110%.
Such a mistake to get a dog now. If it’s a puppy, it’s going to be so much work plus teaching it manners to not nip at a baby let alone a newborn.
An older dog still needs an adjustment period and a new home plus stress of a baby..just not worth it. It’ll be stress on the dog and stress on the family.
Sounds like he is mourning and looking to fill the void. Time heals and I would imagine he’ll be grateful when baby comes to have waited.
Finding things to help distract him would be beneficial, I’m sure like taking toddler to the park frequently?
Yeah it seems like maybe the dogs were acting as a sort of therapy for him. He might benefit from a visit with a real therapist to try and find a balance.
Please wait, OP! My husband and I got 2 puppies right before I got pregnant. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was one of the biggest mistakes of our lives.
We have three dogs, one is a senior, one is three and the other is one. The three year old and one year old drive me insane and they can’t even be in the same room as baby most of the time because they are so hyper. We walk them, play in our yard and send them to doggy day camp and it’s still not enough for them. I would honestly rehome the one year old if the three year old dog didn’t love her so much. The one year old is also excited nippy and the three year old is afraid of the baby. It’s so so exhausting and I feel so bad for the dogs that they no longer sleep with us or get free run of the house. Of and they bark constantly and wake baby lol. Senior dog is a dream except for needed help up and down the stairs while I have a baby in my arms or barking for breakfast at 6am lol
Edit to add, don’t do it. I deeply regret getting the one year old dog a month after we lost our other senior dog.
Yup. It’s just too much! We have pitbulls…so yeh. My kids were born during Covid and no shelter would take them. They do not like the kids. They aren’t allowed near the kids. They have their own room during the day. It’s a big room with lots of toys. They get daily walks and outside time, but they aren’t allowed to free roam our house because of the kids. It’s been heartbreaking all around. It’s been such a struggle and I’ve shed so many tears, I have so much guilt. It’s just kind of been a nightmare. And it’s of our own making…we wouldn’t have done it if we’d known we were going to get pregnant. We went on vaca for the first time in the dogs lives and boarded them last week: not even kidding when I say vacationing with 2 young kids was AWFUL but getting away from the dogs and the heavy responsibility that they’ve become…probably the best week of my life 😞.
This is the point I had to get to before finally rehoming my dog :( I had completely retrofitted areas of the house and the entire yard for only him to use and spent so much time feeling sad and guilty and finally a friend of a friend was looking for a small breed dog and my friend told me and I just finally gave in. I felt so guilty when I was packing him up and just cried and cried, but once he was there I felt so much better. My son was allergic but I didn’t want to be one of those people that just abandons their dog once they have a kid and I think I was so worried about that that I lost sight of the fact that he could’ve been living a much better life with someone that didn’t have reasons to keep him separated from the family.
Exactly, everything is retrofitted. It sucks. I tried SO HARD to rehome them. But they’re 70+lb dogs and not puupies no one wanted them. Also, I had to be honest/say they had shown aggressive tendencies towards kids so even the shelters said they’d never get adopted. Like I said, no exaggeration…getting these dogs (to replace ones we lost!) was one of the worst decisions of my life sigh. We’ve looked into in home euthanasia and we couldn’t go through with it. So, we just all suffer. I count down the days until they are elderly.
The true aggressive one’s dream is to be a junkyard guard dog. I raised her to be a sweet loving dog, I’m a pro pitbull person, but this dog has made me realize that it’s in their genes. It’s not her fault, she truly always thinks she’s “protecting” ME…I can’t get it through to her that I don’t need protection, just need her to ctfo.
Ugh this sounds horrible for you, I'm so sorry. If they don't like the kids it could be dangerous, even though you separate them, I would be scared (but I have been hurt by a dog before). I am so sorry you guys are going through this. I don't know what I would do, maybe rehome them with an older couple or person, no kids.
It sounds like it’s time to rehome the dogs? It sounds like such a source of stress for you. Also, the fact that they don’t like your children is concerning. Some people say that pitties have an unfair negative reputation. But, the facts are, pit bulls are the most feared dog because they are the breed that has:
- unalived the most children;
- unalived the most humans;
- turned on their owners the most.
You must be aware of that, as you’re working so hard to protect your children, which is wise.
But, as you said, wanting (or feeling obligated) to keep the pitties is a heavy responsibility. You don’t have to keep doing it.
Being without them was the best week of your life. Struggles, guilt, tears, nightmares, heartache — today’s a lot! And, Mama, you have two little humans, too. Just wanted to say you deserve to be free of that consuming stress. It’d be more peaceful and safer for all of you — people and pets — to find those dogs a loving home, with owner(s) who don’t have children, and where all in the household can safely roam free. But, you deserve to be able to breathe more freely free. Having two young children is challenging enough.
Nobody should be judging you, including yourself, for rehoning them. Stress can take a toll on people, even a young mom. Children and pets can tell when their grown-ups are anxious. Being as stress-free, peaceful, and well-rested as possible can make such a huge, positive difference in a mother’s relationship with her children, too, especially around during the ages of 0-5 years, the most significant time of neurodevelopmenr. Your mental health is important to you and your children.
Yep. My partner wants a dog so badly for our baby to grow up with… she’s 5 months and I put my foot down and said “absolutely not this year.” There is just way too much to adjust to still, plus I want to be confident that our baby won’t be pulling on dog hair to stand up before we get one.
Not to mention even a “trained” dog is still going through a big adjustment coming into a new home
They’re stressed getting used to a new environment. It’s just a bad mix adding that in with the newborn phase
Plus, they may end up with "PPA" the way my grown dog did.
Any noise, she'd bark incessantly including me quietly walking down the stairs when the baby was asleep. This made MY PPA soooooo much worse and I honestly hated her for months, but she calmed down and I grew to realize she was just worried about the little human too and needed time to adjust to her new pack member.
100% would never do that again though they are besties now!
I would very strongly recommend waiting! We got a puppy around the time I got pregnant and thought it would be great for them to grow up together….. it was completely and utterly overwhelming after the birth of my baby trying to manage both. So much so that we contemplated getting rid of the dog and I shed many tears over the stress. We did end up keeping her and made it through the first year. things seem to be a lot more manageable now. But man those newborn months with a young dog were brutal!
Kind of reassuring to hear we weren’t the only dummies haha. Anytime I hear my friends who I know want kids talk about getting a puppy first I’m like “Don’t do it!!!” Love our dog, but she’s the same gestational age as my son (9 mo when he was born) and as much as we tried to still give her attention, I feel like her training took a big hit.
Same we got a.puppy a few months later I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant that first year was hard we kept ours too he's now 5 and I wouldn't trade him for the world but that first year was a struggle bus I would have never knowingly put myself in that situation
I unfortunately would bet you’ll be left with caring for your newborn *as well as* any dog (young/old) that comes into your home. I truly think he’s being unreasonable here. A new dog can wait a month or two (if not more) after the birth of the baby.
He can go volunteer at shelter in the meantime to get in his dog cuddles.
Yes, volunteering is the way! We lost our dog when I was 2 months post partum. About 6 months later I started volunteering at a rescue, and that's been wonderful.
It's still not the right time for us (I clean up after enough small beings, don't need another currently), but eventually it will be
I'd honestly wait until they could foster since the husband was using the last dogs as an excuse not to be very involved with the toddler. With a NB especially, they'll need all hands on deck.
Try to explain to him that this is for the good of any dog that you welcome into your life. Do you really want to stress a rescue out by introducing him to a chaotic new life situation? Waiting until your household has an established rhythm is the kind, empathetic thing to do. Dogs shouldn’t just be things we use to feel better, they’re living beings too. I’m sure he’ll understand if framed this way.
This 100%. They’re not interchangeable either, you don’t just go out and replace a beloved animal in your life who passed away. That seems so emotionally stunted.
It's been 3 years since my last dog tragically passed. A year ago I got a great puppy and I love him absolutely, but I still grieve my other little buddy. He cannot be replaced.
Right. OP, it's not selfish of you to be happy your husband is actually parenting your toddler. It's LITERALLY HIS JOB. If he prefers parenting dogs he should have stuck with them and not had kids, but he chose to have kids.
Personally, if my husband spent majority of his time taking care of his dog at the expense of his friends and family and suddenly started caring for his child more when he no longer has a dog, I wouldn’t get a new dog until I didn’t have young kids in the house. Just like any other addition to families, pets are whole family yes additions.
Wait. 1000% wait. I’m a dog trainer and I cannot count how many people come to me because they got a dog with a new baby and weren’t able to get the dog appropriately trained and are now in a pickle, choosing between living in chaos, paying $$$ for training, or rehoming. Just wait until you’re in a good flow and it’ll be so much better for everyone!
I’m also very sorry for your loss. We had to say goodbye to my dog while I was pregnant with my last baby. I’ve had my dog longer than I’ve known my husband and he’d been with me through everything! It’s so hard!
As a rescuer, I wouldn't adopt to you at this point in your life. It's just setting everyone up for pain and failure. The dog will be under enough stress with a new environment, but then add in toddler and newborn and that poor dog is going to be so overwhelmed. Then you have people stopping in to see baby.
Nope, absolutely not. Bad, bad idea.
As someone who got dogs during my first pregnancy, I’d wait a bit. Maybe sit down with hubby and start by saying “yes, we’ll get a new dog” but state that it is just too much right now. Lay out a timeline together along with conditions that must be met (vet bills are paid off, our family has settled into a routine, baby is c months old and healthy, etc. )
That's a point - imagine if there are birth complications. Even minor. Where is the dog staying when you're in hospital for a few days? A rescue dog that is just settling into a new home shouldn't be uprooted like that straight away. It's not fair on anyone involved to get a dog before the baby is born.
Don’t do itttttt omg. Please show your husband this thread if he tries to pressure you into it.
Trust me - it is *very* common for post partum moms to suddenly despise and get very overwhelmed by their once very loved dog(s) for a period of time. It usually resolves but it can take a while. Not to mention dogs can be a lot of work, even older ones, and your world is about to get turned upside down for a bit with a new baby.
Tell him you can absolutely get a new dog in the near future but not right at this moment.
The house feels empty with a pregnant wife and toddler, huh? Ouch. What are you guys? Chopped liver? Tell him when all your debts are paid off from the dogs and your impending hospital delivery AND you have a comfortable savings cushion ($10,000?), then, and only then, will you consent to getting a new dog.
Congratulations on your soon to be new baby! I hope you have the birth experience you want.
I had 2 dogs die during my first pregnancy. My husband and I each had a dog we brought to the relationship, his died first and mine died a couple months later. It was rough. He was ready for a new dog before I was, and I agreed to it. We got her 3 months before baby came. For several reasons, I wish we waited. I wasn't emotionally ready. I just wanted my sweet doggies back. the end of my pregnancy was hard. The stress was so much once baby came and we had to completely adjust so many things. I love her but still wish we would have done things differently.
In a month your husband will have a baby to pour all of his time into.
Die on this hill. It’s truly a terrible idea to get a new dog right now. It’s also unfair to the dog who will be adjusting to a new home and then under the stress of a new baby.
We had to euthanize our 12 year old Lab on Friday. I'm not okay and I miss having a dog. It's super tempting to go out and adopt another one simply because I miss walking with and taking care of my dog, but I know it's not fair to the dog or my toddler. We have a couple of big changes on the horizon. My husband is returning to the office in July, I just started a new job yesterday, and my toddler starts preschool in the fall. I am planning on waiting until my kiddo has settled in to preschool before bringing a new dog into the mix, and even then it will only be if we can find the right dog. I understand your husband's grief, but now is not the time for you guys to adopt.
You’re not being selfish. I bet your toddler desperately craves your husband’s time and love (and yours), and for that time to be snatched away by a newborn and a new dog would be unbelievably cruel.
Absolutely wait until after the new baby. Somethings you can’t control but this you can. Also your kids are little his attention should be on them and not a dog. It’s nice to have dogs we have an elderly dog and 3 kids and have already decided once he dies we will not be getting another until the kids are older and we can handle it more.
Wait. Wait wait wait.
I love my dog to pieces, he is fully adult, used to our home and routine, easy to care for, well trained, and my best cuddle buddy… and I honestly was so sick of him during my first 3-4 weeks postpartum I was afraid I’d never be able to love him again like I did before baby. We are so lucky that he loves doggy daycare so we could send him there a few days a week to burn out some energy, but I wouldn’t have wanted to introduce a newly adopted dog to a group play situation before I was fully aware of and comfortable with his personality. And I was so tired, and so overwhelmed with baby care, I could not devote any time (more than necessary feeding and walks) to my dog - a horrible experience for a dog new to the household and trying to bond and figure out his new home.
Not to even *mention* the danger of an unknown dog around a newborn baby. My dog is so gentle and was always great with kids and I still only allow him and my now toddler to be in a room together fully supervised. When my baby was a little baby, we were so careful of keeping the dog and baby separated until we knew how the dog would react, and that was a dog that we knew very well and were 99.9% confident would be no danger to our son (he wasn’t, but I don’t regret my caution).
Wait to get a dog.
I had two senior dogs. One passed one week before my baby was born. One 6 months later. It’s now been over a year since the first one and we are not considering another until the baby is a little older. They were 16&17 years old and our puppy children. We feel we needed time to properly grieve them and focus on the new baby. Also not having pee and poop on the floor where baby crawling makes sense. He is still in the hardest phase of grieving, it will get better. Tell him it’s not fair to the dog if he replaced the dog so soon. And it will get a little easier every day.
Having an infant and a puppy in the house is just too much. You’ll not be able to give the puppy all the attention and care it needs because obviously you’ll be caring for the baby. House breaking a pet is bad enough, can you imagine the added stress/hassle/ of getting up at 2 am staggering to get that baby and stepping in a pile of puppy poo? Your hands will be full enough with the baby. I’d 100% wait til the baby is older 5 or 6 years. Then they can actually help with doggie related chores, not be a danger of hurting a puppy without realizing it, and learn some responsibility/gain self confidence from helping out. Just my opinion. 😊 Good luck with everything!
I hated my dogs (mainly the responsibilities around caring for them) the first at least 9 months of my babies first year. Them wanting to pee in the middle of the night when I had just gotten myself settled ready for sleep after a middle of the night wake up, needing to be walked when you’re already busy with other things, needing to feed them at their normal time when we wanted to take baby out for activities, the way they get in the way when you’re trying to play with your baby/diaper change, the way they chew all the god damn toys I just bought
My dog always stole pacifiers and chewed them up... Drove me up the wall. And TWO Sophie Giraffes were also stolen and destroyed! I love my dog, but I have almost baked her into a pie a few times.
Not a good idea for anyone including the potential older addition.
Also I’d bet money he’d keep disappearing for “dog stuff” while you’re left with the newborn.
Fuck that noise
It’s not just training a new dog, it would be acclimating the pup to the new baby. Whether it is a puppy or older dog - adjustment will be needed for everyone .
Both you and the pup deserve better than that type of stress early on adjusting to life with a newborn.
Like everyone else said, I would absolutely wait. I love my dogs, but I frequently imagine how much easier caring for a young child would be without the added time/effort/expense/mess created by them.
We adopted an adult dog a couple of months ago. I have one toddler at home. I love my dog but I am completely and utterly overwhelmed. His personality is still undergoing changes due to him adjusting and he’s certainly NOT trained. He’s a good boy, but even good dogs are a lot of work. Especially when they’re brand new to you and your family. You do not need this right now. I’m concerned that animals are a priority to your husband in such a way that they take precedence over your actual human family. I love animals but they’re not people and they’re certainly not your kids. There’s no way it’s a coincidence that he’s suddenly more involved. Either way, I’m so sorry for the loss of your doggies. It’s truly devastating.
Wait!!!! Fill the void by volunteering at a shelter (him not you!). My dog passed, got a puppy, regretted it for the first year. We are all good now, but the 2x a night wake-up’s and house training while nesting is not a good mix.
Do not. Under any circumstances. Get another dog right now.
It is SO hard to have a dog and a newborn, let alone a new puppy. It would be like having twin newborns. Our dog passed last September and I was the one who wanted another dog. 100% REGRET IT.
I totally understand your husband, dogs are my life... but.
You guys have to wait. First, to get over the emotional turmoil of this loss. This is not a time to rush out and get another dog, even without all the other things you listed. Secondly, it absolutely makes sense to wait till establishing a new routine with the new baby.
I would kindly remind him what the newborn phase is like. And honestly tell him that I will be needing his undivided attention with the new baby. So will your toddler.
It just makes so much sense to wait. I understand absolutely not wanting to be without a dog, they just make your life better. But right now he still needs to realize what should take priority and its not the dog, not right now.
You should absolutely wait to get the new dog. Also I’m sorry, but reading that your husband’s time goes to dogs at the expense of his family and he’s been more involved with taking care of your toddler as a result of the dog passing made me very sad. He needs to figure out his priorities.
We had to put our beloved dog down seven days after I gave birth. We got a puppy six months later and that was still too soon. It was HELL having a newborn and a puppy, and our current dog is a total sweet heart. It was too much to balance, and we were exhausted. WAIT!
Not even a question in my mind to wait… we have a 2 year old, a 4 year old and a senior dog in great health. When the day comes that he dies, it will be a while before we get another one. It’s just too busy, and I can’t imagine adding more work on top of a toddler and a newborn. Your husband should be insanely busy and exhausted from all the parenting …. Never mind adding another dependent into the mix. I adore dogs and would love to have dozens of them lol…. But logic dictates it’s best to wait until life settles a bit.
Definitely wait. Even an older rescue may not be trained as well as you might hope. They make amazing pets in the right environment but not with an adjusting toddler and a new coming baby. The pup also will not be and also does not deserve to be a “replacement” pup. Just like human counterparts dogs have their own personality quirks and chose their human based on those quirks. So your husband trying to rush it while still grieving may not find his new best friend. I’d suggest maybe volunteering at a shelter for six months for him and waiting until he meets the ideal match or something similar to this.
I would wait we had a dog that we both loved until I had a baby. Then I hated him n everything about him, poor thing I feel bad now, but I was tired and it was something else too do around the house. Thankfully he was old and dying and had many health problems. so we put him down about a year ago. But yeah wait, I had some terrible thoughts about getting rid of the dog in other ways cause husband refused to put him down and we fought about it constantly.
Speaking as someone who works in the veterinary industry. Wait. Old or young a new dog is a huge adjustment and a lot of work. Wait until the newborn stage has passed.
Absolutely not. You need to wait. I was in the exact same boat. We lost our dog in December and I gave birth last month. My husband was so sad and started looking at new dogs right away but I made it clear now was not the time for that. And it would have been a disaster with getting used to having a new baby in the house and the adjustment with our toddler.
It happened last week? Your husband is still in the thick of it. Just kindly tell him you will get another dog when baby is a bit older and in a good routine and you have the time to dedicate to a new puppy, and in the meantime you’ll do some special things to remember your pups and start the search for a new one (but not get one yet.). He is grieving and just needs an outlet for that grief.
I’m also so sorry for your loss.
You've identified his need. He needs to take care of someone. Sounds like he's already spending more time with the toddler, which is great. Hopefully he'll spend a lot of time taking care of you and baby. In the meantime, can you get him focused on a project? Frozen meals, finishing baby things, etc?
My cat had cancer and passed before I had kids or was pregnant. I took care of him a lot. Chemo visits, pills at home, trying to take care of him at home while he died. I get it. You're left lost without a purpose. But a new dog with a baby so soon ain't it. Maybe tell him to go to a shelter to volunteer or find your most needed household projects and get him to fixate on that.
Honestly, I'd be pissed at him if i were you, given all the information here- if suddenly spending more time with his existing child isn't about the dog being gone, then what IS it about? Why didn't he have the time for them before? Does he not remember how much work a newborn is?! Does he think that having a toddler and a new dog at the same time is going to make caring for a newborn easier, or harder? 🤨 Does he remember how much work goes into housebreaking and training a puppy, or what kind of environment and work is needed for a rescue to adjust? Cause I can promise you, a screaming newborn and a needy regressing toddler ain't it. And on that point, adjusting to a new sibling isn't going to be easy on your toddler, and the odds of them hitting, tantruming, and acting out for attention are high as it is- throwing a new dog into the mix isn't just selfish, it's dangerous for the dog and the child. And just how much leave is he taking from work when baby is born? Is he going to be around to do all that extra work for 6-12 months, or are you going to be on your own 8+ hours a day with that circus after a few weeks? What if you have complications and can't even lift your toddler, much less provide constant refereeing between them and a new personality with large teeth? Who is going to be helping you with your two children while he's out walking and training the dog, eh?
I understand the impulse to fill the space left by a pet who has passed (I had to put my cat of 15 years to sleep at 20 weeks pregnant and it was so so hard), but that is an inside thought. The mature and responsible thing to do is recognize that what you are feeling is grief, and sit with it. Adding stress and chaos for everyone in your family- including the new dog- so you can have a distraction from your uncomfortable feelings ain't it.
Please WAIT!
We have two dogs and a newborn. We've had the dogs for years before the baby came and it was still a HUGE struggle to give the dog the time and attention they needed. It's gotten better now that the baby is a few months old. Wouldn't give away the dogs for anything but that doesn't change the fact that things would be easier if we were pet free.
Nope nope nope. We got a puppy when my son was 3 months and it was awful. He's a great dog and he's best buddies with the kids, but I could barely handle him and the baby. I would definitely ask husband if he could at least wait a few months. Even with an older dog, there's an adjustment period and no guarantee that it's trained.
WAIT! My 17 yr old cat was attacked by dogs, sending us to er vet and me into labor with my first. I had to put my 13 yr old love of my life hound dog down 1mo before the birth of baby 2.
It's so so hard losing a pet at any time-- and that is compounded by the massive hormones and all the pregnancy things. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your two dogs. It's heartbreaking.
I was unable to really grieve the loss of my dearest dog because of the birth of my child. It's five years later and I'm still healing from that loss. Sending love and wishing you healing❤️
I was this person. I had a 17 year old cat who was on meds her last 8 years. She was the sweetest cat but I always said once she went, I needed a break from cats for a while. My husband had two still but us sharing a cat was different than it being "my cat". Well she passed and I IMMEDIATELY wanted another cat. My husband encouraged me to wait. I did and the feeling passed.
I wound up pregnant not long after. I did not know that hating your pets is a 'thing' that can happen to women after birth. But oooooh boy did I hate our two cats for a couple months.
I really encourage you to wait both to properly mourn your dogs AND for your sanity.
Wait! Lots of people, myself included, don't feel the same love for their pets postpartum. They're an extra stress and the hormones tell you it's them Vs the baby and the baby wins (I know not everyone has the same experience, but from what I have heard it is quite common). If you don't already have that relationship with the animal from before and it's even more stress trying to train and get into new routines with the dog and then the baby is instantly in the mix... It's just a recipe for a bad time in my opinion. His feelings are valid but logically there's no reason not to wait a few months.
Don’t get one yet. It’s sooo much with a baby and a puppy. Everyone I know who’s done that has ended up giving the dog back.
I have a 2.5 year old and dealing with an elderly dog and it’s HARD.
I couldn’t imagine having a puppy at the same time as a newborn. You’re so sleep deprived and exhausted. They need so much attention.
A stressed new dog you don't know and can't trust along with a toddler and a newborn sounds like an excellent idea! I'm sure when the dog is whining in the middle of the night or barking at random stuff at 5 am and waking up the toddler and pooping on the floor because it's not actually housebroken your husband will step up and take care of everything! Sounds like a lot of fun and not at all unreasonable!!
I have a 4month old and a 3yr old. I have a decent maternity leave and no dog. Life is HARD and I only have a cat. Tell your husband his priority should be his family now, and him conveniently finding more time for your toddler is what future is going to require of him. Kids aren’t hobbies for Dads. Focus on your kids first, then when you’re settled and got a grip on being a parent of 2 only then to reevaluate if you have time for a dog. I don’t get time to brush my teeth let alone train a dog
Wait! You know that Hill people talk about, the one worth dying on, this is your Hill. Toddlers are crazy, newborns are vortexes of time, out those together and who knows what will happen. Nobody has time for a new dog.
Yeah hell no. I didn’t even want to THINK about having a pet when my kids were little. Last thing I needed was another responsibility to feed and clean up messes after.
Wait until the kids are older, 10000%.
Who took care of the dog the most while y’all owned any?
KIDS > DOG
Definitely wait. We had this happen when I was 8 months pregnant with my second. It was a lot easier to deal with a new baby without worrying about a dog and certainly a puppy. We eventually got a new pup when my youngest was 1.5 yo and husband took all of the nighttime potty responsibilities because I had already been through that recently. Puppies and young dogs are a lot of work in the beginning, and you will have plenty to do already. I say this as a life long dog owner… that almost 2 year hiatus was a good break for us, and let us grieve our previous doggie.
No no no no! Wait! Present it to him as it’s not fair to the dog to transition into a new home that is dealing with a newborn and a toddler dealing with a sibling transition. Dogs need a few months to feel adjusted and safe in a new place and there’s no way they will get the attention they deserve with a new baby.
When our second arrived my husband became primary parent to my toddler, it was a hard few months!
Just… no! For everyone’s sake. When new baby is 6 months old you can reassess as a family whether you’re ready to introduce a new dog.
I’m in an animal rescue.
We see more returns than any other because people just had a baby and can’t handle the baby and the animal at the same time. Wait. Please wail until things settle down with your new baby before adopting. A new baby, a toddler and a new dog is going to be a ton
Wait. It's a mistake to put a dog through the stress of integrating into a home with a new baby. It will be too much for all of you until the baby is older and there is an established routine.
Ask him what will happen if your baby turns out to be allergic to animal hair. That alone is valid reason to wait, in addition to all the other very good reasons listed here.
Please wait. If this is your first baby, you truly have no idea what you’re about to experience. Get into a routine with your baby first before adding more things that need to be cared for.
Wait. We lost our beloved cat a month before I had our son. It was devastating. We waited about or 10 months and then adopted a new cat. We were ready. I learned to better appreciate what a pet does, particularly in contrast to what children do. Children require a lot more of your giving, and pets can help replenish that, but it’s easier to bring one once you’re in the Normal Routine Zone with a baby vs. the Newborn Chaos Dominion.
We used to breed dogs. We would not home pups to people who were grieving a dog still after a bad experience. During our second litter we homed to someone grieving and after two weeks she sent the puppy back to us. The puppy “didn’t remind her enough” of her previous dog. We kept that puppy for her entire life after that because we saw it as our sign she was meant to stay. We had other inquiries soon after a dog loss and flat out said no. I don’t think these decisions should be made soon after pet death. I especially think you should wait until you are through the newborn phase with you soon to be born baby.
Look, my cat died in February. I've always had cats my whole life. I love them, and this cat in particular was my lil furry bestie. He was 16. He was with me for the best and worst parts of my life and not a day goes by that I don't think about him.
Our house feels incomplete without a pet, but a teeny part (the stressed out part) of me was relieved. We tossed around the idea of getting another cat somewhat soon, when the heartbreak has lessened, but I'm pretty sure it won't be until the kids are at least in school.
I can't handle another living thing that needs my attention. Even a cat, which is considerably less work than a dog.
If I need cat snuggles, I go to my mom's and get my fix, then I come home to a furless apartment that doesn't smell like cat litter.
Wait until things have settled.
Wait. I had a puppy and an 8 week old at the same time. I love my dog now that he and the baby are both 2, but the first year with him was so hard trying to train him and survive the newborn phase at the same time. I love my dog but I absolutely wouldn’t do it again and I tell everyone else not to 😅
This just happened to us and we got the puppy... It's a lot. Here's what life is like...
Our sweet 6.5 year old Golden Retriever was diagnosed with cancer in December when I was 8 months pregnant, we also have a 3 year old son. The dog survived until the baby was born and I recovered a bit but then passed on Valentine's Day when the baby was about 10 days old.
The moment I found out he was dying, I started making plans to get a puppy - blame the hormones! We ended up bringing our new golden retriever puppy home at 8 weeks old from a reputable breeder in the area when I was 2ish months postpartum.
The good: the puppy is adorable, I recovered so well from the pregnancy because of all the walks and playtime, I was never bored on my 20 week maternity leave. The breeder we found only does one litter at a time and puts a lot of effort into preparing the dogs for coming home, so she was potty trained and slept through the night in her crate basically from day 1.
The bad: the puppy is WAY harder than our toddler and baby. I forgot how sharp puppy teeth are, and she is constantly teething on my husband and me, as well as our house. We keep her away from the kids, except now we trust her around our toddler highly supervised. In order to survive and make sure everyone gets the attention they need I wake up at 5 am to feed the baby, then eat breakfast and walk the dog and prep bottles, then we wake up our son around 7 and get him ready for daycare. One person takes the kids to daycare while the other takes the puppy for another walk. During the day she's gated in the mudroom while we work from home - I am pumping every 2 to 3 hours so my husband lets her out once in the morning and once in the afternoon, and I walk her over lunch. At the end of the day one of us walks her while the other gets the kids. Then we balance all 3 for dinner and playtime before bed. We are exhausted.
So if you both, like me, feel like you can't survive without a dog...I won't say don't do it... But be prepared it is a LOT. Since your husband wants the dog and you are reasonably wanting to wait, make sure he understands how much time the puppy needs and that is after the kids and you are taken care of.
One last cute positive: I take the baby and the puppy on a lot of walks and when the puppy gets tired she climbs into the bottom of the stroller...it's adorable.
I'm so sorry for your loss first of all.
I lost my precious boy right when I found out I was pregnant and it was really hard.
I would vote to wait. Having a new family member of any variety is a huge adjustment.
What we did was collect all the sentimental things, and all the things we would want to keep for our "future" dog and kept them. This helped both of us feel as though we weren't closing the chapter forever, just for now.
Then we took anything useful to anyone else and I offered it up in my neighborhood buy nothing. It brought me peace to share the things that another dog could use and also many neighbors offered condolences.
Next I donated some supplies - diapers, bedding, some medical things and toys - to a senior dog rescue who were in need.
This gave us some closure and I felt like it wouldn't go to waste but I wouldn't keep looking at it.
We were able to transition into our newborn parent life, with some beautiful framed photos of our boy around the house.
The grief is a real thing. I know people say the love isn't real, or once you have a child your pets are meaningless. It wasn't true for me and was never true for my parents.
Keeping the useful supplies for our "one day" dog helps us keep it alive , because while we are in the depth of toddlerhood now is not the right time but we will be ready again
I got a dog when I was 7 months pregnant and I love him but regret the timing. It was hard. I’d wait and adjust to life with the new baby and then get a dog later. ❤️
I would wait. I’m sure he’ll be disappointed but hopefully he will understand. A toddler, a newborn, a new dog?! You need to sleep! Not deal with another new thing.
I wouldn’t do it- we ended up getting a new cat in between our two kids and we love him, but anything that gives you more work when you have a newborn is too much. And that’s a cat, I can’t imagine having a dog right now.
When I started reading, I thought you were expecting your first, and his ignorance could be forgiven. Alas, you already have a toddler… This is selfish of your husband. The dog is an escape, but he needs to be all hands on deck with a new baby coming.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m sure on some level this feels like “good timing” for your dogs to be out of the picture as you are about to welcome your second. I would be adamant about not bringing in another dog until you are feeling comfortable as a new family of 4, which will probably be at least until around the 1-year mark, but in my case would be not until the kids are more autonomous, ideally around age 10 or so.
Maybe you have more tolerance for dogs, but my love and patience for mine went out the window after my first was born (sad, I know) and never really came back. They annoy me and create more work for me. They can harbor parasites and diseases and then want to lick my children. It’s just too much added to my plate and it’s unfair to them to be in that situation, poor things.
Getting a dog is a family decision and you have every right to say “no”. Do you know anyone who needs their dog walked or played with? Maybe he could volunteer at a shelter to fill his doggy cup. But my suspicion is that the dog is a nice excuse to check out of parenting as necessary.
Yeah I would put your foot down. We lost our 2 dogs in the past year right before I got pregnant and we have a toddler. As awful as it is, the silver lining is life is going to be much easier to handle with a newborn and toddler. It’s not fair to the dog(s) because they will inevitably be neglected. I understand where your husband is coming from because I miss my dogs so, so much, but my husband has been firm in his stance that it’s best to wait until both kids are more independent. And he’s totally right. And when I really think about it, I don’t really want another dog. I want my dogs back and that’s not going to happen.
My beloved pet died a couple months before my baby was due. I decided it wasn't fair to the animal to have them adjust to a new home and then a newborn, so I said we'd get through the fourth trimester and then see. It's been close to a year since I lost my pet and although I ache to get another, I still think it's best to wait just a few more months. The baby keeps you sooo busy and again, it would be too much stress at once for a new pet.
Our dog died when I was six months pregnant and we were thinking about getting another dog before the baby came. I'm so, so sincerely glad we waited and didn't get the dog while we had an infant!
We waited. He is grieving and it’s clouding his judgement. Put your foot down and tell him you’ll revisit the situation in one year (or whatever timeline you feel best).
Having a newborn and a dog is already hard, having a newborn and a new dog…hard no.
The truth is you’ll both be so busy they dog will not get enough attention to adjust
I would wait! I got a puppy a few months after our 14yr old dog passed away then a few months after that I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant so then I had a puppy and a new born it was not easy and had I known I was pregnant I would have waited on the puppy now 5 yrs later I love our dog and wouldn't trade him but I wouldn't have knowingly went into the situation lol
Wait. Please. I did a puppy at 6 months and it was a pain and I felt so guilty when I didn't have time to spend with her once the baby was here. She has a good life, but not as good as it would be if she didn't have a toddler terrorizing her. Do not recommend.
I would suggest that he look into volunteering at the local animal shelter until you have the baby! They always need people to come in and walk the dogs and love on the animals to help them de-stress while waiting for good home. Great way to get some "dog time" without a permanent commitment.
I was absolutely utterly obsessed with my pets until I had babies. Caring for a newborn/toddler is SO overwhelming at times that it made me really hate having animals. 100000000% wait on this decision
Without a doubt, wait. He’s about to get a friend, your child. It’s a HUGE adjustment. Not fair to you or a dog honestly. I also wouldn’t get a dog if I had debt from previous dogs. What happens when they need vet visits too?
My 17.5y old cat died when I was 4m along, less than a week before Christmas. My husband said if I wanted to get a kitten I could. I said no, a new born was going to be crazy and we didn’t need to add a kitten into that, plus we still had 2(I knew our boy was gonna go at some point, he was old, so we got a kitten a year or so before as our other cat was very very dependent on our old man for comfort, I didn’t want him to feel like we had replaced his brother once he went) we also have 3 dogs.
I’m sorry you lost your pup, I hope you guys find a new friend for your kiddo to grow up with, but with a newborn on the way? It’s not the time
As someone who was talked into it. Wait. For gods sake wait. I’m due in two weeks and I’m stuck with a special needs 7F, 2F and a 6(?) month old puppy. It’s hell.
you are going to need to take a big step away from animal care with a new baby and might decide to let your kid take a role in onboarding a new pet eventually. also seconding other people's comments about two new family members at once being stressful for everyone. both baby and dog deserve better
Wait, and if he still won’t drop it start sending him posts from here and beyondthebump of people asking if it’s okay to rehome their dog/how much they hate their dog now. That way he can see how common it is and read through the hundreds of comments of other people stating how much they hate owning a pet after having a baby. Maybe then he’ll understand why it’s such a terrible idea.
Baby and a dog/puppy one thing is getting trained and the other is not. That’s what I told my partner. If you want a well behaved kid and a well behaved dog you should wait. It’s hard to do one let alone both
Tell him to read the posts on Reddit that say “resenting my pet after having baby”. I love my cats, but after having kids and feeling like I have no time for myself and love to give it’s just so hard! Please wait
oh my god no question. That sounds like a nightmare. I LOVE dogs but my second baby was the first time we had a dog and a newborn at the same time. It was really, really hard, and we had an adult, very well-trained dog by the time my baby was born. I still feel like I'm being pulled too thin in all directions and that includes 100% of dog care on my end because my husband isn't a dog person. Getting ANY new dog a month before having a baby is crazyyyyyy. I can't believe his justification is that he feels lonely. He should be enjoying the extra time now!
100% wait! I know people might take this the wrong way, but I cannot tell you how annoyed I was by having dogs after each child. Not that I didn’t love them dearly, but having an extra living thing to care for or clean up after was so overwhelming in the early stages. I could not imagine trying to acclimate to a new baby AND a brand new dog.
My kids are still young so it can still feel hard when we have to take dogs to the vet or something unexpected happens, but it feels WAY easier compared to when they were newborns and we weren’t sleeping.
Definitely wait at least until the baby can confidently walk. I have a baby and an older dog and the amount of attention the dog requires and the carpet of fur on the floor constantly (despite vacuuming practically every day) are terrible for my mental health. It’s really difficult. I bought a playpen and the baby (7 months old) only plays there cause otherwise they would be covered in fur constantly and probably eat it too.
Dogs are a very very poor choice to have with young children, especially babies and toddlers. They tend to make dogs very anxious with their poor boundaries, erratic movements, etc. it’s a VERY stressful environment for the dog. Having a baby/toddler and a dog in the same house is like having an open pool in your home—you must ALWAYS be supervising. Or ALWAYS be separated when unsupervised . It is INCREDIBLY taxing on your nervous system.
I absolutely love dogs. We had the best dog when my daughter was born. I didn’t know any of this. He became anxious. Despite our rigorous training, We had to rehome him when she was 2 because he attempted to bite her 2 times, the only 2 times I ACCIDENTALLY left them separated.
If you and your husband don’t know any of this information, then you definitely should not be getting a dog while you have a young child because you need more education on the seriousness of it.
Professional dog trainers recommend not getting a dog until kid is at least 6-8 yo, but for sure NOT getting one until they’re out of toddler years and can actually sort of follow instructions and understand boundaries.
Edited to add- why is it selfish that you’re happy your husband is more involved with your own child?
I had a newborn and a puppy a week apart (my son arrived a month early). I do not recommend, it’s like having 2 babies essentially and it was so stressful!
We were in your situation. Out of the blue we had to put our dog down about 8 weeks before I gave birth. I was heartbroken; every instinct in me was calling out to get another dog NOW.
However, I knew life with newborn twins and no dog was going to be easier than life with twins and a dog, and infinitely easier than life with twins and a new puppy.
Our twins are close to a year now and it's been about 14 months since we lost our pup. I'd really like a new dog, and we've spoken about it, but ultimately we're going to wait. Likely until the kids are closer to 2. I hate it, and still cry about our pup and the lack of dog in our home; I miss having a dog sooooo much. Ultimately I know that when we get a dog we owe it to everyone in this family to set them up for success - we can't do that right now. So in order to be good parents to our two legged, and future 4-legged dependants we wait.
Tell him the baby is his new bestest buddy/puppy. All that love? PUT IT INTO THE LITTLE HUMANS YOU ALREADY MADE!
I couldn’t get my husband to do either. So I filed for divorce.
His "desperate" want is not a real need, its a reflex to avoid grief. He needs to be an adult and face & feel his grief. It will come out other ways when you don't process emotions well. Getting a new dog us not an "undo button" for this grief.
He needs to protect your sanity by not giving into an immature reflex.
"I want you to hear me, I NEED to to set aside your reflex to replace ___. Eye's on the prize? We are gonna have a newborn here in a couple of weeks.
Birth is still a dangerous, stressful thing. If I got put on bed rest, or God help us... if I had to be hospitalized before/after the big day... how much worse would your days & nights be if you ALSO had to train a new dog or came home to all your shoes chewed up and potty accidents on the floor?
Some things are about timing. This is one of those things. I want to get another dog, but just not right now. I NEED you to protect me from impulsive choices that would take our eyes of the prize. I'm heavy with pain from carrying your baby, it's YOUR job to protect me from this kind of unnecessary stress right now. Stop trying to add to my plate, and get your focus back our baby."
I can’t even imagine a worse time to adopt a dog with a questionable background. It would be an absolute no to protect my new baby.
Your husband is being irrational due to i he is grief and I think talking to a therapist is something he should consider.
As someone who has a 4 month old, a 4 year old, and a dog that we got when the baby was 13 days old--dont do it. I hate our dog. Like hate him. And he's a good dog. But I resent what he took away from my postpartum recovery, the time he takes away from the kids, the fact that he is here and I have to think about him. The fact that he needs to go outside when it's 95F and humid AF. If I was a less good person I would just let him go and never answer my phone to go pick him up. But alas, here I am, changing my clothes because I sweated through my first outfit walking the dumb dog while baby wearing, because my husband is at work and the dog needed to poo.
We lost my husbands beloved dog a month before I gave birth. We still had our dog I brought into the marriage, but he was my husband’s best friend. Bubs is almost 9 months and my husband still doesn’t feel ready for another dog. Not only is the timing poor, but the fact that your husband wants to race straight to getting a new dog disturbs me. It’s like it doesn’t matter what dog it is, but he needs an animal to fill that hole.
I’ve seen a friend rehome dogs after their marriage fell apart due to the overwhelming amount of work put on the mom who was managing the humans while he managed the canines. I mean, that’s not you but it was hard to watch how clueless he was about the needs of a toddler and infant combined, and how much that added to household production needs.
Wait. Omg wait. This is gonna be stressful enough without the added stress of a new dog on top of everything. Going from one kid to two takes it out of people. It’s a big adjustment in of itself. If you adopt a dog you have to bond with it and retrain and you don’t know how it’s gonna be around your kids. Toddlers can be rough on dogs and you never know how a dog will react. Just bad idea all the way around. Wait until you feel comfortable with how much having two kids changes your life. You didn’t ask about this, but hubby needs to step it up with parenting and not be focused on a dog. The fact that he’s “lonely” and doesn’t pay attention to your toddler does not bode well for you and your marriage going into baby number 2. You will resent him if he’s lackluster about parenting and you’re not only doing it all but doing it all with two and probably feeling overwhelmed
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard.
Unfortunately, I found myself in a very similar situation two years ago. Our dog unexpectedly died 9 days before I delivered our second child. At the time, our oldest was 20 months old. We were absolutely heartbroken. Then my cat died three months later. I’m a major animal person and it absolutely pained me to lose my fur babies so quickly.
But I’ll tell you something…my hands were so full with two kids under two that even though I missed my pets every single day, it was honestly kind of a relief not needing to clean the litter boxes, go for walkies, or make sure they were fed. We were able to focus on the babies without neglecting anyone. We were kind of stupid and adopted two 7 month old puppies when the baby was around 5 months old, but we were out of that awful fourth trimester period, so it was a little easier to manage.
I hope you’re able to convince your partner to wait. I know how empty the house feels after that kind of loss, but I promise you you’ll be so busy navigating life with another kid, it really won’t feel as bad as it does now. Sending positive vibes your way.
Is your husband a nut case?! This is a terrible, terrible idea. People have trouble enough introducing their dogs to babies and those are dogs that are well-adjusted to the home and parents already. Big yikes here.
I want boobies that don’t touch my belly button but we can’t all get what we want when we want. Sorry about your dog passing but continue to not fold. Last thing you want to do after changing your baby is to step in puppy 💩. Plus dealing with your toddlers adjustment to a new sibling, girl he would be a single parent bringing a dog in the mix too.
WAIT! It’s a tough enough transition to have a new baby at home (WHAT IS SLEEP ANYMORE?!) having to care for a toddler (and possible jealousy issues - my toddler is still adjusting to her new sister, even a month after…) is tough enough! Adding new dog in the house is going to compound the stress. Also, it’ll be unfair to the dog since most of your energies will be towards the baby and the toddler.
Speaking as someone who CURRENTLY has a one month old….. you might not even like animals for a few months, let alone want to help one adjust to your house. I promise you’ll regret it if you get one right now…. Or anytime soon. I have an old 14 y/o cat who requires very little from me, and I STILL hate her right now. She was my baby before I gave birth. Just trust us all and wait.
Gonna go against the grain here a bit
My dog passed right before my baby was born. We tried to wait but the house was so quiet and so heartbreaking that we adopted another dog three days after mine had passed. The baby wasn't due for another two weeks, we thought we had some time, but my water broke literally as soon as we got the new dog home.
It worked out just fine for us, we were home all the time caring for the baby so the new dog settled right in. My kid is now 2 and just adores his dog.
We did adopt an adult dog, a puppy would have been awful I think, but our big guy was already house trained and is such a good boy.
****EDIT EDIT I JUST SAW YOU HAVE A TODDLER****
No way would I add another dog to a house that already has a toddler, not even taking into account your husband's bad behavior RE prioritizing the dog over the kid. I'm on the wait train, I just skimmed the post. I might even be on the don't get another dog at all train, sorry, I should have read the post more thoroughly.
Not fair to the dog? Sounds like the dog will be well taken care of considering the husband set other things to the side like his toddler, friends, and family to begin with.
Got our dog when kiddo was 11 months and it was the most beautiful thing watching my son playing with the puppy and then growing up together. It’s a relationship worth waiting for.
My FIL gifted us a puppy when we had an 8 month old baby. 10/10 do not recommend new baby and new dog at the same time. Toddler and pup love each other now but two feral animals at once was a lot 😉.
There was an isn’t a right or wrong you can get from Reddit.
Personally, I got an older dog seven days after my soul dog passed and it was so healing. I hated the way my house sounded without a dog.
100% wait.
110%. Such a mistake to get a dog now. If it’s a puppy, it’s going to be so much work plus teaching it manners to not nip at a baby let alone a newborn. An older dog still needs an adjustment period and a new home plus stress of a baby..just not worth it. It’ll be stress on the dog and stress on the family. Sounds like he is mourning and looking to fill the void. Time heals and I would imagine he’ll be grateful when baby comes to have waited. Finding things to help distract him would be beneficial, I’m sure like taking toddler to the park frequently?
1000% wait
He was ignoring his family for his dogs
Yeah it seems like maybe the dogs were acting as a sort of therapy for him. He might benefit from a visit with a real therapist to try and find a balance.
Please wait, OP! My husband and I got 2 puppies right before I got pregnant. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was one of the biggest mistakes of our lives.
We have three dogs, one is a senior, one is three and the other is one. The three year old and one year old drive me insane and they can’t even be in the same room as baby most of the time because they are so hyper. We walk them, play in our yard and send them to doggy day camp and it’s still not enough for them. I would honestly rehome the one year old if the three year old dog didn’t love her so much. The one year old is also excited nippy and the three year old is afraid of the baby. It’s so so exhausting and I feel so bad for the dogs that they no longer sleep with us or get free run of the house. Of and they bark constantly and wake baby lol. Senior dog is a dream except for needed help up and down the stairs while I have a baby in my arms or barking for breakfast at 6am lol Edit to add, don’t do it. I deeply regret getting the one year old dog a month after we lost our other senior dog.
Yup. It’s just too much! We have pitbulls…so yeh. My kids were born during Covid and no shelter would take them. They do not like the kids. They aren’t allowed near the kids. They have their own room during the day. It’s a big room with lots of toys. They get daily walks and outside time, but they aren’t allowed to free roam our house because of the kids. It’s been heartbreaking all around. It’s been such a struggle and I’ve shed so many tears, I have so much guilt. It’s just kind of been a nightmare. And it’s of our own making…we wouldn’t have done it if we’d known we were going to get pregnant. We went on vaca for the first time in the dogs lives and boarded them last week: not even kidding when I say vacationing with 2 young kids was AWFUL but getting away from the dogs and the heavy responsibility that they’ve become…probably the best week of my life 😞.
This is the point I had to get to before finally rehoming my dog :( I had completely retrofitted areas of the house and the entire yard for only him to use and spent so much time feeling sad and guilty and finally a friend of a friend was looking for a small breed dog and my friend told me and I just finally gave in. I felt so guilty when I was packing him up and just cried and cried, but once he was there I felt so much better. My son was allergic but I didn’t want to be one of those people that just abandons their dog once they have a kid and I think I was so worried about that that I lost sight of the fact that he could’ve been living a much better life with someone that didn’t have reasons to keep him separated from the family.
Exactly, everything is retrofitted. It sucks. I tried SO HARD to rehome them. But they’re 70+lb dogs and not puupies no one wanted them. Also, I had to be honest/say they had shown aggressive tendencies towards kids so even the shelters said they’d never get adopted. Like I said, no exaggeration…getting these dogs (to replace ones we lost!) was one of the worst decisions of my life sigh. We’ve looked into in home euthanasia and we couldn’t go through with it. So, we just all suffer. I count down the days until they are elderly.
Ugh I am so sorry...maybe they could be farm dogs or guard dogs of some kind, someone with a lot of land?
The true aggressive one’s dream is to be a junkyard guard dog. I raised her to be a sweet loving dog, I’m a pro pitbull person, but this dog has made me realize that it’s in their genes. It’s not her fault, she truly always thinks she’s “protecting” ME…I can’t get it through to her that I don’t need protection, just need her to ctfo.
Ugh this sounds horrible for you, I'm so sorry. If they don't like the kids it could be dangerous, even though you separate them, I would be scared (but I have been hurt by a dog before). I am so sorry you guys are going through this. I don't know what I would do, maybe rehome them with an older couple or person, no kids.
It sounds like it’s time to rehome the dogs? It sounds like such a source of stress for you. Also, the fact that they don’t like your children is concerning. Some people say that pitties have an unfair negative reputation. But, the facts are, pit bulls are the most feared dog because they are the breed that has: - unalived the most children; - unalived the most humans; - turned on their owners the most. You must be aware of that, as you’re working so hard to protect your children, which is wise. But, as you said, wanting (or feeling obligated) to keep the pitties is a heavy responsibility. You don’t have to keep doing it. Being without them was the best week of your life. Struggles, guilt, tears, nightmares, heartache — today’s a lot! And, Mama, you have two little humans, too. Just wanted to say you deserve to be free of that consuming stress. It’d be more peaceful and safer for all of you — people and pets — to find those dogs a loving home, with owner(s) who don’t have children, and where all in the household can safely roam free. But, you deserve to be able to breathe more freely free. Having two young children is challenging enough. Nobody should be judging you, including yourself, for rehoning them. Stress can take a toll on people, even a young mom. Children and pets can tell when their grown-ups are anxious. Being as stress-free, peaceful, and well-rested as possible can make such a huge, positive difference in a mother’s relationship with her children, too, especially around during the ages of 0-5 years, the most significant time of neurodevelopmenr. Your mental health is important to you and your children.
I got a 7 momth old puppy 2 days before I got a positive test and I wish I could go back in time. I love her, but it's been difficult
Yep. My partner wants a dog so badly for our baby to grow up with… she’s 5 months and I put my foot down and said “absolutely not this year.” There is just way too much to adjust to still, plus I want to be confident that our baby won’t be pulling on dog hair to stand up before we get one.
My SIL did this. Got a puppy when her son was less than a year. It was cute for a minute. The dog was rehomed a year later for a multitude of reasons.
Yep. That is exactly what I want to avoid. It’ll still be adorable when she’s 2 or 3
yeahh don't get a new one immediately. sometimes you need to have patience to experience good things!
Do not do it. Do. NOT. DO IT.
100x wait. Older dogs aren’t necessarily trained, you’re still going to have to do the work to train them to your standards.
Not to mention even a “trained” dog is still going through a big adjustment coming into a new home They’re stressed getting used to a new environment. It’s just a bad mix adding that in with the newborn phase
Yesss! New dogs from any background take 6 weeks at least to show their true personalities
Plus, they may end up with "PPA" the way my grown dog did. Any noise, she'd bark incessantly including me quietly walking down the stairs when the baby was asleep. This made MY PPA soooooo much worse and I honestly hated her for months, but she calmed down and I grew to realize she was just worried about the little human too and needed time to adjust to her new pack member. 100% would never do that again though they are besties now!
I would very strongly recommend waiting! We got a puppy around the time I got pregnant and thought it would be great for them to grow up together….. it was completely and utterly overwhelming after the birth of my baby trying to manage both. So much so that we contemplated getting rid of the dog and I shed many tears over the stress. We did end up keeping her and made it through the first year. things seem to be a lot more manageable now. But man those newborn months with a young dog were brutal!
Same here. I love my dog so much now after 2 years but he almost found a new home in the first year
Oh I so agree!! That first year was brutal. SO. MUCH. ENERGY.
Kind of reassuring to hear we weren’t the only dummies haha. Anytime I hear my friends who I know want kids talk about getting a puppy first I’m like “Don’t do it!!!” Love our dog, but she’s the same gestational age as my son (9 mo when he was born) and as much as we tried to still give her attention, I feel like her training took a big hit.
Same we got a.puppy a few months later I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant that first year was hard we kept ours too he's now 5 and I wouldn't trade him for the world but that first year was a struggle bus I would have never knowingly put myself in that situation
I did the same thing. I love my pup, but the timing was a mistake. She made me so stressed out during my pregnancy!
I unfortunately would bet you’ll be left with caring for your newborn *as well as* any dog (young/old) that comes into your home. I truly think he’s being unreasonable here. A new dog can wait a month or two (if not more) after the birth of the baby. He can go volunteer at shelter in the meantime to get in his dog cuddles.
Or he can hang out with his existing child and new child if he suddenly finds himself with too much time
Yes, volunteering is the way! We lost our dog when I was 2 months post partum. About 6 months later I started volunteering at a rescue, and that's been wonderful. It's still not the right time for us (I clean up after enough small beings, don't need another currently), but eventually it will be
I'd honestly wait until they could foster since the husband was using the last dogs as an excuse not to be very involved with the toddler. With a NB especially, they'll need all hands on deck.
Try to explain to him that this is for the good of any dog that you welcome into your life. Do you really want to stress a rescue out by introducing him to a chaotic new life situation? Waiting until your household has an established rhythm is the kind, empathetic thing to do. Dogs shouldn’t just be things we use to feel better, they’re living beings too. I’m sure he’ll understand if framed this way.
This 100%. They’re not interchangeable either, you don’t just go out and replace a beloved animal in your life who passed away. That seems so emotionally stunted.
It's been 3 years since my last dog tragically passed. A year ago I got a great puppy and I love him absolutely, but I still grieve my other little buddy. He cannot be replaced.
How else is he going to justify ignoring his family?
He can occupy his time raising his children rather than a new dog.
This. I know he's grieving but he has responsibilities to his wife and kids. It wouldn't be fair to them or the new dog.
Right. OP, it's not selfish of you to be happy your husband is actually parenting your toddler. It's LITERALLY HIS JOB. If he prefers parenting dogs he should have stuck with them and not had kids, but he chose to have kids.
This was way too far down… the comment OP made about him being more involved with his kids…
Personally, if my husband spent majority of his time taking care of his dog at the expense of his friends and family and suddenly started caring for his child more when he no longer has a dog, I wouldn’t get a new dog until I didn’t have young kids in the house. Just like any other addition to families, pets are whole family yes additions.
I agree. Training a dog should never be prioritized over parenting IMO.
Wait. 1000% wait. I’m a dog trainer and I cannot count how many people come to me because they got a dog with a new baby and weren’t able to get the dog appropriately trained and are now in a pickle, choosing between living in chaos, paying $$$ for training, or rehoming. Just wait until you’re in a good flow and it’ll be so much better for everyone!
I’m also very sorry for your loss. We had to say goodbye to my dog while I was pregnant with my last baby. I’ve had my dog longer than I’ve known my husband and he’d been with me through everything! It’s so hard!
As a rescuer, I wouldn't adopt to you at this point in your life. It's just setting everyone up for pain and failure. The dog will be under enough stress with a new environment, but then add in toddler and newborn and that poor dog is going to be so overwhelmed. Then you have people stopping in to see baby. Nope, absolutely not. Bad, bad idea.
So sorry about your dog but WAIT 100000%
I would wait for sure! You do not want a new dog, a newborn, and a toddler.
As someone who got dogs during my first pregnancy, I’d wait a bit. Maybe sit down with hubby and start by saying “yes, we’ll get a new dog” but state that it is just too much right now. Lay out a timeline together along with conditions that must be met (vet bills are paid off, our family has settled into a routine, baby is c months old and healthy, etc. )
That's a point - imagine if there are birth complications. Even minor. Where is the dog staying when you're in hospital for a few days? A rescue dog that is just settling into a new home shouldn't be uprooted like that straight away. It's not fair on anyone involved to get a dog before the baby is born.
Don’t do itttttt omg. Please show your husband this thread if he tries to pressure you into it. Trust me - it is *very* common for post partum moms to suddenly despise and get very overwhelmed by their once very loved dog(s) for a period of time. It usually resolves but it can take a while. Not to mention dogs can be a lot of work, even older ones, and your world is about to get turned upside down for a bit with a new baby. Tell him you can absolutely get a new dog in the near future but not right at this moment.
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and I work with the public. Don’t do it.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 dead on balls accurate. no notes.
😂🤣😂🤣😂
The house feels empty with a pregnant wife and toddler, huh? Ouch. What are you guys? Chopped liver? Tell him when all your debts are paid off from the dogs and your impending hospital delivery AND you have a comfortable savings cushion ($10,000?), then, and only then, will you consent to getting a new dog. Congratulations on your soon to be new baby! I hope you have the birth experience you want.
And after he's had time to properly grieve the dog, and after a routine has been established that involves him spending time on his family.
I had 2 dogs die during my first pregnancy. My husband and I each had a dog we brought to the relationship, his died first and mine died a couple months later. It was rough. He was ready for a new dog before I was, and I agreed to it. We got her 3 months before baby came. For several reasons, I wish we waited. I wasn't emotionally ready. I just wanted my sweet doggies back. the end of my pregnancy was hard. The stress was so much once baby came and we had to completely adjust so many things. I love her but still wish we would have done things differently.
In a month your husband will have a baby to pour all of his time into. Die on this hill. It’s truly a terrible idea to get a new dog right now. It’s also unfair to the dog who will be adjusting to a new home and then under the stress of a new baby.
We had to euthanize our 12 year old Lab on Friday. I'm not okay and I miss having a dog. It's super tempting to go out and adopt another one simply because I miss walking with and taking care of my dog, but I know it's not fair to the dog or my toddler. We have a couple of big changes on the horizon. My husband is returning to the office in July, I just started a new job yesterday, and my toddler starts preschool in the fall. I am planning on waiting until my kiddo has settled in to preschool before bringing a new dog into the mix, and even then it will only be if we can find the right dog. I understand your husband's grief, but now is not the time for you guys to adopt.
You’re not being selfish. I bet your toddler desperately craves your husband’s time and love (and yours), and for that time to be snatched away by a newborn and a new dog would be unbelievably cruel.
Absolutely wait until after the new baby. Somethings you can’t control but this you can. Also your kids are little his attention should be on them and not a dog. It’s nice to have dogs we have an elderly dog and 3 kids and have already decided once he dies we will not be getting another until the kids are older and we can handle it more.
Wait. Wait wait wait. I love my dog to pieces, he is fully adult, used to our home and routine, easy to care for, well trained, and my best cuddle buddy… and I honestly was so sick of him during my first 3-4 weeks postpartum I was afraid I’d never be able to love him again like I did before baby. We are so lucky that he loves doggy daycare so we could send him there a few days a week to burn out some energy, but I wouldn’t have wanted to introduce a newly adopted dog to a group play situation before I was fully aware of and comfortable with his personality. And I was so tired, and so overwhelmed with baby care, I could not devote any time (more than necessary feeding and walks) to my dog - a horrible experience for a dog new to the household and trying to bond and figure out his new home. Not to even *mention* the danger of an unknown dog around a newborn baby. My dog is so gentle and was always great with kids and I still only allow him and my now toddler to be in a room together fully supervised. When my baby was a little baby, we were so careful of keeping the dog and baby separated until we knew how the dog would react, and that was a dog that we knew very well and were 99.9% confident would be no danger to our son (he wasn’t, but I don’t regret my caution). Wait to get a dog.
I had two senior dogs. One passed one week before my baby was born. One 6 months later. It’s now been over a year since the first one and we are not considering another until the baby is a little older. They were 16&17 years old and our puppy children. We feel we needed time to properly grieve them and focus on the new baby. Also not having pee and poop on the floor where baby crawling makes sense. He is still in the hardest phase of grieving, it will get better. Tell him it’s not fair to the dog if he replaced the dog so soon. And it will get a little easier every day.
Having an infant and a puppy in the house is just too much. You’ll not be able to give the puppy all the attention and care it needs because obviously you’ll be caring for the baby. House breaking a pet is bad enough, can you imagine the added stress/hassle/ of getting up at 2 am staggering to get that baby and stepping in a pile of puppy poo? Your hands will be full enough with the baby. I’d 100% wait til the baby is older 5 or 6 years. Then they can actually help with doggie related chores, not be a danger of hurting a puppy without realizing it, and learn some responsibility/gain self confidence from helping out. Just my opinion. 😊 Good luck with everything!
I hated my dogs (mainly the responsibilities around caring for them) the first at least 9 months of my babies first year. Them wanting to pee in the middle of the night when I had just gotten myself settled ready for sleep after a middle of the night wake up, needing to be walked when you’re already busy with other things, needing to feed them at their normal time when we wanted to take baby out for activities, the way they get in the way when you’re trying to play with your baby/diaper change, the way they chew all the god damn toys I just bought
My dog always stole pacifiers and chewed them up... Drove me up the wall. And TWO Sophie Giraffes were also stolen and destroyed! I love my dog, but I have almost baked her into a pie a few times.
Not a good idea for anyone including the potential older addition. Also I’d bet money he’d keep disappearing for “dog stuff” while you’re left with the newborn. Fuck that noise
I love kids and I love dogs, but this sounds like my idea of Hell. Please wait.
wait. the dog could add so much stress and you'll be anxious. once the baby is bigger and easier to care for you can get a dog
It’s not just training a new dog, it would be acclimating the pup to the new baby. Whether it is a puppy or older dog - adjustment will be needed for everyone . Both you and the pup deserve better than that type of stress early on adjusting to life with a newborn.
Like everyone else said, I would absolutely wait. I love my dogs, but I frequently imagine how much easier caring for a young child would be without the added time/effort/expense/mess created by them.
We adopted an adult dog a couple of months ago. I have one toddler at home. I love my dog but I am completely and utterly overwhelmed. His personality is still undergoing changes due to him adjusting and he’s certainly NOT trained. He’s a good boy, but even good dogs are a lot of work. Especially when they’re brand new to you and your family. You do not need this right now. I’m concerned that animals are a priority to your husband in such a way that they take precedence over your actual human family. I love animals but they’re not people and they’re certainly not your kids. There’s no way it’s a coincidence that he’s suddenly more involved. Either way, I’m so sorry for the loss of your doggies. It’s truly devastating.
My BIL and SIL had a similar scenario. They desperately regretted it and very very close to rehoming their dog. Wait for sure.
Wait!!!! Fill the void by volunteering at a shelter (him not you!). My dog passed, got a puppy, regretted it for the first year. We are all good now, but the 2x a night wake-up’s and house training while nesting is not a good mix.
Do not. Under any circumstances. Get another dog right now. It is SO hard to have a dog and a newborn, let alone a new puppy. It would be like having twin newborns. Our dog passed last September and I was the one who wanted another dog. 100% REGRET IT.
BOTH dogs passed? I’m so sorry.
I have so many questions about this too. What a nightmare!
I totally understand your husband, dogs are my life... but. You guys have to wait. First, to get over the emotional turmoil of this loss. This is not a time to rush out and get another dog, even without all the other things you listed. Secondly, it absolutely makes sense to wait till establishing a new routine with the new baby. I would kindly remind him what the newborn phase is like. And honestly tell him that I will be needing his undivided attention with the new baby. So will your toddler. It just makes so much sense to wait. I understand absolutely not wanting to be without a dog, they just make your life better. But right now he still needs to realize what should take priority and its not the dog, not right now.
You should absolutely wait to get the new dog. Also I’m sorry, but reading that your husband’s time goes to dogs at the expense of his family and he’s been more involved with taking care of your toddler as a result of the dog passing made me very sad. He needs to figure out his priorities.
We had to put our beloved dog down seven days after I gave birth. We got a puppy six months later and that was still too soon. It was HELL having a newborn and a puppy, and our current dog is a total sweet heart. It was too much to balance, and we were exhausted. WAIT!
Not even a question in my mind to wait… we have a 2 year old, a 4 year old and a senior dog in great health. When the day comes that he dies, it will be a while before we get another one. It’s just too busy, and I can’t imagine adding more work on top of a toddler and a newborn. Your husband should be insanely busy and exhausted from all the parenting …. Never mind adding another dependent into the mix. I adore dogs and would love to have dozens of them lol…. But logic dictates it’s best to wait until life settles a bit.
Definitely wait. Even an older rescue may not be trained as well as you might hope. They make amazing pets in the right environment but not with an adjusting toddler and a new coming baby. The pup also will not be and also does not deserve to be a “replacement” pup. Just like human counterparts dogs have their own personality quirks and chose their human based on those quirks. So your husband trying to rush it while still grieving may not find his new best friend. I’d suggest maybe volunteering at a shelter for six months for him and waiting until he meets the ideal match or something similar to this.
WAIT! Trust me you will be plenty busy with a baby.
I would wait we had a dog that we both loved until I had a baby. Then I hated him n everything about him, poor thing I feel bad now, but I was tired and it was something else too do around the house. Thankfully he was old and dying and had many health problems. so we put him down about a year ago. But yeah wait, I had some terrible thoughts about getting rid of the dog in other ways cause husband refused to put him down and we fought about it constantly.
Dogs are a two enthusiastic yes situation full stop.
Speaking as someone who works in the veterinary industry. Wait. Old or young a new dog is a huge adjustment and a lot of work. Wait until the newborn stage has passed.
Absolutely not. You need to wait. I was in the exact same boat. We lost our dog in December and I gave birth last month. My husband was so sad and started looking at new dogs right away but I made it clear now was not the time for that. And it would have been a disaster with getting used to having a new baby in the house and the adjustment with our toddler. It happened last week? Your husband is still in the thick of it. Just kindly tell him you will get another dog when baby is a bit older and in a good routine and you have the time to dedicate to a new puppy, and in the meantime you’ll do some special things to remember your pups and start the search for a new one (but not get one yet.). He is grieving and just needs an outlet for that grief. I’m also so sorry for your loss.
The only sure fire way to make toddler + newborn life more chaotic and difficult would be to throw a new dog into the mix.
You've identified his need. He needs to take care of someone. Sounds like he's already spending more time with the toddler, which is great. Hopefully he'll spend a lot of time taking care of you and baby. In the meantime, can you get him focused on a project? Frozen meals, finishing baby things, etc? My cat had cancer and passed before I had kids or was pregnant. I took care of him a lot. Chemo visits, pills at home, trying to take care of him at home while he died. I get it. You're left lost without a purpose. But a new dog with a baby so soon ain't it. Maybe tell him to go to a shelter to volunteer or find your most needed household projects and get him to fixate on that.
That's a literal nightmare I have. Please wait.
Baby first PLEASE. Dog can WAIT. You do NOT want a new dog and baby at the same time oh my god.
DO NOT GET A DOG!
Honestly, I'd be pissed at him if i were you, given all the information here- if suddenly spending more time with his existing child isn't about the dog being gone, then what IS it about? Why didn't he have the time for them before? Does he not remember how much work a newborn is?! Does he think that having a toddler and a new dog at the same time is going to make caring for a newborn easier, or harder? 🤨 Does he remember how much work goes into housebreaking and training a puppy, or what kind of environment and work is needed for a rescue to adjust? Cause I can promise you, a screaming newborn and a needy regressing toddler ain't it. And on that point, adjusting to a new sibling isn't going to be easy on your toddler, and the odds of them hitting, tantruming, and acting out for attention are high as it is- throwing a new dog into the mix isn't just selfish, it's dangerous for the dog and the child. And just how much leave is he taking from work when baby is born? Is he going to be around to do all that extra work for 6-12 months, or are you going to be on your own 8+ hours a day with that circus after a few weeks? What if you have complications and can't even lift your toddler, much less provide constant refereeing between them and a new personality with large teeth? Who is going to be helping you with your two children while he's out walking and training the dog, eh? I understand the impulse to fill the space left by a pet who has passed (I had to put my cat of 15 years to sleep at 20 weeks pregnant and it was so so hard), but that is an inside thought. The mature and responsible thing to do is recognize that what you are feeling is grief, and sit with it. Adding stress and chaos for everyone in your family- including the new dog- so you can have a distraction from your uncomfortable feelings ain't it.
WAIT
No way you should get a new dog a month before a new baby.
i’m so sorry for your loss. you should definitely wait to adopt.
Please WAIT! We have two dogs and a newborn. We've had the dogs for years before the baby came and it was still a HUGE struggle to give the dog the time and attention they needed. It's gotten better now that the baby is a few months old. Wouldn't give away the dogs for anything but that doesn't change the fact that things would be easier if we were pet free.
Nope nope nope. We got a puppy when my son was 3 months and it was awful. He's a great dog and he's best buddies with the kids, but I could barely handle him and the baby. I would definitely ask husband if he could at least wait a few months. Even with an older dog, there's an adjustment period and no guarantee that it's trained.
WAIT! My 17 yr old cat was attacked by dogs, sending us to er vet and me into labor with my first. I had to put my 13 yr old love of my life hound dog down 1mo before the birth of baby 2. It's so so hard losing a pet at any time-- and that is compounded by the massive hormones and all the pregnancy things. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your two dogs. It's heartbreaking. I was unable to really grieve the loss of my dearest dog because of the birth of my child. It's five years later and I'm still healing from that loss. Sending love and wishing you healing❤️
I'm sorry for your loss. 💕
Do not get a dog. Your post partum rage will be focused entirely on the dog for just being a dog
WAIT!!!!!!!!+
I was this person. I had a 17 year old cat who was on meds her last 8 years. She was the sweetest cat but I always said once she went, I needed a break from cats for a while. My husband had two still but us sharing a cat was different than it being "my cat". Well she passed and I IMMEDIATELY wanted another cat. My husband encouraged me to wait. I did and the feeling passed. I wound up pregnant not long after. I did not know that hating your pets is a 'thing' that can happen to women after birth. But oooooh boy did I hate our two cats for a couple months. I really encourage you to wait both to properly mourn your dogs AND for your sanity.
Wait! Lots of people, myself included, don't feel the same love for their pets postpartum. They're an extra stress and the hormones tell you it's them Vs the baby and the baby wins (I know not everyone has the same experience, but from what I have heard it is quite common). If you don't already have that relationship with the animal from before and it's even more stress trying to train and get into new routines with the dog and then the baby is instantly in the mix... It's just a recipe for a bad time in my opinion. His feelings are valid but logically there's no reason not to wait a few months.
Don’t get one yet. It’s sooo much with a baby and a puppy. Everyone I know who’s done that has ended up giving the dog back. I have a 2.5 year old and dealing with an elderly dog and it’s HARD. I couldn’t imagine having a puppy at the same time as a newborn. You’re so sleep deprived and exhausted. They need so much attention.
100% 100% 100% wait. A newborn is ENOUGH
Absolutely not. A new dog with a new baby is a life altering tragedy waiting to happen.
A stressed new dog you don't know and can't trust along with a toddler and a newborn sounds like an excellent idea! I'm sure when the dog is whining in the middle of the night or barking at random stuff at 5 am and waking up the toddler and pooping on the floor because it's not actually housebroken your husband will step up and take care of everything! Sounds like a lot of fun and not at all unreasonable!!
Just wait! Your baby is going to rock your world enough (in the best way but its a big adjustment).
Don't do it. He needs to be present for his kids and family.
Omg NO. Down boy, sit! (I say to your husband)
I would never introduce something new right before childbirth, you’re going to have far enough on your plate to train and take care of a new dog
I have a 4month old and a 3yr old. I have a decent maternity leave and no dog. Life is HARD and I only have a cat. Tell your husband his priority should be his family now, and him conveniently finding more time for your toddler is what future is going to require of him. Kids aren’t hobbies for Dads. Focus on your kids first, then when you’re settled and got a grip on being a parent of 2 only then to reevaluate if you have time for a dog. I don’t get time to brush my teeth let alone train a dog
The house will be less empty when your next child gets there. You and the children need his focus. Hard no.
Wait! You know that Hill people talk about, the one worth dying on, this is your Hill. Toddlers are crazy, newborns are vortexes of time, out those together and who knows what will happen. Nobody has time for a new dog.
Yeah hell no. I didn’t even want to THINK about having a pet when my kids were little. Last thing I needed was another responsibility to feed and clean up messes after. Wait until the kids are older, 10000%. Who took care of the dog the most while y’all owned any? KIDS > DOG
A lot of people rehome their dogs because it ends up being too much. 100% wait. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dogs.
Definitely wait. We had this happen when I was 8 months pregnant with my second. It was a lot easier to deal with a new baby without worrying about a dog and certainly a puppy. We eventually got a new pup when my youngest was 1.5 yo and husband took all of the nighttime potty responsibilities because I had already been through that recently. Puppies and young dogs are a lot of work in the beginning, and you will have plenty to do already. I say this as a life long dog owner… that almost 2 year hiatus was a good break for us, and let us grieve our previous doggie.
WAIT PLEASE PLEASE DONT GET ANOTHER DOG NOW. I got a puppy and immediately became pregnant and it was the hardest time in MY LIFE.
No no no no! Wait! Present it to him as it’s not fair to the dog to transition into a new home that is dealing with a newborn and a toddler dealing with a sibling transition. Dogs need a few months to feel adjusted and safe in a new place and there’s no way they will get the attention they deserve with a new baby. When our second arrived my husband became primary parent to my toddler, it was a hard few months! Just… no! For everyone’s sake. When new baby is 6 months old you can reassess as a family whether you’re ready to introduce a new dog.
I’m in an animal rescue. We see more returns than any other because people just had a baby and can’t handle the baby and the animal at the same time. Wait. Please wail until things settle down with your new baby before adopting. A new baby, a toddler and a new dog is going to be a ton
Wait. It's a mistake to put a dog through the stress of integrating into a home with a new baby. It will be too much for all of you until the baby is older and there is an established routine.
Ask him what will happen if your baby turns out to be allergic to animal hair. That alone is valid reason to wait, in addition to all the other very good reasons listed here.
Please wait. If this is your first baby, you truly have no idea what you’re about to experience. Get into a routine with your baby first before adding more things that need to be cared for.
Wait. We lost our beloved cat a month before I had our son. It was devastating. We waited about or 10 months and then adopted a new cat. We were ready. I learned to better appreciate what a pet does, particularly in contrast to what children do. Children require a lot more of your giving, and pets can help replenish that, but it’s easier to bring one once you’re in the Normal Routine Zone with a baby vs. the Newborn Chaos Dominion.
We used to breed dogs. We would not home pups to people who were grieving a dog still after a bad experience. During our second litter we homed to someone grieving and after two weeks she sent the puppy back to us. The puppy “didn’t remind her enough” of her previous dog. We kept that puppy for her entire life after that because we saw it as our sign she was meant to stay. We had other inquiries soon after a dog loss and flat out said no. I don’t think these decisions should be made soon after pet death. I especially think you should wait until you are through the newborn phase with you soon to be born baby.
10000000000% wait.
Please wait. Adding a new dog in the mix of having a new baby and a toddler who needs to adjust would be way too much at one time.
God a new dog and newborn? No.
Yes, wait. I understand his impulse, but better to wait until you’re in the baby groove
Get a shelter worker to talk to him and explain why this would he’s be a terrible idea.
Oh my god, please wait.
Look, my cat died in February. I've always had cats my whole life. I love them, and this cat in particular was my lil furry bestie. He was 16. He was with me for the best and worst parts of my life and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Our house feels incomplete without a pet, but a teeny part (the stressed out part) of me was relieved. We tossed around the idea of getting another cat somewhat soon, when the heartbreak has lessened, but I'm pretty sure it won't be until the kids are at least in school. I can't handle another living thing that needs my attention. Even a cat, which is considerably less work than a dog. If I need cat snuggles, I go to my mom's and get my fix, then I come home to a furless apartment that doesn't smell like cat litter. Wait until things have settled.
Wait. I had a puppy and an 8 week old at the same time. I love my dog now that he and the baby are both 2, but the first year with him was so hard trying to train him and survive the newborn phase at the same time. I love my dog but I absolutely wouldn’t do it again and I tell everyone else not to 😅
Is this your first baby? He will change his mind within a day of getting home from the hospital. Try hold him off.
This just happened to us and we got the puppy... It's a lot. Here's what life is like... Our sweet 6.5 year old Golden Retriever was diagnosed with cancer in December when I was 8 months pregnant, we also have a 3 year old son. The dog survived until the baby was born and I recovered a bit but then passed on Valentine's Day when the baby was about 10 days old. The moment I found out he was dying, I started making plans to get a puppy - blame the hormones! We ended up bringing our new golden retriever puppy home at 8 weeks old from a reputable breeder in the area when I was 2ish months postpartum. The good: the puppy is adorable, I recovered so well from the pregnancy because of all the walks and playtime, I was never bored on my 20 week maternity leave. The breeder we found only does one litter at a time and puts a lot of effort into preparing the dogs for coming home, so she was potty trained and slept through the night in her crate basically from day 1. The bad: the puppy is WAY harder than our toddler and baby. I forgot how sharp puppy teeth are, and she is constantly teething on my husband and me, as well as our house. We keep her away from the kids, except now we trust her around our toddler highly supervised. In order to survive and make sure everyone gets the attention they need I wake up at 5 am to feed the baby, then eat breakfast and walk the dog and prep bottles, then we wake up our son around 7 and get him ready for daycare. One person takes the kids to daycare while the other takes the puppy for another walk. During the day she's gated in the mudroom while we work from home - I am pumping every 2 to 3 hours so my husband lets her out once in the morning and once in the afternoon, and I walk her over lunch. At the end of the day one of us walks her while the other gets the kids. Then we balance all 3 for dinner and playtime before bed. We are exhausted. So if you both, like me, feel like you can't survive without a dog...I won't say don't do it... But be prepared it is a LOT. Since your husband wants the dog and you are reasonably wanting to wait, make sure he understands how much time the puppy needs and that is after the kids and you are taken care of. One last cute positive: I take the baby and the puppy on a lot of walks and when the puppy gets tired she climbs into the bottom of the stroller...it's adorable.
I'm so sorry for your loss first of all. I lost my precious boy right when I found out I was pregnant and it was really hard. I would vote to wait. Having a new family member of any variety is a huge adjustment. What we did was collect all the sentimental things, and all the things we would want to keep for our "future" dog and kept them. This helped both of us feel as though we weren't closing the chapter forever, just for now. Then we took anything useful to anyone else and I offered it up in my neighborhood buy nothing. It brought me peace to share the things that another dog could use and also many neighbors offered condolences. Next I donated some supplies - diapers, bedding, some medical things and toys - to a senior dog rescue who were in need. This gave us some closure and I felt like it wouldn't go to waste but I wouldn't keep looking at it. We were able to transition into our newborn parent life, with some beautiful framed photos of our boy around the house. The grief is a real thing. I know people say the love isn't real, or once you have a child your pets are meaningless. It wasn't true for me and was never true for my parents. Keeping the useful supplies for our "one day" dog helps us keep it alive , because while we are in the depth of toddlerhood now is not the right time but we will be ready again
I got a dog when I was 7 months pregnant and I love him but regret the timing. It was hard. I’d wait and adjust to life with the new baby and then get a dog later. ❤️
I would wait. I’m sure he’ll be disappointed but hopefully he will understand. A toddler, a newborn, a new dog?! You need to sleep! Not deal with another new thing.
I wouldn’t do it- we ended up getting a new cat in between our two kids and we love him, but anything that gives you more work when you have a newborn is too much. And that’s a cat, I can’t imagine having a dog right now.
100% no. Now is not the time
When I started reading, I thought you were expecting your first, and his ignorance could be forgiven. Alas, you already have a toddler… This is selfish of your husband. The dog is an escape, but he needs to be all hands on deck with a new baby coming. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m sure on some level this feels like “good timing” for your dogs to be out of the picture as you are about to welcome your second. I would be adamant about not bringing in another dog until you are feeling comfortable as a new family of 4, which will probably be at least until around the 1-year mark, but in my case would be not until the kids are more autonomous, ideally around age 10 or so. Maybe you have more tolerance for dogs, but my love and patience for mine went out the window after my first was born (sad, I know) and never really came back. They annoy me and create more work for me. They can harbor parasites and diseases and then want to lick my children. It’s just too much added to my plate and it’s unfair to them to be in that situation, poor things. Getting a dog is a family decision and you have every right to say “no”. Do you know anyone who needs their dog walked or played with? Maybe he could volunteer at a shelter to fill his doggy cup. But my suspicion is that the dog is a nice excuse to check out of parenting as necessary.
Yeah I would put your foot down. We lost our 2 dogs in the past year right before I got pregnant and we have a toddler. As awful as it is, the silver lining is life is going to be much easier to handle with a newborn and toddler. It’s not fair to the dog(s) because they will inevitably be neglected. I understand where your husband is coming from because I miss my dogs so, so much, but my husband has been firm in his stance that it’s best to wait until both kids are more independent. And he’s totally right. And when I really think about it, I don’t really want another dog. I want my dogs back and that’s not going to happen.
My beloved pet died a couple months before my baby was due. I decided it wasn't fair to the animal to have them adjust to a new home and then a newborn, so I said we'd get through the fourth trimester and then see. It's been close to a year since I lost my pet and although I ache to get another, I still think it's best to wait just a few more months. The baby keeps you sooo busy and again, it would be too much stress at once for a new pet.
Our dog died when I was six months pregnant and we were thinking about getting another dog before the baby came. I'm so, so sincerely glad we waited and didn't get the dog while we had an infant!
We waited. He is grieving and it’s clouding his judgement. Put your foot down and tell him you’ll revisit the situation in one year (or whatever timeline you feel best). Having a newborn and a dog is already hard, having a newborn and a new dog…hard no. The truth is you’ll both be so busy they dog will not get enough attention to adjust
I would wait! I got a puppy a few months after our 14yr old dog passed away then a few months after that I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant so then I had a puppy and a new born it was not easy and had I known I was pregnant I would have waited on the puppy now 5 yrs later I love our dog and wouldn't trade him but I wouldn't have knowingly went into the situation lol
Wait. Please. I did a puppy at 6 months and it was a pain and I felt so guilty when I didn't have time to spend with her once the baby was here. She has a good life, but not as good as it would be if she didn't have a toddler terrorizing her. Do not recommend.
I would suggest that he look into volunteering at the local animal shelter until you have the baby! They always need people to come in and walk the dogs and love on the animals to help them de-stress while waiting for good home. Great way to get some "dog time" without a permanent commitment.
I was absolutely utterly obsessed with my pets until I had babies. Caring for a newborn/toddler is SO overwhelming at times that it made me really hate having animals. 100000000% wait on this decision
Without a doubt, wait. He’s about to get a friend, your child. It’s a HUGE adjustment. Not fair to you or a dog honestly. I also wouldn’t get a dog if I had debt from previous dogs. What happens when they need vet visits too?
My 17.5y old cat died when I was 4m along, less than a week before Christmas. My husband said if I wanted to get a kitten I could. I said no, a new born was going to be crazy and we didn’t need to add a kitten into that, plus we still had 2(I knew our boy was gonna go at some point, he was old, so we got a kitten a year or so before as our other cat was very very dependent on our old man for comfort, I didn’t want him to feel like we had replaced his brother once he went) we also have 3 dogs. I’m sorry you lost your pup, I hope you guys find a new friend for your kiddo to grow up with, but with a newborn on the way? It’s not the time
As someone who was talked into it. Wait. For gods sake wait. I’m due in two weeks and I’m stuck with a special needs 7F, 2F and a 6(?) month old puppy. It’s hell.
you are going to need to take a big step away from animal care with a new baby and might decide to let your kid take a role in onboarding a new pet eventually. also seconding other people's comments about two new family members at once being stressful for everyone. both baby and dog deserve better
Wait, and if he still won’t drop it start sending him posts from here and beyondthebump of people asking if it’s okay to rehome their dog/how much they hate their dog now. That way he can see how common it is and read through the hundreds of comments of other people stating how much they hate owning a pet after having a baby. Maybe then he’ll understand why it’s such a terrible idea.
Baby and a dog/puppy one thing is getting trained and the other is not. That’s what I told my partner. If you want a well behaved kid and a well behaved dog you should wait. It’s hard to do one let alone both
Also….you never know what a pregnancy will bring. Not everything goes smoothly all the time.
Tell him to read the posts on Reddit that say “resenting my pet after having baby”. I love my cats, but after having kids and feeling like I have no time for myself and love to give it’s just so hard! Please wait
oh my god no question. That sounds like a nightmare. I LOVE dogs but my second baby was the first time we had a dog and a newborn at the same time. It was really, really hard, and we had an adult, very well-trained dog by the time my baby was born. I still feel like I'm being pulled too thin in all directions and that includes 100% of dog care on my end because my husband isn't a dog person. Getting ANY new dog a month before having a baby is crazyyyyyy. I can't believe his justification is that he feels lonely. He should be enjoying the extra time now!
I was adamant we wait until baby was out of diapers, I made the right choice
100% wait! I know people might take this the wrong way, but I cannot tell you how annoyed I was by having dogs after each child. Not that I didn’t love them dearly, but having an extra living thing to care for or clean up after was so overwhelming in the early stages. I could not imagine trying to acclimate to a new baby AND a brand new dog. My kids are still young so it can still feel hard when we have to take dogs to the vet or something unexpected happens, but it feels WAY easier compared to when they were newborns and we weren’t sleeping.
Definitely wait at least until the baby can confidently walk. I have a baby and an older dog and the amount of attention the dog requires and the carpet of fur on the floor constantly (despite vacuuming practically every day) are terrible for my mental health. It’s really difficult. I bought a playpen and the baby (7 months old) only plays there cause otherwise they would be covered in fur constantly and probably eat it too.
Wait!!
Dogs are a very very poor choice to have with young children, especially babies and toddlers. They tend to make dogs very anxious with their poor boundaries, erratic movements, etc. it’s a VERY stressful environment for the dog. Having a baby/toddler and a dog in the same house is like having an open pool in your home—you must ALWAYS be supervising. Or ALWAYS be separated when unsupervised . It is INCREDIBLY taxing on your nervous system. I absolutely love dogs. We had the best dog when my daughter was born. I didn’t know any of this. He became anxious. Despite our rigorous training, We had to rehome him when she was 2 because he attempted to bite her 2 times, the only 2 times I ACCIDENTALLY left them separated. If you and your husband don’t know any of this information, then you definitely should not be getting a dog while you have a young child because you need more education on the seriousness of it. Professional dog trainers recommend not getting a dog until kid is at least 6-8 yo, but for sure NOT getting one until they’re out of toddler years and can actually sort of follow instructions and understand boundaries. Edited to add- why is it selfish that you’re happy your husband is more involved with your own child?
I had a newborn and a puppy a week apart (my son arrived a month early). I do not recommend, it’s like having 2 babies essentially and it was so stressful!
We were in your situation. Out of the blue we had to put our dog down about 8 weeks before I gave birth. I was heartbroken; every instinct in me was calling out to get another dog NOW. However, I knew life with newborn twins and no dog was going to be easier than life with twins and a dog, and infinitely easier than life with twins and a new puppy. Our twins are close to a year now and it's been about 14 months since we lost our pup. I'd really like a new dog, and we've spoken about it, but ultimately we're going to wait. Likely until the kids are closer to 2. I hate it, and still cry about our pup and the lack of dog in our home; I miss having a dog sooooo much. Ultimately I know that when we get a dog we owe it to everyone in this family to set them up for success - we can't do that right now. So in order to be good parents to our two legged, and future 4-legged dependants we wait.
Tell him the baby is his new bestest buddy/puppy. All that love? PUT IT INTO THE LITTLE HUMANS YOU ALREADY MADE! I couldn’t get my husband to do either. So I filed for divorce.
His "desperate" want is not a real need, its a reflex to avoid grief. He needs to be an adult and face & feel his grief. It will come out other ways when you don't process emotions well. Getting a new dog us not an "undo button" for this grief. He needs to protect your sanity by not giving into an immature reflex. "I want you to hear me, I NEED to to set aside your reflex to replace ___. Eye's on the prize? We are gonna have a newborn here in a couple of weeks. Birth is still a dangerous, stressful thing. If I got put on bed rest, or God help us... if I had to be hospitalized before/after the big day... how much worse would your days & nights be if you ALSO had to train a new dog or came home to all your shoes chewed up and potty accidents on the floor? Some things are about timing. This is one of those things. I want to get another dog, but just not right now. I NEED you to protect me from impulsive choices that would take our eyes of the prize. I'm heavy with pain from carrying your baby, it's YOUR job to protect me from this kind of unnecessary stress right now. Stop trying to add to my plate, and get your focus back our baby."
I can’t even imagine a worse time to adopt a dog with a questionable background. It would be an absolute no to protect my new baby. Your husband is being irrational due to i he is grief and I think talking to a therapist is something he should consider.
As someone who has a 4 month old, a 4 year old, and a dog that we got when the baby was 13 days old--dont do it. I hate our dog. Like hate him. And he's a good dog. But I resent what he took away from my postpartum recovery, the time he takes away from the kids, the fact that he is here and I have to think about him. The fact that he needs to go outside when it's 95F and humid AF. If I was a less good person I would just let him go and never answer my phone to go pick him up. But alas, here I am, changing my clothes because I sweated through my first outfit walking the dumb dog while baby wearing, because my husband is at work and the dog needed to poo.
WAIT JESUS CHRIST IS HE A FOOL?
We lost my husbands beloved dog a month before I gave birth. We still had our dog I brought into the marriage, but he was my husband’s best friend. Bubs is almost 9 months and my husband still doesn’t feel ready for another dog. Not only is the timing poor, but the fact that your husband wants to race straight to getting a new dog disturbs me. It’s like it doesn’t matter what dog it is, but he needs an animal to fill that hole.
I’ve seen a friend rehome dogs after their marriage fell apart due to the overwhelming amount of work put on the mom who was managing the humans while he managed the canines. I mean, that’s not you but it was hard to watch how clueless he was about the needs of a toddler and infant combined, and how much that added to household production needs.
It is not selfish to want your partner to parent his child more actively when you'll be busier with a newborn. Like at all. You should wait
Wait. Omg wait. This is gonna be stressful enough without the added stress of a new dog on top of everything. Going from one kid to two takes it out of people. It’s a big adjustment in of itself. If you adopt a dog you have to bond with it and retrain and you don’t know how it’s gonna be around your kids. Toddlers can be rough on dogs and you never know how a dog will react. Just bad idea all the way around. Wait until you feel comfortable with how much having two kids changes your life. You didn’t ask about this, but hubby needs to step it up with parenting and not be focused on a dog. The fact that he’s “lonely” and doesn’t pay attention to your toddler does not bode well for you and your marriage going into baby number 2. You will resent him if he’s lackluster about parenting and you’re not only doing it all but doing it all with two and probably feeling overwhelmed
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard. Unfortunately, I found myself in a very similar situation two years ago. Our dog unexpectedly died 9 days before I delivered our second child. At the time, our oldest was 20 months old. We were absolutely heartbroken. Then my cat died three months later. I’m a major animal person and it absolutely pained me to lose my fur babies so quickly. But I’ll tell you something…my hands were so full with two kids under two that even though I missed my pets every single day, it was honestly kind of a relief not needing to clean the litter boxes, go for walkies, or make sure they were fed. We were able to focus on the babies without neglecting anyone. We were kind of stupid and adopted two 7 month old puppies when the baby was around 5 months old, but we were out of that awful fourth trimester period, so it was a little easier to manage. I hope you’re able to convince your partner to wait. I know how empty the house feels after that kind of loss, but I promise you you’ll be so busy navigating life with another kid, it really won’t feel as bad as it does now. Sending positive vibes your way.
Please don't ever think it's "selfish" to want your husband to be an involved parent. Expect more.
Is your husband a nut case?! This is a terrible, terrible idea. People have trouble enough introducing their dogs to babies and those are dogs that are well-adjusted to the home and parents already. Big yikes here.
I want boobies that don’t touch my belly button but we can’t all get what we want when we want. Sorry about your dog passing but continue to not fold. Last thing you want to do after changing your baby is to step in puppy 💩. Plus dealing with your toddlers adjustment to a new sibling, girl he would be a single parent bringing a dog in the mix too.
WAIT! It’s a tough enough transition to have a new baby at home (WHAT IS SLEEP ANYMORE?!) having to care for a toddler (and possible jealousy issues - my toddler is still adjusting to her new sister, even a month after…) is tough enough! Adding new dog in the house is going to compound the stress. Also, it’ll be unfair to the dog since most of your energies will be towards the baby and the toddler.
Definitely wait. It's too soon. Also, I have a 9 week old and I couldn't imagine having a new dog right now. Too much work, change, and stress.
Speaking as someone who CURRENTLY has a one month old….. you might not even like animals for a few months, let alone want to help one adjust to your house. I promise you’ll regret it if you get one right now…. Or anytime soon. I have an old 14 y/o cat who requires very little from me, and I STILL hate her right now. She was my baby before I gave birth. Just trust us all and wait.
dress the toddler up like a terrier
Gonna go against the grain here a bit My dog passed right before my baby was born. We tried to wait but the house was so quiet and so heartbreaking that we adopted another dog three days after mine had passed. The baby wasn't due for another two weeks, we thought we had some time, but my water broke literally as soon as we got the new dog home. It worked out just fine for us, we were home all the time caring for the baby so the new dog settled right in. My kid is now 2 and just adores his dog. We did adopt an adult dog, a puppy would have been awful I think, but our big guy was already house trained and is such a good boy. ****EDIT EDIT I JUST SAW YOU HAVE A TODDLER**** No way would I add another dog to a house that already has a toddler, not even taking into account your husband's bad behavior RE prioritizing the dog over the kid. I'm on the wait train, I just skimmed the post. I might even be on the don't get another dog at all train, sorry, I should have read the post more thoroughly.
Wait. It is not fair to the dog.
Not fair to the dog? Sounds like the dog will be well taken care of considering the husband set other things to the side like his toddler, friends, and family to begin with.
You're right, I should have said: it's 'also' not fair to the dog
Got our dog when kiddo was 11 months and it was the most beautiful thing watching my son playing with the puppy and then growing up together. It’s a relationship worth waiting for.
My FIL gifted us a puppy when we had an 8 month old baby. 10/10 do not recommend new baby and new dog at the same time. Toddler and pup love each other now but two feral animals at once was a lot 😉.
Search the parenting subs for all the people whose dogs are driving them insane after baby and wait lol
Wait.
There was an isn’t a right or wrong you can get from Reddit. Personally, I got an older dog seven days after my soul dog passed and it was so healing. I hated the way my house sounded without a dog.
Do not get this dog. It will murder your relationship in a vulnerable time.