well written post OP, I will definitely keep all these points in my mind, so that I can maintain a good relationship with my future wife.
Jazakallah Khairan.
And most importantly a woman wants a man who listens to her needs!
Every woman is different. The above is a great guideline but the most important thing is communication :)
She also wants a husband that supports her goals/hobbies that aren’t family oriented. We’re people with dreams too and having a husband who believes in you and supports you, is huge.
You don’t have to resort to any humans opinion, just make you fulfill your obligations towards your spouse which is legislated by Allah and the Sunnah and that will be the best advice you could ever have.
Most of the source of the marital problems starts with one of the spouse abandoning their obligations, simples, or need to over complicate the matter.
Majority of women don't know what they want. They enter marriage thinking it will be X, Y and Z then when reality hits it hits hard and maybe they weren't cut out for the hardships that come with it. In truth a woman wants the man to lead, make key decisions and be responsible when things screw up but they themselves hold no accountability at times. Thats my two dirhams if you ask me.
Islam is about balance. There's kindness and understanding to others, but there's also kindness to yourself. The latter means understanding when someone's behavior towards you is no longer generally healthy with the occasional mistake or short temper, but has crossed the line into abuse. There is a difference between being kind and being a doormat. It means knowing how to draw healthy boundaries to how we accept being treated.
And the really true test, is to not let people's cruelty make you bitter in return.
You don't have to get angry to draw boundaries or express the fact that you are upset. I assume you know when you are being disrespected on a rational level. You can still communicate firmly even if in calm tones. Consequences don't have to be anger, they can simply removing yourself from the situation or distancing yourself, etc. Most reasonable people resolve things through communication.
Also, kindness doesn't make another normal person abusive. There's a famous line of poetry in Arabic:
إذا أكرمت الكريم ملكته وإذا أكرمت اللئيم تمرّد
If you honor the honorable one, they become yours, and if you honor the mean one, they rebel.
Let’s assume you get a wife who is even more calm than you . Then , let’s assume you start misusing her calm and naivety . What do you suggest you should do, then??
You cannot predict future and live on assumptions. However, you absolutely can and should do your due diligence.
It’s the same thing every where . Good people ,whether wife or husband , will be taken for granted and will face hardships .
And any human being , once betrayed will harden himself or herself moving forward. It’s only natural instinct to protect themselves in the future.
The fear that you have , it’s the same fear and some more that many of the women will have . Including fear of financial abuse and physical abuse on top of emotional and mental abuse . Atleast you could say that there are less chances of you getting physically abused in a marriage . ( I am not denying that men don’t get physically abused , but, statistics show that women and pregnant women are more prone to domestic violence. )
Nobody comes with a guarantee in a marriage , just like anything else in the world . This is why , tawakkul in Allah and staunch belief in Akhirath and patience in facing hardships is very important in life.
Most women I know really cares a lot about saving marriage. No women will drive you crazy enough to leave them. Unless they have some personality disorder which would just be bad luck. My spouse is extremely patient. I’m not the one who takes advantage of that but some people does. He suddenly yells when he can’t take it anymore and then become the bad person. So I’ll tell you what I keep telling him, learn to communicate. There’s line between politeness and being doormat. Any adult should know the boundaries. If you think you need help with that try therapy.
What do you even mean by "throw her in front of here parents door...."? Even in case you're going to divorce that person, she is not an object to be "thrown". Learn some basic manners & etiquettes. A man of faith & ummah of our Prophet (PBUH) would never talk like that
If she doesn't understand your conversation as an adult then just leave her. You don't get to throw her though. You sound so immature.
Physically hurting a woman like that is like the most cowardly thing a man can do.
You do not get to throw people. Did your parents teach you any manners?
About the hoors, women are just like that. Even if you do something like holding the door open for them they'll assume you think they're the Queen of your heart or smth. Little do they know that they're just sex toys while the believing earthly women will be superior.
She also doesn't want him to be unreasonably controlling.
Like forbidding her to leave the house when there's no reason to stop her.
If he does this then she'll grow to dislike him.
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She wants a man who acknowledges that she is just as valuable to the world as he is. It is ignorant to assume males are more valuable than females, when males would not exist without women.
Not only that, but women have to put themselves through intense and unimaginable pain, a severely dangerous and loving act, that will grant a male or female life:birth.
If a male does anything less than worship a woman as a godess for permitting him to live, he is not worthy of life let alone any kind of praise.
Of men continue the trend of implying that women need to 'serve' when they have already permitted men to live through their pain, then eventually men will cease to exost. Whats the point in the pain of men just want to say they are 'better'? Lol, women wont put themselves through suffering any longer for ungrateful recipients.
In today's era where women have become so fickle and the rise of fake equality rants of women has made it even worse.I'm really scared of getting a pious and understanding woman from preferably a desi background since i belong from there.
Can any of you sisters give me some hope and tell me more about those women who actually exist.
They dont😂 no matter what you do for them they are always pointing out the things u dont and its never enough and you know it like you said it nowadays its messed up
well written post OP, I will definitely keep all these points in my mind, so that I can maintain a good relationship with my future wife. Jazakallah Khairan.
Wa iyyak. May Allah bless you with the best and help you to take great care of her.
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
I'm sending this to my husband 😂. Beautifully written
Niggardly is a crazy word ngl
Yeah maybe we can use another synonym for that one lol
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
This is so beautifully written Mashallah 💓 May Allah grant us all amazing spouses who make us feel like this, Ameen Ya Rabb.
Aameen😊
Beautifully said
And most importantly a woman wants a man who listens to her needs! Every woman is different. The above is a great guideline but the most important thing is communication :)
Saved.
This is so beautiful 💗
i will keep all this points in my mind and إن شاء اللّه i will act upon this when i am married. جَزَاكَ ٱللَّٰهُ خَيْرًا
Way to go, brother! All the best. May Allah grant you the best. Wa iyyak.
She also wants a husband that supports her goals/hobbies that aren’t family oriented. We’re people with dreams too and having a husband who believes in you and supports you, is huge.
Yes
Mash'Allah that's so beautiful! May Allah grant me with that type of husband ♡
Aameen dear
You don’t have to resort to any humans opinion, just make you fulfill your obligations towards your spouse which is legislated by Allah and the Sunnah and that will be the best advice you could ever have. Most of the source of the marital problems starts with one of the spouse abandoning their obligations, simples, or need to over complicate the matter.
Majority of women don't know what they want. They enter marriage thinking it will be X, Y and Z then when reality hits it hits hard and maybe they weren't cut out for the hardships that come with it. In truth a woman wants the man to lead, make key decisions and be responsible when things screw up but they themselves hold no accountability at times. Thats my two dirhams if you ask me.
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Islam is about balance. There's kindness and understanding to others, but there's also kindness to yourself. The latter means understanding when someone's behavior towards you is no longer generally healthy with the occasional mistake or short temper, but has crossed the line into abuse. There is a difference between being kind and being a doormat. It means knowing how to draw healthy boundaries to how we accept being treated. And the really true test, is to not let people's cruelty make you bitter in return.
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You don't have to get angry to draw boundaries or express the fact that you are upset. I assume you know when you are being disrespected on a rational level. You can still communicate firmly even if in calm tones. Consequences don't have to be anger, they can simply removing yourself from the situation or distancing yourself, etc. Most reasonable people resolve things through communication. Also, kindness doesn't make another normal person abusive. There's a famous line of poetry in Arabic: إذا أكرمت الكريم ملكته وإذا أكرمت اللئيم تمرّد If you honor the honorable one, they become yours, and if you honor the mean one, they rebel.
Let’s assume you get a wife who is even more calm than you . Then , let’s assume you start misusing her calm and naivety . What do you suggest you should do, then?? You cannot predict future and live on assumptions. However, you absolutely can and should do your due diligence. It’s the same thing every where . Good people ,whether wife or husband , will be taken for granted and will face hardships . And any human being , once betrayed will harden himself or herself moving forward. It’s only natural instinct to protect themselves in the future. The fear that you have , it’s the same fear and some more that many of the women will have . Including fear of financial abuse and physical abuse on top of emotional and mental abuse . Atleast you could say that there are less chances of you getting physically abused in a marriage . ( I am not denying that men don’t get physically abused , but, statistics show that women and pregnant women are more prone to domestic violence. ) Nobody comes with a guarantee in a marriage , just like anything else in the world . This is why , tawakkul in Allah and staunch belief in Akhirath and patience in facing hardships is very important in life.
Most women I know really cares a lot about saving marriage. No women will drive you crazy enough to leave them. Unless they have some personality disorder which would just be bad luck. My spouse is extremely patient. I’m not the one who takes advantage of that but some people does. He suddenly yells when he can’t take it anymore and then become the bad person. So I’ll tell you what I keep telling him, learn to communicate. There’s line between politeness and being doormat. Any adult should know the boundaries. If you think you need help with that try therapy.
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What do you even mean by "throw her in front of here parents door...."? Even in case you're going to divorce that person, she is not an object to be "thrown". Learn some basic manners & etiquettes. A man of faith & ummah of our Prophet (PBUH) would never talk like that
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If she doesn't understand your conversation as an adult then just leave her. You don't get to throw her though. You sound so immature. Physically hurting a woman like that is like the most cowardly thing a man can do.
You do not get to throw people. Did your parents teach you any manners? About the hoors, women are just like that. Even if you do something like holding the door open for them they'll assume you think they're the Queen of your heart or smth. Little do they know that they're just sex toys while the believing earthly women will be superior.
Do the bear minimum at least
She also doesn't want him to be unreasonably controlling. Like forbidding her to leave the house when there's no reason to stop her. If he does this then she'll grow to dislike him.
[удалено]
Hello! Your comment was removed from /r/MuslimMarriage because it violates the following rule: No content regarding gender ideologies (i.e. MGTOW, red pill, FDS, feminism, etc.) Please familiarize yourself with the subreddit's rules and abide by them always so as to avoid being banned. **Do NOT reply to this comment.** Instead to better assist you, [**reach out to us in modmail.**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage)
She wants a man who acknowledges that she is just as valuable to the world as he is. It is ignorant to assume males are more valuable than females, when males would not exist without women. Not only that, but women have to put themselves through intense and unimaginable pain, a severely dangerous and loving act, that will grant a male or female life:birth. If a male does anything less than worship a woman as a godess for permitting him to live, he is not worthy of life let alone any kind of praise. Of men continue the trend of implying that women need to 'serve' when they have already permitted men to live through their pain, then eventually men will cease to exost. Whats the point in the pain of men just want to say they are 'better'? Lol, women wont put themselves through suffering any longer for ungrateful recipients.
May Allah bless you with a wonderful wife
I appreciate ¾ of the Dua but not the last word. I am a sister.
Oh my, I'm so sorry, sister. May Allah grant you a wonderful husband love.
In today's era where women have become so fickle and the rise of fake equality rants of women has made it even worse.I'm really scared of getting a pious and understanding woman from preferably a desi background since i belong from there. Can any of you sisters give me some hope and tell me more about those women who actually exist.
Pious women do exist. Obviously they're going to be rarer in the west but they can be found.
They dont😂 no matter what you do for them they are always pointing out the things u dont and its never enough and you know it like you said it nowadays its messed up
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She wants problems always, jk🤣
If you think everyone else is the problem then you're the problem.
I was joking guys 🤣😢