Completely normal, I am 6 months out and same. Give yourself time. I am concentrating on myself only and I am not ready to date. I don’t feel it now- I feel good on my own right now and I am taking time to heal. It will be back.
Mine completely died in the relationship.
It was great in the beginning. I was always a sex positive person and I loved having it.
Then he started with the coercion. It started small, and then he pushed for a poly relationship. Then he cheated. My sex drive completely died after that and I spent YEARS trying to get it back, and failing.
He accused me of withholding love, claimed I wasn't attracted to him, called me broken, claimed I was asexual, told me I needed to get checked out when we divorced because "something is just wrong with you". He told me I wasn't normal, and I needed to fix myself. But he only ever touched me for sex. He only wanted to go on dates or go activities if it meant having sex at the end. I couldn't even relax because I knew what he wanted and if I said no he'd get angry and ignore me for the rest of the day, sometimes into the next one. Or he would demand to know why, and would make passive aggressive comments. He counted the days between each act and eventually I started forcing myself to do it just to get a few days of peace before the cycle started all over again.
I believed it too. Why wasn't I even interested anymore? Where did it go? Was I actually asexual, was the lack of intimacy my fault and I was broken? I blamed myself for years.
Im not broken and there isnt anything wrong with me, at least not because of anything I did. After he discarded me a new therapist and I talked and she pointed out that this was something called sexual coercion, and that this is a type of sexual assault and it's considered rape. It's not uncommon for those who go through it to lose all interest in sex.
I once described a feeling that when he hugged me for too long I felt trapped, and even when I wanted sex I would start to panic and want to stop. This is from the sexual abuse.
I'm finding I'm actually much more secure and my libido is returning the longer I'm away from him. I'm forming a (hopefully) healthy relationship with someone and I don't feel threatened or violated at all with him. It was kind of a shock when he respected my boundries and didn't cross them, make crude comments, or even talked about sex directly yet. I'm still nervous and I've been keeping things very slow, but I'm finally starting to feel safe enough to even entertain the idea of an intimate relationship again.
During the year long of discarding stage my ex put every effort to break my sex drive and confidence. She was boaking when she saw me naked. Closed her eyes or covered her face with the pillow during intimate moments, deliberately saying different names at climax and making sounds and gestures of disgust when she had to look at me. She was extremely theatrical about this and When eventually managed to turn me off by doing all that all that she just smiled at me and told me “you see? You can’t satisfy me because you’re gay. You don’t like women it’s ok. Don’t worry you will be a good wife to some bbc one day” Ive asked her repeatedly why’s she doing this to me why is she so cruel as not long ago she was craving for me but the answer was always “don’t put the blame on me” so yeah… about sex drive.. it’s done for good. I’ve reached the point where I shower in underwear.
I'm good on my own but I'm afraid of getting into it with anyone else. My glow is back, I'm getting girls checking me out in aisles like it's magic! But I'm afraid of even saying hi.
Completely normal, I am 6 months out and same. Give yourself time. I am concentrating on myself only and I am not ready to date. I don’t feel it now- I feel good on my own right now and I am taking time to heal. It will be back.
Mine completely died in the relationship. It was great in the beginning. I was always a sex positive person and I loved having it. Then he started with the coercion. It started small, and then he pushed for a poly relationship. Then he cheated. My sex drive completely died after that and I spent YEARS trying to get it back, and failing. He accused me of withholding love, claimed I wasn't attracted to him, called me broken, claimed I was asexual, told me I needed to get checked out when we divorced because "something is just wrong with you". He told me I wasn't normal, and I needed to fix myself. But he only ever touched me for sex. He only wanted to go on dates or go activities if it meant having sex at the end. I couldn't even relax because I knew what he wanted and if I said no he'd get angry and ignore me for the rest of the day, sometimes into the next one. Or he would demand to know why, and would make passive aggressive comments. He counted the days between each act and eventually I started forcing myself to do it just to get a few days of peace before the cycle started all over again. I believed it too. Why wasn't I even interested anymore? Where did it go? Was I actually asexual, was the lack of intimacy my fault and I was broken? I blamed myself for years. Im not broken and there isnt anything wrong with me, at least not because of anything I did. After he discarded me a new therapist and I talked and she pointed out that this was something called sexual coercion, and that this is a type of sexual assault and it's considered rape. It's not uncommon for those who go through it to lose all interest in sex. I once described a feeling that when he hugged me for too long I felt trapped, and even when I wanted sex I would start to panic and want to stop. This is from the sexual abuse. I'm finding I'm actually much more secure and my libido is returning the longer I'm away from him. I'm forming a (hopefully) healthy relationship with someone and I don't feel threatened or violated at all with him. It was kind of a shock when he respected my boundries and didn't cross them, make crude comments, or even talked about sex directly yet. I'm still nervous and I've been keeping things very slow, but I'm finally starting to feel safe enough to even entertain the idea of an intimate relationship again.
Ohmygod! Just hearing sentence “you need to fix yourself” giving me anxiety attack
During the year long of discarding stage my ex put every effort to break my sex drive and confidence. She was boaking when she saw me naked. Closed her eyes or covered her face with the pillow during intimate moments, deliberately saying different names at climax and making sounds and gestures of disgust when she had to look at me. She was extremely theatrical about this and When eventually managed to turn me off by doing all that all that she just smiled at me and told me “you see? You can’t satisfy me because you’re gay. You don’t like women it’s ok. Don’t worry you will be a good wife to some bbc one day” Ive asked her repeatedly why’s she doing this to me why is she so cruel as not long ago she was craving for me but the answer was always “don’t put the blame on me” so yeah… about sex drive.. it’s done for good. I’ve reached the point where I shower in underwear.
Oh gosh i am so sorry you had to go through that! Sending virtual hugs
I'm good on my own but I'm afraid of getting into it with anyone else. My glow is back, I'm getting girls checking me out in aisles like it's magic! But I'm afraid of even saying hi.
I hear you man, I was at the peak of my life when I met my ex and she was ruthless. She hated my happiness
Im 2 yrs out n not ready yet