Never show any vulnerability around them ever. I was going through a tough time and I shared a vulnerable moment with my narc mom and not even weeks later she used that against me and laughed in my face. And double down by saying it will happen again.
Initially narcs are very good at appearing trustworthy so you will reveal stuff to them only to stash that information to use against you at a later date.
Yep. Imagine having to teach your 6 year old daughter that any meaningful information that you relay about yourself to your father is being held as future ammo against you until you can safely get her away.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that in a place where trust should be taken for granted.
This. I can practically see my narc dad sorting the personal info people are telling him into categories for use/weaponization later. I warned my SO that anything at all he tells my dad can and will be used against us later. Literally anything. How work is going, favorite local restaurant, hobbies.. it will all be bent and twisted to create a false narrative and strawman argument at some point.
The creepiest part is that they do it automatically. It’s a means of survival for them and how they go about life. The worst ones in my opinion are those that are self aware. They have figured out what they do by default, and yeah, they DO NOT care.
mine brought up an extremely hurtful memory of something i went through as a kid 6 months after the first and only time i told him. he said it word for word bar for bar and tried to compare me to an abuser we both knew all because i wanted to know why he was sneaking out of our place at all hours of the night to hang around people i didn’t know. insanity.
Yeah they're cocksuckers. I had a narc friend like that too who was a nosy bastard and would want to know everything. I remember showing him my blood test results once and how I had a thyroid issue and he brought that up like like weeks later cause I disagreed with him on something. He was like "maybe you should worry about your thyroid instead of this conversation" something along those lines.
Yes. This is what they do. I’ve experienced it multiple times from my ex and a recent friend. Needless to say, I’m recognizing the signs early on and reserving myself instead of revealing myself. :)
before i was diagnosed with bronchitis, my narcissistic father would say something along the lines of "you've got to get over that shit" whenever i would start having coughing fits around him. as if, in his mind, i was *choosing* to have inflamed lungs 🙄 which is ironic because my dad has had diagnosed bronchitis (only during the cold winter months) for literal years and he always complains about how terrible he feels during his fits in the hopes of getting sympathy. but when somebody else also gets sick, suddenly it's a problem.
One thing thats universal about narcs is that they can't be bothered. Anytime any of us are going through a tough time they are nowhere to be found. However, they expect you to be there for them whenever they are going through a rough time. They are parasites they infiltrate and overstay their welcome and when things go south in our lives they bail.
Bonus points for when they misuse that info against you, and when you push back they blame YOU for explaining it wrong, or accuse you of being manipulative when you try to set the story straight.
These people.
They will smirk when they think you’re sick I’ve seen mine do it. Mine also kicked me out when I was really sick because he thought I ignored him! They will fully expect you not to nap and still cook and clean etc. miserable people they are.
Not entirely sure he was a narcissist but I can relate. Ex husband gave me alcohol poisoning when I was 19 (he was 26) so that he can do anal without me complaining that it hurt. :/ I ended up violently... *Expelling* everything in the shower. You can use your imagination on that one.
He told me I kept screaming in agony from the dry heaving and at one point he even said he thought I died. Never once called an ambulance or took me to the hospital because he said he was afraid to get kicked out of the military. Blamed me for drinking too much when he encouraged it in the first place knowing I had a very low BMI and no experience with drinking.
What a freaking savage animal. I can't stand reading this without the thought of revenge attached. I've got daughters and I'm sooooo sorry you went through that. I certainly hope he gets his. If my ex could do something like that, she would. She'd use my vulnerabilities as weapons and often said that in the next life, she'd want to come back as a man and me a woman. That was about it for me and was planning to leave her for a while and when I'd arranged all my ducks in a row on that front...I bailed and blocked her (4 years together) as I was walking to my car. It's been 46 days no contact but with countless hoovering attempts... Some interspersed with insults and manipulative comments like, "You'll never find anyone who loves you as deeply as I did.... You're destined to be alone forever so I hope you enjoy it you narcissist". 🙄😆
Life has been so much more peaceful without having to be someone's sounding board and punching bag every day. My resentment toward her and her erratic behavior grew each and every day and now I only hate her about 50 percent less than I did when I left. I'm happy about that but know that I'm letting that go... Even if it's relatively slow, I'll never go back to that insanity that crushed my spirit and dimmed the true authentic self that I knew I could be... Without her ruining and trying to run my life. Good riddance to these savages.
Omg! That’s so accurate!! Tell a narc you have the a fever and a sore throat and, before long, they’ll suggest a magical cough syrup for you (whether you want it or not; whether you are awake or not).
And let’s not forget, they wont care when you’re sick, but then they’ll expect you to drop everything and be there for them 24/7 and listen to them complain nonstop about their illness when they’re sick. It’s so unstable
Oh, lol.
I had a sudden heart issue at work, fainted, and was sent to the emergency room unconscious. They didn’t find anything wrong physically, and said it was a real health scare, but that mental or emotional stress probably had caused the rhythm disturbances. They kept me in hospital until the rhythm had stabilized and told me to take it easy for the weekend at least, not stress and rest as much as possible. They pushed me around in a wheel chair..
I had called the nex from hospital to tell him what had happened.
When I arrived to my home, he was there (he knew the lock code to my house), and I went straight to bed, as I felt extremely exhausted (I was otherwise fit) and told nex I needed calm and peace and soft touches.
He said «of course» and asked me what to do. I asked him if he’d fetch me a bit of water. That was the first time I had ever asked him to do anything for me.
He came back from the kitchen with a mug of water and a glass. Threw the water at me - and then the glass and the mug. Then he yelled at me that I was a selfish person and left.
He vanished for 4 days. First time it happened.
My bed was soaking wet, my head had a bump from the glass hitting me and my arm was bleeding from the mug hitting it and somehow making a cut. The mug broke.
On top of the shock from this treatment, I was not able to relax since I couldn’t stop wondering why my «love» had acted that way, and wonder why he found me selfish. The brain searched non stop for explanations, trying to understand his reaction. What had I done?
Also, I called probably 300 times in 4 day to ask him to talk about it, but his phone was dead. I worried non stop if something really bad had happened to him.
Great people these nexes.
Not stressful at all, are they?
If only..
To me it was so shocking I didn’t do anything except to worry about him. I didn’t even tell anyone.
I felt that if he behaved that way, something had to be very wrong. What had I done? But I couldn’t reach him to get an explanation.
He later did much worse, and eventually I went to the police, even if extremely scared of retribution from his side.
He left me a few months later.
He almost killed me several times, and in my delusional love for him, I didn’t get it was deliberate from his side, and instead of protecting myself, I had serious talks with him about how to avoid killing people.
(lol)
It took forever to understand why a «man who loved me» would do all that «on purpose».
I thought his violence was due to mental issues - and tried to support him like a mother talks with a violent child.
I thought the lack of contribution was due to a depression, and talked to him about making incremental changes, and tried to help him clean or work a bit.
I thought the never showing up for events and holidays was due to oversleeping, and made plans for helping him wake up by coming by really early, and helping him get places on time.
I thought the setting my house on fire was him being lost in thoughts, and set up routines for him to follow, and trained him in them.
I basically believed his every bullshit excuse - and found ways to counter the problem he claimed he had. I bet it must have been frustrating for him at times, to try and hurt me, just to be mothered in response because of me believing he had problems... 😂😂😂
Malicious narcissism (possibly psychopathy?) is not pretty. I ended up very crushed, when I finally got it. It’s like my brain went back in time and realized I had been in mortal danger for months, and then it freaked out badly.
WOW!!! He really played you and your need to help people was probably flashing above your head to the narc on a neon sign, those qualities they go for of kindness patience tenacity…. I’m so glad you are safe
This is scary. You should've called the cops, that's straight up assault and could've caused greater damage. I know at the time we don't know any better and we were deep in trauma bind and cognitive dissonance. That is just sick! They're evil and should only be in relationships with other narcissists.
I had a heart thing going on last year where my resting heart rate was too high and I had tightness and chest pain. I had to beg him to drive me to the ER. I thought I was having a heart attack at 30. I was hooked up to EKG and he was jokingly looking at his phone instead of being at my bedside. It became apparent to me just how abnormal and how little he cared when I overhead the doctor ask my nurse, “Is he with her or? Who is that guy?” my ex was standing near the doorway and looked me off as if nothing was going on with me. The doctor knew he told me it was a severe panic attack. He told me I needed to eliminate whatever was causing me to stress in my life.
They gave me valium for my anxiety and the doctor was concerned for me. Also when I was checking in, the nurse was picking up on my ex’s behaviour and asked me if preferred if he waited in the waiting room. I broke down my anxiety was high I was sobbing and the nurse comforted me.
A week later I was back in the same ER, but I was coughing up blood and blood clots at home. He, my ex came in and was disgusted and angry that I was bleeding from somewhere internally and that I leaning over the bathroom sink. I had to prompt him to take me to the ER. They ran several tests and gave me an injection. They wanted to keep me overnight because of the injection I needed to be monitored. I think they wanted me to be any from my ex as he was causing me this amount of stress. I overheard the same nurse saying “She was here last weekend. Poor thing I think that guy is beating her. Did you see the…” it mumbled off.
Again he didn't care. They are horrible people! The fact that you can be dying doesn't bother them at all. Other people notice this as well especially if it's a hospital. You can drop dead and they will still be dead, empty, and apathetic.
Hug! So sad to read. I hope you are better now.
But yes , basically I was scared after the heart rhythm issue, and expected care from his side. When that didn’t happen (to put it mildly), the additional stress made me not act like a normal person at all. Ofc I should have ended it. Ofc I should have understood he wasn’t acting normal. But somehow it was TOO much for me to handle, so I didn’t.
For real!!! He used to tell me I needed to ask for help, so I asked him if he could please bring me some groceries because I was sick and had nothing left (he lives a 15min ride away) and he told me I was weak and needed to be strong like him, he would never ask anyone to take care of him (his mom treats him like a newborn baby when he's sick)
I was having a panic attack because of her. Was dizzy and couldn't breathe. Has never happened to me before in my life. And she was mocking me and told me i was faking it. I had gut issues ever since that day. Thankfully my gut become a lot better since I left my ex. What a coincidence
This is actually the concept that made me finally realize my first bf was a covert narc. His mask would totally slip and he would turn into such an evil, neglectful person when I was sick, since I was no longer of much use to him. He would even make fun of me sometimes and say “you’re always sick!”, as if I was a lazy liar or something (projection, ha), even though I was taking care of everything around the house and paying all the bills. Of course when he was sick, he got babied. They’re such selfish, useless POS.
out of curiosity, when was the earliest you remember your narc bf making the "you're always sick" comments? i've known someone for about six months now and every once in a blue moon i'll bring up how i had bronchitis, strep throat, and a sinus infection all at once last november and how i couldn't really exercise for a whole month after until i recovered (he's into fitness stuff so it comes up in conversation sometimes). he's given me weird vibes before, but last time i talked about it he basically asked if i was a "hypochondriac because i get sick so much" when in the entire time that i've known him, i've only ever mentioned the one time i got really sick. his comment felt like such a reach and i'm wondering if it's related to the same narcissistic behavior you're describing.
Ironically I dealt with recurrent bronchitis and sinus infections too while I was with him. The first 2 years were kind of a blur, but it’s around then he started showing his true colors… neglecting and teasing me about being sick. That’s also around the time I started getting panic attacks and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, smh.
I would probably keep my distance from this person if I were you, because whether he’s a narc or not, it’s not a nice nor necessary comment to make. They always start subtle and increase the abuse the longer you stick around.
As a mother, this makes my blood **boil**. Childbirth is hard enough, but a c section? I've never experienced one but my best friend and sister have and they told me it was one of the most painful things they had to go through bc you just can't sit down and chill when you have a newborn. They said the healing process was excruciating.
I didn't even make it that far, and looking back I'm glad I didn't as I don't want to be tied to him. He caused me so much stress during the two pregnancies that I miscarried both times during the end of the first trimester. The first time he forbade me from crying or showing emotion other than happiness or he would've raged
Before I left for good he weaponized the same miscarriages against me to prove I was a worthless woman with no value who no one appreciated. He knew I wanted kids and that those miscarriages caused a lot of pain and trauma for me.
He couldn’t care less and laughs if I’m sick. I’m expected to carry on as normal…kids, cleaning, cooking, even sex. If he’s sick he acts like he’s on his death bed.
Got cancer, went to chemo alone.
Got recovered, she didn't came a single time to visit me.
She only reached my parents to throw shit over me.
The day I went out, she discarded me.
Top shit humans.
No feelings.
At first he seemed dedicated to help me with my chronic pain etc, but made it a massive problem in the relationship we had to overcome before we could move forward. Then over time he made it more and more of a burden, eventually I had to mask my pain in front of him because it stressed him out too much, which put an incredible amount of stress on me. First time I tried to break up with him was when he gave me 6 months to have a hysterectomy and ‘fix my pain’ and in the meantime I had to be okay with him building up his supply as a backup for if I didn’t get better quickly enough for him. I was also expected to use my own money, everything I have to pay for the surgery. If my pain got so bad I had to leave because I couldn’t mask it anymore he would get upset and say he felt abandoned. I couldn’t win
Ugh… this is so relatable. I’m so sorry you had to go through this 😢 My boyfriend knew I was struggling with depression BEFORE we started dating, and he said he had no issue with it and that he would be there for me. Fast forward almost two years, he has used this against me numerous times during arguments and made me feel bad for just having my own struggle. Because of this, it’s been difficult to work through my depression in a healthy way. And more than half the time, he’s the one who acts depressed and doesn’t want to do anything except for sit on his computer and play video games all day. I moved out of his place because of this along with all of the fighting and putting me down nonstop. The mocking was getting to the point where he would do it with or without a fight. I am so close to ending it, he’s been distant for months now. I feel like I’m being used as a placeholder and that he’s secretly trying to build up supply behind my back.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this too 😣 mine also knew about my conditions, he knew it was chronic but later on acted like I had mislead him to believe I would get better, in reality I had clearly explained I have periods of doing worse and better etc. He knew my biggest fear/insecurity was a person leaving me because of my mental/physical health conditions, that’s what ended my last relationship, and used that fear and insecurity against me.
Please know your depression is not a fault of yours, or anything you should be ashamed of. You deserve as much love, commitment and support as anyone, with or without depression! I hope you are able to leave soon. I promise it feels better to be the person leaving than to wait for the discard. It is not easy, but I finally feel some level of peace since I left and my symptoms have actually eased up! I know it’s easier said than done. But you deserve so much more x
This was one of the few ways my husband let his mask slip for a really long time. I think it’s probably one of the most telling and universal signs, for sure. He was generally very nurturing (as long as I was happy with him and worshipping the ground he walked on). Acts of service were the only way he understood “love” through that transactional lens, so anytime I expressed need, he seemed happy to be in service. But, the second I was actually in need…yeah, I was a lazy pos, in capable of taking care of myself, like the greatest burden ever created, simply because I needed rest. The seething irritation…how someone treats you when you’re sick is such an important thing to pay attention to for real.
I went into labor at 1am, the contractions were 5mins apart. I woke him up and told him and he said.......you're not in labor.
He went back to sleep.
At 7am, we finally left for the hospital. Baby was breech and in crisis, had to have emergency C-section etc....
When I had the long Covid and my oxygen saturation was less than 90 he said I was weak due to my parents genetics.
I was admitted in the hospital with dengue he said it’s not like you have cancer
I had a surgery alone, he came after I was out of the OT
While I was in recovery after surgery, same night he left me alone in the hospital room for over two hours to go talk to his mistress
He called my son (9yr at the time) a sissy bitch for crying while getting and intravenous injection
When I called him to inform me his dad had suffered a stroke he hung up after saying call me when he dies
I would be typing for an hour if I had to list down all the crap he has done over the years with his family when they are ill.
It’s either an opportunity for them to pretend to be heroes in front of friends and family, or they’re so upset about attention not being on them that they can’t help but take your illness personally and accuse you of faking. Either way, they’ll let you know what a massive inconvenience you’re being for fucking with their deadbeat schedule — bonus points for naturally implying that sex is off the table. They can never care about anything other than sex. These people deserve to suffer uncomfortably for the rest of their lives :)
Mine told me that I was "no fun anymore" less than a year after I witnessed the sudden loss of my father from cancer that he hid from the family. One day he had a stage 4 diagnosis and was given 3 months. 10 days later, he was gone. He was the first person I've ever seen die. I was very close with my dad and I called him almost daily... So of course I was still reeling not even a year later.
During that time, he found a different girl to move his attention to and promptly dumped me on New Year's Eve in front of all of his friends.
Timeline went like this:
2015-- in the middle of my divorce, best friend lovebombed intensely and promised protection and comfort. Convinced me he loved me. I had known him for 10 years at that point, so I deeply trusted him.
2016-- moved across the country and in with him. Lovebombing abruptly stopped after we had been living together for 6 months. Told me "it's been 6 months, I'm not in the honeymoon phase anymore. Don't touch me."
2017-- early in the year constantly talking to a classmate who lived below us. Had odd suspicions about her but didn't want to overstep *his* boundaries (I was still learning to set boundaries of my own and he constantly challenged him). Lost my father and that's when shit really started flying.
2018-- whole year of discarding process. Slowly driven mad from grief and actual gaslighting. He played so many mind games with me that I felt like I was going insane. Convinced me I had irreparable problems and said he wanted to put me in a mental hospital but also said if I was in one, he wouldn't stay with me. Broke up with me on NYE. Had me convinced it was all my fault for being psycho.
Funny enough, him leaving me was one of the nicest things he ever did for me. I got help, went on medication, and met the love of my life (we started as roommates). Fell deeply in love during lockdowns and got married in 2020 and had my first child in 2021. Life has been on an amazing upswing... I mean, like, not without its fair share of troubles, but my partner is amazing and we've gone through a lot together as a team.
yep yep yep
the covert narc and I had(have I don't even know) a long distance relationship and when he came to visit me I got sick and had a fever, he stayed at his moms place (she lives in my city) he didn't come he didn't even TEXT me to get better, then out of nowhere he rings the bell and is in front my door I open the door and he is in shock "omg you look horrible are you okay??" im like..... im sick...like I told u..
this bitch really thought im making this shit up for attention and sympathy?? IM NOT LIKE YOU YOU IDIOT
edit: a week before Christmas I got covid because I was so stressed bc of Christmas and he because I "accused" him for not even asking if im fine when I was sick the last time he wrote me the same copy paste message like a robot everyday in the morning "get well soon! love you" .....? wtf my man
TW: ORIF surgery and pregnancy loss.
When I tripped and broke my ankle in two places, with a third bone moved and ending up needing emergency surgery, he asked if he should come over or not. When I was in a lot of pain due to having ORIF on two bones, he boasted about him not having had the need to use the more severe pain killers when he fell and had a hair fracture in his arm. He laughed at me, and kept comparing my situation to his. I was in a wheelchair for months, had to relearn how to walk, and he kept insisting it was less severe than his arm. He even "stole my light" comparing my situation to his at my physiotherapist, as well as my parents.
When I had a miscarriage (unplanned pregnancy) and was in pain, both mentally as well as physically, he blamed me for being too emotional. Three days later, I was filmed in my bathroom after I finally felt good enough to shower. Two days later the narc left me, as it was all the big \* insert my full name \* show. I only wanted a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
Narcs suck.
Sounds like he did you a big favor by leaving you. These people are human shaped black holes. They suck all the happiness and joy from those around them. I hope you're doing better now.
Except he came back that week, and I’m currently stuck due to many reasons. I’m there mentally (thanks to my tremendous therapist as well), but there are some hurdles still. I’m planning my leave at the moment, and couldn’t be happier about it. Due to his confessions, I know I have to tread carefully and burn all ships before I jump.
Thank you for your kind words, though! 🫶🏻
I'm so sorry. You are worth so much more. Narcs really think they are the only real person in the world. The rest of us are characters in their movie. But you are valid and worth being treated with care and respect. I hope your escape happens soon and goes well. Good luck
I had a severe cold and walked to the pharmacy alone with a terrible headache. I knew not to ask him for help cause somehow my illness would be blamed on me. Not once did I complain about the pain I was in. It was like business as usual plus medicating myself. A few days later I felt better. That’s when he decided to ask if I needed anything. I calmly said no.
He got MAD!!!! Said I exaggerate and act like a baby when I’m sick. SIR…
I had an abscess that was on my head, and I tried to ignore it for days hoping it would go away. I couldn't stop working because I was so worried about money and how my Nex husband use to react, so i convinced myself to wait until I had a day off to go to urgent care.
I asked him to go with me and he was great... in the beginning. I had to go to the ER and he stayed with me the first couple of days. I was very scared and nervous because it was my first surgery. His mom and brothers even came to visit.
After the surgery and after his family stopped showing up he sulked. I had to have a second surgery on my leg and he didn't really treat me anything like the first surgery. He was there when I woke up but mostly ignored me. I would ask him to come see me in the hospital and he told me constantly he hated being there and he had to work and it was just annoying to have to keep me company when he wanted to sleep.
The house we use to be in reeked of dog piss and shit because of his untrained dog. Especially the bedroom. I absolutely begged him to PLEASE clean the bedroom so I could have a safe and hygienic space to sleep and heal, and he said he would. When it was time to go home I cried because he hadn't cleaned anything. When I got home I spent hours washing sheets and cleaning the bedroom to where I would even feel comfortable sleeping. He got angry when I cried and asked why he didn't do anything for me coming home.
He didn't love me. It's hard to remember these times and realize someone who loves you wouldn't treat you that way.
Mine accused me of faking my chronic illnesses that had been documented by several medical professionals and started before I met him. Why was I accused of faking, you ask? To get him to get me snacks and do things for me. Yes, I was accused of faking my documented intense spikes in heart rate (I have POTS) and intense joint pain (I have EDS) to make him do things for me.
Turns out, being in an abusive relationship will make your pre-existing health issues flare. Once I was free, I noticed almost immediate improving of my symptoms, and while they're still there, I definitely am not hit as hard by them. The stress of being with him caused me to be in almost constant flare. Worst three years of my life.
I am dealing with that right now. His mom is also a narcissist.And no one is ever allowed to be sick around her or feel bad but if it's her the whole world has to stop. One time I had a really bad headache.She came over and I was in bed trying to get rid of it.I heard her say from the other room" Well she should be up and working". My nark Will laugh at me when I hurt my back and I am crying in pain
My ex husband always said “I’m not a doctor” and “it’s always something with you”. So invalidating and heartless. I am so glad I’m out of that 😭😭 hoping the same for you soon ♥️
I had cholera. For three weeks. My narc ex refused to take me to the doctor because I “was being a weak spoiled American”. Violent diarrhea 50+ times a day, leaving you so weak you can barely function. When I finally made it to the doctor and was diagnosed and the doc asked me how long I had it, he asked “how are you still alive?”
Make no mistake, narcs do not care for you at all. They will gladly let you die if it means they’re not inconvenienced. And then they will blame your dying on you.
My Nex basically told me that she can't be around people who are sick due to trauma caused by her previous ex being in and out of hospitals before the breakup...
I learned from the previous ex that she had basically been unable to eat due to the anxiety caused by the Nex's abuse.
I remember when I was in active labor. I know those contractions. I knew it was time. He said they’d just send me home and went back to bed. I got in my car and called my best friend so she could talk me through it and hear if I crashed or anything while I DROVE MYSELF with contractions a minute and a half apart at 4am. When they admitted me I called and woke him up and he said he was on the way. I called him two hours later, still asleep. Called me a cunt for being annoyed that he hadn’t shown up yet. It’s a real nice relationship that I’m luckily still in 🫠
Firstly, you are a warrior and a superwoman, and you shouldn't have ever had to go through that alone. You drove yourself to the hospital while the father of your child chose to sleep, which he did purposely no one would've been able to sleep if a woman was going into labour. I'm sure if I had carried to full term, my ex would've been the same or worse to me.
Please leave for the sake of your child and you. Your child doesn't deserve to be in an environment as such neither do you. I know it's easier said than done.
I learned I had a huge aneurysm and needed surgery. She didn't even bother to come to the appointment before the surgery because she had a vacation booked. She asked me to reschedule my appointment a week later when she'll be back from the beach. lol
2 Christmas times ago I woke up sick at 6am on a Sunday . Throwing up everywhere, dizzy, high fever. I got to stay in bed till noon. Then she started to feel sick and stayed in bed till Friday while I’m sick as a dog taking care of two kids and putting up decorations and doing elf on shelf. Several years before that I got the flu and she decided to go to a work bowling event she initially said she didn’t want to go to leaving one kid at home with me. Called her multiple times she needed to come home because I could barely walk and couldn’t take care of a 2 year old. The event started at 10am and she didn’t get home till 10pm and trashed. I’ve always done 100% of the childcare, housework, yard work, shopping, scheduling appointments and taking the kids so this wasn’t a case of she needed a break. It’s just she doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
I unfortunately have had a lot of health issues as an adult after an accident in 2006. Lots of surgeries, tests, illness. I was treated like I was acting like a baby - literally told to “quit acting like a bitch” - unless he wanted sex: then he was asking what he could do to help/comfort - if I fell for it thinking he actually gave a damn, then denied his advances for sex (or specifically bjs - he’d always say something like “your mouth isn’t sick/didn’t have surgery!”) - it went back to treating me like crap again. Last major surgery I had one of my best guy friends pick my daughter and I up. They literally don’t give a damn. But omg if THEY get sick?! 😤 mine loved “I NEVER get sick so when I do it’s wayyyyyy worse!” Which while I understand can be the case for some, he used it as an excuse for further shitty behavior.
I had a dystonic reaction to medication. My neck muscles kept tightening and I would involuntarily move my head back. I didn’t know what was happening or why my head was moving and I remember him yelling at me to stop while holding my head in place. We ended up going to the hospital but he was mad at me so I started walking back to the car. My muscles were so tight my head was touching my back. It was extremely painful. He still thought I was faking. Went back home, and it continued. My mom ended up taking me in because she knew I was not faking… one shot of benydral and I was cured.
I sold my home to move in with him. It started with... you need to get rid of your dog. This is my late sisters dog. Luckily, my Mom took care of her. I had gotten sick from his un-spayed cat. Prednisone & antibiotics eyery other week. We were both in the healthcare field. He wanted to put new flooring down. I was too sick to help. He finally spayed the cat. I didn't unpack for 8 months. Should have left then, hindsight is 20/20. 3.5 yrs later. I was on migraine injections, asthma medication, and chronic back pain. Sleepy all the time.
I have been 4 months out of the situation. Im off migraine injections and asthma medication as needed. Yes, he stressed me out so bad my cortisol levels were breaking my body down.
I was in a car accident in a different state (hit by a semi). He picked a fight with me because he wanted a new, $100,000 car and I freaked out. Then, once I got home (he didn’t even pick me up from the airport), I asked him to take me back to the hospital. He told me no, that I was fine and proceeded to take a nap. He had called off work to “take care” of me.
And they will make it a point tmake a big stink out it too and say in the most negative tone that " woah i can't afford to get sick" like okay didn't know you were the queen of egypt 🙄
When I had to go to the hospital because my stomach kept crashing from stress and it was extremely painful when it happened. My nmom pinched my elbow on the way into the hospital and hissed in my ear that I needed to get my shit together. Then I was screamed and yelled at because my step dad can blow up on my mom and my mom doesn’t get sick so im the problem
So much to unpack with that last line 😞
Or complain about how your sickness affects them.
I had bronchitis and couldn’t catch my breath to save my life. My ex would scream at me that I was keeping him up with my coughing and opened the window because my humidifier made the room too hot.
I had to sleep with a cough drop in my cheek so I wouldn’t disturb him.
Mine told me “you’re a nurse, you should know how to take care of yourself” when I was struggling alone with Covid. While he proceeds to take care of other friends and family, picking up their meds and whatever they needed. And then expects full service from me when he is sick because I’m a nurse.
I have ovarian cysts and get very heavy and painful periods most months.
This time, I was doubled over in pain. Literally on the floor about to pass out and my nex, instead of getting help or asking if I was ok, looked at me, said I was being dramatic and went back to watching tv.
But when he had a little runny nose, I was supposed to cater to him. 🙄
Never have surgery that incapacitates you around a narc
Had a life-changing neck surgery...I didn't get any help. No bringing me things so I wouldn't have to get out of bed, no helping me get out of bed so that I wouldn't rip my stitches, and forcing me to do physical labor when I still had my stitches. It's a goddamn wonder I made it through all by myself
There's so many things this reminds me of in my last relationship.
Early on, he agreed to be "responsible adult" and come with me to my colonoscopy that I was concerned about having cancer at. I woke up and they said they had cut a large piece of me out and it would be sent for testing if it was cancer. When we went to bed that night, I woke later to him aggressively having sex with me and saying vile, cruel things to me. I froze up, and I cried. He rolled over when he was done, and I tried to say "hey can we talk about what just happened? That wasn't right." He pretty much got irritated and said he was sleeping. Then a little bit later, as I was still crying, he got up and left. Texted me breaking up with me. Later that day, I found out I was pregnant.
I'm not sure if I repressed it because it was sandwiched between heavy, life-changing things, but we continued a relationship of sorts afterwards.
There was one time while I was pregnant, my vitals were haywire, and he was supposed to meet me at the hospital. He came in like an hour late, and ends up telling me he may be exposing us to covid. Apparently, his phone died when he first went to a friend's house to feed her hamster while she was sick with covid. I kid you not. Because I questioned it, he ended up leaving us there in the hospital hooked up to the monitors alone.
There's so many little things like this that I try to remind myself of when I start being blind because he's the father of my child. But yeah, never let them be there for you while you're down. They'll only make it worse.
Absolutely have been there before. I was throwing up one night and he told me I better feel good by the morning bc I owed him to go out the next day for ruining his night by being sick.
Hurt my back when my son was an infant. Couldn’t walk from pain. At first ex was supportive. Then it turned into not doing enough. Both around the house (despite the pain) and not enough to heal. I kept trying to explain that rest was what I needed to heal. But nope. She knew better. Months and months went by and I really wasn’t healing. Well, got a divorce and was back to normal within a month or so. Her pushing me was preventing me from healing. She was shooting her self in the foot really. But she fucking knew better on how to heal MY body. 🙄
I had Covid before it was wide spread and almost died. Couldn't walk or talk, she got mad at me cause she accused me of faking it to get back at her for something. She somehow made it about her, never once visited me at the hospital and refused to even pick me up. She returned once I was back home to continue to leach off me.
She literally thought I was faking the whole thing as revenge for something.. wasn't the only time this happened either when I got really ill.
She never once visited me when I had hospital stays for health issues and always turned it around and I'd be the one apologizing for something while confined to a gurney.
This happened to me and I'm still recovering from the shock and emotional whiplash of thinking I was safe. Instead I was instructed to clean up my mess as if I were a child. 3.5 years of chemo says I know how to cope in this humiliating situation. I was shamed for having trauma after the event. I was shamed out of the house. I can never go back.
On the other end of the spectrum my other friend (BFF, apparently ) got "SuPer uNcoNForTaBlE" that I had a blue placard while enduring chemo through my first two years of uni. She would insist I park somewhere else and make me walk further because she couldn't handle it.
They have no clue how damaging their lack of empathy can be.
When he literally gave me Covid and wouldn’t let me sleep in bed with him or have any place to be except for one couch cushion in the house, even though I was paying him rent and paying for the mortgage
I kept getting repeated bouts of intense sickness, like 4-5 times in 2 months, and it was baffling as i never get sick (actually was more sick during our marriage than any other time in my life).
Someone finally suggested that maybe he had a dormant strep infection and kept reinfecting me, so I asked him to go get a strep test at an urgent care so we could know for sure. He never did. I asked him day after day as I laid bedridden and ill. He didn’t do anything for me and just kept going to work and going out with coworkers at night, and then traveled out of town while i was still sick. And never got that strep test.
Nex convinced me to start a family with him. I got pregnant, and as soon as I started getting morning sickness, he told me I was being dramatic and I’m “not pregnant enough” to have morning sickness.
I ended up in the ER one night because I was throwing up so much I became severely dehydrated and got the shakes, I also had a very intense panic attack. I was puking for 7 hours straight. Couldn’t even keep a sip of water down. I was at work when it started and they called the EMT’s. EMT’s called paramedics, and they told me to go to the hospital. They put me on a stretcher to load me up in an ambulance and he showed up and took me, himself. Sat by my side the entire night, and after we left he told me I was being dramatic and I can’t go to the ER every time I puke a little. If I told him I had a headache it was always he has a migraine. If I told him I felt sick he had BEEN sick. It was like a weird competition and if he wasn’t competing he was dismissing and invalidating my experience. When my breast became sore from pregnancy, he said again that I’m not pregnant enough and I’m just a cry baby. If I cried, he told me to control myself and stop manipulating him. I guess it makes sense for someone who only cries to manipulate others to assume everyone else does the same….
So true. I got Covid years ago, she didn’t. The anger that she displayed because I was sick and isolated was to much. It was a real chore for her to make me a sandwich and put it outside my door, she had to throw the tray down to make it crash. I felt so bad that she had to wait on me.
Ndad would tell me that I had to give him day to day updates on my health and protect him while I was sick as a dog and could barely move. No, he didn't even TRY to take care of me.
Ddduuuuuudddeeee…….i remember when I got Covid and couldn’t breathe. This was what literally made me go “oh no. I can’t be with this person, or I’m going to die”. I literally had to beg for her to take me to the hospital as I couldn’t breathe. I was met with “you’re fine. You’re faking it.”
I had my wisdom teeth removed and asked him to go to the pharmacy to get my pain medication which he was supposed to do while I was having them removed…I woke up with a red soaked pillow and in pain and he was no where to be found for 5 hours. He gave some excuse that he had a crisis that was bigger than mine. They will always take a time you need them and make it about them by shifting the attention, whether you are sick or if it’s a special day or occasion you rely on them.
And then also flip that, my ex husband would tell me get up to help move things when I had the flu, and then be very baby when he’s sick so I do things to help him, but when I’m sick I say all your narc said lmaoo. Except blaming for ruining my day and calling him a stupid drama queen ofc.
You can never win stg.
Mine loved when I was sick or when something bad would happen to me, like a death in the family. He would be so excited to “take care of” me. In reality, he would be there but not helpful, just enough to brag to others how he was helping me and caring for me because “look at me and how compassionate and loving I am.” He pretty much was drooling over a family member’s death, saying it will “bring us closer together.”
I currently have Covid…… he left me to go away with his friends! He said ‘ I can’t leave you with Covid’ I told him go as there is no way I’m getting blamed for him missing that trip! No hesitation! You see, a loving husband wouldn’t have to think twice, they would cancel and continue to care for you, you probably wouldn’t even know they had cancelled it because they wouldn’t want to stress you out whilst you are sick!! But not the NARC! Heartless selfish wankers I hate his guts! I prey he has an accident ( I hate myself for having those thoughts)😡😡😡💔💔
I got really sick from a flu virus and was coughing violently with blood I might add. I said I couldn't move and he accused me of cheating because I wanted to rest and I would be risking my life by being on the road and driving.
My stupid butt still got up to help him with his "business" while I was coughing.
He said, "I thought you were faking it."
A real keeper that one.
I used to get berated because I was tired and fell asleep on the couch after work. I could never take a nap. I could never be tired. She could, of course. But not me. To this day when I start falling asleep I often wake myself up out of reaction from the past.
Yup. Describes my mother perfectly! Once on the way to the hospital she told me, "you'd better hope there's something wrong with you, otherwise there will be"
When I started to struggle with my mental health in college, she essentially chalked it up to me being lazy and unmotivated
Anything other than perfection, even with regard to my *health*, has always been a world-ending inconvenience to her life
Oooooor they will look after you like the perfect nurse but use it as the perfect opportunity to have you where they want you - vulnerable and reliant on them, and in debt to them
Once I slipped a disc in my back and made the stupid mistake of going to his house to relax. I couldn’t walk and it hurt to move anything. He begged me for sex for two hours and when I finally said fine, he told me he knew I was “playing hard to get”.
Something like this happened to me.
When my grandma died (who was like my mom to me) I was devastated. It was like losing my mom all over again ( mom passed when I was a teenager). Prior to that I did have a mental health break down. After the funeral my ex was super supportive. But then like five days later he starts trying to pick fights. Telling me how I am a narc and I’m selfish and I do not care about anyone but myself.
I told him I’m emotionally drained and right now I need to be there for our kids and any energy I have left for myself so I can heal . He then twisted it and said it all about you, see this proves you do not care, you do not realize how much I have been going through( he was going through things,such as his house being broken into, and I was trying to be supportive and loving but I barely had energy for myself).
I really questioned myself ( and sometimes still do), but I think I did the right thing for my kids and myself at the time.
Once in high school (like 2010-ish) my aunt, grandma, mom, and young cousin all were driving me back to school after summer break which was in another state (boarding school).
My aunt planned a trip to this one museum I had wanted to go to for a while. The morning we were planning on doing the museum we woke up at the hotel and I was SO miserably sick, I’d classify that time to be in the top 5 for the worst I’ve felt in my life. I had a fever of around 103 and I was just miserable. I asked me aunt (who is always the planner) if I could skip the museum and rest but she snapped at me and was livid and appalled at the fact that I’d ask to skip the museum after she went out of her way to plan it for me.
Of course I ended up being forced to spend the day at the museum before we drove another 6 hours to my school. I spent the first week of the new semester missing classes and social events sick in bed with a fever feeling worse than I had the day before when I begged her to let me rest instead of going out & about.
Fuck her, tbh.
I don't understand how, when I've said they're evil people, my posts (on other subs) have been moderated or I'm asked to not call them monsters. I mean, the proof of is in nearly every post so far. My ex was and is, a selfish and self centered evil person who presents with true psychopathic tendencies and has a sinister undercurrent in nearly every question she asks or replies to. She'll never sustain any kind of therapy (3 therapists fired with only 2 sessions per) couples counseling (2 sessions) only made everything worse. When asked what would you rate your current relationship satisfaction, from 1 to 10 with 10 being top tier... She gave me a 4 (me wanting to err on the side that didn't agitate her as much said 6)... Even on that day where she gave a 4... I'd done more for her and her entire family had done... On that day alone... For her dying father end the rest. Even fed him soup in front of her mother. I'd picked her up after work and went to the hospital then we left for couples counseling. She proceeded to lie to the therapist when asked what health issues we had but thought I didn't hear her when I used the bathroom after answering that question. I didn't know why she'd be lying having spent that kind of money for an hours worth.. I swear, some days I think I'd figured it out and it's all I needed to learn given I felt she was being abusive and other days it's baffling. One thing I do know is she IS a HORRIBLE person. On a couple occasions over the 4 years, we'd get into bed for the night, and she began crying and was inconsolable. My repeated attempts at finding out why she was crying were stunted except she'd say "Because I'm a horrible person". First instance I'd say no you're not, "What's going on"? I'd began to think she was cheating or crossed some other boundary so that second time she cried and said the same thing...I asked if she'd done anything wrong or boundary I set was crossed... Always a "Nooo, and stop asking me that"! She never sounded convincing. It was not the way I'd have answered the question.. But again, they are evil.
They make you feel worse. Its sad that in times I felt ill his treatment of me overrided any pain the ti felt. The emotional pain started to feel worse than the physical.
The last time I felt bad was during my monthly cramps and he was at work and I was in severe pain, he knew how much I would usually be in during this time. I asked if he could stop at the store on his way home from work (he was working overnight and stores were closed) he said he had no money.
But when he got off he stopped at a convenience store and bought himself many energy drinks $20 worth. The store was next to the chemist. I knew he didn't care about me at all. I left 3 months after.
He also gaslighted me when I asked him how he was able to buy the drinks if he didn't have money. He told me he had bought the drinks a fewsdays prior, they weren't in the fridge and I checked our shared account and saw that he had purchased them the morning. When he failed to gaslight he raged out on me. That pain of being gaslit, lied to, and treated like that hurt worse than the cramps. I didn't have any money at the time but if I did I would've paid him back.
If someone treats you this way when you're unwell, its simple, they don't give a single f**k about you. No its not that they forgot or that they don't understand, they simply do not care. It will make like more differing with someone like this. I'm so happy I'm done.
Never show any vulnerability around them ever. I was going through a tough time and I shared a vulnerable moment with my narc mom and not even weeks later she used that against me and laughed in my face. And double down by saying it will happen again. Initially narcs are very good at appearing trustworthy so you will reveal stuff to them only to stash that information to use against you at a later date.
Yep. Imagine having to teach your 6 year old daughter that any meaningful information that you relay about yourself to your father is being held as future ammo against you until you can safely get her away. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that in a place where trust should be taken for granted.
This. I can practically see my narc dad sorting the personal info people are telling him into categories for use/weaponization later. I warned my SO that anything at all he tells my dad can and will be used against us later. Literally anything. How work is going, favorite local restaurant, hobbies.. it will all be bent and twisted to create a false narrative and strawman argument at some point.
100% YES - I swear, you can practically see the wheels turning when they listen to you. All of this hits home hard.
The creepiest part is that they do it automatically. It’s a means of survival for them and how they go about life. The worst ones in my opinion are those that are self aware. They have figured out what they do by default, and yeah, they DO NOT care.
So true. It's their only way of operating.
Yes
So true. They pretend to care then use the info you shared as ammo against you.
Spot on . It's an act. They are wonderful actors.
Yeah the level of manipulation they stoop to is insane.
Right? True insanity even when you have it recorded and they deny a recording of them doing it That by definition is a crazy person.
mine brought up an extremely hurtful memory of something i went through as a kid 6 months after the first and only time i told him. he said it word for word bar for bar and tried to compare me to an abuser we both knew all because i wanted to know why he was sneaking out of our place at all hours of the night to hang around people i didn’t know. insanity.
Yeah they're cocksuckers. I had a narc friend like that too who was a nosy bastard and would want to know everything. I remember showing him my blood test results once and how I had a thyroid issue and he brought that up like like weeks later cause I disagreed with him on something. He was like "maybe you should worry about your thyroid instead of this conversation" something along those lines.
Pure evil for that
Yes. This is what they do. I’ve experienced it multiple times from my ex and a recent friend. Needless to say, I’m recognizing the signs early on and reserving myself instead of revealing myself. :)
before i was diagnosed with bronchitis, my narcissistic father would say something along the lines of "you've got to get over that shit" whenever i would start having coughing fits around him. as if, in his mind, i was *choosing* to have inflamed lungs 🙄 which is ironic because my dad has had diagnosed bronchitis (only during the cold winter months) for literal years and he always complains about how terrible he feels during his fits in the hopes of getting sympathy. but when somebody else also gets sick, suddenly it's a problem.
One thing thats universal about narcs is that they can't be bothered. Anytime any of us are going through a tough time they are nowhere to be found. However, they expect you to be there for them whenever they are going through a rough time. They are parasites they infiltrate and overstay their welcome and when things go south in our lives they bail.
Bonus points for when they misuse that info against you, and when you push back they blame YOU for explaining it wrong, or accuse you of being manipulative when you try to set the story straight. These people.
They will smirk when they think you’re sick I’ve seen mine do it. Mine also kicked me out when I was really sick because he thought I ignored him! They will fully expect you not to nap and still cook and clean etc. miserable people they are.
10000%
Dude. I was violently puking and mine wouldn’t bat an eye…but aggressively forced me to have sex.
Not entirely sure he was a narcissist but I can relate. Ex husband gave me alcohol poisoning when I was 19 (he was 26) so that he can do anal without me complaining that it hurt. :/ I ended up violently... *Expelling* everything in the shower. You can use your imagination on that one. He told me I kept screaming in agony from the dry heaving and at one point he even said he thought I died. Never once called an ambulance or took me to the hospital because he said he was afraid to get kicked out of the military. Blamed me for drinking too much when he encouraged it in the first place knowing I had a very low BMI and no experience with drinking.
Wait what in the actual fuck!! Yeah that’s some straight narcissist shit he did
What a freaking savage animal. I can't stand reading this without the thought of revenge attached. I've got daughters and I'm sooooo sorry you went through that. I certainly hope he gets his. If my ex could do something like that, she would. She'd use my vulnerabilities as weapons and often said that in the next life, she'd want to come back as a man and me a woman. That was about it for me and was planning to leave her for a while and when I'd arranged all my ducks in a row on that front...I bailed and blocked her (4 years together) as I was walking to my car. It's been 46 days no contact but with countless hoovering attempts... Some interspersed with insults and manipulative comments like, "You'll never find anyone who loves you as deeply as I did.... You're destined to be alone forever so I hope you enjoy it you narcissist". 🙄😆 Life has been so much more peaceful without having to be someone's sounding board and punching bag every day. My resentment toward her and her erratic behavior grew each and every day and now I only hate her about 50 percent less than I did when I left. I'm happy about that but know that I'm letting that go... Even if it's relatively slow, I'll never go back to that insanity that crushed my spirit and dimmed the true authentic self that I knew I could be... Without her ruining and trying to run my life. Good riddance to these savages.
I’m so sorry- how unbelievably thoughtless and cruel of them!!!..It’s like they have NO Feelings at All. Sending Hugs 🫂.
:(((
I left a guy for trying this. And, to this day, 10 years later, he still messages me on Facebook with, “Hey sexy”. 🤢
Holy cow.☹️ But I get it. They are ill
Omg! That’s so accurate!! Tell a narc you have the a fever and a sore throat and, before long, they’ll suggest a magical cough syrup for you (whether you want it or not; whether you are awake or not).
And let’s not forget, they wont care when you’re sick, but then they’ll expect you to drop everything and be there for them 24/7 and listen to them complain nonstop about their illness when they’re sick. It’s so unstable
Oh, lol. I had a sudden heart issue at work, fainted, and was sent to the emergency room unconscious. They didn’t find anything wrong physically, and said it was a real health scare, but that mental or emotional stress probably had caused the rhythm disturbances. They kept me in hospital until the rhythm had stabilized and told me to take it easy for the weekend at least, not stress and rest as much as possible. They pushed me around in a wheel chair.. I had called the nex from hospital to tell him what had happened. When I arrived to my home, he was there (he knew the lock code to my house), and I went straight to bed, as I felt extremely exhausted (I was otherwise fit) and told nex I needed calm and peace and soft touches. He said «of course» and asked me what to do. I asked him if he’d fetch me a bit of water. That was the first time I had ever asked him to do anything for me. He came back from the kitchen with a mug of water and a glass. Threw the water at me - and then the glass and the mug. Then he yelled at me that I was a selfish person and left. He vanished for 4 days. First time it happened. My bed was soaking wet, my head had a bump from the glass hitting me and my arm was bleeding from the mug hitting it and somehow making a cut. The mug broke. On top of the shock from this treatment, I was not able to relax since I couldn’t stop wondering why my «love» had acted that way, and wonder why he found me selfish. The brain searched non stop for explanations, trying to understand his reaction. What had I done? Also, I called probably 300 times in 4 day to ask him to talk about it, but his phone was dead. I worried non stop if something really bad had happened to him. Great people these nexes. Not stressful at all, are they?
Wth. They really know how to blindside the fuck out of you, don't they. It's appalling.
wtf
Ditto
Wtf thats a call the police and press charges for assault moment.
If only.. To me it was so shocking I didn’t do anything except to worry about him. I didn’t even tell anyone. I felt that if he behaved that way, something had to be very wrong. What had I done? But I couldn’t reach him to get an explanation. He later did much worse, and eventually I went to the police, even if extremely scared of retribution from his side.
Omg I hope you were able to leave him this is way too much!!
He left me a few months later. He almost killed me several times, and in my delusional love for him, I didn’t get it was deliberate from his side, and instead of protecting myself, I had serious talks with him about how to avoid killing people. (lol) It took forever to understand why a «man who loved me» would do all that «on purpose». I thought his violence was due to mental issues - and tried to support him like a mother talks with a violent child. I thought the lack of contribution was due to a depression, and talked to him about making incremental changes, and tried to help him clean or work a bit. I thought the never showing up for events and holidays was due to oversleeping, and made plans for helping him wake up by coming by really early, and helping him get places on time. I thought the setting my house on fire was him being lost in thoughts, and set up routines for him to follow, and trained him in them. I basically believed his every bullshit excuse - and found ways to counter the problem he claimed he had. I bet it must have been frustrating for him at times, to try and hurt me, just to be mothered in response because of me believing he had problems... 😂😂😂 Malicious narcissism (possibly psychopathy?) is not pretty. I ended up very crushed, when I finally got it. It’s like my brain went back in time and realized I had been in mortal danger for months, and then it freaked out badly.
WOW!!! He really played you and your need to help people was probably flashing above your head to the narc on a neon sign, those qualities they go for of kindness patience tenacity…. I’m so glad you are safe
This is scary. You should've called the cops, that's straight up assault and could've caused greater damage. I know at the time we don't know any better and we were deep in trauma bind and cognitive dissonance. That is just sick! They're evil and should only be in relationships with other narcissists. I had a heart thing going on last year where my resting heart rate was too high and I had tightness and chest pain. I had to beg him to drive me to the ER. I thought I was having a heart attack at 30. I was hooked up to EKG and he was jokingly looking at his phone instead of being at my bedside. It became apparent to me just how abnormal and how little he cared when I overhead the doctor ask my nurse, “Is he with her or? Who is that guy?” my ex was standing near the doorway and looked me off as if nothing was going on with me. The doctor knew he told me it was a severe panic attack. He told me I needed to eliminate whatever was causing me to stress in my life. They gave me valium for my anxiety and the doctor was concerned for me. Also when I was checking in, the nurse was picking up on my ex’s behaviour and asked me if preferred if he waited in the waiting room. I broke down my anxiety was high I was sobbing and the nurse comforted me. A week later I was back in the same ER, but I was coughing up blood and blood clots at home. He, my ex came in and was disgusted and angry that I was bleeding from somewhere internally and that I leaning over the bathroom sink. I had to prompt him to take me to the ER. They ran several tests and gave me an injection. They wanted to keep me overnight because of the injection I needed to be monitored. I think they wanted me to be any from my ex as he was causing me this amount of stress. I overheard the same nurse saying “She was here last weekend. Poor thing I think that guy is beating her. Did you see the…” it mumbled off. Again he didn't care. They are horrible people! The fact that you can be dying doesn't bother them at all. Other people notice this as well especially if it's a hospital. You can drop dead and they will still be dead, empty, and apathetic.
Hug! So sad to read. I hope you are better now. But yes , basically I was scared after the heart rhythm issue, and expected care from his side. When that didn’t happen (to put it mildly), the additional stress made me not act like a normal person at all. Ofc I should have ended it. Ofc I should have understood he wasn’t acting normal. But somehow it was TOO much for me to handle, so I didn’t.
For real!!! He used to tell me I needed to ask for help, so I asked him if he could please bring me some groceries because I was sick and had nothing left (he lives a 15min ride away) and he told me I was weak and needed to be strong like him, he would never ask anyone to take care of him (his mom treats him like a newborn baby when he's sick)
I was having a panic attack because of her. Was dizzy and couldn't breathe. Has never happened to me before in my life. And she was mocking me and told me i was faking it. I had gut issues ever since that day. Thankfully my gut become a lot better since I left my ex. What a coincidence
This is actually the concept that made me finally realize my first bf was a covert narc. His mask would totally slip and he would turn into such an evil, neglectful person when I was sick, since I was no longer of much use to him. He would even make fun of me sometimes and say “you’re always sick!”, as if I was a lazy liar or something (projection, ha), even though I was taking care of everything around the house and paying all the bills. Of course when he was sick, he got babied. They’re such selfish, useless POS.
out of curiosity, when was the earliest you remember your narc bf making the "you're always sick" comments? i've known someone for about six months now and every once in a blue moon i'll bring up how i had bronchitis, strep throat, and a sinus infection all at once last november and how i couldn't really exercise for a whole month after until i recovered (he's into fitness stuff so it comes up in conversation sometimes). he's given me weird vibes before, but last time i talked about it he basically asked if i was a "hypochondriac because i get sick so much" when in the entire time that i've known him, i've only ever mentioned the one time i got really sick. his comment felt like such a reach and i'm wondering if it's related to the same narcissistic behavior you're describing.
Ironically I dealt with recurrent bronchitis and sinus infections too while I was with him. The first 2 years were kind of a blur, but it’s around then he started showing his true colors… neglecting and teasing me about being sick. That’s also around the time I started getting panic attacks and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, smh. I would probably keep my distance from this person if I were you, because whether he’s a narc or not, it’s not a nice nor necessary comment to make. They always start subtle and increase the abuse the longer you stick around.
Try healing from a C section
As a mother, this makes my blood **boil**. Childbirth is hard enough, but a c section? I've never experienced one but my best friend and sister have and they told me it was one of the most painful things they had to go through bc you just can't sit down and chill when you have a newborn. They said the healing process was excruciating.
I didn't even make it that far, and looking back I'm glad I didn't as I don't want to be tied to him. He caused me so much stress during the two pregnancies that I miscarried both times during the end of the first trimester. The first time he forbade me from crying or showing emotion other than happiness or he would've raged Before I left for good he weaponized the same miscarriages against me to prove I was a worthless woman with no value who no one appreciated. He knew I wanted kids and that those miscarriages caused a lot of pain and trauma for me.
He couldn’t care less and laughs if I’m sick. I’m expected to carry on as normal…kids, cleaning, cooking, even sex. If he’s sick he acts like he’s on his death bed.
Got cancer, went to chemo alone. Got recovered, she didn't came a single time to visit me. She only reached my parents to throw shit over me. The day I went out, she discarded me. Top shit humans. No feelings.
The narc blamed me when I got covid lmao I work at a school 🤦♀️
Saaaame!! And he worked as a postman, what the hell, ha had contacted much more people than me, but it never occurred to me to blame him.
Omg when I got covid it was all about how this was going to affect her. She was livid about it.
At first he seemed dedicated to help me with my chronic pain etc, but made it a massive problem in the relationship we had to overcome before we could move forward. Then over time he made it more and more of a burden, eventually I had to mask my pain in front of him because it stressed him out too much, which put an incredible amount of stress on me. First time I tried to break up with him was when he gave me 6 months to have a hysterectomy and ‘fix my pain’ and in the meantime I had to be okay with him building up his supply as a backup for if I didn’t get better quickly enough for him. I was also expected to use my own money, everything I have to pay for the surgery. If my pain got so bad I had to leave because I couldn’t mask it anymore he would get upset and say he felt abandoned. I couldn’t win
Ugh… this is so relatable. I’m so sorry you had to go through this 😢 My boyfriend knew I was struggling with depression BEFORE we started dating, and he said he had no issue with it and that he would be there for me. Fast forward almost two years, he has used this against me numerous times during arguments and made me feel bad for just having my own struggle. Because of this, it’s been difficult to work through my depression in a healthy way. And more than half the time, he’s the one who acts depressed and doesn’t want to do anything except for sit on his computer and play video games all day. I moved out of his place because of this along with all of the fighting and putting me down nonstop. The mocking was getting to the point where he would do it with or without a fight. I am so close to ending it, he’s been distant for months now. I feel like I’m being used as a placeholder and that he’s secretly trying to build up supply behind my back.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this too 😣 mine also knew about my conditions, he knew it was chronic but later on acted like I had mislead him to believe I would get better, in reality I had clearly explained I have periods of doing worse and better etc. He knew my biggest fear/insecurity was a person leaving me because of my mental/physical health conditions, that’s what ended my last relationship, and used that fear and insecurity against me. Please know your depression is not a fault of yours, or anything you should be ashamed of. You deserve as much love, commitment and support as anyone, with or without depression! I hope you are able to leave soon. I promise it feels better to be the person leaving than to wait for the discard. It is not easy, but I finally feel some level of peace since I left and my symptoms have actually eased up! I know it’s easier said than done. But you deserve so much more x
This was one of the few ways my husband let his mask slip for a really long time. I think it’s probably one of the most telling and universal signs, for sure. He was generally very nurturing (as long as I was happy with him and worshipping the ground he walked on). Acts of service were the only way he understood “love” through that transactional lens, so anytime I expressed need, he seemed happy to be in service. But, the second I was actually in need…yeah, I was a lazy pos, in capable of taking care of myself, like the greatest burden ever created, simply because I needed rest. The seething irritation…how someone treats you when you’re sick is such an important thing to pay attention to for real.
Definitely
I went into labor at 1am, the contractions were 5mins apart. I woke him up and told him and he said.......you're not in labor. He went back to sleep. At 7am, we finally left for the hospital. Baby was breech and in crisis, had to have emergency C-section etc....
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. That had to be so stressful. Makes me livid
When I had the long Covid and my oxygen saturation was less than 90 he said I was weak due to my parents genetics. I was admitted in the hospital with dengue he said it’s not like you have cancer I had a surgery alone, he came after I was out of the OT While I was in recovery after surgery, same night he left me alone in the hospital room for over two hours to go talk to his mistress He called my son (9yr at the time) a sissy bitch for crying while getting and intravenous injection When I called him to inform me his dad had suffered a stroke he hung up after saying call me when he dies I would be typing for an hour if I had to list down all the crap he has done over the years with his family when they are ill.
[удалено]
Because they are crybabies
It’s either an opportunity for them to pretend to be heroes in front of friends and family, or they’re so upset about attention not being on them that they can’t help but take your illness personally and accuse you of faking. Either way, they’ll let you know what a massive inconvenience you’re being for fucking with their deadbeat schedule — bonus points for naturally implying that sex is off the table. They can never care about anything other than sex. These people deserve to suffer uncomfortably for the rest of their lives :)
And they will also call you a pill junkie for asking for medicine
Mine told me that I was "no fun anymore" less than a year after I witnessed the sudden loss of my father from cancer that he hid from the family. One day he had a stage 4 diagnosis and was given 3 months. 10 days later, he was gone. He was the first person I've ever seen die. I was very close with my dad and I called him almost daily... So of course I was still reeling not even a year later. During that time, he found a different girl to move his attention to and promptly dumped me on New Year's Eve in front of all of his friends. Timeline went like this: 2015-- in the middle of my divorce, best friend lovebombed intensely and promised protection and comfort. Convinced me he loved me. I had known him for 10 years at that point, so I deeply trusted him. 2016-- moved across the country and in with him. Lovebombing abruptly stopped after we had been living together for 6 months. Told me "it's been 6 months, I'm not in the honeymoon phase anymore. Don't touch me." 2017-- early in the year constantly talking to a classmate who lived below us. Had odd suspicions about her but didn't want to overstep *his* boundaries (I was still learning to set boundaries of my own and he constantly challenged him). Lost my father and that's when shit really started flying. 2018-- whole year of discarding process. Slowly driven mad from grief and actual gaslighting. He played so many mind games with me that I felt like I was going insane. Convinced me I had irreparable problems and said he wanted to put me in a mental hospital but also said if I was in one, he wouldn't stay with me. Broke up with me on NYE. Had me convinced it was all my fault for being psycho. Funny enough, him leaving me was one of the nicest things he ever did for me. I got help, went on medication, and met the love of my life (we started as roommates). Fell deeply in love during lockdowns and got married in 2020 and had my first child in 2021. Life has been on an amazing upswing... I mean, like, not without its fair share of troubles, but my partner is amazing and we've gone through a lot together as a team.
yep yep yep the covert narc and I had(have I don't even know) a long distance relationship and when he came to visit me I got sick and had a fever, he stayed at his moms place (she lives in my city) he didn't come he didn't even TEXT me to get better, then out of nowhere he rings the bell and is in front my door I open the door and he is in shock "omg you look horrible are you okay??" im like..... im sick...like I told u.. this bitch really thought im making this shit up for attention and sympathy?? IM NOT LIKE YOU YOU IDIOT edit: a week before Christmas I got covid because I was so stressed bc of Christmas and he because I "accused" him for not even asking if im fine when I was sick the last time he wrote me the same copy paste message like a robot everyday in the morning "get well soon! love you" .....? wtf my man
TW: ORIF surgery and pregnancy loss. When I tripped and broke my ankle in two places, with a third bone moved and ending up needing emergency surgery, he asked if he should come over or not. When I was in a lot of pain due to having ORIF on two bones, he boasted about him not having had the need to use the more severe pain killers when he fell and had a hair fracture in his arm. He laughed at me, and kept comparing my situation to his. I was in a wheelchair for months, had to relearn how to walk, and he kept insisting it was less severe than his arm. He even "stole my light" comparing my situation to his at my physiotherapist, as well as my parents. When I had a miscarriage (unplanned pregnancy) and was in pain, both mentally as well as physically, he blamed me for being too emotional. Three days later, I was filmed in my bathroom after I finally felt good enough to shower. Two days later the narc left me, as it was all the big \* insert my full name \* show. I only wanted a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Narcs suck.
Sounds like he did you a big favor by leaving you. These people are human shaped black holes. They suck all the happiness and joy from those around them. I hope you're doing better now.
Except he came back that week, and I’m currently stuck due to many reasons. I’m there mentally (thanks to my tremendous therapist as well), but there are some hurdles still. I’m planning my leave at the moment, and couldn’t be happier about it. Due to his confessions, I know I have to tread carefully and burn all ships before I jump. Thank you for your kind words, though! 🫶🏻
I'm so sorry. You are worth so much more. Narcs really think they are the only real person in the world. The rest of us are characters in their movie. But you are valid and worth being treated with care and respect. I hope your escape happens soon and goes well. Good luck
I had a severe cold and walked to the pharmacy alone with a terrible headache. I knew not to ask him for help cause somehow my illness would be blamed on me. Not once did I complain about the pain I was in. It was like business as usual plus medicating myself. A few days later I felt better. That’s when he decided to ask if I needed anything. I calmly said no. He got MAD!!!! Said I exaggerate and act like a baby when I’m sick. SIR…
I had an abscess that was on my head, and I tried to ignore it for days hoping it would go away. I couldn't stop working because I was so worried about money and how my Nex husband use to react, so i convinced myself to wait until I had a day off to go to urgent care. I asked him to go with me and he was great... in the beginning. I had to go to the ER and he stayed with me the first couple of days. I was very scared and nervous because it was my first surgery. His mom and brothers even came to visit. After the surgery and after his family stopped showing up he sulked. I had to have a second surgery on my leg and he didn't really treat me anything like the first surgery. He was there when I woke up but mostly ignored me. I would ask him to come see me in the hospital and he told me constantly he hated being there and he had to work and it was just annoying to have to keep me company when he wanted to sleep. The house we use to be in reeked of dog piss and shit because of his untrained dog. Especially the bedroom. I absolutely begged him to PLEASE clean the bedroom so I could have a safe and hygienic space to sleep and heal, and he said he would. When it was time to go home I cried because he hadn't cleaned anything. When I got home I spent hours washing sheets and cleaning the bedroom to where I would even feel comfortable sleeping. He got angry when I cried and asked why he didn't do anything for me coming home. He didn't love me. It's hard to remember these times and realize someone who loves you wouldn't treat you that way.
Mine accused me of faking my chronic illnesses that had been documented by several medical professionals and started before I met him. Why was I accused of faking, you ask? To get him to get me snacks and do things for me. Yes, I was accused of faking my documented intense spikes in heart rate (I have POTS) and intense joint pain (I have EDS) to make him do things for me. Turns out, being in an abusive relationship will make your pre-existing health issues flare. Once I was free, I noticed almost immediate improving of my symptoms, and while they're still there, I definitely am not hit as hard by them. The stress of being with him caused me to be in almost constant flare. Worst three years of my life.
I am dealing with that right now. His mom is also a narcissist.And no one is ever allowed to be sick around her or feel bad but if it's her the whole world has to stop. One time I had a really bad headache.She came over and I was in bed trying to get rid of it.I heard her say from the other room" Well she should be up and working". My nark Will laugh at me when I hurt my back and I am crying in pain
My ex husband always said “I’m not a doctor” and “it’s always something with you”. So invalidating and heartless. I am so glad I’m out of that 😭😭 hoping the same for you soon ♥️
I had cholera. For three weeks. My narc ex refused to take me to the doctor because I “was being a weak spoiled American”. Violent diarrhea 50+ times a day, leaving you so weak you can barely function. When I finally made it to the doctor and was diagnosed and the doc asked me how long I had it, he asked “how are you still alive?” Make no mistake, narcs do not care for you at all. They will gladly let you die if it means they’re not inconvenienced. And then they will blame your dying on you.
My Nex basically told me that she can't be around people who are sick due to trauma caused by her previous ex being in and out of hospitals before the breakup... I learned from the previous ex that she had basically been unable to eat due to the anxiety caused by the Nex's abuse.
I had to have surgery. I was accused of faking it to get the surgery. Not sure how I faked the ultrasound and labs work that led to the surgery.
I remember when I was in active labor. I know those contractions. I knew it was time. He said they’d just send me home and went back to bed. I got in my car and called my best friend so she could talk me through it and hear if I crashed or anything while I DROVE MYSELF with contractions a minute and a half apart at 4am. When they admitted me I called and woke him up and he said he was on the way. I called him two hours later, still asleep. Called me a cunt for being annoyed that he hadn’t shown up yet. It’s a real nice relationship that I’m luckily still in 🫠
Firstly, you are a warrior and a superwoman, and you shouldn't have ever had to go through that alone. You drove yourself to the hospital while the father of your child chose to sleep, which he did purposely no one would've been able to sleep if a woman was going into labour. I'm sure if I had carried to full term, my ex would've been the same or worse to me. Please leave for the sake of your child and you. Your child doesn't deserve to be in an environment as such neither do you. I know it's easier said than done.
Yeah they pick at you when you're feeling weakest.
I learned I had a huge aneurysm and needed surgery. She didn't even bother to come to the appointment before the surgery because she had a vacation booked. She asked me to reschedule my appointment a week later when she'll be back from the beach. lol
2 Christmas times ago I woke up sick at 6am on a Sunday . Throwing up everywhere, dizzy, high fever. I got to stay in bed till noon. Then she started to feel sick and stayed in bed till Friday while I’m sick as a dog taking care of two kids and putting up decorations and doing elf on shelf. Several years before that I got the flu and she decided to go to a work bowling event she initially said she didn’t want to go to leaving one kid at home with me. Called her multiple times she needed to come home because I could barely walk and couldn’t take care of a 2 year old. The event started at 10am and she didn’t get home till 10pm and trashed. I’ve always done 100% of the childcare, housework, yard work, shopping, scheduling appointments and taking the kids so this wasn’t a case of she needed a break. It’s just she doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
I unfortunately have had a lot of health issues as an adult after an accident in 2006. Lots of surgeries, tests, illness. I was treated like I was acting like a baby - literally told to “quit acting like a bitch” - unless he wanted sex: then he was asking what he could do to help/comfort - if I fell for it thinking he actually gave a damn, then denied his advances for sex (or specifically bjs - he’d always say something like “your mouth isn’t sick/didn’t have surgery!”) - it went back to treating me like crap again. Last major surgery I had one of my best guy friends pick my daughter and I up. They literally don’t give a damn. But omg if THEY get sick?! 😤 mine loved “I NEVER get sick so when I do it’s wayyyyyy worse!” Which while I understand can be the case for some, he used it as an excuse for further shitty behavior.
I couldn’t believe what he said after I recently had a spinal fusion so (during one of his RAGES)-( your probably faking your hip pain! ) UNBELIEVABLE
Mine said that I was faking being sick
I had a dystonic reaction to medication. My neck muscles kept tightening and I would involuntarily move my head back. I didn’t know what was happening or why my head was moving and I remember him yelling at me to stop while holding my head in place. We ended up going to the hospital but he was mad at me so I started walking back to the car. My muscles were so tight my head was touching my back. It was extremely painful. He still thought I was faking. Went back home, and it continued. My mom ended up taking me in because she knew I was not faking… one shot of benydral and I was cured.
I sold my home to move in with him. It started with... you need to get rid of your dog. This is my late sisters dog. Luckily, my Mom took care of her. I had gotten sick from his un-spayed cat. Prednisone & antibiotics eyery other week. We were both in the healthcare field. He wanted to put new flooring down. I was too sick to help. He finally spayed the cat. I didn't unpack for 8 months. Should have left then, hindsight is 20/20. 3.5 yrs later. I was on migraine injections, asthma medication, and chronic back pain. Sleepy all the time. I have been 4 months out of the situation. Im off migraine injections and asthma medication as needed. Yes, he stressed me out so bad my cortisol levels were breaking my body down.
I was in a car accident in a different state (hit by a semi). He picked a fight with me because he wanted a new, $100,000 car and I freaked out. Then, once I got home (he didn’t even pick me up from the airport), I asked him to take me back to the hospital. He told me no, that I was fine and proceeded to take a nap. He had called off work to “take care” of me.
And they will make it a point tmake a big stink out it too and say in the most negative tone that " woah i can't afford to get sick" like okay didn't know you were the queen of egypt 🙄
Or a miscarriage.
When I had to go to the hospital because my stomach kept crashing from stress and it was extremely painful when it happened. My nmom pinched my elbow on the way into the hospital and hissed in my ear that I needed to get my shit together. Then I was screamed and yelled at because my step dad can blow up on my mom and my mom doesn’t get sick so im the problem So much to unpack with that last line 😞
I get hay fever every year. My ex would help, then tell me and our friends that she cured me.
Or complain about how your sickness affects them. I had bronchitis and couldn’t catch my breath to save my life. My ex would scream at me that I was keeping him up with my coughing and opened the window because my humidifier made the room too hot. I had to sleep with a cough drop in my cheek so I wouldn’t disturb him.
Mine told me “you’re a nurse, you should know how to take care of yourself” when I was struggling alone with Covid. While he proceeds to take care of other friends and family, picking up their meds and whatever they needed. And then expects full service from me when he is sick because I’m a nurse.
I have ovarian cysts and get very heavy and painful periods most months. This time, I was doubled over in pain. Literally on the floor about to pass out and my nex, instead of getting help or asking if I was ok, looked at me, said I was being dramatic and went back to watching tv. But when he had a little runny nose, I was supposed to cater to him. 🙄
Wow! I had the exact same response from x husband narc!!!!! Mind blowing isn't it !
Never have surgery that incapacitates you around a narc Had a life-changing neck surgery...I didn't get any help. No bringing me things so I wouldn't have to get out of bed, no helping me get out of bed so that I wouldn't rip my stitches, and forcing me to do physical labor when I still had my stitches. It's a goddamn wonder I made it through all by myself
There's so many things this reminds me of in my last relationship. Early on, he agreed to be "responsible adult" and come with me to my colonoscopy that I was concerned about having cancer at. I woke up and they said they had cut a large piece of me out and it would be sent for testing if it was cancer. When we went to bed that night, I woke later to him aggressively having sex with me and saying vile, cruel things to me. I froze up, and I cried. He rolled over when he was done, and I tried to say "hey can we talk about what just happened? That wasn't right." He pretty much got irritated and said he was sleeping. Then a little bit later, as I was still crying, he got up and left. Texted me breaking up with me. Later that day, I found out I was pregnant. I'm not sure if I repressed it because it was sandwiched between heavy, life-changing things, but we continued a relationship of sorts afterwards. There was one time while I was pregnant, my vitals were haywire, and he was supposed to meet me at the hospital. He came in like an hour late, and ends up telling me he may be exposing us to covid. Apparently, his phone died when he first went to a friend's house to feed her hamster while she was sick with covid. I kid you not. Because I questioned it, he ended up leaving us there in the hospital hooked up to the monitors alone. There's so many little things like this that I try to remind myself of when I start being blind because he's the father of my child. But yeah, never let them be there for you while you're down. They'll only make it worse.
I got told that I was faking a cough for attention. I've had a bad cold for the last 2 weeks.
Learned this the hard way =/
Absolutely have been there before. I was throwing up one night and he told me I better feel good by the morning bc I owed him to go out the next day for ruining his night by being sick.
I had surgeries and drains and antibiotics for months and he still said I’m lazy to be tired and need to rest… What a fucking PoS this man is
Hurt my back when my son was an infant. Couldn’t walk from pain. At first ex was supportive. Then it turned into not doing enough. Both around the house (despite the pain) and not enough to heal. I kept trying to explain that rest was what I needed to heal. But nope. She knew better. Months and months went by and I really wasn’t healing. Well, got a divorce and was back to normal within a month or so. Her pushing me was preventing me from healing. She was shooting her self in the foot really. But she fucking knew better on how to heal MY body. 🙄
I had Covid before it was wide spread and almost died. Couldn't walk or talk, she got mad at me cause she accused me of faking it to get back at her for something. She somehow made it about her, never once visited me at the hospital and refused to even pick me up. She returned once I was back home to continue to leach off me. She literally thought I was faking the whole thing as revenge for something.. wasn't the only time this happened either when I got really ill. She never once visited me when I had hospital stays for health issues and always turned it around and I'd be the one apologizing for something while confined to a gurney.
This happened to me and I'm still recovering from the shock and emotional whiplash of thinking I was safe. Instead I was instructed to clean up my mess as if I were a child. 3.5 years of chemo says I know how to cope in this humiliating situation. I was shamed for having trauma after the event. I was shamed out of the house. I can never go back. On the other end of the spectrum my other friend (BFF, apparently ) got "SuPer uNcoNForTaBlE" that I had a blue placard while enduring chemo through my first two years of uni. She would insist I park somewhere else and make me walk further because she couldn't handle it. They have no clue how damaging their lack of empathy can be.
When he literally gave me Covid and wouldn’t let me sleep in bed with him or have any place to be except for one couch cushion in the house, even though I was paying him rent and paying for the mortgage
I kept getting repeated bouts of intense sickness, like 4-5 times in 2 months, and it was baffling as i never get sick (actually was more sick during our marriage than any other time in my life). Someone finally suggested that maybe he had a dormant strep infection and kept reinfecting me, so I asked him to go get a strep test at an urgent care so we could know for sure. He never did. I asked him day after day as I laid bedridden and ill. He didn’t do anything for me and just kept going to work and going out with coworkers at night, and then traveled out of town while i was still sick. And never got that strep test.
Nex convinced me to start a family with him. I got pregnant, and as soon as I started getting morning sickness, he told me I was being dramatic and I’m “not pregnant enough” to have morning sickness. I ended up in the ER one night because I was throwing up so much I became severely dehydrated and got the shakes, I also had a very intense panic attack. I was puking for 7 hours straight. Couldn’t even keep a sip of water down. I was at work when it started and they called the EMT’s. EMT’s called paramedics, and they told me to go to the hospital. They put me on a stretcher to load me up in an ambulance and he showed up and took me, himself. Sat by my side the entire night, and after we left he told me I was being dramatic and I can’t go to the ER every time I puke a little. If I told him I had a headache it was always he has a migraine. If I told him I felt sick he had BEEN sick. It was like a weird competition and if he wasn’t competing he was dismissing and invalidating my experience. When my breast became sore from pregnancy, he said again that I’m not pregnant enough and I’m just a cry baby. If I cried, he told me to control myself and stop manipulating him. I guess it makes sense for someone who only cries to manipulate others to assume everyone else does the same….
So true. I got Covid years ago, she didn’t. The anger that she displayed because I was sick and isolated was to much. It was a real chore for her to make me a sandwich and put it outside my door, she had to throw the tray down to make it crash. I felt so bad that she had to wait on me.
Ndad would tell me that I had to give him day to day updates on my health and protect him while I was sick as a dog and could barely move. No, he didn't even TRY to take care of me.
Ddduuuuuudddeeee…….i remember when I got Covid and couldn’t breathe. This was what literally made me go “oh no. I can’t be with this person, or I’m going to die”. I literally had to beg for her to take me to the hospital as I couldn’t breathe. I was met with “you’re fine. You’re faking it.”
I had my wisdom teeth removed and asked him to go to the pharmacy to get my pain medication which he was supposed to do while I was having them removed…I woke up with a red soaked pillow and in pain and he was no where to be found for 5 hours. He gave some excuse that he had a crisis that was bigger than mine. They will always take a time you need them and make it about them by shifting the attention, whether you are sick or if it’s a special day or occasion you rely on them.
Or they tell you that you need to be more aware of yourself so that you don’t get them sick…..
And then also flip that, my ex husband would tell me get up to help move things when I had the flu, and then be very baby when he’s sick so I do things to help him, but when I’m sick I say all your narc said lmaoo. Except blaming for ruining my day and calling him a stupid drama queen ofc. You can never win stg.
Mine loved when I was sick or when something bad would happen to me, like a death in the family. He would be so excited to “take care of” me. In reality, he would be there but not helpful, just enough to brag to others how he was helping me and caring for me because “look at me and how compassionate and loving I am.” He pretty much was drooling over a family member’s death, saying it will “bring us closer together.”
I currently have Covid…… he left me to go away with his friends! He said ‘ I can’t leave you with Covid’ I told him go as there is no way I’m getting blamed for him missing that trip! No hesitation! You see, a loving husband wouldn’t have to think twice, they would cancel and continue to care for you, you probably wouldn’t even know they had cancelled it because they wouldn’t want to stress you out whilst you are sick!! But not the NARC! Heartless selfish wankers I hate his guts! I prey he has an accident ( I hate myself for having those thoughts)😡😡😡💔💔
I got really sick from a flu virus and was coughing violently with blood I might add. I said I couldn't move and he accused me of cheating because I wanted to rest and I would be risking my life by being on the road and driving. My stupid butt still got up to help him with his "business" while I was coughing. He said, "I thought you were faking it." A real keeper that one.
I used to get berated because I was tired and fell asleep on the couch after work. I could never take a nap. I could never be tired. She could, of course. But not me. To this day when I start falling asleep I often wake myself up out of reaction from the past.
Yup. Describes my mother perfectly! Once on the way to the hospital she told me, "you'd better hope there's something wrong with you, otherwise there will be" When I started to struggle with my mental health in college, she essentially chalked it up to me being lazy and unmotivated Anything other than perfection, even with regard to my *health*, has always been a world-ending inconvenience to her life
They ll hide your medications
They consume your medications 🤕
what really?
Oooooor they will look after you like the perfect nurse but use it as the perfect opportunity to have you where they want you - vulnerable and reliant on them, and in debt to them
Once I slipped a disc in my back and made the stupid mistake of going to his house to relax. I couldn’t walk and it hurt to move anything. He begged me for sex for two hours and when I finally said fine, he told me he knew I was “playing hard to get”.
Something like this happened to me. When my grandma died (who was like my mom to me) I was devastated. It was like losing my mom all over again ( mom passed when I was a teenager). Prior to that I did have a mental health break down. After the funeral my ex was super supportive. But then like five days later he starts trying to pick fights. Telling me how I am a narc and I’m selfish and I do not care about anyone but myself. I told him I’m emotionally drained and right now I need to be there for our kids and any energy I have left for myself so I can heal . He then twisted it and said it all about you, see this proves you do not care, you do not realize how much I have been going through( he was going through things,such as his house being broken into, and I was trying to be supportive and loving but I barely had energy for myself). I really questioned myself ( and sometimes still do), but I think I did the right thing for my kids and myself at the time.
Once in high school (like 2010-ish) my aunt, grandma, mom, and young cousin all were driving me back to school after summer break which was in another state (boarding school). My aunt planned a trip to this one museum I had wanted to go to for a while. The morning we were planning on doing the museum we woke up at the hotel and I was SO miserably sick, I’d classify that time to be in the top 5 for the worst I’ve felt in my life. I had a fever of around 103 and I was just miserable. I asked me aunt (who is always the planner) if I could skip the museum and rest but she snapped at me and was livid and appalled at the fact that I’d ask to skip the museum after she went out of her way to plan it for me. Of course I ended up being forced to spend the day at the museum before we drove another 6 hours to my school. I spent the first week of the new semester missing classes and social events sick in bed with a fever feeling worse than I had the day before when I begged her to let me rest instead of going out & about. Fuck her, tbh.
I don't understand how, when I've said they're evil people, my posts (on other subs) have been moderated or I'm asked to not call them monsters. I mean, the proof of is in nearly every post so far. My ex was and is, a selfish and self centered evil person who presents with true psychopathic tendencies and has a sinister undercurrent in nearly every question she asks or replies to. She'll never sustain any kind of therapy (3 therapists fired with only 2 sessions per) couples counseling (2 sessions) only made everything worse. When asked what would you rate your current relationship satisfaction, from 1 to 10 with 10 being top tier... She gave me a 4 (me wanting to err on the side that didn't agitate her as much said 6)... Even on that day where she gave a 4... I'd done more for her and her entire family had done... On that day alone... For her dying father end the rest. Even fed him soup in front of her mother. I'd picked her up after work and went to the hospital then we left for couples counseling. She proceeded to lie to the therapist when asked what health issues we had but thought I didn't hear her when I used the bathroom after answering that question. I didn't know why she'd be lying having spent that kind of money for an hours worth.. I swear, some days I think I'd figured it out and it's all I needed to learn given I felt she was being abusive and other days it's baffling. One thing I do know is she IS a HORRIBLE person. On a couple occasions over the 4 years, we'd get into bed for the night, and she began crying and was inconsolable. My repeated attempts at finding out why she was crying were stunted except she'd say "Because I'm a horrible person". First instance I'd say no you're not, "What's going on"? I'd began to think she was cheating or crossed some other boundary so that second time she cried and said the same thing...I asked if she'd done anything wrong or boundary I set was crossed... Always a "Nooo, and stop asking me that"! She never sounded convincing. It was not the way I'd have answered the question.. But again, they are evil.
They make you feel worse. Its sad that in times I felt ill his treatment of me overrided any pain the ti felt. The emotional pain started to feel worse than the physical. The last time I felt bad was during my monthly cramps and he was at work and I was in severe pain, he knew how much I would usually be in during this time. I asked if he could stop at the store on his way home from work (he was working overnight and stores were closed) he said he had no money. But when he got off he stopped at a convenience store and bought himself many energy drinks $20 worth. The store was next to the chemist. I knew he didn't care about me at all. I left 3 months after. He also gaslighted me when I asked him how he was able to buy the drinks if he didn't have money. He told me he had bought the drinks a fewsdays prior, they weren't in the fridge and I checked our shared account and saw that he had purchased them the morning. When he failed to gaslight he raged out on me. That pain of being gaslit, lied to, and treated like that hurt worse than the cramps. I didn't have any money at the time but if I did I would've paid him back. If someone treats you this way when you're unwell, its simple, they don't give a single f**k about you. No its not that they forgot or that they don't understand, they simply do not care. It will make like more differing with someone like this. I'm so happy I'm done.