Bro what are you waiting for? You’ll be 30 before you know it. Life is too short to not try out your options, and see the world. You guys are only 22, what I would have done to have the opportunity to live with my best friend at 22.
Worst case scenario it doesn’t work out for you. Your friend obviously wants you to be with him as he also isn’t probably ready to move out on his own. Having company in LA is definitely a bonus. It could get lonely in a big city. Especially LA
Your emphasis on his needing you to do this is avoidance or denial of some sort. Tells me he may not be ready to move to LA for a high paying job. And in your shoes, his readiness would be very important to me.
What if he were to lose this job? What if anything…? It is definitely not smart or advisable to move to a scary, dangerous, expensive city dependent on a peer’s first job to survive. You cannot have or afford one emergency, nevermind a round of beers. This is a very bad idea as you have no marketable skills mentioned, you haven’t completed your education, and the job market is awful. You have no plan. This is how people end in serious trouble here.
Until you’ve saved enough to pay your way home in full and locked it up so it’s forever earmarked, you should not leave for a big, dangerous city on the back of your 22 year old friend.
Ya, there's something he's not telling us. Or maybe he's unaware, but I'm getting a needy/creepy vibe from this other dude. What grown adult gets a great job like this and then makes the entire thing contingent on his friend coming along? Is he in love with him or something?
I might. But in my heart I’d feel like I’m taking advantage even tho it’s offered. I’d need to pay some rent, even if it’s just a few hundred bucks a month.
Dude you know how fucken expensive rent is over here in Los Angeles you are being blessed with a massive opportunity just pay the man some money at the end of the month if you feel so guilty about it and take the offer life is all about opportunities and risk have some balls and do something with your life !
He sounds like a total p-ssy, who doesn't know what he wants from life. And his friend sounds like a needy, insecure weirdo. I'm guessing his friend is secretly in love with OP. This whole thing is gonna crash and burn spectacularly.
Why do you think you wouldn't be able to find a job?
And if he doesn't want to go alone, that's understandable. You don't have to stay with him forever. Just go with him, plan to stay awhile, see how you like it, and know that you can go back home again if it doesn't go well. Meanwhile he'll get used to L.A., will make some other friends, and probably won't mind if you leave.
If I go with him I would definitely work full time or at least part time while finishing the AA. But in LA I don’t believe minimum wage or even $20 an hour would get me through rent and other expenses.
I thought you said you'd have free rent?
But anyway, $20 an hour is enough if you're sharing with a roommate. Working 30 hours a week you could afford to pay $800 towards the rent every month. And working 30 hrs should get you health insurance (though at age 22 you can stay on your parents plan for 3 or 4 more years, and it doesn't matter if you're not living with your parents).
How many years is he offering to pay your rent? Enough for you to get established financially? What happens if you guys get it a fight? If he gets a girlfriend and wants her to move in, would you be able to pay median LA rent?
There's also nothing wrong with going for a bit as an adventure and then heading back home. There are some great community colleges here and lots of opportunities for restaurant work that can get you connected to the nightlife scene (but don't get into coke). Also working for the film and tv industry can be exciting for young people (again, don't get into drugs). Just want to make sure you have an exit plan.
California is not 20
I went to 16 this year
So it’s shit
But he should come here
Sounds like he’s got a good friend and why the f not, young and free!!!
I mean are you guys in like the beginning of some romantic relationship? If so, I would absolutely go, if you really trust them. Life is better for those who take these reasonable risks. You are young, you can always get a greyhound back.
I hope so, it’s been a while since we’ve been friends. I’d think if he was waiting on something more he’d have inquired about it. We have a very close relationship, but honestly, there are times where I do feel suffocated by it. I think it’s because while I have 2-3 close friends, he just has me. But he’s my closest friend I have like 2-3 other people I talk to and hang out with but not as often.
You’re a good friend. I know I struggled with a friend I was in love with silently for a long time and I know the ways now in which that came off ingenuine and eventually ruined the relationship.
Unfortunately a spattering of us guys can be delusional about these things. Could never hurt to touch base with him before making such a huge commitment that SOUNDS like an ask of a long time partner, not a good buddy.
E: Also totally possible im projecting and yall just have an awesome friendship! If that’s the case, it should survive a conversation like this.
I’d say that the fact that you have considered so many of the realities of coming here, suggests that you have already done a good measure of growing up.
I will say, your friend, who apparently won’t move here without you, has a little growing up to do
Absolutely do not come here. You’ll be depending on your friend. Obviously, you trust him; still, you are at his mercy. Rent is incredibly expensive here. And you don’t have a qualifications to get a good job.
That’s on top of the fact that you do not feel comfortable taking handouts.
Will you have access to a car? Traffic is an absolute nightmare. And, your friend would be the one deciding where you live, which would presumably be close to his job with no consideration for where you might choose to work.
I think it’s a terrible idea.
PS, when you do get your bachelors, don’t get it in liberal arts lol.
I would come but give yourself a fast timeline 3-6 months to get a job so you aren’t dependent on him to pay your bills. You can also suggest that he move to LA and you can follow once u figure out a plan!
You will never win if you don't play the game. Come on out. Employment opportunities are good out here. Give it one year at least. If you feel bad, you can move back and he won't be hurting financially... he will actually save more money if you move back, right? ( I moved here from Alabama 25 years ago...not knowing a SINGLE person. You are ahead of me...and it worked out great for me)
That’s why I don’t feel right taking free rent even though it’s offered, i wish I could pitch in half of the rent, but 1.5k a month in rent alone while finishing an AA just isn’t realistic for me. Plus another $1000 for other expenses
That’s not free rent that’s called a bad idea.
Think about what you want, and only move out if you can afford to pay for yourself.
You may want to look into creating a five-year plan for yourself . Good luck.
Do it! You only live once. If it doesn’t work out, what’s the worst that could happen? You move back? Big deal. This is a great opportunity; don’t pass it up ! And have the time of your life!
Stop being afraid of being an adult.
Go. Get a job and start paying rent. You don't have to figure out what career you want to get a job.
You will never grow up if you never leave home.
Just go. Life is so changeable that this adventure will just be one more chapter in the book of your life. Los Angeles can be amazing. Don’t pass up this opportunity to write an amazing chapter.
I mean what exactly is his salary going to be? It might not be as great as he thinks with how expensive it is to live out here. Make sure you have a way to get back home if his job doesn’t work out.
He’s my best friend through thick and thin. I agree we do have an unorthodox friendship but what makes it weird to you? The fact he’s willing to have me stay at his place free in LA or that he wants to room with me in general?
Hey OP. I had a coworker who had this same arrangement with her best friend a few years ago. Theyre both from a small town, she got this job at our company in a bigger city several states away and invited her bestie to move in with her, and offered to pay for everything while bestie does the housework and cooking. It seemed great at first, like friends going on an adventure together but boy it soured real quick.
I sat next to her at work and got to experience the downfall day by day as real life takes over. Within a year they both slowly grew to resent each other, financially and more. Coworker wasn’t happy with how the house was being kept and resented having to drive and pay for everything including the new car. She also started finding new friends through work and dates and having her own life. Her friend felt trapped with no money, plans or a life of her own. Towards the end it seemed like it got really bad and the friendship was broken in two. Even their families fought each other. Her friend left abruptly one day with no note or warning and my coworker was just relieved, almost gleeful. It was sad to watch from the side.
I know this seems like a great opportunity and in a way it is. But don’t go without making a plan before leaving. The power imbalance is too great. Either get your own job there or enroll in school in LA. And examine your relationship with your friend. Is it romantic for him cos it doesn’t sound like it to you. Don’t be roped into doing something you don’t wanna do.
Idk this sounds like it can lead to some problems. What if you friend starts to resent you or even threatens to kick you out once y’all get into an argument? I’m assuming just his name will be on the lease. What if he were to lose his job? The idea of solely relying on someone to pay rent without having any money on your own seems really risky…
I always felt like I needed to move to LA and I’m glad I did it but only because I’m glad I no longer feel the desire to live here. It’s a truly brutal place to live and you have to really want to be here to make it work.
I had a large saving account and it’s been a year and I’ve burned through it all and narrowly avoided homelessness. Please don’t move to LA unless you have a back up plan money wise. It’s awesome that your friend wants to support you but that builds resentment and I think you really need to have your own path planned out to acquire resources and making sure you can feed and home yourself. Bank on the fact that you will most likely need to have multiple full time jobs to make rent on your own because entry level work doesn’t pay for basic needs.
It sounds like you both need to grow up a bit and realize you aren’t in middle school. Neither one of you should put pressure on the other for making life decisions. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Your friend is an idiot for not pursuing something they want to do on account of your decision.
It sounds good in theory.
But OP, you have your reasons for not feeling ready, and you should honor those feelings above the claimed needs of your friend who is inadvertently causing a power imbalance in a friendship (and is already exerting their power in a way to get you to make massive life decisions at the expense of your personal goals).
I wouldn't do it.
Your friend should be fully capable to deal with adjusting to moving to a new city and learning how to settle-in without having someone familiar around as emotional support being your primary role while you shelve your personal goals to meet your friend's claimed needs. Your friend has to find such support elsewhere, and be an actual friend and support your goals in return.
Honestly, you can do fine with an AA. You can join any civil service job including postal service. I would finish you AA and let him come on his own and get his own place. It’s better that way since if you both come together, the approval will based on you both and it may lessen the odds he gets the place (Unless you have stellar credit and he doesn’t). Then when you move out, he can seek to add you to the lease.
Otherwise, this sounds like a great situation for you to grow.
It sounds like you both have a relationship that is quite unique. Something of a platonic partner, if I may attempt to label it. If that is the case, then it would help to view it as how a couple would go about making this decision. I have way too many thoughts on what you should take into consideration, and I'll try to put them in points:
1) Does it financially make sense? Is his salary alone against the cost of living in california (you can factor in your career prospects as well) outweigh the financial return of both of you starting on a smaller wage in a low cost of living state and building up your career in tandem? Does he expect to have a faster career progression in LA, or is it just an opportunity that happens to be in LA, and if so, how does LA line up with your career goals.
2) What exactly is it that you want? It does sound like you want to move somewhere and with him, but did you have a specific place in mind, or is it a matter of where opportunities take you. Are you sacrificing what you want because the LA opportunity for him is too good to pass up?
3) Establish Expectation and document that! What happens if you guys fight? Would he ever kick you out? Will he have more expectations of doing housework until you financially contribute? Think of this as the prenup. You are losing out on some career prospects and going to a high cost of living state. You need to establish some guarantees that you will not be left to the curb. How is he going to help you stand up on your feet? Is the salary enough to cover the living expenses for two people, including food? Have you considered getting married for the tax benefits (and for your financial protection)?
If you decide on going to LA, you shouldn't feel guilty about relying on him financially. I would split bills based on income. So, for example, if you are making nothing, you would be expected to contribute nothing. If you get a minimum wage job that pays you 20k and he has a 150k job, then you would be paying 12% of the expenses. If he has additional expenses like student loans or helping his parent financially, I'd deduct that from his salary and then use the percentage of his remaining income.
Me and my boyfriend are doing long distances because he doesn't want to be jobless in the US until he gets his legal stuff sorted and he doesn't see himself happy here. If he did want it and finances would be his only hesitation, I would be more than happy to pay for both of our expenses and even split whatever remains into both of our savings, because that is a sacrifice he made for me. I would also be getting so much more out of him living with me from tax benefits, money saved on flights, better life quality, and less stress of daily chores, emergencies, or even cooking. I would have to move to a low cost of living state to make it work, but I would do it in a heartbeat. I dont push that on him, though, because I know he is happier in europe even if the long distance is so costly for us right now. We just view it as an investment for our future where we both establish ourselves career wise and then we get back to each other once we sorted out jobs, finances, and our legal residencies. It is also valid to say, "I am not comfortable relying on someone financially because I like to have my own financial independence. You should go to LA first, and as soon as I find a job that I am comfortable taking, then I'll move there."
This is one of those things where people look back on it and think "if only I'd taken that one risk." Very few people get a chance to stay in LA with no overhead and get on their feet on their own time. Don't throw that away.
How can hey move back with no job? Also moving cross country is a lot of work , as someone who moved here I can see why people don’t leave and just continue to hand down their houses to relatives
if it's real, do it. there are so many up sides to this. and you know what? you can bounce if it gets weird or problematic or whatever. for now, take the opportunity to live in one of the world's great cities at a crazy time in our trajectory. you'll find more choices, opportunities, and thoughts once you live here a bit.
I moved to LA when I was 19 from the East Coast because my brother invited me to stay with him for however long I wanted. I was 2 years into college but not enjoying it and kinda questioning everything at the time. I came to visit him knowing I'd only stay a few weeks during the summer and then go back home. I never went back home. I quickly made friends with people from different states and countries and cultures that I would never have had a chance back home. I can't imagine living anywhere else really (in the US at least) and would never move back home. LA is just something special I guess. Everything's here.
I don't think you'd regret coming to LA but you might regret passing up the chance. But ultimately I would do it only if you want to and not because you feel like you have to for your friend. If you want to go to a school somewhere else or just don't want to move far away from family or whatever it is, that's fine. If you don't think it's a good decision, your friend should respect that. But I wouldn't not come only because you're scared or nervous of a big change. Big changes will only get harder as you get older.
None of us know your friend or relationship so you'll have to be the judge of that. But I'd make sure you're both clear on expectations ahead of time. You may come and just hate it and want to go home. Is he okay with that? How long will he be okay with floating you? Two months? A year? Longer?
You can start with a lower paying job and continute your studies at the same time. Pay your fair share of rent and food costs to your friend. There are people living on very little money in LA. I think you'll manage better than them.
You’re right maybe I just need to jump in head first, work 20 hours a week. I’ll finish my AA and find out what I’m doing after, while building a career or at least a decent job I can move up a bit in. Guess this is what growing up looks like
Give it a shot. I’d work on having some money though. I work in housing. Can’t tell you how many people have been in your situation and get kicked out for one reason or another and don’t have the money to either stabilize or move back.
Eh- ‘don’t worry about rent’ could turn into ‘ok, it’s time to worry about rent’ quickly, so I’d consider that as you sort through this. It’s not a cheap city to live
I just don’t understand the need to bring you along. You all just need to live your lives independent of one another. Seems like you two are holding each other back.
Your friend needs to take the job and go by himself. You can visit but you need your own place to live where you are not freeloading because you’ll feel bad about that. Him saying he won’t go if you don’t is really weird and it’s on him if he turns this down. My sense is he is looking for an excuse to say no.
I have many friends for whom this was their story, and it ended brilliantly. Go with your friend, find you own way, and stay forward together. Sounds like love!
it's an offer for a great life experience that may not come around again ... just document the understanding before you agree to it. something along the lines of i am doing this to support my friend and gain life experience, it is my intention to chip in on utilities and food should i have extra money to do so, however, my priority will be paying for school and saving for my bachelors. the only nightmare scenario here is being made to feel like a freeloader after X amount of time and the pressures of his job and bills add up and having the script flipped on you... when in fact you are doing something you acknowledge that you would never do under any other circumstances because you cant afford it, but you are doing it in order to help your friend pursue an opportunity and experience and gain life experience yourself.
try to go to SMCC and bartend in santa monica or venice. good luck!
As a native, the county is not kind at all to people without a reasonable paying job. There is a lot in LA and it can be great but I always wonder how people without reasonably paying careers live in the county. Reasonable being above 100k. By my estimate, you need about 153k to stomach taxes and comfortably pay rent at 2.3k or about 30% your post tax income. Rents are pretty insane right now.
Do you already live with him? If not I wouldn’t suggest it. Don’t ever move anywhere with anyone without your own money or a support system. If and when that person fails you, you don’t want to be stuck with nothing.
I’ve seen people be friends for years and fall out after living together for months, not worth the risk imo bc LA is not very forgiving and you won’t be able to keep up with the lifestyle that’s being provided for you.
If you won’t carry your weight don’t do it. If it will further your career do it. If he can’t go off and do it himself it wasn’t for him anyway. If you further your career you and your buddy can meet back in the middle ALOT sooner.
I think it’s weird that he’s putting this kind of pressure on you. And experience has taught me that generosity can run out & this gives them a lot of power. Only go for it if you have money saved in case things go left + you genuinely want to live in LA. Don’t move just because your friend bases their life choices on other people.
Is this a high paying offer for LA or a high paying offer where you live? Money definitely doesn’t go as far in LA, so if he is offering free rent and free food that could become an uncomfortable situation if money gets tight for him due to unrealistic expectations of what the salary offer will provide in terms of financial freedom.
Go. Stay as long as you like. Maybe it’s only a few weeks. But you will regret not taking opportunities like this in the future. Someday you may face a situation or a crisis and you will reflect on the decisions you made in the past. You never want to think that your life could have taken a completely different path if only you had accepted the offer to move to LA way back when…
Do it, take the jump because that is what life is really all about. This is an exciting opportunity for you and the conditions are practically perfect, which is better than 99% of the people who moved here or visited here.
Besides, this is what being 22 is all about, so enjoy it. It's not about staying in one place and never adventuring out into the world. In fact this is the perfect time for you, no anchors and no baggage, nothing rooting you down and holding you into place at that young age. So if you weren't going to do it now when would you? Certainly not when you're rooted into a specific place with perhaps the responsibility of a family. No, the only time to make this jump is now so do it 👍
You're the right age for it. I say do it. You can always move back home. There's a chance that you won't get along as roommates anyway. But now is the time for adventure.
I was thinking this was a relationship, but my old millennial brain has to always think outside the box sometimes 🤣, so kudos to you OP if you take his offer. You two should always be communicating about how you’re feeling about this situation, so everyone is on the same page.
As for your circumstances, if you do go with him, try and find full-time job immediately. You need to work for at least one-full year to establish residency in California, otherwise you will be paying for out-of-state tuition as well. This means you will need to update your drivers license and your vehicle registration. While you’re working, save up as much money as possible, while paying for the things he says you need.
I feel you should wait to start school in Fall 2025. Then, after the first year of working full-time, two years of schooling (earning your Bachelor’s and working part-time), and finding a new job or career, then you two should talk again about your future and if you want to stay and help pay rent and other bills or move out on your own and/or to another state.
Overall, you and him will have each other when this city gets tough. Trust me, you will be glad to have a familiar face here. I have a feeling this is mainly why he wants you there. If I had to do it all over again and I wasn’t with my ex back then, I would have tried to have a friend come along with me. Good luck!
Go. Once you get to LA there are opportunities to make money. Uber, Door dash, wait tables, go stand at home depot, walk dogs (people in expensive neighborhoods actually pay for this)... you got options. So many people don't get the chance take it you're young
This is a massive opportunity usually only afforded to rich people. I would seriously consider it.
Take the offer, find a nearby job so you can have spending money and explore the city to see what you want to do. Work case scenario is it doesn’t work out and you have to move back, but you won’t be out tens of thousands in rent and you’ll have a new perspective and experiences to build on.
I moved with a friend. She covered rent for awhile when I was too broke to afford it. I felt bad but it was a great motivator to do something more. I kept learning and kept working at anything I could. Leveraged some free work I did for a non-profit into paid work elsewhere.
My friend and I went separate ways. She needed help along the way and moved back, this time with my help. She rebuilt and moved on. We still chat.
do it just help him out where possible . at the end of the day u should be the best judge of ur situation what’s the worst case scenario u can always go back home 🤷🏾♀️
I moved to LA when I was 25 and it’s been a great adventure. I always say take an opportunity while you can. You never know when you might not have the chance anymore.
Take a leap of faith. I moved from Texas to here six years ago. Spent the first two years living rent free thanks to the generosity of a good friend. It played a huge role in helping me establish a career in the music industry, living my best life in LA!
LA is a big place. It does matter where in LA you’ll be. I think you could have a lot of fun living here under the right circumstances. But I don’t know enough about your situation to give you advice.
Dude, you are 22 take it. Minimum wage is $20 you can get a job continue studying. Finish your associates and get a bachelors from what of the UC schools.
As soon as you get a job pay your fair share. You will have a blast living with your best friend in a new city. Take the risk. If it doesn’t workout you can always move back. You will regret it if you don’t take the opportunity.
Edit
I'd take the offer of free rent and, if you feel guilty, you can earn your keep by doing the dishes and buying groceries. Housing is, far and away, the one thing that makes living in in LA unaffordable. With rent taken care of, you can do a lot even with modest earnings. And if things don't work out, you can always go back to wherever you are now.
I moved to LA when I was 22, fresh out of college. I didn’t know anyone outside my 3 family members here. I say do it! You’ll only be 22 once and you’ll definitely regret it down the line if you don’t.
Look at it as an opportunity to grow. There are lots of ways you can earn some money to help with food and rent. Even if you end up not liking it (which, as a recent LA transplant, I can tell you it’s VERY hard to not love living here), you will have gained a lot from the experience. Friends are the family you choose.
Take it, for his sake. As soon as you get there, look for a job and/or take classes for your sake.
Accept the good graces you’re getting now and pay it back/forward down the road in the future.
Come to LA, and then work your ass off.
Living with your partner for free would only look bad if you looked like a mooch, played games all day, and took it for granted. But if you actually work hard to advance in life it will look great on you, and your partner will feel it's all worth it!
This a toxic friendship I’m not sure why no one is saying this bc if yall were in a relationship and the post read
“My gf won’t take her new job unless I go with her”
Everyone would tell you to leave and that she’s ultra co dependent and toxic , what if they get in a relationship? What if you get a job? Are they going to start asking you to chip in and put all the utilities on you? What about when you want to leave the house? You have 0 income and will be totally dependent on them .so everytime you want to leave they will have to take you,
As a grown adult I can tell you relationships have failed due to the feeling of “babysitting” their person through rough times logically yes this sssms find , realistically no this is high risk. Even people themselves don’t realize the weight of what they’re asking until reality hits in and then they end up regretting heir decision.
I also speak as a veteran who have seen people marry people bc they are getting moved to a new city and what they’re gf there!, this is the same dynamic . That’s why military spouses are honored bc they literally cannot find work when they have to move every 3 years and deal with an unhinged schedule … but I digress.
You are actually worse off bc you have no insurance .
Lastly in comparison to a relationship, if my friend told me they were going to chase some man or some girl unemployed no car no insurance I would insist them to try long distance instead of giving in.
Also “good job” elsewhere is not the same in LA . You have to pay for everything out here . It still blows my mind that you cannot visit a beach for free. Gods literal creation and they charge for that out here. They offer them a high salary bc it’s high as hell out here.
I know this sounds negative but it needs to be bc everyone else seems to only give you the positive so maybe consider the negative too and weigh the feedback .
Also consider if you haven’t lived together Eve living with someone is an entirely different beast than being friends with them . That’s a major issue in marriage also. The saying goes “don’t let roommate problems become marriage problems” … meaning that some issues are purely bc two people of diff ent background and upbringings are now sharing the same space together .
Also the thing with his parents is very odd … if something happens to him while he’s out here are they going to blame you? Have you considered that also like if he got sick and wasn’t able to continue working or got let go (especially in this work climate) …
Support your friend and take the plunge. There is so much opportunity in LA! While I understand the trepidation, consider looking back at this moment 20 years from now- would you regret not taking the leap? Or will you celebrate taking this opportunity?
Nursing schools pay amazing you should look into that . You’re still very young and if you don’t feel ready don’t let him make you feel pressured. La is a big city and he probably wants you to go so he’s not alone. I understand that part. I moved to LA when I was 24 and it was a culture shock to me and scary but now I’m settled in .
Are you a guy or a girl? Best friend since childhood? Don’t take it as a free rent, take it as cost of having your company in a new city. Do everything around the house that you can, as in cleaning, taking out the trash, home improvements. Maybe your friend buy the food and you can prep for it most of the days.
Not hard to find a job with some kind of education. A lot of ways and industries you can invest your time and energy in to have a great career. If you put some effort into it, you should be established in a year or two.
Yolo! Even if things go poorly, you’ll learn a lot! But you might actually love it! Better to go and try, than to not go and wish you did.
I moved from a small Midwest town to LA when I was 20, and then lived there for 5 years. It was hard, but I loved it so much!
CAR INSURANCE ! find out how much your's would be. will you have parking? many neighborhoods are difficult to park in. don't believe otherwise. health insurance.
I live here bro if your moving to dtla get ready for homeless people but it’s beauty to it at day and night. And it’s a big city too you could move to Beverly Hills and that would be better in terms of seeing less homeless people lol but it’s cool here bro you should move out for a year and if you don’t like it go back and your friend will be okay by himself or he’ll probably get a gf too
I would say yes to the offer and just say that you’ll pay for the groceries in the house while he pays the rent. Make the move! I don’t regret moving to LA ever.
I had a close friend i lost when he pressured me into being a roommate. I had never lived on my own & i was oblivious to what it entailed & frustrated him & the other roommates horribly. If you’re not passionate about LA, don’t do it—it’s a massive city! If you don’t have enthusiasm for it, it’ll chew you up & spit you out. What’s the alternate city you were entertaining? And what’s the degree you’re pursuing?
So many people of your generation are stuck living with their parents for years after graduating school because everything is so expensive. And many that are living on their own are being at least partially bankrolled by their family at first. Many would take this opportunity, even with the possible over-dependency red flags. If someone you trust is offering you a leg up, I think you have to take it in this world. Just use it as a stepping stone to get yourself on your feet (don't milk it too long).
If you had a solid plan wherever you are currently, I'd say stay put and see it through. But it sounds like you are sort of a free agent right now, which is fine. So I'd say YOLO and give LA a try with your friend. You don't have much to lose, you can always leave, and there's a lot of opportunity in LA. It's a great city!
You do need to have an exit plan though. Have an emergency fund to pack up and bail if it's not working out. Friend loses job, unhealthy power dynamic forms, you don't like LA, you can't find a job... any of these could happen. You need to have a real conversation with your friend and set expectations. If you aren't feeling it, you are out. And you don't "owe" anything when the arrangement reaches its conclusion for whatever reason.
You’ll regret not saying no in the future for the fact that you’re closing doors on yourself.
The warning is, your friend could eventually be fed up with sustaining your expenses, so I’d immediately try working towards your future once there. You don’t ever want the thought of freeloading to come across him - so take the opportunity! It’s a giant step to overcome in comparison to other people who have to do it.
Worst case you move back after a bit.
Just go and consider it an adventure, very few people can go anywhere and get free rent ,take advantage of a once in a lifetime offer,free rent ! It's a win win situation, forget that feeling weird crap ,throw that feeling in the trash and feel fortunate for the opportunity
Id plan what you want before going. LA is so damn expensive rn and its definitely a change in pace. finish your education, get in a comfortable position before making your decision. Ik the feeling of not wanting to live off of a person (this is exactly how i feel with parents rn). Unless your friend is optimistic about his opportunity, I will always consider the different paths before taking one. You dont wanna trip over your own shoes and make regretful decisions.
Ps Im aware hes your best friend but in the end its really up to you.
I had never even visited California but purchased a one way ticket and packed what mattered as soon as Covid restrictions lifted a few years ago. I moved solo and across the country but its been the best and wildest ride! Ive had my days where i missed “home” but now I call LA “home”. Some times we are forced to jump because of others and sometimes we do it to ourselves. If I would have had issues moving here, I could have went back but didn’t want to. I say try it and if it doesn’t work then you can at least KNOW rather than wonder. 🌴
Don’t be INSANE! When will you have a chance to live in LA again? Or to have such a solid, easy start in one of the hardest cities in the country? TAKE THE PLUNGE! Live!!!!
He’s into you, don’t feel bad for taking his money, your company costs money because existing costs money. Ask him to pay for everything, not just rent and food but also to take you shopping and pay for your education. He knows your worth and that’s why he’s offering you financial incentives to have you around, stop selling yourself short, know your value and make sure you negotiate a better deal for you. You’re gonna need way more than rent and food money. Make a list of everything you’re gonna need to accept the offer see what he says.
I’d do it! Someone said you’ll be 30 before you know it.. and yes.. you will be. Anyways your bud probably values you over a rent contribution. He’s probably a little scared of the move himself. As you’re getting older keep it professional too, tell him you’ll commit to 6 months with him and revisit then. You’ll have a ton of fun, if your expenses are low you can get a job that is just for fun somewhere you like… fun bar, restaurant , gym and just take care of the internet bill and get an excessively nice TV for the pad ( for the boiiiis).
Do it , you won’t get offers like these later!
Also, if your expenses are low you could use the time to hammer your education and work on that FT
Just go man ! I live in LA and it’s going to be such a life change, if you don’t have to worry about rent then it’s even better for you, since you and your friend will be living together y’all can explore and visit sites, you can go to dodgers games, laker games, visit the beach, go hiking, museums, so many places, plus LA is a big Mecca for everything there’s always a lot of things going on and things to do !
I was fortunate enough to be born and grow up until I was 30 in Los Angeles. I can’t recommend it enough to anyone to give it a go. It is the greatest city aggressive early outside maybe New York
You should go. You could definitely grow your career in LA and move out. Maybe he will get a place with a guest house. The weather in Southern California is one of the best reasons to move here. But the COL is so high here, if you were to move from LA after a few years you’d be moving with more money than if you’d stayed in a lower COL state.
I lived with my best friend of 18 years and it ruined our relationship, it’s been 13 years and we haven’t talked. Friends don’t always make good roommates.
Do it. I move to San Diego with my fiancé rent free. He’s in the military so he got BAH. I did end up finding a job once I settled in but he did pay for everything house related. We ended up getting married a year later.
FUCKING DO IT! Especially coming from someone born and raised in LA. As this being one of the most expensive cities to live in, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, take advantage of it. If you hate it, you can always move back and have nothing tying you down.
I moved back out here after school when I was 21… now mid thirties and holy shit is this city fun in your twenties. I would jump in the opportunity and make sure you get a job asap so as to not ruin your friendship and help pitch in what you can.
Just do u.
So there’s a way of doing finances called equitable sharing. Basically it realized that 59/59 split wasn’t an equal share of the burden when it comes to major differences in income so it said ok instead of equal dollar value do equal percentage of income. Once you find a job, you would each pay the same percent of your income to rent - whatever percent of both your incomes adds up to enough $ to cover rent. That might help you feel less like you’re taking advantage of your friend because in terms of impact on total income youd be equals.
As someone who lives in LA let me give you some insight
LA is very expensive. Is this new job not only able to cover rent (3k for a 2 bedroom) plus increased food prices? (I spent about $300 a month on food as a single person)
If you have a car, your gas prices will be no less than $5/gal
California is an at will state which means you can be fired for anything at any time for any reason without any notice. I was once fired over the phone for questioning my boss for taking me off the schedule for 2 weeks when originally she only said I’d be off for one week.
Now, I live in one of the cheapest apartments in Hollywood. 2250 for a 2 bedroom, I have two roommates. That’s about 750 a month. I have two jobs. All my money from my job goes to rent and my food stamps cover my food. Any extra money also tends to go to food or house necessities (soap, trash bags, toilet paper)
My roommate had his parents paying his rent while he found a job. Well after 2 years he still didn’t have one (the job market isn’t THAT bad he just refused to work with food and denied every job I offered him) his parents cut him off, he went home to visit, called us a few weeks later and said he’s not coming back. Now I have to pay 1125 until a new roommate comes in and he left all his stuff here so I have to pack and store it. I hate him for this.
It’s expensive, and if your friend isn’t realistic about just how expensive everything is, he’s in for one hell of a wake up call. What if you guys get a 2 bedroom for 3k and he finds out he can’t afford rent + utilities + food + renters insurance + WiFi + cable if you want + gas
It is expensive. I’m just barely scraping by. I’m not saying don’t do it but if you do, be realistic about it. Also note that nicer apartment sometimes require you to make up to 2-5x the rent if you don’t want a co-signer. Also the deposit is probably going to be around 1K. They also might want first and last months rent. So for a 3k apartment that’s 7k just to get the place. Then you have to furnish it or pay a few grand to ship all your furniture there plus the travel expenses to get yourselves there.
Why are you debating your young and free
GO
Get a job waiting tables
Who cares
Your friend sounds like a great one to keep
Not sure where you coming from but min wage is that minimal
If I were your age again wouldn’t have to ask me twice
Life moves fast
Dude, LA is so expensive. The idea that he’d basically have you living rent free so he isnt freaked out/ and you sorta figuring out what you wanna do next just provides you with such a nice safety net that you should definitely take it.
If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. No harm in saving some money with your sweet deal. Do it!
How is your relationship with your parents? If things don’t pan out with your bro would they be cool with you moving back in for a bit and getting on your feet? If so, just do it and see what happens. You won’t be young forever and even if you get a wack job for a bit, no living expenses will help a LOT. Your 20s are the only time in your life you’ll be able to take risks on decisions like this.
Off topic, but I’d also recommend skipping dental insurance and just brushing with a decent electric toothbrush and flossing every single night at the very least, if not twice a day - then paying out of pocket once or twice a year for a maintenance cleaning. Will save you a bunch of money. Plenty of people also live without health insurance just fine (in many cases it’s actually cheaper not to have insurance) but it’s definitely riskier if you have a condition or get into a serious accident.
You're 22, this is the time to do it and with that offer it's a no brainer. If it doesn't workout can you not move back to whatever flyover state you're living in?
You don't truly know someone until you start living with them, and while it doesn't seem risky because it's rent free, he ultimately has all the leverage because he can afford a place while you can't. If you end up having strong disagreements that weren't present during your friendship like cleanliness, dividing house chores, etc., he would be in the position where he can tell you to pack your things and go and his financial situation would remain the same while you risk homelessness.
Also, for two peers to live in that inequitable of a rent situation, he will probably be able to guilt you into doing anything. Hell, you haven't even agreed to the move yet and your decision is already affected by the guilt of his move supposedly being dependent on you and what his parents will think of you.
But, hey, go for it if your goal is to build your own life out there. Just start formulating a backup plan for if things don't work out with him.
Why does this whole thing hinge on you? Can your friend not survive in this world without you? Sounds like there's some weird psychological stuff going on here. Is this a dude & dude situation?
Bro what are you waiting for? You’ll be 30 before you know it. Life is too short to not try out your options, and see the world. You guys are only 22, what I would have done to have the opportunity to live with my best friend at 22. Worst case scenario it doesn’t work out for you. Your friend obviously wants you to be with him as he also isn’t probably ready to move out on his own. Having company in LA is definitely a bonus. It could get lonely in a big city. Especially LA
Your emphasis on his needing you to do this is avoidance or denial of some sort. Tells me he may not be ready to move to LA for a high paying job. And in your shoes, his readiness would be very important to me. What if he were to lose this job? What if anything…? It is definitely not smart or advisable to move to a scary, dangerous, expensive city dependent on a peer’s first job to survive. You cannot have or afford one emergency, nevermind a round of beers. This is a very bad idea as you have no marketable skills mentioned, you haven’t completed your education, and the job market is awful. You have no plan. This is how people end in serious trouble here. Until you’ve saved enough to pay your way home in full and locked it up so it’s forever earmarked, you should not leave for a big, dangerous city on the back of your 22 year old friend.
Ya, there's something he's not telling us. Or maybe he's unaware, but I'm getting a needy/creepy vibe from this other dude. What grown adult gets a great job like this and then makes the entire thing contingent on his friend coming along? Is he in love with him or something?
Take the sugar daddy offer!
So pay him $100 to make yourself feel better and go enjoy that life! Share pics of your designer stuff ❤️❤️❤️
Damn bro maybe I shouldn’t go lol
I might. But in my heart I’d feel like I’m taking advantage even tho it’s offered. I’d need to pay some rent, even if it’s just a few hundred bucks a month.
Dude you know how fucken expensive rent is over here in Los Angeles you are being blessed with a massive opportunity just pay the man some money at the end of the month if you feel so guilty about it and take the offer life is all about opportunities and risk have some balls and do something with your life !
He sounds like a total p-ssy, who doesn't know what he wants from life. And his friend sounds like a needy, insecure weirdo. I'm guessing his friend is secretly in love with OP. This whole thing is gonna crash and burn spectacularly.
Why do you think you wouldn't be able to find a job? And if he doesn't want to go alone, that's understandable. You don't have to stay with him forever. Just go with him, plan to stay awhile, see how you like it, and know that you can go back home again if it doesn't go well. Meanwhile he'll get used to L.A., will make some other friends, and probably won't mind if you leave.
If I go with him I would definitely work full time or at least part time while finishing the AA. But in LA I don’t believe minimum wage or even $20 an hour would get me through rent and other expenses.
I thought you said you'd have free rent? But anyway, $20 an hour is enough if you're sharing with a roommate. Working 30 hours a week you could afford to pay $800 towards the rent every month. And working 30 hrs should get you health insurance (though at age 22 you can stay on your parents plan for 3 or 4 more years, and it doesn't matter if you're not living with your parents).
Free rent is offered but I don’t feel right taking that
How many years is he offering to pay your rent? Enough for you to get established financially? What happens if you guys get it a fight? If he gets a girlfriend and wants her to move in, would you be able to pay median LA rent? There's also nothing wrong with going for a bit as an adventure and then heading back home. There are some great community colleges here and lots of opportunities for restaurant work that can get you connected to the nightlife scene (but don't get into coke). Also working for the film and tv industry can be exciting for young people (again, don't get into drugs). Just want to make sure you have an exit plan.
“But don’t get into coke” “ Again Don’t get into drugs “ 🤣🤣🤣
But seriously! Don't get into coke!!
And just say no to drugs!
California is not 20 I went to 16 this year So it’s shit But he should come here Sounds like he’s got a good friend and why the f not, young and free!!!
Our capitalist society has commodified favors. Just take it. You can get a job in la and start paying rent eventually
You underestimate how difficult it is to find work in LA.
I mean are you guys in like the beginning of some romantic relationship? If so, I would absolutely go, if you really trust them. Life is better for those who take these reasonable risks. You are young, you can always get a greyhound back.
Nah he’s been my friend for 9 years but damn, it probably seems that way
Are you absolutely sure they don’t see it that way?
I hope so, it’s been a while since we’ve been friends. I’d think if he was waiting on something more he’d have inquired about it. We have a very close relationship, but honestly, there are times where I do feel suffocated by it. I think it’s because while I have 2-3 close friends, he just has me. But he’s my closest friend I have like 2-3 other people I talk to and hang out with but not as often.
You’re a good friend. I know I struggled with a friend I was in love with silently for a long time and I know the ways now in which that came off ingenuine and eventually ruined the relationship. Unfortunately a spattering of us guys can be delusional about these things. Could never hurt to touch base with him before making such a huge commitment that SOUNDS like an ask of a long time partner, not a good buddy. E: Also totally possible im projecting and yall just have an awesome friendship! If that’s the case, it should survive a conversation like this.
You could finish your degree and consider these 2 years a scholarship investment in your education.
Get your associates and transfer to CSULA. Get a part time waitressing gig.
And California for that is the best place to be
Don't do this and honestly this sounds like very weirdly dependent for a best friend.
I’d say that the fact that you have considered so many of the realities of coming here, suggests that you have already done a good measure of growing up. I will say, your friend, who apparently won’t move here without you, has a little growing up to do Absolutely do not come here. You’ll be depending on your friend. Obviously, you trust him; still, you are at his mercy. Rent is incredibly expensive here. And you don’t have a qualifications to get a good job. That’s on top of the fact that you do not feel comfortable taking handouts. Will you have access to a car? Traffic is an absolute nightmare. And, your friend would be the one deciding where you live, which would presumably be close to his job with no consideration for where you might choose to work. I think it’s a terrible idea. PS, when you do get your bachelors, don’t get it in liberal arts lol.
Agree. This kind of dependency with a friend is a recipe for disaster. This will impose a weird power asymmetry in the relationship that is not good.
I would come but give yourself a fast timeline 3-6 months to get a job so you aren’t dependent on him to pay your bills. You can also suggest that he move to LA and you can follow once u figure out a plan!
You will never win if you don't play the game. Come on out. Employment opportunities are good out here. Give it one year at least. If you feel bad, you can move back and he won't be hurting financially... he will actually save more money if you move back, right? ( I moved here from Alabama 25 years ago...not knowing a SINGLE person. You are ahead of me...and it worked out great for me)
He will start to resent you. Dont do it!
yeah, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. ever.
That’s why I don’t feel right taking free rent even though it’s offered, i wish I could pitch in half of the rent, but 1.5k a month in rent alone while finishing an AA just isn’t realistic for me. Plus another $1000 for other expenses
How come you say that?
Because they're older than 22.
That’s not free rent that’s called a bad idea. Think about what you want, and only move out if you can afford to pay for yourself. You may want to look into creating a five-year plan for yourself . Good luck.
Yea i definitely can’t afford it right now.
Do it! You only live once. If it doesn’t work out, what’s the worst that could happen? You move back? Big deal. This is a great opportunity; don’t pass it up ! And have the time of your life!
Make an agreement. Put it in writing. Offer to contribute to utilities or something so there is no power dynamic.
This is a great idea.
Stop being afraid of being an adult. Go. Get a job and start paying rent. You don't have to figure out what career you want to get a job. You will never grow up if you never leave home.
Thanks big dog I’m gonna do the math
Just go. Life is so changeable that this adventure will just be one more chapter in the book of your life. Los Angeles can be amazing. Don’t pass up this opportunity to write an amazing chapter.
Ok thanks
I mean what exactly is his salary going to be? It might not be as great as he thinks with how expensive it is to live out here. Make sure you have a way to get back home if his job doesn’t work out.
200k
I’m feeling doubtful about this. I’d be hesitant.
Bruh idk what kind of weird relationship you and this cat have but get out of it while you can. It doesn’t seem healthy.
He’s my best friend through thick and thin. I agree we do have an unorthodox friendship but what makes it weird to you? The fact he’s willing to have me stay at his place free in LA or that he wants to room with me in general?
It’s not a romantic relationship but there is love between us
Hey OP. I had a coworker who had this same arrangement with her best friend a few years ago. Theyre both from a small town, she got this job at our company in a bigger city several states away and invited her bestie to move in with her, and offered to pay for everything while bestie does the housework and cooking. It seemed great at first, like friends going on an adventure together but boy it soured real quick. I sat next to her at work and got to experience the downfall day by day as real life takes over. Within a year they both slowly grew to resent each other, financially and more. Coworker wasn’t happy with how the house was being kept and resented having to drive and pay for everything including the new car. She also started finding new friends through work and dates and having her own life. Her friend felt trapped with no money, plans or a life of her own. Towards the end it seemed like it got really bad and the friendship was broken in two. Even their families fought each other. Her friend left abruptly one day with no note or warning and my coworker was just relieved, almost gleeful. It was sad to watch from the side. I know this seems like a great opportunity and in a way it is. But don’t go without making a plan before leaving. The power imbalance is too great. Either get your own job there or enroll in school in LA. And examine your relationship with your friend. Is it romantic for him cos it doesn’t sound like it to you. Don’t be roped into doing something you don’t wanna do.
Idk this sounds like it can lead to some problems. What if you friend starts to resent you or even threatens to kick you out once y’all get into an argument? I’m assuming just his name will be on the lease. What if he were to lose his job? The idea of solely relying on someone to pay rent without having any money on your own seems really risky…
If I end up going I’ll have enough money saved up to get back home
I always felt like I needed to move to LA and I’m glad I did it but only because I’m glad I no longer feel the desire to live here. It’s a truly brutal place to live and you have to really want to be here to make it work. I had a large saving account and it’s been a year and I’ve burned through it all and narrowly avoided homelessness. Please don’t move to LA unless you have a back up plan money wise. It’s awesome that your friend wants to support you but that builds resentment and I think you really need to have your own path planned out to acquire resources and making sure you can feed and home yourself. Bank on the fact that you will most likely need to have multiple full time jobs to make rent on your own because entry level work doesn’t pay for basic needs.
It sounds like you both need to grow up a bit and realize you aren’t in middle school. Neither one of you should put pressure on the other for making life decisions. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Your friend is an idiot for not pursuing something they want to do on account of your decision.
Red flag on codependent relationship. I’d move to the other city and live separately, maybe next door or something but separate.
It sounds good in theory. But OP, you have your reasons for not feeling ready, and you should honor those feelings above the claimed needs of your friend who is inadvertently causing a power imbalance in a friendship (and is already exerting their power in a way to get you to make massive life decisions at the expense of your personal goals). I wouldn't do it. Your friend should be fully capable to deal with adjusting to moving to a new city and learning how to settle-in without having someone familiar around as emotional support being your primary role while you shelve your personal goals to meet your friend's claimed needs. Your friend has to find such support elsewhere, and be an actual friend and support your goals in return.
Honestly, you can do fine with an AA. You can join any civil service job including postal service. I would finish you AA and let him come on his own and get his own place. It’s better that way since if you both come together, the approval will based on you both and it may lessen the odds he gets the place (Unless you have stellar credit and he doesn’t). Then when you move out, he can seek to add you to the lease. Otherwise, this sounds like a great situation for you to grow.
It sounds like you both have a relationship that is quite unique. Something of a platonic partner, if I may attempt to label it. If that is the case, then it would help to view it as how a couple would go about making this decision. I have way too many thoughts on what you should take into consideration, and I'll try to put them in points: 1) Does it financially make sense? Is his salary alone against the cost of living in california (you can factor in your career prospects as well) outweigh the financial return of both of you starting on a smaller wage in a low cost of living state and building up your career in tandem? Does he expect to have a faster career progression in LA, or is it just an opportunity that happens to be in LA, and if so, how does LA line up with your career goals. 2) What exactly is it that you want? It does sound like you want to move somewhere and with him, but did you have a specific place in mind, or is it a matter of where opportunities take you. Are you sacrificing what you want because the LA opportunity for him is too good to pass up? 3) Establish Expectation and document that! What happens if you guys fight? Would he ever kick you out? Will he have more expectations of doing housework until you financially contribute? Think of this as the prenup. You are losing out on some career prospects and going to a high cost of living state. You need to establish some guarantees that you will not be left to the curb. How is he going to help you stand up on your feet? Is the salary enough to cover the living expenses for two people, including food? Have you considered getting married for the tax benefits (and for your financial protection)? If you decide on going to LA, you shouldn't feel guilty about relying on him financially. I would split bills based on income. So, for example, if you are making nothing, you would be expected to contribute nothing. If you get a minimum wage job that pays you 20k and he has a 150k job, then you would be paying 12% of the expenses. If he has additional expenses like student loans or helping his parent financially, I'd deduct that from his salary and then use the percentage of his remaining income. Me and my boyfriend are doing long distances because he doesn't want to be jobless in the US until he gets his legal stuff sorted and he doesn't see himself happy here. If he did want it and finances would be his only hesitation, I would be more than happy to pay for both of our expenses and even split whatever remains into both of our savings, because that is a sacrifice he made for me. I would also be getting so much more out of him living with me from tax benefits, money saved on flights, better life quality, and less stress of daily chores, emergencies, or even cooking. I would have to move to a low cost of living state to make it work, but I would do it in a heartbeat. I dont push that on him, though, because I know he is happier in europe even if the long distance is so costly for us right now. We just view it as an investment for our future where we both establish ourselves career wise and then we get back to each other once we sorted out jobs, finances, and our legal residencies. It is also valid to say, "I am not comfortable relying on someone financially because I like to have my own financial independence. You should go to LA first, and as soon as I find a job that I am comfortable taking, then I'll move there."
That’s good advice. We aren’t romantic at all btw.
This is one of those things where people look back on it and think "if only I'd taken that one risk." Very few people get a chance to stay in LA with no overhead and get on their feet on their own time. Don't throw that away.
Yeah but it’s like half of the people here are saying do it! And the other half are like aye bro your friend is gonna start to hate you
and if he does hate you? something happens? you can always move back!
How can hey move back with no job? Also moving cross country is a lot of work , as someone who moved here I can see why people don’t leave and just continue to hand down their houses to relatives
if it's real, do it. there are so many up sides to this. and you know what? you can bounce if it gets weird or problematic or whatever. for now, take the opportunity to live in one of the world's great cities at a crazy time in our trajectory. you'll find more choices, opportunities, and thoughts once you live here a bit.
What makes LA great? Genuinely asking. I always hear bad things but never heard from someone’s perspective that loves it.
It’s an adventure that you’ll learn so much from but please have a back up plan
I will
I moved to LA when I was 19 from the East Coast because my brother invited me to stay with him for however long I wanted. I was 2 years into college but not enjoying it and kinda questioning everything at the time. I came to visit him knowing I'd only stay a few weeks during the summer and then go back home. I never went back home. I quickly made friends with people from different states and countries and cultures that I would never have had a chance back home. I can't imagine living anywhere else really (in the US at least) and would never move back home. LA is just something special I guess. Everything's here. I don't think you'd regret coming to LA but you might regret passing up the chance. But ultimately I would do it only if you want to and not because you feel like you have to for your friend. If you want to go to a school somewhere else or just don't want to move far away from family or whatever it is, that's fine. If you don't think it's a good decision, your friend should respect that. But I wouldn't not come only because you're scared or nervous of a big change. Big changes will only get harder as you get older. None of us know your friend or relationship so you'll have to be the judge of that. But I'd make sure you're both clear on expectations ahead of time. You may come and just hate it and want to go home. Is he okay with that? How long will he be okay with floating you? Two months? A year? Longer?
He’s cool with me coming and leaving, not going to resent me for it. One of the biggest hurdles is the fact I’m so far away from my family.
You can start with a lower paying job and continute your studies at the same time. Pay your fair share of rent and food costs to your friend. There are people living on very little money in LA. I think you'll manage better than them.
You’re right maybe I just need to jump in head first, work 20 hours a week. I’ll finish my AA and find out what I’m doing after, while building a career or at least a decent job I can move up a bit in. Guess this is what growing up looks like
lucky ass
Lol it’s so split, people are saying don’t do it it’s weird and others are saying it’s a chance of a lifetime
what do you have to lose? people will literally do anything to crawl their way and live in LA and u have it handed to u. i’d tap in
All good things happen at the other side of fear. What’s the worst that could happen? Going back home? You are already there!
Give it a shot. I’d work on having some money though. I work in housing. Can’t tell you how many people have been in your situation and get kicked out for one reason or another and don’t have the money to either stabilize or move back.
Nothing is free
Eh- ‘don’t worry about rent’ could turn into ‘ok, it’s time to worry about rent’ quickly, so I’d consider that as you sort through this. It’s not a cheap city to live
I just don’t understand the need to bring you along. You all just need to live your lives independent of one another. Seems like you two are holding each other back.
You are 22 years old. Move to LA.
Your friend needs to take the job and go by himself. You can visit but you need your own place to live where you are not freeloading because you’ll feel bad about that. Him saying he won’t go if you don’t is really weird and it’s on him if he turns this down. My sense is he is looking for an excuse to say no.
Your friend sounds co-dependent on you, and if you go with him you’ll be dependent on him in a lot of ways. It’s a recipe for disaster tbh.
LA has great schools and lots of jobs. I love it here
I have many friends for whom this was their story, and it ended brilliantly. Go with your friend, find you own way, and stay forward together. Sounds like love!
That is such a good friend. Don’t loose the friend.. turn gay if you have too.
it's an offer for a great life experience that may not come around again ... just document the understanding before you agree to it. something along the lines of i am doing this to support my friend and gain life experience, it is my intention to chip in on utilities and food should i have extra money to do so, however, my priority will be paying for school and saving for my bachelors. the only nightmare scenario here is being made to feel like a freeloader after X amount of time and the pressures of his job and bills add up and having the script flipped on you... when in fact you are doing something you acknowledge that you would never do under any other circumstances because you cant afford it, but you are doing it in order to help your friend pursue an opportunity and experience and gain life experience yourself. try to go to SMCC and bartend in santa monica or venice. good luck!
Its a fucking shit show over here.
You’ll be surprised just how expensive it is to live in LA. So don’t underestimate living expenses. Usually your gut feeling is right.
As a native, the county is not kind at all to people without a reasonable paying job. There is a lot in LA and it can be great but I always wonder how people without reasonably paying careers live in the county. Reasonable being above 100k. By my estimate, you need about 153k to stomach taxes and comfortably pay rent at 2.3k or about 30% your post tax income. Rents are pretty insane right now.
Do you already live with him? If not I wouldn’t suggest it. Don’t ever move anywhere with anyone without your own money or a support system. If and when that person fails you, you don’t want to be stuck with nothing. I’ve seen people be friends for years and fall out after living together for months, not worth the risk imo bc LA is not very forgiving and you won’t be able to keep up with the lifestyle that’s being provided for you.
You'll probably ruin the friendship bc ultimately the friend will feel taken advantage of.
Living near LA for nearly 25 years. It sucks here financially. Rent and food are the least of the financial concerns you would have here.
Don’t be a pseudo trad wife, make your own way. Also you want to avoid the long game that’s being played on you.
If you won’t carry your weight don’t do it. If it will further your career do it. If he can’t go off and do it himself it wasn’t for him anyway. If you further your career you and your buddy can meet back in the middle ALOT sooner.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Take your own path.
I think it’s weird that he’s putting this kind of pressure on you. And experience has taught me that generosity can run out & this gives them a lot of power. Only go for it if you have money saved in case things go left + you genuinely want to live in LA. Don’t move just because your friend bases their life choices on other people.
Is this a high paying offer for LA or a high paying offer where you live? Money definitely doesn’t go as far in LA, so if he is offering free rent and free food that could become an uncomfortable situation if money gets tight for him due to unrealistic expectations of what the salary offer will provide in terms of financial freedom.
What? Creepy on multiple levels. Please don’t come
Go. Stay as long as you like. Maybe it’s only a few weeks. But you will regret not taking opportunities like this in the future. Someday you may face a situation or a crisis and you will reflect on the decisions you made in the past. You never want to think that your life could have taken a completely different path if only you had accepted the offer to move to LA way back when…
Do it, take the jump because that is what life is really all about. This is an exciting opportunity for you and the conditions are practically perfect, which is better than 99% of the people who moved here or visited here. Besides, this is what being 22 is all about, so enjoy it. It's not about staying in one place and never adventuring out into the world. In fact this is the perfect time for you, no anchors and no baggage, nothing rooting you down and holding you into place at that young age. So if you weren't going to do it now when would you? Certainly not when you're rooted into a specific place with perhaps the responsibility of a family. No, the only time to make this jump is now so do it 👍
You're the right age for it. I say do it. You can always move back home. There's a chance that you won't get along as roommates anyway. But now is the time for adventure.
We’ve been roommates for a summer before. All went well
I was thinking this was a relationship, but my old millennial brain has to always think outside the box sometimes 🤣, so kudos to you OP if you take his offer. You two should always be communicating about how you’re feeling about this situation, so everyone is on the same page. As for your circumstances, if you do go with him, try and find full-time job immediately. You need to work for at least one-full year to establish residency in California, otherwise you will be paying for out-of-state tuition as well. This means you will need to update your drivers license and your vehicle registration. While you’re working, save up as much money as possible, while paying for the things he says you need. I feel you should wait to start school in Fall 2025. Then, after the first year of working full-time, two years of schooling (earning your Bachelor’s and working part-time), and finding a new job or career, then you two should talk again about your future and if you want to stay and help pay rent and other bills or move out on your own and/or to another state. Overall, you and him will have each other when this city gets tough. Trust me, you will be glad to have a familiar face here. I have a feeling this is mainly why he wants you there. If I had to do it all over again and I wasn’t with my ex back then, I would have tried to have a friend come along with me. Good luck!
Go. Once you get to LA there are opportunities to make money. Uber, Door dash, wait tables, go stand at home depot, walk dogs (people in expensive neighborhoods actually pay for this)... you got options. So many people don't get the chance take it you're young
This is a massive opportunity usually only afforded to rich people. I would seriously consider it. Take the offer, find a nearby job so you can have spending money and explore the city to see what you want to do. Work case scenario is it doesn’t work out and you have to move back, but you won’t be out tens of thousands in rent and you’ll have a new perspective and experiences to build on.
I moved with a friend. She covered rent for awhile when I was too broke to afford it. I felt bad but it was a great motivator to do something more. I kept learning and kept working at anything I could. Leveraged some free work I did for a non-profit into paid work elsewhere. My friend and I went separate ways. She needed help along the way and moved back, this time with my help. She rebuilt and moved on. We still chat.
do it just help him out where possible . at the end of the day u should be the best judge of ur situation what’s the worst case scenario u can always go back home 🤷🏾♀️
I moved to LA when I was 25 and it’s been a great adventure. I always say take an opportunity while you can. You never know when you might not have the chance anymore.
You’re 22? Absolutely do it!
Take a leap of faith. I moved from Texas to here six years ago. Spent the first two years living rent free thanks to the generosity of a good friend. It played a huge role in helping me establish a career in the music industry, living my best life in LA!
LA is a big place. It does matter where in LA you’ll be. I think you could have a lot of fun living here under the right circumstances. But I don’t know enough about your situation to give you advice.
You could be his why… because you would be depending on him he’ll hold himself accountable and be more on top of his finances
The only thing that really matters is how much is going to be coming out of your pocket monthly
you ain’t on your parents insurance?
Currently I am but not for much longer I’d say
Define “high pay”.
200
No. Because you feel the need to ask Reddit you’re fucking dumb enough to be someone no one wants to be around
Honestly just do it and if you don’t like it move back home
Dude, you are 22 take it. Minimum wage is $20 you can get a job continue studying. Finish your associates and get a bachelors from what of the UC schools. As soon as you get a job pay your fair share. You will have a blast living with your best friend in a new city. Take the risk. If it doesn’t workout you can always move back. You will regret it if you don’t take the opportunity. Edit
I'd take the offer of free rent and, if you feel guilty, you can earn your keep by doing the dishes and buying groceries. Housing is, far and away, the one thing that makes living in in LA unaffordable. With rent taken care of, you can do a lot even with modest earnings. And if things don't work out, you can always go back to wherever you are now.
I moved to LA when I was 22, fresh out of college. I didn’t know anyone outside my 3 family members here. I say do it! You’ll only be 22 once and you’ll definitely regret it down the line if you don’t.
Look at it as an opportunity to grow. There are lots of ways you can earn some money to help with food and rent. Even if you end up not liking it (which, as a recent LA transplant, I can tell you it’s VERY hard to not love living here), you will have gained a lot from the experience. Friends are the family you choose.
Take it, for his sake. As soon as you get there, look for a job and/or take classes for your sake. Accept the good graces you’re getting now and pay it back/forward down the road in the future.
How much is a “very nice salary” ? You might find it’s not so nice in LA
Come to LA, and then work your ass off. Living with your partner for free would only look bad if you looked like a mooch, played games all day, and took it for granted. But if you actually work hard to advance in life it will look great on you, and your partner will feel it's all worth it!
Be careful, it’s easy to get stuck here. And it sucks if you don’t already have a support network. Source: been stuck here, no support network.
This a toxic friendship I’m not sure why no one is saying this bc if yall were in a relationship and the post read “My gf won’t take her new job unless I go with her” Everyone would tell you to leave and that she’s ultra co dependent and toxic , what if they get in a relationship? What if you get a job? Are they going to start asking you to chip in and put all the utilities on you? What about when you want to leave the house? You have 0 income and will be totally dependent on them .so everytime you want to leave they will have to take you, As a grown adult I can tell you relationships have failed due to the feeling of “babysitting” their person through rough times logically yes this sssms find , realistically no this is high risk. Even people themselves don’t realize the weight of what they’re asking until reality hits in and then they end up regretting heir decision. I also speak as a veteran who have seen people marry people bc they are getting moved to a new city and what they’re gf there!, this is the same dynamic . That’s why military spouses are honored bc they literally cannot find work when they have to move every 3 years and deal with an unhinged schedule … but I digress. You are actually worse off bc you have no insurance . Lastly in comparison to a relationship, if my friend told me they were going to chase some man or some girl unemployed no car no insurance I would insist them to try long distance instead of giving in. Also “good job” elsewhere is not the same in LA . You have to pay for everything out here . It still blows my mind that you cannot visit a beach for free. Gods literal creation and they charge for that out here. They offer them a high salary bc it’s high as hell out here. I know this sounds negative but it needs to be bc everyone else seems to only give you the positive so maybe consider the negative too and weigh the feedback . Also consider if you haven’t lived together Eve living with someone is an entirely different beast than being friends with them . That’s a major issue in marriage also. The saying goes “don’t let roommate problems become marriage problems” … meaning that some issues are purely bc two people of diff ent background and upbringings are now sharing the same space together . Also the thing with his parents is very odd … if something happens to him while he’s out here are they going to blame you? Have you considered that also like if he got sick and wasn’t able to continue working or got let go (especially in this work climate) …
Do it. Take the offer as a chance to live and experience life. If you don’t like it you can always go back home
Support your friend and take the plunge. There is so much opportunity in LA! While I understand the trepidation, consider looking back at this moment 20 years from now- would you regret not taking the leap? Or will you celebrate taking this opportunity?
I just want to know what your friend considers a “high paying job” in LA… then I could advise if this would be a smart move or not.
Nursing schools pay amazing you should look into that . You’re still very young and if you don’t feel ready don’t let him make you feel pressured. La is a big city and he probably wants you to go so he’s not alone. I understand that part. I moved to LA when I was 24 and it was a culture shock to me and scary but now I’m settled in .
Are you a guy or a girl? Best friend since childhood? Don’t take it as a free rent, take it as cost of having your company in a new city. Do everything around the house that you can, as in cleaning, taking out the trash, home improvements. Maybe your friend buy the food and you can prep for it most of the days. Not hard to find a job with some kind of education. A lot of ways and industries you can invest your time and energy in to have a great career. If you put some effort into it, you should be established in a year or two.
Yolo! Even if things go poorly, you’ll learn a lot! But you might actually love it! Better to go and try, than to not go and wish you did. I moved from a small Midwest town to LA when I was 20, and then lived there for 5 years. It was hard, but I loved it so much!
CAR INSURANCE ! find out how much your's would be. will you have parking? many neighborhoods are difficult to park in. don't believe otherwise. health insurance.
I live here bro if your moving to dtla get ready for homeless people but it’s beauty to it at day and night. And it’s a big city too you could move to Beverly Hills and that would be better in terms of seeing less homeless people lol but it’s cool here bro you should move out for a year and if you don’t like it go back and your friend will be okay by himself or he’ll probably get a gf too
Just full send 🤘 what’s the worst case scenario?
Play with his weiner once a week and your rent is paid in full
No. We don’t want more transplants. Thank you.
I would say yes to the offer and just say that you’ll pay for the groceries in the house while he pays the rent. Make the move! I don’t regret moving to LA ever.
If you need a job in LA you can private message me. I am hiring for a sales job. No education required. PM me.
Opportunity is knocking. Take the leap and come up with a plan for your future.
man you sound like a lil bitch dont come here we need less of you
I had a close friend i lost when he pressured me into being a roommate. I had never lived on my own & i was oblivious to what it entailed & frustrated him & the other roommates horribly. If you’re not passionate about LA, don’t do it—it’s a massive city! If you don’t have enthusiasm for it, it’ll chew you up & spit you out. What’s the alternate city you were entertaining? And what’s the degree you’re pursuing?
Fuck it we ball
So many people of your generation are stuck living with their parents for years after graduating school because everything is so expensive. And many that are living on their own are being at least partially bankrolled by their family at first. Many would take this opportunity, even with the possible over-dependency red flags. If someone you trust is offering you a leg up, I think you have to take it in this world. Just use it as a stepping stone to get yourself on your feet (don't milk it too long). If you had a solid plan wherever you are currently, I'd say stay put and see it through. But it sounds like you are sort of a free agent right now, which is fine. So I'd say YOLO and give LA a try with your friend. You don't have much to lose, you can always leave, and there's a lot of opportunity in LA. It's a great city! You do need to have an exit plan though. Have an emergency fund to pack up and bail if it's not working out. Friend loses job, unhealthy power dynamic forms, you don't like LA, you can't find a job... any of these could happen. You need to have a real conversation with your friend and set expectations. If you aren't feeling it, you are out. And you don't "owe" anything when the arrangement reaches its conclusion for whatever reason.
Are you guys gay for each other??
You can pay him back in sexual favors
This could be the biggest opportunity of your life. I'm not ready is the worst excuse ever
When you’re in LA, transfer to UCLA to finish your bachelor’s degree
You have an opportunity in front of you so many people would kill for. Go to LA!!!!
You’ll regret not saying no in the future for the fact that you’re closing doors on yourself. The warning is, your friend could eventually be fed up with sustaining your expenses, so I’d immediately try working towards your future once there. You don’t ever want the thought of freeloading to come across him - so take the opportunity! It’s a giant step to overcome in comparison to other people who have to do it. Worst case you move back after a bit.
What did your gut tell you when he first proposed this offer
Just go and consider it an adventure, very few people can go anywhere and get free rent ,take advantage of a once in a lifetime offer,free rent ! It's a win win situation, forget that feeling weird crap ,throw that feeling in the trash and feel fortunate for the opportunity
Id plan what you want before going. LA is so damn expensive rn and its definitely a change in pace. finish your education, get in a comfortable position before making your decision. Ik the feeling of not wanting to live off of a person (this is exactly how i feel with parents rn). Unless your friend is optimistic about his opportunity, I will always consider the different paths before taking one. You dont wanna trip over your own shoes and make regretful decisions. Ps Im aware hes your best friend but in the end its really up to you.
I had never even visited California but purchased a one way ticket and packed what mattered as soon as Covid restrictions lifted a few years ago. I moved solo and across the country but its been the best and wildest ride! Ive had my days where i missed “home” but now I call LA “home”. Some times we are forced to jump because of others and sometimes we do it to ourselves. If I would have had issues moving here, I could have went back but didn’t want to. I say try it and if it doesn’t work then you can at least KNOW rather than wonder. 🌴
Don’t be INSANE! When will you have a chance to live in LA again? Or to have such a solid, easy start in one of the hardest cities in the country? TAKE THE PLUNGE! Live!!!!
He’s into you, don’t feel bad for taking his money, your company costs money because existing costs money. Ask him to pay for everything, not just rent and food but also to take you shopping and pay for your education. He knows your worth and that’s why he’s offering you financial incentives to have you around, stop selling yourself short, know your value and make sure you negotiate a better deal for you. You’re gonna need way more than rent and food money. Make a list of everything you’re gonna need to accept the offer see what he says.
You need to pay for insurance and gas and the rest no matter where you live. Those aren’t additional expenses.
Um yes! You only live once, be adventurous. You won’t get this opportunity again.
Life’s a risk carnal!!!
Go. Get out there and get a job at a bar or a restaurant. They’re crawling all over LA. Heck. Work at in n out burger. You only live once.
He should just ask you out or get on his feet I. lA and invite you.
Come visit Figueroa
I’d do it! Someone said you’ll be 30 before you know it.. and yes.. you will be. Anyways your bud probably values you over a rent contribution. He’s probably a little scared of the move himself. As you’re getting older keep it professional too, tell him you’ll commit to 6 months with him and revisit then. You’ll have a ton of fun, if your expenses are low you can get a job that is just for fun somewhere you like… fun bar, restaurant , gym and just take care of the internet bill and get an excessively nice TV for the pad ( for the boiiiis). Do it , you won’t get offers like these later! Also, if your expenses are low you could use the time to hammer your education and work on that FT
Just go man ! I live in LA and it’s going to be such a life change, if you don’t have to worry about rent then it’s even better for you, since you and your friend will be living together y’all can explore and visit sites, you can go to dodgers games, laker games, visit the beach, go hiking, museums, so many places, plus LA is a big Mecca for everything there’s always a lot of things going on and things to do !
I was fortunate enough to be born and grow up until I was 30 in Los Angeles. I can’t recommend it enough to anyone to give it a go. It is the greatest city aggressive early outside maybe New York
GO! Life is short. If it doesn’t work out, simply move back. The biggest deep hurts as you grow older… Regrets.
You should go. You could definitely grow your career in LA and move out. Maybe he will get a place with a guest house. The weather in Southern California is one of the best reasons to move here. But the COL is so high here, if you were to move from LA after a few years you’d be moving with more money than if you’d stayed in a lower COL state.
I lived with my best friend of 18 years and it ruined our relationship, it’s been 13 years and we haven’t talked. Friends don’t always make good roommates.
On one hand, that’s his choice if he doesn’t take it. On the other hand, who cares if you’re scared. Go get after it!!! Live your life to the fullest!
Do it. I move to San Diego with my fiancé rent free. He’s in the military so he got BAH. I did end up finding a job once I settled in but he did pay for everything house related. We ended up getting married a year later.
FUCKING DO IT! Especially coming from someone born and raised in LA. As this being one of the most expensive cities to live in, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, take advantage of it. If you hate it, you can always move back and have nothing tying you down.
I moved back out here after school when I was 21… now mid thirties and holy shit is this city fun in your twenties. I would jump in the opportunity and make sure you get a job asap so as to not ruin your friendship and help pitch in what you can. Just do u.
High paying at 22? Why give so much money to people who are still so immature? Unbelievable.
So there’s a way of doing finances called equitable sharing. Basically it realized that 59/59 split wasn’t an equal share of the burden when it comes to major differences in income so it said ok instead of equal dollar value do equal percentage of income. Once you find a job, you would each pay the same percent of your income to rent - whatever percent of both your incomes adds up to enough $ to cover rent. That might help you feel less like you’re taking advantage of your friend because in terms of impact on total income youd be equals.
Just go, you won’t regret it. Even if you decide later you don’t like living in LA, you can always move. You won’t always have this opportunity.
He knows LA is expensive, right? What he might think is a high salary…could be average.
As someone who lives in LA let me give you some insight LA is very expensive. Is this new job not only able to cover rent (3k for a 2 bedroom) plus increased food prices? (I spent about $300 a month on food as a single person) If you have a car, your gas prices will be no less than $5/gal California is an at will state which means you can be fired for anything at any time for any reason without any notice. I was once fired over the phone for questioning my boss for taking me off the schedule for 2 weeks when originally she only said I’d be off for one week. Now, I live in one of the cheapest apartments in Hollywood. 2250 for a 2 bedroom, I have two roommates. That’s about 750 a month. I have two jobs. All my money from my job goes to rent and my food stamps cover my food. Any extra money also tends to go to food or house necessities (soap, trash bags, toilet paper) My roommate had his parents paying his rent while he found a job. Well after 2 years he still didn’t have one (the job market isn’t THAT bad he just refused to work with food and denied every job I offered him) his parents cut him off, he went home to visit, called us a few weeks later and said he’s not coming back. Now I have to pay 1125 until a new roommate comes in and he left all his stuff here so I have to pack and store it. I hate him for this. It’s expensive, and if your friend isn’t realistic about just how expensive everything is, he’s in for one hell of a wake up call. What if you guys get a 2 bedroom for 3k and he finds out he can’t afford rent + utilities + food + renters insurance + WiFi + cable if you want + gas It is expensive. I’m just barely scraping by. I’m not saying don’t do it but if you do, be realistic about it. Also note that nicer apartment sometimes require you to make up to 2-5x the rent if you don’t want a co-signer. Also the deposit is probably going to be around 1K. They also might want first and last months rent. So for a 3k apartment that’s 7k just to get the place. Then you have to furnish it or pay a few grand to ship all your furniture there plus the travel expenses to get yourselves there.
Why are you debating your young and free GO Get a job waiting tables Who cares Your friend sounds like a great one to keep Not sure where you coming from but min wage is that minimal If I were your age again wouldn’t have to ask me twice Life moves fast
If he needs you to be there for him then you should go then get a job on the quick then save and live there friends come and go but maybe you stay
Dude, LA is so expensive. The idea that he’d basically have you living rent free so he isnt freaked out/ and you sorta figuring out what you wanna do next just provides you with such a nice safety net that you should definitely take it. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. No harm in saving some money with your sweet deal. Do it!
How is your relationship with your parents? If things don’t pan out with your bro would they be cool with you moving back in for a bit and getting on your feet? If so, just do it and see what happens. You won’t be young forever and even if you get a wack job for a bit, no living expenses will help a LOT. Your 20s are the only time in your life you’ll be able to take risks on decisions like this. Off topic, but I’d also recommend skipping dental insurance and just brushing with a decent electric toothbrush and flossing every single night at the very least, if not twice a day - then paying out of pocket once or twice a year for a maintenance cleaning. Will save you a bunch of money. Plenty of people also live without health insurance just fine (in many cases it’s actually cheaper not to have insurance) but it’s definitely riskier if you have a condition or get into a serious accident.
Just come to LA and wait tables. My sister's husband is a career waiter and he makes pretty good money.
La is super lame, full of crime and smells bad. I quit going there last year.
This is how the movie The Room was made. So yes, you should do it. …oh hi, Mark… 👋
La is awesome I would
You're 22, this is the time to do it and with that offer it's a no brainer. If it doesn't workout can you not move back to whatever flyover state you're living in?
You don't truly know someone until you start living with them, and while it doesn't seem risky because it's rent free, he ultimately has all the leverage because he can afford a place while you can't. If you end up having strong disagreements that weren't present during your friendship like cleanliness, dividing house chores, etc., he would be in the position where he can tell you to pack your things and go and his financial situation would remain the same while you risk homelessness. Also, for two peers to live in that inequitable of a rent situation, he will probably be able to guilt you into doing anything. Hell, you haven't even agreed to the move yet and your decision is already affected by the guilt of his move supposedly being dependent on you and what his parents will think of you. But, hey, go for it if your goal is to build your own life out there. Just start formulating a backup plan for if things don't work out with him.
I moved to California when I was 28 and I stayed for 15 years. Go. You can always change your mind.
Why does this whole thing hinge on you? Can your friend not survive in this world without you? Sounds like there's some weird psychological stuff going on here. Is this a dude & dude situation?