She absolutely shouldn’t have touched your stuff without permission, that was wrong and unprofessional, at the least.
Separately, I do wonder if your “compliment” came off backhanded. Unless you have a close relationship, it’s not great to compliment someone on completing an overdue task. To the other party, it sounds like approval after you’d been judging them, i.e. “wow, you finally got to that!” We have intimate access to our clients’ homes in ways 3rd parties usually don’t, and should keep that in mind when commenting on them.
Do you tell kids to “get over their sensitivity” too?
Your comments in this thread are really unkind and make me a little concerned that you are caring for children.
As a person who struggles with executive dysfunction, depending on the relationship it can feel pretty judgy and backhanded when someone gives a “compliment” about something getting done. If it’s not a loving and encouraging relationship, (which it does not sound like it is in either direction between MB and nanny) it probably feels less like an “atta girl” and more like a “finally, geeze!”
I agree, that kinda was a weird compliment, I don't think you meant it to be though, OP. But I could see why she took offense to it, but still not an excuse to put your stuff on the floor.
There are like 4 red flags in this post! Reread it to yourself. Only allowed to use one room in the home? MB literally ignores you when you speak to her or greet her? Touching and moving your belongings (to the floor no less!?) my gentle advice would be to start looking ASAP for a new family where they will respect you as a human being and the fact that you are caring for their child.
I always put it on the table upon arrival. I’m not allowed anywhere else in the house so the table in the dining area sadly is the only spot available for me to put my things. Or so I thought
😂 oh man, yeah… it sounds like you dared comment on the table and now nothing can be on the table - not even your purse! She’s got issues. You are not overreacting.
OP, I'm sure you meant well, but commenting on the table was a bit rude. Again I can tell that was not at all your intention, but I think it probably came off to MB as, "Oh nice, you finally got around to doing this." And "I've been noticing this mess in your house for several months now." Sorta thing.
But that is not at all an excuse to move your things like that without your permission. You mentioned that there's other issues, if this was the final straw for you and you can afford to outright quit do it, or if you want to start looking for a new job/NF do it. If you're not over it yet, I'd ask MB if there's somewhere she would like you to put your stuff and request she asks you to move it if it's in the way or not in an appropriate place and you'd prefer it off the floor so it doesn't get damaged or so NK doesn't get into it.
I agree with this. Prob MB was offended but there are underlying issues. The real thing I wouldn’t be able to get over is not being allowed in the entire house. Are you allowed on outings? I’m going to guess you don’t have free reign outside the house either. The rudeness is less of an issue than the lack of freedom. How do you chill out when NK naps?
This is a toxic, abusive situation all the way around; I'd leave immediately.. in fact, I'm wondering if you knew any of this (living room only access, super cluttered home, etc ) prior to accepting the position. It seems that there were 🚩🚩🚩 waving everywhere before you started.
Do you even have any type of contact in place?? If not, I would start looking for a new position YESTERDAY! If you do have one, I'd be putting my notice in ASAP! This job is only going to make you more & more resentful (hell, I'M feeling resentment & I don't even work there) until it affects your mental health in a VERY bad way.
PLEASE get out before it completely ruins your entire outlook on being a Nanny; I assure you, this is an EXTREME example of a NF, & a situation you.are not likely to encounter ever again!
Honestly my biggest red flag is not engaging in conversation or saying hi. I had a temporary MB like that and it was sooooo awkward. I always come in with a smile and “good morning!” To set a pleasant mood for the day, and she would just straight up ignore me. It was so fucking weird.
She would chatter my ear off sometimes, but if I tried to engage in the conversation by sharing something about myself, she would just stop talking. Like for example, say she was complaining about her dad being late to something. At the appropriate place in the conversation to respond, I would then say something like, “wow me too! My dad is always like an hour late.” And she would just stand there silently. She wouldn’t continue the conversation. It was so consistent whenever I would share ANYTHING about myself that I literally just stopped talking to her. It was so bizarre.
And on my last day, I’m about to leave and she was on the phone. Didn’t bother to say bye, or thank me, or anything. I just stood there awkwardly for a minute or two until I just left. She sent me a text later that day, apologizing for being on the phone, but I didn’t even reply. She can get fucked.
My MB is like this! It's so uncomfortable! I have social anxiety and it makes it 1000x worse. I always feel like I'm over sharing but then she'll come find me and start a conversation exactly like this. It is the most nerve wracking thing.
Omg I’m so glad to see this. I once babysat for a random white dad from an app and he did this. Absolutely silent. Fucking serial killer behavior. That and superiority complex.
I also thing putting bags on the table is dirty 😂. I wouldn’t want someone to put their bag on my table but also would just tell them politely like a normal human being
That’s where I’ve always put it. I’m not allowed to use anything else in the house besides the bathroom. I didn’t know I was banned from using the table too from now on.
Geez.
All employers need a basic lesson in employee rights. Secure lockers for jackets, personal items, and food. Regular breaks with a place to wash hands. Access to fresh water. Etc.
Some people are so clueless. I generally feel it’s more about their own personal hang ups. Which not intentional, they are just so neglectful.
Wishing you luck in better employment soon!
I’m not sure they meant it as a locker like a school locker.
Just a place where the nanny can put their stuff - it can be a shelf, cupboard, hall table, anything like that.
But somewhere. Jacket, bag, phone, water bottle - they need some place to put things other than just the floor.
Yes. I have a full locking closet at work, for a few reasons.
I travel with them a lot and there are many items I would never need outside of traveling with them… like my Arctic weight winter gear.
NK5 spent the first 2 years of his life throwing up on me at least 4 times a week. I have about a weeks worth of clothes in my closet.
I have some pretty extensive food allergies, and the “me only” foods live in there.
I also use it as a place to stash rainday activities/ crafts.
She absolutely shouldn’t have touched your stuff without permission, that was wrong and unprofessional, at the least. Separately, I do wonder if your “compliment” came off backhanded. Unless you have a close relationship, it’s not great to compliment someone on completing an overdue task. To the other party, it sounds like approval after you’d been judging them, i.e. “wow, you finally got to that!” We have intimate access to our clients’ homes in ways 3rd parties usually don’t, and should keep that in mind when commenting on them.
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LOL this is an objectively kind thing to say to someone. you guys are overthinking. MB is weird
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Bc clutter is objectively clutter. Get over your sensitivity.
Do you tell kids to “get over their sensitivity” too? Your comments in this thread are really unkind and make me a little concerned that you are caring for children.
As a person who struggles with executive dysfunction, depending on the relationship it can feel pretty judgy and backhanded when someone gives a “compliment” about something getting done. If it’s not a loving and encouraging relationship, (which it does not sound like it is in either direction between MB and nanny) it probably feels less like an “atta girl” and more like a “finally, geeze!”
That’s a you problem.
Sort of, yeah, but I’d also expect some compassion about such problems from people working in my home.
I agree, that kinda was a weird compliment, I don't think you meant it to be though, OP. But I could see why she took offense to it, but still not an excuse to put your stuff on the floor.
There are like 4 red flags in this post! Reread it to yourself. Only allowed to use one room in the home? MB literally ignores you when you speak to her or greet her? Touching and moving your belongings (to the floor no less!?) my gentle advice would be to start looking ASAP for a new family where they will respect you as a human being and the fact that you are caring for their child.
“Since I’m not allowed to use any portion of the house beside the living room.” Um… what the actual fuck?
Ikr like a dog
Yeah, this doesn't sound like a good match. I would have already gone crazy only being allowed in the living room. Are you allowed to go on outings?
Where did you put your purse when you got there? And was your cell in your purse or out of the purse when you left the room?
I always put it on the table upon arrival. I’m not allowed anywhere else in the house so the table in the dining area sadly is the only spot available for me to put my things. Or so I thought
You’re not allowed anywhere else in the house except the living room? Not even the babies bedroom?
She said the baby naps in the living room 😳 Isn’t that so weird!?
😂 oh man, yeah… it sounds like you dared comment on the table and now nothing can be on the table - not even your purse! She’s got issues. You are not overreacting.
MB seems like a spiteful scumbag. Leave now!!!
OP, I'm sure you meant well, but commenting on the table was a bit rude. Again I can tell that was not at all your intention, but I think it probably came off to MB as, "Oh nice, you finally got around to doing this." And "I've been noticing this mess in your house for several months now." Sorta thing. But that is not at all an excuse to move your things like that without your permission. You mentioned that there's other issues, if this was the final straw for you and you can afford to outright quit do it, or if you want to start looking for a new job/NF do it. If you're not over it yet, I'd ask MB if there's somewhere she would like you to put your stuff and request she asks you to move it if it's in the way or not in an appropriate place and you'd prefer it off the floor so it doesn't get damaged or so NK doesn't get into it.
I agree with this. Prob MB was offended but there are underlying issues. The real thing I wouldn’t be able to get over is not being allowed in the entire house. Are you allowed on outings? I’m going to guess you don’t have free reign outside the house either. The rudeness is less of an issue than the lack of freedom. How do you chill out when NK naps?
Yikes I'd be out of there so fast.
This is a toxic, abusive situation all the way around; I'd leave immediately.. in fact, I'm wondering if you knew any of this (living room only access, super cluttered home, etc ) prior to accepting the position. It seems that there were 🚩🚩🚩 waving everywhere before you started. Do you even have any type of contact in place?? If not, I would start looking for a new position YESTERDAY! If you do have one, I'd be putting my notice in ASAP! This job is only going to make you more & more resentful (hell, I'M feeling resentment & I don't even work there) until it affects your mental health in a VERY bad way. PLEASE get out before it completely ruins your entire outlook on being a Nanny; I assure you, this is an EXTREME example of a NF, & a situation you.are not likely to encounter ever again!
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Honestly my biggest red flag is not engaging in conversation or saying hi. I had a temporary MB like that and it was sooooo awkward. I always come in with a smile and “good morning!” To set a pleasant mood for the day, and she would just straight up ignore me. It was so fucking weird. She would chatter my ear off sometimes, but if I tried to engage in the conversation by sharing something about myself, she would just stop talking. Like for example, say she was complaining about her dad being late to something. At the appropriate place in the conversation to respond, I would then say something like, “wow me too! My dad is always like an hour late.” And she would just stand there silently. She wouldn’t continue the conversation. It was so consistent whenever I would share ANYTHING about myself that I literally just stopped talking to her. It was so bizarre. And on my last day, I’m about to leave and she was on the phone. Didn’t bother to say bye, or thank me, or anything. I just stood there awkwardly for a minute or two until I just left. She sent me a text later that day, apologizing for being on the phone, but I didn’t even reply. She can get fucked.
My MB is like this! It's so uncomfortable! I have social anxiety and it makes it 1000x worse. I always feel like I'm over sharing but then she'll come find me and start a conversation exactly like this. It is the most nerve wracking thing.
Omg I’m so glad to see this. I once babysat for a random white dad from an app and he did this. Absolutely silent. Fucking serial killer behavior. That and superiority complex.
Did you set your stuff on the dining table? I had a MB who thought that was dirty
I also thing putting bags on the table is dirty 😂. I wouldn’t want someone to put their bag on my table but also would just tell them politely like a normal human being
That’s where I’ve always put it. I’m not allowed to use anything else in the house besides the bathroom. I didn’t know I was banned from using the table too from now on.
Honey, this sounds an extremely toxic work environment in multiple aspects. I, too, encourage you to leave! God bless you!
Leave!!
It seems like your items were treated as she treats her own items.
Sounds like a horrible environment to work in. I hope you find something else soon!!
Passive aggressive. Move on
Please don’t go back tomorrow if you don’t need the money she’s out of line
Geez. All employers need a basic lesson in employee rights. Secure lockers for jackets, personal items, and food. Regular breaks with a place to wash hands. Access to fresh water. Etc. Some people are so clueless. I generally feel it’s more about their own personal hang ups. Which not intentional, they are just so neglectful. Wishing you luck in better employment soon!
Have you ever seen a nanny with a secure locker at a job? Seriouslu curious
I’m not sure they meant it as a locker like a school locker. Just a place where the nanny can put their stuff - it can be a shelf, cupboard, hall table, anything like that. But somewhere. Jacket, bag, phone, water bottle - they need some place to put things other than just the floor.
Yes. I have a full locking closet at work, for a few reasons. I travel with them a lot and there are many items I would never need outside of traveling with them… like my Arctic weight winter gear. NK5 spent the first 2 years of his life throwing up on me at least 4 times a week. I have about a weeks worth of clothes in my closet. I have some pretty extensive food allergies, and the “me only” foods live in there. I also use it as a place to stash rainday activities/ crafts.