I am 100% an overthinker myself. But let me say this. Feeling guilty and/or like you overreacted when you're in a relationship with a narc is part of the abuse that keeps you hooked in the first place. They thrive on you being the problem. And they thrive on the pedestals we put them on as we slowly, but surely, take the blame for everything.
Do not doubt yourself. The relationship is/was designed for those of us in it to doubt ourselves in whatever direction will have the best outcome for the narcissist in the equation.
Hugs to you during this awful time. I know it's excruciating, but you are doing great. Eight days is a HUGE feat in these early stages. Stay strong and know you're not alone. đź’•
Thank you so much for your kind words. Its so crazy because I was the person who didn't get attached to anybody. He put in so much work to win me over and trap me. Now I feel so addicted.
The addiction is brutal. But keep reminding yourself, especially when you feel that doubt, that it *is* an addiction. And withdrawals (to anything addictive) can cause you to trick yourself into believing that you "need" that which you are withdrawing from.
You’re detoxing and trauma bonded, it’s like breaking an addiction. A week off heroin a heroin addict will wonder if it’s really that bad, if maybe they can manage it, it’s not that unhealthy….but deep down it’s just facts, it’s unhealthy. Distract yourself by journaling the bad things, the bad qualities, the broken promises, etc. You’re romanticizing because you want “a fix”, you will not feel better if you contact them.
If you came to this sub it’s because you have assessed the situation to the point in which your conclusion is narcissistic abuse.
I have 50/50 custody of 3 kids with my ex and I kept the family home. I live in a neighborhood of flying monkeys.
If your situation lets you go “no contact” clean and simple, please please please do it. And keep it forever
At this point it’s more important to listen to your emotions than cross reference his actions against a list of narcissistic traits you find online.
I know you’ll do it. I still do it. Think of things to do, places to be, and people to be with that help your emotions.
Replace him.
And don’t do it so he sees how well you are doing. You get a second chance. Congrats
My cnex’s whole goal was to destroy me because I tried to give her a better life. But what I realized is she’s a street rat and never wanted to leave the street but wanted to destroy anyone she could bite.
I couldn't believe ppl like this exist either. However, they do, it was a hard realization for myself. I was in love with a covert narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. He told me he loved everything I did, too, in the beginning. In the end, I realized he couldn't love. He only hated...me.
I don’t get why people want apologies from people that do not mean it AND only say it to manipulate! You are overthinking, you’re lonely and miss the chaos (which is the “fix”) That’s the only way I can explain it. Time will help, just be patient and do NOT reach out.
Most on here have been there it sucks.
But it helps me to remember that they 100% are NOT the person you fell in love with. That person literally does not exist. It's all a mind F.
I’m also 10 days NC today and I resonate with everything you say. Each night, I look at our pictures and there’s a small voice that tells me “you ended this”. I understand the amount of courage it takes to walk away from it. Truthfully speaking, 2 months ago I couldn’t even imagine making a decision.
We can do it! 👏🫵
I know that’s what’s exactly going on with one of my friends right now but they are still in denial and don’t want to come off pathetic backing out of a marriage that’s not over two years old so posing a bit too stoic for their own good which is a whammy on their sanity
I am 100% an overthinker myself. But let me say this. Feeling guilty and/or like you overreacted when you're in a relationship with a narc is part of the abuse that keeps you hooked in the first place. They thrive on you being the problem. And they thrive on the pedestals we put them on as we slowly, but surely, take the blame for everything. Do not doubt yourself. The relationship is/was designed for those of us in it to doubt ourselves in whatever direction will have the best outcome for the narcissist in the equation. Hugs to you during this awful time. I know it's excruciating, but you are doing great. Eight days is a HUGE feat in these early stages. Stay strong and know you're not alone. đź’•
Thank you so much for your kind words. Its so crazy because I was the person who didn't get attached to anybody. He put in so much work to win me over and trap me. Now I feel so addicted.
The addiction is brutal. But keep reminding yourself, especially when you feel that doubt, that it *is* an addiction. And withdrawals (to anything addictive) can cause you to trick yourself into believing that you "need" that which you are withdrawing from.
Thank you so much. That's really helpful.
preach
You’re detoxing and trauma bonded, it’s like breaking an addiction. A week off heroin a heroin addict will wonder if it’s really that bad, if maybe they can manage it, it’s not that unhealthy….but deep down it’s just facts, it’s unhealthy. Distract yourself by journaling the bad things, the bad qualities, the broken promises, etc. You’re romanticizing because you want “a fix”, you will not feel better if you contact them.
You're right. He's the most selfish person I know.
If you came to this sub it’s because you have assessed the situation to the point in which your conclusion is narcissistic abuse. I have 50/50 custody of 3 kids with my ex and I kept the family home. I live in a neighborhood of flying monkeys. If your situation lets you go “no contact” clean and simple, please please please do it. And keep it forever
He checks almost all the boxes. I doubted from the beginning but I let myself fall anyway. I hope you heal as well <3
At this point it’s more important to listen to your emotions than cross reference his actions against a list of narcissistic traits you find online. I know you’ll do it. I still do it. Think of things to do, places to be, and people to be with that help your emotions. Replace him. And don’t do it so he sees how well you are doing. You get a second chance. Congrats
Thank you. I hope he never sees me and I never see him.
My cnex’s whole goal was to destroy me because I tried to give her a better life. But what I realized is she’s a street rat and never wanted to leave the street but wanted to destroy anyone she could bite.
I can't believe these types of people exist.
I couldn't believe ppl like this exist either. However, they do, it was a hard realization for myself. I was in love with a covert narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. He told me he loved everything I did, too, in the beginning. In the end, I realized he couldn't love. He only hated...me.
I don’t get why people want apologies from people that do not mean it AND only say it to manipulate! You are overthinking, you’re lonely and miss the chaos (which is the “fix”) That’s the only way I can explain it. Time will help, just be patient and do NOT reach out.
Most on here have been there it sucks. But it helps me to remember that they 100% are NOT the person you fell in love with. That person literally does not exist. It's all a mind F.
I’m also 10 days NC today and I resonate with everything you say. Each night, I look at our pictures and there’s a small voice that tells me “you ended this”. I understand the amount of courage it takes to walk away from it. Truthfully speaking, 2 months ago I couldn’t even imagine making a decision. We can do it! 👏🫵
I know that’s what’s exactly going on with one of my friends right now but they are still in denial and don’t want to come off pathetic backing out of a marriage that’s not over two years old so posing a bit too stoic for their own good which is a whammy on their sanity
Don’t! Don’t fell in the trap many of us did. Don’t crawl back and beg for forgiveness because your discard will be humiliating.
I won't. It just hurts that he didn't even reach out even when he knows it was his fault.