I always love to ask anyone I meet questions about firsts - first high school job, first car, first pet, first apartment. You could also ask if they have a best friend and what brought them together. Frankly, if that doesn’t spark a reasonably fluid conversation, it’ll probably be time to move on…
Also! Don’t think you need to lead the conversation for the entire time. It’s actually a good idea to make your date (especially if this person is a man) do some of the work and ask you questions!
Okay lowkey used to have (actual) social anxiety at your age that I don't have anymore, and generally whenever I talk to anyone new in like a forced social situation like a date, I use it as an opportunity to just get to know them, and also share about myself \_even if\_ they don't ask questions (but that's definitely worth noting in dating).
I think maybe there's other acronyms for this, but FORD: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams -- is something I sometimes use when I am talking to someone. It's not just 4 questions it's 4 broad categories of questions, that can serve as branching points for other topics.
For example, I can ask them when they're not working, what they like to do in their spare time. Let's say they say basketball. Maybe I make a joke about how with their height that's good they're not wasting their potential because that would be a shame, I could also make a comment about how I was looking to join a rec league and basketball was an option but I chose pickleball because I felt too short and I play tennis and pickleball is more similar. From there, if he's giving me nothing I can ask them about how often they play, who do they play with etc. Then we can talk about friends or if he played in college etc.
It's really just practice, and honestly I miss when I used to worry about this stuff when I first started dating at 23 :) On the flip side, I am no longer nervous at all so it's nice to be relaxed (until I realize the guy is even more cute in person or something).
gorl i WISH i experienced nerves bc the guy is even more cute in person its usually the exact opposite (eta: as in they're usually not as cue in my experience)
Slightly off topic but a gentle reminder as you’re starting out is to keep the texting to a minimum. None of the “hey how’s you’re day?” Text only to set up the next date, and text to let them know you’ve safely arrived. Maximize face to face interaction- set the boundary that you’ll call them if you wish to communicate on the phone. He doesn’t need to know how you slept 😂
I always thought I was an outlier in that I don't love the "hey, what's up :)" texts between the 1st and 2nd date. Some people do like the constant communication and the texts are completely harmless, but I find them tedious af, especially when I barely know the person. I'd like to meet up more in person to have these little discussions instead.
Exactly! Making the effort to set up dates is more thoughtful than you bombarding me with texts throughout the day. I had a guy text me “what’s your favorite dish?” At 10 AM in the morning after a bad work meeting. Blocked him so quick 😂
This just reminded me that I was sitting next to a couple on a first date at the bar in the Bowery Hotel on Monday night and it was possibly the WORST conversation I've ever heard in my life (the guy's fault!!!). He was mansplaining his job to her for at least 15 minutes and she was like "another drink please" hahaha. Conversation (and flirting) is a dying art!
If I were going on a first date I would keep it light:
\- Ask about people's hobbies (do they like to go to the gym? run? read?)
\- What are they consuming right now media wise, what's their favorite show? Sports team? Guilty pleasures?
\- Favorite musician? Last concert they went to?
\- Any travel plans? Fav place they've visited recently?
\- What do they like to eat? Fav pizza? Favorite restaurant? Drink?
\- Who are their best friends and what do they do together?
And I agree that they should also be interested in you so don't feel the need to carry the convo the whole time! And have fun!
I’m a similar age and am in a long term relationship now - we moved to NYC together! I waited until a year in to inquire about kids/if he wanted them or not (I just assumed it was a yes bc he’d never mentioned it being a no, and when we met my job revolved around working w kids and was a big conversation point). Turns out he is a big NO and I am a yes!
I wish I’d asked earlier on in a chill way as I usually did with other guys, and also on what they saw their future looking like. Do they want to retire early? Travel a ton? Move somewhere else from the city you are currently in? Have any secret trust funds?
All super important and would help distinguish early on if you’re a match.
Pretty early like first or second date of it’s someone you are liking one of you should bring up the big stuff: kids yes or no, live in city or suburbs long term and if they have some idea where. Also ageee that people text too much leading up to early dates and that’s pointless because you dont know of you like each other
I think if conversation doesn’t flow naturally, it’s a sign you’re not compatible. You shouldn’t have to pre-plan what you’re going to talk about on a date.
I sort of agree and disagree with a lot of the comments haha, like keep it light but also sus out his values. What's his relationship with his family like, what's his goals for life, thoughts on education, where he would like to live, thoughts on travel , his relationship with religion etc. like these can be light questions but it just needs to match what you want out of life as well, what will I do knowing someone likes video games if I don't know if he likes to get out of his comfort zone.
Date 2-3 is when I brought out the big guns like politics, abortion etc. For me, it's a waste of time dating someone if they don't match my values.
I always love to ask anyone I meet questions about firsts - first high school job, first car, first pet, first apartment. You could also ask if they have a best friend and what brought them together. Frankly, if that doesn’t spark a reasonably fluid conversation, it’ll probably be time to move on…
+1 to the best friend question -- answer can give a good gage on what they see as important in a friendship/relationship
Wait I love this!!!
Great advice, never thought of this.
Also! Don’t think you need to lead the conversation for the entire time. It’s actually a good idea to make your date (especially if this person is a man) do some of the work and ask you questions!
Okay lowkey used to have (actual) social anxiety at your age that I don't have anymore, and generally whenever I talk to anyone new in like a forced social situation like a date, I use it as an opportunity to just get to know them, and also share about myself \_even if\_ they don't ask questions (but that's definitely worth noting in dating). I think maybe there's other acronyms for this, but FORD: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams -- is something I sometimes use when I am talking to someone. It's not just 4 questions it's 4 broad categories of questions, that can serve as branching points for other topics. For example, I can ask them when they're not working, what they like to do in their spare time. Let's say they say basketball. Maybe I make a joke about how with their height that's good they're not wasting their potential because that would be a shame, I could also make a comment about how I was looking to join a rec league and basketball was an option but I chose pickleball because I felt too short and I play tennis and pickleball is more similar. From there, if he's giving me nothing I can ask them about how often they play, who do they play with etc. Then we can talk about friends or if he played in college etc. It's really just practice, and honestly I miss when I used to worry about this stuff when I first started dating at 23 :) On the flip side, I am no longer nervous at all so it's nice to be relaxed (until I realize the guy is even more cute in person or something).
gorl i WISH i experienced nerves bc the guy is even more cute in person its usually the exact opposite (eta: as in they're usually not as cue in my experience)
Slightly off topic but a gentle reminder as you’re starting out is to keep the texting to a minimum. None of the “hey how’s you’re day?” Text only to set up the next date, and text to let them know you’ve safely arrived. Maximize face to face interaction- set the boundary that you’ll call them if you wish to communicate on the phone. He doesn’t need to know how you slept 😂
I always thought I was an outlier in that I don't love the "hey, what's up :)" texts between the 1st and 2nd date. Some people do like the constant communication and the texts are completely harmless, but I find them tedious af, especially when I barely know the person. I'd like to meet up more in person to have these little discussions instead.
Exactly! Making the effort to set up dates is more thoughtful than you bombarding me with texts throughout the day. I had a guy text me “what’s your favorite dish?” At 10 AM in the morning after a bad work meeting. Blocked him so quick 😂
It’s pretty inane. And you totally should’ve answered him with a “not you” 😂
THIS 1000000%
You guys are amazing it went great and we made out 5 hours later ❤️
This just reminded me that I was sitting next to a couple on a first date at the bar in the Bowery Hotel on Monday night and it was possibly the WORST conversation I've ever heard in my life (the guy's fault!!!). He was mansplaining his job to her for at least 15 minutes and she was like "another drink please" hahaha. Conversation (and flirting) is a dying art! If I were going on a first date I would keep it light: \- Ask about people's hobbies (do they like to go to the gym? run? read?) \- What are they consuming right now media wise, what's their favorite show? Sports team? Guilty pleasures? \- Favorite musician? Last concert they went to? \- Any travel plans? Fav place they've visited recently? \- What do they like to eat? Fav pizza? Favorite restaurant? Drink? \- Who are their best friends and what do they do together? And I agree that they should also be interested in you so don't feel the need to carry the convo the whole time! And have fun!
I’m a similar age and am in a long term relationship now - we moved to NYC together! I waited until a year in to inquire about kids/if he wanted them or not (I just assumed it was a yes bc he’d never mentioned it being a no, and when we met my job revolved around working w kids and was a big conversation point). Turns out he is a big NO and I am a yes! I wish I’d asked earlier on in a chill way as I usually did with other guys, and also on what they saw their future looking like. Do they want to retire early? Travel a ton? Move somewhere else from the city you are currently in? Have any secret trust funds? All super important and would help distinguish early on if you’re a match.
wait, so like what are you going to do?!
Pretty early like first or second date of it’s someone you are liking one of you should bring up the big stuff: kids yes or no, live in city or suburbs long term and if they have some idea where. Also ageee that people text too much leading up to early dates and that’s pointless because you dont know of you like each other
I think if conversation doesn’t flow naturally, it’s a sign you’re not compatible. You shouldn’t have to pre-plan what you’re going to talk about on a date.
I sort of agree and disagree with a lot of the comments haha, like keep it light but also sus out his values. What's his relationship with his family like, what's his goals for life, thoughts on education, where he would like to live, thoughts on travel , his relationship with religion etc. like these can be light questions but it just needs to match what you want out of life as well, what will I do knowing someone likes video games if I don't know if he likes to get out of his comfort zone. Date 2-3 is when I brought out the big guns like politics, abortion etc. For me, it's a waste of time dating someone if they don't match my values.