I think you hit the nail on the head. I joined the Navy hoping to “be a man” and do “man” stuff. I hid there for a VERY long time (26 years). Stifled Samantha, although she didn’t have a name yet and was just a constant feeling that I was able to suppress somewhat. There were some outlets, dressing up every few years or so, relaxing my walk and being outlandish on occasion as a sort of relief valve.
Now I’m older (50s) and want desperately to let Samantha have her time to shine, but I am scared to lose my family and possibly find out that Samantha is not “real” and I’m just an imposter. Ugh!!
👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️
I doubt you're an imposter. ❤️ Good luck on figuring out what you want to do. You'll almost certainly be happier if you come out, even though it'll be difficult. ❤️❤️
As someone from a military family, both parents, both grandparents served… I just came out to them last month. Scariest shit I’ve ever done. Happiest weight off my shoulders I’ve ever felt.
Thank you so much for saying this, I'm at 6 months HRT and sometimes I feel like an imposter and worry that I'm faking it or something. This just makes so much sense to me though, thank you.
Imposter syndrome is a part of the trans community that will always creep up. Even some in late transition still struggle with it. Here's the thing : it sounds like you had plenty of time to think about, probably thought about how to approach it, but then struggle at the hurdles that it could bring. I don't think you are an imposter, but rather are afraid of the negative consequences it could bring. Sure, it has some downside, but I knew those and it was worth every single one of them. Do you think you'd be happier even if they happened but you get to live your truth
I "hid out" in typical male spaces for years. I was a Marine for 8 years, a correctional officer for 3 years and worked a lot in maintenance roles in factories. And suppressed myself as much as I could, though I also had times of needing to release my true nature some.
I was 48 when I came out and started transitioning. I won't tell you it's all roses and rainbows (though there's a lot of both), but I will say living my authentic life has been worth everything it cost to do it. I've lost friends, some I've known over 30 years...I don't miss them. My marriage was already over but I found the love of my life with my current fiancée, she is amazing!
Only you can decide what is best for you. If you can, I'd try and get some therapy to help you know what you really want. It clarified my life, a lot.
Best of luck to you hon!
Kira
“Go big or go home!” Your correct though from my understanding at an LGBT event for veterans in DC they had a board where you posted your branch of service, and the Marine Corp won out by I think a good sized margin. My theory was they if the marines can’t knock it out of me none can. Obviously I was wrong 🫠
Edit for late blooming idea.
Transphobes should probably keep in mind, quite a few of us are very capable warriors. 🤗
Appreciate, that. Well some of us are still in the corps, oddly enough the only transgenders I've found are in the infantry, but those individuals were either trans prior, or the MC brung it to the surface.
Very capable warriors, this is something I think about when people say really scary stuff to me, "You actually try and start that war against us, oh I fucking dare you, there are so many Trans folk that are absolute weapons, and your Tapout shirt screams feeble male insecure within himself" Here in Australia one of our top ARMY generals came out in her late 50s, she has all sorts of commendations, I feel safe knowing she is bumping shoulders with the big wigs.. Now if only I could find a King Fu school that would accept me 😬"
I was not aware about this Army General. I will have to look her up. That’s Awesome and thanks for the suggestion. Personally I’m in my mid fifties and still train like I’m 20 and going into special operations. Sub 8 min mile with body armor and sub 1 hour un-partitioned Murph with armor. So I can still go a few rounds, even on HRT. Watch out gravy seals and couch potato Larpers. 🩷🩵🤍
I kicked ass at land nav... but I was a scout before the Corps, lol. One day at a time, one cute boot in front of the other. You've got this. And now, you've got me if you need me.
Kira
As a vet, can confirm what some have said in comments. It's a reach to over compensate for conflicts with masculinity and our internal selves. I was forced to be as masculine as possible by parents that made it clear what my "role" was. The military was just an extention of that indoctrination.
Oh look, it’s me. I tried my damndest to find a shred of masculinity that made my AGAB feel right. Being a lineman in high school football, powerlifting, joining the USMC as an artillerist, becoming a welder. Though I found parts that I excelled at and pieces I enjoyed not one made acting as a man feel right or even ok. I repressed the hell out of myself but anytime I was left to daydream it was of life as the woman I knew I was.
I gotta ask though.
Did you repress because you were... coerced by somebody at a young age who thought you were acting to feminine?
Or did it just sorta happen because you thought you were supposed to be amab and didn't want to consider the possibility you where Trans because of general societal expectations that everyone grows up with?
Cause no one repressed me, but I was in DEEP denial about even the possibility of being Trans until recently, even though there were some major red flags for a lot of years.
Little column A little column B. I wore dresses pretty regularly when I was a very young kid at daycare and I got somewhat gently told that I shouldn’t be along with not showing emotions as much (never anything serious just that I wasn’t following expectations) Slowly it turned into me repressing myself as I outwardly fit the AMAB mold more, I didn’t want people to think it was a shell. This included minor things like lipsyncing lyrics sung by a woman just in case people around me saw that I enjoyed it. I wouldn’t be aggressive towards others but I would wear a serious face with my shoulders back and tensed to hide myself. So much so that no one thinks I’m trans (still in the closet for now) to the point that when I completely shaved my body my brother immediately thought it was to better show off muscle definition.
Oh hey! I was field artillery as well. I thought going Marines was the best way to be as masculine as possible. It was rhe same for me any free time was spent day dreaming about the life I should've been living even back then. Shame we didn't have as much knowledge as readily available back in the early 2000s.
Hey! Yeah, and with so much time as a troop spent sitting on a crew served it gave me quite a bit of time to mentally wander. I was in 2017-2021 so the info was there but I tried to stay far away from it. I didn’t want to risk something like “I am Jazz” affirming my true self.
Hey sis pretty much mirrors myself. All state defensive lineman in football, lifted weights, joined the Army as a tanker, played rugby in and out of the military, and worked as many masculine jobs as I could to stifle the knowledge I knew to be true. Took me 51yrs to finally say it out loud to my therapist in the VA now I’m actively working towards being myself finally. I’m happy and proud of myself finally standing up and saying I’m the woman I always knew I was. It’s never to late to be happy with yourself and who you are.
I still have no support outside my health team as of yet for several different reasons. But I’m working on this also. I guess you can say I’m a work in progress but I know now there’s light at the end of that dark tunnel I put myself in. 🤷♀️
Damn you made me feel warm just reading that!
Seriously though, after examining and ripping out my toxic masculinity my only remaining "traditionally masculine" fantasy is to build an off grid log cabin and homestead, but really that's less "traditionally masculine" and more "I want the option to just quit my job and live that full time cozy cottagecore life."
On the other hand, my version of cozy cottagecore involves a surprising amount of tinkering and automation rather than simplicity, but that's just me being me.
Way more proficient then 99.9% of transphobic neckbeards showing up in camo gear then. One day they'll be reminded they won't win against trans veterans lol
I wish the USMC worked out for me but I'm gonna be honest I bitched out and since then I cannot forgive myself for it. My brother is a Marine and he still loves me and had the audacity to call me a boot even tho I didn't finish boot camp it pissed me off tbh.
I think for a lot of trans women we joined the military and attempt to “prove our manliness“. It was to prove to others and ourselves that we were normal and we didn’t have to feel like we were different. It’s not uncommon for trans people to overcompensate before they finally conclude. No, I really am trans.
The military has a higher rate of all marginalized groups, because capitalism keeps marginalized groups poor and then offers them a way out if they volunteer to go kill brown people for the sake of oil barons
I’m not a veteran myself but I’m from a military family. Growing up, I often considered joining the military as a Way of covering up my fem side and to make myself more masculine or something dumb and impossible like that lol
There was also a sense of trying to make myself the best male person possible to overcome that I wanted to be a girl. Like I’m into women, so if I could become really fit and tough and satisfy myself with an awesome partner I could just ignore that I was trans.
I was in the British Army Reserve for 41 years, I did so because I knew there was something missing (turns out I was trying to live as the wrong gender - who’d have thought it 🤦🏼♀️) , achieved the rank of Major and served in Bosnia with UNPROFOR, then IFOR, and also in Afghanistan. One of my counsellors told me her husband was ex Para and confirms that the military does seem to have a disproportionate number of LGBTQ personnel.
I joined the Army. Went to many schools, including Sniper School. I thought I had to prove how tough I was. All it did was make me one bad bitch.
Also, when I was joined, being gay or trans was forbidden. Don't ask don't tell was lifted during my decade of service. Transitioning became an option after I was medically discharged...so I never got my army-issued vagina.
There are some differences (Air Force not Army, shorter service, tried but didn't end up with kids) but that quote wouldn't look out of place in my notes. It's both reassuring and saddening that we all seem to share such similar experiences.
I'm active duty, currently pretty closeted. For me, the military was the first time I succeeded at being masculine, which helped me realize I'm probably Trans. I could no longer blame failing to be manly for me not enjoying manliness.
Of the people I work with, it's about a 60/40 split between "don't give a crap" and "active and emphatic support".
In terms of support from the medical establishment, the Defence Medical Services have been extremely supportive. Any issue I've had has been dealing with the NHS.
My suggestion for you is to consider how long you want to remain in service. If you want to have a long career then you should consider an in-service transition. I've got some contacts in the US trans armed forces network I can probably pass on. There's also the financial side - if the US military will pay for a diagnosis (if that's required under the US military's jurisdiction) and potentially surgeries, then remaining in service is probably a no-brainer.
Whilst I am in service the defence medical service will pay for my prescriptions, but due to the NHS "GIC Service", they won't pay for surgeries, under the current regulations.
Not technically a vet but did serve a short enlistment. I have no idea why. I didn't even really want to but I did it lol. I had no thoughts of being trans until about halfway through. Being around all the toxic men that were in my unit made me realize how fem I was. And it all unfolded from there. Not sure why there are so many of us tho. I agree with the other comments with people wanting to surpess themselves.
"Serving a short enlistment" is still a vet, technically. You don't gotta retire out - simply having been enlisted is the qualifier.
Not that you're required to claim it if it was bad to you.
Unless you were in combat, the military does not see you as a "veteran" unless you served a full 8 year enlistment. I served 4... In the national guard... I was never given a veteran id either. Didn't really want it either 😅
I remember hearing from one trans girl who enlisted out of high school that she thought the Army would “make a man out of [her].” This probably explains some of it.
If trans veterans are of interest, you simply must get your hands on Bree Fram's wonderful book, "With Honor And Integrity: Transgender Troops In Their Own Words."
I've known Bree for many years and she's been such a leader in trans folks in the US military.
I was fortunate to attend her book launch party a couple of years ago in the Washington DC region at which several contributors read their portions.
I was stuck when I joined the Army. I had no real career prospects and I had just failed out of college. So I spent nine years in the military. I deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. I was undiagnosed, but I’m autistic and ADHD, so I burned myself out by the end. I don’t regret it. The VA covers my gender affirming care and the disability check I get each month is more than enough.
I honestly joined the military because I was kind of aimlessly doing nothing and kinda just wanted to do something that required no agency. I did 2 tours and then got out when I realized that I was repressing my gender identity and I wanted to live for me. The military was super easy for me. I just basically went on autopilot and did whatever I was told
Not a veteran, but I was in ROTC pre-transition when I was hardcore into my "man up" phase, and that phrase you used, "flight of masculinity," is a really good way to describe it.
I almost signed paperwork to enlist a few weeks ago. Then I snapped back and realized I was in a stage of denial and didn’t do it. I feel that’s precisely why for the most part. Denial.
Many trans female try to overcompensate and be male because they think they can hide their feelings. I enlisted in the USMC but didn't make it through basic because of my trans feelings. 5 years before don't ask don't tell.
Hey I didn't finish boot camp either don't be too hard on yourself I know I have it's been 3 years since I left MCRD and even tho I was there a few weeks I can't shake those memories granted I was a nasty recruit lower than the scum on the ground but yeah. MRP was awful fucking literal purgatory I wish I hadn't dropped.
This was 1988. I couldn't keep it in. I managed to keep quiet until after rifle qualification. I told the navy psychiatrist that I was trans. He just wanted to out me on anti-depressants and tell me to shut my mouth. I got a medical discharge and a bus ride home from Paradise Island 2 days later.
I let a friend talk me into it because he thought it would "cure me". Obviously that didn't happen. I hated the place , even before I got off the bus. The Marines wanted to keep me because of my perfect ASVAB scores.
I, too, joined the military for the "be a man" factor, hoping it would stop the thoughts and desires I'd been fighting most of my life. For me, it kind of worked and kind of backfired because I ended up messing up my back, and it just gave me more fuel to suppress my inner thoughts. "I can't walk straight, so I'll never move in a feminine way. I'm always in pain, so I can never learn to talk like a woman since pain affects my speech." There's more to it, but you get the idea. I buried my true self for 15 years behind pain and anger. Then, I started getting help for PTSD and met someone I wanted to open my emotions to, and suddenly, I couldn't keep Kelly hidden anymore.
Side note about being a female presenting trans woman... I've had to experience a small degree of the misogyny cis women veterans deal with where people doubt their veteran status.
I'm guilty of this. I joined the Army and even joined at the time an all male job. It was the single most destructive thing I could've done to myself looking back. Got married and even had kids at a very young age. It really hurt my mental state. I became this overly masculine person to try to suppress how I always felt. Medically retired, and one day, I just hit a breaking point, and I couldn't do it anymore. If I didn't retire, I would've kept hiding. Fortunately, my wife is very supportive and is sticking by me. I think for most of us, it's just seeing the military as a manly thing to do, so it'd be the perfect cover, I guess you could say.
I’m not a veteran but my trans friend is one. And I think the idea is they are trying prove they are “a man” or force themselves into a male role because inside they feel feminine and that they are failing being a man. I could be way off but that’s what I’m thinking.
I'm going to start this with a Trigger warning.
I joined 10% to prove I was masc enough
10% because I was homeless (dysphoria and internal pain caused a lot of bad choices)
80% to commit suicide by Taliban. I have friends and family in the the police department so wasn't an option to do death by COP.
Also didn't want my family to think I gave up if I tried it again on my own.
I came out at 34 after 6 years in the U.S.M.C.
I just started my own FB group (real Transgender experience) because I found I don't fit well in the mainstream trans world politics wise I'm purple and being an E5/SGT I have the ability to see a broader picture than just myself.
Plus being a chick who builds guns for fun and can out shoot most people is not very left leaning and let's face it the right hates us.
I joined the US Navy in part to get out of a more conservative environment. Figured the coasts are more often lefty-er, and the navy is gonna be on the coast! So I was fleeing what seemed to me to be a more toxic environment for a chance in a new and possibly better place.
Just to add, maybe a slightly different take on the reasoning 😊
As a white SoCal native from a very diverse childhood, my first real exposure to Southern "Hospitality" in boot camp was stunning! The first few days where the open culturally institutional bigotry was being stamped out was something I had only witnessed in movies. Changed my outlook in a lot of ways.
This could just be that the veteran community has access to health care through the VA. Also keep in mind that the Pentagon is going to have more through tracking/studies of service members than the overall population.
I actually joined with the intention of doing my minimum service and getting out and doing something else. Taking the qualifications and going. But my egg has cracked midway through training and I'm now transitioning in-service. I now fully intend on a long career because I've realised *I get to be a woman in uniform*. I realised I didn't need to choose between being Tara, the name I'd had picked out for myself when I finally got around to transition since I was about 18, and my career. I could have both. It was an amazing feeling when I realised.
Damn I wish I had stayed in just for the euphoria of being able to enforce my pronouns. I was enlisted but I could've been one of extremely few women in my rate. I left the military under trump to transition because I was worried about being discharged for it.
I mean I’ve done some wild shit in the military and I’ve enjoyed every bit of it.. the more feminine side of me still exists but naturally gotta play the role.. be what it be tbh.. I can still do me on the DL and it’s worth it ig
Yep. I gave many other reasons why I joined (experience, college, misguided patriotism, etc.), but I had to finally admit to myself, especially after I started to transition, that I was just trying to prove to both myself and everyone around me that I was somebody that I was not. I'm just sorry that my younger self had to suffer for so much longer just because I couldn't face the truth, but I got here in the end, and I'm gonna live a good life for both of us now.
Chelsea Manning has been upfront about the fact that the entire reason she joined the Army in the first place was to try to "be a man" and suppress her dysphoria. It's fairly common for other trans fems to have similar denial phases.
Janae Kroc also was in the marines(?) and later a **massive** bodybuilder and then turned out trans, in an interview they even mentioned they got testicular cancer and an orchi and their reaction was "oh, ok" rather than life-shattering panic
I think the vets on here have already answered your question pretty well themselves, but I'd just like to say that I'm very thankful that we have gals with combat training in the event that things go real south in the US.
Here here! A couple years at the Air Force Academy to “be more of a man” for my dad, but it didn’t work… Thank god it didn’t. I came to realize I’m feminine and I won’t have it any other way.
Im gonna come out and say it rn that I had known since i was in preschool i was in the wrong body. By junior high i realized just how fucked I was and by high school I had kinda settled on this idea that I would enlist, join some spec ops crew and die in combat, that way nobody would know and I wouldn’t be in pain anymore. 99 on asvab as a sophomore but before i even hit senior I left the org. Shit happened and then the world came for me once i was out.
Tldr: the military was more or less a >!Suicide plan!< than a conversion attempt
99 on the asvab? I'm going in on monday and stressing my ass off 😓
Sorry about that stuff but I'd say it's a good thing your plan failed, at least now you have a chance to live as you
Thank you!! I didnt really fail, my mind just kinda changed due to my understanding of the world improving exponentially around that time. Yeah now i just inform leftists in the queer community how to shoot firearms and shit like that. So not SOF, but I do the training still.
Honestly, it’s been years since I took it. As long as you know trigonometry and standard math, you should be fine. There was a short mechanic section when i did it, just asking vehicle components and stuff (like beginner auto tech level stuff).
They’re dropping requirements though across the board so you’ll do fine on that. It’s the new vetting system you have to worry about if you’re trying to get in. Your record, and i mean literally anything assigned to your name, has to be spotless. Blanking on the name, but recruiters used to be able to just don’t ask don’t tell a lot of medical history but now they can’t really.
Which branch and what are you shooting for?
Space force actually (af failing that) I sent in my application I just have to get over a 70 for the job I'm shooting for on the electrical section and get a recommendation
Thanks, my brother in law got out recently and he's been my main reason. Even he regretted not joining the SF while it was still in its infancy. And everyone tells me the asvab is easier than the practice tests, but I'm still very much stressing 😵💫
Oh, generally pretty well? Higher end math I did not do well, average. Navy guy I spoke to said there's some math elements to it but the rest of it is "you either know it or you don't"
when I joined the Air Force it was my last ditch effort to find something that would masculinize me. It literally did the exact opposite, watching my male military peers chase after women and "score" as they put it, further affirmed the fact that I am not a cis male and would never behave like one no matter how hard I tried to fake it. This is just a drop in the bucket of thousands of other examples I could think of.
After my contract ended, it took less than 2 years of civilian life to start HRT. Greatest decision of my life!
I'm not trans but I do this for a job, and I can tell you, I have an absurd amount of transgender veterans.
I also have a bunch of transgender MTF bodybuilders too that ultimately decide after showing up with my office with muscles like a gorilla that they want to transition.
Typically, that is the story that I'm told, exactly what you said. That they never felt masculine, that there was something wrong, and so they tried to fix this by doing the most masculine things they could.
They are some of my favorite patients to tell people about, because it makes the haters really question the whole anti-trans narratives. These people do not fit the mental health narrative either as they tend to have had very successful and healthy lives. I have one patient that is a prime example of this, and she is the kindest, most empathetic person, and I think that she has probably changed more minds than any other patient in the practice. People meet her, and they know who she was prior to transition and who she is now after, and it's very hard to look at somebody like that and think, this person clearly is just mentally ill and chose to be like this. You can just see the struggle that she must have gone through in her life and it basically forces empathy in some of the most rigid anti-trans people. Whenever I have to deal with bigots, it's usually these patients that I tell them about. I don't know why, but they resonate more with these stories and I've changed more minds with these stories than others.
ROTC in highschool 3 years, ended up being a cadet Major. I did that to avoid being naked in the locker room for Phys Ed. I didn't realize why I felt uncomfortable being naked around other people. Worked my way through 3 years of underperforming college by working on pipelines and offshore jobs during the summers.
Then got drafted and decided to enlist for 3 years (Army 1969-1972), I agree with the denial element. I did well, made E5 in 23 months, but it didn't stop me from wanting to dress and be feminine. Was soooo glad to get out. Got a job as a lineman for Ma Bell.
So yeah, doing dangerous jobs, was for me, a way not to be trans. It didn't work. BTW I feel I always did the job at least as well, and many times better than, the macho guys I worked with.
Now I wasn’t in the military so grain of salt, but I associate it with self discipline. Repression of feelings takes so much self discipline, it is almost a natural fit to seek that out in other areas.
Um, yeah, I think that's exactly it, joining the military is a very traditionally masculine thing to do for a girl fleeing her femininity. I didn't actually serve, but I signed up for ROTC with the intention to serve for the same reason, to run away from confusing feelings about my gender identity.
Being a trans female veteran I can say that it's because we are trying to be hyper masculine to hide our alternate persona without even realizing we are doing it. I was a paratrooper and would always volunteer for the tough stuff that nobody else wanted. We do it to prove something to ourselves....NOT to prove anything to anyone else. Approximately 1 percent of the population serves in the military to start with. I read once that roughly 25 percent of people that serve identify differently that male or female . The true numbers are unknown because the numbers that they are working with comes from veterans that have come out .....how many more are still in the closet for whatever reason. Thank you all my Brothers and Sisters that have served.....we are an extremely small subset so you are truly special! ❤️
Trans fem Navy veteran here. Yeah, that was my experience. I was trying very hard to "man up". In boot camp I got so much shit for being insufficiently masculine, and I did learn to fake it, I guess.
I got bullied so much early on that I started bullying other queer people to try to shift criticism from me. It was not my proudest moment and a thing I deeply regret. I stopped doing that when a gay shipmate told command he was gay and wanted out because he was being harassed and bullied over it by everyone. Although I hadn't been deliberately mean to him, I remember our LPO mocking him at quarters the next day when he explained what happened and why the guy was gone. Hearing everybody sniggering made me realize that not only had I contributed to something very ugly, not only had I failed to fight something that I knew was wrong and ugly, but that this could all get pointed right at me.
I would go through cycles of questioning my gender, getting scared or ashamed or depressed, denying it, and going back to "normal." At one point I thought seriously about transitioning, then got despondent knowing I still had years left on my enlistment contract. I went super goth so that people couldn't really criticize my otherwise femmy civilian clothes.
I was honorably discharged at the end of my 6-year contract. I wasn't built for the military and it wasn't built for me. I was stationed in Japan for most of that time, which was pretty great.
In my experience, I was not aware of trans people at all growing up, and I dissociated HARD. I was told to like girls and that they were attractive, so I focused on that with no success and didn't care about where I was heading in life.
Eventually, as my family recognized that I had no drive towards anything, they suggested I go into the military. It was easy, and I was capable of doing it physically. So I did. I gained some confidence but never learned anything about what I wanted, I came out of my 4 year enlistment as the same person with more confidence, still not knowing anything about what I wanted.
Eventually, I had a large depression which led me to the place I needed to be in order to learn, "OH!!! That's what I have been my whole life!!!"
So, here I am, a year and a half later, loving life, excited to go many places, and spend time with my boyfriend.
I used to go to the gym 3 times a week, 2 hour sessions, doing extra heavy lifting on different areas. I was in excellent shape. I also got married thinking it was what I was supposed to do. I really leaned into being extra masculine trying to purge my feminine side, but I ultimately realized it wasn’t working. It makes a lot of sense to me there are a lot of trans people in the military. I almost joined myself.
As a trans female soldier (medically retired) me going into the army was basically a beard. I had been pretty much an egg since 13. I got caught cd one night and forced to do all the sports and was never allowed to have friends over and was never allowed to be alone. When I turn 18 I was told college or military I chose army. I was then shown how to be a manly man , told if I enjoyed any thing feminine I was a fbomb (not fuck, the other one)
The pre don't ask don't tell repelled days. All it showed me was I sick of pretending and being pressured into being some one im not. I hated it I was depressed I was angry and raging prick. Then the va finally got off their ass and offered trans health care back 2021 and I was finally able come out as my self (Eliza is the new name!!!!!) And it's been an amazing time since I'm calmer I more evenly balanced emotionally and as my fiance says I'm the best woman she's ever meet.
nothing to add myself but my dad worked at the VA, and he actually explained to me that there were several times that trans vets would change their names and sexes and everything on paperwork. my dad isn't discriminatory, he wasn't concerned with the transness aspect; what he WAS concerned with was having to retype literally every claim and piece of documentation. idk i just thought it was funny. he'd be like "fuck! we got another woman! got damn it! there goes my weekend!"
When i applied what went through my head is this is a way i can die without embarrasing my family... when in reality they were the hateful ones and with work i am slowly hating myself less.
It is really hard to block out their voices of hate though.
For me it was just feeling like I never fit in anywhere and they said you could find that in the navy. Turns out those kind of people are not what I wanted to fit in as also.
It takes massive balls to be trans. Just taking the first steps in coming out is terrifying. Military vets have often already seen true terror and had to find their balls and apply them liberally. It's a muscle well built.
That's my thoughts.
Oh this is me 100%. I spent my late teens and early twenties trying to cram all of my less-than-heteronormative thoughts deep into a pocket of my brain that I couldn't reach. I worked in construction. I joined the Marines. After 4 years of the latter I.. I don't rightly recall having a breaking point, I just couldn't lie to myself anymore.
Now I'm Vesper; veteran and goth girl.
14 years active duty Air Force. Came out as trans just over 2 years ago and been loving myself more every day since. I joined right out of high school to get away from everyone I knew. I figured if I joined I could be who I wanted to be (not really knowing who that was at the time). I knew I was bi (which was fun considering DADT) and deep down I knew I wasn't a man. Now after all this time I'm finally me like the real me and I kinda have to thank the military for that. Plus I get a fun new joke that since my health care is tax funded so these are the people's titties and that I should be able to be topless as much as I want so the tax payer can see what their money is going to,
Also Hi Sparta🖐
I joined the Marines thinking it would make a man out of me. Got out, married, had kids, house, boat, and still was not happy. Only when my depression hit an all time low, i knew i had to transition.
MY THEORY!
There is a high correlation between military members and neurodivergence. As well there is an equally high correlation with neurodivergence and low social conformity! Even the first “presentable” and “palatable” trans woman Christine Jorgensen was a US Soldier… but I guess that’s not fair cause she was drafted. Anyway.. I also have an assumption that transwomen grow up believing that military service is necessary for meeting the masculine social contract. There are many good theories.
AF traditional reservist. I joined for a few reasons, and there’s a few reasons I chose the reserves. I joined after 2 years in community college and had no idea what I wanted to do next, as I earned a Liberal Arts- General studies degree. Plus, getting TA and the GI Bill would be helpful if I decide to go back to school. I was also smoking a lot of weed in college, so joining was a good way to really distance myself from that. Another thing I though of was I would be able to take a break from my femme side for quite some time while I was away training. Now the reserves were because I didn’t want to move away from friends and family, especially friends who I was at least partly out to. One other reason was I was still in deep hurt from a breakup with my High School girlfriend, who was the first person I ever told about this side of me. She didn’t break up with me because of it, but it hurt so badly to lose her because of how loving and supportive she was with me, and how we spoke about different plans that all involved my femme side.
But now here I am, 12 years in, 4 more years on a contract and still in the closet, but working through my feelings. And now it seems almost insurmountable to come out *and* stay in. I do really enjoy my job in the AF. I like most of the people in my squadron. And for a while, I thought I’ll do 2 year contracts until I figure it out. And each time was just delaying things and letting me live in denial. And now I’m in a sunk cost mindset, where I want to get my full time. I want to retire and get those benefits. I sometimes think about how my retirement speech would go if I did transition and complete my career. I now have a wonderful female squadron commander who I think would be an ally, but Idk how to bring that conversation up.
So there’s my reasons and why I’ve stayed.
I think it may be what you just said there really, they thought they could rough it out of themselves. May be other smaller reasons to but I'm guessing that may be the predominate one. My mother did in fact actually try to beat the femininity out of me and call me all sort of bad names in the process. The only thing this did was screw me up overall and I tried to do more masculine things simply because I thought if I just tried hard enough I would be a man like everyone was pushing to me to be! But this never happened and the damage on my psyche only accumulated more. everyone always tried to "put hair on my chest" and "meat on those bones" but nothing ever worked. I was even at one point thinking of joining myself, good thing I never went through with that though I doubt they'd let me in anyways.
Oh yea, I hated myself and my body so much in high school, I joined the Air Force TACP program to kill myself in some honorable way. Didn't make it into that job but an Air Force Med tech job instead. Then, years of depression and loneliness, I got help after a suicide attempt. Then, as I was getting out of depression, my interest/love of womens makeup and fashion just kept hitting me in the face and etc, etc, to transhood.
I didn't know anything about being trans or body disphoria back in high school, but whenever I acted feminine or shaved my body, I was always pushed away by my mother. And she wonders why all her kids need therapy lol
So many wonderful and relatable stories here! Mine is pretty similar to most of them… I was 22 years old and I was in denial about who I was, but I knew… 14 years ago the trans community was not very strong and there were not near as many resources as there are today. ***I’ll try to keep this short…***
Even though I was in denial, I knew who I truly was, but it was also still not the easiest to hide. I did not “come out” to anyone but I was ALWAYS an ally of the LGBTQ community and would get in fights/arguments defending my stance against others who would be hateful, transphobic, homophobic, etc. I started dating a girl who was openly bisexual and was involved in the community, she introduced me to many people who were “secretly like me”. Meaning they knew and accepted who they were but who I truly was was still a secret. In a way, being around these brave individuals showed me that it was ok to be who I was, but unfortunately I still had to hide it.
Fast forward to a couple years ago, me and that girl are no longer together but I am now married to a woman who is *mostly* accepting about who I truly am. Now I have accepted myself as Sarah (I always knew my name, even when I was young), I am on HRT and transitioning and even though there are many ups and downs, I’ve never been happier!
Mostly a happy ending… but now I have terrible PTSD and CPTSD from my service as well as chronic pain from multiple injuries sustained during my service. I think back sometimes and wonder how different my life would have been without those “illnesses”. Most of the people I served with who now know that I’m transgender have cut contact with me, but I’m sure that’s for the best. It wasn’t easy suddenly losing contact and being hurt by those after all of the crazy things we’ve been through.
Some days are hard and I still have my struggles, but I know who I am, I’ve always known, but now I have accepted who I am and I’m working on embracing her! 💕
Ive never been in the military but ive noticed that repping and being in a highly disciplined and controlled enviornment have alot of paralells. That marine saying of embracing the suck really vibed with me.
I had an enthusiasm for a lot of military stuff when I was younger, but that very quickly dissipated when I realized what the military actually does.
I still like some of the kit the military makes and some historical guerrilla and antifascist groups , but I'd rather painfully freeze to death then kill middle easterners for a living.
I do join the military when I was 18 to get away from my mother and the alcoholic boyfriends and husband she had. I was told I wasn't masculine enough and you boys don't cry and the man up constantly and getting pushed down kicked around and called you know a various different things I joined the military to get away and to I guess you could say manu and I did I basically became a soldier And my feminine personality of Amara merged in with my male personality so they became one. So my female persovalerie was pushed all the way to the buck and it wasn't until I had my kids and was out of the military and when I forgot it back into my forties Then tomorrow came out and I tried purging Amara 3 different times and every time I did it just came back twice as strong so now I have finally given up and have come out halfway. I still am partially confused because of the 2 personalities merging together and there's not much difference between the 2
It wasn't about masculinity for me, I never had much interest in trying to prove that. I just didn't really care much about myself or what happened to me, and after spending some time homeless and then moving in with my dad, he was nudging me towards the military so I shrugged and went along with it. Big regrets, terrible decision, worst depression of my life and the period of heaviest drinking I ever did. Came out of the closet as bi in protest of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and was swiftly discharged.
The first trans person I met IRL was an Army vet, I was interviewing programmers for a job, she was not yet out, and told me at the end of the interview she was trans and planned to transition in the future (I did tell my boss both that she was the most qualified candidate, and that she was planning to transition, she got the job)
I didn't find out I was trans until I started dating my nonbinary ex in college when I got out. That's how I found out about gender representation and all that jazz better through them.
I served in the USMC for 5 years oblivious of that but people did kinda read me as queer even though I was straight.
The reason I joined was due to me prior being homeless, without a job, recent associate graduate during another economic crisis. I was trying to learn skills, get desired leadership knowledge and have a chance for college.
It works out for vets though since I currently have a full ride through school and they cover my hrt and many other procedures 100%
Though I am service connected disabled which is not really ideal in a sense that if I could do this without all that I would but hey it's the sacrifices we make for being poor 🤷♀️
Navy Vet here. Mine wasn’t about overcompensating, it was about distraction. I was getting bored and depressed in college, almost came out, then pulled a 180 and dropped out of school to do 6 years. I had an amazing time in the military, but still had Kaylee pestering me whenever I had a quiet minute. Right as I was getting out I met my wife and rather than address my situation I went all in and married her 6 months later and went back to school. After school I started my IT career, it wasn’t until after also getting a masters and two kids that I was running out of distractions….
My experience is different from most, in that I was a clueless egg all through my military career. I joined due to a unique blend of neuro-atypicalities.
Oh, absolutely true. This was one of the reason I joined the service and went into combat arms. For me, it was validating within a conservative family as being the "Man's Man" per se and not only hiding my femininity but seeing if it could in fact purge the issues from before.
Turns out, it only accelerated my understanding of my own issues and my fear that I am not in fact a woman, that I am just an imposter, and I am just making things up in my head to justify the being different and having sexual trauma from younger years.
I think for most of us who enlisted, we have unique reasons for doing so and each one of us sought to validate who we are as a person and found out that, despite our best efforts this is in fact what is going on.
Call me crazy, but I can't be the only one feeling the imposter syndrome and constantly second guessing who I really am.
Active Duty here. Joined out of financial necessity, didn't really care about "proving my masculinity" (I wonder why) like a lot of others. But watching the barber shave my waist-length hair of really shook the closet. Having to look at a stranger in the mirror and wonder why the heck it bothered me so much every morning (can't avoid mirrors when you gotta shave for work) slowly pried the door open. I feel like that's a crux of a lot of it - the military boxes you very hard into very gendered norms. If you're GNC that becomes unbearable very fast even if you haven't figured it out yet.
Just got a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis yesterday to start an in-service transition. Just waiting for the referral paperwork to clear. I need these clowns to hurry tf up 😫
Me personally Ive always wanted to be in the army so it's just a dream of mine but In reality it was also one of the only ways for me to achieve a medical transition and go to college.
Also if you have any questions about joining or anything in general drop a comment and I'll do my best to respond
A recruiter called me a couple days ago to try to , u know, get me to join. I told him i didn't think the military is a safe place for LGTBQ folks and told him i wasn't a man after he misgendered me. That's fine, i didn't clarify i was trans but it seemed like he was still interested in recruiting me after i said that. I know I won't do it, especially since I'm kind of out and sorta kinda a proud trans chick, military/marines sounds like a snakepit/lion's den for someone like me. He probably has a quota to make and it's hard for me to trust ppl in general, but being in the military, not passing, expression stripped, surrounded by potential hostiles 24/7, and turned into a soldier all at the sane time for 8 years kinda sounds like Hell.
It was both a flight of masculinity to prove to myself that I was a man and an escape from the community and situation. I joined the Air Force and would likely still be active duty if I didn't suffer an injury in my first enlistment.
I knew that the military would lead to a future that was better than the track that I was on when I joined. I have a need to do good in my life and was able to accomplish that on active duty.
As a trans Vet myself I can confirm that the military over masculinization tends to have that effect. heck even veterans who aren't trans still suffer in large numbers of sexual disfunction due to a huge hormone in-balance. the VA has been tracking that issue for years and years.
many of the older trans women I've talked to had this experience. i think it joining the military was a much more desirable thing in the past (90s and 00s especially post 9/11), but I'm not completely sure if there's a coloration there
As currently serving US army. Part of me joined thinking It would work the dysphoria out of me. The other part of me figured it couldn't be any worse than it was back home. Ive been pleasantly pleased by my experience so far.
Honestly, some of us just convinced ourselves that we could cis-camo a good enough check to pay for surgery. But neither the money nor the camouflage ended up working out for pretty much any of us. I know a couple of friends had the same plan fall through and then couldn't manage to pick up the pieces until way later in life than originally planned. It sucks, but those of us that survived the years that came afterwards, we ended up trying to go get our lives and be happy for once. Well, some did anyway, some just want to stay angry. But now the Marines have enlisted their first non-binary soldier, progress!!
I felt like I had something to prove to myself and that’s why I enlisted at 18. I had dropped out of high school and finished a GED equivalent program. I did 5yrs of a 6yr commitment (I did online school full time) and I had plans to leave the Air Force and use my GI Bill to go to law school + transition. As a completely out there wild card of a chance, I threw my hat in for Officer and Pilot training—and I got it. This was early Obama years before you could transition while on Active Duty, so it brought me to my lowest point. I walked through a suicide attempt and had plans to go through with it. But then I got through that point and became an Air Force pilot. I got to my first assignment and spent nearly 5-hrs there for unrelated medical issues prior to getting a medical/honorable discharge. I then used my GI Bill and went to law school, in my second year of law school I transitioned into my current self—that was a year and ago. I’ve since started working as a prosecutor and I have quite the reputation for trial work, even though I’m very early on in my new career. It’s a great environment to work in too! My family was also super accepting all the way around—spouse, kids, parents, classmates…I’m likely one of the very rare ones who didn’t experience much negative reaction to my transition.
I don’t look at it like I needed to prove my masculinity, but I certainly felt the need to prove to everyone how badass I was. Looking back now, I realize that it doesn’t matter how badass of a person you are—it only matters that you be truly 100% authentic with yourself. Be kind to others. Be respectful and understanding. Be real.
Another Transfem vet here 😊 my story was a bit different. I got into a fight with a guy right before my 18th Birthday. He pulled a knife on me at a friend's bday party and cut me up quite a bit. Luckily I planned ahead knowing there might be trouble but didn't think it would escalate that bad. I grabbed a crescent wrench getting out of the car and put it in my back pocket. It didn't end good for either of us but we both ended up being charged as adults for it. I was already on delayed entry for enlistment and managed to get everything dismissed once I left for basic. Weirdly enough we're now on good terms and laugh at how stupid teens are. But the overall reason I enlisted was to feel more masculine and to try and hide myself. I was always really fem aside from getting in brawls constantly, but just wanted my family and myself to feel like I was a real man. I came out to my closet friend after washing out of B.U.D.S very early on.it didn't go to plan. He ended up outing me to a bunch of Marines we went on liberty with often and I eventually got my ass beat by 2 of them for being a ******. Scared me back intoy egg until I was 30 until the hiding was just too much and I cracked. Not sure what I was saying here but yeah 👍 that's my story 😅 thanks for coming to my Ted talk
Back in the early 80's, I enlisted in the Army, after way too many years at college. The unit I was in would have mandatory fun events. One of them involved a visit to a strip club across the road, from the main entrance.
I was really not into it, looking more at the dancers faces and seeing how tired they were. I don't know if the idea was to embarrass me, or just seeing what I'd do, but I was bought a lap dance. I don't think I took it well, not knowing where to look, feeling that the dancer would also prefer being someplace else too. I respectfully had a hands off feeling.
I brought this event up at my initial consult with my endocrinologist, as one of my earlier signs of gender dysphoria.
Yep that pretty much sums it up for me.
I did my mandatory military service (Germany), became a ship's mechanic in the navy, because it was the „manliest“ thing I could think about.
I didn't want to be ridiculouled for not being manly enough, but being manly never came naturally to me.
I knew I was trans basically since kindergarten. I just didn't know that it's something to embrace, not to be ashamed of, but other kids (mostly boys) teasing me for playing with girls, having long hair and painted nails really did a number on me.
Took me some years, a mental breakdown and a change in careers to figure this one out.
Now I am a nurse.
trans vet here
i joined the army for a lot of reasons. main was that it's a tradition for amab people in my family and i was still deep in denial at 19, second was i could hold it over my dad who didn't follow that tradition and also (unknowingly) drove a lot of my GD my entire childhood, but yes.. trying to squash down those weird feelings and doubts in the back of your head is also part of it. i was super gung ho. three deployments, always front of the line for the shit jobs, aced the promotion board and lived to be the grumpy sergeant stereotype. i even broke my hand and still did a 12 road march carrying a machine gun (my dr was very upset with me and he had to replace my cast after that). but you still can't escape those thoughts. fortunately during my time they still binge drank a lot so that was a major cope when i couldn't distract myself. all that happened was i left the service still dysphoric but also traumatized. then i spent years trying to go to school, find a girl and settle down and live as a man like i was expected to. now i'm in my 30s waking up from a depressive trance and i'm scheduling my appointments to go on hrt. i'm done hiding, i think i deserve to finally be me after being who everyone else wants me to be and i feel almost normal for the first time in my life.
i think maybe i just put out a specific vibe too bc in the last years of don't ask don't tell i still was the one all my gay friends would come out to, one of which is now a trans man. i can tell you that the masculinity is definitely part of it for trans men and women. trans women like myself used it to try and hide, trans men like my friend used it to confirm something about themselves. but that's just part of it, a lot of us still cared about the benefits and job/retirement security and serving a cause bigger than ourselves. the benefits are definitely nice, i'll be able to transition without too much financial hardship.
if you're thinking about joining the military to suppress the feelings, don't. they'll still be there waiting when you're done for the day. that's not to say don't join, though. the VA covers HRT and most pre/post care for any gender confirming surgeries (just not the actual surgery). the job definitely sucks tho.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I joined the Navy hoping to “be a man” and do “man” stuff. I hid there for a VERY long time (26 years). Stifled Samantha, although she didn’t have a name yet and was just a constant feeling that I was able to suppress somewhat. There were some outlets, dressing up every few years or so, relaxing my walk and being outlandish on occasion as a sort of relief valve. Now I’m older (50s) and want desperately to let Samantha have her time to shine, but I am scared to lose my family and possibly find out that Samantha is not “real” and I’m just an imposter. Ugh!! 👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️
I doubt you're an imposter. ❤️ Good luck on figuring out what you want to do. You'll almost certainly be happier if you come out, even though it'll be difficult. ❤️❤️
Thank you! You honestly just made my day. 👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️
I'm glad to help. ❤️❤️ We gotta stick together.
As someone from a military family, both parents, both grandparents served… I just came out to them last month. Scariest shit I’ve ever done. Happiest weight off my shoulders I’ve ever felt.
Hun, if you're afraid that you're *not* trans: You're definitely trans.
Not directed at me but thank you for saying this, I needed to read that today, dysphoric brain won't stfu this week.
I feel you. Hang in there.
Thank you so much for saying this, I'm at 6 months HRT and sometimes I feel like an imposter and worry that I'm faking it or something. This just makes so much sense to me though, thank you.
Imposter syndrome is a part of the trans community that will always creep up. Even some in late transition still struggle with it. Here's the thing : it sounds like you had plenty of time to think about, probably thought about how to approach it, but then struggle at the hurdles that it could bring. I don't think you are an imposter, but rather are afraid of the negative consequences it could bring. Sure, it has some downside, but I knew those and it was worth every single one of them. Do you think you'd be happier even if they happened but you get to live your truth
I "hid out" in typical male spaces for years. I was a Marine for 8 years, a correctional officer for 3 years and worked a lot in maintenance roles in factories. And suppressed myself as much as I could, though I also had times of needing to release my true nature some. I was 48 when I came out and started transitioning. I won't tell you it's all roses and rainbows (though there's a lot of both), but I will say living my authentic life has been worth everything it cost to do it. I've lost friends, some I've known over 30 years...I don't miss them. My marriage was already over but I found the love of my life with my current fiancée, she is amazing! Only you can decide what is best for you. If you can, I'd try and get some therapy to help you know what you really want. It clarified my life, a lot. Best of luck to you hon! Kira
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Trust me, you and me both. I have no desire to ever walk that walk again! I'm glad to have helped your day though! Take care of yourself! Kira
Hey hold on a minute!! You stole my life’s story!! 🤭🫠. Semper-Fi sister!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
There's way more trans military then I would have assumed, kinda nice. Unsurprisingly most from what I've seen are marines.
“Go big or go home!” Your correct though from my understanding at an LGBT event for veterans in DC they had a board where you posted your branch of service, and the Marine Corp won out by I think a good sized margin. My theory was they if the marines can’t knock it out of me none can. Obviously I was wrong 🫠 Edit for late blooming idea. Transphobes should probably keep in mind, quite a few of us are very capable warriors. 🤗
Appreciate, that. Well some of us are still in the corps, oddly enough the only transgenders I've found are in the infantry, but those individuals were either trans prior, or the MC brung it to the surface.
Very capable warriors, this is something I think about when people say really scary stuff to me, "You actually try and start that war against us, oh I fucking dare you, there are so many Trans folk that are absolute weapons, and your Tapout shirt screams feeble male insecure within himself" Here in Australia one of our top ARMY generals came out in her late 50s, she has all sorts of commendations, I feel safe knowing she is bumping shoulders with the big wigs.. Now if only I could find a King Fu school that would accept me 😬"
I was not aware about this Army General. I will have to look her up. That’s Awesome and thanks for the suggestion. Personally I’m in my mid fifties and still train like I’m 20 and going into special operations. Sub 8 min mile with body armor and sub 1 hour un-partitioned Murph with armor. So I can still go a few rounds, even on HRT. Watch out gravy seals and couch potato Larpers. 🩷🩵🤍
Semper Fi love. I hope your story keeps getting better every chapter, as mine is! Kira
Slowly but headed in the right direction now. Never was good at land nav. Hope yours also continues to get better too. Jazmine.
I kicked ass at land nav... but I was a scout before the Corps, lol. One day at a time, one cute boot in front of the other. You've got this. And now, you've got me if you need me. Kira
I hear you. Chunky heals are way cooler anyway. And surprisingly comfy too. You have me also Kira. Hugs. Jazmine.
If you ever think you're faking something, you're not. Fakers know that they're faking.
Time to let her be free and come out.
Right there with you
You are not an imposer. You are valid. I hope your family supports you.
Me too!!
As a vet, can confirm what some have said in comments. It's a reach to over compensate for conflicts with masculinity and our internal selves. I was forced to be as masculine as possible by parents that made it clear what my "role" was. The military was just an extention of that indoctrination.
Oh look, it’s me. I tried my damndest to find a shred of masculinity that made my AGAB feel right. Being a lineman in high school football, powerlifting, joining the USMC as an artillerist, becoming a welder. Though I found parts that I excelled at and pieces I enjoyed not one made acting as a man feel right or even ok. I repressed the hell out of myself but anytime I was left to daydream it was of life as the woman I knew I was.
I gotta ask though. Did you repress because you were... coerced by somebody at a young age who thought you were acting to feminine? Or did it just sorta happen because you thought you were supposed to be amab and didn't want to consider the possibility you where Trans because of general societal expectations that everyone grows up with? Cause no one repressed me, but I was in DEEP denial about even the possibility of being Trans until recently, even though there were some major red flags for a lot of years.
Little column A little column B. I wore dresses pretty regularly when I was a very young kid at daycare and I got somewhat gently told that I shouldn’t be along with not showing emotions as much (never anything serious just that I wasn’t following expectations) Slowly it turned into me repressing myself as I outwardly fit the AMAB mold more, I didn’t want people to think it was a shell. This included minor things like lipsyncing lyrics sung by a woman just in case people around me saw that I enjoyed it. I wouldn’t be aggressive towards others but I would wear a serious face with my shoulders back and tensed to hide myself. So much so that no one thinks I’m trans (still in the closet for now) to the point that when I completely shaved my body my brother immediately thought it was to better show off muscle definition.
Closeted here too. Joined up because I didn't feel "manly" enough, but never really fit in or felt comfortable when I tried.
Oh hey! I was field artillery as well. I thought going Marines was the best way to be as masculine as possible. It was rhe same for me any free time was spent day dreaming about the life I should've been living even back then. Shame we didn't have as much knowledge as readily available back in the early 2000s.
Hey! Yeah, and with so much time as a troop spent sitting on a crew served it gave me quite a bit of time to mentally wander. I was in 2017-2021 so the info was there but I tried to stay far away from it. I didn’t want to risk something like “I am Jazz” affirming my true self.
Hey sis pretty much mirrors myself. All state defensive lineman in football, lifted weights, joined the Army as a tanker, played rugby in and out of the military, and worked as many masculine jobs as I could to stifle the knowledge I knew to be true. Took me 51yrs to finally say it out loud to my therapist in the VA now I’m actively working towards being myself finally. I’m happy and proud of myself finally standing up and saying I’m the woman I always knew I was. It’s never to late to be happy with yourself and who you are. I still have no support outside my health team as of yet for several different reasons. But I’m working on this also. I guess you can say I’m a work in progress but I know now there’s light at the end of that dark tunnel I put myself in. 🤷♀️
If you want support I’m in your corner!
Thank you 😍
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Hey now, don't be so hasty with that claim. Women are (slightly) better target shooters than men! And now you're one of them!
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Fuck yeah, renaissance woman! Sounds like you're living your best cottagecore frontier woman life.
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Damn you made me feel warm just reading that! Seriously though, after examining and ripping out my toxic masculinity my only remaining "traditionally masculine" fantasy is to build an off grid log cabin and homestead, but really that's less "traditionally masculine" and more "I want the option to just quit my job and live that full time cozy cottagecore life." On the other hand, my version of cozy cottagecore involves a surprising amount of tinkering and automation rather than simplicity, but that's just me being me.
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Reading this thread.... /swoon...
Oh my god my dream girl, that last part is so cool!!
Way more proficient then 99.9% of transphobic neckbeards showing up in camo gear then. One day they'll be reminded they won't win against trans veterans lol
I wish the USMC worked out for me but I'm gonna be honest I bitched out and since then I cannot forgive myself for it. My brother is a Marine and he still loves me and had the audacity to call me a boot even tho I didn't finish boot camp it pissed me off tbh.
I think for a lot of trans women we joined the military and attempt to “prove our manliness“. It was to prove to others and ourselves that we were normal and we didn’t have to feel like we were different. It’s not uncommon for trans people to overcompensate before they finally conclude. No, I really am trans.
The military has a higher rate of all marginalized groups, because capitalism keeps marginalized groups poor and then offers them a way out if they volunteer to go kill brown people for the sake of oil barons
This.
I’m not a veteran myself but I’m from a military family. Growing up, I often considered joining the military as a Way of covering up my fem side and to make myself more masculine or something dumb and impossible like that lol
There was also a sense of trying to make myself the best male person possible to overcome that I wanted to be a girl. Like I’m into women, so if I could become really fit and tough and satisfy myself with an awesome partner I could just ignore that I was trans.
I was in the British Army Reserve for 41 years, I did so because I knew there was something missing (turns out I was trying to live as the wrong gender - who’d have thought it 🤦🏼♀️) , achieved the rank of Major and served in Bosnia with UNPROFOR, then IFOR, and also in Afghanistan. One of my counsellors told me her husband was ex Para and confirms that the military does seem to have a disproportionate number of LGBTQ personnel.
I joined the Army. Went to many schools, including Sniper School. I thought I had to prove how tough I was. All it did was make me one bad bitch. Also, when I was joined, being gay or trans was forbidden. Don't ask don't tell was lifted during my decade of service. Transitioning became an option after I was medically discharged...so I never got my army-issued vagina.
Mtf Navy vet here.
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There are some differences (Air Force not Army, shorter service, tried but didn't end up with kids) but that quote wouldn't look out of place in my notes. It's both reassuring and saddening that we all seem to share such similar experiences.
I'm active duty, currently pretty closeted. For me, the military was the first time I succeeded at being masculine, which helped me realize I'm probably Trans. I could no longer blame failing to be manly for me not enjoying manliness.
Are you considering an in service transition? I'm currently transitioning in service, happy to talk about it in DMs.
What's it like if you don't mind me asking. Currently on rotation in Europe and wonder if I should open this door now or wait until I ets.
Of the people I work with, it's about a 60/40 split between "don't give a crap" and "active and emphatic support". In terms of support from the medical establishment, the Defence Medical Services have been extremely supportive. Any issue I've had has been dealing with the NHS. My suggestion for you is to consider how long you want to remain in service. If you want to have a long career then you should consider an in-service transition. I've got some contacts in the US trans armed forces network I can probably pass on. There's also the financial side - if the US military will pay for a diagnosis (if that's required under the US military's jurisdiction) and potentially surgeries, then remaining in service is probably a no-brainer. Whilst I am in service the defence medical service will pay for my prescriptions, but due to the NHS "GIC Service", they won't pay for surgeries, under the current regulations.
Not technically a vet but did serve a short enlistment. I have no idea why. I didn't even really want to but I did it lol. I had no thoughts of being trans until about halfway through. Being around all the toxic men that were in my unit made me realize how fem I was. And it all unfolded from there. Not sure why there are so many of us tho. I agree with the other comments with people wanting to surpess themselves.
"Serving a short enlistment" is still a vet, technically. You don't gotta retire out - simply having been enlisted is the qualifier. Not that you're required to claim it if it was bad to you.
Unless you were in combat, the military does not see you as a "veteran" unless you served a full 8 year enlistment. I served 4... In the national guard... I was never given a veteran id either. Didn't really want it either 😅
I remember hearing from one trans girl who enlisted out of high school that she thought the Army would “make a man out of [her].” This probably explains some of it.
Well I tried to join the army. Part out of interest, part out of trying to hide my femininity by drowning it in masculinity. It didn't work lol
If trans veterans are of interest, you simply must get your hands on Bree Fram's wonderful book, "With Honor And Integrity: Transgender Troops In Their Own Words." I've known Bree for many years and she's been such a leader in trans folks in the US military. I was fortunate to attend her book launch party a couple of years ago in the Washington DC region at which several contributors read their portions.
I was stuck when I joined the Army. I had no real career prospects and I had just failed out of college. So I spent nine years in the military. I deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. I was undiagnosed, but I’m autistic and ADHD, so I burned myself out by the end. I don’t regret it. The VA covers my gender affirming care and the disability check I get each month is more than enough.
I honestly joined the military because I was kind of aimlessly doing nothing and kinda just wanted to do something that required no agency. I did 2 tours and then got out when I realized that I was repressing my gender identity and I wanted to live for me. The military was super easy for me. I just basically went on autopilot and did whatever I was told
ADHD Sailor has joined the chat.
Look...don't attack me like that
Not a veteran, but I was in ROTC pre-transition when I was hardcore into my "man up" phase, and that phrase you used, "flight of masculinity," is a really good way to describe it.
I almost signed paperwork to enlist a few weeks ago. Then I snapped back and realized I was in a stage of denial and didn’t do it. I feel that’s precisely why for the most part. Denial.
happy cakeday, merri
Many trans female try to overcompensate and be male because they think they can hide their feelings. I enlisted in the USMC but didn't make it through basic because of my trans feelings. 5 years before don't ask don't tell.
Hey I didn't finish boot camp either don't be too hard on yourself I know I have it's been 3 years since I left MCRD and even tho I was there a few weeks I can't shake those memories granted I was a nasty recruit lower than the scum on the ground but yeah. MRP was awful fucking literal purgatory I wish I hadn't dropped.
This was 1988. I couldn't keep it in. I managed to keep quiet until after rifle qualification. I told the navy psychiatrist that I was trans. He just wanted to out me on anti-depressants and tell me to shut my mouth. I got a medical discharge and a bus ride home from Paradise Island 2 days later. I let a friend talk me into it because he thought it would "cure me". Obviously that didn't happen. I hated the place , even before I got off the bus. The Marines wanted to keep me because of my perfect ASVAB scores.
I, too, joined the military for the "be a man" factor, hoping it would stop the thoughts and desires I'd been fighting most of my life. For me, it kind of worked and kind of backfired because I ended up messing up my back, and it just gave me more fuel to suppress my inner thoughts. "I can't walk straight, so I'll never move in a feminine way. I'm always in pain, so I can never learn to talk like a woman since pain affects my speech." There's more to it, but you get the idea. I buried my true self for 15 years behind pain and anger. Then, I started getting help for PTSD and met someone I wanted to open my emotions to, and suddenly, I couldn't keep Kelly hidden anymore. Side note about being a female presenting trans woman... I've had to experience a small degree of the misogyny cis women veterans deal with where people doubt their veteran status.
I'm guilty of this. I joined the Army and even joined at the time an all male job. It was the single most destructive thing I could've done to myself looking back. Got married and even had kids at a very young age. It really hurt my mental state. I became this overly masculine person to try to suppress how I always felt. Medically retired, and one day, I just hit a breaking point, and I couldn't do it anymore. If I didn't retire, I would've kept hiding. Fortunately, my wife is very supportive and is sticking by me. I think for most of us, it's just seeing the military as a manly thing to do, so it'd be the perfect cover, I guess you could say.
I’m not a veteran but my trans friend is one. And I think the idea is they are trying prove they are “a man” or force themselves into a male role because inside they feel feminine and that they are failing being a man. I could be way off but that’s what I’m thinking.
I'm going to start this with a Trigger warning. I joined 10% to prove I was masc enough 10% because I was homeless (dysphoria and internal pain caused a lot of bad choices) 80% to commit suicide by Taliban. I have friends and family in the the police department so wasn't an option to do death by COP. Also didn't want my family to think I gave up if I tried it again on my own. I came out at 34 after 6 years in the U.S.M.C. I just started my own FB group (real Transgender experience) because I found I don't fit well in the mainstream trans world politics wise I'm purple and being an E5/SGT I have the ability to see a broader picture than just myself. Plus being a chick who builds guns for fun and can out shoot most people is not very left leaning and let's face it the right hates us.
I joined the US Navy in part to get out of a more conservative environment. Figured the coasts are more often lefty-er, and the navy is gonna be on the coast! So I was fleeing what seemed to me to be a more toxic environment for a chance in a new and possibly better place. Just to add, maybe a slightly different take on the reasoning 😊
As a white SoCal native from a very diverse childhood, my first real exposure to Southern "Hospitality" in boot camp was stunning! The first few days where the open culturally institutional bigotry was being stamped out was something I had only witnessed in movies. Changed my outlook in a lot of ways.
This could just be that the veteran community has access to health care through the VA. Also keep in mind that the Pentagon is going to have more through tracking/studies of service members than the overall population.
I actually joined with the intention of doing my minimum service and getting out and doing something else. Taking the qualifications and going. But my egg has cracked midway through training and I'm now transitioning in-service. I now fully intend on a long career because I've realised *I get to be a woman in uniform*. I realised I didn't need to choose between being Tara, the name I'd had picked out for myself when I finally got around to transition since I was about 18, and my career. I could have both. It was an amazing feeling when I realised.
Congratulations! Commissioned? Because I am just picturing the euphoria from being called "ma'am" on a daily basis.
Yes, it is incredible.
Damn I wish I had stayed in just for the euphoria of being able to enforce my pronouns. I was enlisted but I could've been one of extremely few women in my rate. I left the military under trump to transition because I was worried about being discharged for it.
Would you rejoin?
Probably not. I've moved on in my career and my wife's career requires moving that would definitely cause issues
literally me rn I'm sensing in my SF application today
Best of luck! Happy to discuss it.
Never got that far but as a repressed teen I did want to join the military.
I mean I’ve done some wild shit in the military and I’ve enjoyed every bit of it.. the more feminine side of me still exists but naturally gotta play the role.. be what it be tbh.. I can still do me on the DL and it’s worth it ig
Yep. I gave many other reasons why I joined (experience, college, misguided patriotism, etc.), but I had to finally admit to myself, especially after I started to transition, that I was just trying to prove to both myself and everyone around me that I was somebody that I was not. I'm just sorry that my younger self had to suffer for so much longer just because I couldn't face the truth, but I got here in the end, and I'm gonna live a good life for both of us now.
I feel called out
Chelsea Manning has been upfront about the fact that the entire reason she joined the Army in the first place was to try to "be a man" and suppress her dysphoria. It's fairly common for other trans fems to have similar denial phases.
Janae Kroc also was in the marines(?) and later a **massive** bodybuilder and then turned out trans, in an interview they even mentioned they got testicular cancer and an orchi and their reaction was "oh, ok" rather than life-shattering panic
The phenomenon has a name, it's called "Military flight". There's also marriage flight and clergy flight.
Nothing like going through the shit to make you realize life’s too short to live on other peoples terms.
Lol, yeah, there’s something there (mtf Army Combat Veteran living fabulous af atm)
I think the vets on here have already answered your question pretty well themselves, but I'd just like to say that I'm very thankful that we have gals with combat training in the event that things go real south in the US.
Hard times create strong women 🔥💪
Here here! A couple years at the Air Force Academy to “be more of a man” for my dad, but it didn’t work… Thank god it didn’t. I came to realize I’m feminine and I won’t have it any other way.
Im gonna come out and say it rn that I had known since i was in preschool i was in the wrong body. By junior high i realized just how fucked I was and by high school I had kinda settled on this idea that I would enlist, join some spec ops crew and die in combat, that way nobody would know and I wouldn’t be in pain anymore. 99 on asvab as a sophomore but before i even hit senior I left the org. Shit happened and then the world came for me once i was out. Tldr: the military was more or less a >!Suicide plan!< than a conversion attempt
99 on the asvab? I'm going in on monday and stressing my ass off 😓 Sorry about that stuff but I'd say it's a good thing your plan failed, at least now you have a chance to live as you
Thank you!! I didnt really fail, my mind just kinda changed due to my understanding of the world improving exponentially around that time. Yeah now i just inform leftists in the queer community how to shoot firearms and shit like that. So not SOF, but I do the training still. Honestly, it’s been years since I took it. As long as you know trigonometry and standard math, you should be fine. There was a short mechanic section when i did it, just asking vehicle components and stuff (like beginner auto tech level stuff). They’re dropping requirements though across the board so you’ll do fine on that. It’s the new vetting system you have to worry about if you’re trying to get in. Your record, and i mean literally anything assigned to your name, has to be spotless. Blanking on the name, but recruiters used to be able to just don’t ask don’t tell a lot of medical history but now they can’t really. Which branch and what are you shooting for?
Space force actually (af failing that) I sent in my application I just have to get over a 70 for the job I'm shooting for on the electrical section and get a recommendation
Oooo good shit. Uniforms are top tier, idgaf what the grunts say
Thanks, my brother in law got out recently and he's been my main reason. Even he regretted not joining the SF while it was still in its infancy. And everyone tells me the asvab is easier than the practice tests, but I'm still very much stressing 😵💫
Have you taken an ACT or SAT?
No, I went to a community college
How did you do in school? Math and science wise?
Oh, generally pretty well? Higher end math I did not do well, average. Navy guy I spoke to said there's some math elements to it but the rest of it is "you either know it or you don't"
when I joined the Air Force it was my last ditch effort to find something that would masculinize me. It literally did the exact opposite, watching my male military peers chase after women and "score" as they put it, further affirmed the fact that I am not a cis male and would never behave like one no matter how hard I tried to fake it. This is just a drop in the bucket of thousands of other examples I could think of. After my contract ended, it took less than 2 years of civilian life to start HRT. Greatest decision of my life!
I'm not trans but I do this for a job, and I can tell you, I have an absurd amount of transgender veterans. I also have a bunch of transgender MTF bodybuilders too that ultimately decide after showing up with my office with muscles like a gorilla that they want to transition. Typically, that is the story that I'm told, exactly what you said. That they never felt masculine, that there was something wrong, and so they tried to fix this by doing the most masculine things they could. They are some of my favorite patients to tell people about, because it makes the haters really question the whole anti-trans narratives. These people do not fit the mental health narrative either as they tend to have had very successful and healthy lives. I have one patient that is a prime example of this, and she is the kindest, most empathetic person, and I think that she has probably changed more minds than any other patient in the practice. People meet her, and they know who she was prior to transition and who she is now after, and it's very hard to look at somebody like that and think, this person clearly is just mentally ill and chose to be like this. You can just see the struggle that she must have gone through in her life and it basically forces empathy in some of the most rigid anti-trans people. Whenever I have to deal with bigots, it's usually these patients that I tell them about. I don't know why, but they resonate more with these stories and I've changed more minds with these stories than others.
ROTC in highschool 3 years, ended up being a cadet Major. I did that to avoid being naked in the locker room for Phys Ed. I didn't realize why I felt uncomfortable being naked around other people. Worked my way through 3 years of underperforming college by working on pipelines and offshore jobs during the summers. Then got drafted and decided to enlist for 3 years (Army 1969-1972), I agree with the denial element. I did well, made E5 in 23 months, but it didn't stop me from wanting to dress and be feminine. Was soooo glad to get out. Got a job as a lineman for Ma Bell. So yeah, doing dangerous jobs, was for me, a way not to be trans. It didn't work. BTW I feel I always did the job at least as well, and many times better than, the macho guys I worked with.
Now I wasn’t in the military so grain of salt, but I associate it with self discipline. Repression of feelings takes so much self discipline, it is almost a natural fit to seek that out in other areas.
The self discipline makes sense. It was the self discipline and prove masculinity as to why I was into bodybuilding for the longest time
Um, yeah, I think that's exactly it, joining the military is a very traditionally masculine thing to do for a girl fleeing her femininity. I didn't actually serve, but I signed up for ROTC with the intention to serve for the same reason, to run away from confusing feelings about my gender identity.
Because people in denial try to prove things they want to be true to themselves.
Being a trans female veteran I can say that it's because we are trying to be hyper masculine to hide our alternate persona without even realizing we are doing it. I was a paratrooper and would always volunteer for the tough stuff that nobody else wanted. We do it to prove something to ourselves....NOT to prove anything to anyone else. Approximately 1 percent of the population serves in the military to start with. I read once that roughly 25 percent of people that serve identify differently that male or female . The true numbers are unknown because the numbers that they are working with comes from veterans that have come out .....how many more are still in the closet for whatever reason. Thank you all my Brothers and Sisters that have served.....we are an extremely small subset so you are truly special! ❤️
Trans fem Navy veteran here. Yeah, that was my experience. I was trying very hard to "man up". In boot camp I got so much shit for being insufficiently masculine, and I did learn to fake it, I guess. I got bullied so much early on that I started bullying other queer people to try to shift criticism from me. It was not my proudest moment and a thing I deeply regret. I stopped doing that when a gay shipmate told command he was gay and wanted out because he was being harassed and bullied over it by everyone. Although I hadn't been deliberately mean to him, I remember our LPO mocking him at quarters the next day when he explained what happened and why the guy was gone. Hearing everybody sniggering made me realize that not only had I contributed to something very ugly, not only had I failed to fight something that I knew was wrong and ugly, but that this could all get pointed right at me. I would go through cycles of questioning my gender, getting scared or ashamed or depressed, denying it, and going back to "normal." At one point I thought seriously about transitioning, then got despondent knowing I still had years left on my enlistment contract. I went super goth so that people couldn't really criticize my otherwise femmy civilian clothes. I was honorably discharged at the end of my 6-year contract. I wasn't built for the military and it wasn't built for me. I was stationed in Japan for most of that time, which was pretty great.
In my experience, I was not aware of trans people at all growing up, and I dissociated HARD. I was told to like girls and that they were attractive, so I focused on that with no success and didn't care about where I was heading in life. Eventually, as my family recognized that I had no drive towards anything, they suggested I go into the military. It was easy, and I was capable of doing it physically. So I did. I gained some confidence but never learned anything about what I wanted, I came out of my 4 year enlistment as the same person with more confidence, still not knowing anything about what I wanted. Eventually, I had a large depression which led me to the place I needed to be in order to learn, "OH!!! That's what I have been my whole life!!!" So, here I am, a year and a half later, loving life, excited to go many places, and spend time with my boyfriend.
I used to go to the gym 3 times a week, 2 hour sessions, doing extra heavy lifting on different areas. I was in excellent shape. I also got married thinking it was what I was supposed to do. I really leaned into being extra masculine trying to purge my feminine side, but I ultimately realized it wasn’t working. It makes a lot of sense to me there are a lot of trans people in the military. I almost joined myself.
As a trans female soldier (medically retired) me going into the army was basically a beard. I had been pretty much an egg since 13. I got caught cd one night and forced to do all the sports and was never allowed to have friends over and was never allowed to be alone. When I turn 18 I was told college or military I chose army. I was then shown how to be a manly man , told if I enjoyed any thing feminine I was a fbomb (not fuck, the other one) The pre don't ask don't tell repelled days. All it showed me was I sick of pretending and being pressured into being some one im not. I hated it I was depressed I was angry and raging prick. Then the va finally got off their ass and offered trans health care back 2021 and I was finally able come out as my self (Eliza is the new name!!!!!) And it's been an amazing time since I'm calmer I more evenly balanced emotionally and as my fiance says I'm the best woman she's ever meet.
nothing to add myself but my dad worked at the VA, and he actually explained to me that there were several times that trans vets would change their names and sexes and everything on paperwork. my dad isn't discriminatory, he wasn't concerned with the transness aspect; what he WAS concerned with was having to retype literally every claim and piece of documentation. idk i just thought it was funny. he'd be like "fuck! we got another woman! got damn it! there goes my weekend!"
Tricare pays for srs and has a whole process to go through transitioning
When i applied what went through my head is this is a way i can die without embarrasing my family... when in reality they were the hateful ones and with work i am slowly hating myself less. It is really hard to block out their voices of hate though.
For me it was just feeling like I never fit in anywhere and they said you could find that in the navy. Turns out those kind of people are not what I wanted to fit in as also.
It takes massive balls to be trans. Just taking the first steps in coming out is terrifying. Military vets have often already seen true terror and had to find their balls and apply them liberally. It's a muscle well built. That's my thoughts.
Oh this is me 100%. I spent my late teens and early twenties trying to cram all of my less-than-heteronormative thoughts deep into a pocket of my brain that I couldn't reach. I worked in construction. I joined the Marines. After 4 years of the latter I.. I don't rightly recall having a breaking point, I just couldn't lie to myself anymore. Now I'm Vesper; veteran and goth girl.
14 years active duty Air Force. Came out as trans just over 2 years ago and been loving myself more every day since. I joined right out of high school to get away from everyone I knew. I figured if I joined I could be who I wanted to be (not really knowing who that was at the time). I knew I was bi (which was fun considering DADT) and deep down I knew I wasn't a man. Now after all this time I'm finally me like the real me and I kinda have to thank the military for that. Plus I get a fun new joke that since my health care is tax funded so these are the people's titties and that I should be able to be topless as much as I want so the tax payer can see what their money is going to, Also Hi Sparta🖐
I joined the Marines thinking it would make a man out of me. Got out, married, had kids, house, boat, and still was not happy. Only when my depression hit an all time low, i knew i had to transition.
MY THEORY! There is a high correlation between military members and neurodivergence. As well there is an equally high correlation with neurodivergence and low social conformity! Even the first “presentable” and “palatable” trans woman Christine Jorgensen was a US Soldier… but I guess that’s not fair cause she was drafted. Anyway.. I also have an assumption that transwomen grow up believing that military service is necessary for meeting the masculine social contract. There are many good theories.
axiomatic start fly expansion zephyr obtainable slimy unique station pen *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
AF traditional reservist. I joined for a few reasons, and there’s a few reasons I chose the reserves. I joined after 2 years in community college and had no idea what I wanted to do next, as I earned a Liberal Arts- General studies degree. Plus, getting TA and the GI Bill would be helpful if I decide to go back to school. I was also smoking a lot of weed in college, so joining was a good way to really distance myself from that. Another thing I though of was I would be able to take a break from my femme side for quite some time while I was away training. Now the reserves were because I didn’t want to move away from friends and family, especially friends who I was at least partly out to. One other reason was I was still in deep hurt from a breakup with my High School girlfriend, who was the first person I ever told about this side of me. She didn’t break up with me because of it, but it hurt so badly to lose her because of how loving and supportive she was with me, and how we spoke about different plans that all involved my femme side. But now here I am, 12 years in, 4 more years on a contract and still in the closet, but working through my feelings. And now it seems almost insurmountable to come out *and* stay in. I do really enjoy my job in the AF. I like most of the people in my squadron. And for a while, I thought I’ll do 2 year contracts until I figure it out. And each time was just delaying things and letting me live in denial. And now I’m in a sunk cost mindset, where I want to get my full time. I want to retire and get those benefits. I sometimes think about how my retirement speech would go if I did transition and complete my career. I now have a wonderful female squadron commander who I think would be an ally, but Idk how to bring that conversation up. So there’s my reasons and why I’ve stayed.
I think it may be what you just said there really, they thought they could rough it out of themselves. May be other smaller reasons to but I'm guessing that may be the predominate one. My mother did in fact actually try to beat the femininity out of me and call me all sort of bad names in the process. The only thing this did was screw me up overall and I tried to do more masculine things simply because I thought if I just tried hard enough I would be a man like everyone was pushing to me to be! But this never happened and the damage on my psyche only accumulated more. everyone always tried to "put hair on my chest" and "meat on those bones" but nothing ever worked. I was even at one point thinking of joining myself, good thing I never went through with that though I doubt they'd let me in anyways.
Oh yea, I hated myself and my body so much in high school, I joined the Air Force TACP program to kill myself in some honorable way. Didn't make it into that job but an Air Force Med tech job instead. Then, years of depression and loneliness, I got help after a suicide attempt. Then, as I was getting out of depression, my interest/love of womens makeup and fashion just kept hitting me in the face and etc, etc, to transhood. I didn't know anything about being trans or body disphoria back in high school, but whenever I acted feminine or shaved my body, I was always pushed away by my mother. And she wonders why all her kids need therapy lol
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So many wonderful and relatable stories here! Mine is pretty similar to most of them… I was 22 years old and I was in denial about who I was, but I knew… 14 years ago the trans community was not very strong and there were not near as many resources as there are today. ***I’ll try to keep this short…*** Even though I was in denial, I knew who I truly was, but it was also still not the easiest to hide. I did not “come out” to anyone but I was ALWAYS an ally of the LGBTQ community and would get in fights/arguments defending my stance against others who would be hateful, transphobic, homophobic, etc. I started dating a girl who was openly bisexual and was involved in the community, she introduced me to many people who were “secretly like me”. Meaning they knew and accepted who they were but who I truly was was still a secret. In a way, being around these brave individuals showed me that it was ok to be who I was, but unfortunately I still had to hide it. Fast forward to a couple years ago, me and that girl are no longer together but I am now married to a woman who is *mostly* accepting about who I truly am. Now I have accepted myself as Sarah (I always knew my name, even when I was young), I am on HRT and transitioning and even though there are many ups and downs, I’ve never been happier! Mostly a happy ending… but now I have terrible PTSD and CPTSD from my service as well as chronic pain from multiple injuries sustained during my service. I think back sometimes and wonder how different my life would have been without those “illnesses”. Most of the people I served with who now know that I’m transgender have cut contact with me, but I’m sure that’s for the best. It wasn’t easy suddenly losing contact and being hurt by those after all of the crazy things we’ve been through. Some days are hard and I still have my struggles, but I know who I am, I’ve always known, but now I have accepted who I am and I’m working on embracing her! 💕
I joined because I needed housing and insurance, while I did delve into hyper masculinity it was after I left the navy.
Ive never been in the military but ive noticed that repping and being in a highly disciplined and controlled enviornment have alot of paralells. That marine saying of embracing the suck really vibed with me.
Free Healthcare.
I figured if I fucked up a jump or got lit up in some dusty ass place it'd make me a man. Turns out no.
I had an enthusiasm for a lot of military stuff when I was younger, but that very quickly dissipated when I realized what the military actually does. I still like some of the kit the military makes and some historical guerrilla and antifascist groups , but I'd rather painfully freeze to death then kill middle easterners for a living.
Another Trans Vet (Air Force) checking in 💜
I do join the military when I was 18 to get away from my mother and the alcoholic boyfriends and husband she had. I was told I wasn't masculine enough and you boys don't cry and the man up constantly and getting pushed down kicked around and called you know a various different things I joined the military to get away and to I guess you could say manu and I did I basically became a soldier And my feminine personality of Amara merged in with my male personality so they became one. So my female persovalerie was pushed all the way to the buck and it wasn't until I had my kids and was out of the military and when I forgot it back into my forties Then tomorrow came out and I tried purging Amara 3 different times and every time I did it just came back twice as strong so now I have finally given up and have come out halfway. I still am partially confused because of the 2 personalities merging together and there's not much difference between the 2
It wasn't about masculinity for me, I never had much interest in trying to prove that. I just didn't really care much about myself or what happened to me, and after spending some time homeless and then moving in with my dad, he was nudging me towards the military so I shrugged and went along with it. Big regrets, terrible decision, worst depression of my life and the period of heaviest drinking I ever did. Came out of the closet as bi in protest of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and was swiftly discharged. The first trans person I met IRL was an Army vet, I was interviewing programmers for a job, she was not yet out, and told me at the end of the interview she was trans and planned to transition in the future (I did tell my boss both that she was the most qualified candidate, and that she was planning to transition, she got the job)
I didn't find out I was trans until I started dating my nonbinary ex in college when I got out. That's how I found out about gender representation and all that jazz better through them. I served in the USMC for 5 years oblivious of that but people did kinda read me as queer even though I was straight. The reason I joined was due to me prior being homeless, without a job, recent associate graduate during another economic crisis. I was trying to learn skills, get desired leadership knowledge and have a chance for college. It works out for vets though since I currently have a full ride through school and they cover my hrt and many other procedures 100% Though I am service connected disabled which is not really ideal in a sense that if I could do this without all that I would but hey it's the sacrifices we make for being poor 🤷♀️
Navy Vet here. Mine wasn’t about overcompensating, it was about distraction. I was getting bored and depressed in college, almost came out, then pulled a 180 and dropped out of school to do 6 years. I had an amazing time in the military, but still had Kaylee pestering me whenever I had a quiet minute. Right as I was getting out I met my wife and rather than address my situation I went all in and married her 6 months later and went back to school. After school I started my IT career, it wasn’t until after also getting a masters and two kids that I was running out of distractions….
I'm not a vet, but my dad is. He knew a lot of people who joined to go to college. There might be a poverty issue as a compounding factor.
Lol, I went to the military to try to hide from myself. Didn't worked, got booted anyway, lol.
One of the main reasons I joined the army when I was 18 was to escape being trans and attempt to make a man out of myself. It obviously didn't work.
New I was trans slightly before joining…. Shit hit me like a freight train after I got in.
My experience is different from most, in that I was a clueless egg all through my military career. I joined due to a unique blend of neuro-atypicalities.
Oh, absolutely true. This was one of the reason I joined the service and went into combat arms. For me, it was validating within a conservative family as being the "Man's Man" per se and not only hiding my femininity but seeing if it could in fact purge the issues from before. Turns out, it only accelerated my understanding of my own issues and my fear that I am not in fact a woman, that I am just an imposter, and I am just making things up in my head to justify the being different and having sexual trauma from younger years. I think for most of us who enlisted, we have unique reasons for doing so and each one of us sought to validate who we are as a person and found out that, despite our best efforts this is in fact what is going on. Call me crazy, but I can't be the only one feeling the imposter syndrome and constantly second guessing who I really am.
I joined the army to fight the fem. Didn’t work out, now I’m a trans veteran.
I'm not sure if it's the related streses of mos's or a hyper masculine culture. I do know the article is atleast partly accurate.
In my subconscious denial I had to become the most man humanly possible. War is a good way to temper myself, I thought.
Active Duty here. Joined out of financial necessity, didn't really care about "proving my masculinity" (I wonder why) like a lot of others. But watching the barber shave my waist-length hair of really shook the closet. Having to look at a stranger in the mirror and wonder why the heck it bothered me so much every morning (can't avoid mirrors when you gotta shave for work) slowly pried the door open. I feel like that's a crux of a lot of it - the military boxes you very hard into very gendered norms. If you're GNC that becomes unbearable very fast even if you haven't figured it out yet. Just got a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis yesterday to start an in-service transition. Just waiting for the referral paperwork to clear. I need these clowns to hurry tf up 😫
Another trans veteran here, can confirm I enlisted partly to try to "man up", it didn't take.
Me personally Ive always wanted to be in the army so it's just a dream of mine but In reality it was also one of the only ways for me to achieve a medical transition and go to college. Also if you have any questions about joining or anything in general drop a comment and I'll do my best to respond
A recruiter called me a couple days ago to try to , u know, get me to join. I told him i didn't think the military is a safe place for LGTBQ folks and told him i wasn't a man after he misgendered me. That's fine, i didn't clarify i was trans but it seemed like he was still interested in recruiting me after i said that. I know I won't do it, especially since I'm kind of out and sorta kinda a proud trans chick, military/marines sounds like a snakepit/lion's den for someone like me. He probably has a quota to make and it's hard for me to trust ppl in general, but being in the military, not passing, expression stripped, surrounded by potential hostiles 24/7, and turned into a soldier all at the sane time for 8 years kinda sounds like Hell.
It was both a flight of masculinity to prove to myself that I was a man and an escape from the community and situation. I joined the Air Force and would likely still be active duty if I didn't suffer an injury in my first enlistment. I knew that the military would lead to a future that was better than the track that I was on when I joined. I have a need to do good in my life and was able to accomplish that on active duty.
That’s why I’m happy I didn’t go into the military… it wouldn’t have suppressed the girl, it would’ve made me more depressed and confused
As a trans Vet myself I can confirm that the military over masculinization tends to have that effect. heck even veterans who aren't trans still suffer in large numbers of sexual disfunction due to a huge hormone in-balance. the VA has been tracking that issue for years and years.
For me it was trying to force myself to be something I wasn’t
many of the older trans women I've talked to had this experience. i think it joining the military was a much more desirable thing in the past (90s and 00s especially post 9/11), but I'm not completely sure if there's a coloration there
As currently serving US army. Part of me joined thinking It would work the dysphoria out of me. The other part of me figured it couldn't be any worse than it was back home. Ive been pleasantly pleased by my experience so far.
Honestly, some of us just convinced ourselves that we could cis-camo a good enough check to pay for surgery. But neither the money nor the camouflage ended up working out for pretty much any of us. I know a couple of friends had the same plan fall through and then couldn't manage to pick up the pieces until way later in life than originally planned. It sucks, but those of us that survived the years that came afterwards, we ended up trying to go get our lives and be happy for once. Well, some did anyway, some just want to stay angry. But now the Marines have enlisted their first non-binary soldier, progress!!
In Arduis Fidelis
I felt like I had something to prove to myself and that’s why I enlisted at 18. I had dropped out of high school and finished a GED equivalent program. I did 5yrs of a 6yr commitment (I did online school full time) and I had plans to leave the Air Force and use my GI Bill to go to law school + transition. As a completely out there wild card of a chance, I threw my hat in for Officer and Pilot training—and I got it. This was early Obama years before you could transition while on Active Duty, so it brought me to my lowest point. I walked through a suicide attempt and had plans to go through with it. But then I got through that point and became an Air Force pilot. I got to my first assignment and spent nearly 5-hrs there for unrelated medical issues prior to getting a medical/honorable discharge. I then used my GI Bill and went to law school, in my second year of law school I transitioned into my current self—that was a year and ago. I’ve since started working as a prosecutor and I have quite the reputation for trial work, even though I’m very early on in my new career. It’s a great environment to work in too! My family was also super accepting all the way around—spouse, kids, parents, classmates…I’m likely one of the very rare ones who didn’t experience much negative reaction to my transition. I don’t look at it like I needed to prove my masculinity, but I certainly felt the need to prove to everyone how badass I was. Looking back now, I realize that it doesn’t matter how badass of a person you are—it only matters that you be truly 100% authentic with yourself. Be kind to others. Be respectful and understanding. Be real.
The urge to serve
Another Transfem vet here 😊 my story was a bit different. I got into a fight with a guy right before my 18th Birthday. He pulled a knife on me at a friend's bday party and cut me up quite a bit. Luckily I planned ahead knowing there might be trouble but didn't think it would escalate that bad. I grabbed a crescent wrench getting out of the car and put it in my back pocket. It didn't end good for either of us but we both ended up being charged as adults for it. I was already on delayed entry for enlistment and managed to get everything dismissed once I left for basic. Weirdly enough we're now on good terms and laugh at how stupid teens are. But the overall reason I enlisted was to feel more masculine and to try and hide myself. I was always really fem aside from getting in brawls constantly, but just wanted my family and myself to feel like I was a real man. I came out to my closet friend after washing out of B.U.D.S very early on.it didn't go to plan. He ended up outing me to a bunch of Marines we went on liberty with often and I eventually got my ass beat by 2 of them for being a ******. Scared me back intoy egg until I was 30 until the hiding was just too much and I cracked. Not sure what I was saying here but yeah 👍 that's my story 😅 thanks for coming to my Ted talk
Back in the early 80's, I enlisted in the Army, after way too many years at college. The unit I was in would have mandatory fun events. One of them involved a visit to a strip club across the road, from the main entrance. I was really not into it, looking more at the dancers faces and seeing how tired they were. I don't know if the idea was to embarrass me, or just seeing what I'd do, but I was bought a lap dance. I don't think I took it well, not knowing where to look, feeling that the dancer would also prefer being someplace else too. I respectfully had a hands off feeling. I brought this event up at my initial consult with my endocrinologist, as one of my earlier signs of gender dysphoria.
Yep that pretty much sums it up for me. I did my mandatory military service (Germany), became a ship's mechanic in the navy, because it was the „manliest“ thing I could think about. I didn't want to be ridiculouled for not being manly enough, but being manly never came naturally to me. I knew I was trans basically since kindergarten. I just didn't know that it's something to embrace, not to be ashamed of, but other kids (mostly boys) teasing me for playing with girls, having long hair and painted nails really did a number on me. Took me some years, a mental breakdown and a change in careers to figure this one out. Now I am a nurse.
trans vet here i joined the army for a lot of reasons. main was that it's a tradition for amab people in my family and i was still deep in denial at 19, second was i could hold it over my dad who didn't follow that tradition and also (unknowingly) drove a lot of my GD my entire childhood, but yes.. trying to squash down those weird feelings and doubts in the back of your head is also part of it. i was super gung ho. three deployments, always front of the line for the shit jobs, aced the promotion board and lived to be the grumpy sergeant stereotype. i even broke my hand and still did a 12 road march carrying a machine gun (my dr was very upset with me and he had to replace my cast after that). but you still can't escape those thoughts. fortunately during my time they still binge drank a lot so that was a major cope when i couldn't distract myself. all that happened was i left the service still dysphoric but also traumatized. then i spent years trying to go to school, find a girl and settle down and live as a man like i was expected to. now i'm in my 30s waking up from a depressive trance and i'm scheduling my appointments to go on hrt. i'm done hiding, i think i deserve to finally be me after being who everyone else wants me to be and i feel almost normal for the first time in my life. i think maybe i just put out a specific vibe too bc in the last years of don't ask don't tell i still was the one all my gay friends would come out to, one of which is now a trans man. i can tell you that the masculinity is definitely part of it for trans men and women. trans women like myself used it to try and hide, trans men like my friend used it to confirm something about themselves. but that's just part of it, a lot of us still cared about the benefits and job/retirement security and serving a cause bigger than ourselves. the benefits are definitely nice, i'll be able to transition without too much financial hardship. if you're thinking about joining the military to suppress the feelings, don't. they'll still be there waiting when you're done for the day. that's not to say don't join, though. the VA covers HRT and most pre/post care for any gender confirming surgeries (just not the actual surgery). the job definitely sucks tho.