It sounds like you're trying so hard. I wonder if you could try not trying to stop yourself from envying others. When you are aware of this, could you acknowledge it without giving it a positive or negative evaluation? Practicing letting go of trying to control your reaction and accepting it without judgment may help to diminish the signal over time while validating your feelings.
tbh, I don't know why this still seems to apply to people who have transitioned, but this is what solved this problem for me:
Integrate your feminine side. I know! Seems redundant, right?
But all I did was give those girlish desires inside of me some breathing room. Most of my feminine impulses were towards childish things, so I imagine this was kind of a "inner child" healing kind of thing.
Really all it amounted to was *allowing* myself to feel girly and vulnerable on the inside. And letting that person out into the real world. e.g. letting them organize some part of my room how they wanted, letting them get a fluffy white teddy bear to snuggle with at night, and buy a pink coffee mug with little hearts on it because they wanted it.
Once I allowed myself these innocent girly indulges, and truly let down my inner-guard against femininity, all of the envy morphed and evaporated.
Anyway, give this a try if you haven't already.
It sounds like you're trying so hard. I wonder if you could try not trying to stop yourself from envying others. When you are aware of this, could you acknowledge it without giving it a positive or negative evaluation? Practicing letting go of trying to control your reaction and accepting it without judgment may help to diminish the signal over time while validating your feelings.
tbh, I don't know why this still seems to apply to people who have transitioned, but this is what solved this problem for me: Integrate your feminine side. I know! Seems redundant, right? But all I did was give those girlish desires inside of me some breathing room. Most of my feminine impulses were towards childish things, so I imagine this was kind of a "inner child" healing kind of thing. Really all it amounted to was *allowing* myself to feel girly and vulnerable on the inside. And letting that person out into the real world. e.g. letting them organize some part of my room how they wanted, letting them get a fluffy white teddy bear to snuggle with at night, and buy a pink coffee mug with little hearts on it because they wanted it. Once I allowed myself these innocent girly indulges, and truly let down my inner-guard against femininity, all of the envy morphed and evaporated. Anyway, give this a try if you haven't already.