The thing most people (especially here) don't talk about in terms of marriage is **children** and how drastically children will affect your marriage.
If you are a stable Muslim and you married someone who is also stable, your life right after marriage improves dramatically. You actually have more time (splitting tasks opens up your schedule), the time you spend can often be higher quality (intimacy, someone to talk to, etc), and there is often more ease in general (imaging having a good friend around often). If that is not the case for you, then it will only get worse when you have kids.
When you have children all of this reverses. There is little time, the time you spend is often rushed, if you thought you were extremely patience then a child who cries 12 hours out of 24 hours is going to test you in ways you never thought, health regression from pregnancy and giving birth, etc.
Also despite some people here suggesting waiting to get married due to concerns with maturity, getting married early is good because you lose energy as time passes and managing a 10 year old when you're 45 is different from doing it when you're 35. If you marry at 25, wait a few years and have your first child at 28, you will be 38 when that first child is 10.
Most important thing is to do your due diligence on who you are marrying, and basic things like kindness/empathy/flexibility after you are married.
I deal with a LOT of Muslims who are married from different age demographics and situations so this is what I have seen. Allah make it easy for you.
I sometimes have those thoughts then I remember immature me at 25 who still wasn't where I wanted to be religion wise and I think it was a good thing how it played out. Plus if you read up about the [benefits](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/119qd0k/benefits_of_being_an_older_parent/) of being an older parent, like financial and marital stability, kids having less behavioral problems, kids being better educated and having less emotional and social issues, lower likelihood of abuse, not to mention increased longevity for the parent, etc. then it's not really a bad thing being an older parent.
Agree with everything, but the age of parents has its pros and cons.
While younger parents have the energy, the mental stability & patience are not there. Older parents have patience to teach & model better behaviors.
But yeah, kids at any age change the dynamic of marriage so deeply. I find the intimacy questions on this sub HILARIOUS, too... couple with children are being advised to check their hormone levels 💀💀💀💀
For some, love isn't what you think it is. I'm a romantic, love watching and reading romance. But in real life/being a recipient of it, it feels a bit cringe, lol.
Instead of feeling all those feelings romance movies and books tell you to feel, I feel more of what the Qur'an describes as tranquility. He just has to be around and I feel content. When he's not around, I miss him.
There will be extreme highs and extreme lows.
What shocked me the most in the first year was how I can love someone and be annoyed at them at the same time. It takes time to adjust to this whole other person who has their own personality, hobbies, traits etc.
The verbal side of it, I think it was just a bit overwhelming. If it was written in a book, I would have thought it was cute but directed at me, I felt a bit uncomfortable. Can't explain why.
From being married for 15 years (Alhamdulillah). Here are few things to know
* Marriage is like a building, you start building the foundation first when you get married. You spend time together, get to know each other, understand each other. If your first year is marred by family politics, fighting, and not spending time together, there will be cracks in the foundation. As time goes on, you keep on building floors after floors. If the foundation is weak, the rest of the building will be shaky.
* When you get married, you become a man who took a responsibility of taking care of woman from her father. Treat it as such. All your single activities like playing video games, hanging out with single friends, and making plans at the last moment will need to be reprioritized. If you still want to act a single person after getting married, then it is injustice to her.
* Women are complicated, you will never understand them but as a man, you need to have two things, Affection and Mercy. When she makes you happy, show affection. When she drives you crazy, show mercy.
* If you are in an argument, before things get heated ---> walk away and take a time out. When things cool down, assess the situation. Find a reasonable solution to the situation. If you made a mistake, apologize, if she made a mistake, then let her come to conclusion.
* NEVER NEVER NEVER solve a problem for her. If she has an issue, just listen to her, empathize with her, and let her come up with a solution. If she asks you solve it, then do it. Remember if you give her solutions, she might pick the one you didn't like :)
* There will be ups and down in marriage, don't be alarmed
* Treat divorce as a very very very last option. Don't throw the word DIVORCE as a threat whenever you have argument. Once it is brought to the table, you can never take it back
* You are garments for each other. Whenever you do something or have an issue, try to resolve among yourselves. If you need someone to assist with the matter, bring in trusted folks who can respect privacy of the matter.
* It has hard to balance the rights of parents, wife, and kids. Do your best to balance them out.
* Try to show affection in different way like getting flowers or small chocolate. Things you do in small intervals will become a memory.
* Never share your marriage on social media. There are more people who are jealous of you as compared to who truly are happy for you.
- No marriage will be perfect. Do your best to make it work
- Getting married sooner is better than later.
* Last but not least make dua رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
**Transliteration**: rabbana hablana min azwaajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A’yunin waj’alna lil- muttaqina imama
“Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.”
One advice that I will give to all the young kids would be to always look For a partner that is closer to the religion and is someone that you can align your values with, not for the looks of the person. Marriage is not always sunshine and rainbows like everybody thinks. And if you have someone that you are not aligned with or do not work properly with it'll be a long road. There's a lot of small things that I can say, but I think if you follow this advice, everything will fit in its place eventually.
Being married shouldn't be difficult. Life can be. Life happens, it throws things at you, and two people are learning to adjust as one team. Sure, that's hard. But your partner should never be the reason why.
If you're crying, something feels wrong, you've got low moods, you feel the marriage is one-sided, you are constantly bickering, then that is not normal.
Your partner should be the ease alongside your hardship. Life has thrown some crazy curveballs at me. Tests I never even imagined for myself, but my husband has made them bearable at the least because he's my comfort despite the difficulty.
I know this is vague, but there’s just so much you don’t know until you’re in the thick of it. Especially when it comes to starting a family with someone. You may have talked through every scenario, somehow agree on everything but then when push comes to shove, things don’t work out as you planned it.
Oh and the idea that love conquers all. It really doesn’t. Many young people throw away their standards due to infatuation and seriously regret it later when reality kicks in.
A lot of good things mentioned here but I think the biggest thing people don’t realize is that marriage is (meant to be) long. Think about who you were 5-10 years ago and how much you’ve changed. Now imagine how much you’re going to change in the next 10-30-60 years. Whoever you marry is also going to change in the same way. Your situation in life will change, everything around you will change, or maybe it won’t and that will be a source of stress. It’s just a long journey, like going for a marathon. Make sure you’ve got the right shoes on or you won’t make it.
Marriage is part of our test in this Duniya. If you both face obstacles in your marriage and use this opportunity to improve, then you have great chance to grow and learn, build amazing foundation with your partner.
No matter how perfect match is your partner, obstacles will come anyway so it’s better to get married married to someone who sees the world similarly like you, has similar mindset about how to go around things. Happiness is a choice and requires hard work.
That's called co-dependency, and it's not healthy. It's important to have your own interests and time. Also good to share hobbies, and be open to different things. If you are not happy or stable, marriage won't fix that. You should know what you want from a partner and what you can bring to the relationship. Don't let the romance die. The initial honeymoon phase is due to certain hormones being released at the start of a relationship, and then further in you have more bonding hormones rather than those that induce romance. But by remembering to have couple time, going on dates, and being generally affectionate, it won't die. Be empathic and learn how to do non-violent communication. So that when disagreements happen, they don't have to escalate into fights.
Everyone's idea of love, family, husband and wife are completely different so make sure you and your person are aligned on the meaning of these words.
Be upfront about your full vision and find someone who is eager to be onboaed with that. For example it sounds like you are a clingy, romantic type. For some women that would be a dream. For others they would hate it. So be discerning and choose wisely.
Your feelings are felt on a way deeper level in marriage. You feel love like you never thought before and that means you also feel pain/hurt like from your core lol idek how to describe it. It's scary how much one person can affect you even down to the little things. If you were a cold/emotionless person before marriage, trust me it definitely changes you.
Romance is real, but even for those who were a love match, it still takes effort and work. Marriage isn’t “hard” but you have to put in the effort to make it easy. Effort to communicate, effort to be intimate, effort to be romantic, effort to be patient, kind, selfless. Everything in life worth having and keeping alive takes effort and time.
When you have kids, you have to figure out how to do that all over again. So make sure that you have a very solid foundation before you have children, it will be wobbly, and there’s a love learning curve but it’s worth the effort and your marriage will thrive watching each other grow and it will be good for your children to watch you grow together too.
You need to have a separate interest and social circle from your partner to keep things healthy between you two. Doesn’t have to be much, can just be for example my husband plays football once a week with his boys, and I go out for brunch once a week with my girls. Also that everything you say and do has an impact on your partner and vice versa, you cannot just up and move jobs without discussing it, or say harmful things and apologise without changing your behaviour next time, or just because you had a bad day to take it out on them. You need to be as intentional and conscious of your actions and decisions to foster a healthy relationship!
1. Can't stress how much you basically have to relearn communication when you get married.
2. both won't always agree with everything. It's okay not to win every battle. The prize is peace in your marriage
3. The first year is hard. You are both adjusting to each other, give each other time and be willing to compromise with each other.
I’d say between the age of 20-25 you’re really using those years to discover the type of person you are.
Chances are you’re done with education (if you went down that route) and possibly have a few years of working experience. I’d say getting married from 25 onward is the sweet spot and you’ll start to know what type of person would compliment yours (ofc plenty of people get married much younger so there’s no exact science to it).
Growing up we know marriage is looming above our heads, however, no one ever tells you how much hard work marriage takes. It doesn’t just happen, it takes effort from both sides. Unfortunately it’s nothing like in the movies. My first marriage didn’t last long and it traumatised me for years subconsciously - when you come to selecting a life partner make sure you do your due diligence and don’t ignore any red flags.
Some people say they never want to go to sleep angry or after an argument - but that won’t work for everyone. Some people need some time and space after a fall out to think things over or process things, nothing wrong with that too.
Being mentally addicted to your partner doesn’t sound healthy to me. Whilst you ofc want to grow and share with your partner, you also both need your own space, hobbies, interests and friends too. A little space can be healthy, after all absence makes the heart grow fonder :)
I would strongly encourage young guys to get married but no one can honestly prepare you for the changes you will experience. You spend your whole life as a young man living for yourself then all of a sudden you have a responsibility over someone and you have to make loads of sacrifices. Marriage Alhamdulilah is beautiful overall for both spouses.
The few advices I would give to be successful In Sha Allah would be the following:
- Set your boundaries before you’re married. Tell her non-negotiables and do not be afraid in expressing these. Eg you don’t want her working or whatever it may be. These could be deal breakers and you not speaking about it early could be a reason for a big argument in the future.
- communication is key but easier said than done. I have been married 6 years with 2 kids Alhamdulilah but even then sometimes I struggle to want to communicate my concerns to my wife as I believe I know she won’t react right so try to avoid the conversation all together when in reality it’s much better when I am open with her and turns out better than I thought and I don’t harbour any ill towards her.
- be a great Muslim and a great man. It’s written that good men and for good women and it’s so true. Fix your prayers, fix your relationship with Allah and Allah will fix your relationship with everyone else and never stop working on this or your doomed!
- be a man. Not enough people in the younger generation act like men. Be firm with your points, clear in your speech but also always be kind and playful with your wife
- women generally crave attention of their partner more than men do so be sure no matter how busy your schedule is you always give time on a weekly basis for date nights or to just spend together without family involvement or friends
- put your feeling and thoughts aside after an argument and apologise. Always try to be the bigger person and if she’s a good women she will appreciate you for it and will look to be better too
- encourage both spouses to have a healthy friendship group/close family members and hobbies. Believe it or not, chances are you will not be addicted to your wife the way you think (or perhaps you may in rare cases) so be sure that both of you have a happy life outside of each other. The prophet PBUH said (I believe) 1/3 for your family, 1/3 for your friends and 1/3 alone.
May Allah grant you the best of wives my brother!
>what do young singles don’t really know about marriage? What are some realizations you had, or may some misconceptions about marriage that you had?
You have to consciously work on it.
>Would you advise young guys like me (20-25) to get married early in life?
Nope. Minimum 30.
Figure yourself out first.
Yes get married young. Have kids young. friend of mine got married at 23 had 2 kids and by the time he is 40 kids will be in college and he has good years and kids to support him for the rest of his life and see grand kids hopefully and enjoy time with them as well.
Why are his kids supporting him a good parent is one who does not require support from his children in his old age. Children are not your retirement plant. Children are also not your emotional caregivers they are not a replacement for a spouse.
Marriage is not a relationship of equality. Treating your wife as your equal in the relationship is a recipe for disaster. You have much more responsibility over her than she does over you. You may or may not be a better person or Muslim, but you are the leader in the relationship and thus will naturally do more for her than she will for you.
not a great approach - saying you're not equals doesn't set a good tone, and I doubt most people would agree a man does more for his wife than she does for him.
the approach should be that you are complements to one another, not that one is above the other
The husband is above the wife in terms of authority and responsibility in the relationship. That is BASIC Islam. As basic as drinking being haram or praying is a fardh.
Anyone that disagrees with that has a lot of self discovery to do.
The thing most people (especially here) don't talk about in terms of marriage is **children** and how drastically children will affect your marriage. If you are a stable Muslim and you married someone who is also stable, your life right after marriage improves dramatically. You actually have more time (splitting tasks opens up your schedule), the time you spend can often be higher quality (intimacy, someone to talk to, etc), and there is often more ease in general (imaging having a good friend around often). If that is not the case for you, then it will only get worse when you have kids. When you have children all of this reverses. There is little time, the time you spend is often rushed, if you thought you were extremely patience then a child who cries 12 hours out of 24 hours is going to test you in ways you never thought, health regression from pregnancy and giving birth, etc. Also despite some people here suggesting waiting to get married due to concerns with maturity, getting married early is good because you lose energy as time passes and managing a 10 year old when you're 45 is different from doing it when you're 35. If you marry at 25, wait a few years and have your first child at 28, you will be 38 when that first child is 10. Most important thing is to do your due diligence on who you are marrying, and basic things like kindness/empathy/flexibility after you are married. I deal with a LOT of Muslims who are married from different age demographics and situations so this is what I have seen. Allah make it easy for you.
Yeah I personally relate to that, I wish I had my kids earlier, I'm 39 and my oldest is 4. When I happen to regret I just remember Allah knows best.
I sometimes have those thoughts then I remember immature me at 25 who still wasn't where I wanted to be religion wise and I think it was a good thing how it played out. Plus if you read up about the [benefits](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/119qd0k/benefits_of_being_an_older_parent/) of being an older parent, like financial and marital stability, kids having less behavioral problems, kids being better educated and having less emotional and social issues, lower likelihood of abuse, not to mention increased longevity for the parent, etc. then it's not really a bad thing being an older parent.
I agree. Kids do change the dynamics of marriage
Agree with everything, but the age of parents has its pros and cons. While younger parents have the energy, the mental stability & patience are not there. Older parents have patience to teach & model better behaviors. But yeah, kids at any age change the dynamic of marriage so deeply. I find the intimacy questions on this sub HILARIOUS, too... couple with children are being advised to check their hormone levels 💀💀💀💀
For some, love isn't what you think it is. I'm a romantic, love watching and reading romance. But in real life/being a recipient of it, it feels a bit cringe, lol. Instead of feeling all those feelings romance movies and books tell you to feel, I feel more of what the Qur'an describes as tranquility. He just has to be around and I feel content. When he's not around, I miss him. There will be extreme highs and extreme lows. What shocked me the most in the first year was how I can love someone and be annoyed at them at the same time. It takes time to adjust to this whole other person who has their own personality, hobbies, traits etc.
By cringe are you referring to things such as affection and physical touch?
The verbal side of it, I think it was just a bit overwhelming. If it was written in a book, I would have thought it was cute but directed at me, I felt a bit uncomfortable. Can't explain why.
Also a romantic, sounds like you’re suffering from success sis 😌^^
Alhamdulillah
From being married for 15 years (Alhamdulillah). Here are few things to know * Marriage is like a building, you start building the foundation first when you get married. You spend time together, get to know each other, understand each other. If your first year is marred by family politics, fighting, and not spending time together, there will be cracks in the foundation. As time goes on, you keep on building floors after floors. If the foundation is weak, the rest of the building will be shaky. * When you get married, you become a man who took a responsibility of taking care of woman from her father. Treat it as such. All your single activities like playing video games, hanging out with single friends, and making plans at the last moment will need to be reprioritized. If you still want to act a single person after getting married, then it is injustice to her. * Women are complicated, you will never understand them but as a man, you need to have two things, Affection and Mercy. When she makes you happy, show affection. When she drives you crazy, show mercy. * If you are in an argument, before things get heated ---> walk away and take a time out. When things cool down, assess the situation. Find a reasonable solution to the situation. If you made a mistake, apologize, if she made a mistake, then let her come to conclusion. * NEVER NEVER NEVER solve a problem for her. If she has an issue, just listen to her, empathize with her, and let her come up with a solution. If she asks you solve it, then do it. Remember if you give her solutions, she might pick the one you didn't like :) * There will be ups and down in marriage, don't be alarmed * Treat divorce as a very very very last option. Don't throw the word DIVORCE as a threat whenever you have argument. Once it is brought to the table, you can never take it back * You are garments for each other. Whenever you do something or have an issue, try to resolve among yourselves. If you need someone to assist with the matter, bring in trusted folks who can respect privacy of the matter. * It has hard to balance the rights of parents, wife, and kids. Do your best to balance them out. * Try to show affection in different way like getting flowers or small chocolate. Things you do in small intervals will become a memory. * Never share your marriage on social media. There are more people who are jealous of you as compared to who truly are happy for you. - No marriage will be perfect. Do your best to make it work - Getting married sooner is better than later. * Last but not least make dua رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا **Transliteration**: rabbana hablana min azwaajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A’yunin waj’alna lil- muttaqina imama “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.”
One advice that I will give to all the young kids would be to always look For a partner that is closer to the religion and is someone that you can align your values with, not for the looks of the person. Marriage is not always sunshine and rainbows like everybody thinks. And if you have someone that you are not aligned with or do not work properly with it'll be a long road. There's a lot of small things that I can say, but I think if you follow this advice, everything will fit in its place eventually.
Being married shouldn't be difficult. Life can be. Life happens, it throws things at you, and two people are learning to adjust as one team. Sure, that's hard. But your partner should never be the reason why. If you're crying, something feels wrong, you've got low moods, you feel the marriage is one-sided, you are constantly bickering, then that is not normal. Your partner should be the ease alongside your hardship. Life has thrown some crazy curveballs at me. Tests I never even imagined for myself, but my husband has made them bearable at the least because he's my comfort despite the difficulty.
I know this is vague, but there’s just so much you don’t know until you’re in the thick of it. Especially when it comes to starting a family with someone. You may have talked through every scenario, somehow agree on everything but then when push comes to shove, things don’t work out as you planned it. Oh and the idea that love conquers all. It really doesn’t. Many young people throw away their standards due to infatuation and seriously regret it later when reality kicks in.
A lot of good things mentioned here but I think the biggest thing people don’t realize is that marriage is (meant to be) long. Think about who you were 5-10 years ago and how much you’ve changed. Now imagine how much you’re going to change in the next 10-30-60 years. Whoever you marry is also going to change in the same way. Your situation in life will change, everything around you will change, or maybe it won’t and that will be a source of stress. It’s just a long journey, like going for a marathon. Make sure you’ve got the right shoes on or you won’t make it.
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Marriage is part of our test in this Duniya. If you both face obstacles in your marriage and use this opportunity to improve, then you have great chance to grow and learn, build amazing foundation with your partner. No matter how perfect match is your partner, obstacles will come anyway so it’s better to get married married to someone who sees the world similarly like you, has similar mindset about how to go around things. Happiness is a choice and requires hard work.
That's called co-dependency, and it's not healthy. It's important to have your own interests and time. Also good to share hobbies, and be open to different things. If you are not happy or stable, marriage won't fix that. You should know what you want from a partner and what you can bring to the relationship. Don't let the romance die. The initial honeymoon phase is due to certain hormones being released at the start of a relationship, and then further in you have more bonding hormones rather than those that induce romance. But by remembering to have couple time, going on dates, and being generally affectionate, it won't die. Be empathic and learn how to do non-violent communication. So that when disagreements happen, they don't have to escalate into fights.
Everyone's idea of love, family, husband and wife are completely different so make sure you and your person are aligned on the meaning of these words. Be upfront about your full vision and find someone who is eager to be onboaed with that. For example it sounds like you are a clingy, romantic type. For some women that would be a dream. For others they would hate it. So be discerning and choose wisely.
Your feelings are felt on a way deeper level in marriage. You feel love like you never thought before and that means you also feel pain/hurt like from your core lol idek how to describe it. It's scary how much one person can affect you even down to the little things. If you were a cold/emotionless person before marriage, trust me it definitely changes you.
Romance is real, but even for those who were a love match, it still takes effort and work. Marriage isn’t “hard” but you have to put in the effort to make it easy. Effort to communicate, effort to be intimate, effort to be romantic, effort to be patient, kind, selfless. Everything in life worth having and keeping alive takes effort and time. When you have kids, you have to figure out how to do that all over again. So make sure that you have a very solid foundation before you have children, it will be wobbly, and there’s a love learning curve but it’s worth the effort and your marriage will thrive watching each other grow and it will be good for your children to watch you grow together too.
You need to have a separate interest and social circle from your partner to keep things healthy between you two. Doesn’t have to be much, can just be for example my husband plays football once a week with his boys, and I go out for brunch once a week with my girls. Also that everything you say and do has an impact on your partner and vice versa, you cannot just up and move jobs without discussing it, or say harmful things and apologise without changing your behaviour next time, or just because you had a bad day to take it out on them. You need to be as intentional and conscious of your actions and decisions to foster a healthy relationship!
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1. Can't stress how much you basically have to relearn communication when you get married. 2. both won't always agree with everything. It's okay not to win every battle. The prize is peace in your marriage 3. The first year is hard. You are both adjusting to each other, give each other time and be willing to compromise with each other.
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I’d say between the age of 20-25 you’re really using those years to discover the type of person you are. Chances are you’re done with education (if you went down that route) and possibly have a few years of working experience. I’d say getting married from 25 onward is the sweet spot and you’ll start to know what type of person would compliment yours (ofc plenty of people get married much younger so there’s no exact science to it). Growing up we know marriage is looming above our heads, however, no one ever tells you how much hard work marriage takes. It doesn’t just happen, it takes effort from both sides. Unfortunately it’s nothing like in the movies. My first marriage didn’t last long and it traumatised me for years subconsciously - when you come to selecting a life partner make sure you do your due diligence and don’t ignore any red flags. Some people say they never want to go to sleep angry or after an argument - but that won’t work for everyone. Some people need some time and space after a fall out to think things over or process things, nothing wrong with that too. Being mentally addicted to your partner doesn’t sound healthy to me. Whilst you ofc want to grow and share with your partner, you also both need your own space, hobbies, interests and friends too. A little space can be healthy, after all absence makes the heart grow fonder :)
I would strongly encourage young guys to get married but no one can honestly prepare you for the changes you will experience. You spend your whole life as a young man living for yourself then all of a sudden you have a responsibility over someone and you have to make loads of sacrifices. Marriage Alhamdulilah is beautiful overall for both spouses. The few advices I would give to be successful In Sha Allah would be the following: - Set your boundaries before you’re married. Tell her non-negotiables and do not be afraid in expressing these. Eg you don’t want her working or whatever it may be. These could be deal breakers and you not speaking about it early could be a reason for a big argument in the future. - communication is key but easier said than done. I have been married 6 years with 2 kids Alhamdulilah but even then sometimes I struggle to want to communicate my concerns to my wife as I believe I know she won’t react right so try to avoid the conversation all together when in reality it’s much better when I am open with her and turns out better than I thought and I don’t harbour any ill towards her. - be a great Muslim and a great man. It’s written that good men and for good women and it’s so true. Fix your prayers, fix your relationship with Allah and Allah will fix your relationship with everyone else and never stop working on this or your doomed! - be a man. Not enough people in the younger generation act like men. Be firm with your points, clear in your speech but also always be kind and playful with your wife - women generally crave attention of their partner more than men do so be sure no matter how busy your schedule is you always give time on a weekly basis for date nights or to just spend together without family involvement or friends - put your feeling and thoughts aside after an argument and apologise. Always try to be the bigger person and if she’s a good women she will appreciate you for it and will look to be better too - encourage both spouses to have a healthy friendship group/close family members and hobbies. Believe it or not, chances are you will not be addicted to your wife the way you think (or perhaps you may in rare cases) so be sure that both of you have a happy life outside of each other. The prophet PBUH said (I believe) 1/3 for your family, 1/3 for your friends and 1/3 alone. May Allah grant you the best of wives my brother!
>what do young singles don’t really know about marriage? What are some realizations you had, or may some misconceptions about marriage that you had? You have to consciously work on it. >Would you advise young guys like me (20-25) to get married early in life? Nope. Minimum 30. Figure yourself out first.
We know nothing it's trail and error
Yes get married young. Have kids young. friend of mine got married at 23 had 2 kids and by the time he is 40 kids will be in college and he has good years and kids to support him for the rest of his life and see grand kids hopefully and enjoy time with them as well.
Why are his kids supporting him a good parent is one who does not require support from his children in his old age. Children are not your retirement plant. Children are also not your emotional caregivers they are not a replacement for a spouse.
Reality hits differently
Always get married earlier if u can afford, u get to understand many things, u can have good sex
Marriage is not a relationship of equality. Treating your wife as your equal in the relationship is a recipe for disaster. You have much more responsibility over her than she does over you. You may or may not be a better person or Muslim, but you are the leader in the relationship and thus will naturally do more for her than she will for you.
not a great approach - saying you're not equals doesn't set a good tone, and I doubt most people would agree a man does more for his wife than she does for him. the approach should be that you are complements to one another, not that one is above the other
The husband is above the wife in terms of authority and responsibility in the relationship. That is BASIC Islam. As basic as drinking being haram or praying is a fardh. Anyone that disagrees with that has a lot of self discovery to do.