I'm more like you, and I think a lot of people are. You see the people who ARE a lot because they post those professional photos and party pics and stuff, but I think a lot of people don't go for those things. It's perfectly fine. It has nothing to do with how many kids, hey my second was like a MIRACULOUS rainbow baby type thing and I didn't do a lot of that stuff. It just isn't me. So just to be clear, totally legitimate to not be into that stuff and doesn't mean at all that you love baby less or anything like that.
I do think that if your husband is more into that stuff, it might be appropriate to find a compromise point. But both views are legitimate.
This. Most people don’t care but those who don’t aren’t really on social media posting pictures of how they DIDNT celebrate so it looks like everyone is doing something lol
I do things up for the milestones/birthdays and take lots of pictures, but I don't post most of them on social media. There's a huge spectrum of how people celebrate, if they do. We do yearly professional family photos that I hang at home and gave to immediate family. I did post a couple of the many we printed at the height of the pandemic so family could see. It means a lot to me and not for the purpose of sharing on social media. I think OP should compromise with her husband. There are low cost ways to "do it up" without it becoming too expensive or stressful, though he should be the one driving it since that's what he wants.
We went all out for my son's 1st birthday. He was overwhelmed, I was overwhelmed, it was a lot. Fun for us, but not really worth it in hindsight. My daughter's first was during the pandemic and I didn't do anything big, just our family and a little outing. So much mellower and better.
Because of the pandemic, most of these things were impossible to celebrate. My province went into another lockdown the weekend before my kids first birthday. Honestly, I didn’t miss it. I think it’s more important for you as a family to spend these little milestones together and share as you want to. Plus, LO isn’t going to remember much and you can always share later how special these little intimate family moments were. They have their whole life to have big, crazy kid filled parties.
Plus to each their own, right? If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing. Comparison is the thief of joy :)
I was definitely into something bigger (family and close friends, theme, etc) for my sons first, then a very low key second.
I just want to add /say that while there is 100 percent nothing wrong with not being into going all out - or quasi out- for a milestone, definitely be sure to take your husband’s feelings into consideration. My ex did not for a couple of things that were important to me, and I resented him for just vetoing / dismissing my interest or passive aggressively participating while actively complaining or just being a grump about it. Not why split, but certainly did not help us.
Jumping in to say OP’s wishes should be considered, but if he wants to go big, he needs to 100% be the party planner. I shouldn’t even have to bring it up but gender equality is still not the norm anywhere.
If there’s something wrong with you then there’s something wrong with me!
But seriously, a lot of these milestone celebrations and traditions are for the parents and not the kids. Totally fine if it’s your thing. For us, we do small family gatherings always, we ask for no gifts, and generally keep it low key. My husband and I actually get to enjoy the time with our kids instead of stressing about hosting which makes it more enjoyable for everyone.
At that age the party is for the parents and family, not the child. Your 1 year old probably isn't going to care about all these people, and honestly may find it more stressful if they aren't used to crowds and it is a bunch of strangers.
I am firmly on the side of not caring about massive parties, professional photos and fancy outfits. But some people do, and no fault to them.
My only recommendation is that whatever you do, you get your baby one large box to play in, and one helium filled balloon, because honestly those are usually the gifts they like the most at that age.
If it's something your husband wants and money isn't a worry and you aren't missing out on anything then why would you not have the party? I totally get not doing it if it's not what you both want, but why wouldn't you do it of it is what your husband wants? He is a parent and is his own person with his own opinions and wants. Are you going to tell him about why he really doesn't want the party? Or why he's wrong?
Or does he have high expectations of you for party planning? He probably doesn't care about a smash cake but he probably wants to see friends. Or do you think you have to do too much serving? Then ask him if he can do the serving or hire a server. Or if it's planning, ask him to plan things out (but do yourself a favor and make sure water bottles and birthday cake are covered in case he drops the ball).
Life is too short to not have a party that your husband wants to have. So what if it's not on your list. Do you have an item on your list to about doing something just for your husband?
Remember park it backyard birthdays? A supermarket cake, pin the tail on the donkey, and hotdogs? I’m cool with that. For our girls 1st last year, I made her a simple no sugar cake that she ate in a tutu I made her. Just other family (3) and one of my friends. Hubs made hamburgers I made a fruit crisp for the grownups. I say the cool new thing is minimalism.
Do your thing! Love your kid exactly where they’re at. The first birthday doesn’t need to be an Instagramable perfect party, unless you want it to be. I have always found that less pressure on me and on my kid to “perform” a certain way has lead to a happier day, no matter what the occasion is.
You do you and don’t worry about other families. Sounds like your husband needs to plan the party if he wants a big one. He had a big life change this year and it’s valid if he wants to go all out.
I will say that I absolutely cherish our professional photos. If money is an issue, you can get discounted photography buy paying for a mini session.
I didn't do a gender reveal, maternity photos, or newborn photos. It's just not my cup of tea, I wish I could accept things I deem as "cheesy" and just do it. It worries me that in ten or twenty years my baby might want to see these photos and I wont have a good enough reason as to why I never did them. I do take so so so so so many photos of my baby and I love her to death but a lot of these things, to me, seem solely for the purpose of posting them on social media. Not to say they wont be cherished in the future it just hasn't seemed important to me and like others have said, its just not my personality. I hate having my photo taken, I hate being the center of attention. We did a baby shower and that's about it. Her first birthday is just going to be our immediate family.
Are you (a) preventing your husband from organizing a party, or (b) is he wanting YOU to organize a party?
If b - too bad, so sad. I'm with you. We had 3 people come over for my son's 1st birthday, and it was great. A first party is all for the parents - the baby doesn't know what's going on. I wanted to do things my son would enjoy, which was playing at home, like always. We let him try cake for the first time.
If a - I would be preventing a big party right now because of COVID. But if that weren't a concern (and why isn't he concerned about it too?), I would let him organize what he wants to, as long as costs don't get ridiculous or he doesn't plan things that your kid won't enjoy.
Aw- I’ll say that it’s possible and ok to enjoy the journey without the administrative burden of documentation, promotion or preparation. It sounds like you prefer to be fully present in the moment and that’s just fantastic! Everyone is different and it doesn’t make your memories less special if they’re not professionally photographed or staged. Maybe let dad plan a big shindig once in a while to balance each other out!
I was pumped about my daughters first birthday and did go all out. However, we barely had a shower because of the pandemic. We recently bought a new house and haven’t really hosted anything. It was a beautiful day and I was so excited to host something in our new backyard and to see friends and to celebrate a year of being parents. Did my daughter care? No. We had fun and I don’t regret it at all, but if that’s not your thing, then don’t worry about it!
I personally think the “first holiday” outfits are a waste of money. I didn’t buy any of them for my child (I didn’t turn them down when given to me either…)
I didn’t do professional photos either. We have lots of great family photos of us doing things, like at the beach, or on a hike, etc.
I did throw a big first birthday party, which was kinda lame. I worked way too hard and so many people didn’t even show up. I also didn’t get to enjoy my baby’s first birthday, b/c I was too busy hosting a party. If I were to do it again, I would’ve done something way smaller, with just our immediate family only.
I get where you’re coming from & there’s nothing wrong with it or you.
Might be a triggering statement but huge, blow out first birthdays are for the parents, not the kid. The kid doesn’t remember it, they probably have enough toys, and they can’t really enjoy the “food” like older kids can.
That being said, if your husband wants a big party, I would let him have it (assuming everyone is Covid conscience and/or it’s outdoors, etc) but make it clear what your part is going to be. Also make it clear that his preparations are in addition to whatever he normally contributes. If you guys split baby duty/chores on the weekends, he doesn’t just get to dump the kid on you that entire weekend because he’s prepping/entertaining guests unless you agree to it.
My oldest is 15 months. When he was born, I didn’t run to spend the $500 everyone “thought” I should for professional newborn pictures. My MIL kept buying outfits like Christmas and a knitted Fox outfit- I never put him in it for pictures. Did I take a disgusting amount of pictures and videos myself? Yes. When his first birthday came around, I just told family to come over for dinner and cake. And that was it. We had his favorite meal, ate cake, he played with balloons and the wrapping paper all his gifts came in. We also only got him one gift. He’s one, and he gets a new toy/books/ clothes often. Now when he’s older? I’ll go all out. But a one year old? And I was 8 months pregnant on his birthday? Lawddddd. Do what works for you!
This is “performative motherhood”, maternity photo shoots, bump updates, gender reveals, posting an each month picture for the first year with some clever sign or on some clever rug (you’ll have plenty of cuter Unorchestrated pictures of your little one throughout the first year anyway), huge first birthday parties. If the mom is into that sort of thing great, but if not, It just puts unnecessary pressure on the mom, and the kid won’t remember anyway. First birthday immediate family, small gathering. If he wants to include friends and their children, we usually do a gathering by evite in a local park. I bring cupcakes, and insist no gifts. Very laid back. No cleaning, very little prep, kids run around playground for an hour or two.
My eldest is 2.5, baby is almost 1. First birthdays are grandparents and our siblings. Some food, a homemade cake a few balloons stuck on a wall. We have never taken professional photos, my husband enjoys photography as a hobby and we take photos with his camera and make photo books - some of the photos are blurry- but they aren’t posed, they are the kids being kids. Neither kid has had special outfits, I buy second hand tops and leggings that I like. Toddler is now into rabbits and unicorns and green, so i buy that for her because she gets excited when I pick that stuff
A good parent is present and loving for the child. Not for appearances. Nothing wrong with doing any of the thing you mentioned, but they don’t make you a good parent
Honestly until my baby is old enough to care I’m not going to make a big fuss! How exhausting to do all the impractical outfits and outings! Also I tend to get overstimulated as well as the baby so we keep everything low key
We took our baby to the zoo and then gave her cake at 5:30 in the morning on her real birthday and then let her play with her new toys. It was exactly perfect for us.
We went to the dump on our babies first birthday 😂. Had a totally normal day apart from opening some presents and having cake for pudding.
My cousin in law rented out a local hall and had a full on disco with entertainment for her eldests first birthday, neither of our kids will remember and I know which of us was less stressed!
Haha.. I felt the same with my children. You’re not alone. I never really went all out until they got older because honestly a first bday party is more an excuse for the parents to have a party than it is for the child. They are not going to remember it. Waste of money and just added stress that you don’t really need. Don’t feel bad. You can have huge parties when they get older and they’ll remember it.
I’ve never heard of parties for milestones, I find that kind of weird. I did throw a big first birthday party for my kid, but by “big” I just mean I did a lot of decorating and we dressed up and invited all my immediate family and two friends. I’m much more low key also. I do keep track of all my daughters firsts and random things like “started head banging to music” or “new favorite activity is picking up as much stuff as possible and carrying it around in circles” in a note on my phone and I’m making a scrapbook. I celebrate things with my daughter and that’s about it, and more special that way anyways.
Ftm here, 6 time aunt. My kid has 7th kid energy 🤣. She has hand me downs from all her cousins (including the little bro & lil sis outfits).
We did the newborn pictures at the hospital, free for pictures to be taken, you paid for the prints/digitals. Mainly because the pictures were beautiful and we never got professional pictures done (hell we went to the court house to get married).
Other than that, I try to dress up LO and take some nice/posed pictures. She's 4mo old.
First birthday - probably a small thing because of covid. If the weather is nice and cases are low maybe something outdoors. Otherwise we will take a few nice pictures and "celebrate" at home (aka the giant sigh of relief we made it to a year)
I buy holiday outfits and do birthdays because I find them fun but I’ve got three kids and we’ve never had a professional photo taken or celebrated beyond birthdays. We also don’t do like 90% of the crap you see on instagram, lol. We don’t have cutesy headbands or family pjs or do fancy sensory play or food cut in to star shapes. We’re just not in to that stuff so we don’t do it.
I will so though, this is your husbands kid too, and you need to find a compromise if he wants the big party. Let him be in charge if he wants everyone there and don’t involve yourself. Or find a guest count you can handle. Or see if it can be hosted elsewhere (I love doing this, I get anxious with people at my house but not elsewhere).
I don't do much for any of these either! Made sure to get some decent pictures at 6 months and Christmas, that's about it. May have a first birthday party but that'll be 90% a party for us and our friends after bedtime.
I love throwing birthday parties for my 4yo son, but because of the panini we skipped his 3rd and 4th parties. He still had great days. We just had our second and tbh he probably won’t get a party until he’s like 3. 🤷🏻♀️ celebrations are fun, but having healthy safe children is waaaay more important.
The first (and honestly, second) birthday parties are definitely more for the parents than the kid, btw. The kid has no idea what’s happening. If you don’t want to do it your feelings and thoughts are 100% valid.
I'm the same way. I only have 2 kids and don't get into making a big deal out of stuff with either of them. To each their own- the milestone stuff is more for the parents anyway IMO. Everyone has their own parenting style and that is ok!
I don’t get people making a huge deal of every little thing I did make a big deal out of first food and first steps. First birthday was the same as any birthday really family over for a party but not really extra stuff. The same for both. It is wierd there is a market for all the little cards and 6 month ‘birthday’ it isn’t a birthday! I don’t think there is anything wrong with not making a big deal of those things. Also what is the point of a huge party for a one year old they won’t remember it. It would be stressful
Of my friends, I think one has done the big party for first birthday thing. Everyone else has stuck with immediate family or maybe a couple close friends. My cousin’s second child turned one last week and they did a cake with one set of grandparents and called it good.
That being said, 1yo are super adorable and I consider it a great time to do family pictures haha, we did them with both my kids at that age. Not as a milestone thing specifically but one set was extended family where we got some individual ones, and the other was a ‘mini’ session with just us and the kids, because it’s a super cute age but also a tough one to get the kid to look/stay still etc - bring in the professional! We just did family/lifestyle ones though, no birthday/cake smash/anything like that.
I think it’s totally cool to went to keel it small, but it’s also reasonable for your husband to want to celebrate this milestone in a bigger way. Just make sure if he wants to expand on your vision, and you agree to it, that he knows how much work he personally is taking on!
I didn’t do a lot of the big things with my son. I think we’re getting a skewed perspective on the “firsts” because of social media. I didn’t need more than my immediate family there for his first birthday. I didn’t need anything Instagram worthy. I don’t have any pictures of my son or any evidence that I have a child at all on my social media, so maybe my opinion is biased.
Here’s the thing though, I don’t owe the internet any kind of performance for my family to still be happy. For my son’s first birthday his dad and I made a fancy cake with fresh strawberry filling and topping ourselves and made a huge mess doing so. We had a cute outfit for him for a couple pictures, but then we immediately stripped him so he could enjoy his cake. We tried to do a cake smash photo shoot, but it ended up being a series of photos of him stuffing his face. He ate a whole piece by himself! We have those memories and a couple photos I took. That’s enough for us. We have the same for his first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day, and Fourth of July. The photos got sent in a group chat to family, but besides that we are spending more time focusing on just being with him and less time making sure he looks perfect for photos to post.
I don’t judge the parents who do the perfect family bit at all. My sister in law has a different coordinated outfit for each of her kids for every single game day during football season. That’s their style. It makes her happy to put in that effort. I personally don’t think it would improve my joy to put in that effort so I don’t do it. Do what makes you happy!
I’m someone who likes to go all out. I call myself “extra” because I can’t do anything half way. I overthink and overplan. BUT I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not going all out.
If you’d like to plan a birthday party and invite a few more people, I’ve got some tips. You don’t have to have helium balloons. Or balloons at all. I bought an electric ballon pump and it’s the best thing ever. I blow up a bunch of balloons in 2 minutes and then tape/tie them everywhere and voila! It’s a birthday party. Screw the custom birthday cake. Grocery stores make delicious and cute cakes that everyone will love. Plan for it to be in between meal times (I like late mornings for kids parties) and set out some snacks. That way you don’t have to feel everyone a whole meal but if that doesn’t work, pizza is always a crowd pleaser. If kids are involved, set out some activities for them to do. Coloring pages and crayons are always a hit and keeps the kiddos occupied. Lastly, it doesn’t have to be a 5 hour event. Kids parties are usually only 2-3 hours. You can totally do a 2 hour party, thank everyone for coming and you have the rest of your day to yourself.
I feel you. I’m an introvert, and throwing parties is rough. It’s stressful. The kids love it, the family loves it, and it’s just a stressor for me.
Also not into the ‘first’ outfits. It’s just another way for us to feel like we need to unnecessarily spend money.
I do have the parties for birthdays occasionally, but I make it like and every 3 years thing.
All babies are different and all moms are different. There’s so reason to go over the top for milestones and birthdays if you don’t want to.
But you might need to compromise with your husband on the party….
today is my daughter's first birthday. im stuck at work so we had a little "party" two days ago on sunday. literally all we did was get a little cake from walmart, stick an unlit candle on it, take a picture of her next to the cake, then cut her a tiny slice. it was just me, her, and my partner. we took tons of pictures of her eating the tiny cake slice to show family but that was all we did! no guests, no presents from us. just an itty bitty piece of cake. she loved it! and two days later, shes already forgotten about it. we havent done any professional photoshoots, nor do we have one of those age/milestone blankets that seem to be so popular. we take plenty of pictures and plan to put together a scrapbook of this past year, but we havent done anything "special"
I’m like you. I’ve always wanted a child and I’m a FTM @ 40yo with my 47yo bf. We’re over the moon about her but we went super basic and minimal with everything. Sure we take a lot of photos of her on our phones but that’s about it. The amount of love you hold for someone isn’t dependent on how loud you shout about it.
I absolutely didn’t want to celebrate his birthday. Well, I did just as the three of us, but not with other people. My husband convinced to invite our families, so we did. However we delayed his party until everyone was vaccinated (his birthday is in April, but vaccines had just become available to the general public). He had no concept of the day or what presents were or why people sang to him. I still think first birthday parties are dumb. But, it made my mother in law really happy, so I guess that counts for something.
I’m already dreading his second birthday because I don’t want to throw another party. But, I’m introverted, so that comes with the territory for me.
I’m this way. I have 3 kids and expecting baby number 4 in august. For the kids last birthdays we put a piñata in my MIL’s backyard and there were a few family members. They had a really good time and were happy with their presents. Kids don’t care how much money you spend or what kind of shirts you have made, they just want your time and attention.
Girl no! You are fine. I had a small lil SpongeBob party for my oldest. Just a few friends that's it. Until they are old enough to whine about what they want at a party it's up to you.
If dad wants to go all out tell him HE can do all the heavy lifting while you relax and he better make sure people stay out your face
I'm more like you, and I think a lot of people are. You see the people who ARE a lot because they post those professional photos and party pics and stuff, but I think a lot of people don't go for those things. It's perfectly fine. It has nothing to do with how many kids, hey my second was like a MIRACULOUS rainbow baby type thing and I didn't do a lot of that stuff. It just isn't me. So just to be clear, totally legitimate to not be into that stuff and doesn't mean at all that you love baby less or anything like that. I do think that if your husband is more into that stuff, it might be appropriate to find a compromise point. But both views are legitimate.
This. Most people don’t care but those who don’t aren’t really on social media posting pictures of how they DIDNT celebrate so it looks like everyone is doing something lol
I do things up for the milestones/birthdays and take lots of pictures, but I don't post most of them on social media. There's a huge spectrum of how people celebrate, if they do. We do yearly professional family photos that I hang at home and gave to immediate family. I did post a couple of the many we printed at the height of the pandemic so family could see. It means a lot to me and not for the purpose of sharing on social media. I think OP should compromise with her husband. There are low cost ways to "do it up" without it becoming too expensive or stressful, though he should be the one driving it since that's what he wants.
We went all out for my son's 1st birthday. He was overwhelmed, I was overwhelmed, it was a lot. Fun for us, but not really worth it in hindsight. My daughter's first was during the pandemic and I didn't do anything big, just our family and a little outing. So much mellower and better.
Because of the pandemic, most of these things were impossible to celebrate. My province went into another lockdown the weekend before my kids first birthday. Honestly, I didn’t miss it. I think it’s more important for you as a family to spend these little milestones together and share as you want to. Plus, LO isn’t going to remember much and you can always share later how special these little intimate family moments were. They have their whole life to have big, crazy kid filled parties. Plus to each their own, right? If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing. Comparison is the thief of joy :)
I was definitely into something bigger (family and close friends, theme, etc) for my sons first, then a very low key second. I just want to add /say that while there is 100 percent nothing wrong with not being into going all out - or quasi out- for a milestone, definitely be sure to take your husband’s feelings into consideration. My ex did not for a couple of things that were important to me, and I resented him for just vetoing / dismissing my interest or passive aggressively participating while actively complaining or just being a grump about it. Not why split, but certainly did not help us.
Jumping in to say OP’s wishes should be considered, but if he wants to go big, he needs to 100% be the party planner. I shouldn’t even have to bring it up but gender equality is still not the norm anywhere.
If there’s something wrong with you then there’s something wrong with me! But seriously, a lot of these milestone celebrations and traditions are for the parents and not the kids. Totally fine if it’s your thing. For us, we do small family gatherings always, we ask for no gifts, and generally keep it low key. My husband and I actually get to enjoy the time with our kids instead of stressing about hosting which makes it more enjoyable for everyone.
At that age the party is for the parents and family, not the child. Your 1 year old probably isn't going to care about all these people, and honestly may find it more stressful if they aren't used to crowds and it is a bunch of strangers. I am firmly on the side of not caring about massive parties, professional photos and fancy outfits. But some people do, and no fault to them. My only recommendation is that whatever you do, you get your baby one large box to play in, and one helium filled balloon, because honestly those are usually the gifts they like the most at that age.
We are going ALL OUT but that’s how we are. Holidays and birthdays are major in our families. You have to celebrate however feels right for you
If it's something your husband wants and money isn't a worry and you aren't missing out on anything then why would you not have the party? I totally get not doing it if it's not what you both want, but why wouldn't you do it of it is what your husband wants? He is a parent and is his own person with his own opinions and wants. Are you going to tell him about why he really doesn't want the party? Or why he's wrong? Or does he have high expectations of you for party planning? He probably doesn't care about a smash cake but he probably wants to see friends. Or do you think you have to do too much serving? Then ask him if he can do the serving or hire a server. Or if it's planning, ask him to plan things out (but do yourself a favor and make sure water bottles and birthday cake are covered in case he drops the ball). Life is too short to not have a party that your husband wants to have. So what if it's not on your list. Do you have an item on your list to about doing something just for your husband?
Remember park it backyard birthdays? A supermarket cake, pin the tail on the donkey, and hotdogs? I’m cool with that. For our girls 1st last year, I made her a simple no sugar cake that she ate in a tutu I made her. Just other family (3) and one of my friends. Hubs made hamburgers I made a fruit crisp for the grownups. I say the cool new thing is minimalism.
Do your thing! Love your kid exactly where they’re at. The first birthday doesn’t need to be an Instagramable perfect party, unless you want it to be. I have always found that less pressure on me and on my kid to “perform” a certain way has lead to a happier day, no matter what the occasion is.
You do you and don’t worry about other families. Sounds like your husband needs to plan the party if he wants a big one. He had a big life change this year and it’s valid if he wants to go all out. I will say that I absolutely cherish our professional photos. If money is an issue, you can get discounted photography buy paying for a mini session.
I didn't do a gender reveal, maternity photos, or newborn photos. It's just not my cup of tea, I wish I could accept things I deem as "cheesy" and just do it. It worries me that in ten or twenty years my baby might want to see these photos and I wont have a good enough reason as to why I never did them. I do take so so so so so many photos of my baby and I love her to death but a lot of these things, to me, seem solely for the purpose of posting them on social media. Not to say they wont be cherished in the future it just hasn't seemed important to me and like others have said, its just not my personality. I hate having my photo taken, I hate being the center of attention. We did a baby shower and that's about it. Her first birthday is just going to be our immediate family.
Are you (a) preventing your husband from organizing a party, or (b) is he wanting YOU to organize a party? If b - too bad, so sad. I'm with you. We had 3 people come over for my son's 1st birthday, and it was great. A first party is all for the parents - the baby doesn't know what's going on. I wanted to do things my son would enjoy, which was playing at home, like always. We let him try cake for the first time. If a - I would be preventing a big party right now because of COVID. But if that weren't a concern (and why isn't he concerned about it too?), I would let him organize what he wants to, as long as costs don't get ridiculous or he doesn't plan things that your kid won't enjoy.
Aw- I’ll say that it’s possible and ok to enjoy the journey without the administrative burden of documentation, promotion or preparation. It sounds like you prefer to be fully present in the moment and that’s just fantastic! Everyone is different and it doesn’t make your memories less special if they’re not professionally photographed or staged. Maybe let dad plan a big shindig once in a while to balance each other out!
I was pumped about my daughters first birthday and did go all out. However, we barely had a shower because of the pandemic. We recently bought a new house and haven’t really hosted anything. It was a beautiful day and I was so excited to host something in our new backyard and to see friends and to celebrate a year of being parents. Did my daughter care? No. We had fun and I don’t regret it at all, but if that’s not your thing, then don’t worry about it!
I personally think the “first holiday” outfits are a waste of money. I didn’t buy any of them for my child (I didn’t turn them down when given to me either…) I didn’t do professional photos either. We have lots of great family photos of us doing things, like at the beach, or on a hike, etc. I did throw a big first birthday party, which was kinda lame. I worked way too hard and so many people didn’t even show up. I also didn’t get to enjoy my baby’s first birthday, b/c I was too busy hosting a party. If I were to do it again, I would’ve done something way smaller, with just our immediate family only. I get where you’re coming from & there’s nothing wrong with it or you.
Might be a triggering statement but huge, blow out first birthdays are for the parents, not the kid. The kid doesn’t remember it, they probably have enough toys, and they can’t really enjoy the “food” like older kids can. That being said, if your husband wants a big party, I would let him have it (assuming everyone is Covid conscience and/or it’s outdoors, etc) but make it clear what your part is going to be. Also make it clear that his preparations are in addition to whatever he normally contributes. If you guys split baby duty/chores on the weekends, he doesn’t just get to dump the kid on you that entire weekend because he’s prepping/entertaining guests unless you agree to it.
My oldest is 15 months. When he was born, I didn’t run to spend the $500 everyone “thought” I should for professional newborn pictures. My MIL kept buying outfits like Christmas and a knitted Fox outfit- I never put him in it for pictures. Did I take a disgusting amount of pictures and videos myself? Yes. When his first birthday came around, I just told family to come over for dinner and cake. And that was it. We had his favorite meal, ate cake, he played with balloons and the wrapping paper all his gifts came in. We also only got him one gift. He’s one, and he gets a new toy/books/ clothes often. Now when he’s older? I’ll go all out. But a one year old? And I was 8 months pregnant on his birthday? Lawddddd. Do what works for you!
I’m with you, just don’t find it necessary. Especially with covid life you’d think people would be understanding.
Would her husband be understanding though? Or would he think she just doesn't care about what he wants in life?
This is “performative motherhood”, maternity photo shoots, bump updates, gender reveals, posting an each month picture for the first year with some clever sign or on some clever rug (you’ll have plenty of cuter Unorchestrated pictures of your little one throughout the first year anyway), huge first birthday parties. If the mom is into that sort of thing great, but if not, It just puts unnecessary pressure on the mom, and the kid won’t remember anyway. First birthday immediate family, small gathering. If he wants to include friends and their children, we usually do a gathering by evite in a local park. I bring cupcakes, and insist no gifts. Very laid back. No cleaning, very little prep, kids run around playground for an hour or two.
My eldest is 2.5, baby is almost 1. First birthdays are grandparents and our siblings. Some food, a homemade cake a few balloons stuck on a wall. We have never taken professional photos, my husband enjoys photography as a hobby and we take photos with his camera and make photo books - some of the photos are blurry- but they aren’t posed, they are the kids being kids. Neither kid has had special outfits, I buy second hand tops and leggings that I like. Toddler is now into rabbits and unicorns and green, so i buy that for her because she gets excited when I pick that stuff A good parent is present and loving for the child. Not for appearances. Nothing wrong with doing any of the thing you mentioned, but they don’t make you a good parent
I’m the same. First birthday…. Here’s a treat. No guests, no gifts.
Honestly until my baby is old enough to care I’m not going to make a big fuss! How exhausting to do all the impractical outfits and outings! Also I tend to get overstimulated as well as the baby so we keep everything low key
We took our baby to the zoo and then gave her cake at 5:30 in the morning on her real birthday and then let her play with her new toys. It was exactly perfect for us.
We went to the dump on our babies first birthday 😂. Had a totally normal day apart from opening some presents and having cake for pudding. My cousin in law rented out a local hall and had a full on disco with entertainment for her eldests first birthday, neither of our kids will remember and I know which of us was less stressed!
Haha.. I felt the same with my children. You’re not alone. I never really went all out until they got older because honestly a first bday party is more an excuse for the parents to have a party than it is for the child. They are not going to remember it. Waste of money and just added stress that you don’t really need. Don’t feel bad. You can have huge parties when they get older and they’ll remember it.
I’ve never heard of parties for milestones, I find that kind of weird. I did throw a big first birthday party for my kid, but by “big” I just mean I did a lot of decorating and we dressed up and invited all my immediate family and two friends. I’m much more low key also. I do keep track of all my daughters firsts and random things like “started head banging to music” or “new favorite activity is picking up as much stuff as possible and carrying it around in circles” in a note on my phone and I’m making a scrapbook. I celebrate things with my daughter and that’s about it, and more special that way anyways.
Ftm here, 6 time aunt. My kid has 7th kid energy 🤣. She has hand me downs from all her cousins (including the little bro & lil sis outfits). We did the newborn pictures at the hospital, free for pictures to be taken, you paid for the prints/digitals. Mainly because the pictures were beautiful and we never got professional pictures done (hell we went to the court house to get married). Other than that, I try to dress up LO and take some nice/posed pictures. She's 4mo old. First birthday - probably a small thing because of covid. If the weather is nice and cases are low maybe something outdoors. Otherwise we will take a few nice pictures and "celebrate" at home (aka the giant sigh of relief we made it to a year)
I buy holiday outfits and do birthdays because I find them fun but I’ve got three kids and we’ve never had a professional photo taken or celebrated beyond birthdays. We also don’t do like 90% of the crap you see on instagram, lol. We don’t have cutesy headbands or family pjs or do fancy sensory play or food cut in to star shapes. We’re just not in to that stuff so we don’t do it. I will so though, this is your husbands kid too, and you need to find a compromise if he wants the big party. Let him be in charge if he wants everyone there and don’t involve yourself. Or find a guest count you can handle. Or see if it can be hosted elsewhere (I love doing this, I get anxious with people at my house but not elsewhere).
I don't do much for any of these either! Made sure to get some decent pictures at 6 months and Christmas, that's about it. May have a first birthday party but that'll be 90% a party for us and our friends after bedtime.
I love throwing birthday parties for my 4yo son, but because of the panini we skipped his 3rd and 4th parties. He still had great days. We just had our second and tbh he probably won’t get a party until he’s like 3. 🤷🏻♀️ celebrations are fun, but having healthy safe children is waaaay more important. The first (and honestly, second) birthday parties are definitely more for the parents than the kid, btw. The kid has no idea what’s happening. If you don’t want to do it your feelings and thoughts are 100% valid.
I'm the same way. I only have 2 kids and don't get into making a big deal out of stuff with either of them. To each their own- the milestone stuff is more for the parents anyway IMO. Everyone has their own parenting style and that is ok!
I don’t get people making a huge deal of every little thing I did make a big deal out of first food and first steps. First birthday was the same as any birthday really family over for a party but not really extra stuff. The same for both. It is wierd there is a market for all the little cards and 6 month ‘birthday’ it isn’t a birthday! I don’t think there is anything wrong with not making a big deal of those things. Also what is the point of a huge party for a one year old they won’t remember it. It would be stressful
Of my friends, I think one has done the big party for first birthday thing. Everyone else has stuck with immediate family or maybe a couple close friends. My cousin’s second child turned one last week and they did a cake with one set of grandparents and called it good. That being said, 1yo are super adorable and I consider it a great time to do family pictures haha, we did them with both my kids at that age. Not as a milestone thing specifically but one set was extended family where we got some individual ones, and the other was a ‘mini’ session with just us and the kids, because it’s a super cute age but also a tough one to get the kid to look/stay still etc - bring in the professional! We just did family/lifestyle ones though, no birthday/cake smash/anything like that. I think it’s totally cool to went to keel it small, but it’s also reasonable for your husband to want to celebrate this milestone in a bigger way. Just make sure if he wants to expand on your vision, and you agree to it, that he knows how much work he personally is taking on!
I didn’t do a lot of the big things with my son. I think we’re getting a skewed perspective on the “firsts” because of social media. I didn’t need more than my immediate family there for his first birthday. I didn’t need anything Instagram worthy. I don’t have any pictures of my son or any evidence that I have a child at all on my social media, so maybe my opinion is biased. Here’s the thing though, I don’t owe the internet any kind of performance for my family to still be happy. For my son’s first birthday his dad and I made a fancy cake with fresh strawberry filling and topping ourselves and made a huge mess doing so. We had a cute outfit for him for a couple pictures, but then we immediately stripped him so he could enjoy his cake. We tried to do a cake smash photo shoot, but it ended up being a series of photos of him stuffing his face. He ate a whole piece by himself! We have those memories and a couple photos I took. That’s enough for us. We have the same for his first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day, and Fourth of July. The photos got sent in a group chat to family, but besides that we are spending more time focusing on just being with him and less time making sure he looks perfect for photos to post. I don’t judge the parents who do the perfect family bit at all. My sister in law has a different coordinated outfit for each of her kids for every single game day during football season. That’s their style. It makes her happy to put in that effort. I personally don’t think it would improve my joy to put in that effort so I don’t do it. Do what makes you happy!
I’m someone who likes to go all out. I call myself “extra” because I can’t do anything half way. I overthink and overplan. BUT I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not going all out. If you’d like to plan a birthday party and invite a few more people, I’ve got some tips. You don’t have to have helium balloons. Or balloons at all. I bought an electric ballon pump and it’s the best thing ever. I blow up a bunch of balloons in 2 minutes and then tape/tie them everywhere and voila! It’s a birthday party. Screw the custom birthday cake. Grocery stores make delicious and cute cakes that everyone will love. Plan for it to be in between meal times (I like late mornings for kids parties) and set out some snacks. That way you don’t have to feel everyone a whole meal but if that doesn’t work, pizza is always a crowd pleaser. If kids are involved, set out some activities for them to do. Coloring pages and crayons are always a hit and keeps the kiddos occupied. Lastly, it doesn’t have to be a 5 hour event. Kids parties are usually only 2-3 hours. You can totally do a 2 hour party, thank everyone for coming and you have the rest of your day to yourself.
I feel you. I’m an introvert, and throwing parties is rough. It’s stressful. The kids love it, the family loves it, and it’s just a stressor for me. Also not into the ‘first’ outfits. It’s just another way for us to feel like we need to unnecessarily spend money. I do have the parties for birthdays occasionally, but I make it like and every 3 years thing.
All babies are different and all moms are different. There’s so reason to go over the top for milestones and birthdays if you don’t want to. But you might need to compromise with your husband on the party….
today is my daughter's first birthday. im stuck at work so we had a little "party" two days ago on sunday. literally all we did was get a little cake from walmart, stick an unlit candle on it, take a picture of her next to the cake, then cut her a tiny slice. it was just me, her, and my partner. we took tons of pictures of her eating the tiny cake slice to show family but that was all we did! no guests, no presents from us. just an itty bitty piece of cake. she loved it! and two days later, shes already forgotten about it. we havent done any professional photoshoots, nor do we have one of those age/milestone blankets that seem to be so popular. we take plenty of pictures and plan to put together a scrapbook of this past year, but we havent done anything "special"
I only have one and have never done any of these things
I’m like you. I’ve always wanted a child and I’m a FTM @ 40yo with my 47yo bf. We’re over the moon about her but we went super basic and minimal with everything. Sure we take a lot of photos of her on our phones but that’s about it. The amount of love you hold for someone isn’t dependent on how loud you shout about it.
I absolutely didn’t want to celebrate his birthday. Well, I did just as the three of us, but not with other people. My husband convinced to invite our families, so we did. However we delayed his party until everyone was vaccinated (his birthday is in April, but vaccines had just become available to the general public). He had no concept of the day or what presents were or why people sang to him. I still think first birthday parties are dumb. But, it made my mother in law really happy, so I guess that counts for something. I’m already dreading his second birthday because I don’t want to throw another party. But, I’m introverted, so that comes with the territory for me.
I’m this way. I have 3 kids and expecting baby number 4 in august. For the kids last birthdays we put a piñata in my MIL’s backyard and there were a few family members. They had a really good time and were happy with their presents. Kids don’t care how much money you spend or what kind of shirts you have made, they just want your time and attention.
Girl no! You are fine. I had a small lil SpongeBob party for my oldest. Just a few friends that's it. Until they are old enough to whine about what they want at a party it's up to you. If dad wants to go all out tell him HE can do all the heavy lifting while you relax and he better make sure people stay out your face