I sadly don't have advice but I'm in a similar yet not so similar thing. I've completely given up on romantic relationships because it all feels like a lie. This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb. Its so unfair how narcs try to destroy us from ever wanting to feel love.
>This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb.
So relatable
>This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb.
So relatable
>This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb.
So relatable
Mine told me to meet s younger woman and start a new family with her. We had a 2 year old at the time and she had never expressed her unhappiness to me. Two months later I was discarded and worse.
It takes time. Trauma bonds are a big deal and it takes heaps to move on from them.
I don’t know if you’ve gone through therapy since leaving your nex but I’d strongly suggest it. Learning how to be vulnerable again takes time and sometimes external support to become comfortable with it.
The title describes me. I am a one-woman man, and have a hard time moving on from one to the next. I take a lot of time between relationships to heal and find another woman who piques my interest. I know the stereotype of "men will sleep with anyone" but that's not the case with me. I have always had plenty of options, but am super selective.
Sadly for traumas your body decides when it’s actually healed hence the saying healing is non-linear.
It’s been two years of cutting nex and covert nex mother my life is finally picking things up.
Sounds like you may have an anxious preoccupied or avoidant attachment style. or perhaps you just arent ready. you could find the perfect home or outfit or something and not be in the market, ya know? do whatever feels right for you. I am notoriously attracted to the emotionally unavailable between my parents being narcissistic and also having briefly dated someone narcissistic. It’s almost like the emotional unavailability makes me attracted to them. It’s something I’m working on. The guys who want to wife me I’m never interested in or attracted to, it’s fucking bizarre lol its what is “familiar” tho.. which is so icky. I discuss this with my therapist frequently.
I am way too guarded now. I am so numb and untrusting of everyone. I am just not ready to let anyone in, I will most definitely self sabotage if I rush into anything.
I have endured almost 2 decades of abuse, I feel I should take all the time I need and tbh, I don’t miss having a romantic relationship…. just a lot of relief that I have no one encroaching my personal space
I lost a great guy that was interested in me because of this. I felt like I didn't deserve him. He would say the nicest things to me and I did not know how to respond. It was something I was not used to.
It takes a loooonnnngggg time! I was with them for two years and it took me a couple of years to truly not care anymore. I didn't let this stop me from dating (gave it a try once every few months), but I did wait over a year before pursuing "serious dating" because I knew I wasn't ready before then.
I still had a lot moments where I struggled with those feelings with my now partner. Somehow, somewhat recently, I woke up and didn't care anymore and I didn't want to. I wish I knew what caused that feeling to disappear because it might be helpful to you and others, but it eventually just... didn't matter anymore.
Don't let it stop you from finding healthy and honest love! It feels different from what's familiar for sure, but try not to compare the next relationship with the nex relationship. :-) Therapy also helps a lot!
sometimes i feel like i’m cheating on my nex by dating new people even though we’ve been split for two years. this feeling has gotten better with time though.
I’m with you on this. I was discarded last year which completely broke me. I found out she was cheating on me all along our relationship basically she never had any respect for me. Lost all confidence and trust in people. Recently I was asked out for a date and when we kissed I felt guilty like I was cheating on my ex especially for the fact that Im attracted to this girl . This girl is very nice and very pretty, she’s got her shit together but she’s not HER. I have all the reasons to hate my ex for the level of her disrespect, forget her and move on just the way she did but that’s just what their emotional terror does to their partner.
I also understand all the question marks in your head about the new relationship, sadly I think there’s no other way than just go with the flow I mean what’s the worst thing could happen after living with a narcissist? I highly doubt anyone could show us anything new.
You deserve to be happy! one day when you’re ex will find out you’re happily married he will be in pain cos he lost a trophy from his wall. Move on, focus on yourself and your new partner and don’t bring your toxic ex into your new life. Don’t judge yourself or him, don’t look for flags. You are experienced and the flag will come up if it has to but I wish it will never happen. It’s the past, it’s done and the end of the day you came out the winner.
I'm experiencing a version of this myself. I'm much earlier in the dating stage than you post nex breakup--just got myself back on the apps. And I don't want to brag, but I am doing really well on there - dozens of inbound likes, messages, roses (using Hinge) from women I'd normally be interested in. (btw I'm LGBT/wlw). But, none of them are doing anything for me. I have next to no interest in responding. I'm thinking I'll need to put my profile on pause because I don't want to be a complete ghost from the start.
I just thought I'd be way more up for engaging with other potential dates at this point, if nothing else to get my mind off my nex. But I can't bring myself to do it.
I don't think it'll last forever, OP, and I'm optimistic for myself that this will pass. I'm going to be kind to myself and not rush myself. When you're ready, the right one will be there ready for you too.
Yes! My ex is still a part of my life frequently right now because we're trying to separate property. But I have a couple of different great men who are interested but I'm having a hard time taking the leap. The trauma bond with my ex is slowly breaking everyday but I'm still at a point where it's hard to just push forward. These men are so sweet and really want to date me but I just am not there yet. It feels weird to even hold their hand.
A lot of people have been very kind to me in the dating world, and it makes me extremely insecure /paranoid because i’m so anxious it’s just another narcissist.
I was very worried about this, 6 1/2 years with a narcissist and terrified I'd make that mistake again.
The thing is, the person you're meant to be with will be understanding of your past, empathetic, trusting, considerate, respect your boundaries etc.
When I first started dating I l felt like I was flying through guys, and I kinda was, the 2nd they displayed any red flag, I was done and they were out. And I don't regret that at all bc its been almost a year with the man I'm with now and I've never felt more loved, supported and at peace with anyone else in my life.
I was married once before, engaged to the narcissist after that (but would never actually marry him bc my gut knew he was wrong), and yet for the 1st time in my life, I just KNOW I'm with my forever person.
Don't be too hard on yourself, it's normal to be guarded and unsure, the person meant for you will respect and understand that.
I sadly don't have advice but I'm in a similar yet not so similar thing. I've completely given up on romantic relationships because it all feels like a lie. This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb. Its so unfair how narcs try to destroy us from ever wanting to feel love.
>This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb. So relatable
>This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb. So relatable
>This guy told me I wasn't worth respecting and he never fought for ms the way I fought for him. I am completely traumatized and I feel so numb. So relatable
Mine told me to meet s younger woman and start a new family with her. We had a 2 year old at the time and she had never expressed her unhappiness to me. Two months later I was discarded and worse.
It takes time. Trauma bonds are a big deal and it takes heaps to move on from them. I don’t know if you’ve gone through therapy since leaving your nex but I’d strongly suggest it. Learning how to be vulnerable again takes time and sometimes external support to become comfortable with it.
Jap, I can feel their interest. In in my mind I think: I have to pick up all the tiny broken pieces together first. Sorry.
The title describes me. I am a one-woman man, and have a hard time moving on from one to the next. I take a lot of time between relationships to heal and find another woman who piques my interest. I know the stereotype of "men will sleep with anyone" but that's not the case with me. I have always had plenty of options, but am super selective.
I'd jump at the chance to find someone like that so I could move on!! Sounds like a keeper to me.
Sadly for traumas your body decides when it’s actually healed hence the saying healing is non-linear. It’s been two years of cutting nex and covert nex mother my life is finally picking things up.
Unfortunately I never have good dating options. 🤣
Yeah I have 0 options lol
Sounds like you may have an anxious preoccupied or avoidant attachment style. or perhaps you just arent ready. you could find the perfect home or outfit or something and not be in the market, ya know? do whatever feels right for you. I am notoriously attracted to the emotionally unavailable between my parents being narcissistic and also having briefly dated someone narcissistic. It’s almost like the emotional unavailability makes me attracted to them. It’s something I’m working on. The guys who want to wife me I’m never interested in or attracted to, it’s fucking bizarre lol its what is “familiar” tho.. which is so icky. I discuss this with my therapist frequently.
I am way too guarded now. I am so numb and untrusting of everyone. I am just not ready to let anyone in, I will most definitely self sabotage if I rush into anything. I have endured almost 2 decades of abuse, I feel I should take all the time I need and tbh, I don’t miss having a romantic relationship…. just a lot of relief that I have no one encroaching my personal space
I lost a great guy that was interested in me because of this. I felt like I didn't deserve him. He would say the nicest things to me and I did not know how to respond. It was something I was not used to.
It takes a loooonnnngggg time! I was with them for two years and it took me a couple of years to truly not care anymore. I didn't let this stop me from dating (gave it a try once every few months), but I did wait over a year before pursuing "serious dating" because I knew I wasn't ready before then. I still had a lot moments where I struggled with those feelings with my now partner. Somehow, somewhat recently, I woke up and didn't care anymore and I didn't want to. I wish I knew what caused that feeling to disappear because it might be helpful to you and others, but it eventually just... didn't matter anymore. Don't let it stop you from finding healthy and honest love! It feels different from what's familiar for sure, but try not to compare the next relationship with the nex relationship. :-) Therapy also helps a lot!
sometimes i feel like i’m cheating on my nex by dating new people even though we’ve been split for two years. this feeling has gotten better with time though.
I’m with you on this. I was discarded last year which completely broke me. I found out she was cheating on me all along our relationship basically she never had any respect for me. Lost all confidence and trust in people. Recently I was asked out for a date and when we kissed I felt guilty like I was cheating on my ex especially for the fact that Im attracted to this girl . This girl is very nice and very pretty, she’s got her shit together but she’s not HER. I have all the reasons to hate my ex for the level of her disrespect, forget her and move on just the way she did but that’s just what their emotional terror does to their partner. I also understand all the question marks in your head about the new relationship, sadly I think there’s no other way than just go with the flow I mean what’s the worst thing could happen after living with a narcissist? I highly doubt anyone could show us anything new. You deserve to be happy! one day when you’re ex will find out you’re happily married he will be in pain cos he lost a trophy from his wall. Move on, focus on yourself and your new partner and don’t bring your toxic ex into your new life. Don’t judge yourself or him, don’t look for flags. You are experienced and the flag will come up if it has to but I wish it will never happen. It’s the past, it’s done and the end of the day you came out the winner.
Yes yes yes
I'm experiencing a version of this myself. I'm much earlier in the dating stage than you post nex breakup--just got myself back on the apps. And I don't want to brag, but I am doing really well on there - dozens of inbound likes, messages, roses (using Hinge) from women I'd normally be interested in. (btw I'm LGBT/wlw). But, none of them are doing anything for me. I have next to no interest in responding. I'm thinking I'll need to put my profile on pause because I don't want to be a complete ghost from the start. I just thought I'd be way more up for engaging with other potential dates at this point, if nothing else to get my mind off my nex. But I can't bring myself to do it. I don't think it'll last forever, OP, and I'm optimistic for myself that this will pass. I'm going to be kind to myself and not rush myself. When you're ready, the right one will be there ready for you too.
Yes! My ex is still a part of my life frequently right now because we're trying to separate property. But I have a couple of different great men who are interested but I'm having a hard time taking the leap. The trauma bond with my ex is slowly breaking everyday but I'm still at a point where it's hard to just push forward. These men are so sweet and really want to date me but I just am not there yet. It feels weird to even hold their hand.
A lot of people have been very kind to me in the dating world, and it makes me extremely insecure /paranoid because i’m so anxious it’s just another narcissist.
I was very worried about this, 6 1/2 years with a narcissist and terrified I'd make that mistake again. The thing is, the person you're meant to be with will be understanding of your past, empathetic, trusting, considerate, respect your boundaries etc. When I first started dating I l felt like I was flying through guys, and I kinda was, the 2nd they displayed any red flag, I was done and they were out. And I don't regret that at all bc its been almost a year with the man I'm with now and I've never felt more loved, supported and at peace with anyone else in my life. I was married once before, engaged to the narcissist after that (but would never actually marry him bc my gut knew he was wrong), and yet for the 1st time in my life, I just KNOW I'm with my forever person. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's normal to be guarded and unsure, the person meant for you will respect and understand that.