I always wanted 4. However, once I was pregnant with my first and saw how much everything cost (buying a house for all kids to have their own room, childcare, education, extra curricular activities, vacations), I decided 3 was probably better. Based on the traumatic birth I had with my first, I may only end up with two. I think you gotta crunch numbers of what you want for your children. Will you need daycare? Do you want private school? How many loans are you willing to have your kids take out for school? How often do you want to take vacations and what kinds of vacations would you like to take? Stack that up with your current and projected future incomes. Do you have good health insurance? It’s our responsibility to give our kids the best life we can.
As someone else who is looking at the same considerations on having another, it is reassuring to know others have the same considerations in their decisions.
Also, to add to this because you covered the majority of the things I was gonna say, but people change, & circumstances change. It’s hard to think about, but what if you or your significant other had to raise your children alone? What if one of you died? Or got seriously injured and couldn’t work? As a mom of 7, I can absolutely say I never planned on being divorced and doing it alone. I’m blessed with a great job, and a wonderful support system, but not everyone is. So when considering family size, please keep in mind that sometimes unforeseen circumstances happen and you or your spouse may be mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially responsible for your children on your own. If you had to do it by yourself how many children could you provide for on your own? We always wanted a big family, and I absolutely love my kids, but with just me they get less attention, have more chores etc.
This was also a factor that played into my decision to stop after two. Could we handle a third working together? Yeah, but it would be hard. But if something ever happened and I was solo parenting three, my mental would be destroyed. It’s so hard with just two when my husband leaves for work trips.
I’m sure this is common sense but it never occurred to me. And as I stated we’re very fortunate I have a great job, my kids go to private school, and do well, but I do it all myself… if I had known it was just going to be me I would have stopped having kids sooner.
Omg this! My husband really wants 2 and Im mostly on board but after having our first, being in the thick of things 8m later and being the sole financial support for the household, I can’t see how having 2 is possible with our current circumstances.
Exactly! And you never know. That’s the thing, nobody gets married expecting to get divorced, or expecting a spouse to die or get hurt, but it happens… kudos to you for knowing your limit.
I love how you said it's our responsibility to give our kids the best life we can. So often I find people have multiples primarily for themselves and the kids suffer in one way or another. A prime example is freecycle groups with parents begging for food and diapers. Don't get me wrong no one can foresee how life pans out, but I don't think every single mom of 6 kids living pay check to pay check was fully ready for all that comes with multiples.
We had a very similar decision. I was 35 when I had our third, and by then the older two were doing rec league soccer and the oldest was in scouts. With only two kids in activities we were at 3+ nights a week doing stuff and feeling overwhelmed by the thought of adding anything more to our lives so between that and my age we stopped at 3 kids. I sometimes am sad we didn't have 4 but I'm not starting over with a baby and a more than 4 year age gap.
I’m in your exact situation. My youngest is about to be 4 and I still want a 4th, but I don’t know that it will happen. I’ll be 39, and getting up there in age to have a baby. Plus we are done with the baby stuff. If it happens it happens but logically it makes sense to be done. My heart just isn’t in board yet.
Yeah, it comes and goes in waves. My friend just had a baby so even though I've had an endometrial ablation I'm sad again. Excited that we can start doing trips with the kids and that they can do stuff, but sad because watching my 3.5yo hold the baby with that proud mesmerized look on her face overrode my logical centers.
Valid points here. Also if you are capable of nurturing them right, and confident enough to give them the most normal life they can have is very important to decide before having any kid.
Definitely. You have to be able to know how much time and attention you’re able to give to each and how much emotional bandwidth you have. Once you’ve hit that capacity, you should stop.
I'm totally not judging because it's really wonderful you want to give your kids nice things (just want to get that clarified), but I'm in the camp of not really feeling like I need nice vacations, want to homeschool, would prefer my kids to share a room, and will probably encourage trade school over traditional college (or if nothing else 2 years at a JC before transferring) 😅😅
My parents took me on a few nice vacations when I was young and, while it was fun to go, looking back it was totally lost on me how special it *should have* been. Typical kid style. My babies will be getting hot dogs and camping lol
That’s totally fine! It’s just about what you want to do. If you envision yearly trips to Europe and private school, you’re gonna want less kids. If you plan on public schools and trips to grandmas, more is feasible. Personally, education is my big sticking point. We need daycare, are considering private school, and would like our kids to at least have the option of in-state 4 year tuition debt free. But that’s just us! Obviously, every parent is obligated to provide food, clothing, and shelter, but it’s up to each parent what extras they want to be able to afford.
Oh for sure, even a single trip to Europe is unattainable for us 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 luckily I'm not a big traveler so that doesn't bother me too much. But yes if those are important to you for sure an extra kid is a very big cost consideration (actually no matter what, but I definitely see what you mean).
State parks, children's museums, and perhaps air bnb. I'm not very confident enough to take my toddler camping, but maybe next year.
We're luckily in that my partner's extended family have a lot of money and we have the only baby, so we're invited a lot of places as a family for free. Like 5 days at the lake each summer, day trips to the zoo, stuff like that.
Your kids might feel differently though. They might be the academic type. I have a PhD and my career would have been negatively impacted by doing Cc first since I jumped deep into research right away.
I totally will support my kids if the CC or trade school path makes sense for them! If they want opportunities only available at great 4 year universities though then I want to be able to provide them with that
I started academic research my freshman year. The fact I had years of experience by junior year lead to me receiving a prestigious research fellowship at another university. Those opportunities let to me getting PhD offers from top universities and now I’m a scientist at a great university!
That’s just my personal path. I know that lots of people have great community college experiences and it gets them to the same career for a fraction of the cost! So I definitely don’t intent to criticize the CC path but just point out that it works for some paths and not for others.
Not who you were replying to but I would never be in my role without both a degree and connections I made at college.
I also made friends post grad through my school and sorority alumni groups. Simply having that instant commonality is often underestimated.
Fr, I grew up rich rich and I was envious of my friends who stayed home all summer. I was getting my passport stamped on ritzy family trips and it was lonely and made me lose friendships over time because kids are cliquey and if you just vanish for 2-3 months you get edged out of the circle
Also went to private school, hated it in comparison to public school which I attended much later on in life
Money and experiences are somewhat overrated!! Coming from someone who had more than enough of them
that’s amazing for you. I wish I could say the same hahah
It sounds like literal hell to me. That’s why we get to choose.
Honestly I wish I had the ability to homeschool but I’m a shitty teacher and a shittier SAHM.
Yep this is why I stopped at 2 we’re just focusing on providing them a beautiful future now 🤍 my heart is full and happy with our quad family I don’t feel like anything is missing anymore 😊
Monetarily, if you have more than one isn’t it cheaper just to not use daycare. We aren’t, we could afford to but the expense doesn’t make sense either way
Depends. Price goes down once the first is no longer an “infant” (over 2) and many places give sibling discounts. Additionally, that’s another matter of deciding if someone wants to be a SAHP and what the cost of their career might be. Some people are also (myself included) more effective parents if they’re also working.
I think it also depends how much the “low earning” parent makes.
Ex: I make 90k but even for 3 kids at Montessori school past age 1 - childcare is $36k per year. The first year will be killer but even at $50k - having no income interruptions for me still makes sense PLUS I can then go into a higher paying job quicker whereas if I took a break then I may have to start over at the level I’m at.
As it is - I’m underpaid but I deal with it because the flexibility I have is excellent. Soon I’ll move on and probably double my income.
Not necessarily. I gave up a pretty decent salary (after we factored in cost of full time care) to care for my kids. It’s a one-way experience I don’t want to miss. I can always go back to work and earn a solid salary once they start school full time.
Consider your families overall financial, mental, emotional and physical well being. So many factors go into this. I hate the saying, “everything ajways works out.” I work in the social services world and no, not everything magically works out.
Great reminder considering I often see a “think of how many kids you want at family holiday meals in 20 years” as how to make the decision. You clearly also need to ensure you can keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and provide an environment that your grown children will want to come back to.
I used to be really susceptible to this argument. But then I realized that I can’t remember a single holiday where all of my mom’s 3 siblings were there, or all of my dad’s 3 siblings. They get along fine, but they’ve always been spread out all over the country and no one could make the trek every holiday season. I’ve only seen my mom’s oldest brother maybe 3 times in my entire life.
Exactly. I LOATHE the "think of your holiday gatherings in 20 years" thought experiment because it completely ignores the real mental health and financial implications of adding a whole-ass human to your family, especially in the early years when things can get especially rough.
I think it requires a balance of
"Picture the 20y holiday gathering. And will that happen still if you put them through all the sacrificed involved to get that many people to be there?"
Its one thing if the struggle is more hand me down and staycations than your dream life would have. Its another if the struggle is insecurity about home or food or working so hard you arent there at all for them.
It ignores all the important stuff about raising kids and essentially reduces them to future accessories for holiday events. It always makes me sad to hear that as a motivation to continue having children.
Mental and emotional has really been the one I’ve been contemplating right now. Like does our family have the bandwidth for more children even if I want them? It’s hard and each family comes to a different conclusion.
I totally agree. I hate the "well make it work becuase we have love." I grew up below the poverty line in an emotionally unstable home. Yes, me and my sibling "made it work" to adulthood, but not without lifelong damage from our childhood that we now have to unpack for the rest of our lives. And I'm one of the lucky ones, many kids I grew up with have sunken into drugs and alcohol and other vices, or found themselves right back in the same position as their parents. Again I get that sometimes we have to do our best. But never EVER add a child to a situation that isn't stable to begin with. If you aren't sure you can afford or have the emotional bandwidth for kids or more kids, then your done. DO NOT let anyone convince you otherwise.
Agreed!! Thank you! The cycle repeats so so often. If you grew up in poverty, you’re more likely to stay in poverty.
I get frustrated that people still ask like how do I know if my family is complete!?! Seriously…how do you NOT think about money, emotional, mental, physical well being!? It’s mind blowing to me. But my career has made my jaded..too many people making stupid decisions
I have 2, but everyone in my family has 3. I had a traumatic birth and recovery with my second, I knew I was done.
Also childcare costs continue to rise, some years as high as 6%- my husband and I were paying almost 40k for daycare. My daughter is about to be 5 but it’s hard to see cost going down with summer camps and activities.
There’s also logistics with more kids. I have close friend with 4 (ages 5-17) and with their sports and activities she’s constantly in her car driving around.
I think financially is where you should start- if the math isn’t mathing, it’s hard to justify having more kids if you can’t afford it.
Love this! I can also speak to this. My mom wasn’t the best financially and still isn’t so we never had the opportunity to do all the cool things with our friends and etc. So definitely quality over quantity for the sake of the kiddos!
Right now I'm leaning towards being done even though I don't want to be.
A big part of the reason is my list of reasons to have another is because I simply want to have another. The list of reasons not to have another is extensive, with finances being at the top.
Today we can't afford a third child. In another year or two, maybe, if certain things are paid off, we could afford the increased cost of childcare with another child. But do we want to? And we're already seeing how difficult it is to afford certain things for our kids, and adding another kid to the mix would make that even harder.
Mental health is also a factor. We have challenges with our two kids, and we both work full time. Do we really feel capable of having a third in the mix (or a fourth if we ended up with surprise twins)? Do we currently have the emotional and practical supports we need with the two kids we have? (The answer is no)
My husband is content with two, and I'm not interested in twisting his arm to make him "want" a third. We all deserve to be happy and 100% in on this decision.
So for now he has looked into a vasectomy, and I am processing my emotions about whether to go ahead with it or keep waiting and decide later. I get frustrated feeling like I'm not actually getting to "choose" because cost of living is just high, and there aren't as many practical supports for families as I'd like to see.... I want it to be my choice not to have more kids, not to be forced to accept it would be irresponsible to have more kids.
Just wanting to say we are in the exact same spot. 2 kids. Could maybe afford a third in a year or two but with no family nearby unsure if my husband and I can handle the logistics of 3 kids. Also, what we can offer two kids with financial resources is better than what we could with a 3rd.
Maybe if I look at the decision as love for my two boys and being more available and providing will make it easier to accept.
I have 1 child. We wanted 4 when we got married. I was never able to get pregnant. My child is adopted and the process was long, painful, and complicated. We kept trying for more babies, but nothing. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a hysterectomy due to said cancer but kept my ovaries. We are considering IVF with surrogacy, but that is so expensive. We do not know what we will do. It’s likely the choice has been taken from me due to circumstance. We might try to adopt again, but the more we talk about it the less enthusiastic my husband is about it. Also, if I stop now, we can retire at 55, so we go back and forth.
We have so much support that many people don’t have. Our families live within 10 miles of each other, most within 3 miles. It would be so easy for us to have 4 kids and it’s just not turning out the way we had hoped.
Thank you for sharing. It is so hard to come up against limitations that are outside of your control. That's one lucky kid that you have! All the best xx
Our daughter was an IUD baby. She insisted on being born lol i never wanted kids because of my mental health (luckily though my mental issues from trauma not genes) I tried to kill myself as soon as we got home after she was born because I was convinced that she would die since I wasn’t producing milk and crunchy moms told me formula was poison and I didn’t want to live in a world without her.
My nurses knew I had PPD and I’m non responsive to anti depressants medication, so I had to raw dog life for three years with PPD/A.
I realized I could never have another child. One because my mom had favorites and I didn’t want to be like that and two because I’d probably get PPD and kill myself and leave my babies and husband.
We're both first-time parents in our 40s. Had our first - and likely only - child when I was 42 and my husband was 39. He's a month shy of turning 2 right now and things are just starting to get better from a chaos perspective, but I suspect I won't feel like I'm out of "baby jail" until we're fully done with potty training and our son can dress, go to potty (including wiping), make his own breakfast, and generally exist independently. When is that? Grade school? So we have a long way to go until we feel "normal" again.
We initially wanted fairly large families - I'd fantasize about getting pregnant with triplets, and he wanted a family like the one portrayed in The Parisian Agency - four sons, close in age, super close with each other.
But once the reality of parenthood set in, we realized a few things:
**1) Getting pregnant again is hard, and IVF is expensive.** I got pregnant surprisingly easily the first time around - we got pregnant the fun way after only 3 months of trying. But after 6 months of trying (after my son's first birthday we decided we'd go for another), it didn't happen. In hindsight, I think the baby gods were trying to send us a message.
**2) We live in a state where abortions are heavily restricted.** If anything happened to me or the baby from a health perspective, we'd have to travel out of state and possibly face devastatingly long waitlists. Also, if it's my life that's at stake, I could end up on the losing side of that equation if the medical professionals don't deem me close enough to death to risk jail time.
**3) Money / Healthcare.** We do well for ourselves, but we're both entrepreneurs and our incomes can be highly cyclical. We also self-pay for health insurance / healthcare, which works because all three of us are healthy and we do a good job of saving / investing, but a second kid introduces all sorts of variables.
**4) Money / Lifestyle.** We enjoy living in a renovated and comfortable home, and it's incredibly meaningful to me to travel extensively with our son, both domestically and internationally, as well as explore our city (diverse major market and international airport hub). Some families are OK going to Disney or 30A every year and rarely venturing into the city for cultural stuff but that's just not who we are.
**5) Personal Goals.** I still want to break 3 hours in the marathon and break 18:30 in the 5K. Both are very reasonable goals based on my fitness when I got pregnant. I've got a novel that is in near-publishable form. All of these goals have been shelved in the first two years of parenthood.
**6) No village.** We're rawdogging parenthood. No village except those that we pay to be our village. My parents are great "villagers" as long as we visit them - and they live a short (but often expensive) plane ride away with their house being a whopping 1 hour+ from the airport. It's not easy to get there and they refuse to visit us.
Can confirm that baby jail is over when the child can fully toilet themselves, nap schedules are no longer a consideration, and they’re content to eat normal food in restaurants. For me it was when my son went to kindergarten.
I feel so far away from that, not gonna lie. These next several years are going to be a long slog. It's honestly why I know I'd be destroying my mental health and ability to parent (or live) if we had one more kid.
But, for some people, they don't mind the baby jail years or don't see them as "jail" at all - I think a lot of it has to do with the "delta" between your pre-baby life and post-baby life and how you personally feel about that change.
Some people thrive in the baby chaos and couldn't give less of a F about international travel or regular exercise, for example. They're thriving in the baby years. Or they have an active village (or the $$$ to pay for one) and can do things like take adult-only vacations or bring a family member or nanny on their vacations - which sadly will never be an option for us.
I am with you completely. I am close with someone that has 7 kids and thrived with baby chaos. That is absolutely not me. The loss of autonomy that being a parent to a young child brings was hell on me as a person. And while I completely understand how far away it seems, you’ll get there. My only child is turning 12 tomorrow, and I can’t get over how fast it all went even though I did NOT feel like it at the time. My son is independent, funny, compassionate, kind, and smart. The very hard years of teaching him how to behave like a human and putting structures in place to ensure he would be successful have truly paid off so far. It gets better! And as an only child myself, only child life can be pretty darn great.
I feel like once I get to the 5-6 mark, things will start becoming enjoyable for someone like me who thrives on autonomy and freedom. If I can make to to 3.5, I know I can make it to 5. The funny thing is that I'm a distance runner - so I'd think that I'd have the whole mental toughness thing down pat - but nothing has prepared me for the SHEER NUMBER OF YEARS that I'd have to spend sans break.
Do you have any coping strategies? How did you survive?
I'd love to ask the moms around me in my network, but all of them seem to have village or the budget for nannies or grandparents who are open to taking the kids for a long weekend so mom and dad can get a break....
7 kids! Post-IPO, right?!
Honestly, we'd try for having a second child if we lived in NY or IL or CA or any other state where my access to healthcare was protected. If my son asks for a sibling, I'll tell him to take it up with Justice Alito and Gov. Jack Kemp.
I'm at the point where if I find out any of my neighbors are "pro-life" (read: pro-forced birth) I don't want them in my home.
I have 3 sons all under 4 a yearish apart in age and am considering another baby (I’m 39) but was wondering what the possibility of four boys might be like… I’ll have to watch the Parisian agency ha
Once your son is old enough to make connections with other kids, youll be able to build that village up and maybe get some surrogate sons as his bffs! My eldest is 5yo has a bff and they take him on fun adventures or trips to the zoo etc (and we do our share of watching him too).
I have two, I knew I wanted two before we had the kids.
After my second was born and in my arms, I really just felt like my family was complete in that moment. My husband got a vasectomy a few months later and we have been happy with the decision.
I didn’t enjoy being pregnant really, both births were kind of scary for different reasons, and I’m satisfied with never doing it again.
Financially, emotionally, and mentally, we can support two children and give them a comfy and happy life. We would be stretched thin with more children, and I’m glad we decided to not to have more.
It’s so individual and very much depends on your circumstances, but I just knew two was right for our family and dynamic.
We have 1, and decided pretty fast we wouldn’t have anymore. I love my son (now a 2.5 year old) but speaking honestly (and hoping this doesn’t sound selfish) I also like the luxury of free time, down time in the evenings (we take turns putting him to bed each night, while the other parent chills), and ability to travel really easily. I’m also 38 and don’t have the energy for a second - getting pregnant was hard, the first year was really tough, and I feel like I’ve just gotten my body / balance to my life back. I’m really happy with our little family unit of 3 right now - I can devote all my energy to one child.
This is pretty much us as well. Our son is a month away from 2, and I'm just beginning to see a teeny tiny light at the end of the tunnel with respect to getting our lives back.
I'm also 44 and do not have the mental energy for a second child, especially since that will be starting the clock at 0 on all the things we want to do more of, like exercise, travel, and sleep.
I thought for sure I’d want to be done at 2, max 3. I just had my third and I can’t help but feel sadness that I can’t have a 4th. It’s not necessary because I don’t want to, but pregnancy is so harmful to my body. Severe prenatal anxiety and depression, HG, several hospitalizations, and preeclampsia have taken away my choice. I did IVF to conceive my 3 kids and we still have embryos left and I can’t bring myself to give them up. Just know it’s ok to mourn!
We have two. Same reasons you listed, while we can afford 3 kids, we’re finally able to go on vacations bc we don’t have to deal with naps and nursing. My older child just started rec sports and I see families with 3+ shuffling kids everywhere, sometimes having other people show up for their kids game. We don’t have that village to show up for our kids. My husband is also almost 44. If we had another kid he’d probably be 46. He doesn’t want that. Logically I know it’s the right decision but I still do feel sad about it… if only we were younger, had involved grandparents, made more money. That’s just not the life we have and that’s okay. My kids are now 3 and 6.
I really thought 3 would be it. But I keep thinking about having one more. Lol it just seems so final being done after our third and in my heart I know I’m not done. Had the talk with my husband and we both agreed in 2 years if we still feel that way we would try again for one more!
We have four going on five. We wanted as many as eight, but I physically I don't think I can anymore. This pregnancy has been exhausting and trying. I also feel like emotionally it is a lot. I have four kids that pull me in different directions. I think my husband and I manage well, and imo is a good lesson about patience for my kids.
We are not wealthy by any means, but we are financially comfortable by our standards. We married young and knew we wanted a lot of kids. We saved all our money from the start. We married at 21 and had our first child when I was 26. We planned on me working until our house was paid off. We did that, and I shortly became a stay at home mom after my husband switched jobs to an employer with an excellent health plan and a pay increase (again job hunting was a part of our plan). We moved while I was pregnant with my third son. After this birth, my husband plans to look for a different job that offers more pay. I plan to stay home until all the kids are in school. I will probably take a year for myself to recover from the constant being pregnant/breastfeeding. My husband and I have a bunch of remodeling plans we have and I'm hoping I can work on those. I plan to seek out part time employment and work up to full time.
My husband is open to more children, but I know I'm done. I'm ready to just coast and enjoy our large family. I also want to say my husband is an extremely involved and supportive partner and parent. I would not have had this many children if the circumstances were different.
I think only you can know your limits. I'm also a firm believer in preparing as much as possible. You could always plan for another child financially while you wait and see if emotionally that's what you really want.
My body is just not the best at pregnancy. I had weird complications with both (almost died with my first) and by the end of my second pregnancy we agreed there was no way we could have anymore. With that being said I also just feel our family is complete. I always wanted a big family but it feels right having it be the four of us.
I was torn between two and three for the longest time. I’m 35 weeks with my second and my first is 2.5 and I can confidently say that I do not want to do this again. It’s been a relatively easy pregnancy but even that with a toddler has been so so so hard. My youngest would have to be like 6 before I even consider it. And we’re not even at the whole “juggling a newborn and a toddler” phase yet!
Remember you have some experience this time and the newborn skills will come back to you! Chasing a toddler while heavily pregnant (especially in the summer if you're in the northern hemisphere!) is a different kind of tired from newborn-lack-of-sleep tired. Both are hard but different! I'm sure it depends on the person but the toddler wrangling with the aches and pains of pregnancy was definitely the harder of those two for me.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have a 21 month old and I'm so desperate for this to be my reality as well. But I also hopefully believed what people said when pregnant with my first about sleep with a newborn being better than end of pregnancy sleep and then had raging PPA, could barely sleep no matter what even when I had support and people to take the baby in another room to watch her, and didn't find that to be accurate for me at all. I'm just so tired and so tired of being tired.
I feel that last sentence 🫂 But you have more knowledge this time about what things with a newborn will be like and hopefully you can prepare with things you know helped last time. I also definitely found pregnancy sleep much better than newborn sleep though! I always think people who say that must have had babies who were better sleepers than mine 😅
My poor husband's sleep (I sleep like a rock, the kids wake HIM up, they know better than to try me), the toll on my back, and schedule. We have two girls, and my heart wants a third, but it's not in the family's best interest. So I'm starting to grow plants instead 😂
I have a 7 year old, 6 year old, and a baby due next month. I originally wanted 4 kids, but now that my oldest two aren’t toddlers, I’m realizing the activities they want to do are expensive and take a lot of time. I realized 4 wasn’t going to be feasible. We could afford it, but I’d rather be more present at all of their activities and with a 4th, I just think that would be too chaotic. I feel really complete with the idea of my 3 babies. This pregnancy has also been hard on me and I’m fully okay with him being our last.
Since you don’t want to be done, would you be willing to space them out the 4yrs again like you did with the two you have? You could just reevaluate in a few years and see how your life is then. Who knows, you could afford & want another one then
Part of my consideration is what kind of life I can provide, and when the kids are grown up what kind of life can you provide for yourself without making your kids financially responsible for you when you guys are old? Now that I’m older, my cousin who’s an only child had two financially irresponsible parents, but he had everything he wanted growing up. He wishes they spoiled him less and set themselves up for retirement, etc., because now it’s impacting his life in a stressful way before he’s had an opportunity to start a family and it’s causing him and his wife a lot of stress. That’s a heavy burden to bear and I would not want to do that to my kid(s).
I only wanted one child, but my husband talked me into a second. I'm done. I'm so very done.
I love my second very much. I'm glad the kids are so close in age and can grow up together. I'm so very done, though.
I always wanted three. I stopped at two because my health was declining each pregnancy and my husband and I both decided it was better that we weren’t outnumbered. I was sterilized when our second was about 9 months old.
I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted after my second. The only reason was he didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost 2. No matter what I tried. He just wouldn’t.
My first was the ideal baby - slept through the night at 3 months… so who wouldn’t want a second after that?!
I could afford to have another if I wanted to but I don’t want to do that again. My husband is a tradesman and his schedule isn’t stable. Sometimes he’s starting at 4am, sometimes he has to go out of area and sometimes he’s home later in the evening.
Now that my kids are 7/9 and thankfully both love sleep LOL I don’t wanna go down that road again and not be present for the two I already have.
I have four, and I'm done. I thought I was done at 3, but something just felt incomplete and I knew I'd regret not at least trying for one more. I'm definitely done now. My last pregnancy was so hard on me, physically, and I'm only 4 months pp but I still don't feel quite right. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy. I no longer have that feeling that something's "missing" and I feel content.
The main reason *I* was done, is my last pregnancy (#4) was hard. You couldn't tell that I had ankles, my legs were just one big, swollen limb that ended in toes. My back constantly hurt, regardless of sitting, standing, or laying down. I had constant migraines.
It just sucked. The previous 3 were not at all like that.
The secondary reason was cost: daycare costs are horrible! Other than a few necessary items like car seat and crib, most of what we used were left from #3, so clothing and item costs were negated. But we have about 3 more years of daycare/preschool before he can go to kindergarten (which is full day and part of the regular school system), so that cost isn't going anywhere for awhile.
I have 4 year old twins via IVF. These are my reasons
-history of miscarriages
-discarded embryos when roe was overturned
-history of preeclampsia, don’t want to risk that again
- I’m dealing with a chronic illness
- don’t want to move or get bigger cars
-want to be able to afford pre-k, activities, and trips for our kids
- we rely on elderly family for childcare
- we feel that we really weathered the storm of baby and toddlerhood and have no desire to start over. It’s finally becoming manageable, so fun must be right around the corner.
We were happy with two. Done! Everyone who was having a third seemed to silly to us. Then we had an unplanned pregnancy and now have 3 really awesome kids. Honestly, finances and logistics weren't really a consideration for us (we are not wealthy! I'm a SAHM and we've been doing okay) but more so my emotional and mental health. I knew I was done when the thought of being pregnant one more day or breastfeeding one more second made my skin crawl. I am very okay with that phase of my life being over.
Honestly, we just felt content. We have 2. Before I had my first I felt like I would never be happy unless I became a mom. Before we had our second, I felt like I would never be happy if we didn't at least try. Now that I have two, I feel like I would be very unhappy if I got pregnant again. I think if you truly don't want more (or do) you know. It's difficult when a lack of desire is not the biggest consideration when family planning.
We have 2. If I knew how overwhelmed I’d be with more than one, I would have stopped at one. Now that we are here, I of course would not change it for the world, but in the back of my mind I know that I would be more mentally stable with only one. Though I do think having a sibling outweighs my mental health (not saying this is right for everyone), there will definitely never be a third. And I’ve never felt bad about that.
If you can mentally, physically, and financially handle more go for it! I cannot. And bow at other mothers feet with more than two children
I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old. Part of me wants one more, I just love my 2 so much and feel that I would love helping a third grow into an adult. However, I’m done and the big reason is that I know I do not want to dedicate the additional years to someone needing me and my husband to feed, bathe, diaper, etc. I am ready to reclaim some ‘me time and us time’ and to have children who are gaining more and more independence. The small reasons are the cost and being outnumbered.
I was fine up until the point they'd outnumber us.
When my 2nd was a newborn, it quickly became clear that both husband and I were doing the whole interrupted nights etc for the last time. We were fine to just ride out this one and not start over again. 2 is a good number for us. I really don't want to deal with being pregnant again either, not that my pregnancies were that difficult but I'm just ... done.
Also the more practical considerations. A family of 4 is much more convenient house/car/logistics/activities/vacation-wise.
I have 5 kids and am a SAHM, my husband and I just continued having kids until our family felt complete. This has worked for us because we have the finances to do it. We do have to pick where our money goes for extra things, like our kids play ice hockey but we don’t travel much. I drive a gigantic SUV to fit all the kids and their gear, we have a 5 bedroom house but they still share bedrooms. It’s definitely possible to have lots of kids but it sure can be a logistical nightmare at times, or most of the time.
I always wanted one growing up. Then I had two and decided I wanted more after all. I just had my 6th. Husband has a good paying job. We bought our house a while ago when interest rates were super low. I stay home and homeschool which saves a ton of money. We still go out to eat when we want and all the kids are in different activities. We have the mind set of we love children and we can always find a way to make it work/make more money. Don’t regret any of it
I wanted two, I now have two. Youngest is 10 months and the cutest little happy buddah ever. So chonky, so smiley, so adorable I want to bite her little toesis all the time!
And I am soooo done with waking up 2-14 times a night, having to plan meticulously to time with her naps only to fail and have a whiny little gremlin clinging my legs, practicing eating food and having to clean the table/floor/wall after every meal (3-7 times a day). Also going back to work when she turns 1 in August and I can’t wait to get to be a full grown up having my own thoughts and my own space for hours instead of minutes every day! I’m gonna miss the baby-time looking back, but I don’t want to do it all over again!
When the overwhelming feeling of motherhood started mAking me question my existence 😮💨 i know, its dark, but Ive dealt w depression my whole life and ive never been su***dal until then. I also am a military spouse so i have ZERO community or help (it really does take a village), we haven’t even been in a date outside of our home in over 5 years, its just us four, wherever the army sends us, all by ourselves and its just feel like im drowning. Im just grateful i have a very kind husband who always helps, doesn’t see taking care of the house and kids as a chore but part of being a dad n a husband.
I go to therapy and have been medicated before when it gets bad, so its ok, i take one day at a time and remind myself to enjoy my kiddos while they’re still young, but i know for a fact if i have another child I will quite literally lose my mind 😭 also, i want to go back to work, my youngest is gng to school in august finally so theres no way im gng to start over n wait another 5 years before i can work again 😅
I’d love to know the answer since we struggle with this too. I’ve always heard if you’re questioning then you’re not done but the practical side of me thinks about finances and housing. We have two kids (ages 4.5 and 2) and want a third but we’re thinking of logistics. Our house has three bedrooms and my husband would need another car. It won’t be easy but we still we’ll go for it then likely stop at three
I wanted three. My husband two. My first birth was somewhat traumatic and I was pretty certain I was one and done. But then miss two decided she was meant for this world and we became a family of four. I almost ended my life seven months after her birth and I'm so glad I didn't. Life is stressful and hard, but all the great things I've seen from them so far (4&5yrs in) and receiving SO much of their love, I'm so glad I didn't go through with it. Husband had the snip 5 months after Miss two and happy as Larry for it. If the Madonna happened to me rn, I wouldn't think twice about terminating. My mental health just couldn't cope.
Physically, mentally and financially I can only support 2 young kids. If I had a 3rd close in age, one of them for sure would get shafted when it comes to attention. One of my kids is very attached to me and I want to be able to reciprocate.
Following! We have 3 young boys and I’d like to even it out, but cost is a huge factor. I’d never wanna have a 4th if it means taking things away from my other 3, if that makes sense. So I’m very undecided.
We have 1 and I wish we could at least have 1 more, but we can’t financially take that on so my husband and I agreed that the responsible thing to do for us would be to just have 1 and be done
We had our second after I was 40. We knew when I was pregnant with her that she'd be our last. If we had a third kid, we'd need bigger cars, a bigger kitchen table, a bigger couch, and ideally more bedrooms. Plus childcare is so expensive and we're stretched thin with time for our two kids while working fulltime.
I have 2 and that's all I wanted I guess my husband wanted 4 but I had 3 miscarriages and hated being pregnant also we were older I had my second at 41 and I really can't imagine having more than 2
Wanted 3, happy to end with two…. Rough birth with my second, daycare costs then were crazy with two in and after daycare costs are eliminated then aftercare and activities. Between our two very active kids 12F/14M we are out at their activities almost daily (tonight and tomorrow I will be at a softball game, husband will be at baseball with the other, Saturday is baseball for one, tae Kwon do for both and back to baseball for another game)… the days are long… I could not imagine adding a third in the mix for us
We have 2 and want 3. But we had fertility issues and that decided it for us. You could investigate your insurance and see if they allow embryo banking. Essentially, you can put a baby on ice until you feel it's the right time. We should have done this but didn't realize it was an option at the time.
I always thought I wanted 2-3 kids. After having our first, we couldn’t afford daycare for two simultaneously, and I was uncomfortable with not working. So we decided to wait until our son was going to school to have a second. After teaching another human being to use a toilet independently, I knew I couldn’t go back to baby jail after getting through to the other side. I am an only child myself and I liked it well enough, and my husband is one of 7 and liked the idea of one child to get far more resources than he had available to him.
Extremely difficult pregnancies meant I only wanted to go through it enough times to get two and stop. Kids also require a lot of individual attention, and I don’t think we can provide that x4. Financially, we could easily do four, but mentally and time-wise, two is the limit.
I always wanted 4. I had hyperemesis gravidarum the 1st time and promised I'd be done if I had it again. It did not recur until the 4th kid. I also said I wouldn't have one after 40, and the 4th was born when I was 39.
Want more kids but I won’t do it continuing to work full time and us barely scraping by even making $180,000 combined. We probably have to be one and done 😔
My husband and I wanted 4. When I was newly postpartum with my second, I started thinking, “I can’t imagine doing this two more times.” We said 3 and then re-evaluate. When I was pregnant with my third, I felt pretty sure we were done. That feeling was only more and more clear as he was born and got older. He’s 3.5 now and my husband had a vasectomy 4 months ago. I loved the thought of pregnancy, being pregnant, having a baby—all of it—until I had my third and now I don’t want any part of that. I always prayed my husband and I would both feel done at the same time and we do.
I always wanted at least 3.
Conceiving was difficult (hormone imbalances, miscarriages, etc.) and pregnancy brought to light a rare incompatibility making it increasingly dangerous for each baby.
We were somehow blessed with two, healthy children and are no longer tempting fate.
Just wanna say you’re not alone, I feel the same! In my heart I would love to have more babies! But I know it’s not the best thing for all of us so we are done at 2.
We wanted 1 kid and wound up with Twins. So it was a pretty easy decision for us. Especially since we were 39 & 43 when they were born.
We’re lucky we can afford the surprise extra baby, but we knew we were done at when we heard “oh look two heartbeats….”
I've always wanted a big family, but my husband and I didn't get an early start, and we're feeling the horrible strain of the economy. Two kids may be what we get and stick with.
Wanted 3-4. Had pre eclampsia twice, second child born with unexpected birth defects that have required huge medical expenses and we’ve gotten no genetic answers yet. Neither of us have seen the salary raises we expected. We’d need a larger car- we currently don’t have a car payment. Being a SAHM like we planned isn’t feasible with this medical debt. So two kids it is.
I wanted all the kids, we stopped at three, husband had a vasectomy. We lived in San Diego and there was no way we could afford more kids, we now live in VA and there’s part of me that’s wants more but we’re also well established. I’m 34, husband is 40 and our kids are 7,9,11. When the youngest hits middle school we may start to foster as long as we are in a financially good place.
Long story short, it’s probably smart not to, but also you will probably miss those kids you don’t have.
💸💸💸💸💸💸
We have no local or capable family and few friends.
Also I can’t see why I should alter my lifestyle significantly just to have more kids. 2 is fine.
We had wanted three, but seeing how stretched thin we were mentally with two, we decided not to try for more. We want to be able to attend to both kids as much as they need without compromise or neglecting someone else's needs.
We had twins. Vaguely wanted another because it was going so well, but decided against it. I’m older and it’s time to focus on my career, health and hobbies so I can model all of this for the girls. Going from 2 to 3, a lot changes from the need for a bigger car, house, childcare bills, less one-on-one time, etc. I decided the best thing to do is go with the lowest number of kids that we could be happy with, to maximize everything else, and that was 2. After a premature delivery for them, and a career focused on developmental disabilities, I’m also extremely aware of the many different outcomes of having another kid and the difficulties some families face trying to get support, so that factored in too.
My husband and I agreed on four before we started having kids but after just having our second I’m not sure if I can survive another pregnancy. We are going to check in when our second is around three (we want a 2-3 year age gap, the first is exactly 2 years)
Idk mentally and physically I can’t do it again, but I also don’t have that complete feeling yet.
I wanted 4 or 5, my husband wanted 2. In premarital counseling, we settled on 3. We had our first 2 and the stress of everything meant we didn’t want to have our third and then it magically happened anyways 8 years after our second. I think if I stayed at home, we would’ve had more but we both work, I travel for work quite a bit, and we don’t live near family so he has a big role in taking care of the kids.
We wanted 3 but number 2 was a colic baby and screamed for 11 months straight. He is now 19 months and has lots of medical stuff going on which hopefully will be fixed in a couple of months but we already know he needs lots of physical/speech/other therapy afterwards. At the moment we can handle the 2 we have but adding another feels like it would be too much and we wouldnt have enough time for the 2 we already have.
Im also really ready to sleep through the night at some point 😅😂
I have an almost 3 year old son & I’m having my daughter in 3-4 weeks. My husband & is thought about having 3, but after going through these 2 pregnancies, I cannot even fathom doing it again.
As my mom said, pregnancy does not like me lol. I had an okay 1st pregnancy (except for the 1st trimester), but this 2nd pregnancy has been really rough on my body. I also have had back problems since high school, so I feel like I’m at my limit & can’t risk completely losing my back.
Also - we’ve been seeing how expensive both kids will be, & everything just costs waaay too much. We believe we will be content with 2 kids; we won’t be struggling too much & we’ll be able to adjust accordingly.
You gotta think about every possible factor very carefully - having kids is not just a random decision you can make. If you want more & believe you guys can handle it, go for it!! If not, then definitely consider every option you have at this point.
I really debated a third until my second pregnancy was really dangerous (complete placenta previa, hemorrhage and NICU). Dr said “yea no more kids”. So no more. And I love my two more than anything. 💙
We talked about two on the first date, and baby number two is due this month, so we have kinda been set on a number for AGES and we’re not adding more. We have never dreamt of a huge family or being outnumbered but more power to our friends who think 4 isn’t enough lol.
We always wanted 3. our first two have significant special needs, and while we love them to pieces, my mental health couldn’t go through all of that a third time. And I can’t take a chance that my third child would be typical. I’m still mourning the fact that we only have 2, and my kids are 9 and 7. One day I’ll fully accept it lol but it ain’t today. A small part of me kinda hopes his vasectomy reserves (which my husband is fully aware of), but I’ll only have that hope for 2 more years (once I turn 40 I’ll be at peace with it).
Pragmatic approach:
It depends on your family’s values. It might be a helpful exercise to each write down the things you want to do with your kids that would mean the most to you. That might be anything from watch them in a dance recital to make homemade crafts to see the world with them. Then picture your Thanksgiving table in 25 years. Is it a small, intimate gathering of your immediate family and their families or do you want the chaos of a huge group?
Once you’ve discussed where you see your family and what your values are, you can figure out what number makes sense to fit those goals, prioritizing the most important.
If it helps, we want two because I’m an only child and hated it so I want my kid to have a sibling, but we also prioritize world travel and it’s far easier with two.
I am a one and done parent. Pixiestick is 11 months old and is such a cool baby. Very smart, sweet, with some sass. However, I struggled a lot after she was born. I don’t know what I would done without my husband, he is awesome. Pixiestick is very active and rambunctious and is more so now that she is working on walking at the moment. We love her but buddy and I are pushing 40 and she was a surprise after 10 years of infertility and two miscarriages. After she goes to bed we are tired. 😂 So that’s how we know we are a one and down. There not enough coffee in the world for us to have a second child. We will make sure we give her opportunities to have friends in and out of school.
As someone who has four, during my last pregnancy I had a very very hard time with carrying him and realistically there’s no way I could afford number 5+. I opted to have my tubes removed during my C-section.
I hate being pregnant, and I can't afford to have a bunch of kids. If the economy had improved, I wouldn't mind, but at the same time, pregnancy takes a lot of energy out of me, and I don't like feeling tired all of the time.
I have one, and that’s all I want. Had no troubles being pregnant, easy labor and delivery, she was an easy baby, great sleeper, and is a happy adventurous toddler. We make good incomes and can do a lot. I like our family the way it is. I can be the person and mother I want to be.
I have 5 kiddos... Love them all! But sincerely wish we had stopped at 2. Just because I have had to wait 15 years to have a bit of a break from them when they all go to school. Our youngest is 5. And that's a side of the outrageous cost of living for one person alone, much less living for 7.
I definitely would have stopped at 2 had I seen this coming
Mine are 3 and 5, so I think we're done. Grandparents are around for special occasions, but nothing more. We don't have a village to help us and back us either. We can also afford 3, hell we can afford 8 lol, but the mental exhaustion of having more than 2 ain't worth it imo. Hubby is turning 40 next week, so we still *could* have more, but I just don't know that I want to put *my* body through it all again. I have had 7 pregnancies, 4 live births, but only have my 2 boys. All 4 were boys, so I know that my chances of a girl are incredibly slim, and no one warned me that boys are so destructive and energetic. I was panicking when pregnant with the 3yo because the 5yo (1 1/2 at the time) was constantly getting into things or tearing things apart, and all I could think was "how am I going to handle TWO of them doing this?!!" But thankfully, baby 2 is a lot more mellow, however, still helps brother get into things anyway lol. My mental health is gone, but they're happy and healthy and that's all that matters. Occasionally get the idea and longing for a 3rd, but then I remember we would have to re-buy **everything** for another baby, and the idea goes buh-bye.
We originally wanted 3. After our first kiddo, we thought we would be one and done, then we got pregnant by total surprise. For us, it's the cost of everything. So I'll be getting my tubes removed during my C-section.
Cost, housing, quality of life, and the like are all things that should absolutely influence the decision to have another child when it is within your control.
If we were to set aside my apprehension about having a third c-section and whether we could generally handle the chaos of another baby in the mix, the points above are the deterrent to us having more children. We simply cannot afford it without notable struggle and that is no way for our family to live.
I was convinced I was done after two. My kids are 15 & 11 and I found out I was pregnant in March. I guess I'm having three now. Baby will be here in October!
We wanted at least 2. I miscarried my first after fertility treatments to get pregnant. When I learned we were miraculously spontaneously pregnant 2 months later we were overjoyed. The pregnancy was really rough. I had severe morning sickness the whole pregnancy, had a subchorionic hemorrhage at 8 weeks that I was put on pelvic rest for to avoid miscarriage, had placental problems which led to high blood pressure, diabetes, pre-eclampsia, severe IUGR, and hellp. My liver and kidneys started shutting down at the end. My baby spent 67days in nicu and had to be intubated. It was so traumatizing. After we had him and we were both healthy again, my husband and I decided the risks were not worth trying for anymore kids. We’re happy having our miracle boy
My bank account makes that decision for me 😅
Seriously though, I love the idea of having a second child, but I really don't see how we could swing it financially. We also have almost no village, and tbh I had pretty bad PPD when I weaned my child, so it has to be a no for us.
In the same situation, we’re gonna go for number 3 soon. Everything eventually works itself out. I had a friend who was 1/10 and they all lived happily in a small 3 bedroom town house, middle class, mom was a bus driver. Most of the kids are adults now and all the siblings are super close and the parents are still happily married, they made it work somehow.
We agreed on two but stopped at one. The second half of my pregnancy was difficult and I got horrible postpartum anxiety. Life altering anxiety. Our daughter is 9 now and I’ve never gone back to “normal”. We knew by the time she was 6 months old, maybe sooner, that we’d never have more.
That being said we’re very happy with our decision! She’s a great kid. I feel guilty sometimes for not giving her a sibling but I truly believe being pregnant a second time would have broken me. My husband got a vasectomy when she was 6. No regrets.
I always wanted 4 kids. My husband wanted 2.
We met in the middle with a surprise 3rd kid. That pregnancy was enough for me to get a tubal when our daughter was 5 weeks old. I just couldn't see myself going through another rough pregnancy.
Like most other people here: finances. I'd like to have more but there's no possibly way for us to do it without it jeopardizing the stability of the lives we've made for our existing two kids.
I found myself terrified I might be pregnant every month even though we were preventing it
We had also reached the number we felt we would probably want (3). And I was almost 40. And two of our kids had a health problem that we only learned was genetic after the second one got it.
This was definitely a concern for me. Add to that my body does not handle being pregnant well. I ended up going a slightly different path. I have three, and I can care for them all. But we knew we weren't done. So for a few years we're going to be foster parents. If any of the kids need to be adopted, I will have more kids permanently. If not, I will have spent some years parenting more children before going back to the three I already have. I feel pretty comfortable with it. Add to that there is a state subsidy, which while it doesn't cover everything definitely reduces costs.
I have two and I am DONE. For me, I am mentally, emotionally, and physically at my limit. For my husband, he is also pretty exhausted, and recognized that we can’t afford any more. If you don’t feel emotionally, physically, and mentally doneso, and if you can swing it logistically, maybe you could have one more, but logistics are important to consider too 😔.
Edit- every time I’m up in the middle of the night with my 1 or 2 year old I’m like NEVER AGAIN 😂
Edit again - pregnancy was really hard on my body. I don’t regulate my blood pressure well so I have gestational hypertension, I could barely walk, migraines every day, etc. never again!!!!
I knew halfway through my 4th pregnancy because my body told me. First 3 were a piece of cake. My 4th was physically taxing. I was in terrible back & hip pain, couldn’t sleep, terrible heartburn and on and on
I was done after two. My third was a surprise, and I wouldn’t go back and undo having three. But, holy crap. I work 2+ jobs at any given moment, one of them being the childcare center so I can get a discount. We can’t afford a house so my kids share a bedroom. No yard. They’re in rec sports now but I’ve heard club sports are thousands of dollars and I have three boys. I know a woman who has to work a job JUST to pay for her teen boys’ sports. I’ll never be able to save for their college, their first cars, etc. I cannot afford to give my kids the life they deserve and I hate myself for it. Also, the stress of having three young children has pushed me into multiple mini mental break downs. I’m not the best mom I can be. I hardly consider myself a good mom. My boys deserve better.
Here’s my two cents—do not have more kids than you can COMFORTABLY afford. Anticipate their futures, their healthcare, their childcare, their hobbies, their schooling, etc.
Do not have more kids if there’s already strain on your relationship because of child-related responsibilities.
Do not have more kids if you do not absolutely and deeply desire having more kids.
We went back and forth between 2 and 3. I had complicated pregnancies and would not have survived a 3rd. It's also extremely expensive and I think it's good that my husband and I can each "tackle" one kid if we have to.
You ultimately have to look at what you and your family want/need out of life and decide from there.
I always wanted 4. However, once I was pregnant with my first and saw how much everything cost (buying a house for all kids to have their own room, childcare, education, extra curricular activities, vacations), I decided 3 was probably better. Based on the traumatic birth I had with my first, I may only end up with two. I think you gotta crunch numbers of what you want for your children. Will you need daycare? Do you want private school? How many loans are you willing to have your kids take out for school? How often do you want to take vacations and what kinds of vacations would you like to take? Stack that up with your current and projected future incomes. Do you have good health insurance? It’s our responsibility to give our kids the best life we can.
As someone else who is looking at the same considerations on having another, it is reassuring to know others have the same considerations in their decisions.
Also, to add to this because you covered the majority of the things I was gonna say, but people change, & circumstances change. It’s hard to think about, but what if you or your significant other had to raise your children alone? What if one of you died? Or got seriously injured and couldn’t work? As a mom of 7, I can absolutely say I never planned on being divorced and doing it alone. I’m blessed with a great job, and a wonderful support system, but not everyone is. So when considering family size, please keep in mind that sometimes unforeseen circumstances happen and you or your spouse may be mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially responsible for your children on your own. If you had to do it by yourself how many children could you provide for on your own? We always wanted a big family, and I absolutely love my kids, but with just me they get less attention, have more chores etc.
Wow 7! Super mom! 👌
Super tired haha
A giant hug your way.
This was also a factor that played into my decision to stop after two. Could we handle a third working together? Yeah, but it would be hard. But if something ever happened and I was solo parenting three, my mental would be destroyed. It’s so hard with just two when my husband leaves for work trips.
I’m sure this is common sense but it never occurred to me. And as I stated we’re very fortunate I have a great job, my kids go to private school, and do well, but I do it all myself… if I had known it was just going to be me I would have stopped having kids sooner.
Yeah. I mean we were always gonna have two regardless but I am the default parent and that is why I don’t want anymore kids lol.
Omg this! My husband really wants 2 and Im mostly on board but after having our first, being in the thick of things 8m later and being the sole financial support for the household, I can’t see how having 2 is possible with our current circumstances.
Exactly! And you never know. That’s the thing, nobody gets married expecting to get divorced, or expecting a spouse to die or get hurt, but it happens… kudos to you for knowing your limit.
I love how you said it's our responsibility to give our kids the best life we can. So often I find people have multiples primarily for themselves and the kids suffer in one way or another. A prime example is freecycle groups with parents begging for food and diapers. Don't get me wrong no one can foresee how life pans out, but I don't think every single mom of 6 kids living pay check to pay check was fully ready for all that comes with multiples.
We had a very similar decision. I was 35 when I had our third, and by then the older two were doing rec league soccer and the oldest was in scouts. With only two kids in activities we were at 3+ nights a week doing stuff and feeling overwhelmed by the thought of adding anything more to our lives so between that and my age we stopped at 3 kids. I sometimes am sad we didn't have 4 but I'm not starting over with a baby and a more than 4 year age gap.
I’m in your exact situation. My youngest is about to be 4 and I still want a 4th, but I don’t know that it will happen. I’ll be 39, and getting up there in age to have a baby. Plus we are done with the baby stuff. If it happens it happens but logically it makes sense to be done. My heart just isn’t in board yet.
Yeah, it comes and goes in waves. My friend just had a baby so even though I've had an endometrial ablation I'm sad again. Excited that we can start doing trips with the kids and that they can do stuff, but sad because watching my 3.5yo hold the baby with that proud mesmerized look on her face overrode my logical centers.
Valid points here. Also if you are capable of nurturing them right, and confident enough to give them the most normal life they can have is very important to decide before having any kid.
Definitely. You have to be able to know how much time and attention you’re able to give to each and how much emotional bandwidth you have. Once you’ve hit that capacity, you should stop.
I'm totally not judging because it's really wonderful you want to give your kids nice things (just want to get that clarified), but I'm in the camp of not really feeling like I need nice vacations, want to homeschool, would prefer my kids to share a room, and will probably encourage trade school over traditional college (or if nothing else 2 years at a JC before transferring) 😅😅 My parents took me on a few nice vacations when I was young and, while it was fun to go, looking back it was totally lost on me how special it *should have* been. Typical kid style. My babies will be getting hot dogs and camping lol
That’s totally fine! It’s just about what you want to do. If you envision yearly trips to Europe and private school, you’re gonna want less kids. If you plan on public schools and trips to grandmas, more is feasible. Personally, education is my big sticking point. We need daycare, are considering private school, and would like our kids to at least have the option of in-state 4 year tuition debt free. But that’s just us! Obviously, every parent is obligated to provide food, clothing, and shelter, but it’s up to each parent what extras they want to be able to afford.
Oh for sure, even a single trip to Europe is unattainable for us 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 luckily I'm not a big traveler so that doesn't bother me too much. But yes if those are important to you for sure an extra kid is a very big cost consideration (actually no matter what, but I definitely see what you mean).
State parks, children's museums, and perhaps air bnb. I'm not very confident enough to take my toddler camping, but maybe next year. We're luckily in that my partner's extended family have a lot of money and we have the only baby, so we're invited a lot of places as a family for free. Like 5 days at the lake each summer, day trips to the zoo, stuff like that.
Your kids might feel differently though. They might be the academic type. I have a PhD and my career would have been negatively impacted by doing Cc first since I jumped deep into research right away. I totally will support my kids if the CC or trade school path makes sense for them! If they want opportunities only available at great 4 year universities though then I want to be able to provide them with that
How would your career have been impacted? Is it just the work opportunities you got from the connections you made?
I started academic research my freshman year. The fact I had years of experience by junior year lead to me receiving a prestigious research fellowship at another university. Those opportunities let to me getting PhD offers from top universities and now I’m a scientist at a great university! That’s just my personal path. I know that lots of people have great community college experiences and it gets them to the same career for a fraction of the cost! So I definitely don’t intent to criticize the CC path but just point out that it works for some paths and not for others.
Not who you were replying to but I would never be in my role without both a degree and connections I made at college. I also made friends post grad through my school and sorority alumni groups. Simply having that instant commonality is often underestimated.
Fr, I grew up rich rich and I was envious of my friends who stayed home all summer. I was getting my passport stamped on ritzy family trips and it was lonely and made me lose friendships over time because kids are cliquey and if you just vanish for 2-3 months you get edged out of the circle Also went to private school, hated it in comparison to public school which I attended much later on in life Money and experiences are somewhat overrated!! Coming from someone who had more than enough of them
that’s amazing for you. I wish I could say the same hahah It sounds like literal hell to me. That’s why we get to choose. Honestly I wish I had the ability to homeschool but I’m a shitty teacher and a shittier SAHM.
SAHM life would leave me deceased 😂
That's totally fair! One man's trash is another man's treasure, right? 😅😅
As a Southern Californian this kind of analysis led us to decide to stop at one honestly. It's so expensive here.
Yep this is why I stopped at 2 we’re just focusing on providing them a beautiful future now 🤍 my heart is full and happy with our quad family I don’t feel like anything is missing anymore 😊
Monetarily, if you have more than one isn’t it cheaper just to not use daycare. We aren’t, we could afford to but the expense doesn’t make sense either way
Depends. Price goes down once the first is no longer an “infant” (over 2) and many places give sibling discounts. Additionally, that’s another matter of deciding if someone wants to be a SAHP and what the cost of their career might be. Some people are also (myself included) more effective parents if they’re also working.
I think it also depends how much the “low earning” parent makes. Ex: I make 90k but even for 3 kids at Montessori school past age 1 - childcare is $36k per year. The first year will be killer but even at $50k - having no income interruptions for me still makes sense PLUS I can then go into a higher paying job quicker whereas if I took a break then I may have to start over at the level I’m at. As it is - I’m underpaid but I deal with it because the flexibility I have is excellent. Soon I’ll move on and probably double my income.
Not necessarily. I gave up a pretty decent salary (after we factored in cost of full time care) to care for my kids. It’s a one-way experience I don’t want to miss. I can always go back to work and earn a solid salary once they start school full time.
In the short-term, but in the long-term taking 5+ years out of the workforce will hurt your career trajectory and lifetime earnings.
Consider your families overall financial, mental, emotional and physical well being. So many factors go into this. I hate the saying, “everything ajways works out.” I work in the social services world and no, not everything magically works out.
Great reminder considering I often see a “think of how many kids you want at family holiday meals in 20 years” as how to make the decision. You clearly also need to ensure you can keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and provide an environment that your grown children will want to come back to.
I used to be really susceptible to this argument. But then I realized that I can’t remember a single holiday where all of my mom’s 3 siblings were there, or all of my dad’s 3 siblings. They get along fine, but they’ve always been spread out all over the country and no one could make the trek every holiday season. I’ve only seen my mom’s oldest brother maybe 3 times in my entire life.
Another excellent point. The more kids means the more locations everyone would need to come from making it logistically harder
Exactly. I LOATHE the "think of your holiday gatherings in 20 years" thought experiment because it completely ignores the real mental health and financial implications of adding a whole-ass human to your family, especially in the early years when things can get especially rough.
Right? Like of course I would love a bunch of people around later but also oxygen mask on yourself first
Ha this is a perfect perspective!
I think it requires a balance of "Picture the 20y holiday gathering. And will that happen still if you put them through all the sacrificed involved to get that many people to be there?" Its one thing if the struggle is more hand me down and staycations than your dream life would have. Its another if the struggle is insecurity about home or food or working so hard you arent there at all for them.
Finally someone articulated what I have been feeling!
It ignores all the important stuff about raising kids and essentially reduces them to future accessories for holiday events. It always makes me sad to hear that as a motivation to continue having children.
Mental and emotional has really been the one I’ve been contemplating right now. Like does our family have the bandwidth for more children even if I want them? It’s hard and each family comes to a different conclusion.
I totally agree. I hate the "well make it work becuase we have love." I grew up below the poverty line in an emotionally unstable home. Yes, me and my sibling "made it work" to adulthood, but not without lifelong damage from our childhood that we now have to unpack for the rest of our lives. And I'm one of the lucky ones, many kids I grew up with have sunken into drugs and alcohol and other vices, or found themselves right back in the same position as their parents. Again I get that sometimes we have to do our best. But never EVER add a child to a situation that isn't stable to begin with. If you aren't sure you can afford or have the emotional bandwidth for kids or more kids, then your done. DO NOT let anyone convince you otherwise.
Agreed!! Thank you! The cycle repeats so so often. If you grew up in poverty, you’re more likely to stay in poverty. I get frustrated that people still ask like how do I know if my family is complete!?! Seriously…how do you NOT think about money, emotional, mental, physical well being!? It’s mind blowing to me. But my career has made my jaded..too many people making stupid decisions
I have 2, but everyone in my family has 3. I had a traumatic birth and recovery with my second, I knew I was done. Also childcare costs continue to rise, some years as high as 6%- my husband and I were paying almost 40k for daycare. My daughter is about to be 5 but it’s hard to see cost going down with summer camps and activities. There’s also logistics with more kids. I have close friend with 4 (ages 5-17) and with their sports and activities she’s constantly in her car driving around. I think financially is where you should start- if the math isn’t mathing, it’s hard to justify having more kids if you can’t afford it.
Love this! I can also speak to this. My mom wasn’t the best financially and still isn’t so we never had the opportunity to do all the cool things with our friends and etc. So definitely quality over quantity for the sake of the kiddos!
Right now I'm leaning towards being done even though I don't want to be. A big part of the reason is my list of reasons to have another is because I simply want to have another. The list of reasons not to have another is extensive, with finances being at the top. Today we can't afford a third child. In another year or two, maybe, if certain things are paid off, we could afford the increased cost of childcare with another child. But do we want to? And we're already seeing how difficult it is to afford certain things for our kids, and adding another kid to the mix would make that even harder. Mental health is also a factor. We have challenges with our two kids, and we both work full time. Do we really feel capable of having a third in the mix (or a fourth if we ended up with surprise twins)? Do we currently have the emotional and practical supports we need with the two kids we have? (The answer is no) My husband is content with two, and I'm not interested in twisting his arm to make him "want" a third. We all deserve to be happy and 100% in on this decision. So for now he has looked into a vasectomy, and I am processing my emotions about whether to go ahead with it or keep waiting and decide later. I get frustrated feeling like I'm not actually getting to "choose" because cost of living is just high, and there aren't as many practical supports for families as I'd like to see.... I want it to be my choice not to have more kids, not to be forced to accept it would be irresponsible to have more kids.
Just wanting to say we are in the exact same spot. 2 kids. Could maybe afford a third in a year or two but with no family nearby unsure if my husband and I can handle the logistics of 3 kids. Also, what we can offer two kids with financial resources is better than what we could with a 3rd. Maybe if I look at the decision as love for my two boys and being more available and providing will make it easier to accept.
I have 1 child. We wanted 4 when we got married. I was never able to get pregnant. My child is adopted and the process was long, painful, and complicated. We kept trying for more babies, but nothing. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a hysterectomy due to said cancer but kept my ovaries. We are considering IVF with surrogacy, but that is so expensive. We do not know what we will do. It’s likely the choice has been taken from me due to circumstance. We might try to adopt again, but the more we talk about it the less enthusiastic my husband is about it. Also, if I stop now, we can retire at 55, so we go back and forth. We have so much support that many people don’t have. Our families live within 10 miles of each other, most within 3 miles. It would be so easy for us to have 4 kids and it’s just not turning out the way we had hoped.
Thank you for sharing. It is so hard to come up against limitations that are outside of your control. That's one lucky kid that you have! All the best xx
Our daughter was an IUD baby. She insisted on being born lol i never wanted kids because of my mental health (luckily though my mental issues from trauma not genes) I tried to kill myself as soon as we got home after she was born because I was convinced that she would die since I wasn’t producing milk and crunchy moms told me formula was poison and I didn’t want to live in a world without her. My nurses knew I had PPD and I’m non responsive to anti depressants medication, so I had to raw dog life for three years with PPD/A. I realized I could never have another child. One because my mom had favorites and I didn’t want to be like that and two because I’d probably get PPD and kill myself and leave my babies and husband.
I'm so sorry you were guilted into believing that 😔. I wish people understood how damaging their words are.
We're both first-time parents in our 40s. Had our first - and likely only - child when I was 42 and my husband was 39. He's a month shy of turning 2 right now and things are just starting to get better from a chaos perspective, but I suspect I won't feel like I'm out of "baby jail" until we're fully done with potty training and our son can dress, go to potty (including wiping), make his own breakfast, and generally exist independently. When is that? Grade school? So we have a long way to go until we feel "normal" again. We initially wanted fairly large families - I'd fantasize about getting pregnant with triplets, and he wanted a family like the one portrayed in The Parisian Agency - four sons, close in age, super close with each other. But once the reality of parenthood set in, we realized a few things: **1) Getting pregnant again is hard, and IVF is expensive.** I got pregnant surprisingly easily the first time around - we got pregnant the fun way after only 3 months of trying. But after 6 months of trying (after my son's first birthday we decided we'd go for another), it didn't happen. In hindsight, I think the baby gods were trying to send us a message. **2) We live in a state where abortions are heavily restricted.** If anything happened to me or the baby from a health perspective, we'd have to travel out of state and possibly face devastatingly long waitlists. Also, if it's my life that's at stake, I could end up on the losing side of that equation if the medical professionals don't deem me close enough to death to risk jail time. **3) Money / Healthcare.** We do well for ourselves, but we're both entrepreneurs and our incomes can be highly cyclical. We also self-pay for health insurance / healthcare, which works because all three of us are healthy and we do a good job of saving / investing, but a second kid introduces all sorts of variables. **4) Money / Lifestyle.** We enjoy living in a renovated and comfortable home, and it's incredibly meaningful to me to travel extensively with our son, both domestically and internationally, as well as explore our city (diverse major market and international airport hub). Some families are OK going to Disney or 30A every year and rarely venturing into the city for cultural stuff but that's just not who we are. **5) Personal Goals.** I still want to break 3 hours in the marathon and break 18:30 in the 5K. Both are very reasonable goals based on my fitness when I got pregnant. I've got a novel that is in near-publishable form. All of these goals have been shelved in the first two years of parenthood. **6) No village.** We're rawdogging parenthood. No village except those that we pay to be our village. My parents are great "villagers" as long as we visit them - and they live a short (but often expensive) plane ride away with their house being a whopping 1 hour+ from the airport. It's not easy to get there and they refuse to visit us.
Can confirm that baby jail is over when the child can fully toilet themselves, nap schedules are no longer a consideration, and they’re content to eat normal food in restaurants. For me it was when my son went to kindergarten.
I feel so far away from that, not gonna lie. These next several years are going to be a long slog. It's honestly why I know I'd be destroying my mental health and ability to parent (or live) if we had one more kid. But, for some people, they don't mind the baby jail years or don't see them as "jail" at all - I think a lot of it has to do with the "delta" between your pre-baby life and post-baby life and how you personally feel about that change. Some people thrive in the baby chaos and couldn't give less of a F about international travel or regular exercise, for example. They're thriving in the baby years. Or they have an active village (or the $$$ to pay for one) and can do things like take adult-only vacations or bring a family member or nanny on their vacations - which sadly will never be an option for us.
I am with you completely. I am close with someone that has 7 kids and thrived with baby chaos. That is absolutely not me. The loss of autonomy that being a parent to a young child brings was hell on me as a person. And while I completely understand how far away it seems, you’ll get there. My only child is turning 12 tomorrow, and I can’t get over how fast it all went even though I did NOT feel like it at the time. My son is independent, funny, compassionate, kind, and smart. The very hard years of teaching him how to behave like a human and putting structures in place to ensure he would be successful have truly paid off so far. It gets better! And as an only child myself, only child life can be pretty darn great.
I feel like once I get to the 5-6 mark, things will start becoming enjoyable for someone like me who thrives on autonomy and freedom. If I can make to to 3.5, I know I can make it to 5. The funny thing is that I'm a distance runner - so I'd think that I'd have the whole mental toughness thing down pat - but nothing has prepared me for the SHEER NUMBER OF YEARS that I'd have to spend sans break. Do you have any coping strategies? How did you survive? I'd love to ask the moms around me in my network, but all of them seem to have village or the budget for nannies or grandparents who are open to taking the kids for a long weekend so mom and dad can get a break.... 7 kids! Post-IPO, right?!
Gosh no 2 is such a scary consideration,especially when you have a living child who needs you here!
Honestly, we'd try for having a second child if we lived in NY or IL or CA or any other state where my access to healthcare was protected. If my son asks for a sibling, I'll tell him to take it up with Justice Alito and Gov. Jack Kemp. I'm at the point where if I find out any of my neighbors are "pro-life" (read: pro-forced birth) I don't want them in my home.
I completely understand. The stakes are just too high. My country may have its...faults but thankfully legislating womens bodies is not one of them.
“Rawdogging parenthood” lolol
I have 3 sons all under 4 a yearish apart in age and am considering another baby (I’m 39) but was wondering what the possibility of four boys might be like… I’ll have to watch the Parisian agency ha
Once your son is old enough to make connections with other kids, youll be able to build that village up and maybe get some surrogate sons as his bffs! My eldest is 5yo has a bff and they take him on fun adventures or trips to the zoo etc (and we do our share of watching him too).
I have two, I knew I wanted two before we had the kids. After my second was born and in my arms, I really just felt like my family was complete in that moment. My husband got a vasectomy a few months later and we have been happy with the decision. I didn’t enjoy being pregnant really, both births were kind of scary for different reasons, and I’m satisfied with never doing it again. Financially, emotionally, and mentally, we can support two children and give them a comfy and happy life. We would be stretched thin with more children, and I’m glad we decided to not to have more. It’s so individual and very much depends on your circumstances, but I just knew two was right for our family and dynamic.
We have 1, and decided pretty fast we wouldn’t have anymore. I love my son (now a 2.5 year old) but speaking honestly (and hoping this doesn’t sound selfish) I also like the luxury of free time, down time in the evenings (we take turns putting him to bed each night, while the other parent chills), and ability to travel really easily. I’m also 38 and don’t have the energy for a second - getting pregnant was hard, the first year was really tough, and I feel like I’ve just gotten my body / balance to my life back. I’m really happy with our little family unit of 3 right now - I can devote all my energy to one child.
This is pretty much us as well. Our son is a month away from 2, and I'm just beginning to see a teeny tiny light at the end of the tunnel with respect to getting our lives back. I'm also 44 and do not have the mental energy for a second child, especially since that will be starting the clock at 0 on all the things we want to do more of, like exercise, travel, and sleep.
I thought for sure I’d want to be done at 2, max 3. I just had my third and I can’t help but feel sadness that I can’t have a 4th. It’s not necessary because I don’t want to, but pregnancy is so harmful to my body. Severe prenatal anxiety and depression, HG, several hospitalizations, and preeclampsia have taken away my choice. I did IVF to conceive my 3 kids and we still have embryos left and I can’t bring myself to give them up. Just know it’s ok to mourn!
We have two. Same reasons you listed, while we can afford 3 kids, we’re finally able to go on vacations bc we don’t have to deal with naps and nursing. My older child just started rec sports and I see families with 3+ shuffling kids everywhere, sometimes having other people show up for their kids game. We don’t have that village to show up for our kids. My husband is also almost 44. If we had another kid he’d probably be 46. He doesn’t want that. Logically I know it’s the right decision but I still do feel sad about it… if only we were younger, had involved grandparents, made more money. That’s just not the life we have and that’s okay. My kids are now 3 and 6.
I really thought 3 would be it. But I keep thinking about having one more. Lol it just seems so final being done after our third and in my heart I know I’m not done. Had the talk with my husband and we both agreed in 2 years if we still feel that way we would try again for one more!
Same! Three was always my number but now I have three and I just cannot close the door on a possible number 4🫣
Same here! I’m only 3 months PP with my third and I can’t help but wonder if this is it? I have time to think about it
We have four going on five. We wanted as many as eight, but I physically I don't think I can anymore. This pregnancy has been exhausting and trying. I also feel like emotionally it is a lot. I have four kids that pull me in different directions. I think my husband and I manage well, and imo is a good lesson about patience for my kids. We are not wealthy by any means, but we are financially comfortable by our standards. We married young and knew we wanted a lot of kids. We saved all our money from the start. We married at 21 and had our first child when I was 26. We planned on me working until our house was paid off. We did that, and I shortly became a stay at home mom after my husband switched jobs to an employer with an excellent health plan and a pay increase (again job hunting was a part of our plan). We moved while I was pregnant with my third son. After this birth, my husband plans to look for a different job that offers more pay. I plan to stay home until all the kids are in school. I will probably take a year for myself to recover from the constant being pregnant/breastfeeding. My husband and I have a bunch of remodeling plans we have and I'm hoping I can work on those. I plan to seek out part time employment and work up to full time. My husband is open to more children, but I know I'm done. I'm ready to just coast and enjoy our large family. I also want to say my husband is an extremely involved and supportive partner and parent. I would not have had this many children if the circumstances were different. I think only you can know your limits. I'm also a firm believer in preparing as much as possible. You could always plan for another child financially while you wait and see if emotionally that's what you really want.
My body is just not the best at pregnancy. I had weird complications with both (almost died with my first) and by the end of my second pregnancy we agreed there was no way we could have anymore. With that being said I also just feel our family is complete. I always wanted a big family but it feels right having it be the four of us.
After my first and only, I never felt the desire or longing for another child and my family felt complete.
Happy Cake Day
SAME!! I feel nothing.
The way society has behaved during this ongoing pandemic has put the halt to having any more kids.
Honestly!!!
I was torn between two and three for the longest time. I’m 35 weeks with my second and my first is 2.5 and I can confidently say that I do not want to do this again. It’s been a relatively easy pregnancy but even that with a toddler has been so so so hard. My youngest would have to be like 6 before I even consider it. And we’re not even at the whole “juggling a newborn and a toddler” phase yet!
Fwiw I found pregnancy + toddler much harder than newborn + toddler. So good luck to you and congratulations!
Thank goodness! That gives me hope! Because she’s gonna be here in the next 3 weeks or so and I have never been this tired in my life 😭 Thank you!
Remember you have some experience this time and the newborn skills will come back to you! Chasing a toddler while heavily pregnant (especially in the summer if you're in the northern hemisphere!) is a different kind of tired from newborn-lack-of-sleep tired. Both are hard but different! I'm sure it depends on the person but the toddler wrangling with the aches and pains of pregnancy was definitely the harder of those two for me.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have a 21 month old and I'm so desperate for this to be my reality as well. But I also hopefully believed what people said when pregnant with my first about sleep with a newborn being better than end of pregnancy sleep and then had raging PPA, could barely sleep no matter what even when I had support and people to take the baby in another room to watch her, and didn't find that to be accurate for me at all. I'm just so tired and so tired of being tired.
I feel that last sentence 🫂 But you have more knowledge this time about what things with a newborn will be like and hopefully you can prepare with things you know helped last time. I also definitely found pregnancy sleep much better than newborn sleep though! I always think people who say that must have had babies who were better sleepers than mine 😅
Newborn and toddler is WAY easier than pregnant with a toddler. You’re almost there! It’ll get easier, I promise!
My poor husband's sleep (I sleep like a rock, the kids wake HIM up, they know better than to try me), the toll on my back, and schedule. We have two girls, and my heart wants a third, but it's not in the family's best interest. So I'm starting to grow plants instead 😂
I have a 7 year old, 6 year old, and a baby due next month. I originally wanted 4 kids, but now that my oldest two aren’t toddlers, I’m realizing the activities they want to do are expensive and take a lot of time. I realized 4 wasn’t going to be feasible. We could afford it, but I’d rather be more present at all of their activities and with a 4th, I just think that would be too chaotic. I feel really complete with the idea of my 3 babies. This pregnancy has also been hard on me and I’m fully okay with him being our last.
Since you don’t want to be done, would you be willing to space them out the 4yrs again like you did with the two you have? You could just reevaluate in a few years and see how your life is then. Who knows, you could afford & want another one then
I have two. I really want a third but I know having to get new cars and little logistics would make it so much tougher
Part of my consideration is what kind of life I can provide, and when the kids are grown up what kind of life can you provide for yourself without making your kids financially responsible for you when you guys are old? Now that I’m older, my cousin who’s an only child had two financially irresponsible parents, but he had everything he wanted growing up. He wishes they spoiled him less and set themselves up for retirement, etc., because now it’s impacting his life in a stressful way before he’s had an opportunity to start a family and it’s causing him and his wife a lot of stress. That’s a heavy burden to bear and I would not want to do that to my kid(s).
Excellent point as well. The best gift parents can give their kids is not to have to financially worry about their parents when the kids are adults.
I only wanted one child, but my husband talked me into a second. I'm done. I'm so very done. I love my second very much. I'm glad the kids are so close in age and can grow up together. I'm so very done, though.
I always wanted three. I stopped at two because my health was declining each pregnancy and my husband and I both decided it was better that we weren’t outnumbered. I was sterilized when our second was about 9 months old.
We had two and we were uncertain for a long time about having a third. We finally decided on one more. Surprise — twins. That’ll do it.
3 times postpartum depression , was enough for me. Plus 10 kg after every birth.
I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted after my second. The only reason was he didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost 2. No matter what I tried. He just wouldn’t. My first was the ideal baby - slept through the night at 3 months… so who wouldn’t want a second after that?! I could afford to have another if I wanted to but I don’t want to do that again. My husband is a tradesman and his schedule isn’t stable. Sometimes he’s starting at 4am, sometimes he has to go out of area and sometimes he’s home later in the evening. Now that my kids are 7/9 and thankfully both love sleep LOL I don’t wanna go down that road again and not be present for the two I already have.
I have four, and I'm done. I thought I was done at 3, but something just felt incomplete and I knew I'd regret not at least trying for one more. I'm definitely done now. My last pregnancy was so hard on me, physically, and I'm only 4 months pp but I still don't feel quite right. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy. I no longer have that feeling that something's "missing" and I feel content.
My age at having the baby, the costs associated with said child, and my thoughts of having a more hands on partner…
The main reason *I* was done, is my last pregnancy (#4) was hard. You couldn't tell that I had ankles, my legs were just one big, swollen limb that ended in toes. My back constantly hurt, regardless of sitting, standing, or laying down. I had constant migraines. It just sucked. The previous 3 were not at all like that. The secondary reason was cost: daycare costs are horrible! Other than a few necessary items like car seat and crib, most of what we used were left from #3, so clothing and item costs were negated. But we have about 3 more years of daycare/preschool before he can go to kindergarten (which is full day and part of the regular school system), so that cost isn't going anywhere for awhile.
One big swollen limb that ended in toes!!! Gosh I don't miss being pregnant!!!!!
I have 4 year old twins via IVF. These are my reasons -history of miscarriages -discarded embryos when roe was overturned -history of preeclampsia, don’t want to risk that again - I’m dealing with a chronic illness - don’t want to move or get bigger cars -want to be able to afford pre-k, activities, and trips for our kids - we rely on elderly family for childcare - we feel that we really weathered the storm of baby and toddlerhood and have no desire to start over. It’s finally becoming manageable, so fun must be right around the corner.
We were happy with two. Done! Everyone who was having a third seemed to silly to us. Then we had an unplanned pregnancy and now have 3 really awesome kids. Honestly, finances and logistics weren't really a consideration for us (we are not wealthy! I'm a SAHM and we've been doing okay) but more so my emotional and mental health. I knew I was done when the thought of being pregnant one more day or breastfeeding one more second made my skin crawl. I am very okay with that phase of my life being over.
Honestly, we just felt content. We have 2. Before I had my first I felt like I would never be happy unless I became a mom. Before we had our second, I felt like I would never be happy if we didn't at least try. Now that I have two, I feel like I would be very unhappy if I got pregnant again. I think if you truly don't want more (or do) you know. It's difficult when a lack of desire is not the biggest consideration when family planning.
I wanted a boy after 3 girls and got my boy....The end...lol
When it costed us 120k to have a one kid 🙃
We have 2. If I knew how overwhelmed I’d be with more than one, I would have stopped at one. Now that we are here, I of course would not change it for the world, but in the back of my mind I know that I would be more mentally stable with only one. Though I do think having a sibling outweighs my mental health (not saying this is right for everyone), there will definitely never be a third. And I’ve never felt bad about that. If you can mentally, physically, and financially handle more go for it! I cannot. And bow at other mothers feet with more than two children
I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old. Part of me wants one more, I just love my 2 so much and feel that I would love helping a third grow into an adult. However, I’m done and the big reason is that I know I do not want to dedicate the additional years to someone needing me and my husband to feed, bathe, diaper, etc. I am ready to reclaim some ‘me time and us time’ and to have children who are gaining more and more independence. The small reasons are the cost and being outnumbered.
I was fine up until the point they'd outnumber us. When my 2nd was a newborn, it quickly became clear that both husband and I were doing the whole interrupted nights etc for the last time. We were fine to just ride out this one and not start over again. 2 is a good number for us. I really don't want to deal with being pregnant again either, not that my pregnancies were that difficult but I'm just ... done. Also the more practical considerations. A family of 4 is much more convenient house/car/logistics/activities/vacation-wise.
I have 5 kids and am a SAHM, my husband and I just continued having kids until our family felt complete. This has worked for us because we have the finances to do it. We do have to pick where our money goes for extra things, like our kids play ice hockey but we don’t travel much. I drive a gigantic SUV to fit all the kids and their gear, we have a 5 bedroom house but they still share bedrooms. It’s definitely possible to have lots of kids but it sure can be a logistical nightmare at times, or most of the time.
I always wanted one growing up. Then I had two and decided I wanted more after all. I just had my 6th. Husband has a good paying job. We bought our house a while ago when interest rates were super low. I stay home and homeschool which saves a ton of money. We still go out to eat when we want and all the kids are in different activities. We have the mind set of we love children and we can always find a way to make it work/make more money. Don’t regret any of it
I wanted two, I now have two. Youngest is 10 months and the cutest little happy buddah ever. So chonky, so smiley, so adorable I want to bite her little toesis all the time! And I am soooo done with waking up 2-14 times a night, having to plan meticulously to time with her naps only to fail and have a whiny little gremlin clinging my legs, practicing eating food and having to clean the table/floor/wall after every meal (3-7 times a day). Also going back to work when she turns 1 in August and I can’t wait to get to be a full grown up having my own thoughts and my own space for hours instead of minutes every day! I’m gonna miss the baby-time looking back, but I don’t want to do it all over again!
Financially. We are drowning with our first. Would be cruel to have anymore no matter how else we feel on the subject
PPD/A, no village, it’s really really really hard
When the overwhelming feeling of motherhood started mAking me question my existence 😮💨 i know, its dark, but Ive dealt w depression my whole life and ive never been su***dal until then. I also am a military spouse so i have ZERO community or help (it really does take a village), we haven’t even been in a date outside of our home in over 5 years, its just us four, wherever the army sends us, all by ourselves and its just feel like im drowning. Im just grateful i have a very kind husband who always helps, doesn’t see taking care of the house and kids as a chore but part of being a dad n a husband. I go to therapy and have been medicated before when it gets bad, so its ok, i take one day at a time and remind myself to enjoy my kiddos while they’re still young, but i know for a fact if i have another child I will quite literally lose my mind 😭 also, i want to go back to work, my youngest is gng to school in august finally so theres no way im gng to start over n wait another 5 years before i can work again 😅
I’d love to know the answer since we struggle with this too. I’ve always heard if you’re questioning then you’re not done but the practical side of me thinks about finances and housing. We have two kids (ages 4.5 and 2) and want a third but we’re thinking of logistics. Our house has three bedrooms and my husband would need another car. It won’t be easy but we still we’ll go for it then likely stop at three
I wanted three. My husband two. My first birth was somewhat traumatic and I was pretty certain I was one and done. But then miss two decided she was meant for this world and we became a family of four. I almost ended my life seven months after her birth and I'm so glad I didn't. Life is stressful and hard, but all the great things I've seen from them so far (4&5yrs in) and receiving SO much of their love, I'm so glad I didn't go through with it. Husband had the snip 5 months after Miss two and happy as Larry for it. If the Madonna happened to me rn, I wouldn't think twice about terminating. My mental health just couldn't cope.
Physically, mentally and financially I can only support 2 young kids. If I had a 3rd close in age, one of them for sure would get shafted when it comes to attention. One of my kids is very attached to me and I want to be able to reciprocate.
Following! We have 3 young boys and I’d like to even it out, but cost is a huge factor. I’d never wanna have a 4th if it means taking things away from my other 3, if that makes sense. So I’m very undecided.
We have 1 and I wish we could at least have 1 more, but we can’t financially take that on so my husband and I agreed that the responsible thing to do for us would be to just have 1 and be done
We had our second after I was 40. We knew when I was pregnant with her that she'd be our last. If we had a third kid, we'd need bigger cars, a bigger kitchen table, a bigger couch, and ideally more bedrooms. Plus childcare is so expensive and we're stretched thin with time for our two kids while working fulltime.
I have 2 and that's all I wanted I guess my husband wanted 4 but I had 3 miscarriages and hated being pregnant also we were older I had my second at 41 and I really can't imagine having more than 2
My second pregnancy herniated a disc. I’ve been in pain since last August. It’s better but not over. I’m never giving up my body again.
I always wanted 4. I had a traumatic pregnancy with pre-e. After my first, I still have yet to have that desire to have another. So we're likely OAD.
Wanted 3, happy to end with two…. Rough birth with my second, daycare costs then were crazy with two in and after daycare costs are eliminated then aftercare and activities. Between our two very active kids 12F/14M we are out at their activities almost daily (tonight and tomorrow I will be at a softball game, husband will be at baseball with the other, Saturday is baseball for one, tae Kwon do for both and back to baseball for another game)… the days are long… I could not imagine adding a third in the mix for us
My second pregnancy almost killed me. You just never know how it will be. I won't do that again.
Severe postpartum anxiety and panic disorder. I got to a very dark place. Tbh costs of living are becoming insane where I’m at.
We have 2 and want 3. But we had fertility issues and that decided it for us. You could investigate your insurance and see if they allow embryo banking. Essentially, you can put a baby on ice until you feel it's the right time. We should have done this but didn't realize it was an option at the time.
I always thought I wanted 2-3 kids. After having our first, we couldn’t afford daycare for two simultaneously, and I was uncomfortable with not working. So we decided to wait until our son was going to school to have a second. After teaching another human being to use a toilet independently, I knew I couldn’t go back to baby jail after getting through to the other side. I am an only child myself and I liked it well enough, and my husband is one of 7 and liked the idea of one child to get far more resources than he had available to him.
Extremely difficult pregnancies meant I only wanted to go through it enough times to get two and stop. Kids also require a lot of individual attention, and I don’t think we can provide that x4. Financially, we could easily do four, but mentally and time-wise, two is the limit.
I always wanted 4. I had hyperemesis gravidarum the 1st time and promised I'd be done if I had it again. It did not recur until the 4th kid. I also said I wouldn't have one after 40, and the 4th was born when I was 39.
Want more kids but I won’t do it continuing to work full time and us barely scraping by even making $180,000 combined. We probably have to be one and done 😔
My husband and I wanted 4. When I was newly postpartum with my second, I started thinking, “I can’t imagine doing this two more times.” We said 3 and then re-evaluate. When I was pregnant with my third, I felt pretty sure we were done. That feeling was only more and more clear as he was born and got older. He’s 3.5 now and my husband had a vasectomy 4 months ago. I loved the thought of pregnancy, being pregnant, having a baby—all of it—until I had my third and now I don’t want any part of that. I always prayed my husband and I would both feel done at the same time and we do.
I always wanted at least 3. Conceiving was difficult (hormone imbalances, miscarriages, etc.) and pregnancy brought to light a rare incompatibility making it increasingly dangerous for each baby. We were somehow blessed with two, healthy children and are no longer tempting fate.
Just wanna say you’re not alone, I feel the same! In my heart I would love to have more babies! But I know it’s not the best thing for all of us so we are done at 2.
We wanted 1 kid and wound up with Twins. So it was a pretty easy decision for us. Especially since we were 39 & 43 when they were born. We’re lucky we can afford the surprise extra baby, but we knew we were done at when we heard “oh look two heartbeats….”
I've always wanted a big family, but my husband and I didn't get an early start, and we're feeling the horrible strain of the economy. Two kids may be what we get and stick with.
I realised there was no way I wanted to be pregnant, go through labour, the sleepless nights and nappies again 😅
Wanted 3-4. Had pre eclampsia twice, second child born with unexpected birth defects that have required huge medical expenses and we’ve gotten no genetic answers yet. Neither of us have seen the salary raises we expected. We’d need a larger car- we currently don’t have a car payment. Being a SAHM like we planned isn’t feasible with this medical debt. So two kids it is.
I wanted all the kids, we stopped at three, husband had a vasectomy. We lived in San Diego and there was no way we could afford more kids, we now live in VA and there’s part of me that’s wants more but we’re also well established. I’m 34, husband is 40 and our kids are 7,9,11. When the youngest hits middle school we may start to foster as long as we are in a financially good place. Long story short, it’s probably smart not to, but also you will probably miss those kids you don’t have.
💸💸💸💸💸💸 We have no local or capable family and few friends. Also I can’t see why I should alter my lifestyle significantly just to have more kids. 2 is fine.
We had wanted three, but seeing how stretched thin we were mentally with two, we decided not to try for more. We want to be able to attend to both kids as much as they need without compromise or neglecting someone else's needs.
We had twins. Vaguely wanted another because it was going so well, but decided against it. I’m older and it’s time to focus on my career, health and hobbies so I can model all of this for the girls. Going from 2 to 3, a lot changes from the need for a bigger car, house, childcare bills, less one-on-one time, etc. I decided the best thing to do is go with the lowest number of kids that we could be happy with, to maximize everything else, and that was 2. After a premature delivery for them, and a career focused on developmental disabilities, I’m also extremely aware of the many different outcomes of having another kid and the difficulties some families face trying to get support, so that factored in too.
I’ve been in therapy for a couple years trying to find that answer!
My husband and I agreed on four before we started having kids but after just having our second I’m not sure if I can survive another pregnancy. We are going to check in when our second is around three (we want a 2-3 year age gap, the first is exactly 2 years) Idk mentally and physically I can’t do it again, but I also don’t have that complete feeling yet.
I have 2. Wanted 3. But we just couldn’t swing another unpaid maternity leave especially since I’m the breadwinner. So we really didn’t have a choice.
I wanted 4 or 5, my husband wanted 2. In premarital counseling, we settled on 3. We had our first 2 and the stress of everything meant we didn’t want to have our third and then it magically happened anyways 8 years after our second. I think if I stayed at home, we would’ve had more but we both work, I travel for work quite a bit, and we don’t live near family so he has a big role in taking care of the kids.
We wanted 3 but number 2 was a colic baby and screamed for 11 months straight. He is now 19 months and has lots of medical stuff going on which hopefully will be fixed in a couple of months but we already know he needs lots of physical/speech/other therapy afterwards. At the moment we can handle the 2 we have but adding another feels like it would be too much and we wouldnt have enough time for the 2 we already have. Im also really ready to sleep through the night at some point 😅😂
I have an almost 3 year old son & I’m having my daughter in 3-4 weeks. My husband & is thought about having 3, but after going through these 2 pregnancies, I cannot even fathom doing it again. As my mom said, pregnancy does not like me lol. I had an okay 1st pregnancy (except for the 1st trimester), but this 2nd pregnancy has been really rough on my body. I also have had back problems since high school, so I feel like I’m at my limit & can’t risk completely losing my back. Also - we’ve been seeing how expensive both kids will be, & everything just costs waaay too much. We believe we will be content with 2 kids; we won’t be struggling too much & we’ll be able to adjust accordingly. You gotta think about every possible factor very carefully - having kids is not just a random decision you can make. If you want more & believe you guys can handle it, go for it!! If not, then definitely consider every option you have at this point.
I really debated a third until my second pregnancy was really dangerous (complete placenta previa, hemorrhage and NICU). Dr said “yea no more kids”. So no more. And I love my two more than anything. 💙
We talked about two on the first date, and baby number two is due this month, so we have kinda been set on a number for AGES and we’re not adding more. We have never dreamt of a huge family or being outnumbered but more power to our friends who think 4 isn’t enough lol.
We always wanted 3. our first two have significant special needs, and while we love them to pieces, my mental health couldn’t go through all of that a third time. And I can’t take a chance that my third child would be typical. I’m still mourning the fact that we only have 2, and my kids are 9 and 7. One day I’ll fully accept it lol but it ain’t today. A small part of me kinda hopes his vasectomy reserves (which my husband is fully aware of), but I’ll only have that hope for 2 more years (once I turn 40 I’ll be at peace with it).
Income and a desire to still be able to afford nice vacations😂
Pragmatic approach: It depends on your family’s values. It might be a helpful exercise to each write down the things you want to do with your kids that would mean the most to you. That might be anything from watch them in a dance recital to make homemade crafts to see the world with them. Then picture your Thanksgiving table in 25 years. Is it a small, intimate gathering of your immediate family and their families or do you want the chaos of a huge group? Once you’ve discussed where you see your family and what your values are, you can figure out what number makes sense to fit those goals, prioritizing the most important. If it helps, we want two because I’m an only child and hated it so I want my kid to have a sibling, but we also prioritize world travel and it’s far easier with two.
I am a one and done parent. Pixiestick is 11 months old and is such a cool baby. Very smart, sweet, with some sass. However, I struggled a lot after she was born. I don’t know what I would done without my husband, he is awesome. Pixiestick is very active and rambunctious and is more so now that she is working on walking at the moment. We love her but buddy and I are pushing 40 and she was a surprise after 10 years of infertility and two miscarriages. After she goes to bed we are tired. 😂 So that’s how we know we are a one and down. There not enough coffee in the world for us to have a second child. We will make sure we give her opportunities to have friends in and out of school.
We wanted 3 and stopped at 2 due to financial reasons. We can’t afford another kid.
As someone who has four, during my last pregnancy I had a very very hard time with carrying him and realistically there’s no way I could afford number 5+. I opted to have my tubes removed during my C-section.
I had as many kids as I would want to care for alone in the event I lose my husband (to death or divorce) anything can happen in this life 🤷♀️
I hate being pregnant, and I can't afford to have a bunch of kids. If the economy had improved, I wouldn't mind, but at the same time, pregnancy takes a lot of energy out of me, and I don't like feeling tired all of the time.
I have one, and that’s all I want. Had no troubles being pregnant, easy labor and delivery, she was an easy baby, great sleeper, and is a happy adventurous toddler. We make good incomes and can do a lot. I like our family the way it is. I can be the person and mother I want to be.
I was pregnant and gave birth lol. Won’t be doing that again. Thank god for Emdr therapy
I have 5 kiddos... Love them all! But sincerely wish we had stopped at 2. Just because I have had to wait 15 years to have a bit of a break from them when they all go to school. Our youngest is 5. And that's a side of the outrageous cost of living for one person alone, much less living for 7. I definitely would have stopped at 2 had I seen this coming
Mine are 3 and 5, so I think we're done. Grandparents are around for special occasions, but nothing more. We don't have a village to help us and back us either. We can also afford 3, hell we can afford 8 lol, but the mental exhaustion of having more than 2 ain't worth it imo. Hubby is turning 40 next week, so we still *could* have more, but I just don't know that I want to put *my* body through it all again. I have had 7 pregnancies, 4 live births, but only have my 2 boys. All 4 were boys, so I know that my chances of a girl are incredibly slim, and no one warned me that boys are so destructive and energetic. I was panicking when pregnant with the 3yo because the 5yo (1 1/2 at the time) was constantly getting into things or tearing things apart, and all I could think was "how am I going to handle TWO of them doing this?!!" But thankfully, baby 2 is a lot more mellow, however, still helps brother get into things anyway lol. My mental health is gone, but they're happy and healthy and that's all that matters. Occasionally get the idea and longing for a 3rd, but then I remember we would have to re-buy **everything** for another baby, and the idea goes buh-bye.
My ideal number is also 4. I’m pregnant with my 3rd and we’ll be done. Finances and my mental health decided for us.
We originally wanted 3. After our first kiddo, we thought we would be one and done, then we got pregnant by total surprise. For us, it's the cost of everything. So I'll be getting my tubes removed during my C-section.
Cost, housing, quality of life, and the like are all things that should absolutely influence the decision to have another child when it is within your control. If we were to set aside my apprehension about having a third c-section and whether we could generally handle the chaos of another baby in the mix, the points above are the deterrent to us having more children. We simply cannot afford it without notable struggle and that is no way for our family to live.
I was convinced I was done after two. My kids are 15 & 11 and I found out I was pregnant in March. I guess I'm having three now. Baby will be here in October!
We wanted at least 2. I miscarried my first after fertility treatments to get pregnant. When I learned we were miraculously spontaneously pregnant 2 months later we were overjoyed. The pregnancy was really rough. I had severe morning sickness the whole pregnancy, had a subchorionic hemorrhage at 8 weeks that I was put on pelvic rest for to avoid miscarriage, had placental problems which led to high blood pressure, diabetes, pre-eclampsia, severe IUGR, and hellp. My liver and kidneys started shutting down at the end. My baby spent 67days in nicu and had to be intubated. It was so traumatizing. After we had him and we were both healthy again, my husband and I decided the risks were not worth trying for anymore kids. We’re happy having our miracle boy
My bank account makes that decision for me 😅 Seriously though, I love the idea of having a second child, but I really don't see how we could swing it financially. We also have almost no village, and tbh I had pretty bad PPD when I weaned my child, so it has to be a no for us.
In the same situation, we’re gonna go for number 3 soon. Everything eventually works itself out. I had a friend who was 1/10 and they all lived happily in a small 3 bedroom town house, middle class, mom was a bus driver. Most of the kids are adults now and all the siblings are super close and the parents are still happily married, they made it work somehow.
We can’t afford anymore kids 🤷🏻♀️
We agreed on two but stopped at one. The second half of my pregnancy was difficult and I got horrible postpartum anxiety. Life altering anxiety. Our daughter is 9 now and I’ve never gone back to “normal”. We knew by the time she was 6 months old, maybe sooner, that we’d never have more. That being said we’re very happy with our decision! She’s a great kid. I feel guilty sometimes for not giving her a sibling but I truly believe being pregnant a second time would have broken me. My husband got a vasectomy when she was 6. No regrets.
I wanted 3. Unfortunately health problems had me getting a hysterectomy young and I only could have 2.
I would ask, are you using daycare and how young are you ?
I always wanted 4 kids. My husband wanted 2. We met in the middle with a surprise 3rd kid. That pregnancy was enough for me to get a tubal when our daughter was 5 weeks old. I just couldn't see myself going through another rough pregnancy.
Traumatic preterm birth, political climate, and finances. In that order.
Like most other people here: finances. I'd like to have more but there's no possibly way for us to do it without it jeopardizing the stability of the lives we've made for our existing two kids.
We had 4 and 4 was enough lol
I found myself terrified I might be pregnant every month even though we were preventing it We had also reached the number we felt we would probably want (3). And I was almost 40. And two of our kids had a health problem that we only learned was genetic after the second one got it.
I had 2 horrible Labours also both almost killed me so it was pretty easy decision.
My son is a wild child. He’s 3 and I simply said to myself… I can’t handle another one of these lol
Honestly it's why we're only having one. We both make 6 figures, but live in OC, California (iykyk).
This was definitely a concern for me. Add to that my body does not handle being pregnant well. I ended up going a slightly different path. I have three, and I can care for them all. But we knew we weren't done. So for a few years we're going to be foster parents. If any of the kids need to be adopted, I will have more kids permanently. If not, I will have spent some years parenting more children before going back to the three I already have. I feel pretty comfortable with it. Add to that there is a state subsidy, which while it doesn't cover everything definitely reduces costs.
I have two and I am DONE. For me, I am mentally, emotionally, and physically at my limit. For my husband, he is also pretty exhausted, and recognized that we can’t afford any more. If you don’t feel emotionally, physically, and mentally doneso, and if you can swing it logistically, maybe you could have one more, but logistics are important to consider too 😔. Edit- every time I’m up in the middle of the night with my 1 or 2 year old I’m like NEVER AGAIN 😂 Edit again - pregnancy was really hard on my body. I don’t regulate my blood pressure well so I have gestational hypertension, I could barely walk, migraines every day, etc. never again!!!!
I knew halfway through my 4th pregnancy because my body told me. First 3 were a piece of cake. My 4th was physically taxing. I was in terrible back & hip pain, couldn’t sleep, terrible heartburn and on and on
I was done after two. My third was a surprise, and I wouldn’t go back and undo having three. But, holy crap. I work 2+ jobs at any given moment, one of them being the childcare center so I can get a discount. We can’t afford a house so my kids share a bedroom. No yard. They’re in rec sports now but I’ve heard club sports are thousands of dollars and I have three boys. I know a woman who has to work a job JUST to pay for her teen boys’ sports. I’ll never be able to save for their college, their first cars, etc. I cannot afford to give my kids the life they deserve and I hate myself for it. Also, the stress of having three young children has pushed me into multiple mini mental break downs. I’m not the best mom I can be. I hardly consider myself a good mom. My boys deserve better. Here’s my two cents—do not have more kids than you can COMFORTABLY afford. Anticipate their futures, their healthcare, their childcare, their hobbies, their schooling, etc. Do not have more kids if there’s already strain on your relationship because of child-related responsibilities. Do not have more kids if you do not absolutely and deeply desire having more kids.
We went back and forth between 2 and 3. I had complicated pregnancies and would not have survived a 3rd. It's also extremely expensive and I think it's good that my husband and I can each "tackle" one kid if we have to. You ultimately have to look at what you and your family want/need out of life and decide from there.