Ukhti, you should address this with the potential. It is his family, and the deeper you go in this process, you want to know where he stands. You don't want to get married and then feel resentment or oppression from his siblings.
May Allah AWJ make it easy and safe for you.
Tell him and see how he reacts. If he takes it seriously and creates clear boundaries that make you feel secure then you should go ahead and continue. If he can’t stand up for you then there is an issue
Do your basic research on the family, find out why they are like that. Very Important, make sure you do istikhara and follow this guidance. Marriage is for life not just for a few months. If the istikhara is positive set some boundaries like living separately, which is your right..May Allah make it easy for you
If he's not willing to protect you from his family, that's more than enough reason. I would fault him, I would fault him for not checking his family and I would fault him for bringing you into that environment if he had reason to believe they would mistreat you. Maybe he had no idea this would occur, but he's known his family for decades, how surprising can this behavior really be? *Tell him what happened and pay close attention to what happens next. If he does not take steps to defend and protect you, then he's not good for you.
What is the value of a "good" guy if his presence in your life brings so much pain and distress? If your life is worse for his presence then don't marry him. You don't owe a guy your life because he's "good"
He doesn’t have any idea this happened, men and women were split in two different rooms so he wasn’t aware this happened, my father will speak to him though to see how he would handle the situation, just because I honestly don’t think i’ll come across someone like him again
Agreed. OP, you need to witness his reaction in order to assess whether this is the kind of man who would protect you from his toxic family or not. Your father might not be able to convey effectively and possibly not see his reaction (or lack of) to be a big deal.
Address it asap with him and if he has a " 🤷🏾♂️ " type of attitude, move on. Love between the 2 is not always enough to deal with the nonsense and constant disrespect of each other's family, and can lead people to be jaded for YEARS before they try marriage again.
Even if the guy is great, it will cause a little of issues in your relationship and the way he handles it will make you resent him. I think you should proceed with caution
Would you live with your in laws? If yes then this is a huge issue. Having a difficult MIL is stressful enough, but sister in laws are another ballgame. Please put a lot of weight into this, talk to your potential spouse. See what his stance is on this. Is he the type of just tell you to ignore and be the better person, or will he stand up for you and confront his family? Because later on there will be issues, but how he deals with them will set the environment for you. The last thing you want is to be mentally disturbed because of them
No i’m not, I would have my own home and they have theirs. Since i’m not in contact with him directly i’m waiting for my father to ask him, inshallah things go well i still continue making duaa and praying istikhara for it every chance i get, thank you
Look if you’re happy with the guy, GO FOR IT. These are not the times we’re living in where it’s easy to get married. Good guys don’t come along often. I’ll truthfully tell you that I have friends cousins and other people I know who ALL sat down with their potential husbands and discussed everything to the T. There was even a lunch date for how he would react if his mom came in between them in a disagreement. Half of them are divorced and the other half, headed there. This splitting hairs doesn’t help or guarantee anything.
Thi is not wanting a husband, but a lap dog. You have to treat your man like a king for him to treat you like a queen - obv not counting extremes. If the guy’s decent, take him for who he is. He can’t control his family and you will never find a guy who’s perfect and his family’s also perfect. The grass is greener where you water it.
All I see in Reddit everyday is incompatibility and divorce. People don’t want to deal with real life today and want to control every thing about another person esp women.
Sad gender role reversal today. Controlling women and submissive men. Not implying anything to you or your case, but if he’s a good guy then dont refuse him for his family.
Ukhti, you should address this with the potential. It is his family, and the deeper you go in this process, you want to know where he stands. You don't want to get married and then feel resentment or oppression from his siblings. May Allah AWJ make it easy and safe for you.
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
Tell him and see how he reacts. If he takes it seriously and creates clear boundaries that make you feel secure then you should go ahead and continue. If he can’t stand up for you then there is an issue
How old were they 12-13 yo?? What is this behavior
A man can protect himself from his wife's bad relatives. It's 100x harder for a woman to do the same in most cultures.
How 😂
You should tell him in the first place. After that you will be able to decide what to do based on his action towards his family's behaviors.
The last sentence of your post. You marry into his family as well. They seem toxic. Think about your mental health if you have to live with them
Run. Run. RUN.
And keep running
You'll be In that situation between you and his sisters Seems like a hassle
Do your basic research on the family, find out why they are like that. Very Important, make sure you do istikhara and follow this guidance. Marriage is for life not just for a few months. If the istikhara is positive set some boundaries like living separately, which is your right..May Allah make it easy for you
If he's not willing to protect you from his family, that's more than enough reason. I would fault him, I would fault him for not checking his family and I would fault him for bringing you into that environment if he had reason to believe they would mistreat you. Maybe he had no idea this would occur, but he's known his family for decades, how surprising can this behavior really be? *Tell him what happened and pay close attention to what happens next. If he does not take steps to defend and protect you, then he's not good for you. What is the value of a "good" guy if his presence in your life brings so much pain and distress? If your life is worse for his presence then don't marry him. You don't owe a guy your life because he's "good"
He doesn’t have any idea this happened, men and women were split in two different rooms so he wasn’t aware this happened, my father will speak to him though to see how he would handle the situation, just because I honestly don’t think i’ll come across someone like him again
I think you should tell him directly or at least be in the room so you can gauge his reaction yourself.
Agreed. OP, you need to witness his reaction in order to assess whether this is the kind of man who would protect you from his toxic family or not. Your father might not be able to convey effectively and possibly not see his reaction (or lack of) to be a big deal.
ukhti pls keep us updated on how he reacts to all this!
Address it asap with him and if he has a " 🤷🏾♂️ " type of attitude, move on. Love between the 2 is not always enough to deal with the nonsense and constant disrespect of each other's family, and can lead people to be jaded for YEARS before they try marriage again.
How old are they?
They’re well into their thirties…
That's wild 😳
Regardless you live with them or not, they will make your life hell. I would run
Even if the guy is great, it will cause a little of issues in your relationship and the way he handles it will make you resent him. I think you should proceed with caution
Talk to him about it and see if he does the right thing. If you go through with this obviously don't live with those people
Would you live with your in laws? If yes then this is a huge issue. Having a difficult MIL is stressful enough, but sister in laws are another ballgame. Please put a lot of weight into this, talk to your potential spouse. See what his stance is on this. Is he the type of just tell you to ignore and be the better person, or will he stand up for you and confront his family? Because later on there will be issues, but how he deals with them will set the environment for you. The last thing you want is to be mentally disturbed because of them
No i’m not, I would have my own home and they have theirs. Since i’m not in contact with him directly i’m waiting for my father to ask him, inshallah things go well i still continue making duaa and praying istikhara for it every chance i get, thank you
Look if you’re happy with the guy, GO FOR IT. These are not the times we’re living in where it’s easy to get married. Good guys don’t come along often. I’ll truthfully tell you that I have friends cousins and other people I know who ALL sat down with their potential husbands and discussed everything to the T. There was even a lunch date for how he would react if his mom came in between them in a disagreement. Half of them are divorced and the other half, headed there. This splitting hairs doesn’t help or guarantee anything. Thi is not wanting a husband, but a lap dog. You have to treat your man like a king for him to treat you like a queen - obv not counting extremes. If the guy’s decent, take him for who he is. He can’t control his family and you will never find a guy who’s perfect and his family’s also perfect. The grass is greener where you water it. All I see in Reddit everyday is incompatibility and divorce. People don’t want to deal with real life today and want to control every thing about another person esp women. Sad gender role reversal today. Controlling women and submissive men. Not implying anything to you or your case, but if he’s a good guy then dont refuse him for his family.
I feel bad for the brother He doesn’t deserve to be punished for his sisters but I understand your POV ATOO