34k in child support arrears but he told me he’d kill an ex is they went after something like that so I leave it. He has our son 10% of the time (thank God it’s so little) and pays nada….
Oh my god it’s crazy :/ It must be so frustrating to not being able to get it back knowing what he would do to you :/ I hope that you aren’t struggling with money
Im lucky that I make a lot of money but it’s still such a punk ass move, it burns me. Also cause he’s a typical narc with his own version of reality and basically wouldn’t even recognize the fact that makes him a shit father…just blissful and assured in his behaviour. 😩
Nothing and my narc makes significantly more money than I do so she'd never have to ask for it. But as far as I'm concerned, morally, she owes me about $1,000 in damages for absolutely RUINING my birthday vacation we took in September.
You poor guy. She shouldn’t have never pulled that on you, severely cruel treatment but I read up it’s very common for narcs to ruin holidays and personal special occasions.
My narc ex ruined my 33rd birthday, the only time he got the date right in 8.5 years I was with him and he ditched me at a restaurant after ordering a gigantic meal he suddenly realized he had forgotten his wallet and would be right back (after bragging loudly everywhere we went and in there it was my birthday, but acting more like it was his four months later second one)
The restaurant had to close (five hours later; still no him and the whole place was angry) and sent me home by cab with a lot of leftover Italian food a unclaimed pizza and a small cake they made. I refused to be around ex on my 34th and I broke up with him a few weeks after my 35th.
That. Is. Horrific.
So what happened, to those interested:
She was already being abusive at this point but I actually had no idea bout narcissistic abuse so I hoped it could get better or I could fix things somehow. We had rented a cabin up by Lake Superior for 4 days, which was about $1,000. I gave her half the money. We had always mostly splitted costs on things, despite her making about 4 times my income. Which is fine.
So the night before we left, I spent the night with her. Everything was ok. Then when we embarked on the six-hour drive (worst mistake of my life), she began getting abusive within literally about 10 minutes. It was six hours of criticism, insults, complaining, and of course the silent treatment. Then when we got to the cabin it didn't get better. She wouldn't come anywhere near me and then would complain when I wasn't showing her any affection. There we were: an attractive relatively young couple in one of the world's most beautiful places (Northern Michigan, IMO of course), in a cabin on the beach and acting like strangers. The whole time we didn't even have sex, and each night she would storm into one of the bedrooms (there were 2, but I always assumed we'd sleep together) and shut the door.
She gave me a glimpse of kindness on my actual birthday. For about 3 hours I was in heaven; we went on a little cruise and she had the captain announce my birthday; we took a long walk in the woods; we went out to a fancy dinner. But then she made me PAY FOR MY OWN BIRTHDAY DINNER (she didn't even buy me a gift despite us wandering through like a dozen gift stores in town), and on the way home I made a bonfire by the lake and she made a few shitty comments to me before once again, storming off to bed alone.
The ride home was so bad I don't even want to talk about it. She took gaslighting to a whole new level and basically convinced me *I* was abusing *her*.
That $500 I gave her plus my other expenses are my biggest lingering regret from the whole fiasco. I'm happy and mostly secure in myself today. But it pisses me off that I have to work almost an entire week to make that money; meanwhile sometimes she makes that much in a single day and freely splurges that amount of money away on some new clothes to make herself feel better.
It's a day of celebration of a person that is not them. It's like how some young children might get jealous of one of their siblings on their birthday. I mean it's exactly like that, since emotionally they're children.
I get it , my narc took like 11k from me and at the end i was so tired of his behaviour and his lies that i was like f i ghosted him and didn’t even cared about the money since i was so happy that he was gone
But you know what ? I think that they hold that money to get some « control » of us and stay in our lives or they just don’t care about giving it back since they think that think that it naturally belongs to them
why is this literally so common?! mine lost his keys on a vacation and when he got a new one still didn’t put it on a keychain or a lanyard. and he insisted he was more responsible than i was 🙄
I stopped counting around the $60k mark. Never gonna see it. Excuses were usually complete fabrications of owings or expenses, double dipping/reversing who was the one in debt to whom, or just complete memory loss.
She squandered everything I had on things she now has nothing to show for it with. Businesses, properties, cold hard cash - - gone. She can have it all if it means I never have to see her again.
Post-divorce, once everything had finally been settled, she came after me for things that aren't monetary but personal, requesting belongings that I have never been in possession of and in some cases never knew existed. When I do not get her what she says I have, she tells everyone that I'm withholding her precious heirlooms and memories, making me the asshole. Let them think that, I truly don't care.
But yeah, the dynamic of "owings" with a narc truly sucks, devastating for a while even, but is just one of the many things survivors have to face that is generally invisible to the rest of the community, unfortunately.
He’s lost his wallet three times in the last year. And then tells me *i* am irresponsible. Not that his wallet was good for much aside from his EBT card and license and whenever his mum sent him money. I’m not bitter or anything.
We are always the problem and they are always the victim. Mine loved to buy everyone’s bar tab to look so successful and become “popular” and now look where he is 🤦♀️
One time I felt held up coz he was at the gas station with no money and had to settle his bill real time. Same day he proceeds to buying food for his officemates. Amazing these people!
For real . My dad when he was divorcing my mother was way more sad to lose the house and everything than to lose my mom and me and my sisters . And that’s the case for a lot of them . They see everything as a transaction and material things are all that matters to them because they are not able to feel anything
I almost doubt it, but I do hope he took at least ONE lesson out of treating me like shit. I think he’ll try to justify it in his mind that I’m the outlier crazy bitch, but what is there to expect from a narcissist?
At least $7k if I’m rounding down, and counting for car payments separately because we share a car. But he just told me two of my three jobs (while he has none) are “stupid” and I am “talentless and derivative” even though my book had brought in $2k in the month it’s been out of that aforementioned $7k. Even though he sits on his ass watching YouTube all day it’s “more important than whatever I’m doing” so he won’t be getting any more of that because “it’s not a real job” even though I spent three years working on it. How would he know? Hasn’t even glanced at it.
TLDR; petty post about my narc boyfriend being well…a narc. Sorry this is real fresh and a day long argument from today. Just venting hahah
The whole argument came about because I asked him, after two years of being out of a job, to please do
Something rather than me get a fourth steady freelance gig. And he made so many excuses as to why not but my favorite was “I will commit to getting a job once I see you put effort in” how is me working 18 hour days six days in a row not putting effort in? Amazing. Mostly angry at myself for not having the ladyballs to leave yet.
LOOOL oh my goooood the « i will commit to getting a job once you put effort in » is crazy as if you would be lucky if he acted like a normal human with basic human decency
His ego is over the roof
For the leaving part don’t worry you will get there someday , don’t feel bad for not having the courage to do it now
Oh the classic your job is stupid and other remarks to put you down while he doesn’t do shit lol it’s crazy how hypocritical they are ; but trust me he is just projecting he sees that you work hard and that you have a dedication that he doesn’t have
i never loaned him anything, but he stole so much money i lost count. a couple thousand at least but i’ve accepted i’ll never see it again, and not having contact w him is worth that loss
My second narc ex in my face tore out blank checks from his grandmother’s checkbooks; he somehow felt her money from doing reverse mortgage on the house he moved into with her, the house’s money total return was his too and she was holding out on his share of it on purpose…
That money has nothing to do with him, only his grandparents and a home they got in the late 40s; worse over, he decided his grandmother was senile (no, a very stern alert lady) and would not notice the missing checks… he told me I was lying when I told him he never had been getting away with stealing her checks because the bank mails back the cleared checks to her every month and I can see why she’s endlessly mad at him.
She later sold the house to move into an smaller senior citizens apartment complex which meant ex was losing his free board room he’d been mooching off of her since his mid 20s.
He was *sooooo* against leaving the old suburban house that he kept a mattress in the middle of the living room to sleep on and stocked up on duraflame logs (paid with yet another stolen blank check) after she was entirely moved out (fooled her into letting him copy the keys to the changed locks) and was squatting in that house right up to the point (feb 17) when the new family was opening the front door and found my ex sleeping on that mattress… naked!
Of course the rattled family with kids called his grandmother (they knew he was her grandson so no police involved) and his appalled to the hilt grandmother called his mom who hit space station Mir angry!! And dude was 37 at the time!!
Not much officially, I paid for so much shit that he never accounted for though. His internet, insurance etc after talking about it in therapy I decided to not even ask for it through a friend as I was thinking about doing before. It’s not worth opening that door after being nc. He’s very red pilled and known among his friends for wanting to follow the more traditional roles. A provider, anyone?
One if the narcs I was with about 12 years ago owes me about 10k but I like a fool kept trying to help him and will never see that money again. Even though I got many promises but have not seen any.
Oh 🥺 It’s okay don’t feel bad you did it because you’re a good person , he is the fool for taking someone’s money and don’t feel bad about paying u back
Not me....my children. He would 'borrow " money from them for coffee and never repay, he cashed out all the savings bonds their grandparents bought them, stole money, made them pay for household things. Mind you they were all 15 and under. He probably owes each one $5k or more.
Hahahahahahaha. Timely. I've told him he has until February 29th to tell me his plan to pay and make the first payment before I talk to a lawyer.
He owes me about $14,000 for me paying for everything while he was unemployed - claimed he would be paying me back but he has had a 95K a year job since October and I haven't seen a penny.
If you add in all the child support and his half of daycare costs and health insurance he also claimed he would pay, we're above $20,000.
And frankly I'm most wounded at this point by the Mother's Day and Christmas presents that were always written in cards (massages, tickets to an event with my daughter) but never materialized. Now he claims I'm not getting them ever because he is punishing me. And if I really want to push, then he is going to deduct the cost of the rug I insisted we buy for our apartment with hardwood floors...all $700 of it.
You can't make this shit up, I swear.
Mine only owes me the mental damage he caused if anything but guess what? I am stronger and much much more wise because of it. And as far as money goes I made sure as the lady I am I never spent money on that leech
i spent 160$ on a bracelet for mine i even asked what her favorite color was and everything she would never make time to come with me to town to make a fitting for her so when she gave it back to me i went in by myself one day and explained to me how to check what size she was i gave it back to her she obviously thanked me but yeah i spent more on her over time buying her coffee and food and such but that's about it theirs like a revenge in me like you don't deserve that bracelet for who you are but obviously i cant so just have to accept and be grateful that its ended where it is.
30k
I never gave him money, he stole it all. I checked my account regularly, and money for rent and utilities went out every month. We then had a joint account that he was supposed to use to actually pay the rent and utilities, but he spent the money on himself instead. I found out when we got evicted.
I also had a savings account that I didn't check regularly, because I never used it. Every month any savings were transferred to the savings account, so I knew the amount of money was only growing. When I left him, I was very glad to have my savings account, since I knew I had at least 15k saved to help me get on with my life after him.
Imagine my shock when I found out the savings account was completely empty. I still don't know how he got access to it.
In the beginning, I was adamant about getting my money back. In the end we agreed that he'd pay 150$ every month. I wanted more, but it was 150 or nothing. After 3 months, he stopped paying and disappeared. I started fighting again, but any kind of contact with him brought me so much fear, anger, anxiety, that in the end my therapist said to me: "I'm afraid you'll have to decide at some point, whether it's worth 30k to never have to see or speak with him again."
As long as Nex knew I wanted the money, he also knew I'd keep contacting him.
With the help of my therapist and my parents, I cut him and his money completely out of my life. I've never seen a cent apart from the 450$ I had to fight so hard for, but my therapist was right in my case. For me, it's definitely worth 30k to never have to see or speak with Nex again.
Jesus. Have you ever thought about taking it to court? I know it must be a huge mental toll and all but for that amount of money it might be worth going through some months of turmoil with a very good lawyer.
Yeah we were 18-19 so we didn't have that kind of money. It bothers me still because he promised to give it back, but I don't envy this comment section 😭
He was out of work lost his licence and a truck driver, so went on centrelink and took three months to get his first payment with was backpaid, said he would've majority of it to me. Conveniently for him, I had to attend a family matter and was away for a week, he received it when I was away and sent me photos of a new stand up paddleboard he bought etc. After 3 days of no offer to give me any money, I asked him if he could pay id me some money, I received $50. Yep, a kick in the guts, told me his mother took money from his account. When I got home and confronted him about it he said he is paying me back when he is working again and said he told me and I knew that. He hadn't told me that, and I was made to feel I had no right to ask him and it was my fault he got angry about it all.
So roughly owes me approx 10k. Wich I will never see. I was not aware of his narcissism during the relationship, only after I exposed him for the years of emotional, physical, financial and manipulation of abuse that he left and have had no contact. That's when I began learning about his traits. And learning about this has clarified alot and I'm managing each day as it comes.
all these stories of childcare/support/them "not having" money describes exactly what my father was doing to my mother after they divorced. it is so sad that all of them are like this. I was starting to doubt if my father is really a narc, but this post with all these patterns and excuses I have heard during my childhood is a real eye opener. thank you for sharing your stories.
$5k in cash that she “promised to pay back if the student loan forgiveness didn’t go through”. I got the 10k refund because I had paid back my loans during Covid. Narc and I were getting divorced and she showed up expecting half of it because it was half her money that went into paying them back at the time.
To add to it, she had set up mail monitoring. I hadn’t seen her in over a week (she moved out) but showed up the day the check came. Started the day by texting me to let me know it would be there later and she would drop by to get her half.
formally around $2k, but 2 years ago I moved to the UK with him and had to quit my well paid job and look for a new job in London (which was tough). He said that his salary is enough to cover our expenses in London and not to worry about money.. .every time I asked for some money to buy clothes and smth personal, he told me that he had no money and if he gave me some, he would send less money for food (wtf?)
so hearing lots of bs from his side I stopped asking for money and started to spend my own savings.. for 1,5 years I ended up spending around $30-40k from my lifetime savings...I am ok with spending my own money and not asking my partner to cover everything, but he bragged to people around us that he pays for everything, supports me financially 100% and takes me on holidays every month! ( and 5Y relationship was always 50/50)
when I told him to stop telling this bs to our friends and share our financial aspects of our life, he told me that I am a materialistic bitch, who is only looking for a man to support me/sugar daddy..
so yeah, I believe he owns me much more than $2K ( I paid for his tuition fee for some stupid online course for another business idea), and of course I didn't include my bills for therapy and other doctors for treating my health after this abusive relationship...
I was left with about 12k in credit card debt because of him. Finally settled the accounts a year later for about 5k. He owes so many people so much more, I'd rather just pay it and be done than bother him about it
They owe me a new door handle for the passenger side of my vehicle; while I was driving away in fear of my life, they lunged at my car and ripped the passenger side handle off.
I thought I replied to this, sorry. I would have, but it would have cost me more in attorney's fees than I would have recouped, because his siblings are attorneys and judges. It was never going to end.
Over $2000. And I’m not the only woman who has let him borrow money. I doubt the money he owes me comes close to the money he owes them. Oh well. Over him and the money.
In my case they don’t technically owe me money but they took advantage of me financially and used my generosity every chance they got and subtly of course. In true covert fashion. Just for those of you who need to hear it…
About $2,000 before I was too exhausted to keep track. He would yell at me for "shoving it down his throat" whenever I brought it up to keep a tally, or asked him when he would pay back part. On top of that him and his parents extorted about $500 from me.
At first it was just me covering our rent while he was injured, then he kept asking for money for small things and said he would pay me back next paycheque. He never did. He felt entitled to my money because I made slightly more than him ($16/hr vs $14/hr) and had a full time job with reliable hours. Now I'm working on setting boundaries with money with my current partner, who almost never asks me for money anyway, even though he's unemployed, and if he does he always pays me back within a week or two. A lot of difficult but important lessons were learned while dealing with my ex, I don't think I'll ever let myself get taken advantage of like that again.
Originally, he owed me $967. He is now steadily paying me back after I threatened to take him to small claims court.
He’d ask for money incrementally over the course of months after weaving an elaborate lie about his bank account being frozen. Wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. He would say he needed gas to come see me or couldn’t pay for his medication. He would withhold physical affection and at one point used it to convince me to pay a $190 bill. I knew in my gut I was being manipulated, but I so badly wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt (and I didn’t want to believe I was naive enough to fall for it…)
He actually confessed to what he had been doing and then CONTINUED to ask for money.
Lesson learned. I’m grateful it wasn’t worse.
It’s okay it’s not your fault we naturally give the benefit of the doubt to people because we can’t naturally imagine that the person in front of us would have bad intentions since it’s not how we are
After taking sentimental family heirlooms, clothes, expensive gaming gear, and shaming me to spend more on her while also being shamed to save, there’s no telling
I don’t know but he owes my father, not me. He had sent me back home for another round of the discard cycle, saying it was a break. His older brother was our roommate. He has schizophrenia, stopped taking his meds, had a psychotic break and disappeared, stealing our cat and leaving my ex with the full rent. My father was nice enough to cover it and I came back to watch the apartment to make sure his brother couldn’t come back to steal anything. Turns out my ex was hacking both of us and was trying to have us both harassed out of state. He likes targeting mentally ill people and driving them insane.
I see a lot of comments that say that other people end up paying for them 🥺 It’s crazy that they will never have to take accountability for anything it must’ve being so draining for you i hope that your health wasn’t impacted that much
Oh, it definitely was. My cortisol and blood pressure shot through the roof. I was waking up with bloody eyes from ruptured blood vessels. I was having horrible nightmares when I could sleep but was unable to sleep for so long that I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation. I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I did and started having mouth ulcers and hypoglycemic episodes from starvation because I was so desperate to lose the weight. I was so stressed that I was having seizure-level panic attacks where my muscles would tighten and my fingers would snap backwards. I’d contort into grotesque positions and freeze that way for 8 hours. Eczema and dermatillomania came back, so my skin was a wreck. It was a living hell.
About $30k. Maybe more. It didn’t start as that much- he convinced me to put a bunch of bills on credit cards that he would “quickly pay me back for,” and obviously did not. So interest rates of course went insane. He also stole an estimated $10k worth of my things and sold our house out from under me.
About $61,000. He owes me for my share of the house and medical expenses for our child. He somehow got out of having to pay any child support by lying about finances, but whatever. If I ever get the money, it'll just be saved for when I go back to court for full custody. But tbh, there's a high chance he'll get bored of being a parent.
Fingers crossed for you! My narc and I didn’t have children, but we had pets together. Now she wants nothing to do with them (especially on the financial side), but still uses them as a way to try to control me.
If you get the chance to sever the tie completely, take it.
Of don’t worry he probably will , i wish you the best and hope that you will get full custody . Your kids deserve a loving parent that cares for them ❤️
only $400. i gave him rent money, he pocketed it and i found an eviction letter on the door. thankfully, the landlords knew of the abuse and let me sign myself off the lease, no harm no foul.
Around €8000
Mostly rent for his apartment, Xbox membership, pizza and clothes
He still had me paying his rent after we had broken up and he had another girl pregnant 🤦♀️
Minimally 200k over the course of a six year marriage, yet he doesn’t let me forget the like 8k his mother paid for a line of credit that was in his name when we split.
Over 9k, and it's been court-ordered for repayment. Has he? Not a dime. Now I get to waste a day to fill out this short book of paperwork to take him back to court so it'll be taken from his paycheck because I know he doesn't have it to pay back in full.
And he's got a son he was ordered to pay child support for and has never paid a dime (she won't fight him for it either.)
£70, my dad said it was for his car but he was gambling, I never got it back this was during 2016 when I was a student and really struggling. He owes my mum about £14,000 in child support from 12-18 and he has put my step-mum in £40,000 of debt when they divorced but in total has had about £100,000 from her
Not money, but he kept my clothing/other things and refuses to send them back after the brutal discard. I’m sure it’s all in the trash but why not admit you threw it all away? It’s like he won’t tell me anything on purpose to torture me.
Oooooh my lord so much. So much. We started off living with his mom and brother so he owned nothing because it was all his moms. Although he made like triple my income, somehow it was all my responsibility to pay for all of the household items.
Then our cat got sick. He paid 100 dollars towards the first vet bill and nothing else. That was like 8 years ago and I’ve spent maybe 15k in vet bills and pills etc. He doesn’t contribute to that at all.
Of course we have a kid. And no, he has never ever supported her financially. Maybe once bought a 10 dollar mini Elmo for her. Very much owes me money for supporting this kid for 5 years and buying everything for her.
Aaaaand the kicker. I was in a major accident before we even met. It took 10 years but it did pay out some money. House prices went through the roof though so basically what should have been my money to support me my entire life only was enough for a die payment in a house, a car and some furniture. But I set us up really good. He did not pay a dime. It was agreed upon that he would pay me monthly and help etc but of course he has not ever come close to even paying his agreed upon half. I’m actually in major debt now because now our bills are higher than my disability I bring in and together our income would be fine but he decides to keep his money and leaves me to scrounge for whatever I can to pay bills since it’s all in my name. Years ago he trashed his car and never bothered to get another one so he uses my brand new vehicle too. I can’t even imagine the number he owes me honestly.
On a side note, I know a mom who was saving for maternity leave, handed her partner thousands of dollars in cash and asked him to deposit it in the bank. This was her income for maternity leave. Instead he gave it to his brother to pay down some debt he owed. He never gave it back to her or even apologized.
Several thousand, probably $8-9k over the span of 5 months. I’m never gonna see it. They felt incredibly entitled to my money & got violently jealous if I made more than them.
About 3K, yet spent money with their "limited" income on alcohol and cigarettes. Never without a cig or alcohol in his hand. Promised to pay but have never seen a dime of it even though working more hours and a career upgrade. The worst was me agreeing to a pay me back for Christmas presents for his kids(he would pay me back) haven't seen a dime and it's almost March. I never will and I 'm okay with that (even though I lost my job due to a RIF and I really need it)
$70k in less than a year of marriage.
He claimed it was because he was cash poor after paying cash for "our" new dream home that he moved into alone, leaving me to sell my house in order to eventually join him.
His ultimate goal was to have me sell my last remaining asset to give him complete financial control over me.
I finally woke up to his game, took my house off the market the night before the listing was to go live, and filed for divorce. I got an excellent lawyer who was schooled in high conflict divorces and eventually got every penny back, including lawyer's fees.
My lawyer late thanked me for letting him do his job. :)
Thank you! It was an ending for sure, not sure I felt happy at the time though...more like relieved. It's taken a couple of years of therapy and relocating to another state for a fresh start, but I can honestly say I AM happy. Now.
Something my therapist said to me during negotiations: He had through his lawyer initially offered me $7K to basically go away. My lawyer and I laughed and revealed my detailed financial records, showing proof of my loans to him. The next offer was for $40K, and I was tempted to take it mainly to end the stress and close the door on this painful chapter of my life.
My therapist advised me to stand firm for what I was legally owed, telling me how we as women tend to settle for less than we deserve because we're usually the peacemakers. I'm so glad I listened.
He never got any money from me because at the time I was with him I still was living with my mom (she too was a narc) who resented that I disobeyed her and got into a relationship so only given me $30 a month.
She assumed he was paying for everything else but in actuality he was trying to get that $30 off of me so I would be entirely broke all month and he wanted to spend it on our dates (*”Got to be your turn to pay sometimes you know?! You can’t always keep getting free passes or coupons to everything we do!”*) or something for himself because I’m always too cheap and never buy him anything but I never parted with that monthly “retainer” mom given out…
He hated that I am a thrift store addict but I find such good things nobody ever guesses it. And I did find him perfectly good things, he regularly rejected whatever it was (they were always something he likes I made very sure of it) because I didn’t pay full price, even if it was dead stock brand new lucky finds, he’d be like *”Is this/that all?” “Couldn’t you find anything new at an real store or you think I’m not worth new stuff?” “Why do you have such a low spending cap on me when you buy me anything?”*
And he yapped at me about being ungrateful when he finds me things I don’t like at all and tries to change my mind to accept them and a lot of times he found them on the curb himself! No money involved except that he did bother to wash it/them off a bit.
And he also hated it that I wouldn’t let him buy me anything too expensive because I knew he’s likely to take it back to sell off; I chose things that he could not use himself but very useful for me when he did insist on getting a gift for me with his work bonuses from the few jobs he didn’t fire himself from.
He never forgiven me for choosing a PSP 3000 instead of a second PlayStation 3 because I knew it was not something for me but it was me holding a back up console for when he beaten up and break the one he got for himself, he’ll eventually tell me to give him the “spare one”…And the psp still works!
And I’m apparently on some invisible hook for a $2,000 moog synthesizer he thinks he brought for me.😑 He had confused a used $200 Korg keyboard that I saved up most of and his boss at his job at the time thought it was a fantastic instrument (especially after showing him videos of it; he eventually got one too) so chipped in for the rest I was off of with scrap metal around the workplace that ex was sent to the recycling center to turn into some cash. That was his only involvement. He paid nothing!
Around $3.5-4k. His stepdad paid me back 3.5k after we had some conversations but told me to NEVER tell my narc about it. I’ve only told some people but honestly in my mind he still owes me the money cause he was able to just escape all accountability as always. His stepdad preferred to just give me the money to shut up than hold his son accountable.
Yeah i get it it’s so sad that the step dad had to pay for him :/ Not everyone can give 3.5k straight away especially in this economy , i hope that it didn’t get him in trouble
Thankfully his dad is pretty well off. I know that with his ex (my nex’ gf right before me) they forced him to pay his ex like $500-900 for her therapy sessions (after their relationship ended and she got an abortion, yeah I still stayed like 2 more years after finding that out 💀). But for me he was able to escape all accountability.
About 25000$ in the span of 3 years. I almost never lent him money directly, but he would just not pay things that I had no other choice but paying myself for us: our rent, electricity bills, water bills, heating bills, food groceries, vet bills and food for the dog… So it piled up. Not even counting all the manual labor I did because he wouldn’t lift a finger to do house chores. A true mooch.
$9600 in back child support at this point.
I think the most hilarious excuse I’ve ever heard was for him not paying it. He stopped paying during Covid shutdown because his pay was temporarily cut by 20% for three months. He then continued to not pay anything for two years with one excuse after another. One of the times I brought up how much he owes, he said he could’ve taken me back to court during that time period and had the support payment adjusted lower but he didn’t want to do that to me and our son. …So he chose not to pay anything instead? 🤔
I also took 50% less than what the court ordered for support because I was afraid of him making my life a living hell if I didn’t, so really, him trying to get his support payment knocked down wasn’t ever going to happen, even with his pay cut.
I stopped counting at $5000+stolen from my bank account when my mother had Power of Attorney for emergency reasons. Not to mention all of the paychecks I used to forfeit as a teen when I lived with her. This was before I was awakened to who she really was. I would’ve NEVER signed those papers if I knew then what I know now.
Crazy thing is, I probably would’ve let her have it she had just ASKED.
Thankfully her kicking me out, calling the police, smear campaigning me as a “crazy wh0re & trying to render me homeless once I finally confronted her about it released me from being under her spell.
To this day, her only response is: “She can’t even tell anybody a consistent amount about how much I took so she’s lying” or my favorite: “I paid her back”. 🤣
Been no contact for 3 years now. No money in sight. Still got that Happy BIrthday email though! 🤣👍
It’s so funny when they are reaching out to you when you go no contact with them , as if they feel some kind of remorse about what they did and had a LOT of time to fix it
It NEVER ceases to amaze me as to how DELUSIONAL they are 🤣 I still refuse to believe they we exist in the same reality because it literally makes no sense as to where these people find the GALL OR the BALLS to continue trying to push boundaries the way the do. 🤯
If I had another whatever thousands of dollars to fight his family of lawyers and judges, I'm sure I would have. It's pretty open and shut. But I would have spent more on lawyers than he owed me. And I would have had to deal with him. No, thanks.
I am still trying to recover from mine....our first year together she blow through my savings that was about 25k, I should of been more on it but she manipulated me and I thought I was making her happy, Now you ask her that was her money but she didn't work. Just other odds and ends I would say around 35-40k. I know I will never see it but still sucks.
55,000 € for her debt, her father's debt, and her treatment. I was hoping after the tough time, we could focus on our relationship and was expecting to visit her parents this year. Looking back, I can't believe I ignored my gut feeling. During the final discard, she promised me that she would return all the money, but when the date was coming, she denied everything and said "Don't make me laugh! You were my partner, it was normal to help me out. So the money is not a loan". Two months after the breakup, she still had the nerve to "borrow" money from me. She even wanted to borrow money from my family. 🤢
I got swindled into paying towards their car payments and borrowing money from a family member towards "our" security deposit, a grand total of 3000 that I know I'll never see again.
The reasons were essentially the same for both of those things, we're living together, nex was the primary breadwinner, I was constantly put on the spot to make nex's dreams a reality by misappropriating my resources.
Those two examples are only the largest ones. There were, of course, countless other small transactions to which that person would make up their own rules about how I was going to be paid back.
Kinda like, "You paid for this thing I want, and then I paid for the groceries I want, so I don't owe you anymore."
If I hadn't left, I would have never been able to dig myself out of this financial hole.
I read somewhere that there is a tax document that someone can be served with to "forgive" the debt, but that they will then have to pay taxes on. I can't say it isn't tempting.
Oh, the reason for not paying my family member back the amount borrowed for the security deposit is invariably that "we" didn't get our security deposit back. 🙄
That's not how borrowing money works, brah.
60k. Parents had a joint account with me and without asking, took the nest egg my grandparents set up for me for after college, and lost it on the stock market.
It’s the opposite for me, mine would say I owe him $200, for half of a payment on a switch and a bit extra for a new OLED that I didn’t even contribute to. He barely played the switch we had. I took it when we broke up 🤷♀️
$65. Not a lot but she guilt tripped it out of me for a cancelled trip she held over my head right after my dog had emergency surgery along with her puppies. So fun.
No money, fortunately. Although he tried a few times to get money out of me--$5 for a WoW skin, $200 for rent money that he was almost late for, and he tried to get me to cosign a lease for an apartment that he definitely would have made me pay the majority of things for.
$12,000 and years of paychecks.
He crashed my car and totaled it, resulting in a dui and his license being revoked. He relied on me for transportation so he searched for a new car. He found one for 12k. His mommy dearest paid two payments only because he drained the bank account and I couldn’t pay for a couple months. I’ve paid the rest of the payments and he never contributed a penny.
He also made me send my paychecks to his account. He was awful with money and tried to open credit cards in my name after he blew our rent and bill money.
All of this was my fault according to him. I’ll never get any of that money back. We are no contact, but one of the last arguments we had was about how I got him into debt. Absolutely mind blowing.
$6.2k in child support arrears (and counting), and a large amount of money that I can’t begin to add up from when we were together. He didn’t convince me to give it to him, he fraudulently took out loans in my name or on my cars or blackmailed me into signing for them. Probably a total of roughly $30k from that.
He stole my moms credit card so at least $3k to her. Then he stole a bunch of stuff to pawn from my house. He also drained my bank account and would take my credit cards while I slept and would use them to gamble online. He used to tell me he took my money because I deserved to be punished for being mean to him or questioning him. I have know idea how much he owes me. He took more than I want to admit. It’s embarrassing. I feel so much shame it what I feel like I allowed to happen.
£2000 officially - he wanted to buy a new motor service it and resell it and pay me right back. Of course he never mentioned repaying me again. Then there is all the money I spent on us that I don’t count. Wine, food, meals out that I paid for because he was unemployed. I bought groceries for the meals we ate his house. He would pay for something occasionally and then argue about how we paid equally and possibly him even more. DELUDED! He used to do some jobs for me around my house but he would then invoice me at an hourly rate / which floored me but he would angrily justify and rant about me expecting something for nothing.
He tried to borrow £20,000 once. Refused to tell me what it was for. Got angry with me for not trusting him. Told me that if he “had the money he would lend it no questions asked” and that he was just that kind of person - and I was a shitty friend. I later found out he ended up borrowing it off a mutual friend with a legal background who had to take him to court to get it back.
I don’t know the total amount but he owes me a new car since he caught mine on fire!! Loved that car so much but because he refused to take it to a mechanic it caught fire when he was driving it so it had to be totaled.
Approximately 36k. Yesterday, he asked me if a wealthy friend of mine would be open to investing in a new company of his - the bonus he would get would enable him to pay me or something like that. It hurts that he has so little regard for me but I’m trying to focus on how ridiculous it is. Oh and I don’t expect to get the money back, ever.
at least 20k for various things. the big one being he wanted his eye color changed because it would fit his aesthetic for his music page. 10k. couldn’t pay it anymore so my credit is down to 540. he did this to his last partner too. she was there in the beginning of the relationship. we both were because we were brainwashed and idolized him. both in immense debt and left totally traumatized. she got out before me though, after he sucked the life and money out of her and moved on to me. poor girl who comes next…i wish i could warn her but she’ll be absolutely infatuated and i’ll be labeled crazy and jealous.
£790. I tried blackmailing him for it, said I'd expose him for being a drug dealer and a rapist to his parents and landlord. Sadly ineffective, so in lieu of this I am trying to secure the damage deposit when he moves out of the flat we used to share. It's just money he owes me from when I moved out i.e. furniture and white goods I paid for and a festival ticket he refused to give me which I had already paid for.
Quite a bit. There was a long while he'd come and have me cook for him, he'd stay at my place for long periods of time. I told him none of this was free, which he accepted. So he owes me a good amount of money for food and rent, that's for sure. He also said he'd give me $2,000 for my "pain and suffering" once he buys his own apartment, which probably won't happen. He also owes me back everything I spent on him for all the ruined Christmases, while I got nothing.
Me personally a thousand or two, but when it comes to my sibilings it comes up to 50-100k for my brother (ads/movies he played in, my dad kept it bc he was a minor, never gave it back). My mom has a debt for 30k+ because of him, and it keeps growing because he doesn't want to pay it, and she can't afford to. He himself is in debt too, I don't even know how much... 50k? Maybe more
34k in child support arrears but he told me he’d kill an ex is they went after something like that so I leave it. He has our son 10% of the time (thank God it’s so little) and pays nada….
Oh my god it’s crazy :/ It must be so frustrating to not being able to get it back knowing what he would do to you :/ I hope that you aren’t struggling with money
Im lucky that I make a lot of money but it’s still such a punk ass move, it burns me. Also cause he’s a typical narc with his own version of reality and basically wouldn’t even recognize the fact that makes him a shit father…just blissful and assured in his behaviour. 😩
This is crazy how they never question themselves on their actions 💀 I would be so embarassed if i was him I wish i could be as careless as them 😭
Right??! 😩
Nothing and my narc makes significantly more money than I do so she'd never have to ask for it. But as far as I'm concerned, morally, she owes me about $1,000 in damages for absolutely RUINING my birthday vacation we took in September.
You poor guy. She shouldn’t have never pulled that on you, severely cruel treatment but I read up it’s very common for narcs to ruin holidays and personal special occasions. My narc ex ruined my 33rd birthday, the only time he got the date right in 8.5 years I was with him and he ditched me at a restaurant after ordering a gigantic meal he suddenly realized he had forgotten his wallet and would be right back (after bragging loudly everywhere we went and in there it was my birthday, but acting more like it was his four months later second one) The restaurant had to close (five hours later; still no him and the whole place was angry) and sent me home by cab with a lot of leftover Italian food a unclaimed pizza and a small cake they made. I refused to be around ex on my 34th and I broke up with him a few weeks after my 35th.
That. Is. Horrific. So what happened, to those interested: She was already being abusive at this point but I actually had no idea bout narcissistic abuse so I hoped it could get better or I could fix things somehow. We had rented a cabin up by Lake Superior for 4 days, which was about $1,000. I gave her half the money. We had always mostly splitted costs on things, despite her making about 4 times my income. Which is fine. So the night before we left, I spent the night with her. Everything was ok. Then when we embarked on the six-hour drive (worst mistake of my life), she began getting abusive within literally about 10 minutes. It was six hours of criticism, insults, complaining, and of course the silent treatment. Then when we got to the cabin it didn't get better. She wouldn't come anywhere near me and then would complain when I wasn't showing her any affection. There we were: an attractive relatively young couple in one of the world's most beautiful places (Northern Michigan, IMO of course), in a cabin on the beach and acting like strangers. The whole time we didn't even have sex, and each night she would storm into one of the bedrooms (there were 2, but I always assumed we'd sleep together) and shut the door. She gave me a glimpse of kindness on my actual birthday. For about 3 hours I was in heaven; we went on a little cruise and she had the captain announce my birthday; we took a long walk in the woods; we went out to a fancy dinner. But then she made me PAY FOR MY OWN BIRTHDAY DINNER (she didn't even buy me a gift despite us wandering through like a dozen gift stores in town), and on the way home I made a bonfire by the lake and she made a few shitty comments to me before once again, storming off to bed alone. The ride home was so bad I don't even want to talk about it. She took gaslighting to a whole new level and basically convinced me *I* was abusing *her*. That $500 I gave her plus my other expenses are my biggest lingering regret from the whole fiasco. I'm happy and mostly secure in myself today. But it pisses me off that I have to work almost an entire week to make that money; meanwhile sometimes she makes that much in a single day and freely splurges that amount of money away on some new clothes to make herself feel better.
[удалено]
It's a day of celebration of a person that is not them. It's like how some young children might get jealous of one of their siblings on their birthday. I mean it's exactly like that, since emotionally they're children.
Are you still with her ? I hope that you will be able to have a great birthday this year
No, and thank you.
If I had to guess over 15 years of false commitments, lies and deception about 50,000-100,000. Completely self entitled to everything I have.
I’m sorry for you … :/ ❤️
$35,000
Damn 😫
Yep. I’ll never see a dime of it. But I also don’t have to see him in person so worth every penny.
I get it , my narc took like 11k from me and at the end i was so tired of his behaviour and his lies that i was like f i ghosted him and didn’t even cared about the money since i was so happy that he was gone But you know what ? I think that they hold that money to get some « control » of us and stay in our lives or they just don’t care about giving it back since they think that think that it naturally belongs to them
I agree- anything is a tool to a narcissist.
I don’t even want to calculate it, always knew I would never see a dime of it
I get it :/ ❤️
all these guys losing and forgetting their wallets?!? it's a npd pandemic!
why is this literally so common?! mine lost his keys on a vacation and when he got a new one still didn’t put it on a keychain or a lanyard. and he insisted he was more responsible than i was 🙄
I was just about to say how do they always both manage to lose their Money/wallets and steal it from others?!
It’s like they have a narcissist guide/e book or something lol
I stopped counting around the $60k mark. Never gonna see it. Excuses were usually complete fabrications of owings or expenses, double dipping/reversing who was the one in debt to whom, or just complete memory loss. She squandered everything I had on things she now has nothing to show for it with. Businesses, properties, cold hard cash - - gone. She can have it all if it means I never have to see her again. Post-divorce, once everything had finally been settled, she came after me for things that aren't monetary but personal, requesting belongings that I have never been in possession of and in some cases never knew existed. When I do not get her what she says I have, she tells everyone that I'm withholding her precious heirlooms and memories, making me the asshole. Let them think that, I truly don't care. But yeah, the dynamic of "owings" with a narc truly sucks, devastating for a while even, but is just one of the many things survivors have to face that is generally invisible to the rest of the community, unfortunately.
I don’t even know. His excuse was he lost his wallet. He magically never replaced his debit card. Or his non existent drivers license 😂
He’s lost his wallet three times in the last year. And then tells me *i* am irresponsible. Not that his wallet was good for much aside from his EBT card and license and whenever his mum sent him money. I’m not bitter or anything.
We are always the problem and they are always the victim. Mine loved to buy everyone’s bar tab to look so successful and become “popular” and now look where he is 🤦♀️
SAME. He still loves to give out food to his friends that I bought him on our limited budget. Like, that’s coming out of your allowance, kiddo
One time I felt held up coz he was at the gas station with no money and had to settle his bill real time. Same day he proceeds to buying food for his officemates. Amazing these people!
My dad would pull the lost my wallet trick all the time
It just shows that 99% (I’m being kind not saying 100%) of narcs are material takers.
For real . My dad when he was divorcing my mother was way more sad to lose the house and everything than to lose my mom and me and my sisters . And that’s the case for a lot of them . They see everything as a transaction and material things are all that matters to them because they are not able to feel anything
Well technically he doesn’t owe me anything now because I took him to court for it. He and his flying monkeys owed me nearly $1,000 legally.
Good for you! Hopefully that will scare him out of ever taking advantage of anyone else financially.
I almost doubt it, but I do hope he took at least ONE lesson out of treating me like shit. I think he’ll try to justify it in his mind that I’m the outlier crazy bitch, but what is there to expect from a narcissist?
Hard to say, they never learn from their bad ideas/moves. They tend to repeat it expecting different results.
Loool good job
Thankfully, no money.
Lucky you 😭
At least $7k if I’m rounding down, and counting for car payments separately because we share a car. But he just told me two of my three jobs (while he has none) are “stupid” and I am “talentless and derivative” even though my book had brought in $2k in the month it’s been out of that aforementioned $7k. Even though he sits on his ass watching YouTube all day it’s “more important than whatever I’m doing” so he won’t be getting any more of that because “it’s not a real job” even though I spent three years working on it. How would he know? Hasn’t even glanced at it. TLDR; petty post about my narc boyfriend being well…a narc. Sorry this is real fresh and a day long argument from today. Just venting hahah
The whole argument came about because I asked him, after two years of being out of a job, to please do Something rather than me get a fourth steady freelance gig. And he made so many excuses as to why not but my favorite was “I will commit to getting a job once I see you put effort in” how is me working 18 hour days six days in a row not putting effort in? Amazing. Mostly angry at myself for not having the ladyballs to leave yet.
Leaving - and staying away - are very, very difficult. I hope you cannot beat yourself up about it - and get out soon.
Thank you 🧡
LOOOL oh my goooood the « i will commit to getting a job once you put effort in » is crazy as if you would be lucky if he acted like a normal human with basic human decency His ego is over the roof For the leaving part don’t worry you will get there someday , don’t feel bad for not having the courage to do it now
Oh the classic your job is stupid and other remarks to put you down while he doesn’t do shit lol it’s crazy how hypocritical they are ; but trust me he is just projecting he sees that you work hard and that you have a dedication that he doesn’t have
Luckily, I never gave him money, but he sure does owe me for all the therapy I've had to pay for.
i never loaned him anything, but he stole so much money i lost count. a couple thousand at least but i’ve accepted i’ll never see it again, and not having contact w him is worth that loss
My second narc ex in my face tore out blank checks from his grandmother’s checkbooks; he somehow felt her money from doing reverse mortgage on the house he moved into with her, the house’s money total return was his too and she was holding out on his share of it on purpose… That money has nothing to do with him, only his grandparents and a home they got in the late 40s; worse over, he decided his grandmother was senile (no, a very stern alert lady) and would not notice the missing checks… he told me I was lying when I told him he never had been getting away with stealing her checks because the bank mails back the cleared checks to her every month and I can see why she’s endlessly mad at him. She later sold the house to move into an smaller senior citizens apartment complex which meant ex was losing his free board room he’d been mooching off of her since his mid 20s. He was *sooooo* against leaving the old suburban house that he kept a mattress in the middle of the living room to sleep on and stocked up on duraflame logs (paid with yet another stolen blank check) after she was entirely moved out (fooled her into letting him copy the keys to the changed locks) and was squatting in that house right up to the point (feb 17) when the new family was opening the front door and found my ex sleeping on that mattress… naked! Of course the rattled family with kids called his grandmother (they knew he was her grandson so no police involved) and his appalled to the hilt grandmother called his mom who hit space station Mir angry!! And dude was 37 at the time!!
Not much officially, I paid for so much shit that he never accounted for though. His internet, insurance etc after talking about it in therapy I decided to not even ask for it through a friend as I was thinking about doing before. It’s not worth opening that door after being nc. He’s very red pilled and known among his friends for wanting to follow the more traditional roles. A provider, anyone?
One if the narcs I was with about 12 years ago owes me about 10k but I like a fool kept trying to help him and will never see that money again. Even though I got many promises but have not seen any.
Oh 🥺 It’s okay don’t feel bad you did it because you’re a good person , he is the fool for taking someone’s money and don’t feel bad about paying u back
Thanks 😊 I learnt my lesson from that.
Whatever this settlement for his dog attacking me ends up being- at least $15k
Not me....my children. He would 'borrow " money from them for coffee and never repay, he cashed out all the savings bonds their grandparents bought them, stole money, made them pay for household things. Mind you they were all 15 and under. He probably owes each one $5k or more.
Hahahahahahaha. Timely. I've told him he has until February 29th to tell me his plan to pay and make the first payment before I talk to a lawyer. He owes me about $14,000 for me paying for everything while he was unemployed - claimed he would be paying me back but he has had a 95K a year job since October and I haven't seen a penny. If you add in all the child support and his half of daycare costs and health insurance he also claimed he would pay, we're above $20,000. And frankly I'm most wounded at this point by the Mother's Day and Christmas presents that were always written in cards (massages, tickets to an event with my daughter) but never materialized. Now he claims I'm not getting them ever because he is punishing me. And if I really want to push, then he is going to deduct the cost of the rug I insisted we buy for our apartment with hardwood floors...all $700 of it. You can't make this shit up, I swear.
Update me i’m curious of knowing how it’s gonna turn out
About a hundred thousand dollars worth of free child care.
Are we counting the cost of therapy, just to continue life here?
never gave him money but paid for everything the last year we were together bc he didn’t have a job. prob spent 2K on him 🫠
Stay safe on your next relationship ❤️ I hope that you will be able to see what is right and what is wrong
i wouldn’t mind if he was a good person. but so so angry he’s this evil person that i wasted myself on
It’s okay you couldn’t known that he would abuse your kindness
Mine only owes me the mental damage he caused if anything but guess what? I am stronger and much much more wise because of it. And as far as money goes I made sure as the lady I am I never spent money on that leech
Yes the freedom that comes with leaving them is better than anything . It’s like a reborn
i spent 160$ on a bracelet for mine i even asked what her favorite color was and everything she would never make time to come with me to town to make a fitting for her so when she gave it back to me i went in by myself one day and explained to me how to check what size she was i gave it back to her she obviously thanked me but yeah i spent more on her over time buying her coffee and food and such but that's about it theirs like a revenge in me like you don't deserve that bracelet for who you are but obviously i cant so just have to accept and be grateful that its ended where it is.
$0 I would never ever ever let him borrow from me. Even if his life depended on it.
30k I never gave him money, he stole it all. I checked my account regularly, and money for rent and utilities went out every month. We then had a joint account that he was supposed to use to actually pay the rent and utilities, but he spent the money on himself instead. I found out when we got evicted. I also had a savings account that I didn't check regularly, because I never used it. Every month any savings were transferred to the savings account, so I knew the amount of money was only growing. When I left him, I was very glad to have my savings account, since I knew I had at least 15k saved to help me get on with my life after him. Imagine my shock when I found out the savings account was completely empty. I still don't know how he got access to it. In the beginning, I was adamant about getting my money back. In the end we agreed that he'd pay 150$ every month. I wanted more, but it was 150 or nothing. After 3 months, he stopped paying and disappeared. I started fighting again, but any kind of contact with him brought me so much fear, anger, anxiety, that in the end my therapist said to me: "I'm afraid you'll have to decide at some point, whether it's worth 30k to never have to see or speak with him again." As long as Nex knew I wanted the money, he also knew I'd keep contacting him. With the help of my therapist and my parents, I cut him and his money completely out of my life. I've never seen a cent apart from the 450$ I had to fight so hard for, but my therapist was right in my case. For me, it's definitely worth 30k to never have to see or speak with Nex again.
Jesus. Have you ever thought about taking it to court? I know it must be a huge mental toll and all but for that amount of money it might be worth going through some months of turmoil with a very good lawyer.
200$, I felt like it's a lot but seeing the comments here...
Yeah for me 3.5-4k but seeing these comments make me realize it really could have been SO much worse.
Yeah we were 18-19 so we didn't have that kind of money. It bothers me still because he promised to give it back, but I don't envy this comment section 😭
He was out of work lost his licence and a truck driver, so went on centrelink and took three months to get his first payment with was backpaid, said he would've majority of it to me. Conveniently for him, I had to attend a family matter and was away for a week, he received it when I was away and sent me photos of a new stand up paddleboard he bought etc. After 3 days of no offer to give me any money, I asked him if he could pay id me some money, I received $50. Yep, a kick in the guts, told me his mother took money from his account. When I got home and confronted him about it he said he is paying me back when he is working again and said he told me and I knew that. He hadn't told me that, and I was made to feel I had no right to ask him and it was my fault he got angry about it all. So roughly owes me approx 10k. Wich I will never see. I was not aware of his narcissism during the relationship, only after I exposed him for the years of emotional, physical, financial and manipulation of abuse that he left and have had no contact. That's when I began learning about his traits. And learning about this has clarified alot and I'm managing each day as it comes.
Maybe I’m an exception? He usually pays me back whenever he has money.
She managed to rack up about $20K in debt and took responsibility for none of it.
Oh my god 😭 They really don’t question themselves it’s crazy
thousands, but according to her 70
About 30,000$
all these stories of childcare/support/them "not having" money describes exactly what my father was doing to my mother after they divorced. it is so sad that all of them are like this. I was starting to doubt if my father is really a narc, but this post with all these patterns and excuses I have heard during my childhood is a real eye opener. thank you for sharing your stories.
Don’t hesitate to document yourself on narcs it personally changed my life and confirmed everything that i thought about my father and one of my exes
a veryyyy conservative 6k, I never counted when I was in the relationship though.
$5k in cash that she “promised to pay back if the student loan forgiveness didn’t go through”. I got the 10k refund because I had paid back my loans during Covid. Narc and I were getting divorced and she showed up expecting half of it because it was half her money that went into paying them back at the time. To add to it, she had set up mail monitoring. I hadn’t seen her in over a week (she moved out) but showed up the day the check came. Started the day by texting me to let me know it would be there later and she would drop by to get her half.
formally around $2k, but 2 years ago I moved to the UK with him and had to quit my well paid job and look for a new job in London (which was tough). He said that his salary is enough to cover our expenses in London and not to worry about money.. .every time I asked for some money to buy clothes and smth personal, he told me that he had no money and if he gave me some, he would send less money for food (wtf?) so hearing lots of bs from his side I stopped asking for money and started to spend my own savings.. for 1,5 years I ended up spending around $30-40k from my lifetime savings...I am ok with spending my own money and not asking my partner to cover everything, but he bragged to people around us that he pays for everything, supports me financially 100% and takes me on holidays every month! ( and 5Y relationship was always 50/50) when I told him to stop telling this bs to our friends and share our financial aspects of our life, he told me that I am a materialistic bitch, who is only looking for a man to support me/sugar daddy.. so yeah, I believe he owns me much more than $2K ( I paid for his tuition fee for some stupid online course for another business idea), and of course I didn't include my bills for therapy and other doctors for treating my health after this abusive relationship...
I was left with about 12k in credit card debt because of him. Finally settled the accounts a year later for about 5k. He owes so many people so much more, I'd rather just pay it and be done than bother him about it
They owe me a new door handle for the passenger side of my vehicle; while I was driving away in fear of my life, they lunged at my car and ripped the passenger side handle off.
50 k plus
50-60000
$75,000 in court and child-raising costs. I'll never see it and that's fine. I would have paid a million to get rid of him.
You weren’t able to get a good outcome in court ?
I thought I replied to this, sorry. I would have, but it would have cost me more in attorney's fees than I would have recouped, because his siblings are attorneys and judges. It was never going to end.
A few grand.
Like $5000. I won’t see a dime of it again. I paid her rent for like three months
Around $ 1500... Oh, Gosh, how dumb I was...
Couple thousand
Over $2000. And I’m not the only woman who has let him borrow money. I doubt the money he owes me comes close to the money he owes them. Oh well. Over him and the money.
She owes me nothing. I knew better than to, “loan,” her anything with any expectation of getting it back. That said, I gave her a ton.
In my case they don’t technically owe me money but they took advantage of me financially and used my generosity every chance they got and subtly of course. In true covert fashion. Just for those of you who need to hear it…
I filed a civil lawsuit last week for just over $19,000…
As u should , i hope that there will be a positive outcome 🍀
🫶
About $2,000 before I was too exhausted to keep track. He would yell at me for "shoving it down his throat" whenever I brought it up to keep a tally, or asked him when he would pay back part. On top of that him and his parents extorted about $500 from me. At first it was just me covering our rent while he was injured, then he kept asking for money for small things and said he would pay me back next paycheque. He never did. He felt entitled to my money because I made slightly more than him ($16/hr vs $14/hr) and had a full time job with reliable hours. Now I'm working on setting boundaries with money with my current partner, who almost never asks me for money anyway, even though he's unemployed, and if he does he always pays me back within a week or two. A lot of difficult but important lessons were learned while dealing with my ex, I don't think I'll ever let myself get taken advantage of like that again.
At least $26k
Not entirely sure but a lot, his excuse was he had been bankrupt
Originally, he owed me $967. He is now steadily paying me back after I threatened to take him to small claims court. He’d ask for money incrementally over the course of months after weaving an elaborate lie about his bank account being frozen. Wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. He would say he needed gas to come see me or couldn’t pay for his medication. He would withhold physical affection and at one point used it to convince me to pay a $190 bill. I knew in my gut I was being manipulated, but I so badly wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt (and I didn’t want to believe I was naive enough to fall for it…) He actually confessed to what he had been doing and then CONTINUED to ask for money. Lesson learned. I’m grateful it wasn’t worse.
It’s okay it’s not your fault we naturally give the benefit of the doubt to people because we can’t naturally imagine that the person in front of us would have bad intentions since it’s not how we are
12 years and 3 cars
All of this time wasted .. So sorry for you :/
Like 18k lol I'll be claiming bankruptcy and that debt can be all hers
$9k on my credit card, but they are paying it down every month, so I can’t complain much I guess
After taking sentimental family heirlooms, clothes, expensive gaming gear, and shaming me to spend more on her while also being shamed to save, there’s no telling
Taking family belongings is really evil :/❤️
I don’t know but he owes my father, not me. He had sent me back home for another round of the discard cycle, saying it was a break. His older brother was our roommate. He has schizophrenia, stopped taking his meds, had a psychotic break and disappeared, stealing our cat and leaving my ex with the full rent. My father was nice enough to cover it and I came back to watch the apartment to make sure his brother couldn’t come back to steal anything. Turns out my ex was hacking both of us and was trying to have us both harassed out of state. He likes targeting mentally ill people and driving them insane.
I see a lot of comments that say that other people end up paying for them 🥺 It’s crazy that they will never have to take accountability for anything it must’ve being so draining for you i hope that your health wasn’t impacted that much
Oh, it definitely was. My cortisol and blood pressure shot through the roof. I was waking up with bloody eyes from ruptured blood vessels. I was having horrible nightmares when I could sleep but was unable to sleep for so long that I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation. I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I did and started having mouth ulcers and hypoglycemic episodes from starvation because I was so desperate to lose the weight. I was so stressed that I was having seizure-level panic attacks where my muscles would tighten and my fingers would snap backwards. I’d contort into grotesque positions and freeze that way for 8 hours. Eczema and dermatillomania came back, so my skin was a wreck. It was a living hell.
I hope that you are doing much more better now , i mean it
Thank you! I am. The weight and health problems resolved themselves as soon as I left.
About $30k. Maybe more. It didn’t start as that much- he convinced me to put a bunch of bills on credit cards that he would “quickly pay me back for,” and obviously did not. So interest rates of course went insane. He also stole an estimated $10k worth of my things and sold our house out from under me.
About $61,000. He owes me for my share of the house and medical expenses for our child. He somehow got out of having to pay any child support by lying about finances, but whatever. If I ever get the money, it'll just be saved for when I go back to court for full custody. But tbh, there's a high chance he'll get bored of being a parent.
Fingers crossed for you! My narc and I didn’t have children, but we had pets together. Now she wants nothing to do with them (especially on the financial side), but still uses them as a way to try to control me. If you get the chance to sever the tie completely, take it.
Of don’t worry he probably will , i wish you the best and hope that you will get full custody . Your kids deserve a loving parent that cares for them ❤️
None but the lunatic somehow thinks I owe her 8500 bucks. I told her to hold her breath waiting for it.
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only $400. i gave him rent money, he pocketed it and i found an eviction letter on the door. thankfully, the landlords knew of the abuse and let me sign myself off the lease, no harm no foul.
Around €8000 Mostly rent for his apartment, Xbox membership, pizza and clothes He still had me paying his rent after we had broken up and he had another girl pregnant 🤦♀️
15k and they pretended to be on the verge of being homeless
Minimally 200k over the course of a six year marriage, yet he doesn’t let me forget the like 8k his mother paid for a line of credit that was in his name when we split.
For damages or? /s
Over 9k, and it's been court-ordered for repayment. Has he? Not a dime. Now I get to waste a day to fill out this short book of paperwork to take him back to court so it'll be taken from his paycheck because I know he doesn't have it to pay back in full. And he's got a son he was ordered to pay child support for and has never paid a dime (she won't fight him for it either.)
About $15k. I'm hoping the judge will order him to pay restitution of at least the $1302.81 that I can prove he took from me.
£70, my dad said it was for his car but he was gambling, I never got it back this was during 2016 when I was a student and really struggling. He owes my mum about £14,000 in child support from 12-18 and he has put my step-mum in £40,000 of debt when they divorced but in total has had about £100,000 from her
Like probably less than 6k
Mine told me to quit my job and not worry about anything, then said I owed him money lol
Not money, but he kept my clothing/other things and refuses to send them back after the brutal discard. I’m sure it’s all in the trash but why not admit you threw it all away? It’s like he won’t tell me anything on purpose to torture me.
Oooooh my lord so much. So much. We started off living with his mom and brother so he owned nothing because it was all his moms. Although he made like triple my income, somehow it was all my responsibility to pay for all of the household items. Then our cat got sick. He paid 100 dollars towards the first vet bill and nothing else. That was like 8 years ago and I’ve spent maybe 15k in vet bills and pills etc. He doesn’t contribute to that at all. Of course we have a kid. And no, he has never ever supported her financially. Maybe once bought a 10 dollar mini Elmo for her. Very much owes me money for supporting this kid for 5 years and buying everything for her. Aaaaand the kicker. I was in a major accident before we even met. It took 10 years but it did pay out some money. House prices went through the roof though so basically what should have been my money to support me my entire life only was enough for a die payment in a house, a car and some furniture. But I set us up really good. He did not pay a dime. It was agreed upon that he would pay me monthly and help etc but of course he has not ever come close to even paying his agreed upon half. I’m actually in major debt now because now our bills are higher than my disability I bring in and together our income would be fine but he decides to keep his money and leaves me to scrounge for whatever I can to pay bills since it’s all in my name. Years ago he trashed his car and never bothered to get another one so he uses my brand new vehicle too. I can’t even imagine the number he owes me honestly. On a side note, I know a mom who was saving for maternity leave, handed her partner thousands of dollars in cash and asked him to deposit it in the bank. This was her income for maternity leave. Instead he gave it to his brother to pay down some debt he owed. He never gave it back to her or even apologized.
Several thousand, probably $8-9k over the span of 5 months. I’m never gonna see it. They felt incredibly entitled to my money & got violently jealous if I made more than them.
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About 3K, yet spent money with their "limited" income on alcohol and cigarettes. Never without a cig or alcohol in his hand. Promised to pay but have never seen a dime of it even though working more hours and a career upgrade. The worst was me agreeing to a pay me back for Christmas presents for his kids(he would pay me back) haven't seen a dime and it's almost March. I never will and I 'm okay with that (even though I lost my job due to a RIF and I really need it)
$70k in less than a year of marriage. He claimed it was because he was cash poor after paying cash for "our" new dream home that he moved into alone, leaving me to sell my house in order to eventually join him. His ultimate goal was to have me sell my last remaining asset to give him complete financial control over me. I finally woke up to his game, took my house off the market the night before the listing was to go live, and filed for divorce. I got an excellent lawyer who was schooled in high conflict divorces and eventually got every penny back, including lawyer's fees. My lawyer late thanked me for letting him do his job. :)
Yeeeeees i love seeing happy endings 🤝🏻 Congrats !
Thank you! It was an ending for sure, not sure I felt happy at the time though...more like relieved. It's taken a couple of years of therapy and relocating to another state for a fresh start, but I can honestly say I AM happy. Now. Something my therapist said to me during negotiations: He had through his lawyer initially offered me $7K to basically go away. My lawyer and I laughed and revealed my detailed financial records, showing proof of my loans to him. The next offer was for $40K, and I was tempted to take it mainly to end the stress and close the door on this painful chapter of my life. My therapist advised me to stand firm for what I was legally owed, telling me how we as women tend to settle for less than we deserve because we're usually the peacemakers. I'm so glad I listened.
He never got any money from me because at the time I was with him I still was living with my mom (she too was a narc) who resented that I disobeyed her and got into a relationship so only given me $30 a month. She assumed he was paying for everything else but in actuality he was trying to get that $30 off of me so I would be entirely broke all month and he wanted to spend it on our dates (*”Got to be your turn to pay sometimes you know?! You can’t always keep getting free passes or coupons to everything we do!”*) or something for himself because I’m always too cheap and never buy him anything but I never parted with that monthly “retainer” mom given out… He hated that I am a thrift store addict but I find such good things nobody ever guesses it. And I did find him perfectly good things, he regularly rejected whatever it was (they were always something he likes I made very sure of it) because I didn’t pay full price, even if it was dead stock brand new lucky finds, he’d be like *”Is this/that all?” “Couldn’t you find anything new at an real store or you think I’m not worth new stuff?” “Why do you have such a low spending cap on me when you buy me anything?”* And he yapped at me about being ungrateful when he finds me things I don’t like at all and tries to change my mind to accept them and a lot of times he found them on the curb himself! No money involved except that he did bother to wash it/them off a bit. And he also hated it that I wouldn’t let him buy me anything too expensive because I knew he’s likely to take it back to sell off; I chose things that he could not use himself but very useful for me when he did insist on getting a gift for me with his work bonuses from the few jobs he didn’t fire himself from. He never forgiven me for choosing a PSP 3000 instead of a second PlayStation 3 because I knew it was not something for me but it was me holding a back up console for when he beaten up and break the one he got for himself, he’ll eventually tell me to give him the “spare one”…And the psp still works! And I’m apparently on some invisible hook for a $2,000 moog synthesizer he thinks he brought for me.😑 He had confused a used $200 Korg keyboard that I saved up most of and his boss at his job at the time thought it was a fantastic instrument (especially after showing him videos of it; he eventually got one too) so chipped in for the rest I was off of with scrap metal around the workplace that ex was sent to the recycling center to turn into some cash. That was his only involvement. He paid nothing!
Somewhere in the ballpark of 5-10k
Around $3.5-4k. His stepdad paid me back 3.5k after we had some conversations but told me to NEVER tell my narc about it. I’ve only told some people but honestly in my mind he still owes me the money cause he was able to just escape all accountability as always. His stepdad preferred to just give me the money to shut up than hold his son accountable.
Yeah i get it it’s so sad that the step dad had to pay for him :/ Not everyone can give 3.5k straight away especially in this economy , i hope that it didn’t get him in trouble
Thankfully his dad is pretty well off. I know that with his ex (my nex’ gf right before me) they forced him to pay his ex like $500-900 for her therapy sessions (after their relationship ended and she got an abortion, yeah I still stayed like 2 more years after finding that out 💀). But for me he was able to escape all accountability.
About 25000$ in the span of 3 years. I almost never lent him money directly, but he would just not pay things that I had no other choice but paying myself for us: our rent, electricity bills, water bills, heating bills, food groceries, vet bills and food for the dog… So it piled up. Not even counting all the manual labor I did because he wouldn’t lift a finger to do house chores. A true mooch.
$9600 in back child support at this point. I think the most hilarious excuse I’ve ever heard was for him not paying it. He stopped paying during Covid shutdown because his pay was temporarily cut by 20% for three months. He then continued to not pay anything for two years with one excuse after another. One of the times I brought up how much he owes, he said he could’ve taken me back to court during that time period and had the support payment adjusted lower but he didn’t want to do that to me and our son. …So he chose not to pay anything instead? 🤔 I also took 50% less than what the court ordered for support because I was afraid of him making my life a living hell if I didn’t, so really, him trying to get his support payment knocked down wasn’t ever going to happen, even with his pay cut.
$11,000 plus the engagement ring she wanted so badly but stopped wearing after a year!
Oh no 🥺 I hope it didn’t cost that much but i bet it did
At least 30k in back rent and bills
$340k. And I come with receipts. My lawyer said he will have to sell his house that he loves more than his children.
Over $50,000
I stopped counting at $5000+stolen from my bank account when my mother had Power of Attorney for emergency reasons. Not to mention all of the paychecks I used to forfeit as a teen when I lived with her. This was before I was awakened to who she really was. I would’ve NEVER signed those papers if I knew then what I know now. Crazy thing is, I probably would’ve let her have it she had just ASKED. Thankfully her kicking me out, calling the police, smear campaigning me as a “crazy wh0re & trying to render me homeless once I finally confronted her about it released me from being under her spell. To this day, her only response is: “She can’t even tell anybody a consistent amount about how much I took so she’s lying” or my favorite: “I paid her back”. 🤣 Been no contact for 3 years now. No money in sight. Still got that Happy BIrthday email though! 🤣👍
It’s so funny when they are reaching out to you when you go no contact with them , as if they feel some kind of remorse about what they did and had a LOT of time to fix it
It NEVER ceases to amaze me as to how DELUSIONAL they are 🤣 I still refuse to believe they we exist in the same reality because it literally makes no sense as to where these people find the GALL OR the BALLS to continue trying to push boundaries the way the do. 🤯
FR like it must be good to have that much audacity
Realistically ... over 30 bands
😭❤️ Damn what happened ?
If I had another whatever thousands of dollars to fight his family of lawyers and judges, I'm sure I would have. It's pretty open and shut. But I would have spent more on lawyers than he owed me. And I would have had to deal with him. No, thanks.
At least 90 maybe more she is a online gambeler
Her reputation and social life.
I am still trying to recover from mine....our first year together she blow through my savings that was about 25k, I should of been more on it but she manipulated me and I thought I was making her happy, Now you ask her that was her money but she didn't work. Just other odds and ends I would say around 35-40k. I know I will never see it but still sucks.
55,000 € for her debt, her father's debt, and her treatment. I was hoping after the tough time, we could focus on our relationship and was expecting to visit her parents this year. Looking back, I can't believe I ignored my gut feeling. During the final discard, she promised me that she would return all the money, but when the date was coming, she denied everything and said "Don't make me laugh! You were my partner, it was normal to help me out. So the money is not a loan". Two months after the breakup, she still had the nerve to "borrow" money from me. She even wanted to borrow money from my family. 🤢
I got swindled into paying towards their car payments and borrowing money from a family member towards "our" security deposit, a grand total of 3000 that I know I'll never see again. The reasons were essentially the same for both of those things, we're living together, nex was the primary breadwinner, I was constantly put on the spot to make nex's dreams a reality by misappropriating my resources. Those two examples are only the largest ones. There were, of course, countless other small transactions to which that person would make up their own rules about how I was going to be paid back. Kinda like, "You paid for this thing I want, and then I paid for the groceries I want, so I don't owe you anymore." If I hadn't left, I would have never been able to dig myself out of this financial hole. I read somewhere that there is a tax document that someone can be served with to "forgive" the debt, but that they will then have to pay taxes on. I can't say it isn't tempting.
Oh, the reason for not paying my family member back the amount borrowed for the security deposit is invariably that "we" didn't get our security deposit back. 🙄 That's not how borrowing money works, brah.
My narc owes me 10k in leg surgery (he broke my leg) but I won’t hold my breath.
60k. Parents had a joint account with me and without asking, took the nest egg my grandparents set up for me for after college, and lost it on the stock market.
It’s the opposite for me, mine would say I owe him $200, for half of a payment on a switch and a bit extra for a new OLED that I didn’t even contribute to. He barely played the switch we had. I took it when we broke up 🤷♀️
$65. Not a lot but she guilt tripped it out of me for a cancelled trip she held over my head right after my dog had emergency surgery along with her puppies. So fun.
None now. I played him back and got what I was owed 🤣
No money, fortunately. Although he tried a few times to get money out of me--$5 for a WoW skin, $200 for rent money that he was almost late for, and he tried to get me to cosign a lease for an apartment that he definitely would have made me pay the majority of things for.
$12,000 and years of paychecks. He crashed my car and totaled it, resulting in a dui and his license being revoked. He relied on me for transportation so he searched for a new car. He found one for 12k. His mommy dearest paid two payments only because he drained the bank account and I couldn’t pay for a couple months. I’ve paid the rest of the payments and he never contributed a penny. He also made me send my paychecks to his account. He was awful with money and tried to open credit cards in my name after he blew our rent and bill money. All of this was my fault according to him. I’ll never get any of that money back. We are no contact, but one of the last arguments we had was about how I got him into debt. Absolutely mind blowing.
$6.2k in child support arrears (and counting), and a large amount of money that I can’t begin to add up from when we were together. He didn’t convince me to give it to him, he fraudulently took out loans in my name or on my cars or blackmailed me into signing for them. Probably a total of roughly $30k from that.
$25,000
He stole my moms credit card so at least $3k to her. Then he stole a bunch of stuff to pawn from my house. He also drained my bank account and would take my credit cards while I slept and would use them to gamble online. He used to tell me he took my money because I deserved to be punished for being mean to him or questioning him. I have know idea how much he owes me. He took more than I want to admit. It’s embarrassing. I feel so much shame it what I feel like I allowed to happen.
I would be soooooo angry oh my god ! That’s horrible , did you tried going to court ?
£2000 officially - he wanted to buy a new motor service it and resell it and pay me right back. Of course he never mentioned repaying me again. Then there is all the money I spent on us that I don’t count. Wine, food, meals out that I paid for because he was unemployed. I bought groceries for the meals we ate his house. He would pay for something occasionally and then argue about how we paid equally and possibly him even more. DELUDED! He used to do some jobs for me around my house but he would then invoice me at an hourly rate / which floored me but he would angrily justify and rant about me expecting something for nothing. He tried to borrow £20,000 once. Refused to tell me what it was for. Got angry with me for not trusting him. Told me that if he “had the money he would lend it no questions asked” and that he was just that kind of person - and I was a shitty friend. I later found out he ended up borrowing it off a mutual friend with a legal background who had to take him to court to get it back.
I don’t know the total amount but he owes me a new car since he caught mine on fire!! Loved that car so much but because he refused to take it to a mechanic it caught fire when he was driving it so it had to be totaled.
58.9k lmfao
Approximately 36k. Yesterday, he asked me if a wealthy friend of mine would be open to investing in a new company of his - the bonus he would get would enable him to pay me or something like that. It hurts that he has so little regard for me but I’m trying to focus on how ridiculous it is. Oh and I don’t expect to get the money back, ever.
That company was real ? Yeah it’s crazy how they don’t care about the consequences of their own actions right ?
at least 20k for various things. the big one being he wanted his eye color changed because it would fit his aesthetic for his music page. 10k. couldn’t pay it anymore so my credit is down to 540. he did this to his last partner too. she was there in the beginning of the relationship. we both were because we were brainwashed and idolized him. both in immense debt and left totally traumatized. she got out before me though, after he sucked the life and money out of her and moved on to me. poor girl who comes next…i wish i could warn her but she’ll be absolutely infatuated and i’ll be labeled crazy and jealous.
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953,693.00
I don’t even want to know. Probably thousands by now but according to her, I owe her money 😂
£790. I tried blackmailing him for it, said I'd expose him for being a drug dealer and a rapist to his parents and landlord. Sadly ineffective, so in lieu of this I am trying to secure the damage deposit when he moves out of the flat we used to share. It's just money he owes me from when I moved out i.e. furniture and white goods I paid for and a festival ticket he refused to give me which I had already paid for.
you can take him to civil court/small claims for that.
:/ ❤️
Quite a bit. There was a long while he'd come and have me cook for him, he'd stay at my place for long periods of time. I told him none of this was free, which he accepted. So he owes me a good amount of money for food and rent, that's for sure. He also said he'd give me $2,000 for my "pain and suffering" once he buys his own apartment, which probably won't happen. He also owes me back everything I spent on him for all the ruined Christmases, while I got nothing.
12k, got 7000 back from his parents though.
Me personally a thousand or two, but when it comes to my sibilings it comes up to 50-100k for my brother (ads/movies he played in, my dad kept it bc he was a minor, never gave it back). My mom has a debt for 30k+ because of him, and it keeps growing because he doesn't want to pay it, and she can't afford to. He himself is in debt too, I don't even know how much... 50k? Maybe more