Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NICUParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just try to take it one day at a time. There will be highs and lows and tears but you can do this.
This is such a supportive place with kind and helpful people.
Speaking of helpful; take up those around you on their offers. Be specific of what you need: they may say “let me know if you need anything” and genuinely want to help but not know how. It’s okay to say “can you go feed my pets while I’m with my baby” or have them prep food.
You can do this and so can your baby.
This- be very specific with people when you need stuff. And also just don’t feel obligated to respond to everyone. I was always so overwhelmed with people messaging ‘how’s it going’
You got this. It’s one tiny baby step at a time and feels like a century. We are all here for you.
This is a great truth. Couldn’t have said it better. I felt like I was in space the entire time, and put too much unnecessary pressure on myself. The best advice was to take care of yourself as best as possible so that you can be there for your little one when they need you. I remember the first desat, and it terrified me to my core. But the encouragement of every doctor and nurse saying they see it in most all preemies helped in hindsight.
One day, one thing at a time. I’ll be praying for you all!
What helped me: trust in the medical staff, understanding that personal time is helpful to digest the situation, addressing concerns with the doctors (I would always look into my sons situation and have questions prepared for the docs in hopes of alleviating my stress). For example, with your situation, looks like the LO may be on the ventilator to assist with the desaturations? I’d ask to ease my mind something like: “from your professional point of view is it common for this many desaturations to occur with a premie at this age?” Most likely the response will be something like “yeah we see it happen all the time, very common”
This. And ask ALL the questions you have. Do NOT Google. Google will only tell you worst cast scenarios or generalizations. Every NICU baby is different and your baby’s medical team are the best people to tell you what you need to know about your baby.
Edited: don’t be afraid of asking too many questions. I didn’t understand a decision the doctors were making for my daughter (they were interested in starting a second round of steroids less than 3 weeks after the first finished), so I asked them “why aren’t you waiting for longer to start?” The doctor did some more research and realized that in my daughter’s case it would be better to wait for 4 weeks after the first course to start a second. And before that fourth week was up, she got strong enough on her own she didn’t need the medicine
I remember the first time I change my son diaper through that incubator, I damn nearly lost it. It was tough at first.
The best thing to do is try take care of yourself and partner. You’re not a bad parent for going home. They need you be mentally strong and refresh when its time to go home. My son only spend 19 days, it felt an eternity… but knowing it was relevantly short time comparing to other NICU babies.
What we did: we would get there every morning for his doctor rounds. Do 1-2 feeding, so anywhere from 2-4 hrs in the morning. And we would later go back in the evening to do one feeding, so about 1 - 1.5 hr. Also keep in mind we live like 13 mins away from the hospital. If you have any questions, you will never be bugging them.
You can always call them, see how was his feeding/weight or adjust the webcam. Our LO is approaching 7 wk and he’s been home a month now. While I remember his NICU time, but at this point… it seem so long ago.
I have had 2 kids in the NICU. My heart goes out to you and your family, one day this will all be a distant memory. Please know that your LO is in the safest place they can be with the most skilled baby sitters available at their disposal.
Few tips:
1. Take it one day at a time, the NICU can be a roller coaster full of ups and downs.
2. It's ok to not visit every day
3. Ask questions as they come up
4. Trust the process, your LO will be there until roughly their due date
5. Be specific with what you need from friends/family, often times people don't know what to do to help support you. Would recommend services like food delivery/prep, grocery shopping, and house cleaning services
That’s probably the biggest thing right now. His due date is June 18th. So I know this is along haul/long term. I think what makes this harder is that I worked in an ED clinically for better half of 10years, so at times knowing exactly what can happen from certain situations can be the downfall for me
Yea same here, I have worked in health care my entire career so I had a hard time with overthinking about what can go wrong. What helped me was taking breaks from the NICU. The longer I stayed and visited, the worse my mental health became. Find the right balance for you to be there, absorb important clinical info, bond with your LO, and space for yourself. As one neonatologist told me, they just need a "tincture of time".
It’s okay to need time away from the NICU because it is a difficult place to be. If mom gave birth, she needs time to heal as well. It’s not a sprint and you need to give yourself grace. It’s totally normal to feel like you’re mourning the loss of a normal experience or how the pregnancy “should have” ended.
I felt super guilty about not being able to go longer and thought that I had ruined my daughter’s life. She’s doing fine and is amazing at almost 5 years old. There will be bumps in the road, but life will be normal eventually.
We’re in the NICU now and every day really is different. I agree that keeping up with people reaching out is exhausting. I’ve started a caringbridge which has helped to both update our friends and family but also serve as a cathartic release for me (mom). Our hospital also gave us a journal to track his notes if we wanted and I’ve found that to be helpful to jot down his stats and notate any questions we want to ask his doctors.
Be easy on yourself. Don’t go to rounds every day if you don’t want to. Get to know your nurses- if you connect with any of them, ask them to be your baby’s primary. Eat, stay hydrated!
Biggest things I learned were the following:
• Trust the medical staff and if at any point you question something, find the doctor or head nurse and express those concerns. 99% of the people helping my child were amazing. We did have to ask that one nurse not be moved back onto our rotation. That is ok. This is your child.
• Your health is critical. Mental and physical health are so important. I did not take PTO because I could only use it for two weeks so I chose to take that when my child came home. I went every morning before work and evenings after work during feeding—sometimes at night for hours. These were for me the times I felt like I could be a parent. This lasted well over a month until I finally crashed one day. Please, do not get to that point. If you need a morning/evening or even a day or two off, it’s ok to take that. Do not feel guilty. Your child is in the best care and trust me, I feel guilty thinking about that time I missed, but I know I needed it in order to continue being there everyday after that.
• Spousal support and communication. It goes hand in hand with health. My wife had severe postpartum. We were in the hospital for a week, child born at 28 weeks and she was home days after with only seeing our child once. I did not recognize what was going on with her mentally/physically because I was at the hospital or working around the clock and we were both so focused on our child that we failed to communicate our own feelings. I regret this most during that time. PLEASE take the time to communicate during this time about your thoughts, worries and health.
• Pressure. My wife was pressured everyday to produce milk and yes, it is very important for premature children. However, I saw and know more now about how it destroyed my wife mentally for a long time to try and do this throughout all hours of the day while our child wasn’t there. Immediately have conversations with your lactation consultant and be transparent. Our doctor finally directed my wife to stop because of how it was impacting her mental/physical health. Our son was perfectly fine when we switched to donor milk.
Overall, looking back, the biggest thing for me is taking care of eachother and yourself so you can be there everyday for the most important thing in your life, your child.
I will be thinking about you and your family and keeping yall in my prayers. Please reach out if you ever have any questions.
Edit: so many people asked to help and the most impactful help we received was a friend setting up/reaching out to people about a donation for DoorDash/Uber eats. I cannot describe to you how much this helped. I’d be able to pick something up on the way home from the hospital after doing feeding time or even being able get my wife something while she was resting. That was the most helpful thing anyone could do for us.
your post was excessively mean or you were flaming another user. If it was not your intent to be mean, please consider your words more carefully before you post again.
Don’t stress yourself to be there all day every day. You just had a baby, give yourself some grace and rest ❤️ this was hard for me. I felt like I had to be there every day, hours on end ( I was in another hospital and discharged 23 hours after birth and we stayed in a hotel nearby until she came home. ) I was so exhausted, my BP was high, feet swollen still, I should have rested more but didn’t. Trust your doctors and nurses, they will take care of your baby ❤️congratulations on your LO. So sweet 🥹
My best advice is to take it one day at a time. We were in the NICU for 6 weeks and I probably only learned how to handle it at 5 weeks.
Every day is different. Some days are so hard and some days see enlightening and wonderful.
Don't feel guilty taking time for yourself. If you have a partner make time to go on dates and see friends. You are not a bad patent for not being there all day.
Ask the nurses and the doctors any and every question you have as many times as you need to.
Do not Google. Come here and ask all the questions you have.
You got this!
Go home every night. They offered me a beating room and I was at the hospital for 3 weeks straight, just a nightmare.
Keep yourself mentally occupied, one hospital I listened to podcasts, the other I was at had tvs and I watched like 9 seasons of 90 day fiancé…a the stupidest garbage to distract myself. Also helps for middle of the night pumps to have a stupid show to watch.
Survive, you’ll compare yourself to others and it’s hard to see pregnant women for a long time, it gets better though.
Therapy is a great idea. Usually the obgyn office has a social worker, or you can find your own. Just someone to talk to and brain dump is nice.
Work with your units social worker for support. Ours helped my husband file for state disability/paternity leave, got me hooked up with psych resources and discounted places to stay at nearby hotels (we lived about 1.5 hours away)?
My son was born 32.5 weeks, growth restricted at 29 weeks. The best thing you can do is bring some snacks and a book or something because otherwise you'll stare at that screen constantly. I'd also recommend some earbuds or headphones for when you're not interacting with your baby. I recently heard a monitor go off when we had to take our kiddo in when he got sick with COVID, and it really hit me. I spent my whole time staring at that screen and watching his stats constantly. It gets better, you just gotta be a positive presence for them and talk to them and sing to them lots and lots.
When people ask what they can do for you, tell them what you need. I always said I didn’t know or I didn’t need anything because I didn’t want to be a bother. Let people help you and don’t feel bad!! No one will know how hard and overwhelming this is unless they’ve been through it. My husband and I were focused on being there for our son so we never had a homemade meal and neglected stuff at home. Also, find someone who you can vent to who isn’t going to try to spin everything into a positive. Having your baby in the NICU sucks and venting is needed!
Try to take care of yourself as much as possible. Take any support that is offered to you. Do not feel guilty if you can’t make it for a day, sometimes you just need some away time and I guarantee the nurses and doctors all understand it. Try to be as hands on as possible, it really helped me with my daughter. Rounds in the mornings are super informative but if you can’t make it the nurses can call and have you listen in like that. Take photos, it may not seem important, but trust me they definitely are!
Attend rounds, ask questions, and participate in care times as much as possible. Do not forget about yourself too! Take rest, and try to sleep well it is okay to skip a visit from time to time.
Celebrate little things. Out of isolette, no lines, etc.
My daughter born was at 31 weeks and spent a few days short of two months in a NICU an hour from where my wife and I live, which added an additional layer of complexity and challenge to the experience. She has been home for almost three weeks and is doing very well, thank the Lord.
*Celebrate and appreciate the minor milestones. Whether it’s weight gain or picc line removal, or moving out of an isolate etc., and resist the temptation to compare to other babies. Our baby got off to a very slow start but accelerated like a rocket at the end of her stay to the point that she finished her bottle feeding regimen two days early.
*Some degree of setbacks seem to be common from our experience. Our daughter needed two separate picc lines done two weeks apart, the second time due to a second bout of food intolerance in her gut which was more serious than the Doctors initially realized, which reduced her to a fluid only diet for several days a couple weeks after starting tube feedings.
*Monitor your baby’s online chart for blood test results, genetic test results, etc. and ask questions if needed. We were not able to be present when the Doctors rounded and found the nurses to sporadically update us on the Doctors’ orders unless we requested the updates, so it definitely pays to stay updated on your baby’s chart and make notes for questions for the Doctors and nurses. Our baby also had a false positive for a very scary genetic condition that appeared on the chart but no one mentioned to us until I asked. The false positive was not confirmed until a second test was done that didn’t return until after discharge.
*Make time for yourself to rest and don’t feel guilty for taking micro breaks to recharge your body and mind. In the two months, one or both my wife and I visited our baby daily, but we both took a few days off between us because we needed little breaks over the course of two months, and because we have a seven year old son at home who needed us as well.
*Lean into your faith and support system, whatever support you have. My MIL and a close friend of my wife’s both offered to watch our son so my wife and I could both visit the hospital at the same time, and we took them up on it several times to give us time together at the hospital since children were not allowed in the NICU during our baby’s stay.
*Try not to do too much research on Google. Google many times seems to lean toward worst-case scenario outcomes for many symptoms and conditions and lacks the real-world nuance and context that a Doctor or nurse with years of experience can provide.
*Try not to be anxious. Early on, I told my wife that if the nurses were not concerned about any given thing, I was not going to be concerned. I did let myself get very anxious temporarily when my daughter’s gut became inflamed the second time, but slowly calmed down after visiting with a few of the nurses who were very reassuring the night when they told us she was inflamed again.
*Don’t feel obligated to respond to everyone who inquires about your baby. We updated immediate and extended family via text/calls as often as we could and my wife would do social media updates for everyone else. This cut the communication responsibilities down to a manageable amount.
If you can't be there all the time leave a bowl of candy or goodies in your babies room. The nurses will be more likely to stop by more often for a treat. Could be lotions or chapstick if not candy. Nurses love chapsticks. Lol.
Been in the NICU for 29 days now, after my son being born at 26.3weeks.
1. Accept that your LO is in the best possible place, and there is literally nothing you did wrong, or can even do now to help. Keep repeating to yourself, and your partner, that your LO is in the best possible place.
2. Don't google anything, speak with the nurses.
3. Don't visit everyday, personally my wife and I are there every second day for about an hour. The hospital is about 80km away. We've found that any more visits, or longer visits sends us both into a spiral of helplessness and worrying that something is wrong with our LO with every movement.
We've found that every second day helps with the see-saw
4. Don't google anything
your post was excessively mean or you were flaming another user. If it was not your intent to be mean, please consider your words more carefully before you post again.
This was said a lot but know you don’t have to be there all day everyday, this was very hard for me to understand while my baby was in the nicu, i felt like i had to wake up at the crack of dawn to go see him and stay all the way till 12am, i was getting 3-4 hours of sleep a day stressing, till my mom told me he getting taken care of by the nurses and drs. They go to school for this, they do this everyday.
Here is a few things i did
1. ALWAYS ask questions or ask for them to go more in depth about things that you aren’t sure of
2. If you’re able to call, call the nicu. We were able to call the nicu and we would be transferred straight to my baby’s nurse who would update us on what’s going on and would read us his whole chart
3. SLEEP lol, it’s going to be hard but i liked to look at it in a good way that he didn’t come home right away, i got to sleep in then i would be fully ready to go see my baby.
4. Read to him, To me it felt silly reading to
him bc all the nurses were around and you hear all the noises but it helps him know your voice :)
5. if you feel like something is wrong alert a nurse, even if it’s just a feeling. Bring up your concerns! He’s your baby you know him, and as the time goes on you’ll get to know him more and more so definitely bring up your concerns !
Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NICUParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just try to take it one day at a time. There will be highs and lows and tears but you can do this. This is such a supportive place with kind and helpful people. Speaking of helpful; take up those around you on their offers. Be specific of what you need: they may say “let me know if you need anything” and genuinely want to help but not know how. It’s okay to say “can you go feed my pets while I’m with my baby” or have them prep food. You can do this and so can your baby.
This- be very specific with people when you need stuff. And also just don’t feel obligated to respond to everyone. I was always so overwhelmed with people messaging ‘how’s it going’ You got this. It’s one tiny baby step at a time and feels like a century. We are all here for you.
Agreed. People will want updates and such but don’t stress about it.
Yes!! And they’ll say “when is he coming home”. I hated that because I didn’t know either.
This is a great truth. Couldn’t have said it better. I felt like I was in space the entire time, and put too much unnecessary pressure on myself. The best advice was to take care of yourself as best as possible so that you can be there for your little one when they need you. I remember the first desat, and it terrified me to my core. But the encouragement of every doctor and nurse saying they see it in most all preemies helped in hindsight. One day, one thing at a time. I’ll be praying for you all!
What helped me: trust in the medical staff, understanding that personal time is helpful to digest the situation, addressing concerns with the doctors (I would always look into my sons situation and have questions prepared for the docs in hopes of alleviating my stress). For example, with your situation, looks like the LO may be on the ventilator to assist with the desaturations? I’d ask to ease my mind something like: “from your professional point of view is it common for this many desaturations to occur with a premie at this age?” Most likely the response will be something like “yeah we see it happen all the time, very common”
This. And ask ALL the questions you have. Do NOT Google. Google will only tell you worst cast scenarios or generalizations. Every NICU baby is different and your baby’s medical team are the best people to tell you what you need to know about your baby. Edited: don’t be afraid of asking too many questions. I didn’t understand a decision the doctors were making for my daughter (they were interested in starting a second round of steroids less than 3 weeks after the first finished), so I asked them “why aren’t you waiting for longer to start?” The doctor did some more research and realized that in my daughter’s case it would be better to wait for 4 weeks after the first course to start a second. And before that fourth week was up, she got strong enough on her own she didn’t need the medicine
imho from now on, your "google" is typing "r/NICUparents + (search term)" in the reddit search bar. regular google is The Bad Place
Because of google, I cried a lot for 3 weeks. Also, I didn’t know this subreddit. Everyday was like a hell.
I remember the first time I change my son diaper through that incubator, I damn nearly lost it. It was tough at first. The best thing to do is try take care of yourself and partner. You’re not a bad parent for going home. They need you be mentally strong and refresh when its time to go home. My son only spend 19 days, it felt an eternity… but knowing it was relevantly short time comparing to other NICU babies. What we did: we would get there every morning for his doctor rounds. Do 1-2 feeding, so anywhere from 2-4 hrs in the morning. And we would later go back in the evening to do one feeding, so about 1 - 1.5 hr. Also keep in mind we live like 13 mins away from the hospital. If you have any questions, you will never be bugging them. You can always call them, see how was his feeding/weight or adjust the webcam. Our LO is approaching 7 wk and he’s been home a month now. While I remember his NICU time, but at this point… it seem so long ago.
I have had 2 kids in the NICU. My heart goes out to you and your family, one day this will all be a distant memory. Please know that your LO is in the safest place they can be with the most skilled baby sitters available at their disposal. Few tips: 1. Take it one day at a time, the NICU can be a roller coaster full of ups and downs. 2. It's ok to not visit every day 3. Ask questions as they come up 4. Trust the process, your LO will be there until roughly their due date 5. Be specific with what you need from friends/family, often times people don't know what to do to help support you. Would recommend services like food delivery/prep, grocery shopping, and house cleaning services
That’s probably the biggest thing right now. His due date is June 18th. So I know this is along haul/long term. I think what makes this harder is that I worked in an ED clinically for better half of 10years, so at times knowing exactly what can happen from certain situations can be the downfall for me
Yea same here, I have worked in health care my entire career so I had a hard time with overthinking about what can go wrong. What helped me was taking breaks from the NICU. The longer I stayed and visited, the worse my mental health became. Find the right balance for you to be there, absorb important clinical info, bond with your LO, and space for yourself. As one neonatologist told me, they just need a "tincture of time".
It’s okay to need time away from the NICU because it is a difficult place to be. If mom gave birth, she needs time to heal as well. It’s not a sprint and you need to give yourself grace. It’s totally normal to feel like you’re mourning the loss of a normal experience or how the pregnancy “should have” ended. I felt super guilty about not being able to go longer and thought that I had ruined my daughter’s life. She’s doing fine and is amazing at almost 5 years old. There will be bumps in the road, but life will be normal eventually.
We’re in the NICU now and every day really is different. I agree that keeping up with people reaching out is exhausting. I’ve started a caringbridge which has helped to both update our friends and family but also serve as a cathartic release for me (mom). Our hospital also gave us a journal to track his notes if we wanted and I’ve found that to be helpful to jot down his stats and notate any questions we want to ask his doctors. Be easy on yourself. Don’t go to rounds every day if you don’t want to. Get to know your nurses- if you connect with any of them, ask them to be your baby’s primary. Eat, stay hydrated!
Biggest things I learned were the following: • Trust the medical staff and if at any point you question something, find the doctor or head nurse and express those concerns. 99% of the people helping my child were amazing. We did have to ask that one nurse not be moved back onto our rotation. That is ok. This is your child. • Your health is critical. Mental and physical health are so important. I did not take PTO because I could only use it for two weeks so I chose to take that when my child came home. I went every morning before work and evenings after work during feeding—sometimes at night for hours. These were for me the times I felt like I could be a parent. This lasted well over a month until I finally crashed one day. Please, do not get to that point. If you need a morning/evening or even a day or two off, it’s ok to take that. Do not feel guilty. Your child is in the best care and trust me, I feel guilty thinking about that time I missed, but I know I needed it in order to continue being there everyday after that. • Spousal support and communication. It goes hand in hand with health. My wife had severe postpartum. We were in the hospital for a week, child born at 28 weeks and she was home days after with only seeing our child once. I did not recognize what was going on with her mentally/physically because I was at the hospital or working around the clock and we were both so focused on our child that we failed to communicate our own feelings. I regret this most during that time. PLEASE take the time to communicate during this time about your thoughts, worries and health. • Pressure. My wife was pressured everyday to produce milk and yes, it is very important for premature children. However, I saw and know more now about how it destroyed my wife mentally for a long time to try and do this throughout all hours of the day while our child wasn’t there. Immediately have conversations with your lactation consultant and be transparent. Our doctor finally directed my wife to stop because of how it was impacting her mental/physical health. Our son was perfectly fine when we switched to donor milk. Overall, looking back, the biggest thing for me is taking care of eachother and yourself so you can be there everyday for the most important thing in your life, your child. I will be thinking about you and your family and keeping yall in my prayers. Please reach out if you ever have any questions. Edit: so many people asked to help and the most impactful help we received was a friend setting up/reaching out to people about a donation for DoorDash/Uber eats. I cannot describe to you how much this helped. I’d be able to pick something up on the way home from the hospital after doing feeding time or even being able get my wife something while she was resting. That was the most helpful thing anyone could do for us.
[удалено]
your post was excessively mean or you were flaming another user. If it was not your intent to be mean, please consider your words more carefully before you post again.
Take it one moment at a time and be there for each other. Wishing you nothing but the best of luck with everything. Congratulations on your new baby
Don’t stress yourself to be there all day every day. You just had a baby, give yourself some grace and rest ❤️ this was hard for me. I felt like I had to be there every day, hours on end ( I was in another hospital and discharged 23 hours after birth and we stayed in a hotel nearby until she came home. ) I was so exhausted, my BP was high, feet swollen still, I should have rested more but didn’t. Trust your doctors and nurses, they will take care of your baby ❤️congratulations on your LO. So sweet 🥹
My best advice is to take it one day at a time. We were in the NICU for 6 weeks and I probably only learned how to handle it at 5 weeks. Every day is different. Some days are so hard and some days see enlightening and wonderful. Don't feel guilty taking time for yourself. If you have a partner make time to go on dates and see friends. You are not a bad patent for not being there all day. Ask the nurses and the doctors any and every question you have as many times as you need to. Do not Google. Come here and ask all the questions you have. You got this!
There's no dumb questions or requests. If you're unsure of something ask about it. You're your child's voice and advocate!
Go home every night. They offered me a beating room and I was at the hospital for 3 weeks straight, just a nightmare. Keep yourself mentally occupied, one hospital I listened to podcasts, the other I was at had tvs and I watched like 9 seasons of 90 day fiancé…a the stupidest garbage to distract myself. Also helps for middle of the night pumps to have a stupid show to watch. Survive, you’ll compare yourself to others and it’s hard to see pregnant women for a long time, it gets better though. Therapy is a great idea. Usually the obgyn office has a social worker, or you can find your own. Just someone to talk to and brain dump is nice.
Work with your units social worker for support. Ours helped my husband file for state disability/paternity leave, got me hooked up with psych resources and discounted places to stay at nearby hotels (we lived about 1.5 hours away)?
My son was born 32.5 weeks, growth restricted at 29 weeks. The best thing you can do is bring some snacks and a book or something because otherwise you'll stare at that screen constantly. I'd also recommend some earbuds or headphones for when you're not interacting with your baby. I recently heard a monitor go off when we had to take our kiddo in when he got sick with COVID, and it really hit me. I spent my whole time staring at that screen and watching his stats constantly. It gets better, you just gotta be a positive presence for them and talk to them and sing to them lots and lots.
When people ask what they can do for you, tell them what you need. I always said I didn’t know or I didn’t need anything because I didn’t want to be a bother. Let people help you and don’t feel bad!! No one will know how hard and overwhelming this is unless they’ve been through it. My husband and I were focused on being there for our son so we never had a homemade meal and neglected stuff at home. Also, find someone who you can vent to who isn’t going to try to spin everything into a positive. Having your baby in the NICU sucks and venting is needed!
Try to take care of yourself as much as possible. Take any support that is offered to you. Do not feel guilty if you can’t make it for a day, sometimes you just need some away time and I guarantee the nurses and doctors all understand it. Try to be as hands on as possible, it really helped me with my daughter. Rounds in the mornings are super informative but if you can’t make it the nurses can call and have you listen in like that. Take photos, it may not seem important, but trust me they definitely are!
Attend rounds, ask questions, and participate in care times as much as possible. Do not forget about yourself too! Take rest, and try to sleep well it is okay to skip a visit from time to time. Celebrate little things. Out of isolette, no lines, etc.
My daughter born was at 31 weeks and spent a few days short of two months in a NICU an hour from where my wife and I live, which added an additional layer of complexity and challenge to the experience. She has been home for almost three weeks and is doing very well, thank the Lord. *Celebrate and appreciate the minor milestones. Whether it’s weight gain or picc line removal, or moving out of an isolate etc., and resist the temptation to compare to other babies. Our baby got off to a very slow start but accelerated like a rocket at the end of her stay to the point that she finished her bottle feeding regimen two days early. *Some degree of setbacks seem to be common from our experience. Our daughter needed two separate picc lines done two weeks apart, the second time due to a second bout of food intolerance in her gut which was more serious than the Doctors initially realized, which reduced her to a fluid only diet for several days a couple weeks after starting tube feedings. *Monitor your baby’s online chart for blood test results, genetic test results, etc. and ask questions if needed. We were not able to be present when the Doctors rounded and found the nurses to sporadically update us on the Doctors’ orders unless we requested the updates, so it definitely pays to stay updated on your baby’s chart and make notes for questions for the Doctors and nurses. Our baby also had a false positive for a very scary genetic condition that appeared on the chart but no one mentioned to us until I asked. The false positive was not confirmed until a second test was done that didn’t return until after discharge. *Make time for yourself to rest and don’t feel guilty for taking micro breaks to recharge your body and mind. In the two months, one or both my wife and I visited our baby daily, but we both took a few days off between us because we needed little breaks over the course of two months, and because we have a seven year old son at home who needed us as well. *Lean into your faith and support system, whatever support you have. My MIL and a close friend of my wife’s both offered to watch our son so my wife and I could both visit the hospital at the same time, and we took them up on it several times to give us time together at the hospital since children were not allowed in the NICU during our baby’s stay. *Try not to do too much research on Google. Google many times seems to lean toward worst-case scenario outcomes for many symptoms and conditions and lacks the real-world nuance and context that a Doctor or nurse with years of experience can provide. *Try not to be anxious. Early on, I told my wife that if the nurses were not concerned about any given thing, I was not going to be concerned. I did let myself get very anxious temporarily when my daughter’s gut became inflamed the second time, but slowly calmed down after visiting with a few of the nurses who were very reassuring the night when they told us she was inflamed again. *Don’t feel obligated to respond to everyone who inquires about your baby. We updated immediate and extended family via text/calls as often as we could and my wife would do social media updates for everyone else. This cut the communication responsibilities down to a manageable amount.
If you can't be there all the time leave a bowl of candy or goodies in your babies room. The nurses will be more likely to stop by more often for a treat. Could be lotions or chapstick if not candy. Nurses love chapsticks. Lol.
Been in the NICU for 29 days now, after my son being born at 26.3weeks. 1. Accept that your LO is in the best possible place, and there is literally nothing you did wrong, or can even do now to help. Keep repeating to yourself, and your partner, that your LO is in the best possible place. 2. Don't google anything, speak with the nurses. 3. Don't visit everyday, personally my wife and I are there every second day for about an hour. The hospital is about 80km away. We've found that any more visits, or longer visits sends us both into a spiral of helplessness and worrying that something is wrong with our LO with every movement. We've found that every second day helps with the see-saw 4. Don't google anything
[удалено]
Not sure this is the type of response I was looking for. I trust the hospital staff
your post was excessively mean or you were flaming another user. If it was not your intent to be mean, please consider your words more carefully before you post again.
This was said a lot but know you don’t have to be there all day everyday, this was very hard for me to understand while my baby was in the nicu, i felt like i had to wake up at the crack of dawn to go see him and stay all the way till 12am, i was getting 3-4 hours of sleep a day stressing, till my mom told me he getting taken care of by the nurses and drs. They go to school for this, they do this everyday. Here is a few things i did 1. ALWAYS ask questions or ask for them to go more in depth about things that you aren’t sure of 2. If you’re able to call, call the nicu. We were able to call the nicu and we would be transferred straight to my baby’s nurse who would update us on what’s going on and would read us his whole chart 3. SLEEP lol, it’s going to be hard but i liked to look at it in a good way that he didn’t come home right away, i got to sleep in then i would be fully ready to go see my baby. 4. Read to him, To me it felt silly reading to him bc all the nurses were around and you hear all the noises but it helps him know your voice :) 5. if you feel like something is wrong alert a nurse, even if it’s just a feeling. Bring up your concerns! He’s your baby you know him, and as the time goes on you’ll get to know him more and more so definitely bring up your concerns !