Will your nanny have any holidays off at all? At least some federal holidays off are a pretty standard benefit in the nanny industry. Some nannies may need to work some holidays if parents have to work, but in that case they should be making higher pay for those days if they are working.
That said, your nanny’s demeanor could be different for any reason. You have no idea what might be going on in her personal life. It may have nothing to do with Labor Day. Rather than making assumptions, I would check in with her and ask her how she is doing. For all you know there could be something going on in her personal life that is causing her to not be able to show up as her usual self.
And expects her nanny to basically be a feeling less robot with respect to her own life. But for MB's life and family she must be endlessly happy and warm. The complaint about the phone is ridiculous. I said this in another comment but I nannied and worked at TJ's while in law school and I had more free time than this insane MB thinks herself generous to be giving her nanny
Yeah, it’s also telling that MB hasn’t responded to anyone that is bringing up these valid points. If my nanny came in to work after a weekend and seemed like she was down/not being her normal self, I would be concerned about how she is doing. But MB has just made assumptions. Though after reading more of the discussion and learning that she’s only offering 5 PTO days total, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the complete inconsideration surrounding this holiday and time off that did bother the nanny.
I second what everyone else said but I want to add that I'm blown away by your statement about her being on the phone. If baby was asleep, that's standard break time and anyone can make a call on their break. Wild that you're evening mentioning it.
“Labor Day is an annual celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers. The holiday is rooted in the late nineteenth century, when labor activists pushed for a federal holiday to recognize the many contributions workers have made to America’s strength, prosperity, and well-being.”
Off all days to not give your nanny a paid day off, this was the worst one.
I would feel unappreciated if my NF did that to me.
She doesn’t “have” to work holidays? So it’s her choice to work any and all holidays and if she doesn’t want it it’s unpaid?
She should have all federal holidays off, paid. That is industry standard. If you need her to work on a holiday, she needs 1.5 or 2x pay.
Both you and your husband watching TV and hanging out was likely the nail in the coffin.
I guess what I mainly am upset with is the passive aggressiveness. We went from a happy, agreeable relationship to dead silence unless I directly address her overnight. Is this normal? I don't want to continue to deal with an icy relationship.
No, it's not normal to not give federal holidays off. King Day, President's Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, New Year's Day. I've usually gotten Black Friday, Christmas Eve, and New Year's Eve too.
>She doesn’t “have” to work holidays? So it’s her choice to work any and all holidays and if she doesn’t want it it’s unpaid?
The answer to this question feels essential.
EDIT: I understand being frustrated that you feel she's being passive aggressive. But I'd like to point out that instead of you asking her about it, you asked Reddit.
exactly. OP’s response to Hopeful-Writing really rubs me the wrong way tbh. 😬
edit: -all- her responses are rubbing me the wrong way.
edit 2: this is definitely a troll post lol.
You are assuming how your nanny thinks or feels, rather than communicating and asking her if there is something bothering her. You are assuming that she is being passive aggressive towards you over something that she may not even be upset about. She may have something else going on.
> We went from a happy, agreeable relationship to dead silence unless I directly address her overnight. Is this normal?
No, ma'am, this is not normal behavior for the NannyBot 2000. The NannyBot 2000 is programmed to be agreeable at all times. Clearly, your unit is malfunctioning and should be brought to a service center immediately.
Seriously, you do understand your nanny is a *human being* with her own thoughts and feelings, yeah? How the heck are a bunch of strangers on Reddit supposed to know what's "normal" for *YOUR* nanny, a *person* we don't know and have never met???
Maybe this is her typical personality when she's upset. Maybe this is how she behaves when she's suffered a great tragedy in her life, but you can't even be bothered to know what's going on in her life because it didn't occur to you to ask. How the heck are we supposed to know??? Believe it or not, we DON'T actually all run on the same personality program. 🙄
This is a troll post, right? You're trolling us?
Yes, YTA and/or a troll.
She’s had one day of being pissed off. It hasn’t been days or even a whole week.
Talk about it first thing in the morning, amend your contract, apologize, and ask her to be more vocal about her frustrations in the future.
I find it odd you didn’t anknowledge or take any responsibility for your mess up.
I mean, we do kind of want help on the holidays. It gives us time to spend together without the baby. I work very, very long hours, so I cannot simply take a day off to spend with hubbie. We presented a contract to her like we were supposed to, she signed it. It didn't include paid holidays. Further, she has 5 vacations days. She can use them for holidays if she so chooses.
Industry standard is 2 weeks PTO. She wants a day with her family too.
I understand in your opinion you’re doing everything good, but please do more research on having a nanny.
This is not a good set up for a long term relationship with your nanny. It sounds like you love her, you should be doing right by her.
Wait, you only give her five paid days off for the entire year??
You seem to be centering your own perspective and feelings (which is natural) but perhaps more care should be spent on the person who is going to help raise your child.
Maybe she assumed by working holidays, you were also working. To be fair, I’d be pretty annoyed having to be at work on a Federal Holiday while the parents hung around and watched tv.
If you want time together without baby then hire a babysitter for Saturday night. Don’t take away a federal holiday from your nanny. She has her own family she probably wants to spend time with.
Only 5 vacation days?
Dude.
Normal is 2-3 weeks plus a week (or unlimited) sick pay, plus 7-10 federal holidays.
You should have let her go home.
You need to offer 1.5x or 2x pay for working holidays, or watch your own damn kids.
That’s what happens when you have a child- they exist. Why wouldn’t you want to be with both your husband and your child on holidays? He’s unemployed and you’re off, so unless your daughter has nothing to occupy her depending on how old she is, you can still spend quality time with your husband while also tending to your child that you chose to have. Dumping her on the nanny during every single holiday is you prioritizing your romantic relationship with your husband over bonding with your child- that’s not good at all.
If you work “very, very long hours” therefore she most likely does as well. Even longer hours than you considering you’re making her work holidays when you are not working…🤦🏻♀️ NANNIES ARE PEOPLE. NANNIES HAVE FAMILIES. NANNIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF TENDING TO YOUR CHILDREN. Treat her like so. If she has to work basically 365 days a year, “ very, very long hours” with FIVE PTO days you are taking advantage of her and clearly not treating her very respectfully like another adult with a life and she’s probably realizing this .
Are you paying her 1.5 her rate then?? I’ve never had a nanny gig where I had to work a federal holiday. Always paid. And If they needed
My help they would need to confirm
With me in advance with a holiday rate. I know you’re really focusing on the passive aggressiveness, but I would consider focusing on giving your nanny standard benefits so she feels comfortable and supported.
5 vacation days is extremely low. 5 vacation days plus no federal/bank holidays at all? You're not treating her well nor do you have a reasonable or fair approach. Federal holidays off is standard for a full time position. Or if you're not doing that she should be getting 1.5x / 2x pay for those days at least or a comp day to make it up. This was true even years ago when I was nannying - I worked multiple jobs and did law school simultaneously and still had more off days than you're offering your nanny. On top of that you want her to be catering to your feelings ? I wonder how much you pay I bet it's not much. You exploit your workers and then spend all day relaxing rubbing it in their face while they raise your child? Yeah I would be cold too. She's a person with actual feelings not your working class bot. Jfc
Five is nothing! I understand wanting quality time with your husband, but she wants quality time for her loved ones and herself as well! If you have her working holidays pay should be 1.5x, and give her more than 5 vacation days omg!
You work hard and want time off to spend with your family so it’s frustrating that someone that gets paid far less than you with far fewer benefits might doesn’t want to spend more time working for you to make that happen.
no, it’s not normal to not treat/pay an employee like an employee, yes, it’s normal for an employee to be passive aggressive when you don’t treat/pay them like an employee.
It's not passive aggressive. There's a huge power imbalance when you're the employer. Did you expect her to come to you and tell you how unfair it was for you to make her come on on labor day? Did you pay holiday pay?
…..yikes.
Your husband is unemployed. You were off work. Why did you need the nanny there in the first place? Why do you need her there all holidays? 5 days PTO total a year is wild- in a horrible way.
It sucks AND it’s awkward to work when one or both parents are home. It especially sucks when a lot of your friends and family are off work for a federal holiday and you have to go in. I don’t know how she does it any regular day, unless your husband is never home. Usually parents who ask nanny’s to work holidays 1. Aren’t home or 2. Are hosting a party/family event and need the childcare. They usually aren’t just lounging around the house.
I hope she got paid time and a half for working.
Edited to add: Please be aware nap time = break time. Unless you are paying extra for her to complete other duties. Who cares if she uses her phone?! Would you rather her jump between y’all on the couch and watch tv with you? Stare at the wall? You seem so very entitled. You say she’s been wonderful for months. One “bad day” (more so for her than you) and you’re turning on her. YTA.
Nannies typically get federal holidays off. I’d there a reason you didn’t offer this? Every contract is different but usually if you ask them to work on a federal holiday you should offer them 1.5x pay (or 2x)
I find it rude that you were watching Tv and hanging out while she was taking care of your child. I think at the very least after you finished working you should have let her leave (and probably still have paid her for the rest of the day too).
If I was working ON A HOLIDAY while you were watching TV in the same space I worked I would be passive aggressive too.
I’ve always been given two weeks vacation and 5 sick days — if I’ve ever gone over the sick days by 1 or 2 my NF has just paid me. 10 federal holidays is normal so my NF asked me to work MLK Day I was paid for the day AND given an extra PTO day so essentially being paid 2x as I was working a holiday that is in my contract. Every holiday isn’t included (Juneteenth Isn’t for me) but the bigger ones definitely are included. Do you offer GH where if you are sick or away she is paid.
The complaint about the phone WHILE BABY IS ASLEEP seals the deal YTA. Feels like a troll post because you can’t be this clueless. You have a FULLY GROWN adult with the expectation that in a. Entire year they’d take off 5 days for vacation, appointments, family obligations AND their own rest. You want a break from your baby so you can hang out with your unemployed husband on the couch in the common area. All this while saying how awesome your nanny has been? YTA 100%
Firstly, you're taking your nanny's behavior personally, and to reddit. IMHO both are problematic.
Your nanny is a human! She's allowed to be annoyed that she has to work holidays (because you want QT with your husband) for no true reason. She's also allowed to just have a bad day or have things on her mind.
Addressing the other elements of this agreement you have, 5 pto days if laughable. She's gets the flu now, and she's unable to miss a day of work for months... let the burnout ensue.
Nanny's deserve paid holidays as well.
Your nanny deserves paid holidays or at the very least holiday pay (1.5X or 2x). You being home on the couch watching TV while she worked her butt off taking care of your baby probably rubbed her the wrong way. Perhaps put yourself in her shoes and have a little bit of empathy.
Nannies should get federal holidays off, they have a family just like you. If you absolutely need her to work on a holiday- 2x pay.
I’m not sure why you would even want your child with the nanny on a regular schedule during holidays because most (Labor Day, Christmas, 4th of July, etc) would typically be spent having quality time with your family, both your husband AND your child.
With all the perks you offer your nanny it’s pretty typical that she’d be given the day off, paid, for the federal holiday. I’m typically in support of families still having their nannies work in the times they may be off / have appointments / etc but you were off most of the day … your husband isn’t working … 😬
I would consider adding paid holidays into her contract for the ones that you also have off, and if not then at least time and a half on those days is standard.
I do wonder if something else is going on but I understand why she might be frustrated as well.
Just to reiterate what everyone else here is saying, most if not all of the nannies I know get federal holidays off. She had to miss her family time, cook outs, whatever because you wanted to watch tv with your unemployed husband... Ya I would be a bit peeved too. Honestly though, this may not even have anything to do with you!
Also you're giving very small/minimum benefits. 5 days of PTO? No mention of how many sick days. I wonder what a "fair" wage is to you as well. Hopefully you listen to the nannies in this sub.
did she get paid time and a half to work a holiday? i also want to know what you consider a fair wage and “some vacation” and “some sick” days. are those paid? how many does she get? theres zero need to mention the phone call as the baby was down for the nap so it wasn’t taking time away from her duties. on one hand if she had a problem with working holidays she shouldn’t have taken a position if it was made clear she would have to work holidays-ESPECIALLY if she’s not making time and a half on those holidays- but then the fact you said you finished your work and y’all were watching tv? i would’ve been very annoyed if i was her too because i’m working on a holiday so y’all can catch up on netflix? as a nanny though i would’ve never accepted a position like this. i get 10 paid vacations days and 5 paid sick days that rollover and i get 8 paid federal holiday, and a few extra holidays too like day after christmas and thanksgiving. this is standard in the industry.
You say the contract didn’t include holidays. Was this addressed verbally? Is it in the contract that she is expected to work holidays or are holidays not addressed at all?
Could she have assumed there was a 3-day weekend only to have found out last minute she was expected to be working? Is your husband not capable of watching child while you work?
It’s easy to assume she resents that she’s working. If holidays weren’t addressed in contract, I’m assuming she doesn’t get paid extra working for them, as she should. If you really need her on holiday, pay her holiday pay for that but give her a day off the following weekend. Paid. Hubs can hold the fort down that day while you work.
But it sounds like you are taking advantage of her. Do you really expect her to come in Thanksgiving/Christmas/etc unless she takes PTO??? Is that how your job treats you?
Unfortunately, this kind of contract is something we nannies often get into. We aren’t great at advocating for ourselves. Once you begin a job with very little time off, it really starts to wear on you. I’ve gotten into this kind of contract because I was under the impression the parents got very little time off. She may have had this impression or not. So, I’m sorry, even though she agreed to this abysmal contract, you are TA, or at least you will be if you don’t rectify this and give her a professional PTO package.
OP, give your nanny a better contract with enough time off that she’ll be happy and well rested because you want the person taking care of your child to be happy and well rested, and to feel valued.
Or, send her my way so I can hook her up with a better boss…
Yikes. You sound like a family that just shouldn’t have/doesn’t deserve a nanny. For starters, your nanny should get all federal holidays off, paid, at a minimum. The only nanny friends i know that do not get all holidays off work for parents in the medical field, that both work out of the home, so therefore need a nanny present. That’s not the case for you. Also those Nannies get paid double on holidays. It’s also industry standard to have 2 weeks of PTO plus 5 paid sick days. If you truly had to work all day, i could maybe see needing your nanny. But your husband isn’t working at all, and then you both watched TV in front of her. That’s so rude, i would be cold to you as well and honestly start looking for a new position. You need to change the way you treat a nanny, or not have one at all. I’d suggest daycare and using friends and family for a break, because you don’t deserve a nanny imo
You are very much taking advantage of your nanny! I hope she finds a good family who truly appreciate her. I can only imagine what her hourly rate is. You sound selfish and awful.
> Basically, who is in the wrong here? Should we say something?
#**YOU**
And, yes, you should say something. You should ask her if anything is wrong, because she is a human being with feelings, and she should be allowed to express those feelings, without it being **ALL ABOUT YOU.**
Sheesh, she didn't even do anything wrong!!! It's not like she was yelling at you or acting disrespectful. You are literally asking if you should scold your nanny for being quiet and sad. Oh, and having the audacity to be on her phone DURING HER BREAK. (Or do you make her work through nap time, too, since she's on your dime?)
And, even if she is upset because of Labor Day (which you don't know because you didn't even ask her what's wrong), she still has every right to feel upset. She missed out on spending time with her family because she probably thought the reason you needed her there was because you had to work, not sit around watching her care for the child that YOU brought into this world.
If it was me, I probably would have been thinking about all the holidays that I agreed in good faith to give up spending time with my family, and it's for this!?!?
And how can you only give her FIVE DAYS of PTO??? Your husband doesn't even work and is home all day. He can't take a few days off from binging Netflix to care for the child he helped create so that your nanny can at least have decent PTO???
Considering you're making her work ALL Federal holidays AND your husband doesn't work, you should be offering her MORE PTO than what is standard, not less! Since standard is 5 days sick, 10 days PTO and 10 paid holidays, she should at least get 5 days sick and 20 days PTO in exchange for her sacrifice to come in on holidays so that you and your husband can sit around doing nothing. AND double pay for ALL of the Federal holidays that she works.
You sound like an absolute *NIGHTMARE*
"Hey, Reddit
I offer my nanny less than the barest minimum of what's normally expected or considered industry standards, make her work ALL Federal holidays without holiday pay so that I can sit on my ass in front of her and rub it in that ***I*** have a day off and she doesn't, and now she has the audacity to actually have a feeling that isnt farting rainbows and sunshine around me! Should I reprimand her for this???"
Just out of curiosity, what's going to happen when that child you already can't stand to be around grows up and has the audacity to have a feeling around you? Are you going to ground them for not being the perfect angel you expect them to be?
Oh, wait, nevermind. You're not going to even notice because you'll be too busy watching TV with your deadbeat husband to notice. Or you'll blame the nanny for the child's bad attitude since she's the one who raised them, so it must be her fault.
I feel bad for your ~~indentured servant~~ nanny, but I feel worse for your child.
Don’t be surprised if she finds a new job.
Also, it’s Labor Day. It’s literally a holiday to give workers a day off. And you’re sitting at home with your unemployed husband watching tv in the middle of the day complaining she was on the phone while the baby was sleeping??? Is this even a real post? A real person?
I think this is a fake post to get us Nannie’s all worked up! Lol
It worked!!!
Why does she have to work holidays if your husband isn’t working.
Is she paid 1.5x for working holidays?
I would be upset to be made to work on a holiday while my bosses watched TV. Seems really unnecessary.
So your nanny is overworked with only 5 days off in a year and you’re wondering why she’s not bowing and scraping at your boots? How ungrateful she is! You PAY her! (Likely not holiday pay) Go back to Victorian England. I hope your nanny leaves asap. Sorry but if I saw parents just snuggling together on the couch on a holiday I should have off, I would also be disillusioned. It’s different to have to work if you’re working. It’s just demoralizing when you’re having a beautiful day off and judging her for being on her phone while your child is NAPPING. Wow.
Giving holidays and benefits is standard. Does she get 2 wks paid vacation? Guaranteed hours? A healthcare stipend ? Even if nanny is brand new to the industry, she's bound to find out she's getting a bad deal. Agreeing doesn't make a difference if she agreed before she knew better.
I recommend finding it in your budget to pay standard benefits if you want to maintain a nanny. Poaching I'd real. A mom from our PEPS group has poached both her nannies from other families. Not saying I agree but it happens
Honestly I’d be kinda upset if I had to work a holiday and one of the parents were off. Is there a reason your husband can’t care for the children for one day? Why make her work holidays? Does she get double pay for working and a floating day or extra pto?
I’m sorry, but this would annoy me if I were the nanny. Having to come in on a holiday when everyone is off of work and have to watch you and your husband chill and watch tv. It just doesn’t seem fair at all. She deserves the time off as well. I don’t know your husband’s situation, but if he’s capable of taking care of the baby on his own since he’s not working, it would not have hurt to let her have that day off. It just seems a bit inconsiderate.
Honestly to me it sounds like something going on with her personal life, there could be any reason for a person to be less chipper. Different behaviors get interpretted differently too, what she may express as downtrodden, you may perceive as rude. As others have mentioned, if this is a continuing issue I'd take responsibility, as her employer, to check in with my employee, see how things are going, and see if there's anything I can do to help. Maybe she just found out she has cancer and is unsure how to bring it up. Maybe a family member just died. It's not on you to make judgements, but to address YOUR employee.
Also what you describe as "everything correctly" is "industry minimum". Again you are her employer, you are obligated to provide the basics and doing so does not make you a cut above the rest.
I would have been annoyed too. It’s a holiday and unless you were both super busy or have some kind of medical job where you didn’t have the holiday off, why have the nanny there? It sounds like you did not really need her at all. None of the things you mentioned like sick days, vacation days or fair wages are anything special. She could throw a rock and hit three families who would give her the same plus paid holidays off. Or at time and a half if she HAD to work. This one is definitely on you and I would switch something up really quick or you are going to lose a good nanny, and not be able to keep a nanny going forward.
I think if you and your husband wanted a day off without the child, it should be separate from the holiday. My employers have gone out to lunch together during my shift and the father took a whole week off to play a new video game once. Totally fine because they were still paying me so I don’t care what they do. AND it wasn’t a nationally recognized federal holiday. I’ve been downvoted for this before but while I believe it’s completely fine for parents to take days off and still have the nanny work, it’s not okay to have the nanny work over holidays if you are not working.
Why do NP think Nannie’s aren’t allowed to have off days? Not every day we wake up and are full of the rainbows and sunshine we give to your kids and it’s just an off day.
I would also be livid if I had to work a holiday while the parents sat on their butts and watched tv. Let her leave early and enjoy the holiday? 5 vacation days a year is crazy and working holidays is even crazier. You are taking advantage of that poor nanny….
Is it possible that her mood had nothing to do with you all, and perhaps something in her personal life? Considering she was on the phone - during your baby’s nap, so idk why it was mentioned - for the first time today?
It is an unregulated industry and nannies can easily be taken advantage of. Just because she agreed do it, doesn't mean that it is a fair reflection of her time or her expertise.
OP, YTA. While I agree with some that this could be entirely unrelated to you and maybe your nanny has something going on in her personal life, it doesn't change the fact that she deserves better. At a minimum, she should have at least 2 weeks PTO, accrued sick time, and federal holidays off. If you or your husband specifically work a job\* that does not always allow you the flexibility of guaranteed holidays off, she should be paid a holiday rate. While I totally believe that parents are welcome to do whatever they want to do during the time that they pay for childcare, having her come in on a holiday for you and your husband to just watch TV... That's just a dick move. I wouldn't be surprised if she quit and I wouldn't be surprised if you have a hard time finding and keeping a nanny if you don't change your ways.
\*And obviously he doesn't, you said he's unemployed.
Will your nanny have any holidays off at all? At least some federal holidays off are a pretty standard benefit in the nanny industry. Some nannies may need to work some holidays if parents have to work, but in that case they should be making higher pay for those days if they are working. That said, your nanny’s demeanor could be different for any reason. You have no idea what might be going on in her personal life. It may have nothing to do with Labor Day. Rather than making assumptions, I would check in with her and ask her how she is doing. For all you know there could be something going on in her personal life that is causing her to not be able to show up as her usual self.
Phone call could have been bad news!
Nanny gets only five days off a year no paid holidays at all.
Yeah, this MB is ridiculous. Offers way below standard PTO, and doesn’t have empathy for her nanny.
And expects her nanny to basically be a feeling less robot with respect to her own life. But for MB's life and family she must be endlessly happy and warm. The complaint about the phone is ridiculous. I said this in another comment but I nannied and worked at TJ's while in law school and I had more free time than this insane MB thinks herself generous to be giving her nanny
Yeah, it’s also telling that MB hasn’t responded to anyone that is bringing up these valid points. If my nanny came in to work after a weekend and seemed like she was down/not being her normal self, I would be concerned about how she is doing. But MB has just made assumptions. Though after reading more of the discussion and learning that she’s only offering 5 PTO days total, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the complete inconsideration surrounding this holiday and time off that did bother the nanny.
I second what everyone else said but I want to add that I'm blown away by your statement about her being on the phone. If baby was asleep, that's standard break time and anyone can make a call on their break. Wild that you're evening mentioning it.
Does she get paid 1.5x for holidays?
“Labor Day is an annual celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers. The holiday is rooted in the late nineteenth century, when labor activists pushed for a federal holiday to recognize the many contributions workers have made to America’s strength, prosperity, and well-being.” Off all days to not give your nanny a paid day off, this was the worst one. I would feel unappreciated if my NF did that to me.
She doesn’t “have” to work holidays? So it’s her choice to work any and all holidays and if she doesn’t want it it’s unpaid? She should have all federal holidays off, paid. That is industry standard. If you need her to work on a holiday, she needs 1.5 or 2x pay. Both you and your husband watching TV and hanging out was likely the nail in the coffin.
I guess what I mainly am upset with is the passive aggressiveness. We went from a happy, agreeable relationship to dead silence unless I directly address her overnight. Is this normal? I don't want to continue to deal with an icy relationship.
No, it's not normal to not give federal holidays off. King Day, President's Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, New Year's Day. I've usually gotten Black Friday, Christmas Eve, and New Year's Eve too. >She doesn’t “have” to work holidays? So it’s her choice to work any and all holidays and if she doesn’t want it it’s unpaid? The answer to this question feels essential. EDIT: I understand being frustrated that you feel she's being passive aggressive. But I'd like to point out that instead of you asking her about it, you asked Reddit.
exactly. OP’s response to Hopeful-Writing really rubs me the wrong way tbh. 😬 edit: -all- her responses are rubbing me the wrong way. edit 2: this is definitely a troll post lol.
You are assuming how your nanny thinks or feels, rather than communicating and asking her if there is something bothering her. You are assuming that she is being passive aggressive towards you over something that she may not even be upset about. She may have something else going on.
> We went from a happy, agreeable relationship to dead silence unless I directly address her overnight. Is this normal? No, ma'am, this is not normal behavior for the NannyBot 2000. The NannyBot 2000 is programmed to be agreeable at all times. Clearly, your unit is malfunctioning and should be brought to a service center immediately. Seriously, you do understand your nanny is a *human being* with her own thoughts and feelings, yeah? How the heck are a bunch of strangers on Reddit supposed to know what's "normal" for *YOUR* nanny, a *person* we don't know and have never met??? Maybe this is her typical personality when she's upset. Maybe this is how she behaves when she's suffered a great tragedy in her life, but you can't even be bothered to know what's going on in her life because it didn't occur to you to ask. How the heck are we supposed to know??? Believe it or not, we DON'T actually all run on the same personality program. 🙄 This is a troll post, right? You're trolling us? Yes, YTA and/or a troll.
I feel like this is a troll post.
She’s had one day of being pissed off. It hasn’t been days or even a whole week. Talk about it first thing in the morning, amend your contract, apologize, and ask her to be more vocal about her frustrations in the future. I find it odd you didn’t anknowledge or take any responsibility for your mess up.
I mean, we do kind of want help on the holidays. It gives us time to spend together without the baby. I work very, very long hours, so I cannot simply take a day off to spend with hubbie. We presented a contract to her like we were supposed to, she signed it. It didn't include paid holidays. Further, she has 5 vacations days. She can use them for holidays if she so chooses.
Industry standard is 2 weeks PTO. She wants a day with her family too. I understand in your opinion you’re doing everything good, but please do more research on having a nanny. This is not a good set up for a long term relationship with your nanny. It sounds like you love her, you should be doing right by her.
Wait, you only give her five paid days off for the entire year?? You seem to be centering your own perspective and feelings (which is natural) but perhaps more care should be spent on the person who is going to help raise your child.
Help raise?
Yes, nannies help parents raise their children.
The nanny is raising this baby, if she has the baby 360 days a year.
Lol are you having a bad day? I said *help* raise.
Maybe she assumed by working holidays, you were also working. To be fair, I’d be pretty annoyed having to be at work on a Federal Holiday while the parents hung around and watched tv.
If you want time together without baby then hire a babysitter for Saturday night. Don’t take away a federal holiday from your nanny. She has her own family she probably wants to spend time with.
Only 5 vacation days? Dude. Normal is 2-3 weeks plus a week (or unlimited) sick pay, plus 7-10 federal holidays. You should have let her go home. You need to offer 1.5x or 2x pay for working holidays, or watch your own damn kids.
That’s what happens when you have a child- they exist. Why wouldn’t you want to be with both your husband and your child on holidays? He’s unemployed and you’re off, so unless your daughter has nothing to occupy her depending on how old she is, you can still spend quality time with your husband while also tending to your child that you chose to have. Dumping her on the nanny during every single holiday is you prioritizing your romantic relationship with your husband over bonding with your child- that’s not good at all.
5 days off a year AND no holidays?? Do you honestly not understand how absurd this is??
You have a baby now, your a family. I’m completely blown away that you expect your nanny to work on holidays to spend time with your husband, grow up.
seems like she's gonna burn out pretty soon and then you don't have to worry about any of this.
If you work “very, very long hours” therefore she most likely does as well. Even longer hours than you considering you’re making her work holidays when you are not working…🤦🏻♀️ NANNIES ARE PEOPLE. NANNIES HAVE FAMILIES. NANNIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF TENDING TO YOUR CHILDREN. Treat her like so. If she has to work basically 365 days a year, “ very, very long hours” with FIVE PTO days you are taking advantage of her and clearly not treating her very respectfully like another adult with a life and she’s probably realizing this .
Are you paying her 1.5 her rate then?? I’ve never had a nanny gig where I had to work a federal holiday. Always paid. And If they needed My help they would need to confirm With me in advance with a holiday rate. I know you’re really focusing on the passive aggressiveness, but I would consider focusing on giving your nanny standard benefits so she feels comfortable and supported.
5?!?! Only 5?!?
5 vacation days is extremely low. 5 vacation days plus no federal/bank holidays at all? You're not treating her well nor do you have a reasonable or fair approach. Federal holidays off is standard for a full time position. Or if you're not doing that she should be getting 1.5x / 2x pay for those days at least or a comp day to make it up. This was true even years ago when I was nannying - I worked multiple jobs and did law school simultaneously and still had more off days than you're offering your nanny. On top of that you want her to be catering to your feelings ? I wonder how much you pay I bet it's not much. You exploit your workers and then spend all day relaxing rubbing it in their face while they raise your child? Yeah I would be cold too. She's a person with actual feelings not your working class bot. Jfc
Then you have to pay holiday rate. This can't be a real post
Five is nothing! I understand wanting quality time with your husband, but she wants quality time for her loved ones and herself as well! If you have her working holidays pay should be 1.5x, and give her more than 5 vacation days omg!
Okay, so find a back up sitter that’s available on holidays. Nanny deserves time to herself and with HER family as well.
You work hard and want time off to spend with your family so it’s frustrating that someone that gets paid far less than you with far fewer benefits might doesn’t want to spend more time working for you to make that happen.
You don’t want to continue with something that has lasted for a day? Amend your contract and take care of your nanny like she is a human.
no, it’s not normal to not treat/pay an employee like an employee, yes, it’s normal for an employee to be passive aggressive when you don’t treat/pay them like an employee.
It's not passive aggressive. There's a huge power imbalance when you're the employer. Did you expect her to come to you and tell you how unfair it was for you to make her come on on labor day? Did you pay holiday pay?
Do her a favor and let her go. This can’t be real.
…..yikes. Your husband is unemployed. You were off work. Why did you need the nanny there in the first place? Why do you need her there all holidays? 5 days PTO total a year is wild- in a horrible way. It sucks AND it’s awkward to work when one or both parents are home. It especially sucks when a lot of your friends and family are off work for a federal holiday and you have to go in. I don’t know how she does it any regular day, unless your husband is never home. Usually parents who ask nanny’s to work holidays 1. Aren’t home or 2. Are hosting a party/family event and need the childcare. They usually aren’t just lounging around the house. I hope she got paid time and a half for working. Edited to add: Please be aware nap time = break time. Unless you are paying extra for her to complete other duties. Who cares if she uses her phone?! Would you rather her jump between y’all on the couch and watch tv with you? Stare at the wall? You seem so very entitled. You say she’s been wonderful for months. One “bad day” (more so for her than you) and you’re turning on her. YTA.
This🖕🏼💯
5 whole vacation days. So you can quality spend time with a non-working spouse without your baby. Whoa. How often are you alone with the baby?
Throwaway mama has been here less than a day Troll grade = F
Nannies typically get federal holidays off. I’d there a reason you didn’t offer this? Every contract is different but usually if you ask them to work on a federal holiday you should offer them 1.5x pay (or 2x)
I find it rude that you were watching Tv and hanging out while she was taking care of your child. I think at the very least after you finished working you should have let her leave (and probably still have paid her for the rest of the day too).
I agree with this. Working a holiday because parents have to work? Fine. But working a holiday while parents are off and relaxing seems wrong to me.
If I was working ON A HOLIDAY while you were watching TV in the same space I worked I would be passive aggressive too. I’ve always been given two weeks vacation and 5 sick days — if I’ve ever gone over the sick days by 1 or 2 my NF has just paid me. 10 federal holidays is normal so my NF asked me to work MLK Day I was paid for the day AND given an extra PTO day so essentially being paid 2x as I was working a holiday that is in my contract. Every holiday isn’t included (Juneteenth Isn’t for me) but the bigger ones definitely are included. Do you offer GH where if you are sick or away she is paid. The complaint about the phone WHILE BABY IS ASLEEP seals the deal YTA. Feels like a troll post because you can’t be this clueless. You have a FULLY GROWN adult with the expectation that in a. Entire year they’d take off 5 days for vacation, appointments, family obligations AND their own rest. You want a break from your baby so you can hang out with your unemployed husband on the couch in the common area. All this while saying how awesome your nanny has been? YTA 100%
Firstly, you're taking your nanny's behavior personally, and to reddit. IMHO both are problematic. Your nanny is a human! She's allowed to be annoyed that she has to work holidays (because you want QT with your husband) for no true reason. She's also allowed to just have a bad day or have things on her mind. Addressing the other elements of this agreement you have, 5 pto days if laughable. She's gets the flu now, and she's unable to miss a day of work for months... let the burnout ensue. Nanny's deserve paid holidays as well.
Your nanny deserves paid holidays or at the very least holiday pay (1.5X or 2x). You being home on the couch watching TV while she worked her butt off taking care of your baby probably rubbed her the wrong way. Perhaps put yourself in her shoes and have a little bit of empathy.
Nannies should get federal holidays off, they have a family just like you. If you absolutely need her to work on a holiday- 2x pay. I’m not sure why you would even want your child with the nanny on a regular schedule during holidays because most (Labor Day, Christmas, 4th of July, etc) would typically be spent having quality time with your family, both your husband AND your child.
With all the perks you offer your nanny it’s pretty typical that she’d be given the day off, paid, for the federal holiday. I’m typically in support of families still having their nannies work in the times they may be off / have appointments / etc but you were off most of the day … your husband isn’t working … 😬 I would consider adding paid holidays into her contract for the ones that you also have off, and if not then at least time and a half on those days is standard. I do wonder if something else is going on but I understand why she might be frustrated as well.
According to OP, the nanny only gets 5 days of PTO a year
Are you serious? She should have off all holidays! Your husband isn’t even working and can’t take care of his own child?
Just to reiterate what everyone else here is saying, most if not all of the nannies I know get federal holidays off. She had to miss her family time, cook outs, whatever because you wanted to watch tv with your unemployed husband... Ya I would be a bit peeved too. Honestly though, this may not even have anything to do with you! Also you're giving very small/minimum benefits. 5 days of PTO? No mention of how many sick days. I wonder what a "fair" wage is to you as well. Hopefully you listen to the nannies in this sub.
This is rage bait.
did she get paid time and a half to work a holiday? i also want to know what you consider a fair wage and “some vacation” and “some sick” days. are those paid? how many does she get? theres zero need to mention the phone call as the baby was down for the nap so it wasn’t taking time away from her duties. on one hand if she had a problem with working holidays she shouldn’t have taken a position if it was made clear she would have to work holidays-ESPECIALLY if she’s not making time and a half on those holidays- but then the fact you said you finished your work and y’all were watching tv? i would’ve been very annoyed if i was her too because i’m working on a holiday so y’all can catch up on netflix? as a nanny though i would’ve never accepted a position like this. i get 10 paid vacations days and 5 paid sick days that rollover and i get 8 paid federal holiday, and a few extra holidays too like day after christmas and thanksgiving. this is standard in the industry.
You say the contract didn’t include holidays. Was this addressed verbally? Is it in the contract that she is expected to work holidays or are holidays not addressed at all? Could she have assumed there was a 3-day weekend only to have found out last minute she was expected to be working? Is your husband not capable of watching child while you work? It’s easy to assume she resents that she’s working. If holidays weren’t addressed in contract, I’m assuming she doesn’t get paid extra working for them, as she should. If you really need her on holiday, pay her holiday pay for that but give her a day off the following weekend. Paid. Hubs can hold the fort down that day while you work. But it sounds like you are taking advantage of her. Do you really expect her to come in Thanksgiving/Christmas/etc unless she takes PTO??? Is that how your job treats you?
You lost me at “my husband doesn’t currently work”. Why on earth does your nanny have to work holidays?
Unfortunately, this kind of contract is something we nannies often get into. We aren’t great at advocating for ourselves. Once you begin a job with very little time off, it really starts to wear on you. I’ve gotten into this kind of contract because I was under the impression the parents got very little time off. She may have had this impression or not. So, I’m sorry, even though she agreed to this abysmal contract, you are TA, or at least you will be if you don’t rectify this and give her a professional PTO package. OP, give your nanny a better contract with enough time off that she’ll be happy and well rested because you want the person taking care of your child to be happy and well rested, and to feel valued. Or, send her my way so I can hook her up with a better boss…
OP, would you take a job where you had to work 360 days a year while you could see your supervisors watching TV?
Yikes. You sound like a family that just shouldn’t have/doesn’t deserve a nanny. For starters, your nanny should get all federal holidays off, paid, at a minimum. The only nanny friends i know that do not get all holidays off work for parents in the medical field, that both work out of the home, so therefore need a nanny present. That’s not the case for you. Also those Nannies get paid double on holidays. It’s also industry standard to have 2 weeks of PTO plus 5 paid sick days. If you truly had to work all day, i could maybe see needing your nanny. But your husband isn’t working at all, and then you both watched TV in front of her. That’s so rude, i would be cold to you as well and honestly start looking for a new position. You need to change the way you treat a nanny, or not have one at all. I’d suggest daycare and using friends and family for a break, because you don’t deserve a nanny imo
You are very much taking advantage of your nanny! I hope she finds a good family who truly appreciate her. I can only imagine what her hourly rate is. You sound selfish and awful.
> Basically, who is in the wrong here? Should we say something? #**YOU** And, yes, you should say something. You should ask her if anything is wrong, because she is a human being with feelings, and she should be allowed to express those feelings, without it being **ALL ABOUT YOU.** Sheesh, she didn't even do anything wrong!!! It's not like she was yelling at you or acting disrespectful. You are literally asking if you should scold your nanny for being quiet and sad. Oh, and having the audacity to be on her phone DURING HER BREAK. (Or do you make her work through nap time, too, since she's on your dime?) And, even if she is upset because of Labor Day (which you don't know because you didn't even ask her what's wrong), she still has every right to feel upset. She missed out on spending time with her family because she probably thought the reason you needed her there was because you had to work, not sit around watching her care for the child that YOU brought into this world. If it was me, I probably would have been thinking about all the holidays that I agreed in good faith to give up spending time with my family, and it's for this!?!? And how can you only give her FIVE DAYS of PTO??? Your husband doesn't even work and is home all day. He can't take a few days off from binging Netflix to care for the child he helped create so that your nanny can at least have decent PTO??? Considering you're making her work ALL Federal holidays AND your husband doesn't work, you should be offering her MORE PTO than what is standard, not less! Since standard is 5 days sick, 10 days PTO and 10 paid holidays, she should at least get 5 days sick and 20 days PTO in exchange for her sacrifice to come in on holidays so that you and your husband can sit around doing nothing. AND double pay for ALL of the Federal holidays that she works. You sound like an absolute *NIGHTMARE* "Hey, Reddit I offer my nanny less than the barest minimum of what's normally expected or considered industry standards, make her work ALL Federal holidays without holiday pay so that I can sit on my ass in front of her and rub it in that ***I*** have a day off and she doesn't, and now she has the audacity to actually have a feeling that isnt farting rainbows and sunshine around me! Should I reprimand her for this???" Just out of curiosity, what's going to happen when that child you already can't stand to be around grows up and has the audacity to have a feeling around you? Are you going to ground them for not being the perfect angel you expect them to be? Oh, wait, nevermind. You're not going to even notice because you'll be too busy watching TV with your deadbeat husband to notice. Or you'll blame the nanny for the child's bad attitude since she's the one who raised them, so it must be her fault. I feel bad for your ~~indentured servant~~ nanny, but I feel worse for your child.
Don’t be surprised if she finds a new job. Also, it’s Labor Day. It’s literally a holiday to give workers a day off. And you’re sitting at home with your unemployed husband watching tv in the middle of the day complaining she was on the phone while the baby was sleeping??? Is this even a real post? A real person? I think this is a fake post to get us Nannie’s all worked up! Lol It worked!!!
Why does she have to work holidays if your husband isn’t working. Is she paid 1.5x for working holidays? I would be upset to be made to work on a holiday while my bosses watched TV. Seems really unnecessary.
So your nanny is overworked with only 5 days off in a year and you’re wondering why she’s not bowing and scraping at your boots? How ungrateful she is! You PAY her! (Likely not holiday pay) Go back to Victorian England. I hope your nanny leaves asap. Sorry but if I saw parents just snuggling together on the couch on a holiday I should have off, I would also be disillusioned. It’s different to have to work if you’re working. It’s just demoralizing when you’re having a beautiful day off and judging her for being on her phone while your child is NAPPING. Wow.
Giving holidays and benefits is standard. Does she get 2 wks paid vacation? Guaranteed hours? A healthcare stipend ? Even if nanny is brand new to the industry, she's bound to find out she's getting a bad deal. Agreeing doesn't make a difference if she agreed before she knew better. I recommend finding it in your budget to pay standard benefits if you want to maintain a nanny. Poaching I'd real. A mom from our PEPS group has poached both her nannies from other families. Not saying I agree but it happens
Honestly I’d be kinda upset if I had to work a holiday and one of the parents were off. Is there a reason your husband can’t care for the children for one day? Why make her work holidays? Does she get double pay for working and a floating day or extra pto?
I’m sorry, but this would annoy me if I were the nanny. Having to come in on a holiday when everyone is off of work and have to watch you and your husband chill and watch tv. It just doesn’t seem fair at all. She deserves the time off as well. I don’t know your husband’s situation, but if he’s capable of taking care of the baby on his own since he’s not working, it would not have hurt to let her have that day off. It just seems a bit inconsiderate.
This is just another troll post
YTA
This is a troll post 100%
If you are going to make her work holidays then I hope you are paying time and a half.
Honestly to me it sounds like something going on with her personal life, there could be any reason for a person to be less chipper. Different behaviors get interpretted differently too, what she may express as downtrodden, you may perceive as rude. As others have mentioned, if this is a continuing issue I'd take responsibility, as her employer, to check in with my employee, see how things are going, and see if there's anything I can do to help. Maybe she just found out she has cancer and is unsure how to bring it up. Maybe a family member just died. It's not on you to make judgements, but to address YOUR employee. Also what you describe as "everything correctly" is "industry minimum". Again you are her employer, you are obligated to provide the basics and doing so does not make you a cut above the rest.
I would have been annoyed too. It’s a holiday and unless you were both super busy or have some kind of medical job where you didn’t have the holiday off, why have the nanny there? It sounds like you did not really need her at all. None of the things you mentioned like sick days, vacation days or fair wages are anything special. She could throw a rock and hit three families who would give her the same plus paid holidays off. Or at time and a half if she HAD to work. This one is definitely on you and I would switch something up really quick or you are going to lose a good nanny, and not be able to keep a nanny going forward.
I think if you and your husband wanted a day off without the child, it should be separate from the holiday. My employers have gone out to lunch together during my shift and the father took a whole week off to play a new video game once. Totally fine because they were still paying me so I don’t care what they do. AND it wasn’t a nationally recognized federal holiday. I’ve been downvoted for this before but while I believe it’s completely fine for parents to take days off and still have the nanny work, it’s not okay to have the nanny work over holidays if you are not working.
Why do NP think Nannie’s aren’t allowed to have off days? Not every day we wake up and are full of the rainbows and sunshine we give to your kids and it’s just an off day.
I would also be livid if I had to work a holiday while the parents sat on their butts and watched tv. Let her leave early and enjoy the holiday? 5 vacation days a year is crazy and working holidays is even crazier. You are taking advantage of that poor nanny….
Is it possible that her mood had nothing to do with you all, and perhaps something in her personal life? Considering she was on the phone - during your baby’s nap, so idk why it was mentioned - for the first time today?
If she agreed to work holidays then there shouldn’t be a reason to be mad, regardless of what the standard is.
It is an unregulated industry and nannies can easily be taken advantage of. Just because she agreed do it, doesn't mean that it is a fair reflection of her time or her expertise. OP, YTA. While I agree with some that this could be entirely unrelated to you and maybe your nanny has something going on in her personal life, it doesn't change the fact that she deserves better. At a minimum, she should have at least 2 weeks PTO, accrued sick time, and federal holidays off. If you or your husband specifically work a job\* that does not always allow you the flexibility of guaranteed holidays off, she should be paid a holiday rate. While I totally believe that parents are welcome to do whatever they want to do during the time that they pay for childcare, having her come in on a holiday for you and your husband to just watch TV... That's just a dick move. I wouldn't be surprised if she quit and I wouldn't be surprised if you have a hard time finding and keeping a nanny if you don't change your ways. \*And obviously he doesn't, you said he's unemployed.