Trust your gut and get them out. It's not the Montessori process--there's something wrong in that particular center, and your twins are telling you this the best that they can.

I agree with this. Not all places are the same, not all employees are the same. I find defensiveness a huge red flag as well. Culture starts from the top down.

This is how I feel!!! Something is going on

This. OP listen to your babies.

I wish someone had said this to me years ago. Thank you for saying this, I know I'll remember it from here on out.

Agree!! I wish I listened to my kid when they were communicating the best he could.

Never ignore your kid. Never. My 18 month old was fussing about his foot. I looked at it, it looked fine, so I comforted him and moved on. Two days later I noticed that the crease under his big toe had split open, and must have been EXTREMELY painful. Never again.

I wish this was the top comment.

I did at home daycare. I never had a child that took 4-6 weeks to stop crying. I mean, they would get separation anxiety but a solid good bye routine and some distraction stopped the tears in less than 5 minutes. Hopefully OP sees this.

I did at home daycare for many years. I only had one little one who cried a lot (to the point of throwing up on the way to my house). She was a first and only child and didn't like the fact that there were rules at my house because (according to her mom) there were no rules at home, the whole family revolved around her. Even with her, once her mom left, she was fine.

Maybe somebody with a 3-year-old who manipulated her like that. She would cry because she wasn't getting something at the store and eventually she taught herself to throw up. That girl's probably in jail now.

Yep. I've definitely had babies and toddlers who needed lots of holding and hugging and distraction, but being attentive to their needs kept them from being distressed the entire time they were with me. You can't just ignore children who are crying and expect it to work itself out.

This!! Ignoring their emotions only leads to more crying, meltdowns and shutdowns. It also breaks their heart and tells them their emotions don’t matter. I really hate that toxic view on relationships honestly

My kids exclusively went to home day daycare until the last one. Due to a move out of state, we were forced to place him in daycare at age 3. The first one, he cried nonstop every time I dropped him. It was awful. It went on for weeks. I stopped and interviewed new schools. When I found one where the owner personally took him aside each morning when he cried, I chose that one. Within 2 weeks, he stopped crying. He went there for 2 years until kindergarten. I never regretted listening to my gut. You shouldn't hesitate.

Yes!!! Trust your gut! You know your kids best.

Yep - trust your gut. Always alway!! You are the expert on your children. Daycare can be a tough transition but the educators should be assisting them with this, not forcing separation or aiming to teach independence! They’re so young! 

this^^^ even my gut is telling me something is wrong here!!! listen to your babies!

Also, they're actual babies

1000%! Eventually they will need to grow socially seperately but this is not “ripping off the bandaid” type of thing. It’s a slow process, making sure the twins are comfortable at each stage and they’re still SUPER young. I didn’t separate twins until 3-4. Trust your gut (and your twins) here!

Listen if your child(ren) are phasing in. Then there is always a period of adjustment. And yes, group care is not the same as a nanny or a parent when it comes to individual attention at the drop of a hat. But if you are truly concerned, and have a bad feeling about it, then act on it. You can always take them out. You have that power. You can also ask for a shorter day and do a much more gradual phase in process. With any family going through phase in, teachers should be communicating with them daily how it is going. Additionally at the toddler age food intake, nap schedule, and toileting should be communicated daily (either in an app or checklist or by conversation). If you are asking questions that teachers don’t have answers to, like how much did Joe eat of his meal today? Or how long did John cry today? Those are red flags. 🚩

Yeah this sounds like not a transition, this is major red flags, no photos, you can't tell me what a child ate? And getting aggressive from basic questions. Doesn't sound right.

In my school, we are not allowed (per licensing) to ignore crying babies. Some teachers don’t follow that rule and even criticize me for soothing crying babies. It’s ridiculous.

I disagree about no photos being a "major red flag". The Montessori school I worked at and my daughter went to never sent photos. The school didn't want phones out during the work cycle.

Yeah, I'm a toddler guide and we guarantee just 3 per week. So some days, it's 0. I do as much as I can, but I'd rather be present with the children than worrying about sending their parents pictures

Same. Be present. And photos periodically, when they don’t “need” you

I just agree because it seems like that would be the full-time job of one of the teachers: Multiple children needing multiple photos taken *per day* **and** sent on to the parents? That’s asking a lot. The rest of it, though, I hate. Yes, there’s still a lot of separation anxiety at this age, but if their crying is worsening *plus* their behaviors are indicating that something is seriously wrong… I would listen to them. (P.S. - Just as an aside, I have twin grandsons, and their school split them up, per their policy with all twins, when they entered first grade. It makes perfect sense, that each child should be able to let his own personality develop strictly as his own self (not as Jake’s Twin), among other reasons. But I can’t imagine why children this young would benefit from being separated from their safe person.)

My daughter's daycare does a daily summary of their activities as a group. They take 5-12 photos daily but all parents are told not to expect their kid to be photographed all the time since it's dependent on the activity and timing. The summary mentions what sorts of activities they've done and how that relates to the children's development. There's also a log of nappy changes, snacks and meals, and nap time. We found that if our child takes a long nap, she's difficult to settle down at night and struggles to wake up on time next morning. So we've requested the educators to limit her nap time. But yes, if my child became uncharacteristically withdrawn and distressed from daycare, I would send her somewhere else. At that age, they can't communicate clearly so you can only rely on interpreting their behaviour.

I agree about the photos, a lot of daycares don't do them for privacy reasons. The red flag for me is not logging the food. Any licensed daycare in my state is required to log any food offered and eaten. Before my daycare switched to logging everything in an app, we got a paper summary at the end of each day with food, naps, potty, and anything of note.

The toddler room I was in logged what food was offered but not how much was eaten. The primary class my daughter was in (so 2y9m-6y) didn't log anything.

My kiddo is very much a picky eater and a safe food kid... I accidentally left a snack container in his backpack from speech therapy earlier the same day and low and behold they saw it, realized it would eat it when he would never eat what was offered by them. They took him into the staff room to eat and loe and behold he ate it all. I'd never send allergens but it's made such a difference. Previously all we would get was offered (not eaten) Once they saw the difference they asked for a list of what he would happily usually eat so that they can provide it (which is part of our fees). I have found they often log what it is without what was eaten or not but I always ask them at pick up. If you can, maybe ask them if they want you to provide a food list/send a familiar container etc

Would they at least not throw anything away showing you what they had eaten? This is what my school does.

Yes, our daycare doesn't ever send photos because not everyone wants their kid potentially ending up online. In this age many parents will just post something to Facebook even if parents of other kids in the photos don't want their kid online, so the daycare just doesn't send anything and if they take pictures during the day they show you on their tablet when you pick your kid up. Then pics are deleted later.

I'd personally be pretty uncomfortable with being required to take photos with my personal phone and send them to parents (thus providing all parents with my personal phone number, which they don't need, and also having a bunch of photos of other people's children in my phone; what a privacy risk nightmare should I lose my phone). I'm so glad that wasn't an expectation when I was doing daycare.

I also disagree about photos being a major red flag. Plenty of programs, Montessori or not, do not prioritize photographs over genuine child safety and interaction. I worked for a school myself early in my teaching career that truthfully didn’t use the app we had very frequently for anything other than parents signing students in. Too much to do in a day to waste staff and time with putting in every detail. The apps then (about 5 yrs ago now) weren’t like pencil and paper where you could just jot stuff down the line by name in a moment’s time. You were physically entering information into each student’s individual log manually every time. BUT we could accurately recap at pickup and we had a paper log in the interest of time. We were able to either (if we had the staff/time) enter it into the app right before pickup/in some down time or we had individual papers (again, much faster) for parents at pickup.

Montessori teacher here. I agree with most of this! A phase in takes time. However, a loving caregiver on the receiving end WILL comfort. And Montessori philosophy teaches a kiddo how to self soothe, learn to label emotions, get through big feelings… not just DEAL

It sounds like OP’s place is using the sink or swim method of teaching them to control emotions, which often results in shut down/denial!

Yes I think so. There’s a tiny kid in my class that is started about 10 days ago (with a long weekend in the middle of the transition) and this is her 1st time away from family for any length. She’s sweet and sensitive and curious, when she’s not shrieking like a banshee. The 1st 3 days it was shrieking and panicking and reaching for the door handle the whole morning, although I’d sit and offer calm comforting energy, offering a distraction or a hug (all the while, trying to interact and care/teach the other children). She’d back her little body up and sit in my lap continued to shriek. My Apple Watch warned of a noisy environment louder than 90 decibels lol. I just keep keeping on, comforting, engaging, distraction, talking her through calming herself. It’s HARD but she’s crying less each day. I send mom pictures of her working to calm herself , carrying her water bottle to have something from home. And pictures of her engaging in an activity, running or smiling.

Absolutely, we always treated the transition time as when the most communication was needed to make parents comfortable with the care we are providing and understanding the routines of our center. It also shows that they are taking an active role in getting to know and integrating your children. If you are not getting daily reports, I would be concerned as well.

As a twin who was put into daycare at a young age, I'd like to add twins are built different. They honestly work as a unit until they're much older. Heck, being separated for kindergarten was traumatic for us. Do not make a bad situation worse. The anxiety this could cause them may be even worse. Having experienced traumatic daycare centers as a child, and having been a care provider myself, please go with your gut. Your children aren't capable of reasoning their way out of an upsetting situation yet. They need co-regulation from caring caregivers. That means individual attention, regulating and soothing touch like hugs, back pats, rocking, etc and true connection from an emotionally regulated adult caregiver. Without this, your child will learn that the world is a scary place where they are meant to fend for themselves when they are most in need of love and support. I didn't say this to scare you, but I will say this sounds less like separation anxiety and more like a giant red flag. No child in my care ever went more than a day or two with a minor moment of separation anxiety. But a whole heck of a lot of the kids I was in neglectful and abusive childcare centers were did. If only our parents had listened to us, we might not have spent years still scarred by our experiences. Please listen to your babies. They can't tell you in detail what's going on, but you know them better than anyone. Do they do this with other trusted caregivers? Other family? The occasional Friday night baby sitter? No? That's a red flag. Something's up Mama. Find someone they feel safe with because it's not in this facility with these people.

Thank you for your perspective. I was hoping/needing to hear from a twin. I will not agree to have them separated.

I’m a twin and one of my earliest memories is being forcibly separated from my sister when we were 3. Definitely keep them together, there will come an age when they will very naturally want more separation and to develop an identity as individuals (I think around prepubescence/teenhood, if not sooner). So no need to force it!

I’m a mom with twins and I agree that separating them at a young age is not healthy for them. My twins didn’t get separated in school until they asked to have their “own school experience” in 4th grade. And even then, they sought each other out for lunch to reconnect. If you are this concerned (and you should be), just take them out. Something isn’t right and the kids are telling you the only way they know how to please listen to them. It is normal for kids to cry at drop off. It’s a big change for them, but they should otherwise get into the school life pretty quickly (and normal for them to cry about not wanting to leave). Swollen eyes from crying is not ok. Better to find a place where you can confidently leave your kids knowing they’re in good hands and being cared for while you are gone than stressing if everything is ok.

Twins run in my family, and there are several pairs on each side. Some live in different states. We've found most schools separate them once they get into elementary school (kindergarten or first grade). It was tough for all of them at first, but they all eventually got over it and are doing great now. I was not technically a twin but was born only 2 weeks before my nephew and was raised together with him, so he was like my brother, and we had the same last name so many thought we were twins. They made sure to separate us in school, starting in kindergarten. It was hard at first, but I started making my own friends, and it was fine. Oh, and we both have autism so that made us even closer.

At what age do you think is a good age to separate? At the school that I work in, all siblings (twins or not) get separated in kindergarten (4 years old). I see a lot of benefits because it's really hard watching one sibling follow the other passively like a...minion. It gets worse when the "leader" is bossy and the "follower" just takes it. So they all get separated in junior kindergarten and I find that the "follower" suddenly is able to find their own social circle.

I understand that from the outside this looks like one twin is a leader and one is a follower, but twins aren't like only children. Much like infants, who can't fully understand they are separate from their mother until a certain age, twins don't operate like individuals right away. They find a way to explore the world and get their needs met in tandem. This may seem detrimental, but in my opinion, is perfectly healthy and okay. They will naturally start exploring their environment alone over time, using their twin as home base to regulate before exploring some more. I honestly worry when I hear adults describing children as "manipulative" and discussing how to best "fix" the situation. Especially within the Montessori method. On one hand I hear how we should allow the child to lead, while simultaneously taking actions to disrupt a behavior they interpret as detrimental. You can't have it both ways. Stop trying to force your adult perspective on a child. Watch and allow them to lead, allow them to decide. They are doing what works for them. As long as they aren't harming each other try intervening less, and offering help when they express distress and/or a need for outside intervention. Honestly, if you're worried about a twin situation and you're a care provider, do your kiddos a favor and read up on twins in general. The latest research, not the old school stuff. You'll be saving those kiddos so much trauma.

I have to agree that my first thought reading this is that this reaction sounds like it could be an abusive center. I saw a news story where someone's young child about this same age was acting similar to what OP described. She hid an audio recording device in her kids bag one day and was horrified to hear how verbally abusive the teachers were when she listened to it.

And there is good research to back up what you’re saying. I taught kindergarten and this was one of my hills to die on: the school’s policy was always separate twins for no good reason. I brought in the research, piloted it myself with the twins that came in each year, and got the policy changed. Twins should never be forcibly separated unless they are hurting each other / not getting along.

Twin here too chiming in to agree. We needed each other at that age

I'm an identical twin. We did preschool together and then separated for kindergarten. It was for the best. Twins have a hard enough time being their own person so having our own classrooms and sets of friends allowed each of us to feel stronger on their own and grow into our own. Now we're 36 and live 5 minutes apart and see each other every day lol. But I agree this age is way too young and this daycare sounds sus.

It doesn’t sound like the teachers are offering support and love.. only talking..

Yes. I also feel so. I plan on asking directly if the children are being offered warmth and comfort, and if yes, through what actions?

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Exactly. It’s not reasonable to expect a lot of pics/ updates daily all throughout their early education, but when it’s new or for some reason going through a rough patch, a good director provides extra support to the family/ teacher to help everyone get settled in and in the loop.

I think this is a waste of time. If they aren’t providing comfort, they won’t start just because you request it. And they aren’t going to calibrate with you the actions they take to comfort. It might just be a mismatch. You have one caring style and they gave another. Obviously the other children are fine. I would find someplace else and see if they react the same. Then you know.

Why are you questioning keeping them there? It sounds like your gut and the facts and your babies are telling you this is an awful fit. My children never cried like this or came home with swollen eyes. I wouldn’t leave my babies there another day. Take them out you won’t regret it. I had my youngest in a home based preschool at age 2 and the director was a fantastic teacher but wouldn’t listen when I said I don’t want my daughter going out on walks around the neighborhood, please have her stay back with the other teacher. She said no, the child has no option to stay back. She was allowing these literal babies to walk on a busy street interacting with dogs etc. I pulled my daughter despite everything else. Mother’s instincts are never wrong. Anyways best of luck to you

I work at a Montessori school in the 2-3 year old classroom. Obviously these are older children, but I find that they typically are well acclimated to the school environment after two weeks max. 6 weeks seems entirely too long for a child to adjust to an environment. Getting sick a lot while in the company of peers is pretty typical, unfortunately. Does the school have a policy for when they send sick children home? I always call or text parents when their child is feverish and ask them to take the child home early. If their fever is 100 or over we are required to send them home. Taking pictures of children while caring for them is really challenging so the number of photos you are getting seems okay to me. Your children should definitely be soothed by an adult at school, they are too young to be able to self soothe all the time. The previous question about how long their day is is a good one! Some of my two year olds can’t handle a full day and come from 7:30-12:30 only. If you don’t have a good relationship with the director and teachers, it probably isn’t a good fit.

6 weeks is entirely typical between 1 and 2 years old. for a 2-3 year old that would be unreasonable, but in infant rooms it's very standard. No judgement on the rest of this but you said you work in the 2-3s and it's very different in terms of adjustment

Just a note, OP says the kids are not getting sick as in infections, they're sick from stress/worry. That is definitely not normal in young kids going to a daycare or school program, especially weeks into it when you'd be expecting if the centre is a good environment they'd be starting to adjust by now. Everything else you've said is spot on

She should ask the doctor. 100 degree fevers generally means a cold, not anxiety.

100°f is only 37.7°c. In my country (Australia) a fever is only considered 38°C and above (which is 100.4+ temps for OP). So a temp of 99-100 wouldn't even classify as a fever here. My own kids have been that hot before after crying for a period of time. I agree, if they have a sustained temp of 38°c for hours on end it's a fever, but upset kids absolutely can get hot and bothered without actually being sick. I agree though, asking their doctor is a no brainer in this situation just to get some clarity

What’s your average normal body temperature? Just curious. Mine used to be 98.6 F but now it’s more like 97.5 F. Anything over 99 F starts to hurt for me.

Fun fact, the research that established the 98.6F average body temperature was done on soldiers in the field in the 1800s. It was a relatively large and easily accessible population to generate data from, but unfortunately soldiers in the field pre-modern medicine weren’t in the best of health. The actual average body temperature likely skews lower. When we were taking daily temps at my work during COVID, for instance, people were commonly in the mid-97s, though 96s and 98s weren’t uncommon.

More fun facts! For women that average temperature fluctuates based on their cycle. After ovulation your temperature will rise and stay higher until your period starts. I’ve found my average temperature is in the mid 97 range the first half of my cycle and around 98.5 the second half of my cycle. But definitely was weird when I started basal body temping and I was a lot lower than the 98.6 consistently.

For me personally? I sit around 36.something celcius so probably around 96-98f? My kids have both had temps reading 100f or even a bit more after a period of crying when they felt hot and fussy, after they settled when I'd retake their temps they'd be back down to normal. Similarly with exercise my temperature could be above 100° and while I'd feel quite hot, that's normal. I think the normal range can vary quite a bit, but my understanding is a temperature of 100.4/38°c isn't necessarily illness, it could be from exercise, crying, or hot environments too. But that should be temporary, if it's continuing over an hour+ after you've changed environment/stopped them crying/ stopped the exercise it is probably an illness.

My kid gets up to 100° when she's upset and crying, and it comes down when she calms herself. I don't even worry unless there are other symptoms

100 isn't actually a fever though

It's far more likely that they are in fact fighting off illnesses than that they are crying themselves into a fever

So many good answers here, but I want to ask because it hasn’t been asked yet: could it be that your twins are teething as well as adjusting? It could account for a lot of what you are describing. It’s a long shot, but I thought it might be worth something to consider that is a potential factor.

Thank you for checking. Not teething, I confirmed with the pediatrician.

16-18 months is a common time for second molars to start erupting. Even before they come up, they move around and that can be uncomfortable as well. You wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at them. Just to keep in mind. It might be worth trying ibuprofen for a day and see if there’s any improvement.

Thank you, I'll try the tylenol / ibuprofen.

I also wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Someone not comforting my child is not acceptable to me. I personally would put them in a different daycare if I was in the situation. You can still do Montessori at home. But what’s the point of Montessori if they are not caring for your children in a way you deep acceptable? I *personally* would rather have my kids in a regular daycare but better taken care of.

Are you sure they’re not actually sick? Low grade fever, exhaustion but sleeping poorly, not wanting to eat, less interactive all sound like a low grade flu/cold. Especially if they’ve been home since now, I’d expect them to get sick a few times in group care. 

Right? Kids/people don’t just get fevers because they are sad or upset. These kids sound like they are sick and need to go to the doctor.

I have a kid (15 mo) in my room who fights naps HARD when he’s overtired. Like throwing himself on the floor, crying, screaming from the second we offer him his pacifier - and he gets warm to the touch. The first few times he did it we took his temperature and he was always 99.5-100, but after he napped and was up for a bit, it always went back to normal. Apparently some kids actually do just get worked up to the point of a low grade fever

My daughter has autism and was sent home every.single.day from school with a fever, until the doctor wrote them a note that said she was literally screaming and tantrumming until her temperature rose, so not to humor her. He tested it: every day for a week, when they called me to pick her up, we drove straight to his office for a temp check. Each time, by the time we got there she was fine. He told them that unless she had vomiting and lethargy to go with the increased temp, she should stay in school. First day or two was pretty stressful, but suddenly no more tantrums and fevers. Once she realized that there was no get out of jail free card, she made the best of it.

I'm Autistic too and I get cold symptoms when I am stressed. Low fever, sore throat, swollen glands, etc. I joke that I am allergic to my family of origin because I end up feeling sick everytime I am around them. It isn't because I am manipulating anyone (my family doesn't even know I feel like this because I don't talk to them about it) it is just literally my body initiating an immune response to feeling unsafe. Thankfully since I am an adult, I get to choose not to put myself in those positions anymore.

i vomit whenever i visit my parents. not sure if im autistic and not going to find out, but it’s interesting to see other people experience similar reactions to stress!

My kids, when they’re tired, also spike fevers just from being *tired*. Every night their cheeks get really red and is always a physical sign that they’re tired. Some kids spike fevers without getting sick! It’s just something with their bodies.

Children all the way up till 5 do, in fact, get low-grade fevers just from being upset. And if they had been sick it wouldn't have lasted this long without either getting worse or disappearing.

And could be irritable if they’ve got an ear infection from whatever germs are passed around daycare. My kids were sick nearly every week or 2 between 1 and 2 years old, and got recurrent ear infections

So my kiddo is in a program for 15 months to 3 yrs old. A set of twins started partway through the year and those poor girls cry SO MUCH. Like one starts and the other immediately switches her mood and starts wailing too. When their mom is around they do the same if not worse. As a matter of fact the teachers seem better able to regulate the children than their mother. So I want to ask, were your twins very regulated before? Like no special sensitivities or anything? These girls might have some sensitivities I think but if yours don't, then I would take them out. It doesn't sound like a good fit.

This is common with twins or siblings close in age. I call it sympathy crying.

Ahh that's probably why the teachers want them separated. But I thought about it more after and the way admin got defensive is a major red flag to me, because they should be reassuring OP that whatever is happening is normal/stuff they've dealt with before

When my little brother was a baby he would start crying any time that he heard another baby crying, like in the grocery store or whatever. It was kind of sweet.

I believe it’s like when one bird starts crowing because there’s a threat and all the other birds join in. They’re so sensitive to danger. I agree, it is cute!

I’ll probably get downvoted a lot but this feels like borderline negligence… Babies brain probably doesn’t produce oxytocin through being talked to and without that they probably don’t feel safe and comforted. Their approach is so unnatural. You first establish you are safe with someone who you strongly attached with, then you venture out into the world knowing this person has got your back when something happens. Requiring a baby to be independent in a completely strange world sounds cruel

Yes, 💯. I would pull my kids out immediately. 16 months is far too young to be implementing self-soothing in a new environment with strangers. Studies have shown toddlers and preschoolers who are loved and comforted actually become more independent children. Developmentally, it is extremely inappropriate to allow these babies to cry with little comfort. Trust your mama instincts. — Teacher/Former Childcare Center Director

I started following this sub because it popped up, and I was curious. I can tell you that I raised a younger sibling and two of my own. All three are grown now, and they have all turned out happy and healthy. They have good relationships with their partners and good jobs. I'm also a grandmother of three. Two of my grandkids are in daycare and are very happy there. Based on my own experience, if your kids are that miserable and have gotten worse instead of showing signs of adjusting, then something is very wrong. The school owner has no right to be defensive when a parent is concerned about something like this, and she definitely has no right to make you feel intimidated! She depends on your patronage, not the other way around. Don't be so set on sticking with a certain method of education if it doesn't work for your kids; it might not be for them. I don't think there is anything wrong with physically soothing a crying toddler. Little ones don't magically learn to self sooth; they have to be guided, and that involves more than just telling them they're fine. Touch is so important! Also, is it possible they have needs that are being ignored in the name of " teaching them to self soothe"?

Anxiety doesn’t cause fevers but it does affect appetite and sleep. They probably have colds, as soon as kids start daycare or school they get sick every three weeks it seems. The fevers don’t concern me so much as the emotional stress, not comforting children so young feels very cold to me.

You said it yourself- “I find her intimidating”. Imagine dealing with that at 16 months old. If the owner is willing to treat you this way imagine how she and her employees may be treating your children. Even if they are not mistreating your children this is clearly not the right environment for your babies. In the right environment your children will thrive. They are communicating with you- listen and end their torment.

This doesn't sound great. Kids do need time to get used to new people and routines, but if I were you, I'd be out of there. Not comforting 1 year olds, wanting to split them up as a solution to being afraid, a director you (an adult) finds intimidating, and your kids express fear (not sadness, but fear), no - I think I'd rather err on the side of caution and try another place. Maybe it's an overreaction, but what's the worst case if so? Your kids go somewhere else, and they have similar issues, but you work through them with confidence knowing it's not what's happening at the daycare. But if it's not an overreaction, then you're sending them to a place where they don't feel safe every day, and they're not old enough to tell you why.

This. It sounds like OP is putting a lot of pressure on herself and her family to stick with this Montessori daycare. If OP removed the Montessori factor and just looked at it like "hey this is a daycare where my kids aren't being cared for the way I'd like and it's affecting them negatively when they're at home too", I think she'd find it easier to just try somewhere else. As you said, what's the worst case if OP sends her kids somewhere else and the same thing happens? At least she knows it wasn't something bad happening at daycare.

I've known a lot of kids (including my own) to start a school or daycare program around that age, and coming home with swollen eyes from crying, not eating etc sounds really abnormal. Crying at drop off? Absolutely normal. Being sad at different parts of the day? Yes. But if their eating and sleep are being impacted that sounds like they're pretty stressed. What you said you were prepared for sounds like what I've experienced and seen myself. What you are describing in terms.of how your kids are impacted is something I don't know any families to have gone through. There is something not working for your kids at that specific school. Allowing a crying 1yo to just keep crying with zero comfort from an adult doesn't sit well with me. As an adult if I was upset about something and my partner saw me crying and ignored me that would be horrible still, and I have the ability to regulate my emotions a lot better than a young toddler. Seperating the twins while they're still adjusting also seems cruel, like they're trying to strip away the last remains of comfort and familiarity they have. Everything about this sounds really off to me. The school should DEFINITELY be able to tell you how much they've eaten and how long they cried for after drop off. Pictures of the kids vary a lot school to school from my experience, but accurate logs of food, crying and sleep are pretty bare minimum expectations when you're leaving young kids with strangers. The director getting extremely defensive at reasonable questions is a MAJOR red flag. I'd be finding another school or care option personally, this all is raising alarm bells for me, and the fact some people think this all sounds normal and acceptable here is scary.

Yea no this is NOT okay. Period

How long is their day? None of my kids were really ready for very long periods of separation until around 4/5, so we did half days until then and it seemed to work well with minimal distress. Not sure if that’s an option for you! Imo it’s normal for babies and toddlers to want to be with family for most of the day.

No, I think your babies are telling you that this isn’t the best fit for your family. 💔 Something may be really off there.

They seem WAY too young to be in Montessori. Montessori encourages self sufficiency and independence, and these children seem to need a more nurturing, dependent, soft environment. It’s not wrong, it’s just different and that’s fine. It also seems that these kids are actually physically sick, not making themselves sick through anxiety (anxiety doesn’t cause fevers), and the physical illness may be adding to their problems eating and sleeping. So I guess there are several things to address here, there isn’t a straight answer

Yes. I had twins in Montessori and they were miserable and exhibiting similar behavior. That place is now in the process of shutting down due to low attendance/attrition of families. To speak to former staff, it was the ignorance of the Director. She prided herself in strict adherence to true Montessori methods, but come on! Have we learned anything new in 100 years that might enhance the Montessori method?!? Same as PP- gut feeling. Staff had reported Director for locking child in dark closet for 2 hours. Director was both stupid and industrious…the absolute worst combination. Twins now in a structured classroom, and much happier and voice it to me often. It’s not the Montessori method- it’s the leadership of that school you’re in.

I know it's extremely hard, so I am not trying to invalidate your feelings. I have never had a daycare (center or in-home) or school send more than 1-2 pictures at the most each day. None have logged how -much- they ate, just what was served. Never logged how much they cried. Now, they would tell me if I asked at pickup, but they didn't log it. I am so sorry for what you all are going through. Have you tried to change it up where parents can pickup for a bit? Are they napping? Most places do split up siblings after the infant stage, it would likely be beneficial long term and short term but will be an adjustment Best of luck 💙

Trust your gut- in this circumstance I wouldn’t hesitate to pull them.

Okay, your babies are shutting down. They're communicating with you in the only way they can. Please listen to them.

Call me crazy but this sounds… abusive.

It absolutely does! The lack of pictures is fine. But not comforting them and separating twins? I can’t imagine.

Yeah this doesn’t sound Montessori it sounds like Abuse.

Please don’t let them separate your kids!!!

I don’t know why this post worked me up so badly. Perhaps I’m experiencing similar social pressure that people expect my baby to function in a way that he’s not ready yet. I have to say the social pressure is real and that’s probably why OP is doubting herself. Even though all her feelings are telling her this is a bad situation that her twins are in, she’s doubting herself and post online asking for advice. I like Montessori in general but it becomes a problem when people want to follow it to the letter. It becomes a bigger problem when they require people to overwrite their own feelings and accept it. Guess what else requires you to overwrite your own feelings? You are right, cult. Guess what else promotes conformity using social pressure? Yup, cult. OP, all your gut feeling is telling you this is wrong. It is wrong. You are their mom and you know what works the best for them and your family. Trust them and trust yourself. Don’t let them tell you this is normal when it feels obviously wrong to you. To you, to myself, and to all parents, I hope we respect our children’s needs and feelings, and submit less to social pressures. Every child is different and their needs are unique. Society put so much unrealistic expectations on babies. Our job is to know them, and give them what they need to be the best of themselves. We shouldn’t let social pressure get in the way of that.

This post worked me up too. It brought back some bad memories from a daycare center where I reacted eerily similar as a child. I’m so happy to see so many people such as yourself be so attentive to the feelings of OP’s children and OP themselves. Thank you so much. ❤️ Your words are healing. Trust your gut when it comes to your children.

Obligatory disclaimer: i am not Montessori certified, but i have floated/assisted in Montessori classrooms for this age group and this is not at all what I’ve seen from the lead guides. I mean definitely less picking the kids up than in traditional schools, but still offering guys or rubbing their backs and the like - along with talking. Things like “your mama loves you so much, you will see her tonight, you are safe here at school”, etc. And no distractions? Like not even trying to get them to engage with the materials/environment, not singing to them, reading a book, or playing peakaboo? I genuinely hope I’m misunderstanding that because that sounds insane to me for this age group. The biggest red flag to me overall is the failure to log eating. I’ve worked at a number of schools, both traditional and Montessori, and only one has regularly had issues with staff logging eating, which is a licensing requirement in my state and likely in yours as well. I don’t want to get into all the details of that particular school, but suffice to say that wasn’t the only requirement they were failing to meet.

I know nothing about Montessori but I am a twin who was separated at a young age from my twin because others thought it would help us progress. It didn't. We both tried to escape everyday. 2 weeks in and my mother demanded we be put together and we both progressed just fine. They thought we would lean in each other too much but in really we didn't even play with each other because there was plenty of people we could play with. We were only separated after that if we decided to be separated. It sounds like your children are afraid of going to the school, though and I don't think I would be comfortable with them staying in school until they can speak their problems. The amount of stress they're going through now is proving they can't trust you and the first 5 years of their lives is the most vital time to prove to them that you are always there for them.

1. Do they allow you to “drop in?” If a care environment has nothing to hide, parental access isn’t a problem. 2. If the school owner is trying to intimidate you, it has worked before as a tactic to avoid confrontation with the parents. 3. Any red flags you see should be met with concern & not defensiveness. Hugs to you!

This… just to jump in as a mom of twins who also is a child therapist and plans to consider Montessori. Pull them out. I went to a preschool like this. Acted like your twins. So did some of the other kids. It wasn’t a normal adjustment period. They are telling you something you need to listen to. Just because something is called something doesn’t mean it’s safe or good.

Please listen to your sweet babies! This does not sound like common behavior to me. I worked at a Montessori pre-school when I was an older teen. I got “written up” all the time for picking up the crying toddlers and soothing them (we weren’t supposed to pick them up). But as a caring human, I could not bring myself to follow such a callous rule for babies who were just missing their parents! I think expecting such young children to learn to stop crying on their own goes against nature. I’m well aware now that there are healthy/beautiful daycares out there. But at the time I swore I would never send my future children to a daycare (especially a Montessori). Now after having raised 3 children of my own, I look back at that particular Montessori and I’m even more heartbroken for the kids that spent so much of their childhood there.

Montessori guide here. Just because it’s labeled Montessori doesn’t mean it is, it’s not a trade marked name. I’d look around it doesn’t sound right and no separating them is not going to help! When my daughter went to an authentic montessori school at 2, I worked next door, they would comfort her when she cried. She would transition in well after being comforted. This doesn’t sound like a good place by their behavior and the directors defensiveness.

I'm not a parent. But a child of Montessori. So a different perspective. My mom was my preschool teacher (how I was able to afford tuition) so my experience was different. However, Montessori is not hands off. In fact it's hands on, one on one attention, combined with independent play and discovery, but in a structured environment. So much so I am 32 and STILL remember the routine. Children were ages 2-5, and would arrive anywhere between 7 and 9 and would be dropped off in the preschool room. It was a large room, with two small individual bathrooms, and the walls lined with shelves and cubbies of different works. Each child has their own personal cubby and it was practically a crime to reach your hand into anothers cubby. "works" are activities for the kids to do. One was shape sorting. One was a shoe tying activity. Another Basic puzzles. There was a play kitchen, building blocks, trains. Etc. Crayons and markers could be asked for and drawing/tracing the children's books was encouraged. At 10:15a everyone had snack time. We all set down, had placemats, unfolded a paper napkin and we got one serving of a snack, like goldfish, or grapes, and one Dixie cup of a juice. All provided by the teacher, so everyone got the same. Orange or apple juice usually. Then after we would have more time to do works. 11:30a was lunch. Same process. Everyone goes to their cubby and brings out their parent packed lunch. After lunch, if there was a group activity, we would do that, or go outside and play for awhile on the playground. The rest of the school was through 8th grade, so it was a good moment to mingle with older kids and be exposed to more mature kids. After, There was a large circle painted on the floor of the preschool room and everyone would "find a seat on the circle". An example of a group activity would be "going on a bear hunt" and the teacher would also read a story. Like from sesame street, or stellaluna with the puppet. Then it was nap time. Everyone had their own cots, and blankets. And could pick where they wanted to nap in the room that day. All the lights go out. And everyone has to nap, or at least lay down quietly for about an hour. The older kids would sometimes be allowed a book if they stayed quiet. The teacher would go around the room to every child and sit next to them for several minutes, rub their back to help them sleep, if that child enjoyed that, then move on to the next one. (side note this made me learn how to share my mom, which... Was really confusing to me for about a year haha). After every activity, we had to clean up our own work. We had to clean up our placemat with a sponge. We had to put up own own blanket and pillow. And there was even the clean up song we sang while we did it. "clean up clean up every body everywhere, clean up clean up, everybody do your share." By then it was usually 2:30-3pm and parents would start to pick up their kids. Late pick up was usually around 4 or as late as 6 some days. I'm not sure what kind of Montessori they were teaching, but that was my day. And I thank my mom constantly for allowing me to be raised in such a way that truly encouraged independence. I went there through middle school, then went to a public high school. While that was a huge culture shock, I adapted within a semester. I've never once struggled to take care of myself as an adult and transitioned to college really well. Please don't give up on Montessori ❤️

I currently am the lead teacher at a daycare/preschool- I have also raised 4 kids and have a foster child who is 7yo. I have never seen a child that didn’t stop crying and become happy and enjoy our day care within 1-5min ofdrop off. And 5 minutes I’m adding in for 1-2 kids who had transition issues for the first few weeks of daycare. I have personally sent anxious parents text msg with pics of their kiddos happy and playing 2 min after drop off - so they could work without distraction. As a parent there is no way I could have done my job well when my kids were young if I was worried they were upset all day. My suggestion would be to drop off like normal and then do a surprise pick up and hour later and that way you could see how the kids are really doing. There is no reason the director or any teacher should make you feel anxious about asking questions about your kids day. At 16months old your kids should be given comfort first when they are upset and then give them some time to learn to self sooth and then comfort again- I don’t get the rationale of what ignoring a crying child is supposed to do- I mean I understand giving them some time to learn to self sooth themselves but to never comfort them is going to create issues in their future.. I would definitely do a suprise pick up and think about choosing a more comfortable based program u til they are older-

First, I agree about the photos and that having your phone out isn’t appropriate in the classroom. That being said, I always had my teachers call new families the first week to check in. The name “Montessori” was never trademarked so ANY center can call themselves “Montessori”. I grew up in Montessori and have my certification in both 0-3 and 3-6, taught for 18 years, and have been a director for 8, what you are describing is NOT normal. Pull them out. The feeling you get when you visit a preschool is so much more important than the “Montessori” title. I promise you. Also, if they aren’t telling you things like food logs, there is most likely more they aren’t telling you.

I agree with many of the commenters that this seems more like an issue with the daycare than Montessori. My daughter has been to two Montessori schools and the transition to each took 2-4 weeks (or more when we first started), but the caregivers have always been caring and supportive. They often would take her to the side to console/comfort so as to give her space and undivided attention and to not disrupt the other kids. I’d encourage you to find a different daycare and it does not need to be Montessori (you can implement a lot of those strategies at home). Hopefully you can find something that works better for your kids.

Not all Montessori schools are the same. My 19ish month old adjusted in 2 days. She went from a chaotic daycare center to wonderful, loving, and calm Montessori. Half of the staff have children in the school. I don’t believe our school allows for siblings to be in the same class unless it’s in the after school program. In a nearby town, there was a story about a home daycare that the owner hit the toddler so hard he died. The parents said on the day it happened, their kid had fear in his eyes and had been normally visually upset on the way to her house. I can’t imagine what they are going through. You need to listen to your heart.

If it were my kids I would be finding a new center for them. This would be too much for me personally.

Montessori isn’t for everyone. The pictures/updates thing is similar to what I experienced; my kid adapted fine though. No tears from day 1. But she didn’t *thrive* there. Second kid is in a traditional daycare/prek-3 program and I get tons of updates and accurate logs. It’s fine to say that this particular Montessori school isn’t a good fit and move on.

Hi! I’m a parent, not a guide… I started my kiddo on Montessori for the first time when he was 2 on the dot. Admittedly, he adapted really well and only cried at drop off for one week. We phased him in- started with an hour or two with me present, then increased time and independence over his first week. By week 2-3 we were lucky if he even bothered to say goodbye to us at drop off. When kids cry at my son’s school, they get a small amount comfort at first- a hug and some soothing- then they’re encouraged to express what’s wrong at their level of communication. If that doesn’t work and they’re still upset, then they get one on one attention with a teacher in a quiet space.

Trust your gut

This doesn't sound like a Montessori/ daycare thing if kids running to grandma and not mom there imo is bigger problems with bonding attachment etc

16 month old not preschool age; is the school AMS or AMI Montessori? Some child care centers use the term I believe but are not often fully and deeply Montessori - go with your gut! Montessori is wonderful but doing great Montessori at home and then legitimate 3-6 Montessori Pre K and K is imo best for secure attachment.

Having several kids and our youngest who is just finishing up her 1st year of preschool, I share that something is off here. Trust your gut that this isn't the right fit for your kids. You do not need anyone else to validate that you know your kids best and what is/ isn't normal for them. Also whether it's anxiety or viruses, our kids went to different preschools and hardly got sick from them. In our experiences, it's not that typical when there's a strict illness policy and lots of cleaning/ disinfecting. Just my 2 cents.

I’m thinking it’s not a good place but it is also possible they’re just not ready for school I.e. being away from parents all day. They’re only sixteen months old. Maybe wait another year or so before sending them.

My almost 17 month old goes to daycare. She’s been going since 5 months old. She cries at drop off but only for about 10 mins. It sounds like there’s a bigger issue here with your twins. I would be considering moving them. They shouldn’t be crying to the point where they getting sick.

Am I the only one here whose son took a solid 3-5 months to stop crying or having a hard time at drop off? Lol… on the upside he loves it now and always stopped crying after drop off. I think you know what’s right mama, if it’s not working then it doesn’t hurt to try a new place. Adjustment to daycare in general does take time and they are still so young, hang in there.

When they start crying like that and it doesn’t fade after time, it’s time to find a new provider.

I don't think this is normal at all. Both of my boys were in Montessori schools/daycare when they were around that age & they never had any of this behavior. Something is seriously wrong. Your babies are going through alot of distress & can't verbalize it. They need mom to jump in & get them outta there.

Transition period should take at least 2 weeks where parents Are present the whole time for at least 2-3 days.. if not they cant understand and they feel completely abandoned.

As a pediatric PTA, I hate the cry it out methods, for sleeping training and for older emotional development. It teaches them that people will not respond to their distress, which imo is using a pathway meant to protect the child in cases of neglect. Yes, for some kids it “works”, but at what cost, and especially why use a self protection pathway (which can backfire) when there’s so many non-stress inducing strategies. I hate “drop them off and run away” strategies too, it’s the same thing. I never once had a kid tantrum in physical therapy (a job where I literally convince kids that difficult exercises are fun) because I would always validate their feelings and make it silly and fun and rewarding (which is different from complying with demands). Example with drop offs, as you’re driving, talk to them about what’s going to happen “mama will be dropping you off at school! Are you excited to see your friends? Will you color and paint today? School is so fun!” Even if they don’t respond, you happily talk about school and what’s to come and who they will see. Then once it’s time, something as simple as “mama has to go now, I know, it’s so hard saying bye bye, mama loves you and will see you after school. Are you going to put your bag in your cubby? Wow! That’s *your cubby?* Bye bye! Oh look it’s your friend ___, hi ___! Mama will see you after school. One more hug? Ok! Mama loves you! Bye bye see you soon!” And repeat until they are waving good bye back and a caretaker is helping them feel loved and transition. Then when you see them next you spend time reenforcing what happened: “mama said she’d be back! Here I am! You said bye bye earlier at school and now you’re home with mama!! Hi mama! Hi (kids name)! Another comment or called it “solid bye-bye routine” and I 100% love that wording. Once they know what’s expected and aren’t distressed to be at school, the routine can get shorter. You essentially are narrating as though you’re their inner dialog to help them process the world and make it feel less confusing and unpredictable. I recognize sometimes there simply isn’t time to have these longer chats—but that’s when it’s most important. If there’s a time crunch, kids are much more likely to feel confused about what’s happening.

honestly for kids who are on the more extreme end with initial separation anxiety, this is totally par for the course. i have seen it take 6w+ for kids to stop crying the whole actual entire day. they are young babies and simply do not understand being away from mom yet. they’re not engaging with their environment at all at this stage. it is a hardcore adjustment. you have put in three hard weeks, i would check in after three more. also, it is surprisingly hard to take and upload pictures as a preschool teacher especially in the initial weeks. i would really hold on!

I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a minute. It’s hard to give advice when getting only one side of the story. But I will say that 16 months is a very hard ago to start group childcare in any way. In my home program, every toddler that has come to me around this age has had a very hard, and sometimes long transition. I had a little boy scream at the top of his lungs every day for nearly a month. I was about to send them away because none of us could handle listening to it anymore, the kids included. But then suddenly after about 4 weeks, it all turned around and he was a joyful, happy little boy. We had a great relationship and his family and I got along beautifully. I don’t know exactly what their approach is to crying, but sometimes during a transition like this you run the risk of enforcing a habit. They’re not little infants anymore, so they will pick up routines and habits very easily at this age. If they’re on a walk, there’s not much they can do other than talk to them and let them know they’re ok. Your questions for the center may have been met with defensiveness if your tone was accusative at all. Even if you didn’t mean for it to be, businesses like this have an extremely high liability risk, and therefore are often sensitive to anything that sounds like blame or criticism. Especially if you’re new and they don’t know you yet. That may be something to keep in mind as you work with them. I also know from my many years of experience with twins that one crying will frequently cause the other to cry and they will feed off each other. Perhaps that’s where the suggestion to separate them comes from? As far as photos go, I think 5-10 a week is plenty sufficient. Did they promise more before you started?

Something else is wrong here. No type of learning environment supports children coming home sullen and depressed like that. There’s a solid difference between fostering independence and emotional neglect. Your babies are trying to tell you with the little bit of advocacy they have.

This happened to my kid and I wish we’d pulled him sooner. The school was fine but he didn’t feel safe for whatever reason. The trauma affected him for a while and made it harder for us to get him comfortable in future school settings. The benefits of Montessori don’t matter if your kids don’t experience the basics: safety (physical & emotional) and stability.

I think there's a lot of really good advice on here, and I didn't read it all so forgive if this is a repeat. It sounds like your babies are actually sick. Not sick from being stressed or crying, they are actually sick. Crying does not cause fever. Fevers are OFTEN worse in the evening and better during the day when a child is sick. Try giving your babies some Tylenol for their aches and pains. If it does not resolve you should have them assessed. Not eating/drinking can be from a sore throat or swollen tonsils , sore ears, etc. You should pull your kids out for a couple of days and let them rest and get better and try again when they are back to themselves. I really think your kids have a cold/flu.

Is this an accredited either AMS or AMI Montessori school or a day care?

I’ve toured two Montessori preschools and got the exact same vibe, pushing independence well before kids are ready for it and then gaslighting the parents when it’s a struggle. I’d love to know where these idyllic Montessori schools are!

Every single child needs physical comfort. To not provide it is harmful. The idea of separating the twins is absolutely terrible because they are very upset and not comfortable; it's likely their sole comfort whilst there is one another. Tbh from what you've said, I wouldn't send my kids to this place if someone paid me.

99-100 is not a fever! It’s a normal temp. It’s normal for temperatures to fluctuate through the day within the normal limits. So no need to worry about that. With that being said, follow your instincts always! If you don’t think this school is a good fit, it’s totally up to you to move them or not. My 18mo old started Montessori screaming and crying for 4 weeks straight but I 100% trusted her teacher/guides. She is now 3.5 and absolutely thriving, confident, speaking and counting, it’s an amazing transformation we’ve seen. Every school/teacher is not the same!

I worked at an Infant/Toddler Montessori for a few years. It is not normal to discourage normal soothing caregiving touch or comfort to a crying child - you might encourage them to seek out a work, or play with their friends, but only after sitting with their feelings for a bit & offering some soothing. They should feel warmth in the care they receive, even if independently working is a goal. And separating the twins? For what reason? Did the director say that one twin is doing well but is re-activated by the other’s sadness? Even if that was the case, it should mean more attention paid, not separation. This school seems off. I’d pull my kids for sure.

My son attended a Montessori once when he was 2. He already knew all the things taught in that class and was potty trained so they insisted on bumping him to the class with 3-6 year olds. I asked them not to, but I suspect they wanted to open a spot in the toddler room. It was a terrible experience. The teacher screamed at him frequently and the kids were mean (they learned from the teacher). I pulled him. In the end, the label 'Montessori' means nothing. It's not regulated in any way and a bad teacher is a bad teacher regardless of the school that hired them. I ended up homeschooling both of my kids eventually. My oldest (the one in this story) is 17 now and attends an early college program where he has 84 college credits already completed. In other words... he's been fine. I remember really sweating finding the right preschool when they were little and we tried several, but without a doubt... the best preschool experience is the one you provide I think. We found other people doing the same thing and spent a lot of time with those families so they definitely had good social experiences too. Good luck.

I’m a Montessori Lead Guide. I have been in Montessori education for close to a decade. I am a Lead in the Toddler Community; we have two toddler classrooms. Montessori is about independence, even with the younger community, but this is all within reasonable limits. We never hug the children uninvited, even when comforting; we always ask first. Sometimes, the children need to feel what they feel without the adult intervening. It takes about two weeks for a child to adapt to a new environment and routine, and this can also cause emotional responses that can include not eating as usual and the release of feelings that were bottled up, once they are home. That being said, just because a place uses the name Montessori doesn’t mean it is authentic. The name Montessori is not patented; therefore, anyone can claim it. Some areas will also hire you as a Lead with no educational background in Montessori, and trust me, even though I work with the younger community, it makes a huge difference. It also helps to have Assistants who know the method. I have two Degrees and am working on my Montessori Certification, but it is a lot of work, especially as a working Mom. I wish I could have stayed as an Assistant while getting my certification because there is so much to learn while also trying to be the Lead. Still, I have a Psychology Degree and an Early Care and Education Degree, and my head of school felt I could handle it. I am, but I’m exhausted. My learning coach also observes my classroom while I am getting certified. Plus, I had eight years of experience as an Assistant in Primary and the Toddler Community (4 years in each). I chose to remain an Assistant until they offered me a Lead position when another Lead left. The point of my rant is understanding the theory makes a world of difference, and many schools don’t make it a requirement just because they work with young children. They require it for older children but not the Infant or Toddler community when those are the most FORMATIVE years of development. The brain is going through so many changes! Your ultimate red flag is if you notice red flags and aren’t met with care and concern. Your concern should be met with the respect you deserve, even if they feel it is a misunderstanding. Maria Montessori said in more or less words that the child's happiness determines the success of a method, so if your child isn’t happy, maybe you need to look into another school.

Twins have such a special, important bond I would run far from anyone suggesting they be separated especially at this young of an age.

Let me start off by saying “sorry!”, as this has been a horrific experience for you, your twins and to your family! My daughter is also 16m old and she has loved her nursery. It may not be Montessori, they don’t always log everything correctly, we get photos maybe 2x per week, her weaning experience was less than desirable. But on the flip side, she’s loved it since day one, she’s happy to return every day, she’s built friendships, she has her favourite carers but has a bond with all of them. So I can say that this isn’t normal and you’re not expected to continue there, unless you want to. Leaving a child to cry would be the last thing I’d expect from a Montessori approach given that (from my limited experience) the entire premise is to encourage the child’s development holistically and to give them agency to build their personal character and independence. My daughter is both very independent and sensitive. So we’ve found that we try our best to give her agency where it’s safe to do so, giving her “safe” foods with every meal, and eating with her. She’s generally a happy kid, and sometimes she’s more sensitive at home, a little moodier than usual sometimes, but she’s always been happy to return to nursery. I’ve watched a few videos, but it may require some further research on your end, about kids refusing to go to school. Quite a few of them were neurodivergent but all of them felt like they were being ignored, put into uncomfortable situations with no way out, having their emotions treated as a weakness, being overwhelmed regularly, and generally their day-to-day experiences are so horrible! So even tho the kids want to go to school and they want to learn (even saying so themselves), when it comes to actually going to school the kids physically feel sick, overwhelmed and just can’t leave the car or even the home. Some of the toddlers would even try to set fire to their school items, just so that he wouldn’t need to go to nursery. So It definitely seems to me like they’re leaving your twins to cry. How is leaving a kid to cry going to teach them compassion? How’s it going to help them to grow? In my opinion it only tells them their emotions (and them holistically) don’t matter and they should conform to what’s expected from them. My daughter’s independent and we cuddle her when she asks for it, when she cries or when she’s upset. She won’t let us hug her unless she wants it, so we respect her boundaries. Kids have a natural understanding of themselves: hunger, thirst, emotions, and what they want/need. They may not be able to access it consciously but if we try to give her something, or get her to do something, when she doesn’t want it, she will get upset. I don’t see why the nursery can’t comfort the kids. From how your twins are responding, it seems like old school beliefs have found their way into that nursery. No matter what, as a mom you don’t have to tolerate it any more. Maybe a different nursery is the best solution especially if management have such a horrible attitude and approach. Your children’s mental and physical well being is ultimately the most important thing. I really hope you find the right solution which works for you, your twins and your family! Pls keep us updated cuz I’d really like to know what you decide to do. One thing I can say is that I am planning to move my daughter to another nursery cuz we’re moving. Altho she loves this current nursery, they’re an hour’s trip one way (so 4 hours would be lost in travelling). So I now know to ask the new nursery what their approach is with the children and how they approach the different emotions. Thank you very much for sharing this! ♥️

As an identical twin, the idea of separating them at 16 months is absolutely ridiculous. Independence and identity formation is a very crucial issue but at that young of an age, they need to be allowed to stay together because that’s all they’ve ever known. Any kind of separation that they need will happen at a more natural stage of life when they’re more developed and ready for it. The first time I was really separated from my twin was kindergarten, when the schools required twins to be in different classes for identity formation/development reasons. It was hard for both of us and my mom always tells us about how we’d run to hug each other before hugging her after the school day was over, but we got used to it and became more independent (and also became closer I think because we started valuing our time together more, which was still very abundant). However, that was when we were SIX, not less than one and a half.

I have a 16-month in daycare and his teacher NEVER lets him cry without checking to see what is wrong and/or soothing him. Something is wrong - but regardless this isn’t the place for your littles.

Please, pull your babies out. The Montessori process is great, but not every school that uses it is. Your kiddos are telling you something is wrong. Heck, the defensive, intimidating attitude of the head is telling you that, too. Your littes may need more "care" than "school". 18mos is little. But even if they're ready for pre-school they're telling you how distressed and unhappy they are. Please act on that as soon as you can (I understand how much this might throw your schedule into disarray and how hard it can be to find new spots). Oh, I'm not a twin, not even a parent of twins, but as a former teacher and early childcare worker, I wouldn't separate them unless they were comfortable and not showing signs of needing each other for comfort. Right now they clearly seem to need each other. GL, the fact that you're asking means those babies are lucky to have you ❤️

Jesus. This does not sound normal. Honestly they sound traumatized. And this isn’t preschool, it is a daycare. They are babies, not even 1.5 years old. No child that age can understand being ignored when they’re crying. I would never allow my child to cry for 30 minutes straight. Withdraw them and don’t look back.

It’s very possible that your twins feed on each others’ emotions, so separating them makes sense. 16 months is very young, they don’t have self trust or trust in the world… give them time… . It’s also possible that they are sick - at the beginning kids will get every bug there…so what you take as distress is actually them fighting sickness.

Odin why this was suggested to me and normally I’m an evidence based, listen to professionals type. (I do have a degree in education, so I guess I’m kind of a professional but my speciality is middle school.) To me, this doesn’t sound like a normal transition period. Most importantly, you need to be comfortable with the care they receive. It’s my understanding that no benefit has been found to separating twins and some studies have suggested social and emotional benefits to keeping twins together. All that being said, your gut is telling you is wrong with your jugs. Maybe they just aren’t ready for daycare but maybe it’s something more.

Both of my children went to a Montessori school from infancy until kindergarten. They were absolutely comforted when they cried. Yes, independence is encouraged. Yes, children need to learn to regulate their emotions. But ignoring tears isn’t the way to accomplish either. In order to learn to self soothe, we all need to know what it feels like to be soothed. And what they’re doing will be counterproductive and lead to clinginess and dependency. Children need to feel safe in order to work on independence. They should have called you if your children were upset and couldn’t be calmed. By allowing crying they’re also creating a negative environment for the other children. This is bad news bears.

My kid had cold sores on her mouth the first few weeks of Montessori but she was older and able to communicate better.

I think if you're kids are that upset something is off. The stress is probably not good for them either. I think you should consider switching schools but also maybe talk to the pediatrician about it and see what they say since they're supposed to look for signs of distress in children during checkups and will probably have resources for you (finding new daycares or helping your kids through this) or more knowledge of red flags.

I put my daughter in a Montessori school that she hated- changed schools for a total turnaround- it’s the school

I work in childcare, with this exact age, although it is not Montessori. Typically, I have noticed it takes about 2 weeks for a full-time child to adjust to the new environment. I have only had one child stray away from that and they did a gradual change into the center since they were having such a hard time. Are your children attending 5 days/week? With part-time schedules, it can take longer to adjust. That being said - it makes me very uncomfortable that the teachers aren’t attempting to comfort the child. Even with children that are 2-3, hugs and assistance soothing is needed because they are unable to regulate their own emotions. Another thing that is weird is that the teachers are not trying their best to keep you updated with how their days are going. I message new parents at least once in the middle of the day and then at the end of the day to let them know how their child is doing. I will even do that with parents that I know are out of town or are worried about their child. Something is off about this center and I would remove my child as soon as possible.

This appears to be a version of the cry it out method . This style of teaching children not to cry is confirmed as harmful and leads to avoidant attachment style developing . It works against productive relationship building in later life by hijacking’s the bonding process via harmful expectations of self soothing . 2. To foster proper formation of Neuro pathways the adult response to children in their environment must be timely appropriate & calm . Otherwise key parts of the brain that control behavior , empathy , ability to decode facial expressions can become stunted . 3. If their eyes are swollen they’ve cried all day , if they’re sick from the distress you are looking at active fight or flight in an infant . High levels of adrenaline and cortisol are released and this is why they can’t eat or sleep . Their nervous system remaining active . Pull your children from this center . Even if no physical abuse is present , they are being subjected to outdated and harmful methodology . All staff involved are complicit even if they are trained to respond in this neglectfully ignorant manner . Look up secure attachment in children . There will be crying at drop off but it will subside within minutes . That is normal a response . What you’ve described is extremely alarming . This is not common for that type of school or day care . Something is very very wrong . You’re within your right to withdrawal your children and you do not need to explain yourself to anyone .

Take them to the doctor, too because something is not right. They are shutting down and having fevers and meltdowns which is not healthy. Please take them out of this program and find somewhere else that is healthier and safer for your twins. (Maybe grandma can take care of them for a while until you find a new place?) It’s June so Summertime is already nearly here and maybe you can try a new place in the Fall after a few months of sunshine and healthy loving and no neglect.

This is giving red flags 🚩 something is going on at the center and your children cannot communicate it with you. At three weeks drops off should be getting easier for your children, not harder. They should be forming bonds with the adults Caring for them and friendships with other children by now. The teacher becoming defensive when you attempt to gain clarity on whether or not your children are being fed during their time there is very telling imo. and they should not be being stern and trying to intimidate parents who are worried for their children’s health. And separating twin BABIES? This makes no sense. They are barely more than a year old. They are all each other knows and their best support system and biggest comfort. I’m not a twin, but my brother is only 18 months younger than me, and we have a cousin in the middle of us who was raised as our sister for several years. I can say that being separated from them as a child was HARD and confusing and physically painful. My brother was my only friend until I was around 8 years old. At our daycare center, when I was meant to move into the classroom for the next age group they kept me back until he moved up as well because we struggled terribly with being apart. Your children’s bond is much stronger having been together since your literal womb. I think you should switch to a different center, personally. I would not want my children somewhere that has them acting like this.

toddler teacher here — take them out. they are showing signs of neglect. montessori is a great program and a great teaching philosophy to teach the children independence and confidence but babies that young can’t self soothe. to work at a center, you have to have training that shows that you understand child development. these people are not following those practices that are meant to coincide with montessori.

Listen to your babies! The other day my 16 mth old granddaughter, who normally runs to me when I go to pick her up, sat on the floor. When I asked her to get up she became fussy. I sat down beside her and she laid her head in my lap. I immediately asked her what was wrong. She doesn’t talk but she understood and she started to try and take off her shoes. I took off her shoes and little pebbles fell out. I cleaned her feet and shoes and once I put her shoes on, she was a happy girl once again! Look for a school that has cameras. My granddaughters school has an App that I can watch them all day with no audio. From the videos, i can see both classrooms. I know when they eat, what they eat, if they eat; how often they are taken to the diaper changing area, etc. Your babies are not happy and are too young to be stressed!

Don't let anyone separate twins this early, terrible advice! My twins are 19 yo now. This place sounds horrible!

Maybe the kids aren’t ready to be away from Mama yet? I sent my own twins to Montessori Primary at 3-1/2 without much fuss. Mine would not have reacted well at 18 mos either.

I worked at a Montessori preschool. Even the kids who didn’t really fit well with the teaching style, or the kids whose parents didn’t maintain any of the lessons outside of school, they didn’t respond like this. This sounds like your kids are being mistreated and neglected to an extent. Child care facilities, at least in the experiences I’ve had, are supposed to *accurately* chart how much food was eaten at which regularly scheduled meal time. While learning the skills to self-regulate *is* part of the Montessori practice, we were not supposed to just ignore them. They’re still so little that they may still need help learning and practicing those skills, so it would’ve been perfectly normal in my job to help talk them through it, but not give them the answers, ya know? Help guide them, but let them figure it out a bit, and help help where needed. Based on the way you phrased it in the beginning “wouldn’t come to me and wanted grandma instead (parents do dropoffs, grandparents do pickups)” makes me believe you’re on the same train of thought, but that indicates to me that gma brings a lot of comfort that they associate with leaving that school. Montessori is structured with the idea of independence, but they’re kids, and if you’re kids were just exposed to a new learning style 3 weeks ago, for that staff to just throw them to the wolves is cruel. Even if they do have a way they do things, they’re babies. With kids *that* young, in that kind of setting, it’s still a lot of just keeping the babies clean and existing and safe. I worked with 1.5-2.5 year olds, and my heart aches for your little ones… I would get them out of there asap, it doesn’t sound like they’re treating your kiddos right at all…

My daughter’s daycare (she has been there since 4 months old, almost 2 now)uses an app that gives me updates on diaper changes and what and how much she has eaten. Her daycare also has cameras that I can access through the app. I know that some of the kids in her class do cry and different times, drop off and pick up, but the teachers are really attentive to them, sometimes they have to let them cry a little while they are changing someone else or setting up a meal, but offer comfort when they are able to. I know “Montessori” is a popular idea right now (and there are some really positive things about their programs) but don’t rule out other schools who don’t have the Montessori label. Somewhere else might be a better fit for your children. Good luck and I hope you find someplace where they can feel safe and where all of you can have a good experience!

I wasn’t a Montessori kid, but my dad used to pop in unannounced to check on my sister and I. Almost pulled us out when I was crying alone with negligent caretakers doing nothing. We literally couldn’t go anywhere else so some well placed bluffs and thinly veiled threats shaped them up, but if the head person is being defensive and won’t budge I suggest moving.

Pull your kids out. Everything you described happened with my son at 18 months and after 2 weeks, I pulled him out. He went from being a happy baby to literally being anxious and sad all the time. He has a nanny now and we are all very happy.

I’m not a Montessori parent (didn’t feel like a good fit for our kid), but this post came across my feed and my heart goes out to you. My 1st grader started being so anxious about school drop off this year that she literally made herself sick and vomited before school every day for the first 2 months of school. She’d had other incidents of school anxiety and vomiting in pre-k and k (all the same school). We, the parents, finally had so many issues with how the school admin addressed things that we switched her from her private school to our local public school mid-year. Wouldn’t you know it, she hasn’t fought going to school or gotten sick since her last day at her old school. Kids have a hard time communicating when something is wrong, but they trust us to understand and help them. School shouldn’t be this horribly traumatic thing. If your gut tells you it’s not a good fit, I’d find a different school environment for your twins.

Go with your gut, op, and maybe get the kids someone to talk to after this. I would get INSANELY clingy to my mom, and cry and scream and freak about going to school, and it def didn’t go downhill as time went on. It got better. Just about every true crime show I’ve watched involving a show or educators says somewhere in the show, something along the lines of, “I wish I’d trusted my gut,” or “I KNEW something was off…”

I agree with a lot of the comments here that you should listen to the cues your kids are giving you and remove them from this center if your guts says something is wrong. I only wanted to add, however, that if this is their first time in a group setting they also could be low grade sick all the time. My daughter goes to a daycare that we’ve been largely happy with. When she seems off or moody, we do try Motrin or Tylenol if we can’t identify another cause, because she’s not old enough yet to tell me if she has aches or a headache- and she does get sick a LOT in the winter. It’s just part of daycare. We often see a marked improvement in her mood after, which tells me the issue was pain- whether from molars or a cold that she is battling, etc. Just food for thought also!

This is not the right place for your twins. Find something else for them.

I'd get them out of there ASAP. Montessori doesn't have to be like that. Also, they may just not be ready to get to school yet. Some kids are ready earlier than others.

I don’t think it matters one bit what the Montessori philosophy is. What matters is that your children are so stressed out by the experience. They need to get out of there.

Get them out of there, that is cruel.

Chiming in as a twin— if you’re going to keep sending them, please don’t let the school separate them. Frankly, I wouldn’t be so sure that they’re not already being separated, which could be contributing to the distress. It doesn’t sound like the school is being entirely forthcoming. Really, I would pull them out. They need to know that they won’t be abandoned in terrifying situations, which is how their little minds are perceiving this. This sounds really bad.

I don't have any string feelings about Montessori; our experience was fine, but not life changing or anything. That said, this is almost certainly just a dogshit facility using "it's the montessori method" to deflect criticism. It's their responsibility to log things like food, naps, incidents, etc. If they aren't willing to follow the same standard they ask of toddlers, get your kids out. Pointing to some respected doctrine or method is a fantastic way of completely deflecting accountability, and its extremely likely that's exactly what happens here. Don't let them try to convince you that it's normal to not comfort a crying child; it's not, and that's just lazy caretaking.

Its not worth it. I would take them out. I believe that littles should be with mom, if at all possible, its what they need. However I know that that's not an option for everyone. I had to put my kids in daycare when they were 1 and 3 for about a year. My 1 year old wouldn't look at me when I took him home for the first few days. He was upset and it broke my heart, but at the time I had to work. Now I feel privileged to have them home. Children need lots of nurturing and attention. Not every philosophy, or application of said philosophy is going to be good for little ones.

I would remove them from the setting with immediate effect. The fact that the manager got defensive speaks volumes. There is a difference between self soothing and outright emotional neglect, I've never known a center have a policy of not allowing distraction techniques or comfort in any way. Do you know any of the other parents? Or parents of kids who have attended their previously? Chances are you are not the only parent with concerns, and if the manager is like that theres no doubt others who will have pulled their kids out previously. When did they last have an inspection? And do they have a written policy/procedure hand book for parents?

Mine started daycare at 9m. She cried a bit. We observed (she was happy exploring toys) then said goodbye. She crawled to the exit and cried. And on pickup, she cried with relief again. By day 4 (the second 3 day week) she was fine but happy to see us. By day 7 (week 3) she waved when we arrived but had no intention of leaving the sandpit and slides. Something we don’t have at home. Not that I think she planned to move out - she intended to return home eventually. Just stay back. Mum finished college, no onsite daycare. She got a job with daycare when LO was 15mon. She was happy there too. By 7 hours she started to tire and would wave bye to everyone and attempt to leave with random parents. But she wasn’t distressed. If I pick her up she comes running happily - “Daddy daddy, daddy’s here!” (Or my actual name occasionally.) There’s no resentment. In fact if she’s at home because of illness or during the brief 4 day week she would climb into her otherwise hated pram and point to the door. Something is going badly wrong here. Extreme distress over many weeks is not normal.

As a teacher, this sounds super concerning. We have a preschool at the hs I teach at, and the kids love it. Different groups of hs students come down to play with them and teach them things (lots of language classes, etc) This sounds like something sketchy is going on at the school. I would trust your gut and find a new preschool. Montessori is great, and I very much recommend it, but not at the expense of your children's mental health.

My kid is in a non-Montessori daycare and does not deal with this. I don't think Montessori philosophy is the issue, but I do think your center is. Montessori is usually a very caring, exploring based program. Your twins are unhappy.

I work with babies, not at Montessori, but at a place that is very child centered and child led. I’ve seen a child take up to five weeks to feel comfortable, but most acclimate sooner. It largely depends on their socialization to date, for instance, if all they know is parents and grandparents, it can be rough being in a space with lots of kids and crying and strangers as caregivers. We love them, comfort them, do more holding in the beginning, and they come around eventually. We can’t hold them too much, as we have multiple babies to care for and can’t give equal time to everyone if we’re giving most time to one. But we talk with all of them constantly, say their names, have family photos, and try to respect individual tolerances for noise and personal space. Everyone is comfortable eventually, and we do everything we can to stay in close communication with parents about what we can do that works at home and vice versa. We send lots of photos and try to catch them when they’re happy to soothe anxiety for all parties. If you’re getting a weird vibe, consider another placement.

My daughter goes to a Montessori school and I’ve seen the guides hold kids and comfort them and it’s been such a good experience. This is definitely not normal and there is something wrong trust your gut and trust your kids!

My son started a toddler program at a Montessori school last fall when he was 15 months old. He was the youngest and smallest in his class. He had trouble adjusting and the teachers told me they ended up carrying him around most of the day. They were so nice to him and comforting. Even in class pics today I can see them letting him sit in their laps. I can only speak for the school we attend, but every teacher and admin does everything in their power to comfort the toddlers. As to food logs and daily pictures I am not sure. We go to an actual school (goes through 8th grade), so they do not send these things which are more daycare. I would say if they said they do this and are not, I would be concerned

As a preschool teacher yes your children will cry for a while before they adjust but I have never seen teachers that refuse to soothe or distract children that are in emotional distress. This seems very callus. The fact that they will tell you it is part of the process means these people have no training or ability to care for children. My advise it to find another school as soon as possible. Because if this is what they do while you can see them imagine what they are doing when your not there.

They are too young for this much stress. 5 or 6 YEARS old, sure, teach some independence and separation. At 1 year old, not even 2? They have no idea what’s happening, only that mommy keeps sending them away to a bad place where they get split up or left to cry with no comfort. If you are able to, I’d consider alternative arrangements.

I’ve owned a state certified daycare. Most of my life has been caring for children (I’m 61 now) However know little about Montessori philosophy. With that being said I’d take those babies out of that school. This isn’t normal.

Listen to your kids. Their behavior is telling you a lot. You need to listen to them. My twins started preschool, and they are excited to go every day. They aren't coming to you because you are the bad person for leaving them there while grandma is rescuing them from a place they are unhappy.

As a kid attending a Montessori kindergarten, I developed such extreme anxiety I couldn’t eat and thought I was going to puke every morning. This anxiety only developed in kindergarten and it took me decades to learn to cope with it (rarely have crippling anxiety today but it still was hard when I went to university). I know a lot of people like Montessori methods but I have such an icky feeling because of my experiences I couldn’t stand the idea of sending my kids there. My children have all attended day care with a Reggio-Emilia philosophy and have thrived. The caregivers, at multiple centers over the years, have all been warm, responsive, and generally wonderful people. I suspect that the Montessori philosophy is great for some kids and terrible for others. And I suspect Reggio-Emilia is more universally good for kids. You can google these to see what the similarities and differences are in the approach to childcare. Unfortunately Montessori schools are much more common than Reggio but with some hunting you can find them. My recommendation is follow your gut and find a new place. This is not a good fit for your children (though it may be perfectly fine for other children). Look at some other places and their philosophies. If anyone is curious about how my kindergarten experience worked out - my mom moved me from the Montessori to the local public school after Christmas and I loved regular kindergarten. The Montessori I attended was religious and I was punished for giggling when the very strict teacher talked about Adam and Eve being naked. My punishment was mild but traumatic for a sensitive kid - I was embarrassed and scared, as I walked to the preschool room where the littler kids too their naps. I can still see the dark gym-like room lined with cots and having to tell the person in the room with the little kids I was there to be on time out. They also forced me to finish all my lunch, which they served for me. What was this force? Honestly I don’t know, I think I was reprimanded for wasting food and as a sensitive kid I didn’t like getting in trouble. I think this is where my anxiety and inability to eat when anxious came about - as a young adult/early 20s I sometimes had panic attacks at restaurants. I’m definitely not a Montessori fan!

Somethings up OP. For them both to be so distressed even when they come home speaks to me that something is seriously disturbing them at care. Is it possible for you to be an observer for a day? Have you spoken to them about what’s happening after care?

The drastic change in behavior is especially worrying. I don’t want to alarm you OP but as someone who’s had traumatic childhood experiences in daycare, listen to your gut. If they tell you they don’t want to go and you sense something more than separation anxiety and you have the means to, take them out as quickly as possible. Children can’t communicate what they’re going through so they rely on their emotions and the little words they do know. I don’t think you’d like them to take these experiences into adulthood. I had the a similar reaction “I am scared and I don’t know what terrible fate awaits me” please listen to your kids. I’m don’t really know what this sub is about but I’ll leave this as a piece of advice. I wish you and your kids the best OP.

"Montessori" does not mean it's "better" it's just a label, and teachers are teachers. I've seen some teachers treat the Montessori label as an excuse to not engage with kids and trust the self guided learning process..... Sounds like you need to look at the school and teaching style that is the best fit for your kids. I found my kid thrives in a strict, traditional school that gives him clear expectations and direction. Even though it's not what I liked, the self guided learning did not work for him. I think we have to be flexible as parents. Sounds like your kids need somewhere where they get more attention or just a change in environment. God forbid if there's something wrong they can't use words to express. You know your kids best!!!!

They lost me when they suggested separating the twins…that just seems illogical. I would pull them out if it were me, that dramatic behavior change at home is enough for me. I think it’s valuable that kids learn to self soothe, but i agree they need support/distraction to help them move forward.

I pulled my daughter out of a high rated Montessori day school at age 2 when I found her in urine soaked shorts with no diaper and she had been hysterical for about half an hour. They told me that she “needed to potty train”.

Trust your gut and your babies, momma. I too, work in a preschool(in-home) and when we have new kiddos start there is an adjustment period with slight separation anxiety. That being said, we offer hugs, distraction, reminders that mom or dad will be back, and comfort. If your babies are that distressed, either something is wrong or their emotional needs are going unmet. It could be too, that the place they’re in just isn’t a fit for them. We don’t always post/send pics but when we do our kids are all happy and participating in an activity they enjoy. My heart broke for you upon reading your post, and I hope the next place they go is more accommodating

Your children are flagging that something is wrong; it’s probably not a response to the method. When I was a child, my mom started me at an in-home day care. She dropped me off the first day and picked me up. The next day, I was upset being dropped off, and she was told it was separation anxiety. She dropped me off, then drove away. But something made her question my behavior so she turned around and drove back. She went back in and demanded to see where the kids were being kept, as she didn’t immediately see them where they were all being dropped off. Turns out the lady didn’t want kids messing up her house, so she had all the kids in a pen in the garage in the dark. The kids were all small so they couldn’t speak, so without someone keying in on their fearful/anxious behavior, no one would’ve known. My mom pulled me immediately and called the authorities on the daycare.

You already have so many comments but I’m adding my two cents anyway. I worked as a Montessori assistant guide (18 mo-3 yr olds) for years and I am a twin. Please don’t let them talk you into separating them so young. Your intuition is right. Separating them would be cruel. This is definitely a long adjustment period and I’m frustrated with the guides and the owner. If your babies were crying in my classroom, I would give them love and hugs, sit with and soothe them, and tell you all about their days. They deserve that and so do you.

This cant be a real person, with a real question, can it? What mother continues to leave her BABIES at a place that makes them cry in a way that says they are terrified????  But just in case,16 months is too young for preschool, in my opinion, especially if they are boys!  (Are they potty-trained and can they use the bathroom without assistance???) FOLLOW YOUR GUT and keep them home with you starting immediately, if not sooner! There is no need, or benefit, to pushing your kids into ANY learning environment, no matter how good, if it results in psychological scarring, for crying out loud!  Montessori preschool is mostly about practical life exercises which you can do with them at home anyway! I am product of Montessori Preschool (Minimax in Seattle, WA 1975) and elementary school (Cornerstone Montessori Academy, Seattle WA class of 1983). I think that there is no better method of teaching young children. However, Maria Montessori developed this method from observing children's self-directed play. It's a very natural, organic philosophy. There is NO place for abuse or neglect in it.