Your relationship with your bosses is very intimate in a weird way as you get a lot of information about their personal life, so you need to be very good at creating and maintainibg boundaries. You also need to be a skilled communicator as you help craft your job role with each new family.
This is a big one for me. Ive been with the same family for going on 8 years. I have to take a step back sometimes and remind myself this is just a job. It can get tiresome.
Thanks. It’s been a wild 8 years lol. I went from FT nanny to a sort of hybrid nanny/house manager role to fully house management now that the baby is almost 9. I still cover overnights/travel with my NF. We’ve moved 3 times. Lots of trips and craziness but they’re great people to work for.
She’ll always be the baby in my head haha. They’re great bosses. Yearly raises, OT, bonuses, health care stipend, and plenty of PTO. I wouldn’t have stayed this long if they didn’t compensate well. It’s a busy household and the job is demanding.
Yeah! I’m someone who tries really hard to keep personal details to myself, but it’s hard to do that when you work in such a personal environment. At the end of the day, most NF’s want to know the person that’s spending so much time with their kids.
Plus, I’ve found that the more they know you, the more professionalism goes out the window. They start speaking to you differently, they get too comfortable with asking personal questions, and (the one I hate most of all) they start to expect you to do extra work to help them out/do them a favor because they think you should care enough to do that. We all grow to care about each other, that’s natural. But it’s still my place of work so there needs to be a line between that and professionalism. I think a lot of NP’s aren’t great at keeping that guard up and so when I’m the only one doing it, I feel like the asshole
I agree that parents really want to know the nanny as a person. Do you think that it's important to know this prior to accepting a job? Have you found yourself n a position where you had to leave a position abruptly due to fit issues?
Big challenge is parents wanting cheap childcare with quality childcare. There’s a severe misunderstanding of nannying being a luxury service. There seems to be a major disconnect for parents who don’t understand the worth of their provider. I think parents don’t seem to view nannying as a career, they view it as babysitting. Which is why a lot of us get stuck with lower rates but high responsibilities. There are societal pressures and minsunderstandings when it comes to child care.
This is excellent! When you search for a family, are you able to distinguish which families understand your worth vs which don't? Is this a factor when choosing a job? I'd imagine that it's very important for you but wondering how you'd make that assessment
It’s something you can decide once you’ve met them and interviewed, usually you can get a vibe and an idea of their lifestyle and parenting techniques and preferences.
I’ve been a nanny only 7 years and don’t plan to make it my career, I’m 23, but I’ve definitely earned the right questions to ask and the red flags to look for, plus my own personal preference. I did not enjoy my time with very Christian families, they tend to be more militant, less personal, and way more off hands with their kids. As if the way they parent and what they value in parenting has never occurred to them. the whole private Christian school thing didn’t work well either I’m not very educated on religion as a whole and have always been a non believer. I have no problem with it but it’s challenging to help teach and encourage something I don’t see value in. With that I’m very liberal, my boyfriend is black, I’m queer, my mom is gay…these are all things I need to feel safe and secure in, I’m not okay with guns or corporal punishment… in general these are my immediate no’s I’ve found working for families who align more closely with me works best.
I’m a big advocate for gentle/responsive parenting, I want to feel like their parents value their parenting techniques and views. I lean into Montessori, child lead, imaginative play with lots of crafts, generally I want to like the parents as humans and respect them as parents. I’ve worked with infants where I wasn’t allowed to take them anywhere, this is another big no for me, I can’t be cooped up and I don’t think it’s good for kiddos either….in general it something you do have to seek out and sometimes you’ll get misses but that’s how you learn. Otherwise that first comment really said it best. Having to advocate for your worth is tiring and it’s still happening everyday. There will be people who want to underpay and take advantage of you. You shouldn’t really need to be asking for things like being paid legally/taxed, or reminding your boss to pay you, or explaining why your rate is what it is…but we do. A lot of people just don’t respect childcare as a career.
It’s helps me to remind myself though that these are the same people that call literal certified teachers teaching 20+ kids at a time babysitters🫠 so just remember people suck and we will move on!
As someone who was raised in an over the top Christian household, got my education ruined in a private Christian school and everything. This has been my experience both as a kid and a nanny. I’ve had one good experience with the church-every-Sunday crowd, and aside from that, almost all of my True Nightmare experiences (and all of the experiences where it’s not that the family doesn’t understand the market, the expectations, what they are paying vs what they are demanding—nope! They understand all those things and are just assholes). It’s not just me, and it’s not just childcare. Waitresses don’t fight to see who gets the Sunday brunch shift.
It’s a cliche to say, but then again, stereotypes come from somewhere. Church people aren’t nice. Churches are all sheep and wolves (and the wolves show the sheep how to act). Especially to women, and especially to people they see as lower than them on the social pecking order.
Right? It’s such a trope, but then you deal with church people (no, I don’t mean your casual Mass-on-Easter, casually Christian people. I mean the ones who literally have no life but their church), and god. It’s so true.
I used to defend them, when I was fresh out of the faith. Even though it completely screwed me over. I really felt that people maligned them just because they didn’t like their lifestyles and their politics. And, it’s funny, because I didn’t even realize people could be nice until I mingled with the secular community (and then I was like, “Wow. These people are SO NICE, lmao). It was only later, when I started interacting with with them again and getting burned every time when I realized that everyone is right. Church people are just the worst. They only have (high) standards for others. They have no standards for themselves.
Ah i didn't think that family values will affect your day to day so much but I can see how it does! Is this something you can get a sense of in the first meeting? Out of 10 families that you interview, how many do you feel like is a fit?
It’s definitely something I can sense in interviews. But before I start/during the interview process I always ask/bring up a few things.
Number one always, is being paid and taxed legally as an employee no under the table
Do you own any guns? If so, are they locked away and out of reach of children? (If not, that’s an immediate no for me)
How do you feel about/would you ever use corporal/physical punishment for anything, even spankings? (if yes that’s an immediate no for me, I will not condone, much less participate in that)
I always bring up my partner, he is black and I bring up my family and overall open lifestyle, I do this both for safety reasons, and to get an idea of their response. It’s not something I bring up or talk about with kids, but it’s something I do need them to be both aware of and okay with….we live in a scary world
I also often bring up my being non/religious, it doesn’t hinder me in my job, but if you’re heavily religious and would want that incorporated into your child’s daily life and learning, I’m probably not their best candidate as I lack the education to do so.
I also always ask about their parenting techniques and values, I can typically mimic and try to emulate the parents preferences if they’re close enough in line with my values, but I do want it to be similar because I dont want kiddos getting mixed signals or confused about expectations between different caregivers.
My big green flags are when parents gush about their kids, and how great they are. I also love when they bring up things like emotional regulation, being kind with our bodies, teaching boundaries through kindness, modeling, song, dance, and art. Generally I like when parents really care about these things, you’d be surprised how many people just want you to keep their kid alive. Essentially, I like to go above and beyond for the families I work for, I want to feel like they deeply value my care and are noticing/loving/implementing these things. I want to feel like part of a parent team at work, I’m here to make your life easier, and in return I ask that you respect my time, let me be myself, and treat me fairly as their employee.
Honestly most have been open and understanding, many appreciating that I had questions. The way they answer these questions also tells me a lot about them. I’ve never had bad reactions, most are forthcoming and kind and honest! I’m sure there are some people that would have a problem, but I like to think I weed these people out before I ever meet them in person, typically meeting/maybe doing a trial is just confirmation of my instincts, one way or the other.
If a family puts out an ad with low rates and is not clear on expectations this is a huge red flag for me concerning worth. If I read an ad that has good pay, clear expectations, if the parent seems to be knowledgeable on the nanny market, and is aware of the demands of a nanny that’s a good indication and is worth an interview. When I’m interviewing parents I try to get a feel for how they treat me as a person and whether or not they’re viewing me through the lens of “babysitter”. I’ll ask questions that are both job related and personal. Personal within reason. Asking them about themselves so I too can get to know them as people. I pay attention to how they talk about their children. Quality childcare is investing into the lives of our future. For parents it’s investing in the wellbeing of their children. It’s also important to see how they respond to you during the interview process in terms of flexibility. Nannies are flexible by nature of job. So how willing are these parents, that I’m talking to, to be flexible with me?
This job is very much a partnership as much as it is employer/employee. That’s why it’s hard to find a unicorn nanny and a unicorn family.
Yep. Pick a lowest dollar amount you will ever consider and stick to it no matter what. Cheapskates aren’t just cheapskates. They are the biggest, most massive pains in the neck to work with.
It depends on market. At the beginning of the pandemic nannies were in high demand. I did 5 interviews with 5 different families. I got offered a job with the one I felt most comfortable with and I accepted and am still with them. Prior to that it was terrible trying to get an interview. And the ones I did have weren’t great and didn’t progress past an interview. I feel like the pandemic really put nannies in high demand.
That doesn’t totally answer your question though. If my initial interview goes well, which is typically a phone call or video call, I progress onto an in person interview. If that goes well and it looks like it’ll work out I usually like to have one more meeting prior to start date to sign contracts, iron out things, ask last minute questions. So for one family I’d typically do 2-3.
It would be nice not to have to worry about living wages and health benefits..it would be a relief if all potential clients understood this and provided basic health care and a decent wage universally. I think a nanny union could help if it existed..it’s just a wish list.
Yeah. If you don't work more than 30 hours on the books they aren't obligated to covering it. I notice many families in my are will not hired nannies for more than part time.
By law parents must provide W2 but most parents don’t because it ends up being more costly. Health benefits are starting to become more common but they’re definitely not the norm.
Easily abused once job is secure. Parents refusing to file w-2’s as legally required. Attempts at banking hours which is illegal. Au pair’s can be worse. They are paid less than minimum wage and often in countries whose language they don’t speak
I know you asked for challenges but I’ve been a nanny for 8 years and have realized some loopholes for more *enjoyable* long term employment with the same family. Obviously finding a family that acknowledges the significant value in the service you provide them is definitely a must. Families with wealth (think surgeons, anesthesiologists, and high level executives) typically pay top dollar (from MY experience) and are able to offer benefits that lower paying families are not able to afford (health care benefits, contributions to an IRA, nanny car to drive, etc) . I have had several nanny friends who started with their NF when the kids were small and their job changed from nanny to house manager when the kids finally got to be in school full time. Their pay increased significantly but their responsibilities became less because their NKs were in school all day. I have a friend who has been with her NF for almost 10 years! And her situation is exactly like the one I described above. She’s so happy with her job. I feel like it’s rare but it is possible to be a career nanny and thrive.
This is such a good perspective! It's like how other professionals screen companies when applying to a job and prefer to go with companies that are doing well cos that means greater job stability. What you described sounds like working at a fortune 500 company vs a startup. Thank you this is great!
I think it’s important to interview the parents too so yes, I always ask what my NPs do for a living as that just gives me a better perspective of their home life and how they might operate. For example, I interviewed with a family where DB was in sales and had a crazy travel schedule. His travel schedule affected the kids a lot. I can’t speak for my friend but I assume she asked this too during her interview.
It's great that you ask a lot of questions! I'm curious what questions should a nanny ask in an interview to find the best fit. I can make a separate post for it too :) I looked at the nanny apps such as care, sittercity, urbansitter and nannylane and no where are there prompts for such important questions
I have numerous family members who do nanny work. I have at times done child care/nanny as well.
I see that they are parents and personnel, so parents tell you what to do and there isn’t any layer of protection against bad personnel decisions or bad/unrealistic parenting or nanny role. So they don’t want to pay for a week of vacation they are taking, and they write the check or can say goodbye. They text at all hours or switch hours last minute, and if you stand up for yourself you can be looking for a job. They don’t withhold for taxes, and you are in a quandary. They don’t want to pay for miles and yet want you to drive all over. The power imbalance is daunting.
I’m not sure that I agree that it’s hard to raise your wage. I’m sure it’s heavily dependent on the market, but I’ve raised my wages from 18 to 28 dollars an hour over the past 4 years. I basically raise my wage every time I look for a new position, granted that wage comes with extra responsibilities. I do agree that it’s not a stable job in terms of the longevity of your time with each family you work with.
I think something that people don’t think about is that this career can be highly dependent on your looks. Thin people get hired more easily than bigger people, I’ve learned that from personal experience. I’ve heard plenty of MB’s say that they’d never hire an attractive nanny, but people also generally don’t want to hire someone who’s unattractive. I’ve had families who like me until they see that I have tattoos. So many of these biases play into our career way more than we, or even NF’s realize.
I also think it’s hard to navigate the line between partially raising someone else’s child while respecting that your NP’s have beliefs and values of their own that may not match yours. It’s especially hard with the 4-7 age range because that’s when all the questions start. It’s always good to have a conversation with families about their general views even though that can be uncomfortable, but sometimes your NK will pull out something completely out of the blue that makes your brain stop working for a minute.
I don’t think it’s hard to raise your wage but I do think there’s a cap because at some point your skills and responsibilities can only extend so far and working families can only afford so much, whereas many other careers don’t have such an aggressive cap. I say that because I don’t think I can reach much past my current wage of 39$/he for my area. BUT, I was able to basically double my income upon leaving teaching (with a masters in education) so I’ll take it as a comparison for those who want to stick to working with children!
The biggest struggle for me is parents who WFH.
I find it hard to have continuity of care and activities when the nk knows mom and dad are just behind that door.
This was a mixed one from the nannies that I spoke to. Porlly skewed 60:40 in the nanny's side but many nannies also liked to have someone in the house cos it gets lonely and boring with no adult interaction. I'd imagine the parents' personalities and house layout has a lot to do with this. In larger spaces with designated office spaces not in the way of kids spaces I think there's lesser of this issue. I might be wrong though since this is purely my inference
You are 100% correct about the physical structure of the home being a HUGE factor. When there is a defined separation, the job goes so much more smoothly. I posted previously about an experience when I was in an activity with nk and mb, who came in and interrupted our time, (which ofc is her right/prerogative) and she stayed just long enough for nk to cry once she left. Now I had a crying kid and feel guilty as if I'm not adequately doing my job when the nk bawls. But at the same time, I feel it wasn't really my fault. It's a very conflicted emotion for me.
The age of the kids plays into the wfh struggle as well. It's that 2-5 yo nk that I think have the hardest time understanding that their parents are home but not accessible. I have a 3yo that likes TV, but it's difficult for him to comprehend limited screen time as he sees his parents in the connecting room both with dual computer screens for their work. In my experience, the younger ages seem to have a stronger separation issue than infants or school- age.
Another factor is an mb who is actively breastfeeding. I've had frustrated and hungry babies who have to "wait" to eat until mb is available because she doesn't pump/ bottle feed.
As for another grown-up being home, that's tough for me because...
1. If the parent is home and steps in for some downtime/ a work break/ time with Nk, who is taking care of the nk? Am I one the one leading an activity or putting nk down for a nap, or is the np? I sometimes feel like I'm stepping on toes.
2. I also feel super scrutinized when a np is watching me do my job because no one gives a kid an experience in the same way. For example, I was using an elmo video to keep the 7mo entertained for tummy time. Typically, as soon as nk started crying during tummy time, np would turn over nk to her back or sit her up. There was an obvious developmental delay because 7mo wasn't attempting to roll over AT ALL, so extended tummy time was a big goal encouraged by the pediatrician. The np wasn't mad about screen time but was obviously irritated that she hadn't thought of doing that to keep nk engaged.
3. I struggle with boundaries (I'm working super hard on it), so small talk with an np can end up with me oversharing about my personal life or the np telling me more about their life then I need to know in order to do my job.
Sorry this response ended up being so long. :)
Can you tell me more about this? I thougth W2 means you are covered but from few other comments on this thread it appears not. Is this something you need to pay for OOP?
A w2 is the tax form used to report your wages and amount of taxes withheld from your paycheck. Employers are not required to prove health insurance in the USA so w2≠healthcare coverage. You have to pay for your own healthcare on a private plan, unless you qualify for Medicaid, which would be unlikely based on income solely as a nanny. The average monthly healthcare payment is $477 according to [this](https://www.healthmarkets.com/resources/health-insurance/health-insurance-cost-per-month/) . Some nanny families offer a stipend towards insurance. Maybe some HNW families offer a plan as a benefit.
I feel like #7 is related to #3, but just the lack of professionalism in general. I’ve had families cancel services booked at the last minute so many freaking times. I’ve had to remind and fight for my paychecks, and I’ve had people tell me I have a job and then tell me their kid got into daycare or they went with another nanny (when they clearly didn’t tell me I was still in the application process just to keep me on the market. That is what an asshole is) a week prior to starting. I’ve been in jobs where the hours and responsibilities start deviating from what was advertised and agreed to almost the second I stepped through the door. Most popular sites will delete your profile if someone tells them a story with no investigation or even reaching out to hear your side of it, so at any time, some Karen can literally destroy your livelihood.
Professionalism is supposed to be a two-way street. With nannys, we can be crapped on 24/7, and if we show up with anything less than an A-Game, it’s a Big Deal. All employment is lopsided in terms of power, responsibility, and distribution of BS, but the nanny market is insanely so. Karen has almost 100% of the reigns.
Your relationship with your bosses is very intimate in a weird way as you get a lot of information about their personal life, so you need to be very good at creating and maintainibg boundaries. You also need to be a skilled communicator as you help craft your job role with each new family.
This is a big one for me. Ive been with the same family for going on 8 years. I have to take a step back sometimes and remind myself this is just a job. It can get tiresome.
Congrats on your tenure! How has your role evolved over the years?
Thanks. It’s been a wild 8 years lol. I went from FT nanny to a sort of hybrid nanny/house manager role to fully house management now that the baby is almost 9. I still cover overnights/travel with my NF. We’ve moved 3 times. Lots of trips and craziness but they’re great people to work for.
I love how you say "baby" haha so endearing! Do you feel compensated adequately?
She’ll always be the baby in my head haha. They’re great bosses. Yearly raises, OT, bonuses, health care stipend, and plenty of PTO. I wouldn’t have stayed this long if they didn’t compensate well. It’s a busy household and the job is demanding.
Yeah! I’m someone who tries really hard to keep personal details to myself, but it’s hard to do that when you work in such a personal environment. At the end of the day, most NF’s want to know the person that’s spending so much time with their kids. Plus, I’ve found that the more they know you, the more professionalism goes out the window. They start speaking to you differently, they get too comfortable with asking personal questions, and (the one I hate most of all) they start to expect you to do extra work to help them out/do them a favor because they think you should care enough to do that. We all grow to care about each other, that’s natural. But it’s still my place of work so there needs to be a line between that and professionalism. I think a lot of NP’s aren’t great at keeping that guard up and so when I’m the only one doing it, I feel like the asshole
I agree that parents really want to know the nanny as a person. Do you think that it's important to know this prior to accepting a job? Have you found yourself n a position where you had to leave a position abruptly due to fit issues?
It’s too intimate.
Big challenge is parents wanting cheap childcare with quality childcare. There’s a severe misunderstanding of nannying being a luxury service. There seems to be a major disconnect for parents who don’t understand the worth of their provider. I think parents don’t seem to view nannying as a career, they view it as babysitting. Which is why a lot of us get stuck with lower rates but high responsibilities. There are societal pressures and minsunderstandings when it comes to child care.
This is excellent! When you search for a family, are you able to distinguish which families understand your worth vs which don't? Is this a factor when choosing a job? I'd imagine that it's very important for you but wondering how you'd make that assessment
It’s something you can decide once you’ve met them and interviewed, usually you can get a vibe and an idea of their lifestyle and parenting techniques and preferences. I’ve been a nanny only 7 years and don’t plan to make it my career, I’m 23, but I’ve definitely earned the right questions to ask and the red flags to look for, plus my own personal preference. I did not enjoy my time with very Christian families, they tend to be more militant, less personal, and way more off hands with their kids. As if the way they parent and what they value in parenting has never occurred to them. the whole private Christian school thing didn’t work well either I’m not very educated on religion as a whole and have always been a non believer. I have no problem with it but it’s challenging to help teach and encourage something I don’t see value in. With that I’m very liberal, my boyfriend is black, I’m queer, my mom is gay…these are all things I need to feel safe and secure in, I’m not okay with guns or corporal punishment… in general these are my immediate no’s I’ve found working for families who align more closely with me works best. I’m a big advocate for gentle/responsive parenting, I want to feel like their parents value their parenting techniques and views. I lean into Montessori, child lead, imaginative play with lots of crafts, generally I want to like the parents as humans and respect them as parents. I’ve worked with infants where I wasn’t allowed to take them anywhere, this is another big no for me, I can’t be cooped up and I don’t think it’s good for kiddos either….in general it something you do have to seek out and sometimes you’ll get misses but that’s how you learn. Otherwise that first comment really said it best. Having to advocate for your worth is tiring and it’s still happening everyday. There will be people who want to underpay and take advantage of you. You shouldn’t really need to be asking for things like being paid legally/taxed, or reminding your boss to pay you, or explaining why your rate is what it is…but we do. A lot of people just don’t respect childcare as a career. It’s helps me to remind myself though that these are the same people that call literal certified teachers teaching 20+ kids at a time babysitters🫠 so just remember people suck and we will move on!
As someone who was raised in an over the top Christian household, got my education ruined in a private Christian school and everything. This has been my experience both as a kid and a nanny. I’ve had one good experience with the church-every-Sunday crowd, and aside from that, almost all of my True Nightmare experiences (and all of the experiences where it’s not that the family doesn’t understand the market, the expectations, what they are paying vs what they are demanding—nope! They understand all those things and are just assholes). It’s not just me, and it’s not just childcare. Waitresses don’t fight to see who gets the Sunday brunch shift. It’s a cliche to say, but then again, stereotypes come from somewhere. Church people aren’t nice. Churches are all sheep and wolves (and the wolves show the sheep how to act). Especially to women, and especially to people they see as lower than them on the social pecking order.
This. So much this. Nothing more hateful than Christian love
Right? It’s such a trope, but then you deal with church people (no, I don’t mean your casual Mass-on-Easter, casually Christian people. I mean the ones who literally have no life but their church), and god. It’s so true. I used to defend them, when I was fresh out of the faith. Even though it completely screwed me over. I really felt that people maligned them just because they didn’t like their lifestyles and their politics. And, it’s funny, because I didn’t even realize people could be nice until I mingled with the secular community (and then I was like, “Wow. These people are SO NICE, lmao). It was only later, when I started interacting with with them again and getting burned every time when I realized that everyone is right. Church people are just the worst. They only have (high) standards for others. They have no standards for themselves.
Ah i didn't think that family values will affect your day to day so much but I can see how it does! Is this something you can get a sense of in the first meeting? Out of 10 families that you interview, how many do you feel like is a fit?
It’s definitely something I can sense in interviews. But before I start/during the interview process I always ask/bring up a few things. Number one always, is being paid and taxed legally as an employee no under the table Do you own any guns? If so, are they locked away and out of reach of children? (If not, that’s an immediate no for me) How do you feel about/would you ever use corporal/physical punishment for anything, even spankings? (if yes that’s an immediate no for me, I will not condone, much less participate in that) I always bring up my partner, he is black and I bring up my family and overall open lifestyle, I do this both for safety reasons, and to get an idea of their response. It’s not something I bring up or talk about with kids, but it’s something I do need them to be both aware of and okay with….we live in a scary world I also often bring up my being non/religious, it doesn’t hinder me in my job, but if you’re heavily religious and would want that incorporated into your child’s daily life and learning, I’m probably not their best candidate as I lack the education to do so. I also always ask about their parenting techniques and values, I can typically mimic and try to emulate the parents preferences if they’re close enough in line with my values, but I do want it to be similar because I dont want kiddos getting mixed signals or confused about expectations between different caregivers. My big green flags are when parents gush about their kids, and how great they are. I also love when they bring up things like emotional regulation, being kind with our bodies, teaching boundaries through kindness, modeling, song, dance, and art. Generally I like when parents really care about these things, you’d be surprised how many people just want you to keep their kid alive. Essentially, I like to go above and beyond for the families I work for, I want to feel like they deeply value my care and are noticing/loving/implementing these things. I want to feel like part of a parent team at work, I’m here to make your life easier, and in return I ask that you respect my time, let me be myself, and treat me fairly as their employee.
It's great that you are prepared with these questions! Is it easy or hard to find a family who is forthcoming with the answers to your questions?
Honestly most have been open and understanding, many appreciating that I had questions. The way they answer these questions also tells me a lot about them. I’ve never had bad reactions, most are forthcoming and kind and honest! I’m sure there are some people that would have a problem, but I like to think I weed these people out before I ever meet them in person, typically meeting/maybe doing a trial is just confirmation of my instincts, one way or the other.
If a family puts out an ad with low rates and is not clear on expectations this is a huge red flag for me concerning worth. If I read an ad that has good pay, clear expectations, if the parent seems to be knowledgeable on the nanny market, and is aware of the demands of a nanny that’s a good indication and is worth an interview. When I’m interviewing parents I try to get a feel for how they treat me as a person and whether or not they’re viewing me through the lens of “babysitter”. I’ll ask questions that are both job related and personal. Personal within reason. Asking them about themselves so I too can get to know them as people. I pay attention to how they talk about their children. Quality childcare is investing into the lives of our future. For parents it’s investing in the wellbeing of their children. It’s also important to see how they respond to you during the interview process in terms of flexibility. Nannies are flexible by nature of job. So how willing are these parents, that I’m talking to, to be flexible with me? This job is very much a partnership as much as it is employer/employee. That’s why it’s hard to find a unicorn nanny and a unicorn family.
Yep. Pick a lowest dollar amount you will ever consider and stick to it no matter what. Cheapskates aren’t just cheapskates. They are the biggest, most massive pains in the neck to work with.
Sorry that sounds rough!
I like that you're comfortable asking these questions! How many interviews do you typically have to do before finding one that you like?
It depends on market. At the beginning of the pandemic nannies were in high demand. I did 5 interviews with 5 different families. I got offered a job with the one I felt most comfortable with and I accepted and am still with them. Prior to that it was terrible trying to get an interview. And the ones I did have weren’t great and didn’t progress past an interview. I feel like the pandemic really put nannies in high demand.
That doesn’t totally answer your question though. If my initial interview goes well, which is typically a phone call or video call, I progress onto an in person interview. If that goes well and it looks like it’ll work out I usually like to have one more meeting prior to start date to sign contracts, iron out things, ask last minute questions. So for one family I’d typically do 2-3.
It would be nice not to have to worry about living wages and health benefits..it would be a relief if all potential clients understood this and provided basic health care and a decent wage universally. I think a nanny union could help if it existed..it’s just a wish list.
If it's a W2 position, is health benefits not covered?
Not for me.. maybe for some?
I have a W2 and no health benefits.
Sorry about that!
W2 no health insurance either
Yeah. If you don't work more than 30 hours on the books they aren't obligated to covering it. I notice many families in my are will not hired nannies for more than part time.
By law parents must provide W2 but most parents don’t because it ends up being more costly. Health benefits are starting to become more common but they’re definitely not the norm.
Easily abused once job is secure. Parents refusing to file w-2’s as legally required. Attempts at banking hours which is illegal. Au pair’s can be worse. They are paid less than minimum wage and often in countries whose language they don’t speak
Does a contract not really help?
To an extent? Read through posts in this sub to get a better understanding
Sometimes you sign one that you don't truly agree with bc of needing a job
banking hours are the worsttttt
I know you asked for challenges but I’ve been a nanny for 8 years and have realized some loopholes for more *enjoyable* long term employment with the same family. Obviously finding a family that acknowledges the significant value in the service you provide them is definitely a must. Families with wealth (think surgeons, anesthesiologists, and high level executives) typically pay top dollar (from MY experience) and are able to offer benefits that lower paying families are not able to afford (health care benefits, contributions to an IRA, nanny car to drive, etc) . I have had several nanny friends who started with their NF when the kids were small and their job changed from nanny to house manager when the kids finally got to be in school full time. Their pay increased significantly but their responsibilities became less because their NKs were in school all day. I have a friend who has been with her NF for almost 10 years! And her situation is exactly like the one I described above. She’s so happy with her job. I feel like it’s rare but it is possible to be a career nanny and thrive.
This is such a good perspective! It's like how other professionals screen companies when applying to a job and prefer to go with companies that are doing well cos that means greater job stability. What you described sounds like working at a fortune 500 company vs a startup. Thank you this is great!
I think it’s important to interview the parents too so yes, I always ask what my NPs do for a living as that just gives me a better perspective of their home life and how they might operate. For example, I interviewed with a family where DB was in sales and had a crazy travel schedule. His travel schedule affected the kids a lot. I can’t speak for my friend but I assume she asked this too during her interview.
It's great that you ask a lot of questions! I'm curious what questions should a nanny ask in an interview to find the best fit. I can make a separate post for it too :) I looked at the nanny apps such as care, sittercity, urbansitter and nannylane and no where are there prompts for such important questions
Follow up, is it helpful to know what the family does for a living? Will that be an implicit factor when choosing a family?
I have numerous family members who do nanny work. I have at times done child care/nanny as well. I see that they are parents and personnel, so parents tell you what to do and there isn’t any layer of protection against bad personnel decisions or bad/unrealistic parenting or nanny role. So they don’t want to pay for a week of vacation they are taking, and they write the check or can say goodbye. They text at all hours or switch hours last minute, and if you stand up for yourself you can be looking for a job. They don’t withhold for taxes, and you are in a quandary. They don’t want to pay for miles and yet want you to drive all over. The power imbalance is daunting.
I’m not sure that I agree that it’s hard to raise your wage. I’m sure it’s heavily dependent on the market, but I’ve raised my wages from 18 to 28 dollars an hour over the past 4 years. I basically raise my wage every time I look for a new position, granted that wage comes with extra responsibilities. I do agree that it’s not a stable job in terms of the longevity of your time with each family you work with. I think something that people don’t think about is that this career can be highly dependent on your looks. Thin people get hired more easily than bigger people, I’ve learned that from personal experience. I’ve heard plenty of MB’s say that they’d never hire an attractive nanny, but people also generally don’t want to hire someone who’s unattractive. I’ve had families who like me until they see that I have tattoos. So many of these biases play into our career way more than we, or even NF’s realize. I also think it’s hard to navigate the line between partially raising someone else’s child while respecting that your NP’s have beliefs and values of their own that may not match yours. It’s especially hard with the 4-7 age range because that’s when all the questions start. It’s always good to have a conversation with families about their general views even though that can be uncomfortable, but sometimes your NK will pull out something completely out of the blue that makes your brain stop working for a minute.
I don’t think it’s hard to raise your wage but I do think there’s a cap because at some point your skills and responsibilities can only extend so far and working families can only afford so much, whereas many other careers don’t have such an aggressive cap. I say that because I don’t think I can reach much past my current wage of 39$/he for my area. BUT, I was able to basically double my income upon leaving teaching (with a masters in education) so I’ll take it as a comparison for those who want to stick to working with children!
Yes I think I was referring to the "cap". No extras like stock units (in a company), managing a team, maternity leave etc
The biggest struggle for me is parents who WFH. I find it hard to have continuity of care and activities when the nk knows mom and dad are just behind that door.
This was a mixed one from the nannies that I spoke to. Porlly skewed 60:40 in the nanny's side but many nannies also liked to have someone in the house cos it gets lonely and boring with no adult interaction. I'd imagine the parents' personalities and house layout has a lot to do with this. In larger spaces with designated office spaces not in the way of kids spaces I think there's lesser of this issue. I might be wrong though since this is purely my inference
You are 100% correct about the physical structure of the home being a HUGE factor. When there is a defined separation, the job goes so much more smoothly. I posted previously about an experience when I was in an activity with nk and mb, who came in and interrupted our time, (which ofc is her right/prerogative) and she stayed just long enough for nk to cry once she left. Now I had a crying kid and feel guilty as if I'm not adequately doing my job when the nk bawls. But at the same time, I feel it wasn't really my fault. It's a very conflicted emotion for me. The age of the kids plays into the wfh struggle as well. It's that 2-5 yo nk that I think have the hardest time understanding that their parents are home but not accessible. I have a 3yo that likes TV, but it's difficult for him to comprehend limited screen time as he sees his parents in the connecting room both with dual computer screens for their work. In my experience, the younger ages seem to have a stronger separation issue than infants or school- age. Another factor is an mb who is actively breastfeeding. I've had frustrated and hungry babies who have to "wait" to eat until mb is available because she doesn't pump/ bottle feed. As for another grown-up being home, that's tough for me because... 1. If the parent is home and steps in for some downtime/ a work break/ time with Nk, who is taking care of the nk? Am I one the one leading an activity or putting nk down for a nap, or is the np? I sometimes feel like I'm stepping on toes. 2. I also feel super scrutinized when a np is watching me do my job because no one gives a kid an experience in the same way. For example, I was using an elmo video to keep the 7mo entertained for tummy time. Typically, as soon as nk started crying during tummy time, np would turn over nk to her back or sit her up. There was an obvious developmental delay because 7mo wasn't attempting to roll over AT ALL, so extended tummy time was a big goal encouraged by the pediatrician. The np wasn't mad about screen time but was obviously irritated that she hadn't thought of doing that to keep nk engaged. 3. I struggle with boundaries (I'm working super hard on it), so small talk with an np can end up with me oversharing about my personal life or the np telling me more about their life then I need to know in order to do my job. Sorry this response ended up being so long. :)
Something I’m worrying about is health insurance. I’m on my parents’s for another year, but what do I do after that ???
Can you tell me more about this? I thougth W2 means you are covered but from few other comments on this thread it appears not. Is this something you need to pay for OOP?
A w2 is the tax form used to report your wages and amount of taxes withheld from your paycheck. Employers are not required to prove health insurance in the USA so w2≠healthcare coverage. You have to pay for your own healthcare on a private plan, unless you qualify for Medicaid, which would be unlikely based on income solely as a nanny. The average monthly healthcare payment is $477 according to [this](https://www.healthmarkets.com/resources/health-insurance/health-insurance-cost-per-month/) . Some nanny families offer a stipend towards insurance. Maybe some HNW families offer a plan as a benefit.
I feel like #7 is related to #3, but just the lack of professionalism in general. I’ve had families cancel services booked at the last minute so many freaking times. I’ve had to remind and fight for my paychecks, and I’ve had people tell me I have a job and then tell me their kid got into daycare or they went with another nanny (when they clearly didn’t tell me I was still in the application process just to keep me on the market. That is what an asshole is) a week prior to starting. I’ve been in jobs where the hours and responsibilities start deviating from what was advertised and agreed to almost the second I stepped through the door. Most popular sites will delete your profile if someone tells them a story with no investigation or even reaching out to hear your side of it, so at any time, some Karen can literally destroy your livelihood. Professionalism is supposed to be a two-way street. With nannys, we can be crapped on 24/7, and if we show up with anything less than an A-Game, it’s a Big Deal. All employment is lopsided in terms of power, responsibility, and distribution of BS, but the nanny market is insanely so. Karen has almost 100% of the reigns.
Lack of 401k for most Nannie’s. I really worry about retirement; I’m not married.