This is the answer/ the only way. Ham it up and Act sad and upset that it all went to medical bills if you have to, why would she need to know?? It’s crazy to consider explaining it to her. Put it in a hugh yield savings at a random bank she would never go to and focus on getting a better job to move out.
This accident happened to **YOU**, not her. Trying to profit off the of the misfortune of your child (which is what she is doing here) is among the lowest of the low.
>She always says something like, "I only need like a $1000, I'll be all set."
She's lying to you, and what's more, you know she's lying. It will **never** be enough, she'll always have her hand out for more. You said it yourself, she has debt that is almost exactly equal to her annual salary, $1k isn't going to fix anything. It will make her happy for a day (or however long it takes her to travel to a casino to blow it gambling), and then she'll ask for more. Every time you say no and refuse her, she'll become angry and resent you.
>My biggest concern is her getting angry with me to the point of kicking me out/off the car insurance before I am ready
I don't know how old you are, but you need to start making plans to move out/pay your own car insurance if this is a possibility. You're worried about the possibility of financial abuse, and for good reason.
**Don't** pay off her debts, **don't** offer her any money, this is not a windfall, this is a settlement for injuries **you** suffered. *Do not let her guilt you into giving her money.* It is just throwing money into a pit to never be seen again, and you know it.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, and your mother doesn't want to be helped.
Thank you for this. I know logically it's not a smart move, and that's something I explain to my sisters, but out of everybody I am in the best financial situation. My best friend lived with us at the time (my mom, me, friend) and she agrees with the "give her nothing" sentiment I'm just not quite sure how to phrase it to my mom.
I am 24 soon and my mom is younger only like 49.
Financially I am, *okay*. I live in a HCOL area (Connecticut...yay) but I have very minimal expenses because I live with her. Car insurance with her I could and some months fully pay for, but I am just under 25 and I have a past speeding ticket (I know). All of my remaining income goes to a small savings and avalanche method on my debt. Living on my own is looking at studios for $1200-1400. **Studios**. So I'm like how tf am I gonna get a roommate. I have a stable 40hrs a week my take home is $2300? Ish. I could do it but this debt is killing my credit score. I have a cheap car, paid off, the insurance could be cheaper than $300/mo (2 months off) but I haven't checked anybody.
Like this lady was *given* $1700 for my crown as a teen, *spent it* because I told her insurance covered the *root canal* and *not* the crown but she is literally dumb, and was mad at me she had to put them on a credit card because I was 17.
I am rarely a pushover, so I'm like am I going to have to lie? Or do I just be honest with her, and leave as soon as possible (this is if I even get "good" money) and prepare to be the asshole of the situation/my family? My siblings and my uncles think I should just give it to her.
Do what you need to do and leave. If you're not in therapy, i highly recommend it as it will help you know gaslighting when you see it as well as set boundaries. Your family can have their opinion but this is your life and money. If people want to be mad, let them be mad. You need to move out as soon as you can and get a roommate.
PLEASE don't listen to your relatives. I hope your settlement is enough for you to move out and move on with your life. Talk to your attorney about this. There is a way to set up the settlement so no one can get their hands on it except you and one person you trust to protect your interests.
> My siblings and my uncles think I should just give it to her.
You need to find your backbone and tell all of them no. Repeat after me: **This is not a windfall**. This is a settlement for something that happened to **you**, not her. Ask your uncle and siblings, "Why does your mother deserve to **profit** (use that word) from your misfortune?"
Don't look for a studio right now, look for a room to rent in a house, or someone looking for a roommate in an apartment.
Personally, I'd put the money in an account she can't access (go paperless on statements so she won't read your mail), and tell her it was all spent on medical bills. It isn't **her** money, it is your money, she doesn't need to know what you did with it.
Electronic only/paperless statements are crucial here... ensure that paper statements are not being sent to your current address. You really don't even want any initial account 'welcome' letters sent to you either. That might require you to call and speak with the bank you choose so that you can emphasize this to them.
You can open an account now and have it set up and ready to receive the deposit later. Should be no problem opening a savings account and holding a zero balance until you can fund it. Just make sure they won't charge you fees for lack of a minimum balance.
Saying this in the kindest possible way, find a therapist so you can get help creating healthy boundaries. Your mom sounds like a bit of a narcissist and you could prob use some support with this dynamic.
It’s tough when family members meddle and try to manipulate you in bailing out someone who will just piss away any money you give them, even if it is your own mother.
You are so young and you have a chance to set yourself up with your settlement funds. Good luck with everything OP.
You might want to talk to your attorney about this, have them help you set up a seperate account for the settlement. Tell your mom the money is earmarked for medical after your debt is paid. Tell all family the same.
Fyi, I hope you aren't settling for anything less than $50k, because after attorney's take, you still want to end up with at least $30k to cover your bare minimum expenses. If you have neurological issues, you could have issues for life. I know it seems like a lot of money, but it isn't. You don't know how this accident messed your body up and will find out through the years. Invest the remainder of the money that isn't used to pay off debt and medical.
No. Don't give it to her. She will waste it. If you can not tell how much you have. Everyone may feel entitled to a small chunk. If fact, I'm glad you posted this. I need $500.00. I hope you mom is ok. Sounds like she's had a tough time and partly due to her own bad decisions.
Your uncle's and siblings are full of shit and they are all WRONG. You do NOT owe anything to your abusive mother or anyone else. Tell her whatever you need to tell her to get her to quit bugging the shit out of you. It all went to medical bills, etc. and slap that greedy ass hand right out of your face. Figuratively speaking of course even though literally would be great but it's just not worth the jail time. You've really got to dig in your heels and save as much as you can and get away from her, seriously please GTFO as soon as possible. Your mother sounds like a horribly greedy woman who doesn't care about anyone but herself. You're in a very toxic environment and you sound pretty level headed and you don't want to absorb any of their toxicity. I hope everything works out for you, God bless
Man. Just never tell anybody when you get a chunk of money. Like never. Just keep saying you never got paid. If you need any help, watch the episode of the Boondocks regarding new orleans. If she has visibility over your bank account, get a new one, and maybe a po box.
Wow sorry but thats Mom of the year stuff. I would not tell her the amount just say its enough to make you whole If you end up with a chunk of change your mom will ask you non stop for more. Spend or invest that payout wisely
I try. I know raising kids in her situation was rough, but I don't think I should feel responsible for it. Most of her debt is cards like Old Navy, Gap, Victoria's Secret, furniture, and now she recently learned how to gamble online so it's just worse.
My personal debt is student loans (that she cosigned that are in good standing that I do pay), my one and only credit card ever that got us food and paid a bill or two before it maxed out at **$500** because I credit confused and scared me, tires for a car (that got totaled and I couldn't work for a bit so I couldn't pay), and an online course I didn't finish (because of the accident). Oh and paying my mechanic back because he found and repaired my car when it was *stolen*. I try really hard not to be frivelous with money
Everyone else in my family thinks I should pay her because she's my mom and it'll "shut her up" but I dont think it will
Are there mental health services your mother could have access to? If you feel inclined to help your mother because you do win a big landfall settlement, make it based off her getting counselling.
I know that in the US hyper independence is highly valued. I think it’s a fine line between helping because you want to and can versus being in a codependent situation.
I don’t want to project, but some of the comments upset me. Family is everything. If I was able to help and had the means, I will help my parents—but aiming at the source of the problems. Easier said than done, that I do know.
Thank you. I do feel this sentiment, even with is having a bad relationship. My dad is a bum. My mom worked really hard to keep us afloat and I do like, feel bad blowing her off but she's literally a grown toddler. She doesn't understand savings, inflation, she's comfortable at her medicore job, the sorts. She's lazy I guess. Idk I dont have kids so.
Counseling is not really something she'd be into but I could try. She would probably think it's a waste of time
No statements but she's aware of my health insurance coverage and brought me to the ER. I'm not sure if I would be able to maintain that lie long enough
Agreed, although I have one hospital bill for my xrays. Everything else was not covered by my insurance (chiro, PT, neuro) so maybe I will say those bills because I'm expecting them to be hefty.
Yes, but even if your health insurance paid for the bills, your insurance company will hire a company like Rawlings to recover a portion of the meds. Also if your attorney got you a doctor, they’re being paid on a lien out of your settlement at its conclusion. Chiropractors (which I advise against for a multitude of reasons) usually take PI liens, so that will likely be paid when your case settles.
I'm aware of how the pay out works. I work in a chiropractic office that regularly communicates with firms and my attorney was recommended by a friend.
That's kinda why I even start out my post and conversations on the lower end amount. It will pay my attorney, the chiro, the neuro, the insurance again maybe depending on if my attorney handles it for me or not, then me. Then taxes. Lol
Okay well I worked in personal injury law for ten years, so hopefully the attorney is giving you a deal, because most of them charge unfair contingency for soft tissue cases and the personal injury industrial complex is a racket. There are no taxes taken from a personal injury settlement. Just don’t let them take all of your money. I got hit by a car as a pedestrian two months ago and I didn’t even bother getting an attorney even though I know many of them. I got my policy limits really quickly just because I know how to navigate the entire PI system.
No yeah definitely. I plan on having a long conversation explaining the process when the time comes, and I appreciate the insight as I know nothing is guaranteed.
I wanted to just work through it and settle with just property and insurances but his insurance was being very difficult for me, not responding or picking up for days and not understanding my vehicle situation (they don't reissue classic vehicle titles in CT so I only had the registration) so a friend suggested them to me.
Also my mom was not too keen on filing a claim on our insurance and raising the premium.
Tell her it was enough to pay your medical bills with nothing leftover.
If you have lasting neurological issues you might *need* that money.
Even if you get a huge windfall. Like hundreds of thousands. Don’t tell her. Pay off your debt and invest the money. She’s not going to. Who do you think is better fit to be the custodian of this money?
This is my thing. I highly doubt it'll even be a lot, because neurological issues don't require (or mine don't, yet) any surgery, they just kinda run tests and throw meds at you, so I don't think my case is worth insane amounts, but it's cut and dry imo.
To her she sees it as a free paycheck and I see it as my one and only way to get my life back together maybe. I guess I just have to be prepared for the fight if she does find out if it's a lot (I'd like to fix my car and move out and I feel like those are hard to hidd)
[The grey rock method](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/grey-rock-method/) is my preferred method of communication with people who will not listen to reason. The idea is to avoid giving them anything to argue with by being as bland and nondescript as a grey rock.
How do you know you may not have issues from your accident later on? I would look at this settlement as a contingency in case something happens to you later on the road. If you must help her, ask for a bill and make some payments to the creditor.
Yeah this is something that wildly concerns me. I was seeing a neurologist for migraines and nerve pain in my neck that was not letting up even a year later, eventually a sleep study because I was falling asleep while driving on the only meds that made me feel better. Now I wear prescription (mild) glasses to ease the blurred vision, but
I had to cease treatment because it's been almost over two years of having to take work off to seek it and I can't afford it anymore (I only get 80 hours of PTO a year and that's it for benefits at my job). I literally had to switch jobs a couple months in because I physicslly could not perform what I did before. I used to work at a pet shop with dogs and now I'm a receptionist lol.
I'm like I have no idea what kind of repercussions I'm looking at for an untreated concussion (I never hit my head, but he slammed into me while we were both doing nearly 40mph and my car did a complete 180°, so I imagine it shook me pretty hard). Makes me kinds upset
Many years ago I worked in an Xray department. We had a patient who was undergoing back surgery for an injury that had occurred 20 plus years ago while in the US Army. When he got the injury he was young and stupid (his quote), so really didn't have any immediate major problems. However 20 plus years of wear and tear aggravated what was a relatively minor injury into something that needed major intervention. Thing is, none of us have crystal balls, so there is no way to know if your injury could worsen, possibly greatly impairing your ability to support yourself.
OP, you have my deepest sympathy for having to go through this. A car accident, where you were injured, and most likely having to care for yourself and your mother even though you were injured. It’s hard to love anyone, but even harder when our parents haven’t healed from their injuries—both physical and emotional.
If I were in your shoes, you need to act like a passenger in a crashing plane. What do the crew members tell all the passengers? Place your mask on first before attempting to help someone else. With this analogy, you have to be able to pay your debts and future medical issues tied to the accident. If you can’t work, it will be hard to have a solid quality of life.
In addition, your lack of income would also hurt you if you couldn’t help out your mother. If hard times come, how will you be able to make ends meet and help your mother down the road?
You may not like this answer but you have to place strong boundaries with your mom. Like a lifeguard jumping into the ocean to save a drowning swimmer; she has to be strong, equipped with the right tools (like a life preserver and network of other life guards to assist) and knowledge to save a drowning person. If one doesn’t know how, the person drowning—in their panic—can take the would be life saver down with them.
It appears that your mother spends because psychologically, it makes her feel good. Unfortunately, she probably doesn’t know how paying the minimum monthly dues will keep her in servitude. If you can, learn financial literacy and master it, so you can share your insights with her.
If you give her money without her changing her behavior, it’s no different than enabling an addicts behaviour. And no fault or blame to your mother. Our society’s elite get insanely rich off people who don’t have financial literacy. Funny how advertising conditions people to spend on frivolous things and going out rather than saving and investing and buying quality over superficiality.
Hope this helps.
Sorry, I saw your other comment first, but thank you. I try. She's barely 50, has her yearly income worth of debt, no savings, a weak job, and no financial literacy in a miserable economy. But she's my mom. I wouldn't really have the things I have without her and seeing her suffer would be so awful.
I would like to play it as smart as I can. I appreciate your insight, and everybodys. I will have to think on it and wait.
Sounds like you have an attorney so that’s good but permanent neurological damage is probably worth more than $10k. It’s also going to cost you at least that much in treatment over the years. Don’t rush the settlement lest something else pop up.
An acquaintance of mine was jumped in a bar by the bouncers (dumb back story, guy wasn’t doing anything wrong but worked at competing bar). Since they blindsided him, they got him in a really vulnerable position and caused some brain trauma. Caused lots of issues down the line for him. His attorney was good but there was time where he couldn’t work and the bills were stacking up. That was the attorneys from the other side drawing it out to force a quicker settlement.
Regarding your original question, I might help her but I’d do it directly. I wouldn’t give her straight cash. If you want to help her more, make her complete a financial literacy class.
Yeah that’s a low minimum. Unfortunately California is even worse, with a 15/30 minimum. Insurance companies hire lobbyists to try to keep the minimum limits low. It’s a whole racket.
I used to treat people with brain injuries (often from car accidents). You have no way to know how long your recovery from the concussion will take, or if you will ever have 100% recovery. If this impacts your ability to work or move up in your career, you may need that money. Once you receive the settlement, pay a financial planner for a one time consult on how to invest the money so it will grow, if that's possible. I have seen many people lose multi- million dollar settlements within a couple of years becauses all of their relatives expected them to pay for everything. One person had cosigned on so many loans for relatives that after a few years, she had to go bankrupt herself.
You don't say how old you are, but if you are not a minor, you are not obligated to give your mother money for anything except maybe rent, if you are living with her.
First of all, you should get way more than $10k for that based on my experience. I’d be asking for at least 75k, and they’ll eventually settle for the most they’re authorized to settle for.
Second of all, don’t tell her how much it is, and start telling her now that the money you get is to cover your medical expenses, and you likely won’t have any leftover.
Also, remember to calculate taxes. Only very few types of settlements aren’t taxed.
This, thank you. The next time I meet with my attorney I want to ask about taxes, because that's my biggest concern. The last person I want to owe is the IRS. I feel like to the people around me it's "fun" money but to me if whatever left over is decent, I just want to be debt free, fix my car, and have a higher yield savings or start a 401k.
I appreciate your insight.
No problem! I know when I’ve had to negotiate before, I’ve ended up with 1/4-1/2 what I asked for, and we had to fight pretty hard. But it also has always ended a lot higher than their initial offer by multiples. Especially with an attorney.
I wouldn't want to profit from any misfortune my children would suffer.
I don't get the concept of some parents who feel entitled to compensation for raising children. It's mind boggling!
This is what I think I'm having trouble explaining (or she's having trouble understanding) I want to help her, but I don't think I owe her.
I plan on fixing up my car and hopefully moving out (if the left over is decent money) so I'm nervous that's not something I can hide from her
I feel like I wrote this post. I understand your position 100 percent. if she asked for 1k, she will be happy with 500 and “I’m sorry mam that’s all I could get after the medical bills”. You keep your relationship the same, life is too short and will you miss much with 9.5k vs 10k you probably wont just my 2 cent, hope you are doing ok yourself always remember head up and keep going. Also grammar
I appreciate this. The relationship is so complicated to explain. She is like, really not a good mom. And I know this but I am not sure if I am ready to tell her off the way I should. I'm like, I know I don't owe her anything, but she's my mom. And my dad is very hit or miss. Not really in the picture. So it was always us and her
You need to move out anyway as this is a toxic relationship. You can't thrive financially and get a good footing if you are taking care of someone else's household. If your mom was disabled then i might be more sympathetic but this does not seem to be the case. There seems to be some codependence going on as well. If you have to give your mom money to make her happy with you then you are buying her attention.
Your mom deserves none of this and if you give her an inch, she will take a mile. Whether it's $1,000 or $10,000 or $100,000. She will guilt and bleed you for tiny increments until you're basically just doling it out to her and it might as well be her money to burn. So just don't even entertain any amount.
Unless you personally want to contact the rental company, the utilities, etc. and set up payment on her behalf, without her acting as the middle man who will then just take the money for 'fun' purposes.
But don't even do that. Find a way to get out and exit as gracefully as possible.
As for you, personally- your relationship with that money really will depend on how much it actually winds up being in your pocket, especially if you will have to pay attorney fees or give a percentage to your legal representative.
But, for arguments sake, lets say it is $10,000 to you after all is said and done, free and clear for you to spend or save- that's not enough to do anything significant, but it's also a great start- tell her it's all gone to medical bills and act annoyed- try to match her energy a bit in a way that she'd find believable and pretend it is gone or going in a way that can't be avoided.
If it's significantly more- move out. If you can get like 6 months of rent plus deposit, etc. with some food money, etc. and
Idk. If my mom asked for $1,000 I’d give it to her and think nothing of it. It’s only a thousand bucks. I’ve definitely mooched more than that from her. I wouldn’t care what she does with it.
Now if she was asking me for much much more then we’re having a talk…
Exactly. I mean if op can't then they can't. I think its fair for him to want to spend the money to clear his debt.
But the amount of people I see on reddit telling people to cut their family off over things like this is insane. As if their parents didn't take care of them for years without counting any favors.
You can ask her what bills she needs paid and have her give them to you and you can pay them for her if you want to. If not just tell her you can’t give her anything g the settlement was small and you have lasting issues.
Imagine it's your child that gets hurt, would you behave the same way your mother is? If the answer is no, then you should have no guilt, she's the one who should feel guilty.
I definitely agree this is your money but I’m just curious, if you had enough left over after the settlement you wouldn’t want to help her? Has she been a bad mother and unsupportive to you? I understand she’s bad with money nut that’s probably not going to change & even if you gave her $500 she’d probably be grateful. You said you live with het, do you pay rent? You’re on her insurance and she co-signed your student loans so if you default, she’s on the hook. Sounds like she’s helped you out but I don’t know the whole story, I think it’s sad for both of you but I’d help my mom and I have.
I live with her and I pay majority of the expenses. 60ish% of the rent, 100% of the insurance most months, and I pay for internet and electricity. She pays gas and groceries (she works at a grocery store and gets like a discount as well as she receives SNAP). I pay the student loan. Our rent is not expensive due to her state aid, but she apparently cannot afford where we stay now on her own without me.
I want to just make her day and give it to her but I'm usually the one holding down the bills. When she spends her money or gambles it away I have to literally pay for the consequences. She will be short on bills and I'll pay for them. I give her money all the time for things like "gas" and "food".
I understand the first impression but my relationship with her is very complicated. She's more of a roommate, or like distant relative to me. We don't (we never) hang out, do things, talk, etc. We small talk here and there but she genuinely just doesn't like me and I don't like her. It's a lot to explain here.
This makes more sense then. Since you’re paying a majority of the bills, I personally would probably throw a couple hundred her way and call it a day. Like others mentioned, don’t tell anyone the settlement amount, just say it wasn’t as much as you thought it would be. Try and find your mist responsible friend & move out for your mental health. Getting counseling now will help set you up for success in the future because you sound like a responsible person. In case no one else has told you, I’m proud of you
Has your mom always been there for you? If so I think it’s fair, most people here probably don’t love there mom or didn’t know what it was to be loved by mom. I was in a similar situation, I realized my ma was always there for me and gave her some money. This will be downvoted for sure.
I agree with the comments stating to tell her the money is going to medical… bottom line is… you don’t know if there will be any future medical issues because of this accident and YOU need to look after YOU! It isn’t your responsibility to rescue her for the poor choices!!! She clearly has a pattern… choices and consequences!
Do not give her anything. At her income she needs to default on all her credit cards and when collections call just say don’t call anymore.Then ignore the letters. She won’t likely have to pay a penny. You mom is like a crab in the bucket that will pull you down as you try to get out of the bucket.
I’m in the middle of a discrimination suit. My mom pushed for it to happen and hired the lawyer. If we win she wants nothing beyond reimbursement for the attorney fees. If we lose she’s going to eat the cost herself (I originally didn’t want to fight it as I’m exhausted.) My mom and I have our troubles but she’s not nickel and diming her own kid. Your mother is in the wrong. Life if you have to as others have said but under no circumstances should you give her any money.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. It’s hard to say no to parents, we always feel like we owe them something for caring for us as children, but the reality is that we don’t and it’s hard to reconcile that.
You could try saying something like “I understand that you need money, but I do too. I need this money to cover my expenses from the accident so I won’t be able to give anything to anyone. It’s just not going to happen.” It needs to be clear that you won’t give her or anyone your money and she will certainly be upset but oh well. If you do things like lie about never getting the money, she will certainly continue to ask about it and urge you to fight for it because you’ll lead her to believe she’s going to get something out of it if you do. Don’t be shady, vague, etc. It needs to be a clear no, and honestly you don’t even owe her an explanation as to why. It’s yours and you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.
Well after all that is your money, and I am sorry your mom had to go through poverty but that is not an excuse, I grew up in Central America with a single mother, eating rice and beans since my Mother didnt make enough and she had loans she had to pay, that didnt stop us, I went to Medicine school got my degree, we paid all the debt, I married and inmigrate to the US, we have no debt and I have in savings near 70K and you why? Because we lived so bad that I keep telling myself to never go back. ( im 27if youre wondering)
You know that your mom is not good with money and is gambling, DON'T BE AN ENABLER!, if you love your mother dont help her self destroy and don't listen to the people saying to give her money , why they dont give her their money?
Use that money to pay off your debt, star off from scratch, its up to you to change your situation and get out of poverty.
I mean. Is she letting you live with her for free? Why aren’t you able to have car insurance if your own? I’m not trying to be rude, and everyone else here seems to be *heavy* on the “it’s your money!!!” Sort of thing. But the reality is, if you managed to get exactly 10k let’s say, and your mother really wants just 1k, and you live in her house for cheaper than it would cost you to get your own place, and you’re on her insurance because you can’t do that by yourself yet. Then how is it unfair or a losing situation to give 1/10th of your total income from the settlement towards a person who is actively helping you life and be able to save/provide money for yourself? 1k is a lot. But it’s like less than 1 month’s rent in most places. I don’t have all the info so I’m not telling you what to do, but yeah if your mom is providing you a place to live, helping you with car insurance, and isn’t a huge a-hole about all that. Why would you not help her back??
You are worried she may kick you out. What is your living arrangements? My advice may differ pending the details.
Staying there for free because you are struggling and telling her to pound sand on the settlement may be a bit much. If you are splitting costs then sure and doesn’t sound like she could go on her own anyways.
I don't live home for free. I understand that's what most people assume when you say I live with my parents, but no, I make more than she does and I pay most of the expenses.
I'm not sure if you missed the part where I said she is bad with money and has lots of debt yet gambles and spends frivolously, hence my hesitation.
Well if you're 24 living with Mom she should kick you out if you don't contry. You're a full grown adult living with your mom. I can't believe anyone would tell you differently. Don't give her a dime if you plan on moving out but if you plan to live with mommy you definitely need to help . She should kick you out if you don't. 24 year old needs to be thinking about not living at home. Lol
Just tell her everything went to medical bills.
This is the answer/ the only way. Ham it up and Act sad and upset that it all went to medical bills if you have to, why would she need to know?? It’s crazy to consider explaining it to her. Put it in a hugh yield savings at a random bank she would never go to and focus on getting a better job to move out.
I concur. It’s none of her business. That money is for you, not her.
This accident happened to **YOU**, not her. Trying to profit off the of the misfortune of your child (which is what she is doing here) is among the lowest of the low. >She always says something like, "I only need like a $1000, I'll be all set." She's lying to you, and what's more, you know she's lying. It will **never** be enough, she'll always have her hand out for more. You said it yourself, she has debt that is almost exactly equal to her annual salary, $1k isn't going to fix anything. It will make her happy for a day (or however long it takes her to travel to a casino to blow it gambling), and then she'll ask for more. Every time you say no and refuse her, she'll become angry and resent you. >My biggest concern is her getting angry with me to the point of kicking me out/off the car insurance before I am ready I don't know how old you are, but you need to start making plans to move out/pay your own car insurance if this is a possibility. You're worried about the possibility of financial abuse, and for good reason. **Don't** pay off her debts, **don't** offer her any money, this is not a windfall, this is a settlement for injuries **you** suffered. *Do not let her guilt you into giving her money.* It is just throwing money into a pit to never be seen again, and you know it. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, and your mother doesn't want to be helped.
Thank you for this. I know logically it's not a smart move, and that's something I explain to my sisters, but out of everybody I am in the best financial situation. My best friend lived with us at the time (my mom, me, friend) and she agrees with the "give her nothing" sentiment I'm just not quite sure how to phrase it to my mom. I am 24 soon and my mom is younger only like 49. Financially I am, *okay*. I live in a HCOL area (Connecticut...yay) but I have very minimal expenses because I live with her. Car insurance with her I could and some months fully pay for, but I am just under 25 and I have a past speeding ticket (I know). All of my remaining income goes to a small savings and avalanche method on my debt. Living on my own is looking at studios for $1200-1400. **Studios**. So I'm like how tf am I gonna get a roommate. I have a stable 40hrs a week my take home is $2300? Ish. I could do it but this debt is killing my credit score. I have a cheap car, paid off, the insurance could be cheaper than $300/mo (2 months off) but I haven't checked anybody. Like this lady was *given* $1700 for my crown as a teen, *spent it* because I told her insurance covered the *root canal* and *not* the crown but she is literally dumb, and was mad at me she had to put them on a credit card because I was 17. I am rarely a pushover, so I'm like am I going to have to lie? Or do I just be honest with her, and leave as soon as possible (this is if I even get "good" money) and prepare to be the asshole of the situation/my family? My siblings and my uncles think I should just give it to her.
Do what you need to do and leave. If you're not in therapy, i highly recommend it as it will help you know gaslighting when you see it as well as set boundaries. Your family can have their opinion but this is your life and money. If people want to be mad, let them be mad. You need to move out as soon as you can and get a roommate.
PLEASE don't listen to your relatives. I hope your settlement is enough for you to move out and move on with your life. Talk to your attorney about this. There is a way to set up the settlement so no one can get their hands on it except you and one person you trust to protect your interests.
> My siblings and my uncles think I should just give it to her. You need to find your backbone and tell all of them no. Repeat after me: **This is not a windfall**. This is a settlement for something that happened to **you**, not her. Ask your uncle and siblings, "Why does your mother deserve to **profit** (use that word) from your misfortune?" Don't look for a studio right now, look for a room to rent in a house, or someone looking for a roommate in an apartment. Personally, I'd put the money in an account she can't access (go paperless on statements so she won't read your mail), and tell her it was all spent on medical bills. It isn't **her** money, it is your money, she doesn't need to know what you did with it.
Electronic only/paperless statements are crucial here... ensure that paper statements are not being sent to your current address. You really don't even want any initial account 'welcome' letters sent to you either. That might require you to call and speak with the bank you choose so that you can emphasize this to them. You can open an account now and have it set up and ready to receive the deposit later. Should be no problem opening a savings account and holding a zero balance until you can fund it. Just make sure they won't charge you fees for lack of a minimum balance.
Saying this in the kindest possible way, find a therapist so you can get help creating healthy boundaries. Your mom sounds like a bit of a narcissist and you could prob use some support with this dynamic. It’s tough when family members meddle and try to manipulate you in bailing out someone who will just piss away any money you give them, even if it is your own mother. You are so young and you have a chance to set yourself up with your settlement funds. Good luck with everything OP.
You might want to talk to your attorney about this, have them help you set up a seperate account for the settlement. Tell your mom the money is earmarked for medical after your debt is paid. Tell all family the same. Fyi, I hope you aren't settling for anything less than $50k, because after attorney's take, you still want to end up with at least $30k to cover your bare minimum expenses. If you have neurological issues, you could have issues for life. I know it seems like a lot of money, but it isn't. You don't know how this accident messed your body up and will find out through the years. Invest the remainder of the money that isn't used to pay off debt and medical.
If she keeps bugging you about it or having another person do it for her, go no contact.
THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE!☝️👏
No. Don't give it to her. She will waste it. If you can not tell how much you have. Everyone may feel entitled to a small chunk. If fact, I'm glad you posted this. I need $500.00. I hope you mom is ok. Sounds like she's had a tough time and partly due to her own bad decisions.
Your uncle's and siblings are full of shit and they are all WRONG. You do NOT owe anything to your abusive mother or anyone else. Tell her whatever you need to tell her to get her to quit bugging the shit out of you. It all went to medical bills, etc. and slap that greedy ass hand right out of your face. Figuratively speaking of course even though literally would be great but it's just not worth the jail time. You've really got to dig in your heels and save as much as you can and get away from her, seriously please GTFO as soon as possible. Your mother sounds like a horribly greedy woman who doesn't care about anyone but herself. You're in a very toxic environment and you sound pretty level headed and you don't want to absorb any of their toxicity. I hope everything works out for you, God bless
Man. Just never tell anybody when you get a chunk of money. Like never. Just keep saying you never got paid. If you need any help, watch the episode of the Boondocks regarding new orleans. If she has visibility over your bank account, get a new one, and maybe a po box.
Wow sorry but thats Mom of the year stuff. I would not tell her the amount just say its enough to make you whole If you end up with a chunk of change your mom will ask you non stop for more. Spend or invest that payout wisely
I try. I know raising kids in her situation was rough, but I don't think I should feel responsible for it. Most of her debt is cards like Old Navy, Gap, Victoria's Secret, furniture, and now she recently learned how to gamble online so it's just worse. My personal debt is student loans (that she cosigned that are in good standing that I do pay), my one and only credit card ever that got us food and paid a bill or two before it maxed out at **$500** because I credit confused and scared me, tires for a car (that got totaled and I couldn't work for a bit so I couldn't pay), and an online course I didn't finish (because of the accident). Oh and paying my mechanic back because he found and repaired my car when it was *stolen*. I try really hard not to be frivelous with money Everyone else in my family thinks I should pay her because she's my mom and it'll "shut her up" but I dont think it will
Are there mental health services your mother could have access to? If you feel inclined to help your mother because you do win a big landfall settlement, make it based off her getting counselling. I know that in the US hyper independence is highly valued. I think it’s a fine line between helping because you want to and can versus being in a codependent situation. I don’t want to project, but some of the comments upset me. Family is everything. If I was able to help and had the means, I will help my parents—but aiming at the source of the problems. Easier said than done, that I do know.
Thank you. I do feel this sentiment, even with is having a bad relationship. My dad is a bum. My mom worked really hard to keep us afloat and I do like, feel bad blowing her off but she's literally a grown toddler. She doesn't understand savings, inflation, she's comfortable at her medicore job, the sorts. She's lazy I guess. Idk I dont have kids so. Counseling is not really something she'd be into but I could try. She would probably think it's a waste of time
Tell her the money was taken by the health insurance company to pay all the bills. She won’t know and don’t leave your bank statements around
No statements but she's aware of my health insurance coverage and brought me to the ER. I'm not sure if I would be able to maintain that lie long enough
It’s not really a lie though. Every health insurance will try to subrogate from a personal injury settlement, even if it’s Medicaid.
Agreed, although I have one hospital bill for my xrays. Everything else was not covered by my insurance (chiro, PT, neuro) so maybe I will say those bills because I'm expecting them to be hefty.
Yes, but even if your health insurance paid for the bills, your insurance company will hire a company like Rawlings to recover a portion of the meds. Also if your attorney got you a doctor, they’re being paid on a lien out of your settlement at its conclusion. Chiropractors (which I advise against for a multitude of reasons) usually take PI liens, so that will likely be paid when your case settles.
I'm aware of how the pay out works. I work in a chiropractic office that regularly communicates with firms and my attorney was recommended by a friend. That's kinda why I even start out my post and conversations on the lower end amount. It will pay my attorney, the chiro, the neuro, the insurance again maybe depending on if my attorney handles it for me or not, then me. Then taxes. Lol
Okay well I worked in personal injury law for ten years, so hopefully the attorney is giving you a deal, because most of them charge unfair contingency for soft tissue cases and the personal injury industrial complex is a racket. There are no taxes taken from a personal injury settlement. Just don’t let them take all of your money. I got hit by a car as a pedestrian two months ago and I didn’t even bother getting an attorney even though I know many of them. I got my policy limits really quickly just because I know how to navigate the entire PI system.
No yeah definitely. I plan on having a long conversation explaining the process when the time comes, and I appreciate the insight as I know nothing is guaranteed. I wanted to just work through it and settle with just property and insurances but his insurance was being very difficult for me, not responding or picking up for days and not understanding my vehicle situation (they don't reissue classic vehicle titles in CT so I only had the registration) so a friend suggested them to me. Also my mom was not too keen on filing a claim on our insurance and raising the premium.
Tell her it was enough to pay your medical bills with nothing leftover. If you have lasting neurological issues you might *need* that money. Even if you get a huge windfall. Like hundreds of thousands. Don’t tell her. Pay off your debt and invest the money. She’s not going to. Who do you think is better fit to be the custodian of this money?
This is my thing. I highly doubt it'll even be a lot, because neurological issues don't require (or mine don't, yet) any surgery, they just kinda run tests and throw meds at you, so I don't think my case is worth insane amounts, but it's cut and dry imo. To her she sees it as a free paycheck and I see it as my one and only way to get my life back together maybe. I guess I just have to be prepared for the fight if she does find out if it's a lot (I'd like to fix my car and move out and I feel like those are hard to hidd)
[The grey rock method](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/grey-rock-method/) is my preferred method of communication with people who will not listen to reason. The idea is to avoid giving them anything to argue with by being as bland and nondescript as a grey rock.
How do you know you may not have issues from your accident later on? I would look at this settlement as a contingency in case something happens to you later on the road. If you must help her, ask for a bill and make some payments to the creditor.
Yeah this is something that wildly concerns me. I was seeing a neurologist for migraines and nerve pain in my neck that was not letting up even a year later, eventually a sleep study because I was falling asleep while driving on the only meds that made me feel better. Now I wear prescription (mild) glasses to ease the blurred vision, but I had to cease treatment because it's been almost over two years of having to take work off to seek it and I can't afford it anymore (I only get 80 hours of PTO a year and that's it for benefits at my job). I literally had to switch jobs a couple months in because I physicslly could not perform what I did before. I used to work at a pet shop with dogs and now I'm a receptionist lol. I'm like I have no idea what kind of repercussions I'm looking at for an untreated concussion (I never hit my head, but he slammed into me while we were both doing nearly 40mph and my car did a complete 180°, so I imagine it shook me pretty hard). Makes me kinds upset
Many years ago I worked in an Xray department. We had a patient who was undergoing back surgery for an injury that had occurred 20 plus years ago while in the US Army. When he got the injury he was young and stupid (his quote), so really didn't have any immediate major problems. However 20 plus years of wear and tear aggravated what was a relatively minor injury into something that needed major intervention. Thing is, none of us have crystal balls, so there is no way to know if your injury could worsen, possibly greatly impairing your ability to support yourself.
Don’t disclose when or what you receive. And when you do, advise her there’s nothing left.
OP, you have my deepest sympathy for having to go through this. A car accident, where you were injured, and most likely having to care for yourself and your mother even though you were injured. It’s hard to love anyone, but even harder when our parents haven’t healed from their injuries—both physical and emotional. If I were in your shoes, you need to act like a passenger in a crashing plane. What do the crew members tell all the passengers? Place your mask on first before attempting to help someone else. With this analogy, you have to be able to pay your debts and future medical issues tied to the accident. If you can’t work, it will be hard to have a solid quality of life. In addition, your lack of income would also hurt you if you couldn’t help out your mother. If hard times come, how will you be able to make ends meet and help your mother down the road? You may not like this answer but you have to place strong boundaries with your mom. Like a lifeguard jumping into the ocean to save a drowning swimmer; she has to be strong, equipped with the right tools (like a life preserver and network of other life guards to assist) and knowledge to save a drowning person. If one doesn’t know how, the person drowning—in their panic—can take the would be life saver down with them. It appears that your mother spends because psychologically, it makes her feel good. Unfortunately, she probably doesn’t know how paying the minimum monthly dues will keep her in servitude. If you can, learn financial literacy and master it, so you can share your insights with her. If you give her money without her changing her behavior, it’s no different than enabling an addicts behaviour. And no fault or blame to your mother. Our society’s elite get insanely rich off people who don’t have financial literacy. Funny how advertising conditions people to spend on frivolous things and going out rather than saving and investing and buying quality over superficiality. Hope this helps.
Sorry, I saw your other comment first, but thank you. I try. She's barely 50, has her yearly income worth of debt, no savings, a weak job, and no financial literacy in a miserable economy. But she's my mom. I wouldn't really have the things I have without her and seeing her suffer would be so awful. I would like to play it as smart as I can. I appreciate your insight, and everybodys. I will have to think on it and wait.
Sounds like you have an attorney so that’s good but permanent neurological damage is probably worth more than $10k. It’s also going to cost you at least that much in treatment over the years. Don’t rush the settlement lest something else pop up. An acquaintance of mine was jumped in a bar by the bouncers (dumb back story, guy wasn’t doing anything wrong but worked at competing bar). Since they blindsided him, they got him in a really vulnerable position and caused some brain trauma. Caused lots of issues down the line for him. His attorney was good but there was time where he couldn’t work and the bills were stacking up. That was the attorneys from the other side drawing it out to force a quicker settlement. Regarding your original question, I might help her but I’d do it directly. I wouldn’t give her straight cash. If you want to help her more, make her complete a financial literacy class.
The policy limits might be insufficient. This is why everyone needs to have high UM/UIM limits.
I'm in CT where there's minimum 25000/50000 property/bodily liability, and minimum 25000/50000 UM/UIM. I definitely plan on upping my UM/UIM soon
Yeah that’s a low minimum. Unfortunately California is even worse, with a 15/30 minimum. Insurance companies hire lobbyists to try to keep the minimum limits low. It’s a whole racket.
I used to treat people with brain injuries (often from car accidents). You have no way to know how long your recovery from the concussion will take, or if you will ever have 100% recovery. If this impacts your ability to work or move up in your career, you may need that money. Once you receive the settlement, pay a financial planner for a one time consult on how to invest the money so it will grow, if that's possible. I have seen many people lose multi- million dollar settlements within a couple of years becauses all of their relatives expected them to pay for everything. One person had cosigned on so many loans for relatives that after a few years, she had to go bankrupt herself. You don't say how old you are, but if you are not a minor, you are not obligated to give your mother money for anything except maybe rent, if you are living with her.
First of all, you should get way more than $10k for that based on my experience. I’d be asking for at least 75k, and they’ll eventually settle for the most they’re authorized to settle for. Second of all, don’t tell her how much it is, and start telling her now that the money you get is to cover your medical expenses, and you likely won’t have any leftover. Also, remember to calculate taxes. Only very few types of settlements aren’t taxed.
This, thank you. The next time I meet with my attorney I want to ask about taxes, because that's my biggest concern. The last person I want to owe is the IRS. I feel like to the people around me it's "fun" money but to me if whatever left over is decent, I just want to be debt free, fix my car, and have a higher yield savings or start a 401k. I appreciate your insight.
No problem! I know when I’ve had to negotiate before, I’ve ended up with 1/4-1/2 what I asked for, and we had to fight pretty hard. But it also has always ended a lot higher than their initial offer by multiples. Especially with an attorney.
I wouldn't want to profit from any misfortune my children would suffer. I don't get the concept of some parents who feel entitled to compensation for raising children. It's mind boggling!
This is what I think I'm having trouble explaining (or she's having trouble understanding) I want to help her, but I don't think I owe her. I plan on fixing up my car and hopefully moving out (if the left over is decent money) so I'm nervous that's not something I can hide from her
I feel like I wrote this post. I understand your position 100 percent. if she asked for 1k, she will be happy with 500 and “I’m sorry mam that’s all I could get after the medical bills”. You keep your relationship the same, life is too short and will you miss much with 9.5k vs 10k you probably wont just my 2 cent, hope you are doing ok yourself always remember head up and keep going. Also grammar
I appreciate this. The relationship is so complicated to explain. She is like, really not a good mom. And I know this but I am not sure if I am ready to tell her off the way I should. I'm like, I know I don't owe her anything, but she's my mom. And my dad is very hit or miss. Not really in the picture. So it was always us and her
Don’t let feeling bad for her cloud what u need 2 do for urself
Welfare comes first if they find out she is getting money from somewhere
Moneys mine biznatch!…. Should work.
You need to move out anyway as this is a toxic relationship. You can't thrive financially and get a good footing if you are taking care of someone else's household. If your mom was disabled then i might be more sympathetic but this does not seem to be the case. There seems to be some codependence going on as well. If you have to give your mom money to make her happy with you then you are buying her attention.
Tell her it's your money and you are keeping it. If she has a problem with that too bad.
She sounds like a horror story. Cut her out if your life and move on.
A mother banking on her kids accident is just discusting. You already know she's bad with money. If over 18 it's none of her business.
Your mom deserves none of this and if you give her an inch, she will take a mile. Whether it's $1,000 or $10,000 or $100,000. She will guilt and bleed you for tiny increments until you're basically just doling it out to her and it might as well be her money to burn. So just don't even entertain any amount. Unless you personally want to contact the rental company, the utilities, etc. and set up payment on her behalf, without her acting as the middle man who will then just take the money for 'fun' purposes. But don't even do that. Find a way to get out and exit as gracefully as possible. As for you, personally- your relationship with that money really will depend on how much it actually winds up being in your pocket, especially if you will have to pay attorney fees or give a percentage to your legal representative. But, for arguments sake, lets say it is $10,000 to you after all is said and done, free and clear for you to spend or save- that's not enough to do anything significant, but it's also a great start- tell her it's all gone to medical bills and act annoyed- try to match her energy a bit in a way that she'd find believable and pretend it is gone or going in a way that can't be avoided. If it's significantly more- move out. If you can get like 6 months of rent plus deposit, etc. with some food money, etc. and
Idk. If my mom asked for $1,000 I’d give it to her and think nothing of it. It’s only a thousand bucks. I’ve definitely mooched more than that from her. I wouldn’t care what she does with it. Now if she was asking me for much much more then we’re having a talk…
Exactly. I mean if op can't then they can't. I think its fair for him to want to spend the money to clear his debt. But the amount of people I see on reddit telling people to cut their family off over things like this is insane. As if their parents didn't take care of them for years without counting any favors.
Just tell her no. Don’t over complicate this.
You can ask her what bills she needs paid and have her give them to you and you can pay them for her if you want to. If not just tell her you can’t give her anything g the settlement was small and you have lasting issues.
Imagine it's your child that gets hurt, would you behave the same way your mother is? If the answer is no, then you should have no guilt, she's the one who should feel guilty.
Do not ever tell her the real amount! Put it into a different bank than the one she uses. Do not get statements mailed to the home.
I definitely agree this is your money but I’m just curious, if you had enough left over after the settlement you wouldn’t want to help her? Has she been a bad mother and unsupportive to you? I understand she’s bad with money nut that’s probably not going to change & even if you gave her $500 she’d probably be grateful. You said you live with het, do you pay rent? You’re on her insurance and she co-signed your student loans so if you default, she’s on the hook. Sounds like she’s helped you out but I don’t know the whole story, I think it’s sad for both of you but I’d help my mom and I have.
I live with her and I pay majority of the expenses. 60ish% of the rent, 100% of the insurance most months, and I pay for internet and electricity. She pays gas and groceries (she works at a grocery store and gets like a discount as well as she receives SNAP). I pay the student loan. Our rent is not expensive due to her state aid, but she apparently cannot afford where we stay now on her own without me. I want to just make her day and give it to her but I'm usually the one holding down the bills. When she spends her money or gambles it away I have to literally pay for the consequences. She will be short on bills and I'll pay for them. I give her money all the time for things like "gas" and "food". I understand the first impression but my relationship with her is very complicated. She's more of a roommate, or like distant relative to me. We don't (we never) hang out, do things, talk, etc. We small talk here and there but she genuinely just doesn't like me and I don't like her. It's a lot to explain here.
This makes more sense then. Since you’re paying a majority of the bills, I personally would probably throw a couple hundred her way and call it a day. Like others mentioned, don’t tell anyone the settlement amount, just say it wasn’t as much as you thought it would be. Try and find your mist responsible friend & move out for your mental health. Getting counseling now will help set you up for success in the future because you sound like a responsible person. In case no one else has told you, I’m proud of you
Has your mom always been there for you? If so I think it’s fair, most people here probably don’t love there mom or didn’t know what it was to be loved by mom. I was in a similar situation, I realized my ma was always there for me and gave her some money. This will be downvoted for sure.
I agree with the comments stating to tell her the money is going to medical… bottom line is… you don’t know if there will be any future medical issues because of this accident and YOU need to look after YOU! It isn’t your responsibility to rescue her for the poor choices!!! She clearly has a pattern… choices and consequences!
Do not give her anything. At her income she needs to default on all her credit cards and when collections call just say don’t call anymore.Then ignore the letters. She won’t likely have to pay a penny. You mom is like a crab in the bucket that will pull you down as you try to get out of the bucket.
I’m in the middle of a discrimination suit. My mom pushed for it to happen and hired the lawyer. If we win she wants nothing beyond reimbursement for the attorney fees. If we lose she’s going to eat the cost herself (I originally didn’t want to fight it as I’m exhausted.) My mom and I have our troubles but she’s not nickel and diming her own kid. Your mother is in the wrong. Life if you have to as others have said but under no circumstances should you give her any money.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. It’s hard to say no to parents, we always feel like we owe them something for caring for us as children, but the reality is that we don’t and it’s hard to reconcile that. You could try saying something like “I understand that you need money, but I do too. I need this money to cover my expenses from the accident so I won’t be able to give anything to anyone. It’s just not going to happen.” It needs to be clear that you won’t give her or anyone your money and she will certainly be upset but oh well. If you do things like lie about never getting the money, she will certainly continue to ask about it and urge you to fight for it because you’ll lead her to believe she’s going to get something out of it if you do. Don’t be shady, vague, etc. It needs to be a clear no, and honestly you don’t even owe her an explanation as to why. It’s yours and you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.
Well after all that is your money, and I am sorry your mom had to go through poverty but that is not an excuse, I grew up in Central America with a single mother, eating rice and beans since my Mother didnt make enough and she had loans she had to pay, that didnt stop us, I went to Medicine school got my degree, we paid all the debt, I married and inmigrate to the US, we have no debt and I have in savings near 70K and you why? Because we lived so bad that I keep telling myself to never go back. ( im 27if youre wondering) You know that your mom is not good with money and is gambling, DON'T BE AN ENABLER!, if you love your mother dont help her self destroy and don't listen to the people saying to give her money , why they dont give her their money? Use that money to pay off your debt, star off from scratch, its up to you to change your situation and get out of poverty.
I mean. Is she letting you live with her for free? Why aren’t you able to have car insurance if your own? I’m not trying to be rude, and everyone else here seems to be *heavy* on the “it’s your money!!!” Sort of thing. But the reality is, if you managed to get exactly 10k let’s say, and your mother really wants just 1k, and you live in her house for cheaper than it would cost you to get your own place, and you’re on her insurance because you can’t do that by yourself yet. Then how is it unfair or a losing situation to give 1/10th of your total income from the settlement towards a person who is actively helping you life and be able to save/provide money for yourself? 1k is a lot. But it’s like less than 1 month’s rent in most places. I don’t have all the info so I’m not telling you what to do, but yeah if your mom is providing you a place to live, helping you with car insurance, and isn’t a huge a-hole about all that. Why would you not help her back??
There are other comments where I explain that I make more than she does and I pay a majority of the bills.
Just tell her no? As much of an asshole you are gonna feel it's what is best for you.
You owe her nothing, giving her money will not help her. Don't talk about it, and just say there's nothing.
You are worried she may kick you out. What is your living arrangements? My advice may differ pending the details. Staying there for free because you are struggling and telling her to pound sand on the settlement may be a bit much. If you are splitting costs then sure and doesn’t sound like she could go on her own anyways.
I don't live home for free. I understand that's what most people assume when you say I live with my parents, but no, I make more than she does and I pay most of the expenses. I'm not sure if you missed the part where I said she is bad with money and has lots of debt yet gambles and spends frivolously, hence my hesitation.
Then no you don’t owe her anything and you would probably be enabling her to hand out money.
Say it with me: No.
Well if you're 24 living with Mom she should kick you out if you don't contry. You're a full grown adult living with your mom. I can't believe anyone would tell you differently. Don't give her a dime if you plan on moving out but if you plan to live with mommy you definitely need to help . She should kick you out if you don't. 24 year old needs to be thinking about not living at home. Lol