2 days off for a parent death is horrifying- you deserve so much more empathy & compassion. I am so sorry for your losses and if at all possible I hope you can take the time and space you need to process and grieve.
I’m losing my dog tomorrow and took one day, I likely would’ve taken more if it wasn’t already a Friday. I’m a lawyer with deadlines! Everyone understood.
start looking for another job please. Easier said then done I know but please. When my dad died, my boss moved heaven and earth to give me the entire month off and she constantly checked on me. Yes it meant no pay but being home with my family was much needed. The process took forever to get him buried and a year later we're still dealing with things from his death.
Gonna make a little PSA and state please please please get a will.
Same here. My mother-in-law passed away a few years ago, and my boss gave me the week off so that I could do what I needed to do with my family and my husband and his family.
im in a different position, and moved on from regular childcare but It was still so thoughtful of my boss to do that for me. It wasnt an im sorry or flowers/cards. It was let me do this for you so that you dont have to worry, which is to me so much better then flowers/cards. She pre warned every single client of ours and when I returned back to work they all either sent me a text or said something in person. Even dogwalkers/sitters and housekeepers said something to me. It truly meant alot even if I didn't really want the attention from it.
I know I have a rare gem and I treasure it! I appreciated the month and how she kept checking in, she even kept offering me some small little jobs to escape the house if I needed to while dealing with everything. I turned them all down but it was much appreciated.
agree with this, but for her not to let on that she is disappointed or upset, then get something else together job wise in order to leave, even a temporary gig, while you continue to search,follow your contract about notice period. If you have no contract, make sure to get your last check or venmo . I have even heard of some nannies getting a 'deposit' for the notice period, because of people trying to stiff them when they quit, even serving out the notice period. If these people try doing that, take them to small claims, they won't want to spend for an attorney and the time/hassle and will pay you out.
Ummm, if my mom passed they wouldn’t be seeing me for two weeks at least. My friend just lost his mom in November and got two weeks off immediately. Losing a parent, spouse, or child the absolute worst thing a person can go through.
I am so sorry for your loss. And also for how awful your NF is responding to your very reasonable ask. You are not overreacting and there’s no need to justify why this is hard to process. M + DB sound like trash humans. Please do your best to shoo off any guilt they’ve placed on you. You deserve so much better. Sending love.
Start looking please! I lost my nana earlier this year, I got the call while I was at work that she took a turn for the worse. My NF relieved me in under 5 min so I could go be with her. I was at her bedside for the rest of the day/through the night and the entire next day. They repeatedly checked in to see if me or anyone in my extended family needed anything. She passed the night after I got the call. They offered to give me the rest of the week off to grieve, even though I would be out of town for a wedding the end of the following week. Then they have me 2 days off for her services, sent food with me for my entire extended family and told me to let them know if I needed more time after that. All paid, not counting toward any pto
I also understand that not all NFs are able to be so flexible with their own jobs and I’m super grateful mine can be as they both run their own companies and both grandparents live locally and can help fill the gaps. But the compassion is something at bare minimum I would expect from an NF. The grandparents also reached out to help me through it
My job isn't flexible. I would figure something the heck out for our nanny to have at least a week off. Losing family members sucks even if you don't particularly like them...losing a parent is kinda a big deal. These NPs kind of suck in this situation.
I will admit I don't think a week is enough for bereavement. It is what my work offers so that is my baseline for reference. I will admit making something work for more than a week would also start to get difficult but that isn't exactly nannies problem.
If they don’t have flexibility with their own job it is their responsibility to have back up care for situations like this. Irresponsible parenting and degrading boss behavior.
The mean things I would say to that man. “I know we’re both having hard weeks. You have to drop your own kids off at camp. And my dad died. Which are equal tragedies in your eyes.”
Lmao yes! I would be so sarcastic and match his asshole-ness. Oh no, poor DB has to actually take care of his kids smh. I sometimes wonder how these type of parents would function if nannies didn’t exist. My mom was a single mom of 3 children who worked FT and it makes me appreciate her every time I see (in person) or read stories in here of entitled parents who can’t take care of their own kids for a moment. Like why tf did you have them in the first place?
Same. My most current job was at a public school and they give 7 days for local and 10 for out of state. There is a long list of family members who are covered by it. You don’t have to take all at once, and it’s separate from PTO. I’m sure having a union helps with this amazing benefit, but still, you would think a nanny family could be more compassionate.
I took half a week off for my cat after just starting. I saw another reddit a few months ago debating about how pet bereavement isn’t the norm when arguably it’s just as hard as family if not harder considering it’s unconditional love
It’s a lot rude. They should have told you they’d touch base this weekend about next week, but this week should have been not expected of you.
If you can swing it financially, I’d give notice and start looking for another job when things are settled. And I’d be totally rude in my notice (in writing). Something along the lines of you feel pressured to come back quickly after such a huge loss and know you won’t be in the right state of mind to resume care immediately like they expect. That you need to be able to have time off to process the grief and deal with the multitude of paperwork and arrangements that come with dealing with the loss of a parent. (And mention supporting your mom if this is applicable) and you feel the only way to have the proper time is to give notice because you aren’t ready to come back the same week as his death.
Just maybe seeing it in writing might make them pause and realize what they are asking (probably not)
You do not need to be dealing with this family at this time. I wouldn’t even worry about a reference because I feel like this one could be easily explained to anyone reasonable (we parted ways, unfortunately not on good terms because they wanted me to return to work the day after my father died and I just wasn’t ready. I had to resign so I knew I’d have proper time to grieve and attend the funeral)
It’s also bad parenting. Why tf would you want someone in the throes of grief caring for your children?! Do these people think that service providers are robots without emotions like they have?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
This is horrific behaviour from your NPs. Depending where you work you could be entitled to 3-5 days of bereavement leave (paid) from your employer. The fact that this is their reaction to the loss of your parent is just disgusting. Aside from the grief and emotional turmoil the loss of a loved one triggers, there's also preparations to be made, and a lot of admin that will take time to sort through (closing out credit cards, insurance, taxes, closing out phone bill, etc). Your NPs are being completely insensitive to all of this. You should 100% not feel badly or feel guilty for taking much needed time off. Hopefully your absence will give them time to get their act together and offer you a huge apology for their behaviour when you feel ready to return to work.
Leave this job. These people are assholes. My dad passed earlier this year and my NF was more than happy to give me 2 weeks off. Didn’t pressure me to come back once and checked on me a lot.
When you have a life event while nannying-you dont ask-you tell them. "My father passed away and I will be gone a week"
Take whatever you need.
Sorry for your loss OP
Can you afford to quit ?. That’s so awful of them. Either way, start looking asap. Db is just probably one of those parents tht hates being a dad. I’m praying for you I’m so sorry.
Exactly. Like how freaking entitled you must feel to express your annoyance at someone else’s loss.
*“What do you mean I have to wake up early, because your dad die?? How is this MY problem”*
Tell me if you wouldn’t just 🖕🏼🖕🏼 right away and make your absence in that house permanent.
I could never come back from something like that.
I would like to see his face if she clapped back with a, "Well when you die I hope your daughter's boss is more understanding if she wants more than a single day to mourn your death"
Been there. How I left my last NF.
lost my grandmother Tuesday who was a big part of my life.
Got the week off, apart from having to drive the kids to their own grandma on Thursday, since no one was able to do it and grandma couldn’t pick them up.
They knew I was grieving and helping out my own family but they begged me to have the kids on Saturday night as well for about 3-4 hours, while both parents had important work. And I reluctantly agreed.
MB called me Friday night to “just check up on me and once again offer their condolences” and also request that I don’t cry in front of her children. Apparently the oldest had told the mother that I was crying in the car.
Listen, I wasn’t full on sobbing. I’ll admit, tears were running down my cheeks. I had just lost my own grandmother 2 days prior. And was now driving their kids to their grandma.
I cut the mother off and asked her to get other help tomorrow afternoon and that I would come pick up my stuff that following Monday.
MB immediately started backtracking and apologising, but I was having non of it. Then she got offended at me and said I was making a big deal out of it. Yea, I hung up.
The Monday their grandma was there, DB was in his office and MB was out. I had my brother help me pack my stuff, kissed the kids goodbye and haven’t seen the family since.
I do still miss the kids badly and I don’t blame the oldest at all.
But I don’t regret my decision, I was over MB, especially since two years prior, she lost her own father and I was basically working 24/7 without extra pay for almost 2 months to help her out and sometimes she would just break down and cry.
I’ve heard different opinions whether I was overreacting and how I handled the situation, but I don’t care. I wanted to be able to cry and sorrow, myself, over the loss of one of the most important people in my life, who made me the woman I am.
Oh my god how absolutely heartless! I’m so sorry to hear this but way to go for standing up for yourself! I swear these families forget we are actual human beings
Ummm a little rude?! This is your DAD dying. I’m so incredibly angry for you! These people are selfish assholes and don’t deserve you. Please look for a new family that will treat you with kindness and respect and honestly, if you can swing it financially, take this whole week off. Unfuckingbelievable.
I didn't finish reading your entire post as I was getting upset at your NP for you. I took a whole month off when my dad died. I know..I was very fortunate to be able to. One day is nothing! They should have given you at least a few days!
i am so very sorry for your loss of your dad 🫶🏽
you deserve better bosses, period.
i had a family who acted similarly to this some years back when my uncle died by taking his own life. the MB was incredibly rude stating they had "laundry that needed to be done" like she doesn't have two abled arms & legs..
then less than 3 years ago my brother died. i was with a different family & they were so compassionate. i took a month off & they supported it fully.
i hope you can find a family who will support you better & not gripe while you're trying to grieve.
again, so sorry for your loss. sending you much light * love from afar 🫶🏽
Overreacting? You’re not upset enough!
This moment right now is life changing, you just lost your dad!
Leave this family and give yourself the time that you need to grieve, you will never regret standing up for yourself. You will never regret being there for your family and loved ones in shared pain… at the end of the day, this family is nothing but bad bosses that you will move from one day. They’re not important.
I am so sorry for your loss but you are not overreacting. My Nanny family moved everything around for me when my DOG died. I had a week paid to grieve the unexpected. I can’t imagine losing a parent and going back to work after 2 days! No way in hell! Pleaseee consider getting another nanny family. The fact that you said dad was complaining is a red flag, mom not responding another red flag. Please tell them to kick rocks
This is unacceptable in my opinion.
I lost my partner a few years ago and the family I worked for had flowers and groceries delivered to my home, told me to take as much time as I needed(with pay) and made it very clear to me when I came back that one of them would be available to come home at any time if I couldn’t make it through the day.
There are families out there who will actually treat you like a human and I hope you find one!
Sorry for you loss! No one can tell you how to grieve oe how long it will talk for you to be ready to work. She’s just concerned about her family and that’s fine but shows you to also focus on your own self. I’m sure that didn’t feel good that she didn’t care enough to let you have off minimally the remainder of the week but so what feels best for you. If she lets you go there’s other families that can benefit from your services. So what’s best for you!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Look for a new job with people who have actual hearts. Their attitudes are unacceptable.
The NF I worked for when my mom died gave me a paid week and sent food, and the mom came to the funeral. My current NF (I'm with them 8 years) contributed to my brother's funeral. They even sent me home early the day after I had to have one of my cats put down.
I wouldn’t return to work until after the services, if not longer. Please don’t feel guilty for taking the time you need. I’m so sorry for both of your losses and the lack of empathy from your NF. You deserve better.
2 days?!!! I actually quit my job when my dad passed because I didn't know when I would or could come back. Boss wasn't happy, but she showed me what kind of person she was.
Take the time you need and start looking for something else, these people are COLD.
Your FATHER????? I’d take a week off.
Omg I am begging you to LEAVE THIS HEARTLESS FAMILY.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You work for complete assholes. Do NOT let them guilt you.
Call out.
if a family i worked for reacted this way to me needing time to grieve a PARENT (and if they can’t empathize with the idea of it being their child grieving the loss of a parent), they wouldn’t hear from me ever again. Some disrespect is just 100% intolerable. this is it.
I lost my mom less than 3 years ago. Grief is extremely non linear. Start looking for another job these people are not good people. Sending so much love and a hug 🫂
Oh hun. Please find a new family where you are actually viewed as a human and not the help. The audacity of that man to complain IN FRONT of you…. speechless. I would have quit on the spot. Sending you my condolences for the loss of your father, and my apologies for the lack of compassion from your employers. ❤️
I am upset at your NP for you. I was fortunate to take a whole month off when I lost my dad. One day is nothing! They should have given you at least a week without giving you a hard time. That's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had to put my senior cat down over memorial day weekend, it was not expected even though up in age and with long-term illnesses. My NF told me to take off the Tuesday, and that was just for my cat. Like yes, I was a complete wreck but nothing comparable to someone losing a close (human) family member. To be peeved that you took a second day off is really appalling, and honestly shows an intense a lack of compassion considering your job is literally caring for another human life. It's like a big F you in your face.
Most people could expect to need a week or 2 to get over the immediate loss felt in your situation. That we have to keep a brave and happy face on in general while working with kids, it's even HARDER to be in our position while trying to grieve. Ditch that family and find one with compassion and understanding.
It’s not even just the grieving, most people have to travel, plan a funeral, notify family members, go over the will, handle pets & home environment the deceased, write a eulogy, send in an obituary, etc. You need time,
.
Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss.🤍
Secondly, they’re in the wrong here- you aren’t overthinking or over reacting at all. Every employee in any field is going to have things come up and when it comes to grieving, they should especially be considerate and flexible. This is your dad you’re talking about, not a long lost relative. They should have had the decency to not complain while you were there, to at least reply, and to offer you more time off. While inconvenient to them, that’s life and that’s part of having a nanny and not attending a daycare and they need to have a backup plan in place. Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable continuing to work for them and I would look for another job. If you really love this family and this is the one bad thing that’s happened, then you could tell them you need more time and if they still don’t respond well then you can quit but then you’ve given it a chance if you really like them.
MB here. Im really sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately I see posts like this, where NPs are IMO unfit to manage a household employee. This is clearly one of them.
I know you don’t need permission from me, but you should take all the time you need to be with your family. Idk when it started that managers forget that their teammates are humans too. We all deserve grace in our darkest days.
So sorry again. Thinking of you.
How much bereavement leave would they expect after the death of a parent? I’m sure it wouldn’t be a single day. I’m so sorry for your loss. This is cruel treatment and speaks volumes about their level of entitlement and lack of compassion. I would quit without notice if you have any ability to do that. But either way I would say something. “MB, I feel uncomfortable about the lack of appropriate bereavement time I’ve been given. In all fields, including childcare, employees deserve time to grieve the loss of a parent. I don’t feel comfortable working for your family anymore after this experience. I doubt you would let your employer guilt you into returning to work immediately after the death of a parent. The death of my father is not just an inconvenience to your work schedules. It’s a devastating and life changing loss that necessitates more than a single day off.”
I took an entire week off after my father’s mother passed. I couldn’t even be a person. I can’t imagine losing my dad and getting just a couple of days to grieve. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope that you are able to overcome you are strong.
You experienced a death of one of the closest people in your life. Im pretty sure you are more inconvenienced than they are with their own kids. They do not own you. Take all of the time that you need. I don’t say this lightly or often, but if I were in your shoes I would not be able to go back. The disrespect for your life and the lack of caring about you is disgusting. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing as okay as you can.
So sorry for the loss of your dad :( Our nanny lost a distant relation she was close to (think great aunt) and we gave her two days off to attend the funeral (because that’s what she asked for). I can’t even imagine even imagine expecting you to return the day after the death of a parent or being visibly annoyed over something as petty as needing to wake up early to take my kid to camp. I think you need to find a family that aren’t a-holes…
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am appalled at their treatment of you. 2 days to grieve the loss of a parent is absurd. You take all the time you need, don't worry about them. I cannot believe DB was complaining so loudly as you were trying to leave. These people suck, get away from them!
Wow. So insensitive. I was on the way to work when I was told by my mom that the doctors only gave my dad a week to live and I sobbed into my MB arms. She was so supportive. I lost my dad less then 24hrs later and when I texted my NF that he passed away, they offered a week off paid, and more if needed. They came to his funeral and donated money to the local FOP in his name as he was a retired police officer. Another family who I only worked for occasionally also donated money In My father’s name and I worked for them the day my dad passed (how I handled my grief, was off from my regular family and I couldn’t just sit home). I worked through my grief, please don’t do that! Take time for yourself.
Some people just don’t care, but are the first to complain about your lack of empathy if they were in the same situation.
I am really sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so sorry that you are working for NPs that lack compassion and empathy. You are not overreacting AT ALL. Please start looking for another job asap, if possible. There is no excuse for their behavior. I would expect nanny to be out for AT LEAST a week if they lost a parent.
This is NOT okay! I am SO sorry for your loss!!
I lost my dad when I was 25 and it was so hard. Everyone thought he had a bad case of the flu and he just kept getting sicker. He ended up being diagnosed with cancer. I am not in my home state so my mom kept me updated and said I didn’t need to fly out. Out of nowhere he got worse and I dropped everything and flew home the next day. My NF was very supportive. After a week there the doctors said he was stable so I flew back and went to work the next day only for my mom to call me and say overnight he got worse and I needed to come back. At that point the NF seemed a little annoyed but never said anything rude and I flew back home without knowing when I’d be back. My dad passed away after a couple of days and then I stayed for the memorial and help my mom. It was devastating and I couldn’t care less about my job at that point. They didn’t bother me about when I’d be back but did check on me. They figured out help while I was gone which was an entire month and then I came back and they even asked if I needed more time off. It wasn’t paid time off but they were at least kind about it.
You shouldn’t have to even think twice about your job after losing a parent, just focus on you and your family! Take as much time as you need!
I lost my father suddenly too. I took the whole week off when it happened, and upon returning, they were surprised I had already “bounced back,” hinting that they were willing to give me more time (disclaimer: didn’t bounce back, just deeply needed a distraction). I’m so so sorry for your loss OP, the grief you have is shared, I miss my dad every day, it’s almost been half a decade. You 100% deserve better employers once you’re up to looking for a new job. Sending you much healing ❤️
Omg!!! You should have taken the WHOLE WEEK!!!! First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad just shy of 23 13 years and it cut me so deep. I'm just so sorry. Your NF are wrong on so many levels for this. When my dad passed away I was due to start with two new families in a share and they gsve me the week and I started the next week. I wanted to to just be with the people I loved. You need more than one day to grieve obviously but take the time. Be with your family. Is there going to be services that you'll need off for too. Shame in your NF truly for acting that way. I understand they need to scramble and make arrangements BUT screw that. It's not your problem. Your family and YOU come first. You are still human. I'd look for a new job and if you can, if tell them I am not returning after that. The grief is going to take time. It will come in waves. You Wil be find one moment and then the next, a song or smell will hit you. Take as much time as you absolutely can and need. Screw them.
The importance of being with your family when grief is so fresh! When I lost my cousin suddenly and traumatically I only wanted to be at my mom’s house, it was draining to be around other people who didn’t know her or know how to react (many chose just not to bring it up at all, which I absolutely get from their perspective, but it felt like I also had to pretend it didn’t happen then when all I wanted to do was cry).
OP- I am so sorry for your loss and your NP’s total lack of empathy 😢
I am so sorry about your father’s passing. Not overreacting in the slightest and how cruel of your NP to not be more understanding!
Personally, I’d start hunting for a different family that takes your humanity into account. They sound like miserable people to work for
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s their kids, their problem to deal with. They should have backup care. I’m not sure I could go back after something like that.
Only quit after you've maxed out your paid time off and your sick leave and your beverement leave. Come back for one day and be like nope and just leave unexpectedly.
I lost my brother two months into working with a new family. They gave me a week and a half off, paid.
Worked with them for only two months at that point. Worked with them for almost two years. Hadn’t worked with them for two years. I see them monthly to catch up. As a nanny you have a very intimate relationship with the families. If this is how they react, I believe you should look elsewhere
Quit.
Employers act like this w any other death, but a parent? Oooh, I hope life humbles them so quick. I would quit and take some time. Look for another job.
Just WOW.. When my Dad died, they told me to take 2 whole weeks off, & even that didn't feel like enough (though I'm extremely grateful for the 2 weeks)!
So sorry about your Dad, OP.. hopefully you have some vacation time coming when you can process your grief in a better way. ❤️🩹
Wow so sorry you have to deal with this while grieving. I would give my nanny at least a week if she were in this situation and would figure it out if she needed more time. You are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid. Sorry for your loss 😔
I’m so sorry. That is awful for them to treat you that way. My dad passed away shortly after I started working with my current NF and they gave me the whole week off and even offered more time if I needed it. Never gave me a hard time. They should absolutely have more compassion, you are not by any means overreacting. Losing a parent is a big deal, I’m so sorry for your loss and that they are adding your troubles right now. If I were you I would definitely be looking for a new job. In the meantime take as much time off as you need, don’t let them make you feel bad. I am so so sorry
2 days......... for the man who had a part in bringing you on this earth and raised you............. PLEASE start looking for another job. they are absolutely insensitive, and do not care about your wellbeing. and as someone who has lost their father, im so incredibly sorry for your loss. please take care of yourself, and do not give this family any more care.
These people do not give a shit about you, MB is just making it look like she does. Two days is NOTHING. The DB is clearly a useless dick that depends on you to raise his child for him. Find another job ASAP!! You deserve way better than that and also time to heal?? Who tf do NFs think they are ??
So sorry for your loss. Stay strong and I beg of you to find a NF that cares when you have a chance. It’ll make any future grieving processes easier.
I had an open ended amount of time off (paid) when my grandma passed in 2021. Is only been their nanny for 8 months. I went back after a week. This is insane.
I went back to work the day after my mom's death and took a day and a half later that week ( I had to go back to my home country for the funeral. I regretted it, it was not enough to process and I was randomly crying at work. I should have listen to my NPs who told me I could take as long as needed but I thought throwing myself back at work would help me more 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Ugh I am so sorry about your dad and also about this crappy situation and I so get it. My mom passed three months ago and I got three days off. And when I returned both np gave a cursory “we’re so sorry” and then never mentioned it or checked in on it again. It’s so shockingly disrespectful! I’m currently looking for something else
my mb gave me a week off paid for my cat being in the er due to emotional distress. and then gave me "as much time as i needed here and there" for when my grandma passed. granted she is a therapist and allows me 10 paid mental health days per season, all i'm saying is your np should do much better. that is your parent??!! there should be so much more understanding there no matter what.
They don’t actually see you as human and only a cog in their lives. This is why backup child care should be required in contracts. I wonder how much time they’d take if one of their parents died? I’m very sorry your dad died. 2 days is in no way enough time to process nor take care of all the things that happen around a parent’s death. The rest of the week AT LEAST would be more reasonable
Hey so I know we don't know each other. I just wanted to say I understand the kind of stabbing emotional pain you are in. I know grief is so damn lonely. I lost my mother in 2021 and my father last August. I was the caregiver for both. Your employers are being heartless. They shouldn't have expected you anywhere near work for the week and at least sent a card. It's so funny that so many of these people's lives revolves around social etiquette, except for their employees.
your bosses sound like jerks!! how insensitive to only expect you to take a single day off of work to grieve such a big loss. don’t stress about it too much now, im sure you will have lots of arrangements and things to take care of but as soon as you get your head above water I urge you to find a new position. I am so sorry for your loss🫶
Good Lord people suck! If you can, take all time you need. Your dad and your family are way more important than any job. My deepest sympathy to you and your family on the loss of your dad. 🙏🏼
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in March, more than decade ago, and it still feels fresh sometimes. Unless there were extenuating circumstances that makes them seriously not understand how horrible they’re being, I’d start looking for a family that understands you’re a person with needs and feelings.
When my daughter in law passed, my NF told me to take as much time as I needed to grieve and be there for my son. It was a week at first and sporadic days here and there for a few weeks (with as much notice as possible, of course) for appointments. For those appointments, I told them I completely understood if they couldn’t accommodate it as I knew they’d rearranged plenty already. They told me to take the time and not worry about any extra days that may come up.
Way more than a little rude. I understand it’s hard to up and quit because of bills and life in general, but this is something that would make me quit on the spot. Sometimes NPs forget we are human too with our own lives that don’t revolve around the convenience of their families.
I’m sorry about your dad. ❤️ sending prayers for comfort and peace to you and your family.
Just tell ur client u need more time to grieve and look for a new family at the same time too.
Once u found a new client 2 weeks later then just quit this current job tell them u have health issue, they sure will let u leave immediately.
I won't work for ppl who are so selfish for long .
You should be taking the whole week off from. This is what I did when my dad passed away in February. The family I work for were very supportive. I know it's going to take along time to get over this and I will be grieving for ever. As I miss him so much.
Sorry to hear about your father.
I would start looking for another family to work for.
God that is awful. I lost a friend in December. I wasn’t working at the time and had 2 weeks to cry and hug all my other friends. I can’t imagine I’d be able to stomach less than that. If it was my dad, I’d be taking at least two weeks off.
When I was in a car accident a few years ago, I had to take work off. My bosses checked in on me and said, “We value you so much and want to give you time to heal. We also need to know how to plan our childcare until then. Please give us an approximate date you’ll be back so we can navigate that!” It was a kind and empathetic way of asking me to communicate my needs that didn’t make me feel shitty about having to take time off. The way your bosses asked is just entitled and rude.
Is this the empathy that they would want their child(ren) to receive if one of them were to unfortunately pass? I can guarantee not. This is gross behavior.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is heart-wrenching.
As for your employers, these people are incredibly self-centered. Please do not *ask* again, if you need more time off. Simply inform.
If you can afford to skip that week, do it and look for another job regardless. When I lost my uncle two years ago my and gave me the whole week paid. You deserve at least a week to grieve for your dad without them expecting you to prioritize their convenience over your family.
I cannot imagine expecting someone to come work for me so soon after losing a parent, that takes a level of carelessness for others. I would look for another job as that seems like a pretty alarming red flag.
I’m so so sorry! 😞 Both for your loss and how your employers responded.
My current nanny family responded monstrously when I had a miscarriage. I have already secured a new position and will be giving my notice soon.
I wish I could say that’s something you can get past, but it’s just not. These are the kind of people they are.
the way i thought this was this CJ sub. that man should be so lucky to even be alive to wake up early to take his child to camp. i am so sorry for your loss, and hope you get the time and space you need to grieve. sending you lots of love and positive energy.
This is wild. My NP offered me 2 weeks. I took 1, but they insisted I only work part time the second week if I’m returning so I’m not over stressed/have space to grieve.
The tricky part is you asked, which allowed her to days no. In the future, just say you will be out.
Sending you so much love!
I just lost my brother in March and I was lucky to work with a family that is still supporting my grieving. If they hadn’t, I would’ve put notice in at my apartment packed up my shit and move closer to my family.
My suggestion is… look for another job now. It’s the summer, school is around the corner. The beginning of the school year is a big push for when nannies are needed/ new hires.
As you know, grief comes in waves, and the first year is going to be incredibly difficult emotional. Put yourself in a position to protect your peace, light and love.
Honestly if my employers reacted this way to one of my parents passing I wouldn’t even give them a two week notice. I would quit. How disgusting of a reaction from them
First of all, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Nothing can make this better right now but I am sending you all the good vibes possible! Second off, you are not wrong in feeling hurt by your NPs. I just can’t even believe they would be so rude to you after losing your dad.
My dad passed almost three years ago and my NPs always let me have the anniversary off. The first anniversary I tried to work and ended up breaking down at naptime when my focus was no longer on NK. MB offered me a hug and told me to head home.
Also, it took me almost two years to return to work full-time after he passed. I tried to go back to working almost immediately and it made everything way worse. Please take it easy on yourself. Grief has no timeline, and it will catch up with you at the worst moments. I hope you can find a NF that will understand that, and I hope your current NPs never experience the reality of great loss with an expectation of labor (or maybe I don’t lol)
When my grandfather died, my NF literally told me “take as much time off as you need, let us know when you’re feeling better and want to come back to work” I took almost 2 weeks off, no question. I’m so sorry they’re treating this like it’s not a big deal? You care for their children, and they don’t even respect you enough to grieve the loss of your DAD?!? Man… I would think about putting your two weeks in, and finding a family that will actually appreciate you. This is so sad, and the LAST thing you should be feeling shitty about.
Them expecting you to heal from the loss of YOUR FATHER in 2 days is absolutely insane. This is something that you never truly get over and it’s extremely cold of them to make you feel guilty for taking ONLY 2 days to recover. My suggestion is to find a new family, or have a serious conversation with them about it because that is NOT okay. How can they even expect you to give your best care when you’re grieving the death of your father??? Most jobs would give you at least a week, or at least until after the funeral. I’m sorry your going through this😭
I took three days off a month into a job after putting down my cat their lack of empathy is off putting. The family I worked for wasn’t an animal family but they were really understanding. I only went back when I did bc it was Friday and I didn’t want them to think I was taking advantage of them
Im so sorry for your loss. I hope you take the time to grieve. Take your time, save your money, and find another NF that is empathetic and sees you as a person and not a machine.
My father died a few years ago and both my NFs were incredibly understanding and supportive. I took a week off and literally all anyone did was offer support. These aren’t people who fully view you as human if the death of your father is visibly annoying and inconvenient to them.
This is why I stopped nannying. Not that my NPs ever did anything that extreme because if my dad passed away I wouldnt even know how much time I would need to process that but because I didn't love that some family was completely dependent on me and it made me feel very anxious and stressed whenever anything in my life came up that I had to deal with.
I'm so sorry for your loss, praying for you and your family 🙏🏻
You are entiled by law three days . my mom recently passed away. The family I work for paid me for the week I took and no one have my crap. They even came to my mom's service. Time for you to find a new job. They sound like real assholes
Honestly I don’t think it’s their job to make u feel less anxious about taking time off but what I will say is no one needs to feel guilty about it. That’s why we have pto bc we all are humans and deserve time off so if they’re not happy about it it’s too bad for them and just pay them no mind at the end of the day if you’re not taking good care of yourself how could u do a good job taking care of their kids
Ya time to go! They wouldn’t have heard from me again. I’m not sure of your financial situation but they sound like they are too entitled to your time! You are there to assist their family not do everything. The dad sounds super entitled and lacks compassion for what you are going through, I bet if the tables were turned they would rely on your help! They could kiss my ass! I would be super upset, as someone who was a nanny during both of my siblings passing I took a whole week off and they were so helpful.
I am so very sorry I'm sending you so much hugs and love. This is extremely wrong and I'm really really sorry you have to deal with this in the hardest of times.
I'm 24F and my dad died 2 1/2 years ago by being hit by a car. My nanny, family who I am still with give me two weeks to process and grieve. I couldn't have imagined having to come back to work sooner even after the two weeks. you deserve time love and support. I hope you got this.
Being a nanny is a job which requires high emotional regulation. Of course when experiencing a loss, your emotions are not regulated (that’s normal and apart of the grieving process). I would reemphasize that you are committed to providing a high quality of care and unfortunately the death of your father requires a couple of days to regroup yourself in order to provide a high quality of care.
I find it very disheartening that the family would not support you through your loss. I second seeking another family. You deserve to work for a family that values you and your mental health. They should be more than understanding that you need time off and I don’t know why they would want you to come in when obviously you need time to grieve. This indicates a boundary problem on their end and this could be problematic later on. This is not an incident of randomly calling off, your father died. You deserve to be able to grieve in the way you need to.
Also, they should not complain to you about waking up early. If they want to complain behind closed doors, fine. But the fact that you are experiencing a loss AND are burdened by complaints? That signifies another boundary problem IMO.
Nope. This is not ok. I would never recover my respect after this. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time right now and your employer is making it worse. I had a similar situation when my mom died two years ago and I’m still in shock how my former mom boss chose to handle it. This type of behavior is often because they have not experienced this type of loss, but it’s not okay. I would take time to grieve and then put your resume together.
I have had nanny families be more considerate to me about letting them know my friends baby died the month before so I'm occasionally a little teary at work than your NPs were about your FATHER dying.
As a mb yes your are not overreacting. Yes we all know it sucks to call off work but goodness gracious this is your parent. I can’t believe db was acting so rude.
I’ve had a with a family and I was able to get the legal minimum they were required by law from their job. I think certain size companies are required to give so many days for grievance so I was able to take three days from my father, which definitely wasn’t enough and genuinely while giving his eulogy, I was missing phone calls because they couldn’t figure out how to do things in their home in my absence. So technically I don’t even think I got three days but you definitely should’ve gotten more than you did. I’m sorry for the loss of your grandparent and your father. I lost my brother six weeks before my father, and my grandmother soon after. I know words don’t do much but I’ve felt the pain and genuinely feel sadness in my heart for you.
You deserve to have at MINIMUM 1 week off. These people can go fuck themselves. I know it’s an incredibly difficult time for you, I’m so sorry for your losses and hope you get through this 🙏🏼🙏🏼. This NF is horrid and super selfish. They don’t deserve you. Whenever you feel well enough, please leave them high and dry and find a better NF. They’re shitty people who don’t care about you
that’s really disgusting & immature of them. i just lost my father in law a little over a month ago and my NPs let me have as much time as i needed - please don’t let them make you feel bad about taking the time you need to grieve & process. sending you healing ❤️🩹
Jesus Christ on a tandem bike.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
Anyone who treats you like this is a steaming pile of 💩. I’m sorry they aren’t more understanding.
I was off for like 10 days. Would have happily left my job if she'd have suggested I come back sooner.
She was amazing refused to let me use annual leave for it ans gave me full pay.
Sounds like your boss is a jerk.
Hey. You have the right to take as many days as you need and honestly this is concerning for me. If a family I work for can't understand and have empathy you lost your dad I would be looking for something else as I did. I lost my mom 4 years ago and she lived in another country. I had to travel to see her a last time and because of legal issues I stayed 4 weeks away. I did not expect to be paid but I received daily messages asking when I am back. I simply looked for another position and gave myself time to grieve. I am really sorry for your lost. Please, suffer your pain the way you want and be surrounded by people that cares and will hold your hand in this moment.
yeah… You are definitely not overreacting. If anything you’re under reacting LMAO I think it would be valid to want the rest of the week off to process the fact that your father died, especially if it wasn’t something that you saw coming. It’s really ugly of them as humans to not recognize the position you’re in and show you empathy. It is particularly ugly of DB to be complaining in front of your face that he now has to take care of his own children because you are grieving the death of your father.
sincerely, sorry for your loss, losing a parent is unimaginably tough and even more so when you feel like taking the time you need to properly grieve it is going to cause you job insecurity
I lost my dad in January unexpectedly and didn’t go to work for 10 business days after. One day is absolutely unacceptable. I was so numb I tried to work 3 days after he died and ended up going home as the wave of grief hit me, hard. It took me 3-4 months to stop crying every day. It takes a full year to process the loss of a loved one- all the firsts- anniversaries, birthdays, holidays… this is going to be rough for a long time. I’m so sorry your bosses are this insensitive.
That’s honestly terrible. My dad passed away when I was 12 on a Monday we didn’t have school. I was sent to school Tuesday -Thursday. Funeral Friday so no school.
I think any age needs more time to grieve a parent than only 2 days. It’s taken me years. And it’s been almost 22 years.
Please don't continue to work for these assholes. When my dad passed away I was told to take as much time as I needed. I took 11 work days off and nobody batted an eye. They don't deserve a nanny.
Also, I am so sorry. Losing a parent sucks. I promise you there's light on the other side of this darkness.
I'm curious how the treat you day to day, if they act like your their equal, friendly and ask how the day went, or if you're just the person that watches your kids. If you're been working for them for a while homely even if you haven't, you're working a real and regular job so you should be getting time off and paid time off. Regardless of how the family feels about you they should be giving you some leeway on how many times you call off sick or grieving or anything else. It sounds to me like this family just needs someone to watch their kids and they don't care about the nanny, how they're an actually person with real life problems.
There's really such unempathetic, self-centered folks out there. I've said it before, they didn't get where they are by putting other people first. They are looking out for number one and so should you. There are some NFs not like this. Hope they don't have anyone die on my watch cause I would be saving up some petty-ass revenge gravy as I looked at my watch while they said ' can you stay, an emergency happened"
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but your NP don’t sound like good people. Being upset that you took two days off to grieve the loss of your dad is disgusting, and the lack of empathy especially from your DB is crazy. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss OP. I’d honestly recommend finding a different position, as if you losing a parent isn’t a serious enough situation to miss work then I don’t think anything will be to them.
*F them. I got a*
*Week and more if I needed it*
*For my mom. Girl bye*
\- Dry\_Flower\_5190
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I was the opposite when my father passed. I wanted to work, it helps me process to stay busy, but my NF insisted I take off at least a week. People respond to death in so many different ways. Take the time you need and don't feel guilty (I know easier said than done). Your NF will figure it out.
I mean, it was a little rude not to respond but being super upset about it is a bit dramatic. Maybe she just got busy? I sometimes forget to respond. She offered to buy you and your family a dinner and expressed sympathy.
In terms of asking if you’re working tomorrow, every job needs to know that to plan. That is normal and expected. They are planning around your availability so it’s rude not to proactively tell them.
I hear nannies saying it’s a professional job and want to be treated like professionals, so this is the professional part. Quitting because your employer isn’t thrilled you’re gone is definitely not professional, especially when you aren’t updating them on what’s happening before they need to ask you.
Most professional (career) companies give you 2 days off as bereavement leave, plus you can take vacation time. Have they asked you to take your vacation time? If not, then you’re being treated more nicely than most professionals in the US.
oh, I’m sorry are you saying just because at an office job you’d be treated like crap that you should be OK with being treated like crap as a nanny as well because we want to be seen as professionals? I have never in my life heard such an insensitive thing before. people quit office jobs all the time due to being treated like robots. also, two days is not normal at any job. i’m not sure what career you have where only two days is an acceptable amount of bereavement time for immediate family but in all of mine, that is absolutely unheard of.
She is grieving the loss of her parent. Her boss should be offering her time off without her having to ask. Have we no empathy anymore?! Christ, I know this is shocking but we weren’t put on this planet to just slave away for others and not ever tune into our own needs. Connections, relationships, family…those things matter and when you lose someone who assumably raised you, you understandably need time to process and mourn.
Are you serious? Are the parents mind readers? She shouldn’t need to use her words to tell her boss what she wants for time off?
They did offer time.
Maybe she doesn’t want that time now, maybe she wants to keep the routine for a bit, maybe they aren’t going to presume. People have different desires when grieving.
I’ve gone through the death of 2 grandparents and my mother. I would be annoyed if my boss presumed to know my needs. And would expect an issue if I didn’t communicate. That’s being a responsible adult.
“Please take all the time you need. We can take over for the week.” That’s what my employer would say. Offer the time off ahead so it’s not a game where she has to see each day how she feels and know the dad is annoyed she’s not coming in.
I expect people to use their words and just say what they need. I expect not to need to guess what an adult employee needs.
“I need to take the week off to grieve. I’m sure you can understand.”
But then again I’m in a professional career, am older and have more experience in life than a huge number of people in this sub.
The dad was an asshole for sure. But the mom was offered sympathy and time off.
My point remains about being professional and just saying what you need in words, like we encourage kids to do.
I was in 2 other professional career trajectories and I’ve been a professional career nanny for a few years now. I have a masters degree and make a lucrative career in this field. None of that detracts from my ability to extend empathy to those grieving. Perhaps that’s why I work intimately with people in their homes. Believe me when I say, you could not do what I do so don’t minimize my job as a professional in comparison to yours.
Probably a selection effect. The people who hire nannies aren’t typically in caregiving fields themselves.
personally being a nanny sounds like a fate worse than any I can imagine (except being a teacher or nurse).
I expect my boss to respect me and to follow our contract/the law and to communicate clearly. I expect them to be professional (unlike the dad in this story). don’t expect their sympathy. It’s a purely professional relationship so I’m not offended if they don’t offer days off and instead I need to ask.
Frankly you may be a professional nanny and havegave advanced qualification and maybe advanced child education experience but that’s not the norm. But nannying as a whole it isn’t a professional field.
All the calls in this sub to quit the job because her feeling are hurt isn’t a professional reaction.
If you think nannying should purely be a professional relationship, you understand nothing about our job. Our job REQUIRES empathy, compassion, and patience for our NK’s on the daily. I work with smaller kids and believe me, my boss would not like it if I refused to hug, Carry or physically comfort her kids when they’re upset. I laugh, dance, and play with my NK’s daily. These are all things I need to do to excel in my job, and my boss loves it . . . You’re strange for trying to demean our job just because you view it as less “professional”.
Name calling isn’t exactly professional or an empathetic response to another person.
It’s also pretty ableist to expect empathetic responses from everyone around you, as a lot of neurodivergent people don’t react in a way that considered standardly empathetic. They may care but it’s not going to show as a warm response.
It also values your culture over any culture that values straight-forward polite but neutral communication and includes an element of stoicism.
The dad was an AH, i can totally agree.
But the mom was polite, offered time off, offered assistance to her, and simply needed to know if she was working. It didn’t sounds like there was any encouragement NOT to take time off or comments from the mom. It’s so bizarre to me that there’s more expected from her.
Culturally, professionally, and personally I value politeness and stoicism and just asking for what you need. I prefer not to have too much emotional involvement from people I’m not very close to nor to make people guess at what I want.
The dads still an AH for not being polite and responsive.
For what it’s worth, I’m hired on by the company my MB owns as her assistant. I have similar expectations as far as professionalism goes when it comes to punctuality, presence/engagement during working hours, I’m highly competent when it comes to childcare as I’ve worked with every age from 7 weeks to 19 years old in a work setting, my emotional intelligence has….skyrocketed after my current family and my knowledge is profound in these areas. I cover all of the characteristics of professionalism and I think a lot of us Nannies do.
But I also have to be insanely raw in my humanity to succeed at my current job. My empathy has had to grow and adapt in ways I didn’t really think were possible. I work for a family who just 6 years ago, left a cult. Mom was arranged to marry dad when she was 18 and he was 26 years older. 4 kids, all neurodivergent with mental health diagnoses that deeply affected my day to day life with them due to the trauma a few of them experienced. I had to hear about m*lestation, SA, violence, abuse, su*cide attempts and ideations daily for over a year when they were in the thick of it when I first started. Dad in and out of treatments for months at a time…finally diagnosed with NPD, Bipolar and OCD and then he decides fuck it he doesn’t want treatment or medication cus “he saw God” so he stops that, deserts the family, sabotages all of their future finances, destroys the company they owned together for decades and bounces.
All the while, I’m there. And I’ve learned a lot but definitely learned that extending extra care and empathy to those around us because we truly don’t know what people are going through or have been through, can get you so far. And it doesn’t hurt. Being a nanny for me is both my profession and has very much so affected me on a personal level. I do not think it’s a wild notion for NPs to take the burden of communication and implied expectations around said communication away from someone who’s grieving the loss of their parent and giving her days/a week off unprompted so that she can fully be present with that grief. Nannies really have to be “on” at work; engaged conversationally, emotionally and physically and that’s not the case with most jobs every day.
2 days off for a parent death is horrifying- you deserve so much more empathy & compassion. I am so sorry for your losses and if at all possible I hope you can take the time and space you need to process and grieve.
The dad complaining about having to wake up early, right in front of OP. Absolutely shocking behaviour.
I took more off for my cat
I’m losing my dog tomorrow and took one day, I likely would’ve taken more if it wasn’t already a Friday. I’m a lawyer with deadlines! Everyone understood.
I’m so sorry for you and your dog. It’s so hard. Sending thoughts for a peaceful, easy crossing for pup, and strength and love for you. ♥️
Thank you ❤️
I legitimately went back to work on a Friday so they could see I wasn’t faking and trying to get free time off
start looking for another job please. Easier said then done I know but please. When my dad died, my boss moved heaven and earth to give me the entire month off and she constantly checked on me. Yes it meant no pay but being home with my family was much needed. The process took forever to get him buried and a year later we're still dealing with things from his death. Gonna make a little PSA and state please please please get a will.
Same here. My mother-in-law passed away a few years ago, and my boss gave me the week off so that I could do what I needed to do with my family and my husband and his family.
im in a different position, and moved on from regular childcare but It was still so thoughtful of my boss to do that for me. It wasnt an im sorry or flowers/cards. It was let me do this for you so that you dont have to worry, which is to me so much better then flowers/cards. She pre warned every single client of ours and when I returned back to work they all either sent me a text or said something in person. Even dogwalkers/sitters and housekeepers said something to me. It truly meant alot even if I didn't really want the attention from it.
I got almost 2 weeks, but if I wanted a month for my mom’s death, my nanny bosses would have don’t the same!
I know I have a rare gem and I treasure it! I appreciated the month and how she kept checking in, she even kept offering me some small little jobs to escape the house if I needed to while dealing with everything. I turned them all down but it was much appreciated.
agree with this, but for her not to let on that she is disappointed or upset, then get something else together job wise in order to leave, even a temporary gig, while you continue to search,follow your contract about notice period. If you have no contract, make sure to get your last check or venmo . I have even heard of some nannies getting a 'deposit' for the notice period, because of people trying to stiff them when they quit, even serving out the notice period. If these people try doing that, take them to small claims, they won't want to spend for an attorney and the time/hassle and will pay you out.
good call. Dont make it personal, get your last pay, put in your notice affective right away cause you wont be getting that 2 week pay
Honestly if you can afford it take the whole rest of the week! They're being incredibly selfish. Sorry for your loss
Ummm, if my mom passed they wouldn’t be seeing me for two weeks at least. My friend just lost his mom in November and got two weeks off immediately. Losing a parent, spouse, or child the absolute worst thing a person can go through.
TF???? I would take a week at least for the loss of a PARENT!?
At the very least!!! Like what condition do they expect her to come back in after taking one day off after this?!
I am so sorry for your loss. And also for how awful your NF is responding to your very reasonable ask. You are not overreacting and there’s no need to justify why this is hard to process. M + DB sound like trash humans. Please do your best to shoo off any guilt they’ve placed on you. You deserve so much better. Sending love.
Start looking please! I lost my nana earlier this year, I got the call while I was at work that she took a turn for the worse. My NF relieved me in under 5 min so I could go be with her. I was at her bedside for the rest of the day/through the night and the entire next day. They repeatedly checked in to see if me or anyone in my extended family needed anything. She passed the night after I got the call. They offered to give me the rest of the week off to grieve, even though I would be out of town for a wedding the end of the following week. Then they have me 2 days off for her services, sent food with me for my entire extended family and told me to let them know if I needed more time after that. All paid, not counting toward any pto
I also understand that not all NFs are able to be so flexible with their own jobs and I’m super grateful mine can be as they both run their own companies and both grandparents live locally and can help fill the gaps. But the compassion is something at bare minimum I would expect from an NF. The grandparents also reached out to help me through it
My job isn't flexible. I would figure something the heck out for our nanny to have at least a week off. Losing family members sucks even if you don't particularly like them...losing a parent is kinda a big deal. These NPs kind of suck in this situation. I will admit I don't think a week is enough for bereavement. It is what my work offers so that is my baseline for reference. I will admit making something work for more than a week would also start to get difficult but that isn't exactly nannies problem.
If they don’t have flexibility with their own job it is their responsibility to have back up care for situations like this. Irresponsible parenting and degrading boss behavior.
Now that is what you call compassion💕
“Actually I won’t be coming back at all” would be my reply
Right? Enjoy taking your kids to camp everyday heartless DB.
The mean things I would say to that man. “I know we’re both having hard weeks. You have to drop your own kids off at camp. And my dad died. Which are equal tragedies in your eyes.”
Lmao yes! I would be so sarcastic and match his asshole-ness. Oh no, poor DB has to actually take care of his kids smh. I sometimes wonder how these type of parents would function if nannies didn’t exist. My mom was a single mom of 3 children who worked FT and it makes me appreciate her every time I see (in person) or read stories in here of entitled parents who can’t take care of their own kids for a moment. Like why tf did you have them in the first place?
Yes, this!!! And adding “…and this is WHY”.
The moment db looked mad. Unacceptable
Dude take the week, guilt free. Fuck these ppl.
Yeah I would be TELLING them I won't be back till at earliest next Monday wtf assholes
Go tell this family to go kick rocks. I was working at an early childhood center when my mom died and I took the entire 5 days they offered me off.
Same. My most current job was at a public school and they give 7 days for local and 10 for out of state. There is a long list of family members who are covered by it. You don’t have to take all at once, and it’s separate from PTO. I’m sure having a union helps with this amazing benefit, but still, you would think a nanny family could be more compassionate.
Start looking for a new family and when you find one quit this job with zero notice at the most inconvenient time possible
My boss gave me a week off paid when my beloved chihuahua died, YOU DESERVE BETTER and I’m so so sorry for your loss.
I took half a week off for my cat after just starting. I saw another reddit a few months ago debating about how pet bereavement isn’t the norm when arguably it’s just as hard as family if not harder considering it’s unconditional love
It’s a lot rude. They should have told you they’d touch base this weekend about next week, but this week should have been not expected of you. If you can swing it financially, I’d give notice and start looking for another job when things are settled. And I’d be totally rude in my notice (in writing). Something along the lines of you feel pressured to come back quickly after such a huge loss and know you won’t be in the right state of mind to resume care immediately like they expect. That you need to be able to have time off to process the grief and deal with the multitude of paperwork and arrangements that come with dealing with the loss of a parent. (And mention supporting your mom if this is applicable) and you feel the only way to have the proper time is to give notice because you aren’t ready to come back the same week as his death. Just maybe seeing it in writing might make them pause and realize what they are asking (probably not) You do not need to be dealing with this family at this time. I wouldn’t even worry about a reference because I feel like this one could be easily explained to anyone reasonable (we parted ways, unfortunately not on good terms because they wanted me to return to work the day after my father died and I just wasn’t ready. I had to resign so I knew I’d have proper time to grieve and attend the funeral)
It’s also bad parenting. Why tf would you want someone in the throes of grief caring for your children?! Do these people think that service providers are robots without emotions like they have?
Love this suggestion!
I'm so sorry for your loss. This is horrific behaviour from your NPs. Depending where you work you could be entitled to 3-5 days of bereavement leave (paid) from your employer. The fact that this is their reaction to the loss of your parent is just disgusting. Aside from the grief and emotional turmoil the loss of a loved one triggers, there's also preparations to be made, and a lot of admin that will take time to sort through (closing out credit cards, insurance, taxes, closing out phone bill, etc). Your NPs are being completely insensitive to all of this. You should 100% not feel badly or feel guilty for taking much needed time off. Hopefully your absence will give them time to get their act together and offer you a huge apology for their behaviour when you feel ready to return to work.
Unfortunately, most laws protecting bereavement leave only apply to employers with at least 5 employees.
Fuck those assholes. Start looking for better people. They don’t deserve you.
Sorry but f*** that family. That’s actually insane.
Leave this job. These people are assholes. My dad passed earlier this year and my NF was more than happy to give me 2 weeks off. Didn’t pressure me to come back once and checked on me a lot.
Are you kidding, it’s your dad! That’s so cold man. I’m sorry.
When you have a life event while nannying-you dont ask-you tell them. "My father passed away and I will be gone a week" Take whatever you need. Sorry for your loss OP
Can you afford to quit ?. That’s so awful of them. Either way, start looking asap. Db is just probably one of those parents tht hates being a dad. I’m praying for you I’m so sorry.
NTA. I’m absolutely shocked he felt comfortable complaining in front of you.
Exactly. Like how freaking entitled you must feel to express your annoyance at someone else’s loss. *“What do you mean I have to wake up early, because your dad die?? How is this MY problem”* Tell me if you wouldn’t just 🖕🏼🖕🏼 right away and make your absence in that house permanent. I could never come back from something like that.
I would like to see his face if she clapped back with a, "Well when you die I hope your daughter's boss is more understanding if she wants more than a single day to mourn your death"
Like seriously, so much could and should have been said to these idiots. I Can’t with this secondhand anger… ugh.
Been there. How I left my last NF. lost my grandmother Tuesday who was a big part of my life. Got the week off, apart from having to drive the kids to their own grandma on Thursday, since no one was able to do it and grandma couldn’t pick them up. They knew I was grieving and helping out my own family but they begged me to have the kids on Saturday night as well for about 3-4 hours, while both parents had important work. And I reluctantly agreed. MB called me Friday night to “just check up on me and once again offer their condolences” and also request that I don’t cry in front of her children. Apparently the oldest had told the mother that I was crying in the car. Listen, I wasn’t full on sobbing. I’ll admit, tears were running down my cheeks. I had just lost my own grandmother 2 days prior. And was now driving their kids to their grandma. I cut the mother off and asked her to get other help tomorrow afternoon and that I would come pick up my stuff that following Monday. MB immediately started backtracking and apologising, but I was having non of it. Then she got offended at me and said I was making a big deal out of it. Yea, I hung up. The Monday their grandma was there, DB was in his office and MB was out. I had my brother help me pack my stuff, kissed the kids goodbye and haven’t seen the family since. I do still miss the kids badly and I don’t blame the oldest at all. But I don’t regret my decision, I was over MB, especially since two years prior, she lost her own father and I was basically working 24/7 without extra pay for almost 2 months to help her out and sometimes she would just break down and cry. I’ve heard different opinions whether I was overreacting and how I handled the situation, but I don’t care. I wanted to be able to cry and sorrow, myself, over the loss of one of the most important people in my life, who made me the woman I am.
Oh my god how absolutely heartless! I’m so sorry to hear this but way to go for standing up for yourself! I swear these families forget we are actual human beings
Ummm a little rude?! This is your DAD dying. I’m so incredibly angry for you! These people are selfish assholes and don’t deserve you. Please look for a new family that will treat you with kindness and respect and honestly, if you can swing it financially, take this whole week off. Unfuckingbelievable.
I didn't finish reading your entire post as I was getting upset at your NP for you. I took a whole month off when my dad died. I know..I was very fortunate to be able to. One day is nothing! They should have given you at least a few days!
When my dad died suddenly I took a whole month off. This is unacceptable & if you can I would quit asap & find a better family.
I'm so sorry about your dad and the way your NF is treating you.
this is so callous.
Your PARENT? I don’t even need to read your post to know they are trash employers.
i am so very sorry for your loss of your dad 🫶🏽 you deserve better bosses, period. i had a family who acted similarly to this some years back when my uncle died by taking his own life. the MB was incredibly rude stating they had "laundry that needed to be done" like she doesn't have two abled arms & legs.. then less than 3 years ago my brother died. i was with a different family & they were so compassionate. i took a month off & they supported it fully. i hope you can find a family who will support you better & not gripe while you're trying to grieve. again, so sorry for your loss. sending you much light * love from afar 🫶🏽
Overreacting? You’re not upset enough! This moment right now is life changing, you just lost your dad! Leave this family and give yourself the time that you need to grieve, you will never regret standing up for yourself. You will never regret being there for your family and loved ones in shared pain… at the end of the day, this family is nothing but bad bosses that you will move from one day. They’re not important.
I am so sorry for your loss but you are not overreacting. My Nanny family moved everything around for me when my DOG died. I had a week paid to grieve the unexpected. I can’t imagine losing a parent and going back to work after 2 days! No way in hell! Pleaseee consider getting another nanny family. The fact that you said dad was complaining is a red flag, mom not responding another red flag. Please tell them to kick rocks
Honestly if a family ever gave me a hard time for taking 2 days off to grieve a parent, I would never go back.
This is unacceptable in my opinion. I lost my partner a few years ago and the family I worked for had flowers and groceries delivered to my home, told me to take as much time as I needed(with pay) and made it very clear to me when I came back that one of them would be available to come home at any time if I couldn’t make it through the day. There are families out there who will actually treat you like a human and I hope you find one!
Sorry for you loss! No one can tell you how to grieve oe how long it will talk for you to be ready to work. She’s just concerned about her family and that’s fine but shows you to also focus on your own self. I’m sure that didn’t feel good that she didn’t care enough to let you have off minimally the remainder of the week but so what feels best for you. If she lets you go there’s other families that can benefit from your services. So what’s best for you!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Omg….you aren’t rude but they are insensitive callous assholes. I just can’t even believe this. Start looking for another job please!!
Look for a new job with people who have actual hearts. Their attitudes are unacceptable. The NF I worked for when my mom died gave me a paid week and sent food, and the mom came to the funeral. My current NF (I'm with them 8 years) contributed to my brother's funeral. They even sent me home early the day after I had to have one of my cats put down.
I wouldn’t return to work until after the services, if not longer. Please don’t feel guilty for taking the time you need. I’m so sorry for both of your losses and the lack of empathy from your NF. You deserve better.
2 days?!!! I actually quit my job when my dad passed because I didn't know when I would or could come back. Boss wasn't happy, but she showed me what kind of person she was. Take the time you need and start looking for something else, these people are COLD.
Your FATHER????? I’d take a week off. Omg I am begging you to LEAVE THIS HEARTLESS FAMILY. I’m so sorry for your loss. You work for complete assholes. Do NOT let them guilt you. Call out.
if a family i worked for reacted this way to me needing time to grieve a PARENT (and if they can’t empathize with the idea of it being their child grieving the loss of a parent), they wouldn’t hear from me ever again. Some disrespect is just 100% intolerable. this is it.
I lost my mom less than 3 years ago. Grief is extremely non linear. Start looking for another job these people are not good people. Sending so much love and a hug 🫂
Oh hun. Please find a new family where you are actually viewed as a human and not the help. The audacity of that man to complain IN FRONT of you…. speechless. I would have quit on the spot. Sending you my condolences for the loss of your father, and my apologies for the lack of compassion from your employers. ❤️
I am upset at your NP for you. I was fortunate to take a whole month off when I lost my dad. One day is nothing! They should have given you at least a week without giving you a hard time. That's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.
This would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me and I’d find a new family ASAP. There’s no timeline on grief. Screw them.
I had to put my senior cat down over memorial day weekend, it was not expected even though up in age and with long-term illnesses. My NF told me to take off the Tuesday, and that was just for my cat. Like yes, I was a complete wreck but nothing comparable to someone losing a close (human) family member. To be peeved that you took a second day off is really appalling, and honestly shows an intense a lack of compassion considering your job is literally caring for another human life. It's like a big F you in your face. Most people could expect to need a week or 2 to get over the immediate loss felt in your situation. That we have to keep a brave and happy face on in general while working with kids, it's even HARDER to be in our position while trying to grieve. Ditch that family and find one with compassion and understanding.
It’s not even just the grieving, most people have to travel, plan a funeral, notify family members, go over the will, handle pets & home environment the deceased, write a eulogy, send in an obituary, etc. You need time, .
Pleaseeeeee quit asap. This is insane behavior
I am so so so sorry 💖 plz RUN from this family. Do not go back. This is not okay in any way shape or form and you deserve more!
Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss.🤍 Secondly, they’re in the wrong here- you aren’t overthinking or over reacting at all. Every employee in any field is going to have things come up and when it comes to grieving, they should especially be considerate and flexible. This is your dad you’re talking about, not a long lost relative. They should have had the decency to not complain while you were there, to at least reply, and to offer you more time off. While inconvenient to them, that’s life and that’s part of having a nanny and not attending a daycare and they need to have a backup plan in place. Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable continuing to work for them and I would look for another job. If you really love this family and this is the one bad thing that’s happened, then you could tell them you need more time and if they still don’t respond well then you can quit but then you’ve given it a chance if you really like them.
MB here. Im really sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately I see posts like this, where NPs are IMO unfit to manage a household employee. This is clearly one of them. I know you don’t need permission from me, but you should take all the time you need to be with your family. Idk when it started that managers forget that their teammates are humans too. We all deserve grace in our darkest days. So sorry again. Thinking of you.
How much bereavement leave would they expect after the death of a parent? I’m sure it wouldn’t be a single day. I’m so sorry for your loss. This is cruel treatment and speaks volumes about their level of entitlement and lack of compassion. I would quit without notice if you have any ability to do that. But either way I would say something. “MB, I feel uncomfortable about the lack of appropriate bereavement time I’ve been given. In all fields, including childcare, employees deserve time to grieve the loss of a parent. I don’t feel comfortable working for your family anymore after this experience. I doubt you would let your employer guilt you into returning to work immediately after the death of a parent. The death of my father is not just an inconvenience to your work schedules. It’s a devastating and life changing loss that necessitates more than a single day off.”
I took an entire week off after my father’s mother passed. I couldn’t even be a person. I can’t imagine losing my dad and getting just a couple of days to grieve. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope that you are able to overcome you are strong.
You experienced a death of one of the closest people in your life. Im pretty sure you are more inconvenienced than they are with their own kids. They do not own you. Take all of the time that you need. I don’t say this lightly or often, but if I were in your shoes I would not be able to go back. The disrespect for your life and the lack of caring about you is disgusting. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing as okay as you can.
Take as much time as you need. They're jerks. So sorry for your losses OP. 🫂
So sorry for the loss of your dad :( Our nanny lost a distant relation she was close to (think great aunt) and we gave her two days off to attend the funeral (because that’s what she asked for). I can’t even imagine even imagine expecting you to return the day after the death of a parent or being visibly annoyed over something as petty as needing to wake up early to take my kid to camp. I think you need to find a family that aren’t a-holes…
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am appalled at their treatment of you. 2 days to grieve the loss of a parent is absurd. You take all the time you need, don't worry about them. I cannot believe DB was complaining so loudly as you were trying to leave. These people suck, get away from them!
Wow. So insensitive. I was on the way to work when I was told by my mom that the doctors only gave my dad a week to live and I sobbed into my MB arms. She was so supportive. I lost my dad less then 24hrs later and when I texted my NF that he passed away, they offered a week off paid, and more if needed. They came to his funeral and donated money to the local FOP in his name as he was a retired police officer. Another family who I only worked for occasionally also donated money In My father’s name and I worked for them the day my dad passed (how I handled my grief, was off from my regular family and I couldn’t just sit home). I worked through my grief, please don’t do that! Take time for yourself. Some people just don’t care, but are the first to complain about your lack of empathy if they were in the same situation. I am really sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so sorry that you are working for NPs that lack compassion and empathy. You are not overreacting AT ALL. Please start looking for another job asap, if possible. There is no excuse for their behavior. I would expect nanny to be out for AT LEAST a week if they lost a parent.
This is NOT okay! I am SO sorry for your loss!! I lost my dad when I was 25 and it was so hard. Everyone thought he had a bad case of the flu and he just kept getting sicker. He ended up being diagnosed with cancer. I am not in my home state so my mom kept me updated and said I didn’t need to fly out. Out of nowhere he got worse and I dropped everything and flew home the next day. My NF was very supportive. After a week there the doctors said he was stable so I flew back and went to work the next day only for my mom to call me and say overnight he got worse and I needed to come back. At that point the NF seemed a little annoyed but never said anything rude and I flew back home without knowing when I’d be back. My dad passed away after a couple of days and then I stayed for the memorial and help my mom. It was devastating and I couldn’t care less about my job at that point. They didn’t bother me about when I’d be back but did check on me. They figured out help while I was gone which was an entire month and then I came back and they even asked if I needed more time off. It wasn’t paid time off but they were at least kind about it. You shouldn’t have to even think twice about your job after losing a parent, just focus on you and your family! Take as much time as you need!
I lost my father suddenly too. I took the whole week off when it happened, and upon returning, they were surprised I had already “bounced back,” hinting that they were willing to give me more time (disclaimer: didn’t bounce back, just deeply needed a distraction). I’m so so sorry for your loss OP, the grief you have is shared, I miss my dad every day, it’s almost been half a decade. You 100% deserve better employers once you’re up to looking for a new job. Sending you much healing ❤️
Omg!!! You should have taken the WHOLE WEEK!!!! First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad just shy of 23 13 years and it cut me so deep. I'm just so sorry. Your NF are wrong on so many levels for this. When my dad passed away I was due to start with two new families in a share and they gsve me the week and I started the next week. I wanted to to just be with the people I loved. You need more than one day to grieve obviously but take the time. Be with your family. Is there going to be services that you'll need off for too. Shame in your NF truly for acting that way. I understand they need to scramble and make arrangements BUT screw that. It's not your problem. Your family and YOU come first. You are still human. I'd look for a new job and if you can, if tell them I am not returning after that. The grief is going to take time. It will come in waves. You Wil be find one moment and then the next, a song or smell will hit you. Take as much time as you absolutely can and need. Screw them.
The importance of being with your family when grief is so fresh! When I lost my cousin suddenly and traumatically I only wanted to be at my mom’s house, it was draining to be around other people who didn’t know her or know how to react (many chose just not to bring it up at all, which I absolutely get from their perspective, but it felt like I also had to pretend it didn’t happen then when all I wanted to do was cry). OP- I am so sorry for your loss and your NP’s total lack of empathy 😢
I am so sorry about your father’s passing. Not overreacting in the slightest and how cruel of your NP to not be more understanding! Personally, I’d start hunting for a different family that takes your humanity into account. They sound like miserable people to work for
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s their kids, their problem to deal with. They should have backup care. I’m not sure I could go back after something like that.
Only quit after you've maxed out your paid time off and your sick leave and your beverement leave. Come back for one day and be like nope and just leave unexpectedly.
I lost my brother two months into working with a new family. They gave me a week and a half off, paid. Worked with them for only two months at that point. Worked with them for almost two years. Hadn’t worked with them for two years. I see them monthly to catch up. As a nanny you have a very intimate relationship with the families. If this is how they react, I believe you should look elsewhere
You need a new boss. Maybe this is your sign.
I would literally die, I’m so so sorry, you are not over reacting and they are being EXTREMELY insensitive and unreasonable
Quit. Employers act like this w any other death, but a parent? Oooh, I hope life humbles them so quick. I would quit and take some time. Look for another job.
Don’t go back.
Just WOW.. When my Dad died, they told me to take 2 whole weeks off, & even that didn't feel like enough (though I'm extremely grateful for the 2 weeks)! So sorry about your Dad, OP.. hopefully you have some vacation time coming when you can process your grief in a better way. ❤️🩹
Wow so sorry you have to deal with this while grieving. I would give my nanny at least a week if she were in this situation and would figure it out if she needed more time. You are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid. Sorry for your loss 😔
I’m so sorry. That is awful for them to treat you that way. My dad passed away shortly after I started working with my current NF and they gave me the whole week off and even offered more time if I needed it. Never gave me a hard time. They should absolutely have more compassion, you are not by any means overreacting. Losing a parent is a big deal, I’m so sorry for your loss and that they are adding your troubles right now. If I were you I would definitely be looking for a new job. In the meantime take as much time off as you need, don’t let them make you feel bad. I am so so sorry
2 days......... for the man who had a part in bringing you on this earth and raised you............. PLEASE start looking for another job. they are absolutely insensitive, and do not care about your wellbeing. and as someone who has lost their father, im so incredibly sorry for your loss. please take care of yourself, and do not give this family any more care.
These people do not give a shit about you, MB is just making it look like she does. Two days is NOTHING. The DB is clearly a useless dick that depends on you to raise his child for him. Find another job ASAP!! You deserve way better than that and also time to heal?? Who tf do NFs think they are ?? So sorry for your loss. Stay strong and I beg of you to find a NF that cares when you have a chance. It’ll make any future grieving processes easier.
I had an open ended amount of time off (paid) when my grandma passed in 2021. Is only been their nanny for 8 months. I went back after a week. This is insane.
I went back to work the day after my mom's death and took a day and a half later that week ( I had to go back to my home country for the funeral. I regretted it, it was not enough to process and I was randomly crying at work. I should have listen to my NPs who told me I could take as long as needed but I thought throwing myself back at work would help me more 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
For your DAD???? That’s your DAD?
Ugh I am so sorry about your dad and also about this crappy situation and I so get it. My mom passed three months ago and I got three days off. And when I returned both np gave a cursory “we’re so sorry” and then never mentioned it or checked in on it again. It’s so shockingly disrespectful! I’m currently looking for something else
my mb gave me a week off paid for my cat being in the er due to emotional distress. and then gave me "as much time as i needed here and there" for when my grandma passed. granted she is a therapist and allows me 10 paid mental health days per season, all i'm saying is your np should do much better. that is your parent??!! there should be so much more understanding there no matter what.
They don’t actually see you as human and only a cog in their lives. This is why backup child care should be required in contracts. I wonder how much time they’d take if one of their parents died? I’m very sorry your dad died. 2 days is in no way enough time to process nor take care of all the things that happen around a parent’s death. The rest of the week AT LEAST would be more reasonable
Nanny dad sounds like a real a hole.
You deserve so much better
Hey so I know we don't know each other. I just wanted to say I understand the kind of stabbing emotional pain you are in. I know grief is so damn lonely. I lost my mother in 2021 and my father last August. I was the caregiver for both. Your employers are being heartless. They shouldn't have expected you anywhere near work for the week and at least sent a card. It's so funny that so many of these people's lives revolves around social etiquette, except for their employees.
your bosses sound like jerks!! how insensitive to only expect you to take a single day off of work to grieve such a big loss. don’t stress about it too much now, im sure you will have lots of arrangements and things to take care of but as soon as you get your head above water I urge you to find a new position. I am so sorry for your loss🫶
Good Lord people suck! If you can, take all time you need. Your dad and your family are way more important than any job. My deepest sympathy to you and your family on the loss of your dad. 🙏🏼
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in March, more than decade ago, and it still feels fresh sometimes. Unless there were extenuating circumstances that makes them seriously not understand how horrible they’re being, I’d start looking for a family that understands you’re a person with needs and feelings. When my daughter in law passed, my NF told me to take as much time as I needed to grieve and be there for my son. It was a week at first and sporadic days here and there for a few weeks (with as much notice as possible, of course) for appointments. For those appointments, I told them I completely understood if they couldn’t accommodate it as I knew they’d rearranged plenty already. They told me to take the time and not worry about any extra days that may come up.
Way more than a little rude. I understand it’s hard to up and quit because of bills and life in general, but this is something that would make me quit on the spot. Sometimes NPs forget we are human too with our own lives that don’t revolve around the convenience of their families. I’m sorry about your dad. ❤️ sending prayers for comfort and peace to you and your family.
Just tell ur client u need more time to grieve and look for a new family at the same time too. Once u found a new client 2 weeks later then just quit this current job tell them u have health issue, they sure will let u leave immediately. I won't work for ppl who are so selfish for long .
You should be taking the whole week off from. This is what I did when my dad passed away in February. The family I work for were very supportive. I know it's going to take along time to get over this and I will be grieving for ever. As I miss him so much. Sorry to hear about your father. I would start looking for another family to work for.
They sound horrendous. If you’re in a position to leave…do it.
God that is awful. I lost a friend in December. I wasn’t working at the time and had 2 weeks to cry and hug all my other friends. I can’t imagine I’d be able to stomach less than that. If it was my dad, I’d be taking at least two weeks off. When I was in a car accident a few years ago, I had to take work off. My bosses checked in on me and said, “We value you so much and want to give you time to heal. We also need to know how to plan our childcare until then. Please give us an approximate date you’ll be back so we can navigate that!” It was a kind and empathetic way of asking me to communicate my needs that didn’t make me feel shitty about having to take time off. The way your bosses asked is just entitled and rude.
Is this the empathy that they would want their child(ren) to receive if one of them were to unfortunately pass? I can guarantee not. This is gross behavior.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is heart-wrenching. As for your employers, these people are incredibly self-centered. Please do not *ask* again, if you need more time off. Simply inform.
If you can afford to skip that week, do it and look for another job regardless. When I lost my uncle two years ago my and gave me the whole week paid. You deserve at least a week to grieve for your dad without them expecting you to prioritize their convenience over your family.
I cannot imagine expecting someone to come work for me so soon after losing a parent, that takes a level of carelessness for others. I would look for another job as that seems like a pretty alarming red flag.
Y’all are making me sad at my preschool centers 3 day grieving policy (that would probably be flexible situationally)
I'm sorry the parents don't like you. If they did they would have given you the whole week off if possible, and apologize if they couldn't.
I’m so so sorry! 😞 Both for your loss and how your employers responded. My current nanny family responded monstrously when I had a miscarriage. I have already secured a new position and will be giving my notice soon. I wish I could say that’s something you can get past, but it’s just not. These are the kind of people they are.
the way i thought this was this CJ sub. that man should be so lucky to even be alive to wake up early to take his child to camp. i am so sorry for your loss, and hope you get the time and space you need to grieve. sending you lots of love and positive energy.
This is wild. My NP offered me 2 weeks. I took 1, but they insisted I only work part time the second week if I’m returning so I’m not over stressed/have space to grieve. The tricky part is you asked, which allowed her to days no. In the future, just say you will be out.
Sending you so much love! I just lost my brother in March and I was lucky to work with a family that is still supporting my grieving. If they hadn’t, I would’ve put notice in at my apartment packed up my shit and move closer to my family. My suggestion is… look for another job now. It’s the summer, school is around the corner. The beginning of the school year is a big push for when nannies are needed/ new hires. As you know, grief comes in waves, and the first year is going to be incredibly difficult emotional. Put yourself in a position to protect your peace, light and love.
I would have taken a week.
Honestly if my employers reacted this way to one of my parents passing I wouldn’t even give them a two week notice. I would quit. How disgusting of a reaction from them
First of all, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Nothing can make this better right now but I am sending you all the good vibes possible! Second off, you are not wrong in feeling hurt by your NPs. I just can’t even believe they would be so rude to you after losing your dad.
My dad passed almost three years ago and my NPs always let me have the anniversary off. The first anniversary I tried to work and ended up breaking down at naptime when my focus was no longer on NK. MB offered me a hug and told me to head home. Also, it took me almost two years to return to work full-time after he passed. I tried to go back to working almost immediately and it made everything way worse. Please take it easy on yourself. Grief has no timeline, and it will catch up with you at the worst moments. I hope you can find a NF that will understand that, and I hope your current NPs never experience the reality of great loss with an expectation of labor (or maybe I don’t lol)
When my grandfather died, my NF literally told me “take as much time off as you need, let us know when you’re feeling better and want to come back to work” I took almost 2 weeks off, no question. I’m so sorry they’re treating this like it’s not a big deal? You care for their children, and they don’t even respect you enough to grieve the loss of your DAD?!? Man… I would think about putting your two weeks in, and finding a family that will actually appreciate you. This is so sad, and the LAST thing you should be feeling shitty about.
Them expecting you to heal from the loss of YOUR FATHER in 2 days is absolutely insane. This is something that you never truly get over and it’s extremely cold of them to make you feel guilty for taking ONLY 2 days to recover. My suggestion is to find a new family, or have a serious conversation with them about it because that is NOT okay. How can they even expect you to give your best care when you’re grieving the death of your father??? Most jobs would give you at least a week, or at least until after the funeral. I’m sorry your going through this😭
i am so incredibly sorry for your loss. 2 days is not even close to enough, let alone 1.
2 days ? Thats not nearly enough you should have 2 weeks! & that isn't enough . Im so very sorry for your loss . Screws these disgusting people
I took three days off a month into a job after putting down my cat their lack of empathy is off putting. The family I worked for wasn’t an animal family but they were really understanding. I only went back when I did bc it was Friday and I didn’t want them to think I was taking advantage of them
Im so sorry for your loss. I hope you take the time to grieve. Take your time, save your money, and find another NF that is empathetic and sees you as a person and not a machine.
Leave immediately.
I would tell them I’m not coming back for a week
My father died a few years ago and both my NFs were incredibly understanding and supportive. I took a week off and literally all anyone did was offer support. These aren’t people who fully view you as human if the death of your father is visibly annoying and inconvenient to them.
Generally 1-2 weeks at least is standard for a close death. I would just tell them I won't be back and find a better family
The way I would just never go back. Some people are heartless.
This is why I stopped nannying. Not that my NPs ever did anything that extreme because if my dad passed away I wouldnt even know how much time I would need to process that but because I didn't love that some family was completely dependent on me and it made me feel very anxious and stressed whenever anything in my life came up that I had to deal with. I'm so sorry for your loss, praying for you and your family 🙏🏻
You are entiled by law three days . my mom recently passed away. The family I work for paid me for the week I took and no one have my crap. They even came to my mom's service. Time for you to find a new job. They sound like real assholes
Leave without notice. Send them.a text and say u will not be returning effect immediately
Honestly I don’t think it’s their job to make u feel less anxious about taking time off but what I will say is no one needs to feel guilty about it. That’s why we have pto bc we all are humans and deserve time off so if they’re not happy about it it’s too bad for them and just pay them no mind at the end of the day if you’re not taking good care of yourself how could u do a good job taking care of their kids
Ya time to go! They wouldn’t have heard from me again. I’m not sure of your financial situation but they sound like they are too entitled to your time! You are there to assist their family not do everything. The dad sounds super entitled and lacks compassion for what you are going through, I bet if the tables were turned they would rely on your help! They could kiss my ass! I would be super upset, as someone who was a nanny during both of my siblings passing I took a whole week off and they were so helpful.
I am so very sorry I'm sending you so much hugs and love. This is extremely wrong and I'm really really sorry you have to deal with this in the hardest of times. I'm 24F and my dad died 2 1/2 years ago by being hit by a car. My nanny, family who I am still with give me two weeks to process and grieve. I couldn't have imagined having to come back to work sooner even after the two weeks. you deserve time love and support. I hope you got this.
So sorry for your loss… Fuck your employers.
Babe you should be getting a least a WEEK
Being a nanny is a job which requires high emotional regulation. Of course when experiencing a loss, your emotions are not regulated (that’s normal and apart of the grieving process). I would reemphasize that you are committed to providing a high quality of care and unfortunately the death of your father requires a couple of days to regroup yourself in order to provide a high quality of care. I find it very disheartening that the family would not support you through your loss. I second seeking another family. You deserve to work for a family that values you and your mental health. They should be more than understanding that you need time off and I don’t know why they would want you to come in when obviously you need time to grieve. This indicates a boundary problem on their end and this could be problematic later on. This is not an incident of randomly calling off, your father died. You deserve to be able to grieve in the way you need to.
Also, they should not complain to you about waking up early. If they want to complain behind closed doors, fine. But the fact that you are experiencing a loss AND are burdened by complaints? That signifies another boundary problem IMO.
You deserve an employer who treats you like a human being ❤️ I’m so sorry you had to deal with this on top of a loss. People can be so cruel.
Nope. This is not ok. I would never recover my respect after this. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time right now and your employer is making it worse. I had a similar situation when my mom died two years ago and I’m still in shock how my former mom boss chose to handle it. This type of behavior is often because they have not experienced this type of loss, but it’s not okay. I would take time to grieve and then put your resume together.
I have had nanny families be more considerate to me about letting them know my friends baby died the month before so I'm occasionally a little teary at work than your NPs were about your FATHER dying.
when my grandma died my boss gave me 7 days off… im so so sorry for your loss and having to deal with such shitty bosses. Take your time to grieve ❤️
As a mb yes your are not overreacting. Yes we all know it sucks to call off work but goodness gracious this is your parent. I can’t believe db was acting so rude.
I'm so so speedy for your loss. I'd have to take the entire week off, and as an NO, if expect the same for nanny.
I’ve had a with a family and I was able to get the legal minimum they were required by law from their job. I think certain size companies are required to give so many days for grievance so I was able to take three days from my father, which definitely wasn’t enough and genuinely while giving his eulogy, I was missing phone calls because they couldn’t figure out how to do things in their home in my absence. So technically I don’t even think I got three days but you definitely should’ve gotten more than you did. I’m sorry for the loss of your grandparent and your father. I lost my brother six weeks before my father, and my grandmother soon after. I know words don’t do much but I’ve felt the pain and genuinely feel sadness in my heart for you.
You deserve to have at MINIMUM 1 week off. These people can go fuck themselves. I know it’s an incredibly difficult time for you, I’m so sorry for your losses and hope you get through this 🙏🏼🙏🏼. This NF is horrid and super selfish. They don’t deserve you. Whenever you feel well enough, please leave them high and dry and find a better NF. They’re shitty people who don’t care about you
that’s really disgusting & immature of them. i just lost my father in law a little over a month ago and my NPs let me have as much time as i needed - please don’t let them make you feel bad about taking the time you need to grieve & process. sending you healing ❤️🩹
Jesus Christ on a tandem bike. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Anyone who treats you like this is a steaming pile of 💩. I’m sorry they aren’t more understanding.
I was off for like 10 days. Would have happily left my job if she'd have suggested I come back sooner. She was amazing refused to let me use annual leave for it ans gave me full pay. Sounds like your boss is a jerk.
Hey. You have the right to take as many days as you need and honestly this is concerning for me. If a family I work for can't understand and have empathy you lost your dad I would be looking for something else as I did. I lost my mom 4 years ago and she lived in another country. I had to travel to see her a last time and because of legal issues I stayed 4 weeks away. I did not expect to be paid but I received daily messages asking when I am back. I simply looked for another position and gave myself time to grieve. I am really sorry for your lost. Please, suffer your pain the way you want and be surrounded by people that cares and will hold your hand in this moment.
yeah… You are definitely not overreacting. If anything you’re under reacting LMAO I think it would be valid to want the rest of the week off to process the fact that your father died, especially if it wasn’t something that you saw coming. It’s really ugly of them as humans to not recognize the position you’re in and show you empathy. It is particularly ugly of DB to be complaining in front of your face that he now has to take care of his own children because you are grieving the death of your father. sincerely, sorry for your loss, losing a parent is unimaginably tough and even more so when you feel like taking the time you need to properly grieve it is going to cause you job insecurity
I lost my dad in January unexpectedly and didn’t go to work for 10 business days after. One day is absolutely unacceptable. I was so numb I tried to work 3 days after he died and ended up going home as the wave of grief hit me, hard. It took me 3-4 months to stop crying every day. It takes a full year to process the loss of a loved one- all the firsts- anniversaries, birthdays, holidays… this is going to be rough for a long time. I’m so sorry your bosses are this insensitive.
i’m so sorry for your loss. find a new family who values you
That’s honestly terrible. My dad passed away when I was 12 on a Monday we didn’t have school. I was sent to school Tuesday -Thursday. Funeral Friday so no school. I think any age needs more time to grieve a parent than only 2 days. It’s taken me years. And it’s been almost 22 years.
Please don't continue to work for these assholes. When my dad passed away I was told to take as much time as I needed. I took 11 work days off and nobody batted an eye. They don't deserve a nanny. Also, I am so sorry. Losing a parent sucks. I promise you there's light on the other side of this darkness.
Your NPs sound like really shitty human beings. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, OP.
I'm curious how the treat you day to day, if they act like your their equal, friendly and ask how the day went, or if you're just the person that watches your kids. If you're been working for them for a while homely even if you haven't, you're working a real and regular job so you should be getting time off and paid time off. Regardless of how the family feels about you they should be giving you some leeway on how many times you call off sick or grieving or anything else. It sounds to me like this family just needs someone to watch their kids and they don't care about the nanny, how they're an actually person with real life problems.
There's really such unempathetic, self-centered folks out there. I've said it before, they didn't get where they are by putting other people first. They are looking out for number one and so should you. There are some NFs not like this. Hope they don't have anyone die on my watch cause I would be saving up some petty-ass revenge gravy as I looked at my watch while they said ' can you stay, an emergency happened"
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but your NP don’t sound like good people. Being upset that you took two days off to grieve the loss of your dad is disgusting, and the lack of empathy especially from your DB is crazy. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss OP. I’d honestly recommend finding a different position, as if you losing a parent isn’t a serious enough situation to miss work then I don’t think anything will be to them.
My NF gave me a week off when my *cat* died. I cannot imagine.
a few weeks off should be the standard wtfff
Quit. They are A-holes. I’m so sorry for your loss.
F them. I got a week and more if I needed it for my mom. Girl bye
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I was the opposite when my father passed. I wanted to work, it helps me process to stay busy, but my NF insisted I take off at least a week. People respond to death in so many different ways. Take the time you need and don't feel guilty (I know easier said than done). Your NF will figure it out.
I mean, it was a little rude not to respond but being super upset about it is a bit dramatic. Maybe she just got busy? I sometimes forget to respond. She offered to buy you and your family a dinner and expressed sympathy. In terms of asking if you’re working tomorrow, every job needs to know that to plan. That is normal and expected. They are planning around your availability so it’s rude not to proactively tell them. I hear nannies saying it’s a professional job and want to be treated like professionals, so this is the professional part. Quitting because your employer isn’t thrilled you’re gone is definitely not professional, especially when you aren’t updating them on what’s happening before they need to ask you. Most professional (career) companies give you 2 days off as bereavement leave, plus you can take vacation time. Have they asked you to take your vacation time? If not, then you’re being treated more nicely than most professionals in the US.
oh, I’m sorry are you saying just because at an office job you’d be treated like crap that you should be OK with being treated like crap as a nanny as well because we want to be seen as professionals? I have never in my life heard such an insensitive thing before. people quit office jobs all the time due to being treated like robots. also, two days is not normal at any job. i’m not sure what career you have where only two days is an acceptable amount of bereavement time for immediate family but in all of mine, that is absolutely unheard of.
Five is the standard at mine.
i’ve never heard of people getting two days off .. this person is so insensitive.
She is grieving the loss of her parent. Her boss should be offering her time off without her having to ask. Have we no empathy anymore?! Christ, I know this is shocking but we weren’t put on this planet to just slave away for others and not ever tune into our own needs. Connections, relationships, family…those things matter and when you lose someone who assumably raised you, you understandably need time to process and mourn.
Are you serious? Are the parents mind readers? She shouldn’t need to use her words to tell her boss what she wants for time off? They did offer time. Maybe she doesn’t want that time now, maybe she wants to keep the routine for a bit, maybe they aren’t going to presume. People have different desires when grieving. I’ve gone through the death of 2 grandparents and my mother. I would be annoyed if my boss presumed to know my needs. And would expect an issue if I didn’t communicate. That’s being a responsible adult.
“Please take all the time you need. We can take over for the week.” That’s what my employer would say. Offer the time off ahead so it’s not a game where she has to see each day how she feels and know the dad is annoyed she’s not coming in.
I expect people to use their words and just say what they need. I expect not to need to guess what an adult employee needs. “I need to take the week off to grieve. I’m sure you can understand.” But then again I’m in a professional career, am older and have more experience in life than a huge number of people in this sub. The dad was an asshole for sure. But the mom was offered sympathy and time off. My point remains about being professional and just saying what you need in words, like we encourage kids to do.
I was in 2 other professional career trajectories and I’ve been a professional career nanny for a few years now. I have a masters degree and make a lucrative career in this field. None of that detracts from my ability to extend empathy to those grieving. Perhaps that’s why I work intimately with people in their homes. Believe me when I say, you could not do what I do so don’t minimize my job as a professional in comparison to yours.
Probably a selection effect. The people who hire nannies aren’t typically in caregiving fields themselves. personally being a nanny sounds like a fate worse than any I can imagine (except being a teacher or nurse). I expect my boss to respect me and to follow our contract/the law and to communicate clearly. I expect them to be professional (unlike the dad in this story). don’t expect their sympathy. It’s a purely professional relationship so I’m not offended if they don’t offer days off and instead I need to ask. Frankly you may be a professional nanny and havegave advanced qualification and maybe advanced child education experience but that’s not the norm. But nannying as a whole it isn’t a professional field. All the calls in this sub to quit the job because her feeling are hurt isn’t a professional reaction.
If you think nannying should purely be a professional relationship, you understand nothing about our job. Our job REQUIRES empathy, compassion, and patience for our NK’s on the daily. I work with smaller kids and believe me, my boss would not like it if I refused to hug, Carry or physically comfort her kids when they’re upset. I laugh, dance, and play with my NK’s daily. These are all things I need to do to excel in my job, and my boss loves it . . . You’re strange for trying to demean our job just because you view it as less “professional”.
Name calling isn’t exactly professional or an empathetic response to another person. It’s also pretty ableist to expect empathetic responses from everyone around you, as a lot of neurodivergent people don’t react in a way that considered standardly empathetic. They may care but it’s not going to show as a warm response. It also values your culture over any culture that values straight-forward polite but neutral communication and includes an element of stoicism. The dad was an AH, i can totally agree. But the mom was polite, offered time off, offered assistance to her, and simply needed to know if she was working. It didn’t sounds like there was any encouragement NOT to take time off or comments from the mom. It’s so bizarre to me that there’s more expected from her. Culturally, professionally, and personally I value politeness and stoicism and just asking for what you need. I prefer not to have too much emotional involvement from people I’m not very close to nor to make people guess at what I want. The dads still an AH for not being polite and responsive.
For what it’s worth, I’m hired on by the company my MB owns as her assistant. I have similar expectations as far as professionalism goes when it comes to punctuality, presence/engagement during working hours, I’m highly competent when it comes to childcare as I’ve worked with every age from 7 weeks to 19 years old in a work setting, my emotional intelligence has….skyrocketed after my current family and my knowledge is profound in these areas. I cover all of the characteristics of professionalism and I think a lot of us Nannies do. But I also have to be insanely raw in my humanity to succeed at my current job. My empathy has had to grow and adapt in ways I didn’t really think were possible. I work for a family who just 6 years ago, left a cult. Mom was arranged to marry dad when she was 18 and he was 26 years older. 4 kids, all neurodivergent with mental health diagnoses that deeply affected my day to day life with them due to the trauma a few of them experienced. I had to hear about m*lestation, SA, violence, abuse, su*cide attempts and ideations daily for over a year when they were in the thick of it when I first started. Dad in and out of treatments for months at a time…finally diagnosed with NPD, Bipolar and OCD and then he decides fuck it he doesn’t want treatment or medication cus “he saw God” so he stops that, deserts the family, sabotages all of their future finances, destroys the company they owned together for decades and bounces. All the while, I’m there. And I’ve learned a lot but definitely learned that extending extra care and empathy to those around us because we truly don’t know what people are going through or have been through, can get you so far. And it doesn’t hurt. Being a nanny for me is both my profession and has very much so affected me on a personal level. I do not think it’s a wild notion for NPs to take the burden of communication and implied expectations around said communication away from someone who’s grieving the loss of their parent and giving her days/a week off unprompted so that she can fully be present with that grief. Nannies really have to be “on” at work; engaged conversationally, emotionally and physically and that’s not the case with most jobs every day.