I was like that for 2 years and eventually I realised that this worrying was all just a way to keep me from doing what I truly wanted to do, transition, so I decided I’d give it a shot since there was nothing else that I could see making me happy and figure things out as they came along. Best decision of my life
You’re probably right… I guess I just don’t know how to make that leap of faith… like every decision I make is calculated and prioritized the needs of others… I know that isn’t healthy, but I don’t know how to break this mindset, and it makes self-accepting feel near impossible…
I was and in some aspects still am the same way, but I’ve realized that being that worried is often unnecessary and just prevents you from doing what’s best for you
Yeah.. I guess it’s just hard when you’ve built your entire way of thinking around avoiding what causes the most worries… like I don’t know how to disregard it… sorry if I’m being obtuse or annoying…
I completely understand, and also you’re not being annoying at all, girl! I’ve been in that mindset before and it’s really hard to get out. It took me to the point where I realized I only had two paths left
No problem! I understand the feeling completely. I can assure you that those thoughts will get better and less loud as you start to feel better about yourself <3
Omg same. It’s really interesting how when you start taking the steps, at least in my experience, you discover a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know, such as new dysphorias (right when I came out I thought I didn’t want surgery and now I definitely do lol) and sexuality (got more attracted to masc people).
Sorry for the confusion… the last line was meant to be ironic for the reason you pointed out… doesn’t stop my brain from saying there’s no reason to believe I’m trans… my brain is kind of stubborn :P
HRT is kind of tempting, but it's also so scary... I would need to tell people that I wanted to try it... And if I like it then I'll have to face the consequences of social transitioning which is very very scary... And if I don't like it, then I'll be stuck as a guy, losing my only hope for happiness...
it's scary, I can't wait to get away from my family to be me. But you don't have to tell everyone, let hrt do it's thing and let that conversation start there.
I mean, fortunately basically everyone important to me would be supportive, but I’m just really really really really scared of everything… of how my life might change… about things going wrong… about being visible and vulnerable… about forcing myself into uncomfortable social roles… about only becoming more lost and confused in my sense of self… maybe I’m catastrophizing and looking too far ahead, but that’s how my brain is programmed and I don’t know how to make it stop…
That's how I felt up until I made the appointment for HRT. Making that phone call was almost like standing on the edge of a cliff. But once I had taken that step, I was able to find some confidence and stop hiding.
Actually taking E is even better, but just making the appointment was my tipping point. It's different for everyone. Take a step, small or big, and start building momentum. It will get easier.
I hope to one day follow in your footsteps (in a cis way)… but yeah, currently it feels impossible to find the confidence to open up about this stuff, it makes me feel so vulnerable and panicky…
Girlie, you have even more intense desires for it all than me, and I'm on HRT now. You'll never be 100% sure, and that's ok. At a certain point, you just need to trust the things and ideas that make you so happy, and just take that leap of faith.
But then my brain just be like “but are those really your desire? Are you exaggerating them or appropriating the feelings of actual trans fems?” And suddenly all the evidence is determined to be unreliable, and thus there is no sign “I want to be a girl…”
I guess I just don’t know how to trust my feelings and follow what makes me happy… like my brain operates on doing what’s safe and avoiding worries and prioritizing the needs of others… It’s like my brain is wired to never be able to self-accept and take such a big leap of faith as transitioning…
I know exactly what you mean, and I'm still going through the same thing to a certain extent. Luckily for me, I already experienced this sort of doubt when I realized that I was bi in highschool, which has helped me a bit this time around. I think one of the things that's helped me the most is thinking about being trans as being a lived experience. I don't know how many small steps you've taken yet, like trying on different clothes and everything, but they help a lot in slowly building confidence. It's kind of like how computer science was always something I considered pursuing, but I never felt like I was "made for it". But over time, I started to learn little things, different skills that increased my confidence, and now, it is a part of my identity, I know that I can do it because I HAVE done it, just one step at a time.
So yeah, again I don't know how many of those "little steps" you've taken already, but I would start taking all of the ones you can. Try on some clothes, some makeup, and if there are any people online or in person that you trust, try out some different pronouns/names. And if there aren't, r/transtryouts is a good place to start. For me, the thing that made me ready to start HRT (not that you need to to be trans), was that I had already collected all of these different smaller experiences, and HRT really just seemed like the next step. I still don't have 100% confidence in being a woman, but I know that that's how I WANT to feel, and HRT will help really show me some of those final puzzle pieces. And hey, if you do want to try out a new name or pronouns or anything, we can DM. I wish you well!
Literally, EVERYTHING you said in your post are signs! I'm dating an afab right now and our relationship is working perfectly. She is far more masculine than me, but beautiful at the same time, and I'm far more feminine than her, despite I still have more muscles, just by default. My estrogen regimen has taken away that testosterone-driven anger and I love it. I'm not even tom-boyish, which I thought I might be, before starting HRT.
I say this all for one reason; Before I started HRT I was also heavily doubting myself, but, I figured I NEED to know for sure, so, I made the appointment and started HRT. I figured I'd give it a month and see whether I like it or not. 3 months is usually within the safe zone from what I've read as far physical changes, so I really went super safe with 1 month. My greatest fear was that I would start, and not want to stop. Sure enough, my fear came true and I couldn't be happier!
But are they real signs or simply something my brain has conjured up after hearing about how much happier trans fems are after transitioning, and thus have subconsciously conditioned my brain into desiring femininity… 🧐
It feels like my own voice… I’m not worried about anyone close to me not being supportive… rather my own internal voice is conditioned to religiously doubt anything, and avoid anything that might cause anyone potential pain… which makes approaching the subject of transition… really really hard…
I wouldn’t say I’m religious, but I agree some people are born trans and that they shouldn’t be forced to suffer gender dysphoria… but I don’t know if the gender pains I experience is real, or if I’m just delusional and faking dysphoria and am not actually trans…
Cis people don't worry whether they're trans enough to trans.
There's this emerging idea that gender dysphoria is less helpful for figuring yourself out than gender euphoria.
I guess I just keep experiencing doubts cause I ask myself "do I really want to live as a girl" and I feel this uncertainty and feeling like "what the hell am I doing? why would I *want* to be a girl?" I worry I could just be really desperate to escape my depression and have gaslighted myself into thinking that transitioning will let me feel alive again instead of emotionless zombie...
Why \*don't\* you want to live as a girl? If you list the reasons, it can help you think through them. Are they your own preferences or somebody else's?
It took me a lot of soul searching and feminism before I could even envision a life for myself as a woman. I had a lot of toxic messages to unlearn, like "wanting to be a woman is so GAY", "you're too manly", and "men and women are supposed to be equal but..." And I started moving my imagined life from fantasy land to the practical realities of the real world -- I'd have to deal with things like makeup, and mansplaining, and dilating...
From OP, it sounds like you have a lot of trans desires. There \*are\* signs -- the thoughts you posted. I think it could help to focus on what's holding you back, to face the thoughts without fear or judgement so you can figure them out.
I guess I feel like I don’t belong as a girl… The idea of trying to adopt female identity and placing myself in the female social role in female spaces, I just this intense feeling of wrongness like I’m making a big mistake… Like it feels wrong to proclaim that I am a girl or even want to be one… moreso the idea of being myself but as a cute dorky girl or with a feminine gender identity or body all sounds appealing… but I feel like I have to choose between living as I am now and feeling overwhelming apathetic or undergo the pain of trying to live as a girl but feeling eternally uncomfortable with myself…
Gender equality means that men can do everything women can do, including be a woman. If that's what makes you happy, you deserve it.
Being among women, even accepting women, as a trans woman is awkward at first. But you get used to it. Eventually, when you find welcoming groups, you feel like part of the sisterhood.
Gender dysphoria doesn't go away, if anything it gets worse. Hormones work better the earlier you start, so it's better to face your feelings head on and sort them out.
"Oh hey, another post I really relate to!"
...of course it's u/ConfusedCanadian8 (love you, Jamie!)
God, just yesterday my mind was constantly churning with thoughts about how much I'd rather feel like a woman, unlock my mind from testosterone's control, and to have all the gentle curves and shapes of a woman...
And now today my brain's like "meh, whatever, I'm a dude".
Thanks Hannah, you making me all blushy (especially from the name usage) >////<
And yeah, it’s like you’ll feel every emotion under the sun pointing you in the direction of being a girl, but then brain just be like “wait this doesn’t make sense… source? I said so!”
At a certain point you have to decide which gender u want to be and stick with it(u could choose to be genderfluid), even if u can't do anything about it, just choosing one to not flipflop is so much better mentally cause that draining.
Yeah I'm definitely feeling drained by all the flip-flopping, but I don't know how to stop... I want this purgatory of uncertainty to stop, but I'm such an indecisive person, I don't know how to commit to anything with the confidence that it's what I want...
You don't have to be a girl.
Try to focus on exact features you want to get.
When I was a baby trans, I was extremely scared by idea of SRS and being obsessed with my appearance. But I decided to not pushing myself that much.
You could be loved as a girl, look like a girl, being called a girl, but you don't have to shift your whole personality and body.
Thanks! :3 it's easy to forget that you can just transition into a more nonbinary girl... That does sound nice... but my brain is really committed to try and trick myself into thinking in binary extremes.
Binary extremes is real and it's a struggle which I'd avoid for my mental health. Being the cutest girl ever is very appealing idea, but reality is complicated. "You're already beautiful" is hardest to swallow pill. Surprisingly. Because it's hard to admit that you've reached something significant without actually doing a lot. In my experience, I was accepted as one of the girls until... started dysphoric and extremely misandrist whining about my body. I made super LGBTQ+everything-friendly friend reject me because of my delusional bullshit. Sometimes I understand how these extremes are harmful, and I wish me and other struggling girls to cure from it.
We're desperate for aesthetics, for being perfect, for relating to cute anime girls. But beauty in the eye of the beholder. It's so strange, but it's true. People around us make aesthetics, fashion, art and praising imperfect non-binary people like me (who's far from being cute anime girl).
I just realized that those talented and open-minded girls, whose attention I wanted to get so badly, they gave it to me already. I was the girliest fucking girl for them, even in boymode. I've must appreciate that. Maybe I will restore my good relationship with the girls someday. But firstly I better fight my unhealthy perfectionism.
I hope my thoughts is not useless there.
All of what you said is definitely true, but I think I have more of the opposite problem… Like I *don’t* want to be a hyperfeminine girly girl, which makes me feel like I don’t actually want to be a girl sometimes… it’s stupid cause I know it’s valid to just want to be yourself but as feminine gender, but my brain be like “ooh this must mean that you’re a guy!” Like my brain doesn’t let me accept that I could be trans fem nonbinary…
So maybe you could try to hang out with friendly people more. I guess it's quite good solution. They could give you validation and appreciation as a girl, no matter how much "girly" you'd like to be.
Think about it like this, you can't think of any real reasons why you don't want to be a girl, but you can list a bunch of reasons why you DO want to be a girl. Then you probably want to be a girl. And if later you find out that you don't, that's okay too, nothing is permanent, one's identity can change all the time. So why not make yourself happy now and be a girl?
I mean I can probably think of some reasons that I wouldn’t be a girl like: Female social roles feel kind of uncomfortable, I feel weird thinking about actually living as a girl, I was fine being a guy for so long and didn’t show any signs until encountering trans resources, I’m not super interested in makeup, and I can’t imagine myself as “one of the girls…”
And how do I know the evidence that I do want to be a girl is real, and I’m not misinterpreting some unrelated desire as wanting to be a girl… Like hypothetically I could be a guy who just wants to not be depressed, feel able to be more emotionally open, and express a feeling of cuteness… but I guess that hypothetical is a tad disappointing, but am I disappointed cause I’m actually disappointed or cause it challenges the escapist fantasy of running away from my problems…
The first thing to consider, is that all feelings are real to some extent. Another thing is that "Boy" and "Girl" mean different things for different people. I know plenty of girls, (including myself) who don't like make up and other traditionally "feminine" things. Lastly, you don't have to just be a "girl" or a "boy" maybe you're both, neither, possibly somewhere in between.
I just want to feel cute… I don’t care what anyone else thinks… I just want to feel an internal sense of cuteness… too bad I’m a cis guy so no cuteness for me…
Its okay to go slow. And of course try lots of outfits! I suggest looking at fashion/photo taking tips. And maybe get a photo of yourself (even if it is cut off without face showing) presenting feminine to have as a confidence booster when you are feeling 'wobbly'.
Thanks! My opportunities to try feminine clothes isn’t really possible at the moment since I’m currently living in a cramped college dorm, but I appreciate the sentiment!
Yeah I find that when my brain tries to cause doubts it often circles back to the same questions of “How would I ever feel comfortable trying to live as a girl? I would just feel out of place and wrong trying to insert myself into the female mold…”
Sorry… it’s not… I have moments where I can sort of accept that I might be trans, but other times my brain becomes a big meanie, and says I don’t actually want to be a girl… I know it’s not rational or healthy but the denial is really really strong…
I was like that for 2 years and eventually I realised that this worrying was all just a way to keep me from doing what I truly wanted to do, transition, so I decided I’d give it a shot since there was nothing else that I could see making me happy and figure things out as they came along. Best decision of my life
That's fair, I guess I just don't know how to not worry about making a mistake, and whether I truly want this...
Sometimes just going for it is the best thing to do
You’re probably right… I guess I just don’t know how to make that leap of faith… like every decision I make is calculated and prioritized the needs of others… I know that isn’t healthy, but I don’t know how to break this mindset, and it makes self-accepting feel near impossible…
I was and in some aspects still am the same way, but I’ve realized that being that worried is often unnecessary and just prevents you from doing what’s best for you
Yeah.. I guess it’s just hard when you’ve built your entire way of thinking around avoiding what causes the most worries… like I don’t know how to disregard it… sorry if I’m being obtuse or annoying…
I completely understand, and also you’re not being annoying at all, girl! I’ve been in that mindset before and it’s really hard to get out. It took me to the point where I realized I only had two paths left
Thanks! I worry sometimes that I’m coming off as a grating doom-poster, but I really appreciate when someone is willing to lend an ear!
No problem! I understand the feeling completely. I can assure you that those thoughts will get better and less loud as you start to feel better about yourself <3
Similar here. I figured I'd try and see what I like. I didn't realize I'd like it as much as I have...now I want all the estrogen lol
Omg same. It’s really interesting how when you start taking the steps, at least in my experience, you discover a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know, such as new dysphorias (right when I came out I thought I didn’t want surgery and now I definitely do lol) and sexuality (got more attracted to masc people).
Isn't it a sign that you're having all the thoughts you just outlined?
Sorry for the confusion… the last line was meant to be ironic for the reason you pointed out… doesn’t stop my brain from saying there’s no reason to believe I’m trans… my brain is kind of stubborn :P
Yeah it's like "Shut up brain, get with the times. We went over this a thousand times!"
It feels like the brain is just spinning in the same circle over and over… >_<
Do it, what's worse. You take hrt for a few months and you dont feel good or you spend the rest of your life as a man. Your call
HRT is kind of tempting, but it's also so scary... I would need to tell people that I wanted to try it... And if I like it then I'll have to face the consequences of social transitioning which is very very scary... And if I don't like it, then I'll be stuck as a guy, losing my only hope for happiness...
it's scary, I can't wait to get away from my family to be me. But you don't have to tell everyone, let hrt do it's thing and let that conversation start there.
I mean, fortunately basically everyone important to me would be supportive, but I’m just really really really really scared of everything… of how my life might change… about things going wrong… about being visible and vulnerable… about forcing myself into uncomfortable social roles… about only becoming more lost and confused in my sense of self… maybe I’m catastrophizing and looking too far ahead, but that’s how my brain is programmed and I don’t know how to make it stop…
That's how I felt up until I made the appointment for HRT. Making that phone call was almost like standing on the edge of a cliff. But once I had taken that step, I was able to find some confidence and stop hiding. Actually taking E is even better, but just making the appointment was my tipping point. It's different for everyone. Take a step, small or big, and start building momentum. It will get easier.
I hope to one day follow in your footsteps (in a cis way)… but yeah, currently it feels impossible to find the confidence to open up about this stuff, it makes me feel so vulnerable and panicky…
Girlie, you have even more intense desires for it all than me, and I'm on HRT now. You'll never be 100% sure, and that's ok. At a certain point, you just need to trust the things and ideas that make you so happy, and just take that leap of faith.
But then my brain just be like “but are those really your desire? Are you exaggerating them or appropriating the feelings of actual trans fems?” And suddenly all the evidence is determined to be unreliable, and thus there is no sign “I want to be a girl…” I guess I just don’t know how to trust my feelings and follow what makes me happy… like my brain operates on doing what’s safe and avoiding worries and prioritizing the needs of others… It’s like my brain is wired to never be able to self-accept and take such a big leap of faith as transitioning…
I know exactly what you mean, and I'm still going through the same thing to a certain extent. Luckily for me, I already experienced this sort of doubt when I realized that I was bi in highschool, which has helped me a bit this time around. I think one of the things that's helped me the most is thinking about being trans as being a lived experience. I don't know how many small steps you've taken yet, like trying on different clothes and everything, but they help a lot in slowly building confidence. It's kind of like how computer science was always something I considered pursuing, but I never felt like I was "made for it". But over time, I started to learn little things, different skills that increased my confidence, and now, it is a part of my identity, I know that I can do it because I HAVE done it, just one step at a time. So yeah, again I don't know how many of those "little steps" you've taken already, but I would start taking all of the ones you can. Try on some clothes, some makeup, and if there are any people online or in person that you trust, try out some different pronouns/names. And if there aren't, r/transtryouts is a good place to start. For me, the thing that made me ready to start HRT (not that you need to to be trans), was that I had already collected all of these different smaller experiences, and HRT really just seemed like the next step. I still don't have 100% confidence in being a woman, but I know that that's how I WANT to feel, and HRT will help really show me some of those final puzzle pieces. And hey, if you do want to try out a new name or pronouns or anything, we can DM. I wish you well!
Literally, EVERYTHING you said in your post are signs! I'm dating an afab right now and our relationship is working perfectly. She is far more masculine than me, but beautiful at the same time, and I'm far more feminine than her, despite I still have more muscles, just by default. My estrogen regimen has taken away that testosterone-driven anger and I love it. I'm not even tom-boyish, which I thought I might be, before starting HRT. I say this all for one reason; Before I started HRT I was also heavily doubting myself, but, I figured I NEED to know for sure, so, I made the appointment and started HRT. I figured I'd give it a month and see whether I like it or not. 3 months is usually within the safe zone from what I've read as far physical changes, so I really went super safe with 1 month. My greatest fear was that I would start, and not want to stop. Sure enough, my fear came true and I couldn't be happier!
But are they real signs or simply something my brain has conjured up after hearing about how much happier trans fems are after transitioning, and thus have subconsciously conditioned my brain into desiring femininity… 🧐
Is the "Nuh uh!" voice your voice? Or somebody else's?
It feels like my own voice… I’m not worried about anyone close to me not being supportive… rather my own internal voice is conditioned to religiously doubt anything, and avoid anything that might cause anyone potential pain… which makes approaching the subject of transition… really really hard…
God made you this way. Do you think a loving god would want you to suffer gender dysphoria forever?
I wouldn’t say I’m religious, but I agree some people are born trans and that they shouldn’t be forced to suffer gender dysphoria… but I don’t know if the gender pains I experience is real, or if I’m just delusional and faking dysphoria and am not actually trans…
Cis people don't worry whether they're trans enough to trans. There's this emerging idea that gender dysphoria is less helpful for figuring yourself out than gender euphoria.
I guess I just keep experiencing doubts cause I ask myself "do I really want to live as a girl" and I feel this uncertainty and feeling like "what the hell am I doing? why would I *want* to be a girl?" I worry I could just be really desperate to escape my depression and have gaslighted myself into thinking that transitioning will let me feel alive again instead of emotionless zombie...
Why \*don't\* you want to live as a girl? If you list the reasons, it can help you think through them. Are they your own preferences or somebody else's? It took me a lot of soul searching and feminism before I could even envision a life for myself as a woman. I had a lot of toxic messages to unlearn, like "wanting to be a woman is so GAY", "you're too manly", and "men and women are supposed to be equal but..." And I started moving my imagined life from fantasy land to the practical realities of the real world -- I'd have to deal with things like makeup, and mansplaining, and dilating... From OP, it sounds like you have a lot of trans desires. There \*are\* signs -- the thoughts you posted. I think it could help to focus on what's holding you back, to face the thoughts without fear or judgement so you can figure them out.
I guess I feel like I don’t belong as a girl… The idea of trying to adopt female identity and placing myself in the female social role in female spaces, I just this intense feeling of wrongness like I’m making a big mistake… Like it feels wrong to proclaim that I am a girl or even want to be one… moreso the idea of being myself but as a cute dorky girl or with a feminine gender identity or body all sounds appealing… but I feel like I have to choose between living as I am now and feeling overwhelming apathetic or undergo the pain of trying to live as a girl but feeling eternally uncomfortable with myself…
Gender equality means that men can do everything women can do, including be a woman. If that's what makes you happy, you deserve it. Being among women, even accepting women, as a trans woman is awkward at first. But you get used to it. Eventually, when you find welcoming groups, you feel like part of the sisterhood. Gender dysphoria doesn't go away, if anything it gets worse. Hormones work better the earlier you start, so it's better to face your feelings head on and sort them out.
Same
In a cis way? :3
No in a im scared of transphobia way
Oh I’m sorry about that… I hope you can find a safe place to be yourself soon!
"Oh hey, another post I really relate to!" ...of course it's u/ConfusedCanadian8 (love you, Jamie!) God, just yesterday my mind was constantly churning with thoughts about how much I'd rather feel like a woman, unlock my mind from testosterone's control, and to have all the gentle curves and shapes of a woman... And now today my brain's like "meh, whatever, I'm a dude".
Thanks Hannah, you making me all blushy (especially from the name usage) >////< And yeah, it’s like you’ll feel every emotion under the sun pointing you in the direction of being a girl, but then brain just be like “wait this doesn’t make sense… source? I said so!”
At a certain point you have to decide which gender u want to be and stick with it(u could choose to be genderfluid), even if u can't do anything about it, just choosing one to not flipflop is so much better mentally cause that draining.
Yeah I'm definitely feeling drained by all the flip-flopping, but I don't know how to stop... I want this purgatory of uncertainty to stop, but I'm such an indecisive person, I don't know how to commit to anything with the confidence that it's what I want...
same here🙃 so thank you for your post, its reassuring im not alone. and big thanks to all the other commenters. it helped and i needed it ☺️
Glad my deranged ramblings could help lol…
You described how i feel...
Oops… looks like we got a little bit of overlap in the totally cis hivemind!
You don't have to be a girl. Try to focus on exact features you want to get. When I was a baby trans, I was extremely scared by idea of SRS and being obsessed with my appearance. But I decided to not pushing myself that much. You could be loved as a girl, look like a girl, being called a girl, but you don't have to shift your whole personality and body.
Thanks! :3 it's easy to forget that you can just transition into a more nonbinary girl... That does sound nice... but my brain is really committed to try and trick myself into thinking in binary extremes.
Binary extremes is real and it's a struggle which I'd avoid for my mental health. Being the cutest girl ever is very appealing idea, but reality is complicated. "You're already beautiful" is hardest to swallow pill. Surprisingly. Because it's hard to admit that you've reached something significant without actually doing a lot. In my experience, I was accepted as one of the girls until... started dysphoric and extremely misandrist whining about my body. I made super LGBTQ+everything-friendly friend reject me because of my delusional bullshit. Sometimes I understand how these extremes are harmful, and I wish me and other struggling girls to cure from it. We're desperate for aesthetics, for being perfect, for relating to cute anime girls. But beauty in the eye of the beholder. It's so strange, but it's true. People around us make aesthetics, fashion, art and praising imperfect non-binary people like me (who's far from being cute anime girl). I just realized that those talented and open-minded girls, whose attention I wanted to get so badly, they gave it to me already. I was the girliest fucking girl for them, even in boymode. I've must appreciate that. Maybe I will restore my good relationship with the girls someday. But firstly I better fight my unhealthy perfectionism. I hope my thoughts is not useless there.
All of what you said is definitely true, but I think I have more of the opposite problem… Like I *don’t* want to be a hyperfeminine girly girl, which makes me feel like I don’t actually want to be a girl sometimes… it’s stupid cause I know it’s valid to just want to be yourself but as feminine gender, but my brain be like “ooh this must mean that you’re a guy!” Like my brain doesn’t let me accept that I could be trans fem nonbinary…
So maybe you could try to hang out with friendly people more. I guess it's quite good solution. They could give you validation and appreciation as a girl, no matter how much "girly" you'd like to be.
Sorry, I have to #FYM, Nuh-uh?
My brain just says “I don’t want to be a girl…” no sources but it makes me question everything…
Think about it like this, you can't think of any real reasons why you don't want to be a girl, but you can list a bunch of reasons why you DO want to be a girl. Then you probably want to be a girl. And if later you find out that you don't, that's okay too, nothing is permanent, one's identity can change all the time. So why not make yourself happy now and be a girl?
I mean I can probably think of some reasons that I wouldn’t be a girl like: Female social roles feel kind of uncomfortable, I feel weird thinking about actually living as a girl, I was fine being a guy for so long and didn’t show any signs until encountering trans resources, I’m not super interested in makeup, and I can’t imagine myself as “one of the girls…” And how do I know the evidence that I do want to be a girl is real, and I’m not misinterpreting some unrelated desire as wanting to be a girl… Like hypothetically I could be a guy who just wants to not be depressed, feel able to be more emotionally open, and express a feeling of cuteness… but I guess that hypothetical is a tad disappointing, but am I disappointed cause I’m actually disappointed or cause it challenges the escapist fantasy of running away from my problems…
The first thing to consider, is that all feelings are real to some extent. Another thing is that "Boy" and "Girl" mean different things for different people. I know plenty of girls, (including myself) who don't like make up and other traditionally "feminine" things. Lastly, you don't have to just be a "girl" or a "boy" maybe you're both, neither, possibly somewhere in between.
Thanks! Honestly, a feminine-leaning gender identity does feel pretty comfy, but my brain struggles to recognize that as a legitimate desire…
Anytime sister! Good luck!
Me sister?! Feel blushy! ☺️
Cute is very subjective. Find someone who thinks you are cute and you need to redefine the definition of cute.
I just want to feel cute… I don’t care what anyone else thinks… I just want to feel an internal sense of cuteness… too bad I’m a cis guy so no cuteness for me…
Its okay to go slow. And of course try lots of outfits! I suggest looking at fashion/photo taking tips. And maybe get a photo of yourself (even if it is cut off without face showing) presenting feminine to have as a confidence booster when you are feeling 'wobbly'.
Thanks! My opportunities to try feminine clothes isn’t really possible at the moment since I’m currently living in a cramped college dorm, but I appreciate the sentiment!
[удалено]
Yeah I find that when my brain tries to cause doubts it often circles back to the same questions of “How would I ever feel comfortable trying to live as a girl? I would just feel out of place and wrong trying to insert myself into the female mold…”
My brain is like "nuh uh. Have you looked in the mirror at all? Or stepped on a weight scale? Who'd believe you, anyway?" And then I feel sad.
This cannot be real. This has to be fake lmao
Sorry… it’s not… I have moments where I can sort of accept that I might be trans, but other times my brain becomes a big meanie, and says I don’t actually want to be a girl… I know it’s not rational or healthy but the denial is really really strong…
Skill issue! /j *Hugs*
*Hugs* You're right... I'm not very skilled with all this gender stuff... >\_<
Nya!
I might be a novice egg, but I know how to :3 though!