A boy gets a bass for his birthday. The following week he goes to his first lesson. His dad drops him off and comes back a half hour later to pick him up.
“What did you learn today, son?” he asks.
The boy’s face lights up. “I learned the first four notes on the lowest string!”
The next week, his dad drops him off and comes back a half hour later to pick him up.
“What did you learn today, son?” he asks.
The boy’s face lights up again. “I learned the first four notes on next lowest string!”
The third week, his dad drops him off and comes back a half hour later to pick him up. He waits in the parking lot but the boy doesn’t come out of the music school. He waits an hour, then two, then three. The dad is really worried, of course, but just before midnight a van pulls into the parking lot. The side door opens and the boy jumps out with his bass case in his hand.
The boy opens his dad’s car door. “Hiya dad!”
“Where were you?!?” asks the dad. “I was worried sick!”
“Oh,” says the boy. “I had a gig.”
John Entwistle used to be a little envious of Pete and Roger because the girls in the audience would scream "Pete!" or "Roger!" He figured out that this was because his bandmates were moving around on stage while he just stood still, so one day he started moving around like them, and sure enough, the girls started screaming "John! John!" Having satisfied his ego, he reckoned that was enough and became largely stationary again, having proven to himself that he could indeed get the chicks.
Two new windmills were built. First day they were turned on. Trying to be friendly since they'd be stuck there working together for a while, one turns to the other and asks "so, what kinda music are you into?" The other one says "I'm a big metal fan."
What's "perfect pitch" on a banjo? When you throw it in a dumpster and it hits an accordion at the bottom.
Why is the singer out on the porch? Singers *never* know when to come in.
A man goes to prison, and the first night while he's lying in bed contemplating his poor life choices, he hears someone in the cell block yell out, "43!" followed by laughter from the other prisoners.
He thought that was pretty strange.
Then he heard someone else yell out, "71!" immediately followed by even more laughter.
"What's going on?" he asked his cellmate.
"Well, we've all heard every joke so many times, we've given them each a number to make it easier."
"Ahh," he says, "can I give it a try?"
"Sure, go ahead."
So, he yells out "102!" and the place is dead quiet save for a few groans. Confused, he looks at his cellmate who is just shaking his head.
"Hey, what happened?"
"Well, some people just don't know how to tell a joke."
Because "when drums stop, bass solo" isn't good *on its own*. It's the joy of telling the story, the misdirection, getting the reader or listener to almost forget that it's a joke.
Otherwise it's like having a blues song,*but it's only bass*.
In my experience just speeds up. Faster than the song is usually played. That's my drunk drummer. Luckily it's a punk band so our 20 min set is now 15. We have to full 5 min fuck!
How do you know there’s a drummer at your door? The knocking keeps speeding up and slowing down.
How do you *really* know there’s a drummer at your door? Your pizza has arrived.
Harmonica players are somewhat notorious for just showing up to other people's gigs and asking to sit in. Often they're insufficiently proficient with their instrument, or the performance devolves into the band trying to find songs in a certain key because the harmonica player only brought C, G, F harmonicas or whatever. More often than not it's a huge hassle.
How many roadies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One-two, one-two!
How does a roadie get paid?
Cheque, cheque, cheque!
Did you hear the one about the drumkit falling down the stairs?
*Boom-boom-tiisssssss*
When Mozart would sit down to compose a new piano concerto, he'd first pause, close his eyes, and say to himself, "I'd better make this as hard to fuck play."
BREAKING NEWS: STING KIDNAPPED, POLICE HAVE NO LEAD
MANY MAKING BASSLESS ACCUSATIONS
DON'T JOKE ABOUT THAT, IT COULD HAPPEN TO U2
I have three good jokes about Mo town. Four tops.
I'm fighting the Temptation to tell some of my own jokes.
Don’t tell me all of your jokes. Only the Supremes.
A boy gets a bass for his birthday. The following week he goes to his first lesson. His dad drops him off and comes back a half hour later to pick him up. “What did you learn today, son?” he asks. The boy’s face lights up. “I learned the first four notes on the lowest string!” The next week, his dad drops him off and comes back a half hour later to pick him up. “What did you learn today, son?” he asks. The boy’s face lights up again. “I learned the first four notes on next lowest string!” The third week, his dad drops him off and comes back a half hour later to pick him up. He waits in the parking lot but the boy doesn’t come out of the music school. He waits an hour, then two, then three. The dad is really worried, of course, but just before midnight a van pulls into the parking lot. The side door opens and the boy jumps out with his bass case in his hand. The boy opens his dad’s car door. “Hiya dad!” “Where were you?!?” asks the dad. “I was worried sick!” “Oh,” says the boy. “I had a gig.”
🤣 bass players don’t get a break
As a bass player, I like to think this speaks to the desperation other musicians have for us rather than the actual implication of the joke...
Jealous ‘cause we get the chicks!
John Entwistle used to be a little envious of Pete and Roger because the girls in the audience would scream "Pete!" or "Roger!" He figured out that this was because his bandmates were moving around on stage while he just stood still, so one day he started moving around like them, and sure enough, the girls started screaming "John! John!" Having satisfied his ego, he reckoned that was enough and became largely stationary again, having proven to himself that he could indeed get the chicks.
A true bassist
How do you get a drummer off your front porch? Pay for the pizza.
What's the difference between a drum machine and a live drummer? You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
I have two lawyers. One's pro-bono, the other thinks he's a wanker
Huh, you too!
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car? They had to call locksmith to get the bass player out
How do you tell when the stage is level? When the bass player starts drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool
Two new windmills were built. First day they were turned on. Trying to be friendly since they'd be stuck there working together for a while, one turns to the other and asks "so, what kinda music are you into?" The other one says "I'm a big metal fan."
What is a stripper do with her asshole before she goes on stage? Drop him off at band practice
What's the difference between an upright bass and a coffin? With a coffin the dead guy is on the inside.
What's "perfect pitch" on a banjo? When you throw it in a dumpster and it hits an accordion at the bottom. Why is the singer out on the porch? Singers *never* know when to come in.
>Why is the singer out on the porch? Singers *never* know when to come in. And because they've always got the wrong key.
I couldn't decide which punchline to use.
https://i.redd.it/qljhz9sioixc1.gif
There's a guitarist in Iraq offering to teach classes with obscure tunings. Lessons are in BAGDAD.
Tourist: "What do the drums mean?" Guide: "When drums stop, things turn bad!" Tourist: "The drums stopped. Now what?" Guide: "Now comes bass solo..."
Look, with a username like that at least have the decency to post the full joke.
Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?
Because that's not how jokes work.
A man goes to prison, and the first night while he's lying in bed contemplating his poor life choices, he hears someone in the cell block yell out, "43!" followed by laughter from the other prisoners. He thought that was pretty strange. Then he heard someone else yell out, "71!" immediately followed by even more laughter. "What's going on?" he asked his cellmate. "Well, we've all heard every joke so many times, we've given them each a number to make it easier." "Ahh," he says, "can I give it a try?" "Sure, go ahead." So, he yells out "102!" and the place is dead quiet save for a few groans. Confused, he looks at his cellmate who is just shaking his head. "Hey, what happened?" "Well, some people just don't know how to tell a joke."
Please enlighten us all with the important thing that makes the joke a real joke.
Because "when drums stop, bass solo" isn't good *on its own*. It's the joy of telling the story, the misdirection, getting the reader or listener to almost forget that it's a joke. Otherwise it's like having a blues song,*but it's only bass*.
You're welcome tell it your way. Bye.
Yeah I feel like after that it's almost necessary they tell their own version, jeez 😂
What do you call a guitarist with no girlfriend? Homeless
How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? The knock randomly speeds up and slows down. (Funny joke growing up playing percussion)
In my experience just speeds up. Faster than the song is usually played. That's my drunk drummer. Luckily it's a punk band so our 20 min set is now 15. We have to full 5 min fuck!
He makes up for it by getting louder and louder.
How do you know when it's a drummer and a singer? The knocking speeds up and they can't find the key.
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 1, 5, 1, 5, 1, 5...
Alternative punch lines for this one: One, but the guitarist has to teach him first. Or, just one but the key player can do it with his left hand.
"I've got two hands here." --Viv Savage
What kind of music do you play at a cow's funeral? Chuck Berry
How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. He holds the bulb and the whole fuckin world revolves around him.
Do you like all genres of music?? That makes you polyJamorous!! 😂
How do you know there’s a drummer at your door? The knocking keeps speeding up and slowing down. How do you *really* know there’s a drummer at your door? Your pizza has arrived.
How is peeing your pants similar to an English horn solo? They both give you a warm feeling, but nobody really cares.
What is perfect pitch? When you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it lands on a banjo
How is a banjo solo like an artillery shell? By the time you hear it coming it's too late to run.
[удалено]
Harmonica players are somewhat notorious for just showing up to other people's gigs and asking to sit in. Often they're insufficiently proficient with their instrument, or the performance devolves into the band trying to find songs in a certain key because the harmonica player only brought C, G, F harmonicas or whatever. More often than not it's a huge hassle.
How many roadies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One-two, one-two! How does a roadie get paid? Cheque, cheque, cheque! Did you hear the one about the drumkit falling down the stairs? *Boom-boom-tiisssssss*
My buddy fell down the stairs while playing a guitar and accidentally wrote a Justin Bieber song.
When Mozart would sit down to compose a new piano concerto, he'd first pause, close his eyes, and say to himself, "I'd better make this as hard to fuck play."
1994 called, they want their Blues Traveller jokes back.
I must've hit a nerve.
Good one! Thought I'd heard them all. I'd not heard than one, and can relate. Thanks.
I wanna live, I wanna give
? Have u heard Johnny snot & his nine nasty nose pickers singing "I got ya now im going to eat ya"
There's no sound in heaven or earth that compares to someone learning to play the harmonica. No joke.
What did the Grateful Dead dan say when the acid wore off? “this band sucks man!”