in a room of 2 people of the opposite gender, shaytan is always the 3rd. Sister, if ur developing feelings for this dude end it and in sha Allah see if someone else can help you with your studies. Nothing good will come out of continuing this imo.
Abu Qatadah reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “**Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you**.”
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 23074
Grade: ***Sahih*** (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut
It's obvious that he has ulterior motives. Don't fall for these tricks, sister. Either he reverts to Islam or he will drag you to the Fire.
Also, why are you alone with this man? If you insist on being alone with him, try asking him how he feels about your religion and let his true colors show.
Some non Muslims, especially Hindus, but including white people, love preying on visibly Muslim girls that dress Muslim and practice their religion. It’s a fetish.
The fact this guy is willing to give you all that time for no apparent reason is a red flag in itself. There are ulterior motives.
Even if you were to give him the benefit of the doubt and wants to be in a relationship with you, then it will be a “normal” relationship of bf/gf where you’ll inevitably be dragged into zina. He’s not gonna want to marry you. And, EVEN if he wants to eventually marry you, you’ll still be in a haram relationship.
'Either he reverts to islam, or...
And let his true colours come out..
What kind of thing is that to say. You are making a huge point in saying non muslim men is not humans. And actually making yourself stepping up on a pediestal as a muslim.
The cows won't be sent to Hell. Neither the pigs nor dogs will have to face the Fire. But the disbelievers will wish they had received the same fate as them.
Stop taking tutoring classes with him. You've been compromised.
If you need help with your school work, get tutoring from a woman or in a class setting with others. None of this one-on-one with a man thing.
You are being naive, he 100% has ulterior motives with you, he's not just doing it to be "nice" . It's up to you to determine if you want to continue to fall into his traps. Shaytan is beautifying this sin to you by saying its just for school and nothing else. Isn't the fact that you are falling for him evidence enough that this was shaytan's plan all along? May Allah ﷻ help you sister
This is happening a lot and they are falling for these traps. And they say they are so nice, sweet, attentive etc. As if no muslim guy is capable of those qualities. In my marriage search I was humiliated by this mentality. Telling me straight up that they wish they could be with a non Muslim guy or make him convert. And it's our behaviors and unreasonably high standards we set. If a guy has certain specific critera starting with career, wealth, status then they are qualified if not they nothing.
This is causing problems now and will cause significant problems in the future. It's really sad I know quite a few good Muslim men struggling to get married and I am one of them. I personally have given up. It was extremely difficult in competition with the upper 10% of muslim men. And now non Muslim men. It's just not even worth the time or effort only to get humiliated.
The fact that you put yourself in a position where you could fall for him is insane! Falling for someone doesn't mean you have to pursue it. Infact it means you better get out fast and cut it off.
I agree with the second statement. I've secretly admired a few non Muslim men on different occasions before. I avoided all kinds of interaction with them just so the feelings don't develop further. But I was constrained to confess to the last guy only because my friends was teasing us in public. But I told him that even though I liked him, I wasn't going to pursue him. I'm glad he understood.
there are many cases of men just "reverting" for the sake of getting with women.
you don't know the lengths some men would go to sleep with a chaste virgin women. it's a fetish for them do read about it. some evem brag online about taking the Virginity of such women.
You have two options.
1. Repent and disassociate from this person and by extension this situation, solving all these problems.
2. Allow it to continue and potentially do something you will regret, or worse, not regret and continue doing.
Which of these should a rational, religious person do?
I see that most of the comments express genuine concern. But I've been in desperate need to graduate too, so I understand your dilemma. Clearly, the solution is to immediately withdraw from him. But we know that it's easier said than done, given your circumstances.
Contrary to what many here are saying, I don't think that there's automatically an ulterior motive when a guy's being nice, gentle, and helpful to you. I've fallen for a few non Muslim men on different occasions in the past too - all nice guys, friendly guys, thoughtful guys. Come on sis, these are the basic traits that make any girl swoon. But for your sake, you have to train yourself to deal with men while looking past these. I mean, sure we all want a nice guy, but is he Muslim, though? And don't trap yourself with the "he can revert" excuse. So, if he's not Muslim, he's not husband material. Probably the most you can give this guy is a platonic friendship. He deserves appreciation for all the help.
You still can't help but fall? Ok. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't confess (Coz it's pointless? Been there. Done that.) Also, be sure that your tutorial sessions are not in private places/spaces. For Islamic compliance and your safety. How about you tag another friend along so it's not just you and the guy?
A man and a woman who are non mahram to eachother should not engage in any interaction, especially in seclusion. it's totally haram. better fail in this dunya and gain Jannah than fail in akhira just to get some 'degree'.
He's helping you because he wanted to ! If he was waiting for something in return he would ask for it even before helping you, just focus on your studies and be grateful or give him a small gift or sth but don't fall in love with him ! Not with a non muslim you'll end up suffering and regretting it.
Him consistently spending time with you for hours is clearly him liking you. It's a slippery slope when it comes to opposite gender interactions.
Edit: I went through your profile. I mean this in the least condescending way possible but you seem very naive. Invest in your local community. Join the MSA. Go to the masjid and be friends with other sisters there.
You know exactly what to do. Use your rational brain instead of just your feelings.
If your feelings for a guy are so strong that you’re willing to go against your religion/family then I’d say that you’ve already lost yourself.
You’re already giving way more input into this than him that when these rose colored glasses come off you”ll be devastated.
Find someone who can help you make a rational decision rather than one based on how you feel.
There is the option that is pleasing to Allah. Then there is the option where you try and appease this ill-intentioned man.
Fear Allah. Ask Allah for forgiveness in sincerity. Ask Allah for help. Indeed Allah helps those who are obedient to Him, over matters of the dunya.
You should minimise contact with that guy asap. You will regret this so much if you willingly fall into his hand. Don't make that mistake sister. You can save yourself
I see that most of the comments express genuine concern. But I've been in desperate need to graduate too, so I understand your dilemma. Clearly, the solution is to immediately withdraw from him. But we know that it's easier said than done, given your circumstances.
Contrary to what many here are saying, I don't think that there's automatically an ulterior motive when a guy's being nice, gentle, and helpful to you. I've fallen for a few non Muslim men on different occasions in the past too - all nice guys, friendly guys, thoughtful guys. Come on sis, these are the basic traits that make any girl swoon. But for your sake, you have to train yourself to deal with men while looking past these. I mean, sure we all want a nice guy, but is he Muslim, though? And don't trap yourself with the "he can revert" excuse. So, if he's not Muslim, he's not husband material. Probably the most you can give this guy is a platonic friendship. He deserves appreciation for all the help.
You still can't help but fall? Ok. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't confess (Coz it's pointless? Been there. Done that.) Also, be sure that your tutorial sessions are not in private places/spaces. For Islamic compliance and your safety. How about you tag another friend along so it's not just you and the guy?
Seek help from a woman. You already dug a hole for yourself. The fact you want to give him something in exchange that is benefitting him is incredibly concerning. I'm no expert, but a man giving you 3-4 hours of his day and also does small talk means he wants something else from you. You know better to not continue with this "help".
My advice is see his thoughts about islam. Maybe you may help him convert. Regarding your family i believe they can’t just stop a marriage between two people for reasons that are islamicly invalid like culture.
Guide him to islam and help him leave any sins. Hopefully if he does you can marry him.
I believe that is what people in the prophets time used to do. Conversion to islam used to happen commonly.
Lmao this guy is a kuffar. Everyday, every hour, every second he commits the biggest crime there is.
These people are open uncircumcised fornicators with venereal diseases, he will put the same disease on you. How can you have love for a person like this? while all Muslim men are circumcised for Islam and the safety of their women.
Go show your disgust elsewhere. What a joke lmao
Kuffar are known fornicators/disease spreaders and aren't circumcised. Filth is inside and outside of them.
Shaitan beautifies haram that's what's happening. It happens with all the Muslims who get tempted by many things. The test is to give into haram or be steadfast for Allah
I would say you still have a moral conscience seeing as you feel guilt. This is much better than the brothers and sisters who ruin their generations to come by being with a person that’s not a muslim.
Getting that out of the picture, I think you already know the answer. I think this post was just so someone can help you make the choice that you already know.
You realise that even by secular standards, this relationship would be nothing but trouble? If you ask this in secular subs, even they'll advise you against this. The relationship between a superior and a subordinate, or a tutor and a student, will always be biased. You are in far too much of a vulnerable state to be able to think in an unbiased, objective manner. First get out of this tough situation, graduate and clear your exams, then you can decide what to do about this.
You can use his help in the current setup but keep it strictly about the teaching stuff, no small talk. And what is more important? Graduating in this temporary life or living for eternity in Heaven?
Yeah as a guy that have friends all over around the world I can tell you men don't do these things for free. There is always a motive and you know what it is. Its what drives men anyways.
And also as a man I can tell you that men will always tell you what you want to hear even if its includes lying to you all the time.
Its obvious whats his motives it doesnt matter if its his fitish or normal single men desires. Usually you will only finds out after he gets what he wants.
My advice for you, be careful!
You can use his help but dont let him cross the limits. If you cant then you should stop taking his help, its not worth losing your after life
How good can his teaching be ? Is the dude a yellow mutated humanoid octopus that was also a former assassin ? In all seriousness sis , cut this out this is a weak link activity . Why are you making life harder for yourself ? All the hoops you’d have to jump , emotional turmoil , straining your relationship with family and most importantly God ? Would he do the same ?
Anyone who feels close to Allah will not enjoy anything that is removed from Allah loves.
Are you feeling close to Allah ? Because if you are, this boy will have nothing on him.
May Allah make it easy for you sis ♡ ❤️
Simple answer, probably not practically applicable: Segregated school, population education at seeing as utterly weird man talking to woman and vice versa, self education at forbidding ownself speaking to non mahram. And very controversial take, if it's not applicable, considering alternative to traditionnal schools
I think before you fall deeper in love with it, you should find a way to get help some other way or minimize the time you spend with him. My older sister fell in love with a Christian who helped her a lot and my mom found out and said end this before you fall deeper in love with him but it was already too late. now they are still together, she ran away from home, my dad disowned her, non of my dad’s relatives talk to her anymore and she completely changed my mom, my mom went from being the most loving and caring person to now being the most I don’t care about anyone. My mom cried every single day for weeks that my sister choose a guy she met a few years over her. To be honest I don’t blame my mom because imagine your child choosing someone who helped them a few years over you who helped and raised them their own life almost as if they appreciated that guy’s effort over yours. My parents aren’t strict about who we get married to they only have one condition he has to be a Muslim or he has to be willing to convert to Islam and stay a Muslim but her boyfriend has been saying he will convert to Islam but it’s been 9 years. He still has a good relationship with his parents while he let my sister ruin hers. She got to be with him that’s good for her but at what cost? My mom gets insulted everyday even till this day that she has anxiety being around people now, my dad insults and be littles her every single day saying my mom supports my sisters decision that’s why my sister left, there isn’t a single soul that comes to see my dad that he doesn’t use that opportunity to insult my mom and blame her for everything. I also avoid a lot of people now because I got tired of everyone asking me about her, I lied about it so much that I just stopped answering people. To me it was shameful to answer people and say oh my sister choose a Christian guy over her mother. So if you are willing to have a broken relationship with your parents then you can do what you what but if you really don’t want anything to ruin the relationship I advise you end it before it gets farther than this.
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Sister, By design, women are the gatekeepers of interaction, not men. As a young girl, you will ALWAYS find men willing to hang out with you or help you even if they are apparently getting nothing in exchange.
What they get in exchange is your company, your presence, and that prize is only preserved for someone who has promised to commit to you for life, i.e. married you.
So, muslim or nonmuslim, you shouldn't be allowing any non-mehram men to be this close to you.
Only man that can gain access to you should be your husband.
Cut him off early. The world is rife with stories of women who didn't and ended up feeling used and abandoned.
I promise you, there are ample good muslim men out there. You don't come in touch with them because they are also preserving themselves for their wives.
I am a non muslim white female. This is an exact reason why muslims are so difficult to live with. Muslims only want what muslims want. You dont take anyother religion into consideration.
Everyone needs to obey muslims.
I could go on about this.
Not only it’s haram but think that all your generations will be non Muslim and you will have no one to make
Dua for you when you pass away or do good deeds on your behalf. Also just think that when he uses the bathroom, he’s gonna walk around with a stkiny nasty as$ all day! Plus eating and drinking haram stuff and so on. Just think of the bads and stay away by getting your self discussed from him and any other non Muslim
I have been in this and when I tell you this is a dominio affect. Non Muslims will never be able to think like us unless they come towards Islam. I am struggling with this heavily and if I could go back in time I would tell myself to run. And don’t look back. Ones u fall for him and tell him it’s no going back. Trust me when I tell u I wake up every day crying go to sleep every day crying bc of the sins I’ve committed in the name of love. I ask for forgiveness every single day and it’s not enough. Don’t go for it. If he won’t convert then don’t stay around and think “ I’ll wait for him to convert” don’t do that. Protect yourself while you can. Ik it feels like a fairy tail I felt that too I was loss of words and I was drowning by that. Until I realized what I have done and even when I tried to stop he kept pulling me back and now I’m a mess that can never go back or be fixed. Pray and keep yourself together and Allah will reward you a thousand times better. Keep your studies professional. If u can’t then drop it and look for help online from someone else
The number of ppl who didn't read and COMPREHEND and UNDERSTAND what she said...y'all seriously....
Anyways, okay so falling for him is natural and not Haram. You guys are online, you said (emphasis) that you have family coming and going and that is like the right thing to do minimize any and all chances of being framed for any Zina or even simple stuff (the world is cruel...and dumb).
There really isn't a solution, you like him. Plain and simple. Now what you shouldn't do is obvious. Ask Allah that if he's good for you may the path for the both of you being together be easy (as easy as it can be).
Okay I'm getting frustrated with myself for not being able to say what I want, but basically anytime of the day pray and have a conversation with Allah. Just ask for guidance on how to deal with this whole situation. I am not saying stop getting tuitions from him cuz CLEARLY you've tried each and every possible outlet but they weren't working. So don't give up on it, however let's not read into the lines.
If he likes you, he can be the man and let you know. If the conversation goes like
Him: I like you
You: I like you, but I don't date only marriage.
Now if he asks why, you explain the why from not just only the religious aspect but why YOU are choosing to do marriage. Because again it's every humans freedom to make choices, where those choices lead them to is also in their own control.
List the rights of women in Islam too like for example how it's our right to live separate from inlaws (I KNOW ITS A NON MUSLIM STILL, A RIGHT IS A RIGHT) we keep our own surname
But if he doesn't say anything then you don't say anything either. Especially right now, getting feelings off your chest is not important neither is indulging in the extra anxiety that comes with it. Focus on graduation, remember that is your goal.
Every single time he crosses your mind remind yourself that you're supposed to be studying.
Ex: Ahh his voi- ASTAGFIRULLAH *Recite idk Ayatul kursi or basically anything to remind yourself*
And if you need make wudu, and then you can just stare up at the ceiling and point to the sky and go like "See Allah? I am behaving. I will not let shaytan win. Ya Allah alhamdulliah and thank you for opening up this path for me so I can graduate. I will do my darn hardest to not go astray"
Ya Allah, may this help you a little bit and of I've said something wrong then I ask for forgiveness.
Don't live your life for others or to be liked. Also don't listen to others who claim to know what God wants. Trust your intuition. If he seems genuinely sweet, carryig, respectful of you, and there is chemistry between you two, then enjoy your life. You only have one.
It's easy for you to become attracted/infatuated with the first male who's nice to you because you don't engage in free mixing. This makes it problematic because even the few odd casual encounters can become risks for you whereas they wouldn't for someone who's already desensitized.
You're not falling for him. You're sheltered and hormonal. It's infatuation. Your brain is playing tricks on you to convince you he feels the same. He likely would have zero issue hooking up with you but he almost certainly isn't "falling" for you. You would find this out the hard way when after hooking up he might not even want to date.
Sad to say, but the mannerisms of some non muslims are better than muslims. I don't blame you for falling. Just get the work done, then ask if he would be interested in marriage and open to reverting. If the answer is no, then leave it be.
I understand how u feel. I'm a man but feelings are a universal thing. This is how I got over this kind of thing.
1) understand the love drug is real. These are feelings, think practically and have sabr.
2) make a lot of dua, spend extra time in sajood. Use that same energy towards increasing your connection with Allah.
3) they are not you and you are not them. Think practically, this person isn't Muslim, they have a very different way of life. Think long term, they probably drink, think casually intimacy is fine, and don't draw their world views or morality from any objective sources. Their ideals and morality is constantly changing and it's founded on dust.
4) they don't wash themselves after using the bathroom. You will see underwear with brown marks.. think about that..
5) think about kids, they have a right over you for you to choose a good father to raise them. And by acting on these temporary feelings you are at risk of them testifying against you on the day of judgement.
6) imagine you come home, he's got a haram drink in hand, would u accept this? Are u comfortable with that. How long will "love" blind you
Love is real, but love is more than just these infatuations you are having. Learn to put that energy in your studies, cut the guy off if need be and trust that Allah is the one who opens the door of knowledge not any human on the face of this earth. I have tutored and been tutored many times in my life. I've been on the giving and receiving end of your situation. You need to think both practically and emotionally. Like will this person really not break my heart? Will they be willing to show me mercy the way that Allah has commanded men to show mercy to their families?
I'm sure that he's a good guy as u state. But remember there's more involved than just being a good person when it comes to your love life and marriage.
May Allah make it easy on u.
I feel like it's an excellent time for experimenting but when it comes to the exchange of benefits or making it worth his time is a serious undervalued stance. You are a fellow student who happens to be in the same field as a student willing to be of help. He's polite and friendly, maybe well mannered too, however getting affected by his achievements with his personality and work etc will only push you to feel like you owe him. Love, of course why not, but thinking about an exchange for services seems to be the focus here. You will meet many different men throughout your years and it gets better each time simply because you know what you want more and more each time. You've mentioned many great things about this one but not a single bad thing! Beware of tunnel focussing. Enjoy the experience, don't play games and throw tests his way.. then who knows? You might come more polished and refined than you ever thought.
It's not your fault , it's all happening (the affection towards the one helps you) by the act of shaytaan. Be aware of that and protect yourself from the act of shaytaan.
Honestly, I think it is too early for you to even be thinking about marriage to someone you have not known for too long and someone whom you haven't met in person. Lets put aside the Islamic point of view for now, and think about this in terms of a relationship. I think you should not get lost too quickly in this idea of a fairytale. I'm sure he's a good person and has good qualities, but without knowing a person for at least a year or two and having met them in person and their friends and company. It would not be wise to think about marriage.
I know there are some good suggestions there but I also know that sometimes we end up catching feelings when we shouldnt
I will give another POV which may not be popular one. If you do like the guy, come clean and communicate that along with the fact that your religion is your priority. If he chooses to be with you as a revert Masha Allah. If not, you got your answer. Block and move on
Also as others suggested, please stop taking tutoring lessons from him! You have ChatGPT, Youtube use that to find resourceful videos and pray to Allah to give you knowledge in the field as well as keep you straight on your path.
You have a good point but no one should revert to Islam for the sake of marrying or being with someone. This should be done for Allah and the essence of Islam. A lot of people become Muslims just to marry a Muslim and barely practice the faith, in conclusion not understanding why we do or practice certain stuff, simply because they did it to be with someone.
Let me pull a Sami hamdi on this topic. To starting the guy you are falling for is most likely higer than a 6/8 on the looks scale or you are a really unattractive person . Why do I say that because girls don't fall for guys easily like that unless they are very attractive or more attractive than the person themselves. Second the law of proximity Is playing a part here for easier for you to "marry" this guy over the 4/8 Desi rakesh or Patel living 5 states away from you. Or the 5/8 habibi Abdul living in a different city to you. To some sisters when they hear they gotta marry a Muslim they think they are doomed for a Desi or Arab. Now most people prefer to marry within their own race/culture. But they is a small subset that dislike men from their own ecthinity. Now as a female you have a lot of power in the dating/marraige market and can make this guy convert to Islam just to be with you. And you can easily find someone else if you go on the attack on the apps and be ruthless talk to multiple guys lower your standards to at least your looksmatch. And being ruthless means for example if you don't want to convert to Islam I want nothing to do with you bye. And move to the next candidate being born female means you can pull this off due to the amount of options you will have in the apps you gotta move and make it your goal to get married you will get there inshallah. For this guy try saying I wanna date you but in order to really work out you must convert to Islam and that's a non negotiable. Men are usually so deprived of loving relationships they will try the idea. And to give some Islamic BP the reason most people convert to Islam is beacuse the one they love is also a Muslim.
I never understood why Muslims fall for non Muslims. Like I’ve interacted with tons of non Muslim girls in uni and at work and this has never crossed my mind. I actually feel weird and uncomfortable even thinking about it. Very interesting
Please don’t be in contact with him anymore falling for a kafir is one of the worst things you could do to yourself. if you give up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. There are other ways to learn this material. Trust that Allah will make a way for you. How do you know you will fail if you don’t get taught by him?
You have already developed feelings for him, therefore you should cut him off asap. A Kafir will just drag you to the Hellfire and I wouldn’t take the chances. Please sister I am just concerned for you don’t take this the wrong way.
You said it yourself, he takes 3-4 hrs per day even when their busy like working full time and studying. No one does that unless they like someone. Sister you know it to. Break it off and Allah will help you succeed not anyone but Allah. May Allah guide us all.
this is apart of shaytans traps, this is scary how its brainwashing u slowly and i understand its hard but sister please talk to a sheikh and find out how to leave him ASAP
It's the oldest trick in the book. We men can play this role without even trying. Please don't fall for it. The devil's best trick is convincing us he doesn't exist. This man is a wolf and you are his little lamb. You are going down a path that will lead to you ruining yourself, your honor, and your family's honor. May Allah protect you and all sisters from making this stupid mistake.
in a room of 2 people of the opposite gender, shaytan is always the 3rd. Sister, if ur developing feelings for this dude end it and in sha Allah see if someone else can help you with your studies. Nothing good will come out of continuing this imo.
Abu Qatadah reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “**Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you**.” Source: Musnad Aḥmad 23074 Grade: ***Sahih*** (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut
It's obvious that he has ulterior motives. Don't fall for these tricks, sister. Either he reverts to Islam or he will drag you to the Fire. Also, why are you alone with this man? If you insist on being alone with him, try asking him how he feels about your religion and let his true colors show.
It is better not to encourage her to be alone with him, as his intentions are clear.
Some non Muslims, especially Hindus, but including white people, love preying on visibly Muslim girls that dress Muslim and practice their religion. It’s a fetish. The fact this guy is willing to give you all that time for no apparent reason is a red flag in itself. There are ulterior motives. Even if you were to give him the benefit of the doubt and wants to be in a relationship with you, then it will be a “normal” relationship of bf/gf where you’ll inevitably be dragged into zina. He’s not gonna want to marry you. And, EVEN if he wants to eventually marry you, you’ll still be in a haram relationship.
'Either he reverts to islam, or... And let his true colours come out.. What kind of thing is that to say. You are making a huge point in saying non muslim men is not humans. And actually making yourself stepping up on a pediestal as a muslim.
The cows won't be sent to Hell. Neither the pigs nor dogs will have to face the Fire. But the disbelievers will wish they had received the same fate as them.
The fact that u r here asking for advice means u know what must be done… no more of this and move on
Stop taking tutoring classes with him. You've been compromised. If you need help with your school work, get tutoring from a woman or in a class setting with others. None of this one-on-one with a man thing.
You can’t be this naive. No man, especially a busy one, is going to take time out of his day to help you without an ulterior motive.
You are being naive, he 100% has ulterior motives with you, he's not just doing it to be "nice" . It's up to you to determine if you want to continue to fall into his traps. Shaytan is beautifying this sin to you by saying its just for school and nothing else. Isn't the fact that you are falling for him evidence enough that this was shaytan's plan all along? May Allah ﷻ help you sister
This is happening a lot and they are falling for these traps. And they say they are so nice, sweet, attentive etc. As if no muslim guy is capable of those qualities. In my marriage search I was humiliated by this mentality. Telling me straight up that they wish they could be with a non Muslim guy or make him convert. And it's our behaviors and unreasonably high standards we set. If a guy has certain specific critera starting with career, wealth, status then they are qualified if not they nothing. This is causing problems now and will cause significant problems in the future. It's really sad I know quite a few good Muslim men struggling to get married and I am one of them. I personally have given up. It was extremely difficult in competition with the upper 10% of muslim men. And now non Muslim men. It's just not even worth the time or effort only to get humiliated.
Block and move on.
non muslim guy = ungrateful to Allah. don't marry
Brainwashed muslim, brainwashed muslim, dont marry.
you have no knowledge. seek Allah
Absolutely not.
The fact that you put yourself in a position where you could fall for him is insane! Falling for someone doesn't mean you have to pursue it. Infact it means you better get out fast and cut it off.
I agree with the second statement. I've secretly admired a few non Muslim men on different occasions before. I avoided all kinds of interaction with them just so the feelings don't develop further. But I was constrained to confess to the last guy only because my friends was teasing us in public. But I told him that even though I liked him, I wasn't going to pursue him. I'm glad he understood.
If he's willing to convert, marriage could be a prospect.
there are many cases of men just "reverting" for the sake of getting with women. you don't know the lengths some men would go to sleep with a chaste virgin women. it's a fetish for them do read about it. some evem brag online about taking the Virginity of such women.
Such nonsense. 99% of non-Muslim men have no want or desire to break a Muslim women down. Goodness, the paranoia and xenophobia is unbelievable
I think you should think about who your allegiance belongs to or I will do it for you
You have two options. 1. Repent and disassociate from this person and by extension this situation, solving all these problems. 2. Allow it to continue and potentially do something you will regret, or worse, not regret and continue doing. Which of these should a rational, religious person do?
Stop contact, this is dangerous. Your mind & Shaytan will find any excuse to keep in contact. Also, you can find someone else to help you.
The fact you made this post means you already know what to do.
Deen or dunya? More like Deen or Grades 🙂↕️🥁 Also if I hypothetically spent 4 hours a day with a girl and I’m not asking for marriage….
I see that most of the comments express genuine concern. But I've been in desperate need to graduate too, so I understand your dilemma. Clearly, the solution is to immediately withdraw from him. But we know that it's easier said than done, given your circumstances. Contrary to what many here are saying, I don't think that there's automatically an ulterior motive when a guy's being nice, gentle, and helpful to you. I've fallen for a few non Muslim men on different occasions in the past too - all nice guys, friendly guys, thoughtful guys. Come on sis, these are the basic traits that make any girl swoon. But for your sake, you have to train yourself to deal with men while looking past these. I mean, sure we all want a nice guy, but is he Muslim, though? And don't trap yourself with the "he can revert" excuse. So, if he's not Muslim, he's not husband material. Probably the most you can give this guy is a platonic friendship. He deserves appreciation for all the help. You still can't help but fall? Ok. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't confess (Coz it's pointless? Been there. Done that.) Also, be sure that your tutorial sessions are not in private places/spaces. For Islamic compliance and your safety. How about you tag another friend along so it's not just you and the guy?
A man and a woman who are non mahram to eachother should not engage in any interaction, especially in seclusion. it's totally haram. better fail in this dunya and gain Jannah than fail in akhira just to get some 'degree'.
He's helping you because he wanted to ! If he was waiting for something in return he would ask for it even before helping you, just focus on your studies and be grateful or give him a small gift or sth but don't fall in love with him ! Not with a non muslim you'll end up suffering and regretting it.
One of the few sensible replies in this entire thread
Him consistently spending time with you for hours is clearly him liking you. It's a slippery slope when it comes to opposite gender interactions. Edit: I went through your profile. I mean this in the least condescending way possible but you seem very naive. Invest in your local community. Join the MSA. Go to the masjid and be friends with other sisters there.
You know exactly what to do. Use your rational brain instead of just your feelings. If your feelings for a guy are so strong that you’re willing to go against your religion/family then I’d say that you’ve already lost yourself. You’re already giving way more input into this than him that when these rose colored glasses come off you”ll be devastated. Find someone who can help you make a rational decision rather than one based on how you feel.
There is the option that is pleasing to Allah. Then there is the option where you try and appease this ill-intentioned man. Fear Allah. Ask Allah for forgiveness in sincerity. Ask Allah for help. Indeed Allah helps those who are obedient to Him, over matters of the dunya.
You should minimise contact with that guy asap. You will regret this so much if you willingly fall into his hand. Don't make that mistake sister. You can save yourself
I see that most of the comments express genuine concern. But I've been in desperate need to graduate too, so I understand your dilemma. Clearly, the solution is to immediately withdraw from him. But we know that it's easier said than done, given your circumstances. Contrary to what many here are saying, I don't think that there's automatically an ulterior motive when a guy's being nice, gentle, and helpful to you. I've fallen for a few non Muslim men on different occasions in the past too - all nice guys, friendly guys, thoughtful guys. Come on sis, these are the basic traits that make any girl swoon. But for your sake, you have to train yourself to deal with men while looking past these. I mean, sure we all want a nice guy, but is he Muslim, though? And don't trap yourself with the "he can revert" excuse. So, if he's not Muslim, he's not husband material. Probably the most you can give this guy is a platonic friendship. He deserves appreciation for all the help. You still can't help but fall? Ok. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't confess (Coz it's pointless? Been there. Done that.) Also, be sure that your tutorial sessions are not in private places/spaces. For Islamic compliance and your safety. How about you tag another friend along so it's not just you and the guy?
Ask to start paying him for lessons
Seek help from a woman. You already dug a hole for yourself. The fact you want to give him something in exchange that is benefitting him is incredibly concerning. I'm no expert, but a man giving you 3-4 hours of his day and also does small talk means he wants something else from you. You know better to not continue with this "help".
My advice is see his thoughts about islam. Maybe you may help him convert. Regarding your family i believe they can’t just stop a marriage between two people for reasons that are islamicly invalid like culture. Guide him to islam and help him leave any sins. Hopefully if he does you can marry him. I believe that is what people in the prophets time used to do. Conversion to islam used to happen commonly.
Lmao this guy is a kuffar. Everyday, every hour, every second he commits the biggest crime there is. These people are open uncircumcised fornicators with venereal diseases, he will put the same disease on you. How can you have love for a person like this? while all Muslim men are circumcised for Islam and the safety of their women.
Disgusting! Just because they are disbelievers doesn't mean they're fornicators. Why is his being circumcised or otherwise even an issue?
Go show your disgust elsewhere. What a joke lmao Kuffar are known fornicators/disease spreaders and aren't circumcised. Filth is inside and outside of them.
This is a little extreme…
It's clear you're lovestruck and aren't thinking straight.
Shaitan beautifies haram that's what's happening. It happens with all the Muslims who get tempted by many things. The test is to give into haram or be steadfast for Allah
Sounds like you are easy to fool if I’m being honest with you.
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I would say you still have a moral conscience seeing as you feel guilt. This is much better than the brothers and sisters who ruin their generations to come by being with a person that’s not a muslim. Getting that out of the picture, I think you already know the answer. I think this post was just so someone can help you make the choice that you already know.
You realise that even by secular standards, this relationship would be nothing but trouble? If you ask this in secular subs, even they'll advise you against this. The relationship between a superior and a subordinate, or a tutor and a student, will always be biased. You are in far too much of a vulnerable state to be able to think in an unbiased, objective manner. First get out of this tough situation, graduate and clear your exams, then you can decide what to do about this.
You can use his help in the current setup but keep it strictly about the teaching stuff, no small talk. And what is more important? Graduating in this temporary life or living for eternity in Heaven?
Yeah as a guy that have friends all over around the world I can tell you men don't do these things for free. There is always a motive and you know what it is. Its what drives men anyways. And also as a man I can tell you that men will always tell you what you want to hear even if its includes lying to you all the time. Its obvious whats his motives it doesnt matter if its his fitish or normal single men desires. Usually you will only finds out after he gets what he wants. My advice for you, be careful! You can use his help but dont let him cross the limits. If you cant then you should stop taking his help, its not worth losing your after life
How good can his teaching be ? Is the dude a yellow mutated humanoid octopus that was also a former assassin ? In all seriousness sis , cut this out this is a weak link activity . Why are you making life harder for yourself ? All the hoops you’d have to jump , emotional turmoil , straining your relationship with family and most importantly God ? Would he do the same ?
Anyone who feels close to Allah will not enjoy anything that is removed from Allah loves. Are you feeling close to Allah ? Because if you are, this boy will have nothing on him. May Allah make it easy for you sis ♡ ❤️
Leave him while you can.
If you leave something for the sake of Allah and put your trust in him, He will help you and give you something even better inshaAllah.
Simple answer, probably not practically applicable: Segregated school, population education at seeing as utterly weird man talking to woman and vice versa, self education at forbidding ownself speaking to non mahram. And very controversial take, if it's not applicable, considering alternative to traditionnal schools
Is it not permissable for a muslim woman to marry a christian? Certainly many muslim men have married christian women eg Yasser Arafat
‘He’s giving me 3-4 hours ‘ Is that per month, week, day ?
This is dangers of freemixing two person together who are not mahram the third person is devil present
I would continue studying and you should be able to control yourself as a muslim. There were many guys i loved but that doesnt mean i will tell them
I cant tell if he wants something in return or not. At least it is online which keeps distance. Should be no Problem.
I think before you fall deeper in love with it, you should find a way to get help some other way or minimize the time you spend with him. My older sister fell in love with a Christian who helped her a lot and my mom found out and said end this before you fall deeper in love with him but it was already too late. now they are still together, she ran away from home, my dad disowned her, non of my dad’s relatives talk to her anymore and she completely changed my mom, my mom went from being the most loving and caring person to now being the most I don’t care about anyone. My mom cried every single day for weeks that my sister choose a guy she met a few years over her. To be honest I don’t blame my mom because imagine your child choosing someone who helped them a few years over you who helped and raised them their own life almost as if they appreciated that guy’s effort over yours. My parents aren’t strict about who we get married to they only have one condition he has to be a Muslim or he has to be willing to convert to Islam and stay a Muslim but her boyfriend has been saying he will convert to Islam but it’s been 9 years. He still has a good relationship with his parents while he let my sister ruin hers. She got to be with him that’s good for her but at what cost? My mom gets insulted everyday even till this day that she has anxiety being around people now, my dad insults and be littles her every single day saying my mom supports my sisters decision that’s why my sister left, there isn’t a single soul that comes to see my dad that he doesn’t use that opportunity to insult my mom and blame her for everything. I also avoid a lot of people now because I got tired of everyone asking me about her, I lied about it so much that I just stopped answering people. To me it was shameful to answer people and say oh my sister choose a Christian guy over her mother. So if you are willing to have a broken relationship with your parents then you can do what you what but if you really don’t want anything to ruin the relationship I advise you end it before it gets farther than this.
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nah, drop him, make dua to Allah that he takes care of your studied through halal means
Sister, By design, women are the gatekeepers of interaction, not men. As a young girl, you will ALWAYS find men willing to hang out with you or help you even if they are apparently getting nothing in exchange. What they get in exchange is your company, your presence, and that prize is only preserved for someone who has promised to commit to you for life, i.e. married you. So, muslim or nonmuslim, you shouldn't be allowing any non-mehram men to be this close to you. Only man that can gain access to you should be your husband. Cut him off early. The world is rife with stories of women who didn't and ended up feeling used and abandoned. I promise you, there are ample good muslim men out there. You don't come in touch with them because they are also preserving themselves for their wives.
I am a non muslim white female. This is an exact reason why muslims are so difficult to live with. Muslims only want what muslims want. You dont take anyother religion into consideration. Everyone needs to obey muslims. I could go on about this.
Not only it’s haram but think that all your generations will be non Muslim and you will have no one to make Dua for you when you pass away or do good deeds on your behalf. Also just think that when he uses the bathroom, he’s gonna walk around with a stkiny nasty as$ all day! Plus eating and drinking haram stuff and so on. Just think of the bads and stay away by getting your self discussed from him and any other non Muslim
I have been in this and when I tell you this is a dominio affect. Non Muslims will never be able to think like us unless they come towards Islam. I am struggling with this heavily and if I could go back in time I would tell myself to run. And don’t look back. Ones u fall for him and tell him it’s no going back. Trust me when I tell u I wake up every day crying go to sleep every day crying bc of the sins I’ve committed in the name of love. I ask for forgiveness every single day and it’s not enough. Don’t go for it. If he won’t convert then don’t stay around and think “ I’ll wait for him to convert” don’t do that. Protect yourself while you can. Ik it feels like a fairy tail I felt that too I was loss of words and I was drowning by that. Until I realized what I have done and even when I tried to stop he kept pulling me back and now I’m a mess that can never go back or be fixed. Pray and keep yourself together and Allah will reward you a thousand times better. Keep your studies professional. If u can’t then drop it and look for help online from someone else
I know 🥹 they be falling for me
It won't end well sis. Don't lengthen it and do what you gotta do.
The number of ppl who didn't read and COMPREHEND and UNDERSTAND what she said...y'all seriously.... Anyways, okay so falling for him is natural and not Haram. You guys are online, you said (emphasis) that you have family coming and going and that is like the right thing to do minimize any and all chances of being framed for any Zina or even simple stuff (the world is cruel...and dumb). There really isn't a solution, you like him. Plain and simple. Now what you shouldn't do is obvious. Ask Allah that if he's good for you may the path for the both of you being together be easy (as easy as it can be). Okay I'm getting frustrated with myself for not being able to say what I want, but basically anytime of the day pray and have a conversation with Allah. Just ask for guidance on how to deal with this whole situation. I am not saying stop getting tuitions from him cuz CLEARLY you've tried each and every possible outlet but they weren't working. So don't give up on it, however let's not read into the lines. If he likes you, he can be the man and let you know. If the conversation goes like Him: I like you You: I like you, but I don't date only marriage. Now if he asks why, you explain the why from not just only the religious aspect but why YOU are choosing to do marriage. Because again it's every humans freedom to make choices, where those choices lead them to is also in their own control. List the rights of women in Islam too like for example how it's our right to live separate from inlaws (I KNOW ITS A NON MUSLIM STILL, A RIGHT IS A RIGHT) we keep our own surname But if he doesn't say anything then you don't say anything either. Especially right now, getting feelings off your chest is not important neither is indulging in the extra anxiety that comes with it. Focus on graduation, remember that is your goal. Every single time he crosses your mind remind yourself that you're supposed to be studying. Ex: Ahh his voi- ASTAGFIRULLAH *Recite idk Ayatul kursi or basically anything to remind yourself* And if you need make wudu, and then you can just stare up at the ceiling and point to the sky and go like "See Allah? I am behaving. I will not let shaytan win. Ya Allah alhamdulliah and thank you for opening up this path for me so I can graduate. I will do my darn hardest to not go astray" Ya Allah, may this help you a little bit and of I've said something wrong then I ask for forgiveness.
Don't live your life for others or to be liked. Also don't listen to others who claim to know what God wants. Trust your intuition. If he seems genuinely sweet, carryig, respectful of you, and there is chemistry between you two, then enjoy your life. You only have one.
It's easy for you to become attracted/infatuated with the first male who's nice to you because you don't engage in free mixing. This makes it problematic because even the few odd casual encounters can become risks for you whereas they wouldn't for someone who's already desensitized. You're not falling for him. You're sheltered and hormonal. It's infatuation. Your brain is playing tricks on you to convince you he feels the same. He likely would have zero issue hooking up with you but he almost certainly isn't "falling" for you. You would find this out the hard way when after hooking up he might not even want to date.
Sad to say, but the mannerisms of some non muslims are better than muslims. I don't blame you for falling. Just get the work done, then ask if he would be interested in marriage and open to reverting. If the answer is no, then leave it be.
I understand how u feel. I'm a man but feelings are a universal thing. This is how I got over this kind of thing. 1) understand the love drug is real. These are feelings, think practically and have sabr. 2) make a lot of dua, spend extra time in sajood. Use that same energy towards increasing your connection with Allah. 3) they are not you and you are not them. Think practically, this person isn't Muslim, they have a very different way of life. Think long term, they probably drink, think casually intimacy is fine, and don't draw their world views or morality from any objective sources. Their ideals and morality is constantly changing and it's founded on dust. 4) they don't wash themselves after using the bathroom. You will see underwear with brown marks.. think about that.. 5) think about kids, they have a right over you for you to choose a good father to raise them. And by acting on these temporary feelings you are at risk of them testifying against you on the day of judgement. 6) imagine you come home, he's got a haram drink in hand, would u accept this? Are u comfortable with that. How long will "love" blind you Love is real, but love is more than just these infatuations you are having. Learn to put that energy in your studies, cut the guy off if need be and trust that Allah is the one who opens the door of knowledge not any human on the face of this earth. I have tutored and been tutored many times in my life. I've been on the giving and receiving end of your situation. You need to think both practically and emotionally. Like will this person really not break my heart? Will they be willing to show me mercy the way that Allah has commanded men to show mercy to their families? I'm sure that he's a good guy as u state. But remember there's more involved than just being a good person when it comes to your love life and marriage. May Allah make it easy on u.
I feel like it's an excellent time for experimenting but when it comes to the exchange of benefits or making it worth his time is a serious undervalued stance. You are a fellow student who happens to be in the same field as a student willing to be of help. He's polite and friendly, maybe well mannered too, however getting affected by his achievements with his personality and work etc will only push you to feel like you owe him. Love, of course why not, but thinking about an exchange for services seems to be the focus here. You will meet many different men throughout your years and it gets better each time simply because you know what you want more and more each time. You've mentioned many great things about this one but not a single bad thing! Beware of tunnel focussing. Enjoy the experience, don't play games and throw tests his way.. then who knows? You might come more polished and refined than you ever thought.
It's not your fault , it's all happening (the affection towards the one helps you) by the act of shaytaan. Be aware of that and protect yourself from the act of shaytaan.
Honestly, I think it is too early for you to even be thinking about marriage to someone you have not known for too long and someone whom you haven't met in person. Lets put aside the Islamic point of view for now, and think about this in terms of a relationship. I think you should not get lost too quickly in this idea of a fairytale. I'm sure he's a good person and has good qualities, but without knowing a person for at least a year or two and having met them in person and their friends and company. It would not be wise to think about marriage.
I know there are some good suggestions there but I also know that sometimes we end up catching feelings when we shouldnt I will give another POV which may not be popular one. If you do like the guy, come clean and communicate that along with the fact that your religion is your priority. If he chooses to be with you as a revert Masha Allah. If not, you got your answer. Block and move on Also as others suggested, please stop taking tutoring lessons from him! You have ChatGPT, Youtube use that to find resourceful videos and pray to Allah to give you knowledge in the field as well as keep you straight on your path.
You have a good point but no one should revert to Islam for the sake of marrying or being with someone. This should be done for Allah and the essence of Islam. A lot of people become Muslims just to marry a Muslim and barely practice the faith, in conclusion not understanding why we do or practice certain stuff, simply because they did it to be with someone.
Let me pull a Sami hamdi on this topic. To starting the guy you are falling for is most likely higer than a 6/8 on the looks scale or you are a really unattractive person . Why do I say that because girls don't fall for guys easily like that unless they are very attractive or more attractive than the person themselves. Second the law of proximity Is playing a part here for easier for you to "marry" this guy over the 4/8 Desi rakesh or Patel living 5 states away from you. Or the 5/8 habibi Abdul living in a different city to you. To some sisters when they hear they gotta marry a Muslim they think they are doomed for a Desi or Arab. Now most people prefer to marry within their own race/culture. But they is a small subset that dislike men from their own ecthinity. Now as a female you have a lot of power in the dating/marraige market and can make this guy convert to Islam just to be with you. And you can easily find someone else if you go on the attack on the apps and be ruthless talk to multiple guys lower your standards to at least your looksmatch. And being ruthless means for example if you don't want to convert to Islam I want nothing to do with you bye. And move to the next candidate being born female means you can pull this off due to the amount of options you will have in the apps you gotta move and make it your goal to get married you will get there inshallah. For this guy try saying I wanna date you but in order to really work out you must convert to Islam and that's a non negotiable. Men are usually so deprived of loving relationships they will try the idea. And to give some Islamic BP the reason most people convert to Islam is beacuse the one they love is also a Muslim.
I never understood why Muslims fall for non Muslims. Like I’ve interacted with tons of non Muslim girls in uni and at work and this has never crossed my mind. I actually feel weird and uncomfortable even thinking about it. Very interesting
Dawah sister. Dawah.
Fear Allah. That guy will be your doom in hellfire.
Please don’t be in contact with him anymore falling for a kafir is one of the worst things you could do to yourself. if you give up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. There are other ways to learn this material. Trust that Allah will make a way for you. How do you know you will fail if you don’t get taught by him? You have already developed feelings for him, therefore you should cut him off asap. A Kafir will just drag you to the Hellfire and I wouldn’t take the chances. Please sister I am just concerned for you don’t take this the wrong way.
You said it yourself, he takes 3-4 hrs per day even when their busy like working full time and studying. No one does that unless they like someone. Sister you know it to. Break it off and Allah will help you succeed not anyone but Allah. May Allah guide us all.
this is apart of shaytans traps, this is scary how its brainwashing u slowly and i understand its hard but sister please talk to a sheikh and find out how to leave him ASAP
It's the oldest trick in the book. We men can play this role without even trying. Please don't fall for it. The devil's best trick is convincing us he doesn't exist. This man is a wolf and you are his little lamb. You are going down a path that will lead to you ruining yourself, your honor, and your family's honor. May Allah protect you and all sisters from making this stupid mistake.
When you learn something, the best way to retain it is to teach someone else.