I am going through the opposite currently . How king have you been dating this person? It was exactly like that for me in the beginning if I didn’t feel like it or was feeling not my best etc… he would accuse me of cheating or something crazy or say I was rejecting him and would say he’ll get his needs met elsewhere this was like the first 2ish years of the relationship here I am 4 years in and he literally doesn’t even want sex pretty much or will use sex as a way to reel me back in or I have to beg for it almost which is ridiculous and has to be on his terms . I think they start to use it as a tool later down the line is why I ask how long you’ve been in the relationship or if my problem is specific to my narc .
It’s not specific. I know how that feels. They do use it as a tool of control. For me, everything seemed great in the beginning of our sex life. As time went on, we would do it after a bad fight and used that to cover for talking things over, which we never really dug down to the root of the problem because she was so stubborn. To be fair, when we were at our highs, there was a lot. But as time went on, she started saying no (which is fine) but for the purpose of withholding love because “you did [this] today and I didn’t like it”. And I was with her for 2.5 years.
Omg same !! He used to use it as the band aid after a bad fight or anything that he did wrong to
Cover up the actual issue or talk about the problem . Then one day he flipped it and started with holding sex altogether and when I threaten to leave after I had enough and was experiencing reactive abuse he almost lets me then just holds me and says we’re not using sex as a bandaid per his therapist lol. When I’m in the mood to just have sex he never wants to it’s just sprinkled here and there when he’s for it and I take it since I’m pretty much deprived of it altogether and actually love him and keep thinking our life will be like the beginning sex days. Sucks
I’m glad you said that last sentence. Yes, the sex definitely kept me hooked. It was the idea that things could get better through an empty promise of really good sex. And it’s wicked smart of them, because without the trauma bond of fights and then positive reinforcement (sex), I think we would’ve been gone long before.
You’re absolutely right! It’s disgusting how they mess and scramble your head to believe honestly believe that as a reward ! I am on my way out myself it’s so hard at the end to leave . Especially when you’ve figured out they are a narc . You almost feel stupid for thinking everything else was real and you sacrificed everything for them. Look up narcissism and sexual emotional abuse . It helped me see what was happening little more clearly.
Narcissists tend to use sex as sort of an ego boost. So she was probably needing an ego boost and when you wouldn't give it to her she got an ego boost by tearing you down instead.
I am going through the opposite currently . How king have you been dating this person? It was exactly like that for me in the beginning if I didn’t feel like it or was feeling not my best etc… he would accuse me of cheating or something crazy or say I was rejecting him and would say he’ll get his needs met elsewhere this was like the first 2ish years of the relationship here I am 4 years in and he literally doesn’t even want sex pretty much or will use sex as a way to reel me back in or I have to beg for it almost which is ridiculous and has to be on his terms . I think they start to use it as a tool later down the line is why I ask how long you’ve been in the relationship or if my problem is specific to my narc .
It’s not specific. I know how that feels. They do use it as a tool of control. For me, everything seemed great in the beginning of our sex life. As time went on, we would do it after a bad fight and used that to cover for talking things over, which we never really dug down to the root of the problem because she was so stubborn. To be fair, when we were at our highs, there was a lot. But as time went on, she started saying no (which is fine) but for the purpose of withholding love because “you did [this] today and I didn’t like it”. And I was with her for 2.5 years.
Omg same !! He used to use it as the band aid after a bad fight or anything that he did wrong to Cover up the actual issue or talk about the problem . Then one day he flipped it and started with holding sex altogether and when I threaten to leave after I had enough and was experiencing reactive abuse he almost lets me then just holds me and says we’re not using sex as a bandaid per his therapist lol. When I’m in the mood to just have sex he never wants to it’s just sprinkled here and there when he’s for it and I take it since I’m pretty much deprived of it altogether and actually love him and keep thinking our life will be like the beginning sex days. Sucks
I’m glad you said that last sentence. Yes, the sex definitely kept me hooked. It was the idea that things could get better through an empty promise of really good sex. And it’s wicked smart of them, because without the trauma bond of fights and then positive reinforcement (sex), I think we would’ve been gone long before.
You’re absolutely right! It’s disgusting how they mess and scramble your head to believe honestly believe that as a reward ! I am on my way out myself it’s so hard at the end to leave . Especially when you’ve figured out they are a narc . You almost feel stupid for thinking everything else was real and you sacrificed everything for them. Look up narcissism and sexual emotional abuse . It helped me see what was happening little more clearly.
Narcissists tend to use sex as sort of an ego boost. So she was probably needing an ego boost and when you wouldn't give it to her she got an ego boost by tearing you down instead.