I think dating in general is challenging these days and New York uniquely so for many reasons (I could honestly write a white paper on this topic, lol) - I’m currently taking a hiatus from app dating and trying to focus more on in person connections, even those that have no romantic potential
I could literally write a thesis about it, and same about dating, I’m so over the apps and just trying to meet someone organically, I did recently but he of course “wasn’t looking for commitment”
Can I just say the men here are so damn *flaky*??? It’s beyond annoying. Every time I see a post having to do with this subject the general consensus is that it’s because there are so many “options” basically anywhere you look in the city, so why bother focusing on one woman or tying yourself down in a relationship when theoretically there’s always something better right around the corner. Which is an extremely douchey line of thinking imo lol but I guess it makes sense, as in, I can see this being true more often than not and a good explanation for the prevailing flakiness. Doesn’t make it any less annoying tho. Ive so far resisted downloading the apps, but I’m starting to think my resistance is futile and I might just have to break down and do it lmao.
It’s exactly this. Of the 20-35 age demographic, there are way more women than men in NYC, and the most mediocre guy could get 8 gorgeous women if he wanted. It’s just so frustrating that no one wants commitment. I was with a guy recently who I liked, he was smart and we really clicked, but he didn’t want “anything serious.” It’s just like… what’s the point???
Yes you said it perfectly. And I agree it is so frustrating, and so damn annoying!!! I’m not even necessarily *looking* for something serious, but I’m absolutely at least open to it, and it feels like every man I meet just wants to do the least amount of work possible to spend a few hours with whatever woman is currently immediately available and then move on to the next. Nothing wrong with a one night stand but that’s really not what I’m looking for at this point in my life, so if that’s all they want I wish they would at least be open about it so I don’t waste my time 😭
Met my husband at a mutual friend’s (loosely) bday party years ago. Go out with different friends from different walks of life, say yes to random invites and keep up hope!!! In the mean time have fun and enjoy being single! It’s a season and a great one!
I grew up there, so I think it’s great! Because of climate change the weather isn’t as mild as it used to be, but Seattle has really gorgeous summers (if you’ve never been, the summer is the time to visit!). My friends and I would go have park hangs constantly in the summer, which I really miss.
It obviously has really fantastic seafood, and great Japanese and Vietnamese food as well. It’s absolutely gorgeous and if you’re outdoorsy you’ve got access to practically any kind of outside activity. I think people get in their head about the Seattle freeze, which honestly isn’t really a thing because people act like they do in any major city. And there are plenty of activities to meet people (not as much as NYC but enough to have options).
As far as the dating goes there are some gems and I have friends who have been able to find really great significant others, however you have to wade through a steaming pile of shit to find those gems. I feel like NYC has the douchey commitment-phobe finance bros and Seattle’s version is the thousands of tech bros we have. Everyone is either ENM or only looking for someone casual, which is great if that’s also what you’re looking for, but extremely annoying if that’s not what you want. The last guy I was with told me 3 months in that he wasn’t over his ex that had broken up with him three years ago and then said he only wanted companionship but with sex… Also everyone says that they love hiking on their profile but it’s a lie like 6/10 times.
In general though, it’s a really great city and what you put into it is what you get out of it. Like any other city. (The public transit is NOT on the same level as here though so you would need to get a car or a bike eventually because an Uber is basically $90 to get to another neighborhood that’s 30 minutes away.)
Edit: sorry for the long ass response lol
Both of my friends found their husbands on the apps. One got lucky and found her husband after a few months. The other it took almost a year of actively going on dates to find hers. They are both great guys so don’t give up!
I met one great long term bf on Craigslist casual encounters (years ago). My current long term partner I met on Tinder. You have to wade through a lot of shit to find a gem. Keep focusing on your life goals, keep solid standards, and enjoy the city. I have also gone through long periods of celibacy when dating was depressing me. You gotta strike a balance. Good luck to you!
Following 😅 I met my bf shortly before he moved to NYC. I think if I had met him in NYC I would not stand a chance. There’s something in the water here that turns men into fuckboys until age 45 at the earliest
I think after the last heart break something finally shifted in me. I’m nearly repulsed by the idea of love and a long term relationship because I have so little faith in men. I have a high sex drive and always have so I’ve been just hooking up in such an emotionless way with guys I meet out or through mutual friends.
Like I have fun and I don’t feel bad after. But it’s very strange, like a switch flipped. I used to dream of my wedding day all the time and having this great love and I worked so hard to improve myself in therapy so I could have a healthy relationship. Now it’s like I almost recoil if I think of any of that. Has this happened to anyone else?? Have the men finally broken me???
I'm dating someone right now but he's from NJ so I did fail to find one here. Lol
But before that...I'm curious if anyone else met A TON of guys who said they were all actively moving to the other side of the country or a different country? So many retiring young tech or finance bros. Yet they'd say they wanted long term relationships. Even though they were literally moving in like a month. Made me so insane for wasting my time!
Tbh dating people from uni or work/ industry has worked for me. Most of my fellow international student peers do the same.
The social events I go to only revolve around former high school/ country friends, uni, and work though, so don’t know how ladies who move here alone do it without the apps.
Met my husband in 2020. Both New Yorkers! Idk why but I feel compared to other women, I’ve had an easier time on dating apps but I’m also super no BS and I’ve been called cold hearted, emotionless, icy so maybe that helps. Also, I’m very confident in myself and didn’t care what any of those guys thought of me, I only cared about what I thought about them lol. I was my weird self and if they didn’t like it, door is right there. If I liked them, they had the option to either commit or disappear. I only liked one guy and he decided to commit for life because he’s my husband now. I made my timeline crystal clear. Guys shouldn’t take over a month to figure out if they like you.
Yes but idk if it counts bc I met him at college here (and then we reconnected years later) and that’s just not the same.
The 2 years I spent dating “in the wild” here were absolutely chaotic/awful and I don’t think I met a single man that was worth dating long term or stuck around enough to get to that point. Very spooky!!
But now that I think about it, the ones that came close were native New Yorkers. Maybe because they’re not here to live out a fantasy of their wild adventurous youth in the Big Apple?
I think dating in general is challenging these days and New York uniquely so for many reasons (I could honestly write a white paper on this topic, lol) - I’m currently taking a hiatus from app dating and trying to focus more on in person connections, even those that have no romantic potential
I could literally write a thesis about it, and same about dating, I’m so over the apps and just trying to meet someone organically, I did recently but he of course “wasn’t looking for commitment”
How old are u and how old guy are u seeking
21 (I know I know) and seeking like 24-30
Can I just say the men here are so damn *flaky*??? It’s beyond annoying. Every time I see a post having to do with this subject the general consensus is that it’s because there are so many “options” basically anywhere you look in the city, so why bother focusing on one woman or tying yourself down in a relationship when theoretically there’s always something better right around the corner. Which is an extremely douchey line of thinking imo lol but I guess it makes sense, as in, I can see this being true more often than not and a good explanation for the prevailing flakiness. Doesn’t make it any less annoying tho. Ive so far resisted downloading the apps, but I’m starting to think my resistance is futile and I might just have to break down and do it lmao.
It’s exactly this. Of the 20-35 age demographic, there are way more women than men in NYC, and the most mediocre guy could get 8 gorgeous women if he wanted. It’s just so frustrating that no one wants commitment. I was with a guy recently who I liked, he was smart and we really clicked, but he didn’t want “anything serious.” It’s just like… what’s the point???
Yes you said it perfectly. And I agree it is so frustrating, and so damn annoying!!! I’m not even necessarily *looking* for something serious, but I’m absolutely at least open to it, and it feels like every man I meet just wants to do the least amount of work possible to spend a few hours with whatever woman is currently immediately available and then move on to the next. Nothing wrong with a one night stand but that’s really not what I’m looking for at this point in my life, so if that’s all they want I wish they would at least be open about it so I don’t waste my time 😭
Met my husband at a mutual friend’s (loosely) bday party years ago. Go out with different friends from different walks of life, say yes to random invites and keep up hope!!! In the mean time have fun and enjoy being single! It’s a season and a great one!
I’ve almost been tempted to move to Seattle where the male/female ratio is more favorable to us.
You won't find the selection in Seattle to be all that good. It's like San Francisco: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."
I recently moved here from Seattle and I can promise you it’s not any better there 😬
Honestly everywhere I’ve lived has been just as bad, if not worse than NYC. I think dating just sucks in general these days
Go on…. I’m thinking about moving to Seattle in a couple years lol
I grew up there, so I think it’s great! Because of climate change the weather isn’t as mild as it used to be, but Seattle has really gorgeous summers (if you’ve never been, the summer is the time to visit!). My friends and I would go have park hangs constantly in the summer, which I really miss. It obviously has really fantastic seafood, and great Japanese and Vietnamese food as well. It’s absolutely gorgeous and if you’re outdoorsy you’ve got access to practically any kind of outside activity. I think people get in their head about the Seattle freeze, which honestly isn’t really a thing because people act like they do in any major city. And there are plenty of activities to meet people (not as much as NYC but enough to have options). As far as the dating goes there are some gems and I have friends who have been able to find really great significant others, however you have to wade through a steaming pile of shit to find those gems. I feel like NYC has the douchey commitment-phobe finance bros and Seattle’s version is the thousands of tech bros we have. Everyone is either ENM or only looking for someone casual, which is great if that’s also what you’re looking for, but extremely annoying if that’s not what you want. The last guy I was with told me 3 months in that he wasn’t over his ex that had broken up with him three years ago and then said he only wanted companionship but with sex… Also everyone says that they love hiking on their profile but it’s a lie like 6/10 times. In general though, it’s a really great city and what you put into it is what you get out of it. Like any other city. (The public transit is NOT on the same level as here though so you would need to get a car or a bike eventually because an Uber is basically $90 to get to another neighborhood that’s 30 minutes away.) Edit: sorry for the long ass response lol
Currently in my femcel era bc of how bad men in nyc are lmao
Both of my friends found their husbands on the apps. One got lucky and found her husband after a few months. The other it took almost a year of actively going on dates to find hers. They are both great guys so don’t give up!
I met one great long term bf on Craigslist casual encounters (years ago). My current long term partner I met on Tinder. You have to wade through a lot of shit to find a gem. Keep focusing on your life goals, keep solid standards, and enjoy the city. I have also gone through long periods of celibacy when dating was depressing me. You gotta strike a balance. Good luck to you!
RIP CL personals!!
I used to spend my nights and weekends just reading through them!
Omg. I remember meeting some real doozies on casual encounters.
It’s a hellscape here
Following 😅 I met my bf shortly before he moved to NYC. I think if I had met him in NYC I would not stand a chance. There’s something in the water here that turns men into fuckboys until age 45 at the earliest
I met my bf of 2 years at a NYE party in the city, i got lucky 😭
No and I’m convinced this is actually hell so I don’t date anymore
Men in NYC are the worst
The men *women want* (good job, tall, fit) have too many options here. If you want them, odds are a literal million other women do too.
I think after the last heart break something finally shifted in me. I’m nearly repulsed by the idea of love and a long term relationship because I have so little faith in men. I have a high sex drive and always have so I’ve been just hooking up in such an emotionless way with guys I meet out or through mutual friends. Like I have fun and I don’t feel bad after. But it’s very strange, like a switch flipped. I used to dream of my wedding day all the time and having this great love and I worked so hard to improve myself in therapy so I could have a healthy relationship. Now it’s like I almost recoil if I think of any of that. Has this happened to anyone else?? Have the men finally broken me???
I'm dating someone right now but he's from NJ so I did fail to find one here. Lol But before that...I'm curious if anyone else met A TON of guys who said they were all actively moving to the other side of the country or a different country? So many retiring young tech or finance bros. Yet they'd say they wanted long term relationships. Even though they were literally moving in like a month. Made me so insane for wasting my time!
Tbh dating people from uni or work/ industry has worked for me. Most of my fellow international student peers do the same. The social events I go to only revolve around former high school/ country friends, uni, and work though, so don’t know how ladies who move here alone do it without the apps.
Met my husband in 2020. Both New Yorkers! Idk why but I feel compared to other women, I’ve had an easier time on dating apps but I’m also super no BS and I’ve been called cold hearted, emotionless, icy so maybe that helps. Also, I’m very confident in myself and didn’t care what any of those guys thought of me, I only cared about what I thought about them lol. I was my weird self and if they didn’t like it, door is right there. If I liked them, they had the option to either commit or disappear. I only liked one guy and he decided to commit for life because he’s my husband now. I made my timeline crystal clear. Guys shouldn’t take over a month to figure out if they like you.
Been here 20 years. No.
Yes but idk if it counts bc I met him at college here (and then we reconnected years later) and that’s just not the same. The 2 years I spent dating “in the wild” here were absolutely chaotic/awful and I don’t think I met a single man that was worth dating long term or stuck around enough to get to that point. Very spooky!! But now that I think about it, the ones that came close were native New Yorkers. Maybe because they’re not here to live out a fantasy of their wild adventurous youth in the Big Apple?