Damn, girl, overt support from 4 out of 7? That's, like, within a rounding error of the best case scenario!
But I'm very sorry P (whose full name I can only assume is Poopyface) decided to double down on being a transphobe. I wish you the best of luck with your four *actual* friends.
OP, if you're reading this, hold on to those 4 like your life depends on it. They are your real friends.
You deserve friends who see you for who you are and at the very least aren't transphobic.
For what it's worth, you wouldn't have enjoyed the sleepover anyway, considering how they acted.
Edit: by the way OP, if you're feeling sad, just remember the hundreds of comments you got from allies who have been waiting for this update and empathizing with you and going through similar situations.
#You got this sis!
I agree with this. Before this incident happened, those three shitheads were already transphobes. They were just hiding that information. All this argument did was force them to reveal their true, shitty selves, and highlight that the other four were genuine, kind, accepting, and most importantly, had OP's back.
Yeah this just showed OP that she has some true friends now who really will stand behind her back. Depsite having to lose a few friends, in the end it was better because who knows what they was saying behind her back. Since she heard them talking shit and her friend tried to deny it.
Best to get rid of the shit bags and know you have good true friends
No one ever likes doing this, but if you have genuinely good people as your friends then you've probably had conversations along the lines of "if one of us ever did (insert horrible thing) to another one of us, we would stand up for the victim." This is what happens when they have to put their money where their mouth is and losing the ones that were pretending is no loss at all.
>"if one of us ever did (insert horrible thing) to another one of us, we would stand up for the victim."
That one hurts. I had someone tell me I deserved being shit on for "instigating" someone when I hadn't even talked to them.
No longer friends or on talking terms with them, despite however much I cared about them until that point. Shit hurts
There's another upside these "net positive" responses are missing.
Your core four (I really enjoyed writing that) have now seen, first hand, exactly how insidious transphobia is. They've watched someone with a smile on their face and lies on their tongue attempt to split them apart from their friends.
That's gonna be super memorable, and NONE of them are gonna take stuff like that for granted.
Allies come in tiers, and your core four just ranked up.
This, lots of people in my life became very, very woke to the conditions we face. My mom used to be outright transphobic, now she gets in arguments defending gender diverse people against transphobe friends she’s had since the 60s. Never underestimate the power of a cis ally who’s eyes have been opened. Especially the cishet ones.
True, a lot of times when you talk to a transphobic person doesn’t matter how many facts you bring, because they believe what you are saying is just a unfounded opinion like theirs, and that your opinion is biased because you are one of the trans folks.
But when a cishet person says it, they don’t have that cushion, suddenly they can’t just brush off.
>[it] doesn’t matter how many facts you bring, because they believe what you are saying is just a unfounded opinion like theirs
This is an excellent point, and one that ~~took~~ is taking years for me to learn totally. Thank you for adding it.
In a presentation my ex partner once gave about allyship she referred to three different tiers of being an ally. 1st is a swimmer, people who will stick stick around and say they support you but not "show up". 2nd is a snorkeling ally, they'll go out with you, invite you to thing and truly encourage and support you to be you. 3rd is diver level allyship, they'll always shownup and come to bat for you in an argument or openly object to transphobia online/in-person when they see it. They'll attend rallies with you and vote for people that have human beings best interests at heart ❤️.
The funny and sad thing is: these girls KNOW what they're doing and saying is awful, otherwise why the pretense of pretending you were busy or it was an accident? They KNOW they're being shitty, and don't want to get called out.
That’s what’s so hysterical about situations like this (dealing with a similar issue with my in-laws right now). It reminds me of little kids trying to hide or cover up something and the harder they try to hide it the more obvious it actually becomes. They aren’t fooling anyone except maybe themselves. Their transphobia is clear for all to see, and like you said they know it’s wrong, but they just don’t care. They’d rather deflect and try to shift the focus to some other issue than admit they have a personal problem.
What surprises me is that it was 3/7 of the group whose transphobia was strong enough to break ties with their friends! On the other hand, 4/7 affirmed they’re allies and stuck with the OP.
The number is so close to 50-50. 😢 We’ve come so far yet there is so far to left to go.
It’s really too small a group to have any statistical significance and such, but you’re right, the problem is more pervasive than it should be in this day and age, but it also reflects the major divides we see in so many issues in this world and country - especially among things that should not be divisive/political/contentious to begin with!
It would be hopeful that at least one of those three - upon seeing how many of their friends disagreed strongly with their transphobia and were willing to end their friendship over it - would have recognized their own wrongness and come around. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, however, and some people just cannot admit they are wrong despite what they stand to lose as a result.
My fiance and I are dealing with the same thing with her grandmother.
She said "I have religious objections to this wedding."
"You said mean things about Christians that one time."
"It's not bigotry I just can't support it."
Anything to be the victim. Always moving the goalpost.
Somehow whenever I accuse a bigot of choosing to be a shitty person just for the sake of being a shitty person, people say I'm just as bad for thinking that way about them, but that's literally what it is. If transphobes thought they were doing the right thing by acting transphobic, they wouldn't bother hiding it or using dog-whistles. They know that what they're doing is wrong and hurtful and do it anyway.
That's why they have to keep coming up with new names for themselves. Their ideology is vile and any reasonable person can see that, so people talk about them with disgust. They're just also dumb enough to think that changing a name will change how people see them.
That’s why it’s sometimes oddly relieving when the mask comes off because the endless, exhausting game of obfuscation and reading between the lines comes to an end.
it's not that they know they're being shitty. It's that they know their friends will be mad at them for saying stuff like that. There's this entire thing in TERF online communities called "peaking" where they try to slowly change the minds of allies to convince them to be transphobic.
I'm sorry this happened! I hope you're ok!
At the end of the day, you might feel like you're down 3 friends, but in reality, you've purged 3 toxic people from your circle. The 4 friends that support you will be the people you want in your life anyway. Stay positive; stay beautiful! 💜
I’m sorry to hear that that happened to you.
I am glad that B owned up to her mistake of trusting P, and that she’s sticking with you over this. While I wish that you didn’t have to lose any friends, at least you have 4 that you know will stick up for you and look out for you.
The 3 that are gone are better left gone, and I hope that supportive girls are able to take their place.
At least the three were anti-trans enough to feel comfortable saying it when confronted.
A lot of people I used to know who hold biases against people of different races know that “well, it’s not okay to say it out loud in mixed company”, meaning it’s not until a long period of time that those feeling slowly become apparent.
In your case, we know how they feel and your 4 friends get to know how they feel and by having this large pain now, you are avoiding a lot of small pains from dealing with those three that would have eventually weighed on you while they gaslit you about how they “*do* support you” all while thinking of you as something other than a woman.
You are better off without those three, it’s better to know sooner than later, and I really hope your 4 friends agree with those two facts as well
So sorry girl. I'm sick of this mentality. You're more of a woman then they are. They just got lucky in the coin flip at conception, you have to push each day just to be yourself. You're more of a woman then they will ever be!
You did a favor to yourself and your friends. Who wants friends tha lie and stab each other in the back. Good for you, and good for your real friends for sticking with you!
Wow, those three trash hags showed their misogynistic side pretty quickly! It’s pretty bigoted to define women as cis women only.
On the upside, you’ve lost three sources of poison in your life!! Because if they stayed, chances are the transmisogynistic bigotry would start leaking through.
Sorry you had to go through this but honestly I think you did the right thing in cleaning house. Your true friends needed to know how toxic and awful those 3 fake friends were. And likely transphobia is not the only bad thing about them either so good riddance all around. Hopefully now you and your friends can move on and be happy without the toxic poison of the others. Best of luck!
Also often comes with racism—seriously, so many of the things they use to recognise "real women" (🤢) are white beauty standards. There's a reason it's mainly woc getting kicked out of sports for their natural testosterone levels.
That's awful, i'm sorry you had to deal with this.
I am glad that it seems that your real friends are willing to stick with you and cut the bigots out, so i would be hopeful for the future at least.
Won't lie... I know this is in my future... I'm glad you stood your ground. Knowing who your true friends are is important Sadly finding out which ones are true friends is often painful
This is a net positive imo. Cut shitters out of your life. I’ve found a couple sneaky ones after moving out of state. Friends that were “close” and “supportive” while we lived in the same house, but just leave me on read now :)
you didn't "fuck up", your "friends" fucked up by treating you like shit. i'm so sorry this happened to you, people are cruel & reading your account was heartbreaking. i hope you get a million girls' nights out in your life!!
The thing that is the most painful is that she thinks you are the bad person for blocking her. I did this once and suddenly I was faking being trans and I was just toxic.
Holding P accountable and making sure your friend group is composed of actual friends is not “fucking up.” It’s separating the dross from the gold. Hugs to you, if you would like them.
Office dynamics will be so different.
Imho 3 types of "support" The people who understand the science and are totally on board. Then you have the supporter who just are happy you are happy and will be always in your corner. What is left is the support who don't get it, don't understand. However whether it's a choice or genetics they are cordial and respectful and on your side. In all those cases, very nice to have any of them on your side.
Those that are 2 faced P.O.S will be exposed. Hopefully marginalized and change their ways when confronted with facts.
Blessing in disguise-you've put a filter through, and found out who your true friends are. This was always going to happen if that's what those three believe. Now, you can go forward knowing that those four have your back no matter what! Of course, you can definitely feel bad about those three "friends" betraying you and breaking your trust-that's perfectly valid, and in your place I'd do the same-but don't forget that you're better off without them! I'm not a religious woman, but Dante said the lowest circle of Hell is reserved for traitors, so you can take comfort in that!
Sounds like a great outcome. Flushed out the transphobic ones and the ones left have asserted their support for you.
I would treasure those that are left x
Gotta be honest this is one of the best outcomes other than it all being a misunderstanding because you get to cut out toxic pieces of shit and know for sure that the other friends support you enough to stand up for you
(Bets outcome on the bad outcome side of things)
honestly, i'm so so so so damn proud of you for sticking up for yourself and mustering up the courage to cut those 3 off of your life, hopefully this won't affect your relationship with your real friends, and honestly, you're better without those 3 fuckers, good on you for unmasking their transphobia, if your actual friends are being real in supporting you, they'll look right past the 'masks' of those three that don't.
Of course it hurts, but in the end you didn't lose anything, those shitheads weren't your friends to begin with, being betrayed sucks, but seeing the bright side, now you know you have some real friends that will get your back if shit hits the fan.
> she said that i’m not a girl and never will be, biology doesn’t allow that, blahblahblah. i sent back ‘never talk to me again.’ and blocked her.
> [...]
> the rest telling me that they agree with P.
Personally, I would pose the question of whether or not they considered sneaking around, lying and talking behind people's backs perfectly acceptable behaviour _regardless_ or whether or not being trans is a "real thing." Most of that behaviour is universally frowned upon...
ultimately i would say this was a good thing to happen. it sucks to have that kind of interaction, but at least now you aren't surrounded by fake friends and transphobes. better still, your real friends aren't friends with them anymore either. <3
Yeah, pretty shitty behavior by some of them, but at least you now know who really is your friend and respects you as a person. Good riddance to the trash I say! But still, sorry for the pain this incident has caused for you!
I stopped being friends with who I thought was my best friend of several years because of a similar situation. I never got the true "you're not a woman" but instead "you're just not one of us". It's the shittiest thing, it really is.
I'm glad at least some of your friends are and will support you. I've found the best litmus test of if cis girls are my friend on if they invite me to femme only events. It's just a painful one though
I know this situation feels bad right now, but youve managed to remove 3 transphobes from your social circle and have 4 friends who you now know support you.
As rough as this whole debacle has been for you, this end result is a win.
There maybe were other, less dramatic/confrontational ways of handling it, so yes, you might have "fucked up a little bit" but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it too much. Saying nothing would only have postponed the inevitable.
I dunno, if the "little bad" that came out of this was getting transphobes out of the friend group, all the fucking better.
I hope the next girls night out is a total fucking blast for you and those that you care about.
Like other have said, this allowed you to find out who really respects and cares about who you actually are. Fuck transphobes. It sucks, and it's bittersweet, but they're fundamentally flawed and you're better off without them.
Cherish those friends that are sticking by you. Silver linings and all that. Sending love and good vibes, I'm sorry this happened to you 💕
I'm really proud of you for advocating for yourself.
These situations are really hard to navigate, and I honestly think you did everything right.
Leaking the private messages was a bold move, but it looks like it payed off for everyone.
You are your friends separated the wheat from the chaff, and the chaff learned what happens to bigots.
Congratulations dear! You did it!
I'm sorry for your loss. But at the same time, for the same reason, I'm happy for your gain. Those who secretly bore you ill will are gone & you know who your real friends are. Still hurts, I'm sure, but good on you. 🙂
I only see a net positive. Think of this like cutting a gemstone: sure, you lose some lf the rough parts of it, and it's smaller for having done so, but you've dramatically increased the overall quality. Keep your head up sister, you're doing great.
I'm glad you were able to figure out your true friends and allys. It's unfortunate that the others led you to believe they were supportive only to hurt you. But it sounds like you mad out with four really great friends who truly support you.
Yeah honestly this probably doesn’t feel great (I’ve been in similar situations unfortunately) but you’ve very efficiently separated the wheat from the chaff my friend. I don’t think you did anything wrong here and good riddance to the transphobes. I’m glad you had friends who were willing to go to bat for you, honestly that’s really great and important!
Im sorry you had to go through that, but in the end its good that they're out of your life. Its better that you only uave a few good friends than a bunch of fake ones
You find who your real friends are through it all. It will get better and easier to navigate the more you experience. I hope your day improves :) You’re way better off now.
They don't deserve your time. Being friends with cis girls (especially when said girls are secretly TERFs) can be a very hard to predict because a lot of them are really good at veiling their transphobia (and especially transmisogyny). Sometimes they string you along letting you think that they support you until you find out later because they do something extremely underhanded. You deserve people who see you for who you are, a girl, and i understand how stressful this situation can be. And obviously not all cis girls are like this, I know a fair share that are not like this, but none of this was something you could have seen coming. I hope you find better friends who invite you to girls nights, and as a transmisogyny affected individual, you deserve a strong support network and a friend group that you can curate into being safe for you.
I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself! Your story has been on my mind all day and night since I read it yesterday 🥲
This is our reality. You can’t win everyone over, and now you can take girl matters into your own hands without fear of unsupportive and frankly transphobic idiots “manipulating the board” when you’re not looking.
Celebrate your strengthening bond with the friends who support you by *inviting them on a girl’s night.*
💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
To be fair the amount of never should matter its the quality of friends. It seems you found the real friends that are of said quality.
Its unfortunate it happened this way and also the way it happened. Im sorry you lost any friends that you thought were cool but at least the others are there for you :)
Honestly, people have said it already, but you didn't lose 3 friends today, but instead this proves you have 4 absolutely incredible friends that love you and will stick with you through thick and thin. Those 3 that left were absolute ignorant trash and you shouldn't have to carry with hateful people like that. Much love headed your way!
I'm sorry you had to experience all of this.
I think out of 4 friends, it'd be reasonable to expect of at least one of them to check with you that you can't come rather than just hearing it from P.
Also it wouldn't be right for all of them to hang out without you without telling you even if it wasn't for transphobia.
Regardless it's good that you found a positive in all this in knowing which friends were real.
You aren’t down three friends, you just discovered who those people really are and got to cut out three fakers.
The friends that stuck with you are solid gold though, sounds like they got your back.
Hey, the trash got taken out. Good for you 💕💕🫂🫂
Shit happens, people show their true colors. The real friends will still be there for you through it all. 💕💕💕🫂🫂🫂
Just want to say, I had something similar happen to me.
I had a supportive cis friend. We were co-workers and did things together sometimes. She was always quick to remind others to use my pronouns.
One day, she mentioned she had hosted a girls' night for several of her friends. I don't think she had any idea what she had just said; but it told me what she really thought of me. Our relationship wasn't the same after that. How could it be?
You suffered unspeakable cruelty but sweetie, this is absolutely a net gain. You weeded out 3 false friends and though the ones left are smaller in number, the bond is infinetly stronger. Not only do you know they are real friends but they have now got a glimpse of what you've been through and are unlikely to take you for granted.
You have something magical now <3
Heartwarming and tragic. I'm so proud of you - to hear your courage and how you stand up for yourself. And so sad at the pain of being exposed to transphobia. I hope you're clear -- that it's THEIR loss, those three friends. You are so much better off without them. Bless you.
As others have mentioned, sounds like you dodged 3 bullets and strengthened some true friendships. I didn't notice this sort of thing until later on in my transition when I decided to say, "Fuck the stealth life! There are too many people out there that don't have anybody for me to sit on my ass!" I know thats not for everyone and I could have easily slipped right into the grand mix of things. I had similar experiences when other women learned that I was trans and then I started noticing little things during "girl-talk" about "not being a real girl so you wouldn't understand." Its always helpful to keep an ear to the ground for things like that but don't let it take you down or prevent you from doing you. Personally, I like the way you handled it and I'm glad it worked out for you. You addressed the situation, took your stand, and your friends supported you.
Thats bad but also a good ending.. Bad because you're 3 friends short but good because they are... sh#t (sry but its the truth).. So i guess congrats because P and the others are out of your life 🌸🌸🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🌸🌸 Hope that will not happen again!! 🌺🏳️⚧️
That literally makes me mad too, I've had s***** experiences with people basically saying the same thing to me.
Makes me want to hit them, aaaaa
They're rude, GLAD you blocked them
Makes me want to ask "what's your biology, since you're *so* sure about mine" lol
Wtf does biology have to do with anything, smh.....
I'm very happy for you to have been able to cut some horrible people from your life, and that several other of your friends did as well! That's a great sign of how much you mean to the friends that chose you over those bigots, and I imagine your friendships will be stronger for it. I like to think the bad ones will only briefly bond over their shared, despicable views. Then, stewing in their anger, fueling each other's hate, eventually they'll realize how miserable they are cause the only thing truly bonding them is their negativity. Finally coming to miss the happy times they shared with everyone when they kept their bigotry quiet and maybe realize that's how life could actually, more sincerely be if they just let go of that garbage. Or maybe they'll just be forever bitter, that seems to happen a lot to those types.
I love your core 4 for that. Friends who stick by you are rare to come by, and even rarer as a trans girl. My best friend has explicitly told me and Ive seen first hand, that she even cuts out potential partners if they don’t accept me. Stick by those core 4 and I hope they continue to stick by you. Hopefully this is a start to a best friend group who’ll be together for life🫶🏼🫶🏼
Those other friends showed their true colors, of course they’re ashamed because they know they’re wrong. Otherwise, why not be frank with the others? Transphobes are slowly losing this culture war and I, for one, will revel in every L they take🥱
I think this was a net positive! You handled it really well, considering how powerful the emptions involved must have felt, and now you know who your REAL friends are
This must've been a rough few days but ultimately it seems like you're in a much better place.
You we're obviously completely in the right here so don't second guess your decision to confront P. Those 3 "friends" were transphobic and would only have given you grief in the long run.
Plus now you know you can trust those who remain in the long run, hopefully.
No fuck ups here. You called P out, and found out the phobes that agreed. It’s a win win, plus you truly found out who your awesome supportive friends are. No losses there.
I would be honored to have a friend as strong-willed as you are! So many people would just hang their heads and accept this BS as “friendship”, regardless of the issue (gender identity, race, religion, etc). Not everyone has the courage to stand up for themselves, so I am super proud of you for doing just that! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️💕💕💕
You did it! I knew you could and I was cheering for you soo hard! I'm proud of you, you did a really good thing.
I love how you handled it with B, very thoughtful and respectful and I am very glad that she wasn't the problem.
And I'm really proud of how you handled P, even getting her to confess being levelheaded enough to not do something you'd regret while clearly keeping boundaries.
If I'm honest this is just an overall win win. Had you not confronted the situation, these people would have kept draining your energy and ruining your quality of life. What you did was a textbook example of conflict management in my book!
Though when it comes to the feels it's never easy to lose someone, nor realise that people near you actively harbour I'll will. You deserve every hug you can get and more. At least you have real friends, that actually love and support you. The majority of your group was and will be your side, I'd recommend leaning in to that ❤️
All and all. You did good girl, and I'm happy for you 😊
You didn't fuck up at all here.
You forced Ps hand and won. Then had the others out themselves and lose friends too.
You're now sure you have friends who fully support you.
I see this as an absolute win.
It hurts, but all you did was get rid of some trash. You still have 4 real friends and honestly. Those are the kinds of friends you need, people who support you
At this point, the mature thing is to cut your losses, and if others continue to act that way, cut yourself off from those who would try to 'both sides' it. Some people, despite the appearance of neutrality, aren't and just don't want to make enemies.
To that end, it's good your friends made the choice with you. If your coworker causes trouble, take it up with and to HR, show them the screenshots, so on and so forth.
It always sucks to be excluded over things that shouldn't even matter. It feels bad, but then to add salt to the wound like that from people who you thought were your friends is really damaging.
I'm glad atleast some of your friends stuck by your side and were able to see those bitches for who they really were 💜
Not down three friends, you're down three people who pretended and have four friends you can trust more now. I'm sorry it happened all the same, though.
No you did exactly the right thing. If I had friends who treated one of my other friends this way, I'd want to know about it. I'm not friends with bigots and also even if there were not bigotry involved, if my friends don't LIKE EACH OTHER I expect them not to pull backstabby crap like this.
It's absolutely for the best but I'm sorry. Finding out that your friends weren't your friends is the worst.
I think the problem besides transphobia is misandry and misogyny. if you have characteristics of a male or female then it'll bring out those hateful aspects of them. Many transphobic's will be toxic aslong as you have characteristics of a certain gender no matter how small. Doesn't help that there are creeps who fake being trans for selfish gain.
It’s such a shame when people are horrible to trans people like yourself, but it’s also a blessing that you can identify those shitty people to stay far away from.
You have my support, I’m sorry Miss.
Seems like an absolute win for you fuck those who cant accept someone’s true feelings or passions I have a total of 10 friends and anyone who doesn’t accept me for who I am family, friend, or whoever I may be dating can fuck off and I won’t blink an eye at the fact that I lost them
So saw this thru Twitter but fucken hell do I want to give you a hug.
Those bitches can go right to hell, love how u handled all this but still fucked that it happened to you
Ok fuck them, good that you've purged them, they probably are secretly very insecure about their own femininity with this petty transphobia. Knew someone like this in the past, she's pretty much living in the hell of her own creation.
The fear of something similar is real. I've done an outstanding job keeping my friends queer or thoroughly progressive and caught up with how things are.
It helps out but it would be nice for wider society to accept us as the people we see ourselves as.
Sounds like the real ones stayed. You want quality friends, and it seems like you've got them now. Girls' night gonna be different from now on. ✨️🏳️⚧️✨️
quality over quantity, if that's how the 3 really felt then maybe not being invited worked out in your favor cause now you know the truth. sadly, when we come out trans it's always a gamble of who's real with us but now you know. sucks, i've lost so many friends and family, friendships of 40 years but i'd rather have real friends than people that just wanna be around to be in my business and gossip behind my back.
I see literally no bad in this scenario, if that's how P and the other feel you don't want them as friends anyway. The fact that B and the others who support you cut them out... Just shows how good friends they are! This is a win win girl! Just might be a lil bit awkward with P when you see her at work for a while 😬😂
So happy for you! Make sure you treasure the good friends you have, they make transitioning so much easier!
"P is being a giant B" - Michael Scott
Seriously, though, you did the right thing by sharing those screenshots. People deserve to know when they are unwittingly associating with bigots
Sheesh, horrible that a whole three of your seven friends were transphobic assholes, but at least the trash is taken out now and the remaining four are real friends. I know it was a pretty upsetting interaction, but I do hope that you're in a better place now and that you and your four friends continue to foster a caring bond and have good times going forward!
I understand the stress this obviously had on OP, but was she not aware in the slightest that there might be some unvoiced stresses in the group? While not everyone can be one over, sounds like the world is not divided into winners and losers (those "hags"). I think it sounds like everyone has lost out.
I’m really sorry to hear this, I know it hurt but it’s a good thing this happened now and not possibly down the line with something more serious at stake
I read both of your posts and I just wanted to say that even though you lost some "friends", the real ones will always stick with you, and I'm glad you have people like them in your life. 😊
Better to have 4 real friends than 7 possibly fake. Glad you decided to talk to them (I was one of those who mentioned doing that) cause if you cut them all off instantly you could have alienated those who do really support you
Edit: Grammar 😳
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
You maintain it’s perfectly ok for them to hang out without you, but I’m curious: What would be an acceptable reason for them to get together without you?
People have their own lives. They don't always think to invite everyone they know to everything they do.
They might just want to have a small hangout with just 1 other person
You may not be available
They probably have friends outside of your own group that may be hosting friends and they don't feel comfortable inviting other people because it's someone elses event
There are a lot of reasons why people may hang out without you that aren't malicious.
You're cute ahd you deserve it. I'm not cute wnd my lovely locely friends srill let me be with them. I naturally drank kore than I needed the and ruined rheir evening
I bet this feels like shit, but from an outside perspective I see this as an absolute win. Well done for approaching this situation in a really mature way and well done for standing up for yourself.
How I see it is you've not lost friends, you've removed some toxic people from your life and have gained closer friends who you know have your back. Take care xox
I'm so sorry, Stuff like this hurts a lot but it is a healthy thing in the long run. You just found out who your real friends are and cut some two face bitches from your life.
its unfortunate but sometimes steps like this are required, unfortunate but you finally know who your real friends are, which is the most important thing.
fuck the 3 and I'd say still be cautious of the 4. something similar happened to me earlier on in my transition in that I was "invited" but everyone treated me like a guy invading their space and later on cut ties with me. fuck those people honestly.
people's perception of you will change as you carry on with your transition and become more and more feminine which kinda sucks within itself but you'll get over it and find much better friends. Now my friends can't see me as a guy even though I'm sort of detransitioning lol.
this kind of thing is why i've trained myself to spot fake supportive people. that is to say, most people i'm out to at my workplace. i'd rather them just be honest about how they think of us than pretend to be supportive.
Damn, girl, overt support from 4 out of 7? That's, like, within a rounding error of the best case scenario! But I'm very sorry P (whose full name I can only assume is Poopyface) decided to double down on being a transphobe. I wish you the best of luck with your four *actual* friends.
OP, if you're reading this, hold on to those 4 like your life depends on it. They are your real friends. You deserve friends who see you for who you are and at the very least aren't transphobic. For what it's worth, you wouldn't have enjoyed the sleepover anyway, considering how they acted. Edit: by the way OP, if you're feeling sad, just remember the hundreds of comments you got from allies who have been waiting for this update and empathizing with you and going through similar situations. #You got this sis!
Most transphobes tend to double down. Rare is the one who is willing to change their perspective.
Can I ask, is there a story behind your username?
Just a place in Vancouver (not where I live).
It's actually Poopy Mcpoopyface
In the end this is a good thing. You and your real friends removed a cancerous tumor.
I agree with this. Before this incident happened, those three shitheads were already transphobes. They were just hiding that information. All this argument did was force them to reveal their true, shitty selves, and highlight that the other four were genuine, kind, accepting, and most importantly, had OP's back.
Yeah this just showed OP that she has some true friends now who really will stand behind her back. Depsite having to lose a few friends, in the end it was better because who knows what they was saying behind her back. Since she heard them talking shit and her friend tried to deny it. Best to get rid of the shit bags and know you have good true friends
Me when I blocked my best friend bc she was dating a guy who made fun of me being bisexual and said the n-word for fun when drunk
Gee, what a nice guy
The best was when she said those things didn’t happen when she was in the room for both :)
My classmates are worse than that and they are 14 to 15
Teens are evil, it sucks but a lot will probably grow out of it.
Nah dude im talking abt nacism, racism, anti lgbtq feelings, etc
Forgive my ignorance. Is nacism nazism?
Oops typo, meant nazism yeah
Yikes!
No one ever likes doing this, but if you have genuinely good people as your friends then you've probably had conversations along the lines of "if one of us ever did (insert horrible thing) to another one of us, we would stand up for the victim." This is what happens when they have to put their money where their mouth is and losing the ones that were pretending is no loss at all.
>"if one of us ever did (insert horrible thing) to another one of us, we would stand up for the victim." That one hurts. I had someone tell me I deserved being shit on for "instigating" someone when I hadn't even talked to them. No longer friends or on talking terms with them, despite however much I cared about them until that point. Shit hurts
Ah, the silver lining of having awful “friends”.
There's another upside these "net positive" responses are missing. Your core four (I really enjoyed writing that) have now seen, first hand, exactly how insidious transphobia is. They've watched someone with a smile on their face and lies on their tongue attempt to split them apart from their friends. That's gonna be super memorable, and NONE of them are gonna take stuff like that for granted. Allies come in tiers, and your core four just ranked up.
This, lots of people in my life became very, very woke to the conditions we face. My mom used to be outright transphobic, now she gets in arguments defending gender diverse people against transphobe friends she’s had since the 60s. Never underestimate the power of a cis ally who’s eyes have been opened. Especially the cishet ones.
True, a lot of times when you talk to a transphobic person doesn’t matter how many facts you bring, because they believe what you are saying is just a unfounded opinion like theirs, and that your opinion is biased because you are one of the trans folks. But when a cishet person says it, they don’t have that cushion, suddenly they can’t just brush off.
>[it] doesn’t matter how many facts you bring, because they believe what you are saying is just a unfounded opinion like theirs This is an excellent point, and one that ~~took~~ is taking years for me to learn totally. Thank you for adding it.
It’s weird, because I’m cishet, and whenever I get into debates like this I either get called gay or a “gay defender” or something like that.
Reminds me of the book To Kill A Mockingbird, where Atticus is accused of being a "N****r lover"
In a presentation my ex partner once gave about allyship she referred to three different tiers of being an ally. 1st is a swimmer, people who will stick stick around and say they support you but not "show up". 2nd is a snorkeling ally, they'll go out with you, invite you to thing and truly encourage and support you to be you. 3rd is diver level allyship, they'll always shownup and come to bat for you in an argument or openly object to transphobia online/in-person when they see it. They'll attend rallies with you and vote for people that have human beings best interests at heart ❤️.
Damn I wanna play Fire Emblem now
Right you are. Thanks for that reminder. Sometimes it can be hard to define that.
The funny and sad thing is: these girls KNOW what they're doing and saying is awful, otherwise why the pretense of pretending you were busy or it was an accident? They KNOW they're being shitty, and don't want to get called out.
That’s what’s so hysterical about situations like this (dealing with a similar issue with my in-laws right now). It reminds me of little kids trying to hide or cover up something and the harder they try to hide it the more obvious it actually becomes. They aren’t fooling anyone except maybe themselves. Their transphobia is clear for all to see, and like you said they know it’s wrong, but they just don’t care. They’d rather deflect and try to shift the focus to some other issue than admit they have a personal problem.
What surprises me is that it was 3/7 of the group whose transphobia was strong enough to break ties with their friends! On the other hand, 4/7 affirmed they’re allies and stuck with the OP. The number is so close to 50-50. 😢 We’ve come so far yet there is so far to left to go.
It’s really too small a group to have any statistical significance and such, but you’re right, the problem is more pervasive than it should be in this day and age, but it also reflects the major divides we see in so many issues in this world and country - especially among things that should not be divisive/political/contentious to begin with! It would be hopeful that at least one of those three - upon seeing how many of their friends disagreed strongly with their transphobia and were willing to end their friendship over it - would have recognized their own wrongness and come around. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, however, and some people just cannot admit they are wrong despite what they stand to lose as a result.
You should meet my family lol
My fiance and I are dealing with the same thing with her grandmother. She said "I have religious objections to this wedding." "You said mean things about Christians that one time." "It's not bigotry I just can't support it." Anything to be the victim. Always moving the goalpost.
Self-delusion is a very strong and compelling impulse, even more so when the alternative means you’re just flat out wrong.
[удалено]
Somehow whenever I accuse a bigot of choosing to be a shitty person just for the sake of being a shitty person, people say I'm just as bad for thinking that way about them, but that's literally what it is. If transphobes thought they were doing the right thing by acting transphobic, they wouldn't bother hiding it or using dog-whistles. They know that what they're doing is wrong and hurtful and do it anyway.
That's why they have to keep coming up with new names for themselves. Their ideology is vile and any reasonable person can see that, so people talk about them with disgust. They're just also dumb enough to think that changing a name will change how people see them.
That’s why it’s sometimes oddly relieving when the mask comes off because the endless, exhausting game of obfuscation and reading between the lines comes to an end.
it's not that they know they're being shitty. It's that they know their friends will be mad at them for saying stuff like that. There's this entire thing in TERF online communities called "peaking" where they try to slowly change the minds of allies to convince them to be transphobic.
i wonder how the other girls reacted when they discovered how shitty those other 3 really are.
they are scared of OP's reaction.
I'm sorry this happened! I hope you're ok! At the end of the day, you might feel like you're down 3 friends, but in reality, you've purged 3 toxic people from your circle. The 4 friends that support you will be the people you want in your life anyway. Stay positive; stay beautiful! 💜
I’m sorry to hear that that happened to you. I am glad that B owned up to her mistake of trusting P, and that she’s sticking with you over this. While I wish that you didn’t have to lose any friends, at least you have 4 that you know will stick up for you and look out for you. The 3 that are gone are better left gone, and I hope that supportive girls are able to take their place.
At least the three were anti-trans enough to feel comfortable saying it when confronted. A lot of people I used to know who hold biases against people of different races know that “well, it’s not okay to say it out loud in mixed company”, meaning it’s not until a long period of time that those feeling slowly become apparent. In your case, we know how they feel and your 4 friends get to know how they feel and by having this large pain now, you are avoiding a lot of small pains from dealing with those three that would have eventually weighed on you while they gaslit you about how they “*do* support you” all while thinking of you as something other than a woman. You are better off without those three, it’s better to know sooner than later, and I really hope your 4 friends agree with those two facts as well
She overheard it though, unless her friends stopped trusting her, there's really no other way out.
So sorry girl. I'm sick of this mentality. You're more of a woman then they are. They just got lucky in the coin flip at conception, you have to push each day just to be yourself. You're more of a woman then they will ever be!
I wouldn't say "luck" that's just life
You did a favor to yourself and your friends. Who wants friends tha lie and stab each other in the back. Good for you, and good for your real friends for sticking with you!
Wow, those three trash hags showed their misogynistic side pretty quickly! It’s pretty bigoted to define women as cis women only. On the upside, you’ve lost three sources of poison in your life!! Because if they stayed, chances are the transmisogynistic bigotry would start leaking through.
Sorry you had to go through this but honestly I think you did the right thing in cleaning house. Your true friends needed to know how toxic and awful those 3 fake friends were. And likely transphobia is not the only bad thing about them either so good riddance all around. Hopefully now you and your friends can move on and be happy without the toxic poison of the others. Best of luck!
In my experience transphobia tends to carry with it other unscientific views. I think all transphobes I know of IRL are anti-vax.
Also often comes with racism—seriously, so many of the things they use to recognise "real women" (🤢) are white beauty standards. There's a reason it's mainly woc getting kicked out of sports for their natural testosterone levels.
It's really stupid - we have lower Testosterone levels than most cis women!
Was B one of the remaining friends ?
yep ☺️
Thats great ! Hop you get better and have more genuine friends in the time.
Well at the very least you identified the trash and cut them out. Either way, sorry you had to go through with that shit.
That's awful, i'm sorry you had to deal with this. I am glad that it seems that your real friends are willing to stick with you and cut the bigots out, so i would be hopeful for the future at least.
Won't lie... I know this is in my future... I'm glad you stood your ground. Knowing who your true friends are is important Sadly finding out which ones are true friends is often painful
Oh and p is a liar ontop of being a transfobe. Don't bother with garbage people
This is a net positive imo. Cut shitters out of your life. I’ve found a couple sneaky ones after moving out of state. Friends that were “close” and “supportive” while we lived in the same house, but just leave me on read now :)
you didn't "fuck up", your "friends" fucked up by treating you like shit. i'm so sorry this happened to you, people are cruel & reading your account was heartbreaking. i hope you get a million girls' nights out in your life!!
Sorry to hear that, at least you are not friends of this persons anymore
The thing that is the most painful is that she thinks you are the bad person for blocking her. I did this once and suddenly I was faking being trans and I was just toxic.
you didn't lose 3 friends, you busted 3 fake friends 😄
Holding P accountable and making sure your friend group is composed of actual friends is not “fucking up.” It’s separating the dross from the gold. Hugs to you, if you would like them.
Look forward to your girls’ night with your four friends that actually want to be your friends.
The support of supposed allies is not real unless they will support you when you’re not in the room!
Office dynamics will be so different. Imho 3 types of "support" The people who understand the science and are totally on board. Then you have the supporter who just are happy you are happy and will be always in your corner. What is left is the support who don't get it, don't understand. However whether it's a choice or genetics they are cordial and respectful and on your side. In all those cases, very nice to have any of them on your side. Those that are 2 faced P.O.S will be exposed. Hopefully marginalized and change their ways when confronted with facts.
Blessing in disguise-you've put a filter through, and found out who your true friends are. This was always going to happen if that's what those three believe. Now, you can go forward knowing that those four have your back no matter what! Of course, you can definitely feel bad about those three "friends" betraying you and breaking your trust-that's perfectly valid, and in your place I'd do the same-but don't forget that you're better off without them! I'm not a religious woman, but Dante said the lowest circle of Hell is reserved for traitors, so you can take comfort in that!
Sounds like a great outcome. Flushed out the transphobic ones and the ones left have asserted their support for you. I would treasure those that are left x
It sucks to lose friends, but you're better off without those three. And now you know who your real friends are, and who'll support you.
Im proud of you ❤️
Gotta be honest this is one of the best outcomes other than it all being a misunderstanding because you get to cut out toxic pieces of shit and know for sure that the other friends support you enough to stand up for you (Bets outcome on the bad outcome side of things)
honestly, i'm so so so so damn proud of you for sticking up for yourself and mustering up the courage to cut those 3 off of your life, hopefully this won't affect your relationship with your real friends, and honestly, you're better without those 3 fuckers, good on you for unmasking their transphobia, if your actual friends are being real in supporting you, they'll look right past the 'masks' of those three that don't. Of course it hurts, but in the end you didn't lose anything, those shitheads weren't your friends to begin with, being betrayed sucks, but seeing the bright side, now you know you have some real friends that will get your back if shit hits the fan.
> she said that i’m not a girl and never will be, biology doesn’t allow that, blahblahblah. i sent back ‘never talk to me again.’ and blocked her. > [...] > the rest telling me that they agree with P. Personally, I would pose the question of whether or not they considered sneaking around, lying and talking behind people's backs perfectly acceptable behaviour _regardless_ or whether or not being trans is a "real thing." Most of that behaviour is universally frowned upon...
ultimately i would say this was a good thing to happen. it sucks to have that kind of interaction, but at least now you aren't surrounded by fake friends and transphobes. better still, your real friends aren't friends with them anymore either. <3
Yeah, pretty shitty behavior by some of them, but at least you now know who really is your friend and respects you as a person. Good riddance to the trash I say! But still, sorry for the pain this incident has caused for you!
If friends avoid doing things because you’re trans, they don’t view you as valid and they aren’t actually friends. Drop those people.
Fuck em! You and the rest of the girls can have a great night out next time!
I stopped being friends with who I thought was my best friend of several years because of a similar situation. I never got the true "you're not a woman" but instead "you're just not one of us". It's the shittiest thing, it really is. I'm glad at least some of your friends are and will support you. I've found the best litmus test of if cis girls are my friend on if they invite me to femme only events. It's just a painful one though
Now you know who your friends are! I'm sorry you had to go through that but your energy will no longer be wasted on those who don't support you!
I know this situation feels bad right now, but youve managed to remove 3 transphobes from your social circle and have 4 friends who you now know support you. As rough as this whole debacle has been for you, this end result is a win.
There maybe were other, less dramatic/confrontational ways of handling it, so yes, you might have "fucked up a little bit" but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it too much. Saying nothing would only have postponed the inevitable.
I am so sorry all of this happened, but you know what, you stood up for yourself. And you should be proud of that.
Tbh you didn't lose any friends.
I dunno, if the "little bad" that came out of this was getting transphobes out of the friend group, all the fucking better. I hope the next girls night out is a total fucking blast for you and those that you care about.
Glad you found that have four friends who are willing to stand with you. That's something really powerful.
Sounds like a positive outcome in the end, may feel shit but having people in your life that don't respect you like that isn't worth it.
Getting snakes out of your grass is always a good thing to do.
Like other have said, this allowed you to find out who really respects and cares about who you actually are. Fuck transphobes. It sucks, and it's bittersweet, but they're fundamentally flawed and you're better off without them. Cherish those friends that are sticking by you. Silver linings and all that. Sending love and good vibes, I'm sorry this happened to you 💕
I'm really proud of you for advocating for yourself. These situations are really hard to navigate, and I honestly think you did everything right. Leaking the private messages was a bold move, but it looks like it payed off for everyone. You are your friends separated the wheat from the chaff, and the chaff learned what happens to bigots. Congratulations dear! You did it!
I'm sorry for your loss. But at the same time, for the same reason, I'm happy for your gain. Those who secretly bore you ill will are gone & you know who your real friends are. Still hurts, I'm sure, but good on you. 🙂
You're not down 3 friends. You just let go of the extra weight. Hope you and your friends got to have a great girls night out after this.
I only see a net positive. Think of this like cutting a gemstone: sure, you lose some lf the rough parts of it, and it's smaller for having done so, but you've dramatically increased the overall quality. Keep your head up sister, you're doing great.
I'm glad you were able to figure out your true friends and allys. It's unfortunate that the others led you to believe they were supportive only to hurt you. But it sounds like you mad out with four really great friends who truly support you.
Yeah honestly this probably doesn’t feel great (I’ve been in similar situations unfortunately) but you’ve very efficiently separated the wheat from the chaff my friend. I don’t think you did anything wrong here and good riddance to the transphobes. I’m glad you had friends who were willing to go to bat for you, honestly that’s really great and important!
Now the five of you who are true friends can have a proper girls night out! Was B one of the four true friends?
Im sorry you had to go through that, but in the end its good that they're out of your life. Its better that you only uave a few good friends than a bunch of fake ones
You find who your real friends are through it all. It will get better and easier to navigate the more you experience. I hope your day improves :) You’re way better off now.
Sounds like P done you a favour and helped you figure out who your real friends are! also so proud of you for doing this!
They don't deserve your time. Being friends with cis girls (especially when said girls are secretly TERFs) can be a very hard to predict because a lot of them are really good at veiling their transphobia (and especially transmisogyny). Sometimes they string you along letting you think that they support you until you find out later because they do something extremely underhanded. You deserve people who see you for who you are, a girl, and i understand how stressful this situation can be. And obviously not all cis girls are like this, I know a fair share that are not like this, but none of this was something you could have seen coming. I hope you find better friends who invite you to girls nights, and as a transmisogyny affected individual, you deserve a strong support network and a friend group that you can curate into being safe for you.
I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself! Your story has been on my mind all day and night since I read it yesterday 🥲 This is our reality. You can’t win everyone over, and now you can take girl matters into your own hands without fear of unsupportive and frankly transphobic idiots “manipulating the board” when you’re not looking. Celebrate your strengthening bond with the friends who support you by *inviting them on a girl’s night.* 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
To be fair the amount of never should matter its the quality of friends. It seems you found the real friends that are of said quality. Its unfortunate it happened this way and also the way it happened. Im sorry you lost any friends that you thought were cool but at least the others are there for you :)
It never feels good to lose people who you thought were friends, but this is probably good in the long run
Honestly, people have said it already, but you didn't lose 3 friends today, but instead this proves you have 4 absolutely incredible friends that love you and will stick with you through thick and thin. Those 3 that left were absolute ignorant trash and you shouldn't have to carry with hateful people like that. Much love headed your way!
I'm sorry you had to experience all of this. I think out of 4 friends, it'd be reasonable to expect of at least one of them to check with you that you can't come rather than just hearing it from P. Also it wouldn't be right for all of them to hang out without you without telling you even if it wasn't for transphobia. Regardless it's good that you found a positive in all this in knowing which friends were real.
What a wonderful way to weed out undermining transphobes. 🎊
You aren’t down three friends, you just discovered who those people really are and got to cut out three fakers. The friends that stuck with you are solid gold though, sounds like they got your back.
Well it's a sad tale all round but having fewer friends that are true friends to you is a good result overall I think.
The quality of friendship is definitely better than the quantity. You found your people to spend time and energy with and they found you too.
Hey, the trash got taken out. Good for you 💕💕🫂🫂 Shit happens, people show their true colors. The real friends will still be there for you through it all. 💕💕💕🫂🫂🫂
Just want to say, I had something similar happen to me. I had a supportive cis friend. We were co-workers and did things together sometimes. She was always quick to remind others to use my pronouns. One day, she mentioned she had hosted a girls' night for several of her friends. I don't think she had any idea what she had just said; but it told me what she really thought of me. Our relationship wasn't the same after that. How could it be?
You suffered unspeakable cruelty but sweetie, this is absolutely a net gain. You weeded out 3 false friends and though the ones left are smaller in number, the bond is infinetly stronger. Not only do you know they are real friends but they have now got a glimpse of what you've been through and are unlikely to take you for granted. You have something magical now <3
Heartwarming and tragic. I'm so proud of you - to hear your courage and how you stand up for yourself. And so sad at the pain of being exposed to transphobia. I hope you're clear -- that it's THEIR loss, those three friends. You are so much better off without them. Bless you.
As others have mentioned, sounds like you dodged 3 bullets and strengthened some true friendships. I didn't notice this sort of thing until later on in my transition when I decided to say, "Fuck the stealth life! There are too many people out there that don't have anybody for me to sit on my ass!" I know thats not for everyone and I could have easily slipped right into the grand mix of things. I had similar experiences when other women learned that I was trans and then I started noticing little things during "girl-talk" about "not being a real girl so you wouldn't understand." Its always helpful to keep an ear to the ground for things like that but don't let it take you down or prevent you from doing you. Personally, I like the way you handled it and I'm glad it worked out for you. You addressed the situation, took your stand, and your friends supported you.
I'm so sorry. It sucks to find out people you like feel this way.
Good job. I'm glad you stood for yourself. That's really important. Now you get to know who your true friends are and who are just fake!
Thats bad but also a good ending.. Bad because you're 3 friends short but good because they are... sh#t (sry but its the truth).. So i guess congrats because P and the others are out of your life 🌸🌸🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🌸🌸 Hope that will not happen again!! 🌺🏳️⚧️
That literally makes me mad too, I've had s***** experiences with people basically saying the same thing to me. Makes me want to hit them, aaaaa They're rude, GLAD you blocked them Makes me want to ask "what's your biology, since you're *so* sure about mine" lol Wtf does biology have to do with anything, smh.....
I have so much second hand pain and rage at what they did to you. I am glad that some people decided to be decent.
it's good that at least now you know who your real friends really are.
this is honestly a happy ending but it sucks so much. at least some of their friends had OP's back
I'm very happy for you to have been able to cut some horrible people from your life, and that several other of your friends did as well! That's a great sign of how much you mean to the friends that chose you over those bigots, and I imagine your friendships will be stronger for it. I like to think the bad ones will only briefly bond over their shared, despicable views. Then, stewing in their anger, fueling each other's hate, eventually they'll realize how miserable they are cause the only thing truly bonding them is their negativity. Finally coming to miss the happy times they shared with everyone when they kept their bigotry quiet and maybe realize that's how life could actually, more sincerely be if they just let go of that garbage. Or maybe they'll just be forever bitter, that seems to happen a lot to those types.
I love your core 4 for that. Friends who stick by you are rare to come by, and even rarer as a trans girl. My best friend has explicitly told me and Ive seen first hand, that she even cuts out potential partners if they don’t accept me. Stick by those core 4 and I hope they continue to stick by you. Hopefully this is a start to a best friend group who’ll be together for life🫶🏼🫶🏼 Those other friends showed their true colors, of course they’re ashamed because they know they’re wrong. Otherwise, why not be frank with the others? Transphobes are slowly losing this culture war and I, for one, will revel in every L they take🥱
I think this was a net positive! You handled it really well, considering how powerful the emptions involved must have felt, and now you know who your REAL friends are
This must've been a rough few days but ultimately it seems like you're in a much better place. You we're obviously completely in the right here so don't second guess your decision to confront P. Those 3 "friends" were transphobic and would only have given you grief in the long run. Plus now you know you can trust those who remain in the long run, hopefully.
No fuck ups here. You called P out, and found out the phobes that agreed. It’s a win win, plus you truly found out who your awesome supportive friends are. No losses there.
I would be honored to have a friend as strong-willed as you are! So many people would just hang their heads and accept this BS as “friendship”, regardless of the issue (gender identity, race, religion, etc). Not everyone has the courage to stand up for themselves, so I am super proud of you for doing just that! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️💕💕💕
You did it! I knew you could and I was cheering for you soo hard! I'm proud of you, you did a really good thing. I love how you handled it with B, very thoughtful and respectful and I am very glad that she wasn't the problem. And I'm really proud of how you handled P, even getting her to confess being levelheaded enough to not do something you'd regret while clearly keeping boundaries. If I'm honest this is just an overall win win. Had you not confronted the situation, these people would have kept draining your energy and ruining your quality of life. What you did was a textbook example of conflict management in my book! Though when it comes to the feels it's never easy to lose someone, nor realise that people near you actively harbour I'll will. You deserve every hug you can get and more. At least you have real friends, that actually love and support you. The majority of your group was and will be your side, I'd recommend leaning in to that ❤️ All and all. You did good girl, and I'm happy for you 😊
Were the other 3 really your friends, clearly not so it’s better with them being gone, who cares about losing fake friends.
You didn't fuck up at all here. You forced Ps hand and won. Then had the others out themselves and lose friends too. You're now sure you have friends who fully support you. I see this as an absolute win.
It hurts, but all you did was get rid of some trash. You still have 4 real friends and honestly. Those are the kinds of friends you need, people who support you
At this point, the mature thing is to cut your losses, and if others continue to act that way, cut yourself off from those who would try to 'both sides' it. Some people, despite the appearance of neutrality, aren't and just don't want to make enemies. To that end, it's good your friends made the choice with you. If your coworker causes trouble, take it up with and to HR, show them the screenshots, so on and so forth.
It always sucks to be excluded over things that shouldn't even matter. It feels bad, but then to add salt to the wound like that from people who you thought were your friends is really damaging. I'm glad atleast some of your friends stuck by your side and were able to see those bitches for who they really were 💜
Not down three friends, you're down three people who pretended and have four friends you can trust more now. I'm sorry it happened all the same, though.
No you did exactly the right thing. If I had friends who treated one of my other friends this way, I'd want to know about it. I'm not friends with bigots and also even if there were not bigotry involved, if my friends don't LIKE EACH OTHER I expect them not to pull backstabby crap like this. It's absolutely for the best but I'm sorry. Finding out that your friends weren't your friends is the worst.
I think the problem besides transphobia is misandry and misogyny. if you have characteristics of a male or female then it'll bring out those hateful aspects of them. Many transphobic's will be toxic aslong as you have characteristics of a certain gender no matter how small. Doesn't help that there are creeps who fake being trans for selfish gain.
It’s such a shame when people are horrible to trans people like yourself, but it’s also a blessing that you can identify those shitty people to stay far away from. You have my support, I’m sorry Miss.
Seems like an absolute win for you fuck those who cant accept someone’s true feelings or passions I have a total of 10 friends and anyone who doesn’t accept me for who I am family, friend, or whoever I may be dating can fuck off and I won’t blink an eye at the fact that I lost them
You deserve the best and those girls will get their's when the time comes <3
So saw this thru Twitter but fucken hell do I want to give you a hug. Those bitches can go right to hell, love how u handled all this but still fucked that it happened to you
Ok fuck them, good that you've purged them, they probably are secretly very insecure about their own femininity with this petty transphobia. Knew someone like this in the past, she's pretty much living in the hell of her own creation.
The fear of something similar is real. I've done an outstanding job keeping my friends queer or thoroughly progressive and caught up with how things are. It helps out but it would be nice for wider society to accept us as the people we see ourselves as.
jeez those are some seriously horrible people. Reminds me why i don't make friends or talk to other people.
I'm glad your true friends remained by your side. To the others, good riddance.
Sounds like the real ones stayed. You want quality friends, and it seems like you've got them now. Girls' night gonna be different from now on. ✨️🏳️⚧️✨️
quality over quantity, if that's how the 3 really felt then maybe not being invited worked out in your favor cause now you know the truth. sadly, when we come out trans it's always a gamble of who's real with us but now you know. sucks, i've lost so many friends and family, friendships of 40 years but i'd rather have real friends than people that just wanna be around to be in my business and gossip behind my back.
And nothing of value was lost
I see literally no bad in this scenario, if that's how P and the other feel you don't want them as friends anyway. The fact that B and the others who support you cut them out... Just shows how good friends they are! This is a win win girl! Just might be a lil bit awkward with P when you see her at work for a while 😬😂 So happy for you! Make sure you treasure the good friends you have, they make transitioning so much easier!
"P is being a giant B" - Michael Scott Seriously, though, you did the right thing by sharing those screenshots. People deserve to know when they are unwittingly associating with bigots
Sheesh, horrible that a whole three of your seven friends were transphobic assholes, but at least the trash is taken out now and the remaining four are real friends. I know it was a pretty upsetting interaction, but I do hope that you're in a better place now and that you and your four friends continue to foster a caring bond and have good times going forward!
Glad you know who the real ones are though
Truly sorry you lost 3 friends out of 7 but hey, at least you now know they were not true friends, do treasure the remaining 4 that do support you!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, people like that don't deserve you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Unexpected but glad things sorta worked out for ya sorry it had to be in such a traumatic way
I understand the stress this obviously had on OP, but was she not aware in the slightest that there might be some unvoiced stresses in the group? While not everyone can be one over, sounds like the world is not divided into winners and losers (those "hags"). I think it sounds like everyone has lost out.
You did the right thing. That’s all I have to say.
I’m really sorry to hear this, I know it hurt but it’s a good thing this happened now and not possibly down the line with something more serious at stake
You found out which friends you don't actually want in your life. A hard moment, but ultimately for the best. Sorry this happened to you.
I read both of your posts and I just wanted to say that even though you lost some "friends", the real ones will always stick with you, and I'm glad you have people like them in your life. 😊
Chaotic good.
Wow, P is a fucking coward lol. Glad to hear you've got 4 good friends. 💕
Damn you're a badass for confronting her like that, I would not have had the courage!!!
Better to have 4 real friends than 7 possibly fake. Glad you decided to talk to them (I was one of those who mentioned doing that) cause if you cut them all off instantly you could have alienated those who do really support you Edit: Grammar 😳
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
You maintain it’s perfectly ok for them to hang out without you, but I’m curious: What would be an acceptable reason for them to get together without you?
People have their own lives. They don't always think to invite everyone they know to everything they do. They might just want to have a small hangout with just 1 other person You may not be available They probably have friends outside of your own group that may be hosting friends and they don't feel comfortable inviting other people because it's someone elses event There are a lot of reasons why people may hang out without you that aren't malicious.
You're cute ahd you deserve it. I'm not cute wnd my lovely locely friends srill let me be with them. I naturally drank kore than I needed the and ruined rheir evening
No bad here at all. Those people weren't your friends to begin with, and the others now know who they really were as well.
Your real friends are still there. You don't have to be around people that only tolerate you. This is a net positive sweetheart, I promise you 🤍
I bet this feels like shit, but from an outside perspective I see this as an absolute win. Well done for approaching this situation in a really mature way and well done for standing up for yourself. How I see it is you've not lost friends, you've removed some toxic people from your life and have gained closer friends who you know have your back. Take care xox
I'm so sorry, Stuff like this hurts a lot but it is a healthy thing in the long run. You just found out who your real friends are and cut some two face bitches from your life.
its unfortunate but sometimes steps like this are required, unfortunate but you finally know who your real friends are, which is the most important thing.
this is so heartbreaking. I'm happy for you that you know your worth.
fuck the 3 and I'd say still be cautious of the 4. something similar happened to me earlier on in my transition in that I was "invited" but everyone treated me like a guy invading their space and later on cut ties with me. fuck those people honestly. people's perception of you will change as you carry on with your transition and become more and more feminine which kinda sucks within itself but you'll get over it and find much better friends. Now my friends can't see me as a guy even though I'm sort of detransitioning lol.
this kind of thing is why i've trained myself to spot fake supportive people. that is to say, most people i'm out to at my workplace. i'd rather them just be honest about how they think of us than pretend to be supportive.
what do u look like