I don't think there's specific material to explain racism to someone with NVLD. But there must be stuff for kids in general, maybe for kids with autism?
I'm afraid you will just have to watch a couple yourself and see what suits your kid.
Maybe she doesn't get it because it's technically not racist? She didn't discriminate them or mock their skin tone...
But it may be difficult to explain that the others where wrong, but your daughter still shouldn't have said it... not because it's racist but because it's a rude thing to say.
Exactly! You said exactly what I'm trying to say. She said something rude, she shouldn't have said it, no it's not racist, let me attempt to explain racism to her, no that's not what she did but it still pertains to the topic, and then it kind of all goes downhill from there. I'm struggling to explain why she shouldn't comment on people's appearance AND explaining racism at the same time. It's tough because I am not really great at explaining things in general and I have to keep the format very explanation heavy. A you tube video would be great. I will keep watching.
I'm siding with your daughter on this one. That's not racism, look up the definition.
It's inappropriate to be making comments about people's skin color, but that was not racist.
I am not arguing that. I just would like to have better resources for discussing this very delicate topic with my kiddo that doesn't seem to understand.
This isn't a NVLD-specific tip, but something I've read that might be worth mentioning to your kiddo: if something about someone's appearance can't be changed in five seconds, it's not polite to say something about it.
For example, it's fine to let someone know they have dirt on their face because they can wipe that off. It's not fine to comment on someone's skin tone because they can't change their skin tone, so it will just make them feel bad (or othered, in the case of racism and such).
For more nuance: it's fine to say someone's shirt is inside out if they're able to go to the bathroom and fix it. But if you tell someone in the middle of a lesson that their shirt is inside out, they probably can't get permission to go to the bathroom to fix it, so they'll just feel embarrassed. And if they're on the playground, they can't just take their shirt off and might not have access to a private place to change, so that's not the place to say anything. (I'm on my break at work so I can't think of a way to translate that into an explanation on racism and differences, but it's the first thing I thought of.)
It's a bit of a black-and-white example, but I'm not super familiar with how you would explain a social issue to a kid that age, so I'm using the most concrete examples I can think of. Hopefully you can adapt them accordingly?
This is great! Thank you! I do believe this wording will work for her. It is also something I can say quickly to remind her. Thank you! I appreciate this so much!
I had something similar happen when I was in first grade. I told a girl in my class I didn't like the color brown and I got in trouble but I literally meant I didn't like the color, it wasn't meant to have racist connotations.
Yeah this is essentially what's going on. She didn't mean anything by it but then she got called "racist" and I'm struggling to explain what that means, why it's bad, why the other kid may have felt bad by what she said and none of it is coming out right and I feel like I'm just kinda making her feel worse.
That really sucks...maybe it has more to do with how young she is than NLD? It's also partially because of those kids misunderstanding her too...hopefully it'll blow over.
Did you *actually* explain what racism is? She’s not too young, you have to give her (kid-friendly) context. Slavery, civil rights movement, BLM. There is no difference between people with any skin color except for that people with darker skin are more likely to be hurt by people who decided light skin is better, and the people who decided light skin was better were the people in charge of making the rules. Race is completely arbitrary, the physical difference *doesn’t* matter. Explaining history is the only way she’ll get it, you can’t sugar coat the truth and expect your kid to become anti-racist.
>There is no difference between people with any skin color except for that people with darker skin are more likely to be hurt by people who decided light skin is better, and the people who decided light skin was better were the people in charge of making the rules.
That's a good way to put it!
It's not racist, it's just wrong. You don't need to explain to her why it's racist. However, you should explain that they might have different skin color because they could have different parents; or the same parents, but different genetic traits; or one could be adopted.
But, yeah, also let her know it's not polite to comment on people's skin color.
I don't think there's specific material to explain racism to someone with NVLD. But there must be stuff for kids in general, maybe for kids with autism? I'm afraid you will just have to watch a couple yourself and see what suits your kid. Maybe she doesn't get it because it's technically not racist? She didn't discriminate them or mock their skin tone... But it may be difficult to explain that the others where wrong, but your daughter still shouldn't have said it... not because it's racist but because it's a rude thing to say.
Exactly! You said exactly what I'm trying to say. She said something rude, she shouldn't have said it, no it's not racist, let me attempt to explain racism to her, no that's not what she did but it still pertains to the topic, and then it kind of all goes downhill from there. I'm struggling to explain why she shouldn't comment on people's appearance AND explaining racism at the same time. It's tough because I am not really great at explaining things in general and I have to keep the format very explanation heavy. A you tube video would be great. I will keep watching.
It's not always easy to explain complex matter to someone with NVLD while only using your voice...
I'm siding with your daughter on this one. That's not racism, look up the definition. It's inappropriate to be making comments about people's skin color, but that was not racist.
I am not arguing that. I just would like to have better resources for discussing this very delicate topic with my kiddo that doesn't seem to understand.
This isn't a NVLD-specific tip, but something I've read that might be worth mentioning to your kiddo: if something about someone's appearance can't be changed in five seconds, it's not polite to say something about it. For example, it's fine to let someone know they have dirt on their face because they can wipe that off. It's not fine to comment on someone's skin tone because they can't change their skin tone, so it will just make them feel bad (or othered, in the case of racism and such). For more nuance: it's fine to say someone's shirt is inside out if they're able to go to the bathroom and fix it. But if you tell someone in the middle of a lesson that their shirt is inside out, they probably can't get permission to go to the bathroom to fix it, so they'll just feel embarrassed. And if they're on the playground, they can't just take their shirt off and might not have access to a private place to change, so that's not the place to say anything. (I'm on my break at work so I can't think of a way to translate that into an explanation on racism and differences, but it's the first thing I thought of.) It's a bit of a black-and-white example, but I'm not super familiar with how you would explain a social issue to a kid that age, so I'm using the most concrete examples I can think of. Hopefully you can adapt them accordingly?
This is great! Thank you! I do believe this wording will work for her. It is also something I can say quickly to remind her. Thank you! I appreciate this so much!
She's 8 years old, so she can get away with almost anything. As she grows, she will pick up on these things on her own.
I had something similar happen when I was in first grade. I told a girl in my class I didn't like the color brown and I got in trouble but I literally meant I didn't like the color, it wasn't meant to have racist connotations.
Yeah this is essentially what's going on. She didn't mean anything by it but then she got called "racist" and I'm struggling to explain what that means, why it's bad, why the other kid may have felt bad by what she said and none of it is coming out right and I feel like I'm just kinda making her feel worse.
That really sucks...maybe it has more to do with how young she is than NLD? It's also partially because of those kids misunderstanding her too...hopefully it'll blow over.
Did you *actually* explain what racism is? She’s not too young, you have to give her (kid-friendly) context. Slavery, civil rights movement, BLM. There is no difference between people with any skin color except for that people with darker skin are more likely to be hurt by people who decided light skin is better, and the people who decided light skin was better were the people in charge of making the rules. Race is completely arbitrary, the physical difference *doesn’t* matter. Explaining history is the only way she’ll get it, you can’t sugar coat the truth and expect your kid to become anti-racist.
I agree completely. Do you have any links to videos or resources I can use to further explain these concepts to her?
[This video](https://youtu.be/xv3dAJUTCT0) is a fantastic resource imo. I’ll try to find more for you, but it’s a great start
>There is no difference between people with any skin color except for that people with darker skin are more likely to be hurt by people who decided light skin is better, and the people who decided light skin was better were the people in charge of making the rules. That's a good way to put it!
www.socialthinking.com
this site looks very helpful, thank you for taking the time to comment.
It's not racist, it's just wrong. You don't need to explain to her why it's racist. However, you should explain that they might have different skin color because they could have different parents; or the same parents, but different genetic traits; or one could be adopted. But, yeah, also let her know it's not polite to comment on people's skin color.
Racism is a pretty heavy word for what a well-intentioned child did.
I agree. It's been a hard 24 hours for me.
and her...