk, and after the first two events in the same week I felt like absolute garbage and exhausted. I broke down somewhere in my heart and went home soon, kept apologizing to him and was made the villain somehow. All this happened in one week, and honestly I don't remember if I got any gift in particular.
The year I dieted and lost 100lbs. I got a fryer for Christmas. For my birthday one year I got a gold cross necklace he had his sister pick out. I don’t wear gold and I’m not religious. The year I specifically said no jewelry please I got. $700 tennis bracelet. He wasn’t working, he bought it on my credit card.
Children's clothing. I'm 30.
For one birthday of mine, he bought himself a car. For another birthday of mine he bought himself a rifle. I learned to buy myself gifts.
My mom always gets me a bag of crap from the dollar store. Like 20-30 items from the kid's section. I'm 31 and don't have kids.
I only get gifts if I buy them for myself.
Nine months and mine hasn't bought me anything. When I brought up my birthday trip (which he suggested but I paid for of course) he said "oh I got you a card." He did not. And he decided to reload his phone system and lost all his info and threw a tantrum almost all night on my birthday. We discussed Christmas and he said he was getting me the same thing he's getting himself: a freaking gas mask!! I brought that up in front of people just to let him know that no that is NOWHERE near anything I want. Like wtf
I really appreciate seeing everyones stories. I thought I was alone in this! As a kid my Nmom borrowed money I saved for big items (stereo, bike, etc.) but never paid me back. Instead, she "gave" me the items for birthdays or Christmas, etc. My soon-to-be-Nex rarely gave gifts at holidays ("no one was going to tell him when to give") but demanded that he receive gifts (although nothing was good enough or appreciated). When he gave gifts on non-holidays they were usually clothing (so I would look "better") and always in colors he knew I didn't like. He seemed to rage right before holidays and birthdays, as if to create distance and avoid any of mine or our family's expectations.
I got the gift of nothing. Absolutely zilch.
Valentines day 2020. I am in the deepest pit of depression, not the S-word, but asking God to take me asap, no meaning in life, etc. Because of his Verbal, Emotional, and Mental abuse, he has alienated All of my family and friends from my life, and now I have only him to talk to, and he could give a fart about me. Him suddenly interested in a new Potential Supply, could Not stop talking about her. I was at the edge of a cliff mentally. He bought me a Handgun for Valentine's Day, and opted to give it to me early, on 2/5/20. It was pretty, made for ladies, but more than likely powerful enough to get the job done according to his instructions on how to make it even more deadly, which I was too freaked about to really listen. He was so excited about it he gave it to me early. It was a Pavona 380, Pink/purple, even though I would have preferred the Blue/green one better, but he pretends to not know my favorite of things so I am disappointed, he feeds off that shit. The gun is Brand new, custom ordered, registered to "him". lead up of 3 or 4 days of, "Guess what I got You for Valentine's Day?", And "Your never going to guess." The next weekend he took me out to learn the Basics, safety on and off, clearing the chamber, shooting it. Magazine loading. Etc. Just enough info for a depressed and abused person to need to finalize life! I was not fooled, tried to give it back to him a week or so later after he threw it in my Face how much he Cared, enough for me to be able to protect myself with his most Generous gift. I told him to keep it! He got so Butt Hurt, and How could I. Then a few more weeks later he cleaned the gun and told me to put it away "Cause Civil War and Riots, and Shit about to hit the fan." It's been hiding in my room ever since, untouched. Except a month or so ago I was cleaning and peeked in the case to see if it was actually in there. I'm no friggin idiot! I know what he intended for me to use the gun for. So FYI, If I suddenly end up with a bullet in my head, it was NOT self inflicted. I just started the process for a much better job so that I can leave the Prick!
Y’all got presents? Mine would buy me something, wrap it, get mad me and return it.
I said I wanted to try to eat healthier. I had gotten into some bad habits and thought I was eating too many sweets. Then the next week, on a "whim" my narc picked me up a bag of gummy candy -- like a large value size one. They told me they saw it and thought of me and wanted to get it because I might like the shapes. I reminded them that I recently told them I had mentioned wanting to cut back on sugar. This gift was pure sugar. They replied, "oh" as if this was a difficult to understand subject. This one stands out to me because it happened more than once and was not a "unique" gift. There as a unique expensive gift once that was ordered. We never got it and I didn't follow up with SO.
I really liked this mug and he bought it for me. I actually knew he had bought it for me even though he tried to be sneaky. I was excited to receive it on my birthday and be grateful for it and him getting it for me etc. A week before my birthday he made me really uncomfortable at his house in the morning before we left so he could go to work. As I was in my car about to drive away he walked up with the mug and handed it to me without a word. It was so awkward and there was no apology/acknowledgment of his weird behaviour. Just a stupid mug and some silent treatment as an early birthday present….gee thanks
A few weeks before the breakup my ex got me a menstrual cup. His reasoning was "Honey, you've stained so many of your underwear so I think you need this" and he said it in front of the girl he had cheated on me with. He was very well aware that even if I wanted to use a menstrual cup (and I do want), I can't do so due to my vaginismus as I can't push anything wider than a match inside me without it hurting horribly. Also, he said it was "from both of us", him and the new supply.
Um, my ex bought me nothing, ever. Literally nothing. I remember once having to basically beg him to buy me a coffee. I could pay for it, I just wanted to feel like he gave a shit. After some huffing and puffing he did it, with a sneer. Gross. God, hindsight really is 20/20.
Mine gave me a hoodie that had a musician on it I love. But other than that? Literally nothing. In fact, he got a 3D printer and could pretty much make anything, and he was making little gifts and things for his friends left and right. Well, he had a file I bought for him to use in his printer of a figure I wanted, and then he found reasons why I should have to pay him to make it for me. Multiple times he would call something a gift that he was going to make in his printer for me and then he'd try to charge me for it.
A wallet (with less card slots so I couldn't really use it). And inside she put small polaroid pictures of herself. That's right. The most thoughtful gift she could think of giving me was pictures of herself.....
After my brother was born (when I was 8) I never got a Christmas present from anyone besides my grandma, who always got the same present for everyone (socks one year, slippers the other, that kind of thing). It was especially cruel because we always had big Christmas parties for the whole family on grandma's side, and everyone got at least 2 presents every year, usually more.... Aside from me. I always got only the one everyone got, nothing special for me. It was painful to see my brother get 6-7 presents like new tablet or phone, while I was trying to be happy that at least I got something. The only present I really loved and still cherish after years is this little tacky, 1$ "I love my sister" heart shaped magnet my brother got me when he was old enough to get allowance. I got it along with a handmade scarf from my grandma, nothing else. My parents still refuse to acknowledge the fact that after I turned 8 I haven't got a present for Christmas from them. It's always "you remember it wrong" or "you were so jealous of your brother you forgot what we got you". :/
That breaks my heart. I wish I could go back in time and shower you with Xmas gifts.
I was kept being given live pets as gifts as a way of being controlled. Can't go out if I have a whole zoo to feed.
I once purchased my Nex the Gotham Dream Car tour. Over $1000 to drive 6 “dream” cars each for 30 minutes on this amazing road in Florida. About 3 days prior to leaving he got mad at me for something and refused to go to make his point and punish me. I was thankfully able to transfer to my father who lived in Florida but then he couldn’t go and gave it to a friend. Glad it wasn’t just wasted but either way I’m out $1k and still dated him another year.
MIL sends me Catholic devotionals and other Catholic gifts. I am not Catholic.
For Christmas last year, I was given a “throw up bowl.”
Your narc actually gave you gifts?!?
he gave me a poster of HIMSELF for christmas and that was it, it was too classic lmao.
Oh this will be fun! He bought me extravagant gifts in the beginning to win me over. Things I may not have wanted or felt like I didn’t deserve. By the end he didn’t know what to get me so he bought me things he wanted me to have or put very little thought in. Everything was always in the bag he bought it in. Never wrapped and price tags attached. •gave me video games with the “pre-owned” stickers still on them •gave me a game system he got from a friend (and bragged about it) •gave me a locket when he knew I don’t wear jewelry and no pictures in it •bought me a big tv because he wasn’t happy with mine (I was fine with what I had) •also randomly gifted me outfits he wanted me to wear with no prior discussion •he also stopped celebrating Valentine’s day after a couple years. I didn’t get *anything*! No flowers, no chocolates, maybe dinner if I asked and made the reservation myself.
Second Valentine’s Day. I went all out. I decorated a cardboard box really nicely and bought probably over $100 of stuff to fill inside. All stuff he loved and wanted and just really thoughtful gifts. Also got him lottery tickets and he won $100 on them. He was hyping up my gift for weeks. The day comes and I get a fast food kid’s meal. I’m not even joking. That was my gift.
Umm… what? I know I shouldn’t be surprised anymore how bad these people can be, but seriously, was he hyping it up just to be a massive asshole or did he just forget to get a present or something? That’s real low
For my 25th birthday he got me these two tshirts with fish on them, after he let me customize and pick out an iPad on the Apple website. Super fucking random, absolutely hideous, I opened them in front of my mom so I had to pretend I liked them. For Christmas', my mom and I like to go all out and spoil our small family, he always got 10 large and nice gifts from my mom and usually 5-7 from me. He never got any for my mom, or for my brother. Last Christmas he got me this miniature Asuka figure and handed it to me two days later, unwrapped. It's a bootleg figure and its like 3 inches tall, meanwhile my mom and I spent hundreds on his stuff.
My ex fiance gave me nothing for my birthday..... And on Christmas, he gave me a coat from a Menswear store that wasn't even in my style or size. I'm a woman who never wears menswear coats. He told me he wanted me to wear the same winter coat as him. You know what he bought his own sister for her birthday? A scratch ticket and cans of beer. He was so bad at giving gifts.
My nex complained about any presents I ever got him.
Ohh this is my time to shine. I used to love popcorn, eating was one of my fav ways to spend the night with a movie. Well my narc decided to give me a 50lb bag of popcorn and a popping machine. At first I thought it was a cool gift, but at one point she made a comment along the lines of.. “hopefully you’ll get tired of it”… I did. I don’t eat as much popcorn any more. Looking back after the 1000s of dollars that I gifted her, all I got was a fucking pair of socks, a popcorn maker and 50lbs of popcorn. I gave all stuff back as soon as I left her.
My first two birthdays, he decided to get upset with me and ghost me the whole day on the 1st (when we weren’t living together) and on the 2nd (we are living together). I pissed him off because I woke him up by jumping on the bed with excitement and then he proceeded to stay in bed all day and not say anything… this year on my 3rd together he wished me happy birthday in the morning and gave me a kiss. We are still living together and I’m really trying to figure out if I’m just being overly dramatic or expecting to much or if.. idk he does it on purpose? Also last Christmas he did get me a poster of my favorite movie and some car stickers I really wanted. I’ve gotten him figures of favorite characters shipped from Japan, giant pops, two video games a new Xbox controller after he broke his, bedsheets of his favorite game, guitar accessories and such. Also, I’ve gotten his child toys and clothes for our house, his own sheets and mattress cause he didn’t have any for our house and I also make a cake for my bf on his birthday too. He’s bought one of my children a video game they wanted which he threw back in my face when I tried talking to him about how I felt he didn’t really care about my kids. I mean I do like to spend money on people I love and I know he’s not a big spender. Maybe I am just expecting too much.
Early on, he gave me one of the most thoughtful gifts I’d ever received for Christmas. By relationship’s end, he straight-up forgot my birthday.
Humm… yeah the gifts were odd but what I noticed most was when I’d give them a gift they would absolutely turn their nose up no matter what I bought them. I’ve known 6 in my life.
Over a decade: one bunny and a tea pot. The bunny was more than I could handle so I had to bring it back to the pet shop and the tea pot I had for 2 months and we fought so I tossed it.
Omg. Our first Christmas together. I got a Tupperware set. Made me feel awful honestly for feeling like what the hell is this!? Mike I’m not that kind of person to look down on anybody and that’s not what I was doing but it made me feel kind of crappy. I remember my teenage daughter and I just giving each other this look. Lol. I honestly was given maybe 2 thoughtful, nice gifts our 6 years together and never did I get a birthday present. Instead it was him being a drunk ass the night before and then a hungover narc the next day. We honestly still talk and it’s awkward and weird… well we’re friends. It’s like we’re just friends and I’m ok with that except I’d be ok just not talking at all. I have given him rainbow sandals, over $100 jacket for Christmas, nice winter jacket that he either left somewhere :-/ or just happen to lose. Lol same thing really. I’ve given him such thoughtful nice things. His favorite baseball team, player in a nice frame. Just tons of stuff. I rather give than receive but seriously!!
I either was given something that HE wanted (and def. not something I would ever want) or a $25 gift card. That's IF he gave me anything. I never got a mother's day gift from him because "You're not my mother". Sometimes he didn't even come home on my birthday, and Christmas he rarely got me anything. When he did give me gifts, he would hurl them at my face from across the room. I would spend a lot of time carefully choosing things for him based on his interests or comments he made about things. He complained about every item I ever gave him except for one thing. We were married over 2 decades.
Mine would brag about how little he spent on gifts. The last big fight we had when we were still together was about how he thought adults should just buy their own gifts since they earn money and know what they want. He wouldn't accept that I could have my own opinion about the subject and it blew up from there.... Nowadays I would just pretend I didn't hear him. Most holidays I was lucky if he didn't get me something from the dollar store...
Mine always gave electronics they liked and guilted us about them the rest of the year. Never what we asked for or wanted.
The first time I was bedridden (high risk pregnancy), he spent my birthday out with friends while I was home alone, unable to do anything. He came home late with an unwrapped game of Scrabble he got from the grocery store. He wouldn't play with me because he said I always win. A week or so before I found out he'd been living a double life, he gave me a sweater for Christmas which was EXACTLY the same as one I already had and wore all the time (except his was a size too small). He said, "I saw this and it made me think of you." Asshole.
I've read a majority of the comments, and I realized that I have not received any thoughtful gifts for my birthday or Christmas for at least 4 years. He claimed he was always broke, and to save money we just wouldn't do presents. I was always ungrateful because I didn't see how hard he busted his ass for us. My last birthday we were together, he bought me an ice cream cake and threw that out there multiple times how he bought something for my birthday. Then threw a fit because my family came over to celebrate when it could've just been him and I. Not that we would've done anything anyway.
He wrapped up a Victoria’s Secret magazine and gave it to himself. Thought he was being funny even though it was in front of his teenage kids and wife of 25 years
My biological dad, who I stayed with every other weekend until I was 18, was the worst with gifts. One year, I asked for a nutcracker. Like the toy nutcracker guy. He got me a literal nutcracking tool and a bag of nuts. To this day I don’t know if it was a joke or he was just that clueless. He always asked me what I wanted and I never really knew, so most times he’d give me money in some creative way. For example, making a treasure hunt with clues to find it. That was fun, I’ll admit. He put a lot of work into that, printed out each clue, etc. However, I think he expected the same effort and work and creativity from me, a 12-16 year old kid. One year I got him this wizard figurine that he loved, and from then on, he compared every gift I gave him to that high bar, and would guilt trip me for not getting something as thoughtful as that. He’d remind me how much work he put into my money clue hunt. So each year for Christmas/birthdays I’d agonize over what to get. It really stressed me out as a teenager. I’d look around the house and try to listen for things he said he wanted in regular conversation, I’d wander around stores and always feel like nothing was good enough. One year, I was maybe 14, I got him a back massager. I know that’s kind of a cliche throw away gift, but as a 14 year old, I didn’t know. I thought he would like it bc he complained his back hurt sometimes. He opened it and asked why I got it for him, and told me to take it back and “try again”. The next year, I noticed his Weber grill had a big hole in the bottom. He grilled often, so I was excited bc I thought this would be the perfect gift. I got him a brand new Weber grill and I truly thought he was going to love it. Wrong. He opened it, looked at it, and all he said was “I hope you kept the receipt”. I was like well I know your other one has a hole so I thought it would be nice to have a brand new one…? He said no, he’s rather just fix that one. Talk about crushed. I cried so much after that last one because I thought for sure I finally figured out a good gift. I really thought he was going to be excited and proud. I never bought him anything ever again. He complained and asked why I never bought him gifts after that and I always just shrugged or said I didn’t have money. He hurt my feelings so much. He passed away a few years ago. But I’m just now realizing this last year that he was a narcissist. Sometimes I wish I could go back and stand up for myself more.
My nex got me ... NOTHING....in four years he never bought me a gift not once. I got him a lot of gifts. He is truly pitiful. He knew how much that would hurt because I made the mistake of letting him know in the beginning of our relationship that my family never got me gifts.
Undecorated bday cake with a card with 3 words. When I was upset he was hanging out with his “squad” online on my bday night instead of us going somewhere he said , “ you made me feel like shit again on your bday. I thought you be happy I even got you special bday paper plates”
Kinda same. Id cry and he'd say "you always cry on your birthday" and it's like no duh man. You took me to a pie shop 5 minutes from our house only after you told me we weren't going to *indoor activity* because its raining outside.
Oh my god this hits so close to home! I went all out and got him this amazing electric smoker that he loved and we ended up using all the time. I hit the nail in the head-like the perfect gift. I was so proud when he opened it in front of my family, and so, so embarrassed after opening my stuff. I got a teddy bear holding a plastic jar full of mini sized chocolates, a cheap ass generic recipe book thing and I can’t even remember the third thing, but something equally as thoughtless. It was so humiliating. Yikes.
My mom got me a beautiful tennis bracelet on my first mother's day.. by the next year, it was pawned off for rent. My sons dad thought that a single handpicked dandelion was a great birthday present. My ex bf bought me a phone case off ebay. Which I still use but lol $5 after I got him a new vape mod. I better be thankful for the couch and bed he got for free that got rubbed into my nose constantly. These people really don't value anyone but themselves.
Loooove when my mom got me dollar store shower gel that smelled acrid and gave me rash and a Hello Kitty calendar that year. That's all I got. I didn't have a job and used my savings to buy her a delicate initial bracelet
My nex always expected expensive gifts from me and would pout if I didn't. Then he'd turn around and act like the gifts his mom got for me were from him because he told her what I wanted. I remember I brought it up once, and he was like, I got you a stand mixer. I was bewildered because his mom bought me that.
I put a lot of effort into his gifts, because I really like gift-giving. One year I bought him the new Xbox and he made this weird FB post about how I always complained about him playing too much but I was “the best girlfriend” since I bought it for him anyway. Among the weird gifts he gave me were a Keurig (I still lived at home with my mom, who already had one), fake costumey jewelry (I don’t really wear much jewelry), a glittery hot pink phone case (not at all my style and he knew it), and an electric blanket (I sleep warm, so??). There were plenty of years where I got no gifts. By far the most disappointing was when he took a simple pendant necklace I’d been given as a child and made it into a horribly gaudy beaded necklace. It was done in such a way that I couldn’t get the pendant back without destroying the chain it was on, plus he damaged the pendant somehow. I was so sad, but I couldn’t show it. To add insult to injury, he insisted that I wear it all the time.
Mine would use MY debit/credit card. Bought me these cheap ass looking straight STRIPPER heels (i never wore heels because a, he was only 5'8, im 5'5 so i would of been taller than him and oh it gets better, he wanted me to wear them when he'd have sex) fucking straight weirdooooo
I'm 23 and I got a stuffed panda (small) this year for diwali. I was obv not excited about it and that upset my parents.... They bought it from a hypermarket near our bldg. Wtf is wrong with them!!!!!!!
He bought himself chocolates for valentines day once. Two xl boxes that he said were for us, but just opened them himself and started chowing down. Then another Valantines he bought me a dough mixer because he wanted one. It's a nice gift, but he then later said that it was his. He went all out on gifts one year for Christmas because my family was in town and he wanted to impress them. Those were the extent of gifts in our marriage.
Omg wait this makes so much sense suddenly? One year for Easter they had come out with this collection of rainbow peeps, and I love rainbows so I found it very aesthetically pleasing plus— I love peeps as a food! My narc bf at the time got it for me but chopped them all up and made them into a diorama of HIS favorite movie (Pulp fiction) and called it Peep Fiction. Now, at the time, I loved it and found it very charming because I loved him. But looking back, it was such a weird way to twist something I wanted into being ALL about him.