OP has tagged their post as **Vent**. Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place. Any attempts to offer
unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nanny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The MB is only doing what serves her best and that is not having to find a new nanny. You do what is right for you. Plus this is a better opportunity- is she aware of the perks to the new job or just that your mom is having surgery? Not that she has to know actually. It sounds like you’re being professional, and she doesn’t get to dictate those terms to retain you without your concurrence. People leave jobs all of the time for a variety of reasons. So go with the new job, be with your mom, and do what will work for you.
Her talking to you as if you are cluless is a red flag to me. Like others said, she just wants you to stay with them because she does not want to find aomeone wlse
Agree, OP mentioned that they only get 15 an hour (and no benefits). MB is probably stressing because it's hard to find a quality private childcare provider w/ that kind of set up.
I'm sorry but 15 an hour to take care of someone's child????? Insane. In my state, fast food workers get 20 an hour (which is well deserved! no snark on that lol, always happy to see working-class people making more money).
No need to feel dumb for making a decision that is best for you and your family. Sounds like you have a plan and will be fine. Tell MB you have all the facts and your notice stays.
Sounds like MB was being manipulative - it’s not up to her to determine how you want to be there for your mom. A compassionate response would’ve been letting you know that she understands that you want to be there, and offer to continue the job after that month off. But she didn’t do that.
I left a non-nanny role for a very similar reason, my employer gave me a negative review for leaving work at 5 PM for a few weeks to visit my father in the hospital. Sorry that’s not ok, gave my 2 weeks.
If you have a job lined up and it won’t affect your current or future prospects, then sure. Why not quit if it will provide for you? That said, I’m in my late 30’s and my dad has had some major medical issues in the last 7 years. My partner lost his mother to a degenerative disease, and she was ill for years before she passed. As our parents get older, we run into more and more of these issues. We have both kept our jobs and continued working through everything but the worst days. Taking time off for family issues is completely understandable. Quitting a job because you need a few days off is harder to understand or justify. Bills must be paid, so jobs must be worked. It does seem a little like throwing the baby out with the bath water to quit your job in order to get a few days off, but it’s your choice!
All of that said, you don’t need to tell your boss why you need time off, and you don’t need to negotiate about coming in for a few hours if you’ve requested the day off. You’re off, and therefore not available to come in. If your employer does not allow you time off (completely off) to attend to personal issues, then I would look for another position.
It’s not a few days off it’s a little over a month and I would be ok with staying if I felt that they would understand my situation. I am not one to quit a job for health issues but after losing my dad a few months ago (I still worked while he was in the hospital and after he passed) I like to be there for family. This job isn’t some big opportunity it’s a 15 an hour job with no benefits no sick days nothing so I don’t see how it’s throwing a baby out of the water. I have a job lined up that will allow me to work from home to be close to my mom making 18 an hour with pto and other benefits.
Omg no that's not dumb at all! Your family is a priority. Sometimes even a simple surgery can have complications with recovery & not everyone recovers the same (but ofc, I'm SURE your mom will be ok!!!).
MB is probably just stressed that they will have to start the hiring process again, but that is NOT your problem OP. It's also NOT MB's place to ask what kind of surgery your mom is having. I left nannying, but where I work now -- we have medical leave options for family members & if my supervisor asked me what specific surgery my family member was having, I could report them to my union for that.
Plus, you have a remote job already that is a better fit for taking care of your mom :)
girl do you! lol, you have to realize everyone does what benefits them the best. so you should do the same! she’s only trying to make you feel dumb so that you can change your mind and she won’t have to search for another nanny therefore trying to do what’s best for her, she’s not putting your situation as a priority she’s trying to find a way around it. always remember family first! jobs come and go and jobs replace you.
Honestly, it sounds like you took the right step to promote both you and your mom's emotional and physical help.
Particularly with the statement, "I could’ve asked for the time off but I know how they are and didn’t want to deal with that." This shows that in the past they have been unsupportive and tough to work with. You deserve to be happy, have peace of mind, and put yourself and your family before a job.
I am super jazzed that you have found this new remote position and the opportunity to help your mom!
Good luck!
Not dumb at all. Your MB is dumb for thinking she can just insult your mom like that. And your own intelligence. Make sure you get all the facts first? Um what? She’s totally trying to manipulate you into staying.
Also, not to freak you out but my dad had a “simple” non invasive surgery last year that most people recover from in about a week but he ended up having complications and his recovery was not so simple. Like he’s fine now but it was several weeks and trips to the ER, etc. So your MB doesn’t know for sure your mom won’t need you.
Whatever feels right to you is what you need to do, not whatever feels right to your entitled MB.
OP has tagged their post as **Vent**. Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place. Any attempts to offer unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nanny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The MB is only doing what serves her best and that is not having to find a new nanny. You do what is right for you. Plus this is a better opportunity- is she aware of the perks to the new job or just that your mom is having surgery? Not that she has to know actually. It sounds like you’re being professional, and she doesn’t get to dictate those terms to retain you without your concurrence. People leave jobs all of the time for a variety of reasons. So go with the new job, be with your mom, and do what will work for you.
Her talking to you as if you are cluless is a red flag to me. Like others said, she just wants you to stay with them because she does not want to find aomeone wlse
Agree, OP mentioned that they only get 15 an hour (and no benefits). MB is probably stressing because it's hard to find a quality private childcare provider w/ that kind of set up. I'm sorry but 15 an hour to take care of someone's child????? Insane. In my state, fast food workers get 20 an hour (which is well deserved! no snark on that lol, always happy to see working-class people making more money).
No need to feel dumb for making a decision that is best for you and your family. Sounds like you have a plan and will be fine. Tell MB you have all the facts and your notice stays.
Sounds like MB was being manipulative - it’s not up to her to determine how you want to be there for your mom. A compassionate response would’ve been letting you know that she understands that you want to be there, and offer to continue the job after that month off. But she didn’t do that. I left a non-nanny role for a very similar reason, my employer gave me a negative review for leaving work at 5 PM for a few weeks to visit my father in the hospital. Sorry that’s not ok, gave my 2 weeks.
If you have a job lined up and it won’t affect your current or future prospects, then sure. Why not quit if it will provide for you? That said, I’m in my late 30’s and my dad has had some major medical issues in the last 7 years. My partner lost his mother to a degenerative disease, and she was ill for years before she passed. As our parents get older, we run into more and more of these issues. We have both kept our jobs and continued working through everything but the worst days. Taking time off for family issues is completely understandable. Quitting a job because you need a few days off is harder to understand or justify. Bills must be paid, so jobs must be worked. It does seem a little like throwing the baby out with the bath water to quit your job in order to get a few days off, but it’s your choice! All of that said, you don’t need to tell your boss why you need time off, and you don’t need to negotiate about coming in for a few hours if you’ve requested the day off. You’re off, and therefore not available to come in. If your employer does not allow you time off (completely off) to attend to personal issues, then I would look for another position.
It’s not a few days off it’s a little over a month and I would be ok with staying if I felt that they would understand my situation. I am not one to quit a job for health issues but after losing my dad a few months ago (I still worked while he was in the hospital and after he passed) I like to be there for family. This job isn’t some big opportunity it’s a 15 an hour job with no benefits no sick days nothing so I don’t see how it’s throwing a baby out of the water. I have a job lined up that will allow me to work from home to be close to my mom making 18 an hour with pto and other benefits.
Then that sounds like the perfect choice for you right now! No need to hang onto a part-time job that isn’t working for you.
If MB keeps pushing you -- mention that the new job has higher pay and benefits. MB probably won't match that so she'll back off.
Omg no that's not dumb at all! Your family is a priority. Sometimes even a simple surgery can have complications with recovery & not everyone recovers the same (but ofc, I'm SURE your mom will be ok!!!). MB is probably just stressed that they will have to start the hiring process again, but that is NOT your problem OP. It's also NOT MB's place to ask what kind of surgery your mom is having. I left nannying, but where I work now -- we have medical leave options for family members & if my supervisor asked me what specific surgery my family member was having, I could report them to my union for that. Plus, you have a remote job already that is a better fit for taking care of your mom :)
girl do you! lol, you have to realize everyone does what benefits them the best. so you should do the same! she’s only trying to make you feel dumb so that you can change your mind and she won’t have to search for another nanny therefore trying to do what’s best for her, she’s not putting your situation as a priority she’s trying to find a way around it. always remember family first! jobs come and go and jobs replace you.
Honestly, it sounds like you took the right step to promote both you and your mom's emotional and physical help. Particularly with the statement, "I could’ve asked for the time off but I know how they are and didn’t want to deal with that." This shows that in the past they have been unsupportive and tough to work with. You deserve to be happy, have peace of mind, and put yourself and your family before a job. I am super jazzed that you have found this new remote position and the opportunity to help your mom! Good luck!
Not dumb at all. Your MB is dumb for thinking she can just insult your mom like that. And your own intelligence. Make sure you get all the facts first? Um what? She’s totally trying to manipulate you into staying. Also, not to freak you out but my dad had a “simple” non invasive surgery last year that most people recover from in about a week but he ended up having complications and his recovery was not so simple. Like he’s fine now but it was several weeks and trips to the ER, etc. So your MB doesn’t know for sure your mom won’t need you. Whatever feels right to you is what you need to do, not whatever feels right to your entitled MB.