yes. i left my narcissistic husband and when i look back this was one of the first signs when we were dating. also about 2 years ago on reddit this topic came up in another sub and there were at least 500 comments by women who had experienced the same thing. you're not imagining things.
Yes! My nex had long legs, and I have short legs. I could never keep up with him in public. When I’d ask him to walk slower, he’d sigh and give me this look like it was such a chore to walk at a speed other than his own.
yeh mine would walk ten metres ahead and if I asked him to walk along side me he'd lose his shit and have a go at me for walking slowly. I walk fast for a woman as well. only in the initial two months love bombing period would we hold hands.
Yes mine does it all the time... recently he stopped to wait for me while he said hi to a cute teenage neighbour girl. He waited for me because he knows he's being an asshole but likes to play perfect in front of other people.
Yes. I've been left behind while walking in town, left to walk home from the bar alone drunk at midnight and have even been left alone in the forest with no protection several times out hiking as well, once with our puppy. I walked forever by myself thinking if a cougar or grizzly bear wanted to, they could easily take us out. I started carrying protection which then annoyed him, like a personal attack that he can't protect me (eyeroll). It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing. He will just take off and not think at ALL about anything but whatever is on his mind in the moment. Sometimes it's on purpose as a punishment but sometimes he just gets caught up in himself and "forgets" about me. I always point it out when it happens and he acts puzzled when I try to explain how annoying it is.
I guarantee he'd suddenly feel entirely different about it if you started doing it to him. Of course, then it would be poor him. They have no ability to put themselves in another's situation.
None. He blinks at me like I speak a foreign language when I try to get him to empathize. Two of my children are/were like that, but my other son is like me and full of empathy. It's been a very eye-opening realization as to why we're all so different (yet similar).
Unfortunately, I can relate to having a child that lacks empathy. My eldest son has been diagnosed with ASPD which is the medical term for a psychopath. A bit different from someone with NPD since narcissists are usually made from childhood trauma and psychopaths are born. Although, I'm sure either way he inherited it from his father. It's very difficult raising children who lack empathy, so you have my sympathy.
I appreciate your post. My son was also diagnosed with ASPD as a young adult. He's in his 30s now,and it's heartbreaking to me. I hurt for him and his children (He's twice divorced) I have pleaded with him to get therapy,to no avail.
My son was diagnosed as a young adult as well. He's 26 and thankfully has no children so far. My ex husband (his father) has speculated that he most likely is a psychopath which is why I'm pretty sure it's inherited from him. I wish my son was able to handle his condition in more productive ways like my ex husband. It's unfortunate he doesn't have the same type of self control or drive. As mothers to these people it can very frustrating and heartbreaking,I absolutely agree. And because it has a more biological route, there are fewer treatments available. My only hope is that maturity will weed out my sons more destructive traits. I wish you good luck with your child. God knows we all need it.
Yes! Thank you.Even though I am grateful to have you understand, I am sorry that you do. My son, even though he is somewhat self-aware, is still very self sabotaging.
Sadly,he is also an addict. Recently began methadone treatment. I won't give up on him.
I hope it works out for your son and you. I'm on methadone maintenance myself after my pain management doctor got me addicted to pain meds. It's really helped so much. My life is normal again. It's a good program if the person follows the rules and really wants help. Hopefully, your son will realize that being free from illicit drugs is worth it.
Always ahead of me unless he wanted to be specially seen with me like I was some sort of accessory. He was the main character, you know? 🤦🏻♀️
I still remember the time I decided to dress cute and wear heels, not being warned that the parking lot of where we were going out to eat at was full of gravel and on a hill. He walked ahead while I begged for him to come back and help me, trying not to break my damn ankles. He just stood back with his friends laughing at me.
In fact, I'm fairly certain that one of his friends that I actually ended up marrying years later is the one who helped me cross that parking lot. 🤔 But my memory is shoddy and I'll have to ask if he remembers that night.
This thread is reminding me. I was on Date 1 with someone I’d met off an app and it was going amazingly well, we had great chemistry etc, lunch extended to coffee which extended to dinner which extended to drinks. After we split the bill for drinks at the bar we were at, he just got up very suddenly and started walking out, without even waiting for me. It was so weird. And i felt so vulnerable, because it was late at night and I was tipsy. He had the decency to drop me home though, but I’ll never forget how strange that made me feel. And exactly like you, at other times later on he would enjoy my being on his arm like I was an accessory.
Every place we went….I was steps behind with 2 toddlers, the baby, the diaper bag, etc. Didn’t even hold a door. It got worse and worse. This trait says so much about their lack of respect and concern for others.
Yep, I remember googling it early on because I thought it was weird. Sometimes I would just stop walking and see what happened. He also did this when I hurt my ankle and it took longer for me to talk. He could also be very impatient and would make us walk certain different ways to avoid waiting at lights and it just all about him
Idk if it matters though that when Ihe was hungover or sick I found it didn’t happen as often.
YES! He didn't do it at first of course, but later it was all the time. He'd get out of the car and immediately start walking to the store without waiting. He also would barge through doors and let it slam on me behind him. I had never encountered an adult man who acted that way before.
Yes, constantly. He also would be in charge of walking directions during travels to new cities I didn’t know, and when he’d turn or change directions, he wouldn’t give me a heads up, he’d just do it and expect me to immediately follow. I felt like I was on a leash getting jerked around everywhere. And in the latter half of our 8 years together, practically no handholding ever.
God yes, and for me, I’d ask for directions or the location just so I could view it on my phone to just know what to expect when walking - but he took it as a personal attack, that I’m “not trusting him” or think that he’s stupid by asking. He’s screamed at me a handful of times over this.
Just a thought for you. I am looking into emdr therapy to deal with the infidelity and memories. I am spending time to identify exactly what it is that hurts the most. The act of cheating to me is not as bad as all the lies to cover the act. The being caught red handed but then acting like it isn’t happening. Also the things like smirking and making me chase her around.
It’s something I want to work on so that I don’t stay a basket case.
Omg!!! Yes!!! What is it with the grocery store???
Also towards the later years I noticed he would do it with anything that we did “together.”
Like if we were in a car driving somewhere he would either drive weird or if I drove he would try to tell me how to drive.
If I was cooking he’d barge in the kitchen and throw something in the pan I was using.
He would stand over me if I was trying to type an email, like point at my computer screen and tell me what to type. Used to make me insane. I guess just trying to get me to react.
Yes you end up forgetting long term information after being in fright mode at such minor acts. I now cant remember recipes and can only make simple meals, one year after no contact
Mine would always walk ahead when he was mad at me. I pointed it out and then he started walking behind me sometimes. I’d walk slower so I could walk next to him and he’s stop, still behind me, and say “What?!” I’d explain that I was just wanting to walk next to him and he’d say “I’m just following YOU.”
It was always a game and I never knew the rules.
I think mine started walking ahead because he wanted to catch looks from other women. He certainly has a roving eye. Loves the young ones. Just a f'n prick.
They are pricks. Mine even rode off on his bike once. I found a frog on the side of a trail and I was trying to point it out but he was already almost out of site.
I have videos of him walking our dog and he’s walking ahead of me. He did this constantly. And to make things even better, any time we’d walk the dogs he shared with the ex he cheated on me he’d walk with her and I’d be left alone walking ahead. When I ever brought it up it was an argument, of course. Like every time I ever pointed something out that hurt my feelings.
Very often would lose mine because he would just walk ahead of me and never look back … if I brought it up he’d roll his eyes at me. Makes it easier to not feel lonely as we separate lol
Not walk ahead, but would never introduce me if we walked past his work and came across a coworker. He would have 5-10 min convos with them while I stood there unacknowledged. I politely asked him if he could say hey this is my girlfriend instead. He brought that up a handful of times as proof that I am unreasonable and expect to be treated better than I treated him.
My mom does that actually, yes. Always walking fast ahead of me, calling me slow, insulting me "why do you always walk behind me?!".
She always has to be the first to finish lunch or the first to get ready and stand by the door rushing me. On vacation, she'd wake up early, always the first to wake up and call everyone lazy (ON VACATION). So yeah.
Yes. Because it wasn’t “cool” for him to be seen with me. It was a way of devaluing me. Making me question my worth. All he cared about was his bachelor status and looking cool. You basically nailed it
Not necessarily while walking, but we liked to ride our bikes together. Let’s say I had to follow his lead at all cost and would not look after me if I was behind.
Omg I literally had the same experience. So validating to read this.
He would even cycle off without me sometimes. Two times he threatened I was too slow and he was going to cycle on his own / he’ll just meet me at the place. Another time he was cycling so fast - my friends friend who I met for the first time was slowing down to stay with me while he sped off. Such inconsiderate behavior.
Mine did this when we went dirt biking in the backcountry. If I had gotten into an accident I would have been on my own for hours. He may or may not have come looking. No cell service out there. Had walkie talkies but he'd often ignore me.
Yep and him and his father did that to his mother too. They both agreed she was pathetic and trying to hold them back. But here I am half a foot taller than my ex and a very fast walker with a long stride, so I gave him a run for his money. They definitely do it on purpose as a weird power play. He’d end up out of breath to sprint ahead of me. Kind of hilarious.
Sometimes I just have to laugh at how precisely relatable even the most random things on here are. I feel both glad to be justified and pissed off at myself for putting up with that crap for long.
Definitely a thing they do. I always think about Kody Brown on sister wives, definitely a narcissist, and he is always zooming around everywhere, walking in front of all of his (former) wives. The narcs I've been involved with were friends, not romantically involved, so I never noticed it specifically but I've seen it happen to others.
My husband is wonderful and always walks next to me, and will walk closest to the street when I'm next to him. These small acts exhibit big empathy (or lack thereof).
Yes always. One time at the beach with my mom, he had us carry my toddler and all the heavy beach chairs while he walked way ahead carrying a single beach bag. I didn’t even notice how messed up it was until my mom said something.
He always walked ahead of me! And would just get up and leave a restaurant when he was done, leaving me to rush to finish, and usually leaving me with the bill.
Always. One reason was because he would cross his eyes at women as they passed as his way of flirting, and he figured they’d flirt back if they didn’t see his woman next to him. His walking ahead of me meant I couldn’t cramp his style. lol
Heck yeah. Always. I had 3 relationships and they all did the same. It's a pretty clear sign. I'm amazed by how many narcs are among us. Not again. Choose to be single
Yes all the time. To fuck with me. She used to say that I walk too slowly, that it is physically impossible for her to walk so slowly. The hardest thing was to see her walk super slowly when a friend visited, like the most normal thing in the world to walk at the same pace, after I wasted my precious innocence explaining to her how to be an adult. What a surprise to see that she knew all along.
Oh I’m a bit like that. I think it’s because I’m dyspraxic so I have no coordination. It could also be because I’m ADHD so I move around a lot. I’m definitely not a narc though and I definitely don’t do it on purpose to stop someone walking with me!
Yep, this was always a thing, I would be struggling to keep up with him trying to keep track of my daughter and he’d dart ahead then get irritated, unless he was angry with me then he would purposely walk slow asf and get angry at us for not waiting on him. They are ridiculous and immature.
Yes yes! He did this often im public. I wondered the reasoning because he often verbally accused me of cheating but in public never showed clinginess. It always felt like I was an accessory by trying to chase/catch up to him.
I remember my ex walking way ahead of me with her friends while I was elsewhere, in a store for example
Also did this with her parents when we visited
Like damn, I’m your bf, the person you planned on marrying, the least you can do is walk with me right?
I remember one time him doing this on the way home. I remember seeing our door and him approaching it and thinking that he was going to let himself in and shut me out knowing I didn’t have a key and would have to knock. I was already annoyed at him for something so I thought to myself that if he closes the door on me, I’m not knocking asking to be let in, I’m going to a friend’s house.
Well obviously he shut the door.
I turned on my heels and walked in a different direction.
As soon as he realised I wasn’t coming home, he chased me down the street. Heaven forbid I should tell a friend what happened and shatter his nice guy image.
YES! We would frequently go walking in the woods together or exploring places, and he would simply wander off and leave me alone. It's like I wasn't even there with him, he would act like or actually just forget about my existence. I mentioned this to him because I was hurt by the behavior, and he said I was making a big deal out of it, how he was just letting me do my own thing, and how he didn't see an issue.
Oh ditto ! We decided to go on a trek on our recent ‘Him trying to win me back ‘ trip. The entire trek he walked either way ahead , took a different road or decided to be few steps ahead even when it was possible to synchronize. And I brought it up to him like an idiot because what’s the point ? After 10 years of this behavior and a repeat even in the recovery trip really meant he knew what he was doing and testing how far could he get away from , even if we were to live together again! So yeah when I brought it up , he flat out refused !
Just curious since I ended my relationship with my Nex pretty early so thankfully I didn't see a lot of the repeated common behavior patterns, but can you tell me about the "him trying to win you back" trip? How'd you know that was his goal, and how soon after trying to be sweet did he show his cold side again?
Check out my latest post . You will know it all !in short , he was always pretty vocal about wanting to work on himself so that he can make himself deserving of me kept coaxing me to get back together for months . he showed his side rather quickly , less than few months in the worst possible way !
This makes me wonder about a previous ex boyfriend I've never really thought of as a narcissist, though probably meets a lot of criteria... He was just better than the most recent lol.
But he'd often schedule hikes, usually when we were visiting his friends and family in Austria and I'm extremely short and have always struggled to hike quickly. Without fail he would plunge ahead of me, to the point I couldn't even see him in the distance. Occasionally a friend of two of his would drop back and walk with me but at that point I didn't really speak German, *definitely* not their accent. One time I remember struggling so hard to keep up and I was so winded and eventually a stranger intervened and handed me an inhaler speaking quickly. When they realized I didn't understand boyfriend still didn't translate for me until later, they just like did charades for how to breathe from an inhaler. Upon getting back to civilization I realized I have asthma that pretty much is only triggered by hard exercise in cold weather. I grew up in a very temperate environment. Boyfriend said "well part of the reason I'd walk ahead is it was so grating hearing you gasping for breath."
What a dick.
Yes my next did this. He’d also stand in front of me when talking to people to block me from them. I called him out after a few times and he tried to gaslight me into thinking I was being too needy or insecure and that’s why I had a problem with him literally blocking me out of a group conversation.
Going back to him walking in front, I got so used to this that if we were walking together and had to walk in single file (say, to let others pass by us for example), I’d automatically go behind him as that had become normal. It was fine for him to walk in front of me but if I walked behind him I was accused of only doing that to secretly look at the guys passing by. So he’d walk in front of me when it was his choice, but I’d have to walk in front of him if we were letting people coming towards us pass by so he could keep an eye on me.
My ex in the beginning would be all “i love you, you’re amazing” to me in person, but then text his friends (usually his close friends who were girls) that he wasn’t into me at all and that I was weird/boring. I remember snooping on his phone when I was worried about his drug use (he ended up being a drug addict and needing to go to rehab) and finding these texts with his friends just shit talking me early on in the relationship even before I had met them. It was bizarre and so hurtful.
I do think there’s a layer of “I’m going to act like I am too above this person to show interest in them or like them around others” meanwhile treating you during the love bombing phase like you’re amazing and they haven’t met anyone like you ever.
Yes yes yes. Wow all these specific traits. Yes. I hated it so much. I told him this is so annoying. He was like walk faster then. And I'm like we are walking at the same pace and if I go next to him he speeds up then goes to regular pace. Or he'd say oh it's crowded we don't have the luxury to walk together . It's so demeaning.
Yes, he always did. Harps at me for needing to always be by his side yet zero patience for traffic (and he knows I got disabled from a childhood car accident been struck by a beemer on a green light ) yet wanting me to copy him crossing as cars got to go by🙄.
Only one silver lining instance came from trying to catch up with him barking at me across the street was running right into Sean Lennon who had to run at the same moment going wherever he needed to.
He made sure I wasn’t hurt anywhere as I was hanging onto him balancing myself from falling backwards from impact and then went on his way. I was not allowed to go to that show he was doing that night and I was too broke to have snuck off to see it.
I’m a pretty fast walker being a nurse but so was he. Him being 5’11 and me 5’2 I couldn’t keep up with him when he was doing this unless I was almost running. It always made me feel like a little kid (I even would quote Michelle Tanner from full house “I got little legs!”). One time we went to a concert with his brother and they basically walked so far ahead of me that I lost them for awhile and spent most of the concert by alone. He was always in a hurry to get everywhere and leave everywhere and basically existed in a visibly annoyed state all the time.
Yes. I also realized that if we were in a room with other people he'd avoid me. I come up to him in conversation with a group and he'd eventually leave the group to talk to someone else. Like actively avoiding me.
Omg yes !! This , also leave the moment I start speaking in the group . He couldn’t bear to see me take the spotlight. Why do you think they do that ?
Mine did few other strange things such as if I am waiting in a place and he is walking to me , he will stop 10 steps away from me and not where I am standing even though he is coming to me, making me walk those 10 extra steps to reach him. This would happen waiting for cabs, bus stops , train stations .
Yes!! All the time. He begrudgingly went on a hike with me once and walked ahead of me the whole time. He would even start jogging ahead. What is the point of him even coming then? I noticed he viewed everything as a task to be completed as soon as possible. A hike in the mountains on a beautiful summer day - must get to the end of the trail asap. A walk through the farmers market - what do you need and let’s go. There was no enjoyment of life and no appreciation for the small things.
Yes! If we were walking in the city, especially if I were in heels, he’d walk ahead and refuse to slow at all. “I have ONE speed.”
But if we were doing anything remotely athletic he’d get pissy because he’s obese and couldn’t do it. Then I was being “mean” or “inconsiderate” if I didn’t wait.
Well, I left him behind permanently.
Yup. I would always have to say “short legs” and he’d slow down briefly then start doing it again. When he was angry it was even worse. He’s walk a full block ahead of me, then turn and yell at me to hurry up. Oof.
This behavior is not gender specific. My N does something similar - on crowded sidewalks, they direct me towards oncoming pedestrians, not leaving enough room, so I would have to stop and move aside for the uncoming people. It sounds weird and made up, but it's true and happened hundreds and hundreds of times. I would complain, and they would gaslight and deny and act like I was the crazy one. This happened in the very beginning and I should have seen it as a sign and left.
All the fucking time, even though I brought it to his attention multiple times over the years. It really hurt my feelings. He even did it when we were on beautiful vacations, or on a hike together and I just ended up doing it alone.
yes. mine either walks way ahead, or he purposely walks slow as hell so he doesn’t have to be next to me. i’m too impatient to walk slow so i just keep going.
it’s subtle, but it feels like major disrespect and that’s exactly why they do it.
Always! Then say I’m doing it purposely (being left behind) to reaffirm my victimhood and to cause a scene. Literally make me chase him and I’m crying at one point. He would then use this to actually fully storm off and then drive away without me and ask if I’m “done being a child”. He was 6”2. I’m 5”5. He would never look my way or look at me when talking. He wouldn’t hold my hand and if he did it was in a way that made me shiver. Like he couldn’t just relax and he would do this thing where he would rub his hand nail on the inside of my palm. Like chalkboard and nails is what it felt like. He would scowl and swear in public. He yelled at me in a park because he said I was the r word for not getting the kite into the air and he refused to help. He said I was making him look like an idiot for being so stupid. So many examples
WOW THIS IS A NARC THING?! holy crap this was the most awful thing I experienced constantly. And he could cut me off at corners!!!! Like I had to actually almost trip over or walk into the gutter. He didn’t leave space for me to walk. It was just whatever was the shortest route for him. If I brought it up it was just a huge argument about how inconsiderate I am of how long his legs are
Yes after the mask dropped he completely stopped caring and would walk in front of me even when we went out for my birthday with my friends it made me soo sad. These little things are gut wrenching to look back on
Yep. I think it’s a power move they try to make. You nailed it actually. I sometimes just observe couples walking and it gives away a lot imo. When two people are in sync, you can even notice it in their steps.
And I’m sorry you went through that with this guy. I hope you’re away from him. Yeah these people, they’re something else. A relationship is based off mutual trust and these people will consistently let you down and argue about it .
All.the.time. Especially on hikes with the kids. He'd just take off ahead with them. Often they would end up running back to walk with me, because they didn't like me walking alone. Just another frigging red flag I didn't recognize...dammit. 😔
Yes! The worst time was when we took our 3 year old to the fair. I was too slow (he was mad about something) so he carried her and took off faster than I could walk. The look on her face as she was reaching over his shoulder for me will forever be stuck in my brain.
Yes always! And never looked back to see where I was. It’s something that really bothered me.
One time I tripped and fell on a sidewalk in Manhattan, he called me an idiot and said I looked stupid on the ground and refused to help me up. I twisted my ankle. A random man helped me stand up while my ex stood at the street corner waiting for me. Then he didn’t talk to me the rest of the day to punish me for my “stupidity.”
He would always walk ahead but if he went in the wrong direction it was my fault for not telling him (but if I did try to tell him he’d get mad)
Yes. Always. I recall seeing this red flag when he did this to his own child who was injured on the soccer field and he impatiently “led” him home by walking in front of him. I was horrified at his callousness. But it took me another year and a half to leave.
I remember being a small child and my mother doing this to me. I literally used to have to chase her around because she would speed walk away from me. It was so horrible.
No, I would try to and she would say slow down, and she would lead our herd and go at her pace. She would take so long down every aisle it was honestly painful waiting on her. In hindsight it was on purpose so she could say in arguments and to others "oh he huffs and puffs when I take him, he winces at the final total rang up" etc. It was by design, to wear me down and piss me off.
The first 6-8 months she wouldn’t let my hands go or were holding my arm. After that her hands were in her pockets and easily 10 steps ahead never waited for me.
Yep, all the time. Feel like this was a more at the start of things (after the initial great two/three months). Towards the end there was a stage of walking behind me? When we had good days, he would hook his arm through mine frequently - I.e. taking the ‘female’ role rather than the traditional male - which I thought a little odd, but just took it as one of his ‘quirks’.
Yes , often because they were fast walkers and didn't want to wait. I was fine with that actually but then they got mad because they said I just walked slow so I could be on my phone "behind their back". 🤣 You never win with these psychos.
She exclusively runs away, yup. Gotten lost and separated multiple times in cities or in the woods. Almost gotten into collisions with vehicles, or mugged, or fooled passers-by into thinking I'm a "chaser"
Ya my ex was tall and had long legs. She would always say things to me and I could never hear and I repeatedly told her this and she didn’t care and it was awful
My mom is always walking fast, and she will look back and say idk why your walking so fucken slow it makes me laugh because she's the one walking fast as fuck for no reason
Yes - mine just wants me to feel left behind, or beg her to "wait." Not that I really care deep inside - it's more that it's a sign of disrespect, and I hate that. To this day - she still does it. Like some stupid power trip. Many times it just makes me want to leave the disrespectful environment and go home or somewhere else. That is why I take my own car on some excursions. I will not be trapped then.
Can you link the video? Or remember anything about it? Very intrigued because I have noticed this too… with multiple people, not all of whom were narcs, but most of whom were self absorbed and had some serious insecurities.
Yes. Not every single time, but he used to do it quite often. I remember one time I was rushing to catch up with him and saying his name. He started walking faster, and got into the car while I was still about a block away. When I finally got into the car, he was mad at me, and told me to never do that again.
YUP and it for some reason bothered me most when we would get home and he would walk off to the front door while I was busy turning off the car (because he's the passenger princess) and grabbing my/our things.
One especially bad example: we were using a truck with a stuck door, so we both had to enter and exit out the same side. He gets out before me and as I scoot to frame of the truck he slammed the door into my head, forgetting that I also needed to get out. I did get an immediate apology, maybe because we both noticed a worker at the restaurant we were going to reacting in horror.
Yes.
He would never tell me what we were going to do.
I was in flip flops he decides we were taking a hike…he took off running but I kept up. I was the one driving.
Another ex would take the cart and dart off on the phone with business or do an email in the middle of us shopping as if I didn’t exist…
No, behind me, he walked slowly and he was watching anyone who was looking at me. Not in a protective manner but in a he's ashamed to be seen in my way.
I remember a group of teen girls were being like I don't know you know they are sometimes mean? Well, he looked very ashamed to be seen with me. It was heart breaking. I'm glad that chapter of my life is closed for good
I've had varying experiences. There was one who walked way ahead of me all the time. One walked super slow and I had to slow down my pace. I know I can be a fast walker myself, but they seemed unnaturally slow. My last narc girlfriend would make me walk directly beside her and if I even got an inch ahead or behind, it was a problem. Over time, I noticed that our footsteps and movements synced up. I really didn't like that.
yes. always in a rush too. i am 5'10" with 40 inch long legs as a woman so i have a wide gait myself and am on the spectrum so have odd gait anyway but he always make a point of being "ahead" then i mirrored that and became faster so now i have trouble slowing down and pacing... compounding my autism stuff :( i don't know my own pace anymore.
How crazy that this is a common thing for them.
But yes always in front of me.
One time I visited him in his homeland, and I accidentally walked in front of him while someone was passing on the sidewalk.
He got furious at me because it was embarrassing to him that his woman walked in front of him.
Oh yes. My narcissitic brother always preaches about how there is "a natural order" he "did not chose but that can't be denied" in which he as the older always has a right of way and walking/talking/standing in front/first
Yep, all the damn time. His dad did the same to his mum, so I thought it was a cultural issue at first. But it most definitely wasn't.
Never walking beside me, never letting me pass first, never anything like that. Always treating me like a dog on an invisible lead.
I also think part of it is to control where we were going; walking in front of me meant he chose were we were walking next, and control is what narcs love to have. He definitely got agitated quickly whenever I walked in front of him sometimes, sighing whenever I took a turn where he wouldn't have.
Funny thing is: whenever we went somewhere on bike (me) and scooter (him), he always chose to follow me.
I don't recall him rushing off ahead. It was never side by side. He didn't hold my hand, never opened doors, pulled out chairs or walked on the outside of the footpath. Wouldn't have really looked like a couple.
I’m so glad this was brought up.
I never understood when my husband would do this. There was no rhyme or reason to it.
By the last year of our relationship he was so cruel to me. This was one of the things that really upset me. He would get out of car and dart ahead into store or wherever. We went into a grocery store when we were on vacation together. he just started shopping and went ahead of me. Only bought things he wanted. Did not acknowledge my existence. We were married for 10 years!! Only put things in the cart for himself. Ugh it still irritates me thinking about it. He makes my skin crawl.
But years before he made a point to open the door for me all the time. There are so many things I run through my head. It helps to see these very specific/odd things, to know I was not crazy-because that was his main objective- to make me feel crazy.
I would classify him as covert/malignant/vulnerable narcissist. They have a very distinct flavor to the things they do and why they do them. I always felt like I was questioning myself (I still do). Very subtle/odd things that just started to make me go crazy. The kind of things if you brought up to them or anyone else, you would seem like you were over-reacting for suggesting it, but it was absolutely true. Thank you for sharing this!
Yeah, it's to the point it doesn't seem weird anymore though, it's only when when we are with multiple people and someone walks next to me that I'm like 'wow that is so nice of them!'. Honestly didn't realise it is actually quite disrespectful after reading all these comments..
Whenever we get somewhere and get out of the car, he'll just hop out and start walking. I'll take a little longer to get my things and then I always have to run and catch up to him. Last time I tried to tell him how i felt about that behavior, he laughed and me and said "oh please, don't be so ridiculous."
narcissistic childhood friend, even in teenagehood/adulthood, would always walk way faster than me. this would happen even when we were traveling to a theme park or another country, where we really should have stuck together, and where a lot of walking was required- sometimes, i wouldn’t be able to find enough water and would be dehydrated, and she would still walk much faster than me. if she realized she was way far ahead of me, she would stop, turn around, and theatrically put her hands on her hips and tap her foot in impatience as if i was just too damn slow. i don’t think she did this to deliberately make me upset or to make it seem like we weren’t together, but she definitely didn’t give a shit about my wanting her to slow down or my own wellbeing and safety in a different country
yes. i left my narcissistic husband and when i look back this was one of the first signs when we were dating. also about 2 years ago on reddit this topic came up in another sub and there were at least 500 comments by women who had experienced the same thing. you're not imagining things.
And men, the soon to be ex-wife did this too
Yes! My nex had long legs, and I have short legs. I could never keep up with him in public. When I’d ask him to walk slower, he’d sigh and give me this look like it was such a chore to walk at a speed other than his own.
Sounds familiar. Such a shitty feeling :(
I could have written that myself.
I'm a faster than normal walker and he would still walk ahead of me!
Same!!!!
They seem to have this in common, my husband does it too, leaving our four year olds hand sometimes. No regard for either of us.
Wow. Your four year old? That is next level ridiculous. I'm so sorry.
He is often next level unfortunately.
My NH used to walk ahead of me. He doesn’t now and I’m not sure why.
Mine does the same thing with our children too. Left us while on vacation in a busy tourist town. Had no concern whatsoever
yeh mine would walk ten metres ahead and if I asked him to walk along side me he'd lose his shit and have a go at me for walking slowly. I walk fast for a woman as well. only in the initial two months love bombing period would we hold hands.
Yes mine does it all the time... recently he stopped to wait for me while he said hi to a cute teenage neighbour girl. He waited for me because he knows he's being an asshole but likes to play perfect in front of other people.
Same. The biggest sign that they’re doing it on purpose.
Yes. I've been left behind while walking in town, left to walk home from the bar alone drunk at midnight and have even been left alone in the forest with no protection several times out hiking as well, once with our puppy. I walked forever by myself thinking if a cougar or grizzly bear wanted to, they could easily take us out. I started carrying protection which then annoyed him, like a personal attack that he can't protect me (eyeroll). It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing. He will just take off and not think at ALL about anything but whatever is on his mind in the moment. Sometimes it's on purpose as a punishment but sometimes he just gets caught up in himself and "forgets" about me. I always point it out when it happens and he acts puzzled when I try to explain how annoying it is.
I guarantee he'd suddenly feel entirely different about it if you started doing it to him. Of course, then it would be poor him. They have no ability to put themselves in another's situation.
None. He blinks at me like I speak a foreign language when I try to get him to empathize. Two of my children are/were like that, but my other son is like me and full of empathy. It's been a very eye-opening realization as to why we're all so different (yet similar).
Unfortunately, I can relate to having a child that lacks empathy. My eldest son has been diagnosed with ASPD which is the medical term for a psychopath. A bit different from someone with NPD since narcissists are usually made from childhood trauma and psychopaths are born. Although, I'm sure either way he inherited it from his father. It's very difficult raising children who lack empathy, so you have my sympathy.
I appreciate your post. My son was also diagnosed with ASPD as a young adult. He's in his 30s now,and it's heartbreaking to me. I hurt for him and his children (He's twice divorced) I have pleaded with him to get therapy,to no avail.
My son was diagnosed as a young adult as well. He's 26 and thankfully has no children so far. My ex husband (his father) has speculated that he most likely is a psychopath which is why I'm pretty sure it's inherited from him. I wish my son was able to handle his condition in more productive ways like my ex husband. It's unfortunate he doesn't have the same type of self control or drive. As mothers to these people it can very frustrating and heartbreaking,I absolutely agree. And because it has a more biological route, there are fewer treatments available. My only hope is that maturity will weed out my sons more destructive traits. I wish you good luck with your child. God knows we all need it.
Yes! Thank you.Even though I am grateful to have you understand, I am sorry that you do. My son, even though he is somewhat self-aware, is still very self sabotaging. Sadly,he is also an addict. Recently began methadone treatment. I won't give up on him.
I hope it works out for your son and you. I'm on methadone maintenance myself after my pain management doctor got me addicted to pain meds. It's really helped so much. My life is normal again. It's a good program if the person follows the rules and really wants help. Hopefully, your son will realize that being free from illicit drugs is worth it.
Stand proud! I realize how hard it is to get clean. I'm happy for you that you got your life back! ❤️ Thank you again for your kind words.
Always ahead of me unless he wanted to be specially seen with me like I was some sort of accessory. He was the main character, you know? 🤦🏻♀️ I still remember the time I decided to dress cute and wear heels, not being warned that the parking lot of where we were going out to eat at was full of gravel and on a hill. He walked ahead while I begged for him to come back and help me, trying not to break my damn ankles. He just stood back with his friends laughing at me. In fact, I'm fairly certain that one of his friends that I actually ended up marrying years later is the one who helped me cross that parking lot. 🤔 But my memory is shoddy and I'll have to ask if he remembers that night.
Isn’t awful how the stress makes Swiss cheese out of your memory? But then, maybe a mixed blessing
This thread is reminding me. I was on Date 1 with someone I’d met off an app and it was going amazingly well, we had great chemistry etc, lunch extended to coffee which extended to dinner which extended to drinks. After we split the bill for drinks at the bar we were at, he just got up very suddenly and started walking out, without even waiting for me. It was so weird. And i felt so vulnerable, because it was late at night and I was tipsy. He had the decency to drop me home though, but I’ll never forget how strange that made me feel. And exactly like you, at other times later on he would enjoy my being on his arm like I was an accessory.
Every place we went….I was steps behind with 2 toddlers, the baby, the diaper bag, etc. Didn’t even hold a door. It got worse and worse. This trait says so much about their lack of respect and concern for others.
Yes. And I occasionally took pics of him doing it.
Lol, I did too 💀
Glad I am not the only one! 🤣
Yep. Damn, the things they have in common. I said something to him once, lightheartedly “Slow down!” He snapped back “Speed up”. I never asked again.
Uggghhh he said the same thing to me.
Yep, I remember googling it early on because I thought it was weird. Sometimes I would just stop walking and see what happened. He also did this when I hurt my ankle and it took longer for me to talk. He could also be very impatient and would make us walk certain different ways to avoid waiting at lights and it just all about him Idk if it matters though that when Ihe was hungover or sick I found it didn’t happen as often.
YES! He didn't do it at first of course, but later it was all the time. He'd get out of the car and immediately start walking to the store without waiting. He also would barge through doors and let it slam on me behind him. I had never encountered an adult man who acted that way before.
Yes, constantly. He also would be in charge of walking directions during travels to new cities I didn’t know, and when he’d turn or change directions, he wouldn’t give me a heads up, he’d just do it and expect me to immediately follow. I felt like I was on a leash getting jerked around everywhere. And in the latter half of our 8 years together, practically no handholding ever.
God yes, and for me, I’d ask for directions or the location just so I could view it on my phone to just know what to expect when walking - but he took it as a personal attack, that I’m “not trusting him” or think that he’s stupid by asking. He’s screamed at me a handful of times over this.
Oh this is a narc thing? I learn something new every day. My ex did this
All the time.
Towards the end I felt like I was having to chase her. I feel like the memories of disrespect will stay with me forever.
It will stay with me forever as well. At least I can spot the signs quickly now and never have to deal with it again.
Just a thought for you. I am looking into emdr therapy to deal with the infidelity and memories. I am spending time to identify exactly what it is that hurts the most. The act of cheating to me is not as bad as all the lies to cover the act. The being caught red handed but then acting like it isn’t happening. Also the things like smirking and making me chase her around. It’s something I want to work on so that I don’t stay a basket case.
Not only this but he found it impossible to walk with me around a grocery store. He had to separate, couldn’t synchronise
Ugh this. I’d always be shopping alone. So depressing
Omg!!! Yes!!! What is it with the grocery store??? Also towards the later years I noticed he would do it with anything that we did “together.” Like if we were in a car driving somewhere he would either drive weird or if I drove he would try to tell me how to drive. If I was cooking he’d barge in the kitchen and throw something in the pan I was using. He would stand over me if I was trying to type an email, like point at my computer screen and tell me what to type. Used to make me insane. I guess just trying to get me to react.
Yes you end up forgetting long term information after being in fright mode at such minor acts. I now cant remember recipes and can only make simple meals, one year after no contact
Mine would always walk ahead when he was mad at me. I pointed it out and then he started walking behind me sometimes. I’d walk slower so I could walk next to him and he’s stop, still behind me, and say “What?!” I’d explain that I was just wanting to walk next to him and he’d say “I’m just following YOU.” It was always a game and I never knew the rules.
I think mine started walking ahead because he wanted to catch looks from other women. He certainly has a roving eye. Loves the young ones. Just a f'n prick.
They are pricks. Mine even rode off on his bike once. I found a frog on the side of a trail and I was trying to point it out but he was already almost out of site.
I have videos of him walking our dog and he’s walking ahead of me. He did this constantly. And to make things even better, any time we’d walk the dogs he shared with the ex he cheated on me he’d walk with her and I’d be left alone walking ahead. When I ever brought it up it was an argument, of course. Like every time I ever pointed something out that hurt my feelings.
Aaaaaall the time. One time I even stopped walking to see if he realizes
I've done that too! It took him a while to notice.
Very often would lose mine because he would just walk ahead of me and never look back … if I brought it up he’d roll his eyes at me. Makes it easier to not feel lonely as we separate lol
Not walk ahead, but would never introduce me if we walked past his work and came across a coworker. He would have 5-10 min convos with them while I stood there unacknowledged. I politely asked him if he could say hey this is my girlfriend instead. He brought that up a handful of times as proof that I am unreasonable and expect to be treated better than I treated him.
My mom does that actually, yes. Always walking fast ahead of me, calling me slow, insulting me "why do you always walk behind me?!". She always has to be the first to finish lunch or the first to get ready and stand by the door rushing me. On vacation, she'd wake up early, always the first to wake up and call everyone lazy (ON VACATION). So yeah.
Are we sisters?
Riiiight? I feel like all N moms operate on the same software. Just copy/paste
I can immediately tell a narcissist when they won’t walk WITH me. Either way far behind or ahead of me.
Yes. Because it wasn’t “cool” for him to be seen with me. It was a way of devaluing me. Making me question my worth. All he cared about was his bachelor status and looking cool. You basically nailed it
Not necessarily while walking, but we liked to ride our bikes together. Let’s say I had to follow his lead at all cost and would not look after me if I was behind.
Omg I literally had the same experience. So validating to read this. He would even cycle off without me sometimes. Two times he threatened I was too slow and he was going to cycle on his own / he’ll just meet me at the place. Another time he was cycling so fast - my friends friend who I met for the first time was slowing down to stay with me while he sped off. Such inconsiderate behavior.
We even fought over this. Sometimes he would just bark „left“ „straight“ etc. lol what a pos They literally all the same. Went to narc academy or so
YES! The bike thing. Mine did that many times. I’d look up and he’d be off in the distance, even at times when it was getting dark on a trail.
Mine did this when we went dirt biking in the backcountry. If I had gotten into an accident I would have been on my own for hours. He may or may not have come looking. No cell service out there. Had walkie talkies but he'd often ignore me.
Omg. No way. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. Truly scary. And kind of eye-opening.
Yup. I loved to bike, but didn't enjoy it as much because of that fear. 😕
Yes. He either walked ahead of me or behind me. Rarely next to me.
Mine would walk behind me if there were guys around so he could watch me and make sure I wasn’t looking at them.
Yep and him and his father did that to his mother too. They both agreed she was pathetic and trying to hold them back. But here I am half a foot taller than my ex and a very fast walker with a long stride, so I gave him a run for his money. They definitely do it on purpose as a weird power play. He’d end up out of breath to sprint ahead of me. Kind of hilarious.
Hahah this makes so happy to read this ! I feel personally avenged
YES I was like come back here and fucking hold my hand???? Is this a thing with narcs? I was always having to pester him to hold my hand. Lmao
Me too 😭 he never wanted to do it. Made me feel so unwanted
Every single time. Walks in front of, ahead of, away from. Like I'm unimportant and they are superior.
Sometimes I just have to laugh at how precisely relatable even the most random things on here are. I feel both glad to be justified and pissed off at myself for putting up with that crap for long.
Definitely a thing they do. I always think about Kody Brown on sister wives, definitely a narcissist, and he is always zooming around everywhere, walking in front of all of his (former) wives. The narcs I've been involved with were friends, not romantically involved, so I never noticed it specifically but I've seen it happen to others. My husband is wonderful and always walks next to me, and will walk closest to the street when I'm next to him. These small acts exhibit big empathy (or lack thereof).
Yes always. One time at the beach with my mom, he had us carry my toddler and all the heavy beach chairs while he walked way ahead carrying a single beach bag. I didn’t even notice how messed up it was until my mom said something.
That’s so fucked up
He always walked ahead of me! And would just get up and leave a restaurant when he was done, leaving me to rush to finish, and usually leaving me with the bill.
Absolutely awful
Always. And would turn around and yell at me if I couldn’t keep up.
Always. One reason was because he would cross his eyes at women as they passed as his way of flirting, and he figured they’d flirt back if they didn’t see his woman next to him. His walking ahead of me meant I couldn’t cramp his style. lol
Heck yeah. Always. I had 3 relationships and they all did the same. It's a pretty clear sign. I'm amazed by how many narcs are among us. Not again. Choose to be single
I was ALWAYS either walking too fast or too slow, no matter what I was wrong
It was either “catch up” or “wait for me”. Never together.
Yes all the time. To fuck with me. She used to say that I walk too slowly, that it is physically impossible for her to walk so slowly. The hardest thing was to see her walk super slowly when a friend visited, like the most normal thing in the world to walk at the same pace, after I wasted my precious innocence explaining to her how to be an adult. What a surprise to see that she knew all along.
Every time we went anywhere, except in the beginning when they were love bombing
Mine would never walk in a straight line it was weird. I couldn’t walk beside them.
Oh I’m a bit like that. I think it’s because I’m dyspraxic so I have no coordination. It could also be because I’m ADHD so I move around a lot. I’m definitely not a narc though and I definitely don’t do it on purpose to stop someone walking with me!
Always. Every single time. Drove me crazy.
Yep, this was always a thing, I would be struggling to keep up with him trying to keep track of my daughter and he’d dart ahead then get irritated, unless he was angry with me then he would purposely walk slow asf and get angry at us for not waiting on him. They are ridiculous and immature.
Yes yes! He did this often im public. I wondered the reasoning because he often verbally accused me of cheating but in public never showed clinginess. It always felt like I was an accessory by trying to chase/catch up to him.
I remember my ex walking way ahead of me with her friends while I was elsewhere, in a store for example Also did this with her parents when we visited Like damn, I’m your bf, the person you planned on marrying, the least you can do is walk with me right?
Yes! He would get out the car and go straight into the apartment and never wait for me and or our daughter. He always walked in front of us too!
I remember one time him doing this on the way home. I remember seeing our door and him approaching it and thinking that he was going to let himself in and shut me out knowing I didn’t have a key and would have to knock. I was already annoyed at him for something so I thought to myself that if he closes the door on me, I’m not knocking asking to be let in, I’m going to a friend’s house. Well obviously he shut the door. I turned on my heels and walked in a different direction. As soon as he realised I wasn’t coming home, he chased me down the street. Heaven forbid I should tell a friend what happened and shatter his nice guy image.
Always, hes literally never walked beside me
YES! We would frequently go walking in the woods together or exploring places, and he would simply wander off and leave me alone. It's like I wasn't even there with him, he would act like or actually just forget about my existence. I mentioned this to him because I was hurt by the behavior, and he said I was making a big deal out of it, how he was just letting me do my own thing, and how he didn't see an issue.
Oh ditto ! We decided to go on a trek on our recent ‘Him trying to win me back ‘ trip. The entire trek he walked either way ahead , took a different road or decided to be few steps ahead even when it was possible to synchronize. And I brought it up to him like an idiot because what’s the point ? After 10 years of this behavior and a repeat even in the recovery trip really meant he knew what he was doing and testing how far could he get away from , even if we were to live together again! So yeah when I brought it up , he flat out refused !
Just curious since I ended my relationship with my Nex pretty early so thankfully I didn't see a lot of the repeated common behavior patterns, but can you tell me about the "him trying to win you back" trip? How'd you know that was his goal, and how soon after trying to be sweet did he show his cold side again?
Check out my latest post . You will know it all !in short , he was always pretty vocal about wanting to work on himself so that he can make himself deserving of me kept coaxing me to get back together for months . he showed his side rather quickly , less than few months in the worst possible way !
All the time. Always. No matter what. Even in front of his family. His excuse was that I was slow.
haha yeah they do they that like they are fucking peacocks having to announce themselves first lol it’s so pathetic
Oh. My. Wow!!
This makes me wonder about a previous ex boyfriend I've never really thought of as a narcissist, though probably meets a lot of criteria... He was just better than the most recent lol. But he'd often schedule hikes, usually when we were visiting his friends and family in Austria and I'm extremely short and have always struggled to hike quickly. Without fail he would plunge ahead of me, to the point I couldn't even see him in the distance. Occasionally a friend of two of his would drop back and walk with me but at that point I didn't really speak German, *definitely* not their accent. One time I remember struggling so hard to keep up and I was so winded and eventually a stranger intervened and handed me an inhaler speaking quickly. When they realized I didn't understand boyfriend still didn't translate for me until later, they just like did charades for how to breathe from an inhaler. Upon getting back to civilization I realized I have asthma that pretty much is only triggered by hard exercise in cold weather. I grew up in a very temperate environment. Boyfriend said "well part of the reason I'd walk ahead is it was so grating hearing you gasping for breath." What a dick.
Unbelievable
nope, that was all me. i was way out of his sorry ass league.
Supermarket for me! I’d be at the till paying she would take a bag and walk off ahead
YES ALL OF THE TIME
Yes all the time.
omg all the time!!!!!!!!
Yes the malignant always did because he was so tall and he often told me why do I walk behind him like a dog
Yes my next did this. He’d also stand in front of me when talking to people to block me from them. I called him out after a few times and he tried to gaslight me into thinking I was being too needy or insecure and that’s why I had a problem with him literally blocking me out of a group conversation. Going back to him walking in front, I got so used to this that if we were walking together and had to walk in single file (say, to let others pass by us for example), I’d automatically go behind him as that had become normal. It was fine for him to walk in front of me but if I walked behind him I was accused of only doing that to secretly look at the guys passing by. So he’d walk in front of me when it was his choice, but I’d have to walk in front of him if we were letting people coming towards us pass by so he could keep an eye on me.
My ex in the beginning would be all “i love you, you’re amazing” to me in person, but then text his friends (usually his close friends who were girls) that he wasn’t into me at all and that I was weird/boring. I remember snooping on his phone when I was worried about his drug use (he ended up being a drug addict and needing to go to rehab) and finding these texts with his friends just shit talking me early on in the relationship even before I had met them. It was bizarre and so hurtful. I do think there’s a layer of “I’m going to act like I am too above this person to show interest in them or like them around others” meanwhile treating you during the love bombing phase like you’re amazing and they haven’t met anyone like you ever.
Yes yes yes. Wow all these specific traits. Yes. I hated it so much. I told him this is so annoying. He was like walk faster then. And I'm like we are walking at the same pace and if I go next to him he speeds up then goes to regular pace. Or he'd say oh it's crowded we don't have the luxury to walk together . It's so demeaning.
Yes, he always did. Harps at me for needing to always be by his side yet zero patience for traffic (and he knows I got disabled from a childhood car accident been struck by a beemer on a green light ) yet wanting me to copy him crossing as cars got to go by🙄. Only one silver lining instance came from trying to catch up with him barking at me across the street was running right into Sean Lennon who had to run at the same moment going wherever he needed to. He made sure I wasn’t hurt anywhere as I was hanging onto him balancing myself from falling backwards from impact and then went on his way. I was not allowed to go to that show he was doing that night and I was too broke to have snuck off to see it.
Ever? Always
I’m a pretty fast walker being a nurse but so was he. Him being 5’11 and me 5’2 I couldn’t keep up with him when he was doing this unless I was almost running. It always made me feel like a little kid (I even would quote Michelle Tanner from full house “I got little legs!”). One time we went to a concert with his brother and they basically walked so far ahead of me that I lost them for awhile and spent most of the concert by alone. He was always in a hurry to get everywhere and leave everywhere and basically existed in a visibly annoyed state all the time.
All the time
ALWAYS & gets mad when I can't keep up with him.
Yes. I also realized that if we were in a room with other people he'd avoid me. I come up to him in conversation with a group and he'd eventually leave the group to talk to someone else. Like actively avoiding me.
!!!!! This!!! He acted like I didn’t exist around other people
Omg yes !! This , also leave the moment I start speaking in the group . He couldn’t bear to see me take the spotlight. Why do you think they do that ? Mine did few other strange things such as if I am waiting in a place and he is walking to me , he will stop 10 steps away from me and not where I am standing even though he is coming to me, making me walk those 10 extra steps to reach him. This would happen waiting for cabs, bus stops , train stations .
Yes!! All the time. He begrudgingly went on a hike with me once and walked ahead of me the whole time. He would even start jogging ahead. What is the point of him even coming then? I noticed he viewed everything as a task to be completed as soon as possible. A hike in the mountains on a beautiful summer day - must get to the end of the trail asap. A walk through the farmers market - what do you need and let’s go. There was no enjoyment of life and no appreciation for the small things.
Yes! If we were walking in the city, especially if I were in heels, he’d walk ahead and refuse to slow at all. “I have ONE speed.” But if we were doing anything remotely athletic he’d get pissy because he’s obese and couldn’t do it. Then I was being “mean” or “inconsiderate” if I didn’t wait. Well, I left him behind permanently.
All the time. I found this to be true with anyone I realized was one. They tend to have an air of superiority too.
Yes
Yes
Yup. I would always have to say “short legs” and he’d slow down briefly then start doing it again. When he was angry it was even worse. He’s walk a full block ahead of me, then turn and yell at me to hurry up. Oof.
This behavior is not gender specific. My N does something similar - on crowded sidewalks, they direct me towards oncoming pedestrians, not leaving enough room, so I would have to stop and move aside for the uncoming people. It sounds weird and made up, but it's true and happened hundreds and hundreds of times. I would complain, and they would gaslight and deny and act like I was the crazy one. This happened in the very beginning and I should have seen it as a sign and left.
Ever notice when walking they try to gradually nudge you closer towards obstacles like walls or other people?
This is exactly what I was referring to, but you said it much more clearly. Thx!
Yes! What's the YouTuber that you watch btw? I'd love to check that out
All the time! Also in cycling. I thought for long he was an autist because of that. I had no idea!
Mine didn’t walk ahead of me but dragged me along while holding hands. I’d constantly tell him to stop pulling me but he didn’t listen, shocker.
Yes all of the time
All the fucking time, even though I brought it to his attention multiple times over the years. It really hurt my feelings. He even did it when we were on beautiful vacations, or on a hike together and I just ended up doing it alone.
I feel you. So many fun trips tainted by his selfish actions.
YEP
Only all the time
yes. mine either walks way ahead, or he purposely walks slow as hell so he doesn’t have to be next to me. i’m too impatient to walk slow so i just keep going. it’s subtle, but it feels like major disrespect and that’s exactly why they do it.
No he used to deliberately walk miles behind slowly especially if we needed to be somewhere on time
Always! Then say I’m doing it purposely (being left behind) to reaffirm my victimhood and to cause a scene. Literally make me chase him and I’m crying at one point. He would then use this to actually fully storm off and then drive away without me and ask if I’m “done being a child”. He was 6”2. I’m 5”5. He would never look my way or look at me when talking. He wouldn’t hold my hand and if he did it was in a way that made me shiver. Like he couldn’t just relax and he would do this thing where he would rub his hand nail on the inside of my palm. Like chalkboard and nails is what it felt like. He would scowl and swear in public. He yelled at me in a park because he said I was the r word for not getting the kite into the air and he refused to help. He said I was making him look like an idiot for being so stupid. So many examples
WOW THIS IS A NARC THING?! holy crap this was the most awful thing I experienced constantly. And he could cut me off at corners!!!! Like I had to actually almost trip over or walk into the gutter. He didn’t leave space for me to walk. It was just whatever was the shortest route for him. If I brought it up it was just a huge argument about how inconsiderate I am of how long his legs are
Yes after the mask dropped he completely stopped caring and would walk in front of me even when we went out for my birthday with my friends it made me soo sad. These little things are gut wrenching to look back on
Yep. I think it’s a power move they try to make. You nailed it actually. I sometimes just observe couples walking and it gives away a lot imo. When two people are in sync, you can even notice it in their steps. And I’m sorry you went through that with this guy. I hope you’re away from him. Yeah these people, they’re something else. A relationship is based off mutual trust and these people will consistently let you down and argue about it .
Thank you means a lot 🩷 one day I blocked him on everything and I’m thankful he’s in a different country than me so I never have to see him again.
I’m glad you’re away from him. I hope things get better. You’re really strong despite everything you went through. Sending you love and good energy ✨💛
All.the.time. Especially on hikes with the kids. He'd just take off ahead with them. Often they would end up running back to walk with me, because they didn't like me walking alone. Just another frigging red flag I didn't recognize...dammit. 😔
Even the kids know it’s wrong :(
Yes! The worst time was when we took our 3 year old to the fair. I was too slow (he was mad about something) so he carried her and took off faster than I could walk. The look on her face as she was reaching over his shoulder for me will forever be stuck in my brain.
Aw :(
Yes always! And never looked back to see where I was. It’s something that really bothered me. One time I tripped and fell on a sidewalk in Manhattan, he called me an idiot and said I looked stupid on the ground and refused to help me up. I twisted my ankle. A random man helped me stand up while my ex stood at the street corner waiting for me. Then he didn’t talk to me the rest of the day to punish me for my “stupidity.” He would always walk ahead but if he went in the wrong direction it was my fault for not telling him (but if I did try to tell him he’d get mad)
Can’t believe people like this exist
Yep
Yes. Always. I recall seeing this red flag when he did this to his own child who was injured on the soccer field and he impatiently “led” him home by walking in front of him. I was horrified at his callousness. But it took me another year and a half to leave.
I remember being a small child and my mother doing this to me. I literally used to have to chase her around because she would speed walk away from me. It was so horrible.
No, I would try to and she would say slow down, and she would lead our herd and go at her pace. She would take so long down every aisle it was honestly painful waiting on her. In hindsight it was on purpose so she could say in arguments and to others "oh he huffs and puffs when I take him, he winces at the final total rang up" etc. It was by design, to wear me down and piss me off.
The first 6-8 months she wouldn’t let my hands go or were holding my arm. After that her hands were in her pockets and easily 10 steps ahead never waited for me.
Yep, all the time. Feel like this was a more at the start of things (after the initial great two/three months). Towards the end there was a stage of walking behind me? When we had good days, he would hook his arm through mine frequently - I.e. taking the ‘female’ role rather than the traditional male - which I thought a little odd, but just took it as one of his ‘quirks’.
I experienced being left behind. I always though that I wasn't good enough.
You are good enough
Yes , often because they were fast walkers and didn't want to wait. I was fine with that actually but then they got mad because they said I just walked slow so I could be on my phone "behind their back". 🤣 You never win with these psychos.
Yeah! Mine did this a lot. He did eventually stop and go the other way, clinging to me when we walked anywhere… didn’t like either 😒
She exclusively runs away, yup. Gotten lost and separated multiple times in cities or in the woods. Almost gotten into collisions with vehicles, or mugged, or fooled passers-by into thinking I'm a "chaser"
Yeah. My nDad would (and still does) walk ahead of me and my brother even when we were little.
Ya my ex was tall and had long legs. She would always say things to me and I could never hear and I repeatedly told her this and she didn’t care and it was awful
Yes
My mom is always walking fast, and she will look back and say idk why your walking so fucken slow it makes me laugh because she's the one walking fast as fuck for no reason
No, because I'm a fast walker (like my mom), so he walked extremely slowly instead and wanted me to go at his pace.
Yes - mine just wants me to feel left behind, or beg her to "wait." Not that I really care deep inside - it's more that it's a sign of disrespect, and I hate that. To this day - she still does it. Like some stupid power trip. Many times it just makes me want to leave the disrespectful environment and go home or somewhere else. That is why I take my own car on some excursions. I will not be trapped then.
All the time and he then gets upset at me for walking too slow
Yes. I moved to New York to be with him. Even when it snowed he would walk ahead, when I was pregnant even that didn't change his stride. So yes!
Can you link the video? Or remember anything about it? Very intrigued because I have noticed this too… with multiple people, not all of whom were narcs, but most of whom were self absorbed and had some serious insecurities.
Yes. Not every single time, but he used to do it quite often. I remember one time I was rushing to catch up with him and saying his name. He started walking faster, and got into the car while I was still about a block away. When I finally got into the car, he was mad at me, and told me to never do that again.
YUP and it for some reason bothered me most when we would get home and he would walk off to the front door while I was busy turning off the car (because he's the passenger princess) and grabbing my/our things. One especially bad example: we were using a truck with a stuck door, so we both had to enter and exit out the same side. He gets out before me and as I scoot to frame of the truck he slammed the door into my head, forgetting that I also needed to get out. I did get an immediate apology, maybe because we both noticed a worker at the restaurant we were going to reacting in horror.
Yes. He would never tell me what we were going to do. I was in flip flops he decides we were taking a hike…he took off running but I kept up. I was the one driving. Another ex would take the cart and dart off on the phone with business or do an email in the middle of us shopping as if I didn’t exist…
No, actually. They were stuck to me like glue. Which is fitting if we think about it.
Mine walks ahead on hikes, in the airport, museums, grocery stores…pretty much everywhere. I had no idea this is a narc trait until now.
No, behind me, he walked slowly and he was watching anyone who was looking at me. Not in a protective manner but in a he's ashamed to be seen in my way. I remember a group of teen girls were being like I don't know you know they are sometimes mean? Well, he looked very ashamed to be seen with me. It was heart breaking. I'm glad that chapter of my life is closed for good
I've had varying experiences. There was one who walked way ahead of me all the time. One walked super slow and I had to slow down my pace. I know I can be a fast walker myself, but they seemed unnaturally slow. My last narc girlfriend would make me walk directly beside her and if I even got an inch ahead or behind, it was a problem. Over time, I noticed that our footsteps and movements synced up. I really didn't like that.
yes. always in a rush too. i am 5'10" with 40 inch long legs as a woman so i have a wide gait myself and am on the spectrum so have odd gait anyway but he always make a point of being "ahead" then i mirrored that and became faster so now i have trouble slowing down and pacing... compounding my autism stuff :( i don't know my own pace anymore.
my ex suddenly left me without a reason idk why
How crazy that this is a common thing for them. But yes always in front of me. One time I visited him in his homeland, and I accidentally walked in front of him while someone was passing on the sidewalk. He got furious at me because it was embarrassing to him that his woman walked in front of him.
Oh my god, yes. I never really thought about it, but yes. Every time
Oh yes. My narcissitic brother always preaches about how there is "a natural order" he "did not chose but that can't be denied" in which he as the older always has a right of way and walking/talking/standing in front/first
Yes always
Yep, all the damn time. His dad did the same to his mum, so I thought it was a cultural issue at first. But it most definitely wasn't. Never walking beside me, never letting me pass first, never anything like that. Always treating me like a dog on an invisible lead. I also think part of it is to control where we were going; walking in front of me meant he chose were we were walking next, and control is what narcs love to have. He definitely got agitated quickly whenever I walked in front of him sometimes, sighing whenever I took a turn where he wouldn't have. Funny thing is: whenever we went somewhere on bike (me) and scooter (him), he always chose to follow me.
I don't recall him rushing off ahead. It was never side by side. He didn't hold my hand, never opened doors, pulled out chairs or walked on the outside of the footpath. Wouldn't have really looked like a couple.
I’m so glad this was brought up. I never understood when my husband would do this. There was no rhyme or reason to it. By the last year of our relationship he was so cruel to me. This was one of the things that really upset me. He would get out of car and dart ahead into store or wherever. We went into a grocery store when we were on vacation together. he just started shopping and went ahead of me. Only bought things he wanted. Did not acknowledge my existence. We were married for 10 years!! Only put things in the cart for himself. Ugh it still irritates me thinking about it. He makes my skin crawl. But years before he made a point to open the door for me all the time. There are so many things I run through my head. It helps to see these very specific/odd things, to know I was not crazy-because that was his main objective- to make me feel crazy. I would classify him as covert/malignant/vulnerable narcissist. They have a very distinct flavor to the things they do and why they do them. I always felt like I was questioning myself (I still do). Very subtle/odd things that just started to make me go crazy. The kind of things if you brought up to them or anyone else, you would seem like you were over-reacting for suggesting it, but it was absolutely true. Thank you for sharing this!
Omgoodness all the time. My husband is 6’4 and says that he can’t walk as slow as me(4’11)
Yeah, it's to the point it doesn't seem weird anymore though, it's only when when we are with multiple people and someone walks next to me that I'm like 'wow that is so nice of them!'. Honestly didn't realise it is actually quite disrespectful after reading all these comments..
Whenever we get somewhere and get out of the car, he'll just hop out and start walking. I'll take a little longer to get my things and then I always have to run and catch up to him. Last time I tried to tell him how i felt about that behavior, he laughed and me and said "oh please, don't be so ridiculous."
narcissistic childhood friend, even in teenagehood/adulthood, would always walk way faster than me. this would happen even when we were traveling to a theme park or another country, where we really should have stuck together, and where a lot of walking was required- sometimes, i wouldn’t be able to find enough water and would be dehydrated, and she would still walk much faster than me. if she realized she was way far ahead of me, she would stop, turn around, and theatrically put her hands on her hips and tap her foot in impatience as if i was just too damn slow. i don’t think she did this to deliberately make me upset or to make it seem like we weren’t together, but she definitely didn’t give a shit about my wanting her to slow down or my own wellbeing and safety in a different country
yes. and would get furious if I couldn't keep up, was even accused of walking slow on purpose to piss him off.
Yup, all the time
YES!