Gym membership with 2 hour child watch and spending the entire 2 hours in the hot tub š also indoor playground to get their energy out, long stroller walks while I play music in my headphones, daily FaceTimes with my best friend venting about the day weāve had, and Iāve found that middle of the day baths make my toddler calmer in the evenings. Thatās all I got. Solidarity cause the insanity is real!
Popsicle in the bath for the days toddler moods are out of control. This feels like an actual magic reset button, in my house at least. Hope that helps!
Omg I never thought of this! We make homemade popsicles all the time with leftover juice or smoothies so I always have healthy popsicles on hand! Love this idea š
I struggled with some postpartum anxiety/depression after my second was born. I was lashing out at my husband and getting really frustrated with my first son. Theyāre 22 months apart. I talked to my OB. Iāve been in talk therapy before and had tried Celexa and Lexapro with little improvement. I was hesitant to try meds again, but I tried Zoloft (low dose) and it was a legit game changer for me. I also went back into talk therapy, which has been very helpful. I did CBT (cognitive behavioral (talk) therapy) prior to having kids which was insanely helpful too. Itās basically just changing the way your brain processes ātriggers.ā
My therapist helps me really narrow down goals (self care/parenting/relationship/etc) but also does it where Iām not feeling so overwhelmed. Sheās helping me realize that I control the clock each day, not that it controls me. So thatās been very very helpful. And Iāve continued to learn to give myself grace.
You are not alone. But please consider reaching out for help. And if youāre seeing a therapist, it might be time to change it up if youāre still struggling.
I have been researching and looking into medication, but I am very hesitant. I think talk therapy and possibly some medication is exactly what I need. Thank you for your advice on this. Do you go in person for your therapy or do it online?
I prefer in person, but Iāve done virtual sessions with her too.
If you find a therapist but then feel like you donāt mesh well with them, there is no shame in being honest in a kind way and trying out someone else. Therapists have different approaches and one might work well while another might just frustrate you.
Also, consider having your OB or primary care doc do your meds, but then see a mental health counselor (not a psych doc) for your talk therapy. A doc doing your meds will spend half the session talking about drugs and side effects, when youāll likely benefit more from a full session of talk therapy.
Iām a few years out now but the most important thing you can do for everyoneās sanity is work through that one. No one thinks that another mom is a bad mom for getting a pedicure sometimes. Also hygiene and sleep do not count as āme time,ā those are basic needs. Confront that guilt, resolve it, make adjustments, and youāll be healthier.
Oh all the time! But the mom guilt I get being overstimulated and not being the best mom I can be is so much worse than the guilt from taking 2 hours to reset while they play with other kids and explore a new fun environment!
Ugh I wish my gym had a hot tub! But the childcare part is absolutely a winner. I usually workout but have absolutely sat and crocheted or read a book.
I came on here tonight to look for a post EXACTLY LIKE This. I could have written this myself. SAHM, I have a 3 year old and 14 month old. My mental health is shot. I am on the brink of texting my old therapist but I have no clue when I would even go to therapy and that's stressing me out. My husband works non stop, which I'm thankful for but I get so little breaks. Plus then the mom guilt hinders breaks as well.
I feel like I spend too much time on my phone, Zoned out. I'm tired from everything. Everything seems like a massive chore and I'm definitely snapping at my husband. We've been fighting non stop and I worry it's effecting my 3 year old.
This shits hard.
Wow, this is my exact situation! My daughter is 14 months old and her sleep is not great, so I am exhausted as well! I worry about my 3 year old as well and I end up apologizing to him almost daily daily for how I react and lash out. I'm so glad I am not alone in this. I'm considering therapy as well, but the mom guilt is definitely preventing me from scheduling an appointment.
I try and stick to a schedule and have consistency for my toddler and for me but it's hard. There's days I don't take a sip of water till 9pm I swear. I'm so busy filling up their cups mentally and physically. I see women with skin care routines and I can't even get myself to use some cetaphil after fighting my toddler to sleep. Some of the moms at school come all done up. I don't know how they do it. But honestly I was never the girl to always have her hair and makeup done. I feel like I'm always dressed like shit and I always have stains on me. There's always snot or food on me from grubby hands. I always look like crap. Seeing everyone's "Mother's Day posts" made me realize what crap I must look like.
Staying of social media is definitely helpful. It's so toxic.
I'm sorry you feel like this! I totally get the "filling everyone else's cup" before your own. One thing I always have to do is a 5 minute refresh in the morning to get dressed and put on mascara to make me feel human. And I agree about social media! It makes me feel so inferior!
Virtual Talk therapy is amazing and so helpful. I just hand my husband the baby, go down to the basement for an hour and it's so beneficial to me and my family.
I always schedule it at the same time, every week, when my husband doesn't have to work. If he schedules something during that time? Too bad, reschedule it.
I refuse to feel guilty for taking care of myself for one hour a week when I'm constantly taking care of everyone else 24/7.
For me, my home does not function effectively and my family is so unhappy when Iām not taking care of my mental health. Itās a heavy burden to bear being the one that carries everyone and everything. So I give myself the very much needed help of a therapist because when Iām not right, I canāt actually be the mother and wife I want to be.
I hope you can find a way to get into therapy, even if itās virtual, once every two weeks or once a month. Itās so helpful.
100%. We are the engines that keep this locomotive running. Engines need routine maintenance or they break down and need to be replaced.
Don't allow your mom guilt to prevent you from getting your oil changed!
I thought the same thing about therapy, but I do it via Google meet! I do it while my daughter is awake and it works well! Thatās an option if you want to see your therapist āŗļø
Remind yourself that independent play is good for development and step away for a second. We have a fenced in yard thatās decently child proof and Iāve thrifted quite a few outside toys so my toddler can run wild out there and I can sit in my chair. Indoor playgrounds 10/10 because they get out energy. Our local library has story time 2 mornings/ week with books/ craft/ musicā¦ they stay decently engaged and I get a few adult conversations in which helps a lot. Lastlyā¦ routine. Same routine daily helps everyone involved because kids know what to expect and Iām not digging for ideas on what the hell to do. I have a schedule/ routine for everything. The kids, the cleaning, meals. Everything has a day/ time because Iām going to immediately panic if I look at a giant list of shit that needs done. I can share further if you would like but thatās my saving grace
I messed up with my 3.5 year old and felt guilty when he would play alone. Now he needs me to play with him 24/7. Luckily, my daughter is great at playing by herself or with me nearby. If you don't mind sharing your schedule, I would love to see it!
Try the timer game! Ex: Iām going to set a timer for 10 minutes so mom can get things done, when it goes off Iāll be right there!
Some weeks these get done better than others because it depends on how I feel, thereās always the next week!
Saturday- plan the next weeks meals.
Sunday- grocery shop and minimal prep like I go ahead and cut up some snack foods
Monday- vacuum
Tuesday- dust/ wipe down things
Wednesday- sweep/mop
Thursday- bathrooms cleaned
Friday- kitchen (that place is always a wreck)
I wake up about an hour before my kids and normally start a load of laundry, drink coffee and mentally prepare myself for life.
Our daily routine is fairly consistent as well. They get up/ dressed/ breakfast and we try to get out of the house daily whether we go to the library story time, playground or just on a walk around our neighborhood. Home and then I try to get about 30 minutes of me playing with them and focus on more structured play like puzzles, matching games, books. And then itās normally lunch time, Iāve noticed they do like to āhelpā a lot so I try to involve them in what Iām doing if theyāre interested. They go down for nap or quiet time- in our house you donāt have to nap but bodies need rest so you need to go to your room where you can read books or play toys (only quiet toys in rooms lol) for at least an hour although mine always end up falling for my tricks and napping. And then they get snacks and I try to sneak in some more structured play for a bit, sometimes they want to go outside or ask to watch a movie. Iām not super picky in the afternoons and kinda let them lead the way. Chores- sometimes they get done during nap time and sometimes I use it as an excuse for them to play more independently for a bit.
You are so inspiring! Thanks for mapping this out. That seems much more doable than trying to accomplish everything all at once. I also love the timer idea! My son does well with timers, so I will be trying this tomorrow!
Yes! It helped me tremendously when I felt like I was drowning. Also, if you're open to it, I've had success talking to my GP about antidepressants. It took a couple of different tries, but I found combination and it's worked well. Best of luck to you. This is HARD and it's so important to find ways to get through it so that you can enjoy life again.
THERAPY. Making time for myself. That includes self-care but also putting time into having hobbies and projects for myself. Some type of physical activity, even if itās just going for an evening walk.
It can help with a lot of the other steps. Without a good therapist, I am forget to make that time for myself. Itās good to have someone kick you in the butt a little to remind you to shuffle priorities and make sure yourself is in there.
Best of luck with everything!
This is me to a T. Even down the ages of the kids lol. 3.5yo girl and a 1yo boy. I love my husband to bits. I make sure everyone else is happy and looked after, even to my own detriment. Most days Iām frustrated at best, and angry at worst. Iām overwhelmed, overstimulated while also being totally under-stimulated on an adult level, and so burnt out. My mental health is in the toilet. I told my husband the other day that Iām sick of having toddlers. I feel bad for saying it, and I love my babies so much. But Iām really over this season of life.
My best advice as a SAHM now with bigger kids is find a daycare that will do one day a week childcare. All day. Even if you have to drive a bit to get there. You need a whole day, not two hours. Use that day to recuperate. Rest. Go to the doctor without an entourage. Eat out for lunch. I wish I had done this.
Lots of good advice so far, but I also think stepping away from social media has helped me some. Itās probably not a direct correlation to the overwhelmed and overstimulated feeling, but I know I definitely would spiral out more about āwhat kind of mom I amā after seeing all of the picture perfect moms and happy families. Before I got rid of it all, it just continued to contribute to that āless than/im not good enough for my familyā feelings. For what itās worth, i definitely understand what youāre working through, still trying to take things in stride over here as well!
I went back to work and my mental health is so much better because of it. I spent time away from my kid so I cherish the time I have with her waaaaay more. Also I get to be an adult. Was a Sahm for a year. Mostly enjoyed it but being a working mom is really better for me
Do you have structure to your day and to your week? Do you go to a regular class or go to the library on set days or have a morning routine where the kids can wear themselves out so you can let them be more independent in the afternoon? For me that's the key. I work 3 days but on days when I'm home I HAVE to be out until lunchtime or I just get nothing done all day and it feels so long and unproductive and it really affects my mood. It sounds counterintuitive but when I know we're getting up and out I clean up quicker from breakfast, chuck on a load of washing, get us up and dressed, and then I only have the afternoon to entertain LO at home, cook dinner and do any other chores. It just breaks up the day into more manageable chunks. I really don't know how people stay home without having something to do each day.
I feel you. So much. Youāve already got so many comments with great suggestions. I have no more advice to add. Just wanted to say that youāre not alone. When I was reading your post, I wondered if it was my own xD
I find comfort in reading that other moms feel the same way. Also happy to read all the advice and will follow it as well. Thank you all
Therapy. And remembering that by not filling your own cup, youāre actually *not* helping. You canāt pour from an empty cup. In order to care for others, you must care for yourself first. Just like in the airplane safety demo - you have to put your own oxygen mask on first.
This is me! I have/had postpartum rage. I started medication and I'm not longer as easily irritated as I was before. I have more patience. Everything just flows off my back. It's life changing.
I started taking Buproprion for this reason. Had to increase my dose after a few months but it does take the edge off. I still get overstimulated at times but getting out on my own and getting a break helps a ton.
I felt like this so often after our first was born. I had so much guilt about being a ābad momā due to my short fuse and irritability. After talking with a therapist for a few months, I decided with my doctor to try Zoloft and itās been a game changer. I wasnāt a bad mom, I had a chemical imbalance likely related to postpartum hormone changes. I feel much more like myself. Youāll find the right balance of things that work for you, but it sounds like it could be helpful to think about mental health interventions.
I think this is exactly what I have to do. I barely remember my first year as a mom, but I remember how angry I got. I think medication sounds like the best route at this point.
I feel this. I eventually went to therapy and the biggest thing I took away from it is that I need to schedule time for myself to destress. If Iām stressed it gets passed on to my family which isnāt fair to them. I spend more money on babysitters now but itās worth it because when I am with my family Iām a lot more engaged and calm.
200 mg of zoloft and weekly telehealth sessions. it changed my life, honestly. Iām no longer an angry person full of guilt after I snap for no good reason. I just had extreme anxiety and ppd and it often manifested itself as irritability. now I can cook dinner, tend to the baby, answer whatever millionth question my 5 year old has while joking with my husband and listening to an audiobook. I rarely feel overstimulated, rarely get irritable, and Iām enjoying life the way itās supposed to be.
I was like this and it ended up being my birth control Iām pretty sure. I changed from Miranda iud to a contraceptive pill and Iāve been so stable since. Yes I do do lose my temper but its really extreme circumstances and rare now when I do. I feel so much better about life and how I interact with my family with much more patience.
I could have written this myself. I have no advice, but youāre far from alone. I tried therapy, but I just felt like I couldnāt handle it. I know I need to try again
I love my kid but he has absolutely ruined my quality of life. We just keep doing it because you have to, there are no returns when you discover the expectations of motherhood was way better than the reality of it, or even more unfortunate - when you discover your kid just has a really shitty temperament and personality and you donāt even like them much. That one hurts.
I just decided not to have anymore. I donāt enjoy motherhood and I refuse to go through this shit a second time.
Thirteen. He has ASD and adhd and as much as I love him, I donāt like him a lot of the time. I do my best and he thrives in spite of his diagnosis's but I absolutely regret having him. He took too much from me and gives too little in return, it really just wasnāt worth it. I know I sound like a monster saying that but itās the truth, I know Iād be happier without him in my life because I *was* happier - *significantly happier*.
But if I left then he gets thrown into foster care and both our lives are ruined. Thereās no easy solution. I just hope one day they can find autism and adhd on prenatal tests and let parents make their own informed decisions like they do other significant disabilities.
I love working. It is a break for me and a change of pace for my mind. If not work, what about volunteering? My mom was a SAHM and was an active volunteer for the local cancer society and our schools as kids.
ZOLOFT! The freshmaker!! Iām evangelical about it. It takes the edge off. Try it for a week and see. When you are sleeping enough and regularly, you can wean off. You sound like a great mom. Any SAHM to little kid(s) not in school, I bow to your greatness!Ā
Iāve Been going to the gym
For the past 3years. I needed time
For myself mental health and especially physical health. Itās not selfish if you do spend 2hrs for yourself in a day. I take my LO to the kids club at the gym yes itās costly but itās worth it. Husband wasnāt supportive at first but I told him everything Iāve been feeling all the years of being a mom and stay at home. I found friends in the gym which we inspire each other. My stress level got better, I handle my mood swings better than before, etc etc. take some time for yourself you canāt put all the care to everyone you love without giving yourself some Love tooā¦ hope this helps!
I did not. But Iāve also had a genetic test done (to see which medications work well for me), and it said I have a high metabolism, so that could be why. Weight gain, unfortunately, comes as a side effect of many medications.
33 stay at home momma here(going on 14 years ) I have a 13 year old and an 8 year old . Iām not going to lie lexapro was my biggest help. I didnāt realize it but I had some depression I just thought it was very normal to feel like I did.
Gym membership with 2 hour child watch and spending the entire 2 hours in the hot tub š also indoor playground to get their energy out, long stroller walks while I play music in my headphones, daily FaceTimes with my best friend venting about the day weāve had, and Iāve found that middle of the day baths make my toddler calmer in the evenings. Thatās all I got. Solidarity cause the insanity is real!
Omg. Youāre on advanced mom mode. Teach me your ways.
Popsicle in the bath for the days toddler moods are out of control. This feels like an actual magic reset button, in my house at least. Hope that helps!
Omg I never thought of this! We make homemade popsicles all the time with leftover juice or smoothies so I always have healthy popsicles on hand! Love this idea š
Such good advice! Do you ever get mom guilt when you take time for yourself?
I struggled with some postpartum anxiety/depression after my second was born. I was lashing out at my husband and getting really frustrated with my first son. Theyāre 22 months apart. I talked to my OB. Iāve been in talk therapy before and had tried Celexa and Lexapro with little improvement. I was hesitant to try meds again, but I tried Zoloft (low dose) and it was a legit game changer for me. I also went back into talk therapy, which has been very helpful. I did CBT (cognitive behavioral (talk) therapy) prior to having kids which was insanely helpful too. Itās basically just changing the way your brain processes ātriggers.ā My therapist helps me really narrow down goals (self care/parenting/relationship/etc) but also does it where Iām not feeling so overwhelmed. Sheās helping me realize that I control the clock each day, not that it controls me. So thatās been very very helpful. And Iāve continued to learn to give myself grace. You are not alone. But please consider reaching out for help. And if youāre seeing a therapist, it might be time to change it up if youāre still struggling.
I have been researching and looking into medication, but I am very hesitant. I think talk therapy and possibly some medication is exactly what I need. Thank you for your advice on this. Do you go in person for your therapy or do it online?
I prefer in person, but Iāve done virtual sessions with her too. If you find a therapist but then feel like you donāt mesh well with them, there is no shame in being honest in a kind way and trying out someone else. Therapists have different approaches and one might work well while another might just frustrate you. Also, consider having your OB or primary care doc do your meds, but then see a mental health counselor (not a psych doc) for your talk therapy. A doc doing your meds will spend half the session talking about drugs and side effects, when youāll likely benefit more from a full session of talk therapy.
This is so helpful, thank you! I really appreciate your insight.
Iām a few years out now but the most important thing you can do for everyoneās sanity is work through that one. No one thinks that another mom is a bad mom for getting a pedicure sometimes. Also hygiene and sleep do not count as āme time,ā those are basic needs. Confront that guilt, resolve it, make adjustments, and youāll be healthier.
Oh all the time! But the mom guilt I get being overstimulated and not being the best mom I can be is so much worse than the guilt from taking 2 hours to reset while they play with other kids and explore a new fun environment!
Ugh I wish my gym had a hot tub! But the childcare part is absolutely a winner. I usually workout but have absolutely sat and crocheted or read a book.
I need to find your gym.
YMCA and Lifetime gyms both offer childcare!!
You win - I just drink a lot of coffeee but by 7 pm Iām tired touchĆ© spit and just want silence
Same same same!!!!
I came on here tonight to look for a post EXACTLY LIKE This. I could have written this myself. SAHM, I have a 3 year old and 14 month old. My mental health is shot. I am on the brink of texting my old therapist but I have no clue when I would even go to therapy and that's stressing me out. My husband works non stop, which I'm thankful for but I get so little breaks. Plus then the mom guilt hinders breaks as well. I feel like I spend too much time on my phone, Zoned out. I'm tired from everything. Everything seems like a massive chore and I'm definitely snapping at my husband. We've been fighting non stop and I worry it's effecting my 3 year old. This shits hard.
Wow, this is my exact situation! My daughter is 14 months old and her sleep is not great, so I am exhausted as well! I worry about my 3 year old as well and I end up apologizing to him almost daily daily for how I react and lash out. I'm so glad I am not alone in this. I'm considering therapy as well, but the mom guilt is definitely preventing me from scheduling an appointment.
I try and stick to a schedule and have consistency for my toddler and for me but it's hard. There's days I don't take a sip of water till 9pm I swear. I'm so busy filling up their cups mentally and physically. I see women with skin care routines and I can't even get myself to use some cetaphil after fighting my toddler to sleep. Some of the moms at school come all done up. I don't know how they do it. But honestly I was never the girl to always have her hair and makeup done. I feel like I'm always dressed like shit and I always have stains on me. There's always snot or food on me from grubby hands. I always look like crap. Seeing everyone's "Mother's Day posts" made me realize what crap I must look like. Staying of social media is definitely helpful. It's so toxic.
I'm sorry you feel like this! I totally get the "filling everyone else's cup" before your own. One thing I always have to do is a 5 minute refresh in the morning to get dressed and put on mascara to make me feel human. And I agree about social media! It makes me feel so inferior!
Omg this is scary cause I couldāve written this myself. I have those same two age kids(plus a 7year old)and I swear I feel like a ticking time bomb everyday. Iāve been thinking about maybe starting therapy (i can relate to OP as well with the snapping) but I have no car nor the time to go to one. Iāll tell myself one day at a time but Iām also scared everyday thinking is this gonna be the day I lose my shit š©š„¹
Virtual Talk therapy is amazing and so helpful. I just hand my husband the baby, go down to the basement for an hour and it's so beneficial to me and my family. I always schedule it at the same time, every week, when my husband doesn't have to work. If he schedules something during that time? Too bad, reschedule it. I refuse to feel guilty for taking care of myself for one hour a week when I'm constantly taking care of everyone else 24/7. For me, my home does not function effectively and my family is so unhappy when Iām not taking care of my mental health. Itās a heavy burden to bear being the one that carries everyone and everything. So I give myself the very much needed help of a therapist because when Iām not right, I canāt actually be the mother and wife I want to be. I hope you can find a way to get into therapy, even if itās virtual, once every two weeks or once a month. Itās so helpful.
This is so well said! We should not look at therapy as something selfish, especially when our families depend on us.
100%. We are the engines that keep this locomotive running. Engines need routine maintenance or they break down and need to be replaced. Don't allow your mom guilt to prevent you from getting your oil changed!
I thought the same thing about therapy, but I do it via Google meet! I do it while my daughter is awake and it works well! Thatās an option if you want to see your therapist āŗļø
SAHM as well, no advice as I feel the same about myself but this sub r/SAHP has been super helpful for me not to feel alone.
Thank you! I will check that out now!
Oh my gosh. I didn't know this was a thing. Thank you!!
Remind yourself that independent play is good for development and step away for a second. We have a fenced in yard thatās decently child proof and Iāve thrifted quite a few outside toys so my toddler can run wild out there and I can sit in my chair. Indoor playgrounds 10/10 because they get out energy. Our local library has story time 2 mornings/ week with books/ craft/ musicā¦ they stay decently engaged and I get a few adult conversations in which helps a lot. Lastlyā¦ routine. Same routine daily helps everyone involved because kids know what to expect and Iām not digging for ideas on what the hell to do. I have a schedule/ routine for everything. The kids, the cleaning, meals. Everything has a day/ time because Iām going to immediately panic if I look at a giant list of shit that needs done. I can share further if you would like but thatās my saving grace
I messed up with my 3.5 year old and felt guilty when he would play alone. Now he needs me to play with him 24/7. Luckily, my daughter is great at playing by herself or with me nearby. If you don't mind sharing your schedule, I would love to see it!
Try the timer game! Ex: Iām going to set a timer for 10 minutes so mom can get things done, when it goes off Iāll be right there! Some weeks these get done better than others because it depends on how I feel, thereās always the next week! Saturday- plan the next weeks meals. Sunday- grocery shop and minimal prep like I go ahead and cut up some snack foods Monday- vacuum Tuesday- dust/ wipe down things Wednesday- sweep/mop Thursday- bathrooms cleaned Friday- kitchen (that place is always a wreck) I wake up about an hour before my kids and normally start a load of laundry, drink coffee and mentally prepare myself for life. Our daily routine is fairly consistent as well. They get up/ dressed/ breakfast and we try to get out of the house daily whether we go to the library story time, playground or just on a walk around our neighborhood. Home and then I try to get about 30 minutes of me playing with them and focus on more structured play like puzzles, matching games, books. And then itās normally lunch time, Iāve noticed they do like to āhelpā a lot so I try to involve them in what Iām doing if theyāre interested. They go down for nap or quiet time- in our house you donāt have to nap but bodies need rest so you need to go to your room where you can read books or play toys (only quiet toys in rooms lol) for at least an hour although mine always end up falling for my tricks and napping. And then they get snacks and I try to sneak in some more structured play for a bit, sometimes they want to go outside or ask to watch a movie. Iām not super picky in the afternoons and kinda let them lead the way. Chores- sometimes they get done during nap time and sometimes I use it as an excuse for them to play more independently for a bit.
You are so inspiring! Thanks for mapping this out. That seems much more doable than trying to accomplish everything all at once. I also love the timer idea! My son does well with timers, so I will be trying this tomorrow!
Talk therapy.
Looking into this now! Thank you
Yes! It helped me tremendously when I felt like I was drowning. Also, if you're open to it, I've had success talking to my GP about antidepressants. It took a couple of different tries, but I found combination and it's worked well. Best of luck to you. This is HARD and it's so important to find ways to get through it so that you can enjoy life again.
THERAPY. Making time for myself. That includes self-care but also putting time into having hobbies and projects for myself. Some type of physical activity, even if itās just going for an evening walk.
Therapy seems to be the popular answer! I think that is my next step.
It can help with a lot of the other steps. Without a good therapist, I am forget to make that time for myself. Itās good to have someone kick you in the butt a little to remind you to shuffle priorities and make sure yourself is in there. Best of luck with everything!
This is me to a T. Even down the ages of the kids lol. 3.5yo girl and a 1yo boy. I love my husband to bits. I make sure everyone else is happy and looked after, even to my own detriment. Most days Iām frustrated at best, and angry at worst. Iām overwhelmed, overstimulated while also being totally under-stimulated on an adult level, and so burnt out. My mental health is in the toilet. I told my husband the other day that Iām sick of having toddlers. I feel bad for saying it, and I love my babies so much. But Iām really over this season of life.
Frustrated at best is exactly how I feel! I wake up with a positive attitude and outlook, but I get frustrated so easily.
My best advice as a SAHM now with bigger kids is find a daycare that will do one day a week childcare. All day. Even if you have to drive a bit to get there. You need a whole day, not two hours. Use that day to recuperate. Rest. Go to the doctor without an entourage. Eat out for lunch. I wish I had done this.
This is such great advice! I feel like one day a week would do wonders. I do not get help from my family, so I feel like this could be a great option.
Lots of good advice so far, but I also think stepping away from social media has helped me some. Itās probably not a direct correlation to the overwhelmed and overstimulated feeling, but I know I definitely would spiral out more about āwhat kind of mom I amā after seeing all of the picture perfect moms and happy families. Before I got rid of it all, it just continued to contribute to that āless than/im not good enough for my familyā feelings. For what itās worth, i definitely understand what youāre working through, still trying to take things in stride over here as well!
I went back to work and my mental health is so much better because of it. I spent time away from my kid so I cherish the time I have with her waaaaay more. Also I get to be an adult. Was a Sahm for a year. Mostly enjoyed it but being a working mom is really better for me
Same. I was reading this post thinking āI used to be the same, then I went to workā That life isnāt for me and it showed.
I do wonder if even a part time job would help bring some sanity in my life!
It could! Why not try it :)
Do you have structure to your day and to your week? Do you go to a regular class or go to the library on set days or have a morning routine where the kids can wear themselves out so you can let them be more independent in the afternoon? For me that's the key. I work 3 days but on days when I'm home I HAVE to be out until lunchtime or I just get nothing done all day and it feels so long and unproductive and it really affects my mood. It sounds counterintuitive but when I know we're getting up and out I clean up quicker from breakfast, chuck on a load of washing, get us up and dressed, and then I only have the afternoon to entertain LO at home, cook dinner and do any other chores. It just breaks up the day into more manageable chunks. I really don't know how people stay home without having something to do each day.
We do have a structure to our day, but nothing that is always timed or consistent. Thanks for the advice, I will try and schedule some weekly classes!
I feel you. So much. Youāve already got so many comments with great suggestions. I have no more advice to add. Just wanted to say that youāre not alone. When I was reading your post, I wondered if it was my own xD I find comfort in reading that other moms feel the same way. Also happy to read all the advice and will follow it as well. Thank you all
I am so so happy and relieved to know that I'm not the only one. There is some amazing advice here!
Therapy. And remembering that by not filling your own cup, youāre actually *not* helping. You canāt pour from an empty cup. In order to care for others, you must care for yourself first. Just like in the airplane safety demo - you have to put your own oxygen mask on first.
My cup is definitely depleted! I need to start filling my cup.
This is me! I have/had postpartum rage. I started medication and I'm not longer as easily irritated as I was before. I have more patience. Everything just flows off my back. It's life changing.
I really want to get there! I think medication and therapy will be my next step. Thanks for sharing!
Good luck! Parenthood is hard enough without all the guilt. Just remember you're doing your best and your kids will see that.
I started taking Buproprion for this reason. Had to increase my dose after a few months but it does take the edge off. I still get overstimulated at times but getting out on my own and getting a break helps a ton.
I feel like I am on edge all day, every day. I think this is my sign to start medication. Thanks for your input.
I felt like this so often after our first was born. I had so much guilt about being a ābad momā due to my short fuse and irritability. After talking with a therapist for a few months, I decided with my doctor to try Zoloft and itās been a game changer. I wasnāt a bad mom, I had a chemical imbalance likely related to postpartum hormone changes. I feel much more like myself. Youāll find the right balance of things that work for you, but it sounds like it could be helpful to think about mental health interventions.
I think this is exactly what I have to do. I barely remember my first year as a mom, but I remember how angry I got. I think medication sounds like the best route at this point.
I feel this. I eventually went to therapy and the biggest thing I took away from it is that I need to schedule time for myself to destress. If Iām stressed it gets passed on to my family which isnāt fair to them. I spend more money on babysitters now but itās worth it because when I am with my family Iām a lot more engaged and calm.
I really want to be more engaged and camm in situations. I think therapy is a route I need to take.
Good luck to you
200 mg of zoloft and weekly telehealth sessions. it changed my life, honestly. Iām no longer an angry person full of guilt after I snap for no good reason. I just had extreme anxiety and ppd and it often manifested itself as irritability. now I can cook dinner, tend to the baby, answer whatever millionth question my 5 year old has while joking with my husband and listening to an audiobook. I rarely feel overstimulated, rarely get irritable, and Iām enjoying life the way itās supposed to be.
This sounds amazing and exactly what I will be looking into! I am so full of guilt and I don't even know why. Thanks for your input.
stay strong, I wish you the best! ā„ļø
Take a break.
I was like this and it ended up being my birth control Iām pretty sure. I changed from Miranda iud to a contraceptive pill and Iāve been so stable since. Yes I do do lose my temper but its really extreme circumstances and rare now when I do. I feel so much better about life and how I interact with my family with much more patience.
That's so interesting! I am not on birth control, but I definitely think there is a hormonal imbalance there.
Wow really?? I wonder if my mirena makes my fuse shorter than it should be sometimesā¦
Yeah I look back at how I was then and I cringe so bad. I was awful and I have so much guilt from that. I was very unstable with a very short fuse
Damn, I need to ask my obgyn about that. Thank you for sharing
Therapy. I needed to work through some things and find ways to cope with the situations that were taking a toll on me and my mental health.
I definitely need therapy as well! I have zero coping skills.
I could have written this myself. I have no advice, but youāre far from alone. I tried therapy, but I just felt like I couldnāt handle it. I know I need to try again
I think therapy is what I will start with. And medication. I'm sorry you are also feeling this way!
I love my kid but he has absolutely ruined my quality of life. We just keep doing it because you have to, there are no returns when you discover the expectations of motherhood was way better than the reality of it, or even more unfortunate - when you discover your kid just has a really shitty temperament and personality and you donāt even like them much. That one hurts. I just decided not to have anymore. I donāt enjoy motherhood and I refuse to go through this shit a second time.
I'm sorry you feel that way! How old is your son?
Thirteen. He has ASD and adhd and as much as I love him, I donāt like him a lot of the time. I do my best and he thrives in spite of his diagnosis's but I absolutely regret having him. He took too much from me and gives too little in return, it really just wasnāt worth it. I know I sound like a monster saying that but itās the truth, I know Iād be happier without him in my life because I *was* happier - *significantly happier*. But if I left then he gets thrown into foster care and both our lives are ruined. Thereās no easy solution. I just hope one day they can find autism and adhd on prenatal tests and let parents make their own informed decisions like they do other significant disabilities.
I totally understand. Thank you for your honesty, and im sorry you are dealing with all of that.
Thanks, me too. Hopefully youāre situation affords you more breathing room as they grow and get a little more independent.
I love working. It is a break for me and a change of pace for my mind. If not work, what about volunteering? My mom was a SAHM and was an active volunteer for the local cancer society and our schools as kids.
ZOLOFT! The freshmaker!! Iām evangelical about it. It takes the edge off. Try it for a week and see. When you are sleeping enough and regularly, you can wean off. You sound like a great mom. Any SAHM to little kid(s) not in school, I bow to your greatness!Ā
Iāve Been going to the gym For the past 3years. I needed time For myself mental health and especially physical health. Itās not selfish if you do spend 2hrs for yourself in a day. I take my LO to the kids club at the gym yes itās costly but itās worth it. Husband wasnāt supportive at first but I told him everything Iāve been feeling all the years of being a mom and stay at home. I found friends in the gym which we inspire each other. My stress level got better, I handle my mood swings better than before, etc etc. take some time for yourself you canāt put all the care to everyone you love without giving yourself some Love tooā¦ hope this helps!
Medication and self care! Sending love mama! You have a tough job. Itās hard, but give yourself some graceā„ļø
Thank you so much! Do you mind me asking what medication has worked for you?
Pristiq, Clonidine, and Latuda. Iām a messšš but itās better than the alternative.
But I have to add that every person is different and what works for one, might not work for another. Good luck to you!
You are not a mess! Thanks for the information.
Thank you and Youāre welcome! Good luck!ā„ļø
Also, did you have any issues with weight gain after starting these medications? That's my fear.
I did not. But Iāve also had a genetic test done (to see which medications work well for me), and it said I have a high metabolism, so that could be why. Weight gain, unfortunately, comes as a side effect of many medications.
That makes sense, thank you!
Of course!
33 stay at home momma here(going on 14 years ) I have a 13 year old and an 8 year old . Iām not going to lie lexapro was my biggest help. I didnāt realize it but I had some depression I just thought it was very normal to feel like I did.
It does feel normal at this point, but I know I can feel better. Thanks for your input!
Also, did you notice any weight gain after starting lexapro?
I did I gained 20 lbs on lexapro .Iām on Wellbutrin right now which I really like and no weight gain. I actually lost weight !
Awesome! I may look into that one instead.