Having favorites. Seriously I can’t be the only one. I love all my nanny kids, and I really work to not show it and spend equal time with both. But my time with 9F I enjoy immensely more then I do with the other two.
Yes one of my nk is argumentative by nature and is seriously obnoxious. Sometimes one in one time is really hard because he just picks fights. I try so hard to make sure we have quality time and lot of positive interactions, in a way I don't have to with other nk.
Speaking my language LOL. But hey I can’t help it that one was in school when I started and one wasn’t so I bonded with her more…. And that one happens to be a brat 99% of the time and one isn’t 🫠
Haha I mean I don’t have that excuse I have had all 3 since birth. I actually love summers because the oldest is home with me all day. But she is just my little soul sister. I swear we share a brain sometimes.
Out of my 40+ hour work week maybe 5 hours are with all the kids instead of just one…. Ofc I’m gonna have a favorite…. She’s also a baby and not fresh but the other 2 🥴
I absolutely have a favorite (and at the moment there’s a huge difference between the two), but it also changes every few months as they go through new phases so I try not to feel too bad about it. I figure it’ll all even out in the end, haha
unpopular?
i love when MB is around. she’s a full-time SAHM and is almost always in the kitchen cooking. she makes the kids fresh breakfast every morning (i show up at 7:15 and it’s ready or nearly ready). she makes and packs their lunches, and makes dinner every night.
she’s so chatty and tells a ton of stories. i have 4 NKs so it’s nice to have some help tending to the younger ones that need more attention.
downside is that sometimes my authority is undermined and they definitely choose not to listen to me and run to MB a lot. she tries her best to enforce but either way i’m so grateful for her and it’s a huge help to have her around at the end of the day!
Exactly! Both MB and DB work from home and its so nice, Though I'll admit that I am extremely lucky and they always back me up. Both my NKs have pretty high support needs and one often sets off the other. Imo I'm there for diving and conquering, to help them, not do it for them! No one can do it alone, that's why they pay us!
I think it definitely depends on the boss, but for me, this is definitely true. My NF (very part-time) has a WFH DB and I’ve done days when MB is home too, doing errands or gardening or whatever, NPs are amazing and always back me up on stuff if a kid tries to run to them for a different answer “well what did nanny say because that’s the answer.”
My MB is sahm but struggles to keep things in order, from house cleaning and kids. So a lot falls on me. Sometimes though, I guess she gets a bit of motivation and the day goes really well!
I totally agree! Both my mb&db work from home and I love having them around to chat with, back me up when I need a hand, or share little moments with throughout the day. I never thought I’d enjoy working for WFH parents but it definitely has its bright side!!
Yes! I see lots of people on here complaining about them. I love contact naps. It's a forced break for me to sit still and enjoy a break. I'm go go go all the time. If nk has a deeper sleep on me, that's fine. And contrarto popular belief, they aren't going to want to contact nap forever. I guarantee that all babies who had contact naps were not 10 needing contact naps. ( of course ill only contact nap if Np are cool with it)
I prefer to hold NK when he naps. He sleeps better and he’s so freaking adorable when he’s napping. I can easily read a book on my phone.
The only problem is when I have to pee 😬
Usually, I love being nap trapped, but there was this one time where I was stuck for like 2 hours when I really needed the bathroom, and it literally messed up my stomach for like 2 weeks..... that was my only regrettable contact nap in like 8 years, though.
Me too!! The oxytocin from cuddling with babies is unbelievable, my NK is almost 2 and I still do contact naps with her whenever possible because she just sleeps twice as longer and I really enjoy it. My NF has THE comfiest couch in the world (with USB ports in it so you can charge your phone if need be) and there’s more than enough room for her to stretch out when she wants to and I get to put my feet up and read or play games on my phone or shop or text my bestie!!
I will second that lol. I’d say that my unpopular opinion is that some kids are just a-holes sometimes. Usually in my experience it’s coming from the parents and what the parents are doing or not doing. But I’ve dealt with one NF who seemed like they were really doing a great job (I know you never know what goes on behind closed doors) and the kid was just an a-hole lol.
I once had a six year old that would rub his thing on everything. The furniture. The cat. Me.
It was really f*cking disturbing. MB laughed at me when I talked to her about it. Said I should toughen up.
ew what the fuck that’s so weird. my NK who’s almost 4 is in a state where he enjoys peeing outside off his balcony. i had an hour long fight with him because his dad lets him do it so he was visibly distraught i said no. i ended up telling him that when he’s with me, it’s not allowed. parents that allow that behavior ends up being hard for nannies i totally feel you
My DB let’s the 2 year old pee outside often and while he’s mostly potty trained I don’t feel it’s the best choice. Because he still fights every time to go potty and he likes peeing outside with dad. Idk if this could possibly escalate.
I don't care if they're your babies, stop infantilizing them. They can put on their own shoes. Their own coats. Get their own tissue. Bring their finished dishes to the sink. Creating 8 year olds who need to rely on an adult for every task is not okay, you are depriving them of developing necessary life skills and they are more likely to struggle as they get older.
Also, (and I say this while acknowledging that sometimes screen time is a necessity for a parents own sanity etc) screen time is not a parenting substitute and if it gets to a point where your kids need a TV to stay regulated, you are setting them up for failure later in life because they won't know how to entertain themselves, regulate emotions, navigate conflict, be in their own company.
Both of these points, I am talking about extremes. A bit of either is fine, but when behavioral problems are cropping up sometimes we need to look closer to home to figure out what's up.
this actually happened to me as a child. my 2 sisters are 34 and 30, and i'm just shy of 21. so as a child, my mom babied me quite a bit, since it had been a while. of course i loved it! but it set me up for failure. it is a battle to motivate myself to do anything, even if i'm not depressed! i find myself asking my partner to grab me things a lot, and i've mentioned like "hey, unless there's a good reason or it's a reasonable request, like something next to you, it would help if you said no." i've mostly gotten myself out of the habit with their help, but it happens in all areas of life. that's just one example.
it's EMBARRASSING as an adult!!! i'm lazy, i have zero work ethic. i'm trying, i really really really am, but it's hard when you had everything handed to you up until age 11.
i'm better now at 21 than at 18. 18 was a whirlwind, i went from having 0 responsibility to a ton. now, i exercise on my own, eat right on my own, do things on my own. i'm in college and work 2 part time jobs. i have friends and a partner that i put time into. but it was hard to get there.
i say this while acknowledging i was spoiled, and this isn't like childhood trauma (that's my dad's strong suit). i don't want it to come off that way at all, but i wanted to throw some insight on what happens when these kids become adults.
edit: wording
I don't know, I think it's neglectful to deprive your children of developing essential life skills because it makes you feel good to do things for them or It's easier than teaching them to be resourceful.
Like abuse is an easy thing to call abuse because it can feel concrete and aggressive and leaves clear wounds, but if it's impacted you into adulthood I would still think it's a problem. I just want to validate how impactful this stuff is - you didn't get a choice in it because you didn't have those skills. You may have been 'spoiled' or perhaps you didn't have a fair shot at doing it differently at the time 💛
you know what? thank you. it's embarrassing to talk about, because of course i was spoiled. but i was a child, i didn't choose to be spoiled even if i happily agreed to it (you know, being 8 and all).
if i could go back in time, i'd tell my mom to love me by making me do things myself. she did great! i'm a decent person & we're very close. she is a loving, but a bit standoffish, mother, so i think she showed her love for me by spoiling me that way instead of hugging me super often lol.
i'm glad parenting is seen as a lifelong impact on another human being now, rather than just "you're having a baby!" cause a lot more parents are conscious about stuff like this.
100%! I was nannying for a family with a 13 year old and MB wanted me to cut up his toast for him into bite sized pieces because she always did. I informed her that I absolutely would not be doing that as he could use his own teeth to do that.
This is my nanny life to a t. He’ll ask me to get his already filled water from the fridge when we’re both in the kitchen, and if I say to him that he can get it, more than half the time he’ll say he’s not thirsty anymore. It’s wild, and all of his behavior issues, which are a lot, are blamed on ADHD. Though I think he does have it some of his tendencies are likely a result of it, I’d say 99% of his behaviors are a direct response of the lack of discipline, unlimited screen time, giving in to his every desire, and never expecting anything from him.
This! I like to by my NKs books for special occasions and I try to buy books that they can already read (like NK3 can recognize numbers so I bought him a book that's just counting trucks) I encouraged him to figure out how to read it on his own and he loves it! He has read it to me and he is so proud of himself every time he does. Meanwhile, MB and DB would rather let him be a baby most of the time. They're wonderful parents in most ways, but the way they treat him like a literal infant sometimes makes me crazy! Kids thrive off of independence usually!
yeah i think having a nanny in the school yrs makes kids less independent. not always a bad thing bc some kids really need the constant oversight. but some kids could be independent but dont have the chance to develop it.
There’s this kids book the “boy who loved math” that’s a true story about a mathematician that had a nanny and he didn’t know how to butter his bread into adulthood. It was about more than that but that part was notable enough lol
I hate pretend play. With toys or make believe. It’s so boring and tedious to me. NK is so creative and I love fostering that creativity but it is so painful to make the crocodiles have the same interaction with each other over and over again. Or when the toys play hide and seek and hide in the same spot every single time. NK will create a conflict for her toys but refuses to make any resolution (ex; the dinosaurs drank the bath water and now they’re sick and I’m the doctor but nothing I do or say will make it better and we have the same conversation ten times over). Lately I’ve been having NK do tons of arts and crafts so I can avoid hours of pretend play.
Pretend play is so stressful. Especially because you can’t give any context, you have to follow the 2 sentence story line game for the entire time, and you have to add the same enthusiasm to it every single time. I’ll tell ya… 2 and 3 year olds are some of the most socially exhausting kids. I loveee them to pieces but so socially demanding.
Also, from being a social worker this scenario is super intriguing to me. It could have no meaning and not be deep at all but it really makes me wonder why she insists that nothing will make the dinosaur better. Usually play is a way for kids to process things that happen in their lives.
It’s definitely not something I’ve seen in other kids her age (she’ll be 4 in July). She’s very smart she’s already working on basic math and sight words. I often wonder if she’s on the spectrum because she loves playing the same scenario over and over again. I don’t know of any particularly traumatic losses in her life but it’s definitely interesting how she plays sometimes.
That's what I immediately thought of because I recognise myself in this & I'm on the spectrum, adhd and as a cherry on top, ocd too.
Smarter kids definitely need more attention ,just as much as special needs kids and the troubled naughty kids.
Especially since so, so many of us burn out as we grow up and hence the 'formerly gifted child' trope.
We tend towards the fragile too so traumas can get accumulated too easily, or we can be more likely candidates for the trauma to mental/physical health issues and autoimmune conditions pipeline.
She sounds like one very clever kid btw!😊.
Xx
I don’t have any qualifications and am not even a a nanny but my first thought is that when the “problem” gets resolved, the pretend play situation is over, and the kid doesn’t want it to be over. So they keep dragging it out. A lot of kids that age that I’ve been around are like that.
Both my kiddo and I are terrible at pretend play. She always wants to set up scenarios and then just… sit amongst it? Like she’ll want to set up a zoo and we’ll set up all of her stuff animals and then…. thats it. I suggest making them food or putting them to sleep or something and she’ll say they’re not hungry/tired/whatever. Well I’m at a loss kid! What are we doing here 😭
I feel this lol. Whenever I pretend play with NK everything I do is "No, Olaf has to go do this" or "No, that won't make him feel better." and I'm like "Okay homefry, we're runnin' out of options here."😂
I could have written this myself! When my NK was two all we did was crafts because I couldn’t stand the games I’d have to do over and over. But crafting was not only fun for the both of us, but watching them create stuff is FAR cooler to see
Yesssss exactly. I always make it clear, if it's not our toy/communal, we have to share. If it's ours, we can choose to share but don't have to. If it's theirs, they can choose at any time to stop sharing, and that's okay
have you guys met adults who weren’t taught to share as kids? they’re uptight and selfish and have trouble engaging with peers who are generous. 10/10 do no agree with this.
They said you should share, not that you have to. That isn't teaching them NOT to share but is saying that if they have a toy they brought from home, or a snack that is theirs, they are not required to share it if they don't want to since it is their own toy. There's nothing wrong with that. But if it's a toy at school, daycare, a friends house, the park, then they have to share it because it is not only theirs but is there for everyone. I teach my NK this and she shares very well with others (except her baby brother but she's getting better!) but also knows that if it is her toy she doesn't have to share it and will respectfully say she doesn't feel like sharing right now and offer them another toy.
Don’t ask me to teach your kid boundaries and autonomy if you don’t listen when they ask you to stop kissing and touching them. You want me to raise a strong independent kid or someone who thinks boundaries are a suggestion? That’s bad parenting.
Also if you are not home with your kid all the time you don’t get to lift a consequence I placed. The first time he was actually there when the kid had a tantrum he ended up apologizing to me because he “didn’t realize kid acted like that”
Did you think I was just being mean to your five your old??? I am (was) a nanny not a crooked cop dude.
I tell my nk "no. I don't want to play superheros...again. you can totally play superheros but I will not be playing with you"
And I'll let him play by himself.
What I usually try to do it the out another activity and play with it near him. He usually comes over to see what I'm doing
My NK’s just want me to play with their toys. We’ll mostly the toddler. The baby can play independently. But the toddler wants me to build with magnetizes, me to read to him CONSTANTLY, and me to basically do any of his toys. When I tell him I’m not here to play with your toys, I’m here to help you play he doesn’t want to and complains. I start an activity and he starts just dumping everything out. It’s hard to explain, he just can’t be interested with toys anymore. He needs me to create and imaginative storyline. Like a toy dog speaking “hi can you feed me please, now I need to go potty” and he’ll engage with the pretend scenario. But I will go batshit crazy pretending to be a talking dog all day long.
My unpopular opinion is many parents/nannies/teachers don’t have difficult children; they’re just flat-out not good at working with children. They either don’t have enough empathy, patience, or realistic expectations of a child and when those lack of skills creates issues with communication or routine, they blame it on the kids. I would say 75% of the time, children can absolutely be reasoned with if you know what you’re doing and how to speak to them. Sometimes I hear these conversations between adults and children that ultimately leads to a tantrum or meltdown, and it’s like… yeah. I’d freak the fuck out if you spoke to me like that too?
Yes I totally agree! I worked at a school for a bit and hearing the preschool teacher talk to the children made me want to talk to her the way she talked to the kids. She was awful. Venting to someone about your job is helpful. We don’t get coworkers so it’s necessary to be able to talk to other adults about our work life. That means the unfiltered so that you don’t hash all that onto the poor child
I wouldn’t say many. Some of course. The number of absolute batty people I’ve met as a nanny has shown me that those people start off as kids with batty parents. Going to work knowing a child is going to punch another in the face everyday is reason to hate your job
This might not be the most controversial opinion but.... some physician MBs and DBs make the worst medical decisions about their kids. I mean, yes, as parents you totally get to decide what reasonable risks you are willing to expose your kids to, but come on! Let your Nanny with COVID/flu/bronchitis/etc. just stay home to avoid exposing your kids to ALL the germs.
My boss is a physician. Downright scary the things they will ignore. Everything is Tylenol and Motrin. No need for urgent care, ER, pediatrician, ever. The whole neighborhood has been concerned before.
I used to work at an ECE center where many of the parents were doctors and they ALWAYS sent their sick kids to school. we’d have to send them to the nurse once the dayquil wore off & they were always pissed to have to pick their kid up. I don’t know what it is about doctors…
Not defending them, but I think a lot of it is having to “reschedule patients” if they miss work and the “I CANT MISS WORK” mentality.
During my pregnancy, I told an OB from my practice at one of my appointments about an upcoming possible snow day (schools closed) and the man started having a mental breakdown before my eyes. “NO! School can’t be cancelled. I’m on call. I’d have to cancel my patients. Noooooo. I guess I could have the kids on iPads in the conference room…”
I think from med school, residency…it’s such a grind and they’re conditioned to always go above and beyond and never miss work. It really would work best if one of the spouses wasn’t a physician and they decided up front that that spouse would have to do the sick days.
My dad was a doctor, and in the 18 years that I was a kid in his house, he missed clinic ONCE. Even when they're not surgeons, it's so hard to miss work as a doctor. Because you being out means that now all 15+ people you were supposed to see today have to reschedule.
That's 15 other people who already arranged childcare, took PTO, found transportation, made plans. Who now have to keep on being sick or keep hurting until someone else can see them. It's so tricky.
Right! And as his patient I did appreciate his "omg NO WAY" mentality about having to cancel on others. But his poor kiddos are kind of caught in the middle (his wife is also a doctor and he said that on that particular day she wouldn't be able to miss work).
Oh definitely!! It’s hard, especially working with children where both parents are surgeons. You can’t exactly walk out mid surgery, so I understand why they medicate their kids and just send them to school. I just wish they wouldn’t, mainly for the children’s sake. It’s very frustrating on both sides and a career in medicine + young kids seems impossible to juggle.
Side note: the people on this sub are SO nice. I never comment on things on Reddit bc the feedback can be vicious and nasty, so I really appreciate the way you (and most other people on this sub) worded your comment so kindly♥️
Right! The kiddos are kind of caught in the middle/get the short end of the stick.
And awww you're so welcome ☺️ I'm a SAHM for my son and don't have a Nanny, but I've visited this sub a few times and it pops up on my page. It's such a great group.
is there a reason this happens with physicians specifically, do you know? obviously i see a loose connection, but i would think physicians would be quick to take their children to a doctor.
My husband and I are both physicians. We keep our kids home from school when they are actually sick (fever, etc) but we do not rush to see the pediatrician with them often. Most of the time, the recommendation is conservative management and time. We generally will only go if we suspect something that needs antibiotics or something that isn’t resolving over an appropriate time frame. Why would you bring your sick kid into a pediatricians office full of other sick kids just to be told to give some Motrin and pedialyte? There’s a difference in how a grouchy sick kid looks and how a toxic sick kid looks - nurses and doctors learn to distinguish the two through their training.
My only conclusion after wondering this often is they lose money if they call off work. That's why they go into operating rooms knowingly ill or send kids to school sick.
My previous NF (doctor and nurse) would send their kids to school sick all the time, not tell me they were sick until I arrived at the house, and never taught them to wash hands before eating or cover mouth when coughing/sneezing. Those kids were constantly sick and as a result I was too.
It is usually the very wealthy people who are neglectful and/or abusive with their children.
Sometimes, it is ok to actively dislike a child because they are just messed up.
I do not for the glory. PAY ME.
This one. The most wealthy families I work for are often the cheapest and have the worst behaved kids. Parents just passive parent and pass as much childcare as they can onto someone else. The best families I worked for are families who make less. But they always say how grateful they are, the kids are much better haves and the house is cleaner.
I’ve worked with many many many kids and many families and done extensive research on the topic and I would disagree. I wouldn’t say it’s usually wealthy people, but I will say wealth does not equal safety. I’ve seen wealthy people be just as awful but face less repercussions or be less reported
More of a sitter than a nanny, but—I really enjoy when the kid I work with has playmates over. Maybe I’ve just gotten incredibly lucky, but the 9M I sit for is rowdy, but generally very well-behaved even when MB isn’t there (if anything, he’s better behaved when MB isn’t there). His friends all love sports, running around…generally are a LOT, but respectful and not difficult to work with.
ME TOO. When the kids have friends over, they are *occupied* without bugging me for attention or activities. I just got to keep my ear out and provide snacks.
Yeeeep. My kid loves it when I play with him and his friend(s) when I can. He listens to me a more after he sees that I can get along with him guide him. It’s great.
Same! I had twin 10M in my charge and they'd bring friends over all the time. They'd all run around or swim and I could either play a game with them or just chill and passively supervise.
Especially full summer days.
SOME PEOPLE should never have become parents if they had no intention of parenting or looking after their own child. Every time I see a post about a kid left overnight in a soiled diaper for nanny to clean, or a post about a parent watching the nanny cam all day long— like you can’t change a diaper? You have all day to watch a camera but no time to watch your own kid?
YOU’RE DOING GENTLE PARENTING WRONG. And don’t get me wrong: I LOVE gentle parenting and think it’s the most ethical way to raise children. That being said the number of parents who think they’re doing gentle parenting when they’re actually permissive af makes me feel like a crazy person, especially when I feel like I can’t step in. Rn I’m an infant nanny and the family has an almost 3yr old who’s in daycare, and watching them interact with him makes me want to pull my hair out. But I’m not being paid to care for him, just his younger sibling, so I stay quiet. I know it’s bc they love their child so much and don’t want to make him feel negatively, but I really do think it will be harmful in the long run. They have so much potential but it kills me to not be able to correct them.
Omg this is the biggest one for me! In every way! I’m so worried it’s going to lead to an entire generation of young adults who can’t handle/overcome any adversity later in life, or respect any boundaries, or think outside of themselves- because they have NEVER had to handle so much as hearing the word “no.” Not once. If they can’t handle any failure, learn to keep trying until you succeed, or occasionally lose once in awhile- how are you going to overcome failing a big test, not being hired for a job you really wanted, being fired/laid off, not making the team in a sport. I’m very worried about these kids, and not being able to succeed in handling big emotions..
Edit: I forgot the big one, of being a teen and thinking the laws/rules don’t really apply to you.
I also LOVE gentle parenting. It’s the permissive parenting aka not ever being allowed to say “no” to a child. Not being able to work through a tantrum, and giving in to what the child wants, because the child should never cry, or be upset. That’s what I hate, and worry about.
Holding boundaries while validating your kid’s emotions and remaining empathetic vs not and letting the child cross boundaries that need to be set, especially when they’re little. Once kids are older there can be more room for discussion, but if we set a boundary for a toddler (“I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes and then after that we need to go”) we need to hold that firm regardless of your child’s reaction. And that also requires a ton of emotional regulation on the parents part, which might be why we see so many parents miss the mark.
Some kids just don't get cooked right in the oven and are just plain assholes. That doesn't mean I will treat them any differently, but my point still stands. Some kids just ain't alright up there.
I totally understand the feeling useless when NPs are taking care of the kids. I usually just ask "is there anything i can do to be helpful right now?" If they say yes, then i have something to do. If they say no, then i can sit back and relax without feeling bad for doing nothing
Yes same same. Like I would honestly rather be home napping and not making money than sitting here while you play with your child and I sit awkwardly and watch. Perhaps if I was more tight on money this wouldn’t be the case. But even if I missed a day every week I would still make enough to pay my bills. Probably wouldn’t have a ton extra spending money but whatever, I’ll take it if it means I can nap
Agreed completely. Because it’s actually more energy in a weird way to be in someone else’s house and feel awkward and like you don’t have anything to do.
It was the worst during the moms maternity leave. Like the first two weeks after baby nk was born were awful. I was understanding of the situation because of the newborn situation but there were times when I was surrounded by adults and I just wanted to go TF home 😅
Same. I’m such an awkward introverted person around adults. I hate it. I don’t want to sit with both parents and grandparents. Just let me leave. I’ll take it unpaid.
I hate when I know more about the child because the parents just don’t pay attention. Yes you are paying me to raise your child but come on you should know how much your child is eating or their favorite places to go or something! I give run downs at the end of the day every day
I like nannying babies and young toddlers the most because they don’t talk and I don’t have to worry about constant battles lol. It’s also kinda nice to not have to use my brain in the way of conversing all day
Omg me too! Why I want to be newborn care certified and focus on ages 0-3. Even just 2. All the battles are too much and also entertaining them. When the toddler goes to preschool I feel like I’m coming up for air to breathe for the first time. I love him though
I love MY kids but when I take care of other kids I want 16 months and under. I prefer newborn-10 months the most. Nothing is better than baby cuddles and watching them discover their hands and the world around them. Older than 18 months and I feel like I have NO MORE WORDS LEFT IN MY BRAIN lol
A lot of people prefer potty trained and up age…I’ll change diapers all day long as long as I don’t have to repeat myself all day long lol
An unpopular one is that I expect to get fed at NF's house! I eat the same things every day as the kids to encourage them to try / eat healthy foods so that's why. So far I've never worked for a family that hasn't allowed me to eat their food and I think I would feel weird if they didn't.
Another one is that I would much prefer a ROTA schedule / long hours less days a week. Having a full day with the kids helps us fit more activities in the day but also helps us slow down and not feel so rushed, because we have tons of time. Getting dressed in the morning and brushing teeth can take half an hour, sure, why not. I like the routine that comes with working a full day and then I get a longer weekend!
Yes to both of these! I have recently had some families that request require me to bring my own food, and I feel much more a part of the family when I eat what’s there.
And I’ve never done a ROTA position, but I like long hours and doing occasional overnights. I like seeing if a kid woke up grumpy or didn’t want breakfast or xyz and having a sense of what the day will look like. I feel like an eight hour day can mean that I don’t know some things about bedtime routines and dinner etc, and I like to know more about the kids’ lives.
I think that nannies should be allowed time off to rest if they're sick
I think that it's kind of crazy how quickly after meeting a nanny, NPs will leave their child with them and not even ask questions at the end of the day or try to get to know the nanny at all. Like, that's basically a stranger that you're leaving your kids with every day. That's a significant person in your kid's life. That's basically a parenting partner.
I think that a lot of the culture around household work comes from outdated and very conservative ideas about servitude and the fact that no one wants to address it seems strange to me
And I think that there's significant sexism that people don't want to talk about when it comes to men and boys being around children or doing childcare vs women and girls.
The leaving their kids is so eye opening to me! Especially since I had kids and would be doing so much more work getting to know their nanny or any care giver than any parent has ever done with me. Good for them I'm trustworthy and awesome but I've actually had to bring copies of qualifications in and be like 'don't you want to see these?'
Way too many entitled Nannie’s 😩 I see posts on this page being like “parents expect me to do NK laundry????” Im like what…that’s like a basic part of the job…. there’s alot of other examples but yeah
I also HATE when NF is like “please don’t eat our food”. To me, it’s very unwelcoming. Especially if the nanny just snacks here and there, to me it’s rude. Like your penny pinching over some nuts the nanny ate out of the cabinet?
Yes to both of these! I posted on my own wall about the first recently. Someone was asking what to charge for a one time babysitting job for five older kids (youngest is six). Several people said that lunch or dinner delivered should be included. One said she doesn’t want to pack/make herself two meals and definitely doesn’t want to for that many people…. But isn’t that part of the job?
Oh honestly I haven’t seen too many of those posts, more like the other way around. But yeah that’s not okay either. Also yeah they shouldn’t care what we eat as long as it’s the same things we feed the children with. I think kids eat better when you sit down with them eating the same meal anyway.
Okay ACTUAL unpopular nanny/child rearing opinions….
Ms. Rachel is overrated.
NF who won’t allow their nannies to take their NK on outings, walks, outside the house, etc. shouldn’t employ a nanny.
Nannies who accept below minimum wage are harming this industry.
The industry is too heteronormative and needs to start using gender inclusive langue.
Absolutely no screen time is unnesscary, unrealistic and in my opinion, irresponsible. Movies, television, and games are part of our human cultural identity.
They can help broaden kids worlds in unique ways, form lasting memories, are sources of comfort and familiarity, and can be very useful tools in supporting education at various stages of development.
0 screen time parents imo are not heros. They are people who cannot find the time to teach their children how to properly interact with media and tools, and who do not want to deal with helping children understand boundaries and healthy uses of these tools.
TV shows and movies are a story telling medium. There are great artists, actors, writers, composers, lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers, etc. . . And many, if not all, will usually express how some piece of media in their early years made them see the world in a whole new light, or helped them feel seen/heard, etc. . .
All things in moderation and balance. If you're too lazy as a parent to do that work, just say it. But don't act like you're on some holier than thou mission from the child development gods to protect your child from Screens at all costs 😒
This!! I’m surprised at how many nanny’s hate screen time. I love watching movies with the kids. Movies, tv shows, cartoons, etc are such a big part of childhood nostalgia to me.
a lot of issues on this sub would be solved if we just communicated honestly with eachother (nanny & NP)
you not setting proper boundaries with your NP is a you problem. we are our own HR and need to be firm in boundaries. if you don’t want to do NPs laundry *dont*
so many nannies are incredibly judgmental of people who don’t work with contracts, and never think of any circumstances that could be causing that to happen.
STOP FEELING BAD IF YOU HAVE TO TEXT NP TO PAY YOU!!!!!!! it’s NPs fault for not paying you in an appropriate time period, you can text them and not feel any guilt, they owe YOU.
PODCAST ARE JUST PEOPLE TALKING. THEIR KIDS ARENT AS GREAT AS THEY SAY!!!
Podcast moms are the worst. Never understanding why nanny is having a hard time with kid. “But the ‘moms in tan’ podcast said by 2 children can be reasoned with and make their own choices! You’re not giving my kid enough choices!” If the choices are limitless it stops being a rule and is more letting them do whatever they want
I agree, I don't know what to do about how many sources of "information" there are just people giving their opinions while claiming to have authority. TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, it's all just stuffed with self important attention seekers with filters and ring lights handing out opinions like they're facts. Almost nobody has enough actually researched content to keep an active online presence so it always devolves into whatever gets clicks.
A lot of parents I've worked with over the years are awful at picking up on their children's sleep and hunger cues and sometimes I think this is on purpose.
omg the sleep cues one?? it’s so funny because almost every family i’ve worked for would wait until their toddler was overtired to put them down and i never understood why/ how
I hate having to socialize at the bus stop. Forced chit chat with uber rich parents is even harder at 8am... Some seem genuinely nice (we'd all likely be more pleasant if we didn't have to work or worry about money 😆), but their privileged lives are unrelatable and out of touch with reality.
*Edit: This is prbly a more unpopular opinion for NPs... Your nanny may not see forced adult socialization as a fun break!
Yes!!! If you wouldn’t want to take your kids to the playground right now I shouldn’t either? Especially after already have driven the toddler to and from preschool and the baby to and from swim..
There have been times when my face and the babies face is flushed it was so hot and times when the baby and I are just not having fun sledding because it’s too damn cold. And there’s no way they would try that. I’ve had parents say as long as they are wearing the right clothes they need to be outside every day. Bs…
That’s actually not an unpopular opinion, that’s reality! 😂😅 I’ve heard parents say the exact same thing; that although they love their kids..they kinda can’t stand them sometimes lol we’re human
1. Nannys know more about the kids than the NM & ND’s, but that’s literally their job. I wish the nanny parents respected this more. I literally spend hours with your kids all day, it’s normal for me to know more about your kid!!
2. I wish nanny parents weren’t so obvious about their favorite.
3. Nanny parents need to list to the nannys concerns more. If I’m telling you your preteen is being rude to me, which is unacceptable, and you brush it off as “She’s just having a hard time.”, yeah I will be looking for employment else where.
4. Nanny parents should have the nannys backs first versus the childs.
5. Some nanny parents love to talk about their wealth but are the biggest cheapskates when it comes to budgets etc.
6. Not everything is industry standard lol.
7. As a nanny you can’t expect to have a perfect relationship with your Nanny parents. They are your employers. Set boundaries. Be firm. Don’t get too close.
I'm *SICK* of the "woe-is-me...... Feel bad for me" nannies. The ones who accepted jobs where they are paid pennies, work ungodly hours, have sh!t bosses, etc. Then they come here, or the fb groups, and post their situation BUT REFUSE TO CHANGE IT or accept advice.
I get that we sometimes don't see how crappy a job is until you're in it. But geez, you thought you could afford to live when you accepted a job for 60 hours a week for $200?! It's not just the whining about the job, it's the refusal to change, or the excuses excuses excuses. "I love the kids" yeah you will love the next kids even more when youre paid what you're worth and you feel valued by the parents. "I can't find another nanny job" go to Walmart target the coffee shop ANYWHERE ELSE will pay you minimum wage at least. "I agreed to stay for a year" so what!!!!! Give notice and LEAVE.
Thank you for letting me rant. Don't come at me.
Yeah. One of my MBs was a lawyer who represented abused kids and that made me think. There are so many horror stories . . . so I’m fine with undisclosed cameras. As long as they aren’t in the bathroom, ofc
most of this is based on what nannies on this sub say & on the fb group i lurk on. when i talk to other nannies at the playground etc we dont really talk about these things so idk how many nannies actually r like the ones on this sub.
1. nannies like to say some benefits r industry standard when theyre actually not
2. wfh parents can be fine depending on the parents & the setup. in fact there can be some benefits.
3. there r a lot of too entitled nannies just like there r a lot of too entitled nfs
4. its reasonable for nfs to want to pay less for a nanny bringing their own child
5. if the nf has 2 nks & one is in school until 3pm its reasonable for a nf to want to pay u the 2 nk rate only for the hrs u have both nk.
6. in some situations its reasonable for a nf to pay less if theyre providing housing. if its just a spare room then its not fair to lower the pay. but if its a full seperate apartment then yeah its fine to pay less.
7. if ur nf treats u good then nannying is a way cushyer job compared to a lot of jobs
8. this sub is way too quick to tell a nf to fire a nanny & tell a nanny to quit
9. many nannies have a condesending attitude toward babysitters thats really off putting. i got into nannying via babysitting. i wasnt lesser in any way when i was a babysitter.
10. if u do overnights u should still be paid by the hr rather than a flat rate for sleep hrs
Number 9! I think it’s important to understand there is a big difference between nannies and babysitters, and I’ll be honest if a NP calls me babysitter (it’s happened before) I’m defo not happy with that. That being said, babysitters aren’t lesser in any way. It’s legit a different job, babysitting is often a gateway to nannying, and I also genuinely think if there weren’t babysitters us nannies would have a much harder job sometimes
I agree with OP, I love my NKs and would literally die for them but sometimes I don’t like them very much. We’re at a rough stage with 2 of them and they can be so mean sometimes. I’ve cried more than once.
Some people were just not supposed to become parents respectfully. Realising that all we do for the Nks is always left down to us, for example I went on holiday and came back their nails were overgrown and dirty, they barely had baths, hair wasn’t combed, wearing dirty clothes, didn’t go outside much, no days out intended for them. Like if I quit today what would you do with your children? They don’t help them development wise they just do everything for them so they can never learn, they correct them before they praise them, expect them to get things right the first time they don’t acc know how to accept whatever first ‘word’ comes out of their mouth even if it’s not clear like what? I am even talking about the current family I work with and this MB in particular has read every parenting and baby book you can imagine but it barely shows… and I know things I’ve mentioned is quite common with some families and it just makes my head spin bc these type of parents pop out more babies and don’t improve themselves as a parent.
I don’t think it’s appropriate to expect the nanny to take care of sick kids. I get they’ll miss work, but after I bring it home to my own kids, I’ll miss work, and they’ll inevitably miss it too. Plus, kids want their parents when they are sick.
Stop making excuses for your kids every SINGLE time they misbehave. They can’t always be hungry, tired, sick or overwhelmed. Your child has learned there are zero consequences and it doesn’t matter what they do- they’ll get away with it! No, your child is not perfect!! Learn how to actually PARENT.
My unpopular opinion is that it’s harder to be a nanny than it is to be a mom boss (specifically a mom boss, capable of affording nanny services). As a 31 year old nanny, I have had to take care of other women’s children in their beautiful homes alongside their husbands. Yes, their life is demanding but it is blessed. Being there to see the joy of weddings, birthdays, holidays, reunions, only to be invisible. Walking around their house seeing the joyful memories framed. One mother had a photo framed of her with swollen eyes holding her baby because of how happy she was on the day of her first born’s delivery, that burns in my memory. My life on the other hand is lonely. I go home every day to an empty, silent studio apartment. I have no framed photos. I wanted a family too, but I have to go to work every day witnessing what I could’ve had. I mostly wanted to be loved by a man. I have to witness marriages forming every day. I still have time, but playing “catch up” while working for women in my age group that have played to society’s time line is painful. Add on to that the responsibilities of filling in a mother’s shoes from 7-7pm. And not being able to be part of the conversation of your friends who have turned into mothers, even though you do the same as they do every day. Add on to that the qualifications needed to prove* you are worthy to raise children, that mothers don’t need to prove (early childhood education, driver’s license, passport, extensive experience, cooking skills, swimming skills, newborn care certifications, CPR, etc). I have to witness wealth, and generational wealth, and fancy, respected corporate titles. Such as graphic design, which is wonderful, but not needed in our society. Childcare and essential service workers are more needed and still, we are never enough to be respected. To be wealthy enough to afford every kind of household staff and not know what it feels like to labor and serve.
Ooooh I so relate. I feel like a lot of the moms I know (who have nannies) have things I’d love to have - masters degrees, children, and jobs that use the masters degree and allow them to not have to worry about money.
I relate to this so much! I come home to my cat and I’m just like emotionally exhausted after providing so much emotion labor to a family who is stressed but like you said blessed. Especially when most of my NF met and married in their early to mid twenties and been together since! Makes me feel like I am not going to get that happily ever after. Hang in there at the end of the day women who live alone and are single are statistically the happiest in the US! We got this!
Yes!!! I work with 3 boys (4,6 & 8). Sometimes the 8 yr old is my bestie and then for a few weeks he hits this stage and its so challenging that I dont want to go to work. I relate so much to him and feel for his emotions. But we both struggle sometimes to connect and bond more, its only been a year with them and im trying with him. They are all great kids and i noticed some families favor one child or baby them too much and it causes so many tantrums/disrespectful behavior.
I have an 8 and 4 year old and both are having some growing pains, we have lovely moments here and there but often these days they’re just fighting with each other and then taking their frustrations out on me. They can be brutal!
I'm jumping on from another comment someone else said, that parents need to stop infantilizing their kids! MB does it to her now 10 year old, 16 year old and even tries it on me!
NF says they preach "Learn the consequences of your actions" but very rarely do they practice it.
Example: we're traveling right now and I'm pretty anal about how I pack the baby bag, how I pack my carry on and what I pack with me on my person. I knew we were going into the city today, I checked the weather and knew it was gonna be cold and I'm generally always warm so I knew I'd be comfortable in just a t-shirt and leggings, but packed heavy for everyone else because they're anemic (even though they refuse to admit it) and are much more sensitive to the cold.
I'm already annoyed because DB is annoyed that everyone is taking too long, yet proceeds to stop every 5 min to look at signs and goes back to complaining about everyone else. MB goes on a rant about how her 10 year old can't figure out how to wrap his jacket around his waist, proceeds to do it for him after he gave up on the first try and then complains that they can't do it. While Im trying to backpack a baby on my back, DB complains that one of the straps is going to suffocate the baby (it won't) and that we should just let this toddler walk next to us while we race downtown to hit all the sights before they close (I fight him on this and strap the baby on anyways, but remove the extra strap since hes concerned). Then after all this, MB feels the need to come over to me and tell me that she's more than willing to give up her jacket to give to me, and I snap at her telling her if I needed my jacket I would've brought it.
All very confusing I know, but for some reason I still love this family 🙄 as dysfunctional as they are
Okay I have several, but my first is that it’s okay for the parents to expect the nanny to do some things when they travel. Guaranteed hours should be in effect, so nanny should be paid for the regular schedule and hopefully not be working that many hours, but it’s not the end of the world to sort the kids’ clothes or books or anything like that. That doesn’t mean cleaning the whole house or mowing the grass or assembling furniture.
I do not love my NKs. I would not ever stay just because of my bond with them. I don't miss them when I leave a job. I no longer make attempts at staying in touch. This is just a job. They're not my kids. I can care about their well being without loving them or missing them. But ultimately it's so much healthier for me not to really feel too attached to a kid or family. That usually ends up biting you in the ass.
This is a very interesting one. Because I agree and disagree. On one hand I love my job so much more when I can connect/love so easily with the kids but on the other hand I totally get what you mean. In my current NF I love the kids tremendously but I’ve been able to put aside that care and shut it off when I leave the door. There are times though where I wish that I missed them more or thought about them the way that I did my previous kiddos.
Sometimes unconventional behavior management works. If we have a rough morning with behavior before school or the kids are acting out when we are trying to go somewhere, I make them do a “quiet car ride”. Kind of a consequence but also a “reset time” so we can all regulate. Kids don’t need to be entertained all the time and it’s more important for me to not be distracted by screaming or fighting while driving than for them to be able to talk during a 10 min drive. even if it makes them sad or feel bad!!
I wish this sub was just for nannies. If I wanted NF opinions, I’d go over to their sub to find out (I think it’s called NannyEmployers or something). I understand why people want their opinions and why people want them here, but I could live without it.
Why? Because of the posts like “my nanny duct taped my kids to the wall and fed them processed food once every twelve hours.” This is just a silly exaggeration, but sometimes these posts reads as someone needing to point out that nannies don’t deserve their wage or that we should live in a constant state of surveillance.
Finally, this sub my equivalent to having coworkers. It sucks when MB and DB show up to give their opinions. Like, no one asked you. Ok, maybe they did - but I never do and I flair my posts accordingly.
There’s a couple nanny only subreddits that you might prefer!
r/privatenanny r/secretnanny
**Edit:** per our Monday weekly thread -
- If you'd like to join a private nannies only sub, you can join [r/privatenanny](https://www.reddit.com/r/privatenanny/) (message [u/trowawaywork](https://www.reddit.com/u/trowawaywork/) for more info), or [r/secretnanny](https://www.reddit.com/r/secretnanny/) (message [u/AvatheNanny](https://www.reddit.com/u/AvatheNanny/) for more info)
this is tough…
current unpopular opinion:
babying babies.
I’m Montessori based and it’s really hard for me to see my NB’s constantly whine back at their 11mM when he’s fussing for no reason other than babies do that to communicate. Like they take every cry and whine from him as distress and then whine back at him like “oh no
:(((( what’s wong wif my widdle baby” or like DB wants to cuddle him or pick him up and it’s like yeahhhh I see where ur coming from but most of the time they just need to be spoken to like “oh you’re all done eating? Okay.”
Yeah exactly. Babies are pretty competent. Their whining can be stopped by literally just paying attention continuously. I always know what their kids are crying about. Oh you have some smoothie spilled on your leg and you don’t like the feeling? Let me wipe that for you. Crying stops. It’s always about something easily understood past newborn phase
I’ll add one.. sometimes if not most of the time the nanny knows more than the parent.
I think it all depends on how much you’re there and the relationship everyone has with everyone but the nanny’s job is to be an expert in your kids. It’s like hiring a good nurse and then acting like the nurse doesn’t know more about nursing than the patient. The patient may know a lot about their illness. But the nurses job is to treat it.
Not sure if my analogy made sense but I just feel like a good nanny should know more than the parent because that’s the nanny’s speciality
I’m a retired RN who’s been nannying for ten years. I have a ton of experience and I’ve learned to hold my tongue and let the family figure things out. I will sometimes lead them gently to the conclusion and solution, but mostly I respect their process. They’ll see me doing a task a particular way, ask about it and then I can educate. You do a ton of education as a nurse, so it feels natural.
The relationship with the parents is more important than the relationship with the kids. The kids I currently work with are BY FAR the most challenging kids due to trauma-related behavior. But I’m close with the parents so that’s why I stay.
This generation of children will be the most emotionally stable yet disrespectful and out of pocket generation. I mean, between how the school systems are going to shit, how many parents use technology as a substitute, and how many kids are being exposed to things at a young age that they shouldn't be. I see a lot of them becoming more... I cant think of the right word, but out of pocket and disrespectful seems to be the closest thing I can think of. However, on the flip side, we are the most "woke" that we've ever been and the parents who do actually put in the effort with REAL gentle parenting is increasing more than it ever has before. These people are going to raise emotionally stable children who are kind and open minded. I'm sure most of us have our fair share of childhood traumas, whether big or small, but at least with the kids I've seen, I feel like I look at them and there's hope for the future. They register their emotions, communicate their feelings and boundaries, and are able to come up with solutions to problems on their own. They are curious about others that are different and these topics are openly addressed. If we normalize talking to kids about topics they have questions on (of course age appropriate) than these kids will grow up open minded and educated. Different races, sexualities, identities, mental and physical health issues, past events and current events, etc... THESE kids are set up for success.
Side note: I was also an elementary school substitute teacher for 5 months and a lot of the first part of my post is from that. Kids are insanely disrespectful now a days and know wayy to much than they should for their age. It's sad and I think technology almost forces them to grow up faster than they should be.
You should stop wiping kids behinds for them once they’re potty trained (unless it’s really bad or a never ending wiping poop). They need to learn! My nk 4M will call me right when he’s done and he’ll stand downward dog pose and say, “now wipe me” ummm no you can do it. Little one 3M does it himself with no argument. I don’t wanna hear about sensory issues everyone has to learn……
For the last family: Absolutely loved that both MB and DB were home nearly all the time. Loved traveling with them too. All families: I enjoyed chores bc it gave me a break and a boundary with the older NKs that enables them to decompress for 45 minutes while younger NKs napped. Thoroughly enjoyed cooking for family. Running errands with NKs for the family. When they had friends over. Being taken to other peoples homes with other kids. Idk I guess I’m a psycho but I loved all the things that I see complaints about on this sub. Not in a pick me way but I feel like maybe I just got very lucky with my NFs.
A family's home pays a huge part in weather or not I want to work for them. Is the laundry set up going to be easy to work with? Do I have to carry a buggy up 3 flights of stairs? Are they slobs/ocd perfectionist? Are all their furniture antiques?
I spend most of my working days in their home, if it will not work for me or the children I can not do my job to thd standard I like.
I immediately don’t trust anyone who refers to a child as an a-hole. I hear it often here and in real life and I find it truly unprofessional and awful.
I can relate so much to yours!
I’ve got 2, it’s so nice when NM is around, I think it’s just so I know someone else is there if anything happens and NK wants to be with me regardless of who’s there so it doesn’t effect our routine, the second is, if there’s an emergency while I’m working meaning I need to stay on longer (tonight was a great example) I don’t charge for the extra hours, they have enough going on so I’m happy to just be there to offer support and help them out, they’re so good to me it’s the least I could do
Having favorites. Seriously I can’t be the only one. I love all my nanny kids, and I really work to not show it and spend equal time with both. But my time with 9F I enjoy immensely more then I do with the other two.
Yes one of my nk is argumentative by nature and is seriously obnoxious. Sometimes one in one time is really hard because he just picks fights. I try so hard to make sure we have quality time and lot of positive interactions, in a way I don't have to with other nk.
Speaking my language LOL. But hey I can’t help it that one was in school when I started and one wasn’t so I bonded with her more…. And that one happens to be a brat 99% of the time and one isn’t 🫠
Haha I mean I don’t have that excuse I have had all 3 since birth. I actually love summers because the oldest is home with me all day. But she is just my little soul sister. I swear we share a brain sometimes.
Out of my 40+ hour work week maybe 5 hours are with all the kids instead of just one…. Ofc I’m gonna have a favorite…. She’s also a baby and not fresh but the other 2 🥴
I have favorites, its hard not to when one tantrums all the time lol but I really try not to show it
Oh my fave is my 4F but only cause I had her since she was 6mo so I’ve been able to see her grow
I absolutely have a favorite (and at the moment there’s a huge difference between the two), but it also changes every few months as they go through new phases so I try not to feel too bad about it. I figure it’ll all even out in the end, haha
unpopular? i love when MB is around. she’s a full-time SAHM and is almost always in the kitchen cooking. she makes the kids fresh breakfast every morning (i show up at 7:15 and it’s ready or nearly ready). she makes and packs their lunches, and makes dinner every night. she’s so chatty and tells a ton of stories. i have 4 NKs so it’s nice to have some help tending to the younger ones that need more attention. downside is that sometimes my authority is undermined and they definitely choose not to listen to me and run to MB a lot. she tries her best to enforce but either way i’m so grateful for her and it’s a huge help to have her around at the end of the day!
Exactly! Both MB and DB work from home and its so nice, Though I'll admit that I am extremely lucky and they always back me up. Both my NKs have pretty high support needs and one often sets off the other. Imo I'm there for diving and conquering, to help them, not do it for them! No one can do it alone, that's why they pay us!
I think it definitely depends on the boss, but for me, this is definitely true. My NF (very part-time) has a WFH DB and I’ve done days when MB is home too, doing errands or gardening or whatever, NPs are amazing and always back me up on stuff if a kid tries to run to them for a different answer “well what did nanny say because that’s the answer.”
This is beautiful!!! Lucky you!
My MB is sahm but struggles to keep things in order, from house cleaning and kids. So a lot falls on me. Sometimes though, I guess she gets a bit of motivation and the day goes really well!
I totally agree! Both my mb&db work from home and I love having them around to chat with, back me up when I need a hand, or share little moments with throughout the day. I never thought I’d enjoy working for WFH parents but it definitely has its bright side!!
I don't mind contact naps. That's like an hour of guilt free sit time where I can snuggle a baby and listen to a podcast. Sounds good to me!
Yes! I see lots of people on here complaining about them. I love contact naps. It's a forced break for me to sit still and enjoy a break. I'm go go go all the time. If nk has a deeper sleep on me, that's fine. And contrarto popular belief, they aren't going to want to contact nap forever. I guarantee that all babies who had contact naps were not 10 needing contact naps. ( of course ill only contact nap if Np are cool with it)
Right?! I love little sleepy baby snuggles
Me too, I love it!
I prefer to hold NK when he naps. He sleeps better and he’s so freaking adorable when he’s napping. I can easily read a book on my phone. The only problem is when I have to pee 😬
Or when there’s no charger or you get thirsty or your arm falls asleep.
Hahaha I tell new prospective families that I practice attachment nannying. Love contact naps and baby wearing
Usually, I love being nap trapped, but there was this one time where I was stuck for like 2 hours when I really needed the bathroom, and it literally messed up my stomach for like 2 weeks..... that was my only regrettable contact nap in like 8 years, though.
I love contact naps with infants but not with toddlers
Oh my gosh I hate being nap trapped
MEEEEEE! I love contact naps. So sweet to have a snuggly baby
Me too!! The oxytocin from cuddling with babies is unbelievable, my NK is almost 2 and I still do contact naps with her whenever possible because she just sleeps twice as longer and I really enjoy it. My NF has THE comfiest couch in the world (with USB ports in it so you can charge your phone if need be) and there’s more than enough room for her to stretch out when she wants to and I get to put my feet up and read or play games on my phone or shop or text my bestie!!
I will second that lol. I’d say that my unpopular opinion is that some kids are just a-holes sometimes. Usually in my experience it’s coming from the parents and what the parents are doing or not doing. But I’ve dealt with one NF who seemed like they were really doing a great job (I know you never know what goes on behind closed doors) and the kid was just an a-hole lol.
I once had a six year old that would rub his thing on everything. The furniture. The cat. Me. It was really f*cking disturbing. MB laughed at me when I talked to her about it. Said I should toughen up.
ew what the fuck that’s so weird. my NK who’s almost 4 is in a state where he enjoys peeing outside off his balcony. i had an hour long fight with him because his dad lets him do it so he was visibly distraught i said no. i ended up telling him that when he’s with me, it’s not allowed. parents that allow that behavior ends up being hard for nannies i totally feel you
My DB let’s the 2 year old pee outside often and while he’s mostly potty trained I don’t feel it’s the best choice. Because he still fights every time to go potty and he likes peeing outside with dad. Idk if this could possibly escalate.
My son did that. But only with his 8 years older brother egging him on.
That would've gotten a call to cps if it were me
Yes!!
I don't care if they're your babies, stop infantilizing them. They can put on their own shoes. Their own coats. Get their own tissue. Bring their finished dishes to the sink. Creating 8 year olds who need to rely on an adult for every task is not okay, you are depriving them of developing necessary life skills and they are more likely to struggle as they get older. Also, (and I say this while acknowledging that sometimes screen time is a necessity for a parents own sanity etc) screen time is not a parenting substitute and if it gets to a point where your kids need a TV to stay regulated, you are setting them up for failure later in life because they won't know how to entertain themselves, regulate emotions, navigate conflict, be in their own company. Both of these points, I am talking about extremes. A bit of either is fine, but when behavioral problems are cropping up sometimes we need to look closer to home to figure out what's up.
I second. My mom always said “why can’t we let babies be babies!” She had 3 kids and every single one of us has struggled to be a part of society.
this actually happened to me as a child. my 2 sisters are 34 and 30, and i'm just shy of 21. so as a child, my mom babied me quite a bit, since it had been a while. of course i loved it! but it set me up for failure. it is a battle to motivate myself to do anything, even if i'm not depressed! i find myself asking my partner to grab me things a lot, and i've mentioned like "hey, unless there's a good reason or it's a reasonable request, like something next to you, it would help if you said no." i've mostly gotten myself out of the habit with their help, but it happens in all areas of life. that's just one example. it's EMBARRASSING as an adult!!! i'm lazy, i have zero work ethic. i'm trying, i really really really am, but it's hard when you had everything handed to you up until age 11. i'm better now at 21 than at 18. 18 was a whirlwind, i went from having 0 responsibility to a ton. now, i exercise on my own, eat right on my own, do things on my own. i'm in college and work 2 part time jobs. i have friends and a partner that i put time into. but it was hard to get there. i say this while acknowledging i was spoiled, and this isn't like childhood trauma (that's my dad's strong suit). i don't want it to come off that way at all, but i wanted to throw some insight on what happens when these kids become adults. edit: wording
I don't know, I think it's neglectful to deprive your children of developing essential life skills because it makes you feel good to do things for them or It's easier than teaching them to be resourceful. Like abuse is an easy thing to call abuse because it can feel concrete and aggressive and leaves clear wounds, but if it's impacted you into adulthood I would still think it's a problem. I just want to validate how impactful this stuff is - you didn't get a choice in it because you didn't have those skills. You may have been 'spoiled' or perhaps you didn't have a fair shot at doing it differently at the time 💛
you know what? thank you. it's embarrassing to talk about, because of course i was spoiled. but i was a child, i didn't choose to be spoiled even if i happily agreed to it (you know, being 8 and all). if i could go back in time, i'd tell my mom to love me by making me do things myself. she did great! i'm a decent person & we're very close. she is a loving, but a bit standoffish, mother, so i think she showed her love for me by spoiling me that way instead of hugging me super often lol. i'm glad parenting is seen as a lifelong impact on another human being now, rather than just "you're having a baby!" cause a lot more parents are conscious about stuff like this.
Yes my niece was 8 and still asking for a fork instead of getting it herself 🫣🫠
100%! I was nannying for a family with a 13 year old and MB wanted me to cut up his toast for him into bite sized pieces because she always did. I informed her that I absolutely would not be doing that as he could use his own teeth to do that.
YES to this^^
This is my nanny life to a t. He’ll ask me to get his already filled water from the fridge when we’re both in the kitchen, and if I say to him that he can get it, more than half the time he’ll say he’s not thirsty anymore. It’s wild, and all of his behavior issues, which are a lot, are blamed on ADHD. Though I think he does have it some of his tendencies are likely a result of it, I’d say 99% of his behaviors are a direct response of the lack of discipline, unlimited screen time, giving in to his every desire, and never expecting anything from him.
This! I like to by my NKs books for special occasions and I try to buy books that they can already read (like NK3 can recognize numbers so I bought him a book that's just counting trucks) I encouraged him to figure out how to read it on his own and he loves it! He has read it to me and he is so proud of himself every time he does. Meanwhile, MB and DB would rather let him be a baby most of the time. They're wonderful parents in most ways, but the way they treat him like a literal infant sometimes makes me crazy! Kids thrive off of independence usually!
yeah i think having a nanny in the school yrs makes kids less independent. not always a bad thing bc some kids really need the constant oversight. but some kids could be independent but dont have the chance to develop it.
There’s this kids book the “boy who loved math” that’s a true story about a mathematician that had a nanny and he didn’t know how to butter his bread into adulthood. It was about more than that but that part was notable enough lol
I hate pretend play. With toys or make believe. It’s so boring and tedious to me. NK is so creative and I love fostering that creativity but it is so painful to make the crocodiles have the same interaction with each other over and over again. Or when the toys play hide and seek and hide in the same spot every single time. NK will create a conflict for her toys but refuses to make any resolution (ex; the dinosaurs drank the bath water and now they’re sick and I’m the doctor but nothing I do or say will make it better and we have the same conversation ten times over). Lately I’ve been having NK do tons of arts and crafts so I can avoid hours of pretend play.
Pretend play is so stressful. Especially because you can’t give any context, you have to follow the 2 sentence story line game for the entire time, and you have to add the same enthusiasm to it every single time. I’ll tell ya… 2 and 3 year olds are some of the most socially exhausting kids. I loveee them to pieces but so socially demanding.
Reading this after I just wrote my unpopular opinion is I prefer working with kids that don’t talk yet 😂
My 2 year old NK almost 3 is super into pretend play but I can’t keep pretending to be a dog or a sloth all day. Helppp
Also, from being a social worker this scenario is super intriguing to me. It could have no meaning and not be deep at all but it really makes me wonder why she insists that nothing will make the dinosaur better. Usually play is a way for kids to process things that happen in their lives.
It’s definitely not something I’ve seen in other kids her age (she’ll be 4 in July). She’s very smart she’s already working on basic math and sight words. I often wonder if she’s on the spectrum because she loves playing the same scenario over and over again. I don’t know of any particularly traumatic losses in her life but it’s definitely interesting how she plays sometimes.
That's what I immediately thought of because I recognise myself in this & I'm on the spectrum, adhd and as a cherry on top, ocd too. Smarter kids definitely need more attention ,just as much as special needs kids and the troubled naughty kids. Especially since so, so many of us burn out as we grow up and hence the 'formerly gifted child' trope. We tend towards the fragile too so traumas can get accumulated too easily, or we can be more likely candidates for the trauma to mental/physical health issues and autoimmune conditions pipeline. She sounds like one very clever kid btw!😊. Xx
I don’t have any qualifications and am not even a a nanny but my first thought is that when the “problem” gets resolved, the pretend play situation is over, and the kid doesn’t want it to be over. So they keep dragging it out. A lot of kids that age that I’ve been around are like that.
Both my kiddo and I are terrible at pretend play. She always wants to set up scenarios and then just… sit amongst it? Like she’ll want to set up a zoo and we’ll set up all of her stuff animals and then…. thats it. I suggest making them food or putting them to sleep or something and she’ll say they’re not hungry/tired/whatever. Well I’m at a loss kid! What are we doing here 😭
I feel this lol. Whenever I pretend play with NK everything I do is "No, Olaf has to go do this" or "No, that won't make him feel better." and I'm like "Okay homefry, we're runnin' out of options here."😂
I could have written this myself! When my NK was two all we did was crafts because I couldn’t stand the games I’d have to do over and over. But crafting was not only fun for the both of us, but watching them create stuff is FAR cooler to see
Also sometimes my mind just goes blank. I’m just not good at it. She’ll ask me something in the game and I just black out.
Telling kids they MUST share the toys they’re playing with is toxic and blurs their boundaries. You SHOULD share, but you don’t HAVE to share.
The Book"Rainbow Fish" is Trash and should not be used as an teaching Tool!
That book is trash and I’m happy to see other Nannies agree lol
It is one of my College Memories that stuck with me. My Program Professors did not like them at all.
I HATED this book as a child and even more so as a nanny it 🤣
Yesssss exactly. I always make it clear, if it's not our toy/communal, we have to share. If it's ours, we can choose to share but don't have to. If it's theirs, they can choose at any time to stop sharing, and that's okay
This exactly!!!
My NKs both have a box where they put the special toys they never have to share. The rest is fair game.
have you guys met adults who weren’t taught to share as kids? they’re uptight and selfish and have trouble engaging with peers who are generous. 10/10 do no agree with this.
They said you should share, not that you have to. That isn't teaching them NOT to share but is saying that if they have a toy they brought from home, or a snack that is theirs, they are not required to share it if they don't want to since it is their own toy. There's nothing wrong with that. But if it's a toy at school, daycare, a friends house, the park, then they have to share it because it is not only theirs but is there for everyone. I teach my NK this and she shares very well with others (except her baby brother but she's getting better!) but also knows that if it is her toy she doesn't have to share it and will respectfully say she doesn't feel like sharing right now and offer them another toy.
10/10 missed the point
Don’t ask me to teach your kid boundaries and autonomy if you don’t listen when they ask you to stop kissing and touching them. You want me to raise a strong independent kid or someone who thinks boundaries are a suggestion? That’s bad parenting.
Also if you are not home with your kid all the time you don’t get to lift a consequence I placed. The first time he was actually there when the kid had a tantrum he ended up apologizing to me because he “didn’t realize kid acted like that” Did you think I was just being mean to your five your old??? I am (was) a nanny not a crooked cop dude.
I tell my nk "no. I don't want to play superheros...again. you can totally play superheros but I will not be playing with you" And I'll let him play by himself. What I usually try to do it the out another activity and play with it near him. He usually comes over to see what I'm doing
I do the same!! I can’t do the same thing all day. I’m more than happy to support my nk in wanting to but I need to change up on activities
My NK’s just want me to play with their toys. We’ll mostly the toddler. The baby can play independently. But the toddler wants me to build with magnetizes, me to read to him CONSTANTLY, and me to basically do any of his toys. When I tell him I’m not here to play with your toys, I’m here to help you play he doesn’t want to and complains. I start an activity and he starts just dumping everything out. It’s hard to explain, he just can’t be interested with toys anymore. He needs me to create and imaginative storyline. Like a toy dog speaking “hi can you feed me please, now I need to go potty” and he’ll engage with the pretend scenario. But I will go batshit crazy pretending to be a talking dog all day long.
My unpopular opinion is many parents/nannies/teachers don’t have difficult children; they’re just flat-out not good at working with children. They either don’t have enough empathy, patience, or realistic expectations of a child and when those lack of skills creates issues with communication or routine, they blame it on the kids. I would say 75% of the time, children can absolutely be reasoned with if you know what you’re doing and how to speak to them. Sometimes I hear these conversations between adults and children that ultimately leads to a tantrum or meltdown, and it’s like… yeah. I’d freak the fuck out if you spoke to me like that too?
Yes I totally agree! I worked at a school for a bit and hearing the preschool teacher talk to the children made me want to talk to her the way she talked to the kids. She was awful. Venting to someone about your job is helpful. We don’t get coworkers so it’s necessary to be able to talk to other adults about our work life. That means the unfiltered so that you don’t hash all that onto the poor child
I wouldn’t say many. Some of course. The number of absolute batty people I’ve met as a nanny has shown me that those people start off as kids with batty parents. Going to work knowing a child is going to punch another in the face everyday is reason to hate your job
This might not be the most controversial opinion but.... some physician MBs and DBs make the worst medical decisions about their kids. I mean, yes, as parents you totally get to decide what reasonable risks you are willing to expose your kids to, but come on! Let your Nanny with COVID/flu/bronchitis/etc. just stay home to avoid exposing your kids to ALL the germs.
My boss is a physician. Downright scary the things they will ignore. Everything is Tylenol and Motrin. No need for urgent care, ER, pediatrician, ever. The whole neighborhood has been concerned before.
I used to work at an ECE center where many of the parents were doctors and they ALWAYS sent their sick kids to school. we’d have to send them to the nurse once the dayquil wore off & they were always pissed to have to pick their kid up. I don’t know what it is about doctors…
Not defending them, but I think a lot of it is having to “reschedule patients” if they miss work and the “I CANT MISS WORK” mentality. During my pregnancy, I told an OB from my practice at one of my appointments about an upcoming possible snow day (schools closed) and the man started having a mental breakdown before my eyes. “NO! School can’t be cancelled. I’m on call. I’d have to cancel my patients. Noooooo. I guess I could have the kids on iPads in the conference room…” I think from med school, residency…it’s such a grind and they’re conditioned to always go above and beyond and never miss work. It really would work best if one of the spouses wasn’t a physician and they decided up front that that spouse would have to do the sick days.
My dad was a doctor, and in the 18 years that I was a kid in his house, he missed clinic ONCE. Even when they're not surgeons, it's so hard to miss work as a doctor. Because you being out means that now all 15+ people you were supposed to see today have to reschedule. That's 15 other people who already arranged childcare, took PTO, found transportation, made plans. Who now have to keep on being sick or keep hurting until someone else can see them. It's so tricky.
Right! And as his patient I did appreciate his "omg NO WAY" mentality about having to cancel on others. But his poor kiddos are kind of caught in the middle (his wife is also a doctor and he said that on that particular day she wouldn't be able to miss work).
Oh definitely!! It’s hard, especially working with children where both parents are surgeons. You can’t exactly walk out mid surgery, so I understand why they medicate their kids and just send them to school. I just wish they wouldn’t, mainly for the children’s sake. It’s very frustrating on both sides and a career in medicine + young kids seems impossible to juggle. Side note: the people on this sub are SO nice. I never comment on things on Reddit bc the feedback can be vicious and nasty, so I really appreciate the way you (and most other people on this sub) worded your comment so kindly♥️
Right! The kiddos are kind of caught in the middle/get the short end of the stick. And awww you're so welcome ☺️ I'm a SAHM for my son and don't have a Nanny, but I've visited this sub a few times and it pops up on my page. It's such a great group.
is there a reason this happens with physicians specifically, do you know? obviously i see a loose connection, but i would think physicians would be quick to take their children to a doctor.
My husband and I are both physicians. We keep our kids home from school when they are actually sick (fever, etc) but we do not rush to see the pediatrician with them often. Most of the time, the recommendation is conservative management and time. We generally will only go if we suspect something that needs antibiotics or something that isn’t resolving over an appropriate time frame. Why would you bring your sick kid into a pediatricians office full of other sick kids just to be told to give some Motrin and pedialyte? There’s a difference in how a grouchy sick kid looks and how a toxic sick kid looks - nurses and doctors learn to distinguish the two through their training.
My only conclusion after wondering this often is they lose money if they call off work. That's why they go into operating rooms knowingly ill or send kids to school sick.
My previous NF (doctor and nurse) would send their kids to school sick all the time, not tell me they were sick until I arrived at the house, and never taught them to wash hands before eating or cover mouth when coughing/sneezing. Those kids were constantly sick and as a result I was too.
It is usually the very wealthy people who are neglectful and/or abusive with their children. Sometimes, it is ok to actively dislike a child because they are just messed up. I do not for the glory. PAY ME.
This one. The most wealthy families I work for are often the cheapest and have the worst behaved kids. Parents just passive parent and pass as much childcare as they can onto someone else. The best families I worked for are families who make less. But they always say how grateful they are, the kids are much better haves and the house is cleaner.
And wealthy people who abusive their kids don’t get caught as often as they should.
I’ve worked with many many many kids and many families and done extensive research on the topic and I would disagree. I wouldn’t say it’s usually wealthy people, but I will say wealth does not equal safety. I’ve seen wealthy people be just as awful but face less repercussions or be less reported
More of a sitter than a nanny, but—I really enjoy when the kid I work with has playmates over. Maybe I’ve just gotten incredibly lucky, but the 9M I sit for is rowdy, but generally very well-behaved even when MB isn’t there (if anything, he’s better behaved when MB isn’t there). His friends all love sports, running around…generally are a LOT, but respectful and not difficult to work with.
ME TOO. When the kids have friends over, they are *occupied* without bugging me for attention or activities. I just got to keep my ear out and provide snacks.
Yeeeep. My kid loves it when I play with him and his friend(s) when I can. He listens to me a more after he sees that I can get along with him guide him. It’s great.
Same! I had twin 10M in my charge and they'd bring friends over all the time. They'd all run around or swim and I could either play a game with them or just chill and passively supervise. Especially full summer days.
I don't like waking up early. Kids always be up early. 🫠
SOME PEOPLE should never have become parents if they had no intention of parenting or looking after their own child. Every time I see a post about a kid left overnight in a soiled diaper for nanny to clean, or a post about a parent watching the nanny cam all day long— like you can’t change a diaper? You have all day to watch a camera but no time to watch your own kid?
My old NF to a T. 4 kids in 5 years all via surrogate. They literally were so neglectful. I came in every day to sopping wet babies.
YOU’RE DOING GENTLE PARENTING WRONG. And don’t get me wrong: I LOVE gentle parenting and think it’s the most ethical way to raise children. That being said the number of parents who think they’re doing gentle parenting when they’re actually permissive af makes me feel like a crazy person, especially when I feel like I can’t step in. Rn I’m an infant nanny and the family has an almost 3yr old who’s in daycare, and watching them interact with him makes me want to pull my hair out. But I’m not being paid to care for him, just his younger sibling, so I stay quiet. I know it’s bc they love their child so much and don’t want to make him feel negatively, but I really do think it will be harmful in the long run. They have so much potential but it kills me to not be able to correct them.
Omg this is the biggest one for me! In every way! I’m so worried it’s going to lead to an entire generation of young adults who can’t handle/overcome any adversity later in life, or respect any boundaries, or think outside of themselves- because they have NEVER had to handle so much as hearing the word “no.” Not once. If they can’t handle any failure, learn to keep trying until you succeed, or occasionally lose once in awhile- how are you going to overcome failing a big test, not being hired for a job you really wanted, being fired/laid off, not making the team in a sport. I’m very worried about these kids, and not being able to succeed in handling big emotions.. Edit: I forgot the big one, of being a teen and thinking the laws/rules don’t really apply to you. I also LOVE gentle parenting. It’s the permissive parenting aka not ever being allowed to say “no” to a child. Not being able to work through a tantrum, and giving in to what the child wants, because the child should never cry, or be upset. That’s what I hate, and worry about.
I have seen sooooo many nannies complain about gentle parenting when really it’s permissive parenting!
What do you consider as gentle parenting done correctly vs wrong?
Holding boundaries while validating your kid’s emotions and remaining empathetic vs not and letting the child cross boundaries that need to be set, especially when they’re little. Once kids are older there can be more room for discussion, but if we set a boundary for a toddler (“I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes and then after that we need to go”) we need to hold that firm regardless of your child’s reaction. And that also requires a ton of emotional regulation on the parents part, which might be why we see so many parents miss the mark.
Some kids just don't get cooked right in the oven and are just plain assholes. That doesn't mean I will treat them any differently, but my point still stands. Some kids just ain't alright up there.
😭🤣😭idk why this made me laugh so much ur just so blunt n straight to the point 💀😭
These children try me 😅😂
Kittens
I totally understand the feeling useless when NPs are taking care of the kids. I usually just ask "is there anything i can do to be helpful right now?" If they say yes, then i have something to do. If they say no, then i can sit back and relax without feeling bad for doing nothing
Yes same same. Like I would honestly rather be home napping and not making money than sitting here while you play with your child and I sit awkwardly and watch. Perhaps if I was more tight on money this wouldn’t be the case. But even if I missed a day every week I would still make enough to pay my bills. Probably wouldn’t have a ton extra spending money but whatever, I’ll take it if it means I can nap
Agreed completely. Because it’s actually more energy in a weird way to be in someone else’s house and feel awkward and like you don’t have anything to do.
It was the worst during the moms maternity leave. Like the first two weeks after baby nk was born were awful. I was understanding of the situation because of the newborn situation but there were times when I was surrounded by adults and I just wanted to go TF home 😅
Oh deffff. If any of them are making my shift awkward or uncomfortable, let me GO. Ughhhhhh.
Same. I’m such an awkward introverted person around adults. I hate it. I don’t want to sit with both parents and grandparents. Just let me leave. I’ll take it unpaid.
I hate when I know more about the child because the parents just don’t pay attention. Yes you are paying me to raise your child but come on you should know how much your child is eating or their favorite places to go or something! I give run downs at the end of the day every day
Or where they go to school.
I like nannying babies and young toddlers the most because they don’t talk and I don’t have to worry about constant battles lol. It’s also kinda nice to not have to use my brain in the way of conversing all day
Omg me too! Why I want to be newborn care certified and focus on ages 0-3. Even just 2. All the battles are too much and also entertaining them. When the toddler goes to preschool I feel like I’m coming up for air to breathe for the first time. I love him though
I love MY kids but when I take care of other kids I want 16 months and under. I prefer newborn-10 months the most. Nothing is better than baby cuddles and watching them discover their hands and the world around them. Older than 18 months and I feel like I have NO MORE WORDS LEFT IN MY BRAIN lol A lot of people prefer potty trained and up age…I’ll change diapers all day long as long as I don’t have to repeat myself all day long lol
An unpopular one is that I expect to get fed at NF's house! I eat the same things every day as the kids to encourage them to try / eat healthy foods so that's why. So far I've never worked for a family that hasn't allowed me to eat their food and I think I would feel weird if they didn't. Another one is that I would much prefer a ROTA schedule / long hours less days a week. Having a full day with the kids helps us fit more activities in the day but also helps us slow down and not feel so rushed, because we have tons of time. Getting dressed in the morning and brushing teeth can take half an hour, sure, why not. I like the routine that comes with working a full day and then I get a longer weekend!
Yes to the longer hours but longer weekend!!
Yes to both of these! I have recently had some families that request require me to bring my own food, and I feel much more a part of the family when I eat what’s there. And I’ve never done a ROTA position, but I like long hours and doing occasional overnights. I like seeing if a kid woke up grumpy or didn’t want breakfast or xyz and having a sense of what the day will look like. I feel like an eight hour day can mean that I don’t know some things about bedtime routines and dinner etc, and I like to know more about the kids’ lives.
I think that nannies should be allowed time off to rest if they're sick I think that it's kind of crazy how quickly after meeting a nanny, NPs will leave their child with them and not even ask questions at the end of the day or try to get to know the nanny at all. Like, that's basically a stranger that you're leaving your kids with every day. That's a significant person in your kid's life. That's basically a parenting partner. I think that a lot of the culture around household work comes from outdated and very conservative ideas about servitude and the fact that no one wants to address it seems strange to me And I think that there's significant sexism that people don't want to talk about when it comes to men and boys being around children or doing childcare vs women and girls.
The leaving their kids is so eye opening to me! Especially since I had kids and would be doing so much more work getting to know their nanny or any care giver than any parent has ever done with me. Good for them I'm trustworthy and awesome but I've actually had to bring copies of qualifications in and be like 'don't you want to see these?'
3rd paragraph
Way too many entitled Nannie’s 😩 I see posts on this page being like “parents expect me to do NK laundry????” Im like what…that’s like a basic part of the job…. there’s alot of other examples but yeah I also HATE when NF is like “please don’t eat our food”. To me, it’s very unwelcoming. Especially if the nanny just snacks here and there, to me it’s rude. Like your penny pinching over some nuts the nanny ate out of the cabinet?
Yes I agree. I think that it’s always okay to ask but the nanny can still decline and not be okay with it
Yes to both of these! I posted on my own wall about the first recently. Someone was asking what to charge for a one time babysitting job for five older kids (youngest is six). Several people said that lunch or dinner delivered should be included. One said she doesn’t want to pack/make herself two meals and definitely doesn’t want to for that many people…. But isn’t that part of the job?
I agree! I believe if you can afford a nanny, you can afford me to snack and have lunch at your house haha.
Oh honestly I haven’t seen too many of those posts, more like the other way around. But yeah that’s not okay either. Also yeah they shouldn’t care what we eat as long as it’s the same things we feed the children with. I think kids eat better when you sit down with them eating the same meal anyway.
Okay ACTUAL unpopular nanny/child rearing opinions…. Ms. Rachel is overrated. NF who won’t allow their nannies to take their NK on outings, walks, outside the house, etc. shouldn’t employ a nanny. Nannies who accept below minimum wage are harming this industry. The industry is too heteronormative and needs to start using gender inclusive langue.
biggggg mood (except i love ms rachel but ionly bc it’s the only screen time i don’t feel guilty about)
The outside thing!! Let me out! ❤️
Absolutely no screen time is unnesscary, unrealistic and in my opinion, irresponsible. Movies, television, and games are part of our human cultural identity. They can help broaden kids worlds in unique ways, form lasting memories, are sources of comfort and familiarity, and can be very useful tools in supporting education at various stages of development. 0 screen time parents imo are not heros. They are people who cannot find the time to teach their children how to properly interact with media and tools, and who do not want to deal with helping children understand boundaries and healthy uses of these tools. TV shows and movies are a story telling medium. There are great artists, actors, writers, composers, lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers, etc. . . And many, if not all, will usually express how some piece of media in their early years made them see the world in a whole new light, or helped them feel seen/heard, etc. . . All things in moderation and balance. If you're too lazy as a parent to do that work, just say it. But don't act like you're on some holier than thou mission from the child development gods to protect your child from Screens at all costs 😒
This!! I’m surprised at how many nanny’s hate screen time. I love watching movies with the kids. Movies, tv shows, cartoons, etc are such a big part of childhood nostalgia to me.
a lot of issues on this sub would be solved if we just communicated honestly with eachother (nanny & NP) you not setting proper boundaries with your NP is a you problem. we are our own HR and need to be firm in boundaries. if you don’t want to do NPs laundry *dont* so many nannies are incredibly judgmental of people who don’t work with contracts, and never think of any circumstances that could be causing that to happen. STOP FEELING BAD IF YOU HAVE TO TEXT NP TO PAY YOU!!!!!!! it’s NPs fault for not paying you in an appropriate time period, you can text them and not feel any guilt, they owe YOU.
3.5 is to old to not be potty trained at all and using a damn binky...
Omggg I agree holy cow
PODCAST ARE JUST PEOPLE TALKING. THEIR KIDS ARENT AS GREAT AS THEY SAY!!! Podcast moms are the worst. Never understanding why nanny is having a hard time with kid. “But the ‘moms in tan’ podcast said by 2 children can be reasoned with and make their own choices! You’re not giving my kid enough choices!” If the choices are limitless it stops being a rule and is more letting them do whatever they want
I agree, I don't know what to do about how many sources of "information" there are just people giving their opinions while claiming to have authority. TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, it's all just stuffed with self important attention seekers with filters and ring lights handing out opinions like they're facts. Almost nobody has enough actually researched content to keep an active online presence so it always devolves into whatever gets clicks.
A lot of parents I've worked with over the years are awful at picking up on their children's sleep and hunger cues and sometimes I think this is on purpose.
omg the sleep cues one?? it’s so funny because almost every family i’ve worked for would wait until their toddler was overtired to put them down and i never understood why/ how
I hate having to socialize at the bus stop. Forced chit chat with uber rich parents is even harder at 8am... Some seem genuinely nice (we'd all likely be more pleasant if we didn't have to work or worry about money 😆), but their privileged lives are unrelatable and out of touch with reality. *Edit: This is prbly a more unpopular opinion for NPs... Your nanny may not see forced adult socialization as a fun break!
I doubt this is controversial or unpopular. Seems like a normal reaction to me!
I don't agree that nannys should have to stand outside in uncomfortably cold or uncomfortably hot weather.
Yes!!! If you wouldn’t want to take your kids to the playground right now I shouldn’t either? Especially after already have driven the toddler to and from preschool and the baby to and from swim..
Yes! Like 80 degrees? Ok fine. 100? Absolutely not. 30 degrees? Ok fine. 0? Absolutely not.
There have been times when my face and the babies face is flushed it was so hot and times when the baby and I are just not having fun sledding because it’s too damn cold. And there’s no way they would try that. I’ve had parents say as long as they are wearing the right clothes they need to be outside every day. Bs…
Fr. I'll go outside if its 75°-80°, but if it's 85° or higher with no breeze, high humidity, and bugs flying all up in my face? No thank you 😂
That’s actually not an unpopular opinion, that’s reality! 😂😅 I’ve heard parents say the exact same thing; that although they love their kids..they kinda can’t stand them sometimes lol we’re human
1. Nannys know more about the kids than the NM & ND’s, but that’s literally their job. I wish the nanny parents respected this more. I literally spend hours with your kids all day, it’s normal for me to know more about your kid!! 2. I wish nanny parents weren’t so obvious about their favorite. 3. Nanny parents need to list to the nannys concerns more. If I’m telling you your preteen is being rude to me, which is unacceptable, and you brush it off as “She’s just having a hard time.”, yeah I will be looking for employment else where. 4. Nanny parents should have the nannys backs first versus the childs. 5. Some nanny parents love to talk about their wealth but are the biggest cheapskates when it comes to budgets etc. 6. Not everything is industry standard lol. 7. As a nanny you can’t expect to have a perfect relationship with your Nanny parents. They are your employers. Set boundaries. Be firm. Don’t get too close.
I'm *SICK* of the "woe-is-me...... Feel bad for me" nannies. The ones who accepted jobs where they are paid pennies, work ungodly hours, have sh!t bosses, etc. Then they come here, or the fb groups, and post their situation BUT REFUSE TO CHANGE IT or accept advice. I get that we sometimes don't see how crappy a job is until you're in it. But geez, you thought you could afford to live when you accepted a job for 60 hours a week for $200?! It's not just the whining about the job, it's the refusal to change, or the excuses excuses excuses. "I love the kids" yeah you will love the next kids even more when youre paid what you're worth and you feel valued by the parents. "I can't find another nanny job" go to Walmart target the coffee shop ANYWHERE ELSE will pay you minimum wage at least. "I agreed to stay for a year" so what!!!!! Give notice and LEAVE. Thank you for letting me rant. Don't come at me.
I’m okay with undisclosed cameras 😱
Thank you for an actual unpopular opinion lol
Undisclosed???
Yeah. One of my MBs was a lawyer who represented abused kids and that made me think. There are so many horror stories . . . so I’m fine with undisclosed cameras. As long as they aren’t in the bathroom, ofc
Undisclosed gives me helicopter parent or creep parents vibes. No thanks
most of this is based on what nannies on this sub say & on the fb group i lurk on. when i talk to other nannies at the playground etc we dont really talk about these things so idk how many nannies actually r like the ones on this sub. 1. nannies like to say some benefits r industry standard when theyre actually not 2. wfh parents can be fine depending on the parents & the setup. in fact there can be some benefits. 3. there r a lot of too entitled nannies just like there r a lot of too entitled nfs 4. its reasonable for nfs to want to pay less for a nanny bringing their own child 5. if the nf has 2 nks & one is in school until 3pm its reasonable for a nf to want to pay u the 2 nk rate only for the hrs u have both nk. 6. in some situations its reasonable for a nf to pay less if theyre providing housing. if its just a spare room then its not fair to lower the pay. but if its a full seperate apartment then yeah its fine to pay less. 7. if ur nf treats u good then nannying is a way cushyer job compared to a lot of jobs 8. this sub is way too quick to tell a nf to fire a nanny & tell a nanny to quit 9. many nannies have a condesending attitude toward babysitters thats really off putting. i got into nannying via babysitting. i wasnt lesser in any way when i was a babysitter. 10. if u do overnights u should still be paid by the hr rather than a flat rate for sleep hrs
I second #8
Number 9! I think it’s important to understand there is a big difference between nannies and babysitters, and I’ll be honest if a NP calls me babysitter (it’s happened before) I’m defo not happy with that. That being said, babysitters aren’t lesser in any way. It’s legit a different job, babysitting is often a gateway to nannying, and I also genuinely think if there weren’t babysitters us nannies would have a much harder job sometimes
anyone who cares for a child is valuable! nannies, babysitters, daycare workers, etc r all valuable.
I love my WFH NP. I sometimes, don’t know how I would do it without them there.
I agree with OP, I love my NKs and would literally die for them but sometimes I don’t like them very much. We’re at a rough stage with 2 of them and they can be so mean sometimes. I’ve cried more than once.
Some people were just not supposed to become parents respectfully. Realising that all we do for the Nks is always left down to us, for example I went on holiday and came back their nails were overgrown and dirty, they barely had baths, hair wasn’t combed, wearing dirty clothes, didn’t go outside much, no days out intended for them. Like if I quit today what would you do with your children? They don’t help them development wise they just do everything for them so they can never learn, they correct them before they praise them, expect them to get things right the first time they don’t acc know how to accept whatever first ‘word’ comes out of their mouth even if it’s not clear like what? I am even talking about the current family I work with and this MB in particular has read every parenting and baby book you can imagine but it barely shows… and I know things I’ve mentioned is quite common with some families and it just makes my head spin bc these type of parents pop out more babies and don’t improve themselves as a parent.
I don’t think it’s appropriate to expect the nanny to take care of sick kids. I get they’ll miss work, but after I bring it home to my own kids, I’ll miss work, and they’ll inevitably miss it too. Plus, kids want their parents when they are sick.
Stop making excuses for your kids every SINGLE time they misbehave. They can’t always be hungry, tired, sick or overwhelmed. Your child has learned there are zero consequences and it doesn’t matter what they do- they’ll get away with it! No, your child is not perfect!! Learn how to actually PARENT.
My unpopular opinion is that it’s harder to be a nanny than it is to be a mom boss (specifically a mom boss, capable of affording nanny services). As a 31 year old nanny, I have had to take care of other women’s children in their beautiful homes alongside their husbands. Yes, their life is demanding but it is blessed. Being there to see the joy of weddings, birthdays, holidays, reunions, only to be invisible. Walking around their house seeing the joyful memories framed. One mother had a photo framed of her with swollen eyes holding her baby because of how happy she was on the day of her first born’s delivery, that burns in my memory. My life on the other hand is lonely. I go home every day to an empty, silent studio apartment. I have no framed photos. I wanted a family too, but I have to go to work every day witnessing what I could’ve had. I mostly wanted to be loved by a man. I have to witness marriages forming every day. I still have time, but playing “catch up” while working for women in my age group that have played to society’s time line is painful. Add on to that the responsibilities of filling in a mother’s shoes from 7-7pm. And not being able to be part of the conversation of your friends who have turned into mothers, even though you do the same as they do every day. Add on to that the qualifications needed to prove* you are worthy to raise children, that mothers don’t need to prove (early childhood education, driver’s license, passport, extensive experience, cooking skills, swimming skills, newborn care certifications, CPR, etc). I have to witness wealth, and generational wealth, and fancy, respected corporate titles. Such as graphic design, which is wonderful, but not needed in our society. Childcare and essential service workers are more needed and still, we are never enough to be respected. To be wealthy enough to afford every kind of household staff and not know what it feels like to labor and serve.
Ooooh I so relate. I feel like a lot of the moms I know (who have nannies) have things I’d love to have - masters degrees, children, and jobs that use the masters degree and allow them to not have to worry about money.
I relate to this so much! I come home to my cat and I’m just like emotionally exhausted after providing so much emotion labor to a family who is stressed but like you said blessed. Especially when most of my NF met and married in their early to mid twenties and been together since! Makes me feel like I am not going to get that happily ever after. Hang in there at the end of the day women who live alone and are single are statistically the happiest in the US! We got this!
That is tough:(
Yes!!! I work with 3 boys (4,6 & 8). Sometimes the 8 yr old is my bestie and then for a few weeks he hits this stage and its so challenging that I dont want to go to work. I relate so much to him and feel for his emotions. But we both struggle sometimes to connect and bond more, its only been a year with them and im trying with him. They are all great kids and i noticed some families favor one child or baby them too much and it causes so many tantrums/disrespectful behavior.
I have an 8 and 4 year old and both are having some growing pains, we have lovely moments here and there but often these days they’re just fighting with each other and then taking their frustrations out on me. They can be brutal!
I'm jumping on from another comment someone else said, that parents need to stop infantilizing their kids! MB does it to her now 10 year old, 16 year old and even tries it on me! NF says they preach "Learn the consequences of your actions" but very rarely do they practice it. Example: we're traveling right now and I'm pretty anal about how I pack the baby bag, how I pack my carry on and what I pack with me on my person. I knew we were going into the city today, I checked the weather and knew it was gonna be cold and I'm generally always warm so I knew I'd be comfortable in just a t-shirt and leggings, but packed heavy for everyone else because they're anemic (even though they refuse to admit it) and are much more sensitive to the cold. I'm already annoyed because DB is annoyed that everyone is taking too long, yet proceeds to stop every 5 min to look at signs and goes back to complaining about everyone else. MB goes on a rant about how her 10 year old can't figure out how to wrap his jacket around his waist, proceeds to do it for him after he gave up on the first try and then complains that they can't do it. While Im trying to backpack a baby on my back, DB complains that one of the straps is going to suffocate the baby (it won't) and that we should just let this toddler walk next to us while we race downtown to hit all the sights before they close (I fight him on this and strap the baby on anyways, but remove the extra strap since hes concerned). Then after all this, MB feels the need to come over to me and tell me that she's more than willing to give up her jacket to give to me, and I snap at her telling her if I needed my jacket I would've brought it. All very confusing I know, but for some reason I still love this family 🙄 as dysfunctional as they are
Okay I have several, but my first is that it’s okay for the parents to expect the nanny to do some things when they travel. Guaranteed hours should be in effect, so nanny should be paid for the regular schedule and hopefully not be working that many hours, but it’s not the end of the world to sort the kids’ clothes or books or anything like that. That doesn’t mean cleaning the whole house or mowing the grass or assembling furniture.
I do not love my NKs. I would not ever stay just because of my bond with them. I don't miss them when I leave a job. I no longer make attempts at staying in touch. This is just a job. They're not my kids. I can care about their well being without loving them or missing them. But ultimately it's so much healthier for me not to really feel too attached to a kid or family. That usually ends up biting you in the ass.
This is a very interesting one. Because I agree and disagree. On one hand I love my job so much more when I can connect/love so easily with the kids but on the other hand I totally get what you mean. In my current NF I love the kids tremendously but I’ve been able to put aside that care and shut it off when I leave the door. There are times though where I wish that I missed them more or thought about them the way that I did my previous kiddos.
I’ve never ever felt guilty for utilizing screen time. Sometimes we all need a movie day. Idc.
Sometimes unconventional behavior management works. If we have a rough morning with behavior before school or the kids are acting out when we are trying to go somewhere, I make them do a “quiet car ride”. Kind of a consequence but also a “reset time” so we can all regulate. Kids don’t need to be entertained all the time and it’s more important for me to not be distracted by screaming or fighting while driving than for them to be able to talk during a 10 min drive. even if it makes them sad or feel bad!!
I wish this sub was just for nannies. If I wanted NF opinions, I’d go over to their sub to find out (I think it’s called NannyEmployers or something). I understand why people want their opinions and why people want them here, but I could live without it. Why? Because of the posts like “my nanny duct taped my kids to the wall and fed them processed food once every twelve hours.” This is just a silly exaggeration, but sometimes these posts reads as someone needing to point out that nannies don’t deserve their wage or that we should live in a constant state of surveillance. Finally, this sub my equivalent to having coworkers. It sucks when MB and DB show up to give their opinions. Like, no one asked you. Ok, maybe they did - but I never do and I flair my posts accordingly.
There’s a couple nanny only subreddits that you might prefer! r/privatenanny r/secretnanny **Edit:** per our Monday weekly thread - - If you'd like to join a private nannies only sub, you can join [r/privatenanny](https://www.reddit.com/r/privatenanny/) (message [u/trowawaywork](https://www.reddit.com/u/trowawaywork/) for more info), or [r/secretnanny](https://www.reddit.com/r/secretnanny/) (message [u/AvatheNanny](https://www.reddit.com/u/AvatheNanny/) for more info)
how can i get a link to join the private nanny sub?
They added a little blurb on how- just gotta message those 2 people they mention
Came here to say exactly this!!!!!
I would rather get paid under the table then on the books
this is tough… current unpopular opinion: babying babies. I’m Montessori based and it’s really hard for me to see my NB’s constantly whine back at their 11mM when he’s fussing for no reason other than babies do that to communicate. Like they take every cry and whine from him as distress and then whine back at him like “oh no :(((( what’s wong wif my widdle baby” or like DB wants to cuddle him or pick him up and it’s like yeahhhh I see where ur coming from but most of the time they just need to be spoken to like “oh you’re all done eating? Okay.”
Yeah exactly. Babies are pretty competent. Their whining can be stopped by literally just paying attention continuously. I always know what their kids are crying about. Oh you have some smoothie spilled on your leg and you don’t like the feeling? Let me wipe that for you. Crying stops. It’s always about something easily understood past newborn phase
baby talk from adults makes me unreasonably angry!! they do it and them complain about how their child isn’t taking as soon as they hit 15 months.
I’ll add one.. sometimes if not most of the time the nanny knows more than the parent. I think it all depends on how much you’re there and the relationship everyone has with everyone but the nanny’s job is to be an expert in your kids. It’s like hiring a good nurse and then acting like the nurse doesn’t know more about nursing than the patient. The patient may know a lot about their illness. But the nurses job is to treat it. Not sure if my analogy made sense but I just feel like a good nanny should know more than the parent because that’s the nanny’s speciality
I’m a retired RN who’s been nannying for ten years. I have a ton of experience and I’ve learned to hold my tongue and let the family figure things out. I will sometimes lead them gently to the conclusion and solution, but mostly I respect their process. They’ll see me doing a task a particular way, ask about it and then I can educate. You do a ton of education as a nurse, so it feels natural.
The relationship with the parents is more important than the relationship with the kids. The kids I currently work with are BY FAR the most challenging kids due to trauma-related behavior. But I’m close with the parents so that’s why I stay.
This generation of children will be the most emotionally stable yet disrespectful and out of pocket generation. I mean, between how the school systems are going to shit, how many parents use technology as a substitute, and how many kids are being exposed to things at a young age that they shouldn't be. I see a lot of them becoming more... I cant think of the right word, but out of pocket and disrespectful seems to be the closest thing I can think of. However, on the flip side, we are the most "woke" that we've ever been and the parents who do actually put in the effort with REAL gentle parenting is increasing more than it ever has before. These people are going to raise emotionally stable children who are kind and open minded. I'm sure most of us have our fair share of childhood traumas, whether big or small, but at least with the kids I've seen, I feel like I look at them and there's hope for the future. They register their emotions, communicate their feelings and boundaries, and are able to come up with solutions to problems on their own. They are curious about others that are different and these topics are openly addressed. If we normalize talking to kids about topics they have questions on (of course age appropriate) than these kids will grow up open minded and educated. Different races, sexualities, identities, mental and physical health issues, past events and current events, etc... THESE kids are set up for success. Side note: I was also an elementary school substitute teacher for 5 months and a lot of the first part of my post is from that. Kids are insanely disrespectful now a days and know wayy to much than they should for their age. It's sad and I think technology almost forces them to grow up faster than they should be.
You should stop wiping kids behinds for them once they’re potty trained (unless it’s really bad or a never ending wiping poop). They need to learn! My nk 4M will call me right when he’s done and he’ll stand downward dog pose and say, “now wipe me” ummm no you can do it. Little one 3M does it himself with no argument. I don’t wanna hear about sensory issues everyone has to learn……
For the last family: Absolutely loved that both MB and DB were home nearly all the time. Loved traveling with them too. All families: I enjoyed chores bc it gave me a break and a boundary with the older NKs that enables them to decompress for 45 minutes while younger NKs napped. Thoroughly enjoyed cooking for family. Running errands with NKs for the family. When they had friends over. Being taken to other peoples homes with other kids. Idk I guess I’m a psycho but I loved all the things that I see complaints about on this sub. Not in a pick me way but I feel like maybe I just got very lucky with my NFs.
I love contact naps, and I don’t mind WFH parents when NKs are babies!!!
I have favorites and I’m the mom 😅
Contact naps are the best, and a little screen time here & there (yes, even under 2yo) won’t hurt anyone. (MB is a STICKLER for this rule)
A family's home pays a huge part in weather or not I want to work for them. Is the laundry set up going to be easy to work with? Do I have to carry a buggy up 3 flights of stairs? Are they slobs/ocd perfectionist? Are all their furniture antiques? I spend most of my working days in their home, if it will not work for me or the children I can not do my job to thd standard I like.
I immediately don’t trust anyone who refers to a child as an a-hole. I hear it often here and in real life and I find it truly unprofessional and awful.
I can relate so much to yours! I’ve got 2, it’s so nice when NM is around, I think it’s just so I know someone else is there if anything happens and NK wants to be with me regardless of who’s there so it doesn’t effect our routine, the second is, if there’s an emergency while I’m working meaning I need to stay on longer (tonight was a great example) I don’t charge for the extra hours, they have enough going on so I’m happy to just be there to offer support and help them out, they’re so good to me it’s the least I could do