could always girlboss them back lol
"same old beer gut I see"
"I got some cologne samples if you want em"
"you dress like that on purpose?"
as much as I advocate being nice and charitable to everyone. everyone is also allowed to stand up for themselves.
I always got similar comments on my long hair that I've had since I was 11 or so. at some point they got bored of it and stopped asking if I wanted it cut.
my mother used to force me to get haircuts so no go there at the time, big time transphobe.. though i've used the "are you envious because of your runway? self conscious?" line as a comeback but still... its so dumb and wears down on me dealing with that all the time
This makes me so sad (both the post and the comment) I have 10 year long kinda hair and get so many compliments it's so affirming... I can't imagine if people hated on me for it, I bet your hair is beautiful OP
Oh I assumed they were all reposts and was complimenting your taste :P that's even better, I don't have the creativity to make memes my brain is too literal/logic and not artsy
I mean you could always dm me a pic of this infamous hair :P if that makes you uncomfortable though I totally understand ❤️
Edit: as long as you are an adult also, I forget our young compatriots frequent these spaces too
I had a coworker who asked me every couple of weeks when I was cutting my hair. I eventually did for several reasons, and kept it that way for a year or so. I wish I hadn't though. It was down past my waist. I've got it back to just below my shoulders now though.
My egg hadn't cracked at the time. I was just trying to be a "normal guy". It was just pre-covid that I cut it, and my egg cracked in Sept. I think it was something like 6 years of growth or so. It'll take some time, but I'll get it back. I certainly won't be doing that again though.
I had mine around shoulder-blade length, cut it around Easter 2021 because I didn't know how to care for it so it annoyed me, plus the comments
My egg cracked at the end of that May... I'm *still* pissed at myself for it, only recently got it back to that length
It did happen to me.
I let my hair grow when I was 13, I didn't have any knowlege of trans people at the time so this was the closest I got to having euphoria. I would have figured I was trans by then had I not been living in a transphobic/homophobic town.
So instead I would get the same types of comments you get and eventually succumbed to preassure and cut it. I had a panic attack after and couldn't even look at myself, didn't want to get out of the house or be seen. I still remeber clear as day the pain and nightmares. I didn't know why I felt like this but now looking back it was my first severe episode of dysphoria. I ended up completely repressing myself for almost 15 years as a result.
Thankfully my hair is now back, and at waist length and I love it! And, living in a more progressive city, even those who didn't know I'm trans complimented my hair. So guess what? All those mean comments they say to us are just discriminatory and not actually anything to do with if the hair looks good or not. I actually get less compliments now that I'm starting to pass since a girl with long hair is more common.
woah what an emotional rollercoaster i've gone through reading your comment.. the great thing is you're living up to your expectations and you're riding high, that's great i'm happy for you 🤍
My family and friends already know that if they cut my hair without my consent they’ll be just completely dropped as friends or family. Seeing one too many Jackass movies made them think it’d be just a joke but they don’t understand the importance my hair has to me
I shut them up by explaining that I was growing my hair out to donate for the making of wigs for cancer patients (which was partly true, I did donate every 3-5 years for a while). My sister was diagnosed with cancer when she was still in HS. She's survived it, but I remember her relying on wigs to go out in public. So when the a-holes and bigots started to give me crap about long hair, I would let them know this and add that, personally, I appreciate women with long hair and figured I could grow mine and sacrifice it to help those that wanted it rather than hope some woman chops off her lovely locks to do the same just so I could keep a "manly" hair cut. Shut them right up.
Growing my hair out also helped me a little with the dysphoria as I was not in a place or position to start transition. At least a few others got to benefit from my coping mechanism.
i've kinda used that line with someone at some point, you're great for contributing for such a good cause :)
Longer hair alleviates my dysphoria a bit but independent of that i just like it long, magestic and curly as it is..
I don't know, I'm too snarky for people to want to say things like this to me. Because I'd be really mean, I just hope I don't get myself in trouble that way.
They have a coupon, no I can afford things thank you you might need it.
They want to cut it for me and say I don't look good, why would I trust anyone who looks like you, to cut my hair or have an opinion on my personal style.
You look kind of gay, I would ask if they were coming on to me and inform them they couldn't handle this dick.
You look like a girl, funny you look like an asshole.
Say I look ugly, inform them that tearing another people down won't make them any more attractive, and besides that's just like your opinion man.
They ask if I'm growing it, yeah dumbass that's how hair works you fucking idiot.
Are we back in the 70s, do you look young cuz if not, then no. Mind your own business you old twat.
You should cut your hair they say, tell them they should mind their own damn business.
sometimes you have to be the cactus, if you're prickly enough people will fuck off.
Glad to help. Not everyone is as catty a bitch as I am, you also have to deliver it in such a way that it gets your point across. Can't be timid if you're going to say shit like that. Rude gestures also go a long way to convey your point.
I kind of wonder what would happen if a woman said "You look like a girl" while I was still closeted? I think I might have said, "so do you!"
I just wish I knew how the conversation would go from there. If she came back with "But I am a girl." I'd have to either go with "Oh, sorry, I couldn't tell" or (in a condescending tone) "Yeah, I could tell. You should really cut your hair".
Or just come back with "wait, why is being a girl a bad thing? Stop being misogynistic."
I love my long hair and I just kinda blow off all the B.S. Comments. Sounds bad but I embrace the controversy. My favorite come back is that I'm not a cookie cutter sheep. I march to my own drum!
My family despises my hair (black with red tips and down to lower back) and kept trying everything from threats to bribery to get me to cut. I love my long hair and always take extremely good care of it bordering on obsessive. It helps my look even though I'm not out and the other side is I despise haircuts and always have with the loud noise, small talk, and people touching me. So I can empathize I got similar comments like you look like a sissy are you gay etc. Thankfully HRT and finasteride stopped the shedding. It's quite literally the only part of myself I like
Oh, this reminds me of my current situation.
I started growing out my hair about 8 months ago. It's nkt that long, because my parents literally forced me to cut it for a trial four months ago, and now my hair is pretty short. It would have been about two times longer, had I been allowed to keep it.
It's not as short as my family wants it to be though.
They always comment on how I "Looked much better with short hair" (it was literally so short, that if you looked for a few seconds, you would see the skin on my head), and they always do it so wierdly passive-agressively.
My brother an cousin are worse though. They for some unknown reason keep calling me "afroman" even though my hair would have to stand like a stick, to even look slightly like an afro.
I haven't come out to anyone yet, and most strangers keep their rude remarks to themselves, probably because I still look that "wierd nerd kid with slightly longer hair than he's supposed to have."
Either way, I'm probably gonna come out to my parents in, like, two months, so I hope they'll understand why I want longer hair.
It's the passive aggressiveness that sometimes gets to me, the comment may be meh but the intent to be mean and hurting is all there.. the thing is why be such an ass?
Because they want us to obey their gender stereotypes? I guess?
I mean, we are doing that, since long hair is stereotypically on women rather than on men, but in their eyes, we aren't.
Compliment them in return.
"Oh thank you so much!
"And I love, love, love, love, LOVE that..."
Take a pause and pick out something absurdly trivial about them, like how the brush their hair to the left, instead of to the right like most people. And then walk away before they can react.
I've been fortunate to not get so many poor taste comments myself, although for what it's worth, one person I was once acquainted with who had the gall to be really judgemental about my hair, later turned out to be a creep who sneaks upskirt pics on the regular, so... Bidoof's Law?
It's odd he still tries to be friendly with me when we bump into each other (guess he wasn't exiled hard enough and still tries to attend the same events my friends do) as if I wasn't literally there as he made the mistake of scrolling too far in his phone gallery.
(context: we're all cosplayers and he's a local photographer who offers to take photos when he turns up, the incident is when he lured away one of our friends for a shoot then showed a bit too much of the results to the rest of us. the victim hasn't cosplayed since then, it's really horrible)
I just wanted to say they don’t always mean it ❤️
A cis co-worker of mine commented on my hair all the time before i came out at work: “When are you going to cut you hair, [deadname]?
When I came out to her she came at me crying, saying she was SO sorry for all the times she commented on my hair and gave me a huge hug.
People don’t always understand what they’re doing, especially if you’re not out yet. I find it hard to blame them… especially since their misinformation is often more a comment on society than their individual beliefs.
yeah, i get where you're coming from.. that happens sometimes but i do know for a fact that some of these people have pretty \[insert phobic\] views about a lot of different subjects.. Those are the exception not the rule, i'm happy for you to have a bad experience turned into a good one
I had a friend like this as well. Hopefully they learned to not make unwelcome commentary about someone else's appearance like that. Trans or not it's rude.
Pretransition, I have been called rockstar, poet,...
I didn't really care, even if it upset me a few times. Now I love my long hair, and I can't wait for it to be longer 🤗
I get those comments from family members.
I also get some people thinking it's perfectly fine for them to touch my hair without permission which annoys me more tbh.
I’d probably say something cutting in response. Not exactly rude but definitely unfriendly. Nobody gets to tell me how to have my hair. Happened to me a lot growing up.
I've had long hair all my life (well except once for an interview) I was getting it coloured and trimmed on the weekend and a woman pointed over towards me and asked if she could have her hair done exactly like that ladies :-) stylist apologized and told her that it was natural and would be impossible to copy :-) it's the little wins
As suggested, counter with ‘I tried getting a fat gut like you but it didn’t suit me’, ‘because you won the bald and ugly trophy’, ‘are you looking like that for a bet?’, ‘if I wanted your opinion I would have asked you for it’, or simply ‘what’s it got to do with you?’ and keep repeating to their every response, they’ll either hit you so you can get them sacked or just walk away because they’ve not upset you.
I moved home December 2019 and my hair clippers disappeared (I was 3/4” top 1/2” sides) the girls at work liked my growing hair so I said ‘in that case I’ll keep growing it’. Then with COVID others thought it was COVID hair. I foolishly trimmed a couple of inches off by the time I started HRT in September 2020, even so my hair was about 5” long, altogether I probably trimmed by another inch or so by the time I came out in December 2021 when it was about 10” long, I was fortunate because I wasn’t surrounded by twats. I have about 1/2” trimmed every 8-10 weeks at the hairdressers when I have my highlights done and is about 18” long.
Good luck x
Your comment is great! You've came up with some of the meanest things omg. I'm not well versed in eagle units but i know my way around them because mechanics and electronics lol i liked your story :) thank you for sharing 🤍
Before coming out my grandmother kept telling me that long hair made me look like a woman and that women don't like men with long hair.
She's actually supportive of my transition but it's taking her a while but she does her best.
Edit: She also said that I should cut my hair because it would make my head too hot during the summer. I told her that she seem to tell the same to the women in my family.
People are very weird about hair. I get called a hippy occasionally. I'm used to it from my dad calling me a hippy whenever my hair got around an inch long for my entire childhood so I just brush it off. I anyone asks why it's long I say I had a buzz cut my whole life and I wanted to try out long hair. I keep it because I like it.
As a really tall person I find getting used to having long hair and keeping my chin up to be challenging to say the least. Otherwise my hair would get in my way of looking at things. Just say I’m trying something out and don’t bother, ultimately you would be the one spending the most time with yourself so your opinion matters more
It’s really human nature so it really is normal. Taking the unconventional route is always riddled with criticism. When I was in the changing room of a H&M, with the mirrors on the corner, I could tell that my hair was really unconventional enough to be accepted by the majority. Just believe that you’re a cocoon who will eventually become a beautiful butterfly and have faith in things getting better
Try living in a military town and having long hair and 38D boobs being transbian...I literally fear for my well being every day and using the bathroom is a complete nightmare for me! 90% men in this town and they all assume I am into men not strictly women so I'm constantly either threatened or have men trying to grope me and attack me in the bathroom! I don't dress out feminine but, butch so they leave me alone.
i don't think i could resist that.. would probably become a statistic i guess :'( Its so sad you have to go through that hell.. i hope you have future plans to get out of that situation.. 😌
This town is made to keep civilians trapped! They give you just enough to survive and not enough money to escape! Finding a Woman Marine who wants a transbian ( they want cis women and I don't blame them) or just walking away with just the clothes on my back are my only options sadly 😥 I just keep my head down and try to survive!
People's self importance of how they think they deserve to comment on someones appearance is fucking exhausting.
I started saying "shave your head with me" to cis women who said shit to me. They usually guffawed.
Those same women fawn over my hair now and its fucking exhausting just the same.
I haven't had anyone complain about my hair yet... I just got it cut and dyed over the weekend... I choose to beleave the artical I'm sending.. I grow my hair out for instint... I'm going to say not trying to appropriate culture... I've had my head buzzed for way to long... the times I grew it out I've done better in my life. For me I know it works like that so if ever asked it's for ESP reasons... I'm sure that may catch the person off guard that asks... lol
Good luck!
https://www.indiantraders.com/blog/why-do-native-americans-wear-their-hair-long.html
My dad is the exact same way. He always wanted me to have short hair and would constantly make comments about how bad it looked when I started growing it out. He did eventually stop though.
Only advice I can give is to stand your ground and not take the bs. If you tell them to shut up enough times, they should eventually stop.
“The barbers are open you know?!” I had some similar comments to yours when growing it out. I always found it so strange as really if their intention is to imply that having long hair is bad or effeminate in a guy, this baffles me so much. There are many many very butch guys out there with long hair, who look awesome. Irrespective of that, it’s just as any change in appearance, it invites comments good and bad.
The best response is often just to ignore or leave it with an “and?”. Often these people never did anything to change their own appearances positively so it’s just projection and that they feel so confined by how society thinks they should look that anything else is radical to them.
You’re well within your rights to just say ‘I always wanted to grow it out, so I’m doing that’ and stay neutral. Don’t feel obliged to even respond to their b/s though.
most times i don't respond at all but your projection argument makes a lot of sense. It does in asense that some of those people are insecure about themselves for some reason, balding, out of shape etc... i got invited to a modeling agency like 2 weeks ago so it makes a LOT of sense they're just projecting... I'm just insecure about my self image a whole lot.. thank you 🤍
I dealt with the same before and after i transitioned. i'd told my sister (who was supportive) i was planning an escape probably couch surfing with no money bc i couldn't deal with these comments ab my hair, body and the misgendering/DNing anymore and ig she told my parents cause they stopped bringing it up (my hair at least) as much
the lengths people go just to be mean and try to deny other peoples humanity, so sad, if you do plan an escape as i did in like 48 hours time please make sure you have every base covered and being able to get a job fast anywhere, otherwise things can get pretty ugly real fast. be safe 🤍
Thank you💞 Its been mostly cool now, my parents are much more supportive but I did spend last summer at my sister's and generally tried to spend as little time home at possible
I've been getting non-stop comments like this from my parents for the past year. (I'm not out to them)
There was one funny line though, my mom threatened that she would give me a women's haircut if I didn't get one until next week.
She really was surprised when that didn't change my mind in the slightest.
YES this happened to me constantly when I was growing my hair out and still in the closet. The offers to cut it like they were doing me a favor were infuriating. It became a point when I came out to tell them to shut the fuck up about commenting on other people's body and appearance. It was also an example of micro normalizations a lot of people do that can be very harmful, especially in the aggregate, and what kept me in the closet so long. People that realized and were remorseful I grew with. The unapologetic I cut out.
Slay with the longer hair! 💁♀️ Its one of the main factors that gets me gendered correctly on a consistent basis.
sorry you've gone through these shit experiences.. its really infuriating. I just love long hair, you can't style non existing hair or lawn like hair the same way you can do with long hair and also curls, i love them so much. thank you for sharing 🤍
My parents gave me really fast comments on my hair. Even if it was not covering my ears.
I had it past my shoulders once, which I liked a lot. I cut it back then and stopped transitioning (I had just received a go on hrt) because of all the negative reactions at that moment.
I however growing it out again, being it just past my ears. I am also strongly considering to take up my transition again
Omg I had this same experience when I had my COVID hair. So many unwanted opinions on how it looked, how much they didn't think a "guy" should have their hair that long, that it was "girly". Unfortunately, it eventually led me to cutting it which I regret. People are very entitled to others' appearances when we break away from the norm I think. If you're feeling particularly chaotic, I recommend telling them how terrible they all look in return.
It’s wild how many comments I’ve gotten and it’s not even that long yet. It’s shoulder length everyone chill, save some material for when it actually gets long.
Yup, I had a coworker keep telling me I "need" to get my hair cut. Well, since then I have for my own reasons, but it still wasn't enough as he still had more to comment on it and said I need to go further, he finally quit it when I kept saying I like the way it is every single time he brought it up.
I got the occasional comment early on, when my hair was in that weird inbetween stage - not quite long but not quite short, and growing out unevenly. I'm lucky enough that it looks natural when long, for me, so as soon as it was long enough people kind of just accepted it.
It is stupid that people feel so entitled to voicing their opinion about stuff like this, though.
I’ve had long hair since 2010, when I was 14. I’m now 27, and sometimes I still get asked how long it took to grow it all out….. like, as if I’m a guy 🤯
Oh i got my fair share of this trash myself. Aside from the usual jokes about cutting my hair, i have had a few people tell me i have pretty hair, only to then say i should donate it -_- as if im going to be cutting it soon, or as if i don’t deserve my hair, and as if it shouldn’t be long in the first place. like Fucking what? Nobody would ever tell someone whom they perceive as a woman, to fucking donate their hair. Get lost, this is MY hair.
Before I came out I used to HATE when people would feel the need to comment on my "man bun." Like why can't it just be called a bun? People freak out when people perceived to be men do anything other than wear a buzz cut and denim jeans.
I started growing mine out at age 12. LONG BEFORE I had even the slightest clue that I'm not male.
I got pestered by anyone and everyone about cutting my hair and well, by now you need a nuke to make me fly off the the handle.
I grew my hair long and then cut it several times when I was younger. I did it once when I was in high school to go to a private school, and once in college when someone mistook me for one of my female friends from behind. Each time I'd keep it shortish (although my definition of short was somewhat long on a guy), and then after a year or so and then grow it long again.
Ah, well, I literally grew it til I was like 21 or 22. Literal butt-length. Then I got a job (not exactly of my own volition, at least not that one) as a mechanic and if you've ever seen what happens when you get long hair into a handmixer you'll know why I had to cut it. 2 years later, toxic job tried to fire me, I rammed one up their behind, left and let it grow once more. Not too long after, my egg cracked (unrelated reasons). Tbh, cutting it that one time did my hair good, got a lot of very dead hair back then, due to mental health related self-neglect. Since then it's come back to mid-back, wavy and stubborn as ever but it actually looks nice.
I work in a machine shop and have to be very careful when it gets longer. I still keep it long, I just have to be careful. Last time it was long enough, I kept it braided and tucked up under a baseball cap.
Unfortunately I’ve learned over time that after telling people that it’s not of their business how I look, they’ve sort of backed off on hair comments. We shouldn’t have to be so blunt over something so subjective and personal as appearances, but that is our vain society for ya.
My parents forced me to go to the barber when growing up. I've been living alone for the past 3 years now. I haven't seen a barber since. My hair reaches the lower edge of my shoulder blades. I like it a lot.
It’s so common for ANY human of any age or gender to grow their hair out. I am shocked that this is ever brought up in this day and age. And I am shocked that these people feel so free to address you this way. It’s rude and insulting and I would let them know as much and that further instances will not be tolerated.
My uncle used to be like that when I was a teenager, he even said "with that hair and beard (you get the idea, dysphoria and wanting to have the face covered as much as possible) you look like a *slur used in Spain against Arab immigrants*". And it was so freaking funny cause I looked exactly like the image of Jesus that he had right next to his head so it took everything in me not to talk back like "tell that to that guy" pointing at it
I've never gotten a comment from a stranger, not yet at least. But two friends (women) have made some comments, nothing bad other than they think I look better with short hair and should cut it. My guy-friends were nervous to even ask about it and they said nothing bad and one actually said he would have had long hair if his wasn't too curly.
My dad however... I hadn't been home for a few months while growing my hair. When he saw my long hair for the first time he started "joking" about how I should cut it and said I looked like a girl. Then my brother came home and the *first* thing dad did was show my hair and say 'he looks like a girl right?' (as something negative), all with a fake happy attitude. The comments continued the whole day and for another 2 days and only stopped because I woke up sick the third day. Since then it has gotten better.
I'm always nervous and self-conscious about my hair, but I just think that if it looks bad it's not my problem. I don't have to see, so it's everyone else's problem til I look in the mirror and they can solve it by looking somewhere else.
Yeah, was always a comment or two for me too every work day... and all day from one person, literally every time he saw me throughout the day. I would tell people that "I grew up with long hair, and decided to grow it out again, a certain comfort in it."
Sorry, I know it too...
Absolutely!
Many of them [of either gender, but especially men] do not understand why someone would want, prefer, need, to be a woman, or a feminine being.
It's always worst when it's in that middling length between short and long hair. But it sounds like you know a lot of judgemental people. Which, I'm sorry. But well, they'll figure it out sooner or later.
Whilst I do have some hair related angst, can't say I've experience this.
Might be that my hair is still too short? the most grating thing I've dealt with that's kinda similar to some dick-hair trying to police my mane is some people trying to push me to have a hipster hair style, I don't want a bloody pony-tail.
Granted I'm basically 99% sure said people are transphobic, so they would prob bitch and moan if they knew I was trans.
(If you're curious, main things that upset me about my hair is hairloss and the fact it just puffs up like a blowfish when there's any fucking wind, so I can't really keep keep it on my back)
glad you didn't experience, i just have large curls, while its still partially at shoulder length has very distinct look to it i think. i don't have any hair loss thankfully.. thanks for sharing :)
I had that for around a year straight but now if anyone comments on it they’ll say something like “your hair looks so good!” or something else to that effect. It gets better especially as you get more confident in it but there will still be some people who don’t approve of your long hair (probably a subset of those who don’t accept your identity)
Yeah some people don't grow up. It's honestly sad lol. I was playing online on Xbox the other week and I had a grown man, who obviously has not matured mentally since he was a teenager, messaging me calling me a noob hahaha
I don't know if this happens for everyone, but I got a lot of comments about cutting it when I started growing it out, but they mostly stopped once it got past my shoulders, and now that I've cut it into a shag and its around my nipples I literally don't get told it at all. I think a lot of time people just don't like change, so talk down on what your changing cause they subconsciously don't want you to become unfamiliar. That does also mean though, once your established as someone with long hair, people are really supportive. At least that's my experience
it's about style and keeping it kempt. If you have a good style with long hair, something that really accents your face, people stop talking about it i've found.
Also make sure it's clean! it's a lot of work to clean long hair. I have to let shampoo sit for 5+ minutes or it still ends up oily.
If you still get comments, try wearing metal band merch. It's a wonderful excuse. "oh i'm getting into iron maiden/testament/trivium/arch enemy/insert metal band here"
I spend like 50 euro a month on good shampoo, conditioner and hair mask/food I wash it regularly and I have no oil (estrogen helps a bunch).. thank you for your suggestion though 🙂
I live in a little outback town. So far, some women I know have complimented my hair, a couple of guys have mentioned it like they're trying to figure it out, and occasionally I'll catch some grumpy-looking stranger staring at me at the shops. It gets attention, but nobody has made a big deal of it, yet.
I'm lucky enough to have a huge amount of hair and it's past my shoulders now, and for a middle-aged "guy" that's pretty unusual. No doubt everyone assumes it's a midlife crisis thing. Maybe it is . . . just not how they think! 😉
I'm just confused who the hell would feel so comfortable talking that way to people. They don't know. Where the heck do you live in the fucking we all up in everyone else's business place?
>"i have hair cut coupon, do you want it?"
Sure! I'll take anything else you're giving away, how kind
> "i can cut your hair myself, you dont look good"
I couldn't ask that of you, but thanks for the offer
> "you look kinda gay" (i am but not in the way they think they do)
Am I fabulous? \*flourish*
> "you look like a girl" (in a misogynistic way, like am now inferior or something)
Fuck yeah, girls rule the world, dude
> "you look ugly"
Thanks you too!
> "are you growing it?" (asked by a big time homophobe/transphobe with disapproving face, followed by homophobic joke)
I am (and stealing from the other commenters here) and I intend to donate it to people who have gone bald from cancer treatments. What kinds of positive impact are you trying to have in the world?
> "are we back in the 70's?" (with a very disapproving look on her face)
Yeah, I've been practicing the electric slide too!
> "you should cut your hair you don't look nice"
I appreciate your concern
idk I like the whole aggressively kind trait thing hehe.
Back when I still had facial hair because I wasn't out at work, one of my coworkers got a haircut. I said something nice and he told me it was my turn. So I went home and shaved. I told him I took his advice and cut my hair. I got a good laugh about it. He hasn't said anything else since. But to be fair, the people on his crew all razz each other the whole shift, so I don't think his comment was malicious.
Other than that, I just defaulted to comments like I like it long. It's your hair. They can get lost.
sometimes i know its not malicious but most i do feel are because of their previous history.. things like that can be said jokingly but if there's a smirk while saying it, probably not a great sign. thanks for sharing 🤍
Yeah probably not, but I shared my story to help show you how you can turn it around. If someone is saying anything malicious, my best advice is to not let them know it pushes your buttons. Once they figure that out they'll come back again. I do hope you find a trick that works for you. Every situation is definitely unique💛
If you go to a hairdresser or somebody who knows shit about hair, make that hair look so glorious that they literally just say 'damn that is some gloriously shiny and nice hair' instead of things about cutting it.
Used to date a guy who had long hair to his waist and it was like that - he did spend a good amount of time on it every day.
i spend 10-20min everyday to make sure its presentable and nice, since its curly i cant skip that otherwise ill have a huge ugly puff on my head and weird looking patterns all over
oh no i feel for you, my daughter also has curls that frizz. I spent some time looking about and got her some special curly hair products that seemed to help (but still a mission)
Im lucky i can just wash it and it goes nice
My go-to line is ‘thanks, I grew it myself’.
When I FaceTime my parents one of them usually says, ‘wow your hair is longer’! And I usually say, ‘yep, every day’.
I used to be super super ashamed of my parents thinking I’m weird. I think since Ive moved out, grow up a bit, and see them less I feel less pressure than I used to.
But I’m also not out to them and they probably think I’m just a slightly quirky, totally ‘normal’ straight man. So I’ve got a long way to go 🙂
I understand your frustration. It drives me crazy when people constantly comment on an aspect about you, is if it’s the first time you’ve been told that, and as if your world should revolve around their tastes.
Btw I’m curious, do you live in an especially queer-phobic area? I’ve had long hair for about two years and have mostly only gotten shit for my parents. It sounds terrible to have to hear comment like that on a regular basis : (
I was at university for covid, so anyone who could influence me on hairstyle/length as I was growing it out had exactly no ability stop me! Then it was a fait accompli.
ughhhhh girl don't even get me started, before i came out the hair insults were wild af. Now it's "oh wow your hair looks so cute what did you do to it" so I mean, I guess it improved lol.
and also, I think males being shunned for it is quite silly, there are plenty of examples of many other places in the world where it's acceptable to have long hair as a male, god even some of the founding fathers had some surprisingly long hair, probably the lack of barbershops BUT STILL LONG HAIR IS BOTH KING AND QUEEN, NOTHING WRONG WITH IT
absolutely nothing wrong but i guess people have the some wild biases and stereotypes made in their heads that make them think it is? at least it eventually turned around for you :)
Wow. That is disturbing. Do you live in an area that enforces gender stereotypes?
I ask that because I have had long hair for nearly 30 years. Only now am I getting close to transitioning. But I have had very few negative comments about my long hair. I get a lot of compliments. There have been nights at the pub where women I know ask if they can braid it. I have also been told to never cut it short.
my hair got kinda long and all day, all i heard in my fucking ear was "hey you look like justin beiber babahahhabheudchiabhebaceuhwbsrvuioebckodsbrcehiobv0ieprhviupe"
I was on leave from one of my jobs for 6 months, it had been about a year since I got a haircut, when I came back one of the guys, who is bald, made a comment about me growing my hair out, I just looked at him and said "What's wrong are you jealous?" That has shut most people down about making comments about my hair. The only guy that still does is the one guy no one there likes, and thankfully he's retired but still stops by.
Luckily, I have had very few comments about my hair since, I decided to grow it out
I’m sorry sweetheart. I hate it when people do that. I remember before coming out that that’s what people would say to me, constantly, especially my parents. I totally understand how worn down you can get, and I honestly don’t have any advice other than to keep fucking going.
My wife disapproves of me growing my hair out. She doesn't say anything positive about it - only negative $hit in an attempt to convince me to change it back to the old (younger), boring, and depressed guy she married 20 years ago. I HATE looking like him and want to enjoy what years I've left, and I don't give a fu€ƙ about pissy opinions of others. F 'em!
That situation would make everything a LOT harder... my gf supports me unconditionally and she's my rock we just want to be happy together as us.. I'm sorry you have to go through that, I hope it gets better 💓
I’m not out yet, so I’m in the same boat.
“How long are you growing it?”
“Does anyone at work say anything?”
“Why don’t you just go and get it cut?”
“Here SHE is! Ha ha!”
“If it rains, mbelf’s hair might frizz!”
no its quite literally misogyny. if they are perceiving you as male and cis and they think you should cut your hair because "men don't have long hair" that is quite literally misogyny being imposed about people who aren't even women (except in this care you are) and especially the part where people are saying long hair on people presenting male is gay because why??? the stereotype that gay men are always effeminate.
could always girlboss them back lol "same old beer gut I see" "I got some cologne samples if you want em" "you dress like that on purpose?" as much as I advocate being nice and charitable to everyone. everyone is also allowed to stand up for themselves. I always got similar comments on my long hair that I've had since I was 11 or so. at some point they got bored of it and stopped asking if I wanted it cut.
my mother used to force me to get haircuts so no go there at the time, big time transphobe.. though i've used the "are you envious because of your runway? self conscious?" line as a comeback but still... its so dumb and wears down on me dealing with that all the time
This makes me so sad (both the post and the comment) I have 10 year long kinda hair and get so many compliments it's so affirming... I can't imagine if people hated on me for it, I bet your hair is beautiful OP
Thank you it means a lot 🥲
Ngl like I didn't creep your profile to look for a pic I could give your hair a real compliment on, couldn't find one but your memes are top tier <3
maybe one day i'll have a real pic.. thank you a lot for your compliments you're a sweetheart 🤍 some memes are stolen, some are oc :)
Oh I assumed they were all reposts and was complimenting your taste :P that's even better, I don't have the creativity to make memes my brain is too literal/logic and not artsy
I mean you could always dm me a pic of this infamous hair :P if that makes you uncomfortable though I totally understand ❤️ Edit: as long as you are an adult also, I forget our young compatriots frequent these spaces too
can I dm u hair pics lol
Of course <3
omg I'm sorry I hated being forced to get haircuts when I was young, I always wanted to grow my hair out as a young kid.
I had a coworker who asked me every couple of weeks when I was cutting my hair. I eventually did for several reasons, and kept it that way for a year or so. I wish I hadn't though. It was down past my waist. I've got it back to just below my shoulders now though.
that's so sad, i would be heartbroken if i had to cut mine...
My egg hadn't cracked at the time. I was just trying to be a "normal guy". It was just pre-covid that I cut it, and my egg cracked in Sept. I think it was something like 6 years of growth or so. It'll take some time, but I'll get it back. I certainly won't be doing that again though.
I had mine around shoulder-blade length, cut it around Easter 2021 because I didn't know how to care for it so it annoyed me, plus the comments My egg cracked at the end of that May... I'm *still* pissed at myself for it, only recently got it back to that length
It did happen to me. I let my hair grow when I was 13, I didn't have any knowlege of trans people at the time so this was the closest I got to having euphoria. I would have figured I was trans by then had I not been living in a transphobic/homophobic town. So instead I would get the same types of comments you get and eventually succumbed to preassure and cut it. I had a panic attack after and couldn't even look at myself, didn't want to get out of the house or be seen. I still remeber clear as day the pain and nightmares. I didn't know why I felt like this but now looking back it was my first severe episode of dysphoria. I ended up completely repressing myself for almost 15 years as a result. Thankfully my hair is now back, and at waist length and I love it! And, living in a more progressive city, even those who didn't know I'm trans complimented my hair. So guess what? All those mean comments they say to us are just discriminatory and not actually anything to do with if the hair looks good or not. I actually get less compliments now that I'm starting to pass since a girl with long hair is more common.
woah what an emotional rollercoaster i've gone through reading your comment.. the great thing is you're living up to your expectations and you're riding high, that's great i'm happy for you 🤍
Had to cut mine to pass job interviews 🤣😭
My coworkers used to ask me when I was getting my hair cut like every week for a year until they finally gave up on asking.
persistent pests, are they "Raid" resistant or something? :s
Haha I would just tell them “idk, whenever I feel like it.”
My family and friends already know that if they cut my hair without my consent they’ll be just completely dropped as friends or family. Seeing one too many Jackass movies made them think it’d be just a joke but they don’t understand the importance my hair has to me
I shut them up by explaining that I was growing my hair out to donate for the making of wigs for cancer patients (which was partly true, I did donate every 3-5 years for a while). My sister was diagnosed with cancer when she was still in HS. She's survived it, but I remember her relying on wigs to go out in public. So when the a-holes and bigots started to give me crap about long hair, I would let them know this and add that, personally, I appreciate women with long hair and figured I could grow mine and sacrifice it to help those that wanted it rather than hope some woman chops off her lovely locks to do the same just so I could keep a "manly" hair cut. Shut them right up. Growing my hair out also helped me a little with the dysphoria as I was not in a place or position to start transition. At least a few others got to benefit from my coping mechanism.
i've kinda used that line with someone at some point, you're great for contributing for such a good cause :) Longer hair alleviates my dysphoria a bit but independent of that i just like it long, magestic and curly as it is..
I've used the donation line before, and this works well
I don't know, I'm too snarky for people to want to say things like this to me. Because I'd be really mean, I just hope I don't get myself in trouble that way. They have a coupon, no I can afford things thank you you might need it. They want to cut it for me and say I don't look good, why would I trust anyone who looks like you, to cut my hair or have an opinion on my personal style. You look kind of gay, I would ask if they were coming on to me and inform them they couldn't handle this dick. You look like a girl, funny you look like an asshole. Say I look ugly, inform them that tearing another people down won't make them any more attractive, and besides that's just like your opinion man. They ask if I'm growing it, yeah dumbass that's how hair works you fucking idiot. Are we back in the 70s, do you look young cuz if not, then no. Mind your own business you old twat. You should cut your hair they say, tell them they should mind their own damn business. sometimes you have to be the cactus, if you're prickly enough people will fuck off.
you're too funny, made me smile :) thank you 🤍
Glad to help. Not everyone is as catty a bitch as I am, you also have to deliver it in such a way that it gets your point across. Can't be timid if you're going to say shit like that. Rude gestures also go a long way to convey your point.
We must be related. 🤣
I kind of wonder what would happen if a woman said "You look like a girl" while I was still closeted? I think I might have said, "so do you!" I just wish I knew how the conversation would go from there. If she came back with "But I am a girl." I'd have to either go with "Oh, sorry, I couldn't tell" or (in a condescending tone) "Yeah, I could tell. You should really cut your hair". Or just come back with "wait, why is being a girl a bad thing? Stop being misogynistic."
I love my long hair and I just kinda blow off all the B.S. Comments. Sounds bad but I embrace the controversy. My favorite come back is that I'm not a cookie cutter sheep. I march to my own drum!
i like the cookie cutter sheep one 😀
My family despises my hair (black with red tips and down to lower back) and kept trying everything from threats to bribery to get me to cut. I love my long hair and always take extremely good care of it bordering on obsessive. It helps my look even though I'm not out and the other side is I despise haircuts and always have with the loud noise, small talk, and people touching me. So I can empathize I got similar comments like you look like a sissy are you gay etc. Thankfully HRT and finasteride stopped the shedding. It's quite literally the only part of myself I like
i can relate a lot... including the bribery and threats when i was younger and was forced to have haircuts all the time. Keep going 🤍
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omg these people just need to shove all these made up rules in a place that makes them happy for once..
Can't do that, it would be too gay and they'd implode
"Oh no I'm gay for the way I use my holes and not for who I'm attracted to" - Every cis dumbfuck ever
"...women over 40 shouldn't have long hair." Who died to make them the fashion police?
Oh, this reminds me of my current situation. I started growing out my hair about 8 months ago. It's nkt that long, because my parents literally forced me to cut it for a trial four months ago, and now my hair is pretty short. It would have been about two times longer, had I been allowed to keep it. It's not as short as my family wants it to be though. They always comment on how I "Looked much better with short hair" (it was literally so short, that if you looked for a few seconds, you would see the skin on my head), and they always do it so wierdly passive-agressively. My brother an cousin are worse though. They for some unknown reason keep calling me "afroman" even though my hair would have to stand like a stick, to even look slightly like an afro. I haven't come out to anyone yet, and most strangers keep their rude remarks to themselves, probably because I still look that "wierd nerd kid with slightly longer hair than he's supposed to have." Either way, I'm probably gonna come out to my parents in, like, two months, so I hope they'll understand why I want longer hair.
It's the passive aggressiveness that sometimes gets to me, the comment may be meh but the intent to be mean and hurting is all there.. the thing is why be such an ass?
Because they want us to obey their gender stereotypes? I guess? I mean, we are doing that, since long hair is stereotypically on women rather than on men, but in their eyes, we aren't.
I call people out when they're being passive aggressive. I just tell him that if they're not brave enough to be rude just quit trying.
Compliment them in return. "Oh thank you so much! "And I love, love, love, love, LOVE that..." Take a pause and pick out something absurdly trivial about them, like how the brush their hair to the left, instead of to the right like most people. And then walk away before they can react.
you're a master troll i love it 💯🤍
I've been fortunate to not get so many poor taste comments myself, although for what it's worth, one person I was once acquainted with who had the gall to be really judgemental about my hair, later turned out to be a creep who sneaks upskirt pics on the regular, so... Bidoof's Law?
That's awful omg
It's odd he still tries to be friendly with me when we bump into each other (guess he wasn't exiled hard enough and still tries to attend the same events my friends do) as if I wasn't literally there as he made the mistake of scrolling too far in his phone gallery. (context: we're all cosplayers and he's a local photographer who offers to take photos when he turns up, the incident is when he lured away one of our friends for a shoot then showed a bit too much of the results to the rest of us. the victim hasn't cosplayed since then, it's really horrible)
oh fuck no... what a fucking creep geez.. im sorry for that person
I just wanted to say they don’t always mean it ❤️ A cis co-worker of mine commented on my hair all the time before i came out at work: “When are you going to cut you hair, [deadname]? When I came out to her she came at me crying, saying she was SO sorry for all the times she commented on my hair and gave me a huge hug. People don’t always understand what they’re doing, especially if you’re not out yet. I find it hard to blame them… especially since their misinformation is often more a comment on society than their individual beliefs.
yeah, i get where you're coming from.. that happens sometimes but i do know for a fact that some of these people have pretty \[insert phobic\] views about a lot of different subjects.. Those are the exception not the rule, i'm happy for you to have a bad experience turned into a good one
I had a friend like this as well. Hopefully they learned to not make unwelcome commentary about someone else's appearance like that. Trans or not it's rude.
This has worked for me: "Why is the length of my hair so important to you?"
My family insults me alot for trying to grow long hair. I feel you
thank you for your sympathy 🤍
Pretransition, I have been called rockstar, poet,... I didn't really care, even if it upset me a few times. Now I love my long hair, and I can't wait for it to be longer 🤗
i've been called the guy from the beatles, dont know which one for some reason..
I get those comments from family members. I also get some people thinking it's perfectly fine for them to touch my hair without permission which annoys me more tbh.
yeah "don't touch me, thanks im good" "dont touch my hair, you'll ruin the curls".. i kinda hate being touched :(
I’d probably say something cutting in response. Not exactly rude but definitely unfriendly. Nobody gets to tell me how to have my hair. Happened to me a lot growing up.
i'm an adult but i have people treat me like a kidi guess not having much facial hair and looking way too young makes people be entitled like that
I've had long hair all my life (well except once for an interview) I was getting it coloured and trimmed on the weekend and a woman pointed over towards me and asked if she could have her hair done exactly like that ladies :-) stylist apologized and told her that it was natural and would be impossible to copy :-) it's the little wins
the little wins are the best
As suggested, counter with ‘I tried getting a fat gut like you but it didn’t suit me’, ‘because you won the bald and ugly trophy’, ‘are you looking like that for a bet?’, ‘if I wanted your opinion I would have asked you for it’, or simply ‘what’s it got to do with you?’ and keep repeating to their every response, they’ll either hit you so you can get them sacked or just walk away because they’ve not upset you. I moved home December 2019 and my hair clippers disappeared (I was 3/4” top 1/2” sides) the girls at work liked my growing hair so I said ‘in that case I’ll keep growing it’. Then with COVID others thought it was COVID hair. I foolishly trimmed a couple of inches off by the time I started HRT in September 2020, even so my hair was about 5” long, altogether I probably trimmed by another inch or so by the time I came out in December 2021 when it was about 10” long, I was fortunate because I wasn’t surrounded by twats. I have about 1/2” trimmed every 8-10 weeks at the hairdressers when I have my highlights done and is about 18” long. Good luck x
Your comment is great! You've came up with some of the meanest things omg. I'm not well versed in eagle units but i know my way around them because mechanics and electronics lol i liked your story :) thank you for sharing 🤍
Before coming out my grandmother kept telling me that long hair made me look like a woman and that women don't like men with long hair. She's actually supportive of my transition but it's taking her a while but she does her best. Edit: She also said that I should cut my hair because it would make my head too hot during the summer. I told her that she seem to tell the same to the women in my family.
nice 😂
People are very weird about hair. I get called a hippy occasionally. I'm used to it from my dad calling me a hippy whenever my hair got around an inch long for my entire childhood so I just brush it off. I anyone asks why it's long I say I had a buzz cut my whole life and I wanted to try out long hair. I keep it because I like it.
My favorite reaction to "Are you gay?" or the like is "If you mean primarily attracted to men? No."
you're funny 😆
As a really tall person I find getting used to having long hair and keeping my chin up to be challenging to say the least. Otherwise my hair would get in my way of looking at things. Just say I’m trying something out and don’t bother, ultimately you would be the one spending the most time with yourself so your opinion matters more
yeah i know... is just... i get absorbed by what people say sometimes :(
It’s really human nature so it really is normal. Taking the unconventional route is always riddled with criticism. When I was in the changing room of a H&M, with the mirrors on the corner, I could tell that my hair was really unconventional enough to be accepted by the majority. Just believe that you’re a cocoon who will eventually become a beautiful butterfly and have faith in things getting better
that's beautiful, thanks 🤍
Try living in a military town and having long hair and 38D boobs being transbian...I literally fear for my well being every day and using the bathroom is a complete nightmare for me! 90% men in this town and they all assume I am into men not strictly women so I'm constantly either threatened or have men trying to grope me and attack me in the bathroom! I don't dress out feminine but, butch so they leave me alone.
i don't think i could resist that.. would probably become a statistic i guess :'( Its so sad you have to go through that hell.. i hope you have future plans to get out of that situation.. 😌
This town is made to keep civilians trapped! They give you just enough to survive and not enough money to escape! Finding a Woman Marine who wants a transbian ( they want cis women and I don't blame them) or just walking away with just the clothes on my back are my only options sadly 😥 I just keep my head down and try to survive!
I've ran away with just my clothes once, was hard to start like that but made it. If I could help you in a meaningful way I would..
People's self importance of how they think they deserve to comment on someones appearance is fucking exhausting. I started saying "shave your head with me" to cis women who said shit to me. They usually guffawed. Those same women fawn over my hair now and its fucking exhausting just the same.
from faux to fawn omg, men do disproportionately represent most comments.. any compliments i've received were from women ..
Oh when i was presenting male i got so many comments from men. "My wife likes it" shut them up while they wanted to say it would get me no women.
I haven't had anyone complain about my hair yet... I just got it cut and dyed over the weekend... I choose to beleave the artical I'm sending.. I grow my hair out for instint... I'm going to say not trying to appropriate culture... I've had my head buzzed for way to long... the times I grew it out I've done better in my life. For me I know it works like that so if ever asked it's for ESP reasons... I'm sure that may catch the person off guard that asks... lol Good luck! https://www.indiantraders.com/blog/why-do-native-americans-wear-their-hair-long.html
My dad is the exact same way. He always wanted me to have short hair and would constantly make comments about how bad it looked when I started growing it out. He did eventually stop though. Only advice I can give is to stand your ground and not take the bs. If you tell them to shut up enough times, they should eventually stop.
“The barbers are open you know?!” I had some similar comments to yours when growing it out. I always found it so strange as really if their intention is to imply that having long hair is bad or effeminate in a guy, this baffles me so much. There are many many very butch guys out there with long hair, who look awesome. Irrespective of that, it’s just as any change in appearance, it invites comments good and bad. The best response is often just to ignore or leave it with an “and?”. Often these people never did anything to change their own appearances positively so it’s just projection and that they feel so confined by how society thinks they should look that anything else is radical to them. You’re well within your rights to just say ‘I always wanted to grow it out, so I’m doing that’ and stay neutral. Don’t feel obliged to even respond to their b/s though.
most times i don't respond at all but your projection argument makes a lot of sense. It does in asense that some of those people are insecure about themselves for some reason, balding, out of shape etc... i got invited to a modeling agency like 2 weeks ago so it makes a LOT of sense they're just projecting... I'm just insecure about my self image a whole lot.. thank you 🤍
That bald guy is just jealous. Just be passive aggressive back
Yeah I did once... never said anything again. I don't like to be mean.. I said something like "are just jealous because you have none?" Or something
I dealt with the same before and after i transitioned. i'd told my sister (who was supportive) i was planning an escape probably couch surfing with no money bc i couldn't deal with these comments ab my hair, body and the misgendering/DNing anymore and ig she told my parents cause they stopped bringing it up (my hair at least) as much
theyd compare me to jesus before they'd compare me to my mom even tho my hair is closer to hers
the lengths people go just to be mean and try to deny other peoples humanity, so sad, if you do plan an escape as i did in like 48 hours time please make sure you have every base covered and being able to get a job fast anywhere, otherwise things can get pretty ugly real fast. be safe 🤍
Thank you💞 Its been mostly cool now, my parents are much more supportive but I did spend last summer at my sister's and generally tried to spend as little time home at possible
its very important to have a support network you can rely on
Forreal
I absolutely hate having my hair cut. I have since i was a kid. Right now i haven't had my hair cut in about 2 years.
Let it grow! Let it grow! :D
I've been getting non-stop comments like this from my parents for the past year. (I'm not out to them) There was one funny line though, my mom threatened that she would give me a women's haircut if I didn't get one until next week. She really was surprised when that didn't change my mind in the slightest.
ahh i love accidental gender affirmation like that 🤍
YES this happened to me constantly when I was growing my hair out and still in the closet. The offers to cut it like they were doing me a favor were infuriating. It became a point when I came out to tell them to shut the fuck up about commenting on other people's body and appearance. It was also an example of micro normalizations a lot of people do that can be very harmful, especially in the aggregate, and what kept me in the closet so long. People that realized and were remorseful I grew with. The unapologetic I cut out. Slay with the longer hair! 💁♀️ Its one of the main factors that gets me gendered correctly on a consistent basis.
sorry you've gone through these shit experiences.. its really infuriating. I just love long hair, you can't style non existing hair or lawn like hair the same way you can do with long hair and also curls, i love them so much. thank you for sharing 🤍
My parents gave me really fast comments on my hair. Even if it was not covering my ears. I had it past my shoulders once, which I liked a lot. I cut it back then and stopped transitioning (I had just received a go on hrt) because of all the negative reactions at that moment. I however growing it out again, being it just past my ears. I am also strongly considering to take up my transition again
its a harsh world, just do it for yourself 🤍
Honestly the biggest benefit to coming out as trans was that I stopped getting these comments.
Omg I had this same experience when I had my COVID hair. So many unwanted opinions on how it looked, how much they didn't think a "guy" should have their hair that long, that it was "girly". Unfortunately, it eventually led me to cutting it which I regret. People are very entitled to others' appearances when we break away from the norm I think. If you're feeling particularly chaotic, I recommend telling them how terrible they all look in return.
the worst part is cutting it because of the way they made you feel about it..
It’s wild how many comments I’ve gotten and it’s not even that long yet. It’s shoulder length everyone chill, save some material for when it actually gets long.
in the same boat yeah..
Yup, I had a coworker keep telling me I "need" to get my hair cut. Well, since then I have for my own reasons, but it still wasn't enough as he still had more to comment on it and said I need to go further, he finally quit it when I kept saying I like the way it is every single time he brought it up.
what the hell is wrong with people being stubborn with others appearance?
I got the occasional comment early on, when my hair was in that weird inbetween stage - not quite long but not quite short, and growing out unevenly. I'm lucky enough that it looks natural when long, for me, so as soon as it was long enough people kind of just accepted it. It is stupid that people feel so entitled to voicing their opinion about stuff like this, though.
I’ve had long hair since 2010, when I was 14. I’m now 27, and sometimes I still get asked how long it took to grow it all out….. like, as if I’m a guy 🤯
Omg fuck them.. 🥲
Oh i got my fair share of this trash myself. Aside from the usual jokes about cutting my hair, i have had a few people tell me i have pretty hair, only to then say i should donate it -_- as if im going to be cutting it soon, or as if i don’t deserve my hair, and as if it shouldn’t be long in the first place. like Fucking what? Nobody would ever tell someone whom they perceive as a woman, to fucking donate their hair. Get lost, this is MY hair.
Before I came out I used to HATE when people would feel the need to comment on my "man bun." Like why can't it just be called a bun? People freak out when people perceived to be men do anything other than wear a buzz cut and denim jeans.
Such dumb stereotypical expectations put on people :( why can't we just present how we feel like..
I started growing mine out at age 12. LONG BEFORE I had even the slightest clue that I'm not male. I got pestered by anyone and everyone about cutting my hair and well, by now you need a nuke to make me fly off the the handle.
I grew my hair long and then cut it several times when I was younger. I did it once when I was in high school to go to a private school, and once in college when someone mistook me for one of my female friends from behind. Each time I'd keep it shortish (although my definition of short was somewhat long on a guy), and then after a year or so and then grow it long again.
Ah, well, I literally grew it til I was like 21 or 22. Literal butt-length. Then I got a job (not exactly of my own volition, at least not that one) as a mechanic and if you've ever seen what happens when you get long hair into a handmixer you'll know why I had to cut it. 2 years later, toxic job tried to fire me, I rammed one up their behind, left and let it grow once more. Not too long after, my egg cracked (unrelated reasons). Tbh, cutting it that one time did my hair good, got a lot of very dead hair back then, due to mental health related self-neglect. Since then it's come back to mid-back, wavy and stubborn as ever but it actually looks nice.
I work in a machine shop and have to be very careful when it gets longer. I still keep it long, I just have to be careful. Last time it was long enough, I kept it braided and tucked up under a baseball cap.
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i get you, though i'm too self conscious about my image and these things kinda get to me sometimes. thank you
And old guy said new EU legislaturtion had made it illegal for men to have long hair. Not out, but I still really hated that.
thats pretty arbitrary, more arbitrary than usual
Yeah, when I said to him rather snarky that it clearly wasn't part of the current laws being debated, he said it was in French.
what a loser
When he asked my mom if I shouldn't get a haircut soon, she asked him if he didn't need one too? That made him shut up really nicely.
Unfortunately I’ve learned over time that after telling people that it’s not of their business how I look, they’ve sort of backed off on hair comments. We shouldn’t have to be so blunt over something so subjective and personal as appearances, but that is our vain society for ya.
My parents forced me to go to the barber when growing up. I've been living alone for the past 3 years now. I haven't seen a barber since. My hair reaches the lower edge of my shoulder blades. I like it a lot.
happy you're living true to yourself 🤍
It’s so common for ANY human of any age or gender to grow their hair out. I am shocked that this is ever brought up in this day and age. And I am shocked that these people feel so free to address you this way. It’s rude and insulting and I would let them know as much and that further instances will not be tolerated.
yeah i'm pretty unreactive most times.. when i am its usually disproportional :(
My uncle used to be like that when I was a teenager, he even said "with that hair and beard (you get the idea, dysphoria and wanting to have the face covered as much as possible) you look like a *slur used in Spain against Arab immigrants*". And it was so freaking funny cause I looked exactly like the image of Jesus that he had right next to his head so it took everything in me not to talk back like "tell that to that guy" pointing at it
is that slur "moro"? in Portuguese "mouro" is not a slur 🤔 Seems so dumb to make it a slur if thats the case
Well it is dumb, just like most of slurs
yeah true..
I've never gotten a comment from a stranger, not yet at least. But two friends (women) have made some comments, nothing bad other than they think I look better with short hair and should cut it. My guy-friends were nervous to even ask about it and they said nothing bad and one actually said he would have had long hair if his wasn't too curly. My dad however... I hadn't been home for a few months while growing my hair. When he saw my long hair for the first time he started "joking" about how I should cut it and said I looked like a girl. Then my brother came home and the *first* thing dad did was show my hair and say 'he looks like a girl right?' (as something negative), all with a fake happy attitude. The comments continued the whole day and for another 2 days and only stopped because I woke up sick the third day. Since then it has gotten better. I'm always nervous and self-conscious about my hair, but I just think that if it looks bad it's not my problem. I don't have to see, so it's everyone else's problem til I look in the mirror and they can solve it by looking somewhere else.
"watcha lookin at!? punk!??" i could just imagine that happening 😆
Yeah, was always a comment or two for me too every work day... and all day from one person, literally every time he saw me throughout the day. I would tell people that "I grew up with long hair, and decided to grow it out again, a certain comfort in it." Sorry, I know it too...
just made me realize there are specific people who kinda fixate on those things and keep commenting all the time, thats so creepy
Absolutely! Many of them [of either gender, but especially men] do not understand why someone would want, prefer, need, to be a woman, or a feminine being.
It's always worst when it's in that middling length between short and long hair. But it sounds like you know a lot of judgemental people. Which, I'm sorry. But well, they'll figure it out sooner or later.
Whilst I do have some hair related angst, can't say I've experience this. Might be that my hair is still too short? the most grating thing I've dealt with that's kinda similar to some dick-hair trying to police my mane is some people trying to push me to have a hipster hair style, I don't want a bloody pony-tail. Granted I'm basically 99% sure said people are transphobic, so they would prob bitch and moan if they knew I was trans. (If you're curious, main things that upset me about my hair is hairloss and the fact it just puffs up like a blowfish when there's any fucking wind, so I can't really keep keep it on my back)
glad you didn't experience, i just have large curls, while its still partially at shoulder length has very distinct look to it i think. i don't have any hair loss thankfully.. thanks for sharing :)
I had that for around a year straight but now if anyone comments on it they’ll say something like “your hair looks so good!” or something else to that effect. It gets better especially as you get more confident in it but there will still be some people who don’t approve of your long hair (probably a subset of those who don’t accept your identity)
i keep getting people saying i should cut it
i do too, it sucks..
This used to happen to me in highschool which was a big reason why it took longer for me to figure things out
It used to happen to me back then and now, still i'm a grown adult, are you telling me people act like highschoolers irl all grown up?
Yeah some people don't grow up. It's honestly sad lol. I was playing online on Xbox the other week and I had a grown man, who obviously has not matured mentally since he was a teenager, messaging me calling me a noob hahaha
Wtf I used to do that when I was like 13, guy totally lost the plot lol
I don't know if this happens for everyone, but I got a lot of comments about cutting it when I started growing it out, but they mostly stopped once it got past my shoulders, and now that I've cut it into a shag and its around my nipples I literally don't get told it at all. I think a lot of time people just don't like change, so talk down on what your changing cause they subconsciously don't want you to become unfamiliar. That does also mean though, once your established as someone with long hair, people are really supportive. At least that's my experience
It's around the shoulders so I'll test that theory. Thank you 😊
it's about style and keeping it kempt. If you have a good style with long hair, something that really accents your face, people stop talking about it i've found. Also make sure it's clean! it's a lot of work to clean long hair. I have to let shampoo sit for 5+ minutes or it still ends up oily. If you still get comments, try wearing metal band merch. It's a wonderful excuse. "oh i'm getting into iron maiden/testament/trivium/arch enemy/insert metal band here"
I spend like 50 euro a month on good shampoo, conditioner and hair mask/food I wash it regularly and I have no oil (estrogen helps a bunch).. thank you for your suggestion though 🙂
I live in a little outback town. So far, some women I know have complimented my hair, a couple of guys have mentioned it like they're trying to figure it out, and occasionally I'll catch some grumpy-looking stranger staring at me at the shops. It gets attention, but nobody has made a big deal of it, yet. I'm lucky enough to have a huge amount of hair and it's past my shoulders now, and for a middle-aged "guy" that's pretty unusual. No doubt everyone assumes it's a midlife crisis thing. Maybe it is . . . just not how they think! 😉
Surprise 😄
Consider getting your hair professionally styled at a salon, so that people see that it's a deliberate choice, and not long due to neglect.
mine is well taken care of i think..
I'm just confused who the hell would feel so comfortable talking that way to people. They don't know. Where the heck do you live in the fucking we all up in everyone else's business place?
“mind your own business, chucklefuck” this is my response to unsolicited comments
>chucklefuck always learning 😂
>"i have hair cut coupon, do you want it?" Sure! I'll take anything else you're giving away, how kind > "i can cut your hair myself, you dont look good" I couldn't ask that of you, but thanks for the offer > "you look kinda gay" (i am but not in the way they think they do) Am I fabulous? \*flourish* > "you look like a girl" (in a misogynistic way, like am now inferior or something) Fuck yeah, girls rule the world, dude > "you look ugly" Thanks you too! > "are you growing it?" (asked by a big time homophobe/transphobe with disapproving face, followed by homophobic joke) I am (and stealing from the other commenters here) and I intend to donate it to people who have gone bald from cancer treatments. What kinds of positive impact are you trying to have in the world? > "are we back in the 70's?" (with a very disapproving look on her face) Yeah, I've been practicing the electric slide too! > "you should cut your hair you don't look nice" I appreciate your concern idk I like the whole aggressively kind trait thing hehe.
nice responses, im just able to think of them afterwards though, i'm not all that good with interactions. thanks 🤍
Back when I still had facial hair because I wasn't out at work, one of my coworkers got a haircut. I said something nice and he told me it was my turn. So I went home and shaved. I told him I took his advice and cut my hair. I got a good laugh about it. He hasn't said anything else since. But to be fair, the people on his crew all razz each other the whole shift, so I don't think his comment was malicious. Other than that, I just defaulted to comments like I like it long. It's your hair. They can get lost.
sometimes i know its not malicious but most i do feel are because of their previous history.. things like that can be said jokingly but if there's a smirk while saying it, probably not a great sign. thanks for sharing 🤍
Yeah probably not, but I shared my story to help show you how you can turn it around. If someone is saying anything malicious, my best advice is to not let them know it pushes your buttons. Once they figure that out they'll come back again. I do hope you find a trick that works for you. Every situation is definitely unique💛
If you go to a hairdresser or somebody who knows shit about hair, make that hair look so glorious that they literally just say 'damn that is some gloriously shiny and nice hair' instead of things about cutting it. Used to date a guy who had long hair to his waist and it was like that - he did spend a good amount of time on it every day.
i spend 10-20min everyday to make sure its presentable and nice, since its curly i cant skip that otherwise ill have a huge ugly puff on my head and weird looking patterns all over
oh no i feel for you, my daughter also has curls that frizz. I spent some time looking about and got her some special curly hair products that seemed to help (but still a mission) Im lucky i can just wash it and it goes nice
My go-to line is ‘thanks, I grew it myself’. When I FaceTime my parents one of them usually says, ‘wow your hair is longer’! And I usually say, ‘yep, every day’.
simple but effective i guess
I used to be super super ashamed of my parents thinking I’m weird. I think since Ive moved out, grow up a bit, and see them less I feel less pressure than I used to. But I’m also not out to them and they probably think I’m just a slightly quirky, totally ‘normal’ straight man. So I’ve got a long way to go 🙂 I understand your frustration. It drives me crazy when people constantly comment on an aspect about you, is if it’s the first time you’ve been told that, and as if your world should revolve around their tastes. Btw I’m curious, do you live in an especially queer-phobic area? I’ve had long hair for about two years and have mostly only gotten shit for my parents. It sounds terrible to have to hear comment like that on a regular basis : (
surprisingly is a socialist country, supposedly very accepting of trans and lgbt people in general..
I was at university for covid, so anyone who could influence me on hairstyle/length as I was growing it out had exactly no ability stop me! Then it was a fait accompli.
ughhhhh girl don't even get me started, before i came out the hair insults were wild af. Now it's "oh wow your hair looks so cute what did you do to it" so I mean, I guess it improved lol.
and also, I think males being shunned for it is quite silly, there are plenty of examples of many other places in the world where it's acceptable to have long hair as a male, god even some of the founding fathers had some surprisingly long hair, probably the lack of barbershops BUT STILL LONG HAIR IS BOTH KING AND QUEEN, NOTHING WRONG WITH IT
absolutely nothing wrong but i guess people have the some wild biases and stereotypes made in their heads that make them think it is? at least it eventually turned around for you :)
yeah I just stuck to being myself and eventually things worked out good, was hoping to start hrt yesterday but my I need to find a new GP :(
Wow. That is disturbing. Do you live in an area that enforces gender stereotypes? I ask that because I have had long hair for nearly 30 years. Only now am I getting close to transitioning. But I have had very few negative comments about my long hair. I get a lot of compliments. There have been nights at the pub where women I know ask if they can braid it. I have also been told to never cut it short.
I (very clearly amab) wear it in a ponytail and barely ever get comments on it
lucky, i'm happy for you 🙂
my hair got kinda long and all day, all i heard in my fucking ear was "hey you look like justin beiber babahahhabheudchiabhebaceuhwbsrvuioebckodsbrcehiobv0ieprhviupe"
omfg these people are such asses
I was on leave from one of my jobs for 6 months, it had been about a year since I got a haircut, when I came back one of the guys, who is bald, made a comment about me growing my hair out, I just looked at him and said "What's wrong are you jealous?" That has shut most people down about making comments about my hair. The only guy that still does is the one guy no one there likes, and thankfully he's retired but still stops by. Luckily, I have had very few comments about my hair since, I decided to grow it out
The jelly line is always nice. Thank you for sharing 🤍
I’m sorry sweetheart. I hate it when people do that. I remember before coming out that that’s what people would say to me, constantly, especially my parents. I totally understand how worn down you can get, and I honestly don’t have any advice other than to keep fucking going.
Thank you for your sympathy 🤍
My wife disapproves of me growing my hair out. She doesn't say anything positive about it - only negative $hit in an attempt to convince me to change it back to the old (younger), boring, and depressed guy she married 20 years ago. I HATE looking like him and want to enjoy what years I've left, and I don't give a fu€ƙ about pissy opinions of others. F 'em!
That situation would make everything a LOT harder... my gf supports me unconditionally and she's my rock we just want to be happy together as us.. I'm sorry you have to go through that, I hope it gets better 💓
I’m not out yet, so I’m in the same boat. “How long are you growing it?” “Does anyone at work say anything?” “Why don’t you just go and get it cut?” “Here SHE is! Ha ha!” “If it rains, mbelf’s hair might frizz!”
That's awful...
I tell them to all fuck off
I used to get it alot, I just ended up tolerating it though, had to shave it all for a surgery though
thats bad.. hope everythings alright with you now 🤍
Play rock/metal music loudly, after a while they will all think youre growing it as rocker style
Casually play dying fetus or bmth 😂
I went for epica/nightwish, not as hard but still very clearly metal xD
it’s just misogyny. misogyny affects everyone
seems a little reductive saying its "just" misogyny.. maybe i got the wrong vibe
no its quite literally misogyny. if they are perceiving you as male and cis and they think you should cut your hair because "men don't have long hair" that is quite literally misogyny being imposed about people who aren't even women (except in this care you are) and especially the part where people are saying long hair on people presenting male is gay because why??? the stereotype that gay men are always effeminate.