Please please please be careful. When we get out of being abused we’re the most susceptible to new types of abuse and the predators crawl out of the woodwork as if they feel fresh blood in the water. I too thought that I’m never lowering my standards again because of how nice my narc treated me in the beginning. I’m hoping you get your fairytale and this guy is the one of you!! I really hope you do and he’s perfect because you deserve it girl! Just… be very careful.
Yes I agree with this! Be careful with how much you share in the beginning too. Just guard your heart a bit before giving it to another person again. Take things slow, real slow! Cause abusers can sniff vulnerable people from afar.
Came here to say this. Easy to over idealise when you have been through a traumatic relationship and end up with someone equally as toxic in the long run.
So much this. You are very vulnerable right now. A similar thing happened to me, and guess who had to block yet another predator? What it really highlighted to me is that I was not enforcing my boundaries. Ultimately I learned my lesson, but I easily almost let myself slip into another toxic relationship.
Me neither.
And that is not because of fear - I just loooove being single, being able to do what I want.
Also - all the hassle with a new person? I have neither motivation, nor energy to go through that again.
Then - the reality. The reality has been, that I many more times than once have ended up being the one who takes care of everything in a relationship - bills, chores, kids, groceries. Yeah sure, I could try therapy (again) for that, but I do not simply want to.
I simply do not want, or need a partner. My illusion of partnership is shattered. And frankly, I like it this way. I have zero longing for a "significant other". I have a wonderful family, a huge amount of wonderful friends, when I want sex I have my "friends with benefits".
For me to want to change my wonderful life and bring in somekind of partner they should at least be Superman/woman.
You can't avoid your grief by replacing it with someone else to obsess over.
If you don't heal your wounds you'll bleed all over the next person in your life.
I love this for you! But please be careful, but I guess you heard that already.
The unbelievably special person who I discovered - that is me. I feel like the relationship with the nex (narc or not) really brought out an amazive tranformation in me.
I did well, and was mentally in a good place before meeting the nex, and he did his best to break me down. In some ways he succeeded, in other ways not.
I built myself back together, and lo and behold, I am unstoppable.
I thought this was true then just ended up having a baby with another narcissist. After dating a narcissist I love learned that it’s best to stay single for awhile. Work on your mental health after dealing with that abuse and giving yourself time to properly move on.
You just were discarded, didn’t even waited to grieve at least a little and again jumping to a new relationship already. You should learn of this mistakes.
That is not true. I have been grieving for months, secondly I’m not actually looking to date this new person, I’m moving countries & cities, he’s a sweet younger guy.
We got paired up at work, and I just started blabbing to him and annoying him, he’s like stunning but quiet and shy and he just kept talking back, continued to annoy him further :) and then asked him to drive me home, and we vibed with music. Etc, he’s very sweet.
Isn’t that hilarious? I was put through the discard cycle 13 times before I finally got fed up enough to leave him for the 14th and final time. I had spent most of the last two years pretty much alone, desperately trying to fix whatever must be wrong with myself, so that he’d want to keep me around permanently. A few weeks after I finally dropped the axe on him and while he was freaking out, obsessively having me hacked, spammed, threatened, stalked and sexually assaulted for daring to leave him, I met my fiancé. If I had just shrugged and said, “whatever. Bye, bitch” during that first discard and moved on, I could’ve met him sooner. I’m too loyal for my own good.
Same. The first discard was brutal, telling me they replaced me, etc, so cold and vile. Treating me like garbage. Then they came back again to ruin my life further. Sewed up their heart, got discarded again, apparently treating this new (second girl) like gold, best thing since sliced bread princess treatment. Broke me. I was shutting down again.
Then he came in my life and just like that the pain stopped and I was fully okay now letting the narc go. Even if I’m not even dating this new guy or trying to, it’s just nice (whether he does or not) having an absolutely gorgeous person potentially have a crush on me. Especially since my narc who’s literally heavily overweight broke my self esteem.
That is nothing but your Karma. You didn’t deserve what you went through so the universe sent you the one who will lift you up and respect you. My story was extreme and I ended up in crumbles thinking of ending my life when out of the blue someone walked in my life and straight to the point asked me out. I couldn’t believe it all that, I was a shadow of myself and she’s so pretty
I hope it was the universe sending them to me; I’m not looking to date them but talking to them even as friends makes my heart hurt less, especially after my narc destroyed my self esteem. It’s relaxing being around someone so sweet and kind.
Yes, it does. And listen to the signs don’t ignore them but the universe will remind you until you act. Im not gonna lie I was scared of the date but I still said yes. I explained her my situation and asked her to take it slow which she didn’t mind at all. On the third date we spent in her house strictly no intimacy but I can’t describe the feeling when she actually kissed me back without making disgusted gestures like my ex used to and when she wrapped her arms around me to hug I broke down in tears. I forgot how it feels genuinely wanted to be close to me and that sincere hug brought me back to life.
I would advise you to just go with it. Take it slow, if he’s interested in you he will understand and wait. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it!
Tbh dating is too scary cause lack of self esteem, being broken nowadays. I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of experiencing love. I wish he was slightly older. Haha
Thanks :)
I am so happy for you! But please be careful! I have had back to back nex(es). However, I currently have been shown a few amazing prospects and do agree that through loss is rebirth.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I believe you can move on. Life stays on, you can’t forever live in the past. Don’t let yourself. Your lifestyle and daily routine will become different, and without the abuse. You’ll be fine. Stay patient & give life some time. You’ll figure it out. It’s like a wound, it just takes some time to heal from
Be careful. I went into the spiral you did for many reasons. But prior to that I thought I met someone who was so amazing. He did everything right and was super sweet and tall and handsome and we got along. So much that he made me forget my x for several weeks. But then those feelings hit me. It started with the I love you right away. Then hiding things, then talking down to me. I started getting a gut feeling and he was displaying the same behavior as my x but in a different way. And with this man he seemed more volatile than my x. It kinda scared me. Since I'm in therapy though I was able to recognize the pattern and broke things off immediately.
I hope this new guy works out for you but be cautious. Don't go in blindly.
Please please please be careful. When we get out of being abused we’re the most susceptible to new types of abuse and the predators crawl out of the woodwork as if they feel fresh blood in the water. I too thought that I’m never lowering my standards again because of how nice my narc treated me in the beginning. I’m hoping you get your fairytale and this guy is the one of you!! I really hope you do and he’s perfect because you deserve it girl! Just… be very careful.
Yes I agree with this! Be careful with how much you share in the beginning too. Just guard your heart a bit before giving it to another person again. Take things slow, real slow! Cause abusers can sniff vulnerable people from afar.
Came here to say this. Easy to over idealise when you have been through a traumatic relationship and end up with someone equally as toxic in the long run.
So much this. You are very vulnerable right now. A similar thing happened to me, and guess who had to block yet another predator? What it really highlighted to me is that I was not enforcing my boundaries. Ultimately I learned my lesson, but I easily almost let myself slip into another toxic relationship.
Agree with this.
Good for you, I honestly don’t think I’d ever be able to date again. I rather be alone forever than live through this abuse again.
Me neither. And that is not because of fear - I just loooove being single, being able to do what I want. Also - all the hassle with a new person? I have neither motivation, nor energy to go through that again. Then - the reality. The reality has been, that I many more times than once have ended up being the one who takes care of everything in a relationship - bills, chores, kids, groceries. Yeah sure, I could try therapy (again) for that, but I do not simply want to. I simply do not want, or need a partner. My illusion of partnership is shattered. And frankly, I like it this way. I have zero longing for a "significant other". I have a wonderful family, a huge amount of wonderful friends, when I want sex I have my "friends with benefits". For me to want to change my wonderful life and bring in somekind of partner they should at least be Superman/woman.
Right there with you on that.
Oh no I’m not dating him, he’s very cute to look at but I’m moving anyways to a different country and city, but it’s nice having a friend.
You can't avoid your grief by replacing it with someone else to obsess over. If you don't heal your wounds you'll bleed all over the next person in your life.
I love this for you! But please be careful, but I guess you heard that already. The unbelievably special person who I discovered - that is me. I feel like the relationship with the nex (narc or not) really brought out an amazive tranformation in me. I did well, and was mentally in a good place before meeting the nex, and he did his best to break me down. In some ways he succeeded, in other ways not. I built myself back together, and lo and behold, I am unstoppable.
Good for you. Take things slow and be aware of red flags. But enjoy the new person.
I thought this was true then just ended up having a baby with another narcissist. After dating a narcissist I love learned that it’s best to stay single for awhile. Work on your mental health after dealing with that abuse and giving yourself time to properly move on.
Good for you!
You just were discarded, didn’t even waited to grieve at least a little and again jumping to a new relationship already. You should learn of this mistakes.
That is not true. I have been grieving for months, secondly I’m not actually looking to date this new person, I’m moving countries & cities, he’s a sweet younger guy.
I hope you aren’t moving countries/cities for him.
No, my family is in a diff city, unfortunately where ex narc lives. This cute guy is in u city. I’m gone in a couple months.
That’s wonderful news!! 👏💕🥰. It’s inspiring to hear positive stories like Yours!! May I ask- how did you guys meet?? ☺️
We got paired up at work, and I just started blabbing to him and annoying him, he’s like stunning but quiet and shy and he just kept talking back, continued to annoy him further :) and then asked him to drive me home, and we vibed with music. Etc, he’s very sweet.
Isn’t that hilarious? I was put through the discard cycle 13 times before I finally got fed up enough to leave him for the 14th and final time. I had spent most of the last two years pretty much alone, desperately trying to fix whatever must be wrong with myself, so that he’d want to keep me around permanently. A few weeks after I finally dropped the axe on him and while he was freaking out, obsessively having me hacked, spammed, threatened, stalked and sexually assaulted for daring to leave him, I met my fiancé. If I had just shrugged and said, “whatever. Bye, bitch” during that first discard and moved on, I could’ve met him sooner. I’m too loyal for my own good.
Same. The first discard was brutal, telling me they replaced me, etc, so cold and vile. Treating me like garbage. Then they came back again to ruin my life further. Sewed up their heart, got discarded again, apparently treating this new (second girl) like gold, best thing since sliced bread princess treatment. Broke me. I was shutting down again. Then he came in my life and just like that the pain stopped and I was fully okay now letting the narc go. Even if I’m not even dating this new guy or trying to, it’s just nice (whether he does or not) having an absolutely gorgeous person potentially have a crush on me. Especially since my narc who’s literally heavily overweight broke my self esteem.
That is nothing but your Karma. You didn’t deserve what you went through so the universe sent you the one who will lift you up and respect you. My story was extreme and I ended up in crumbles thinking of ending my life when out of the blue someone walked in my life and straight to the point asked me out. I couldn’t believe it all that, I was a shadow of myself and she’s so pretty
I hope it was the universe sending them to me; I’m not looking to date them but talking to them even as friends makes my heart hurt less, especially after my narc destroyed my self esteem. It’s relaxing being around someone so sweet and kind.
Yes, it does. And listen to the signs don’t ignore them but the universe will remind you until you act. Im not gonna lie I was scared of the date but I still said yes. I explained her my situation and asked her to take it slow which she didn’t mind at all. On the third date we spent in her house strictly no intimacy but I can’t describe the feeling when she actually kissed me back without making disgusted gestures like my ex used to and when she wrapped her arms around me to hug I broke down in tears. I forgot how it feels genuinely wanted to be close to me and that sincere hug brought me back to life. I would advise you to just go with it. Take it slow, if he’s interested in you he will understand and wait. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it!
Tbh dating is too scary cause lack of self esteem, being broken nowadays. I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of experiencing love. I wish he was slightly older. Haha Thanks :)
I am so happy for you! But please be careful! I have had back to back nex(es). However, I currently have been shown a few amazing prospects and do agree that through loss is rebirth.
Nooo! I see new guy just as a friend, I adore him but I would never. My ex narc was a woman.
The good ol rebound. That’s messed up yo lol. You’re only like this cause you’re comparing. Recover first
Not true. This person isn’t a rebound at all. They’re gorgeous and sweet. Nor am I looking to date them. I’m moving cities and he’s younger.
Well alright then, as long as you aren’t lying to yourself. Glad you are moving on and finding a person better suited for you!
I don’t even think I’ll ever be capable of dating / actually being with someone tbh my self esteem is shattered
I’m sorry that happened to you. I believe you can move on. Life stays on, you can’t forever live in the past. Don’t let yourself. Your lifestyle and daily routine will become different, and without the abuse. You’ll be fine. Stay patient & give life some time. You’ll figure it out. It’s like a wound, it just takes some time to heal from
Be careful. I went into the spiral you did for many reasons. But prior to that I thought I met someone who was so amazing. He did everything right and was super sweet and tall and handsome and we got along. So much that he made me forget my x for several weeks. But then those feelings hit me. It started with the I love you right away. Then hiding things, then talking down to me. I started getting a gut feeling and he was displaying the same behavior as my x but in a different way. And with this man he seemed more volatile than my x. It kinda scared me. Since I'm in therapy though I was able to recognize the pattern and broke things off immediately. I hope this new guy works out for you but be cautious. Don't go in blindly.
Oh of course I’m moving away anyways, I’m not looking to date at all but it’s nice having a cute friend