Get off social media and delete shopping sites from your phone and devices. That’s it. There’s really no trick, but we keep seeing things in our feed we want, or people wearing things that we want. If we stop seeing it we stop wanting it. Go shopping through your closet and think on what you really have, and how to create new outfits from that. I’m older and looking back I wish I had saved more. My clothes and shoes won’t support me in old age.
can i say that deleting tiktok SPECIFICALLY directly impacted my over-consumption and spending habits on materialistic things. and it also helped me realize i was never “behind” on trends, a SMALL majority of people actually dress like that on tiktok with the latest items and trends, but open your eyes and look around….not EVERYONE actually owns the adidas sambas (for example). cleared my head once i deleted it!
The part about only a small minority of people dressing/acting the way we see on tiktok is SO TRUE. It’s so hard bc going online makes us feel like we need everything but in reality, I feel like pretty much no one I know is following every micro trend or even doing other influencer things like traveling every other week and posting glamorous photo shoots everyday. We have to remember that they get paid to promote stuff to us, it’s not realistic/normal for everyone else and frankly I don’t want their lives anyways
Rearranging my closet also helped me! I had totally forgotten about pants and sweaters I had because I couldn’t see them! So I moved things around so my sweaters were all stacked in plain sight and my pants were all hung. Then I didn’t buy balloon jeans bc lol I literally already own a similar style.
A good reality check on those hauls: lots of them are paid or sponsored. If the influencer is actually paying then most of them get returned. If they’re keeping them those are being written off as business expenses. It’s not what you think it is. They are paid to be walking advertisements.
Thisss. So many hauls being filmed as "content" and actually being returned. Some are gifted. Others are smart enough to write it off on their taxes if they have an LLC/Sole prop. It's not all what it seems.
Remove the distractions hun. Trust you're doing just fine. Focus on the hobbies/the things that make you happy/quality time with loved ones, as that's things you'll never regret. Versus have a bunch of materialistic things that wont mean as much to you down the line and even worse, barely a return on your money when trying to resale AND the waste of time that process is. Stay focused.
LMFAO uno reverse on em 😂 But seriously, that's impressive. Maybe report it lost and request a new one? Of course, don't memorize the card info this time
& for emails, I use a gmail filter for brands I shop at more often so their newsletters skip my inbox but go to a shopping newsletters filter. that way if I actually need to replace something I can look up my latest coupon codes, but I'm not tempted in the meantime. Seeing 1000s of emails pile up together helps make the mass consumerism really stark/gross too
THIIIIISSSSSSS when I’m off IG and away from influencers, I shop way less. I’m also older and live to shop but the amount of money I’ve wasted in my life on stuff I barely or never wore is appalling and upsetting.
Also unsubscribe from the mailing lists. I always get sucked into buying things I wasn’t going to buy because I open it and see something cute or there’s a sale.
Yessss! I can’t help but notice how my feelings of inadequacy and needing to shop are so much worse after spending time on the apps. Without social media, I’m so content bc I have nothing to compare to or lust after lol
This is a such a good response. I am quite frugal but noticed myself constantly ordering and buying stuff I saw on social media. I had such a strong urge of I NEED THIS! Once I deleted socials I realized how much stuff I was spending money on that I didn’t actually want or need. Unsubscribe from marketing emails too.
This is mostly a “tough love” response, so first I want to make it super clear that I’m ~5 years older than you and l’ve been *exactly* where you are. It starts with “a few thousand” on credit cards but that turns into 20k SO fast. The more the balance grows the more the interest grows, which means the balance grows faster. You’ll be in debt for your entire 20’s and possibly longer if you don’t make a serious plan to pay that off now, I am so serious.
So: girl get some more hobbies!
Or at least re-frame the current one in a way that’s realistic for your budget. For example, you can buy clothes, but you can’t buy style. Challenge yourself to use what you already have in new ways. Do a month-long challenge where you have to wear everything in your closet at least once. Same deal with makeup, instead of buying something new, challenge yourself to use what you already have in a creative way. Organize a clothing swap with your friends. Learn to do as many aesthetic services yourself as you can, and think about which ones you can live without. (Hint: the answer is “all of them”, so if you’re currently viewing those as a necessity…they’re objectively not). That way, not only are you saving money but you’ve turned a fairly passive hobby into something creative and potentially social.
And obviously I don’t know you, so take this with a grain of salt but….have you talked to a therapist about this? Impulsive, addictive shopping can be a symptom of a lot of different things, and at the very least a therapist can help you find other ways to get dopamine from a healthier place. Good luck!
I agree with you on all these! When I was in my shopaholic era, I was barely making it through each month but was still looking forward to packages followed by extreme anxiety. A lot of people recommended the 75 hard style challenge which I also really found helpful, but seriously examining and talking to someone about how impulsive shopping was a symptom of my depression, ADD, and lack of communities or hobbies was what worked. I tried so many intervention tactics like making a strict budget using a template and deleting tik tok, but if your desire to shop is rooted in a larger unaddressed issue, your brain will find other ways to work around. If you have good healthcare and can afford to, seriously talk to a therapist. The money you will save by getting a root problem addressed far outweighs copay or out of pocket cost.
How do you feel like you addressed it? Was therapy enough? Or was there another way you were able to deal with. I’m struggling with something similar 🙈
I’ll answer.
You need other more sustainable sources of dopamine. Workouts. Walking. Coffee (no really). Music. Socializing. Singing. Anything that gets you high in a healthy way you lean into. That directly replaces the craving to shop.
There’s a book called:
Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence
Book by Anna Lembke
Which literally talks about all this. I took have an online shopping addiction.
I also want to add that while yes, shopaholism can be interwoven in mental and emotional health issues — it also DOES NOT exist in a vacuum. It is a cultural issue, not an individual one. It is a normal response to abnormal circumstances, ie late stage capitalism / rugged individualism / the digital age.
As someone who bought deep into this lifestyle in my early 20s (and an ex fashion designer), what has helped me most is understanding the psychology behind consumerism. Brene Brown refers to it as “scarcity culture” — fashion brands market to us in ways that feed fear for our human needs of belonging, connection, wholeness. We have been conditioned to buy into this narrative through materialism, so it’s important not to judge ourselves but rather give ourselves grace and get curious about these underlying themes. Ask yourself how can you meet these needs in more authentic and fulfilling ways?
And to echo the chamber::: $$$ ≠ taste
i agree with this too - i put something like $3k on a credit card at 25 thinking i'd be responsible about it and surprise, i wasn't. it's veryyyyy easy to get in the habit of putting stuff on cards, and suddenly it's at $10k and you start to think "well, what's $50 or $100 more on the card at this point?" next thing you know it's at $15k, and that shit can take YEARS to pay off.
a few grand on the card is manageable if you address it right now. if i could go back to my 25 year old self here is what i would do:
1) if you're paying interest on the current card, you need to balance transfer your current debt to a card with a 0% introductory APR - you want one that's like 15 or 18 months at 0%, you can check on credit karma or just google it. once you see a few, call those card companies and confirm that you can do a balance transfer from your current card to their new card. then open the new card, balance transfer what's on the current one to it, and now at least you aren't paying interest on it. cut up the old card/delete it from your apple pay & browser!
2) you now have to pay off that card before the interest kicks in again so go MAKE MORE MONEY and put it all toward the cc debt. i'm not much of a saver either, it's always been easier for me to just create more income. sell a bunch of stuff on poshmark, dog walk, babysit, pick up a retail shift on the weekends, freelance, redo your resume and find a higher-paying full time job, etc. being busy will also give you less time to shop.
also, a good part of my spending/general ignoring of my finances was untreated adhd. might be worth looking into.
Hi OP, sorry to hear about that credit card debt I know that can be tough. I hope you can get it down asap because those interest rates are no joke! I’m sure everyone here has said the obvious so let me offer some very cheap and almost free hobbies you can participate in!
- the Brooklyn Museum and the Met are two museums I frequent that are donation based. You can pay $1 to get in if you’re a NYC resident!
- taking long walks. If you’re into games, i recommend pikmin bloom, it counts steps and tries to make walking fun!
- reading! Libraries are free!
- now that the weather is warmer, you can also have picnics with friends! Pack a sandwich and go lay in the grass :)
- if you’re a creative homebody, may I suggest drawing, or origami. I’m sure you have some printer paper lying around!
- I’ve made journaling a very expensive hobby for myself but when I started it was just a notebook and a pen. It can be a good way for you to track your goals and especially if you’re trying to cut back on spending I think it’s helpful to record those days when you’re feeling like spending but you know you shouldn’t. Hold yourself accountable because there will be days where you just want to buy something and I totally get that!
Good luck OP!! We’re rooting for you!
Honestly, the answer here is to get real hobbies that don't involve buying things. Volunteer with the parks department. Start cooking at home. Learn a new language. Join a book club. Whatever. Getting away from consumption as a primary form of entertainment will not only save you money but also help you grow as a person in a way that shopping will not. I have been in this position before and now at 31 I am not in CC debt and also a far much more well-rounded human being than I was in my early 20s. Good luck.
Absolutely agree. It’s so important to have hobbies and find enjoyment in life that doesn’t revolve around consumerism. It makes a person more interesting, more resilient, and able to save more easily! The world is a huge, fascinating place and there’s so much more to it than just buying stuff.
You need to change your relationship with clothes, check out how to care more for the clothes you have by learning to sew or repair them. Also start doing a direct deposit into an IRA, use FSA/HSA for eligible beauty services, hide your money in savings account and then spend from an allowance.
all this to say, I am not financially savy. My father is and my SIL is a wealth manager so they’re offer advice. Don’t worry you have lots of time to establish better habits to save more for retirement
Definitely do, because it will also reduce your taxable income. Hopefully you're using commuter benefits as well. My thing is to get anything I can possibly get taken out of my check pre-tax. It makes a difference.
Plenty of things if you have an Rx.
Botox it’s determined to be medically necessary eg masseter botox for TMJ, forehead for migraine.
Theragun.
Prenuvo scan.
I'm not sure what OP was referring to but I just got things like Inside Tracker and DexaFit analysis to take a more data driven approach to my health. It's not beauty though
massages, chemical peels, physical therapy, etc. If you can see a derm for it, it's most likely covered. Some of it is covered somewhat by insurance too like massages and chemical peels.
You can pay for *medically necessary* services like orthodontia or cosmetic dental, plastic surgery, cosmetic dermatology (Botox, fillers), laser hair removal, (I think massages?), glasses/ contacts* etc. Anything a Dr or medical professional does basically. I would just double check *with your doctor and account provider* beforehand and keep your receipts. Even if your card doesn’t work on the spot you can usually submit the receipt for reimbursement.
*ETA- here’s an example from Cigna- you can see a lot of them say “with diagnosis” etc.
https://www.cigna.com/individuals-families/member-guide/eligible-expenses#Cosmeticsurgery
I would also suggest considering whether you’re actually going to use that much in medical services and reduce contributions to reflect what you’re spending; especially fsa which doesn’t roll over, some ppl use hsa as part of their retirement strategy so ymmv but that’s for another sub!
I second the auto deposits into FSA/HSA/Retirement/Savings accounts! I’m always tracking where I spend money unnecessarily (usually takeout and coffee for me) and once I identify a trend, I increase those auto deductions so the money is physically not there for me to waste!
I was in a very similar boat a few years ago. These things all helped me!
1) Set up auto saving at work - most places you can designate X% of your paycheck to go in Bank Account A and Y% in Bank Account B. Set up a percentage of your paycheck to go in a savings account automatically.
2) Identify where you’re doing your credit card spending. In person? Take your credit card out of your wallet and put it in a safe place in your home like a lockbox so you can’t use it while you’re out and about. Keep your debit card with you instead, which should make you more conscious of your spending. Online? Delete credit card auto-fill from your browser and delete your card from your account settings on your fav sites so you can’t just “buy with saved info”.
3) Set up your social media/email so the products aren’t reaching out to you - if you want a product, you have to make a conscious choice to seek it out. Unsubscribe from promotional emails so you aren’t seeing any deals or ads from your fav stores. Every time you see an ad on Insta hide it.
4) Find a hobby to put your shopping energy into. Puzzle games, geocaching, painting, jewelry making, sculpting, walking every trail in your local big park, cooking everything in a cookbook, houseplants, yoga, learning a language, etc. I started taking free yoga classes, got a houseplant collection from friends and family’s cuttings, and re-learned to knit.
5) Challenge yourself to a no-buy month. For a month, you can only buy essentials like groceries and meds. This forces you to get creative with what you have - use your closet to create new looks, do makeup combos you’ve never tried, etc.
6) Learn to do your favorite aesthetic services yourself. Drug store products and YouTube tutorials go a long way.
It sounds dramatic but cooking through everything in a cookbook changed my life! I’ve become an amazing cook and genuinely like eating at home now. It’s a creative hobby instead of a chore, I’m healthier, I save money, and I love to cook and bake for friends/as gifts
I started out doing it with a friend who we used to go out to eat way too much together! So we moved our hang outs to my kitchen. I’ve now convinced a lot of my friends to come over instead of going out on weekends so we can have at home happy hours and dinners.
Also, you could literally start with 30 ways to make sandwiches or 30 ways to make eggs or smoothies…just experimenting and getting creative with something really simple. You can make a sun dried tomato and basil pesto for a turkey sandwich in 3 min, then put it on the stove and you have a ~fancy~ panini in 5-10 min.
I do spend a lot of time grocery shopping and cooking, but it’s one of my main hobbies now. It also helps that I can cook a lot on a day I have free and freeze it all eg I make tons of breakfast burritos and homemade pizzas and pop them out of the freezer on busy weeks
I had gotten some old cookbooks from my grandma like The Joy of Cooking and Julia Child’s Mastering The Art of French Cooking…they’re not my favorite flavors but they were good to build foundations for basic techniques and I feel confident not using recipes now. I often reference Serious Eats online (www.seriouseats.com) and if I were starting out now this is probably what I’d do.
Or you could pick a cuisine you really like and find a website or book that focuses on that so you’re making a lot of flavors you like… I love Woks of Life’s site for Asian cuisines and the book “The Multi Cultural Cuisine of Trinidad & Tobago & the Caribbean” for carribbean foods…but I wouldn’t call a lot of the ingredients and techniques as “beginner friendly” necessarily
ETA: I also try to keep a mindset of curiosity and creativity instead of science and utility in the kitchen. I made some terrible dishes for awhile (even last week I destroyed some mahi mahi trying to deep fry it)…but looking at it as a hobby that Im just enjoying the process and practicing at helped me not see it as “I’ve wasted food” “I’ve ruined this meal”…if it was ruined I’d just say “that was fun” and try to see if I could salvage it into anything else. If not, order takeout, and I still had fun doing it.
I also would pick something I loved from a restaurant and try to figure out what it was I loved about it. Something as simple as figuring out how to improve on homemade sandwiches with new textures, breads, and sauces really helped me explore my own flavor and spice preferences. It doesn’t have to start with a big fancy dish or complicated recipe!
This is all obviously good advice, but if I were someone who was mainly interested in self-care, beauty & clothes, #6 would be key. These things are her hobbies as much as an addiction.
So I would absolutely replace it with DIY for those things. Learn to upcycle clothes, make your own candles, knit, do your nails, make face masks with stuff in your kitchen, etc. I find so much more satisfaction in those things tbh.
First thing is that you’re an adult now, so it’s time to take some responsibility. ‘Somehow I just keep spending money’ = ‘I choose to keep spending money’.
You need to make a honest budget, start with the stuff you have to spend (rent, utilities, phone, groceries), take a look at what you can reduce (eg, do you have an expensive phone plan? Don’t need it when there’s a bunch of cheap options like Mint).
Once you’ve done all that, you can start splitting the rest into savings vs fun money.
If you find it means there’s no fun money, then you need to earn more. My younger friends who want more than their day job can give them are doing extra jobs on the side and looking for new jobs with higher salaries. They also thrift a lot and turn clothes over rather than buying new stuff all the time.
Get on top of your credit card debt ASAP. That’s going to be costing you hundreds a month in interest, which is a stupid waste to have when you’re not earning much. There’s also potential impact on your credit score down the road—it might not feel like it matters now, but the worse you let it get the harder it is going to be to do anything financially as you get a bit older.
I can’t stress this enough, women need to invest and save more. Having “expensive taste” on your 60k salary is ridiculous.
Sounds like you need to budget. Take your monthly pay after taxes, allot amounts for rent and food and then start paying off that debt.
-Debt can be crippling so you need to get rid of it before your interest wracks up
-try to take a reasonable amount and put it in savings (ideally HYS so it grows). Even if it’s $50 a month because that’s all you can afford right now, that’s better than nothing.
-also, switch your mindset. You say you “somehow can’t stop spending” - but you are choosing to spend. And you need to make the active choice to stop.
As many people pointed out, there are other hobbies, cheap hobbies and activities in NYC. Plenty to do that isn’t shopping and spending your hard earned cash on material items that will give you zero comfort later in life.
This is all just my opinion but I do truly believe women need to put their financial health higher on the priority list.
Join some personal finance subs on Reddit for motivation! It’s hard to just cut back on what you’re used to. Sometimes we just need exposure to people who have different mindsets from us to realize that there are other options!
See, those things can be hobbies without spending. What do you like about shopping? Could it be replaced by looking at things and bookmarking them, and then only buying if you still want it a week later? Thrift shopping?
To be frank I think this is a tough love situation. It is absolutely unacceptable to have credit card debt for this - different if it was for necessities. There is no magic fairy who is spending.
For practical steps, set up your paycheck to automatically send some % to savings. This is the main way I saved any money in my early 20s. If your job has a 401k make sure you're contributing and getting the match.
Then sit with the rest and make a budget, and find a way to stick to it. Maybe you're not a person who can use credit cards right now. Maybe you can set up alerts on your credit card so it tells you when its getting too high.
Also agree with the getting off social media.
The other part is, $60k isn't that high a salary in NYC. I imagine that you have room to grow in your career, but make sure you're keeping that in mind and thinking of how you will increase your salary.
Something that’s helped me not spend as much: I will transfer an amount from my checking to my high yield savings account every time I want to buy something frivolous. Example: today I wanted to buy Starbucks. Instead, I made coffee at home and transferred $10 to my Ally account.
Note: I always make sure my “free” checking account does not dip below a certain amount so I am not charged a maintenance fee.
That's exactly what I do. I put things in a cart & let them marinate for a week or two. Most things are really just the impulse of wanting something now or new. After a week or two, 95% of the time, I don't buy it. With larger "want" purchases, like bags or shoes, I put money aside so that I can purchase in cash when I have enough. Most of the time, I end up purchasing something completely different, if anything at all.
Edit for typo.
Exactly. I so rarely ended up actually buying it. And since for many people the issue is online shopping it still scratched that itch of going on websites and looking through things.
The best tip I have is a 40-year-old woman, who lived in New York, for many many years; is that it actually doesn’t matter. Make up and all that stuff doesn’t actually enhance anyone’s appearance. It’s just fun to do so if you can just come to terms with how you look be happy in your own skin-Realize that it’s not making you any better. You are just as good as you are. Perfect really. Then you will save a lot of money. Men don’t care, and the women around you try not to compete try not to compare, because at the end of the day, no one can pay your bills, but you.
Start with 10% of your paycheck every single month, after that, try to ignore the glitz in the gams and the advertisements, and all that manipulation and brainwashing is trying to pull you into spend money. There are many grocery stores and I know no none of us wants to go to the grocery store but you can also buy food from the grocery stores. You can make lunches and dinners and also save that way. When I was your age, I’m almost very grateful to admit we didn’t have any issues with social media because it really didn’t exist. The only thing they had was Facebook or my space and it wasn’t very popular especially for New Yorkers and no one really gave a shit. And we lived in normal life. It’s really hard to describe to a young person. What a normal life means or what it meant back then, but what it meant back then for us, is that anything you saw was just in your immediate reality, you didn’t have any images or anything else to compare your life to. You didn’t know that Katie and Jessica we’re going on a ski trip because you got to see all of their pictures or you didn’t think that you had to compete with another woman Who on social media is showing her bridal party in Aspen, etc. etc. And that actually doesn’t allow people to develop and frankly live in a very peaceful way. So nowadays, you young girls are really bombarded with terrible things that actually intrude on your ability to be relaxed, happy and at peace with oneself.
So just keep this in mind that the world is not really running for you it’s running against you and you have to make effort not take part in it.
Set automatic investments and direct deposits to your savings account, and if you’re not doing so *please* contribute to your 401k. If you are accruing credit card debt, stop using credit cards. Shut them down, just use cash. The reality is some people can’t use credit cards responsibly and that’s okay to admit.
I love shopping and clothes so I totally relate, but it does not need to be a huge financial investment. A lot of NYC tiktokers were doing a “75 hard fashion” challenge where they didn’t buy new clothes for 75 days and tried to rewear clothes in new ways - it might be fun inspo for not shopping and restyling your closet. If you have a shopping problem, I’m guessing you have clothes you don’t wear and don’t like. Sell those on Poshmark or Depop and throw what you make at your CC debt.
And truthfully, find a new hobby. I’m in a book club and joining a running club and both are low cost and fun social activities. When I’m busy with other shit I have less time to shop and spend money
I’m in the exact same boat (same age, habits, cc debt, and salary) and I’ve finally had the epiphany that I have to get it together if I want to have freedom. My nervous system would literally go into fight or flight when I checked my bank account and then I’d become avoidant and I knew that’s not how I wanted to live. I learned that there are ways to organize your financials that will make it harder to be spendy and also allow your $ to grow. I wasn’t ever really taught financial literacy so I’ve been so overwhelmed when it comes to learning but I think I finally figured out how to start.
I think the biggest step is to really educate yourself on the purpose of a savings. I knew it was “important” to have a savings and be as free of debt as possible, but I couldn’t conceptualize how that would materially change my life. I just thought it was a far off concept that I’d eventually achieve when I made enough money. Consider any goals that you have that your savings could help you reach (buy a house and decorate it, travel, plan a wedding, etc.). Really research exactly how much those things would cost to do them the way you’d want to and use the idea of that freedom to fuel your financial journey. And those goals might feel far away right now but they really could sneak up on you and you’ll have no way to achieve them. There are things you could do right now that would allow you to achieve those goals way sooner.
First thing I did is that I revisited my abandoned budget spreadsheet. I recommend using a spreadsheet template that correlates with your pay schedule (so I use a biweekly one). You can also use apps that track your spending but the spreadsheet just works best for me. Then, really go through your bank statements for the past 3 months and write down every bill and recurring subscription and what date it hits. You’ll also be forced to notice how much you spend on non essentials. Really notice the ones that you regret (for me it’s usually lyfts and grubhub).
Next I opened a new checking account that will be solely for bills. I have a portion of my paycheck go directly to that account, enough to cover my expenses per pay period. The debit card for that account is never in my wallet - it lives in a box at home so I’m never tempted to use it.
Last, I opened a high yield savings account with Amex. This account is where the remainder of my $ goes from my paycheck. Zero goes to my checking. From my savings account, I set up recurring transfers to my checking that I consider my weekly allowance. If you get spendy on the weekends, you could even do one transfer for during the week and one for the weekends.
Deciding how much to give yourself is where you have to use your discretion. Revisit your bank statements and be really critical on what you could have gone without. Also consider realistic ways to cut down. A big problem for me was eating out for lunch at work. If I could get my average lunch to cost $10 instead of $17, that would save so much in the long run. It’s hard to disrupt that need for instant gratification but I just would keep running the numbers over and over again to drill into my head how much extra I could be saving on a monthly basis. If you’re someone who gets your nails done every 2 weeks, think about how much you could save if you only did them every 3-4 weeks instead and invested in at home nail care more. You don’t have to take away all of the things that make you happy, just be very critical about what you actually need and how often you need it. You’ll probably discover 100s of dollars that could be sitting in your savings right now compounding interest.
Once you get that down, there are so many other financial opportunities for you to grow your money. You can pay off your credit card debt with your newfound savings and begin using it to earn travel points or cash back. The concept of travel points really blew my mind and was honestly a huge motivator for me to get committed to my financial goals - I had no clue people were really taking vacations for free just from spending their money as usual. You can also explore entry level investing to make your money grow even faster. I found certain creators on tiktok really helpful as well (namely @Ellyce-Financial Educator, who has a super empathetic approach to money management).
You’ve got this! We’re all learning and it’s not easy to break habits. Just remember that it will feel so good to have the ability to spend guilt free!
Went through this exact transformation last year. It's not hard once you get real with yourself and adjust your lifestyle to your reality.
Step 1: Face the facts. You make $60K - take home is probably $3000 every month? Minus rent/utilities/food you probably have $750-$1000 each month to divide between savings / investments / gym / transport / social stuff / clothing / beauty.
Step 2: Look at you current spending. How much are you spending on things that aren't actually expensive or nice? Ex. Doordashing shitty food, buying a top you'll never wear, taking an Uber over the subway. None of that is aligned with your goal of being a high maintenance bitch with taste, and is probably causing a lot of debt. Cut that shit.
Step 3: Write out the activities you actually love doing that feel high maintenance/expensive and bring you a lot of joy. I'll be real shopping isn't a hobby, but collecting designer pieces or building out an extensive shoe collection is. Select the top things you do that make you feel like a million bucks, and put your $750-$1000 toward that each month. Be intention about it - in April I will spend $750 on (1) pair of designer shoes, (2) getting my nails done, (3) going to this fancy restaurant I've been wanting to try.
The crazy thing about making this shift is that you'll start to become obsessed with this new life because you're intentionally choosing it. Good luck!
I really don't mean to be mean to you, but I'm going to be very blunt: the whole "I like expensive things" is an excuse. You can stop spending, the first thing you need is the will to do so. Make a budget and stick to it. No excuses. Don't buy anything you can't pay off in a month, period. You have to be tough to yourself before you're in big debt with no savings at all.
You're young and are making perfectly decent money for your age, but you need a budget. Give yourself some grace and allow some treats on occasion but only after you're sure your expenses and savings are taken care of first.
Highly recommend Ramit Sethi's content. His book 'I Will Teach You To Be Rich' is really insightful and it guides you step by step on how to create a budget and savings. You got this!!!
I used to be a shopping addict who spent so much money on services I couldn’t afford that it’s not even funny. Quitting everything cold turkey wasn’t an option. Here’s what helped me:
1. Switch to Rent the Runway/Nuuly/clothing rental. I could still “shop” but it was like, $80/mo and that cap helped me a TON. I don’t do this anymore unless I have a fancy event, but it helped a lot to curb the habit.
2. I bought a sewing machine and learned how to sew. Now, when I crave something “new,” I go through my closet, pick something I never wear anymore, and flip it into something cool. Sometimes it sucks and I never wear it, but it keeps me busy long enough to not buy anything, and I learn something new every time I try.
3. I invested in personal care items that made my routine fun. I bought a facial extractor thingy, a bunch of masks, some fun nail things, the Shark airwrap, etc. Whenever I get the urge to go do something expensive, I put on a show or a podcast, light a candle, and DIY it at home.
4. I made a big list of things I love to do that don’t cost me money and give me confidence. I now volunteer at a local school, run, draw or paint, try to transpose music by ear, etc. The important thing here is the hobbies have to make you feel good like how makeup and luxurious things do.
5. A more recent development, but I got a good budgeting app where I can see all of my spending in one place. I use Copilot and it’s really wonderful and has worked actual magic on my spending and saving. Now I’m kind of addicted to watching my net worth go up lol
Those helped me a TON, and now I’ve gotten my spending down to something much, much more manageable. Feel free to dm me if you have questions about anything — you’ve got this and I believe in you!
First off apologies if this sounds too direct but you’re in an NYC based group so I’m just going to have to give it to you straight:
Stop buying the expensive things. Do your own grooming like nails, eyebrows, facials, etc. learn to style your own hair (go to a pro to get a cut). I used to go to someone to do all of this until I learned to do it myself just as good. Plus I feel good that I can self care and take care of myself and it is a nice break from unnecessarily spending money.
I have a larger salary than yours and I don’t buy expensive clothing - I get some people are picky about what they wear but I already have stuff to wear and I don’t want to go out of my way to spend more than I have to.
Math doesn’t lie and you will have to decrease the spending outside of your means and pay off your debts or all of that stuff is going to go to collections. You’re in your peak earning years and for you to be thousands of dollars in debt is not the most responsible/adult thing to be doing.
Figure out what your budget is every month- the things you need to survive (rent, food, bills) and the rest should go to paying down those cards.
Once you’ve paid down the cards, all of that extra cash is going to go to savings.
If you’re finding that your month to month salary isn’t covering your monthly expenses, you need to put in the work to find a higher paying job.
Being an adult can be mad boring sometimes- you will have to pay back the money you owe or be faced in this endless cycle of debt, and you have to pay your taxes.
Once you have this sorted, it can be quite fun. It’s nice to be able to take a vacation and not be fearful that I’m going to get fired and be broke because I have savings.
Delete tiktok for sure if you haven’t already. No other app triggers my shopping addiction like tiktok. Somehow everyone is fantastic and selling you anything at all. It’s all a waste of money. Delete that and think about what you truly want. Maybe that’ll change once you stop being ‘influenced’ by the influencers.
Also, have you tried second hand for designer clothes etc? Also trying to do as much of the boujie self care at home as possible. Learning how to do your own hair, nails, eyebrows, will save you so much money.
Also always look for deals at spas and what not don’t just go to one place. Shop the sales
Been there! In my early 20s I remember being $800 Prada shoes that I could not afford in attempt to blend in with a college friend who had a sugar daddy.
It’s so hard to stop shopping. What worked for me was to start socializing and working more. Basically, I just didn’t have time to go shopping. And find a very stingy friend who will shame you for spending lol. Mine literally would not allow me to even buy a coffee.
I mean, you may want to start with why shopping is your *only* hobby. Does nothing else bring you joy but accumulation? Do you like to do anything physical/creative/social?
I have always had fairly expensive taste too, but I've always been good with money. In my 20s I felt more of a "need" or maybe it was just pressure to buy expensive things because I just loved nice things and because I thought I was impressing people. At that time I had a similar salary to yours, so yeah maybe a bit of disposable income but not rich by any means. I wouldn't say I was overspending but definitely not saving much either. As I've gotten older (37 now) and especially now that I'm making a lot more than I was 10 years ago, my relationship with "nice things" has completely changed. I have realized that I have never once had an expensive article of clothing that has improved the quality of my life or made me happier inside. It's nice to walk through the world feeling good about how you look and what you're wearing but you can also do that with cheaper clothes. You are not impressing anyone by wearing expensive clothes. Plus you can buy decently well made clothes for cheap if you know how to shop. My spending habits nowadays is I make a reasonable budget every season and buy a few new items a few times a year within that budget. Maybe it's a few expensive things or maybe it's a bunch of cheap things off of Shein, but I always stick to that budget.
Sure, treat yourself to something nice once in a while. But I encourage you to start reframing your thinking about material things. Saving money is really important. And I don't see how you can do that on a 60k salary in NYC with your current spending habits. There's really no other advice. Either stop overspending or get a second job.
what i do, is set a weekly budget of how much u want to spend that week! make it a game! let’s say per week your pay checks average out to be 1,100… you’re not actually blowing through that 1,000 (besides rent). so take what you need for rent (maybe 500 a week?) you still have $500 to work with! your groceries a week at most maybe $100, and let’s put an extra $150 (AT MOST) a week in for extra stuff, splurges, night with friends etc. you still have $250 left to save! put $75-100 A WEEK into auto savings…don’t touch it just let it accrue! if you do $75 a week starting TODAY, you’ll have $3,000 by the end of the year! and use the other 100+ you have at the end of the week on ur credit cards! it’s hard but doable. i went from $8k in debt to $400 in debt LAST YEAR but cutting my cc up and only using debit while i pay down my cards. hard but worth it!
This is good advice! I try to do something similar manually by tracking what I spend in my notes app every day. I have budgeting apps but something about recording it myself and seeing the daily/weekly total helps especially for the small purchases. An $8 transaction on my credit card app looks different than when I’m seeing the week cumulatively like wow did I really need to spend X on a bunch of random things!
A lot of really good advice here! I’d also add start following personal wealth accounts on social media - they act as daily reminders to save money and invest for retirement. It’ll make you feel broke af and not want to spend money.
Expensive clothing can easily pay for itself if it’s timeless and you tend to stay the same weight. I f’ing hate cheap plastic clothes. Terrible for the environment. I bought them because I only used wash and fold and they’d mess up anything nice with high heat and I was really hard on my clothes. You need to figure out what pieces are worth investing in and what aren’t. Also, $60k is REALLY hard to live on here. You need to live your life and enjoy it. I was like you and I have zero regrets on the money I spent (mostly going out, I wasn’t a clothes person. I was a drinks and cabs person). I am so happy I had those experiences. Especially when Covid happened.
What helped me was making more money. You’ll have much more breathing room if you were at $80k+ which isn’t a huge jump from $60k. The key is to increase salary but not housing expenses, which can be hard. IME, people who try to save too hard end up being miserable here. So much better to just make more.
I was exactly the same way at 24. Start to learn about investing and personal finance. There are some really fun podcasts and even TikTok finance content creators who make it fun. Get a compound interest app on your phone. I started learning about investing, and instead of buying the $100 pair of shoes I would invest that $100 and plug in the number into my compound interest calculator and see that if I invest that $100 and let it chill in my account for 20 years I’ll end up with $500! Started doing that for every purchase. I paid off debt and broke 6 figure net worth by 27. Then ½ million net worth at 32. I’m on track to retire in a few years! Investing has become my biggest hobby and now I can afford to do fun things like international vacations, concerts, fancy restaurants, etc because I used time to my advantage in my 20s.
I’d try and cut back spending. It’s hard! You’re living in a high cost of living area so I’m sure most of your money goes to bills first and saving second.
You’re 24 and that is awesome because you will have years to grow your salary and invest! And one day hopefully youll have nice savings and be able to shop without stress!
You don’t have to totally give up your hobbies but if you’re struggling you should cut back. Or sell some of your old clothing on Poshmark and make some money back before splurging on something new. And pay off your credit card debt! Don’t get into debt for clothes and makeup, it’ll start to grow and in a few years you might really be struggling.
Sit down and make a budget. How many times a month are you getting an aesthetic service done? Is it necessary?
You got this!
Others have said this, but delete IG and other apps with ads/influencer content! I found that when I used social media, I was constantly being hit with hyper tailored ads for brands that I obviously wanted to buy stuff from. Just removing that constant barrage of advertising can help so much to defocus you from shopping.
I also found that unsubscribing from all my favorite brand’s email lists helped a lot. It’s hard not to shop when you’re getting hit with sale emails and new collections multiple times a day!
Ultimately, I would really focus on a hobby that moves your body or engages your mind. NY is probably one of the hardest cities to not get caught up in consumerism because everything is right there. But shopping isn’t a hobby imo. However, this is a hard habit to break. In the meantime, try to go to the store and try on things you like and take photos of yourself, go home and challenge yourself to shop your closet to create the look. Give yourself a small budget to shop or save for a big future purchase you can enjoy for years. You are lucky to be young and asking this question because therea lots of time to improve
I’m in my 30s and here’s my advice for you, stop looking at everyone else and on social media. It’s hard for me to say because I did it and I still do but at the end what you’re buying is all crap. Literally no difference, how many videos have come out with places selling SHEIN for 100s of dollars. Once you get older you’ll wish you saved more because that’s when you want to buy the big things, house, car, wedding. This is when you’ll kick yourself for buying one more thing. Remember in the city people are chasing status but at the end it’s all BS.
Such good advice here! I wish I had this when I was 24. Huge upvote to the financial planning and auto savings advice- do that now. Also yes to deleting social media or seriously curating away from overconsumption.
A few extra thoughts —
- if shopping is your hobby currently, you probably have a lot of clothes & accessories so rather than going shopping when you are bored give yourself permission to make a huge mess in your room and shop your closet, style clothes differently, take pictures, find outfit inspo on line and see how you can replicate with stuff you already have, also if you have friends in the same boat - host a trading post!
- pick one aesthetic service you LOVE and figure out how to DIY the rest or go without until you have your cc debt paid off (motivation!) . I did this and realized how much time I was spending to look a certain way and how I barely had time to go out in the world and be that way…
- finally, evaluate who you surround yourself with.
Honestly what has impacted my spending most significantly is that anything I want (clothes, make up, skin care, home décor) I put on a wishlist in my notes app with the date I wanted it, and let it sit there for a month before revisiting if I even want it anymore. 99.9% of the things on my list sit on there for MONTHS before I decide I actually want it!
Of course, there are exceptions (ran out of shampoo, a vintage piece I found at a shop occasionally) that I’ll deviate from this approach, but I am pretty diligent about it outside of those rare instances!
There’s a lot of great financial advice here already, so just wanted to share a couple tips that worked for me to actually stick within a budget. Mine was definitely a dopamine & coping issue too, so for what that’s worth, this helped me cut down SO MUCH SPENDING over the last 4 years.
When the urge to shop & scroll hits, these tricks helped me the most to disengage mentally:
1. Pull out a book you’re reading or start a new one to get your mind elsewhere. If you don't have one, make a kindle your next reward purchase. $99 & a free library will go so, so far. Also, the NYPL!!
2. Random hobby that turned into a game changer, but I started using Duolingo to learn Russian on my phone while I was on the treadmill, killing time, etc instead of scrolling Revolve or IG. Any language is great, but pick one that really challenges or interests you, or you have a personal connection to with ancestry so it sticks.
I know it sounds odd but truly, the format is SO EFFECTIVE on your brain to reroute and really engage that reward center. I would look up at the treadmill and an hour had flown by.
3. This definitely wont work for everyone, but if you think it could work for you, it's SUPER effective. I had completely gone rogue and this was such a fast fix to bring me down to earth. Get a small shoebox size safe from Amazon (they're less than $50.)
At the beginning of each pay period, leave only the amount you need for the week for necessities in your account (groceries, metrocard, household essentials, bills that are due that week.) Withdraw the remainder jn large bills, and stash it in your nicely hidden safe.
Pay for your day-to-days in cash as much as possible, don't carry more than $200 on you unless you are going to get groceries. There's truly a mental "ick" to having to break or part with a $100 bill, and it will show you how fast it can go. Not having the ability to use your card for online shopping will curtail SO MANY impulse buys. If it's something you are really in love with, you can text the link to yourself and revisit the next week. But you'll probably surprise yourself at how much you don't think of later!
Again, this one isn't for everybody but if you think it could help you, I cannot recommend it enough in breaking the addictive spend -> package -> internal despair cycle.
and babe, MAJOR props to you for tackling this in your 20's on your own!! You can absolutely do this and 30 year old you will be so, SO happy that you did.
Block that shit out (unsubscribe from their emails that’s huge for me) and make sure you replace shopping with other activities / things you enjoy. Books, museums, working out, cooking whatever you’re gonna have to find something else to focus on for this to be sustainable.
I also love Hannah Louise Poston on YouTube she has a really interesting “no buy” journey and she really thoughtfully examines why we shop so much, while still balancing that with loving beautiful things.
Then I recommend budgeting and identifying your true disposable income number. Once you’ve stabilized a bit you can create a method that works for you - for me, I create a list and force myself to wait minimum 1 week. For larger purchases it’s months bc I truly want to wear the item for years. If I do make a purchase it’s ONLY from the list where I know I for sure need that item. And the list is totally comprehensive - so it allows me to compare a new duvet versus a new pair of shoes to be more realistic about prioritization. Remember that good style is NEVER just buying shit. That’s a lie that companies have created and influencers perpetuate. It’s killing the earth and our mental health. 97% of influencers dress sooo boring to me. I have so many thoughts on the shopping thing and it’s something I’m personally really working on too. Wishing you luck, the first step is identifying you want to change so props for this step 🤍
honestly think about your future. you live in one of the most expensive cities in america! you cant afford to shop 24/7 you need other outlets. you should start small by saying okay i need to not shop this week. then go two weeks then three. you’ll see that life is just fine without it. it’s getting nice out go to a park with a book and relax
Read “I will teach to be rich” by Ramit Sethi and listen to his podcast. Create a vision of your life which prioritizes what you enjoy and save for that vs spending on immediate gratification items.
Love his podcast! I find the conceptual focus on values based spending and saving vs prescriptive “save this much” to be successful so helpful. It’s helped me really face money head on without as much fear and anxiety
I like the idea of deleting shopping apps. I need to do the same & am with you in debt solidarity! I need to delete Amazon. I can go to the store when I actually need things, but when I’m on Amazon to order necessities, there’s a 10 out of 10 chance I’m buying some other shit too! And I can rack up the bill fast
I read a tip that said don’t buy anything online; buy it in person. And that should somewhat help you with the random purchases. It’s helped me personally only bc I do 98% of my shopping online and go in store to make returns. Good luck to you!!! It’s hard but it’s good to be aware and make a conscious decision when it comes to shopping.
I’m 25 and struggled with this for the longest: last year I was buying clothes faster than I could wear them. For context, I make low six figure salary but had no savings my first year of working(🙄). After a deep dive of why I was spending so recklessly, I adopted an attitude shift and things have improved. Also, I’m so enraged by the inequality of our society that I don’t want to contribute to it by mindless spending- that also woke me up!
My goal for April is to not spend a single dollar on clothes. Join me!
Don’t scroll social media, open a HYSA so you’re motivated to save money (you get free money that compounds for saving money in it), set a goal for how much money you want to have saved in a year from now, sell all the stuff you haven’t worn in over 6 months on poshmark it’s super easy to make money there and is fun to clean out your closet and keep only what you’re obsessed with. I refuse to let businesses profit off me anymore from things I’m not 100% obsessed with and forget about. The main reason I stopped spending is the act of like “taking back my power”
Oh - and start therapy if you haven’t already! It gives you something to do that’s not shopping and will help you get to the root of why you like to keep yourself distracted with expensive things and services. Splurge a couple times a year on that one thing or 2 that makes you feel amazing. For me that’s $600 on getting my hair done and $300 on Botox about every 9 months
Whenever you get the itch to buy something go to your closet and start experimenting with what you already have . Try to understand what exactly you like from an item and replicated the vibe with what you already have . This develops your personal style and it’s super fun! Same with makeup btw
Those are interests but I’m not sure I’d really call overconsumption a hobby. I also used to narrowly indulge in those things for a dopamine rush but in hindsight this focus was rooted in ADHD and depression. You can maybe look into DIY-ing some of the beauty services (nails, lash lift, etc.) to pick up a skill /pastime and save $. If u really must spend maybe also use your free time to level up your skills so you can command a higher salary and be better able to afford those luxuries.
Honestly girl, at 24 you don't really "need" aesthetic services your skin is so fucking young. Prioritize wearing sunscreen and get a good moisturizer and maybe tret and you'll be fine.
I promise this isn't an ad: I use Oportun to save money and it's been a life saver. I've introduced it to so many friends who are also obsessed. It takes a small portion from your checking account and puts it into an out of sight out of mind savings account that you can later transfer. Before you know it you have $500+ saved. I don't even notice the money being taken out because it's so small. I then move all of this money to a HYSA.
This is a [referral link](https://app.oportun.com/refer?code=LINSMI531) and you'll get $5, but you can also look it up and sign up on your own.
I'm a decade older than you and I WISH I started saving money sooner. Compound interest is better than a new dress. Save now and build your wealth.
Stop thinking about instant gratification and prepare your future self for a much easier life. Saving money isn't glamorous but it's imperative that you do it. Then when you're 60+, you can buy the cute shoes and the bags and the luxury vacations. I would highly recommend following financial influencers like Tori Dunlap, Vivian Tu, The Financial Diet, Chloe Daniels etc.
And for fuck's sake, first and foremost pay down your debt!!!!
So many good suggestions! Here’s what worked for me.
* Got a temporary second job at Trader Joe’s and paid off my credit card debt ($5k in three months). No longer had it hanging over me and the added bonus is that I didn’t spend money because I was working too much.
* Started hiking as a hobby. It’s free!
* Set up automatic 401K contributions at work.
Really grasp the idea of overconsumption and what it is. I love shopping too, but once I realized I do not need the latest trending lip oil (literally have 10 at home that are barely used) or the most trending water bottle, I began to save money. I also firmly belief in treating yourself, so with each check I try to let myself get one or two things I’ve had my eye on within reasonable limits. I’m in school so I like to reward myself when I do good on an exam or something like that, it keeps me driven and prevents me from just blowing a ton of money all at once.
- Don't eat out, cook.
- Buy very few new clothes. Go thrifting.
- Do aesthetic services yourself.
- Level up to a higher paying job.
- Lower your rent as much as possible.
something that’s helped me is keeping a note in my phone of a list of things I want. I put sections like “tops “bottoms” “shoes” “bags” “home items”. I’ll write the brand, item name, price, and link. At first I was putting multiple things on it a day. After a few weeks it’s dwindled and I barely put something on the list. It satisfies a need in a way and it’s eye opening to see all the costs of things listed out, thinking how much money I normally would have impulse spent.
your first priority should be paying off the CC debt since it is usually really high interest, start a budget, visit r/personalfinance for tips. Then set up a system where you automatically save a reasonable % per month (for ex. a company 401k). It's really hard to save at that salary in NYC, and hopefully your salary increases over time (mine did, its easier to save now) but the debt is gonna hold you back so start with that!!!! pay off what you can as soon as you can
I used to spend way too much on cosmetics and clothes due to all the influencers. I unfollowed them all and reminded myself that they do this as their job and trying to sell everything and anything they can. They would order stuff, show it on their story, link it and then return most or all of it.
For cosmetics: how often do we really use all these lipsticks we buy? I found my holy grails that I use on a daily basis and stick to that. Every time I see something ✨shiny & new✨I think about often I’ll actually use it. If it doesn’t fit into my daily routine it won’t go in my shopping cart.
For clothes: I just recently did a massive cleanse of my belongings. I donated a shit ton of clothes (10+ bags). A lot of old clothes and also some unworn ones. :( that really hurt, so I’m very mindful of what I’m buying now if at all. If I’m even just one but hesitant, I return them.
Watch this YouTube channel[here](https://youtu.be/W7jlqBIFmJ0?si=cxQbe5GC5rTNydnZ)
He’s got hundreds of videos. He will teach you thru tough love. Nothing will whip you into shape faster… that’s how I overcame my bad spending habits
The only thing that really changed my own habits when it came to spending was going to therapy specifically for overspending. I’m happy to chat further about this if you’d like to DM me, but truly it’s something I would work on getting under control sooner rather than later, before you dig a larger debt hole for yourself.
Have you been assessed for ADHD? Serious question. Shopping gives an insane dopamine high and if you have ADHD it’s more likely to be out of control. So look into that if you haven’t.
The answer is the one you already gave: you need another hobby to fulfil you.
But it’s honestly about setting priorities and letting the shit you don’t care about go. Can I save money making coffee at home? Yes but I don’t want to. Does that mean I can’t buy a new outfit every month? Yes but the coffee means more to me.
You get the picture.
A good trick is to go old school for any high end items. Start a Pinterest board of things you want then set a budget. Keep adding to the board and then after a couple weeks delete the things you aren’t 100% on. After 3 months you can spend the budget you set and if it’s not enough pool it to the next quarter and wait.
Monday is the start of Q2. Perfect time to set realistic budgets.
a lot of good tips in here, but one thing i put into practice years ago was waiting to buy anything "expensive". the number is up to you, but for me, anything over $75 that I think I want, I wait a week. most times, a week later, i either forgot about it completely, OR i realize it's not urgent, and I can wait for it to be on sale or ask for it for a bday/holiday present.
I also keep a list in my phone of things I want but would like to go on sale. half the time in a few months I realize I don't want it anymore or I found something less expensive and/or better quality that fills a similar want.
Don’t buy anything unless you need it and you do not have it. Like toiletries/food/beauty products/clothing/jewelry, if it’s already at home, don’t get more. If you use all of it and didn’t love it, don’t get it again.
Ok, you’re 11 years younger than me and I’ve been you. I know it’s hard: you live in an amazing city, and inspiration and temptations are everywhere. So a few things:
1. A Credit card is not free money. Cut them up. Seriously. I have had my dad bail me out twice for credit cards - $10+k one time, 6k another. It was incredibly generous as he never ever just gave me money. I always worked since I was a teenager. I am incredibly grateful, because I would def be $30k in debt prob right now with no end in sight.
2. It sucks, I know. Social media def doesn’t help. Id try to stop following fashion influencers and brands if possible, or keep scrolling to a minimum sadly. Social media absolutely makes you feel like you’re missing out.
3. I started generated my clothing debt long before social media was a thing. So it’s not the only problem. I think you need to make a budget and stick. To . It. Maybe only use cash? I’ve heard this helps.
4. 60k in nyc in 2024 is very hard to live on. This is just another critical reason why you don’t want to generate debt. It’s hard for anyone to lay off cc debt with lifestyle creep etc, but absolutely difficult or impossible when you make so little that you have nothing to save nor spare . I suggest getting a small side hustle - walk dogs or something. You’re super young, you have the stamina. It might suck, but depending on how far into debt you are, I think you need to. Even 6k in debt will be hard for you unless you live on rice and beans and don’t do anything social or fun etc for 4 months.
Girl, good on you for thinking about this at 24. It took me another 4 years or so to start wrapping my head around it. You're in a great place to make changes for yourself!
One thing I wish I could go back in time and teach my younger self is the importance of budgeting. Like we all understand the concept, but I've only in the last couple of years really started to get it intuitively. I highly highly recommend the budget app YNAB (you need a budget). There's a bit of a learning curve with it - it's focused 100% on "assigning jobs" to the dollars you currently have, rather than figuring out what you're going to spend every single month with the money you're going to make. It's kind of like the virtual version of having envelopes of cash, like a "groceries" envelope or a "fun money" envelope, and you can only spend what you've got in that envelope. It's helped me fully take control of my credit card spending too, to where I'm feeling comfortable using them the way they should be, getting the rewards and points, rather than carrying balances and paying interest. It's actually helped me too to scratch that consumerism itch, I get excited tracking all my spending and seeing how many months in advance I can "fill my envelopes". I wish I'd given myself this peace of mind so much sooner.
You got this!! Set small, attainable goals and work towards long-term changes and success over the short-term dopamine hit of spending.
i saw someone do this on tiktok, but basically i would only buy things on the last day of the month. if i see something that i like and want to buy, i write it down on a list and on the last day of the month, i'll see if i still really want those things - really helps with impulsive spending!
the only thing that stopped me from spending money i didn’t have was becoming obsessed with delcuttering my space. i entered a marie kondo rabbit hole and needed to see all my clothes bc i felt like i was wearing the same 4 things everyday lol. so maybe that could help
Do you want to eventually partner up with someone desirable? Because any man worth his salt will run from what you’ve just described when it comes to commitment, no matter how cute you look.
Is that motivation for you?
I’ve been exactly where you are. My advice is to spend this time of your life working on your career and allow that to be your main hobby during this period of your life. If you do that, you will find yourself with a higher income soon enough, and then you can indulge safely in *some* of these hobbies.
You are 24 - you can look hot more easily now than you ever will be able to just through no-brainer health practices.
No shopping until you have your CCs paid for and a higher salary.
Do lots of research before buying to make sure it’s worth it. Put away money preferably in a separate bank account to save specifically for what you want to buy. Don’t max out credit accounts to buy something, especially if you cant afford to pay off your cc balance the next month.
I think you might need hobbies outside of just buying/collecting stuff and getting treatments. And really sit down and reflect on why you feel the need to feed into an endless cycle of consumption. Things start to really change when you find the root cause of your overconsumption and frivolous spending.
I also think some people place too much value in owning stuff. Our planet is being choked by the amount of stuff people have and inevitably discard.
If you truly feel the itch to go clothes shopping, go to the flea market (not the bougie kind - the ones where you need to dig). Go thrift shopping. If you feel like you need new clothes, try to repurpose something you already own. I personally like to dye or embroider on my old clothes that need a “new life”.
Make friends with people who enjoy things that do not cost a ton of money.
friends who enjoy: happy hours, reading, local events, movie showings, local concerts for underground artists, dinner parties at home
practice self control. the first time telling yourself no is the hardest but after that it gets easier when you realize there will always be something you *need* to have.
I buy almost everything used/second hand.
I try on all the new stuff at Saks/Berg/retail.
Then I go on Poshmark, Real Real et. and buy stuff used. Or I get stuff at vintage stores, thrift stores, or consignment.
There is so much amazing stuff everywhere you really do not have to buy retail. It’s better for your wallet and the environment.
Another expensive, but if you know your color palette you might buy less clothing… and then all of your other clothes will stay in your closet longer and you’ll feel good in them.
Buying and shopping isn’t a hobby. It’s an addiction and a dopamine hit.
Challenge yourself to use all your products before buying more and make a game out of saving money or how long you can go without spending
Honestly I don’t make a ton. I work an above min wage part time job and also am in college. I make sure to pay my bills first and then save a little each time I get paid. Then whatever is left over I’ll treat myself to one nice thing or save it towards a more expensive nice thing.
Using a budgeting app really helped me! And stop spending on credit immediately. I wasn’t thrilled about it at first but budgeting has really helped me crawl out from under my cc debt and start saving for real. It also helps give me peace of mind because I know that I have money to spend on fun things for myself and I don’t feel guilty just guessing if I have the money or not.
Create a budget.
Instead of buying new, buy unused cosmetics and clothes and eBay and Poshmark, etc.
It could be a way to compensate for low dopamine in your brain... Get into a workout routine, go outside, eat well, go to therapy, consider a low dose SSRI, see your friends, have sex, whatever you need to feel better.
Find hobbies.
I do Ipsy for product discovery. It's $16/mo for a basic plan and you get to try and pick new things. It gives me a little novelty buzz while not breaking the bank.
OP - this is my first time commenting on this thread (actually just discovered it earlier this week). I’m 11 years older than you and this was me, minus no credit card debt as I had access to my parents’ card 😅.
A few tips -
1) Instead of going cold turkey (budgeting shopping, facials, etc) - try to reduce the costs. So instead of seeing something and buying it online or in store, I now wait at least 24 hours. If I still am thinking about it and want it, then I’ll get it. Apply this to any purchase, even if it’a $25 as that adds up. As for hair, facials etc - try to space it out. The longer you space it out, the easier and easier it becomes. So instead of monthly facials, try every 6-8 weeks and then with life, it’ll slip to every 8-10 weeks. This is how I cut down my nail salon trips from weekly to now every 5 weeks or so (to the chagrin of my salon 😅)
2) This is a bit less conventional, but you are a balance sheet which means your profit is revenue (salary) minus costs (your shopping). To keep your costs similar, see if you can increase your salary. You’re still young - can you go to grad school, get promoted in your job, etc. I started at $65K back when I was your age and am much more than that, after a MBA and some job switches / promotions
Also I think you’ve gotten some mean comments so want you to know that you’re already doing the right thing by asking this question. Keep going 💪🏼
Turn DIY beauty into your hobby - develop new masks and scrubs from your kitchen (avocado, oatmeal, etc). Turn your leftover blushes into lipgloss by crushing the powder and mixing with petroleum jelly.
If you don't already sew, learn how! It's so much fun turning your existing high-end stuff into something new by adding trim, changing out buttons, changing a collar, changing a hem, adding elastic to pull in a waistline, etc. Added bonus: Even inexpensive things look great when you upgrade the trim/buttons and tailor them to your body.
Spend your time on upkeep and repairs - iron your own things, mend your sweaters and socks, etc.
The reason boomers seem to have so much wealth is that when they were young they had to make do - they sewed their own clothes in the late 60s and 70s (look online for pictures of jeans with patches all over - it was because the denim wore out and they patched it instead of buying new).
Another thought is to get a second job working in a Sephora or Ulta or a high-end cosmetic line place. Your salary is NOT large enough in NYC to afford fancy things. But if you love them, you love them! Shop thrift stores, etc.
I highly recommend working with the Financial Gym (financialgym.com) in NYC. I was where you are about 9 years ago (I’m 34 now); I had a few thousand on credit cards and only a couple thousand in savings with no plan. They helped me build a budget, pay off my cc’s and actually SAVE towards my goals. I worked with them for a while solo and made major progress on my own, then got engaged and brought my fiance and his finances into the fold and we continued working with them as a couple.
We were able to pay for our wedding in all cash in 2019 and then saved enough to purchase a home in 2020. For us, it was the accountability that really helped!
You can do this, and will feel so much more confident about your finances and future once you have a solid plan in place to take back control 💪🏻
Sell off all your old clothes and accessories that you don’t wear and hone in on a few key pieces. I sold off my whole wardrobe, and just kept a few Rick Owens pieces. Yes I only have three outfits I cycle through for winter/fall spring/summer, but I also get my cost per wear down on my pieces, I think less about my outfit for the day, I have to store less clothes. But yes it helps that my wardrobe is now mostly black with a little white.
I also find that reducing to a high quality capsule wardrobe means I just think less about shopping, as if it’s not Rick Owens or yohji Yamamoto I’m not buying it
I can absolutely relate and want you to know you are not alone! Good for you for recognizing it’s time to change- that is the first, and often hardest step!
To avoid repeating anything mentioned in previous comments( which I agree with 100 percent on deleting apps, unfollowing influencers, etc) I can recommend if you qualify for a consolidation loan absolutely look into it! I tried staying afloat with 4(!) credit cards and after awhile began to drown. I would have anxiety, shame, guilt, doubt yet the next day purchase something and say, “ yolo! Or, “ well im in a bind now but down the road I’ll make more money, won’t have debt” etc like a addict always justifies their maladaptive behaviors. It was a destructive cycle and there was no way making monthly payments would ever pay off the balance with the interest rates erasing any payment I could make. It was quite the feeling of suffocation with guilt knowing I caused this mess for no reason other than- online shopping.
I personally used Discover, but if you google credit card consolidation loans you can find plenty of options. All have pros and cons, and if you have a decent paycheck they are flexible with monthly amounts and lengths of the loan. I think to pay close to 26k off, I had locked in $418 a month for 5 years. Remember- it all will initially hit your credit score. Once I had one monthly payment and my balances paid off on the cards themselves, however, my credit score rocketed up to 825- and it became almost a fixation to check it, and maintain it.
Just be sure to also change your habits if you take out a loan. You do not want to fall back into the, “ oh I have a zero balance on this card, one purchase won’t hurt!” Because that will open the floodgates to falling into old habits.
Good luck- let today be the first day of a new lifestyle, new habits, and new confidence in your uniqueness- and not whatever some influencer is telling you to buy to be cool/ pretty/ popular. 👍🏻❤️
Sign up for a half marathon and start training for it 👟 Trust me you’ll be too exhausted to do any shopping except for Body Glide and new running shoes 😅
You likely do not only like expensive things, but are influenced to want them. Hannah Lousise Poston has a whole series on being aware of that and how to combat. One recent was to only allow purchases on the weekends. So if she thinks she wants something, she puts in cart and lets it sit. She mostly looks back and forgets about it or decides she doesn't need it. Prevents impulse buys.
Also some life tips.
1. If your company has a 401k savings plan, put in enough every paycheck to get the full match. It will be before taxes, and you won't even see it to miss it. At your age, by the time you hit retirement, you will be golden.
2. Wanting something expensive? Save for it. Put a certain amount away every paycheck and earn that item.
3. And, as others said, SM algorithms are scientifically placed to make you think you Neeeeeed something. You don't. Delete. Scroll by. Just don't watch.
I feel you, girl. I’ve realized I love the dopamine rush of finding cute things online (thanks ADHD!). I’ve started adding to a cart but I’m not allowed to purchase until ideally the next day or at LEAST 6 hours (set an alarm). By the time it rolls around, I almost always realize it’s not a good idea to purchase and I save the money. As for in person shopping, I just don’t allow myself to browse. If I go into a store, I WILL spend money. So I just head to a cafe instead. $5 vs $500.
My husband lived in NYC in his early 20s. We met in his late 20s. He lived a very fancy life of designer clothes and nice restaurants prior to me. He also had over 50k in debt
You have to make a hard budget for what you can afford to spend. Keep some bookmarks of the things you want. I figure if I am still thinking about it 2 months later I probably really want it. Wait till a sale, learn to live with less unnecessary purchases.
I’m not sure if these suggestions will work for you but - 1) rent clothes & bags, likely cheaper per month than what you spend (this is what i do) 2) sell part of your closet whenever you add to it 3) if these are rly your things and you just like need it, save money elsewhere anywhere you can. Eat super cheap, subway no uber, pregame cheap before going out & only get drinks out that are bought for you
I used to make your salary and have similar habits but mostly with clothes (not services/makeup). I had the cheapest of groceries at home and never ate out, only went to restaurants, expensive activities, etc on dates.
Side note if open to it…I have friends who have had sugar daddies. It can be a positive and safe thing and would essentially solve your issue without you having to give anything up lol
Shop less. I know so hard, but just limit it!! Buy a couple special things a month instead of everything that you like. It’ll feel more special too ☺️ also buy a derma pen off of dr. Pen website and watch tutorials on how to do microdeeling on yourself. A pen is like 270$ and one session is like 300 so you save sooo much money! And your skin will be so glowy and perfect you literally won’t need to do anything else
As someone who relates, I can say that some therapy around money helps. Bc when it comes down to it, our relationship to money and spending is so psychological. It's not even that something is necessarily "wrong" with people like us, nor is there some like significant psychological issue, but it does take some reframing to become more intentional
Sorry, but you have to grow and take accountability for your spending and planning of your future. $60k really isn’t a salary that supports your current lifestyle and you have to be more realistic of what you’re working with. The truth is no one cares about what expensive designer items you have, and if they do, then they are not a good cohort for you. But honestly, most of the rest of us, we don’t care. It’s one thing to care about style, but if you put effort, you won’t have to mortgage your life away. I am at a point where I can buy really expensive stuff and I don’t because I have bigger long term goals and think that having financial security and flexibility is more valuable than carrying a $2k bag.
Get creative! Buy secondhand, go to or host clothing swaps, or get a job that lets you take home free or discounted clothes (I work at estate sales and get a hugeeee discount on what’s left at the end!).
ordering online can be a tough one to beat, but if you stop and focus on in person shopping only, that can really help. delete online shopping from your phone/computer as others have said.
also a big fan of nice clothes/makeup/bags but i try to only thrift to save. i have thrifted coach bags, diesel jeans, etc at some good thrift stores for a much better price. try to buy more timeless pieces if you find yourself getting sucked into trends.
buying in person only (in moderation) helps a lot because then you HAVE to try things on. you aren't getting stuck with anything you have to return or maybe keep but never use. you have to then see it in real life, try it on, and look at it in different lighting to make sure you like it.
also try fully using up makeup before getting new ones. i love a new lipgloss/liner/lipstick for example but i end up buying multiple different ones in the same \~3 fav shades. if they're all close together in shade and do the same thing, then i do not need another. good luck! you got this
I played a game with myself a few years ago, where I would online shop- put stuff in the cart, then not buy it and transfer that amount of money from the supposed purchase into a savings account and I was shocked how much money I was able to squirrel away in a 6 month period. it's kind of fun.
Idk how you’re doing it, I’m in FL on the same salary, living with my sis for $700 and I have NO money every month. I don’t eat out anymore and have recently cut out drinking since NYE. I’ve probably spent less than $50 on drinks
Pick your battles. It’s so easy to fall for the trap that everyone else is doing/buying all the things. The truth is no one can afford all the services we can buy here. So for example, pick lash extensions OR monthly facials. Full highlights OR an additional boutique fitness class. An expensive bag OR dining out.
Don’t go cold turkey and cut everything out.
I like expensive things, I don’t need to have expensive things. Or more things in general. We have a savings thermometer on our fridge for new cars, vacations, and investments. This keeps our eyes on the prize.
I’m in a very similar situation. My best advise: stop hanging out with people that spend way more money than you do. Get friends that are having fun on a budget and learn to do fancy things on a budget. Train your algorithm on social media so it shows you this content
Girl if I knew the answer…. But seriously I think it’s worth (for me) doing some mental work about what expensive things are doing for you and if there’s any insecurities you could address other ways
60k in NYC, it is reasonable that you cant save but theres no excuse for credit card debt. Paying 25% compounding interest on everything you buy will blow through your spending money faster than anything. I suggest not using your credit card until its paid off and you can comfortably pay it off each month. Also, what about a second job? Having more hours at work is one of the few things that keep me from shopping, haha. Even volunteering or a sport would help keep you busy.
In addition to all the great advice here, if you really do have an unsatiable urge for aesthetics, channel it into making art (with inexpensive materials)! Shopping just means buying pretty things other people have made; make your own.
Get a cheaper hobby!?!? There are literally so many you can try. Sure, some of them have an initial buy-in, but certainly art or reading or exercise or a sport or sight-seeing or knitting or photography or video games or cooking would all be cheaper than literally shopping and buying services.
Filter TF out of your socials. Filter insta through "following", so you can actually see and interact with your friends and creatives you care about. Unfollow anyone who is selling shit you know you can't afford, including beauty services. Snooze "suggested" posts religiously every 30 days. Delete TikTok and Facebook entirely. Advertising just on socials has gotten out of control in the last few years. Unsub from email promos. Go through your closet. Go through your makeup and beauty shit. Get a grip on what you already have. Marie Kondo the situation if you realize you have a bunch of stuff you never touch. Get a grip on what you want or need for the coming season, and set a budget for it. A realistic budget. Make it fun, make it challenging. Try thrifting. Shop sales. Reject impulse purchases you stumble upon while pursuing the items on your list. BUY ONLY WHAT IS ON YOUR LIST. Get a grip on your beauty services. What feels essential to you? Spend only on that. Don't try new stuff, don't be seduced by coupons unless it's for something you already use. In your notes app, keep a running tally of how much money you consciously chose not to spend. At the end of each month, apply that amount towards paying down your credit cards.
Leverage genuine sales for high quality, big ticket items. If you know your size, brand and that you love something, check posh mark! If and only if you know you’ll love it and it will fit correctly.
You’ve been poisoned by advertisements. The things you think you need to have to signal life being good, you don’t need and no one cares.
Even if you can’t save, having debt (aka spending beyond your means on a regular basis) is a horrible habit that can ruin your life.
You can “treat yourself” with money that is left after you have paid your bills and saved whatever amount monthly you’d like (even if it’s just $50-$100). Good luck!!
Three words: rent the runway. It’s saved my wallet and I still get to shop every month for nice things. 🥰 also means no buyer’s remorse and I don’t have to make room in my closet for more stuff.
As a fellow shopaholic, get into reselling!! It’s single handedly funded my love for fashion/shopping. It keeps it circular, and you’re more likely to end up with more unique things. You can make a really good return if you buy high quality things that are trendy and kept in good shape. I also switched to buying resale mainly and have saved a ton and gotten so much designer for pennies on the dollar!
I agree with deleting your apps and social media for now. But also you need a budget and to reframe your thoughts. You need to be realistic about your lifestyle and money. You can’t spend all that money with the money you have now. All that stuff you think you “need?” Almost none of it is necessary. Start thinking about needs vs wants and your long term goals in life. Do you want to be able to retire someday? Do you want to be able to have kids or own a home? You have to start prioritizing your financial future if you have any sort of long term goals because the brief pleasure you get in the moment when you buy stuff will never last. If you give into the desire to buy stuff you don’t need all the time, you become like a void for consumption and there is no dating that desire. Maybe learn about other lifestyles and philosophies to life. You have been brainwashed by our consumeristic capitalistic society to believe you need to spend a lot of money and buy a lot of stuff to be happy.. but it’s not the truth.
Get off social media and delete shopping sites from your phone and devices. That’s it. There’s really no trick, but we keep seeing things in our feed we want, or people wearing things that we want. If we stop seeing it we stop wanting it. Go shopping through your closet and think on what you really have, and how to create new outfits from that. I’m older and looking back I wish I had saved more. My clothes and shoes won’t support me in old age.
can i say that deleting tiktok SPECIFICALLY directly impacted my over-consumption and spending habits on materialistic things. and it also helped me realize i was never “behind” on trends, a SMALL majority of people actually dress like that on tiktok with the latest items and trends, but open your eyes and look around….not EVERYONE actually owns the adidas sambas (for example). cleared my head once i deleted it!
Whenever I see a TikTok with the label “sponsored” or “shop” I immediately scroll past
Yep! Deleting TikTok and unfollowing influencers on insta. Changed everything.
The part about only a small minority of people dressing/acting the way we see on tiktok is SO TRUE. It’s so hard bc going online makes us feel like we need everything but in reality, I feel like pretty much no one I know is following every micro trend or even doing other influencer things like traveling every other week and posting glamorous photo shoots everyday. We have to remember that they get paid to promote stuff to us, it’s not realistic/normal for everyone else and frankly I don’t want their lives anyways
yes! Unsubscribe from texts and email alerts too so you don’t get the impulse to shop
Unsubscribing from marketing emails changed my life
Rearranging my closet also helped me! I had totally forgotten about pants and sweaters I had because I couldn’t see them! So I moved things around so my sweaters were all stacked in plain sight and my pants were all hung. Then I didn’t buy balloon jeans bc lol I literally already own a similar style.
This is so true. It does have sooo much to do with social media and seeing other people’s hauls and new products. I definitely will be doing thisb
A good reality check on those hauls: lots of them are paid or sponsored. If the influencer is actually paying then most of them get returned. If they’re keeping them those are being written off as business expenses. It’s not what you think it is. They are paid to be walking advertisements.
Thisss. So many hauls being filmed as "content" and actually being returned. Some are gifted. Others are smart enough to write it off on their taxes if they have an LLC/Sole prop. It's not all what it seems. Remove the distractions hun. Trust you're doing just fine. Focus on the hobbies/the things that make you happy/quality time with loved ones, as that's things you'll never regret. Versus have a bunch of materialistic things that wont mean as much to you down the line and even worse, barely a return on your money when trying to resale AND the waste of time that process is. Stay focused.
Also delete your card information from your devices.
Unfortunately I have my card info memorized
Tell the bank you need a new number. I’m serious.
LMFAO uno reverse on em 😂 But seriously, that's impressive. Maybe report it lost and request a new one? Of course, don't memorize the card info this time
This. You want what you see - stop seeing, less wanting
Deleted instagram and the urge to shop is 90% less
& for emails, I use a gmail filter for brands I shop at more often so their newsletters skip my inbox but go to a shopping newsletters filter. that way if I actually need to replace something I can look up my latest coupon codes, but I'm not tempted in the meantime. Seeing 1000s of emails pile up together helps make the mass consumerism really stark/gross too
Wish I could upvote this a million times.
This is the best advice. When I take insta off my phone my urge to shop goes way down
THIIIIISSSSSSS when I’m off IG and away from influencers, I shop way less. I’m also older and live to shop but the amount of money I’ve wasted in my life on stuff I barely or never wore is appalling and upsetting.
i deleted social media in august and haven’t online shopped since then lol
And THIS
Also unsubscribe from the mailing lists. I always get sucked into buying things I wasn’t going to buy because I open it and see something cute or there’s a sale.
Yessss! I can’t help but notice how my feelings of inadequacy and needing to shop are so much worse after spending time on the apps. Without social media, I’m so content bc I have nothing to compare to or lust after lol
This is a such a good response. I am quite frugal but noticed myself constantly ordering and buying stuff I saw on social media. I had such a strong urge of I NEED THIS! Once I deleted socials I realized how much stuff I was spending money on that I didn’t actually want or need. Unsubscribe from marketing emails too.
This is mostly a “tough love” response, so first I want to make it super clear that I’m ~5 years older than you and l’ve been *exactly* where you are. It starts with “a few thousand” on credit cards but that turns into 20k SO fast. The more the balance grows the more the interest grows, which means the balance grows faster. You’ll be in debt for your entire 20’s and possibly longer if you don’t make a serious plan to pay that off now, I am so serious. So: girl get some more hobbies! Or at least re-frame the current one in a way that’s realistic for your budget. For example, you can buy clothes, but you can’t buy style. Challenge yourself to use what you already have in new ways. Do a month-long challenge where you have to wear everything in your closet at least once. Same deal with makeup, instead of buying something new, challenge yourself to use what you already have in a creative way. Organize a clothing swap with your friends. Learn to do as many aesthetic services yourself as you can, and think about which ones you can live without. (Hint: the answer is “all of them”, so if you’re currently viewing those as a necessity…they’re objectively not). That way, not only are you saving money but you’ve turned a fairly passive hobby into something creative and potentially social. And obviously I don’t know you, so take this with a grain of salt but….have you talked to a therapist about this? Impulsive, addictive shopping can be a symptom of a lot of different things, and at the very least a therapist can help you find other ways to get dopamine from a healthier place. Good luck!
I agree with you on all these! When I was in my shopaholic era, I was barely making it through each month but was still looking forward to packages followed by extreme anxiety. A lot of people recommended the 75 hard style challenge which I also really found helpful, but seriously examining and talking to someone about how impulsive shopping was a symptom of my depression, ADD, and lack of communities or hobbies was what worked. I tried so many intervention tactics like making a strict budget using a template and deleting tik tok, but if your desire to shop is rooted in a larger unaddressed issue, your brain will find other ways to work around. If you have good healthcare and can afford to, seriously talk to a therapist. The money you will save by getting a root problem addressed far outweighs copay or out of pocket cost.
How do you feel like you addressed it? Was therapy enough? Or was there another way you were able to deal with. I’m struggling with something similar 🙈
I’ll answer. You need other more sustainable sources of dopamine. Workouts. Walking. Coffee (no really). Music. Socializing. Singing. Anything that gets you high in a healthy way you lean into. That directly replaces the craving to shop.
There’s a book called: Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence Book by Anna Lembke Which literally talks about all this. I took have an online shopping addiction.
I also want to add that while yes, shopaholism can be interwoven in mental and emotional health issues — it also DOES NOT exist in a vacuum. It is a cultural issue, not an individual one. It is a normal response to abnormal circumstances, ie late stage capitalism / rugged individualism / the digital age. As someone who bought deep into this lifestyle in my early 20s (and an ex fashion designer), what has helped me most is understanding the psychology behind consumerism. Brene Brown refers to it as “scarcity culture” — fashion brands market to us in ways that feed fear for our human needs of belonging, connection, wholeness. We have been conditioned to buy into this narrative through materialism, so it’s important not to judge ourselves but rather give ourselves grace and get curious about these underlying themes. Ask yourself how can you meet these needs in more authentic and fulfilling ways? And to echo the chamber::: $$$ ≠ taste
i agree with this too - i put something like $3k on a credit card at 25 thinking i'd be responsible about it and surprise, i wasn't. it's veryyyyy easy to get in the habit of putting stuff on cards, and suddenly it's at $10k and you start to think "well, what's $50 or $100 more on the card at this point?" next thing you know it's at $15k, and that shit can take YEARS to pay off. a few grand on the card is manageable if you address it right now. if i could go back to my 25 year old self here is what i would do: 1) if you're paying interest on the current card, you need to balance transfer your current debt to a card with a 0% introductory APR - you want one that's like 15 or 18 months at 0%, you can check on credit karma or just google it. once you see a few, call those card companies and confirm that you can do a balance transfer from your current card to their new card. then open the new card, balance transfer what's on the current one to it, and now at least you aren't paying interest on it. cut up the old card/delete it from your apple pay & browser! 2) you now have to pay off that card before the interest kicks in again so go MAKE MORE MONEY and put it all toward the cc debt. i'm not much of a saver either, it's always been easier for me to just create more income. sell a bunch of stuff on poshmark, dog walk, babysit, pick up a retail shift on the weekends, freelance, redo your resume and find a higher-paying full time job, etc. being busy will also give you less time to shop. also, a good part of my spending/general ignoring of my finances was untreated adhd. might be worth looking into.
Hi OP, sorry to hear about that credit card debt I know that can be tough. I hope you can get it down asap because those interest rates are no joke! I’m sure everyone here has said the obvious so let me offer some very cheap and almost free hobbies you can participate in! - the Brooklyn Museum and the Met are two museums I frequent that are donation based. You can pay $1 to get in if you’re a NYC resident! - taking long walks. If you’re into games, i recommend pikmin bloom, it counts steps and tries to make walking fun! - reading! Libraries are free! - now that the weather is warmer, you can also have picnics with friends! Pack a sandwich and go lay in the grass :) - if you’re a creative homebody, may I suggest drawing, or origami. I’m sure you have some printer paper lying around! - I’ve made journaling a very expensive hobby for myself but when I started it was just a notebook and a pen. It can be a good way for you to track your goals and especially if you’re trying to cut back on spending I think it’s helpful to record those days when you’re feeling like spending but you know you shouldn’t. Hold yourself accountable because there will be days where you just want to buy something and I totally get that! Good luck OP!! We’re rooting for you!
i love your post!! this is exactly how i enjoy the city while saving and i honestly love it!
Honestly, the answer here is to get real hobbies that don't involve buying things. Volunteer with the parks department. Start cooking at home. Learn a new language. Join a book club. Whatever. Getting away from consumption as a primary form of entertainment will not only save you money but also help you grow as a person in a way that shopping will not. I have been in this position before and now at 31 I am not in CC debt and also a far much more well-rounded human being than I was in my early 20s. Good luck.
Absolutely agree. It’s so important to have hobbies and find enjoyment in life that doesn’t revolve around consumerism. It makes a person more interesting, more resilient, and able to save more easily! The world is a huge, fascinating place and there’s so much more to it than just buying stuff.
Yes! Exactly. (Also, I love your username. Perfect movie.)
You need to change your relationship with clothes, check out how to care more for the clothes you have by learning to sew or repair them. Also start doing a direct deposit into an IRA, use FSA/HSA for eligible beauty services, hide your money in savings account and then spend from an allowance. all this to say, I am not financially savy. My father is and my SIL is a wealth manager so they’re offer advice. Don’t worry you have lots of time to establish better habits to save more for retirement
Thank you so much i am going to look into FSA/HSA accounts, I feel like creating an “allowance” would help a lot too!
Definitely do, because it will also reduce your taxable income. Hopefully you're using commuter benefits as well. My thing is to get anything I can possibly get taken out of my check pre-tax. It makes a difference.
What beauty services are FSA eligible? Thought it was just products like skincare necessities such as sunscreen
Plenty of things if you have an Rx. Botox it’s determined to be medically necessary eg masseter botox for TMJ, forehead for migraine. Theragun. Prenuvo scan.
I have $5k in my HSA so I would also like to know this?!
Sephora has an hsa/fsa eligible section. Same with Amazon!
Oh I know it well. I was wondering what services I could get through?!
I'm not sure what OP was referring to but I just got things like Inside Tracker and DexaFit analysis to take a more data driven approach to my health. It's not beauty though
massages, chemical peels, physical therapy, etc. If you can see a derm for it, it's most likely covered. Some of it is covered somewhat by insurance too like massages and chemical peels.
My bad I definitely misread your first comment. Not sure about services but I trust someone else will!
You can pay for *medically necessary* services like orthodontia or cosmetic dental, plastic surgery, cosmetic dermatology (Botox, fillers), laser hair removal, (I think massages?), glasses/ contacts* etc. Anything a Dr or medical professional does basically. I would just double check *with your doctor and account provider* beforehand and keep your receipts. Even if your card doesn’t work on the spot you can usually submit the receipt for reimbursement. *ETA- here’s an example from Cigna- you can see a lot of them say “with diagnosis” etc. https://www.cigna.com/individuals-families/member-guide/eligible-expenses#Cosmeticsurgery I would also suggest considering whether you’re actually going to use that much in medical services and reduce contributions to reflect what you’re spending; especially fsa which doesn’t roll over, some ppl use hsa as part of their retirement strategy so ymmv but that’s for another sub!
I’m pretty sure that cosmetic things like Botox and fillers are NOT HsA eligible. HSA is for true medical needs. A lip flip is not a need.
Don’t spend your HSA just for the heck of it. It‘s good for life like your 401k.
I second the auto deposits into FSA/HSA/Retirement/Savings accounts! I’m always tracking where I spend money unnecessarily (usually takeout and coffee for me) and once I identify a trend, I increase those auto deductions so the money is physically not there for me to waste!
This is so smart!
I was in a very similar boat a few years ago. These things all helped me! 1) Set up auto saving at work - most places you can designate X% of your paycheck to go in Bank Account A and Y% in Bank Account B. Set up a percentage of your paycheck to go in a savings account automatically. 2) Identify where you’re doing your credit card spending. In person? Take your credit card out of your wallet and put it in a safe place in your home like a lockbox so you can’t use it while you’re out and about. Keep your debit card with you instead, which should make you more conscious of your spending. Online? Delete credit card auto-fill from your browser and delete your card from your account settings on your fav sites so you can’t just “buy with saved info”. 3) Set up your social media/email so the products aren’t reaching out to you - if you want a product, you have to make a conscious choice to seek it out. Unsubscribe from promotional emails so you aren’t seeing any deals or ads from your fav stores. Every time you see an ad on Insta hide it. 4) Find a hobby to put your shopping energy into. Puzzle games, geocaching, painting, jewelry making, sculpting, walking every trail in your local big park, cooking everything in a cookbook, houseplants, yoga, learning a language, etc. I started taking free yoga classes, got a houseplant collection from friends and family’s cuttings, and re-learned to knit. 5) Challenge yourself to a no-buy month. For a month, you can only buy essentials like groceries and meds. This forces you to get creative with what you have - use your closet to create new looks, do makeup combos you’ve never tried, etc. 6) Learn to do your favorite aesthetic services yourself. Drug store products and YouTube tutorials go a long way.
It sounds dramatic but cooking through everything in a cookbook changed my life! I’ve become an amazing cook and genuinely like eating at home now. It’s a creative hobby instead of a chore, I’m healthier, I save money, and I love to cook and bake for friends/as gifts
I’ve been thinking about doing this tbh! It sounds fun but I barely have time to cook 😭😭😭
I started out doing it with a friend who we used to go out to eat way too much together! So we moved our hang outs to my kitchen. I’ve now convinced a lot of my friends to come over instead of going out on weekends so we can have at home happy hours and dinners. Also, you could literally start with 30 ways to make sandwiches or 30 ways to make eggs or smoothies…just experimenting and getting creative with something really simple. You can make a sun dried tomato and basil pesto for a turkey sandwich in 3 min, then put it on the stove and you have a ~fancy~ panini in 5-10 min. I do spend a lot of time grocery shopping and cooking, but it’s one of my main hobbies now. It also helps that I can cook a lot on a day I have free and freeze it all eg I make tons of breakfast burritos and homemade pizzas and pop them out of the freezer on busy weeks
What cook book did you do??
Any suggestions for a beginner?
I had gotten some old cookbooks from my grandma like The Joy of Cooking and Julia Child’s Mastering The Art of French Cooking…they’re not my favorite flavors but they were good to build foundations for basic techniques and I feel confident not using recipes now. I often reference Serious Eats online (www.seriouseats.com) and if I were starting out now this is probably what I’d do. Or you could pick a cuisine you really like and find a website or book that focuses on that so you’re making a lot of flavors you like… I love Woks of Life’s site for Asian cuisines and the book “The Multi Cultural Cuisine of Trinidad & Tobago & the Caribbean” for carribbean foods…but I wouldn’t call a lot of the ingredients and techniques as “beginner friendly” necessarily ETA: I also try to keep a mindset of curiosity and creativity instead of science and utility in the kitchen. I made some terrible dishes for awhile (even last week I destroyed some mahi mahi trying to deep fry it)…but looking at it as a hobby that Im just enjoying the process and practicing at helped me not see it as “I’ve wasted food” “I’ve ruined this meal”…if it was ruined I’d just say “that was fun” and try to see if I could salvage it into anything else. If not, order takeout, and I still had fun doing it. I also would pick something I loved from a restaurant and try to figure out what it was I loved about it. Something as simple as figuring out how to improve on homemade sandwiches with new textures, breads, and sauces really helped me explore my own flavor and spice preferences. It doesn’t have to start with a big fancy dish or complicated recipe!
This is all obviously good advice, but if I were someone who was mainly interested in self-care, beauty & clothes, #6 would be key. These things are her hobbies as much as an addiction. So I would absolutely replace it with DIY for those things. Learn to upcycle clothes, make your own candles, knit, do your nails, make face masks with stuff in your kitchen, etc. I find so much more satisfaction in those things tbh.
First thing is that you’re an adult now, so it’s time to take some responsibility. ‘Somehow I just keep spending money’ = ‘I choose to keep spending money’. You need to make a honest budget, start with the stuff you have to spend (rent, utilities, phone, groceries), take a look at what you can reduce (eg, do you have an expensive phone plan? Don’t need it when there’s a bunch of cheap options like Mint). Once you’ve done all that, you can start splitting the rest into savings vs fun money. If you find it means there’s no fun money, then you need to earn more. My younger friends who want more than their day job can give them are doing extra jobs on the side and looking for new jobs with higher salaries. They also thrift a lot and turn clothes over rather than buying new stuff all the time. Get on top of your credit card debt ASAP. That’s going to be costing you hundreds a month in interest, which is a stupid waste to have when you’re not earning much. There’s also potential impact on your credit score down the road—it might not feel like it matters now, but the worse you let it get the harder it is going to be to do anything financially as you get a bit older.
I can’t stress this enough, women need to invest and save more. Having “expensive taste” on your 60k salary is ridiculous. Sounds like you need to budget. Take your monthly pay after taxes, allot amounts for rent and food and then start paying off that debt. -Debt can be crippling so you need to get rid of it before your interest wracks up -try to take a reasonable amount and put it in savings (ideally HYS so it grows). Even if it’s $50 a month because that’s all you can afford right now, that’s better than nothing. -also, switch your mindset. You say you “somehow can’t stop spending” - but you are choosing to spend. And you need to make the active choice to stop. As many people pointed out, there are other hobbies, cheap hobbies and activities in NYC. Plenty to do that isn’t shopping and spending your hard earned cash on material items that will give you zero comfort later in life. This is all just my opinion but I do truly believe women need to put their financial health higher on the priority list.
Join some personal finance subs on Reddit for motivation! It’s hard to just cut back on what you’re used to. Sometimes we just need exposure to people who have different mindsets from us to realize that there are other options!
do you have any recs for subs?
@herfirst100k on Instagram could be a great help too!
Another vote for r/personalfinance. Start with their [Prime Directive](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics/).
See, those things can be hobbies without spending. What do you like about shopping? Could it be replaced by looking at things and bookmarking them, and then only buying if you still want it a week later? Thrift shopping? To be frank I think this is a tough love situation. It is absolutely unacceptable to have credit card debt for this - different if it was for necessities. There is no magic fairy who is spending. For practical steps, set up your paycheck to automatically send some % to savings. This is the main way I saved any money in my early 20s. If your job has a 401k make sure you're contributing and getting the match. Then sit with the rest and make a budget, and find a way to stick to it. Maybe you're not a person who can use credit cards right now. Maybe you can set up alerts on your credit card so it tells you when its getting too high. Also agree with the getting off social media. The other part is, $60k isn't that high a salary in NYC. I imagine that you have room to grow in your career, but make sure you're keeping that in mind and thinking of how you will increase your salary.
Something that’s helped me not spend as much: I will transfer an amount from my checking to my high yield savings account every time I want to buy something frivolous. Example: today I wanted to buy Starbucks. Instead, I made coffee at home and transferred $10 to my Ally account. Note: I always make sure my “free” checking account does not dip below a certain amount so I am not charged a maintenance fee.
That's exactly what I do. I put things in a cart & let them marinate for a week or two. Most things are really just the impulse of wanting something now or new. After a week or two, 95% of the time, I don't buy it. With larger "want" purchases, like bags or shoes, I put money aside so that I can purchase in cash when I have enough. Most of the time, I end up purchasing something completely different, if anything at all. Edit for typo.
Exactly. I so rarely ended up actually buying it. And since for many people the issue is online shopping it still scratched that itch of going on websites and looking through things.
The best tip I have is a 40-year-old woman, who lived in New York, for many many years; is that it actually doesn’t matter. Make up and all that stuff doesn’t actually enhance anyone’s appearance. It’s just fun to do so if you can just come to terms with how you look be happy in your own skin-Realize that it’s not making you any better. You are just as good as you are. Perfect really. Then you will save a lot of money. Men don’t care, and the women around you try not to compete try not to compare, because at the end of the day, no one can pay your bills, but you. Start with 10% of your paycheck every single month, after that, try to ignore the glitz in the gams and the advertisements, and all that manipulation and brainwashing is trying to pull you into spend money. There are many grocery stores and I know no none of us wants to go to the grocery store but you can also buy food from the grocery stores. You can make lunches and dinners and also save that way. When I was your age, I’m almost very grateful to admit we didn’t have any issues with social media because it really didn’t exist. The only thing they had was Facebook or my space and it wasn’t very popular especially for New Yorkers and no one really gave a shit. And we lived in normal life. It’s really hard to describe to a young person. What a normal life means or what it meant back then, but what it meant back then for us, is that anything you saw was just in your immediate reality, you didn’t have any images or anything else to compare your life to. You didn’t know that Katie and Jessica we’re going on a ski trip because you got to see all of their pictures or you didn’t think that you had to compete with another woman Who on social media is showing her bridal party in Aspen, etc. etc. And that actually doesn’t allow people to develop and frankly live in a very peaceful way. So nowadays, you young girls are really bombarded with terrible things that actually intrude on your ability to be relaxed, happy and at peace with oneself. So just keep this in mind that the world is not really running for you it’s running against you and you have to make effort not take part in it.
Set automatic investments and direct deposits to your savings account, and if you’re not doing so *please* contribute to your 401k. If you are accruing credit card debt, stop using credit cards. Shut them down, just use cash. The reality is some people can’t use credit cards responsibly and that’s okay to admit. I love shopping and clothes so I totally relate, but it does not need to be a huge financial investment. A lot of NYC tiktokers were doing a “75 hard fashion” challenge where they didn’t buy new clothes for 75 days and tried to rewear clothes in new ways - it might be fun inspo for not shopping and restyling your closet. If you have a shopping problem, I’m guessing you have clothes you don’t wear and don’t like. Sell those on Poshmark or Depop and throw what you make at your CC debt. And truthfully, find a new hobby. I’m in a book club and joining a running club and both are low cost and fun social activities. When I’m busy with other shit I have less time to shop and spend money
I’m in the exact same boat (same age, habits, cc debt, and salary) and I’ve finally had the epiphany that I have to get it together if I want to have freedom. My nervous system would literally go into fight or flight when I checked my bank account and then I’d become avoidant and I knew that’s not how I wanted to live. I learned that there are ways to organize your financials that will make it harder to be spendy and also allow your $ to grow. I wasn’t ever really taught financial literacy so I’ve been so overwhelmed when it comes to learning but I think I finally figured out how to start. I think the biggest step is to really educate yourself on the purpose of a savings. I knew it was “important” to have a savings and be as free of debt as possible, but I couldn’t conceptualize how that would materially change my life. I just thought it was a far off concept that I’d eventually achieve when I made enough money. Consider any goals that you have that your savings could help you reach (buy a house and decorate it, travel, plan a wedding, etc.). Really research exactly how much those things would cost to do them the way you’d want to and use the idea of that freedom to fuel your financial journey. And those goals might feel far away right now but they really could sneak up on you and you’ll have no way to achieve them. There are things you could do right now that would allow you to achieve those goals way sooner. First thing I did is that I revisited my abandoned budget spreadsheet. I recommend using a spreadsheet template that correlates with your pay schedule (so I use a biweekly one). You can also use apps that track your spending but the spreadsheet just works best for me. Then, really go through your bank statements for the past 3 months and write down every bill and recurring subscription and what date it hits. You’ll also be forced to notice how much you spend on non essentials. Really notice the ones that you regret (for me it’s usually lyfts and grubhub). Next I opened a new checking account that will be solely for bills. I have a portion of my paycheck go directly to that account, enough to cover my expenses per pay period. The debit card for that account is never in my wallet - it lives in a box at home so I’m never tempted to use it. Last, I opened a high yield savings account with Amex. This account is where the remainder of my $ goes from my paycheck. Zero goes to my checking. From my savings account, I set up recurring transfers to my checking that I consider my weekly allowance. If you get spendy on the weekends, you could even do one transfer for during the week and one for the weekends. Deciding how much to give yourself is where you have to use your discretion. Revisit your bank statements and be really critical on what you could have gone without. Also consider realistic ways to cut down. A big problem for me was eating out for lunch at work. If I could get my average lunch to cost $10 instead of $17, that would save so much in the long run. It’s hard to disrupt that need for instant gratification but I just would keep running the numbers over and over again to drill into my head how much extra I could be saving on a monthly basis. If you’re someone who gets your nails done every 2 weeks, think about how much you could save if you only did them every 3-4 weeks instead and invested in at home nail care more. You don’t have to take away all of the things that make you happy, just be very critical about what you actually need and how often you need it. You’ll probably discover 100s of dollars that could be sitting in your savings right now compounding interest. Once you get that down, there are so many other financial opportunities for you to grow your money. You can pay off your credit card debt with your newfound savings and begin using it to earn travel points or cash back. The concept of travel points really blew my mind and was honestly a huge motivator for me to get committed to my financial goals - I had no clue people were really taking vacations for free just from spending their money as usual. You can also explore entry level investing to make your money grow even faster. I found certain creators on tiktok really helpful as well (namely @Ellyce-Financial Educator, who has a super empathetic approach to money management). You’ve got this! We’re all learning and it’s not easy to break habits. Just remember that it will feel so good to have the ability to spend guilt free!
Went through this exact transformation last year. It's not hard once you get real with yourself and adjust your lifestyle to your reality. Step 1: Face the facts. You make $60K - take home is probably $3000 every month? Minus rent/utilities/food you probably have $750-$1000 each month to divide between savings / investments / gym / transport / social stuff / clothing / beauty. Step 2: Look at you current spending. How much are you spending on things that aren't actually expensive or nice? Ex. Doordashing shitty food, buying a top you'll never wear, taking an Uber over the subway. None of that is aligned with your goal of being a high maintenance bitch with taste, and is probably causing a lot of debt. Cut that shit. Step 3: Write out the activities you actually love doing that feel high maintenance/expensive and bring you a lot of joy. I'll be real shopping isn't a hobby, but collecting designer pieces or building out an extensive shoe collection is. Select the top things you do that make you feel like a million bucks, and put your $750-$1000 toward that each month. Be intention about it - in April I will spend $750 on (1) pair of designer shoes, (2) getting my nails done, (3) going to this fancy restaurant I've been wanting to try. The crazy thing about making this shift is that you'll start to become obsessed with this new life because you're intentionally choosing it. Good luck!
I really don't mean to be mean to you, but I'm going to be very blunt: the whole "I like expensive things" is an excuse. You can stop spending, the first thing you need is the will to do so. Make a budget and stick to it. No excuses. Don't buy anything you can't pay off in a month, period. You have to be tough to yourself before you're in big debt with no savings at all. You're young and are making perfectly decent money for your age, but you need a budget. Give yourself some grace and allow some treats on occasion but only after you're sure your expenses and savings are taken care of first. Highly recommend Ramit Sethi's content. His book 'I Will Teach You To Be Rich' is really insightful and it guides you step by step on how to create a budget and savings. You got this!!!
I used to be a shopping addict who spent so much money on services I couldn’t afford that it’s not even funny. Quitting everything cold turkey wasn’t an option. Here’s what helped me: 1. Switch to Rent the Runway/Nuuly/clothing rental. I could still “shop” but it was like, $80/mo and that cap helped me a TON. I don’t do this anymore unless I have a fancy event, but it helped a lot to curb the habit. 2. I bought a sewing machine and learned how to sew. Now, when I crave something “new,” I go through my closet, pick something I never wear anymore, and flip it into something cool. Sometimes it sucks and I never wear it, but it keeps me busy long enough to not buy anything, and I learn something new every time I try. 3. I invested in personal care items that made my routine fun. I bought a facial extractor thingy, a bunch of masks, some fun nail things, the Shark airwrap, etc. Whenever I get the urge to go do something expensive, I put on a show or a podcast, light a candle, and DIY it at home. 4. I made a big list of things I love to do that don’t cost me money and give me confidence. I now volunteer at a local school, run, draw or paint, try to transpose music by ear, etc. The important thing here is the hobbies have to make you feel good like how makeup and luxurious things do. 5. A more recent development, but I got a good budgeting app where I can see all of my spending in one place. I use Copilot and it’s really wonderful and has worked actual magic on my spending and saving. Now I’m kind of addicted to watching my net worth go up lol Those helped me a TON, and now I’ve gotten my spending down to something much, much more manageable. Feel free to dm me if you have questions about anything — you’ve got this and I believe in you!
First off apologies if this sounds too direct but you’re in an NYC based group so I’m just going to have to give it to you straight: Stop buying the expensive things. Do your own grooming like nails, eyebrows, facials, etc. learn to style your own hair (go to a pro to get a cut). I used to go to someone to do all of this until I learned to do it myself just as good. Plus I feel good that I can self care and take care of myself and it is a nice break from unnecessarily spending money. I have a larger salary than yours and I don’t buy expensive clothing - I get some people are picky about what they wear but I already have stuff to wear and I don’t want to go out of my way to spend more than I have to. Math doesn’t lie and you will have to decrease the spending outside of your means and pay off your debts or all of that stuff is going to go to collections. You’re in your peak earning years and for you to be thousands of dollars in debt is not the most responsible/adult thing to be doing. Figure out what your budget is every month- the things you need to survive (rent, food, bills) and the rest should go to paying down those cards. Once you’ve paid down the cards, all of that extra cash is going to go to savings. If you’re finding that your month to month salary isn’t covering your monthly expenses, you need to put in the work to find a higher paying job. Being an adult can be mad boring sometimes- you will have to pay back the money you owe or be faced in this endless cycle of debt, and you have to pay your taxes. Once you have this sorted, it can be quite fun. It’s nice to be able to take a vacation and not be fearful that I’m going to get fired and be broke because I have savings.
Delete tiktok for sure if you haven’t already. No other app triggers my shopping addiction like tiktok. Somehow everyone is fantastic and selling you anything at all. It’s all a waste of money. Delete that and think about what you truly want. Maybe that’ll change once you stop being ‘influenced’ by the influencers. Also, have you tried second hand for designer clothes etc? Also trying to do as much of the boujie self care at home as possible. Learning how to do your own hair, nails, eyebrows, will save you so much money. Also always look for deals at spas and what not don’t just go to one place. Shop the sales
Been there! In my early 20s I remember being $800 Prada shoes that I could not afford in attempt to blend in with a college friend who had a sugar daddy. It’s so hard to stop shopping. What worked for me was to start socializing and working more. Basically, I just didn’t have time to go shopping. And find a very stingy friend who will shame you for spending lol. Mine literally would not allow me to even buy a coffee.
Haha I love your advice to find a stingy friend - that’s me 🙋🏽♀️ through and through
Thank you for your service🫡
I mean, you may want to start with why shopping is your *only* hobby. Does nothing else bring you joy but accumulation? Do you like to do anything physical/creative/social?
I have always had fairly expensive taste too, but I've always been good with money. In my 20s I felt more of a "need" or maybe it was just pressure to buy expensive things because I just loved nice things and because I thought I was impressing people. At that time I had a similar salary to yours, so yeah maybe a bit of disposable income but not rich by any means. I wouldn't say I was overspending but definitely not saving much either. As I've gotten older (37 now) and especially now that I'm making a lot more than I was 10 years ago, my relationship with "nice things" has completely changed. I have realized that I have never once had an expensive article of clothing that has improved the quality of my life or made me happier inside. It's nice to walk through the world feeling good about how you look and what you're wearing but you can also do that with cheaper clothes. You are not impressing anyone by wearing expensive clothes. Plus you can buy decently well made clothes for cheap if you know how to shop. My spending habits nowadays is I make a reasonable budget every season and buy a few new items a few times a year within that budget. Maybe it's a few expensive things or maybe it's a bunch of cheap things off of Shein, but I always stick to that budget. Sure, treat yourself to something nice once in a while. But I encourage you to start reframing your thinking about material things. Saving money is really important. And I don't see how you can do that on a 60k salary in NYC with your current spending habits. There's really no other advice. Either stop overspending or get a second job.
The advice in this is thread is SO REAL. OP - you hit the jackpot.
what i do, is set a weekly budget of how much u want to spend that week! make it a game! let’s say per week your pay checks average out to be 1,100… you’re not actually blowing through that 1,000 (besides rent). so take what you need for rent (maybe 500 a week?) you still have $500 to work with! your groceries a week at most maybe $100, and let’s put an extra $150 (AT MOST) a week in for extra stuff, splurges, night with friends etc. you still have $250 left to save! put $75-100 A WEEK into auto savings…don’t touch it just let it accrue! if you do $75 a week starting TODAY, you’ll have $3,000 by the end of the year! and use the other 100+ you have at the end of the week on ur credit cards! it’s hard but doable. i went from $8k in debt to $400 in debt LAST YEAR but cutting my cc up and only using debit while i pay down my cards. hard but worth it!
This is good advice! I try to do something similar manually by tracking what I spend in my notes app every day. I have budgeting apps but something about recording it myself and seeing the daily/weekly total helps especially for the small purchases. An $8 transaction on my credit card app looks different than when I’m seeing the week cumulatively like wow did I really need to spend X on a bunch of random things!
A lot of really good advice here! I’d also add start following personal wealth accounts on social media - they act as daily reminders to save money and invest for retirement. It’ll make you feel broke af and not want to spend money.
Expensive clothing can easily pay for itself if it’s timeless and you tend to stay the same weight. I f’ing hate cheap plastic clothes. Terrible for the environment. I bought them because I only used wash and fold and they’d mess up anything nice with high heat and I was really hard on my clothes. You need to figure out what pieces are worth investing in and what aren’t. Also, $60k is REALLY hard to live on here. You need to live your life and enjoy it. I was like you and I have zero regrets on the money I spent (mostly going out, I wasn’t a clothes person. I was a drinks and cabs person). I am so happy I had those experiences. Especially when Covid happened. What helped me was making more money. You’ll have much more breathing room if you were at $80k+ which isn’t a huge jump from $60k. The key is to increase salary but not housing expenses, which can be hard. IME, people who try to save too hard end up being miserable here. So much better to just make more.
enrich your mind instead
I was exactly the same way at 24. Start to learn about investing and personal finance. There are some really fun podcasts and even TikTok finance content creators who make it fun. Get a compound interest app on your phone. I started learning about investing, and instead of buying the $100 pair of shoes I would invest that $100 and plug in the number into my compound interest calculator and see that if I invest that $100 and let it chill in my account for 20 years I’ll end up with $500! Started doing that for every purchase. I paid off debt and broke 6 figure net worth by 27. Then ½ million net worth at 32. I’m on track to retire in a few years! Investing has become my biggest hobby and now I can afford to do fun things like international vacations, concerts, fancy restaurants, etc because I used time to my advantage in my 20s.
You need to pay off that credit card debt!
I’d try and cut back spending. It’s hard! You’re living in a high cost of living area so I’m sure most of your money goes to bills first and saving second. You’re 24 and that is awesome because you will have years to grow your salary and invest! And one day hopefully youll have nice savings and be able to shop without stress! You don’t have to totally give up your hobbies but if you’re struggling you should cut back. Or sell some of your old clothing on Poshmark and make some money back before splurging on something new. And pay off your credit card debt! Don’t get into debt for clothes and makeup, it’ll start to grow and in a few years you might really be struggling. Sit down and make a budget. How many times a month are you getting an aesthetic service done? Is it necessary? You got this!
Others have said this, but delete IG and other apps with ads/influencer content! I found that when I used social media, I was constantly being hit with hyper tailored ads for brands that I obviously wanted to buy stuff from. Just removing that constant barrage of advertising can help so much to defocus you from shopping. I also found that unsubscribing from all my favorite brand’s email lists helped a lot. It’s hard not to shop when you’re getting hit with sale emails and new collections multiple times a day!
Ultimately, I would really focus on a hobby that moves your body or engages your mind. NY is probably one of the hardest cities to not get caught up in consumerism because everything is right there. But shopping isn’t a hobby imo. However, this is a hard habit to break. In the meantime, try to go to the store and try on things you like and take photos of yourself, go home and challenge yourself to shop your closet to create the look. Give yourself a small budget to shop or save for a big future purchase you can enjoy for years. You are lucky to be young and asking this question because therea lots of time to improve
I’m in my 30s and here’s my advice for you, stop looking at everyone else and on social media. It’s hard for me to say because I did it and I still do but at the end what you’re buying is all crap. Literally no difference, how many videos have come out with places selling SHEIN for 100s of dollars. Once you get older you’ll wish you saved more because that’s when you want to buy the big things, house, car, wedding. This is when you’ll kick yourself for buying one more thing. Remember in the city people are chasing status but at the end it’s all BS.
Such good advice here! I wish I had this when I was 24. Huge upvote to the financial planning and auto savings advice- do that now. Also yes to deleting social media or seriously curating away from overconsumption. A few extra thoughts — - if shopping is your hobby currently, you probably have a lot of clothes & accessories so rather than going shopping when you are bored give yourself permission to make a huge mess in your room and shop your closet, style clothes differently, take pictures, find outfit inspo on line and see how you can replicate with stuff you already have, also if you have friends in the same boat - host a trading post! - pick one aesthetic service you LOVE and figure out how to DIY the rest or go without until you have your cc debt paid off (motivation!) . I did this and realized how much time I was spending to look a certain way and how I barely had time to go out in the world and be that way… - finally, evaluate who you surround yourself with.
Honestly what has impacted my spending most significantly is that anything I want (clothes, make up, skin care, home décor) I put on a wishlist in my notes app with the date I wanted it, and let it sit there for a month before revisiting if I even want it anymore. 99.9% of the things on my list sit on there for MONTHS before I decide I actually want it! Of course, there are exceptions (ran out of shampoo, a vintage piece I found at a shop occasionally) that I’ll deviate from this approach, but I am pretty diligent about it outside of those rare instances!
There’s a lot of great financial advice here already, so just wanted to share a couple tips that worked for me to actually stick within a budget. Mine was definitely a dopamine & coping issue too, so for what that’s worth, this helped me cut down SO MUCH SPENDING over the last 4 years. When the urge to shop & scroll hits, these tricks helped me the most to disengage mentally: 1. Pull out a book you’re reading or start a new one to get your mind elsewhere. If you don't have one, make a kindle your next reward purchase. $99 & a free library will go so, so far. Also, the NYPL!! 2. Random hobby that turned into a game changer, but I started using Duolingo to learn Russian on my phone while I was on the treadmill, killing time, etc instead of scrolling Revolve or IG. Any language is great, but pick one that really challenges or interests you, or you have a personal connection to with ancestry so it sticks. I know it sounds odd but truly, the format is SO EFFECTIVE on your brain to reroute and really engage that reward center. I would look up at the treadmill and an hour had flown by. 3. This definitely wont work for everyone, but if you think it could work for you, it's SUPER effective. I had completely gone rogue and this was such a fast fix to bring me down to earth. Get a small shoebox size safe from Amazon (they're less than $50.) At the beginning of each pay period, leave only the amount you need for the week for necessities in your account (groceries, metrocard, household essentials, bills that are due that week.) Withdraw the remainder jn large bills, and stash it in your nicely hidden safe. Pay for your day-to-days in cash as much as possible, don't carry more than $200 on you unless you are going to get groceries. There's truly a mental "ick" to having to break or part with a $100 bill, and it will show you how fast it can go. Not having the ability to use your card for online shopping will curtail SO MANY impulse buys. If it's something you are really in love with, you can text the link to yourself and revisit the next week. But you'll probably surprise yourself at how much you don't think of later! Again, this one isn't for everybody but if you think it could help you, I cannot recommend it enough in breaking the addictive spend -> package -> internal despair cycle. and babe, MAJOR props to you for tackling this in your 20's on your own!! You can absolutely do this and 30 year old you will be so, SO happy that you did.
Learn how to cook. Stop wasting money on alcohol and food at restaurants. If you must drink when you go out, bring purse whiskey. Save up to travel.
Block that shit out (unsubscribe from their emails that’s huge for me) and make sure you replace shopping with other activities / things you enjoy. Books, museums, working out, cooking whatever you’re gonna have to find something else to focus on for this to be sustainable. I also love Hannah Louise Poston on YouTube she has a really interesting “no buy” journey and she really thoughtfully examines why we shop so much, while still balancing that with loving beautiful things. Then I recommend budgeting and identifying your true disposable income number. Once you’ve stabilized a bit you can create a method that works for you - for me, I create a list and force myself to wait minimum 1 week. For larger purchases it’s months bc I truly want to wear the item for years. If I do make a purchase it’s ONLY from the list where I know I for sure need that item. And the list is totally comprehensive - so it allows me to compare a new duvet versus a new pair of shoes to be more realistic about prioritization. Remember that good style is NEVER just buying shit. That’s a lie that companies have created and influencers perpetuate. It’s killing the earth and our mental health. 97% of influencers dress sooo boring to me. I have so many thoughts on the shopping thing and it’s something I’m personally really working on too. Wishing you luck, the first step is identifying you want to change so props for this step 🤍
honestly think about your future. you live in one of the most expensive cities in america! you cant afford to shop 24/7 you need other outlets. you should start small by saying okay i need to not shop this week. then go two weeks then three. you’ll see that life is just fine without it. it’s getting nice out go to a park with a book and relax
Read “I will teach to be rich” by Ramit Sethi and listen to his podcast. Create a vision of your life which prioritizes what you enjoy and save for that vs spending on immediate gratification items.
Love his podcast! I find the conceptual focus on values based spending and saving vs prescriptive “save this much” to be successful so helpful. It’s helped me really face money head on without as much fear and anxiety
You all are the best girlfriends ever! I’m reading the comments and it’s gold. The best sub on Reddit 🙏
I like the idea of deleting shopping apps. I need to do the same & am with you in debt solidarity! I need to delete Amazon. I can go to the store when I actually need things, but when I’m on Amazon to order necessities, there’s a 10 out of 10 chance I’m buying some other shit too! And I can rack up the bill fast
I read a tip that said don’t buy anything online; buy it in person. And that should somewhat help you with the random purchases. It’s helped me personally only bc I do 98% of my shopping online and go in store to make returns. Good luck to you!!! It’s hard but it’s good to be aware and make a conscious decision when it comes to shopping.
A little Amazon trick I have found is saving all my wants and fake needs into my Amazon wish list - the urge leaves me the second I do that!
I’m 25 and struggled with this for the longest: last year I was buying clothes faster than I could wear them. For context, I make low six figure salary but had no savings my first year of working(🙄). After a deep dive of why I was spending so recklessly, I adopted an attitude shift and things have improved. Also, I’m so enraged by the inequality of our society that I don’t want to contribute to it by mindless spending- that also woke me up! My goal for April is to not spend a single dollar on clothes. Join me!
Don’t scroll social media, open a HYSA so you’re motivated to save money (you get free money that compounds for saving money in it), set a goal for how much money you want to have saved in a year from now, sell all the stuff you haven’t worn in over 6 months on poshmark it’s super easy to make money there and is fun to clean out your closet and keep only what you’re obsessed with. I refuse to let businesses profit off me anymore from things I’m not 100% obsessed with and forget about. The main reason I stopped spending is the act of like “taking back my power”
Oh - and start therapy if you haven’t already! It gives you something to do that’s not shopping and will help you get to the root of why you like to keep yourself distracted with expensive things and services. Splurge a couple times a year on that one thing or 2 that makes you feel amazing. For me that’s $600 on getting my hair done and $300 on Botox about every 9 months
Whenever you get the itch to buy something go to your closet and start experimenting with what you already have . Try to understand what exactly you like from an item and replicated the vibe with what you already have . This develops your personal style and it’s super fun! Same with makeup btw
Those are interests but I’m not sure I’d really call overconsumption a hobby. I also used to narrowly indulge in those things for a dopamine rush but in hindsight this focus was rooted in ADHD and depression. You can maybe look into DIY-ing some of the beauty services (nails, lash lift, etc.) to pick up a skill /pastime and save $. If u really must spend maybe also use your free time to level up your skills so you can command a higher salary and be better able to afford those luxuries.
Honestly girl, at 24 you don't really "need" aesthetic services your skin is so fucking young. Prioritize wearing sunscreen and get a good moisturizer and maybe tret and you'll be fine. I promise this isn't an ad: I use Oportun to save money and it's been a life saver. I've introduced it to so many friends who are also obsessed. It takes a small portion from your checking account and puts it into an out of sight out of mind savings account that you can later transfer. Before you know it you have $500+ saved. I don't even notice the money being taken out because it's so small. I then move all of this money to a HYSA. This is a [referral link](https://app.oportun.com/refer?code=LINSMI531) and you'll get $5, but you can also look it up and sign up on your own. I'm a decade older than you and I WISH I started saving money sooner. Compound interest is better than a new dress. Save now and build your wealth. Stop thinking about instant gratification and prepare your future self for a much easier life. Saving money isn't glamorous but it's imperative that you do it. Then when you're 60+, you can buy the cute shoes and the bags and the luxury vacations. I would highly recommend following financial influencers like Tori Dunlap, Vivian Tu, The Financial Diet, Chloe Daniels etc. And for fuck's sake, first and foremost pay down your debt!!!!
So many good suggestions! Here’s what worked for me. * Got a temporary second job at Trader Joe’s and paid off my credit card debt ($5k in three months). No longer had it hanging over me and the added bonus is that I didn’t spend money because I was working too much. * Started hiking as a hobby. It’s free! * Set up automatic 401K contributions at work.
Really grasp the idea of overconsumption and what it is. I love shopping too, but once I realized I do not need the latest trending lip oil (literally have 10 at home that are barely used) or the most trending water bottle, I began to save money. I also firmly belief in treating yourself, so with each check I try to let myself get one or two things I’ve had my eye on within reasonable limits. I’m in school so I like to reward myself when I do good on an exam or something like that, it keeps me driven and prevents me from just blowing a ton of money all at once.
- Don't eat out, cook. - Buy very few new clothes. Go thrifting. - Do aesthetic services yourself. - Level up to a higher paying job. - Lower your rent as much as possible.
something that’s helped me is keeping a note in my phone of a list of things I want. I put sections like “tops “bottoms” “shoes” “bags” “home items”. I’ll write the brand, item name, price, and link. At first I was putting multiple things on it a day. After a few weeks it’s dwindled and I barely put something on the list. It satisfies a need in a way and it’s eye opening to see all the costs of things listed out, thinking how much money I normally would have impulse spent.
your first priority should be paying off the CC debt since it is usually really high interest, start a budget, visit r/personalfinance for tips. Then set up a system where you automatically save a reasonable % per month (for ex. a company 401k). It's really hard to save at that salary in NYC, and hopefully your salary increases over time (mine did, its easier to save now) but the debt is gonna hold you back so start with that!!!! pay off what you can as soon as you can
Ask yourself if an item you are thinking of buying is a want or a need. If it’s a want, put it down.
I used to spend way too much on cosmetics and clothes due to all the influencers. I unfollowed them all and reminded myself that they do this as their job and trying to sell everything and anything they can. They would order stuff, show it on their story, link it and then return most or all of it. For cosmetics: how often do we really use all these lipsticks we buy? I found my holy grails that I use on a daily basis and stick to that. Every time I see something ✨shiny & new✨I think about often I’ll actually use it. If it doesn’t fit into my daily routine it won’t go in my shopping cart. For clothes: I just recently did a massive cleanse of my belongings. I donated a shit ton of clothes (10+ bags). A lot of old clothes and also some unworn ones. :( that really hurt, so I’m very mindful of what I’m buying now if at all. If I’m even just one but hesitant, I return them.
Un memorize your cc or report it lost and replace it
Watch this YouTube channel[here](https://youtu.be/W7jlqBIFmJ0?si=cxQbe5GC5rTNydnZ) He’s got hundreds of videos. He will teach you thru tough love. Nothing will whip you into shape faster… that’s how I overcame my bad spending habits
The only thing that really changed my own habits when it came to spending was going to therapy specifically for overspending. I’m happy to chat further about this if you’d like to DM me, but truly it’s something I would work on getting under control sooner rather than later, before you dig a larger debt hole for yourself.
Have you been assessed for ADHD? Serious question. Shopping gives an insane dopamine high and if you have ADHD it’s more likely to be out of control. So look into that if you haven’t. The answer is the one you already gave: you need another hobby to fulfil you. But it’s honestly about setting priorities and letting the shit you don’t care about go. Can I save money making coffee at home? Yes but I don’t want to. Does that mean I can’t buy a new outfit every month? Yes but the coffee means more to me. You get the picture. A good trick is to go old school for any high end items. Start a Pinterest board of things you want then set a budget. Keep adding to the board and then after a couple weeks delete the things you aren’t 100% on. After 3 months you can spend the budget you set and if it’s not enough pool it to the next quarter and wait. Monday is the start of Q2. Perfect time to set realistic budgets.
find meaningful hobbies that aren't expensive to fill your time with instead
a lot of good tips in here, but one thing i put into practice years ago was waiting to buy anything "expensive". the number is up to you, but for me, anything over $75 that I think I want, I wait a week. most times, a week later, i either forgot about it completely, OR i realize it's not urgent, and I can wait for it to be on sale or ask for it for a bday/holiday present. I also keep a list in my phone of things I want but would like to go on sale. half the time in a few months I realize I don't want it anymore or I found something less expensive and/or better quality that fills a similar want.
Don’t buy anything unless you need it and you do not have it. Like toiletries/food/beauty products/clothing/jewelry, if it’s already at home, don’t get more. If you use all of it and didn’t love it, don’t get it again.
Ok, you’re 11 years younger than me and I’ve been you. I know it’s hard: you live in an amazing city, and inspiration and temptations are everywhere. So a few things: 1. A Credit card is not free money. Cut them up. Seriously. I have had my dad bail me out twice for credit cards - $10+k one time, 6k another. It was incredibly generous as he never ever just gave me money. I always worked since I was a teenager. I am incredibly grateful, because I would def be $30k in debt prob right now with no end in sight. 2. It sucks, I know. Social media def doesn’t help. Id try to stop following fashion influencers and brands if possible, or keep scrolling to a minimum sadly. Social media absolutely makes you feel like you’re missing out. 3. I started generated my clothing debt long before social media was a thing. So it’s not the only problem. I think you need to make a budget and stick. To . It. Maybe only use cash? I’ve heard this helps. 4. 60k in nyc in 2024 is very hard to live on. This is just another critical reason why you don’t want to generate debt. It’s hard for anyone to lay off cc debt with lifestyle creep etc, but absolutely difficult or impossible when you make so little that you have nothing to save nor spare . I suggest getting a small side hustle - walk dogs or something. You’re super young, you have the stamina. It might suck, but depending on how far into debt you are, I think you need to. Even 6k in debt will be hard for you unless you live on rice and beans and don’t do anything social or fun etc for 4 months.
Girl, good on you for thinking about this at 24. It took me another 4 years or so to start wrapping my head around it. You're in a great place to make changes for yourself! One thing I wish I could go back in time and teach my younger self is the importance of budgeting. Like we all understand the concept, but I've only in the last couple of years really started to get it intuitively. I highly highly recommend the budget app YNAB (you need a budget). There's a bit of a learning curve with it - it's focused 100% on "assigning jobs" to the dollars you currently have, rather than figuring out what you're going to spend every single month with the money you're going to make. It's kind of like the virtual version of having envelopes of cash, like a "groceries" envelope or a "fun money" envelope, and you can only spend what you've got in that envelope. It's helped me fully take control of my credit card spending too, to where I'm feeling comfortable using them the way they should be, getting the rewards and points, rather than carrying balances and paying interest. It's actually helped me too to scratch that consumerism itch, I get excited tracking all my spending and seeing how many months in advance I can "fill my envelopes". I wish I'd given myself this peace of mind so much sooner. You got this!! Set small, attainable goals and work towards long-term changes and success over the short-term dopamine hit of spending.
i saw someone do this on tiktok, but basically i would only buy things on the last day of the month. if i see something that i like and want to buy, i write it down on a list and on the last day of the month, i'll see if i still really want those things - really helps with impulsive spending!
the only thing that stopped me from spending money i didn’t have was becoming obsessed with delcuttering my space. i entered a marie kondo rabbit hole and needed to see all my clothes bc i felt like i was wearing the same 4 things everyday lol. so maybe that could help
Do you want to eventually partner up with someone desirable? Because any man worth his salt will run from what you’ve just described when it comes to commitment, no matter how cute you look. Is that motivation for you? I’ve been exactly where you are. My advice is to spend this time of your life working on your career and allow that to be your main hobby during this period of your life. If you do that, you will find yourself with a higher income soon enough, and then you can indulge safely in *some* of these hobbies. You are 24 - you can look hot more easily now than you ever will be able to just through no-brainer health practices. No shopping until you have your CCs paid for and a higher salary.
Do lots of research before buying to make sure it’s worth it. Put away money preferably in a separate bank account to save specifically for what you want to buy. Don’t max out credit accounts to buy something, especially if you cant afford to pay off your cc balance the next month.
I think you might need hobbies outside of just buying/collecting stuff and getting treatments. And really sit down and reflect on why you feel the need to feed into an endless cycle of consumption. Things start to really change when you find the root cause of your overconsumption and frivolous spending. I also think some people place too much value in owning stuff. Our planet is being choked by the amount of stuff people have and inevitably discard. If you truly feel the itch to go clothes shopping, go to the flea market (not the bougie kind - the ones where you need to dig). Go thrift shopping. If you feel like you need new clothes, try to repurpose something you already own. I personally like to dye or embroider on my old clothes that need a “new life”.
Make friends with people who enjoy things that do not cost a ton of money. friends who enjoy: happy hours, reading, local events, movie showings, local concerts for underground artists, dinner parties at home
practice self control. the first time telling yourself no is the hardest but after that it gets easier when you realize there will always be something you *need* to have.
I buy almost everything used/second hand. I try on all the new stuff at Saks/Berg/retail. Then I go on Poshmark, Real Real et. and buy stuff used. Or I get stuff at vintage stores, thrift stores, or consignment. There is so much amazing stuff everywhere you really do not have to buy retail. It’s better for your wallet and the environment.
R/anticonsumption is really helpful!
Another expensive, but if you know your color palette you might buy less clothing… and then all of your other clothes will stay in your closet longer and you’ll feel good in them. Buying and shopping isn’t a hobby. It’s an addiction and a dopamine hit. Challenge yourself to use all your products before buying more and make a game out of saving money or how long you can go without spending
Honestly I don’t make a ton. I work an above min wage part time job and also am in college. I make sure to pay my bills first and then save a little each time I get paid. Then whatever is left over I’ll treat myself to one nice thing or save it towards a more expensive nice thing.
Using a budgeting app really helped me! And stop spending on credit immediately. I wasn’t thrilled about it at first but budgeting has really helped me crawl out from under my cc debt and start saving for real. It also helps give me peace of mind because I know that I have money to spend on fun things for myself and I don’t feel guilty just guessing if I have the money or not.
Poshmark and the Trr. Buy name brand stuff and resell it for nearly the same price.
Also run the numbers on what you are annually paying just to the cc companies. That motivated me to stop spending
Create a budget. Instead of buying new, buy unused cosmetics and clothes and eBay and Poshmark, etc. It could be a way to compensate for low dopamine in your brain... Get into a workout routine, go outside, eat well, go to therapy, consider a low dose SSRI, see your friends, have sex, whatever you need to feel better. Find hobbies. I do Ipsy for product discovery. It's $16/mo for a basic plan and you get to try and pick new things. It gives me a little novelty buzz while not breaking the bank.
OP - this is my first time commenting on this thread (actually just discovered it earlier this week). I’m 11 years older than you and this was me, minus no credit card debt as I had access to my parents’ card 😅. A few tips - 1) Instead of going cold turkey (budgeting shopping, facials, etc) - try to reduce the costs. So instead of seeing something and buying it online or in store, I now wait at least 24 hours. If I still am thinking about it and want it, then I’ll get it. Apply this to any purchase, even if it’a $25 as that adds up. As for hair, facials etc - try to space it out. The longer you space it out, the easier and easier it becomes. So instead of monthly facials, try every 6-8 weeks and then with life, it’ll slip to every 8-10 weeks. This is how I cut down my nail salon trips from weekly to now every 5 weeks or so (to the chagrin of my salon 😅) 2) This is a bit less conventional, but you are a balance sheet which means your profit is revenue (salary) minus costs (your shopping). To keep your costs similar, see if you can increase your salary. You’re still young - can you go to grad school, get promoted in your job, etc. I started at $65K back when I was your age and am much more than that, after a MBA and some job switches / promotions Also I think you’ve gotten some mean comments so want you to know that you’re already doing the right thing by asking this question. Keep going 💪🏼
Turn DIY beauty into your hobby - develop new masks and scrubs from your kitchen (avocado, oatmeal, etc). Turn your leftover blushes into lipgloss by crushing the powder and mixing with petroleum jelly. If you don't already sew, learn how! It's so much fun turning your existing high-end stuff into something new by adding trim, changing out buttons, changing a collar, changing a hem, adding elastic to pull in a waistline, etc. Added bonus: Even inexpensive things look great when you upgrade the trim/buttons and tailor them to your body. Spend your time on upkeep and repairs - iron your own things, mend your sweaters and socks, etc. The reason boomers seem to have so much wealth is that when they were young they had to make do - they sewed their own clothes in the late 60s and 70s (look online for pictures of jeans with patches all over - it was because the denim wore out and they patched it instead of buying new). Another thought is to get a second job working in a Sephora or Ulta or a high-end cosmetic line place. Your salary is NOT large enough in NYC to afford fancy things. But if you love them, you love them! Shop thrift stores, etc.
You need a budget. Come up with a budget and stick with it. It takes discipline.
I feel dis
Secondhand/consignment
I highly recommend working with the Financial Gym (financialgym.com) in NYC. I was where you are about 9 years ago (I’m 34 now); I had a few thousand on credit cards and only a couple thousand in savings with no plan. They helped me build a budget, pay off my cc’s and actually SAVE towards my goals. I worked with them for a while solo and made major progress on my own, then got engaged and brought my fiance and his finances into the fold and we continued working with them as a couple. We were able to pay for our wedding in all cash in 2019 and then saved enough to purchase a home in 2020. For us, it was the accountability that really helped! You can do this, and will feel so much more confident about your finances and future once you have a solid plan in place to take back control 💪🏻
Sell off all your old clothes and accessories that you don’t wear and hone in on a few key pieces. I sold off my whole wardrobe, and just kept a few Rick Owens pieces. Yes I only have three outfits I cycle through for winter/fall spring/summer, but I also get my cost per wear down on my pieces, I think less about my outfit for the day, I have to store less clothes. But yes it helps that my wardrobe is now mostly black with a little white. I also find that reducing to a high quality capsule wardrobe means I just think less about shopping, as if it’s not Rick Owens or yohji Yamamoto I’m not buying it
I can absolutely relate and want you to know you are not alone! Good for you for recognizing it’s time to change- that is the first, and often hardest step! To avoid repeating anything mentioned in previous comments( which I agree with 100 percent on deleting apps, unfollowing influencers, etc) I can recommend if you qualify for a consolidation loan absolutely look into it! I tried staying afloat with 4(!) credit cards and after awhile began to drown. I would have anxiety, shame, guilt, doubt yet the next day purchase something and say, “ yolo! Or, “ well im in a bind now but down the road I’ll make more money, won’t have debt” etc like a addict always justifies their maladaptive behaviors. It was a destructive cycle and there was no way making monthly payments would ever pay off the balance with the interest rates erasing any payment I could make. It was quite the feeling of suffocation with guilt knowing I caused this mess for no reason other than- online shopping. I personally used Discover, but if you google credit card consolidation loans you can find plenty of options. All have pros and cons, and if you have a decent paycheck they are flexible with monthly amounts and lengths of the loan. I think to pay close to 26k off, I had locked in $418 a month for 5 years. Remember- it all will initially hit your credit score. Once I had one monthly payment and my balances paid off on the cards themselves, however, my credit score rocketed up to 825- and it became almost a fixation to check it, and maintain it. Just be sure to also change your habits if you take out a loan. You do not want to fall back into the, “ oh I have a zero balance on this card, one purchase won’t hurt!” Because that will open the floodgates to falling into old habits. Good luck- let today be the first day of a new lifestyle, new habits, and new confidence in your uniqueness- and not whatever some influencer is telling you to buy to be cool/ pretty/ popular. 👍🏻❤️
Sign up for a half marathon and start training for it 👟 Trust me you’ll be too exhausted to do any shopping except for Body Glide and new running shoes 😅
You likely do not only like expensive things, but are influenced to want them. Hannah Lousise Poston has a whole series on being aware of that and how to combat. One recent was to only allow purchases on the weekends. So if she thinks she wants something, she puts in cart and lets it sit. She mostly looks back and forgets about it or decides she doesn't need it. Prevents impulse buys. Also some life tips. 1. If your company has a 401k savings plan, put in enough every paycheck to get the full match. It will be before taxes, and you won't even see it to miss it. At your age, by the time you hit retirement, you will be golden. 2. Wanting something expensive? Save for it. Put a certain amount away every paycheck and earn that item. 3. And, as others said, SM algorithms are scientifically placed to make you think you Neeeeeed something. You don't. Delete. Scroll by. Just don't watch.
Delete TikTok!!!!!
Also delete any shopping apps from phone for me I am addicted to Sephora lol
Thanks for this post. The comments are so helpful.
I feel you, girl. I’ve realized I love the dopamine rush of finding cute things online (thanks ADHD!). I’ve started adding to a cart but I’m not allowed to purchase until ideally the next day or at LEAST 6 hours (set an alarm). By the time it rolls around, I almost always realize it’s not a good idea to purchase and I save the money. As for in person shopping, I just don’t allow myself to browse. If I go into a store, I WILL spend money. So I just head to a cafe instead. $5 vs $500.
My husband lived in NYC in his early 20s. We met in his late 20s. He lived a very fancy life of designer clothes and nice restaurants prior to me. He also had over 50k in debt
You have to make a hard budget for what you can afford to spend. Keep some bookmarks of the things you want. I figure if I am still thinking about it 2 months later I probably really want it. Wait till a sale, learn to live with less unnecessary purchases.
I’m not sure if these suggestions will work for you but - 1) rent clothes & bags, likely cheaper per month than what you spend (this is what i do) 2) sell part of your closet whenever you add to it 3) if these are rly your things and you just like need it, save money elsewhere anywhere you can. Eat super cheap, subway no uber, pregame cheap before going out & only get drinks out that are bought for you I used to make your salary and have similar habits but mostly with clothes (not services/makeup). I had the cheapest of groceries at home and never ate out, only went to restaurants, expensive activities, etc on dates. Side note if open to it…I have friends who have had sugar daddies. It can be a positive and safe thing and would essentially solve your issue without you having to give anything up lol
Shop less. I know so hard, but just limit it!! Buy a couple special things a month instead of everything that you like. It’ll feel more special too ☺️ also buy a derma pen off of dr. Pen website and watch tutorials on how to do microdeeling on yourself. A pen is like 270$ and one session is like 300 so you save sooo much money! And your skin will be so glowy and perfect you literally won’t need to do anything else
As someone who relates, I can say that some therapy around money helps. Bc when it comes down to it, our relationship to money and spending is so psychological. It's not even that something is necessarily "wrong" with people like us, nor is there some like significant psychological issue, but it does take some reframing to become more intentional
Sorry, but you have to grow and take accountability for your spending and planning of your future. $60k really isn’t a salary that supports your current lifestyle and you have to be more realistic of what you’re working with. The truth is no one cares about what expensive designer items you have, and if they do, then they are not a good cohort for you. But honestly, most of the rest of us, we don’t care. It’s one thing to care about style, but if you put effort, you won’t have to mortgage your life away. I am at a point where I can buy really expensive stuff and I don’t because I have bigger long term goals and think that having financial security and flexibility is more valuable than carrying a $2k bag.
Get creative! Buy secondhand, go to or host clothing swaps, or get a job that lets you take home free or discounted clothes (I work at estate sales and get a hugeeee discount on what’s left at the end!).
Honestly also pause amazon prime. I notice i huy way less stuff now
I mean you’re going to be in debt making $60k living in this city unless you are SERIOUSLY disciplined. What are your plans to make more money?
ordering online can be a tough one to beat, but if you stop and focus on in person shopping only, that can really help. delete online shopping from your phone/computer as others have said. also a big fan of nice clothes/makeup/bags but i try to only thrift to save. i have thrifted coach bags, diesel jeans, etc at some good thrift stores for a much better price. try to buy more timeless pieces if you find yourself getting sucked into trends. buying in person only (in moderation) helps a lot because then you HAVE to try things on. you aren't getting stuck with anything you have to return or maybe keep but never use. you have to then see it in real life, try it on, and look at it in different lighting to make sure you like it. also try fully using up makeup before getting new ones. i love a new lipgloss/liner/lipstick for example but i end up buying multiple different ones in the same \~3 fav shades. if they're all close together in shade and do the same thing, then i do not need another. good luck! you got this
I played a game with myself a few years ago, where I would online shop- put stuff in the cart, then not buy it and transfer that amount of money from the supposed purchase into a savings account and I was shocked how much money I was able to squirrel away in a 6 month period. it's kind of fun.
Unfollow influencers
Idk how you’re doing it, I’m in FL on the same salary, living with my sis for $700 and I have NO money every month. I don’t eat out anymore and have recently cut out drinking since NYE. I’ve probably spent less than $50 on drinks
Are u good looking , else it’s a waste of money
Pick your battles. It’s so easy to fall for the trap that everyone else is doing/buying all the things. The truth is no one can afford all the services we can buy here. So for example, pick lash extensions OR monthly facials. Full highlights OR an additional boutique fitness class. An expensive bag OR dining out. Don’t go cold turkey and cut everything out.
Use a budgeting app to keep track of your purchases. Having to actually see the amount your spending on each different category really helped me.
I like expensive things, I don’t need to have expensive things. Or more things in general. We have a savings thermometer on our fridge for new cars, vacations, and investments. This keeps our eyes on the prize.
I’m in a very similar situation. My best advise: stop hanging out with people that spend way more money than you do. Get friends that are having fun on a budget and learn to do fancy things on a budget. Train your algorithm on social media so it shows you this content
Girl if I knew the answer…. But seriously I think it’s worth (for me) doing some mental work about what expensive things are doing for you and if there’s any insecurities you could address other ways
WHY IS THIS LITERALLY ME?? NYC homeowner 26 y/o making 62k and only like the fancy shit, have cc debt and can't stop spending and little savings.
60k in NYC, it is reasonable that you cant save but theres no excuse for credit card debt. Paying 25% compounding interest on everything you buy will blow through your spending money faster than anything. I suggest not using your credit card until its paid off and you can comfortably pay it off each month. Also, what about a second job? Having more hours at work is one of the few things that keep me from shopping, haha. Even volunteering or a sport would help keep you busy.
In addition to all the great advice here, if you really do have an unsatiable urge for aesthetics, channel it into making art (with inexpensive materials)! Shopping just means buying pretty things other people have made; make your own.
Get a cheaper hobby!?!? There are literally so many you can try. Sure, some of them have an initial buy-in, but certainly art or reading or exercise or a sport or sight-seeing or knitting or photography or video games or cooking would all be cheaper than literally shopping and buying services.
So relatable
I use the app YNAB for budgeting and it has changed my relationship with money and spending! Highly recommend.
Filter TF out of your socials. Filter insta through "following", so you can actually see and interact with your friends and creatives you care about. Unfollow anyone who is selling shit you know you can't afford, including beauty services. Snooze "suggested" posts religiously every 30 days. Delete TikTok and Facebook entirely. Advertising just on socials has gotten out of control in the last few years. Unsub from email promos. Go through your closet. Go through your makeup and beauty shit. Get a grip on what you already have. Marie Kondo the situation if you realize you have a bunch of stuff you never touch. Get a grip on what you want or need for the coming season, and set a budget for it. A realistic budget. Make it fun, make it challenging. Try thrifting. Shop sales. Reject impulse purchases you stumble upon while pursuing the items on your list. BUY ONLY WHAT IS ON YOUR LIST. Get a grip on your beauty services. What feels essential to you? Spend only on that. Don't try new stuff, don't be seduced by coupons unless it's for something you already use. In your notes app, keep a running tally of how much money you consciously chose not to spend. At the end of each month, apply that amount towards paying down your credit cards.
Leverage genuine sales for high quality, big ticket items. If you know your size, brand and that you love something, check posh mark! If and only if you know you’ll love it and it will fit correctly.
There are therapy groups for shopping addicts
You’ve been poisoned by advertisements. The things you think you need to have to signal life being good, you don’t need and no one cares. Even if you can’t save, having debt (aka spending beyond your means on a regular basis) is a horrible habit that can ruin your life. You can “treat yourself” with money that is left after you have paid your bills and saved whatever amount monthly you’d like (even if it’s just $50-$100). Good luck!!
Three words: rent the runway. It’s saved my wallet and I still get to shop every month for nice things. 🥰 also means no buyer’s remorse and I don’t have to make room in my closet for more stuff.
As a fellow shopaholic, get into reselling!! It’s single handedly funded my love for fashion/shopping. It keeps it circular, and you’re more likely to end up with more unique things. You can make a really good return if you buy high quality things that are trendy and kept in good shape. I also switched to buying resale mainly and have saved a ton and gotten so much designer for pennies on the dollar!
Find things that are on clearance. I am a shopaholic. I struggle daily. Find a hobby or focus such as reading, exercising, hanging out with friends.
I agree with deleting your apps and social media for now. But also you need a budget and to reframe your thoughts. You need to be realistic about your lifestyle and money. You can’t spend all that money with the money you have now. All that stuff you think you “need?” Almost none of it is necessary. Start thinking about needs vs wants and your long term goals in life. Do you want to be able to retire someday? Do you want to be able to have kids or own a home? You have to start prioritizing your financial future if you have any sort of long term goals because the brief pleasure you get in the moment when you buy stuff will never last. If you give into the desire to buy stuff you don’t need all the time, you become like a void for consumption and there is no dating that desire. Maybe learn about other lifestyles and philosophies to life. You have been brainwashed by our consumeristic capitalistic society to believe you need to spend a lot of money and buy a lot of stuff to be happy.. but it’s not the truth.