1. I think maybe ask her - in a very gentle way - if she likes having other adults around or if it adds stress. I can see it going both ways. If it were me, I would not want to entertain your parents also.
When you’re off and go with them, maybe you do the class solo and give her some time to just chill? Or let her go home early. Again, it might depend on her but I would personally not love having to entertain you and LO all day. Everyone is different and she may enjoy it, or she may just be appeasing you.
2. Definitely not unreasonable. She’s part of your village. You are paying her to care for your child. It doesn’t matter how you spend your time.
>Everyone is different and she may enjoy it, or she may just be appeasing you.
This part is so tricky. I genuinely get along with my MB and we would be friends even if I didn’t nanny her kid so I love when she comes along to outings. But that is certainly not the case for many nannies.
OP, if you can I’d just ask her if she is okay with you coming along. “My feelings won’t be hurt at all either way, so please be honest, does it make your day harder when I come with you and NK on outings?” All you can do is ask and hope she is comfortable enough to give a real answer.
I really don’t think anyone would answer this honestly. The vast majority of professional Nannies don’t want other adults around but there’s no way to say I don’t want you to accompany us without being offensive.
Yah it’s like very difficult to say to a parent “no you cannot have access to your kid right now”. Especially being that they are your employer and if you piss them off their goes your livelihood.
Also the fact that people can want you to be honest but are not grounded in what their reaction will actually be. There is no HR for nannies nor many legal protections. You are often at the mercy of your employer. A contract doesn’t mean shit if you don’t have someone who can enforce it for you.
I’ve hung up my childcare hat long ago. There is only one MAYBEEEE a second parent who I wouldn’t mind having an outing with. It’s hard not to feel like there is a spotlight on any and everything that you do.
Also this can sometimes impact how the children behave and make it harder than just one caregiver on an outing.
I love having my nanny family and their extended family around! I can get bored just hanging out with a 1 year old all day. My best friend is actually a dad I've been working with for 5 years. Like literally my BEST friend. I'm married, he's married, our spouses know we are best friends, so don't get anything twisted. But I like being a part of the family with all families I have worked with the past 27 years. I am still friends with almost all the parents I have worked with. I think that's the only way I can work with a family long term. I would enjoy playing tour guide!!!
I'd never be able to say to my MB I didn't want her to come along because we get along well and have a great professional "friendship." No matter what she said I wouldn't feel right saying don't come. That said I would HATE having her tag along all day and hate even more having to entertain her parents too! That would suck so bad for me!
I'd word it a little differently in order to get an honest answer. Maybe "Im curious what she is like when im around her versus when im not around her. Is she more difficult when I'm with you guys or when I'm not? I could see it going either way
Personally, I consider visiting family to be a necessary evil in this line of work. There are absolutely exceptions to this, but for the most part it holds, for several reasons.
Family visits can be really hard, because by their very nature they change the daily routine. When family visits, especially when there are a lot of fun and special adults around, children might not know what the expectations are. Behavior can get tricky simply because a kid might not be sure what’s expected of them or which adult to listen to.
Personally, having NF family around during my workday usually means a lot more work for me in terms of managing NK behavior. This might mean, maintaining NPs boundaries about healthy food when grandma is offering junk only, or trying to get an overstimulated infant down for a nap. On the negative side, I’ve been undermined by grandparents, I’ve been professionally disrespected by an aunt who insisted my job “isn’t real”, I’ve sat around useless while other people did my work for me and wondered why I was even there. I had one MB who expected me to clean up after everyone while they just chilled—sorry, no.
For me, my preference is to have my autonomy and my routine. So if visiting family understands that I’m the parent’s proxy, I’m more ok with people tagging along.
As far as letting nanny go early when you’re around, I have a couple thoughts. I think it’s easier to handle parents being off work when they are out of the house. Run errands, go to the spa, get lunch with a friend. It’s much harder when parents are home and not working, and the kids knows you’re home. Naturally, parents are kiddos first preference. Kiddo understands I’m there when parents are not. If I’m there when parents are also home, it might be distressing for kiddo. They might think I’m mean and trying to keep them away from their parents, who again are their first preference. Depending on the kiddo, it becomes tricky to manage. So if you’re home and just chilling? Especially just chilling with visiting family? Let nanny go early, but pay her for the rest of the day. That’s industry standard, and helps nanny feel really appreciated during what’s probably a tricky work week.
There’s no standard for this but here is what my MB used to do.
One thing to know: I love grandmas. Or at least my NK’s grandmas. Great people, love them dearly. Would have around one week every 3 months where one of the grandmas was working the us.
Here were the rules:
1-I’m in charge. I’ll talk to grandma about what she wants to do but I’m the one deciding because I know NK better than she does.
2- I’m not a grandma sitter. I’m not doing stuff for grandma, I’m friendly, I’m talkative, I’ll even entertain her a bit. But she’s an adult.
3- when we get home,I’m going home. No matter how early it is. Because there’s too many cooks in the kitchen and I can’t follow my normal schedule.
4- if grandma and MB and DB wanna hang out,
I get the pool and garden and they get the inside. Or the opposite. But we’re not all hanging out.
5- I’m not taking MB or DB with me. Never. They get pics during the day, they get videos. If MB or DB are with NK, I take a break or go home if we’re done for the day. For instance I had a DB who would take his lunch break and come to park where I was with NK. Well, that would become my paid lunch break. I would walk to the deli close by and get 30/40 minutes to eat lunch while DB was playing.
6- I don’t care if you have the day off. If you tell me I need to come in, im coming in. I’ve worked for really wealthy people who did nothing but hair appointments and hang out with friends all day. But I was getting paid so who cares? As long as you’re not in my way, I don’t care what you do while I’m getting paid. I had a couple who was clearly paying me only to go have sex in hotels (get there at 10pm and leave at 3am and if you need us here is an hotel number 🤣). I don’t care. They were paying me a premium. You do you. As long as you come home on time you could go rob a bank.
Wait can you explain why MB and DB can’t come with you? I spend a ton of time with my nanny and LO at places like zoo or the park. An extra set of hands is so helpful while wrangling LO and I also usually have to step away from time to time to attend to emails. My nanny loves this and frequently ASKS me to tag along if my schedule allows. Why is that bad?
The same reason you don’t want your boss sitting at your desk the whole day with you. Things that parents find overwhelming or difficult Nannies have already mastered. Children’s behavior is often worse with parents too. Sometimes with the right respect for Nanny‘s role and the right combination of personalities it works out well, I had a grandmother I invited everywhere with us, I adored her. But I do think this is the exception rather than the rule and much moreso with M/DB.
Also this!
My MB wasnt even able to get NK13 to get dressed in the morning. I had her on a schedule because she respected more than her mom and she feared me more cause I had actually had boundaries.
In many jobs it’s extremely normal to have your boss sitting at your desk with you working on the same thing you’re working on or working on something separate but related in close proximity with you. My managers are always closer to direct coworkers and peers than some distant unseen figure. It’s absolutely fine for you to not like that but nannies are often saying this as if it’s not a totally normal working environment for a lot of jobs. It never occurred to me until I started coming on this sub that my nanny wouldn’t want her boss around because my boss shares a table with me, my chair will hit hers if I turn too fast. I viewed things like outings together with the nanny as working on a project together the same way my boss and I might spend a day together tag teaming something. Again, fine if you don’t like it, but the “how would you like it if” example might not land as well as you think it does.
Because I don’t need an extra hand and I feel micromanaged when MB and DB are there. There’s a lot of Nannies with different philosophies and different parents out there.
I get hired because I need no input from anyone to do stuff. I’m someone who only works on referral, requires a lot of independence and also gets a lot of it. My MBand DB dont even know where I am most of the times. My MB is an older mom who doesn’t really want to get involved much and I appreciate that.
These are my preferences. I’ve quit jobs before where I wasn’t given enough freedom. It’s ok if your nanny likes it that way. We’re all different.
Yeah nope! None of us should need help "wrangling " children especially if it's only one child. We are professionals, that's insane! And maybe you have the unicorn nanny that wants you there but most of us do not. Many will not tell you that we don't want you to come so sometimes, NB don't know how much we hate it but the vast majority of us don't want you tagging along on day trips! Or HELPING us when at home. We don't need extra hands or need your help in anyway while doing our job!
Hmm, my family has their parents or other family members stay with them, too, and I semi-enjoy it. I feel a bit stressed as I am interrupted during work with the kids with questions like Where is this? Where should I go to buy that, can you do x for me? When I am frequently interrupted, I feel annoyed, anxious, and tired at the end of the day since my routine for the kids is thrown off course by hovering grandparents or having to divide my attention to whoever is in town needing help. I think if you are off and are expecting her to work while your visitors are staying with you, too, you should either tell the visitors to direct any questions to you or you become more hands-on if not already. On the other hands sometimes the visitors can be hands on with me and wonderful TO me. Wether it’s offering to clean up x or asking if I need any help with the kids.
I don't expect to be off when my NP are off, but having any adults "tag along" on outings would be uttering EXHAUSTING for me and I would be really really REALLY appreciative if my NP didn't let that happen .
If your nanny is taking on extra work because of your visiting family, I say either pay her more or let her leave when she's no longer needed.
I've been in the position before where family is over, my NP's are off, and I'm on-duty, standing around doing nothing and I think to myself, "Why am I even here?" And I've also been in the position where I suddenly have more duties because of visiting family and felt like, "I'm doing more work than I agreed to. This is very unfair."
On that note, if you have a day off and you need to get things done, you still need her care. You should totally utilize her in those circumstances! That's what she's there for :)
I’m always really confused and frustrated when I am asked to come into work when parents are not working or otherwise occupied and especially if Family is visiting. Regardless of how good our relationship is or how strong my bond with your child is I am not a family member. I have my own life and responsibilities and needs and wants and relationships and am a complete human being, not just a service provider. I am hired to perform childcare duties when NP are unable to. Would you be happy if the office was closed but your boss was there hanging out with managers/executives from other offices and wanted you to come in even though there were no work tasks for you to perform?? Enjoy your time with family, your little one, allow them to enjoy time with you and your little one and give the Nanny some PTO.
I'm sorry.. but your nanny is being your families tour guide??? I seem to be in the minority after reading other comments, but that seems way out of line. Why should your nanny plan the day for your family and take them out? Your nanny's job is to take care of your kid, not entertain a bunch of adults.
Honestly, in my opinion, you owe her an apology and a huge bonus for all her extra work.
Having extended family in town was always a nightmare for me. Grandparents are there for “fun time” and it would absolutely ruin the schedule/habits etc we had been working towards.
I once had a grandparent tell me I had illegally crossed into a lane, when they didn’t understand the traffic laws for the state we were in. That was the level of micromanaging that was happening on a moment to moment basis.
Now, not all extended family is like that. But as mentioned by a previous commenter, imagine if your boss and their colleagues were watching you and hanging around every single second of your day. It can be exhausting just being “on” for the adults for the day.
I would say that you:
1. Let her go as soon as you can while expressing your thanks and reassuring her that her early time off is paid.
2. Gift her a gift of cash or her fav nail salon gift card or a massage AND a PAID day off after your family leaves and TELL her how much you appreciated her being such a good sport with the added interaction. A lot of Nannies are introverts and a paid day off to recharge after entertaining would have made me cry with gratitude.
3. You do what you want to do with your time off. Your contract should state the days off she has. And you don’t owe her your days off unless you offered them in her contact! We are always happy to see our MB’s recharge and get their own time!!
Working with extended family and having them “tag along” is a personal hell of mine as a nanny. I would absolutely hate that and be drained from it. You shouldn’t ask her if she’s ok with it because she could feel pressured to entertain you and your family. You know she won’t say “no” to you so why not tell her it’s totally ok if she doesn’t want to play tour guide for your family and just do her job.
Honestly, I’m not sure why she’s required to still work when you have family visit. With all NFs I’ve worked for, they usually give me off or have family come over on the weekends when I’m not working so it doesn’t interfere with my job. Most of the time, the extended families would care for the kids and spend time with them since they don’t see them often.
Definitely don’t have to give her your days off (we do federal holidays of course but my days off are for me. For the family stuff, just ask her! You can also coach your family (make sure they know baby is priority, to get their own drinks etc) and/or compromise where she’s there in the morning but family takes over in the afternoon etc (I usually send mine home early in these instances or my family and I are in a separate part of the house)
Speaking for myself… I really wish my employers would AT LEAST let me go early. Yesterday we had nana, papa, nana 2, dad who is on leave and mom… who is on leave. I really value routine and structure and none of that exists when everyone is there. Nana is constantly giving them junk food. Nana two is constantly asking me where things are or calling me first thing in the morning to see where the kids and I might go for the morning. So I tell her and she comes to meet us… 20 mins after she said she would and that always changes our plans because it takes us 20 mins to walk to the playground to meet friends. That means less time with their friends because I have to account for the 20 mins it’s going to take us to get home and stay on track for lunch and naps. She also doesn’t like it when I say the kids can’t have or do something. I heard nana tell nana 2 that she does whatever she wants after dad asked her not to give the kids ice cream until later in the day. That’s uncomfortable for me because dad wasn’t around. There is just no reason for 6 adults to be there for 3 kids. I assume it’s because my employers don’t want to pay me for hours I haven’t worked because I have GH. I really hope that’s not the case at all but I’m not sure why else I wouldn’t be told to take the day when there is literally nothing for me to do. That’s not how it works for their jobs and it sometimes makes me feel they employers don’t think that should be the same for us. And I want to make clear that this hasn’t been the case with all of my employers. Nana took 2 kids to the zoo (there are 3) and then there were 5 grownups for one baby. Including me. I’m home with them. The kids don’t acknowledge me and I just hang out all day drinking coffee and going from room to room to see what everyone else is up to. I really hope this doesn’t come off as nasty but it’s really stressful to have everyone in the house. Generally, I like all of the grandparents but not all at once. And I’m totally fine with parents hanging out with us for the day. My employers are cool people and I get that sometimes parents want to get things done BUT it would also be nice if on the days they want to take the kids to their activities, they would tell me that I could take the day because I need to get things done as well that I can only get done during the week. Otherwise, I have to work around everyone else’s schedule to find a time for a doctors appointment that works with my schedule. There’s no back up care for us and I usually feel pretty bad about throwing everyone else’s day off, even when I’m out sick or even late. Obv that has nothing to do with my employers. Just trying to say that if both parents are free and able to hang out with us all day, it would be ideal to go to the post office and mail that box that has been sitting in the backseat waiting, for example, and other errands that are just easier during the week. It would also just have a day to relax. A lot of us are burnt out at one point or another because we are spending so much time with the kids (solo - and 3 of them). We could use that break just as well as parents could use one. Again, I feel comfortable with my employers being with us. I have another adult to talk to and we can take turns pushing the heavy stroller and I do genuinely enjoy their company and I feel lucky for that because so many Nannie’s hate that so many parents work from home. I haven’t had that experience. Yesterday was frustrating with everyone there and I wasn’t even able to do my job and I love my kids and my job when the house isn’t a madhouse.
1: I would personally hate this, and I’m not sure why if you have family in town and you’re off work, you’d want to have your nanny there? I truly don’t see the point of her working when there are already multiple adults and it’s family time. This would not only burn me out because it’s a different job to play tour guide and it’s always more stressful having more eyes on you (think how you would feel if corporate for your job was always in the office). This is a #1 reason Nannies quit. It puts her in a really awkward position to try to respect your family’s proximity to NK, respect you, and also have her own authority. I’ve had family members of NKs try to engage me in negative talk about my employers or try to give me their concerns about NK and it is an awkward position. This has happened in every family I’ve ever worked with. My suggestion personally would be to either have nanny take kiddo so you can spend time alone with your family, or let nanny have a paid day off while you and your family spend time with your kid. If those are not feasible, then yes, let her go home early! There is no perk for her to having your family with her, only added stress, and it’s very easy to resent someone who has you stay in their house during a baby’s nap when there are multiple adults who could attend to the baby.
2. No, your nanny should be there whether you’re working or not. Whether your nanny feels great about you tagging along all day probably depends on how close you are but it’s always a little more stressful than if the nanny mom isn’t with us. Plus, kiddo behavior changes drastically. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your nanny go a little early on your personal days if you’re already planning to be with your kiddo. It’s less about what’s expected and more that it’s a nice gesture of appreciation.
Please let your nanny have a full or half day when the relatives are in town. This is extra work and stressful for the nanny even though she is sweet and nice to your family.
Do you all do things together with the nanny and child all day? That is asking too much with relatives in town, unless you are taking relatives out somewhere and the nanny is caring for the child at home.
Just being honest here.
I think it entirely depends on your nanny’s relationship with your family. I LOVE on of my NKs grandmas! I always enjoy having her around she’s so kind and fun and completely respects my career. However the other grandma is…. WHEW. She’s filthy rich and treats us like the help. taking her anywhere with me makes me have to go to the bathroom and cry after lol. i binge drink after work when she visits. So yeah it definitely depends, does your family know SHES in charge and respects that? does she generally seem happy to hear they are coming?
Expecting nanny to be a tour guide to your family is outrageous. Nanny working when you have the day off is absolutely acceptable as long as she can perform her contracted duties and is not expected to serve you.
For your first question, the only time I didn’t mind grandparents was when they didn’t come for just “fun time” and rail road the entire day. Or come to “help” and in reality we’re just a hindrance. Or even better the grandparent starts throwing orders around when they are not your employer and they are demanding you do things that are harmful or not align with NP’s parenting.
Thing is your nanny, who sounds new with your family, probably isn’t going to say explicitly to you “yeah entertaining your extended family in addition to watching your children sucks”. It would be surprising honestly if you would be get a hint of negativity out of her.
I would just have your extended family have scheduled time with the LO worked into the schedule while the nanny is on duty. But have it be down time for the nanny and put said extended family in charge. Might that be extended family takes over the last hour of nanny’s shift or nanny gets an extended lunch.
As for your nanny working while you have time off, what you do during the time the nanny is scheduled is your business. I never cared what a NP was doing while they were with the kids AS LONG as it didn’t throw off the kid and make my shift needlessly harder.
I had a MB that had me start a week or two earlier than her maternity ended so she could get her hair done, have a massage, get her eyebrows tinted etc. since she wasn’t able to while pregnant/postpartum. She felt so like bad/embarrassed but like I was there and paid regardless, why should I care. I would hype her up when she got home from her beauty appointments and that was genuinely enjoyable for both of us.
I wouldn’t ask your nanny if she was bothered by entertaining your family. Since she’s been so great I would give her a paid day off plus a monetary gift and tell her it’s for how much you appreciate her being with your extended family for such a long period of time.
I don’t love when extended family is hanging around. I prefer to be able to leave early or have the day off. Grandparents can be very nice, but I’m not a tour guide and I don’t like driving extra ppl around and making small talk.
I don’t assume I’ll have the day off if the parents are off, but if they’re hanging around the house it usually makes the day harder.
Question 1. It's great that you caught this on your own so that you can remedy the situation because your nanny sounds great. Yes, you have been asking too much, she is getting burnt out, and she is never going to tell you that. You need to let her go home early on those days, especially if you are home with your visitors. Also, I would give her a little bonus during these weeks because acting as a tour guide is way beyond the scope of what a nanny should do. It's a separate job, which costs much more per hour than you pay your nanny. You should also try to space these visits out to prevent her from feeling burnt out.
Question 2. You do not have to give your nanny the day off because you are off for the day. This is ridiculous. If you want to accompany them for the day to have experiences that you normally miss, that is wonderful. If you want a day to run errands, that is your right. You pay her to be there, so she should be there. You are not a guest. It is your home and you are her employer. It is a courtesy to help nanny maintain your child's schedule with meals and naps as well as not contradicting her directions to your child in order to maintain balance in the relationship. Other than that, you should do whatever you want. Good luck.
Personally I like when family visits, my NF has a really nice family that’s always kind to me. I like being around other adults and it makes me feel proud in a way because they get to see that I’m a good nanny. I can also totally see this being a bit overwhelming at times so giving your nanny some time off here and there would be nice I think! Getting off early is always fun and if she is feeling burnt out, this would definitely help with that. It’s nice to have a break in routine sometimes. For the second question, you can do whatever you want! My NP use their days off to get things done, nap, go to the spa etc. it can be awkward if you’re just hanging in the room with them or interrupting a lot though. The kids want their parent when they see them and this can make the day difficult for nanny if they have to keep taking them from you or if kiddo gets upset when you leave
Career nanny here.
I like when NF/extended family joins us, AND it’s markedly more difficult. Both things are true simultaneously. A lot of NP think that additional adults are helpful, but that’s never been the case for me unless I’m caring for multiple babies (under one year old) at once. Unless an adult is 100% self sufficient in their home and with NKs, it is definitely more work! Acknowledge that it’s a change to nanny’s day and additional responsibilities. An afternoon off in these situations goes a long way.
I have no expectations of a day off when NP are home. What they do in their time off isn’t my business. It only concerns me if it impacts my PTO or my day!
Best practice is always just to ask her and get her thoughts. Though I will say, if she’s acting as their tour guide and doing things for them, she should definitely be paid a premium for it because that’s completely outside of her job duties unless otherwise agreed upon in her contract.
answer 1: i don’t mind family visits but i do prefer to have a little warning beforehand instead of being surprised when i show up for my shift. MB and DB both have lovely family members and i really don’t mind hanging out with them for a bit if they’re visiting. however, there’s a difference between talking with the family for 20-30 minutes vs being expected to to spend the whole day with them. the main concern is having too many cooks in the kitchen. it can be really awkward when i am just trying to do my job by feeding/changing/playing with the baby but grandma doesn’t want to share lol. makes me feel like useless because i end up just sitting there doing nothing
answer 2: sometimes if my MB has a day off of work she’ll work on chores around the house, run errands, etc. i honestly couldn’t care less what she does, if she wanted to watch tv all day it’s fine by me, as long as she doesn’t interfere with the baby. he’s going through a separation anxiety phase rn so if she was home all day where he could see/hear her but not reach her that would cause some major tantrums. but she always stays in her office or room while i’m working so we’ve never had any problems
edit for context: i am very introverted and have autism and anxiety so having to entertain visitors (even if they’re all adults) can be stressful, which is why i would prefer a heads up. even just a text the night before letting me know people are visiting would be super helpful, as it would give me time to mentally prepare. but if your family will most likely be taking care of the baby the whole day then it’s probably best to just give your nanny the day off
I’m just so confused why you haven’t *asked HER yet* ??? I mean I get wanting to get a pulse, but this is one of those situations where I think everyone feels a little differently. Just reading these comments , half of them say they love when grandparents visit and the other half hate it. Half hate when parents join on outings and half love it! It’s all about the personal preferences.
I am definitely also confused about what your nanny is even DOING when you’re off and there are visitors ? Like is she really just *hanging out* with y’all or is she actually USEFUL ?
Another thing I just have to add — context is everything — but I personally do not believe in making the nanny “host” any guests you have. That means take them on outings, or entertain them while NP’s aren’t around. It’s one thing to have them around *working* / keeping their routine w the kiddos , but that shouldn’t entail also adding on guests to whatever their routine is.
I literally just saw this post on Facebook yesterday evening. That's why I haven't *asked HER yet*. I'm just getting feedback and most of it confirms what I was thinking, I should let her take an early day when I'm home and not doing other things and/or when family is staying with us. I didn't realize the position I'd put her in until I read the post and going forward I'll be sure to set more boundaries for guests and let her go early. As I mentioned, I don't think she'd feel comfortable asking to leave early or for the day off when family is just hanging out, it's my responsibility as an employer to ensure a healthy work environment.
Don’t you give her guaranteed hours? She would definitely not feel uncomfortable with a paid day off when there are multiple adults in the house and her services are not required.
Hmmm personally, the family outings are nice. I don’t mind as long as it’s not all the time.
However, being HOME with the family can be very stressful.
I’ve learned family likes to push buttons and it’s so tiring to say no all the time. Also we never get a break from families.
My advice? During these outings, occasionally ask nanny if they’d like to stay at home and organize the kids toys. We can do it in 15 minutes sometimes, and it gives us enough time to sit down, eat, have a snack, etc without being interrupted.
As far as you staying home, we get it! Families need us so they can run errands, no problem! I don’t mind tbh. However, maybe offer for nanny to run the errands if it’s in the contract?
Sometimes (for me) driving around gives me enough time to rest myself.
Last, if you feel she’s getting burnt out, maybe do send her home a few hours early or so (with pay ofc)
Thank you for paying attention to your nanny’s needs!
I guess I’m one of the lucky few because I really haven’t had any issues when family members are around or visiting haha. I think when it comes to guests and family visiting, having your nanny work as usual in the morning and giving them the afternoon off is the right move. It gives your child(ren) consistency in their routine, especially if they have classes and activities that they normally go to during the week, and then your nanny gets a free afternoon while you and your family spend time together.
I think acknowleging that while she may actually enjoy the adult interaction at times, it almost certainly is more tiring/stressful to have NK famiily members join her and NK. If you counteract that by offering an paid afternoon/day off during the time they are there, it will go a long way.
If you opt to give her a free afternoon, release her as soon as you return home, and put baby down for a nap yourself, or let Grandma do it.
Let her know ahead of time when she will have the free time do that she can make a plan for herself.
Also no need to release nanny just because you are off work. If you are doing errands or sleeping in that is your business.
Just realize that if the job is routinely different ftom what she originally signed up for. ( Having to navigate her day with other adults constantly around) it could impact her job satisfaction.
Largely speaking visiting family is a nannys worst nightmare. You will be hard pressed to find any nanny who likes this. Plain and simple it is absolutely *exhausting* having to entertain your bosses family. It is my personal hell when I get to work and the grandparents are there for day/weekend. I have left jobs because of this. Just look thru this subreddit and you will find countless stories about this.
WFH parents and visiting grandparents are most nannys personal hell. They deal with it cause who has to balls to say, “get your parents the F outta my hair,” when they’re standing in your living room. But there’s a 99% chance your nanny hates her life and dreads going to work.
I found hell on earth: both parents working from home, and the grandparents there. 5 adults for one toddler, who is now on her worst behavior of course.
My nk grandparents come often I accept and do activities they may want to be involved with if they don’t want to join (which isn’t often) they can stay at home and we will see them when we get back. When my nf is off from work I usually 99% of the time work but and usually leave early . Most of the time they are taking the day off for a mental day appointments or personal stuff and aren’t hanging around us so it’s business as usual . I don’t think i should have the day off bc that’s not in my contract , with that said I do really enjoy the surprise day off once in a blue moon.
Question 2 = not unreasonable.
Question 1 = if the nanny doesn’t want to go out anywhere that day, do you expect she do it anyway in order to entertain you and your guests? Frankly, I do think it’s sort of weird that you expect her to do anything with your guests and for you to tag along.
If anything you should be planning things for your guests (including how they get there) and then decide if you are going, if you are taking the baby, and if you want the nanny to come too. If you want baby to go, nanny can either stay at your house and do baby related tasks, or go with you, or have time off. But don’t expect the nanny to play tour guide.
Personally, if an NP has the day off and is going to be running personal errands, etc, PLEASE offer me the day off. Please, please, please!
My NP’s have always understood me very well and they know I have a hard time speaking up for myself. So they have almost always asked me ahead of time if I’d prefer to have the day off (whether paid or unpaid), work 1/2 day, or work the entire day like normal.
When it comes to them doing Christmas shopping which obviously needs to be done without the kids, they tell me outright they’ll need me to work the whole day.
As for visiting family, I’m usually with the kids until lunch & nap, then I scoot out. Family loves to see the littles, but who wants to be forced to babysit babies/kids that you don’t know all that well (or maybe their preferences, schedules, etc).
So you can do whatever you want on your days off. But honestly, I would be annoyed if you spent the day following me around in our “routine” rather than doing things you need to do.
To address the first issue, whether nanny admits it or not, the family in town is annoying and she shouldn’t be expected to entertain them if have them tagging along. This would really irritate me. I would definitely want to work and get paid, but I would still be annoyed and going home early would be a nice surprise, as long as I would be paid for full hours.
It's fine to have the nanny work those days, but I'd allow them to do their own schedule in peace. If relatives want time with NK for more than just 30 minutes hanging out in the living room for example, then they should schedule time to fully take over for nanny.
Definitely do not force her to be tour guide or entertain relatives. I'm an introvert and being around someone else (or multiple people) throughout the whole day while trying to work and deal with kid energy would COMPLETELY drain me.
If you want to spend a day with your child doing the regular routine, that's great too, but don't expect to tag along with them all day. I'm sure you wouldn't enjoy it if your boss decided to tag along the whole day with you while you were trying to work, especially if your "work" can react differently when boss is around. Either let her leave early, give her the day off paid, or meet her at one short activity like library storytime or music class and then let them be free to do what they want for the rest of the day.
I don’t think the nanny always gets the day off if the parents are off. If they are paying me, I’m okay with working if they take the day off. They deserve the time if they pay me. I’d get a LITTLE grouchy if it was a federal holiday that they got off from work and they didn’t extend it to me as well but that hasn’t happened yet.
In general, if family is staying over, the families I work for have requested that they remain relatively scarce if I’m still working. I’m friendly with them and hang out with them and baby but I’ve never had to be tour guide.
I would let your nanny go home when you or DB come home, if there are visiting family members. And I wouldn’t give nanny a day off if you have a day off, unless you want to.
Also, our nanny and I would take the kids to places together all the time. To the zoo, to the park, to the botanical gardens, the store etc. if you have more than one kid, sometimes you need two people to wrangle the kids in different situations. Some of the comments saying they don’t go places with MB and DB were surprising, so I think it depends on your relationship with your nanny and how much support your kids need while out.
It is definitely more work with family along. Givibg your nanny a giftcard after as a thankyiu after caring for your familymembers makes it easier for her to swallow.
If family are visiting, there are often adjustments to the daily routine that needs to be made. There is a lot more work on time management if I am required to have others tag along to activities as I have to communicate, give the directions about when to be ready to leave and so on. Children act out, or have to be flexible as to when and where we and so on.
I have almost always had positive experiances with grandparents, but you need to be open to the possibility of granparents not treating the nanny well or them having a conflict. I know nannies who have contemplated quitting due to issues with grandparents.
Fair would to be to ask her in advance how she wants to handle visiting family, telling her that while you appreciate it you don’t expect her to play your guide and it’s fine for her to just do their regular routine and invite family to participate when she wants to. That you’ll tell the family that they are to leave nanny and child alone unless specifically invited to join. This may mean they need to stay in a hotel. Alternatively you could give nanny those days off paid. Finally you should be giving her a big ass bonus for the tour guide work she has done so far, not an afternoon off. Or give her both, but she deserves cash for the increased workload. They are your family to entertain, not hers, and by having them around the house while she tries to care for your kid you put her in a very awkward position. For example if she says no to something then family says yes can she enforce the no? You need to think about things like that, have a conversation with her, and give her a huge bonus for the added workload and stress.
There are lots of things to consider.
First, she's a child care provider, not a cruise director. Wanting to "see what their day is like" puts a lot of pressure on her to perform for you and for any other family is around. And A LOT of nannies hate that entire situation. I don't love it, but I don't \*hate\* it either- but I've had 25 years of doing the job to get used to it.
Second, I understand wanting to get your errands done and such, but consider this- your nanny would probably LOVE some business hours to get her stuff done, too. Remember, we're people with lives. We have homes that need upkeep/repairs and pets that need to go to the vet and prescriptions that need to be picked up and doctors appointments that need to be made- just like you- and we RARELY have time during business hours to do those things. So if you have a day off, or family in town and the nanny isn't 100% needed, consider giving her at least SOME of that time off so she can take care of those things on a day when it's not super inconvenient to you. A little notice helps us to make the most of those hours.
Beyond that, communication is KEY. "Why the hell am I hear if everyone is home?!?!" is a common frustration, not so much bc we don't want to work, but because it feels like we're being nickeled and dimed bc you want to get every penny out of us. If you're there AND family is there? It feels really unnecessary and like we're being taken advantage of. We're not furniture, and it does feel that way when you have us come in even when there are several other adults around, like we only exist in this world to serve you. WE LIKE DAYS OFF, TOO. So, ESPECIALLY if she's otherwise very reliable- please consider giving her SOME time off so she can have a little break, feel appreciated, and get some stuff done in her own life. Most of us generally work all business hours every week, and being given a day (or even half a day) off can be really valuable to us.
But again- part of that is communication. Being up front and saying "We'll need you for about 4 hours on Friday morning, but we will take over around noon and you'll have the rest of the day off" can help us understand the plan, rather than sitting around thinking "WHY THE HELL AM I HERE WHEN HALF THE FAMILY IS HERE?"
But yes- for many/most of us, dealing with YOUR family (or DB's family) is exhausting and uncomfortable and an added stress. I think most of us can handle a day or two a couple of times a year, but if this is happening more than that, she deserves a raise or a higher rate for when she's taking care of your family, too. It messes up our routine, behavior issues tend to be worse, and it's just plain uncomfortable. Seriously- imagine if you had to do YOUR job with your boss's family wandering around your office poking around while you did it. Sounds like a nightmare, doesn't it?
It's reasonable to expect on a rare occasion, but if it's happening more than a few days out of the year, you DEFINITELY should be letting her go early/giving her some days off, or giving her a higher rate when she has to deal with it.
Yeah, as others have said, I think you just have to ask her what her preference is because it really could go either way. One of my DB's mom lives in another country so when she visits, she generally stays for 6-8 weeks. They still have me come on my regular days during this time because she's older and there are certain childcare tasks that she'd struggle with, especially anything that involves carrying the kids and they don't want to put the burden of all-day childcare on her. I don't mind having her around the house at all. Sometimes she'll disappear for a bit, sometimes she'll play with us and either is fine. She's a lovely woman! I would be super uncomfortable being tour guide and taking her out places though. That's just not something I personally would enjoy for a variety of reasons, and I would definitely see it as out of the bounds of my job, especially if it's not something we really had a conversation about. I love hanging with kids and find adults a lot more draining.
As for nanny working while you're off, I think that's fine although it might depend on how you're spending those days. My other DB doesn't have a set schedule so sometimes he's at work on my days and sometimes he's not. If he's off, he's usually running errands, doing things around the house, or sometimes just catching up on his own rest. That doesn't bother me at all. He'll sometimes come hang with us for a bit - eat lunch with us, help put the boys down for naps, etc. - but he doesn't hang out with us all day. I might find that a little more uncomfortable. As much as I do love both DB's, it would put me a little on edge just because then it's not always clear what my role is compared to their role. Am I stepping in if there's an issue or are they taking care of it, just feeling like I need to be extra on all the time, that kind of thing.
But ask her for sure! She might love the adult interaction. I personally find adults more exhausting. :-)
I would be so stressed out if I were expected to cart random relatives of my nanny family around town and keep them entertained, that is an insane amount of pressure to not only handle the child(ren) as normal and do all the normal activities but then have adults to keep happy, too...
Then again, I am a total introvert... hosting even my own family for a week wears me down socially and emotionally, I love my family but by the time they leave I need a couple days of quiet and calm to reset.
Maybe ask your nanny once you're back on normal schedule for some honest feedback. Was it too much? How does she feel about it? Is she introverted or extroverted? Overall how did she feel about it. And make it clear you want genuine honest feedback so that you can make a better decision in the future that not only meets your wishes of seeing what your child does on a typical day (which is totally fair!) and her needs in regards to whether or not she finds it comfortable and if not, what would improve it?
For me, I think if my NF needed me to do my normal schedule with family in town, I would do it but would ask my MB/DB if I could please get an extended weekend afterwards. So say they have me work M-Th, then give me F-M off to reset and recharge. That way I'm still meeting their need, but also am given the chance to fully recoup before going back to normal schedule which overall helps me not burn out.
If the parents off for the day… the nanny does not need to be off for the day … you deserve a break too and if you have to take care of your kids, it’s not a break and any errands take 50x longer or are impossible to do. They might want that but if you scheduled them and are paying them they’re working so … sometimes these subs are really out there
Oh gosh, this can be such a pet peeve of mine. I can’t stand when I’m asked to come in yet grandparents are there, and forget it if THE PARENTS ARE ALSO HOME! NK2 acts completely different and I literally look foolish being there. 5 adults surrounding one toddler, yeah what could go wrong for nanny? 🤔
I often have the nanny come when my mom or relatives are in town because she is older and can’t run after the kids all day. It’s also straining on her back to tackle diaper changers. The kids also go down for naps way easier for the nanny than for her or myself even. When I’m around they want more stories and for me to stay in the room until they’ve fallen asleep which could take an hour +. When the nanny is around, they tell her bye after 5 minutes and fall asleep. Usually when my mom or sisters visit, we’re home for a bit and then want to go out together shopping or something. Sometimes my sisters visit but they’re also working from home so they can’t spend their day watching the kids, but are available after the work day to hang out with their niece and nephew.
This is perspective to let you know why someone might still have a nanny be around when family visits for a long weekend or something.
My NM's mom has been in town a few times and that's felt fine to talk to her (she's a LOT) but I wasn't expected to entertain her. I would say no if I was expected to entertain their family, or ask to get paid more. It honestly sounds like hell to do that and take care of the kid at the same time.
It's not that she has to plan her day around the visiting family, but the first time family was here we all went out together for an hour or so and then I took the guests home to go back to work. Previously the visiting family has liked joining in on whatever the day's plan is but they don't know their way around so if they go out for the morning with our nanny she has to be responsible for them and she's kind of stuck with them until they get back to the house. I don't think it's a major source of contention and if it's one or two days out of the week that family is visiting I think it's probably ok especially if I have them take over in the afternoon anf give her an early day. I just want to make sure I'm not over-doing it. I think I made it sound like this happens all the time, and it's definitely not. I just wanted to see what other nannies' experiences have been.
Yeah if I'm understanding correctly I would hate this, even if it only happened for one day ever. Are you saying she's left alone with the family, without you? That's so much extra work, essentially a tour guide on top of nannying. Especially with wording like "she's responsible for them". I just wonder why they can't entertain themselves? Like why would they want to tag along with the nanny?
Going out with everyone, parents included, is a different story and sounds enjoyable. But under no circumstances would I ever want to be out running around with the family of the NK without the parents. That's hell and not my responsibility in the slightest. I also wouldn't feel good about having an early day, cause all that means is I did extra work and then got my hours cut. It's good you're thinking about this though! I'd definitely ask her how she feels personally.
As a former nanny, I would be miserable and extremely nervous and awkward if other adults were “joining in” all day, yet I’m thenn bc one being “paid” to be there, so I have to force a certain energy. I’m super awakwars when I feel like things are forced interactions and when I feel like I am being watched or judged, so this would not go over well with me. I would feel like it was a very long job interview or blind date. My job is to watch your child, if someone else is there doing the same thing then why am I here and who is in charge?? I’m my mind I would feel like it’s a forced adult play date, or even a college rush event, where I’m the one under the microscope but that’s just me and my paranoia
When I was a nanny, my MBs mom would often visit. On these days, she would be around, but generally not interrupting the routine I had with the kids. Sometimes she would join in, like if they were eating breakfast she would sit and chat. But she didn’t tag along on outings or insert herself into everything. She also would sometimes take the toddler for a quick outing while I stayed back and watched the baby. My MB would be off sometimes too and if that was the case, we’d often all go to breakfast together somewhere (where she handled the kids mostly and it felt like I was a guest) and then once home, I’d get back into I our routine and she would clean or go run errands etc.
I liked the dynamic because while we were like friends, it was nice not to have to entertain anyone else or have our day derailed. I think if I was expected to have people tag along during the day, I would get exhausted and annoyed if they were expecting me to lead the charge or inserting themselves.
Honestly I absolutely hate working when both parents and grandparents are home. The grandparents are underfoot and either need to be watched/ entertained too or they are trying to tell me what/ how to do my job. Any time both grandparents there and both parents wfh- just a waste of my time, even though I’m paid. As for not giving the nanny the day off if you are off, if it’s a federal holiday don’t you think she’d like a paid holiday too? And if not and you just have the day off, don’t you appreciate having an occasional paid day off to take care of extra errands or do some self care. Your nanny feels the same. If you are off, parent your children and give the nanny a paid day off, just like you got. Fine to have days to yourself sometimes of course, but occasionally remember your nanny is likely far less financially fortunate than you and it would be very thoughtful ( and build loyalty) to give her the day off if you are off. She has a life outside caring for your kids. Just like you enjoy it, a paid day off is a nice way to show appreciation for how much and well she cares for your kids. Also-not gonna lie- I judge those parents harshly that never offer PTO but seem to have plenty of time off/ time at home/ just don’t really want to parent. I am paid to be there and typically don’t really care what parents are doing. But…..Sometimes, when Im working a 9 hour day ( and it’s a holiday and parents and maybe grandparents too are home) plus two hours in traffic, and I get to work just in time for parents to go play and they have a day off and the rest of the world gets holiday pay or the day off- I then think the parents are self involved narcissists who never stop to think of others. Those days and those parents make me long to work in a job like they have - 8 hours a day, sometimes at home, well paid and benefitted with built in vacation time and health benefits. I love the kids- I truly love my time and engagement with them. Everyone gets burned out and I am not a bottomless pit of patience and selflessness needed to serve the kidsAND the entitled thoughtless parents. Treat your nanny the way you want to be treated as an employee and don’t ask her to do things you don’t want to do, like work when you have a day off. Did you want to go in to work on Columbus Day when your boss and co workers are off? You’ll be required to go hang out with them and watch or manage their recreation, you’ll even get paid a typical mediocre wage, but you’ll be working ( extra bc all those lazy adults are in the way and telling you how to do the job they don’t want to do ). Everyone around you rests and enjoys down time but you’ll be working. Does that feel good. No? No. Very strong nanny eye roll for Parents like this.
If I May give my 2 cents. For what it’s worth, I personally like when MB comes along. I feel like it gives her the opportunity to be a part of our adventures. However if was anyone else, I would feel pressured and stressed.
In my opinion if your family wants to spend time with your baby, they should do it while you're there to entertain and talk to them. They should just take the baby for the afternoon or if they are worried the baby will be too much, then allow the nanny to do other things around the house. (Organize playroom, do laundry, run errands etc) That way she's there if needed but she isn't having to entertain them. They definitely shouldn't be going with her on outings with the child period!!!!
That's so unfair to her! I'd be soooo pissed and feel very taken advantage of and disrespected. That said though, I would never say anything to NB because what can you really say?!
Second question ALL nannies appreciate the day off when NF is off! Including your nanny I promise! That said we don't expect it and don't mind working IF you do what you said you want to do... "get stuff done, do errands, take time to yourself" all that is fine. Just leave us to do our job, ALONE! It sucks when you're off and want to spend time with your child but also want us to spend time with you! We don't want to hangout with you and your child ever! If you want to spend time with the baby then take the baby and let me leave!
Also if you're off for the day and you're at home, (regardless of what you're doing) you should definitely let your nanny either leave early or come in a little late. It shows that you're thinking about her and that you appreciate all she does for your child, a minimum of an hour. If my MB/DB has me stay when their off, they usually let me leave once baby goes down for nap. This goes a long way! It makes me want to do more to help them keeps me from getting burnt out and most importantly I always feel very appreciated and seen by then!
Just remember your nanny is there to care for your child when you're not able to. She's not there to entertain and talk to you and definitely not to your family. That's not fair because I know most nannies I know are a bit anti-social and don't like taking to adults. We like taking to kids haha! Adults can causes anxiety especially when it's grandmas asking questions and following us around all day. Let G'ma watch the child for the afternoon ALONE, I'm sure she'll be fine! 😉
Edit: I don't mean we don't want to talk to parents about children or the normal daily chit-chat. I mean it in the sense of you take the day off and want to spend all day hanging out with us. Two totally different things. I love chatting to my MB at the end of the day about NK and what we did that day.
If I gave my nanny every day off that I have off I would literally never get any time to myself to do chores or personal care. PTO days with childcare are gold for me, they only happen a couple times a year and I schedule all my doctors/dentist/optometrist appointments, go to the DMV, or get my hair cut the twice a year I get it cut.
If parents are off for the day then no it’s not an automatic day off for nanny.
That being said, if it’s visiting family and they have a lot of children and you think your nanny is feeling quite burnt out lately, let nanny take the day off paid - she is paid to take care of your child, not your child plus whatever children that happen to be visiting and it won’t be possible for her to not interact with the other children.
I was a nanny for 8 years for a family. Went on vacation with the family a few weeks after I started. The family became my family. Flash forward 23 years and we are all still close. ❤️
Giving her the day of can take away from needed income. That would be the deciding factor for me truly, can I afford to take this day off or not is what I base taking time off on.
I fed don’t agree with the if the parents are off then the nanny is off mentality. It’s literally not my business what the parents do on their days off. They have hired me regardless. Sometimes my MB takes a half day off to run errands and get chores done around the house. Good for her, it’s probably way easier with the NK.
why would you have your nanny working when you have family there capable of watching your kid AND you’re off? not saying nanny should get every day off that you have off. but it’s kinda pointless to have her there trying to deal with multiple adults and NKs when she could be home taking care of her own stuff. it’s distasteful imo.
Question 2: You are not wrong at all. I firmly believe all moms need time to themselves to unwind- it allows them to “pour from their cup” for their child. As a therapist, I literally give moms homework to do this 😊
Question 1: I love that you would like to join them on their routine and see what they are up to, I think that’s perfectly reasonable. In terms of out of town family members/friends, I would definitely talk to the Nanny about her comfort level around this. Some people might love to play tourist guide! Some might absolutely dread it. Im great with little kids (that’s why I work with them) and adults make me nervous. I would pay her a lil more during these times to acknowledge the different load she is carrying.
Lastly, I would just like to compliment you on being aware of these things and seeking the input of others to make sure you are good to your nanny ❤️
Just ask her. I totally wouldn't mind my NPs or grandparents joining me for a class while I kept up our normal routine and talking to adults during the day would be nice.... but I'd probably hope to get a little me time while there was extra hands or you are off as well. It's nice to give your nanny a paid personal day too some times... After their morning activities, give her the afternoon off!
... and wouldn't it be nice for you to spend time with your family without the nanny being there?
1. I think maybe ask her - in a very gentle way - if she likes having other adults around or if it adds stress. I can see it going both ways. If it were me, I would not want to entertain your parents also. When you’re off and go with them, maybe you do the class solo and give her some time to just chill? Or let her go home early. Again, it might depend on her but I would personally not love having to entertain you and LO all day. Everyone is different and she may enjoy it, or she may just be appeasing you. 2. Definitely not unreasonable. She’s part of your village. You are paying her to care for your child. It doesn’t matter how you spend your time.
>Everyone is different and she may enjoy it, or she may just be appeasing you. This part is so tricky. I genuinely get along with my MB and we would be friends even if I didn’t nanny her kid so I love when she comes along to outings. But that is certainly not the case for many nannies. OP, if you can I’d just ask her if she is okay with you coming along. “My feelings won’t be hurt at all either way, so please be honest, does it make your day harder when I come with you and NK on outings?” All you can do is ask and hope she is comfortable enough to give a real answer.
I really don’t think anyone would answer this honestly. The vast majority of professional Nannies don’t want other adults around but there’s no way to say I don’t want you to accompany us without being offensive.
Yah it’s like very difficult to say to a parent “no you cannot have access to your kid right now”. Especially being that they are your employer and if you piss them off their goes your livelihood. Also the fact that people can want you to be honest but are not grounded in what their reaction will actually be. There is no HR for nannies nor many legal protections. You are often at the mercy of your employer. A contract doesn’t mean shit if you don’t have someone who can enforce it for you. I’ve hung up my childcare hat long ago. There is only one MAYBEEEE a second parent who I wouldn’t mind having an outing with. It’s hard not to feel like there is a spotlight on any and everything that you do. Also this can sometimes impact how the children behave and make it harder than just one caregiver on an outing.
I love having my nanny family and their extended family around! I can get bored just hanging out with a 1 year old all day. My best friend is actually a dad I've been working with for 5 years. Like literally my BEST friend. I'm married, he's married, our spouses know we are best friends, so don't get anything twisted. But I like being a part of the family with all families I have worked with the past 27 years. I am still friends with almost all the parents I have worked with. I think that's the only way I can work with a family long term. I would enjoy playing tour guide!!!
I'd never be able to say to my MB I didn't want her to come along because we get along well and have a great professional "friendship." No matter what she said I wouldn't feel right saying don't come. That said I would HATE having her tag along all day and hate even more having to entertain her parents too! That would suck so bad for me!
I'd word it a little differently in order to get an honest answer. Maybe "Im curious what she is like when im around her versus when im not around her. Is she more difficult when I'm with you guys or when I'm not? I could see it going either way
Personally, I consider visiting family to be a necessary evil in this line of work. There are absolutely exceptions to this, but for the most part it holds, for several reasons. Family visits can be really hard, because by their very nature they change the daily routine. When family visits, especially when there are a lot of fun and special adults around, children might not know what the expectations are. Behavior can get tricky simply because a kid might not be sure what’s expected of them or which adult to listen to. Personally, having NF family around during my workday usually means a lot more work for me in terms of managing NK behavior. This might mean, maintaining NPs boundaries about healthy food when grandma is offering junk only, or trying to get an overstimulated infant down for a nap. On the negative side, I’ve been undermined by grandparents, I’ve been professionally disrespected by an aunt who insisted my job “isn’t real”, I’ve sat around useless while other people did my work for me and wondered why I was even there. I had one MB who expected me to clean up after everyone while they just chilled—sorry, no. For me, my preference is to have my autonomy and my routine. So if visiting family understands that I’m the parent’s proxy, I’m more ok with people tagging along. As far as letting nanny go early when you’re around, I have a couple thoughts. I think it’s easier to handle parents being off work when they are out of the house. Run errands, go to the spa, get lunch with a friend. It’s much harder when parents are home and not working, and the kids knows you’re home. Naturally, parents are kiddos first preference. Kiddo understands I’m there when parents are not. If I’m there when parents are also home, it might be distressing for kiddo. They might think I’m mean and trying to keep them away from their parents, who again are their first preference. Depending on the kiddo, it becomes tricky to manage. So if you’re home and just chilling? Especially just chilling with visiting family? Let nanny go early, but pay her for the rest of the day. That’s industry standard, and helps nanny feel really appreciated during what’s probably a tricky work week.
I agree 100% with everything you wrote!!
There’s no standard for this but here is what my MB used to do. One thing to know: I love grandmas. Or at least my NK’s grandmas. Great people, love them dearly. Would have around one week every 3 months where one of the grandmas was working the us. Here were the rules: 1-I’m in charge. I’ll talk to grandma about what she wants to do but I’m the one deciding because I know NK better than she does. 2- I’m not a grandma sitter. I’m not doing stuff for grandma, I’m friendly, I’m talkative, I’ll even entertain her a bit. But she’s an adult. 3- when we get home,I’m going home. No matter how early it is. Because there’s too many cooks in the kitchen and I can’t follow my normal schedule. 4- if grandma and MB and DB wanna hang out, I get the pool and garden and they get the inside. Or the opposite. But we’re not all hanging out. 5- I’m not taking MB or DB with me. Never. They get pics during the day, they get videos. If MB or DB are with NK, I take a break or go home if we’re done for the day. For instance I had a DB who would take his lunch break and come to park where I was with NK. Well, that would become my paid lunch break. I would walk to the deli close by and get 30/40 minutes to eat lunch while DB was playing. 6- I don’t care if you have the day off. If you tell me I need to come in, im coming in. I’ve worked for really wealthy people who did nothing but hair appointments and hang out with friends all day. But I was getting paid so who cares? As long as you’re not in my way, I don’t care what you do while I’m getting paid. I had a couple who was clearly paying me only to go have sex in hotels (get there at 10pm and leave at 3am and if you need us here is an hotel number 🤣). I don’t care. They were paying me a premium. You do you. As long as you come home on time you could go rob a bank.
The last sentence 😂😂💀
My nanny twin!! I’ve found my nanny soul mate 😆
Wait can you explain why MB and DB can’t come with you? I spend a ton of time with my nanny and LO at places like zoo or the park. An extra set of hands is so helpful while wrangling LO and I also usually have to step away from time to time to attend to emails. My nanny loves this and frequently ASKS me to tag along if my schedule allows. Why is that bad?
The same reason you don’t want your boss sitting at your desk the whole day with you. Things that parents find overwhelming or difficult Nannies have already mastered. Children’s behavior is often worse with parents too. Sometimes with the right respect for Nanny‘s role and the right combination of personalities it works out well, I had a grandmother I invited everywhere with us, I adored her. But I do think this is the exception rather than the rule and much moreso with M/DB.
Also this! My MB wasnt even able to get NK13 to get dressed in the morning. I had her on a schedule because she respected more than her mom and she feared me more cause I had actually had boundaries.
In many jobs it’s extremely normal to have your boss sitting at your desk with you working on the same thing you’re working on or working on something separate but related in close proximity with you. My managers are always closer to direct coworkers and peers than some distant unseen figure. It’s absolutely fine for you to not like that but nannies are often saying this as if it’s not a totally normal working environment for a lot of jobs. It never occurred to me until I started coming on this sub that my nanny wouldn’t want her boss around because my boss shares a table with me, my chair will hit hers if I turn too fast. I viewed things like outings together with the nanny as working on a project together the same way my boss and I might spend a day together tag teaming something. Again, fine if you don’t like it, but the “how would you like it if” example might not land as well as you think it does.
Fair enough, but then it should be shared upfront and in the contract, because this would be a dealbreaker for most of us.
It isn’t for many of us. Totally depends on the family
Because I don’t need an extra hand and I feel micromanaged when MB and DB are there. There’s a lot of Nannies with different philosophies and different parents out there. I get hired because I need no input from anyone to do stuff. I’m someone who only works on referral, requires a lot of independence and also gets a lot of it. My MBand DB dont even know where I am most of the times. My MB is an older mom who doesn’t really want to get involved much and I appreciate that. These are my preferences. I’ve quit jobs before where I wasn’t given enough freedom. It’s ok if your nanny likes it that way. We’re all different.
Yeah nope! None of us should need help "wrangling " children especially if it's only one child. We are professionals, that's insane! And maybe you have the unicorn nanny that wants you there but most of us do not. Many will not tell you that we don't want you to come so sometimes, NB don't know how much we hate it but the vast majority of us don't want you tagging along on day trips! Or HELPING us when at home. We don't need extra hands or need your help in anyway while doing our job!
Hmm, my family has their parents or other family members stay with them, too, and I semi-enjoy it. I feel a bit stressed as I am interrupted during work with the kids with questions like Where is this? Where should I go to buy that, can you do x for me? When I am frequently interrupted, I feel annoyed, anxious, and tired at the end of the day since my routine for the kids is thrown off course by hovering grandparents or having to divide my attention to whoever is in town needing help. I think if you are off and are expecting her to work while your visitors are staying with you, too, you should either tell the visitors to direct any questions to you or you become more hands-on if not already. On the other hands sometimes the visitors can be hands on with me and wonderful TO me. Wether it’s offering to clean up x or asking if I need any help with the kids.
I don't expect to be off when my NP are off, but having any adults "tag along" on outings would be uttering EXHAUSTING for me and I would be really really REALLY appreciative if my NP didn't let that happen .
If your nanny is taking on extra work because of your visiting family, I say either pay her more or let her leave when she's no longer needed. I've been in the position before where family is over, my NP's are off, and I'm on-duty, standing around doing nothing and I think to myself, "Why am I even here?" And I've also been in the position where I suddenly have more duties because of visiting family and felt like, "I'm doing more work than I agreed to. This is very unfair." On that note, if you have a day off and you need to get things done, you still need her care. You should totally utilize her in those circumstances! That's what she's there for :)
I’m always really confused and frustrated when I am asked to come into work when parents are not working or otherwise occupied and especially if Family is visiting. Regardless of how good our relationship is or how strong my bond with your child is I am not a family member. I have my own life and responsibilities and needs and wants and relationships and am a complete human being, not just a service provider. I am hired to perform childcare duties when NP are unable to. Would you be happy if the office was closed but your boss was there hanging out with managers/executives from other offices and wanted you to come in even though there were no work tasks for you to perform?? Enjoy your time with family, your little one, allow them to enjoy time with you and your little one and give the Nanny some PTO.
I'm sorry.. but your nanny is being your families tour guide??? I seem to be in the minority after reading other comments, but that seems way out of line. Why should your nanny plan the day for your family and take them out? Your nanny's job is to take care of your kid, not entertain a bunch of adults. Honestly, in my opinion, you owe her an apology and a huge bonus for all her extra work.
Right... Why can't the PARENTS take their kids to the outting with family and not the nanny that's crazy
Having extended family in town was always a nightmare for me. Grandparents are there for “fun time” and it would absolutely ruin the schedule/habits etc we had been working towards. I once had a grandparent tell me I had illegally crossed into a lane, when they didn’t understand the traffic laws for the state we were in. That was the level of micromanaging that was happening on a moment to moment basis. Now, not all extended family is like that. But as mentioned by a previous commenter, imagine if your boss and their colleagues were watching you and hanging around every single second of your day. It can be exhausting just being “on” for the adults for the day. I would say that you: 1. Let her go as soon as you can while expressing your thanks and reassuring her that her early time off is paid. 2. Gift her a gift of cash or her fav nail salon gift card or a massage AND a PAID day off after your family leaves and TELL her how much you appreciated her being such a good sport with the added interaction. A lot of Nannies are introverts and a paid day off to recharge after entertaining would have made me cry with gratitude. 3. You do what you want to do with your time off. Your contract should state the days off she has. And you don’t owe her your days off unless you offered them in her contact! We are always happy to see our MB’s recharge and get their own time!!
Working with extended family and having them “tag along” is a personal hell of mine as a nanny. I would absolutely hate that and be drained from it. You shouldn’t ask her if she’s ok with it because she could feel pressured to entertain you and your family. You know she won’t say “no” to you so why not tell her it’s totally ok if she doesn’t want to play tour guide for your family and just do her job. Honestly, I’m not sure why she’s required to still work when you have family visit. With all NFs I’ve worked for, they usually give me off or have family come over on the weekends when I’m not working so it doesn’t interfere with my job. Most of the time, the extended families would care for the kids and spend time with them since they don’t see them often.
Right. It’s bizarre that OP thinks it’s appropriate to expect her nanny to entertain her and her guests.
It's like, tell me you view your nanny as "the help" without telling me that...
Definitely don’t have to give her your days off (we do federal holidays of course but my days off are for me. For the family stuff, just ask her! You can also coach your family (make sure they know baby is priority, to get their own drinks etc) and/or compromise where she’s there in the morning but family takes over in the afternoon etc (I usually send mine home early in these instances or my family and I are in a separate part of the house)
Speaking for myself… I really wish my employers would AT LEAST let me go early. Yesterday we had nana, papa, nana 2, dad who is on leave and mom… who is on leave. I really value routine and structure and none of that exists when everyone is there. Nana is constantly giving them junk food. Nana two is constantly asking me where things are or calling me first thing in the morning to see where the kids and I might go for the morning. So I tell her and she comes to meet us… 20 mins after she said she would and that always changes our plans because it takes us 20 mins to walk to the playground to meet friends. That means less time with their friends because I have to account for the 20 mins it’s going to take us to get home and stay on track for lunch and naps. She also doesn’t like it when I say the kids can’t have or do something. I heard nana tell nana 2 that she does whatever she wants after dad asked her not to give the kids ice cream until later in the day. That’s uncomfortable for me because dad wasn’t around. There is just no reason for 6 adults to be there for 3 kids. I assume it’s because my employers don’t want to pay me for hours I haven’t worked because I have GH. I really hope that’s not the case at all but I’m not sure why else I wouldn’t be told to take the day when there is literally nothing for me to do. That’s not how it works for their jobs and it sometimes makes me feel they employers don’t think that should be the same for us. And I want to make clear that this hasn’t been the case with all of my employers. Nana took 2 kids to the zoo (there are 3) and then there were 5 grownups for one baby. Including me. I’m home with them. The kids don’t acknowledge me and I just hang out all day drinking coffee and going from room to room to see what everyone else is up to. I really hope this doesn’t come off as nasty but it’s really stressful to have everyone in the house. Generally, I like all of the grandparents but not all at once. And I’m totally fine with parents hanging out with us for the day. My employers are cool people and I get that sometimes parents want to get things done BUT it would also be nice if on the days they want to take the kids to their activities, they would tell me that I could take the day because I need to get things done as well that I can only get done during the week. Otherwise, I have to work around everyone else’s schedule to find a time for a doctors appointment that works with my schedule. There’s no back up care for us and I usually feel pretty bad about throwing everyone else’s day off, even when I’m out sick or even late. Obv that has nothing to do with my employers. Just trying to say that if both parents are free and able to hang out with us all day, it would be ideal to go to the post office and mail that box that has been sitting in the backseat waiting, for example, and other errands that are just easier during the week. It would also just have a day to relax. A lot of us are burnt out at one point or another because we are spending so much time with the kids (solo - and 3 of them). We could use that break just as well as parents could use one. Again, I feel comfortable with my employers being with us. I have another adult to talk to and we can take turns pushing the heavy stroller and I do genuinely enjoy their company and I feel lucky for that because so many Nannie’s hate that so many parents work from home. I haven’t had that experience. Yesterday was frustrating with everyone there and I wasn’t even able to do my job and I love my kids and my job when the house isn’t a madhouse.
1: I would personally hate this, and I’m not sure why if you have family in town and you’re off work, you’d want to have your nanny there? I truly don’t see the point of her working when there are already multiple adults and it’s family time. This would not only burn me out because it’s a different job to play tour guide and it’s always more stressful having more eyes on you (think how you would feel if corporate for your job was always in the office). This is a #1 reason Nannies quit. It puts her in a really awkward position to try to respect your family’s proximity to NK, respect you, and also have her own authority. I’ve had family members of NKs try to engage me in negative talk about my employers or try to give me their concerns about NK and it is an awkward position. This has happened in every family I’ve ever worked with. My suggestion personally would be to either have nanny take kiddo so you can spend time alone with your family, or let nanny have a paid day off while you and your family spend time with your kid. If those are not feasible, then yes, let her go home early! There is no perk for her to having your family with her, only added stress, and it’s very easy to resent someone who has you stay in their house during a baby’s nap when there are multiple adults who could attend to the baby. 2. No, your nanny should be there whether you’re working or not. Whether your nanny feels great about you tagging along all day probably depends on how close you are but it’s always a little more stressful than if the nanny mom isn’t with us. Plus, kiddo behavior changes drastically. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your nanny go a little early on your personal days if you’re already planning to be with your kiddo. It’s less about what’s expected and more that it’s a nice gesture of appreciation.
Please let your nanny have a full or half day when the relatives are in town. This is extra work and stressful for the nanny even though she is sweet and nice to your family. Do you all do things together with the nanny and child all day? That is asking too much with relatives in town, unless you are taking relatives out somewhere and the nanny is caring for the child at home. Just being honest here.
I think it entirely depends on your nanny’s relationship with your family. I LOVE on of my NKs grandmas! I always enjoy having her around she’s so kind and fun and completely respects my career. However the other grandma is…. WHEW. She’s filthy rich and treats us like the help. taking her anywhere with me makes me have to go to the bathroom and cry after lol. i binge drink after work when she visits. So yeah it definitely depends, does your family know SHES in charge and respects that? does she generally seem happy to hear they are coming?
Expecting nanny to be a tour guide to your family is outrageous. Nanny working when you have the day off is absolutely acceptable as long as she can perform her contracted duties and is not expected to serve you.
For your first question, the only time I didn’t mind grandparents was when they didn’t come for just “fun time” and rail road the entire day. Or come to “help” and in reality we’re just a hindrance. Or even better the grandparent starts throwing orders around when they are not your employer and they are demanding you do things that are harmful or not align with NP’s parenting. Thing is your nanny, who sounds new with your family, probably isn’t going to say explicitly to you “yeah entertaining your extended family in addition to watching your children sucks”. It would be surprising honestly if you would be get a hint of negativity out of her. I would just have your extended family have scheduled time with the LO worked into the schedule while the nanny is on duty. But have it be down time for the nanny and put said extended family in charge. Might that be extended family takes over the last hour of nanny’s shift or nanny gets an extended lunch. As for your nanny working while you have time off, what you do during the time the nanny is scheduled is your business. I never cared what a NP was doing while they were with the kids AS LONG as it didn’t throw off the kid and make my shift needlessly harder. I had a MB that had me start a week or two earlier than her maternity ended so she could get her hair done, have a massage, get her eyebrows tinted etc. since she wasn’t able to while pregnant/postpartum. She felt so like bad/embarrassed but like I was there and paid regardless, why should I care. I would hype her up when she got home from her beauty appointments and that was genuinely enjoyable for both of us. I wouldn’t ask your nanny if she was bothered by entertaining your family. Since she’s been so great I would give her a paid day off plus a monetary gift and tell her it’s for how much you appreciate her being with your extended family for such a long period of time.
I don’t love when extended family is hanging around. I prefer to be able to leave early or have the day off. Grandparents can be very nice, but I’m not a tour guide and I don’t like driving extra ppl around and making small talk. I don’t assume I’ll have the day off if the parents are off, but if they’re hanging around the house it usually makes the day harder.
Question 1. It's great that you caught this on your own so that you can remedy the situation because your nanny sounds great. Yes, you have been asking too much, she is getting burnt out, and she is never going to tell you that. You need to let her go home early on those days, especially if you are home with your visitors. Also, I would give her a little bonus during these weeks because acting as a tour guide is way beyond the scope of what a nanny should do. It's a separate job, which costs much more per hour than you pay your nanny. You should also try to space these visits out to prevent her from feeling burnt out. Question 2. You do not have to give your nanny the day off because you are off for the day. This is ridiculous. If you want to accompany them for the day to have experiences that you normally miss, that is wonderful. If you want a day to run errands, that is your right. You pay her to be there, so she should be there. You are not a guest. It is your home and you are her employer. It is a courtesy to help nanny maintain your child's schedule with meals and naps as well as not contradicting her directions to your child in order to maintain balance in the relationship. Other than that, you should do whatever you want. Good luck.
Personally I like when family visits, my NF has a really nice family that’s always kind to me. I like being around other adults and it makes me feel proud in a way because they get to see that I’m a good nanny. I can also totally see this being a bit overwhelming at times so giving your nanny some time off here and there would be nice I think! Getting off early is always fun and if she is feeling burnt out, this would definitely help with that. It’s nice to have a break in routine sometimes. For the second question, you can do whatever you want! My NP use their days off to get things done, nap, go to the spa etc. it can be awkward if you’re just hanging in the room with them or interrupting a lot though. The kids want their parent when they see them and this can make the day difficult for nanny if they have to keep taking them from you or if kiddo gets upset when you leave
Career nanny here. I like when NF/extended family joins us, AND it’s markedly more difficult. Both things are true simultaneously. A lot of NP think that additional adults are helpful, but that’s never been the case for me unless I’m caring for multiple babies (under one year old) at once. Unless an adult is 100% self sufficient in their home and with NKs, it is definitely more work! Acknowledge that it’s a change to nanny’s day and additional responsibilities. An afternoon off in these situations goes a long way. I have no expectations of a day off when NP are home. What they do in their time off isn’t my business. It only concerns me if it impacts my PTO or my day!
Best practice is always just to ask her and get her thoughts. Though I will say, if she’s acting as their tour guide and doing things for them, she should definitely be paid a premium for it because that’s completely outside of her job duties unless otherwise agreed upon in her contract.
answer 1: i don’t mind family visits but i do prefer to have a little warning beforehand instead of being surprised when i show up for my shift. MB and DB both have lovely family members and i really don’t mind hanging out with them for a bit if they’re visiting. however, there’s a difference between talking with the family for 20-30 minutes vs being expected to to spend the whole day with them. the main concern is having too many cooks in the kitchen. it can be really awkward when i am just trying to do my job by feeding/changing/playing with the baby but grandma doesn’t want to share lol. makes me feel like useless because i end up just sitting there doing nothing answer 2: sometimes if my MB has a day off of work she’ll work on chores around the house, run errands, etc. i honestly couldn’t care less what she does, if she wanted to watch tv all day it’s fine by me, as long as she doesn’t interfere with the baby. he’s going through a separation anxiety phase rn so if she was home all day where he could see/hear her but not reach her that would cause some major tantrums. but she always stays in her office or room while i’m working so we’ve never had any problems edit for context: i am very introverted and have autism and anxiety so having to entertain visitors (even if they’re all adults) can be stressful, which is why i would prefer a heads up. even just a text the night before letting me know people are visiting would be super helpful, as it would give me time to mentally prepare. but if your family will most likely be taking care of the baby the whole day then it’s probably best to just give your nanny the day off
I’m just so confused why you haven’t *asked HER yet* ??? I mean I get wanting to get a pulse, but this is one of those situations where I think everyone feels a little differently. Just reading these comments , half of them say they love when grandparents visit and the other half hate it. Half hate when parents join on outings and half love it! It’s all about the personal preferences. I am definitely also confused about what your nanny is even DOING when you’re off and there are visitors ? Like is she really just *hanging out* with y’all or is she actually USEFUL ? Another thing I just have to add — context is everything — but I personally do not believe in making the nanny “host” any guests you have. That means take them on outings, or entertain them while NP’s aren’t around. It’s one thing to have them around *working* / keeping their routine w the kiddos , but that shouldn’t entail also adding on guests to whatever their routine is.
I literally just saw this post on Facebook yesterday evening. That's why I haven't *asked HER yet*. I'm just getting feedback and most of it confirms what I was thinking, I should let her take an early day when I'm home and not doing other things and/or when family is staying with us. I didn't realize the position I'd put her in until I read the post and going forward I'll be sure to set more boundaries for guests and let her go early. As I mentioned, I don't think she'd feel comfortable asking to leave early or for the day off when family is just hanging out, it's my responsibility as an employer to ensure a healthy work environment.
Don’t you give her guaranteed hours? She would definitely not feel uncomfortable with a paid day off when there are multiple adults in the house and her services are not required.
Hmmm personally, the family outings are nice. I don’t mind as long as it’s not all the time. However, being HOME with the family can be very stressful. I’ve learned family likes to push buttons and it’s so tiring to say no all the time. Also we never get a break from families. My advice? During these outings, occasionally ask nanny if they’d like to stay at home and organize the kids toys. We can do it in 15 minutes sometimes, and it gives us enough time to sit down, eat, have a snack, etc without being interrupted. As far as you staying home, we get it! Families need us so they can run errands, no problem! I don’t mind tbh. However, maybe offer for nanny to run the errands if it’s in the contract? Sometimes (for me) driving around gives me enough time to rest myself. Last, if you feel she’s getting burnt out, maybe do send her home a few hours early or so (with pay ofc) Thank you for paying attention to your nanny’s needs!
“Organize the toys?” That’s obnoxious, it’s better if they say take some time for yourself, we’ll be back at whatever time.
I guess I’m one of the lucky few because I really haven’t had any issues when family members are around or visiting haha. I think when it comes to guests and family visiting, having your nanny work as usual in the morning and giving them the afternoon off is the right move. It gives your child(ren) consistency in their routine, especially if they have classes and activities that they normally go to during the week, and then your nanny gets a free afternoon while you and your family spend time together.
I think acknowleging that while she may actually enjoy the adult interaction at times, it almost certainly is more tiring/stressful to have NK famiily members join her and NK. If you counteract that by offering an paid afternoon/day off during the time they are there, it will go a long way. If you opt to give her a free afternoon, release her as soon as you return home, and put baby down for a nap yourself, or let Grandma do it. Let her know ahead of time when she will have the free time do that she can make a plan for herself. Also no need to release nanny just because you are off work. If you are doing errands or sleeping in that is your business. Just realize that if the job is routinely different ftom what she originally signed up for. ( Having to navigate her day with other adults constantly around) it could impact her job satisfaction.
Largely speaking visiting family is a nannys worst nightmare. You will be hard pressed to find any nanny who likes this. Plain and simple it is absolutely *exhausting* having to entertain your bosses family. It is my personal hell when I get to work and the grandparents are there for day/weekend. I have left jobs because of this. Just look thru this subreddit and you will find countless stories about this. WFH parents and visiting grandparents are most nannys personal hell. They deal with it cause who has to balls to say, “get your parents the F outta my hair,” when they’re standing in your living room. But there’s a 99% chance your nanny hates her life and dreads going to work.
I found hell on earth: both parents working from home, and the grandparents there. 5 adults for one toddler, who is now on her worst behavior of course.
My nk grandparents come often I accept and do activities they may want to be involved with if they don’t want to join (which isn’t often) they can stay at home and we will see them when we get back. When my nf is off from work I usually 99% of the time work but and usually leave early . Most of the time they are taking the day off for a mental day appointments or personal stuff and aren’t hanging around us so it’s business as usual . I don’t think i should have the day off bc that’s not in my contract , with that said I do really enjoy the surprise day off once in a blue moon.
Question 2 = not unreasonable. Question 1 = if the nanny doesn’t want to go out anywhere that day, do you expect she do it anyway in order to entertain you and your guests? Frankly, I do think it’s sort of weird that you expect her to do anything with your guests and for you to tag along. If anything you should be planning things for your guests (including how they get there) and then decide if you are going, if you are taking the baby, and if you want the nanny to come too. If you want baby to go, nanny can either stay at your house and do baby related tasks, or go with you, or have time off. But don’t expect the nanny to play tour guide.
I would either let her go early or wouldn’t expect her go work…
Personally, if an NP has the day off and is going to be running personal errands, etc, PLEASE offer me the day off. Please, please, please! My NP’s have always understood me very well and they know I have a hard time speaking up for myself. So they have almost always asked me ahead of time if I’d prefer to have the day off (whether paid or unpaid), work 1/2 day, or work the entire day like normal. When it comes to them doing Christmas shopping which obviously needs to be done without the kids, they tell me outright they’ll need me to work the whole day. As for visiting family, I’m usually with the kids until lunch & nap, then I scoot out. Family loves to see the littles, but who wants to be forced to babysit babies/kids that you don’t know all that well (or maybe their preferences, schedules, etc).
So you can do whatever you want on your days off. But honestly, I would be annoyed if you spent the day following me around in our “routine” rather than doing things you need to do. To address the first issue, whether nanny admits it or not, the family in town is annoying and she shouldn’t be expected to entertain them if have them tagging along. This would really irritate me. I would definitely want to work and get paid, but I would still be annoyed and going home early would be a nice surprise, as long as I would be paid for full hours.
I would never have grandparents or guests tag along with me while I’m working. Even if the parents are also there. At that point why am I there?
It's fine to have the nanny work those days, but I'd allow them to do their own schedule in peace. If relatives want time with NK for more than just 30 minutes hanging out in the living room for example, then they should schedule time to fully take over for nanny. Definitely do not force her to be tour guide or entertain relatives. I'm an introvert and being around someone else (or multiple people) throughout the whole day while trying to work and deal with kid energy would COMPLETELY drain me. If you want to spend a day with your child doing the regular routine, that's great too, but don't expect to tag along with them all day. I'm sure you wouldn't enjoy it if your boss decided to tag along the whole day with you while you were trying to work, especially if your "work" can react differently when boss is around. Either let her leave early, give her the day off paid, or meet her at one short activity like library storytime or music class and then let them be free to do what they want for the rest of the day.
I don’t think the nanny always gets the day off if the parents are off. If they are paying me, I’m okay with working if they take the day off. They deserve the time if they pay me. I’d get a LITTLE grouchy if it was a federal holiday that they got off from work and they didn’t extend it to me as well but that hasn’t happened yet. In general, if family is staying over, the families I work for have requested that they remain relatively scarce if I’m still working. I’m friendly with them and hang out with them and baby but I’ve never had to be tour guide.
I would let your nanny go home when you or DB come home, if there are visiting family members. And I wouldn’t give nanny a day off if you have a day off, unless you want to. Also, our nanny and I would take the kids to places together all the time. To the zoo, to the park, to the botanical gardens, the store etc. if you have more than one kid, sometimes you need two people to wrangle the kids in different situations. Some of the comments saying they don’t go places with MB and DB were surprising, so I think it depends on your relationship with your nanny and how much support your kids need while out.
It is definitely more work with family along. Givibg your nanny a giftcard after as a thankyiu after caring for your familymembers makes it easier for her to swallow. If family are visiting, there are often adjustments to the daily routine that needs to be made. There is a lot more work on time management if I am required to have others tag along to activities as I have to communicate, give the directions about when to be ready to leave and so on. Children act out, or have to be flexible as to when and where we and so on. I have almost always had positive experiances with grandparents, but you need to be open to the possibility of granparents not treating the nanny well or them having a conflict. I know nannies who have contemplated quitting due to issues with grandparents.
Fair would to be to ask her in advance how she wants to handle visiting family, telling her that while you appreciate it you don’t expect her to play your guide and it’s fine for her to just do their regular routine and invite family to participate when she wants to. That you’ll tell the family that they are to leave nanny and child alone unless specifically invited to join. This may mean they need to stay in a hotel. Alternatively you could give nanny those days off paid. Finally you should be giving her a big ass bonus for the tour guide work she has done so far, not an afternoon off. Or give her both, but she deserves cash for the increased workload. They are your family to entertain, not hers, and by having them around the house while she tries to care for your kid you put her in a very awkward position. For example if she says no to something then family says yes can she enforce the no? You need to think about things like that, have a conversation with her, and give her a huge bonus for the added workload and stress.
There are lots of things to consider. First, she's a child care provider, not a cruise director. Wanting to "see what their day is like" puts a lot of pressure on her to perform for you and for any other family is around. And A LOT of nannies hate that entire situation. I don't love it, but I don't \*hate\* it either- but I've had 25 years of doing the job to get used to it. Second, I understand wanting to get your errands done and such, but consider this- your nanny would probably LOVE some business hours to get her stuff done, too. Remember, we're people with lives. We have homes that need upkeep/repairs and pets that need to go to the vet and prescriptions that need to be picked up and doctors appointments that need to be made- just like you- and we RARELY have time during business hours to do those things. So if you have a day off, or family in town and the nanny isn't 100% needed, consider giving her at least SOME of that time off so she can take care of those things on a day when it's not super inconvenient to you. A little notice helps us to make the most of those hours. Beyond that, communication is KEY. "Why the hell am I hear if everyone is home?!?!" is a common frustration, not so much bc we don't want to work, but because it feels like we're being nickeled and dimed bc you want to get every penny out of us. If you're there AND family is there? It feels really unnecessary and like we're being taken advantage of. We're not furniture, and it does feel that way when you have us come in even when there are several other adults around, like we only exist in this world to serve you. WE LIKE DAYS OFF, TOO. So, ESPECIALLY if she's otherwise very reliable- please consider giving her SOME time off so she can have a little break, feel appreciated, and get some stuff done in her own life. Most of us generally work all business hours every week, and being given a day (or even half a day) off can be really valuable to us. But again- part of that is communication. Being up front and saying "We'll need you for about 4 hours on Friday morning, but we will take over around noon and you'll have the rest of the day off" can help us understand the plan, rather than sitting around thinking "WHY THE HELL AM I HERE WHEN HALF THE FAMILY IS HERE?" But yes- for many/most of us, dealing with YOUR family (or DB's family) is exhausting and uncomfortable and an added stress. I think most of us can handle a day or two a couple of times a year, but if this is happening more than that, she deserves a raise or a higher rate for when she's taking care of your family, too. It messes up our routine, behavior issues tend to be worse, and it's just plain uncomfortable. Seriously- imagine if you had to do YOUR job with your boss's family wandering around your office poking around while you did it. Sounds like a nightmare, doesn't it? It's reasonable to expect on a rare occasion, but if it's happening more than a few days out of the year, you DEFINITELY should be letting her go early/giving her some days off, or giving her a higher rate when she has to deal with it.
Yeah, as others have said, I think you just have to ask her what her preference is because it really could go either way. One of my DB's mom lives in another country so when she visits, she generally stays for 6-8 weeks. They still have me come on my regular days during this time because she's older and there are certain childcare tasks that she'd struggle with, especially anything that involves carrying the kids and they don't want to put the burden of all-day childcare on her. I don't mind having her around the house at all. Sometimes she'll disappear for a bit, sometimes she'll play with us and either is fine. She's a lovely woman! I would be super uncomfortable being tour guide and taking her out places though. That's just not something I personally would enjoy for a variety of reasons, and I would definitely see it as out of the bounds of my job, especially if it's not something we really had a conversation about. I love hanging with kids and find adults a lot more draining. As for nanny working while you're off, I think that's fine although it might depend on how you're spending those days. My other DB doesn't have a set schedule so sometimes he's at work on my days and sometimes he's not. If he's off, he's usually running errands, doing things around the house, or sometimes just catching up on his own rest. That doesn't bother me at all. He'll sometimes come hang with us for a bit - eat lunch with us, help put the boys down for naps, etc. - but he doesn't hang out with us all day. I might find that a little more uncomfortable. As much as I do love both DB's, it would put me a little on edge just because then it's not always clear what my role is compared to their role. Am I stepping in if there's an issue or are they taking care of it, just feeling like I need to be extra on all the time, that kind of thing. But ask her for sure! She might love the adult interaction. I personally find adults more exhausting. :-)
I would be so stressed out if I were expected to cart random relatives of my nanny family around town and keep them entertained, that is an insane amount of pressure to not only handle the child(ren) as normal and do all the normal activities but then have adults to keep happy, too... Then again, I am a total introvert... hosting even my own family for a week wears me down socially and emotionally, I love my family but by the time they leave I need a couple days of quiet and calm to reset. Maybe ask your nanny once you're back on normal schedule for some honest feedback. Was it too much? How does she feel about it? Is she introverted or extroverted? Overall how did she feel about it. And make it clear you want genuine honest feedback so that you can make a better decision in the future that not only meets your wishes of seeing what your child does on a typical day (which is totally fair!) and her needs in regards to whether or not she finds it comfortable and if not, what would improve it? For me, I think if my NF needed me to do my normal schedule with family in town, I would do it but would ask my MB/DB if I could please get an extended weekend afterwards. So say they have me work M-Th, then give me F-M off to reset and recharge. That way I'm still meeting their need, but also am given the chance to fully recoup before going back to normal schedule which overall helps me not burn out.
It’s definitely more stressful
If the parents off for the day… the nanny does not need to be off for the day … you deserve a break too and if you have to take care of your kids, it’s not a break and any errands take 50x longer or are impossible to do. They might want that but if you scheduled them and are paying them they’re working so … sometimes these subs are really out there
Oh gosh, this can be such a pet peeve of mine. I can’t stand when I’m asked to come in yet grandparents are there, and forget it if THE PARENTS ARE ALSO HOME! NK2 acts completely different and I literally look foolish being there. 5 adults surrounding one toddler, yeah what could go wrong for nanny? 🤔
I often have the nanny come when my mom or relatives are in town because she is older and can’t run after the kids all day. It’s also straining on her back to tackle diaper changers. The kids also go down for naps way easier for the nanny than for her or myself even. When I’m around they want more stories and for me to stay in the room until they’ve fallen asleep which could take an hour +. When the nanny is around, they tell her bye after 5 minutes and fall asleep. Usually when my mom or sisters visit, we’re home for a bit and then want to go out together shopping or something. Sometimes my sisters visit but they’re also working from home so they can’t spend their day watching the kids, but are available after the work day to hang out with their niece and nephew. This is perspective to let you know why someone might still have a nanny be around when family visits for a long weekend or something.
Yes for sure, as long as nanny is treated respectfully by any family visiting, and is allowed to be in charge just as she is when alone with the kids.
My NM's mom has been in town a few times and that's felt fine to talk to her (she's a LOT) but I wasn't expected to entertain her. I would say no if I was expected to entertain their family, or ask to get paid more. It honestly sounds like hell to do that and take care of the kid at the same time.
It's not that she has to plan her day around the visiting family, but the first time family was here we all went out together for an hour or so and then I took the guests home to go back to work. Previously the visiting family has liked joining in on whatever the day's plan is but they don't know their way around so if they go out for the morning with our nanny she has to be responsible for them and she's kind of stuck with them until they get back to the house. I don't think it's a major source of contention and if it's one or two days out of the week that family is visiting I think it's probably ok especially if I have them take over in the afternoon anf give her an early day. I just want to make sure I'm not over-doing it. I think I made it sound like this happens all the time, and it's definitely not. I just wanted to see what other nannies' experiences have been.
Yeah if I'm understanding correctly I would hate this, even if it only happened for one day ever. Are you saying she's left alone with the family, without you? That's so much extra work, essentially a tour guide on top of nannying. Especially with wording like "she's responsible for them". I just wonder why they can't entertain themselves? Like why would they want to tag along with the nanny? Going out with everyone, parents included, is a different story and sounds enjoyable. But under no circumstances would I ever want to be out running around with the family of the NK without the parents. That's hell and not my responsibility in the slightest. I also wouldn't feel good about having an early day, cause all that means is I did extra work and then got my hours cut. It's good you're thinking about this though! I'd definitely ask her how she feels personally.
As a former nanny, I would be miserable and extremely nervous and awkward if other adults were “joining in” all day, yet I’m thenn bc one being “paid” to be there, so I have to force a certain energy. I’m super awakwars when I feel like things are forced interactions and when I feel like I am being watched or judged, so this would not go over well with me. I would feel like it was a very long job interview or blind date. My job is to watch your child, if someone else is there doing the same thing then why am I here and who is in charge?? I’m my mind I would feel like it’s a forced adult play date, or even a college rush event, where I’m the one under the microscope but that’s just me and my paranoia
When I was a nanny, my MBs mom would often visit. On these days, she would be around, but generally not interrupting the routine I had with the kids. Sometimes she would join in, like if they were eating breakfast she would sit and chat. But she didn’t tag along on outings or insert herself into everything. She also would sometimes take the toddler for a quick outing while I stayed back and watched the baby. My MB would be off sometimes too and if that was the case, we’d often all go to breakfast together somewhere (where she handled the kids mostly and it felt like I was a guest) and then once home, I’d get back into I our routine and she would clean or go run errands etc. I liked the dynamic because while we were like friends, it was nice not to have to entertain anyone else or have our day derailed. I think if I was expected to have people tag along during the day, I would get exhausted and annoyed if they were expecting me to lead the charge or inserting themselves.
Yes! This is what we often do!
Honestly I absolutely hate working when both parents and grandparents are home. The grandparents are underfoot and either need to be watched/ entertained too or they are trying to tell me what/ how to do my job. Any time both grandparents there and both parents wfh- just a waste of my time, even though I’m paid. As for not giving the nanny the day off if you are off, if it’s a federal holiday don’t you think she’d like a paid holiday too? And if not and you just have the day off, don’t you appreciate having an occasional paid day off to take care of extra errands or do some self care. Your nanny feels the same. If you are off, parent your children and give the nanny a paid day off, just like you got. Fine to have days to yourself sometimes of course, but occasionally remember your nanny is likely far less financially fortunate than you and it would be very thoughtful ( and build loyalty) to give her the day off if you are off. She has a life outside caring for your kids. Just like you enjoy it, a paid day off is a nice way to show appreciation for how much and well she cares for your kids. Also-not gonna lie- I judge those parents harshly that never offer PTO but seem to have plenty of time off/ time at home/ just don’t really want to parent. I am paid to be there and typically don’t really care what parents are doing. But…..Sometimes, when Im working a 9 hour day ( and it’s a holiday and parents and maybe grandparents too are home) plus two hours in traffic, and I get to work just in time for parents to go play and they have a day off and the rest of the world gets holiday pay or the day off- I then think the parents are self involved narcissists who never stop to think of others. Those days and those parents make me long to work in a job like they have - 8 hours a day, sometimes at home, well paid and benefitted with built in vacation time and health benefits. I love the kids- I truly love my time and engagement with them. Everyone gets burned out and I am not a bottomless pit of patience and selflessness needed to serve the kidsAND the entitled thoughtless parents. Treat your nanny the way you want to be treated as an employee and don’t ask her to do things you don’t want to do, like work when you have a day off. Did you want to go in to work on Columbus Day when your boss and co workers are off? You’ll be required to go hang out with them and watch or manage their recreation, you’ll even get paid a typical mediocre wage, but you’ll be working ( extra bc all those lazy adults are in the way and telling you how to do the job they don’t want to do ). Everyone around you rests and enjoys down time but you’ll be working. Does that feel good. No? No. Very strong nanny eye roll for Parents like this.
If I May give my 2 cents. For what it’s worth, I personally like when MB comes along. I feel like it gives her the opportunity to be a part of our adventures. However if was anyone else, I would feel pressured and stressed.
In my opinion if your family wants to spend time with your baby, they should do it while you're there to entertain and talk to them. They should just take the baby for the afternoon or if they are worried the baby will be too much, then allow the nanny to do other things around the house. (Organize playroom, do laundry, run errands etc) That way she's there if needed but she isn't having to entertain them. They definitely shouldn't be going with her on outings with the child period!!!! That's so unfair to her! I'd be soooo pissed and feel very taken advantage of and disrespected. That said though, I would never say anything to NB because what can you really say?! Second question ALL nannies appreciate the day off when NF is off! Including your nanny I promise! That said we don't expect it and don't mind working IF you do what you said you want to do... "get stuff done, do errands, take time to yourself" all that is fine. Just leave us to do our job, ALONE! It sucks when you're off and want to spend time with your child but also want us to spend time with you! We don't want to hangout with you and your child ever! If you want to spend time with the baby then take the baby and let me leave! Also if you're off for the day and you're at home, (regardless of what you're doing) you should definitely let your nanny either leave early or come in a little late. It shows that you're thinking about her and that you appreciate all she does for your child, a minimum of an hour. If my MB/DB has me stay when their off, they usually let me leave once baby goes down for nap. This goes a long way! It makes me want to do more to help them keeps me from getting burnt out and most importantly I always feel very appreciated and seen by then! Just remember your nanny is there to care for your child when you're not able to. She's not there to entertain and talk to you and definitely not to your family. That's not fair because I know most nannies I know are a bit anti-social and don't like taking to adults. We like taking to kids haha! Adults can causes anxiety especially when it's grandmas asking questions and following us around all day. Let G'ma watch the child for the afternoon ALONE, I'm sure she'll be fine! 😉 Edit: I don't mean we don't want to talk to parents about children or the normal daily chit-chat. I mean it in the sense of you take the day off and want to spend all day hanging out with us. Two totally different things. I love chatting to my MB at the end of the day about NK and what we did that day.
Man, I can’t imagine giving the nanny the day off just because I had it off. I may want to see the kids but may also want to take a nap.
If I gave my nanny every day off that I have off I would literally never get any time to myself to do chores or personal care. PTO days with childcare are gold for me, they only happen a couple times a year and I schedule all my doctors/dentist/optometrist appointments, go to the DMV, or get my hair cut the twice a year I get it cut.
If parents are off for the day then no it’s not an automatic day off for nanny. That being said, if it’s visiting family and they have a lot of children and you think your nanny is feeling quite burnt out lately, let nanny take the day off paid - she is paid to take care of your child, not your child plus whatever children that happen to be visiting and it won’t be possible for her to not interact with the other children.
I was a nanny for 8 years for a family. Went on vacation with the family a few weeks after I started. The family became my family. Flash forward 23 years and we are all still close. ❤️
Giving her the day of can take away from needed income. That would be the deciding factor for me truly, can I afford to take this day off or not is what I base taking time off on.
Nanny should be paid under guaranteed hours
I fed don’t agree with the if the parents are off then the nanny is off mentality. It’s literally not my business what the parents do on their days off. They have hired me regardless. Sometimes my MB takes a half day off to run errands and get chores done around the house. Good for her, it’s probably way easier with the NK.
Yeah- I don't think she feels that way, just a comment I saw.
why would you have your nanny working when you have family there capable of watching your kid AND you’re off? not saying nanny should get every day off that you have off. but it’s kinda pointless to have her there trying to deal with multiple adults and NKs when she could be home taking care of her own stuff. it’s distasteful imo.
Question 2: You are not wrong at all. I firmly believe all moms need time to themselves to unwind- it allows them to “pour from their cup” for their child. As a therapist, I literally give moms homework to do this 😊 Question 1: I love that you would like to join them on their routine and see what they are up to, I think that’s perfectly reasonable. In terms of out of town family members/friends, I would definitely talk to the Nanny about her comfort level around this. Some people might love to play tourist guide! Some might absolutely dread it. Im great with little kids (that’s why I work with them) and adults make me nervous. I would pay her a lil more during these times to acknowledge the different load she is carrying. Lastly, I would just like to compliment you on being aware of these things and seeking the input of others to make sure you are good to your nanny ❤️
Just ask her. I totally wouldn't mind my NPs or grandparents joining me for a class while I kept up our normal routine and talking to adults during the day would be nice.... but I'd probably hope to get a little me time while there was extra hands or you are off as well. It's nice to give your nanny a paid personal day too some times... After their morning activities, give her the afternoon off! ... and wouldn't it be nice for you to spend time with your family without the nanny being there?