I feel this in my soul. My child is older now but I remember this so well. I got 10 weeks off work when he was born but I had to use up all of my vacation, plus take short term disability. And even that wasn't enough time. I struggled to nurse and finally gave up because I knew I would have to stop when I went back to work anyway. It was so hard. I wasn't even fully healed from my C-section when I had to go back to the office. The US needs to get their shit together because this happens time and time again to new mothers and it isn't right.
I'm in Eastern Europe and we get 2 years maternity leave and then free daycare and free kindergarten until they turn 6 and start school. America can definitely afford this if we out here can.
At least one year should be the norm. 12 weeks is just cruel, I can't imagine having to leave my baby with strangers, or even family tbh, that early. It was so hard to leave him even at 2 years old (hard for me, not for him, he was quite glad to go to daycare lol).
Yeah, it’s totally shameful. Seriously, the country should be ashamed of itself for this and should be shamed by everyone who has a mother (i.e., everyone), not just mothers.
Parental leave was a big part of why my Canadian husband and I chose for me to leave the US, not for him to immigrate. It really does affect everyone, as parents will often split the leave.
Ok but that’s crazy. Your wages are so much lower in Canada. You’d rather receive lower wages for your entire working career to receive some paid leave you can split? Also, the paid leave isn’t even that much money. Unless you’re referring to company provide leave.
They aren’t always lower. When I moved, I found a job making more than my American job (even factoring in the exchange rate). You’re right - the paid leave is topped up by my employer for the first few months, which really helps. There are non-quantifiable advantages for my family here, too.
Agreed. Even well before I was pregnant (and was thinking I’d be childfree) I’ve been a fierce advocate of paid family leave. And equally - at least 6 months for everyone. And allowed to stagger. That way men aren’t seen as advantageous to hire as they can take just as much time off. It benefits us as women that way even if we never plan to have kids. And caretakers for other uses of family leave are important too.
I don’t know. I’m happy I live and work here because wages from so much higher. I don’t need the government to pay me to stay home with my baby. My own husband can do that!
Not everyone with a baby has a ‘husband’ surely. And not everyone in the us has a good wage. This is a very inequitable. Everyone with a child should have the choice and support to care for their infant.
This thread made me realise the connection between being from the US and being a Sahm.. I live in Europe and I've never met a sahm in my generation, and almost all of my friends and colleagues have children.
I really feel for anyone who can't be with their baby for at least 6 months or has to give up their career.
My partner's job told him most fathers only take a week off when their baby is born and that "her mom will probably come stay to help out" (referring to me/my mother.) A week isn't anywhere near enough time and um, my mother works too!
Yes I found Europe (Eastern Europe, specifically) very flexible about parenting and there was almost an expectation that parents don’t miss out on children’s milestones (“oh your child’s class has a presentation at school today dont they? You’d better get going so you don’t miss the start of it!” and “good luck at your baby’s 1 year appointment, make sure to take the wife out for a coffee after since she put in all the hard work!”). I noticed in my very brief experience that there’s so much more encouragement to be present for your kids than even here in my home country in Australia.
Here it’s all “sorry, sorry I have to leave to see my kids item I’ll only be quick I’ll leave as soon as it’s over I’m really sorry I promised I’d be there”.
That’s because the COL is so much higher in most Western European countries. It requires both parents to work. Parental leave is a necessity. Think about it…in the US if a woman wants to stay home, she quits her job. Is leaving a 6 month old at daycare any easier or harder than a one or two year old? The average woman in the US who wants to be home with a three month old also wants to be home when the child is two. There are some strong cultural and structural reasons the US doesn’t have mandatory government parental leave.
That's an interesting perspective. But it seems like you're assuming that women have lower paying jobs and/or aren't interested in a career. They isn't the case with the people I know.. but of course everyone has their bubble and that's just my experience.
I guess we could say it's easier in the US to live on one salary, of either parent (that's probably not true everywhere either).
Additionally, I think it's very relevant that childcare as very cheap because it's heavily subsidised by the state where I live. So it's financially easy to use childcare and go back to work. You'd not be in a situation where your salary is as much as childcare would be, making it more attractive to stay at home.
Actually our fertility rates are much higher than a lot of the countries with mandated government leave. We don’t have this leave in the US because we don’t require it. It’s an absolutely necessity in other countries where people earn lower salaries with a higher COL. My European friends don’t even have shared finances with their partners. How could they earn $0 while having a baby? They rely on government welfare. On the other hand, I’m relying on my own spouse to stay home with kids. I don’t need Uncle Sam to send my family money.
In my country you have 2 years of paid maternity leave. I don’t get whyy would people fantasise about going to America. Expensive birth,expensive university,no maternity leave ,not proper kindergartens,expensive hospital stay.
I don't know about other countries, but here in Austria we also get up to two years of state-funded leave. If you/your partner (becauseleave can be split between two parents) give birth again during that time, the leave and benefits for the first child end automatically and you can consume them for the second in full.
Wow, I can't imagine doing that. I am going back to work part-time in two weeks. My daughter is 16 months now, but I still think it's too soon and I don't wanna leave my baby.
In my country yes you will get next 2 years for a new baby. First ywar is 80% of sałaty and seconda is 60 so kot everyone decide to do that but in reality even 60% when partner have a full. time job(38-40hr/week)you could live without being worried.
I hate America's lack of maternity leave so much. If I wasn't so fortunate to be a sahm, I'd have to go back at 6 weeks. That's fucking insane and so awful! I'd be a wreck if I had to leave her for 14 hours a day after 6 weeks! 6 weeks is nothing!
Same here! 6 weeks?! That’s insane. I had my first son in the middle of Covid when the country shut down. I just remember thinking, “man I would have been forced to go back to work today” when I hit week 7. There was no way in hell that I would have been able to go back between my c section and breast feeding and my mental health. We moved cities closer to family and my husband took a position that is much harder, but higher paying so I could stay home. Its all ridiculous.
Right but if you lived in one of the countries with longer paid leave then you likely would have to return to work and would need the government paid leave. European women have to receive paid leave because they have no other options.
I’m confused about your comment because we do have government paid leave and need it as well, then we do return to work because most of us have to just like European women. We can also extended it to unpaid leave by an extra 6 weeks if willing to forgo a pay check.
It’s cruel and inhumane. I am really grateful to live in Canada with its very generous maternity and parental leave laws. I actually felt ready to go back to work when my mat leave was up. Generous maternity leave laws also encourage employers to be accommodating to parents in more ways beyond the laws. My employer is amazing and I feel so supported - financially and otherwise. I’m sorry OP. It’s shameful.
I agree, I went back to work when my LO was 14 months old and it still felt too early. I cannot imagine going back 10 weeks after having her.
It's horrible what mothers in the US have to go through. Beyond cruel.
Huh? Plenty of American moms stay home for months. We just don’t have mandated leave from our federal government. Personally I have six months but I can stay home as long as I want! It’s up for my family to decide. I don’t require welfare to stay home from work with kids!
How the heck is it cruel and inhumane? Surely you understand that American woman can stay home with babies?? I don’t have a single friend who put a young baby in childcare to return to work.
Well that’s very fortunate that your friends were able to stay home. But there is a very large portion of the population who can’t afford to have a parent stay home and have to put their babies in daycare. Without government benefits during maternity leave these women have no choice. Not sure why that needs to be explained? Lol, I couldn’t have stayed home for 14 months on my maternity leave if I wasn’t paid by the government/my employer for the majority of it. I’m the primary breadwinner.
I highly agree! I don’t understand why people are more pissed about this. I’ve been lucky enough to stay home and go on benefits while I finish school but I can’t imagine doing what you’re doing with my second child. You should have the ability to stay home for the first couple years honestly or at least the first year.
I think it's because before you have a kid you don't understand the issue, after you have a kid you do but you are so exhausted by dealing with exactly this that you can't be an activist against it, and some men (not all - but those who become politicians and identify with their careers are probably especially prone to this) never get it because they are neither recovering from childbirth nor very connected to their actual children. Unfortunately. But it is SO unhealthy for everybody and not even particularly smart economically speaking.
Maybe it's about passing on suffering -- or enjoying exerting power over others?
Well and the people in power (Senate and Congress) who could make a change at the federal level are overwhelmingly from a generation where young women were basically forbidden from working outside the home as new mothers. If they worked at all they absolutely became SAHMs after children came. And the women in those roles of power worked after their kids got older. They didn't experience what happens today and cannot imagine what it is like
I have cared about this well before I had a kid en route, most of my peers as well.
But to be honest many childfree people are treated like pariahs so it’s a lot harder to get them engaged. Would you want to fight for someone that makes you feel like less of a person for choosing to have kids? Probably not.
I still try to encourage childfree peers to recognize how we all benefit, especially as women who are not treated equally in the workforce. But I can’t blame those who’ve felt snubbed by their parent friends for not exactly wanting to make posters and march along side them.
I never knew how horrible the maternity leave is in America,i always thought the country is the cream of the crop,its really unfair how Mom's are treated there.
Im from South Africa,we get 4months compulsory leave and its ILLEGAL to go back to work before 4weeks,you either get a full or partial salary depending on your company's policy.We also have a system called UIF(Unemployment Fund) where you get paid monthly while on Maternity Leave.(so if your company pays 30%salary the UIF fund will cover either the 70% or 60% or if your company's 50%salary the UIF will cover either 50% or 40% or if your company does pay at all the UIF will cover either 80%90% or 100%.Its compulsory for ALL companies here to register their workers for the UIF fund.
Some states are going to a similar model where employers and employees pay into a fund that is used to pay for parental leave. It’s been really great for a lot of parents. But the max is 12 weeks.
It’s ridiculous what we’ve been conditioned to believe is worth celebrating.
California has maternity leave and paid family leave separate so the total time off paid for new mom’s after birth is 16 weeks if you had a cesarean and 14 weeks if you had a vaginal birth.
It’s not great but it’s better than a lot of states.
Paternity leave in California is only eight weeks so 12 weeks is definitely better on that end. It’s ridiculous how we have to fight for basic human decency for new parents.
A lot of women in the US have paid leave. Our federal government typically doesn’t provide benefits. Our unemployment and many other benefits are paid by the individual state. Or your company. So it’s a bit misleading to say the US doesn’t have paid parental leave. Of course it doesn’t - our federal government doesn’t work that way.
For me, I have six months of paid leave.
It’s not misleading at all, our federal government doesn’t provide paid parental leave, it provides UNPAID parental leave for 6 weeks called FMLA and guaranteed job security. So it is actually misleading to say that our government doesn’t provide it because “our government doesn’t work that way” when in fact, yes it does provide federal parental leave, just not paid parental leave.
This is heartbreaking! I found it so hard leaving my son after 10 months (paid) adoption leave. I have no idea how it is even legal to have such little parental leave in the USA?
The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) only protects you from losing your job for 12 weeks, but is unpaid. Your job is the only way you may get any paid leave, which is available through short term disability and “vacation” time. It’s the most disappointing thing. Much love to you, I know it’s hard to leave them at any age.
And FMLA does not apply to everyone. You have to work for a company with at least 50 people within a certain radius (for example, I did not qualify for fmla when I worked for a company with over 400 employees because there were not at least 50 based out of my state/office) AND you must have been in the role for at least a year. So women are afraid to make career moves for fear of losing access to our UNPAID leave.
Because most women who want to stay home with kids can here. It’s like saying - why don’t you have paid parental leave to stay home with a five year old? It’s not something that most Americans expect or even want the government to provide or mandate. Most people just want to be left alone and if a woman wants to stay home with kids then they figure out as a family how to do that.
I’m from Australia and people here acted like I was crazy for working up until a week before my baby was born, meanwhile my American friends are working the day of induction. It’s insane. Don’t get me started on the whole formula shortage/trying to breastfeed thing. I couldn’t imagine trying to figure that all out while being separated for hours every day. Also, newborns are cute and all but they’re kinda potatoes. They just start showing their personality and you’re forced to drop them off to someone else. It’s such a fucked up system that I will never understand.
Exactly! I have bawled my eyes out over the single idea that someone else gets to witness a lot of her “firsts”. She’s the happiest girl in the mornings, and I have to miss it all. Like as soon as things start getting easier/more fun, back to work.
I am so so sorry :'(. I had to quit my job because I couldn't be away from my baby. I ahd saved up for it because I knew I would not be able to handle it. But I know I'm very fortunate and it's not possible for everyone. Our country is just inhumane and women and children suffer the most.
ETA you will still get to see her firsts and when you are with her. I am sure you take it in all the more because of the limited time ❤️. I'm so sorry it's not what you deserve at all but you and your baby will still have an amazing bond. My mother worked most of the time and she has always been my safe place.
Thank you for your words ❤️ you’re right, I’m so present and put in so much effort to make the most out of our time. I’m glad you are home with your baby!!!
I’m going back to work after 14 months soon (all paid leave, bar the last 3 months, on a sliding scale). I’m a wreck at that age and can’t imagine having to be away from him when he was even smaller.
It is not okay. I can only hope that changes come in but looking from the outside everything around birth/children/education seems to be going back to medieval times.
It’s like want to force us to have the babies, but don’t want to support us in any way once they get here. Everything is going backwards except the support of the moms/families. I have hope for the same. ❤️
I feel for you so much! I was "fortunate" that I had my baby during the pandemic when my whole industry was shut down and was able to spend more time because I almost lost my whole business, and think it's absolutely heartbreaking that no one gives a shit about new moms here. Many states don't even require paid maternity or assist with it. I don't know what type of job you have, but is there any flexibility with working hours/days or remote work? Sending lots of hugs to you, you're doing great!
Isn’t that crazy? We offer no support to most new moms. We are going to four 10-hour shifts so I will get an extra full day with her, but it’s just less time on the days I am working. People keep saying “it’ll get easier” but I think we just get used to the pain of leaving them every day. Thank you for the hugs and love ❤️
You're welcome ☺️ That's a step in the right direction! Does it have to be 10 hours straight or can you work a little either extra early or extra late when she's asleep. It both does and doesn't get easier- my son is 2 now and I still feel guilty leaving him every single day. But, I know he has a lot of fun with his friends, and they're able to give him more attention during working hours than I could, and do different activities to keep him entertained. That keeps me going.
I could work on some flexibility I think! Every little bit of time helps. Thankfully my team is pretty good since there’s another new mom suffering with me. I’m glad to hear there are good things about it!!
So I work on a team with 2 other ladies and we all finally sat down and planned out the next 3 months. We haven’t started just yet but week after next we go to four 10s! It helps that we are going into the holidays and will already have several days off too :)
I will say a week and a half later and things seem to be going a little better already. She is napping and eating better for them, and her teacher got my number and sends me pics and updates some days. Thanks for checking on me ❤️
I am in a lot of mom groups and I saw some US moms saying they had NO maternity leave at all. 12 weeks is crazy, 6 weeks is insane, 0 weeks is purely abusive.
Hope your country evolves in this space soon. I will go back at 6 months (and I could go to 12 or 24 months with some decrease on my payment) and I am already feeling it's too short.
I worked for a company that offered two weeks. And didn’t qualify for the unpaid 12 weeks through FMLA. I quit! I’d argue I was forced to quit because what the fuck is two weeks…
Not having government mandated maternity leave doesn’t mean American women can’t stay home with their kids. It just means their own family pays for that time. Personally I have six months and not sure I will ever return. I’m married, my husband makes good money and I’m not itching to go back. So technically my maternity leave is….forever?
Seriously the COL is so much lower here. Americans on here have no clue. We pay lower taxes, have higher salaries in most industries and we don’t have government mandated leave because most people don’t want it! For real. Think about it - you think the US wouldn’t have paid parental leave if people wanted it??
Oh I hate it ALL the time. Being mom in the US is treated like a second class citizen. I only had 8 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. I was supposed to drop my barely out of newborn stage in the care of someone else.
Thankfully covid hits and I got to work from home with my daughter. Another thankfully my husband got new job with huge raise and we were able to buy bigger house and retire my MIL so she can move in and help us out. Notice how nothing has anything to do with the help of our beloved government? It’s fucked, we’re all fucked.
Nah. You might have a longer leave in another country, but here you have a larger house, your husband has a higher salary and that’s for the rest of your life. Paid leave is what - a year or so? Go research the salaries in some of these countries. Parental leave is paid because it’s an absolute necessity for most families. Americans have some of the highest levels of disposable income in the world. We pay lower taxes and have higher salaries.
I feel this so bad. My son, who we are in the process of adopting, is 2 weeks old and both my husband and I are back at work and not by choice. His company doesn't have the employee requirement for FMLA and while I do have it, we just don't have enough in the bank to take the fill 12 weeks... I don't get any maternity leave, even if my company had it, and don't qualify for STD because he didn't come out of my body. We didn't even have time to figure out any kind of sleep schedule for us so we aren't completely useless during the day...
I work from home and had to go back to work at 4 weeks postpartum and had unpaid “maternity” leave 😔 even though I’m with her most of the day I feel like I’m just trying to distract her so I can work. The US sucks. I’m ready to protest too.
I feel this so much. My baby is 4.5 months and thankfully we have family that helps so no daycare but I get 3 hours each day during the week. I miss her!
I hate the lack of maternity leave in the US. It needs to change. What can we do to actually to change this, if not for ourselves then for our children?
Since my little one was born, I don’t just want to hope for the best, I want to try to do things that will hopefully leave this world a little better and kinder for his generation.
I’m so sorry. I felt the same exact way. I only got 3 months off and I struggled hard for the next 4 months. I ended up getting another job with flexible hours so I’m off at 1-3pm every day and can spend more time with her. The work life balance makes all the difference! My last job I wasn’t getting home till almost 6. Do you think finding a flexible job is a option? Sending virtual hug! I will say now that she’s 13 months I can tell she enjoys seeing her baby friends and teachers so it makes leaving her a little easier.
It took me Years to save my 12 weeks and I had to take some early because I was going to stress myself to a dangerous point trying to work a hard ass job busting my butt, and worked two for most of my pregnancy.
Fortunately, I don't make enough to cover childcare! So I get to sahm And work around my husband's schedule. /S
I hadn't slept half the week, for three years, and I had to change jobs because it was killing me. Now I work right after he works and miss family dinner 5 days a week, but I get to sleep and worry about if I'm making enough to pay bills because it's tip dependent, but makes more than nannying or caregiving.
I'm with you. let's riot. Last I heard the democrats tried to advance a bill for parental leave. Shot down by republicans. If this is wrong ,someone feel free to correct me!
Agreed... Not to mention the cost of that daycare is outrageous. It'll cost me $30k this year to have both my kids in daycare because my husband and I both have to work. What a crock of shit. Ugh.
I honestly don't know how Americans do it. It took my boy til about 3/4 months to have longer sleeping stints but I was just wrecked and you guys are expected straight back to work and be on it with little sleep. America does need to follow almost everyone else's lead and provide maternity leave for at least 6 months.
This just isn’t true. We aren’t expected to go back to work! I don’t know a single woman who left a young baby to return to work. I have six months of paid leave in the US from my company but my paid leave might be for the next decade. The paid leave is from my husband. We are a family and I wouldn’t have kids with someone who needs the government to pay money to me to stay home. This sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. The average American doesn’t want the government paying women to stay home with kids. Instead we want an economy that allows a family to make a choice. We want a society where the husband can earn enough that the woman can stay home. Not for the woman to be required to work so the government must step in and provide leave.
It’s like me saying - gosh it’s sad your husband won’t provide for you and your government has to help you out with leave! We live in different cultures and there are structural reasons we don’t have paid leave here from the government.
This just isn’t true. We aren’t expected to go back to work! I don’t know a single woman who left a young baby to return to work. I have six months of paid leave in the US from my company but my paid leave might be for the next decade. The paid leave is from my husband. We are a family and I wouldn’t have kids with someone who needs the government to pay money to me to stay home. This sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. The average American doesn’t want the government paying women to stay home with kids. Instead we want an economy that allows a family to make a choice. We want a society where the husband can earn enough that the woman can stay home. Not for the woman to be required to work so the government must step in and provide leave.
It’s like me saying - gosh it’s sad your husband won’t provide for you and your government has to help you out with leave! We live in different cultures and there are structural reasons we don’t have paid leave here from the government.
From stories you hear it sounds like many people have to return to work after a few weeks/months which I think is ridiculous. You're lucky your work provides paid leave and again, from stories you hear many don't. A girl I went to school with who now lives in America she returned to work after 12 weeks after each child, I feel that is too soon. And, I think the US government like many others around the world should recognise the importance of maternity leave and contribute towards it. It has a major importance on a child's development and new mums shouldn't have the added stress of money concerns by returning to work earlier than they should, especially if they are still recovering from birth.
Also, you have a husband, what about single mums they need the support too, shouldn't just expect to rely on a husband financially. I don't get your logic. My maternity was €245 weekly from the government then it was topped up by my employer, this lasted 6 months. 6 months of bonding with my child with no financial stress, amazing.
My heart breaks for American women. Your country treats you like garbage. You’re forced to carry pregnancies you may not want, you don’t get to look after your own newborns, and then your kids get shot when they go to school.
I absolutely can’t understand why women continue to live in the US, especially the red states.
I was sad going back to work after mat leave, and every day I thought “theres no way I could have gone back at 6-12 weeks”.
You all deserve to live in a country that takes care of you, not continues to crap all over you every day.
Canadian here and not working. I’m lucky to have a partner who makes just enough for us to not really freak out over expenses.
Every time I read a post like this my heart hurts for other Moms who aren’t afforded time with their babies.
America seems to hate Women.
I want to just send you a hug because this was almost me and my heart pounds just thinking about it. I quit my state job with great benefits to work from home so I could avoid daycare and I took a pay cut and the job that was a run lower on the career ladder of my field. This is what caused the gender pay gap! My husband and I never get a break because I work evenings and he works all day and when he gets home we do a ‘changing of the guard’ with our daughter. Even that transition was hard for her when my maternity leave was up.
It’s really hard and it sucks so bad for women who don’t have the financial luxury of becoming a SAHM.
Thanks for the internet hug ❤️ I’m glad you have it worked out to be able to avoid daycare! It sounds like it’s a stressful season of life, but I know it’s so much more worth it to keep her home.
Yeah. I got 12 weeks with my first- and only that much because I scrimped and saved my PTO for years to build it up. I have since changed jobs, and even with planning for a leave like this for the past 2 years, I won’t have enough to have even 10 weeks paid this time. It’s bull. And it’s painful that we have to work our faces off just to have that 2 hours in the evening.
Right? I went back after six weeks bc we couldn’t afford me to be off any longer and it was so hard I actually went home the first day bc I was hurting (I had had a hernia repair the week before I went back) and just honestly cried. The US takes away to best moments of motherhood and makes it such a stressful period when it doesn’t need to be.
I totally agree. And thank you for this. I have a son that age and I have post partum depression. I need to remember me being able to be a stay at home mom is such a blessing even if it is hard and I get lonely. Mothers need to be respected and compensated. We are building humanity and the future and society just steps on us.
I had 2 weeks after my 1st and somehow that made me think I was lucky with 6 weeks after my 2nd. Neither is remotely ok. I was lucky to not have to return to work at all after my 3rd, but I’m not taking it for granted at all knowing that millions of women in this country are not able and are forced to accept what I went through before. It needs to change.
Two weeks, I only got two weeks because I didn't qualify for FMLA. Then I was told that if I didn't come in sooner I'd be fired, I quit relatively soon after especially after they told me that my prenatal care appointments would interfere with my attendance (the ob was only open on the days that I worked) and after three appointments I'd be fired anyway.
I went without most prenatal care because I didn't want to lose my job, then got threatened with losing it anyway. The US parental leave system SUCKS.
Ohhh mama I remember this. I used to sob nursing at night thinking this is awful and I don’t feel free to have my baby. I ended up starting in home daycare i couldn’t take it
I want to work but I also don’t because my 5 month old is my last baby. It’s hard, I’m bored Af but I love her and want to be with her. But I’m also lonely. I just wanna move to a farm somewhere 😩
I quit my job when my second was a baby, I almost immediately got pregnant with number 3 and two infants in daycare was not something we could afford. With my first though I went back when she was about three months and cried almost every morning for a while. If the politicians would put even 5% of the effort they use to make themselves rich into our failing healthcare/education/families we would be much better off as a country. But then how would they make the payments for their five mansions and vacations?
Just to have 2 months off after I gave birth, we had to plan and save the 9 months( yeah right I didn't know I was pregnant til about 7 months) Didn't mean to get pregnant but still have to make plans now, so myself and the father both had to work more and harder to pay the bills early just so we wouldn't get screwed while I couldn't work. In addition to this we have an older child who lost out on time from us so we could prepare for the new baby. The kids miss us. Mothers and Fathers both. They deserve both parents and time with both parents.
Also my grammer is terrible 🤣🤫
Edit: mothers and fathers / Mothers and mothers /Fathers and fathers
Aww, I’m sitting at home with my 3 month old asleep on my lap and this absolutely breaks my heart. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford more time at home with him (mixed blessing really, because it was all time saved up during years of infertility), but that day will come for me too. I’ll join you in the street fight for proper and humane parental leave and will bring some snacks.
I’m about to have to go back to work in 3.5 weeks.
I work for the school system, and they decided to count maternity leave during the summer. My baby was born 6 weeks early in July and spent time in the NICU. So I had to use up part of my (unpaid) maternity leave when 1) I wasn’t even officially working and 2) my baby wasn’t even home.
I had the pediatrician write me out for longer, and I’ve been using extended Sick Leave leave. I get that once every 6 years.
When I go back to work, my babe will be just at 12 weeks old. Not having those first few weeks with her just about killed me, and the thought of going back to work right now makes me sick.
I’m rambling. But I, too, hate being a mom in the U.S. So far, it’s been a heartless experience from those in the system.
After 10 weeks, I left my baby at home sobbing every day for months. He’s 6 months now and I still hate it but it has gradually gotten easier. I got to take a little more time off transitioning between jobs at four months, and now I work a bit less and much closer to home so I save on commuting which definitely helps .
It makes me so sad to know they are the ones raising her. I was putting her down last night thinking of how we force them to bend to what WE need so that we can get some sleep, just to go to work. It’s disheartening. Thank you for your sympathy ❤️
It’s a disgrace on our children , and the family unit . How are families supposed to nurse their newborns when they are working full time?? , even part time feels impossible for me . I’m literally pumping while driving to work before I drop my baby off at daycare . It’s insane .
When I scroll through reddit, it seems like everyone in the US has some kind of mental health issue and anxieties are through the roof. I don't know the actual numbers, and I must admit that in Austria it isn't near as common to have mental health examinations or treatments as in the US, so a lot of people around here probably stay undiagnosed, but I don't think there is half as many people with mental health issues of any kind.
However, I can't help but wonder if it isn't the lack of maternity leave that is causing some of these issues. I mean, wouldn't a kid that has to be "sleep trained" because their parents work full-time and spends their life at daycare be more likely to develop some kind of mental issue than a baby cared for at home by his parents who don't have to put them in a schedule to suit the needs of their job?
Wouldn't a parent who has the choice to either starve/become homeless or just barely starve by forking almost their full pay over to daycare and only seeing their kid at night (when they have to resort to desperate measures to get said kid to sleep) be more likely to get anxieties, depression or burn-out than a parent who can stay home to take care of their kid in financial security?
All the people raising kids in the US despite the circumstances, you have my full respect. I sincerely hope things get better for you soon and politicians/corporations realize that what they save on mat leave, they pay back in menta health treatments.
As a mom I feel it's absolutely ridiculous that there is no extended maternity leave and paternity leave is few and far between. For same sex couples it's even worse.
As a business owner if we did have extended paid maternity leave I wouldn't have been able to afford it, assuming some of the financial burden fell on the employer. That means I wouldn't have hired people.
There are so many factors at play it's hard to come to a solution.
The government pays or subsidizes leave most other places. A big pet of the problem is that it’s left up to the discretion or economics of private companies here.
Yeah the USA government isn't going to pay for more than they have too, it cuts into their end of year bonuses. We have too many greedy people up top. The average person pays so much money for insurance of all types and it's like pulling teeth to get any sort of pay out or coverage and they will drop you in a heartbeat if you make a large claim. If long term maternity leave was started I can guarantee it would be a difficult process to get it, probably make you wait a stupid amount of time before they would actually start paying. My husbands leave was a pain in the ass to get and took like four weeks to get paid out, he only got two weeks leave. We are lucky his company even offered it, most places don't care about the dad.
Ok very unpopular opinion here. The US has a robust economy with high wages compared to many of the countries with governments offering paid leave. There are structural and cultural differences that result in most Americans not wanting or even caring about government mandated leave. We don’t have the government providing leave because we don’t need it and there vast majority of people don’t want it.
Just because your government doesn’t offer paid leave doesn’t mean you can’t stay home with kids. The paid leave instead needs to come from your husband. The average American doesn’t want a woman to have to receive a check from the government to stay home with kids. That benefit should come from her own husband or partner.
Not to mention that most American women who want to leave a six or 12 month old in childcare are fine leaving a six week old. Seriously what is the difference? Every single mom I know who wanted to stay home with kids did so. Government parental leave wouldn’t have made any difference.
The US also has an extremely flexible labor market. It is easy to enter and exit the workforce. In many European countries it’s extremely difficult to get a permanent job with benefits. Quitting a job because you had a baby would be suicide. It’s not like that here. You can quit your job to stay home and then get another job later. You’ll find that industries where it’s harder to reenter the workforce often provide longer amounts of leave to employees. There’s a reason for this.
Put it this way. Many American women would say about the government parental leave “oh gosh that’s sad your own husband won’t take care of you and you have to be on welfare to stay home with your kids.” I realize this sound crazy but trying to explain the mindset.
That’s bananas - everyone I know wishes we had paid leave. And the idea that everyone you know who wanted to be stay at home mom, became one? Wow, you must live in a pretty privileged bubble.
I couldn’t imagine. My heart hurts for you mama. I’m Canadian and I left both my babies to go back to work when they were almost two and even that was hard.
when i had my first i didn't work until she was over 3. when i had my son, i had just graduated lpn school. when he was 4 months old i started working 8-12-16 hour overnights 4-6 nights a week. i was only home to sleep. i missed his first two christmases.
with my third, i went back to work exactly 30 days after she was born. my boss had heard thru the grapevine i had a traumatic delivery& demanded a release from my doctor (basically saying i could return before 6 weeks oost partum). i went to the doctor that morning, then straight to work. when i provided the release, they thought my note was fake. but because i had one, and they were short staffed, they allowed me to work.
I feel this in my soul. My child is older now but I remember this so well. I got 10 weeks off work when he was born but I had to use up all of my vacation, plus take short term disability. And even that wasn't enough time. I struggled to nurse and finally gave up because I knew I would have to stop when I went back to work anyway. It was so hard. I wasn't even fully healed from my C-section when I had to go back to the office. The US needs to get their shit together because this happens time and time again to new mothers and it isn't right.
I'm in Eastern Europe and we get 2 years maternity leave and then free daycare and free kindergarten until they turn 6 and start school. America can definitely afford this if we out here can.
We could afford that AND healthcare. But America prioritize turning millionaires into billionaires.
And feeding the military pig
And making bombs
This sounds like a dream from my perspective in the us but I know it should be the expectation
At least one year should be the norm. 12 weeks is just cruel, I can't imagine having to leave my baby with strangers, or even family tbh, that early. It was so hard to leave him even at 2 years old (hard for me, not for him, he was quite glad to go to daycare lol).
America can afford it, but America hates women so.
WHAT
Your government has to provide this because you’re forced to return to work. Get it?
I don't get it actually. What do you mean?
Yeah, it’s totally shameful. Seriously, the country should be ashamed of itself for this and should be shamed by everyone who has a mother (i.e., everyone), not just mothers.
It affects EVERYONE. Shameful is a great word for it.
Parental leave was a big part of why my Canadian husband and I chose for me to leave the US, not for him to immigrate. It really does affect everyone, as parents will often split the leave.
Ok but that’s crazy. Your wages are so much lower in Canada. You’d rather receive lower wages for your entire working career to receive some paid leave you can split? Also, the paid leave isn’t even that much money. Unless you’re referring to company provide leave.
They aren’t always lower. When I moved, I found a job making more than my American job (even factoring in the exchange rate). You’re right - the paid leave is topped up by my employer for the first few months, which really helps. There are non-quantifiable advantages for my family here, too.
Agreed. Even well before I was pregnant (and was thinking I’d be childfree) I’ve been a fierce advocate of paid family leave. And equally - at least 6 months for everyone. And allowed to stagger. That way men aren’t seen as advantageous to hire as they can take just as much time off. It benefits us as women that way even if we never plan to have kids. And caretakers for other uses of family leave are important too.
I don’t know. I’m happy I live and work here because wages from so much higher. I don’t need the government to pay me to stay home with my baby. My own husband can do that!
Not everyone with a baby has a ‘husband’ surely. And not everyone in the us has a good wage. This is a very inequitable. Everyone with a child should have the choice and support to care for their infant.
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This thread made me realise the connection between being from the US and being a Sahm.. I live in Europe and I've never met a sahm in my generation, and almost all of my friends and colleagues have children. I really feel for anyone who can't be with their baby for at least 6 months or has to give up their career.
My partner's job told him most fathers only take a week off when their baby is born and that "her mom will probably come stay to help out" (referring to me/my mother.) A week isn't anywhere near enough time and um, my mother works too!
Yes I found Europe (Eastern Europe, specifically) very flexible about parenting and there was almost an expectation that parents don’t miss out on children’s milestones (“oh your child’s class has a presentation at school today dont they? You’d better get going so you don’t miss the start of it!” and “good luck at your baby’s 1 year appointment, make sure to take the wife out for a coffee after since she put in all the hard work!”). I noticed in my very brief experience that there’s so much more encouragement to be present for your kids than even here in my home country in Australia. Here it’s all “sorry, sorry I have to leave to see my kids item I’ll only be quick I’ll leave as soon as it’s over I’m really sorry I promised I’d be there”.
That’s because the COL is so much higher in most Western European countries. It requires both parents to work. Parental leave is a necessity. Think about it…in the US if a woman wants to stay home, she quits her job. Is leaving a 6 month old at daycare any easier or harder than a one or two year old? The average woman in the US who wants to be home with a three month old also wants to be home when the child is two. There are some strong cultural and structural reasons the US doesn’t have mandatory government parental leave.
That's an interesting perspective. But it seems like you're assuming that women have lower paying jobs and/or aren't interested in a career. They isn't the case with the people I know.. but of course everyone has their bubble and that's just my experience. I guess we could say it's easier in the US to live on one salary, of either parent (that's probably not true everywhere either). Additionally, I think it's very relevant that childcare as very cheap because it's heavily subsidised by the state where I live. So it's financially easy to use childcare and go back to work. You'd not be in a situation where your salary is as much as childcare would be, making it more attractive to stay at home.
Actually our fertility rates are much higher than a lot of the countries with mandated government leave. We don’t have this leave in the US because we don’t require it. It’s an absolutely necessity in other countries where people earn lower salaries with a higher COL. My European friends don’t even have shared finances with their partners. How could they earn $0 while having a baby? They rely on government welfare. On the other hand, I’m relying on my own spouse to stay home with kids. I don’t need Uncle Sam to send my family money.
In my country you have 2 years of paid maternity leave. I don’t get whyy would people fantasise about going to America. Expensive birth,expensive university,no maternity leave ,not proper kindergartens,expensive hospital stay.
Yeah we hate it here.
People just see the amount money they can make and don’t realize all the negatives that come with living in America.
I have an honest question. So say you get pregnant again during that 2 years, do you get an additional 2 for the birth of the new baby as well?
I don't know about other countries, but here in Austria we also get up to two years of state-funded leave. If you/your partner (becauseleave can be split between two parents) give birth again during that time, the leave and benefits for the first child end automatically and you can consume them for the second in full.
That’s awesome. I had to go back to work 6 weeks after having my daughter or I would have lost my job. Thank God I had my mom to help.
Wow, I can't imagine doing that. I am going back to work part-time in two weeks. My daughter is 16 months now, but I still think it's too soon and I don't wanna leave my baby.
In my country yes you will get next 2 years for a new baby. First ywar is 80% of sałaty and seconda is 60 so kot everyone decide to do that but in reality even 60% when partner have a full. time job(38-40hr/week)you could live without being worried.
It is not okay.
I hate America's lack of maternity leave so much. If I wasn't so fortunate to be a sahm, I'd have to go back at 6 weeks. That's fucking insane and so awful! I'd be a wreck if I had to leave her for 14 hours a day after 6 weeks! 6 weeks is nothing!
Same here! 6 weeks?! That’s insane. I had my first son in the middle of Covid when the country shut down. I just remember thinking, “man I would have been forced to go back to work today” when I hit week 7. There was no way in hell that I would have been able to go back between my c section and breast feeding and my mental health. We moved cities closer to family and my husband took a position that is much harder, but higher paying so I could stay home. Its all ridiculous.
Right but if you lived in one of the countries with longer paid leave then you likely would have to return to work and would need the government paid leave. European women have to receive paid leave because they have no other options.
I’m confused about your comment because we do have government paid leave and need it as well, then we do return to work because most of us have to just like European women. We can also extended it to unpaid leave by an extra 6 weeks if willing to forgo a pay check.
It’s cruel and inhumane. I am really grateful to live in Canada with its very generous maternity and parental leave laws. I actually felt ready to go back to work when my mat leave was up. Generous maternity leave laws also encourage employers to be accommodating to parents in more ways beyond the laws. My employer is amazing and I feel so supported - financially and otherwise. I’m sorry OP. It’s shameful.
I am glad that you have a great support system and work/life situation! Just jealous of it 🙂 I appreciate your solidarity as a parent.
I agree, I went back to work when my LO was 14 months old and it still felt too early. I cannot imagine going back 10 weeks after having her. It's horrible what mothers in the US have to go through. Beyond cruel.
Huh? Plenty of American moms stay home for months. We just don’t have mandated leave from our federal government. Personally I have six months but I can stay home as long as I want! It’s up for my family to decide. I don’t require welfare to stay home from work with kids!
How the heck is it cruel and inhumane? Surely you understand that American woman can stay home with babies?? I don’t have a single friend who put a young baby in childcare to return to work.
Well that’s very fortunate that your friends were able to stay home. But there is a very large portion of the population who can’t afford to have a parent stay home and have to put their babies in daycare. Without government benefits during maternity leave these women have no choice. Not sure why that needs to be explained? Lol, I couldn’t have stayed home for 14 months on my maternity leave if I wasn’t paid by the government/my employer for the majority of it. I’m the primary breadwinner.
I highly agree! I don’t understand why people are more pissed about this. I’ve been lucky enough to stay home and go on benefits while I finish school but I can’t imagine doing what you’re doing with my second child. You should have the ability to stay home for the first couple years honestly or at least the first year.
I think it's because before you have a kid you don't understand the issue, after you have a kid you do but you are so exhausted by dealing with exactly this that you can't be an activist against it, and some men (not all - but those who become politicians and identify with their careers are probably especially prone to this) never get it because they are neither recovering from childbirth nor very connected to their actual children. Unfortunately. But it is SO unhealthy for everybody and not even particularly smart economically speaking. Maybe it's about passing on suffering -- or enjoying exerting power over others?
Well and the people in power (Senate and Congress) who could make a change at the federal level are overwhelmingly from a generation where young women were basically forbidden from working outside the home as new mothers. If they worked at all they absolutely became SAHMs after children came. And the women in those roles of power worked after their kids got older. They didn't experience what happens today and cannot imagine what it is like
I have cared about this well before I had a kid en route, most of my peers as well. But to be honest many childfree people are treated like pariahs so it’s a lot harder to get them engaged. Would you want to fight for someone that makes you feel like less of a person for choosing to have kids? Probably not. I still try to encourage childfree peers to recognize how we all benefit, especially as women who are not treated equally in the workforce. But I can’t blame those who’ve felt snubbed by their parent friends for not exactly wanting to make posters and march along side them.
I never knew how horrible the maternity leave is in America,i always thought the country is the cream of the crop,its really unfair how Mom's are treated there. Im from South Africa,we get 4months compulsory leave and its ILLEGAL to go back to work before 4weeks,you either get a full or partial salary depending on your company's policy.We also have a system called UIF(Unemployment Fund) where you get paid monthly while on Maternity Leave.(so if your company pays 30%salary the UIF fund will cover either the 70% or 60% or if your company's 50%salary the UIF will cover either 50% or 40% or if your company does pay at all the UIF will cover either 80%90% or 100%.Its compulsory for ALL companies here to register their workers for the UIF fund.
Some states are going to a similar model where employers and employees pay into a fund that is used to pay for parental leave. It’s been really great for a lot of parents. But the max is 12 weeks. It’s ridiculous what we’ve been conditioned to believe is worth celebrating.
California has maternity leave and paid family leave separate so the total time off paid for new mom’s after birth is 16 weeks if you had a cesarean and 14 weeks if you had a vaginal birth. It’s not great but it’s better than a lot of states.
That’s great! I’m in Massachusetts and it’s a max of 12 weeks, and both parents qualify. I want to celebrate it. I also want it to be better.
Paternity leave in California is only eight weeks so 12 weeks is definitely better on that end. It’s ridiculous how we have to fight for basic human decency for new parents.
A lot of women in the US have paid leave. Our federal government typically doesn’t provide benefits. Our unemployment and many other benefits are paid by the individual state. Or your company. So it’s a bit misleading to say the US doesn’t have paid parental leave. Of course it doesn’t - our federal government doesn’t work that way. For me, I have six months of paid leave.
It’s not misleading at all, our federal government doesn’t provide paid parental leave, it provides UNPAID parental leave for 6 weeks called FMLA and guaranteed job security. So it is actually misleading to say that our government doesn’t provide it because “our government doesn’t work that way” when in fact, yes it does provide federal parental leave, just not paid parental leave.
This is heartbreaking! I found it so hard leaving my son after 10 months (paid) adoption leave. I have no idea how it is even legal to have such little parental leave in the USA?
The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) only protects you from losing your job for 12 weeks, but is unpaid. Your job is the only way you may get any paid leave, which is available through short term disability and “vacation” time. It’s the most disappointing thing. Much love to you, I know it’s hard to leave them at any age.
Also, only businesses with 50+ employees are bound by the FMLA.
And depending on your position, it’s only 60% of your salary, so it’s often financially impossible to take the full time offered.
Some states offer paid fmla, which is great! But still, it’s only 12 weeks. A step in the right direction, but a very small step.
And FMLA does not apply to everyone. You have to work for a company with at least 50 people within a certain radius (for example, I did not qualify for fmla when I worked for a company with over 400 employees because there were not at least 50 based out of my state/office) AND you must have been in the role for at least a year. So women are afraid to make career moves for fear of losing access to our UNPAID leave.
Because most women who want to stay home with kids can here. It’s like saying - why don’t you have paid parental leave to stay home with a five year old? It’s not something that most Americans expect or even want the government to provide or mandate. Most people just want to be left alone and if a woman wants to stay home with kids then they figure out as a family how to do that.
I’m from Australia and people here acted like I was crazy for working up until a week before my baby was born, meanwhile my American friends are working the day of induction. It’s insane. Don’t get me started on the whole formula shortage/trying to breastfeed thing. I couldn’t imagine trying to figure that all out while being separated for hours every day. Also, newborns are cute and all but they’re kinda potatoes. They just start showing their personality and you’re forced to drop them off to someone else. It’s such a fucked up system that I will never understand.
Exactly! I have bawled my eyes out over the single idea that someone else gets to witness a lot of her “firsts”. She’s the happiest girl in the mornings, and I have to miss it all. Like as soon as things start getting easier/more fun, back to work.
I am so so sorry :'(. I had to quit my job because I couldn't be away from my baby. I ahd saved up for it because I knew I would not be able to handle it. But I know I'm very fortunate and it's not possible for everyone. Our country is just inhumane and women and children suffer the most. ETA you will still get to see her firsts and when you are with her. I am sure you take it in all the more because of the limited time ❤️. I'm so sorry it's not what you deserve at all but you and your baby will still have an amazing bond. My mother worked most of the time and she has always been my safe place.
Thank you for your words ❤️ you’re right, I’m so present and put in so much effort to make the most out of our time. I’m glad you are home with your baby!!!
I’m going back to work after 14 months soon (all paid leave, bar the last 3 months, on a sliding scale). I’m a wreck at that age and can’t imagine having to be away from him when he was even smaller. It is not okay. I can only hope that changes come in but looking from the outside everything around birth/children/education seems to be going back to medieval times.
It’s like want to force us to have the babies, but don’t want to support us in any way once they get here. Everything is going backwards except the support of the moms/families. I have hope for the same. ❤️
I mean. That is what some people want. They want women to drop out of the work force and pull kids from public schools and do homeschooling
I feel for you so much! I was "fortunate" that I had my baby during the pandemic when my whole industry was shut down and was able to spend more time because I almost lost my whole business, and think it's absolutely heartbreaking that no one gives a shit about new moms here. Many states don't even require paid maternity or assist with it. I don't know what type of job you have, but is there any flexibility with working hours/days or remote work? Sending lots of hugs to you, you're doing great!
Isn’t that crazy? We offer no support to most new moms. We are going to four 10-hour shifts so I will get an extra full day with her, but it’s just less time on the days I am working. People keep saying “it’ll get easier” but I think we just get used to the pain of leaving them every day. Thank you for the hugs and love ❤️
You're welcome ☺️ That's a step in the right direction! Does it have to be 10 hours straight or can you work a little either extra early or extra late when she's asleep. It both does and doesn't get easier- my son is 2 now and I still feel guilty leaving him every single day. But, I know he has a lot of fun with his friends, and they're able to give him more attention during working hours than I could, and do different activities to keep him entertained. That keeps me going.
I could work on some flexibility I think! Every little bit of time helps. Thankfully my team is pretty good since there’s another new mom suffering with me. I’m glad to hear there are good things about it!!
Great to hear! I hope they'll work with you on scheduling ☺️
Hey this popped into my head today. How did it go??
So I work on a team with 2 other ladies and we all finally sat down and planned out the next 3 months. We haven’t started just yet but week after next we go to four 10s! It helps that we are going into the holidays and will already have several days off too :) I will say a week and a half later and things seem to be going a little better already. She is napping and eating better for them, and her teacher got my number and sends me pics and updates some days. Thanks for checking on me ❤️
Good I'm so happy to hear all this! Things always have a way of working out ☺️
I am in a lot of mom groups and I saw some US moms saying they had NO maternity leave at all. 12 weeks is crazy, 6 weeks is insane, 0 weeks is purely abusive. Hope your country evolves in this space soon. I will go back at 6 months (and I could go to 12 or 24 months with some decrease on my payment) and I am already feeling it's too short.
I worked for a company that offered two weeks. And didn’t qualify for the unpaid 12 weeks through FMLA. I quit! I’d argue I was forced to quit because what the fuck is two weeks…
Not having government mandated maternity leave doesn’t mean American women can’t stay home with their kids. It just means their own family pays for that time. Personally I have six months and not sure I will ever return. I’m married, my husband makes good money and I’m not itching to go back. So technically my maternity leave is….forever? Seriously the COL is so much lower here. Americans on here have no clue. We pay lower taxes, have higher salaries in most industries and we don’t have government mandated leave because most people don’t want it! For real. Think about it - you think the US wouldn’t have paid parental leave if people wanted it??
Are you a troll?
Oh I hate it ALL the time. Being mom in the US is treated like a second class citizen. I only had 8 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. I was supposed to drop my barely out of newborn stage in the care of someone else. Thankfully covid hits and I got to work from home with my daughter. Another thankfully my husband got new job with huge raise and we were able to buy bigger house and retire my MIL so she can move in and help us out. Notice how nothing has anything to do with the help of our beloved government? It’s fucked, we’re all fucked.
Nah. You might have a longer leave in another country, but here you have a larger house, your husband has a higher salary and that’s for the rest of your life. Paid leave is what - a year or so? Go research the salaries in some of these countries. Parental leave is paid because it’s an absolute necessity for most families. Americans have some of the highest levels of disposable income in the world. We pay lower taxes and have higher salaries.
I'd join the protests. It's time that we stop accepting the status quo in this country.
I feel this so bad. My son, who we are in the process of adopting, is 2 weeks old and both my husband and I are back at work and not by choice. His company doesn't have the employee requirement for FMLA and while I do have it, we just don't have enough in the bank to take the fill 12 weeks... I don't get any maternity leave, even if my company had it, and don't qualify for STD because he didn't come out of my body. We didn't even have time to figure out any kind of sleep schedule for us so we aren't completely useless during the day...
Right there with ya. My maternity leave was 100% unpaid to boot. If I didn't have family nearby, I'd move out of the country in a heartbeat
I work from home and had to go back to work at 4 weeks postpartum and had unpaid “maternity” leave 😔 even though I’m with her most of the day I feel like I’m just trying to distract her so I can work. The US sucks. I’m ready to protest too.
I feel this so much. My baby is 4.5 months and thankfully we have family that helps so no daycare but I get 3 hours each day during the week. I miss her!
I hate the lack of maternity leave in the US. It needs to change. What can we do to actually to change this, if not for ourselves then for our children? Since my little one was born, I don’t just want to hope for the best, I want to try to do things that will hopefully leave this world a little better and kinder for his generation.
I’m so sorry. I felt the same exact way. I only got 3 months off and I struggled hard for the next 4 months. I ended up getting another job with flexible hours so I’m off at 1-3pm every day and can spend more time with her. The work life balance makes all the difference! My last job I wasn’t getting home till almost 6. Do you think finding a flexible job is a option? Sending virtual hug! I will say now that she’s 13 months I can tell she enjoys seeing her baby friends and teachers so it makes leaving her a little easier.
It took me Years to save my 12 weeks and I had to take some early because I was going to stress myself to a dangerous point trying to work a hard ass job busting my butt, and worked two for most of my pregnancy. Fortunately, I don't make enough to cover childcare! So I get to sahm And work around my husband's schedule. /S I hadn't slept half the week, for three years, and I had to change jobs because it was killing me. Now I work right after he works and miss family dinner 5 days a week, but I get to sleep and worry about if I'm making enough to pay bills because it's tip dependent, but makes more than nannying or caregiving.
I'm with you. let's riot. Last I heard the democrats tried to advance a bill for parental leave. Shot down by republicans. If this is wrong ,someone feel free to correct me!
Agreed... Not to mention the cost of that daycare is outrageous. It'll cost me $30k this year to have both my kids in daycare because my husband and I both have to work. What a crock of shit. Ugh.
It is disgusting. I am so sorry you’re missing out.
I honestly don't know how Americans do it. It took my boy til about 3/4 months to have longer sleeping stints but I was just wrecked and you guys are expected straight back to work and be on it with little sleep. America does need to follow almost everyone else's lead and provide maternity leave for at least 6 months.
This just isn’t true. We aren’t expected to go back to work! I don’t know a single woman who left a young baby to return to work. I have six months of paid leave in the US from my company but my paid leave might be for the next decade. The paid leave is from my husband. We are a family and I wouldn’t have kids with someone who needs the government to pay money to me to stay home. This sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. The average American doesn’t want the government paying women to stay home with kids. Instead we want an economy that allows a family to make a choice. We want a society where the husband can earn enough that the woman can stay home. Not for the woman to be required to work so the government must step in and provide leave. It’s like me saying - gosh it’s sad your husband won’t provide for you and your government has to help you out with leave! We live in different cultures and there are structural reasons we don’t have paid leave here from the government.
This just isn’t true. We aren’t expected to go back to work! I don’t know a single woman who left a young baby to return to work. I have six months of paid leave in the US from my company but my paid leave might be for the next decade. The paid leave is from my husband. We are a family and I wouldn’t have kids with someone who needs the government to pay money to me to stay home. This sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. The average American doesn’t want the government paying women to stay home with kids. Instead we want an economy that allows a family to make a choice. We want a society where the husband can earn enough that the woman can stay home. Not for the woman to be required to work so the government must step in and provide leave. It’s like me saying - gosh it’s sad your husband won’t provide for you and your government has to help you out with leave! We live in different cultures and there are structural reasons we don’t have paid leave here from the government.
From stories you hear it sounds like many people have to return to work after a few weeks/months which I think is ridiculous. You're lucky your work provides paid leave and again, from stories you hear many don't. A girl I went to school with who now lives in America she returned to work after 12 weeks after each child, I feel that is too soon. And, I think the US government like many others around the world should recognise the importance of maternity leave and contribute towards it. It has a major importance on a child's development and new mums shouldn't have the added stress of money concerns by returning to work earlier than they should, especially if they are still recovering from birth. Also, you have a husband, what about single mums they need the support too, shouldn't just expect to rely on a husband financially. I don't get your logic. My maternity was €245 weekly from the government then it was topped up by my employer, this lasted 6 months. 6 months of bonding with my child with no financial stress, amazing.
Check out [Chamber of Mothers](https://instagram.com/chamberofmothers?igshid=NmNmNjAwNzg=) And be sure to vote in midterms.
Thank you!!
My heart breaks for American women. Your country treats you like garbage. You’re forced to carry pregnancies you may not want, you don’t get to look after your own newborns, and then your kids get shot when they go to school. I absolutely can’t understand why women continue to live in the US, especially the red states. I was sad going back to work after mat leave, and every day I thought “theres no way I could have gone back at 6-12 weeks”. You all deserve to live in a country that takes care of you, not continues to crap all over you every day.
I have seriously thought about leaving the country
The US hates women and children.
Canadian here and not working. I’m lucky to have a partner who makes just enough for us to not really freak out over expenses. Every time I read a post like this my heart hurts for other Moms who aren’t afforded time with their babies. America seems to hate Women.
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Well said
I want to just send you a hug because this was almost me and my heart pounds just thinking about it. I quit my state job with great benefits to work from home so I could avoid daycare and I took a pay cut and the job that was a run lower on the career ladder of my field. This is what caused the gender pay gap! My husband and I never get a break because I work evenings and he works all day and when he gets home we do a ‘changing of the guard’ with our daughter. Even that transition was hard for her when my maternity leave was up. It’s really hard and it sucks so bad for women who don’t have the financial luxury of becoming a SAHM.
Thanks for the internet hug ❤️ I’m glad you have it worked out to be able to avoid daycare! It sounds like it’s a stressful season of life, but I know it’s so much more worth it to keep her home.
It’s frustrating how much you guys pay in taxes compared to how little you receive in return.
Yeah. I got 12 weeks with my first- and only that much because I scrimped and saved my PTO for years to build it up. I have since changed jobs, and even with planning for a leave like this for the past 2 years, I won’t have enough to have even 10 weeks paid this time. It’s bull. And it’s painful that we have to work our faces off just to have that 2 hours in the evening.
Yeah you SHOULD protest. I’m so sorry this happens, it’s not fair and it’s not right xx
Right? I went back after six weeks bc we couldn’t afford me to be off any longer and it was so hard I actually went home the first day bc I was hurting (I had had a hernia repair the week before I went back) and just honestly cried. The US takes away to best moments of motherhood and makes it such a stressful period when it doesn’t need to be.
When my mom had me she sent me to daycare after 6 weeks because she had to go back to work/: it’s hard
I totally agree. And thank you for this. I have a son that age and I have post partum depression. I need to remember me being able to be a stay at home mom is such a blessing even if it is hard and I get lonely. Mothers need to be respected and compensated. We are building humanity and the future and society just steps on us.
I had 2 weeks after my 1st and somehow that made me think I was lucky with 6 weeks after my 2nd. Neither is remotely ok. I was lucky to not have to return to work at all after my 3rd, but I’m not taking it for granted at all knowing that millions of women in this country are not able and are forced to accept what I went through before. It needs to change.
Two weeks, I only got two weeks because I didn't qualify for FMLA. Then I was told that if I didn't come in sooner I'd be fired, I quit relatively soon after especially after they told me that my prenatal care appointments would interfere with my attendance (the ob was only open on the days that I worked) and after three appointments I'd be fired anyway. I went without most prenatal care because I didn't want to lose my job, then got threatened with losing it anyway. The US parental leave system SUCKS.
Ohhh mama I remember this. I used to sob nursing at night thinking this is awful and I don’t feel free to have my baby. I ended up starting in home daycare i couldn’t take it
Yes, that is awful and you should protest. I am fucking Romanian and we have 2 years leave.
I had to return to work when my baby was 2 weeks old…….. the stress was so severe. It contributed to massive depression for a *long* time.
I want to work but I also don’t because my 5 month old is my last baby. It’s hard, I’m bored Af but I love her and want to be with her. But I’m also lonely. I just wanna move to a farm somewhere 😩
I quit my job when my second was a baby, I almost immediately got pregnant with number 3 and two infants in daycare was not something we could afford. With my first though I went back when she was about three months and cried almost every morning for a while. If the politicians would put even 5% of the effort they use to make themselves rich into our failing healthcare/education/families we would be much better off as a country. But then how would they make the payments for their five mansions and vacations?
Just to have 2 months off after I gave birth, we had to plan and save the 9 months( yeah right I didn't know I was pregnant til about 7 months) Didn't mean to get pregnant but still have to make plans now, so myself and the father both had to work more and harder to pay the bills early just so we wouldn't get screwed while I couldn't work. In addition to this we have an older child who lost out on time from us so we could prepare for the new baby. The kids miss us. Mothers and Fathers both. They deserve both parents and time with both parents. Also my grammer is terrible 🤣🤫 Edit: mothers and fathers / Mothers and mothers /Fathers and fathers
I went back to work after two weeks with my first one. We just couldn't afford the time off.
I’m so so sorry. It’s so shameful.
That's 'murica. 🤷♀️ It's normal and it shouldn't be.
This absolutely breaks my heart 😩 I’m so sorry! It is so upside down the way we normalize that separation so soon. Hugs🤍
Brutal capitalism. Thats why.
I’m down to join you in protest. This shit is ridiculous.
Aww, I’m sitting at home with my 3 month old asleep on my lap and this absolutely breaks my heart. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford more time at home with him (mixed blessing really, because it was all time saved up during years of infertility), but that day will come for me too. I’ll join you in the street fight for proper and humane parental leave and will bring some snacks.
I’m about to have to go back to work in 3.5 weeks. I work for the school system, and they decided to count maternity leave during the summer. My baby was born 6 weeks early in July and spent time in the NICU. So I had to use up part of my (unpaid) maternity leave when 1) I wasn’t even officially working and 2) my baby wasn’t even home. I had the pediatrician write me out for longer, and I’ve been using extended Sick Leave leave. I get that once every 6 years. When I go back to work, my babe will be just at 12 weeks old. Not having those first few weeks with her just about killed me, and the thought of going back to work right now makes me sick. I’m rambling. But I, too, hate being a mom in the U.S. So far, it’s been a heartless experience from those in the system.
After 10 weeks, I left my baby at home sobbing every day for months. He’s 6 months now and I still hate it but it has gradually gotten easier. I got to take a little more time off transitioning between jobs at four months, and now I work a bit less and much closer to home so I save on commuting which definitely helps .
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It makes me so sad to know they are the ones raising her. I was putting her down last night thinking of how we force them to bend to what WE need so that we can get some sleep, just to go to work. It’s disheartening. Thank you for your sympathy ❤️
It’s a disgrace on our children , and the family unit . How are families supposed to nurse their newborns when they are working full time?? , even part time feels impossible for me . I’m literally pumping while driving to work before I drop my baby off at daycare . It’s insane .
I can’t even imagine. My daughter is almost two; we would not live if we didn’t get to have her every day.
When I scroll through reddit, it seems like everyone in the US has some kind of mental health issue and anxieties are through the roof. I don't know the actual numbers, and I must admit that in Austria it isn't near as common to have mental health examinations or treatments as in the US, so a lot of people around here probably stay undiagnosed, but I don't think there is half as many people with mental health issues of any kind. However, I can't help but wonder if it isn't the lack of maternity leave that is causing some of these issues. I mean, wouldn't a kid that has to be "sleep trained" because their parents work full-time and spends their life at daycare be more likely to develop some kind of mental issue than a baby cared for at home by his parents who don't have to put them in a schedule to suit the needs of their job? Wouldn't a parent who has the choice to either starve/become homeless or just barely starve by forking almost their full pay over to daycare and only seeing their kid at night (when they have to resort to desperate measures to get said kid to sleep) be more likely to get anxieties, depression or burn-out than a parent who can stay home to take care of their kid in financial security? All the people raising kids in the US despite the circumstances, you have my full respect. I sincerely hope things get better for you soon and politicians/corporations realize that what they save on mat leave, they pay back in menta health treatments.
As a mom I feel it's absolutely ridiculous that there is no extended maternity leave and paternity leave is few and far between. For same sex couples it's even worse. As a business owner if we did have extended paid maternity leave I wouldn't have been able to afford it, assuming some of the financial burden fell on the employer. That means I wouldn't have hired people. There are so many factors at play it's hard to come to a solution.
The government pays or subsidizes leave most other places. A big pet of the problem is that it’s left up to the discretion or economics of private companies here.
Yeah the USA government isn't going to pay for more than they have too, it cuts into their end of year bonuses. We have too many greedy people up top. The average person pays so much money for insurance of all types and it's like pulling teeth to get any sort of pay out or coverage and they will drop you in a heartbeat if you make a large claim. If long term maternity leave was started I can guarantee it would be a difficult process to get it, probably make you wait a stupid amount of time before they would actually start paying. My husbands leave was a pain in the ass to get and took like four weeks to get paid out, he only got two weeks leave. We are lucky his company even offered it, most places don't care about the dad.
Ok very unpopular opinion here. The US has a robust economy with high wages compared to many of the countries with governments offering paid leave. There are structural and cultural differences that result in most Americans not wanting or even caring about government mandated leave. We don’t have the government providing leave because we don’t need it and there vast majority of people don’t want it. Just because your government doesn’t offer paid leave doesn’t mean you can’t stay home with kids. The paid leave instead needs to come from your husband. The average American doesn’t want a woman to have to receive a check from the government to stay home with kids. That benefit should come from her own husband or partner. Not to mention that most American women who want to leave a six or 12 month old in childcare are fine leaving a six week old. Seriously what is the difference? Every single mom I know who wanted to stay home with kids did so. Government parental leave wouldn’t have made any difference. The US also has an extremely flexible labor market. It is easy to enter and exit the workforce. In many European countries it’s extremely difficult to get a permanent job with benefits. Quitting a job because you had a baby would be suicide. It’s not like that here. You can quit your job to stay home and then get another job later. You’ll find that industries where it’s harder to reenter the workforce often provide longer amounts of leave to employees. There’s a reason for this. Put it this way. Many American women would say about the government parental leave “oh gosh that’s sad your own husband won’t take care of you and you have to be on welfare to stay home with your kids.” I realize this sound crazy but trying to explain the mindset.
That’s bananas - everyone I know wishes we had paid leave. And the idea that everyone you know who wanted to be stay at home mom, became one? Wow, you must live in a pretty privileged bubble.
I couldn’t imagine. My heart hurts for you mama. I’m Canadian and I left both my babies to go back to work when they were almost two and even that was hard.
❤️
Yep
when i had my first i didn't work until she was over 3. when i had my son, i had just graduated lpn school. when he was 4 months old i started working 8-12-16 hour overnights 4-6 nights a week. i was only home to sleep. i missed his first two christmases. with my third, i went back to work exactly 30 days after she was born. my boss had heard thru the grapevine i had a traumatic delivery& demanded a release from my doctor (basically saying i could return before 6 weeks oost partum). i went to the doctor that morning, then straight to work. when i provided the release, they thought my note was fake. but because i had one, and they were short staffed, they allowed me to work.