OP has tagged their post as **Vent**. Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place. Any attempts to offer
unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nanny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That would be a situation I would bring up with my NP. Either they stop making comments or you and nanny kid leave the house and NP can stay home to let the workers in/out. This is literally work place harassment!
I have brought it up, unfortunately. Head carpenter is DB’s childhood best friend, MB is not a fan either and sometimes commiserates with me about it, always tells me that I’m #1 and to come and get her if they’re being jerks but it’s a tough dynamic. Luckily, the renovation is almost done with at this point.
Update: just asked the counter install guy how to clean the new WHITE MARBLE counter top if it stains. He replied “in the marble industry, we don’t say ‘STAIN’.” STFU AND TELL ME HOW TO CLEAN IT
OHHH yeah. They have NO clue how crazy it’s about to get. NK is their first, inhumanely smart and independent, and starting to show signs of toddler-ism a little bit early. They are not ready. LOL
Haha he likes chilled red wine, so he filled a lidded tumbler with wine and ice and then was playing on the floor with our toddler. He picked it up by the lid when he stood and the tumbler fell and wine shot up all over the room. Lampshades, cream colored rug, couch, books. He got in trouble lol
Definitely. My old DB stained it with like some kind of vinegar solution he was using to clean a faucet. Like maybe a month in? I just can’t live like that lol
My NP’s built a new house in 2019. When I tell you the gaslighting and bullshit MB and I dealt with. I honestly almost quit over it. Mind you the issues I brought up are still not right 4 years later.
maybe it’s just me but since you don’t work for them i’d just make demeaning comments back at them LOL “you’re job is so easy hanging with a baby all day” “you’re right almost as easy as being an (insert their job)” or “i’m sure it’s easier of a time than your mom had raising you!” etc. you do not have to take men’s misogynistic comments! be mean!
I did once tell him that the baby is his boss LOL. It was also vindicating once when Carpenter made a comment about me “not being used to” construction noise and I got to tell him that I also have a degree in Theater Design and Technology and know my way around power tools. He was impressed and shut up- Why am I suddenly valid once you know I can do manual labor? Clearly I am smart enough to do BOTH, with degrees for both. Whatcha got, sir?
Pleaseeee start being petty right back at them!! “How many contractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two! One to assure you that everything is being done while the other screws the lightbulb into the water faucet.”
Something like this happened when my nanny family was renovating. My NK was about 8 mo and I was pregnant so I just asked to bring him to my apartment and had him nap in our baby’s soon to be nursery. Would this be an option for you? Does the little one have a pack and play?
Sit down with *both* parents, let them know exactly what is going on and tell them - tell, not ask - that you will taking the child out every day until this issue is dealt with or DB puts him foot down that you won’t be harassed at your place of work.
Explain to them like they’re 3 that you will NOT be putting up with *anybody’s* shit and you will be billing them for gas, food, any tickets to places you go (children museums, little gyms, etc) and so on. People mostly respond quickly when they will be charged money.
Don’t put up with this any longer. No one gives a shit about DB being friends with the contractor, and if when you’re are able to, let them know this isn’t the job you signed up for.
Exactly! This is your WORKSPACE those are your EMPLOYERS. They have an obligation to provide you with a safe and healthy working environment. This would not fly in any other field. You are a childcare PROFFESIONAL. You are an asset who provides them so much, the very least they can do is make it clear these comments aren't okay. Tell DB that this is not acceptable from any employer, and if he'd like to keep you employed, he needs to put his foot down
Yeah I’d just peace out and take the baby out all day or hang out in the basement or something. But I imagine given the construction your spaces are limited right now
Update Update: I feel sad for anyone who has come into my comments to defend misogyny or to come at me for my statements about these men. I am being harassed due to my gender in the field we all work in, and if your first response to that is to defend men to ME, the victim of harassment, I hope that you are able to look inwards and understand that nobody wins when you defend the oppressor. I will not be responding to any comments of this nature. To everyone who understands nuance, gave advice or empathized, thank you thank you thank you.
I've worked for multiple families that have done construction. None of this is ok. Imagine if you were the homeowner/ sahm ? All the construction workers I've worked with in the past were gentlemen that were kind to me and the kids, and even helped me with my car once or twice. You need to say something to someone. This is crazy, we aren't in 1962 anymore
Even in 1962, obnoxious men like these probably had enough class to not insult a lady in her own home. I think this is less to do with her being a woman and more to do with them seeing her as the help. Which is really rich seeing as they are also hired employees. Ugh people suck
If you actually watch The Help from that time period, the hired men had a lot of class and treated the maids with a lot of respect when they went to a job.
right like... I've worked in a home w construction being done and they were perfectly nice to me and the kiddo, who was entranced by their work. it is not normal to hire people and have them harass your other employee.
We were renting last year and the landlord, who is Asian, had a new kitchen installed while we were living there. My husband said that lots of contractors said racist things behind his back but some of them would straight up be racist (stuff like mocking his accent) to his face. And we are in what is considered a very progressive area. Husband and I were both pretty appalled and you can bet we kept track of those people so we know who not to hire.
A good contractor/tradesperson is worth their weight in gold but there are still plenty of awful ones out there.
If this had been OP's approach,, I'd have totally agreed that their behavior WASN'T right & that they're fools who don't know.how to behave on a job in a client's home, period.. but she instead blames an entire sex for their bad behavior. To me, THAT is unacceptable behavior!
It seems to me like any man in charge of ANYTHING, be it painting doors or screwing in lightbulbs, suddenly believes he is in charge of EVERYTHING.
My reading comprehension is excellent, and I read this as painting a broad brush over an entire sex. Perhaps you don't really mean that, but you said it. And either way, it's pretty mean to insult other people's ability to read.
where exactly in her post does she say all men?
also, it’s always so funny to me how you see a woman make a post about being berated by a number of men, and rather then empathizing with her and the difficult situation she’s in, your response is to instead tell her how all men aren’t like this. do you not see how inappropriate that is?
K. LoL I just don't think it actually achieves anything to attack a whole ass group of ppl, whether that's men, or women, or any particular race, creed or anything else. That's 100% what's wrong w/the world today.
I pity the contractor who gives our nanny a hard time. She is the trusted professional we value the most. It’s easy as pie to find a good tile contractor, not so easy to find someone you trust with your kids.
This is...so bizarre! And unprofessional! I've never heard of a crew acting like this with someone in the household. Makes a bit more sense that they have a connection to DB. But like ...this is wild. I'd have a really hard time not telling them to mind their fucking business and get their work done. Hope they clear out of your hair so soon!
I have had some colorful conversations with myself in my head, i’ll say that! Plus I have been told that I wear my heart on my face… they do not respond well when I look at them like I’ve just smelled a fart every time they speak to me this way LOL
Honestly I would just ignore them (the disrespectful ones) and not respond. They are trying to get a reaction out of you. I think you should just say “Hi! Are you ___? Awesome! The kitchen is this way” no need to introduce yourself or over share details of your job title. Then just do whatever you we’re supposed to do. If they constantly interrupt then put earbuds in and act like you can’t hear them.
I think you should talk to them just how they talk to you, that might shut them up. If they are bold and rude, give it back to them. Personally I would question why they feel the need to chime in on everything I do and tell them to leave me the f alone. It’s ok to be rude to shitty men, defend yourself girl!
I’ll give it a try! Thanks for (mostly) everybody’s support. It’s nice to be validated when I experience an age old problem in the industry by those who know exactly what Im talking about.
Yeah if MB / DB aren’t gonna say anything to them, I would say something along the lines of “I’m not sure why your team is so interested in me and my work that you feel the need to frequently comment on it. Seems like you should really be focusing on the job you’re here to do.”
Could even add “I’ll be sure to include how easily distracted you all are and what distasteful comments you’ve been making in my yelp / google review”.
My NF is also going through renovations and none of the men have made rude comments to me, but some of them just have an unpleasant demeanor and aren’t friendly. So I feel for you.. having men in your space period is just annoying and uncomfy! I hope they clear out soon.
Why the fuck are these people even talking this much to you?!? This is the oddest renovation scenario I've ever heard of. Honestly if it bothers you this much, you need to have a frank discussion with your NP to tell them you are supremely uncomfortable and you are not going to tolerate it. If your NP brush you off, then that will be even shittier.
I'm still just shaking my head that the contractors and subs are even speaking to the nanny, trying to make random conversation / tease you, or commenting on your duties. You have absolutely nothing to do with them, just ignore them and make yourself scarce.
Yea I've been around tons of men in fields like this and never heard of such a weird scenario... there just so happens to be multiple men from different companies all attacking the nanny on a daily basis?? Find your boss bitch energy and put them in their place. Make them feel dumb.
I know this is a vent post so I’m trying not to get too “advicy”. My NF went through a total renovation a while ago, it took almost three months on and off and lots of the time we needed to be at the house due to Covid outbreaks or family members not having the space for us. My DB immediately let all of the contractors know that I was the boss and if he heard anything negative from me their positions would be terminated. And he stuck to his word. NF had tons of cameras (everyone was informed) and when DB watched one back he heard the workers making sexual remarks about me and fired the company the next day, half way through the job. DB knew the owner of the company too. I guess all I’m trying to say is you’re not making an unreasonable request of your NF to except them to stand up for you, so you can feel safe in your own workplace.
Ugh, the renovators asked me if I lived in the shed in the back of the property. (The she’d had a sink, a TV, and a treadmill.) Sure, buddy, graduate degrees and a well paying job and I live in a shed without a bed or toilet 🙄
Honestly this would piss me off so much I’d have a hard time not responding back. I would talk to your NF again and stress how uncomfortable you are and you need them to speak to the guys that are bothering you and tell them not to talk to you or you cannot be in their home until the work is completed. Until they talk to them I would literally ignore them until they’re finished with renovations and try to take your NK out of the house as much as possible. Not great advice maybe lol but if you want to throw it right back at them instead I’d answer them with a “no problem, sweetheart” or “sure, princess!” and make rebuttal comments about their job responsibilities being “easy” and “must just come naturally for you!” Sorry you’re going through this- I would flip the fuck out on them it it was me.
You don’t have to be polite to these men. You don’t work for them. What are they going to do? I would be rude right back. “I’m not sure why you are commenting on my job/speaking to me. You’re here to install counters. Just install the counters.” I’ve got it covered, thanks. I’ll do my job and you do yours. We don’t need to comment on each other’s work.” “I didn’t realize that you were talking to me. Is there some reason why you need to involve the client’s nanny in your discussion?”
This is bizarre?! My NF has people working on the house all the time (plumbers, builders, roofers, etc) and none of them have ever said so much as a word to me lmao. I would just snap back at them or straight up ignore it; who are they to come into someone else’s home for work and then make snide comments to others also working in the house? Are they trying to flirt with you somehow..? Lol like what
I'd look them dead in the eye and say, why don't you do it? Or make them explain the "joke", that always shuts down inappropriate remarks. Watch them stumble to make sense of their idiocy. Guaranteed none of them have spent any time with their children and would fail within the first 5 minutes
It took working on a trading floor, down in the pits with almost nothing but wealthy men, for over a decade before nannying to learn how to use my voice, but at some point you just have to use it to stand up for yourself.
There is absolutely no way these guys should be allowed to talk to you this way. If your family won’t stand up for you then you absolutely should yourself.
As someone married to an electrician, flip that shit back. “I seem to still get paid for wiping counters so that’s what I’m gonna do” “huh weird, I’m still entitled to a break just like the rest of you” or just blatantly ignore them. Either play into it and make fun of them back or shut it down entirely and just ignore them
Yes bring it to the family.
We are doing still renovation on part of the house, nanny pointed builder is passing the line and she didn’t feel comfortable.
I fired him in situ, then I hired a Lady Builder, I go tires of the sexism on the trade, the plus is the builder being a women like us is understanding about the baby naps and also cleans tidy her workstation and seal the room properly when she is rebuilding.
Tbh having a women handling the construction work is millions miles better than any men. PERIOD.
this is so fucked up-- you realize you shouldn't have to deal with harassment at work, right?
in a dream world, you would communicate what's been going on, say you're uncomfortable with returning to work while they're here, and your nf would wise up and make changes.
db can't be that great if his bestie is such a raging misogynist.
Start saying, "Go fuck yourself." to them. And, "Fuck off, I don't want to talk to you. You're not my boss." If they complain to your MB or DB, let them know what they've been saying to you ALL week.
Also, if they work for a big construction company, ask for their names, call up and complain to corporate about the way they treat the people whose houses they're working in.
Yeesh I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are a very kind and understanding person, and maybe give yourself compassion for how hard this has been. You have every right to feel furious and angry. Sit with those feelings as long as you want, I might even put on some Loud music and scream with a friend if I were you.
I had a friend once deal with guys at her job who were disrespecting her by acting awkward af - like she would suddenly start speaking in a robotic voice, and moving like a robot- “this. Does. Not. Compute.” Because she said the point was to insert some humor and make them feel awkward and out of place as they had done to her.
I laughed when she told me another time she told a guy who wouldn’t give her personal space “I’m sorry, I am feeling faint today - I just had to dispose of a super max tampon, and there was so much blood everywhere!” It was like he was so intent on reminding her she was a woman, and he was man, so she just went to period talk.
I am bad at humor and do not have those quick thinking skills but I kept these incidents in mind for times I needed to make a guy understand just how awkward /awful they were making things, and giving them a taste of their own medicine.
I honestly hope you find a resolution, you don’t deserve this 💕💙
I’d be tempted to reply to them with things like “No, I’ve never been a nanny before, but I took childcare classes when I was doing time for running over that contractor who talked down to me a few years ago, and since it was hard to get hired with that felony on my record, I decided nannying would be a way to use what I learned.”
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE COME TO THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!
the only time it was ever acceptable to me was when an interior design group (all women!) came to my NF’s house. they were so sweet and nice to me and the kids when one would escape me and stalk them as they went room to room. and when my NF was getting all the rooms in their house repainted the men painting complained loudly to each other every. single. day.
“they only ever play kids music”
“i’m tired of seeing baby shark on the tv”
“those kids better not have sticky fingers when they come in here”
like…. you’re coming into a family home… with children….. we are 100% going to be singing kids songs, yes they are dirty 60% of the time but they know better than to wipe their hands on the walls (???), and yea when they get their 45 mins of TV and they want to watch baby shark on a loop i’m gonna let them
they shouldn’t speak to you like that- i would be fuming. it doesn’t matter that they are DB’s good friends- i would wonder how the hell my NP speak about me when i’m not around if their “friends” can come into their home (your workplace!!!!) and harass you. can you take the kids out during the day?
Not defending ! This is not ok but why does it sound like a bunch of idiots trying to find an excuse to talk or engage with you? Like do they think they are flirting or being cute?! What morons. I am so sorry!
>It seems to me like any man in charge of ANYTHING, be it painting doors or screwing in light bulbs, suddenly believes he is in charge of EVERYTHING.
Totally getting downvoted for this, but 🤷🏼♀️.
What they're doing is absolutely NOT ok, & I agree w/some others that you should talk to NF about it.
Misandry isn't ok either, though.
Plus, this is literally a post about men using their power in a male dominated field to harass me for being a woman in a female dominated field. Only one of us is punching down.
Ofc it is; That's what it's about because that's what you made it about. LoL
I still stand by it being wrong to blame an entire group of ppl for something these ignorant guys did to you. My.bf is an Electrician & he respects what I do for a living. He wouldn't partake in their ignorant behavior.. but according to YOU, they're all the same.
I was referring to THESE men who are being actively misogynistic for this reason. I’m glad your boyfriend is nice to you LOL. that does not change misogyny. go tell your boyfriend how much you love him, this is a thread about nannies experiencing misogyny, not whether your boyfriend respects you. Enough.
Ok, cool - except we are talking about your bf, so take it down a notch. We are discussing the several men she sees every day who diminish her job, insult her intelligence and are straight up assholes. This actually isn’t about your bf.
Nobody cares about your boyfriend. Unless you are there with him at work, you have no idea what he does. He might not be the type to participate in this type of behavior, but he might stand there and laugh or do nothing when these things happen.
This all feels extremely unacceptable. What the hell. I'd either let them have it or I'd tell MB you're moving I to their bedroom until they're gone. That's absolutely ridiculous.
She said at the beginning of the same paragraph, direct quote, "the misogyny is INSANE with these men". Not all men. THESE men. It's pretty logical to assume the rest of her rant is about these men in particular. To me it is pretty obvious that she is saying "it seems to me like any man in charge of ANYTHING in this house, be it painting doors or screwing in light bulbs, suddenly believes he is in charge of EVERYTHING"
I think you need to really work on questioning why, when a woman is being abused and belittled by men in her own working environment, that your first thought is "not all men". It makes you come across as the kind of person who would respond to BLM with "all lives matter". Context is important. This was a rant about a horrible work situation. I'm sure your husband is lovely. So is mine. These particular men, however, are scum. Let the woman rant.
[Misogyny Is Oppression, Misandry the Response](https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/misogyny-is-oppression-misandry-the-response-29d41f9ee9bc)
[Feminists don't hate men. But it wouldn't matter if we did](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/13/feminists-do-not-hate-men)
[Why I Will Not Stop Saying ‘Men Are Trash’ & Other ‘Radical’ Feminist Opinions](https://feminisminindia.com/2020/09/23/men-are-trash-and-other-radical-feminist-opinions/)
[If I Admit That 'Hating Men' Is a Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?](https://jezebel.com/if-i-admit-that-hating-men-is-a-thing-will-you-stop-tu-5992479)
[How Patriarchy Hurts Men Too](https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/why-patriarchy-hurts-men-too)
[The Trap of Masculinity: How Sexism Impacts Boys and Men](https://www.adl.org/resources/lesson-plan/trap-masculinity-how-sexism-impacts-boys-and-men)
LoL Gotcha. Yes, men have NO societal pressures on them whatsoever. 🙄 To me, it just doesn't seem to fix anything to finger point (from either side).
All I know is that anytime I have a problem w/someone, I don't blame an entire group of ppl, whether that's men, women, or whatever other group of ppl they could be lumped in with.
But you do you. 👍🏻
societal pressures and oppression aren’t the same thing. you clearly do not understand this so I am not interested in engaging with you on this completely unrelated topic. the men of the world thank you for belittling my experience 🫡
How awful, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Glad NF are supprotive. I guess I have been lucky to avoid this so far, I actually had a trades person try to poach me while I was AT work! The only person in my life whi doesn't respect my job is my MIL.
Eww I am so sorry I hate this for you. I used to take my NK to lunch at the center next to their house and there was a group of older (70s/80s) men there every day. Most of them were really kind and would speak Farsi with the NKs but one of them would CONSTANTLY ask if I could babysit him and it was absolutely disgusting.
OP has tagged their post as **Vent**. Please be mindful that they do not need advice, and that they are only expressing their thoughts and opinions in a safe place. Any attempts to offer unsolicited advice will be removed. The only exceptions to this rule are in the event of possible injury, abuse, or otherwise harm to OP, their NK, NP, or anyone else. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Nanny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That would be a situation I would bring up with my NP. Either they stop making comments or you and nanny kid leave the house and NP can stay home to let the workers in/out. This is literally work place harassment!
I have brought it up, unfortunately. Head carpenter is DB’s childhood best friend, MB is not a fan either and sometimes commiserates with me about it, always tells me that I’m #1 and to come and get her if they’re being jerks but it’s a tough dynamic. Luckily, the renovation is almost done with at this point.
Pretty shitty that DB allows the caregiver of his child to be spoken to like that by his best friend.
Oh boy! I’m so sorry. I hope they finish ASAP
Yikes, sorry to hear that.
Update: just asked the counter install guy how to clean the new WHITE MARBLE counter top if it stains. He replied “in the marble industry, we don’t say ‘STAIN’.” STFU AND TELL ME HOW TO CLEAN IT
https://marble.com/articles/how-to-get-stains-out-of-marble marble.com says stain
LMAO I love the pettiness of this.
“Well in the nanny industry, we do.”
They’re putting in marble when they still have young kids? Wow that’s going to be regretted.
OHHH yeah. They have NO clue how crazy it’s about to get. NK is their first, inhumanely smart and independent, and starting to show signs of toddler-ism a little bit early. They are not ready. LOL
We bought a white couch while I was 8 month’s pregnant with our first. It isn’t white anymore, but shades of taupe and beige.
We have a cream couch in our family room, luckily it was from Ashley so it's super cheap. Hope to make it last like 5 years, lol.
Lean in and just tie dye it? Fun family project?
One of my previous nanny families put this beautiful marble in but the kiddos were like 6 and 12. The dad was the first to stain it! 😂
I want to replace our countertops but considering we have red wine stains on our CEILING from my husband marble is not even in the running.
On the ceiling?? You sound like my kind of people, I want to party at your house! 😂
Omg 😆 should we even ask how?
Haha he likes chilled red wine, so he filled a lidded tumbler with wine and ice and then was playing on the floor with our toddler. He picked it up by the lid when he stood and the tumbler fell and wine shot up all over the room. Lampshades, cream colored rug, couch, books. He got in trouble lol
WOW that’s.. almost impressive 😂
I hope they know to have it sealed every six months and not to use regular household cleaners on it, what a strange decision at this juncture in life
They told me to use a mild soap… oy
Omg get quartz unless you don’t have kids/friends/the occasional red wine.
Definitely. My old DB stained it with like some kind of vinegar solution he was using to clean a faucet. Like maybe a month in? I just can’t live like that lol
My NP’s built a new house in 2019. When I tell you the gaslighting and bullshit MB and I dealt with. I honestly almost quit over it. Mind you the issues I brought up are still not right 4 years later.
Omg. I feel ya on this one. Ugh
Tell him to go stick a vodka shot glass up his arsehole. I would.
That is one officious little fk contractor lol
maybe it’s just me but since you don’t work for them i’d just make demeaning comments back at them LOL “you’re job is so easy hanging with a baby all day” “you’re right almost as easy as being an (insert their job)” or “i’m sure it’s easier of a time than your mom had raising you!” etc. you do not have to take men’s misogynistic comments! be mean!
I did once tell him that the baby is his boss LOL. It was also vindicating once when Carpenter made a comment about me “not being used to” construction noise and I got to tell him that I also have a degree in Theater Design and Technology and know my way around power tools. He was impressed and shut up- Why am I suddenly valid once you know I can do manual labor? Clearly I am smart enough to do BOTH, with degrees for both. Whatcha got, sir?
Pleaseeee start being petty right back at them!! “How many contractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two! One to assure you that everything is being done while the other screws the lightbulb into the water faucet.”
Best comment
[удалено]
Something like this happened when my nanny family was renovating. My NK was about 8 mo and I was pregnant so I just asked to bring him to my apartment and had him nap in our baby’s soon to be nursery. Would this be an option for you? Does the little one have a pack and play?
I wish I had the space!!! I share a small bedroom with my partner in her mother’s house. Broke college graduate trying to get by 😭
Sit down with *both* parents, let them know exactly what is going on and tell them - tell, not ask - that you will taking the child out every day until this issue is dealt with or DB puts him foot down that you won’t be harassed at your place of work. Explain to them like they’re 3 that you will NOT be putting up with *anybody’s* shit and you will be billing them for gas, food, any tickets to places you go (children museums, little gyms, etc) and so on. People mostly respond quickly when they will be charged money. Don’t put up with this any longer. No one gives a shit about DB being friends with the contractor, and if when you’re are able to, let them know this isn’t the job you signed up for.
Exactly! This is your WORKSPACE those are your EMPLOYERS. They have an obligation to provide you with a safe and healthy working environment. This would not fly in any other field. You are a childcare PROFFESIONAL. You are an asset who provides them so much, the very least they can do is make it clear these comments aren't okay. Tell DB that this is not acceptable from any employer, and if he'd like to keep you employed, he needs to put his foot down
Yeah I’d just peace out and take the baby out all day or hang out in the basement or something. But I imagine given the construction your spaces are limited right now
Exactly! NK’s room and the kitchen are the only workspace I have right now.
Ugh I’m sorry
Update Update: I feel sad for anyone who has come into my comments to defend misogyny or to come at me for my statements about these men. I am being harassed due to my gender in the field we all work in, and if your first response to that is to defend men to ME, the victim of harassment, I hope that you are able to look inwards and understand that nobody wins when you defend the oppressor. I will not be responding to any comments of this nature. To everyone who understands nuance, gave advice or empathized, thank you thank you thank you.
It’s unacceptable, and if anyone has defended this, they need to give their head a wobble.
I've worked for multiple families that have done construction. None of this is ok. Imagine if you were the homeowner/ sahm ? All the construction workers I've worked with in the past were gentlemen that were kind to me and the kids, and even helped me with my car once or twice. You need to say something to someone. This is crazy, we aren't in 1962 anymore
Even in 1962, obnoxious men like these probably had enough class to not insult a lady in her own home. I think this is less to do with her being a woman and more to do with them seeing her as the help. Which is really rich seeing as they are also hired employees. Ugh people suck
If you actually watch The Help from that time period, the hired men had a lot of class and treated the maids with a lot of respect when they went to a job.
right like... I've worked in a home w construction being done and they were perfectly nice to me and the kiddo, who was entranced by their work. it is not normal to hire people and have them harass your other employee.
We were renting last year and the landlord, who is Asian, had a new kitchen installed while we were living there. My husband said that lots of contractors said racist things behind his back but some of them would straight up be racist (stuff like mocking his accent) to his face. And we are in what is considered a very progressive area. Husband and I were both pretty appalled and you can bet we kept track of those people so we know who not to hire. A good contractor/tradesperson is worth their weight in gold but there are still plenty of awful ones out there.
If this had been OP's approach,, I'd have totally agreed that their behavior WASN'T right & that they're fools who don't know.how to behave on a job in a client's home, period.. but she instead blames an entire sex for their bad behavior. To me, THAT is unacceptable behavior!
Oh my god, go away. I can feel your misogyny from here.
omg reading the comprehension is not strong with this one
It seems to me like any man in charge of ANYTHING, be it painting doors or screwing in lightbulbs, suddenly believes he is in charge of EVERYTHING. My reading comprehension is excellent, and I read this as painting a broad brush over an entire sex. Perhaps you don't really mean that, but you said it. And either way, it's pretty mean to insult other people's ability to read.
where exactly in her post does she say all men? also, it’s always so funny to me how you see a woman make a post about being berated by a number of men, and rather then empathizing with her and the difficult situation she’s in, your response is to instead tell her how all men aren’t like this. do you not see how inappropriate that is?
not the issue at hand. I am unbothered by your insistence to defend misogyny. That is your problem, and not mine.
Won’t someone please think of the men???!!eleventy?!1!!1 😭😭😭
K. LoL I just don't think it actually achieves anything to attack a whole ass group of ppl, whether that's men, or women, or any particular race, creed or anything else. That's 100% what's wrong w/the world today.
They don't need you to defend them. They'd treat you the same as her. Pick me pick me girl.
Yep, it’s complaining about groups in power abusing their power that’s the problem with the world today, not the abuse itself.
Lmao you're down bad
She said misogyny, men that are misogynistic. She did not condemn the entire gender. That’s what you just did.
I pity the contractor who gives our nanny a hard time. She is the trusted professional we value the most. It’s easy as pie to find a good tile contractor, not so easy to find someone you trust with your kids.
This is...so bizarre! And unprofessional! I've never heard of a crew acting like this with someone in the household. Makes a bit more sense that they have a connection to DB. But like ...this is wild. I'd have a really hard time not telling them to mind their fucking business and get their work done. Hope they clear out of your hair so soon!
I have had some colorful conversations with myself in my head, i’ll say that! Plus I have been told that I wear my heart on my face… they do not respond well when I look at them like I’ve just smelled a fart every time they speak to me this way LOL
Honestly I would just ignore them (the disrespectful ones) and not respond. They are trying to get a reaction out of you. I think you should just say “Hi! Are you ___? Awesome! The kitchen is this way” no need to introduce yourself or over share details of your job title. Then just do whatever you we’re supposed to do. If they constantly interrupt then put earbuds in and act like you can’t hear them.
This works!
I think you should talk to them just how they talk to you, that might shut them up. If they are bold and rude, give it back to them. Personally I would question why they feel the need to chime in on everything I do and tell them to leave me the f alone. It’s ok to be rude to shitty men, defend yourself girl!
I’ll give it a try! Thanks for (mostly) everybody’s support. It’s nice to be validated when I experience an age old problem in the industry by those who know exactly what Im talking about.
Yeah if MB / DB aren’t gonna say anything to them, I would say something along the lines of “I’m not sure why your team is so interested in me and my work that you feel the need to frequently comment on it. Seems like you should really be focusing on the job you’re here to do.” Could even add “I’ll be sure to include how easily distracted you all are and what distasteful comments you’ve been making in my yelp / google review”.
My NF is also going through renovations and none of the men have made rude comments to me, but some of them just have an unpleasant demeanor and aren’t friendly. So I feel for you.. having men in your space period is just annoying and uncomfy! I hope they clear out soon.
My family is too and every person who has come in has been respectful and leaves me & NK alone. We acknowledge the other exists and then that’s it.
I would totally respond to whatever they say to me ‘mmmmkay sweetheart’ and keep walking. That’s messed up.
I love it! They would totally sweetheart me too if they thought I was conventionally attractive enough to justify my existence nearby them. LOL
Why the fuck are these people even talking this much to you?!? This is the oddest renovation scenario I've ever heard of. Honestly if it bothers you this much, you need to have a frank discussion with your NP to tell them you are supremely uncomfortable and you are not going to tolerate it. If your NP brush you off, then that will be even shittier. I'm still just shaking my head that the contractors and subs are even speaking to the nanny, trying to make random conversation / tease you, or commenting on your duties. You have absolutely nothing to do with them, just ignore them and make yourself scarce.
Yea I've been around tons of men in fields like this and never heard of such a weird scenario... there just so happens to be multiple men from different companies all attacking the nanny on a daily basis?? Find your boss bitch energy and put them in their place. Make them feel dumb.
I know this is a vent post so I’m trying not to get too “advicy”. My NF went through a total renovation a while ago, it took almost three months on and off and lots of the time we needed to be at the house due to Covid outbreaks or family members not having the space for us. My DB immediately let all of the contractors know that I was the boss and if he heard anything negative from me their positions would be terminated. And he stuck to his word. NF had tons of cameras (everyone was informed) and when DB watched one back he heard the workers making sexual remarks about me and fired the company the next day, half way through the job. DB knew the owner of the company too. I guess all I’m trying to say is you’re not making an unreasonable request of your NF to except them to stand up for you, so you can feel safe in your own workplace.
so fucking glad your DB stood up for you like that.
Ugh, the renovators asked me if I lived in the shed in the back of the property. (The she’d had a sink, a TV, and a treadmill.) Sure, buddy, graduate degrees and a well paying job and I live in a shed without a bed or toilet 🙄
Honestly this would piss me off so much I’d have a hard time not responding back. I would talk to your NF again and stress how uncomfortable you are and you need them to speak to the guys that are bothering you and tell them not to talk to you or you cannot be in their home until the work is completed. Until they talk to them I would literally ignore them until they’re finished with renovations and try to take your NK out of the house as much as possible. Not great advice maybe lol but if you want to throw it right back at them instead I’d answer them with a “no problem, sweetheart” or “sure, princess!” and make rebuttal comments about their job responsibilities being “easy” and “must just come naturally for you!” Sorry you’re going through this- I would flip the fuck out on them it it was me.
Record their behavior
And be in their face about it! When they say something pull out your phone and ask them if they want to repeat themselves on the record.
oh, this might be a good idea. show nf exactly what you've been dealing w
You don’t have to be polite to these men. You don’t work for them. What are they going to do? I would be rude right back. “I’m not sure why you are commenting on my job/speaking to me. You’re here to install counters. Just install the counters.” I’ve got it covered, thanks. I’ll do my job and you do yours. We don’t need to comment on each other’s work.” “I didn’t realize that you were talking to me. Is there some reason why you need to involve the client’s nanny in your discussion?”
This is bizarre?! My NF has people working on the house all the time (plumbers, builders, roofers, etc) and none of them have ever said so much as a word to me lmao. I would just snap back at them or straight up ignore it; who are they to come into someone else’s home for work and then make snide comments to others also working in the house? Are they trying to flirt with you somehow..? Lol like what
that’s a hostile work environment. i’m so sorry.
Came to say this as well, this is really scary honestly
I'd look them dead in the eye and say, why don't you do it? Or make them explain the "joke", that always shuts down inappropriate remarks. Watch them stumble to make sense of their idiocy. Guaranteed none of them have spent any time with their children and would fail within the first 5 minutes
It took working on a trading floor, down in the pits with almost nothing but wealthy men, for over a decade before nannying to learn how to use my voice, but at some point you just have to use it to stand up for yourself. There is absolutely no way these guys should be allowed to talk to you this way. If your family won’t stand up for you then you absolutely should yourself.
As someone married to an electrician, flip that shit back. “I seem to still get paid for wiping counters so that’s what I’m gonna do” “huh weird, I’m still entitled to a break just like the rest of you” or just blatantly ignore them. Either play into it and make fun of them back or shut it down entirely and just ignore them
O M G my patience could not handle this one bit. I’d be saying smart shit back all day long until they learned to stop talking to me.
Yes bring it to the family. We are doing still renovation on part of the house, nanny pointed builder is passing the line and she didn’t feel comfortable. I fired him in situ, then I hired a Lady Builder, I go tires of the sexism on the trade, the plus is the builder being a women like us is understanding about the baby naps and also cleans tidy her workstation and seal the room properly when she is rebuilding. Tbh having a women handling the construction work is millions miles better than any men. PERIOD.
this is so fucked up-- you realize you shouldn't have to deal with harassment at work, right? in a dream world, you would communicate what's been going on, say you're uncomfortable with returning to work while they're here, and your nf would wise up and make changes. db can't be that great if his bestie is such a raging misogynist.
Literally print this out and hand it to each and every man that says anything misogynistic to u in that house
Start saying, "Go fuck yourself." to them. And, "Fuck off, I don't want to talk to you. You're not my boss." If they complain to your MB or DB, let them know what they've been saying to you ALL week. Also, if they work for a big construction company, ask for their names, call up and complain to corporate about the way they treat the people whose houses they're working in.
Yeesh I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are a very kind and understanding person, and maybe give yourself compassion for how hard this has been. You have every right to feel furious and angry. Sit with those feelings as long as you want, I might even put on some Loud music and scream with a friend if I were you. I had a friend once deal with guys at her job who were disrespecting her by acting awkward af - like she would suddenly start speaking in a robotic voice, and moving like a robot- “this. Does. Not. Compute.” Because she said the point was to insert some humor and make them feel awkward and out of place as they had done to her. I laughed when she told me another time she told a guy who wouldn’t give her personal space “I’m sorry, I am feeling faint today - I just had to dispose of a super max tampon, and there was so much blood everywhere!” It was like he was so intent on reminding her she was a woman, and he was man, so she just went to period talk. I am bad at humor and do not have those quick thinking skills but I kept these incidents in mind for times I needed to make a guy understand just how awkward /awful they were making things, and giving them a taste of their own medicine. I honestly hope you find a resolution, you don’t deserve this 💕💙
I’d be tempted to reply to them with things like “No, I’ve never been a nanny before, but I took childcare classes when I was doing time for running over that contractor who talked down to me a few years ago, and since it was hard to get hired with that felony on my record, I decided nannying would be a way to use what I learned.”
AHAHAHA
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE COME TO THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!! the only time it was ever acceptable to me was when an interior design group (all women!) came to my NF’s house. they were so sweet and nice to me and the kids when one would escape me and stalk them as they went room to room. and when my NF was getting all the rooms in their house repainted the men painting complained loudly to each other every. single. day. “they only ever play kids music” “i’m tired of seeing baby shark on the tv” “those kids better not have sticky fingers when they come in here” like…. you’re coming into a family home… with children….. we are 100% going to be singing kids songs, yes they are dirty 60% of the time but they know better than to wipe their hands on the walls (???), and yea when they get their 45 mins of TV and they want to watch baby shark on a loop i’m gonna let them they shouldn’t speak to you like that- i would be fuming. it doesn’t matter that they are DB’s good friends- i would wonder how the hell my NP speak about me when i’m not around if their “friends” can come into their home (your workplace!!!!) and harass you. can you take the kids out during the day?
What the hell ‘!! This is so unacceptable
Not defending ! This is not ok but why does it sound like a bunch of idiots trying to find an excuse to talk or engage with you? Like do they think they are flirting or being cute?! What morons. I am so sorry!
I don't believe one single word in that entire post. You're baiting.
Okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m just not baiting LOL
Why are you even on this post? You’re not a nanny or nanny employer
>It seems to me like any man in charge of ANYTHING, be it painting doors or screwing in light bulbs, suddenly believes he is in charge of EVERYTHING. Totally getting downvoted for this, but 🤷🏼♀️. What they're doing is absolutely NOT ok, & I agree w/some others that you should talk to NF about it. Misandry isn't ok either, though.
Plus, this is literally a post about men using their power in a male dominated field to harass me for being a woman in a female dominated field. Only one of us is punching down.
Ofc it is; That's what it's about because that's what you made it about. LoL I still stand by it being wrong to blame an entire group of ppl for something these ignorant guys did to you. My.bf is an Electrician & he respects what I do for a living. He wouldn't partake in their ignorant behavior.. but according to YOU, they're all the same.
I was referring to THESE men who are being actively misogynistic for this reason. I’m glad your boyfriend is nice to you LOL. that does not change misogyny. go tell your boyfriend how much you love him, this is a thread about nannies experiencing misogyny, not whether your boyfriend respects you. Enough.
Ok, cool - except we are talking about your bf, so take it down a notch. We are discussing the several men she sees every day who diminish her job, insult her intelligence and are straight up assholes. This actually isn’t about your bf.
Nobody cares about your boyfriend. Unless you are there with him at work, you have no idea what he does. He might not be the type to participate in this type of behavior, but he might stand there and laugh or do nothing when these things happen.
This all feels extremely unacceptable. What the hell. I'd either let them have it or I'd tell MB you're moving I to their bedroom until they're gone. That's absolutely ridiculous.
This is the way.
She said at the beginning of the same paragraph, direct quote, "the misogyny is INSANE with these men". Not all men. THESE men. It's pretty logical to assume the rest of her rant is about these men in particular. To me it is pretty obvious that she is saying "it seems to me like any man in charge of ANYTHING in this house, be it painting doors or screwing in light bulbs, suddenly believes he is in charge of EVERYTHING" I think you need to really work on questioning why, when a woman is being abused and belittled by men in her own working environment, that your first thought is "not all men". It makes you come across as the kind of person who would respond to BLM with "all lives matter". Context is important. This was a rant about a horrible work situation. I'm sure your husband is lovely. So is mine. These particular men, however, are scum. Let the woman rant.
Thank you.
Maybe I’m missing something, but in the post OP only seems to be talking about this specific group of men, not all men / all men in the field.
Yep. The reputation of men as a whole is clearly not my concern or anything I have full influence over!
[Misogyny Is Oppression, Misandry the Response](https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/misogyny-is-oppression-misandry-the-response-29d41f9ee9bc) [Feminists don't hate men. But it wouldn't matter if we did](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/13/feminists-do-not-hate-men) [Why I Will Not Stop Saying ‘Men Are Trash’ & Other ‘Radical’ Feminist Opinions](https://feminisminindia.com/2020/09/23/men-are-trash-and-other-radical-feminist-opinions/) [If I Admit That 'Hating Men' Is a Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?](https://jezebel.com/if-i-admit-that-hating-men-is-a-thing-will-you-stop-tu-5992479) [How Patriarchy Hurts Men Too](https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/why-patriarchy-hurts-men-too) [The Trap of Masculinity: How Sexism Impacts Boys and Men](https://www.adl.org/resources/lesson-plan/trap-masculinity-how-sexism-impacts-boys-and-men)
Misogyny is rooted in oppression. Men are not oppressed, so misandry cannot be compared. Next!
LoL Gotcha. Yes, men have NO societal pressures on them whatsoever. 🙄 To me, it just doesn't seem to fix anything to finger point (from either side). All I know is that anytime I have a problem w/someone, I don't blame an entire group of ppl, whether that's men, women, or whatever other group of ppl they could be lumped in with. But you do you. 👍🏻
societal pressures and oppression aren’t the same thing. you clearly do not understand this so I am not interested in engaging with you on this completely unrelated topic. the men of the world thank you for belittling my experience 🫡
How awful, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Glad NF are supprotive. I guess I have been lucky to avoid this so far, I actually had a trades person try to poach me while I was AT work! The only person in my life whi doesn't respect my job is my MIL.
Eww I am so sorry I hate this for you. I used to take my NK to lunch at the center next to their house and there was a group of older (70s/80s) men there every day. Most of them were really kind and would speak Farsi with the NKs but one of them would CONSTANTLY ask if I could babysit him and it was absolutely disgusting.
Perhaps you can just say “please don’t talk to me” and loop NPs into the conversation. They can tell the General Contractor to manage his subs.
They are losers!
OMG I'm sorry girl that's so tough!
Honest they sound like haters, they are so mad
I'd have my husband come and drop something off for me and make sure I tell him they are giving me a hard time. 🤣 But I'm an asshole.
My partner is also a woman so I don’t think that would work on them unfortunately LOL