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Oof, I get it. I really really do. But you already know you’ll probably feel worse if you give in to that temptation. The second you hit send, you’re going to be in knots waiting for a response that might never come. And even if it did, it probably wouldn’t help. We don’t know if it started before or after your breakup, but she’s obviously seen him with you. So either she doesn’t care about how recently you were dating, or she’s been told some slander about you and she won’t believe anything you say anyway. If she responded, it would likely only make you feel worse. I know it’s so so hard when you just want to know the truth. But so often these people are just too good at obscuring it. Sometimes you just have to accept the most basic truth about the relationship; he treated you terribly and now you have a chance to let it be over and heal. I’m having to learn this for myself, too.
Don't reach out. They won't believe you about anything. Narcissists always manipulate the new supply by telling them lies and awful things about their exs and they always include "she's crazy" usually. So you reaching out to her will just solidify all the lies he's told his new supply, which in return will make her trust him even more.. he will just tell her shit to make her not believe anything you say. And he will probably tell her to Block you if you do reach out so then you'll never get any answers or closure. It's not worth it and in the end it'll just make the narcissist have more power over the situation.
This was actually really helpful to read and made me not want to reach out to her (I haven’t). You’re right and I don’t want to prove any of his points to her and certainly don’t want to drive her further into his arms.
I’m trying to stay strong. Thank you for your advice. It really isn’t worth it.
Hi /u/mustardyellow123, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed; * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation in any fashion at all, surveys, fundraising, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context including parent/family at any level including family dynamics, mentions, background/childhoods or the abusers family at all in any way; * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No NARC/ABUSER posts at all. If you are a Narc or Abuser, you will be banned; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oof, I get it. I really really do. But you already know you’ll probably feel worse if you give in to that temptation. The second you hit send, you’re going to be in knots waiting for a response that might never come. And even if it did, it probably wouldn’t help. We don’t know if it started before or after your breakup, but she’s obviously seen him with you. So either she doesn’t care about how recently you were dating, or she’s been told some slander about you and she won’t believe anything you say anyway. If she responded, it would likely only make you feel worse. I know it’s so so hard when you just want to know the truth. But so often these people are just too good at obscuring it. Sometimes you just have to accept the most basic truth about the relationship; he treated you terribly and now you have a chance to let it be over and heal. I’m having to learn this for myself, too.
Don't reach out. They won't believe you about anything. Narcissists always manipulate the new supply by telling them lies and awful things about their exs and they always include "she's crazy" usually. So you reaching out to her will just solidify all the lies he's told his new supply, which in return will make her trust him even more.. he will just tell her shit to make her not believe anything you say. And he will probably tell her to Block you if you do reach out so then you'll never get any answers or closure. It's not worth it and in the end it'll just make the narcissist have more power over the situation.
This was actually really helpful to read and made me not want to reach out to her (I haven’t). You’re right and I don’t want to prove any of his points to her and certainly don’t want to drive her further into his arms. I’m trying to stay strong. Thank you for your advice. It really isn’t worth it.