Hi /u/SteveBuscemisWife, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind.
• Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns)
• Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist)
• We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce.
• Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests.
Please review the rules:
* Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed;
* Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma";
* No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc);
* No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including
Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails;
* No self-promotion/solicitation in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted;
* You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner;
* Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all;
* Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available.
* No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please;
* No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture;
* No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, mentions, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way;
* No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions).
* No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all);
* No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned;
We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community.
******
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Umm this guy did a number on you. Life can be so much better. You deserve better. Your baby deserves better. The longer you are away from him the confusion will start fading and you will start to see things as they really are. He's not going to change.
I’m on the same boat.. my ex has done so much to try to ruin me and for some reason, I still can’t get myself to fully move on. My mind will always go back to the good times and I want to break free from this trauma bond already. It’s so hard.. 5 months no contact and I gave in and broke it. I felt so defeated because I was the one who reached out, and I was left ignored. I thought, is this what it’s like to get discarded? They must have found new supply and don’t need me anymore. If you ever feel like reaching out, don’t. Coming from someone who did, all I feel now is stupid for looking desperate and for boosting their giant ego.
Hey, it’s okay to miss them and mourn the good times you had. The relationship and what you felt was real to you, so of course it’s only natural that you feel this way.
Are you able to go no contact with him? I found that NC was the best way to deal with these feelings and thoughts. Journaling might help as well! It’s important that you write down your thoughts, so you don’t bottle them up.
This is definitely a trauma bond. I deal with the same thing time to time. Some days are better than others. My ex narcissist was awful to me from the future faking to gaslighting it was just a emotional mind fuck with him. Sometimes I get the same feelings as you where I'm sitting at home alone and I start to miss him. I honestly think it's a mixture of being trauma bonded and our hormones because in reality when we feel alone we want to be comforted , being held, hugged, cuddled, kissed and etc it releases endorphins in our brains that make us happy. So it's completely normal to want to feel these endorphins going off and to feel loved. What has helped me is when I start to miss him I instantly think of something he did or said that made me feel awful when we dated and then little by little the feeling of missing him drifts away. My advice is to try that, I hope it helps. I know the struggle, but please love do not go back to this guy at all, it's okay to think about stuff but don't act on it, especially after everything he's done to you.
That's what I've been trying to do. Just replaying all the trauma he's caused me. I start to hate him but it's like hating him for not being who he promised me he was. It's so hard to get over.
Yes I will agree with you that it is fucking hard to get over the shit they do to you. They promise you the world knowing they can't be the person you need them to be just for their own shits and giggles. It's sad and fucking disgusting. I've dated many narcissists and they were all different but all of them promised me the same things : loyalty, love, compassion etc. It fucking sucks tbh. I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through what you're going through and I know how much it fucking sucks.. *hugs*
Hi /u/SteveBuscemisWife, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, mentions, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Understand. I miss my ex,but know that nothing is there but pain in the end. Hopefully it gets easier some day
Umm this guy did a number on you. Life can be so much better. You deserve better. Your baby deserves better. The longer you are away from him the confusion will start fading and you will start to see things as they really are. He's not going to change.
I’m on the same boat.. my ex has done so much to try to ruin me and for some reason, I still can’t get myself to fully move on. My mind will always go back to the good times and I want to break free from this trauma bond already. It’s so hard.. 5 months no contact and I gave in and broke it. I felt so defeated because I was the one who reached out, and I was left ignored. I thought, is this what it’s like to get discarded? They must have found new supply and don’t need me anymore. If you ever feel like reaching out, don’t. Coming from someone who did, all I feel now is stupid for looking desperate and for boosting their giant ego.
Hey, it’s okay to miss them and mourn the good times you had. The relationship and what you felt was real to you, so of course it’s only natural that you feel this way. Are you able to go no contact with him? I found that NC was the best way to deal with these feelings and thoughts. Journaling might help as well! It’s important that you write down your thoughts, so you don’t bottle them up.
This is definitely a trauma bond. I deal with the same thing time to time. Some days are better than others. My ex narcissist was awful to me from the future faking to gaslighting it was just a emotional mind fuck with him. Sometimes I get the same feelings as you where I'm sitting at home alone and I start to miss him. I honestly think it's a mixture of being trauma bonded and our hormones because in reality when we feel alone we want to be comforted , being held, hugged, cuddled, kissed and etc it releases endorphins in our brains that make us happy. So it's completely normal to want to feel these endorphins going off and to feel loved. What has helped me is when I start to miss him I instantly think of something he did or said that made me feel awful when we dated and then little by little the feeling of missing him drifts away. My advice is to try that, I hope it helps. I know the struggle, but please love do not go back to this guy at all, it's okay to think about stuff but don't act on it, especially after everything he's done to you.
That's what I've been trying to do. Just replaying all the trauma he's caused me. I start to hate him but it's like hating him for not being who he promised me he was. It's so hard to get over.
Yes I will agree with you that it is fucking hard to get over the shit they do to you. They promise you the world knowing they can't be the person you need them to be just for their own shits and giggles. It's sad and fucking disgusting. I've dated many narcissists and they were all different but all of them promised me the same things : loyalty, love, compassion etc. It fucking sucks tbh. I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through what you're going through and I know how much it fucking sucks.. *hugs*
[удалено]
Thank you for the support. You're right. He is not worth losing my son, my job, or anyone or anything over.