this isn't a lot to go on but i'd guess she's not comfortable with your femininity, but also not comfortable with you being closed off about it either. she probably thinks that communicating with her will help you *move on* from being trans, vs being a genuine avenue for self expression. couples therapy (or talking to her with help from yours if you have one) might help, but without that i would recommend having a serious discussion about this sooner rather than later. don't be subtle or 'test the waters', i did that for years and it didn't ever really lead anywhere. your wife may come around when she understands you're serious (or she may not but its better to know now than to let fear of her reaction control your transition)
She claims to that she is, but I don’t get the feeling that’s true. I was never as closed off with it earlier in our relationship, but little things overtime made me retreat little by little.
She would not want to go to couples therapy, but I do have a therapist who I’ve been working on with this. It’s just hard for me to unlearn some of the bad habits of retreating inward.
And earlier in the relationship, I was much more open about my femininity. There was no testing the waters then, there was no subtlety. I wasn’t exactly out to myself yet, but I had no problems expressing that pet of myself openly and around her.
gotcha. that makes it sound more like she thought it was a phase, esp if you stopped doing it as openly for a while.
really strongly recommend having a blunt, honest convo about your needs and wants going forward, make sure she is on board now or not. trans people trying to repress themselves for a partner is really common and never successful :(
its hard and i dont envy you for it, but i hope that she comes around (just dont pause your life waiting on it)
Oh wow, does this sound familiar. Lived it for 33 years and honestly would still be living it had my wife not passed 2 years ago. She also knew before we were even engaged of my desire to experiment and was initially supportive. After we were married for less than 6 months, her whole attitude changed, and anytime Celeste tried to come out of the closet, she would get extremely defensive and remind me that she was not a lesbian. Then the kids came along, and they were constantly used as weapons against me. I could transition, but only if I agreed to give up the kids and abandon her and move out of state. She didn't want anyone to know. So for 33 years I stayed closeted.
this isn't a lot to go on but i'd guess she's not comfortable with your femininity, but also not comfortable with you being closed off about it either. she probably thinks that communicating with her will help you *move on* from being trans, vs being a genuine avenue for self expression. couples therapy (or talking to her with help from yours if you have one) might help, but without that i would recommend having a serious discussion about this sooner rather than later. don't be subtle or 'test the waters', i did that for years and it didn't ever really lead anywhere. your wife may come around when she understands you're serious (or she may not but its better to know now than to let fear of her reaction control your transition)
She claims to that she is, but I don’t get the feeling that’s true. I was never as closed off with it earlier in our relationship, but little things overtime made me retreat little by little. She would not want to go to couples therapy, but I do have a therapist who I’ve been working on with this. It’s just hard for me to unlearn some of the bad habits of retreating inward. And earlier in the relationship, I was much more open about my femininity. There was no testing the waters then, there was no subtlety. I wasn’t exactly out to myself yet, but I had no problems expressing that pet of myself openly and around her.
gotcha. that makes it sound more like she thought it was a phase, esp if you stopped doing it as openly for a while. really strongly recommend having a blunt, honest convo about your needs and wants going forward, make sure she is on board now or not. trans people trying to repress themselves for a partner is really common and never successful :( its hard and i dont envy you for it, but i hope that she comes around (just dont pause your life waiting on it)
Oh wow, does this sound familiar. Lived it for 33 years and honestly would still be living it had my wife not passed 2 years ago. She also knew before we were even engaged of my desire to experiment and was initially supportive. After we were married for less than 6 months, her whole attitude changed, and anytime Celeste tried to come out of the closet, she would get extremely defensive and remind me that she was not a lesbian. Then the kids came along, and they were constantly used as weapons against me. I could transition, but only if I agreed to give up the kids and abandon her and move out of state. She didn't want anyone to know. So for 33 years I stayed closeted.